Watch What Crappens: Dwell Hello — "Influencer in Colorado"

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Date: January 25, 2023
Episode Focus: Recap & mockery of a House Hunters episode, "Influencer in Colorado" (Season 182, Episode 10 on Discovery+), featuring a fashion influencer and her husband searching for a new home in Colorado.

Episode Overview

Ben and Ronnie return to one of their favorite podcast formats, Dwell Hello, where they eviscerate HGTV’s House Hunters. In this episode, they take on “Influencer in Colorado,” in which Kayla, a self-described fashion influencer, and her husband Ben move home from Chicago to Fort Collins, Colorado. The hosts gleefully roast the couple's social media aspirations, homebuying demands, and the outlandishly specific requirements they bring to their real estate search—especially Ben's obsession with an archery range and Kayla’s influencer aesthetics.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Setup and Why the Influencer Is Perfect Fodder

• Ronnie notes upon seeing “influencer,” a bad jacket, and “trying too hard with her hair and eyeliner,” that he immediately knew it would be the perfect House Hunters episode for Dwell Hello.

  “I saw the word ‘influencer,’ and then I saw that she was wearing a big stupid jacket and really tried too hard with her hair… I said, this is my kind of episode, you know?” (02:14)

• Ben playfully admits that self-proclaimed influencer status immediately invites mockery:

  “If you tell me I’m an influencer, I think my first thought, and I’m assuming everyone’s first thought is, you go, go fuck yourself. What a stupid fucking job title.” (02:50)

2. Who Gets to Call Themselves an Influencer?

• Both hosts argue that “influencer” is a title bestowed by others, not self-proclaimed:

  Ben: “That’s like an ‘I’ll be the judge of that’ title. Like, you don’t get to call yourself that.” (03:55)

• They extend the mockery to “thought leaders,” lumping in the influencer self-branding problem.

3. Instagram Sleuthing & Kayla’s Online Persona

• The guys deep-dive into Kayla’s Instagram, critiquing everything from photo lighting to fashion phases:
  • Ben: “She’s always trying to wear Kardashian sunglasses. She’s trying to, like, have that Kardashian ‘I’m in the sunglasses and real tight pony’ look at all times.” (07:12)
  • Ronnie is (perhaps ironically) “impressed” with her “chic” photos, but points out her “obsession with underlit pics… all kind of dark.” (07:42)
  • They riff on influencer moves: hiding the face, going through accessory or clothing “phases,” and curating self-conscious mystique.

4. Judging Influencer Ambitions in Small-Town Colorado

• Ben wonders if it’s close-minded to expect a fashion influencer to aspire to New York, L.A., or Miami over Fort Collins. Ronnie argues, “You can be wherever you want now… actually, you’re the dummy for even living in a place with high taxes and high rent!” (11:52–12:02)
• Chili’s and suburban living get a mention as “the rest of us” perks.

5. Introducing Ben and Kayla (the House Hunters Couple)

• Ben is a consultant; Kayla is an “art director for a gown designer” and (self-described) influencer with “thousands” of followers.
• Immediate critiques flow:
  • Kayla’s home tour sours at “I hate these countertops and the hardware I hate,” sparking instant host animosity.
  • Ben loves “boring guys in Dockers" (05:38) and defends the husband’s bland vibe.

6. Gas Stove POLITICS!

• Ronnie goes on a tangent about the gas stove cultural war, blending House Hunters tropes with actual American discourse:

  “All the Democrats are like, ‘No one in my house will eat anything cooked from a gas stove,’ and then the Republicans are like, ‘Oh yeah, fuck you, I’m cooking everything [on a] gas stove.’” (16:05)

• After Ben gives a short explainer (16:45), Ronnie rants:

  “You guys, get the fuck out of my kitchen. Keep your fighting outside. I… can’t…start doing this with gas stoves. I refuse. I refuse to engage. Even though I just gave it five minutes of my anger.” (18:32)

• Refers listeners to Past Present Podcast for the actual history.

7. Big “Claw-ffice” Energy

• Kayla wants a “claw office” (closet office), which the hosts mercilessly roast:
  • “It sounds like an office where birds attack you or like, you know, crabs come in and start…” (22:59)
  • “What do you do when you just get bag after bag from Talbots delivered by birds and their claws?” (23:18)

8. Husband’s Basement Archery Dream

• Ben’s (the House Hunters husband) obsession becomes clearer: he wants a ranch house not for accessibility, but for a massive basement archery range.
  • “Ben doesn't want a ranch for that reason. Ben wants a ranch because he still wants multiple floors, but he knows if he has a two story house, she's going to get all the rooms upstairs for her ring lights and her Payless shoes that she's gluing Yves Saint Laurent badges onto.” (24:49)

9. House Tours — Three Flawed Choices

House #1: White Two-Story

• Too cramped, bizarre angled fireplace, brown cabinets, no gas stove.
  • “This is all like real builder grade, real cheap carpet…Little tiny rooms. So they can say four bedrooms, but it’s really only like a two with some extra walls.” (40:03)
• Kayla’s influencer priorities surface:
  • “She’s literally only looking at the light.” (40:22)
• Ben criticizes her ever-changing style, but Ronnie calls out the hypocrisy:
  • “You’re the one with the archery in the basement! …that’s very important for people to remember.” (37:20)

