Dwell Hello: Looking for the Good Life in Phnom Penh

Summary

Watch What Crappens – "Dwell Hello: Looking for the Good Life in Phnom Penh"

Hosted by: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Date: January 12, 2023

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Episode Overview

In this energetic, irreverent episode of "Dwell Hello," Ben and Ronnie return after a hiatus to recap and lampoon an episode of House Hunters International titled "Looking for the Good Life in Phnom Penh." Their targets: the house-hunting exploits of Blue Beach, a privileged and uniquely named Brit seeking newfound adventure (and a reasonably priced solo apartment) in Cambodia's capital. Through signature sarcasm, the hosts dissect Blue's expectations, cluelessness, and love of colonial architecture—while gleefully voicing the snarky fictional narrator, "Linda," and the ever-patient real estate agent, Nita. If you haven’t seen the House Hunters International episode, don’t worry—Ben and Ronnie’s comedic commentary brings every moment hilariously to life.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Return of Dwell Hello and Setup

• Ben and Ronnie, both excited to revive Dwell Hello, detail how the show recaps property search series like House Hunters International (01:10).
• Clarify how House Hunters episode listings are confusing across platforms, and that viewers (or listeners) shouldn’t sweat matching the exact episode (02:29).
• Quote: "We're just here to trash people we don't know in a different arena than Bravo. Yes." – Ronnie (03:18)

2. Meet Blue Beach: Spirited Seeker or Privileged Drifter?

• Blue is introduced as a Londoner frustrated by expensive, communal living.
• Immediate skepticism from Ronnie about Blue’s complaints ("I used to live in a loft with five people in New York... crawl up an a-frame ladder, and literally crawl into bed with my dog... I thought it was the best time of my life.") (03:51)
• Ben and Ronnie riff on the possible real story of Blue’s family and background.
• Running joke: Blue’s name and her hippie parents (daughter Snow, "Snow Beach") (08:51)
• Quote: "She thinks Cambodia can help her plot a new course because she's privileged and entitled." – "Linda" (the hosts as narrator), (05:23)
• Quote: "Her name is Blue Beach... I have one sibling, and her name is Snow. Snow Beach." – Linda (08:51)

3. Blue’s (In)Experience with Cambodia & Expat Privilege

• Blue admits she knows very little about Cambodia; the job offer comes from a "local bank."
• Ronnie and Ben poke fun: "She’s the type that just sends her resume around the world via bottle." (13:48)
• Blue’s narration exudes “dreamer” energy but is loaded with privileged and inadvertently condescending takes on London and Cambodia.
• Multiple digs at Blue’s excitement over colonial architecture in Cambodia: "There's something really kind of fucked up about this white lady... losing her mind over all the old colonial style" (29:06)
• Quote: "Out of my many, many job searches, the one I got an answer from was a local bank in Phnom Penh." – Blue (13:36)

4. Phnom Penh Real Estate Adventure: Cluelessness & Contradiction

• Blue lays out an absurd wish list: furnished, French colonial, balcony, pool, gym, "reminds me of Europe" but not in Europe (17:25–18:04)
• Criticized for asking for London amenities but moving to Cambodia to escape London (17:38)
• Nita, the real estate agent, is both bemused and exasperated, as fictional Linda repeatedly undercuts Blue's expectations.

First Apartment ("Alpha" – $900/mo) (20:22 – 26:59)

• Modern, bright, new—impresses both hosts; Ben marvels, "I have never, honestly, seen as nice of a place on House Hunters International..." (20:48)
• Blue nitpicks: no “charm,” working space concerns, petite bedroom, wind on the balcony (22:35–25:46)
• Quote: "Can we find an apartment with less wind?" – Blue, via Ben/Linda (25:37)

Second Apartment (Palace Gate – $1,200/mo, by Royal Palace) (27:05 – 36:53)

• More expensive (“good amount over budget” to Blue).
• Hosts deride it as brown, bland, “more what I’d expect” from this show (32:34).
• Blue claims to love the "vintage vibe" and desk – but dislikes gas stovetops (34:24).
• Running joke: Nita’s growing, possibly romantic fixation on Blue ("It will be more comfortable with me beside you." – Nita, 24:41; "There is a pool we will be holding hands in." – Nita, 35:58).
• Indoor pool is a surprise feature… but the hosts suspect it’s a “dank cavern” (36:22)

Third Apartment (#3, Expat Area – $950/mo) (41:00 – 45:46)

• Big, plain boxy space; not cute, but huge.
• Blue loves the space, fusses over lack of desk by the window—refuses to move furniture herself (42:03).
• Hosts exasperated at Blue’s lack of practical thinking ("Move the fucking table to the window. What is wrong with you?" – Ben, 42:15)

5. Recurring Motifs and Mockery

• Blue’s obsession with wind: every balcony apparently too windy (25:37, 35:13, 42:54)
• Her aversion to gas stoves, always linked to grand pronouncements ("I can't look at gas stoves. I literally can't even look at gas." – Blue, 34:24)
• Inability to adapt—both practically and culturally (repeatedly giving up on learning Khmer, not greeting people in the local language, etc.) (38:10)
• Hosts’ suspicions about Blue’s priorities: wanting to be near royalty, splash out for status, not for practical or genuine reasons.
• Running joke: Nita’s over-eager offers to cook, "hold hands in the pool," wait in bed, etc.

6. Decision Time & Reveal (46:30 – 50:03)

• Blue agonizes over each option:
  • Rejects first (Alpha): "not my style...very boring... like a showroom" (46:47)
  • Stresses about gas stove in Palace Gate but likes desk/indoor pool/vintage (47:19)
  • Third apartment dismissed for lack of amenities, called “quirky” on account of a decorative bowl (47:53)
• Ultimately, Blue throws budget to the wind and takes Palace Gate: aesthetic and status ("I just feel like splashing more and going for what was on my wish list." 48:26)
• Ronnie: "She chose the worst option. I guarantee she chose it because it was the most expensive and closest to the royal palace." (50:07)
• Ben and Ronnie speculate she’s motivated mostly by being able to tell her mom she can see the King from her window ("I can literally see the King of Cambodia... that’s the entire reason why she’s living there." 50:32)

7. Three Months Later: Has Blue Changed?

• Blue, still largely unintegrated culturally or linguistically, expresses satisfaction in her “incredible journey.”
• Security guard is shown enduring her relentless hellos ("Hello security guard." – 49:44)
• No sign of language improvement; still unable to identify a singing bowl (49:09).
• Nita’s possible, stalker-ish devotion remains a recurring joke.

