Dwell Hello #523: Act Your Age

Summary

Watch What Crappens – Dwell Hello #523: Act Your Age

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Date: November 13, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this penultimate episode of "Dwell Hello," Ben and Ronnie recap a recent episode of "House Hunters" entitled "Act Your Age." The storyline centers on Nathan, a 25-year-old lawyer looking to buy his first home in Austin, Texas, while navigating the conflicting advice of his strong-willed mother, a no-nonsense real estate agent, and his opinionated family. Ben and Ronnie dissect the house-hunting process, riff on family dynamics, critique Austin neighborhoods, and serve up their trademark humor and Bravo-style sass.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Dwell Hello Comes to an End

• The hosts announce this is the second-to-last "Dwell Hello" episode. They reminisce about three years of recapping "House Hunters" and ask listeners for outrageous finale suggestions (03:00).
  • “You've got two weeks. Those are your marching orders for the grand finale of Dwell Hello.” — Ben [02:25]
  • They dream aloud of covering a particularly wild "House Hunters" episode, like "the cheese farmer in Nepal."

2. Meet the House Hunter: Nathan and Family

• Nathan, 25, is seeking a home in Austin with help from his critical, “piss and vinegar” mother, Terry, and not-so-involved brother and sister-in-law.
  • Terry is described as embodying typical Texas "meemaw" energy (“It's like she's ready to go to the salon, she hasn't quite made it there yet.” — Allison [04:23])
  • Nathan is nicknamed the "oldest young man" for his low-key lifestyle (“I came out 30. Don’t you dare watch your goddamn mouth.” — Nathan via Ben [12:53])
• Family banter dominates, especially as Terry pushes Nathan towards city life and socializing:
  • “The normal twist is that the parent is saying, ‘It's time for you to grow up…’ And this one, she's like, ‘You're 25. Get back into the city and start partying more!’” — Ben [11:48]

3. Nathan's House Hunt: Requirements and Budget

• Nathan’s wish list is at odds with his actual needs and character:
  • Wants a 3 bed, 3 bath house for about $800k, despite saying he wants solitude and doesn’t entertain guests.
  • Explains: “I need one bathroom for when I shuffle out of bed and then I need one close to the PlayStation.” — Allison [14:08]
• Terry wants something reasonable, in the $650k range, and closer to downtown.

4. Austin Neighborhoods and Real Estate Realities

• Hosts and guest Allison (who suggested the episode) critique Austin neighborhoods, noting how shows misrepresent areas (“Sometimes you'll see an episode in Austin and they're… like, ‘Girl, that is NOT right by Downtown…’” — Allison [04:54])
• On the real estate market: “You're not getting anything for six [hundred thousand]. I can tell you. You can't even get a torn down condo that needs a complete remodel for six.” — Allison [15:01]

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5. House #1: Midcentury Fixer in Allendale

Price: ~$699k | Distance: 20 miles from downtown

• This dilapidated, mid-century house needs serious work and “an exorcism.”
• Highlights:
  • Original wood floors, but terrible ceilings (“He touches it and the ceiling actually, like…it’s not attached.” — Ben [22:26])
  • Red hot tub in a wooden bathroom off the kitchen: “Very 70s, like, swinger…want to come into the hot tub in our bathroom?” — Allison [24:27]
  • Backyard is a “junkyard,” with unsafe sheds: “We could look at the shed, but you could die, loser.” — Allison [26:23]
• Hosts agree the house is too much work for Nathan:
  • “This was that kind of brick one with a bad roof and stuff. No.” — Allison [22:03]
  • “Needs to be destroyed, torn down, and never lived in again. But, you know, enjoy.” — Ben [20:44]

6. House #2: East Side Bungalow with Airstream

Price: Higher end, ~800 sq ft

• Charming, fully remodeled ’20s bungalow with an Airstream trailer in the backyard as a workspace or guest suite.
• Kitchen with open shelving; Nathan objects to displaying dishes.
• Backyard is small, more like a passage, but the Airstream catches everyone’s attention:
  • “I thought that was so cool. I felt like it was so Austiny.” — Ben [30:03]
  • “The agent is always like, you could have a barbecue here… Where? You're not going to have a barbecue out here.” — Allison [30:54]
• Hosts agree this is the clear "best buy": “This was the obvious choice, you know?” — Ben [31:08]

7. House #3: Modern New Build in North Loop

Price: $689k

• Suburban-feeling, newly redone “farmhouse modern” with parking but no garage, and a separate apartment in the back (“This beats the Airstream, although the Airstream is good to have. But this one is way cooler than the Airstream.” — Allison [35:11])
• Ben describes: “It's nice…If you wanted to have more character, well, that's where your project is.”
• Located on a noisy main street but roomy and resale-friendly.

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8. The Decision and Aftermath

• Family and hosts debate each house. Terry pushes for House #2, while Nathan is lured by the need for “projects” in the fixer-upper.
• Nathan chooses House #1 (the major fixer), to universal surprise:
  • “I could not believe it…That, to me, was so by far the worst. It was terrible.” — Ben [38:28]
  • “That's just too much work. I'm sorry. He's not going to be able to do that by himself.” — Allison [38:48]
• Nathan claims he’ll fix it in “a couple months”; hosts predict years of work and hidden disasters.

9. Final Reflections

• The hosts note how episodes usually show house updates, but here, Nathan’s follow-up is just him drinking a beer in a cord-strewn kitchen:
  • “There’s still nothing filling in the floor where the island used to be. And he’s like, but I love it. No.” — Allison [39:55]
• They close out with thanks and urge listeners to send suggestions for the last-ever Dwell Hello.

