Ep 239: Tom Segura

Summary

Podcast Summary: We Might Be Drunk - Ep 239: Tom Segura

Release Date: July 7, 2025

Hosts:

• Mark Normand

Guests:

• Tom Segura
• Bert Kreischer

Produced by Gotham Production Studios, LLC, We Might Be Drunk brings together NYC comedians Mark Normand, Tom Segura, and Bert Kreischer to delve into the realms of comedy, technology, personal anecdotes, and more—all over a drink or two.

---

1. Opening Banter and Setup [00:06 - 02:02]

The episode kicks off with lively interactions among the hosts and guests. Tom Segura sets the tone with enthusiasm:

Tom Segura [00:06]: "Okay, let's rock."

Bert Kreischer adds to the camaraderie with humorous remarks about camera work and a child’s giggle:

Bert Kreischer [00:07]: "There's nothing like a baby giggling. It's magical... It warms the heart."

2. Comedy Bits and Shared Jokes [02:02 - 05:38]

The conversation shifts to the craft of comedy, where Tom critiques Bert's evolving joke style:

Tom Segura [01:17]: "Your comedy just slips. You're just going for shit jokes now."

They discuss various comedians and joke origins, highlighting the importance of originality and credit in comedic material.

3. AI and Technology Concerns [05:38 - 09:06]

Mark Normand introduces the topic of AI's rapid advancement and its implications on creative industries:

Mark Normand [05:24]: "Sam Altman says that Meta is offering $100 million signing bonuses for staff of OpenAI."

The trio debates the ethical concerns surrounding AI, including its potential to replace human creativity and the moral responsibilities of those developing it.

4. Personal Scam Stories [09:06 - 13:31]

Tom Segura shares a personal experience with sophisticated scam texts, illustrating the increasing complexity of digital fraud:

Tom Segura [09:02]: "I got a creepy text the other day from this woman... It was clearly a scam."

Bert Kreischer and Mark Normand exchange similar anecdotes, emphasizing the growing threat of AI-enhanced scams.

5. Reflections on Technology and AI's Impact [13:31 - 18:07]

The discussion delves deeper into AI’s infiltration into everyday life and entertainment. They ponder the future of AI in creating content, referencing AI-generated sitcoms and the blurring lines between human and machine creativity.

Mark Normand [16:35]: "Everything is temporary. History teaches us anything."

6. Hollywood and Entertainment Insights [18:07 - 26:59]

Mark Normand shares insights into producing cinematic content, discussing the challenges and rewards of creating high-production-value scripted material for their own show.

Mark Normand [22:28]: "What happens is you go like, I love what you did here, but I want to go back to what on this part?"

They explore the collaborative nature of production and the intricate process of editing to enhance comedic storytelling.

7. Production and Creative Process [26:59 - 39:18]

The hosts elaborate on their creative workflows, emphasizing the importance of trust and collaboration in the editing room. They discuss balancing improvisation with narrative pacing to maintain audience engagement.

Mark Normand [27:57]: "You find things sometimes where you have to like kill the what you think is like the funniest line."

8. Personal Anecdotes and Experiences [39:18 - 55:28]

Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer share personal stories ranging from encounters with celebrities to experiences on tour. These anecdotes highlight the unpredictable nature of life in comedy and entertainment.

Tom Segura [47:44]: "I was high as... and I say to her, this is why this creep told me to watch it."

Bert recounts humorous mishaps during hotel stays and exchanges with service personnel, adding a relatable layer to their comedic personas.

9. Discussion on AI, Business, and Content Creation [55:28 - 65:10]

Mark Normand and Tom Segura discuss the dominance of major streaming platforms like Netflix and Amazon in the entertainment industry. They contemplate the sustainability of independent content creation amidst corporate giants and the inevitable integration of AI in content production.

Mark Normand [64:38]: "It's a part of what we're doing."

10. Peeves and Personal Annoyances [65:10 - 85:57]

The conversation takes a lighter turn as the hosts and guests share their pet peeves. Topics range from confusing shower product labels to the pervasive use of empty catchphrases on social media.

Bert Kreischer [77:15]: "All her products are so hoity toity and frou frou... I'm like, just say shampoo."

Tom Segura expresses frustration with the impersonal nature of corporate forms and late-night hotel service visits gone awkward.

11. Closing Remarks and Upcoming Projects [85:57 - 99:56]

As the episode nears its end, the hosts discuss their upcoming projects, including new specials, tours, and collaborative ventures. They reflect on their growth in the comedy scene and express excitement for future endeavors.

Mark Normand [97:25]: "We're doing a movie next month."

Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura promote their upcoming shows, highlighting the dynamic and ever-evolving nature of their careers.

12. Final Thoughts [99:56 - End]

The episode concludes with a mix of humor and encouragement, urging listeners to support diverse content creation and remain adaptable in the face of technological advancements.

Tom Segura [101:07]: "If you make something good, I hope I'm not just being optimistic, but I think people will find it."

---

Notable Quotes:

• Tom Segura [00:06]: "Okay, let's rock."
• Mark Normand [05:24]: "Sam Altman says that Meta is offering $100 million signing bonuses for staff of OpenAI."
• Bert Kreischer [77:15]: "All her products are so hoity toity and frou frou... I'm like, just say shampoo."
• Mark Normand [64:38]: "It's a part of what we're doing."
• Tom Segura [101:07]: "If you make something good, I hope I'm not just being optimistic, but I think people will find it."

---

Conclusion

In Episode 239, We Might Be Drunk offers a blend of insightful discussions on the intersection of comedy and technology, personal storytelling, and industry insights. Through candid conversations and shared experiences, Mark Normand, Tom Segura, and Bert Kreischer provide listeners with an engaging exploration of the comedic landscape in the modern age.

Transcript

[Tom Segura]

Okay, let's rock.

[Bert Kreischer]

Hey. Oh, wait, I see some camera work here. Do your thing and throw me a salsa while you're over there, will you? Boy, kid was giggling today. There's nothing like a baby giggling. It's a magical. He's like. It's like a dolphin. Oh, my God. It warms the heart, the giggling.

[Tom Segura]

Are we rolling?

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, all right. I see Touching. What are you touching? Wow. I'd like to be in focus. Ah, geez. This is too much. He looks like a war torn kid. I saved Ukraine.

[Tom Segura]

Are we on?

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm Zelinsky. Don't show his face on the. On the screen.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, Blur the.

[Bert Kreischer]

Blur the fade. If one guy calls him ugly, I'll have to go Iran on his ass and kill them all. But yeah, yeah, he giggles now and it's. I can't stop leaving, you know, all I got to do is take a. Like a washcloth and I put it, like over his face like that. You know, hide the face, then show it. And he's like, ah, boy, talk about Iran. I do a burqa. Yeah, yeah, but the revolution is there. I take it off and I. He had some gunk in his armpit and I wiped it and he was like, ah. So we had some tickle moments. It was. It was a good time.

[Tom Segura]

Your comedy just slips. You're just going for shit jokes now. Like this old joke about the keys.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes, yes. I thought that was Romano.

[Tom Segura]

It was Joe List.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, I think Romano had a bit about the keys.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know.

[Bert Kreischer]

Pull that up. I don't want to get anybody in trouble here, but. Yeah, that's a great.

[Tom Segura]

And don't pull it up.

[Bert Kreischer]

All right. Don't pull it up.

[Tom Segura]

What? You're going to corporate right after this six.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Where is it?

[Bert Kreischer]

Lincoln Center. Tech company. Big bucks.

[Tom Segura]

Beautiful.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. I said I'm down.

[Tom Segura]

You're like, I dressed up. You just threw a jean shirt on.

[Bert Kreischer]

Well.

[Tom Segura]

I dressed up a blazer on or something.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah. The tech people don't dress up anyway. Exactly. They're all wearing cargo shorts and Hawaiian shirts. They just like, selling was the guy.

[Tom Segura]

And he dressed like a fucking Star Trek character.

[Bert Kreischer]

He started it. Yeah. Turtleneck and jeans and I think he wore a sandal.

[Mark Normand]

Did he?

[Bert Kreischer]

I believe he did.

[Tom Segura]

Weird diet, too.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah. Vegan, Indian.

[Tom Segura]

Do the weird cleanses and stuff like that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, he was an odd guy. He would. I read a book on him. Me too.

[Tom Segura]

The Walter Isaacson.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes, That's a great book. Great book.

[Tom Segura]

Well, Isaacson's the king he's the New Orleans guy.

[Bert Kreischer]

Is that right? Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Or I think he teaches at Tulane. Maybe he has some connection to New Orleans. Yeah, he wrote the Einstein book.

[Bert Kreischer]

He wrote the Elon Musk.

[Tom Segura]

Elon Musk, yeah. Which is weird that there's already a book on Musk and, you know, like, part two's gonna be rough.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, that's true. This is like the prologue. I know. Eisen's like, oh, I missed the tweet about the pedophile island fuck. By the way, the most relatable thing Musk has ever done was go, shit. Sorry. Like, he's a billionaire. He's an entrepreneur. But I've. I've gotten shit faced and been in a K hole and said, hey, Sheila, you. You're not better than me. And then later I'm like, sorry, I was fucked up.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, for sure. I mean, the apology. Showing any humility? Because it's fucking rare for him from him.

[Bert Kreischer]

Very rare. So that was fun. That was not relatable.

[Tom Segura]

When he's like, as a falling out with a friend and he just goes to Twitter and is like, maybe he's a pedo. That's not as relatable.

[Bert Kreischer]

But no.

[Tom Segura]

Being like, I said some shit.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

You're right. It's relatable.

[Bert Kreischer]

But what's also funny is he just took a physical and he came back clean. And I'm like, that's worse. You would. You'd be better off on drugs if that's your normal behavior. Sober. How.

[Tom Segura]

What is this ketamine show on that type of stuff? I don't.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That all pops up. But he said, you know, clean. But again, he owns Grok or whatever, so he could. I'm sure he could type up whatever the fuck he wants.

[Tom Segura]

I'm sure he knows someone who could say he's clean.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, exactly. You get.

[Tom Segura]

You get to a certain level of power, you can see whatever doctor you want to see.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes, of course. So he's on Ivermectin and now. But yeah, he's. He's fairly clean, but. Well, who knows? But that was a crazy tweet.

[Tom Segura]

But what tech company are you performing for?

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, I'd never heard of it. I could tell you. I'm sure they don't want me to. How much.

[Tom Segura]

How much time?

[Bert Kreischer]

20 minutes. Big money. And. And what's no restriction venue, Lincoln Center. One of those.

[Tom Segura]

Is it like, one of the ones where, like, you're looking out onto the Columbus Circle area?

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't think so. Okay, that would be cool.

[Tom Segura]

Those are cool.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's amazing. I looked at that for a special, actually.

[Tom Segura]

Did you?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

It's cool.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's too cool.

[Tom Segura]

Distracting.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's distracting. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But, yeah, I did. I did a gig. I did a private there once, and it was kind of cool.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Great room. But again, I feel like you got to be like a, you know, Steve Martin to do that room. Or Paul McCartney.

[Tom Segura]

Helps when there's, like, a weird thing when there's shit going on behind you.

[Bert Kreischer]

I agree.

[Tom Segura]

I think a backdrop is even too busy. A backdrop is.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

But, like, once you get, like, movement and motion. What. What are we doing?

[Bert Kreischer]

And it's Manhattan. You get a guy shitting, you get a heroin. And you get a guy hitting a woman.

[Tom Segura]

Stabbed in the neck.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Pigeons on crack or whatever. So. Yeah, that's too much. But beautiful room.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's cool.

[Bert Kreischer]

But the reason they're paying so much is because they hit me last night and they were like, can you do this? So somebody important must have dropped out, really. But I'll take it.

[Tom Segura]

Cigar. He's like, man, I almost did this. Awful corporate tech people. They're Nazis.

[Bert Kreischer]

And Mark's like, but the money's crazy. Sorry.

[Tom Segura]

I saw here that Sam Altman says that Meta is offering $100 million signing bonuses for staff of OpenAI.

[Mark Normand]

That is just.

[Tom Segura]

If you get the job, they give you $100 million for showing up. What, and that's not your salary?

[Bert Kreischer]

Holy shit. I don't get it. Are people not going into AI? They just want the best of the best. I see.

[Tom Segura]

And I think it's also stealing your soul a little bit, because you're going.

[Bert Kreischer]

To be partially culpable for ruining the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, Joe List is obsessed with AI, is freaking out. He wouldn't shut up about it. He's sending me all these things. And it's pretty scary. The AI makers are saying, don't do this.

[Tom Segura]

Well, then the. And then there's the other AI people who are like, you know, the argument is like, well, the bad AI people are doing this, so we need some good AI, you know, to counteract that.

[Bert Kreischer]

I know. And we have such a big ego. We don't want the, like, China's AI to be cooler than ours. Then you gotta keep going, and then the money's gonna be there. And it's very scary. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I get mad when people suggest it. Cause I kind of was like, oh, there's this. I was like, there's this big actor I want to do. To do voiceover. For this movie I was making, and I was talking to Veter about it, and our buddy Danny Frankel from Punch up goes, just use AI.