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Notable Quotes and Moments with Timestamps

• "We’re just here to trash people we don’t know in a different arena than Bravo. Yes." – Ronnie (03:18)
• "She thinks Cambodia can help her plot a new course because she's privileged and entitled." – Linda (05:23)
• "Her name is Blue Beach... I have one sibling, and her name is Snow. Snow Beach." – Linda (08:51)
• On Blue's job search: "She's the type that just sends her resume around the world via bottle." – Ronnie (13:48)
• On Blue's privilege: "There's something really kind of fucked up about this white lady... losing her mind over all the old colonial style." – Ben (29:06)
• On apartment wish list: "I'd like a pool and a gym... I want something that reminds me of Paris, but I don't want to be anywhere close to Paris. Let's have a little taste of home." – Linda, as Blue (17:48)
• Blue on wind: "Can we find an apartment with less wind?" (25:37)
• "Move the fucking table to the window. What is wrong with you?" – Ben (42:15)
• "She chose the worst option. I guarantee she chose it because it was the most expensive and closest to the royal palace." – Ronnie (50:07)
• "I can literally see the King of Cambodia across the way. It's insane." – Blue (50:32)
• "I love being able to step out of my apartment and be in the hustle and bustle of Pompa Le Pen." – Blue (49:19)

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Key Takeaways / Themes

• Clueless Privilege Abroad: The episode is a satire of the oblivious expat fantasy, highlighting how privilege, entitlement, and lack of adaptability can underlie seemingly “brave” moves abroad.
• Real Estate Disconnection: What is viewed as a “dream” by a Western expat often comes at the expense of practicality, budget, and cultural relevance.
• House Hunters Tropes: The show, via Ben and Ronnie, mercilessly mocks the tropes—unrealistic wish lists, shallow complaints ("the wind"), bizarre fixations (gas stoves), and ignoring of actual location and context.
• Ben & Ronnie’s Signature Tone: The recap thrives on offbeat banter, sharp sarcasm, running jokes, and over-the-top characterizations (especially the invented “Linda” and her disdain).

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Final Thoughts

Even without watching the House Hunters International episode, Ben and Ronnie provide a hilarious, context-rich play-by-play—making fun of Blue’s every ex-pat misstep, skewering real estate show clichés, and riffing on the intersection of Western entitlement and Southeast Asian reality. It’s a brilliant display of affectionate ridicule, with sharp asides, quotable lines, and the sense that no house hunter is safe from their comedic crosshairs.

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For more episodes, find Watch What Crappens wherever you get your podcasts.

Transcript

[Ronnie]

Mom.

[Blue Beach (House Hunters International participant)]

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[Ronnie]

Ding dong.

[Ben]

Well, hello and welcome back to Dwell. Hello, I'm Ben. That's Ronnie. And if you're here, that means you are listening to our House Hunters show, Dwell hello on Wondry Plus. Hi, Ronnie, how are you? How you doing?

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Well, hello.

[Ronnie]

Very glad to be back here for Dwell Hello. I've missed doing this show.

[Ben]

I know it's been about a year since we last did some Dwell hello. And the good news is there's going to be a whole lot more Dwell hello here on Wonder Plus. For those who never listened to the original Dwell hellos, we basically are recapping episodes of House Hunters, House Hunters International, etc. Etc. So it's. It's always a blast for us because, you know, as much as we love Bravo, we also love watching these shows.

[Ronnie]

Oh, yeah, we love these shows. They're so silly. I don't know how we end up talking so much about them, but whenever I watch them, I crack up every single time. So it's good to be back doing them.

[Ben]

Yeah. So for this episode. This episode, I flagged this episode because I saw it last week, last month in December, and I was like, if Dwell hello comes back, we have to include this one. And let. And then, voila, Dwell hello came back. But we are going to be recapping House Hunters International. This is House Hunters International on YouTube TV. It is listed as Season 180, Episode 5, and the title is Looking for the Good Life in Phnom Penh. Okay. And I really thoroughly enjoyed this episode, I have to say.

[Ronnie]

So you guys, the way that House Hunters episodes are released are so crazy because they're listed as different season numbers and episode on every platform. So it kind of makes it hard to find them sometimes. That's why we're telling you we watch on YouTube TV, you watch wherever you can find it. Usually what I do if I'm looking On a different, like, peacock or wherever else they show these. I'll just search for the top title on the the ye old Internet and it will tell me. So I put in Looking for the Good Life in Phnom Penh and it should be more to go.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Linda (Narrator)]

So.

[Ben]

And, and by the way, it's Discovery plus, so we can also find these. I don't know if this episode is on Discovery plus or not, but like Ronnie said, it's listed differently there. So just the easiest thing is if you have YouTube TV, it should show up pretty easily.

[Ronnie]

So it doesn't matter if you watch these shows. We don't expect any of these shows. You don't have to watch these shows to listen to this show. Okay? We're just here to trash people we don't know in a different arena than Bravo. Yes.

[Ben]

And their choices.

[Ronnie]

So this one is a girl, you know, we get the, like, little preview of what's to come in the episode.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

And she's like, living in London. So expensive. I was living in a shared house with five people. I was not enjoying life, to be honest.

[Ronnie]

I don't think they were enjoying life with you. Okay. Cause you're the one to go live in a loft with five people and then complain that there's too many damn people. I used to live in a loft with five people in New York. And guess where I lived. Over the bathroom in a closet that was like a coffin. Okay. I had to put like a twin sized mattress in there, crawl up an a frame ladder, and literally crawl into bed with my dog, with Zena, my dog at the time. And I thought it was the best time of my life. But there was a girl who lived with us who's like, oh, my God, there's just so many people here. And I'm like, why'd you move in here? It's not like we just all arrived one day after you were already here. Hooker. You came after us. So I'm already aiding this chick.

[Ben]

What if this girl when she says that she lived in a shared house with five other people? Like, what if that was just her family?

[Linda (Narrator)]

There's like these two older people and then there's like three people that, like, one is a little bit older than me and one's a little bit younger. And, like, we've known them all our lives, and I'm just ready. I'm ready to be out of this childhouse.

[Ronnie]

So then, well, then I would understand because when I was growing up, I was that person. I was like, who are these fuckers? And why do I have to spend my growing up time with them? I didn't choose these people. Losers. I deserve better.

[Ben]

So one of the best parts about House Hunters is that the narrator, who we call Linda, she has, like, visible or visible disdain, although not really visible, because you only hear her. But if you could see her voice, her voice would have disdain, clear disdain for anyone on this show. So she chimes in and says, blue.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Feels she needs a life reset. She thinks Cambodia can help her plot a new course because she's privileged and entitled.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, she really did say it that way.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Like, lou needs a life reset. I would suggest a personality first.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Blue is sick of having her parents pay for everything. So she's gonna pretend like she's gonna pay for something in Cambodia, even though.

[Ronnie]

She'S l not going to pay for any of this. And I like when she said, blue thinks she needs a life reset. And then it cuts to a woman on the street trying to hand Blue a whole fish out of a basket.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

And she's like, oh, no, no, I'm.