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Memorable Quotes

• “She’s got meemaw hair…This woman is full of two ingredients: piss and vinegar.” — Allison [04:23]
• “You are the oldest young man I’ve ever met.” — Nathan’s brother, via Allison [12:36]
• “He’s been an adult for as long as I remember. When he’s 30, he’s gonna be 60.” — Terry [12:53]
• “I tried to fix this squeaky chair… I was like, I’m calling someone. This is just not my ministry.” — Ben [16:40]
• “Put a pool there. Okay, let’s go inside. It’s like the laziest thing that realtors say.” — Allison [26:59]
• “We could look at the shed, but you could die, loser. You want to try it? I wouldn’t.” — Allison [26:23]
• “I came out 30. Don’t you dare watch your goddamn mouth.” — Nathan [13:01]

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Important Timestamps

• Announcement of Series Hiatus: [01:40–03:00]
• Introduction of Nathan and Family: [04:05–10:00]
• Nathan’s Requirements and Budget: [14:05–15:37]
• Austin Neighborhoods Chat: [04:54–05:29]
• Review of House #1 (Allendale Fixer): [18:38–26:23]
• Review of House #2 (East Side Bungalow/Airstream): [28:05–31:19]
• Review of House #3 (North Loop New Build): [32:13–36:01]
• Decision and Reactions: [38:10–39:28]
• Closing & Call for Finale Suggestions: [40:05–40:23]

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Tone & Style

Ben and Ronnie’s signature mix of sharp observations, pop culture riffs, and affectionate mockery is present throughout. They voice the show’s participants with exaggerated characterizations (especially Terry) and reference their own household struggles for comedic effect. Their review balances genuine property expertise with an irreverent, Bravo-inspired lens, which will be especially familiar and entertaining for long-time listeners and fans of reality TV commentary.

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For the Grand Finale:
Email suggestions to [e-mail] with “Dwell Hello Suggestion” in the subject.

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Transcript

[Allison]

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[Ben]

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[Ben]

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[Allison]

Acast.com. Ding dong.

[Ben]

Ding dong.

[Allison]

Ding dong.

[Ben]

Ding ding ding ding ding dong. Hello. Well, hello and welcome to Dwell Hello. It's a Watch Crappens House Hunters podcast. I'm Ben. That's Ronnie. Ronnie, how are you doing today?

[Allison]

So, well, there's only two more Dwell hellos left. I can't believe it.

[Ben]

Including this one. This is our penultimate one. And then, yeah, the grand Dwell hello finale will be in said.

[Allison]

See, you're already ready to get rid of it. You're like, head? No.

[Ben]

Hell no. Well, we're just, we're not saying it's a series finale. We're just putting it on indefinite hiatus as being put on pause just so we can, you know, we're just gonna think about. I don't know why. There's no, there's no thinking about anything. There's no like, adjustment. We're just putting it on pause because we've been doing this for like three years. It's a lot of House Hunters. So we're just taking a break. And yeah, it may come back in the future. It may not knows. But for right now, this is our second to last one and we're just gonna have fun. And again, if anyone knows any, we want to do something absolutely crazy for the last one. Like someone living in a treehouse or someone living in a remote park or there's one that I love. My favorite House Hunters of all time. Maybe we should just dig that one up. But I think we have to pay for it. That's the only thing I don't want to have to make people pay to watch the Dwell hello episodes. But there is one where a guy, a cheese farmer, decided to open up a cheese farm in rural Nepal. And it was one of the craziest ones I'd ever seen. But let's do it hard. That might be hard to dig up. We. I don't know if we'll actually even be able to find that one. But find us something like that, people. Give us. You've got two weeks. You got two weeks. Those are your marching orders for the grand finale of Dwell. Hello. And send us your suggestions to watch what crappens gmail.com and put in Dwell. Hello. Suggestion. Comment in this subject. And let's send this out with a bang. Huh?

[Allison]

Let's do it. Bang it up, people. Well, this one is called House Hunters. Act your age. Dun dun, dun. And this was suggested by Allison. So thank you, Allison. We found this one on. Where did we find this one? YouTube TV. YouTube TV.

[Ben]

I think I watched this on YouTube.

[Allison]

YouTube TV. I don't remember.

[Ben]

I think it was YouTube TV.

[Allison]

Yeah, it's called you. It's called House Hunters act yout Age. And we start off with Linda. Nathan's discovering that getting what he asked for in Austin may not be everything he hoped for. Between his no sense nonsense agent and his opinionated mom, no one wants this single 20 something to take on a fixer in the burbs. What's a boy to do?

[Ben]

Yeah. And we see shots of Nathan walking around and looking stuff. And his mom. His mom just already looks so dissatisfied with him. She's got like this really short haircut, the kind of. That says like, I'm a no nonsense mom and I'm already disappointed in my son. So I was already on her side.

[Allison]

She's got meemaw hair. And it's not like power meemaw hair. Like Mama D. Mama D had some powerful. This is just meemaw hair. You know, it's kind of normal. It's like she's ready to go to the salon. She hasn't quite made it there yet. But let me tell you what this woman is full of. And that is two ingredients. Piss and vinegar. Okay. It's a Texas mom. She ain't taking no nonsense.

[Ben]

She is not. So it's. We see some shots around Austin. Did you recognize any of the neighborhoods, by the way? That they. All of them.

[Allison]

Yeah. Yeah. They were actually in some of the ones we've seen. Sorry. Yeah. I'm like, sorry. I have so much energy. I don't know why. But yeah, I recognized them. Sometimes you'll see an episode in Austin and they're like, wow. Right by downtown Round Rock. And it's like, girl, that is not right by Downtown, they're showing you, like, far, far suburbs, you know, little places that you don't really want to live. If you're saying, I want to live in Austin. Austin. But this was. Yeah, this was Austin. Good neighborhoods. North Allendale, downtown, East side, it had.