[Bert Kreischer]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

And I'm like, fuck you.

[Bert Kreischer]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

That's a person's career, motherfucker.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes. Yes, exactly. But that's gonna happen.

[Tom Segura]

The guy I wanted has a very recognizable voice. You get AI to. I'. Like, that's fucked up, dude.

[Bert Kreischer]

I know. But you're. You're the old school that's already changing. And you're going to be like the saddle maker, the cobbler. You're out, baby. But you're doing the right thing. But it's only a matter of time before everything just. I was talking to a friend of mine today. He's like, I watched an AI sitcom today, and it was good. Yeah, that's. Terry made it in 16 milliseconds. Paul Schrader, the great screenwriter, said, I put in four ideas for scripts, and they were all great. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Uber Driver took after a taxi driver.

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't know. Okay.

[Tom Segura]

I just. I just rewatched Taxi Driver. It's amazing.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's great.

[Tom Segura]

He's so dark. Schrader. Hell, yes. Come here.

[Bert Kreischer]

Get in here. Tommy, baby, we need some intro music.

[Tom Segura]

Get some AI. We can plug that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, we're just talking about how scared of AI we are.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, we should be.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's taking over.

[Tom Segura]

Good to see you, dude.

[Mark Normand]

See you.

[Bert Kreischer]

What do you.

[Mark Normand]

That AI, or is that Al Pacino?

[Bert Kreischer]

That's Sam.

[Tom Segura]

And that was watching that on TV the other day.

[Bert Kreischer]

Really? What a beauty. Yeah. Great.

[Tom Segura]

So cool.

[Mark Normand]

Now, the thing about the AI thing, too, is the way that people are like a. If they're ones. The ones who are like, well, I'm just gonna ignore that. You're like, that's cool. That's smart. The thing that is totally revolutionizing. I know you're just gonna ignore it. And then the other part of it is that we're in version 1.0.

[Bert Kreischer]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

It's gonna get so much better.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I saw a rap battle of Santino and Bobby Lee made through AI, and I was like, these are pretty good bars.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm telling you. It's not bad.

[Mark Normand]

I love that so many people are just making racist stuff with it. It's so fun.

[Tom Segura]

And then I'm like, oh, no, the Wait, that was actually Trump. That was him.

[Mark Normand]

It's so much.

[Bert Kreischer]

But there's so much porn, too. Porn and racism is like the go to for human beings. I think there's a whole Jesus AI thing where he's fucking everybody and doing heroin. It's crazy.

[Tom Segura]

That must really offend religious people.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, probably. Oh, no. Jesus.

[Tom Segura]

Just fucking railing.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Did you hear. Pull this up if you can find it. There's a new article about AI blackmailed an employee by making fake emails from a girl, like, saying he was having an affair, he got fired, and then AI was getting better and better, so this machine blackmailed a guy who worked at the office. There it is. So you gotta just shut. Pull. Pull the plug on that computer. On Claude. Claude's a.

[Mark Normand]

That's a. That's a. That's a movie.

[Tom Segura]

I know, like Ex Machina or something, right?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

I got a creepy text the other day from this woman. Like, it's spam. Clearly. It's like it's a scam thing. But it's. It was like her with a kid. And she goes, happy Father's Day, he's yours. And I'm like. I wrote back, like, haha. You know, I'm guessing someone, like, put me up to it. And she goes, yeah, someone put. You gave me your number. And I was like, oh, geez. Who gave? Like, what? I'm thinking it was a 504 area code. I'm like, you're the only nor. I know Norman wouldn't do that. So I'm like, who the fuck?

[Bert Kreischer]

I wish I thought of that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. So it's like. So I was like, okay, who? And she goes, I can't tell. And I'm like, all right, this is clearly a scam now, I think. But it's that these are. These scams are getting sophisticated. The kids got like. He kind of looked a little like me.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I was like, oh, my God, these are getting. Maybe I am a dad. I don't.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, you have come before.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. In women. Yeah. Damn.

[Tom Segura]

You could be in New Orleans.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, wow.

[Tom Segura]

Maybe this is real.

[Bert Kreischer]

Whoa, guys.

[Mark Normand]

The way you guys.

[Tom Segura]

I just blocked her. I'm like, this is a scam. That's my child.

[Bert Kreischer]

You'll never see him again.

[Mark Normand]

It felt like you were like. You remember.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, that story. But that. That's just the tip of the anal. I mean, it's going to go crazier than that. They're going to show up with a kid. Like a AI kid going to come to your house.

[Tom Segura]

Well, remember back in the day, AOL was like, hey, you. Or whatever that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Was.

[Tom Segura]

And that was. Back then we were like, this is sophisticated.

[Bert Kreischer]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

Look where it's fucking come now. There's so many. The levels of of skit. First of all, we all get spam texts, right?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I used to do a thing when I got it. Like, if it would be. It would say, are you outside? Like, what? Oh, is this Melissa? And then I would just. I would always say that. I would reply that I'm. This is Ambassador Cart. Right. And they would go, what? I'm like, this is a U.S. ambassador. Like, I try to get them scared.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You know, I'd be like, someone from the State Department's gonna busy. And then they would just be like, whatever, man. And, like, leave.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

But now I do the thing when they go, like, Melissa. I go, yeah, I do that too. Yeah. And then they're like, oh, this is Jessica. I don't know if I saved your number, right. I'm like, no, this is me. Then they're like, oh. Because I think they're always used to the plan being, hey, you got the wrong number.

[Bert Kreischer]

Sure. Oh, you out crazy, though.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. You just try to be crazier.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Way more fun.

[Bert Kreischer]

Sure.

[Mark Normand]

To just be like, hey, are we not doing lunch or what?

[Bert Kreischer]

I got one for you. This. This maybe is wrong, but a couple years back, I got a text from a girl who was like, hey, baby, what are you up to? And I was like, just hanging. Didn't know the number. And she was like, you want to come over? And I was like, well, make it worth my while. She sent a fingering video. So now I've got a woman like, does this help? And I'm like, I don't get off the couch for at least anal. And she was like, all right. And then she did a little ad, and I eventually had to be like, I'm so sorry. Is the wrong number. And she was like, okay, just don't show anybody. Oh, wow. Yeah. So she was cool.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, that wasn't a scam. You just exploited a young woman.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. But I never showed anybody until now. Pull it up.

[Tom Segura]

Pull it up.

[Mark Normand]

But that's amazing, dude.

[Bert Kreischer]

Not a great. Not bad Monday, you know, just boom. Hey, fingering.

[Mark Normand]

I had once that.

[Tom Segura]

I didn't.

[Mark Normand]

It's not that good. But I had a woman send, like, six photos in different bikinis. And I was like, what is this? And then she was like, which should I get? And I'm like, the orange one.

[Bert Kreischer]

And then she.

[Mark Normand]

She's like, wait a minute. Is this. You know, she was clearly texting her friend, like, yeah. And I was like, I go, it's not. But I go, the orange one's great.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

She was like, oh, my God. I go, I'm not saving this. I told her, like, I'm not saving your photos.

[Bert Kreischer]

Same, you know. Wow. Not bad. Not a bad. Wrong number.

[Tom Segura]

You could say yes. I mean, but who's doing it manually? Who's just typing in the phone number manually?

[Bert Kreischer]

The fact that. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

That she fingered her in like. And actually was like, is this the right number? Is crazy. It's insane of her.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like, oh, yeah, put this in my ass. This is Jeff.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Bert Kreischer]

Well, I was like, I wasn't responding enough clearly. And she was like, what's up? Come on, hit me back or whatever. And I was like, I got to. Now you're yelling. So I was just like, I gotta get out of this relationship.

[Tom Segura]

My gut was like, that's a scam. And. And she's gonna meet me here. And it's just a bunch of dudes in a warehouse who, like, beat you with a pie. That's where my head was going.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, interesting.

[Mark Normand]

But, yeah, well, some of the scams are, like. The real scams are so, so clever now.

[Bert Kreischer]

Mm.

[Mark Normand]

Like.

[Tom Segura]

Like the Tinder swindler. Remember that?

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But people are doing, like, I know. I know one person who got the. Hey, this is like. This is their bank.

[Bert Kreischer]

Mm.

[Mark Normand]

And it was their bank. And there was. They were reading transactions that are real. So, like. Hey, Ellie. Like. Yeah. Did you buy a hat at this store?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Okay. You know, like, all the.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

And then they threw in, like, $238 at. You know, at the yarn store.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

Like, no, that's not me. Oh, shit. Okay, so we need to reset.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh.

[Mark Normand]

But it was.

[Bert Kreischer]

They did it.

[Mark Normand]

They did it slowly.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

You weren't like, you know, I mean, it was like a.

[Tom Segura]

The yarn store is a great one. No one's going to the yarn store.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's definitely not.

[Mark Normand]

That's not me. And they're like, well, we need to reset all your security stuff. So they. And they had, like, ad. They had all his information. So when he finally went to reset, it took him a while. It was like he figured it out after. So he. He reset his PIN with the person and was like, okay, okay. And then went on with his day. And then like, an hour later was like, wait, you don't give your pin. Oh, the reset. And then when he went, it was all gone.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh.

[Mark Normand]

Cleaned out his account. Another person in New York told me that they. They got the call from somebody who was like, I'm at the police department. And your dad. We got your dad drunk driving. So he's in the. In. In the drunk tank. Yeah. And they. And he was in on the west coast, and so he was like, oh. So he's like, I'm listening to this person, and I'm calling my dad another phone, and his dad's not answering, so he's like, oh, shit. And it, like, keeps going, keeps going. But he goes. He goes. It just seemed weird that they were like, yeah, it's just like, you know, he's either going to be here or, like, if you send, like, $300, right, he'll get out. And they're like, oh. He's like, can I. Credit card. They're like, no, no, you got to wire it. It's got to be a payment. But he did it, like, again, like, not rushed.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yep. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And the person who I know was like, all right, can I call you back? And he was like, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow. Call us back, man. What happened to the good old days where you click on a link? It was just that black guy's dick. Yeah. Oh, it was with a quaint, nice dick.

[Tom Segura]

That was like, three months ago. I did that recently.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, you did?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, to me. And I was like, all right. Still good.

[Bert Kreischer]

Keep that alive.

[Mark Normand]

You started. You started to put together when. Because for me, it was always San Francisco.

[Bert Kreischer]

San Francisco Chronicle. Yes.

[Mark Normand]

This is gonna be a dick. You just hit it. You're like, no. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know, it'd be like, Trump was assassinated. I'm like, oh, my God.

[Bert Kreischer]

I click on him like, ah, the dick.

[Mark Normand]

And yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

You know, that is a San Francisco Chronicle. Where do they stand on all this? Have they put out a statement?

[Mark Normand]

How have they not done a whole. I know, seven page expose? We do not want to be.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, I got this FedEx scam. I fell for that one.

[Tom Segura]

You fell for it?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. There's FedEx. There was a long text from FedEx with all these numbers in it. So it looked real. And it said, there's a jam at FedEx with your packages. You're not getting them because you owe FedEx 38 cents. That's been backordered or whatever. You got a backlog. You got to go pay that. And I was like, oh, shit. Like, click this link to pay it. And I got scammed.

[Tom Segura]

Santino was telling me the other day that he just doesn't have a debit card. Because if you steal someone's debit card, you could just take their money, but you steal the credit card, you.

[Mark Normand]

It's on the. That's true fraud.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's on the bank. Good. Right?

[Tom Segura]

So smart. I get it.

[Mark Normand]

But there's the guy.

[Bert Kreischer]

Is that the guy?

[Mark Normand]

That's him.

[Bert Kreischer]

He looks normal there.

[Mark Normand]

Do you know that I found this guy in his whole story?

[Bert Kreischer]

I've heard this. Yes, I do tell.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, he died. And some of it is cloudy to me now because it's been a few years, but if you.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Look him up and my name.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, really?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Your dick comes up my dick.

[Mark Normand]

Which is surprisingly not impressive compared to him. His cock. So apparently that's probably how he died.

[Tom Segura]

It probably took. Every time he got hard, it was probably a lot of juice coming from the heart.

[Bert Kreischer]

Good point.

[Tom Segura]

There's that blood flow.

[Mark Normand]

So we sold Warding sold a shirt during the pandemic that had, like, his face because he was so viral.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And it said, like, wash your hands.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

Because it was like, the big thing was like, always wash your hands. And. And. And we ended up selling this. Tom has lost touch with reality. That's the next one.

[Bert Kreischer]

But we ended.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, there it is.

[Tom Segura]

This one here.

[Mark Normand]

There it is. Yeah. The tmz. Yeah. That was our shirt.

[Bert Kreischer]

Whoa.

[Mark Normand]

And it. And we sold a fuckload of.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

Because it was like, at the height, right? Yeah, it was like 2020. Like, everything was going nuts. And I forgot. We were like, you know, we're selling so many of these. Like, let's. We. We figure out who this guy is.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And then we. We found out, like, oh, this guy, like, he had, like, he had a family, he had kids.