[Ronnie]

Sorry, you can't move in with me.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

I know that a lot of people. You know, I was about to be living with a woman and a fish, and I said, no, this is Blue time.

[Ronnie]

Having some blue time now.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Well, you said you wanted a reset.

[Ben]

So then Blue is like. Because her name is Blue. Did we say that her name is Blue? Her name is Blue Beach.

[Linda (Narrator)]

And. And she says, I just hope this is paradise Land where all your problems just go away.

[Ben]

I'm like, yes, that's famously what. What Phnom Penh is known for, a place where all your problems go away.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

I'm ready for a new. I'm sick of having so many roommates. I'm going to Cambodia.

[Ronnie]

It's like, what? I haven't heard that one.

[Linda (Narrator)]

I know.

[Ronnie]

I'm like, okay, I've not heard that one before.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

And she's like, I won't stop until I get the perfect apartment. Because you're not living life to the fullest, to be honest.

[Ben]

Don't think you're gonna find that perfect apartment. Just gonna say so. She's like, and the one thing I.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Will never be is there's one thing I'll never be, and that is boring.

[Ben]

You know, all her old roommates are like, oh, my God, that boring chick is gone.

[Ronnie]

Too late. Even the lady tried to hand you a fish out of the basket. The fish jumped back into the basket. I was like, I'm not going with her. That's a lady who complains about too too many roommates and then eats everybody's shit out of the refrigerator.

[Ben]

How do you know that was some boring ass fish? Like, what's the most boring fish that's out there? Is it tilapia? Was it like, how dare you? I mean, tilapia's I mean, I like tilapia, but it's boring. Salmon.

[Ronnie]

Tilapia gets a bad rap. Salmon. Yeah. I don't know. I don't. I'm not delicious, but it's boring. I'm literally sitting here at my desk, sitting in front of my fish, baby. Gorgeous. I will not criticize fish.

[Ben]

Cod is cod. Cod's kind of boring, huh? What about scrod? Do you think that scrod gets jealous?

[Ronnie]

I don't even know what that is.

[Ben]

Scrod.

[Ronnie]

I don't even know what that is. And that sounds like something Blue would think is very fancy because it just sounds different.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Like, I've decided I need reset, so.

[Ronnie]

I'm going to dinner and ordering scrod.

[Linda (Narrator)]

I know I can't possibly take your fish lady on the street, but do you possibly have any Skraud?

[Ronnie]

So we see her. This is the kind of asshole that Blue is. She's rolling a big old suitcase, and she's rolling it in the middle of the street instead of the sidewalk that's right next to it.

[Ben]

Kelly Ben style. She really is doing this.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Hello, Cambodia. I'm Blue.

[Ronnie]

It's like, get on the damn sidewalk. You're new here.

[Ben]

I know.

[Linda (Narrator)]

She's like, yes. My name is Blue Beach. That's my real name. It's on my passport and my birth certificate and my loyalty card at Urban Outfitters. And my parents are super hippies, and I have one sibling, and her name is Snow. Snow Beach.

[Ben]

I'm like. I think that her name was actually just like, oh, no. But they just wrote it down as Snow.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

I'm sad. Where she tends to have a problem with cocaine. I like Blue things. You know, names really do matter. My parents are literal hippies, which means.

[Ronnie]

They'Re really rich now and not raising their children, which we've all learned that that's what hippies turned into. Yeah, we said, we see you hippies.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Yeah, we know you turned out.

[Ronnie]

Y'. All. Y' all driving the Porsche Cayenne with kids in jail every other month.

[Ben]

Yeah, we know. We know how? We know Blue's entire story. So she goes, so I grew up.

[Linda (Narrator)]

In London, and my parents would just pull us out of school, and we go to Thailand or Indonesia for three or four months. So I definitely no I got my Travis Streak from.

[Ben]

I'm like, so you're you. So you just didn't go to school? That's what you're saying?

[Ronnie]

You're uneducated because your parents were criminals that were always running from the law.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Just say that.

[Ronnie]

I mean, it would make you more interesting, you know, not running from the law.

[Linda (Narrator)]

We were going to Indonesia. Indonesia.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Indonesia.

[Ronnie]

So then we see a picture of her approving that she's gone to Indonesia and she's on a boat. The picture's taken from behind her, and she's on a boat wearing a dress with one leg up on, like, the seating, airing out her coochie in the wind. It's like, okay, you know what, Blue? You were annoying with the five roommates. People don't need to be sitting downwind of you on this boat. Put your leg down.

[Linda (Narrator)]

But all of Indonesia has to see what I have to offer.

[Ronnie]

So then to prove that she's such a world traveler, she. As she rolls her suitcase down the.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Street, she's going, hello, lady on bicycle. Hello, lady sitting on ground. Hello, world. It's Blue.

[Ben]

Yeah. She's doing, like, that whole, like, I'm a. I'm in.

[Linda (Narrator)]

I'm a worldly white lady. I understand cultures. Hello. Hello, sir. Hello. Bong, bong, bong. Hello, sir.

[Ronnie]

So the only thing I can say about her is that she's my favorite kind of cheese. That's all I have good to say about her right now.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Well, UK life is quite harsh. You know, your basic necessities are so expensive. I mean, if you want to get a bath bomb that costs €25, at least you know all your basic necessities.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

I was living with five people, working as a personal assistant to CEO of.

[Ronnie]

A company, and then she looks off, very troubled. It's like, what happened? What happened, Blue? Some of the story's missing. There was definitely a dot, dot, dot there.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Yeah.

[Ben]

What company was this, by the way? You know, it was like her parents company.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Ben]

Her parents, like, candle company.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. She finally figured out why her parents were, like, throwing everything in the suitcase every few months and being like, we're going to Indonesia, Bratz, get in the car. Get in the station wagon.

[Linda (Narrator)]

It's always dreary in London. The weather's terrible. It doesn't matter where you're from, and if you stay in your hometown, you can't develop as a person. It's very stagnating.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

It's very stagnating.

[Ronnie]

So people who grow up and stay at the town in the same Town never grows a person. Well, you know, fuck you to all of you then.

[Ben]

Basically, yeah. She makes London sound like it's a little cave. It's like some sort of horrific place under the earth's crust. It's London.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

People who never move out of London leave. What losers.

[Linda (Narrator)]

There's nothing to do there.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

London with its newspapers full of nothing.

[Ronnie]

Blank pages.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Ends of east with nothing but musicals and plays and culture. Disgusting.

[Ronnie]

So she stops by a food marketplace, like an outdoor food place, and she's.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Like, can I have one of those, Please have those empanadas. Oh, so worldly.

[Ben]

Yeah. The lady at the every, you know that whenever she walks through the market, everyone's like, oh, God, here comes the British lady again. You know, they're like, oh, God, someone give her some poison. So she's like.