[Ben]

A north side to the west side. No diggity. Um, so we got to bag it.

[Allison]

Up, Am I right?

[Ben]

We're bagging up to.

[Allison]

Well, hello.

[Ben]

So Nathan and his mom are driving along and they're like arriving someplace. We don't know where they are. And the mom is like, what a beautiful day as she gets out of the car, which I feel like they just had an argument and they're trying to mask it for us. Like it just happened. And they're like, we're not fighting. The episode only began. I'm. I'm very supportive of everything here.

[Allison]

And they're going to look at a house and she's like. And he's like, well, I hope they have coffee. How about you stop. Stop at Starbucks, you needy little. What are you waiting for? The house you're being shown at.

[Ben]

It turns out they're actually going to visit his brother, and he's hoping that his brother has made coffee for them. That's what that I had. I had that same too. I was like, where are you going? Where you just expect coffee to be made for you? You're on a house hunt. It's like, I'm Nathan, I'm 25, I live in Austin. I'm a lawyer, and I live downtown in a tiny apartment closet close to my office.

[Allison]

And then we see it, and it's, you know, fucking Austin, man. This is not really a nice apartment. It is very tiny. It's a shitty little kitchen. White appliances, which anybody who watches Atlanta knows is very bad. And it's probably a million dollars. Like, it's probably a lot of money. And so he goes in there, you know, and I feel bad because he's not only got a white refrigerator, but he's also got a crooked rug in his kitchen. And I just don't believe this person deserves a house. Like, you've got house hunters coming over to film your house, and you don't straighten your rug, you know, Now I don't need you to spray paint your appliances, but at least straighten your rug.

[Ben]

Yeah, straighten it. I think this guy, as we will eventually find out, ultimately, is very comfortable with disorder. So we see. He's like, I'm tired of downtown. Too much noise, too many bars, and there's like a lady playing violin on the street. He probably just has to go to that cava on, like, Congress every single day for lunch. And he's like, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of a fast, casual bowl.

[Allison]

I just loved the example. It's like, God, downtown is just so noisy. There's partying every place. And it's like a girl peacefully playing a violin, you know, it's like, sick of these partiers.

[Ben]

I just want to go home and go to bed. It's like, okay, yeah.

[Allison]

He says, I've never opened. I've never owned a house. But now it seems like it might be the right time because I'm exhausted. They just cut to the violin player again. He's like, damn it, I'm trying to sleep.

[Ben]

So menacing. She's like, oh, do you want to hear a slight disturbance to the sound?

[Allison]

A ding, a donga? He gets out of the car, knocks on the door, and we find out that his mom's gonna help him. Let's meet his mom. She's like, that's me. She does this thing where she keeps flaring her eyes at the camera. Like, I don't know if she's flirting with us. I don't know what she's doing, but she's like, that's me. I'm married to my partner Roger, for 35 years, and we live in San Antonio. Like, are you coming on to me? Why is my zipper coming in then?

[Ben]

I love her. Her name is Terry, which you would know that if you just saw her face. Like, that's a Terry. Here comes Terry. I know her name is Terry already. She sort of looks like a fist, in a good way. And she flares her eyes a lot. And Nathan is like, yeah, Mom. She's. She's had a lot of houses, and she sends me listings every morning at 5, 5:30am and you just know. Terry wakes up, she's like, roger, you better wake up. It's time to send our son some listings. He's got to act his age, type in life.

[Allison]

And we see it. She's very proud of Nathan. And we see a picture of him graduating. And his dad looks kind of like a Sopranos guy. He's like. And then Terry is really into polka dots. She's wearing her best polka dots for the graduation. And Nathan is wearing a lay in his pick. So I don't know where he graduated from. I don't think.

[Ben]

Maybe like university. Maybe University of Hawaii or something like that. It looked like it was actually. To me, it looked like it almost more like an Indigenous kind of like ribbon thing I couldn't get. I didn't see the full picture, but I did notice there was like a rainbowy kind of.

[Allison]

I think it was like a pink flower necklace thing, which I just call a lay. I mean, I don't know.

[Ben]

Either way, it was like way too much personality for this guy. It was.

[Allison]

But I think he's kind of cute, this guy. I mean, he's kind of schlubby and he hangs out with his mom too much probably, but I don't know.

[Ben]

I thought he was watching this. I was watching this. I was like, ronnie should date this guy. You should find him in Austin and date him.

[Allison]

No, we're too similar. Because he wants to be in bed all the time. I want to be in bed all the time. I don't want to be in bed with somebody all the time. Like, bed is a place where I go to not be around people, you know, I mean, it's, it's nice, you know, when you're doing the deed or whatever, but otherwise go away.

[Ben]

Yeah, he might actually for you. But he only.

[Allison]

Yeah, so they might make out with him. He was cute.

[Ben]

He's really cute. So they, they arrive. So we're with his brother and sister in law. The sister in law says nothing this episode. She just sits there in her hipster outfit and she just has her arms crossed and stares and she's like this, like, you know, I made this really nice pour over coffee and I've got to give half of it to your mother who hates me and your brother who just wants to copy us no matter what we do. We moved to hipster neighborhood and now he just wants to follow us. We're having a talk after this show is done shooting.

[Allison]

Yeah, she does have one line coming up, but she doesn't look very interested and I don't think she likes him. So Terry is like, well, I told Nathan he needs to stay downtown, but he wants to live out where you guys live. Loserville. I mean, look at Nathan and look at his brother. Could you look at him? One look, I've got beautiful, beautiful Dick. Dick Tracy over here is my son. And then you've got fucking Homer Simpson over here as my other son. Where'd he come from? And the guy's like, would you like candy? So he's like, yeah, you could be the person living downtown in condos, living by the lake. And the sister in law is like, yeah, but you're a bachelor enjoying life. You need to just go out there and live. Don't Settle down with Homer Simpson. Just forget everything. I'm not even close to a grocery store.