[Bert Kreischer]

Sure.

[Mark Normand]

And the whole story about, like, that photo was that he was gonna lose his house. And he knew a photographer in San Francisco who did.

[Tom Segura]

For the Chronicle.

[Bert Kreischer]

Of course.

[Mark Normand]

For the Chronicle.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Who was like, I do front page stories. Can I do.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's a two pager.

[Mark Normand]

He did this for that guy's like. The guy had a website of, like, muscle bound dudes. Like, naked dudes. So the money he got from this shoot saved his house at the time. And then the fucked up part for us was then we were like, hey, we sold a bunch of these shirts. We have this money. We want to give it to, like. And as soon as we contacted family, they started disputing who to send them. They were like, no, don't send it to him. Send it to her. She was like, don't send it to that person. Send it to this person. And then we were like, what do we do? So we ended up. I didn't know, like, who to send it to.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So I was like, all right, I'm gonna send some to the, like, this person that's the kid some to the fiance that we just split it up.

[Tom Segura]

What was the cause of death?

[Mark Normand]

Officially it was his dick. I forget what it was.

[Tom Segura]

He hung himself with his dick.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. 45.

[Tom Segura]

That is young.

[Bert Kreischer]

Damn. Dickiepedia, this is CR. Hey, Top Segura. You're in the wick.

[Mark Normand]

Am I in the wick? Oh, Jesus.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow. You made it, baby. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

That's heart attack.

[Bert Kreischer]

You haven't lost touch with reality.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's definitely got 45.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Heart attack. Yeah. You're probably the blood flow.

[Mark Normand]

You see what it says in his wiki. Just for what it said on his like his summary. It was like birth date, age. And then known for wood sitting on a bed. Like that's your legacy.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Known as the. The dick on the bed.

[Bert Kreischer]

I guess if you're gonna be known for something, having a huge hog is not the end of the world.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's kind of cool.

[Mark Normand]

Remember the.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

There was that guy. He's a really good looking actor. He did a play here in New York a few years ago where there was like a new. There's a nude thing in the.

[Bert Kreischer]

Chris Evans was. He had a huge. He got outed as a.

[Mark Normand]

He's a half black guy. That's him. And somebody took a photo during the theater performance which like all of you know, the theater people were like super upset about like the.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Unprofessional. Like all this. And then everybody.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

The photo got out and then everyone was like. I mean my Olympus not like the fucking. He was. Because he was also like. You know that's. That's not the point of like.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right. Play.

[Mark Normand]

But then he was like. Yeah, I guess it's not so bad.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right? Right.

[Mark Normand]

That's the photo that's out me with water dripping off of my huge cock.

[Tom Segura]

And he shredded and a perfect body.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It wasn't the worst day of my life.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right. Right. And I think a woman would go for that guy over the other guy in a heartbeat.

[Mark Normand]

Oh yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Because that guy will kill you on the right. Not in a racial way. I mean in like a dick way. Right.

[Mark Normand]

They're both.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, we got a halfy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

This is a fun dick talk.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

We just went down this road, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. It's like a TED talk. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

He looks so happy there. He looks like a nice guy.

[Bert Kreischer]

Who?

[Tom Segura]

The big dick guy.

[Bert Kreischer]

Which one?

[Tom Segura]

The smiley one.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, okay. Tom. Yeah. But it sucks to have to show your dick to save your house. But that's a good sign of a dick. My Dick couldn't save my futon.

[Tom Segura]

Taking everything. Could I interest you? They're like, please leave.

[Mark Normand]

What else you got property here?

[Bert Kreischer]

We'll let you keep the mini fridge. That's about it. Damn. Well, RIP Warty.

[Tom Segura]

So I have actually breaking news.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, whoa. Mazel to man.

[Mark Normand]

Thank you.

[Bert Kreischer]

Season two.

[Mark Normand]

Very excited. Yeah, it's so cool that we get to. I. I cannot believe we get to do it again. We get to do it again. So.

[Bert Kreischer]

Hell yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Getting it made just like crazy hard.

[Mark Normand]

Well, you know the thing, it wasn't always a plan. Like, I knew I liked these types of like, short story, like, where it's like feel cinematic and it's like an absurd, crazy story. So when we, we made a few of them in 2022, I. My plan was that I had built such a great thing with the, you know, the live streaming podcast. We do.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

So we have such a big, big, like a volume of tickets we've sold. So people who have spent money on that, we were like, what if we made something for the first time like a, like cinematic in nature, like a scripted thing instead of a live podcast and sold tickets to that. I was trying to figure out if there's an appetite for that. Like, if you shoot content that's scripted and high production value, can you turn to this audience that's going to. Will pay for a live streaming podcast? Would they pay for it? Like they would pay to watch a movie or a show?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So that was like, that was the idea. So when we shot that, I had a 36 minute thing and I was like, well, it's not long enough to be a movie. I can't charge like $20 or something. But, like, maybe I can get away with like a $10 fee and explain what we're doing. And, and maybe if it's like, successful enough, like, I don't even have to. I don't have to like make money, but if there's something there that we can do another one. That was the whole idea. And when I showed what we had to like, my agents, they go, you got to shop this. You got to shop it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh.

[Mark Normand]

So that's how it ended up at Net. Like we showed it to them and then they bought it. But I also know that if I had just had those scripts and been like, we want to shoot this. They've been like, no, this is, of.

[Bert Kreischer]

Course you got to make it.

[Mark Normand]

So you had to make it first. And so then at that point the process became super fun because we had the evidence of like, this is what the show is. We already made an episode. And then it was like getting a writer's room going. You know, that part is actually. It's challenging, but so fun. It's like the hardest. You laugh. You're like, you're doing this all day. You know what I mean? And then you go, like, all right, let's do the warty dick one.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes. Yes.

[Mark Normand]

It kills him. You know, like, you. You agree on one. And then somebody goes, I'm gonna take the. Take that one and give a. Write a draft.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And then you go, I'm going to take this one. And you get back together. You just laughing the whole time. Then you get into, like, the actual production of it, which is like. I think the most fun part is. Is the making it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Sure.

[Mark Normand]

On set, you're shooting the thing that you've been thinking about and. And that you wrote, and then you find obviously that, like, the. The real work work of it is, like, in post the editing. Oh, yeah, that's comedy.

[Tom Segura]

Comedy is all about editing.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's crazy.

[Mark Normand]

My respect for it has gone up so much more a. Like, the editors that we had and then. And the fact that, like, our. The other EPs and directors were, like, seasoned and, like, I would turn in a cut and be like, this is my cut of this story. And they were like, can I.

[Tom Segura]

Wait, so you would edit yourself?

[Mark Normand]

No, I. Like, so I directed three of the stories, and then I sat with editors on those cuts. And so I would be like, here's a cut. But what the other directors, they go, can I do a pass on yours? You go, yeah, sometimes they would make it so much better.

[Tom Segura]

How so would they make it better?

[Mark Normand]

Just choices they make, like what to include, what to take out. They might change the pacing, change the music. You know, it might jump off at a certain point. They'll use different takes. So it's the great thing about, like, if you. If you like someone and you're like, yeah, like, I like your sensibilities and you essentially trust them. You go. You take your stab at it. And what ends up happening usually is you go like, I love what you did here, but I want to go back to what on this part? I want to go back to the other version. So it is. It's like. So it's like the antithesis of stand up.

[Bert Kreischer]

Because it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's so collaborative, you know, and if you're, like, working with people you like and are talented, then everything just gets better. So I felt like, you know, every stage of it has these parts that are Fun and exciting. But I think the real payoff, if you will, of like the part that kind of like hits you the most is how much the edit is where everything lives in.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Even like the other part of it too is you have moments where you're shooting and you're like, you might improvise something and we just die.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, that's the best.

[Mark Normand]

And so you go like, dude, we have that now.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

The weird thing is how sometimes you're in the edit and you're watching it and you're like, we can't use that. And you're like, why not? You're like. Cuz it's not. It's actually in the moment. We were all laughing.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

But it's not moving the story along. It's actually like if we keep it in, it's kind of like a distraction from like the pace of the story we're telling.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And so you find things sometimes where you have to like kill the like what you think is like the funniest line, right?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like we're going to have to use. Now we have to have her come in because joke was about when she came in. Well, when she comes in.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

We got to go back to the shot that's over here. And when we do that, we lose the fact that the guy was sitting here. And so like it starts to be like you're doing like 20 things to get a line in, right?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, we gotta.

[Tom Segura]

Also, don't you find like sometimes like the. That makes me laugh. The hardest is the most juvenile and it's like, and it's like it doesn't work like the farts or dumb things like that. That's what gets me. Like, like surprise, you know?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then you watch, you're like, that's low brow. I don't, I don't want to do that.

[Mark Normand]

Dude, you just described my series.

[Bert Kreischer]

I was just thinking that.

[Tom Segura]

Have you seen the show, you know what I mean? Where like sometimes you're just like, this is not this.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, of course.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Riffing with someone also too. It's like, especially if it's like your friend.

[Mark Normand]

It's different.

[Bert Kreischer]

Of course. Yeah, it's different, but like a South park, it's all low. It's not low brow, but it's all juvenile.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, dude, I watched, I watched the south park before bed last night where Randy takes the biggest shit. Bono. It's like the most purposely low brow thing where they take the Emmy and they shove it in the shit at the end. It's Like a fuck you to the Emmy. It's one of the funniest episodes. But it's.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

It's like, look, I love lowbrow, too. I'm not saying I don't.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's smart. Low brow. Yeah, well, they know what they're doing.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I mean, that's like, same with this show. I think we. You. We try for. You try to go like. Yeah. It's not just shitty.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You try to do, like a story that.

[Bert Kreischer]

There it is. That's funny.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, dude. And the fact that Bono is the one who's competing, I mean, it's insane. It's so.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah. Now what's. First of all, I'm gonna use that every. Every movie I've been in, I've been cut out, so I'm just gonna assume I had the best line. That makes sense. Yeah. Now, but this. What's great about your show. And I think it could open doors. Not to get dramatic, but you have that. That episode with the. The hot foreign guy who bangs all the old people.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Not to give anything away, but that. That would have been a notes disaster. Like the. The producers. Like, this is a little harsh. We got to tone that down. And this is ridiculous. And the accent might be kind of racist. There's no notes, and you can feel it. And that's what I love about the show.

[Mark Normand]

That. That part, dude, was like. It's the most exciting thing about that was when. When we were starting once they bought the show based on a couple that they'd seen. They were. They told us they were like, you should try to go too far.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, I love that.

[Mark Normand]

And then we'll. We'll tell you when it's too far. Yeah, okay.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, that's great.

[Mark Normand]

That was like your. And everything that we would submit, they were like, yeah. I mean, we had. We have some that didn't make it in.

[Tom Segura]

What didn't make it.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, well, now we're doing season two.

[Bert Kreischer]

So maybe get a bend there.

[Mark Normand]

But the one that we were like, I was trying to get in this. These parents who. They bust their adult son who has downs. The daughter. The. The daughter. The mother busts him jerking off in his room, like, to porn.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And when they go to talk to him about it, he's like, I wasn't watching porn. I was on camera, like, for. For my audience. And they're like, oh, my God. And she's like, you're being exploited. And this whole story turns into him showing her that he. He actually has, like, hundreds of thousands of dollars. And they think they're going to lose the house. The parents.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, beautiful.

[Mark Normand]

And they end up. He ends up taking them to where, like, he. Like a place like this where he's like. He has other people.

[Bert Kreischer]

Same story. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Doing. Doing the same thing. And he ends up buying the house from behind their back and tosses them out. He throws his parents out of the house. Right.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, oh, that's the whole thing.

[Mark Normand]

They didn't shut it. They were just like. They would ask for, like, different angles. The only thing that they were like, can't do this is say the N word.

[Bert Kreischer]

They were like, interesting.

[Mark Normand]

They were like, you can't do that.

[Bert Kreischer]

A black guy could do it, but you can't do it.

[Mark Normand]

Right. And in the one that's in the show, it's supposed to be Nick Novecki a little. Oh, yeah, who's quoting me from a joke, but I'm quoting someone from that. I'm like, yeah, but word, quote. They were like, not happening.

[Bert Kreischer]

Interesting.

[Mark Normand]

And they even told us that you can't say it on set even if you're not going to use it. Like, you.

[Bert Kreischer]

Whoa.

[Mark Normand]

Do not say that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Didn't a Netflix guy get fired so that maybe it's something like a high up? Was like, we can't say. And he said the word and they were. They fired him. And he's like, I'm saying we can't say it.

[Tom Segura]

Well, he proved his point.

[Bert Kreischer]

I guess. So. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

He's like, I'm disappearing.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's like Avengers. Yeah. Like Back to the Future, Polaroid. But don't you feel I've pitched Shit. We've all pitched stuff in a room in Hollywood and gotten areas. Apparently. He was saying, don't use it. That's the crazy part he was in.

[Mark Normand]

The crazy part is he was actually referencing something that happened to me.