[Ronnie]

She's always in a sundress too, I noticed. Like, oh, God, here comes sundress.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Oh, I've got the fish.

[Ronnie]

I'll put the fish in the basket. All right, we'll cue you when she's on her way.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

So she's like, I always knew there was another life out there. Out of my many, many job searches, the one I got an answer from was a local bank in Phnom Penh.

[Ronnie]

What?

[Ben]

She is the type that just sends her resume around the world via bottle. Okay.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Like, she's like, all right, I'm putting my resume in a bottle in the River Thames. We'll see what happens.

[Ronnie]

You did all this to work at a check cashing place in Cambodia?

[Ben]

A local bank? Like, I thought, well, maybe it was like a corporate job or whatever, but, like, why are you just sending your resume all around the world and seeing what fix.

[Ronnie]

So funny.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

She's like, it sounds amazing. The idea to live alone in London, that's just a pipe dream. But here is easily accessible. Look how many paws there are around.

[Linda (Narrator)]

People on the street giving away fish for free. It's adorable. No, thank you, sir. No, thank you, ma'.

[Ronnie]

Am.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

I actually knew nothing about Cambodia. I just said check cashing in.

[Linda (Narrator)]

I know, I thought to myself, sure, we've all heard of Western Union, but what about Eastern Union? So I headed to Cambodia.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Hello, cat with a fish in its mouth. Hello, grandmother. But, sorry, that could have been offensive. I'm assuming grandmother with scarf on her head.

[Ben]

She's just in her own version of Beauty and the Beast.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

She is.

[Ronnie]

She's literally just walking around saying hello to people, and they're just looking at her like, what the. Like, she's not even saying hello in Their language. She's just literally walking around going, hello, empanada.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Hello. Hello, Mrs. Wetherby.

[Ben]

She's like, that's not my name.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Yes, it is. Mrs. Wetherby. Hello, Mr. Clark. Hello, Mr. John Fried Block.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

I'd absolutely say I'm a dreamer. I'm not going to compromise because coming to Cambodia is to live my dream life.

[Ronnie]

You know, to each their own, but.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Damn, living the dream of free fish pushed into your face. She goes, I don't want mediocre. And I'm not compromising on a place.

[Ben]

I'm like, well, you better start compromising your own house. Hunters.

[Ronnie]

So then we meet her agent, her real estate agent, who is adorable. Her name is Nita.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

And Nita's like, do you drive? And she goes, never.

[Linda (Narrator)]

I would never dare to drive in Phnom Penh. I think it's way too crazy. I mean, even the fish ride motorcycles.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

And then Linda's like, once known as the pearl of Asia before conflicts destroyed most of the city in the 70s, Cambodia's capital is halving the a resurgence, which basically means they've started selling scotch tape again. Fingers crossed.

[Ben]

It's having a resurgence, which means more idiots like Blue are going to come around to ruin it.

[Ronnie]

And so Nita's like, well, this is the business area.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

So many of the expats are looking for apartments here. It's closest to McDonald's.

[Ben]

Yeah. The cityscape is trans.

[Linda (Narrator)]

The cityscape is transforming at a rapid pace to handle the recent influx of. Of business and dumb people.

[Ben]

So the window to find bargain prices on rent is almost closed.

[Linda (Narrator)]

So let's watch it just slam shut.

[Ben]

Right on Blue's fingers.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

The window for finding bargains for rich girls in sundresses and stupid names is about to close.

[Linda (Narrator)]

The window for bargains is about to close. But the window for rich girls to.

[Ben]

Walk around the world and think they could just move in anywhere is always wide open.

[Ronnie]

So we go to her wish list.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

I want a balcony, one bedroom, an office space. Everything needs to be furnished. I love architecture. French colonial. It reminds me of Europe.

[Ronnie]

Go to Europe. I mean, I'm coming to Cambodia asking for French colonial and a balcony and a pool.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

You fucking can. It's like, I'd like a pool and a gym.

[Linda (Narrator)]

I want something that reminds me of Paris, but I don't want to be anywhere close to Paris. Let's have a little taste of home.

[Ben]

Go home. Go home.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

I'd love a gym and bangers and mash for dinner. It's like you just Want.

[Ronnie]

You just want somewhere you can pretend you're living in London, that you can live alone. Just say it.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Okay.

[Ronnie]

It's why I moved to Texas.

[Linda (Narrator)]

I would like. I would like a view of a large clock tower, if available, ideally one that's near some water, perhaps named after someone like, I don't know, Ben.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

I wouldn't mind orphans, as long as they're the singing type.

[Ronnie]

So Nita. Nita's like, oh, no. Linda is like, well, with more and.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

More expats living here, that money won't go as far as it used to.

[Ronnie]

And neither will Blue's. Bullshit. I'm telling you that right now.

[Ben]

I just like that Linda's acting as if she had given Blue the advice to move five years ago and she didn't listen.

[Linda (Narrator)]

She's like, well, with more and more expats living here, $1,000 a month won't.

[Ben]

Go as far as it would have five years ago.

[Linda (Narrator)]

So I guess we know who should have listened to who five years ago.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

If Blue had listened to Linda five years ago, she would be living in an adorable flat all by herself in Berlin. But she didn't.

[Ronnie]

And now she's searching for French colonial architecture in Cambodia.

[Linda (Narrator)]

So Nita tries to balance the cost with enough amenities for Blue to hopefully unwind from doing nothing all day.

[Ronnie]

So I wrote Tonle Basak Borders. Oh. Oh, it's because it's the. They're talking about things I don't know because I've never been to this place.

[Ben]

You haven't been to Phnom Penh?

[Ronnie]

No. It's crazy. It's on my list. It's on my list. But, yeah, I haven't made it there.

[Ben]

Well, yeah.

[Linda (Narrator)]

So Blue was like, what area is this?

[Ben]

And Nita's like, this is the Tonle Basak area.

[Linda (Narrator)]

And she says, oh, and there's a. There are other. There's lots of cute places around here. Because it seems like we're in a construction zone.

[Ben]

And Nita just looks at her like, yeah, construction's everywhere. You're in a city. You're in a city that's trying to come back from a mass tragedy in the seventies. Okay, lady Idiot.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, the city was destroyed. I don't know if you heard Linda.

[Ben]

But I don't know if you've read a textbook about 20th century history and travesty.

[Linda (Narrator)]

I don't know.

[Ben]

You might want to look into it.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Nina's so cute, though.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

She's like, yeah, that's everywhere. And Blue goes, well, I work from.

[Ronnie]

Home, and she's like, you know, I don't give a shit. So we go see this. One bed, one bath for $900. This is the nicest place she's gonna see. I'm telling you this right now. I cannot believe she didn't immediately say, we're done. I'm taking this place. It's adorable. It's brand new, it's modern. It's got floor to ceiling windows. It's a corner apartment.