[Ben]

This is kind of a funny episode because the normal twist is that the parent is saying, it's time for you to grow up. You can't be a bachelor forever. You got to put away your video games. You got to get, like, a proper house. You got to get rooms for. For children. You have to have an office. You have to be an adult. And this one, she's like, you're 25. Get back into the city and start partying more. Don't go into the suburbs. I know.

[Allison]

The mom's like, can I offer you some advice? Cocaine. Please do something. You're the least cool son I've ever known.

[Ben]

But the brother's like, yeah, you could be in one of the con. You could be living by the lake. Live by the lake. He's like, but I don't want to be by. I don't want to be with those people. I don't want to be like. Like people. I want to go to bed. I want to go to a house that has a bed. Why can't there ever be a house that has a bed in it?

[Allison]

And the brother tells him, you are the oldest young man I've ever met. And the brother looks like the oldest young man I've ever met because that guy is not moisturizing. So Terry is like, yeah, he's been an adult for as long as I remember. When he's. When he's 30, he's going to be 60.

[Ben]

And then there's like a weird pause, and then Nathan goes, I came out 30. Don't you dare watch your goddamn mouth.

[Allison]

You better go back in that closet.

[Ben]

I feel like. I feel like Terry was like, you know, we practice this bit when I say, he's going to be 30. When he's going to be 30, he's going to be. When he's 30, he's going to be 60. You're supposed to say right away, well, I already came out 30. What was up with that? Pregnant Paul, did you not remember your line? You had one line for our comedy bit, and now it just got ruined here on HGTV.

[Allison]

You're supposed to say, I was born 60, not I came out 60. Because everybody's going to think I raised a fruit loop. Okay?

[Ben]

Sarah's like, do we have to go over your comedy routine? Like, I literally need to make some more pour over because you guys drank it all.

[Allison]

Don't forget the punchline to every joke. Mama knows. Kai. Hey, why'd the chicken cross the road? Mama knows.

[Ben]

So then Nathan, who doesn't want to be around people, decide, announces that he needs a three bed, three bath. What? Why? If you're trying to be away from people and you're just trying to basically get home from work and have like some solace and use that to work and go to sleep, why do you need three bedrooms and three bathrooms?

[Allison]

That's what I need.

[Ben]

But like, why does it.

[Allison]

I'm alone and I want to get away from people. Here's why you need three bathrooms. Someone's going to stay. Terry's going to be there staying the time, and then you. She needs her own bathroom. But also I need two bathrooms because I need one bathroom for when I shuffle out of bed and then I need one close to the PlayStation.

[Ben]

Okay. Okay. All right. Now it's making sense.

[Allison]

Yeah, that's how, that's how it works.

[Ben]

I still think it's. I still think it's a big ask considering what he really is, what he is explaining. I guess I understand. Have another room for when Terry comes up from San Antonio. Have a bathroom for her. But I think that takes you to two bedroom, two bathrooms. Unless the office is going to count as that third bedroom, I'm not sure. So he wants to spend 800,000 and Terry is like, don't you think 650 is where you should start? And shouldn't you be in the city and shouldn't you not be looking for a house in the first place, Sissy boy, Get back in there and party it up.

[Allison]

Yeah, but you're not going to get anything for six. Like, she should know better, Austin. You're not getting anything for six. I can tell you. You can't even get. You can't even get a torn down condo that needs a complete remodel for six. There's no way in hell that's you're spending 900 to a million for the bottom. The bottom homes, I think.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Allison]

So Nathan's like, listen. No, the mom's like, nathan, I need you to listen. You need to be in a. In a home that's 6, 600 or less specked out. And I need you to relax. And he goes, but I will relax. I'm going to relax. Remodeling a house.

[Ben]

And he tells he wants. He also said that he wants something that he could put his mark on because he wants to paint something and he wants to add his kitchen. He wants to do projects, which is funny because he does nothing about him. Sounds like someone who Wants to do this, but. He really wants to do this. He wants him.

[Allison]

Yeah, he's really into it, but I think a lot of guys say that, and then they do it, and it's. It's hard. I did it. It's hard as fuck.

[Ben]

I was thinking about you. I was like, God, I can't. It's, like, hard to even go back to that. Like, last year. It was last year, right, that you just were, like, in a construction podcasting from a construction zone and was, like, months. It was never ending. It was, like, always a news story and some. Some chaotic thing that happened.

[Allison]

But I wasn't doing it alone, you know, I just did the design part. Like, I painted and stuff, but I had people doing it. But, yeah, this guy, I think, really wants to get a screw gun, you know, because a lot of guys are like, I'm getting a drill, and I'm doing the whole house myself. It's like. And then they watch on YouTube how to change a countertop, and then the sink's always leaking. And we all. We all know those guys, you know? And I think he's one of those guys, and I. I feel for him.

[Ben]

I tried to. I tried to fix this squeaky chair, and I, like. I turned it over. I, like, examined. I did all the things. I couldn't do it. I was like, I'm calling someone. I can't do this by myself. This is just not my ministry.

[Allison]

But it's still squeaking.

[Ben]

I know, because I didn't fix it.

[Allison]

Oh, but look at my. Look what I'm doing right now. Rocking back and forth. Look what's not happening. You know what I did? Want to know the trick? I found the l wrench that it came with, and I tightened the. Out of every bolt except for the arms. Because, look, like, when I change positions, you can hear the arms, but I need to go back at it when. And do the arms. But, man, I went crazy on this chair. And now I'm leaving, and no one's complained.