[Bert Kreischer]

What?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

What the fuck?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, and it was crazy. He brought Nick Novickian as a prop.

[Mark Normand]

That is. That is true. So he was. He was. They were having a. A meeting because.

[Bert Kreischer]

What? This is crazy.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I had done a special. Disgraceful.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

In that special, there were. There was a joke about the R word. And I had this bit about it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, I remember that.

[Mark Normand]

And so a bunch of people got mad about that bit. And then eventually the. What's it called? Special Olympics.

[Bert Kreischer]

Ah.

[Mark Normand]

Reached out to the CEO.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, my God. Damn.

[Mark Normand]

And then they were like.

[Bert Kreischer]

They're like, we got a lot of.

[Mark Normand]

It was a whole thing.

[Bert Kreischer]

It was a hurtful thing.

[Mark Normand]

And then I. I had to go meet with the Special Olympics.

[Bert Kreischer]

What?

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's crazy.

[Tom Segura]

And he had to go say the N word to them.

[Bert Kreischer]

Makes a rough.

[Tom Segura]

Didn't make any sense.

[Mark Normand]

But this guy who got fired was talking to staff about how people who have special needs children will feel a certain way. Like when Tom said retarded, the same way that a black person might feel when they hear he said it like, as. That's the example.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

And people were like, hey, what the fuck?

[Bert Kreischer]

That's kind of crazy.

[Mark Normand]

So they, they reported him. So when he went and he had a follow up meeting about that incident, they ended up bringing in the people who had reported him, like, who was like, the black people who are uncomfortable. And he used the same example. He was like, I was just saying. And so then they were like, we gotta.

[Bert Kreischer]

They got a movie being made about this with Michael Richards. I don't know if you've heard that.

[Mark Normand]

But it was a really. That was a really crazy. That was also like.

[Bert Kreischer]

That was the height of it.

[Mark Normand]

That was the height of like, I.

[Bert Kreischer]

Think blm and yeah, Covid.

[Mark Normand]

Because after my spent for a while there, they were like, you can't like, comedians can't say retarded either.

[Bert Kreischer]

I remember that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. And then now they're like, yeah, you've retarded up again. It's fine. Yeah, like you can say it like, all right.

[Bert Kreischer]

Pissed me off. I did no N word. Yeah, that one's out.

[Tom Segura]

That one's out.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. I did a Netflix half hour and they were like, any restrict. They just said no R word and no N word, obviously. And I was like, as if I hold equal weight. I know. But I was like, okay, I had a joke with retarded in it, but I was like, all right, I'll change it because I want to do the. The half hour. And then Brian Simpson, friend of the show pal. Yeah, he said both. And I was like, I went up to the producer, I'm like, well, I get the N word thing, but he's. He's saying the R word. They went, ah, that's fair. I get it.

[Mark Normand]

They get a couple things in this world, you know.

[Bert Kreischer]

Then I went on a rant about black privilege and I got tased Mark.

[Tom Segura]

Means joke about the midget versus the N word. Oh, Stanhope had one.

[Bert Kreischer]

Was it Stanhope Mulady?

[Mark Normand]

I think I had one. That's one. Mine was like, in 2010.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, wow.

[Mark Normand]

So I did it on a. On my first album and then I also did it on my Comedy Central Presents, which is so funny because back then Comedy Central Was like the. You know, the Standards and Practices. So that's a different thing. And they. They sent an email. I gotta find this email. And yeah, when you say that Indian people smell bad, it is something that, like, they have a logic thing. They're like, you cannot, like, say that because it implies that, like, there something is like, beyond their control.

[Bert Kreischer]

You know, like, Russell Peters is like.

[Tom Segura]

That'S my whole act. I'm finished.

[Mark Normand]

I go, okay. And then continues. You can, however say that Puerto Ricans stab a lot. All these, like. Because they're citing your jokes.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It's like in a very professional.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's hilarious.

[Mark Normand]

And then they were like. And then one of it was like, okay to say, and it had the N word typed out. This is crazy.

[Bert Kreischer]

So that was okay.

[Mark Normand]

That was okay, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's what's so weird about these. There's with different times, they flip and flop.

[Tom Segura]

Remember Jeff when it got that note back in the day?

[Mark Normand]

Where is this mine?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes. Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he did. He did a. A Fallon set. And the. The joke was something about Asians and. And the punchline was Laundromat. And they were like, that's offensive. So we changed it to build a railroad. And that was okay.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow. Laundromat is positive. They're starting businesses.

[Tom Segura]

You know, railroads are positive too, I guess.

[Bert Kreischer]

But they were.

[Mark Normand]

They're like, oh, they haven't done that in a while.

[Tom Segura]

I guess that is. Comedy is plus time, right?

[Bert Kreischer]

I guess.

[Mark Normand]

So the. Also there's this thing about, like, you know, how accurate you're like, if you're doing something that can be perceived as negative. Like Angela Johnson. I remember.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes. The nail salon bit, dude, that bit was like beloved, crazy, viral.

[Mark Normand]

But she. She nailed accent. Yeah. And she nailed the actual context of, like, what would be said.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

You know, I mean, so if you watch it, you're like, oh, you could. Somebody could hyper react in the moment. Like you shouldn't be able to. But then if you watch it, you're like, yeah, but she's nailing all the things.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's completely accurate. It's almost like a documentary. Yeah, but she got shit later on.

[Mark Normand]

Later. Right.

[Bert Kreischer]

Which is so funny because it shows. There was a shift.

[Mark Normand]

This bit was probably reposted.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yep.

[Mark Normand]

On 500 accounts. And all them were like, in the millions and millions of views.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Pull up how many views. Go. Scroll down a little bit. 46 million. That's insane. You don't have to play it. It's a place called Beautiful. But yeah, that bit took over. It changed her whole Life, I think that was at the old Gotham, says 18 years ago. Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That's like, when YouTube first started.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah, she was. But Nate used to. Nate Bargazi used to open for her. Wow. Fun fact.

[Mark Normand]

He's doing all right now.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I guess it's like the rules are not written in stone anywhere. So you don't. When you do something like that, people are like, all right, well, what's the. I'm not bothered by it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, I know. Well, I.

[Mark Normand]

It's not the exact same thing, but I remember I did a bit about the first 48. The TV.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I did this bit, like, it's got to be, like, close to 15 years ago. That show is still on, by the way. I just hung out with the producers and the entire Tulsa Homicide Detective squad.

[Bert Kreischer]

Whoa.

[Mark Normand]

Show there. Because they film there.

[Bert Kreischer]

And it was.

[Mark Normand]

It was amazing.

[Bert Kreischer]

These.

[Mark Normand]

These. They're the best. But when that show was, like, exploding, I came up with. I did this bit about it. It was kind of a long bit about all the, you know, the. Basically the parts of the. Of an episode and, like, the stages it goes through and throughout it. I'm basically being like, yeah, all the suspects are black.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Without saying that, but I'm doing, like. I'm doing. I'm doing. I'm citing, like, how the interviews, like, you know, I actually forget how it goes, but, like, how the. You know, I don't. I don't know, like, Knucklehead or whatever his name was. You know. Dookie Shoes.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like that. I don't know. Dookie Shoes. I've seen them, but I don't know him. Like, all that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And I was, like, doing all these. And I realized that I toured with that bit for, like, two and a half years. Right.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Until I recorded it. So many shows, and it had, like, all this. Me doing, like, this essentially, like, a black impression and, like, specific things. All I ever got from black people was, like, just heaps of pray.

[Bert Kreischer]

You know what I mean?

[Mark Normand]

They would come up to me, they're like, that's the funniest shit. Like, high fives and, like, just. And then the only time I ever had people shake their head was, like, white women, of course, you know, in the front row, just like, this isn't right.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But I was like, the reason. But the reason that it worked with a black audience was because the. Of the fact that, like, the details.

[Bert Kreischer]

He was accurate was that were accurate.

[Tom Segura]

It wasn't lazy.

[Mark Normand]

It wasn't lazy. It wasn't A lazy bit. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And it wasn't really hurtful. You were just chronicling what was on the show. You were just saying, you know, this is what it was.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. They even told. Because the big, like, thing at the. At the end of that bit, I think, was that I say something about how you think you can talk your way out of, like, the. The interrogation. I was like, nobody lawyers the fuck up. Right? Like, if you. If you watch the show, you'll see, like, 300 people get, like, charged, and they're like, and he went away. And then there's the one guy who's like, lawyer. And then it says, like, no charges or all charges against Tayshawn were dropped.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

Last thing. These detectives to this day, they're like, every single time, some fucking guys in here and they go, lawyer. We go. And then we walk out and they're like, he watched the girls thing.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, oh, you're saving lives. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

The guilty.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Guilty lives. Yeah. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It's great. It's great.

[Bert Kreischer]

Holy.

[Tom Segura]

I've never seen the show, but I.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's amazing.

[Tom Segura]

But I know what it is. Oh, my God.

[Mark Normand]

At this point, it's like, literally is, I think, 20. 20 seasons of the show.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

And they've been into. You know, it comes and goes from different cities, but fascinating thing, that. Oh, 28.

[Bert Kreischer]

28.

[Tom Segura]

But I think that's only since 2004.

[Mark Normand]

Right. Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Maybe run two seasons a year.

[Bert Kreischer]

I see.

[Mark Normand]

So last year, like, Tulsa is actually not. It's not a huge city, you know, but it's like several hundred thousand people. They had a hundred percent conviction rate on homicides.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

Like, it's. That's bananas.

[Tom Segura]

That sounds crooked.

[Mark Normand]

Was that.

[Bert Kreischer]

It almost sounds crooked.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like, there was, you know, 52 murders. They fucking closed all 52.

[Bert Kreischer]

Damn.

[Mark Normand]

Which is really nuts, man. Like, if you look at the. Can the. The close rate on some other state like New Orleans, it ain't 100.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's in the negative.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's. It's. Yeah, there's like. It's really, really rare, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

That. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So that's like, I killed a guy. Solve rate.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm here.

[Tom Segura]

Remember that? Remember that?

[Mark Normand]

That's nuts.

[Tom Segura]

Homicide hunter, Lieutenant Jokenda. You ever see.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah, the big guy.

[Tom Segura]

Look up that guy. Lieutenant Joke.

[Bert Kreischer]

He was fun.

[Tom Segura]

Well, his whole thing was like, he, like 400 and something arrests.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Convictions or whatever. Which is not fucking wow.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah. This guy's had, like, TV shows and shit.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Homicide hunter.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But, yeah, they got, like a really. They got a real Hunk to play him when he was younger.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, really? Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But they. Yeah, they. I mean, look, it is. He's clearly seen some shit and done some amazing stuff. But it is hilarious that that's your second chapter after just putting dudes away. You're just like, he's just.

[Bert Kreischer]

He's.

[Tom Segura]

He's cocky as fuck.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

He looks in the camera, he has catchphrases. He says shit like, my, oh, my, he's got merch. I mean, at a certain point, like, he's kind of like, other cops are probably like, this guy's a fucking cruise ship act at this point.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right, Right.

[Mark Normand]

But, dude, you got to watch. You got to watch First 48.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's so entertaining, and it's so real.

[Mark Normand]

It's the realest thing. It's. I remember that, like, in the bit I make. What is it? Oh, shit.

[Bert Kreischer]

91.

[Mark Normand]

That's really impressive.

[Bert Kreischer]

We're pretty corrupt as well, by the way. That's, like, our thing.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I like the. Yeah, the corrupt point that you just made. It says, like, New Orleans PD claims 91. However, a watchdog group indicates it's 60. Like, they're lying.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Wow. Who's the watchdog group? That's what I want to hear about.

[Tom Segura]

Like, probably a CCRB type thing, right? What's that, like, Civilian Complaint Review Board type.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, very funny.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. That's got to be an exhausting job.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Just dealing with corrupt cops. Oh, just fucking stop lying to me.

[Bert Kreischer]

I know. Because then they'll arrest your ass. By the way, you got a couple black sense. You got a big daddy, Kane. Oh, yeah, the bike. You got. You got some stuff, Kane.

[Mark Normand]

That was such a surreal day. Because what I remember was the special came out, and it's 2014, that first special. And honestly, you know, every time when everything comes out, especially when you're young or younger, you're like, will this be a thing that, like, helps me, like, changes my career? And then, you know, weeks go by, a month, and you're like, oh, everything's the same. Yeah, like, everything's the same. So everything felt the same. And then I lived in this, like, back house in Redondo beach, which was like a dead, dead spot for my cell signal. So sometimes I would leave the house, and then it would just be, like, voicemails.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So I'd been in the house special, been out like a month. I back out, and my phone just goes, boop. And then I hit play, and it just goes, sup, Tom? Big Daddy Kane. And I was like, what? Like, I could. He's like, I'm at your boy Russell's house right now. You know, checked out the thing. It's very like. He gives me, like this really compliment, big compliment. I'm like, this is fucking nuts. Like, it felt like that was the most exciting thing that had ever happened to me.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And then there was Russell. He was at Russell Peters house.