[Ben]

I have never, Honestly, I was like, I have really never seen as nice of a place on House Hunters International usually. House Hunters International, the places are janky and crazy. You know, that's either like construction, it's a place that was built in, you know, 1467, or it's like strange communist architecture. And this is just like a lovely, lovely place.

[Ronnie]

I was like, well, yeah, usually they're like, I want a pool. And they're like, well, this is where.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

This is a zebra shitting post for the entire neighborhood.

[Ronnie]

But you could track transform it. And this one is fucking amazing. Gorgeous. Brand new marble. I mean, it is so nice.

[Ben]

And she's like, and by the way, $900 a month.

[Linda (Narrator)]

So blue is like, wow, so much natural light to hit me like this disgusting natural light. I don't like it.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Yeah, she as well, nice kitchen. This will convince me to learn how to cook. Can I convince you? It's the lady with the fish. Do you know how to tell her to leave me alone?

[Ben]

And Nina goes, well, when Blue says, oh, maybe this can convince me to actually learn how to cook. Nita just jokes, well, we can try on the weekends.

[Linda (Narrator)]

And then Blue goes, oh, free cooking lessons too. It's a good idea.

[Ben]

Like, that was not a real offer.

[Ronnie]

Yes, it was. Because this is where. Yes, because this is where we start to see. Nita is fucking crazy and she's a stalker and she's in love with blue. Okay, just watch through the rest of this episode.

[Ben]

Yeah. Later in the episode.

[Ronnie]

Keep saying it. Kind of everywhere they go.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

She's like, there's construction here. She's like, I can hold my hands over your ears at night. Oh, that's so sweet, Nita. Thank you.

[Ben]

So. So Blue's like, well, this is a.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Very modern style and there's no charm and character. It's very boring, in my opinion.

[Ben]

Like, it's not decorated.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Put up a.

[Ben]

Put up a picture.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

She goes, I guess there's. This kitchen will have to be my workspace. I mean, I guess my. My dining table will be my desk. You're asking for a one bedroom for 900.

[Ronnie]

You think you're gonna get a one bedroom with a bonus room that they're.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Not gonna mention in the ad?

[Ben]

What is she. I'm sorry. We'll have to Inform the Fortune 500 company you're running that all operations will have to cease because the CEO no longer has a desk.

[Ronnie]

And then they go to see the bathroom again.

[Ben]

Gorgeous marble, gorgeous space, lovely updated fixtures.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

And she goes, there's nowhere to keep shampoos or conditioner in the shower. Are you fucking kidding me?

[Ronnie]

Shower caddy.

[Ben]

Get a caddy. Has she never heard of a caddy? Also, I want to go back to the desk thing because she literally says.

[Linda (Narrator)]

I need to have a separate desk because I need to have my working desk, desk and then my dining table.

[Ben]

Okay, I'm just gonna. I'm just gonna, like, workshop this. Gonna spitball here. Running. I don't know. Got a desk. I don't know. I think they sell desks in Cambodia. I think people in Cambodia have desks.

[Ronnie]

Put a table against a wall. What is wrong with this girl?

[Ben]

What is wrong with you?

[Ronnie]

Get a desk or get a couch. Listen, I eat on the couch. I work on the couch. I fuck on the couch. I do everything on the couch. Get a damn couch. Who's stopping you? There's already one right there.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Boom.

[Ronnie]

Office. Office.

[Ben]

I just love the limits to her creativity.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Like, but where do I put my shampoos and conditioners?

[Ben]

I was like, get a caddy. And until the caddy arrives, just put them on the floor of the shower. It'll be okay.

[Ronnie]

So then she sees the bedroom, which is really nice. You know, the whole place is.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

And she's like, well, it's quite small. There's a big wardrobe, but not much space to change. I can't change where I eat and will have to work. Can't also change there. Oh, and this bed is qu.

[Ronnie]

Anita's.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Like, it's good for your back, though. Is that true? It's true. Try it on. Lay down. It will be more comfortable with me besides you.

[Ben]

Would you like to know what it.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Feels like to have someone spoon you? Would you like to understand how this.

[Ben]

Bed would work for that?

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Spoons are always uncomfortable on hard surfaces, but they're more comfortable on top of other spoons. Try it.

[Linda (Narrator)]

But there are no spoons in this apartment. I looked. There's no spoon. Spins. I don't know if I can buy it.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

So then blue's like, let's try the balcony.

[Ronnie]

So Nita's like, nice view, isn't it. And it's small. This is the one with the small balcony.

[Ben]

No, no, no, no. This is the one with like a nice balcony. The small one was the second house. This is.

[Ronnie]

So she goes, big, beautiful balcony. It's a. Okay. It's a big, beautiful balcony.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

And she goes, oh, it's very windy. How do you say wind in your language?

[Ben]

Can you.

[Linda (Narrator)]

How do you say, please turn off the wind in your language?

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Can we find an apartment with less wind?

[Linda (Narrator)]

Do they. Do they turn off the sky fans at night?

[Ronnie]

Says this. What is wrong with this girl? You're complaining about nature.

[Linda (Narrator)]

I know.

[Ben]

She goes. She goes.

[Linda (Narrator)]

In life, I'd say I'm easygoing. Don't you remember when I said hello to everyone? But when it comes to an apartment, I say I'm picky. I guess I'm kind of both right now.

[Ronnie]

So then Nita's like, want to see the roof? And so they go up to the roof and it's got a pool on the roof with an infinity edge overlooking the city.

[Ben]

Infinity edge.

[Linda (Narrator)]

I'm quite scared of heights. What if I fall off the edge of the pool? Will I die?

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Does this pool have wind? Because I love the light and the view, but the bedroom is so small and the style is modern and the workspace, this is an issue as well. This definitely leaves me wanting more.

[Ronnie]

Push her off of the roof while you're up there. Do the world a favor.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Yes.

[Ben]

It is really like A. For $900, it is a legitimately great apartment. It is everything.

[Ronnie]

$2,500. This was a very. I mean, this is a very nice apartment anyways. Anywhere.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Okay.

[Ronnie]

So now they're going to Palace Gate in the city.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

And this rent might be a little bit above Blue's means.

[Ronnie]

And the rent is twelve hundred dollars.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Dun, dun, dun.

[Ben]

And Linda. Linda, of course, is like, just as frustrated as we are.

[Linda (Narrator)]

And she goes, Nita hopes Blue will see the ship has sailed for finding luxury for next to nothing in the city. Idiot.

[Ronnie]

So they're on one of those, like a tox shaped thing. What's it called?

[Ben]

I looked like they were on a tuk tuk. But I could be wrong. I don't want to mislabel what it actually is.

[Ronnie]

That just saved me from five minutes of falling all over myself. So Nita's like, this is busy street.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Which is good, right?