[Ben]

I will. I will tend to it at some point. There's just been so much to do. I was like, the chair is the least of my priorities. Okay, so, share anxiety aside, Nathan is saying, he tells us that he wants to have chickens and a pool. Sure. And then.

[Allison]

Does everybody want chickens lately?

[Ben]

I don't know.

[Allison]

It's like our third house hunters in a row where someone wanted a chicken. What are so great about chickens? Chickens are.

[Ben]

And the wife swap, too. It's just like, stop fetish. I mean, like, chickens are. I Think chickens are amusing, but they belong on a farm. They don't belong in the back of your suburban home in Austin. So Nathan also says, my last house had a pink kitchen. He says that. Actually, he says that the house that he grew up in had a pink kitchen. And so he wants something like that. Because if there's a guy on house Hunters, he just needs to live out his childhood home on tv. For us, it's this guy.

[Allison]

Yeah, he wants mid century modern. He wants something as old as he feels. Okay, guys. So they're driving, and they're in a typical Austin neighborhood. You know, Austin's full of weirdos. And the mom's like, well, that's kind of strange. Strange to have a sign on the road with the cat on it instead of pedestrians. Could you imagine cat crossing? Come on. What is.

[Ben]

What has happened into this country at this point? Cats crossing the road and we have to stop our car for it. No, we hit those cats. So this is up first is a mid century fixer in his brother's neighborhood, 20 miles from downtown in Allendale. Houses were built in the 50s with room for families and for cats that like to cross the road.

[Allison]

Yeah. So this is a cute neighborhood. It's really old and it's not completely redone yet, but it's getting there. It's getting there. So he found one for 6.99, which I thought was super cheap, but then you see what it is. And the mom's like, that's a lot of money, Nathan. Our first house was $80,000. He's like, that was in 1989. And she goes, 1988. I'm like, damn.

[Ben]

Yeah. Was like, I remember the year it was we decided to save pennies. He's like, well, you know, I. I didn't have a wedding either. And so now we go in this. It's brick, this brick house, you know? And we meet Lisa America Mergin, but she goes by America, and she's the real estate agent. And she has a lot of sass on her, too.

[Allison]

Yeah, I don't call her America because there's only two Americas. There's the one we live in and America Ferrara. And no one else will get that crown from me, ma'. Am.

[Ben]

Yeah, I was. It's so funny. I was reading Reddit yesterday randomly, a thread about TV shows whose star left. And someone was complaining about America Ferrera. Like, oh, yeah, America Ferreira left Superstore early. People hated her on the set of that. They said she was so mean that she acted better than everyone. I Was like, I love the random America Ferrera superstore slander.

[Allison]

She hasn't America Ferrera Be mean. She was Ugly Betty. She has to be nice.

[Ben]

Yeah. You mean Oscar nominee America Ferreira?

[Allison]

The hell? Yeah. So Lisa's like, well, this is what. Oh, the Lisa is the agent. America. I should have called her America in these notes. So she's like, oh, well, this is what you said you wanted. Projects, quirks. So I'm gonna give it to you. Welcome to the shittiest house I could find. Nathan, you stupid face.

[Ben]

And the place, it just looks decrepit. She's like, yeah, this house needs a little bit of inspection and some work and. No, it needs an exorcism, needs to be smudged, and also needs to be destroyed, torn down, and actually, like, never lived in ever again. But, you know, enjoy.

[Allison]

I was like, the mom's like, I wore my best denim jumper dress for this little bitch. And Lisa's like, okay, guys, let's set our intentions with this home, okay? Our intentions are this is a project home, okay? You said you wanted to live in the projects, and this is what it looks like. Get in here.

[Ben]

I met Nathan at his brother's holiday party, and basically we ran into each other. We both said we don't want to talk to people. And he said he had a dream of one day moving into the shittiest house in a neighborhood. And I said, I could find that for you. And here we are. Yep.

[Allison]

He wanted a low price, so I got him. Low price? Listen, when I find someone else who refuses to comb their hair, I'm gonna do whatever they want, okay?

[Ben]

So they go in to this. This hovel and, you know, wood floors, it's definitely like an old house. It's not. I mean, I would say it's like pretty much like a terrible house, but there were some elements I did like in it throughout. But I would not say I was drawn to this place very much. Did you like it?

[Allison]

No.

[Ben]

Like a very.

[Allison]

No. This was that little brick. This was that kind of brick one with a bad roof and stuff. No, but I did like that it had all the original wood floors. That's really rare on this show, you know? You know, it is a mid century modern. It did have all the original floors. I think this one, they could do a cute job remodeling, but not by himself. I mean, this one, you need pros. Like, this is like a pipe work and stuff.

[Ben]

Like, there's a ceiling at one point. They're in the hallway and they're like, what's up with the ceiling? Because the ceiling looks crazy. And he touches it and the ceiling actually, like, it's like, not attached.

[Allison]

It's plywood. It's plywood that they barely painted. Like, you can still see parts of.

[Ben]

The wood under it.

[Allison]

Yeah, this one's really bad. But they like the new windows in the front. Cause they have cranks on them. So they go look at some of the bedrooms and they're all fairly the same. The wood floor runs through the whole house. The shit ceiling we talked about. And Lisa's like, you know what I would do? I would get rid of these ceilings and have higher ceilings. Oh, okay. Lisa.

[Ben]

Are we even calling this the ceiling in the first place or just wood that's been laid across the hallway? I'm not even sure this is the ceiling.

[Allison]

Yeah, move that wood and boom, you got high ceilings. Lisa.

[Paige Desorbo]

Okay, okay.

[Allison]

So the bathrooms, I like.