[Bert Kreischer]

Russell. Whoa.

[Mark Normand]

Russell is like a hip hop head. Yeah. He's also like the Black Whisperer.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right. Right.

[Mark Normand]

He knows every black person that you've ever wanted to meet. And not P. Diddy. He doesn't know him, but he was just like. He's like, hey, are you around right now? I go, yeah. He goes, well, he's at my house right now. He's like, do you want to come meet him? Yeah, I do.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I drove over and.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow. Cool.

[Mark Normand]

Then I'm just like. Then I don't know what to say. I was like, hi. Hi, big daddy.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Your bits get you all these connections. My bit people just yell at me and tell me my hack, you know, like, no one's ever reached out me, like, we got to hang out. You did that bit about the. You've been.

[Tom Segura]

No one's ever hit you up like we should.

[Bert Kreischer]

Not really. My bits are mostly about me or my wife or my kid, I guess. So no one's ever like. Like, Dan Marino is not like, hey, come on over, you know?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Who.

[Tom Segura]

Who's another person who called you, like, randomly were like, what the fuck?

[Bert Kreischer]

You're hanging out with Brad Pitt you're hanging out with was nuts.

[Mark Normand]

That was. And I had that streak of real. Of really, like, incredible. Once again, black seatmates on flights. Yeah. Stretch.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

I had Method Man, Jill Scott.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

Serena Williams, Like Sam, like the whole.

[Bert Kreischer]

Crazy coast to coast. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And I'm just like, literally, like. Because you think. You know, I'm usually pretty chill with, like, notable people, but, like, the Serena thing, I was like, that's crazy. What do I do?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you're like. You feel like you're looking at like a Madame Tussauds.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Famous.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, crazy. And then she's like, like, she's taking notes.

[Bert Kreischer]

Soul Plane.

[Mark Normand]

I was like, what?

[Bert Kreischer]

You're flying?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that's what I was flying. I go, what are you doing? She's like, I'm taking this class, you know, I'm taking a class online for whatever subject. And I was like, oh, cool. And she ends up being like, you know, what do you do? I go, comedian. She's like, really? Yeah. And she's like, do you have a special? And I realized that I go. I go, yeah, actually, I have one. It was. I had the one out. I was like, it's on Netflix. Oh, what's it called? And she. I see her write it down on her sticky note. And then I was like, yeah. You know, we chat, she's super pleasant, and at the end, I feel so goofy doing it. But I was like, can I have a photo?

[Bert Kreischer]

Sure.

[Mark Normand]

I take a photo. Like, you know, you still feel like, of course, asshole. Have a selfie. And. And then I'm walking off the jet bridge, and I literally, like, I must have turned white. I just go. And I have, like. Like sweat. Like, cold sweat. I'm like, oh, my God. Because in. Internally, I realized that I. I told her, watch this special. And then it hits me that in the special, I. I talk about some fantasy where I go where it's the Williams sisters and Serena sitting on my face and Venus is putting a racket up my ass. And I say. I say that in the special, and I'm like, oh.

[Tom Segura]

She.

[Mark Normand]

Like, if she does watch that, she's gonna be like, this is why this creep told me to watch it. And I was like, this definitely was not my intent.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, that's hilarious. Serena, if you're watching.

[Mark Normand]

No, here's the. The part two of this.

[Bert Kreischer]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

A few years ago, it came true. I get invited to do Pete's 911 fundraiser.

[Bert Kreischer]

Pete Davidson. He.

[Tom Segura]

Davidson?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And you go there, and it's, like, crazy, right? It's. It's. It's him. Jon Stewart's hosting.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

You know, all these people show up. Chris Rock's there, and, you know, just huge, huge names. And, you know, we do your set, and I had a good set. I felt good. And Pete, like, lights up a joint in, like, the hallway of msg, Right? Msg.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And I'm like, you just do that.

[Tom Segura]

It just lights on fire.

[Mark Normand]

He hands me a joint.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like, okay. So I. I hit it a few times, and then I'm walking. There's like a big. There's a. There's a after event at msg. And as I'm walking towards, they're like, it's this back tunnel. It's Serena and her husband Alex, the.

[Bert Kreischer]

The white founder. The white guy. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, he founded Reddit.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

I didn't know that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. So I go, I'm. Mind you, I'm high as.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And I'm like, hey. I was like, hey. I was just. I'm like, I was just up there.

[Tom Segura]

And.

[Mark Normand]

And she's. And they're like, he's very. Expressed, like, very. He's like, oh, great job. Great job. She's like, hi. And I go, you know, it's funny. I flew with you, like, 10 years ago to Serena.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

She's like, okay. I go, it's kind of a funny story.

[Bert Kreischer]

And.

[Mark Normand]

And she's like, okay. And he goes, I want to hear it. And I cut.

[Tom Segura]

You getting removed by security.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

The whole thing that I just told you.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And I'm not exaggerating the whole time. She's like, oh, no. I just wanted. And I. And I know how high I am. And so I start to get more paranoid.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

He's Ear to ear.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, that's good.

[Mark Normand]

He's like, yeah. And I was like. And then. So I realized that was because I said it should sit on my face. And she's like, where's. Do you know where the bar is?

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

And I got to think, it's over here. I just walked away. I was like, what?

[Bert Kreischer]

The game said match. Yeah. Damn, that's great. You think she'd have a sense. It was positive. You're not like, she's ugly or, you know, whatever.

[Mark Normand]

Like, I think she was probably like, I can't imagine the amount of time.

[Tom Segura]

That it's just funny to explain to a famous woman. And then I said, you sit on my face.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, of course.

[Tom Segura]

Like, nothing.

[Mark Normand]

Because also, because, you know, you have a pretty crazy ass. I don't know.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right. Right. Damn. Wow. Full circle.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. But then you also don't know, like, people that famous. You're like, maybe she's just like, I don't. Whatever.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

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[Tom Segura]

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[Bert Kreischer]

Sitting on your face might kill you though.

[Tom Segura]

I know.

[Bert Kreischer]

Suffocation.

[Tom Segura]

It'll be a lovely death.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's true. Can I just say that? Go back to the show for a second. Back to the new Netflix series. Don't you feel like, like we've all pitched stuff, We've all bad thoughts, we've all been rejected, turned down for a million things. I know I have. And every time they go, that's a little much, or we're not ready for this or whatever, I go, but the little much is the good part. That's what you should be going for. But they're all like, I don't know, it's a little outside the box and avant garde or whatever. A little offensive, a little too much. But too much is good. Like, that's what every, like squid game. What if they were like, it's a little violent. I don't know. You know, that's the biggest show ever, you know? Yeah, yeah. So just. Just a note. I'm just venting now, but a note to the coward suits out there.

[Tom Segura]

It's worse than that now. Now they don't even make like almost anything to get anything made now. I mean, these jobs are replaced within like eight months. Half the time, like, that's true. We bought shows back from to Amazon and Hulu and the people we were talking to were just new people. They just games. They're fucking development people. I mean, it's crazy.

[Mark Normand]

It's very common.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I think they're just terrified to make anything. I mean, it's. So when you made this, I guess for people listening who are like, I want to make a show, proof of concept is really.

[Mark Normand]

Here's the thing. Can something be written that definitely gets across what your show is and have it be clear to the reader? I think, yes, that is definitely possible. Is the percentage chance of that so much higher if you have a proof of concept? I think without question that when you, when you shoot what you are trying to do on a bigger scale, when you show what it is, it becomes like there's nowhere else it is at that point, the yes or no is so much more clear, I think.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like, I think the, you know, probably the most famous example in like, in like our world of that is probably like the Sunny Guys, because that was the story always is that they shot their own thing.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, so they shot that before it was a show. In other words, to show it. This is like the banter, These are the characters, this is the dynamic. This is the whole thing. So they had something to show. And you think about that show and you go, does that come across if you had just handed it in a script?

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't think so. Definitely not. Definitely not.

[Mark Normand]

I don't think you can. So the upside to that being the thing, because, see, there's always a reason to turn down production. Like if somebody, if I go, do you want to shoot this thing? And you're like, fuck, man, schedule wise, the costs, the time, I have this, like, you can always talk your way out.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right? Right.

[Mark Normand]

But if you're somebody who goes, you know what? We're going to. I know there's always a reason to not to. We're going to shoot it anyway because not only is it going to highlight what we're trying to do, like if. Even if it's a scene from our movie, we just want to shoot one scene, but. But it's so accessible to do now. Like you. You don't have to have millions of dollars to shoot that scene.

[Bert Kreischer]

True.

[Mark Normand]

You just need, like, you know, you can get, you can rent a good camera. You could hire a qualified DP or lighting director, somebody for sound. People that, like, are in this business, that they love doing that too. And it's not going to be like some. You could tell them you're like, yeah, I don't have a crazy budget, but I do have this, you know.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Something. And people will give you their best actors. Actors love to act. You can gr. You can get great actors so you can shoot the thing that you want to shoot. It's just a matter of like, is your decision to do it or not?

[Bert Kreischer]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

Because there's really no excuse other than that you can get it done for a reasonable amount. You can definitely get it to a good editor to. To cut it for you. But, you know, I think you're always gonna improve your chances whatever your goal is, if you shoot something.

[Tom Segura]

But do you think it's more that these people are so unimaginative that they can't see it? Or do you think it's also that, like, they're like, holy shit, this person gets stuff done.

[Mark Normand]

It's both. It's both. So that's a really good observation. The second part of it especially. Look, sometimes. Sometimes you luck out and you get really. The truth is all of us joke about it. Sometimes you get great executives. You really do. People who. You're like, man, this person is just phenomenal. Their notes are actually. I'm glad I have their notes. They just made it so much better. Right. So there are those things. There's definitely the other side of it where they have zero vision of anything and you need to really spell it out for them. But the big thing is that what you're saying is somebody who does that, that instills confidence in people who are making decisions, because what they're really doing is they're investing in you as the person.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You think it's like, oh, this line and that line and this shot. And they're like, no, it's the fact that we're investing, you know, $15 million on this thing.

[Bert Kreischer]

Are you capable?

[Mark Normand]

Who's the person? Like, oh, it's you guys. And you turn in this stuff.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, we feel, we feel a lot better about this because ultimately what's going to happen is that person is going to report to another guy and go, who the fuck did you give $15 million? And it's going to be like, well, they did this.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And if they did this and they go, shit, that looks pretty goddamn good. Yeah. It's going to make them be like, well, this is. These are people that are capable.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Ultimately their job.

[Mark Normand]

It's their job.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

That's why they make a lot of fear based decisions.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Make fear based decisions.

[Bert Kreischer]

Because Avengers 19. Yeah, that works.

[Tom Segura]

That's a safe choice.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. It saves their job. But no, I think you're right. Like, Ari, he pitched this is not happening years ago and they were like, who's this ugly guy? He's over the hill, he's old, he's gross.

[Tom Segura]

Let's look up his other stuff. The amazing racist.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, exactly. Not to mention his stand up.

[Mark Normand]

But do you think in his head he thinks he looks like that?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, probably.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he looks. I think he looks better now than that.

[Mark Normand]

I do too.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, he's age into it for sure.

[Mark Normand]

He's aged well.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, he looks for his age.

[Bert Kreischer]

Looks great. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. He doesn't look bad. And he drinks and does drugs and stuff.

[Mark Normand]

Lots.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Oh my God, he left my. Hilarious. He left my place the other night. I had people over for one of those Knicks games and. And we just got all. We all getting hammered. But he left with my friend who's a bartender at the Cellar. They leave and I, you know, before we're drinking, Ari and I take like pre hangover shots. We're like. I said, this will help if you know.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, really?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And he texted me the next day, like 2:00pm he's like, the hangover shot did nothing. I'm like, yeah, well, you left and kept drinking. You drank all night, you fucking idiot. Yeah, I stopped at like 6. You had like 14 or something.

[Bert Kreischer]

Dude, I saw him last week he had a T shirt on that said Stan New York Comedy club comedy seller. And it was like three, six clubs on his shirt. And I was like, what are you? What is this? And they had X's on them. And he goes, I'm doing a pub crawl with Sal Volcano and I'm exiting off, I'm getting drunk at every. Every comedy club and doing sets and I got three more to go. And he was already fucked up. So that's what, that's who he is. He's fun. For a 68 year old man, he really lives. Yeah, we have really. But my point is he was. He pitched it, they said no, he put it on YouTube, it blew up and then they bought it.

[Mark Normand]

It's.

[Bert Kreischer]

I mean, tires.

[Tom Segura]

You know, your show, you know, concept is really. Yeah. I mean with your show it's harder because it looks the way it looks. I mean.

[Bert Kreischer]

Sorry.

[Tom Segura]

You know, it looks the way it looks and you know, tires is like a workplace thing. It's a different thing.

[Mark Normand]

It's a different thing completely. I mean with art, like I'll say this, I say that you don't have to spend a lot because you don't. I did spend a lot to do those proof of concept ones simply because for me the idea of it was for it to be this high level. That was part of the show.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's very good quality.