[Ronnie]

And then a car almost hits them because there's like no lines on the road or anything.

[Ben]

Take the fish. That's the driver.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

And London's like, I will not take this tuk tuk. I was almost hit. And there's no office space.

[Ben]

And then blue is like, almost no office space.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Blue's like, Phnom Penh is a wild, wild contrast to life in London. In London, everything is so organized. Phnom Penh. Not at all. I'm like, you.

[Ben]

Did you know where you were moving? Did you know that Phnom Penh was not like some stationary store?

[Ronnie]

She literally didn't. That's the point. She got a job and she just.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Went and she's like, people drive crazy here.

[Ronnie]

And so we see this neighborhood and it's vibrant. And Linda's like, I guess Linda says this.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

She's like, this neighborhood is so vibrant. It's old pagodas.

[Ben]

It's blue. Who says this, by the way?

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Oh, old pagodas. Colonial buildings and then insane high rise condos. The biggest adjustment to coming to a country you don't know is not knowing anyone at all. But I'm going to put my eggs in one basket and try to teach the fish lady what a less horrifying choice it is than a fish.

[Ben]

There's also something really kind of fucked up about this white lady coming to Cambodia and just, like, losing her mind over all the old colonial style.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Oh, I love this colonial architecture. Oh, colonial. Don't you love these old colonial buildings and like, lady.

[Ronnie]

Oh, ma', am, ma', am, ma'.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Am.

[Ben]

Just so you like the columns.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Okay.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Are there any plantations here that we could go look at?

[Ronnie]

It's, like, awkward.

[Ben]

It's like, ma', am, let's not, like, revel in the colonialism of it all.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

And she's like, well, do you have any tips for me, Nita? And Nita's like, spicy sauce. I can bring it over on the weekend. Hee hee, hee, hee.

[Ronnie]

I'm like, oh, Nita needs to. Nita needs to get some. Okay. Nita's worrying me at this point.

[Ben]

She also is also blue is, like, asking about everything.

[Linda (Narrator)]

She's like, what is this building over here?

[Ben]

And Nita's like, that's a monument. And it's this.

[Linda (Narrator)]

It's a monument. Oh, I see. I see. It's like, and what about that building?

[Ben]

That's just a tree.

[Linda (Narrator)]

And what about that one? That's a fish that's flying for your head. Duck.

[Ronnie]

So Nita's like. She's a very friendly person.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

She asked me a lot.

[Ronnie]

And we have great community in between. No, we have great conversations or great. We have something in common.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

What does she say?

[Ben]

She says, we have great Communication between.

[Ronnie]

Oh, I wrote we have great calm in between us.

[Ben]

So, yeah, communication.

[Ronnie]

There you go.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

So communication.

[Linda (Narrator)]

This.

[Ben]

This second house is in the CBD area, central business district, not an area that sells cranes.

[Linda (Narrator)]

And Blue is like, oh, in London, you have to constantly budget, worry about finances, but here you can spend freely, which is perfect for someone like me.

[Ben]

I hate to break it to you, Blue, but constantly budgeting and worrying about finances is something that happens worldwide no matter where you live.

[Ronnie]

Literally everybody has to budget. Okay. I mean, in London, sure. Is it more expensive? Of course. But you also are going to make a lot more money than you're going to make at this bank teller job in Cambodia. I mean, how long? Yeah. So the narrator's like, well, Blue needs to know that big bargains are not the norms anymore.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Moron.

[Ben]

So House 2. House 2 is located very close to the Royal palace of Cambodia. We find out in the little. Little Chiron that comes up that, like, basically Cambodia has a monarchy that's actually elected, but it's largely symbolic. You know, it's one of those fun whatever. But Blue is so excited.

[Linda (Narrator)]

The royal palace. Is that where the king lives? Oh, my God. I'm part of the royal family now. I can't believe it.

[Ronnie]

So House 2 by the palace gate, and it's one bedroom on the 10th floor.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

And she's like, important question. How about the price?

[Ronnie]

The lady who's just talking about how freely she's going to be able to spend, and it's $1,200.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

And she's like, well, that's a good amount over what I wanted to spend. Let's see if it's worth it now.

[Ronnie]

This place is brown and brown, brown, brown.

[Ben]

It was my least favorite of the three.

[Ronnie]

Not cute. This place is just more what I would expect to see on House Hunters, what we're more accustomed to seeing. Not cute.

[Ben]

It's just, like, beige tan. It's just gross. And then Blue comes in and season goes.

[Linda (Narrator)]

This is such a nice style. It's not too modern, but it still has character.

[Ben]

It has no character. It's out of. It's not that. Yes, you're right. It's not modern. It's out. It's, like, outdated. You know, it's like, it has. It's not at the point where it's old enough to have a character. It's just leftovers from, like, the 90s or the early 2000s.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

It's a bit smaller, actually. But there's a work desk. Yes.

[Ben]

There's a tiny little console that's been, like, shaped into a desk, stuck in a corner.

[Linda (Narrator)]

And Darkroyer's like, oh, there's a desk. I never thought I'd see one in Cambodia, but they have one. They have a desk. Welcome, everyone, to the country's first desk.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

And a lamp. I love lamps. Well, there's no window to work next to it. Yeah. Because it's in a fucking part of.

[Ronnie]

The room that they just didn't cover with wall. You know, it's like one of those little, like, coves in a wall or.

[Ben]

Whatever, Like a nook. This girl, I just also love how she's just so resigned to the fact that she can never, ever, ever drag that desk over to the window.

[Linda (Narrator)]

She's like, oh, such a shame. I mean, I see a window and I see the desk, but never the twain shall they meet.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

So this is the kitchen. I like that it's separate. Uh oh, I noticed this stovetop. Is this gas?

[Ronnie]

And the lady's like, yes, it's gas. That's good.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

And she's like, no, I definitely have a phobia of gas. I literally can't even look at gas.

[Linda (Narrator)]

I always think they're going to explode. What if it destroys the desk? I literally can't look. I can't look.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

I wish I could never look at gas again. I wish they would make gas invisible.

[Linda (Narrator)]

I wish this country would just do away with gas and wind. Why can't they?

[Ronnie]

And of course, Nita's answer is, oh, I love cooking with gas.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

I can teach you how to cook with gas.

[Ben]

She can teach anything. We also forgot to mention, they do go out to the balcony and it's tiny. It's basically like a plus size Juliet balcony. And blue is like, oh, I love.

[Linda (Narrator)]

This arch and I love this color. And I love the little table, even though it's not quite a desk. But it's definitely a little bit of a small balcony. And is that. Do I. Do I feel wind? There's wind. There's wind in this neighborhood too.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Oh, and the bedroom is so luxurious.

[Ronnie]

And it looks.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

It's disgusting.