[Ben]

The mom planning, she's like, I haven't seen a light fixture here. I like.

[Allison]

Yeah. And then there's a. Close a closed off kitchen, which he likes. And it looks like, terrible. The cabinets are. They're all stained. They're gross. There's a whole chunk of the floor missing in the middle of the kitchen. And she's like, yeah, I think that's an island. They must have taken the island. Sorry.

[Ben]

It's a pretty narrow kitchen. And so, like, I think it probably is a good idea to remove that kitchen island. Or maybe it was a peninsula, but I don't know. It's importantly. Yeah, it's. I don't. I don't see how this works. And then there's like this. There's like this bathroom close to the kitchen or off the kitchen. And the bathroom is funky. It's like wooden on the inside. And it turns out there's like a hot tub in the bathroom and it's like red. It's kind of crazy. I actually kind of like the look of the bathroom. I like that kind of like dark wooden vibe. It's like sort of funky. But the, the hot tub, the red hot tub, the maroon hot tub in the, in the bathroom off the kitchen was definitely a choice.

[Allison]

Yeah, that was a lot. Really? It was very 70s, like, swinger. Like, hey, want to come into the hot tub in our bathroom?

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Allison]

So he says, we're gonna need a lot of money to make this work. And Lisa goes, no, you're gonna need a lot of money to make this work. Friend. Stupid little kid brother.

[Ben]

I also, we also go to this back room and I. This is the room I like the most, actually, there was like this big sort of like potential living room, den area that had like. I didn't like the tiling because I thought that was cold. But I like the kind of look of the room, the size and the lighting that was in there. And I could definitely see like, kind of with some updates, that could be like a cozy den area in the back of the house.

[Allison]

Yeah, that one was cool. It had saltillo floors. They painted the fireplace, which was not great, but. And everyone's pissed about that. And the mom's like, I. I've had a 1950s house and that was a lot of work. Okay. And that was in the 1950s. I mean, cheese. So she says, you know, at 25, I was in a 400 square foot apartment. Okay. So, you know, this is going to cost a lot of money and I don't know if it's worth it. And so they check out the. They go back to the back. Right.

[Ben]

And Larry. And back there, like beyond the den. Right.

[Allison]

I thought this room could be cute.

[Ben]

I like the solarium as well. I thought this back section was like, I had character, which I liked. But again, so much work needs to be done.

[Allison]

Yeah. I think a lot of it could be painting and just cleaning up the floors and this house would look okay.

[Ben]

Yeah. But then they go, they go to the backyard and it looks like a junkyard back there and it's just. It just looks terrible. And they're these sheds. And she's like, yeah, so we have some sheds. I'm not going to take you in them because I'm not sure if it's safe for us to go in there because of stability issues.

[Allison]

Yeah, you could die. We could look at the shed, but you could die, loser. You want to try it? I wouldn't, but she is kind of a typical realtor. They walk into this dumpy ass backyard, it looks like shit. It's like chain link fence, dumpy sheds about to kill you, you know? Doesn't look like the greatest neighbors. Like two houses down, there's one of the McMansions where they knock down the tiny house and then build the. The farmhouse modern thing, which is all over Austin. And it's not looking great. So they walk out there and she goes, you could put a pool there. Okay, let's go inside. It's like the laziest thing that realtors say, put a pool there.

[Ben]

Just put a pool. Yeah, just put it there. So they're like, okay, well, the mom is obviously like, this is. She was like, this neighborhood is nice. She's like, I'm lying. I don't even like the neighborhood. I think it's a big project. He's like, yeah, but this is what I wanted. But it's work. I'm like, please. I was like, in my mind, I was watching it. I was like, please. House hunters. Why are you wasting our time? Can we get to the. The actual real candidates now?

[Allison]

Yeah.

[Ben]

So the Asian finds what mom has been looking for, but it comes with a price.

[Allison]

Your soul, your soul, your soul. So the mom's like, well, honey, I saw places you could hang out in the evening with friends, you know, if you made em, or people, women with boobies. If you could ever talk to em, wouldn't that be fun, honey? And he's like, well, I do hang out at a bar close to here. And so they go downtown. And the mom is so nervous because she wants him to love this house, because, you know, he could. Maybe there's a chance of him eventually getting a life and giving her a grandbaby or something.

[Ben]

Yeah. So then she's like, the only thing that concerns me is the price. 700k, but that's within his budget, so not an issue. So it's an 800 square foot place. And she's like, well, it's an investment. And the location, like. But I'm trying to get away from the downtown noise. I was like, where's the violin player? Yeah, players, like, out on the sidewalk.

[Allison]

God damn it. I'll never tell. So this is their east side bungalow. So the east side of Austin has been a lot of. It's really trendy now and redone and looks cute. So I guess this is an area that they haven't quite gotten to yet, but should be worth something in the future. This is probably the best buy as far as neighborhoods. So this one's from 1927. And she's like, well, it's not a sterile new build. And I like this area for him. And I think this is cute. It's like a tiny little house. It's been redone.

[Ben]

I love this one.

[Allison]

It's got, like, baby blue walls, which I could do without, but you could just paint that.

[Ben]

Yeah. And there was also a room somewhere in here that had, like, navy walls. And he was like, I don't like that. I was like, what?

[Allison]

Yeah, that was nice.

[Ben]

I thought the navy walls looked wonderful.

[Allison]

Yeah.