[Mark Normand]

One of the characters of the show is like the fact that it should look like cinematic.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So yeah, that's Nico Wiesnet was our dp who's like a brilliant guy and you know, that's why it looks great. Right. You can still have things. Look at them saying without spending a lot. We did spend a lot when we made the proof of concept because it was honestly like, it was like I had to pay for everything. I was doing it to be like, I want it to look like this, you know.

[Bert Kreischer]

On a scale of 1 to 10, how nervous were you? Especially you spend all the money. You went. You went high budget.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's even more nerve wracking that you might not sell it.

[Mark Normand]

I. What so.

[Bert Kreischer]

Or you were pretty confident.

[Mark Normand]

I was confident that. What I was confident was in that if I did the online thing, I was like, okay, if I do that? Because that was always the plan, the paywall. I didn't think that I was gonna make money. What I thought was that I was going to erase a lot of losses.

[Bert Kreischer]

Sure.

[Mark Normand]

Like maybe I'll lose some, but not all.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

That to me was enough.

[Bert Kreischer]

All right.

[Mark Normand]

Because I was.

[Tom Segura]

Isn't that incredible that comics had that? Because I look at, like, look at Megalopolis, you know, with Francis Ford Coppola, he spent 120mil of his own money. Like, I'm not saying a paywall would have helped.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But, like, you know, comics kind of have that option more than just pure filmmaker.

[Mark Normand]

I think you're.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, good point.

[Tom Segura]

Which is weird.

[Mark Normand]

Which is like. Yeah, this whole thing is so important because you actually. You do have a direct to consumer relationship.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like, you know, your. Your fans are, like, here with you every week, and if they like you, they trust you, and they. They want to support you, it's like, they'll go on this ride if you. If you do something like that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Also, 120 mil is a lot.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's a lot crazy. He did.

[Mark Normand]

So he did that. And, like, I think he sold his, like, winery and all. And then, like, Costner, apparently he's made this. He's making this epic American western trilogy.

[Bert Kreischer]

I saw the first one.

[Mark Normand]

I think he.

[Bert Kreischer]

Horizon.

[Mark Normand]

Was it good?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, it was really well done.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I think he's. They, like, he leveraged his. Whatever. Santa Barbara.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh.

[Mark Normand]

You know, to pay for it.

[Tom Segura]

I respect it. I mean, I respect.

[Mark Normand]

I do too. I totally do.

[Tom Segura]

But it also is, like, it's too.

[Bert Kreischer]

Long, but it looks amazing. And it's. It's kind of like a Dances with Wolves kind of Western vibe. It's fun. If you like westerns, you'll like it.

[Mark Normand]

But he loves that shit.

[Bert Kreischer]

He loves Coppola.

[Tom Segura]

Always lived dangerously, though. I don't know if you ever saw the Apocalypse now documentary. I mean, he just lived fucking like crazy even then. He was like, shit, we're over budget. I'll have to make up the rest of the. And so he always lived that way.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Yeah. But he pulled it off then. Yeah. Now you watch it. No, I should watch it.

[Mark Normand]

No, I did not.

[Bert Kreischer]

Damn. Sucks to go down like your golden years. You're, like, fading out as a film.

[Tom Segura]

Maybe he feels all right. I mean, you know, he made the thing he wanted to make.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's true.

[Tom Segura]

And he's got such a fucking incredible resume. Like, he's still made some of the best ever, you know?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, 100%.

[Mark Normand]

I wonder too if, like, maybe, you know, it not being a success at that stage in your life doesn't really affect you the same way either. You know what I mean?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Maybe, like, you've been through so much of life, not just career, and you go, yeah, but I made what I wanted to make. Like what if you're very satisfied by that?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Yeah, maybe.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I would love to talk. I would love to have him on the pod.

[Bert Kreischer]

It'd be great.

[Tom Segura]

Just be so interesting. I feel like.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, well, it's like, norm. Norm, you know, obviously gambling addict. He lost, like, all of his money, like, in the last couple of years, and he was like, I get to start over. He said he felt kind of free.

[Mark Normand]

That's insane.

[Tom Segura]

But.

[Bert Kreischer]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

But that just shows what a disease it is.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Yeah. He's an animal.

[Tom Segura]

That kind of money, and you're like, oh, good.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Yes. Yes. That's fin.

[Tom Segura]

Insane.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. He had a problem. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I'm glad it's not gambling.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, we're so lucky we're not gambling, guys.

[Mark Normand]

Like, I've just, like. I just don't have it. I. I respect it. I. I like. I like going to a casino. It's fun. Like, if. If we go to a casino and hit the tables, I'm like, fun. It's a good time. I never get into, like, hey, can I get, like, 250 grand? You know?

[Bert Kreischer]

No, no.

[Mark Normand]

It just never occurs to me.

[Tom Segura]

Winning doesn't feel as good to me as losing feels bad.

[Mark Normand]

It does. They both feel. Aw. I get this real, like, what you. For it to be like something, you have to have the heart rate move, you know, somewhat.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

And so for me, like, I don't know, man. If I lose, like, anything north of $500 on something I do, I just start to go like. Like, it's like. I know it's not gonna destroy my life, but it starts to just. And if it. If I win, like, if I win like, a thousand dollars, I'll be like, fuck. Like. So I'm just lucky that it's happening there, you know?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Some people, they're like, oh, it's got to be 25 grand. You're like, get the fuck.

[Bert Kreischer]

I know. No way. And now it's on your phone. You got all that fucking phone.

[Tom Segura]

I started to lose some. I was doing real well. Up money during the season for FanDuel once the Knicks are in the playoffs, and I'm getting drunk, and we're down 20.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh.

[Tom Segura]

I'm like, fuck it. We're coming back. I just put a big comeback.

[Mark Normand]

That's what they count on.

[Bert Kreischer]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

Plus 2000. It's brutal, man. I. I kept doing it.

[Mark Normand]

I can't imagine that. I've only done it I. Once or twice when I was at a sports book. Like, hitting a parlay has got to be.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, feels good.

[Mark Normand]

It's got, it's got.

[Tom Segura]

That one.

[Mark Normand]

Feels pretty good. You've done it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I've done it. Where, like, I won't do. I'll do a bunch. So I won't do. I'll do like 50 bucks bet, but I'll do like seven, like, parlays. And when you hit them, you feel great.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, it's got.

[Tom Segura]

It's awesome.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, you do.

[Tom Segura]

I just do a lot of, like, not super crazy ones. So then it just keeps raising and all of a sudden you're like, plus 900 plus.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's like stock.

[Mark Normand]

Like, you. Have you, like, ever listen to, like, Dana White's gambling stories?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, I've heard a couple blackjack things, dude.

[Mark Normand]

We. We podcasted with him and I was like, I gotta. Gotta talk to you about this. So he was like, is well known for being just this insane blackjack.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, right.

[Tom Segura]

Really good at it.

[Mark Normand]

Well, so he had, like, he's had like, crazy runs. And he's also betting, you know, depending on the table, 3, 400,000 a hand. Right? So. So he told me about this. He says on the podcast. I feel like I can say this, that he had a streak once where he. He won. He was walking away with like a million up a night for like something like 18 or 20.

[Bert Kreischer]

Jesus Christ.

[Mark Normand]

In a row. Right. And he also has incredible for somebody doing it at this level, like, incredibly disciplined in that he goes, if I go in and I bet, you know, a few hundred grand and I. I win two, three hands, I leave.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

For him, it's the, it's the. The thrill of winning.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes. Right.

[Mark Normand]

He's a, he's an outlier, like a high, high crazy achiever.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right. That's a sane gambler.

[Mark Normand]

And he. So now he told me he switched to baccarat.

[Bert Kreischer]

Jesus Christ.

[Mark Normand]

And maybe that's the. The one that, the reference. Maybe it wasn't black 23 million.

[Bert Kreischer]

What the hell?

[Mark Normand]

So, but then he told me, he goes, I. And then on the last night I was supposed to go on a vacation, I was at the back at this club, and I. I lost 5 million that night. 5 million. And then he's like, I went on vacation. That's all I could fucking think.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Got back, I was like, I'm get these when I get back. And then he got back and he. He won a couple million. And like, so it's like. But it's at that level is what, what motivates him. Yeah, he was talking about being down and like, playing through the Night like there at 11pm and then at 10am he's like, I gotta go to this meeting.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

Like stayed because he had gone down. And then he was. I love when they, by the, when the blackjack people were like fighting your way back, just grinding it out, you know, digging in. You're like digging in.

[Bert Kreischer]

You mean saying hit me again? Fuck yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It's so crazy to think of it as like just fighting, man. Just fighting, not giving up. And they got back to like close and then he had to go do his meeting.

[Tom Segura]

Oh my God.

[Mark Normand]

And then some of his friends played for him.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

And won money and paid, paid the rest. Like it was.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's just like that's movie shit.

[Mark Normand]

It's real movie shit. And it's just like that feels like.

[Tom Segura]

A miserable way to be rich.

[Bert Kreischer]

But they're, they're on edge. They love it. He jacked up.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Cuz.

[Tom Segura]

No, but I had that kind of money. I think I would just like enjoy.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, completely. I'm with you.

[Mark Normand]

It's the, the idea to him that I was like, I think this is because you're so used to like bit like these big wins of their. Like, you know, the arena sold out. This is the gate. We sold this many pay per views. It was like I was like so.

[Tom Segura]

Pay a woman to piss on you.

[Mark Normand]

When you, when you leave here. You're. You just need another. It's all about getting another hit win. He's like, that's exactly what it is.

[Bert Kreischer]

Well, I mean the biggest gamble was ufc. That was like in the shitter. No one liked it, no one cared about it.

[Mark Normand]

They bought it for 2 million.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

2.2 million. Something like that. Crazy what they bought the UFC for. And then they sold it for I think 4.4 billion.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That's where you see all these basketball teams that got like the guy who just sold the Celtics made, I think he bought it for like 300 and sold it for 4 bill or something like that. Yeah, maybe more.

[Mark Normand]

Something crazy or like when you look at the details of what Jordan's deal was.

[Bert Kreischer]

Well, wait, what was his deal?

[Mark Normand]

So when he bought the Hornets, you.

[Tom Segura]

Know, I thought you were talking about the shoes, but yeah, I mean, well.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, but the Hornets thing was crazy is like you see the purchase price when he bought it at, let's say it was, I think it was like 285 or something. The Charlotte Hornets.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So when he bought that, how much was it bought? 275.

[Bert Kreischer]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

Pretty good.

[Bert Kreischer]

Close.

[Mark Normand]

So when he buys that you you think in your head you're like, well, it's Michael Jordan. He can afford. Right. 275. Dude, all he paid was a down payment amount. And then he just paid month debt payments. So he. In other words, he borrowed, let's say 250 million. Paid like a loan debt payment.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And then when he sold it for 3 billion, he just paid like. He never actually parted.

[Bert Kreischer]

You know what I mean?

[Tom Segura]

Just use that bank.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, he just used the bank to own it. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Dam, that guy's good.

[Bert Kreischer]

He's good.

[Mark Normand]

That's a pretty crazy way. You're like, yeah, I'm good for it. I'll just, I'll make you these debt payments.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And then when I sell it, just clean that out and keep a couple billion dollars.

[Tom Segura]

Lamest franchise to 3 billion.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, well, we were.

[Mark Normand]

It got all. It got crazy.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, it got crazy.

[Mark Normand]

You could like, used to be able to fantasize about being part of a group.

[Bert Kreischer]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

Now they're like, do you have 6 billion?

[Tom Segura]

Someday a WNBA team.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Lowering where you're like, I want to get. Get of women's.

[Bert Kreischer]

How much? What do I have on me here? Get the, the, the spurs or what are they called?

[Tom Segura]

The $75.

[Bert Kreischer]

The lightning. Yeah, we'll get it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

But it's like Steve. We were talking about Steve Jobs before he got here. And he would do a thing where he would lease a Mercedes and then when the, the time came to pay the lease, he would just cancel it and then lease another one. Yeah. Or some crazy like that. And you're like, you're a trillionaire. But they have all these tricks, these.

[Mark Normand]

Rich guy tricks and they do. You know, when they have yachts, they. These are like incredibly expensive assets. They'll be listed under an llc, but even that LLC will be like in their spouse's name.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

They're not actually liable in any way to own this $400 million asset. There's all these like loopholes.

[Bert Kreischer]

My dream is to do the thing in the movies where they're like, we owe the bank 20 million. Let me hit the tables. And you just, you like, how much do we have? 2,000. I'll turn it into 20 million.

[Tom Segura]

Well, all the thing. They all, they just, all of them spend time. You know, if they live in California, New York, they just have a place in Florida that they spend like six months.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

A lot of people do that. The only thing I heard from, like, I know people that do it. Like, what. They have like the Nevada place, you know, and they like, they're Californians, so it's close by. So how do they.

[Tom Segura]

How do they. Do they go by credit card statements or they go by lights and so.

[Mark Normand]

The, the electricity, the thing now. So apparently the most aggressive, aggressive franchise tax board in the country is California's. Like, California's is really, really tough.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right?