[Ronnie]

And it has, like, bordello lamps, like, literally from that time in history, and dusty jewels hanging off of them.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

And it's like, oh, and the bed. And is this an ensuite?

[Ronnie]

Which I have to give the bathroom credit. That is ensuite. And it has my, you know, it's nice and it has marble walls and stuff.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Bathroom was updated, but I'd definitely be paying for that. And Nita's like, would you like to see the Other amenities. There is a pool I will be swimming in with you and a pool we will be holding hands in. And a pool we could put both our butts up against the jets together and say, ooh.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Oh, does the pool have gas, though? I can't look. I can't look at a pool with gas.

[Ben]

So they go down to this, like, basement that I suspect has mold issues. I just get this weird feeling. It's a. It feels like a. It feels like a dank cavern. And there's an indoor pool.

[Linda (Narrator)]

And Blue goes, oh, an indoor pool. I wasn't expecting this. Oh, I'm just so happy that there's a pool in a dank room with no view and no infinity edge. This is more like it.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

This will definitely be better in rainy season.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Because there's. It's inside Blue.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

So she's like, well, this is a great option. It's a bit smaller than I'd like, but it does have a desk. And the bathroom was so generous, but I want it in a better price.

[Ben]

Linda go. So then Linda says, nita gets the.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Price back down, but.

[Ben]

And then Nita goes, blue wants luxury. You know that. Linda's just shaking her head, stupid, stupid, stupid Blue. Stupid Blue.

[Ronnie]

So now we see Blue shopping around the markets and she's like, what is this one?

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

I need gargang. Where. Where are the M and Ms. Show? I want to see the local M&Ms. Could you point me to that direction?

[Linda (Narrator)]

Question, do you sell fish sticks? Fish sticks, anyone?

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

I was looking on YouTube for lessons, but it's the longest Alphabet in the world. And if you ask my family and friends to describe me, they would say, little bitch, spoiled, adventurous.

[Ronnie]

It's like, wow, thanks for those real quick clips from behind bars of Blue's mom and dad.

[Ben]

I know.

[Linda (Narrator)]

You know, I decided to move to a new country and I spent 20 minutes trying to learn the language, but it was too hard, so I gave up. They just have to adapt to me.

[Ronnie]

Like when she says she's adventurous, they show her. They flash up a picture of her on a motorcycle in short shorts.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Yeah, I'm adventurous.

[Linda (Narrator)]

You know what they say about people who work for local banks? Adventurous.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Of course it's going to be fearful a bit, but it's rewarding in the end. That's what I'm trying to tell you. I'm not talking to you, Nita. Well, I will wait for you in the bed.

[Ben]

So then Blue tells us about being adventurous and free spirited.

[Linda (Narrator)]

She's like, I'm so adventurous. That's Why I travel, and that's why I moved to this random country that.

[Ben]

I have no experience with at all. She's like, this. This random ass place. I'm like, could you please show some respect to the country that you're about to ruin?

[Ronnie]

And this is when the lady tries to hand her a fish during her adventure monologue. So funny.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

So then, wait.

[Ben]

I also liked her trying to buy an apple.

[Linda (Narrator)]

How do you say apple and Khmer?

[Ben]

And the woman's like, ply pal, play.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Pal, ply pal Polly Pa polyomino play PA platypus.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

I won't use that because Elon musk is a monster.

[Ben]

Just take this fish.

[Linda (Narrator)]

This isn't an apple. It's a fish.

[Ben]

No, it's a Cambodian apple.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Oh, in that case, thank you.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Can I venmo you for it?

[Ben]

She wants the banana. Me.

[Ronnie]

So Linda's like, the financial respite she.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Expected is no longer found. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

[Ronnie]

It's like a Linda computerized laugh.

[Ben]

Blue thought she'd be able to find a deal in Cambodia, but guess what?

[Linda (Narrator)]

She didn't. Sucks to be blue.

[Ben]

Bye.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

So Nita tells us everyone wants luxury, but I cannot give her everything she wants. All I can give her is a roof over her head and a warm, warm heart.

[Ronnie]

Back off, Nita.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Jesus.

[Ben]

So Blue is like, what neighborhood is this? This is what she says every time, every new street she walks down.

[Linda (Narrator)]

And what neighborhood is this?

[Blue Beach (House Hunters International participant)]

Whoa.

[Ben]

It's bkk, the most famous expat area. And Blue's like, I was drinking.

[Ronnie]

Sorry.

[Ben]

I figured. That's why I answered my Blue's question. BKK1.

[Ronnie]

She's like, the expat area. This is where trashy tourism and chili's exists.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

So Blue's like, there's restaurant, there's shopping, there's apples called apples. Is there all of that here?

[Linda (Narrator)]

Wow.

[Ben]

So they go to house number three, which is another one bed, one bath. And this building has no pool or gym, but the rent is 950. And as soon as she walks in, you see it's a massive apartment. Like, it's a huge apartment.

[Ronnie]

It's a huge apartment, but it's not cute. And the view is just like a million electric lines, you know, like electrical lines going across.

[Linda (Narrator)]

But it's still. It's not.

[Ben]

It's still, like, it's like a decent option. Like, as soon as she walks in after the last place we looked at, I was like, this is more like it. I mean, the first one was my favorite, but this, at least there's space in this one. It might not be the best view, but you can look at people on.

[Linda (Narrator)]

The street, and you can.

[Ben]

People watch.

[Ronnie]

You know, there are no bordello lamps, so I'll give it that.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

So she's like, wow, 950. More money and food for me. And so she's like, wow, this is enormous. I love the style.

[Ben]

And it's very plain, by the way.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Like, it's just like, a box.

[Ben]

There's a bowl. There's a bowl on a table. Just.

[Linda (Narrator)]

I love this style.

[Ben]

I mean, there's. There's nothing there.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

And this is a nice dining table, but not ideal. I would love a desk by a window. Move the fucking table to the window. What is wrong with you?

[Ben]

Literally, find a plank of wood and two boxes and put it, like. It's like, the easiest thing to do is to find a desk.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Well, let's look at the balcony. This is stunning. I love this. For breakfast in the morning or coffee in the morning or maybe an egg in the morning or possibly in the morning. I could have a toast here, but.

[Linda (Narrator)]

It'S not the best view. Okay. Like, there's a lot of construction going on. The view. The view could definitely be improved. And. Oh, God, Nita. Will they ever stop with the wind? What is wrong with them?

[Ronnie]

Anita's like, I know you like it.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

I can tell from your face, which is so beautiful. Stop touching my face, please. I'm trying to look at the wind.

[Ronnie]

So they go into the kitchen, and it's a huge kitchen and has a washing machine in there.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

And Blue's like, well, I would definitely need a team of chefs to work in here.

[Ben]

Cause it's so big. It's so big.