House #2: New Build, Gray/Red Exterior

• Generic, not white, small basement, nice kitchen but carpet upstairs, unfinished yard, and no fence (which triggers real-life rant from Ronnie about $11,000 fences).
• Kayla wants cosmetic updates everywhere; Ben finds a makeshift archery range in the garage’s “weird extra long hallway.”
  • “It’s amazing how she must have had to hear about this archery range for so long that it doesn’t even phase her anymore.” (46:55)

House #3: Ranch in Severance

• Under budget by $50k but feels “squat, beige, and sad.” Wet-looking walls, tiny and wedged between huge houses.
• Kayla unexpectedly doesn’t lose it; instead, she tries justifying the “character.” Ben is thrilled by the big basement—“how much bigger of a basement could you want?” (52:21)
• Kitchen and bathrooms are “hideous,” but it does have a gas stove.

10. Realtor John: The Real Hero

• John the realtor’s tolerance is thin, and the hosts love it:

  “John is the best real estate agent of all time.” (50:29)

  • On compromises: “If this was 10 miles west, they would pay 50 grand more. We’re probably going to be in Siberia by the time they find something that they can afford.” (50:03)

11. Final Decision & Inevitable Compromise

• Each house is weighed mostly for archery and influencer potential, but with resigned disappointment.
• The couple chooses the new build with the decent kitchen, garage archery range, and a price of $476k (“because it has a ton of space for all of his hobbies and some of my finishes. And by ‘some,’ I mean one, and by one, I mean half of one. And by half, one, I mean none.” — 58:21)
• Kayla sacrifices her Chicago “Emily in Paris” life (her words) for carpet, suburbia, and Ben’s archery obsession.
  • “‘Yeah, it was definitely hard to leave Chicago. The day we put in the offer, I shat a tear.’ …That’s the influence that you’re leaving over House Hunter, sucker.” (59:11)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• On self-anointed influencer status:

  Ronnie: “If you tell me I’m an influencer…go fuck yourself. What a stupid fucking job title.” (02:50)

• Instagram critique:

  Ben: “She’s always trying to wear Kardashian sunglasses. …Trying to, like, have that Kardashian ‘I’m in the sunglasses and real tight pony’ look at all times.” (07:12)

• Gas stove culture war rant:

  Ronnie: “You guys, get the fuck out of my kitchen. Keep your fighting outside. …I can’t… start doing this with gas stoves. I refuse.” (18:32)

• Realtor John’s dry shade:

  John (paraphrased by Ronnie): “Why would I ever bring them here? …They’ve got some tastes that are going to be difficult to hit, if you know what I’m saying. …What I’m trying to say is they’re cheapos.” (33:27–33:46)

• On the ‘claw office’:

  Ben: “It sounds like an office where birds attack you…” (22:59)

• Ben’s archery dreams dissected:

  Ronnie: “At first you say a ranch… But Ben doesn’t want a ranch for that reason. …If he gets the second floor and it’s under the house, that’s boy room, he can use all of that for archery and shit like that. …It’s actually a selfish move, but it’s actually pretty crafty.” (24:49)

• Influencer priorities in home buying:

  Ben: “She’s literally only looking at the light.” (40:22)

• Kayla on leaving Chicago:

  Ronnie: “She sounded so dumb on her last line. She goes, ‘Yeah, it was definitely hard to leave Chicago. The day we put in the offer, I shat a tear.’ …You phony baloney. You shattered tear.” (59:11)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [02:14] – Why influencer episodes are podcast gold
• [07:12] – Deep-diving Kayla’s Instagram
• [15:10–21:00] – Gas stove politics tangent
• [22:45] – “Claw-ffice” roast
• [24:49] – The basement/archery analysis
• [33:27–34:12] – First house & Realtor John’s dry humor
• [41:49] – Recapping their house-hunting constraints
• [50:03] – On “drive until you qualify,” and Severance, CO
• [56:56] – Final decision/dissatisfaction
• [58:38] – Kayla laments the move, realities of compromise

Tone & Style

The hosts’ signature blend of irreverent banter, quick-fire jokes, and Bravo-style shade is woven throughout, with frequent asides, tangents (especially about online culture and home-buying expectations), and a camaraderie full of affectionate mockery. Their narrative stays sharp, judgmental (in the spirit of loving reality TV roast), and gleeful in calling out anyone—especially self-serious influencers—who take themselves (or their countertops) too seriously.

Final Thoughts

This episode delivers exactly what Watch What Crappens fans expect: snarky, incisive, and highly entertaining commentary that both lampoons and weirdly celebrates the quirks of reality TV life. Kayla and Ben (the House Hunters couple) represent all that is ridiculous in influencer and home-buyer culture—and Ben and Ronnie are there to make sure every last detail is eviscerated for your listening pleasure.