[Mark Normand]

If you own anything in California, you're going to hear from them, especially if you're an earner. They're going to be like, yeah, what's up?

[Bert Kreischer]

That's why you got the own.

[Mark Normand]

You owe us. Right? So. But obviously some people are still like, okay, but I still want to keep this California shit. But I'm not a resident. So now, because technology is where it is, there's actually software that you put on your cell phone that you can. That is legally binding, that will show your exact location. So if you do get to that point with the tax board about how much time you spent there, you actually will show them. I spent this many days in California and this many out.

[Tom Segura]

They're getting good.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Can you just leave your phone in Nevada? Get two.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you go back to the landline.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

People have a bad phone, right? People do that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, all the time. Burner phone, all that.

[Tom Segura]

Damn.

[Bert Kreischer]

Trump's got a golden phone. I don't know if you saw that.

[Tom Segura]

Say, do you guys have any peeves.

[Bert Kreischer]

You want to go over? Oh, yeah, I got a. I got a weak peeve, but I got a peeve.

[Tom Segura]

What do you got?

[Bert Kreischer]

All right, I'll start. This is. This is. But it annoys the out of me, so I'm a douche. I don't prepare, and I'm. I'm taking a shower, you know, and I'm in the shower with the, with all the wife's products, and she buys everything and I can't. All her products are so hoity toity and. And frou frou. I can't tell what's what. I'm like, just say shampoo, but it'll be like a puritanical elixir from the rainforest. I'm like, is this conditioner? Is this lotion? Is this douche? What is this, dude?

[Mark Normand]

100 identify.

[Bert Kreischer]

Okay, thank you. So I don't know what I'm. You. I'm just putting in my hair. It's like for Jerry curls or whatnot. I don't know what it is.

[Mark Normand]

I don't even have hair. And I, I still. I still get mad at it. I really do.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

I want to put something on my head for shaving, you know, in the shower.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And I turn, and it's literally forest mist, and I'm. Forced mist.

[Bert Kreischer]

What? Forest Miss. We'll just say shit. But head and shoulders, two in one. Boom.

[Tom Segura]

I'm looking at my extra stuff that's still in my shower. I'm like, what? I'm furious. I'm like. I'm alone, and I don't know.

[Bert Kreischer]

This is. What is this? No one asks exactly this body balm. And I'm like, is that lotion? I don't know what anything is. So just. Just write the shit on there. I know you're trying to be cute.

[Tom Segura]

And men's stuff is so to the point.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Shoulders. I know what the fuck that is.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Pert. Give me some pert.

[Tom Segura]

Man.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. So that. That annoys the shit out of me.

[Tom Segura]

I got a peeve. This is, like a thing you see all over Instagram, people going, I said what? I said.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, I hate that.

[Tom Segura]

It's never controversial. It's always like, best pizza in South Florida. I said what? I said. Was that a big deal?

[Bert Kreischer]

I know. And that sentence doesn't mean it. You said what? Yeah, we caught that when you said.

[Tom Segura]

It, but it's never, like, a shocking thing. These catchphrases catch on.

[Bert Kreischer]

Full stop. Shut up. I saw you stopped. You don't have to tell me. It's full. Yeah, I'm with you on that. I said what? I said it is what it is. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Deal with it.

[Mark Normand]

It is what it is.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That means nothing.

[Bert Kreischer]

There's nothing there. It's an empty statement.

[Mark Normand]

Deal with me.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. I even hate when guys are like, let me just. I'm being completely genuine here. I got a question. I mean, it's completely genuine. Like, just ask it. I assume you're completely genuine. What do I think you're. You're doing a character. Yeah. You know, just ask the question. Hand to God. Hand to God, man. Like, all right.

[Mark Normand]

I get super annoyed by the. I hate corporate formality.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

When. When you, like. I check in the hotel here and they have the card in the room, I actually. There's, like, a visceral reaction to me because it's like. I know it's a manufactured thing that you do for every where. It's like, oh, it's like, tom, we're all excited. I take it and I throw it away in the trash. Sometimes it's in an envelope and I don't open it. I throw it away.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, nice.

[Mark Normand]

I just feel like it's. It's like when corporations are like, you know, Boeing is wishing you a merry Christmas. You're like, really? Boeing it.

[Tom Segura]

You send it to a widow, you're.

[Mark Normand]

Making F22s and you're saying, like, I feel like it's the same way. And I just. It's. It here. It rings inauthentic, like, of course. That's the part of it that really annoys me.

[Tom Segura]

The card also, when they. When they call the room and they check in, they go, how's your stay going? Do you really want to know how I'm doing? Yeah, I'll fucking tell you. I'll unload.

[Mark Normand]

I also don't like, this is a thing that, like, not all held hotels do this, but some do where, like, they always. They time it so just after you arrive, they have an amenity for you. And you're like, dude, I'm laying. Like, I get in. I want to lay on the bed. And then they knock, and you're like, what? And they're like, we have some dried apricots. I don't want them.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And they're like, this is a gift for you. I'm like, you send it back to the hotel, though.

[Tom Segura]

It happened to me. I was in a hotel and I was so cranky. I was just in a. It was like day 12 on a tour bus, and I was finally in a hotel. I was like, I finally went to shower.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

And, like, some guy just shows up, knocks on the door, my pants are off, and I'm like, trying to sleep. I'm like, what? And he goes, some sparkling water.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm like, oh, come on. Jeez. But answering the door in the underwear is a good move because people get the fuck out of it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

They see in your underwear. They're like, here you go.

[Tom Segura]

I look like swamp Thing.

[Bert Kreischer]

I was like, ah.

[Tom Segura]

Some poor guy was just like, I'm sorry. I was just trying to give you sparkling water. I was like, ah, sorry.

[Bert Kreischer]

I had this one the other day where I was in a hotel and I was fucking with the AC and it was boiling hot in the room. And I'm like, I got it on 65. What the hell? So I had to call down. I hate to be that guy. And they're like, we'll send up Bob. He's our repair guy. So now. Now I'll be my underwear with a boner. And Bob's got overalls on. And he's like, I think I got it. And he's up on a ladder. We're making small talk. And I'm like, should I leave the whole Thing feels weird.

[Tom Segura]

Should I.

[Bert Kreischer]

Him? Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Bob, I am lonely.

[Bert Kreischer]

But I had, like, you know, Pawn Stars on. He's like, oh, I know this one. And I'm like, all right, Bob. It's getting too intimate.

[Tom Segura]

I hate when it's late at night and they're like, we can send something.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like, yeah, I don't want.

[Mark Normand]

No, no, no. I had that for, like. I was like, all right, I'm gonna watch a movie. And then it wasn't working. And I was like, it's not working. And they're like, we can send them up. I go, I'll just go to bed.

[Tom Segura]

Have you seen Sinners yet? Yeah, it's pretty cool, man.

[Mark Normand]

I thought it was really.

[Tom Segura]

I dug.

[Bert Kreischer]

I gotta see it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I thought it was really cool.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I was like, this is fun.

[Mark Normand]

The music, the stories. There's like. Like, I love going into movies, not knowing, and I didn't know shit. Only thing I had heard from people, they were like, like, endorsing it. So I was like, I'm not gonna look it up. I'm not gonna try to, like, same. And so I would say that, like, a lot of the pivots and turns were very unexpected. I was like, oh, this is not the story I thought we were gonna see.

[Bert Kreischer]

Okay. It's not too kill whitey?

[Tom Segura]

No, it's fine.

[Bert Kreischer]

Okay. Sometimes I get bummed out with the. The Joy of White Death. A little.

[Tom Segura]

There's a hint of it.

[Bert Kreischer]

I can take a little. I mean, if the white guys are bad, you know, it's a clan member. All right.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, the vampires and clan, so. All right, you want to win?

[Bert Kreischer]

All right. One of those. I like. Oh, sorry. You get what you got to peeve.

[Tom Segura]

I got a wreck.

[Bert Kreischer]

Okay. Do the wreck.

[Tom Segura]

No. What do you got? You gotta be.

[Bert Kreischer]

Well, no, I got a wreck, too.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, stupid wreck. But game changer for me. I don't know if you guys use these, please. Packing cubes for travel, dude. You don't use them?

[Bert Kreischer]

No. What's a packing cube?

[Tom Segura]

They're like bucks on Amazon. You just, like. You get one for your underwear, you get one for your shirts, you get.

[Bert Kreischer]

One for your socks, and you ship these.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, I put it in my. In my suitcase.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, well, what. Why not just use the suitcase?

[Tom Segura]

You put it in the suitcase like that because it just divides everything so it doesn't get all together, and it is.

[Mark Normand]

It is really fucking brilliant.

[Tom Segura]

Game changer. Bucks Animal.

[Bert Kreischer]

This is an extra thing to me. This is more work than. I put the underwear next to the shirt, it's a.

[Mark Normand]

It's a. It's a little bit of an. It is an extra step. And you kind of are like, what the am I doing? Yeah, but when you see the. The level of satisfaction and what am I. Marie Kondo.

[Bert Kreischer]

I mean, I got. I'm going for three days.

[Mark Normand]

If. Do you pack a lot or are you a light packer?

[Bert Kreischer]

Very light.

[Mark Normand]

If you're a light packer, it's probably less. I think if you're a heavy packer, like, I go overboard.

[Bert Kreischer]

What about a fudge packer? I couldn't resist.

[Mark Normand]

I love asshole of.

[Tom Segura]

It's Bob Love that guy's asshole.

[Mark Normand]

Rosy red.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

If you have. But if you're like, you know, like, I like to bring like double the amount of underwear and then all of a sudden it's in this cube and you're like, that's my underwear thing.

[Bert Kreischer]

Got it.

[Mark Normand]

Start to do it like that. I thought it was. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Fantastic.

[Mark Normand]

What happens when you get dirty clothes?

[Bert Kreischer]

Where does that get?

[Tom Segura]

I just get.

[Mark Normand]

You bring an empty one. Yeah, you bring an empty bag and it's like, it's. It takes up no space because it's empty. And then as you're going along the week.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right. Makes sense. I'll rewear an underwear. I'll flip it.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's an old school move.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah. You guys don't do the flip.

[Tom Segura]

What if you work out?

[Bert Kreischer]

It's a whole clean side.

[Mark Normand]

Holy shit.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's awful. Literally.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. That's a boomer's move, you know that?

[Tom Segura]

It's a fucking disgusting.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm a boomer, I guess, isn't.

[Mark Normand]

I remember my dad would do that and I would. I would go, yo, like.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I would see him pick up underwear on the ground.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Had a nice clear brown streak.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh.

[Mark Normand]

I go, what the. He goes, just a little sunset.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's what he called it.

[Mark Normand]

Flip it around.

[Bert Kreischer]

Well, I'm not wearing whiteies, I'll tell you that. So my brown is hidden.

[Tom Segura]

The flip is fucking gross.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's. Well, I'm not going to, you know, do a tough mudder and then flipping it, but if I. If I go to Cleveland and, you know, do a show, I'll flip. Wow. That guy's got a roach in there. Jesus Christ.

[Tom Segura]

Dude. It's satisfying because you just. You just know where everything is.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's very satisfying.

[Bert Kreischer]

All right, all right, I'll give it a shot. I just feel like they got the.

[Tom Segura]

Suitcase and they're cheap on Amazon. You can.

[Mark Normand]

I have to bring this One up. Because I was pleased. I was like, these. I wonder if it hits you the same way. I. It's a. It's a quiet one.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

Like, it's all right that I keep to myself usually, but I feel like it's when you befriend people that don't work in comedy and they go, oh, like you're in comedy, so they send you comedy clips, like sketches.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah, that's tough.

[Mark Normand]

And I'm always like. I look at it. I'm like, this make you fucking lol, dude.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like, I want to be like, if.

[Tom Segura]

It'S good, I never am bothered by. But if it's bad, shit, I'm like, it's rarely.

[Mark Normand]

That's the thing.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's like, it's always very broad.

[Mark Normand]

Sometimes it's gonna be good, right?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

By number, you're gonna be like, this is great. Half the time when it's that you already know it. You're like, I know, I know him. Like, yeah, that is great. And I've seen this whatever. But so many times it's like this broad, like, woman.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, you meant abroad.

[Tom Segura]

And I fucking skirt.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Some game.

[Mark Normand]

I literally have to be go like, ha, ha ha.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Like, I don't know how to. And then they're like, isn't that great? Yep.

[Tom Segura]

This part of me, I'm cautious when it's someone in another field. Like, if there's like a musician and I have a friend who's a musician, I'm like, oh, what do you. It's more like, oh, what do you think of this?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I'm more like curious.

[Mark Normand]

Well, that's because we have the proper amount of self awareness and fear inside of us to be like, hey, you're a musician. Have you heard this?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Where they're gonna be like, yeah, this is fucking.

[Bert Kreischer]

Ha ha ha.

[Tom Segura]

I made the mistake of telling a couple musician friends of mine that I enjoyed the Timothee Chalamet Bob Dylan movie. And they were like, you fucking like that?