[Ben]

They walk in and. And then Lisa also says, by the way, it's. I know it's tiny, but it comes with a camper. For workspace. And you know, they're like, huh. So there are, you know, it's a good house. I think it's, like, a legitimately good house. The kitchen looks good. It has a stone countertop. There's open shelving. And he's, like, really upset about that. He's like, I guess I have to get nice dishes to show off because of, you know, you can't hide them. I'm like, you don't have to. And then they go to the backyard, and there's a food truck that's kind of like embedded in the. The deck outside. And I actually loved that. I thought that was so cool. I felt like it was so austiny. And I was like, I think that's, like, fun for people to stay in. Or It's a cool workspace.

[Allison]

I had a little Airstream.

[Ben]

Yeah, I thought. Did I say food truck? I meant to say Airstream.

[Allison]

Well, the mom said food truck. That's probably why he said it, because she was like, what is that, a food truck? That's an Airstream, ma'. Am. How dare you.

[Ben]

Yeah, as an Airstream, I'd like that. What did you think about that touch?

[Allison]

I thought it was really cool. Yeah, it is really awesome. You see those all over the place. I thought it was super cute. Get some air conditioning in there. And it was done all 70s style. I thought that was really cute. But the backyard was super tiny, and there was only a tiny little deck between. It looked like a hallway, basically between the back door and the Airstream. And the Realtor is like, you could have a barbecue here. Just put a pool there. Put a barbecue. A pool right there.

[Ben]

I like that. There wasn't that much room between the house and the Airstreams. That way you can go between the two of them without, like, dealing with too much weather.

[Allison]

So, yeah, you could have a barbecue. I'm like, where? You're not going to have a barbecue out here.

[Ben]

You could rent a Ferris wheel and put it right here. It's like, what are you talking about, Lisa?

[Allison]

It's used to have a Ferris wheel on a pool. That's what you need. Put it right there.

[Ben]

I loved it. I thought this house was great. I thought this was the obvious choice, you know? Man, who cares if there's no yard? That wasn't part of his. His needs. He didn't need a yard. He doesn't have a dog. He just needs a quiet place. A quiet, cute place.

[Allison]

And Lisa's like, well, the mom is focused on him having a life after work. Okay. When the average person stays in their home for five years, well, this person stays in their home 25 hours a day, okay?

[Ben]

So by the time I'm five years from now, it's gonna be 45 years from now because I'm. I'm old. Okay, honey, you know what? Let's just. We're tabling the joke, okay? You didn't land it the first time. Don't do a call back.

[Allison]

Well, the agent found a place that's bigger, but it might not be what Nathan has in mind. And so we see him driving with his mama again, and he goes, hey, mama, did I turn the beans off? I might have forgotten to. And she's like, well, I thought I knew where the car keys were this morning. I didn't. He's like, look at us two, old, driving into town. So you bought your goddamn mail.

[Ben]

So now we're at this bigger house, and, you know, the mom's like, oh, my God. Like, this house looks. Terry's like, it looks revamped. So they go in, and first they meet up with America, and America is just like. I don't know, she wearing maybe, like, a little jacket or something. And Terry's like, america looks like a movie star. Oh, my God. How did you find this realtor? We are so lucky. Look how glamorous.

[Allison]

She's just wearing a pair of pants. This was so funny. I was like, what is glamorous about that outfit? What movie? League of Their Own. Like, what are you. What are you talking about? And so there's no garage. And so America's like, oh, look at this. The exterior has plenty of parking. And he's like, there's no garage. Yes, you get out of carport. Carport in a pool, you fucking moron. Jesus. Your brother said you were dumb, but.

[Ben]

He'S like, it's so noisy. It's the main road. She goes, well, you won't hear it inside. I mean, okay, you could. Look, you could even have coffee on the front patio. Wouldn't that be nice? Coffee while you listen to the cars go by on the main road.

[Allison]

She actually is a very funny realtor because she doesn't really care about anything he says.

[Ben]

He's like, in noisy.

[Allison]

She goes, go inside. Okay, well, this roof doesn't work. Lift it up, you'll have a vaulted ceiling whiner.

[Ben]

And then she tries to pull, like, the you're new here kid card, because she goes, we've all purchased multiple homes, so I think based on our experience, we should. We'll guide him to a Home that needs less work. So you don't really have a say in this. Your mom and I will tell you where you should go.

[Allison]

Yeah. So this one is a very typical Austin rebuild. All of them are exactly like the this. They look like the farmhouse modern on the outside. You open them up, they all have the pl. The light blonde wood plank flooring, the living room spread all the way to the kitchen, and then tiny little bedrooms. Every single one looks like this. So it's kind of the typical. But I think it's cute.

[Ben]

It's nice, though. That's the thing. It's nice. And if you wanted to have more character, well, then that's where your project is. Your project is building in the character. Because I think this is as, like, a nice layout. It's very bright. I think it was actually staged very, very nicely. And yes, it's all just white. But again, that's your project. If you don't want it to be all white, then go and paint it and add some qualities, play with the lighting. But I think the house itself is. This is a really good one, too. I really. I like the open. More open layout of this one more. But I really like the Airstream in the house number two. And that kind of was. I like that. That was so unique that I was leaning towards house number two versus this one. But I like this one, too.

[Allison]

Well, this one actually has a really cute shed, but it's actually another apartment. And I thought this one was pretty cool. I mean, this beats the Airstream, Although the Airstream is good to have. But this one is way cooler than the Airstream. I mean, it's an actual functioning apartment.

[Ben]

That's true. Yeah.

[Allison]

Yeah. This one was super cute. Every room looked exactly the same, but it was just very well put together. The kitchen was really pretty. Yeah, I mean, this would be great. And where there was like a. They say, oh, this is the east side, right? No way.

[Ben]

I don't remember. But there's a fence. And they put like, the trees.

[Allison]

Oh, this is North Loop, they say.

[Ben]

So the trees, like, through the fence, and they're like. It's like a horror movie. I'm like, it's fine. It's trees.