[Linda (Narrator)]

And then she's like, oh, no, there's a castle stove. I don't want to see it. Not another guest stove. Someone serves me.

[Ronnie]

And then she goes to the bathroom, and it's fine. You know, it's nice.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

And she has nice shower. There's storage for shampoos. There's natural light. Wow. This would be a good place to get ready.

[Ben]

That's.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Yeah.

[Ben]

I would say that's usually what I think about with bathrooms.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Ben]

I also, by the way, when she was on the balcony, I forgot to mention that the balcony is large. And she's like, you know, I could.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Definitely make use of this space, but it'd be hard to find my inner peace with all those noises going on outside.

[Ben]

You're in a city in Southeast Asia. It's gonna be loud. I can't deal with this woman.

[Ronnie]

So then it's a huge bedroom, and.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

She goes, this bed, it looks so comfortable.

[Ronnie]

Anita immediately lies on it and starts.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Patting it, and she's like, oh, but it's not. This is as hard as a prison bed. Could you imagine us in prison together every night since I've met you?

[Linda (Narrator)]

Is this what mom and dad slept on for all those years?

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

The only thing less comfortable than this would be a bed of nails.

[Ben]

I can arrange that for you too, if you want.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Oh, Nita, no, it was a metaphor.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

So she's like, you know, this would be the perfect place to do yoga and read a book under a tree. But the construction won't be good for.

[Ben]

Reading because, by the way, they're now they're in a. They're in a. There's a garden out in this building. That's where they are now.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

And she's like, but it has charm. I love that. It's spacious, but there's no pool, no gym, which would help me deal with noise.

[Ben]

She says it as if, like. Like, she says it in this kind of passive aggressive way of like, fine.

[Linda (Narrator)]

I'll deal with the noise, but you have to give me a pool.

[Ben]

It's like, this is not a negotiation.

[Ronnie]

You're literally looking for the cheapest apartments in the city. You don't have a lot of wiggle room here.

[Ben]

Yeah. Also, honestly, this is in an expat neighborhood, so you'll be able to find people, ideally from your community, so you can have some. Some sort of like.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Like.

[Ben]

Like community there. And then it's a really spacious apartment. And yes, it doesn't have a pool or a gym, but, like, that garden is super lovely. I'm like, I think this is a really great option.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Also, do I get everything I need and pay the price or lose inner peace in a house that I hate? Let's think about this.

[Ben]

So Blue Anita go to a cafe.

[Linda (Narrator)]

And Blue's like, how do you say cheers? And come here.

[Ben]

Anita says, I love you.

[Ronnie]

Please marry me.

[Ben]

Please marry me.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Please marry me. If you insist.

[Ronnie]

So Linda is like.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

She wants to have a life that she can live to the fullest, but life has concessions. Let's watch this little brat go through her popcorn, shall we?

[Linda (Narrator)]

Well, off the bat, Alpha.

[Ben]

Alpha was the first one.

[Ronnie]

House number one.

[Ben]

So house number one is coming to the stage. Just, like, smiling, knows it's gonna be selected.

[Linda (Narrator)]

So.

[Ben]

So she goes off the bat.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Alpha was really not my style. It definitely was very boring, in my opinion, and kind of feels like a showroom to Me. And it doesn't have that character I was. Was really looking for.

[Ben]

I'm like, stop rejecting.

[Ronnie]

You know what I'm saying? Boring. Like a showroom, and it's all looks and no character projection.

[Ben]

It literally had as much character as ever as any of the other ones. None of them had, like, a significant amount of character. They were just, like, generic spaces, you know, Alpha just was new.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Well, Palace Gate. Palace Gate was smaller, but it had an enormous bedroom and bathroom. But I hate gas stoves.

[Linda (Narrator)]

It's gonna eat me. I can't have a gas stove. But it does have a desk. Oh, God. What do I do? Turn down the only desk in Cambodia. But a scary guest stove.

[Ronnie]

Three house three, $950.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Well, it was super quirky, but it also doesn't have amenities.

[Ben]

What. What about house number three was super quirky? There was a bowl. That was the only thing in that place. It was a table and a bowl.

[Linda (Narrator)]

It's so quirky. Look, a bowl. A bowl in Cambodia. Isn't that quirky, Nita?

[Ronnie]

So Mira's like, I feel like you will be in Palace Gate.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

And she's like, well, it's definitely over what I had to spend in London.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Ah.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

In that house with so many people. I just feel like splashing more and going for what was on my wish list.

[Ronnie]

So she takes choice number two, right?

[Ben]

Yeah. Because she's. Well, she says she likes the vintage vibe and she loves the indoor pool, but she's also concerned that's really small, you know? But then the other one had a bed that felt like a. A slab of concrete, and he was.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Like, you'll break your back unless I'm.

[Ben]

There to save you.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. And also, by the way, you can buy a new mattress.

[Ben]

Yeah. Or a mattress pad, by the way. Look into it.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Ben]

So.

[Ronnie]

So three months later, we see how Blue's doing, and she's like, oh. We see her shopping around.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

She's like, this is a singing bowl.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Oh.

[Ronnie]

I was like, wow. Way to still make no effort towards learning that language, you know?

[Ben]

I know.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Oh, I love being able to step out of my apartment and be in the hustle and bustle of Pompa Le Pen.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

I have coffee, and it fits on the balcony. I love my new home. Coming here has been the most incredible journey, and everything has worked out greater than I expect. What's grabbing at my ankles?

[Ronnie]

Nita's under the bed.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Please, please.

[Ben]

And they also show her, like, walking up to her building, and there's a security guard, and she's like, hel hello?

[Linda (Narrator)]

Security guard.

[Ben]

He's like, oh, God, this again. I'm quitting. I'm getting out of here.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Decided to put up with the wind.

[Ronnie]

And that brings us to the end of Dwell. Hello.

[Ben]

So she chose the worst. She chose the worst option. I, she, I guarantee she chose it because it was the most expensive and it was the closest to the royal palace. That's the only reason. Why? Because there's no good reason to choose that place.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, she just can say she lives by, you know, Harry or whatever.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Mom, it's crazy where I live. I can literally see the King of Cambodia across the way. It's insane.

[Ben]

Mom, that's all. That's the entire reason why she's living there.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Well, he's standing on his balcony right now in a bathroom. He's opening his bathrobe. Wait a second. He's got a gas stove in the background. I'm coming back to London.

[Linda (Narrator)]

It's scary here, Mom. They only cook with gas. It's terrifying.

[Ronnie]

How silly. Well, it's good to be back. Dwell hello. I know.

[Ben]

It is really good to be back. Thanks everyone for listening. There'll be more Dwell hellos coming up here on Wondery Plus. So thanks everyone and we'll catch you on the next one.

[Nita (Real estate agent)]

Bye.

[Linda (Narrator)]

Bye. Hello.