[Allison]

Well, yeah, wait till there's a storm, because they'll knock those trees right into the fence. Suckers.

[Ben]

So what were you gonna say about North Loop?

[Allison]

Yeah, that's like a nice area. I mean, it's not close to downtown, but he doesn't want that. But it's not far from anything either. It's got Its own city there, you know, like it's own grocery stores and stuff like that. It's a nice area in north, I think also. Oh, God.

[Ben]

Being that he's 25, this really is not going to be his forever home. And I think that America is onto something. Like you're going to live here for like five or seven years and then you'll move. So like kind of view it a little bit as an investment too.

[Allison]

Yeah, you got to resell it. So what's that?

[Ben]

No, nothing.

[Allison]

Trend is going to be hard to do. Is that what you mean? Like it's too trendy?

[Ben]

Well, I was going to say like, I guess in all the houses they're going to be. Their value is going to go up a lot regardless. Even this one?

[Allison]

Yeah, because this is a new one. How much is this one? Seven or 680. I think they said 680. Right. Let me look. I'm going back at 689. And the other one, that's complete shit needs a total rehaul is 600 or 690. Wait, 600?

[Ben]

It was six.

[Allison]

It was something like 699. Yeah, I think it was 699. So I think that one is more. And then, yeah, it's bigger, but he's gonna have to put like 150 into it.

[Ben]

I think that one the. The shitbox it. He liked that it did not have open an open concept and it is as more house for the money. Whereas house number two, for instance, is. Is. Is on the higher end of the budget and is only 800 square feet, which is the same size as his current apartment. So I think that's where like.

[Allison]

And then how big is this one?

[Ben]

This one is. I don't remember how big this one was.

[Allison]

Oh, darn it. Well, this one's small too, but it has that extra apartment. So they look like this is right on a busy street, which isn't great. And he's not into it. He's like, it's noisy. There's no character. And at the end of the day, you get nothing for nothing. And it's my decision and I'm decisive. So Linda's like, well, Nathan has to listen to his mom and find a place downtown or go with his old man tendencies. So now we discuss.

[Ben]

So he's like. Well, he's like, I know you like the place downtown, mom, but the other place will give me things to work on. She's like, you'll take on too much like asbestos and tetanus when you Step on all those nails. I don't want to pay for that.

[Allison]

And Lisa's like, that's gonna take a lot of your money immediately.

[Ben]

Idiot.

[Allison]

And he's like, well. But then House 2 had that tiny house trailer thing that was nice. And they both like that one. But he's like, I need projects. And guess what? He picked the dumpy one. The first.

[Ben]

I could not believe it. I thought the dumpy one was purely just like. That was just like a dog that they threw in there. I thought he was going to take house number two. 100% because of the Airstream was like, had some. That was unique. I was honestly shocked he chose house number one. That, to me, was so by far the worst. It was terrible. I couldn't believe he took it.

[Allison]

I would have taken number two as well, just because that's, you know, that's in a kind of up and coming area. It's trendy. It is close to downtown, though, which he probably hates. So, yeah, he took the dumpy one. That's just too much work. I'm sorry. He's not going to be able to do that by himself.

[Ben]

Yeah, if he. If. Look, if he just wants to stay in his apartment and he can. He can afford having those, like, two spaces for a little bit while there's a crew in there fixing it up, then God bless. But that's going to be a long time. He goes, realistically, there's a couple months work to do. I'm like, that's gonna be more than a couple of months, and that's gonna be more expensive than it looks because I think they're going to discover mold. They'll discover this, the body, dead rabbits, who knows what. Yeah.

[Allison]

This was the best move on his part. Not a great move, buddy. Not a good one, buddy. But, you know, and also at the end of these episodes, I like when they show kind of what they've done with the house. And this one, they didn't even bother. He's just like, well, here I am having a beer. Having a beer in the kitchen. There's like a cord hanging out of the wall. You know, it's like a wire hanging out of the wall. And then there's still nothing filling in the floor where the island used to be. And he's like, but I love it.

[Ben]

No. Oh, God. I appreciate his fortitude and his vision, but I do not see it.

[Allison]

I don't see it either.

[Ben]

Mom. His mom's like, why? Why? We could have. I could have stayed in that Airstream. Why would you do this to me.

[Allison]

Yep. Well, that's the end of that one. All right, everybody, thanks so much for being here with us for Dwell. Hello. Send us your suggestion for the grand finale in two weeks. Thanks and we'll talk to you next time.

[Ben]

Bye, everyone.

[Allison]

Bye.

[Paige Desorbo]

This is Paige desorbo from Giggly Squad. Boost Mobile gives you the same network coverage, speed and service you're used to, just at a more affordable price. Why pay more if you don't have to? Offering reliable nationwide coverage backed by a 30 day money back guarantee. Love your service or get your money back, no questions asked? Visit your nearest Boost Mobile store or head to boostmobile.com to learn more. After 30 gigabytes, customers may experience slower speeds. Customers who cancel within 30 days of activation will have Boost service fees refunded, activation fees if applicable, and phone payments will not be refunded.

[Ben]

Acast powers the World's best Podcasts Here's a show that we recommend Recommend.

[Chris Duffy]

We all have bad days and sometimes bad weeks and maybe even bad years. But the good news is we don't have to figure out life all alone. I'm comedian Chris Duffy, host of ted's how to Be a Better Human podcast and our show is about the little ways that you can improve your life. Actual practical tips that you can put into place that will make your day to day better. Whether it is setting boundaries at work or rethinking how you clean your house, each episode has conversations with experts who share tips on how to navigate life's ups and downs. Find how to be a better human wherever you're listening to this.

[Allison]

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[Ben]

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[Allison]

Acast. Com.