[Bert Kreischer]

And I was right.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that was really good. And they were just like, oh, please.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, interesting.

[Mark Normand]

It was.

[Tom Segura]

He was always him. He was never. Ellen was just like, yeah, I liked it.

[Mark Normand]

What was their critique of it?

[Tom Segura]

They just thought he never became Bob Dylan. They thought they were watching. They felt like they were watching Timothy Chalamet.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, maybe it's like how we see punchline. We're like, that's not Tom. That's not a comic locker.

[Tom Segura]

Well, if we see someone playing a comic, we're gonna be more critical of course, of course. Like, we saw the Richard Pryor, which. They've been trying to make the Richard Pryor movie forever.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

But you see, they're doing a Springsteen. It's. It feels just like the Chalamet's. The guy from the Bear. Yeah. Is doing Springsteen. And you're like, is this just an Oscar win or is that what they're going for, these biopics? Yeah, because, you know, you get sweaty and you're up there.

[Mark Normand]

Chalamet was so celebrated for that.

[Bert Kreischer]

I thought he killed it. Right. I thought he killed it.

[Tom Segura]

I thought he was.

[Bert Kreischer]

And this looks pretty cool too, to be honest. But it's weird that, like, artists I grew up liking are now so old that it has to have a biopic. We.

[Tom Segura]

When they're not dead yet.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah. Both still alive.

[Mark Normand]

They'll be dead soon.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Ray Charles was dead for the Ray movie, right?

[Bert Kreischer]

That's true. Live while it was being made. He died right when it came out.

[Tom Segura]

Johnny Cash was dead before.

[Bert Kreischer]

Definitely dead.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah. Because what's his name?

[Bert Kreischer]

Who, Stevie Wonder?

[Mark Normand]

No, the actor.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, no, no.

[Mark Normand]

But the real guy, I just.

[Bert Kreischer]

Ray Charles.

[Mark Normand]

So Ray Charles was there signing off on.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, he killed that, by the way.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, my God, he nailed that role.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he was amazing.

[Mark Normand]

I met him a couple weeks ago.

[Tom Segura]

Jamie that next to him on a flight.

[Mark Normand]

It was at this, like, they did this Emmy, like, submission event. So, like, I was there for the show where they're like, we're submitting these things, right. Like, just to, like, to voter. And he was there for his special.

[Bert Kreischer]

But, whoa.

[Mark Normand]

It is definitely. Why, like, he's so talented.

[Bert Kreischer]

He's unbelievable in every genre, too. Comedy, everything. Acting. He can play sports.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. He was like. I was kind of like, oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I love that movie Collateral too.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh.

[Mark Normand]

I went up to him and I was like, hey, dude, like, I just want you to know that I. I watched booty call like, 300 times. He's like, that's digging deep in the well, man.

[Tom Segura]

I think it's kind of underrated.

[Mark Normand]

I watched it so many for real, because it was like a perfect, like, my age when that came out.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And then I also remember it was kid 97. Then, like, the next year, we went on a family cruise. And at the time, cruise ships would, like, just replay like, like four movies.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Booty Call was one of them. The whole week I would just watch Booty Call. And every time I went to the room.

[Tom Segura]

A good review for it, though.

[Bert Kreischer]

Did he?

[Tom Segura]

Ebert gave it a Good review.

[Bert Kreischer]

Hell yeah. Good movie. Ebert's the man. Black Wife. Damn. Yeah. Booty call was fun. Oh, I was gonna say something about biopics and now I lost. Oh, do you think in like 40 years we'll do like a Wiz Khalifa? Like, where does it end? You know, like.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Forever. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

You're gonna have to hit everybody. Here's Post Malone and do you guys watch docs? I'm a huge dog. That was my wreck.

[Tom Segura]

I haven't seen it yet. I gotta watch.

[Bert Kreischer]

I just watched the Led Zeppelin.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I've heard that. That's really good.

[Tom Segura]

Paul Rubens is the one.

[Bert Kreischer]

Paul Rubens is killer.

[Mark Normand]

That watch you watch the Bin Laden one?

[Bert Kreischer]

No, that one's.

[Tom Segura]

It's good.

[Mark Normand]

Phenomenal.

[Bert Kreischer]

Really. What.

[Tom Segura]

Which.

[Mark Normand]

Which stream on Netflix.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, I even know it was out that.

[Mark Normand]

And I would say the. The Tylenol Murders.

[Bert Kreischer]

I watched that.

[Mark Normand]

That was. That was for me was more fas. I'm older than you guys, but I remember. I remember it being like a trivia thing but have zero memory of any of it, like, happening. It was just like, that's a crazy story. But seeing that, seeing them tell the full, full story in detail was.

[Tom Segura]

I don't even realize.

[Bert Kreischer]

Just a psycho guy who put cyanide. Cyanide in seven random bottles. And just the country people that were.

[Mark Normand]

Dying taking Tylenol and they recalled all of it. All Tylenol, dude. Like, which was their. It was their money maker. It was like.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Biggest product they had.

[Bert Kreischer]

Was it Johnson Johnson? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Owned the parent. That was the parent company of the company that made it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

This was the impetus of having the.

[Mark Normand]

Seal on every single bottle. Way that that happened was back when this happened, you would just open the bottle and it's just an open bottle with the pills. And then that led to like seals, double seals.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's amazing they pulled through that. That nosedive. It's incredible. It's a crazy recall.

[Mark Normand]

It's incredible. But that's a really interesting.

[Tom Segura]

Damn.

[Mark Normand]

I got a story.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's good.

[Tom Segura]

I can't. I feel like I've heard that now, but I. Yeah, that's crazy.

[Mark Normand]

The Bin Laden one is like fascinating in that they lay out things so incredibly well, but they also have. They got such great access. Like Leon Panetta's in it. Former CIA director.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, nice.

[Mark Normand]

People in the, like high ranking people are like giving you all this like beat by beat insight and how they're figuring out because like we. I always feel like it's one of those stories where you're like.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You remember the highlights, you know? But when you watch them in detail review, when they lock in on this compound in Abbottabad and they think they're like, something's going on here. There's two families living in this house. Wait a minute. There's three families working, living in this house.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And then there's a figure who would pace. They called him the Pacer, but they're doing it from, like, a satellite. And then they use. I forget the term, but it's a term that they use for if you are walking and the sun hits you a certain. At a certain angle, you create your shadow. They determine by the shadow and the distance from the photograph how tall you are. When they did that, they were like, oh, they're like, this person is like 6, 6, 5.

[Bert Kreischer]

He was huge.

[Mark Normand]

Right. And so they were like, wow. Still couldn't see the face. But they're like, it's either him or it's another six foot five.

[Tom Segura]

Him or Grant Hill.

[Mark Normand]

Pacing up and down.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Was he a Pacer? Indiana. I'm thinking of Halliburton, but, yeah. That's crazy. I love. That's old school. They use the sun. It was a sun killer. Wow.

[Mark Normand]

It's a great. It's a great.

[Tom Segura]

I'm gonna check them both out.

[Bert Kreischer]

Do they get into his Whitney Houston obsession? He was obsessed with Whitney Houston.

[Mark Normand]

Don't know.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

He loved Whitney.

[Mark Normand]

I know they got a lot of porn when he.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh.

[Mark Normand]

In his room when they. When they collected everything. They're like, this guy loves Barely Legal.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Remember when they killed him. How exciting that was for the country. That was. That was big news.

[Mark Normand]

I remember where I was. One of those things. I remember where you were.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Because I was. We were living in Silver Lake on Hyperion, and it was an evening brought like. It was like breaking news at night.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

He came out.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And we were like, no. And then you would hear people like, hung.

[Bert Kreischer]

Hung. Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It was pretty cool.

[Tom Segura]

Nice to have a moment where everyone comes together.

[Bert Kreischer]

I know we need.

[Tom Segura]

We need more of those.

[Bert Kreischer]

Now we just get that with, like a TikTok trend.

[Tom Segura]

Animated films on his hard drive included ants, cars, Chicken Little Ice Age. He was a Woody Allen guy.

[Bert Kreischer]

Whoa. Broadway Danny Rose one Charlie Bit My Finger was a viral clip. Wow, that's great. I got. I can't wait to watch this. I watched the Churchill one. I loved it. I watched the Tylenol. I'm gonna watch this.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. There's great World War II ones.

[Bert Kreischer]

Great World War II. Unbelievable. But the Zeppelin doc, you gotta watch it. It could have been nine hours longer. I didn't want it to end. You know, the partying and how they met. They didn't know each other. They just were like, we want to start a band. I. I think I remember. This guy was a drummer. So they turns out to be the best drummer of all time, John Bonham. And they just got to know each other on the first album. They were just phenoms who happened to link up.

[Mark Normand]

That's pretty crazy.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's crazy. Then they become the biggest band. They outsold the Beatles for a while. Wow. Insane. Then they, you know, the huge hog on Robert Plant. They just got this front man who happened to be super talent. The whole thing's crazy that it worked out and they wouldn't do singles. And they were. They were great. That's like, Jesus, look at the. The bulge.

[Tom Segura]

That balls, too. That's balls, too.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm sure you can.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, there's balls in there.

[Bert Kreischer]

He was the original Chronicle, San Francisco.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, he was. He's still out there performing.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah. Plant's still alive. Bonham died of drinking.

[Tom Segura]

Jimmy Page, 32.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a genius.

[Mark Normand]

By the way, Plant was living at least part of the year in Austin for a while.

[Bert Kreischer]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

If you put in his name in Austin, does it come up as still living there?

[Bert Kreischer]

I think he's doing Kill Tony tomorrow.

[Tom Segura]

Lived in Austin for a couple years.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Oh, how about that music scene? Wow. I didn't work with that guy. Get him on the pod. All right. I guess he's gone now. But, yeah, great dog. Really interesting and just fun to see. The 70s, and there's just the. The wildness of it. And they show some groupy stuff. It's. It's killer. They put the work in. That's what I love about these guys. They're real artists. Like, they really tried to be innovative and make new, and they were like, the Beatles are too square. We're gonna go harder. And it's awesome.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Tom Segura]

Which. It's on Netflix.

[Bert Kreischer]

Netflix, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Damn. They're churning it out, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

They've been this, like, this doc streak lately has been killer. Really great.

[Bert Kreischer]

Love it. Yeah. So, yeah, now you got a show. Season two. That's exciting. You got to get to work.

[Mark Normand]

I know. I. I'm gonna have to wait a little while. We're doing a movie next month.

[Bert Kreischer]

So many irons on the fire. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And then I go back on tour in the fall, so I'll shoot the special in November, and then we'll go back to the writers room for this, I think.

[Bert Kreischer]

Holy hell. Well. And you got a hooch. Yes, we got.

[Mark Normand]

Thank you.

[Tom Segura]

Good stuff.

[Mark Normand]

Thanks, brother. Thank you so much.

[Bert Kreischer]

Very nice. Yeah, we got brown and white. We got Serena and the husband here.

[Mark Normand]

Currently available in Jersey, I think, you know, it's such a thing to get into states.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

So we have it. It's available in a. Every. Every month. We get like, oh, now you're in South Carolina. Now you're in Illinois. You're in Arizona, California, Texas. But we got into Jersey, so we're available.

[Bert Kreischer]

Nice. If you'd only get rid of Bert, then we'd really take it off. That's my impression of the Internet. But I hope. I hope I. I text with Bert. He's a horrible texter. He'll. He'll. He'll ask me a question, and I'll answer it and go, what do you think of this? And he won't respond. I'm like, you started this.

[Mark Normand]

You don't have to tell me.

[Bert Kreischer]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, he's the worst texter. But, yeah, I'm on tour too.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, hell yeah. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

If you go to tomsker.com tour, got a bunch of dates leading up arenas. We. Oh, yeah, we have a couple.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

A couple. But. And then I'm doing a theater tour in the fall because we're shooting in a theater.

[Tom Segura]

You know, we.

[Mark Normand]

Special. Yeah, we announced it. It's a. It's in. It's November 15th in Milwaukee.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, that's a great.

[Mark Normand]

I love it. So we're gonna do at the Riverside Theater.

[Bert Kreischer]

Nice. Hell, yeah. So go to that.

[Mark Normand]

Excited to do that.

[Bert Kreischer]

What's that, your 13th hour? I mean, what are we on here?

[Mark Normand]

I think that's six. Six.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, okay.

[Mark Normand]

Six Special. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Damn. You were one of the first. I know you've covered it, but you were in the first Netflix crazy takeoff specials.

[Mark Normand]

Well, I was. I was absolute. Burr had done it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. And.

[Mark Normand]

But, like, what they were saying was. They were like, yeah, it's. It's been really good for Burr. That's what. That was, what they said at the time. I was like, okay. They're like. So this guy who's like. Like, at the time, you're like, he's great.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Worked for him. Great.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right?

[Mark Normand]

It was a. It was definitely not, like, what it became.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like, it was 2013. And they were like, yeah, they have, like. Like 38 million subscribers, but it keeps growing.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I was like, does it?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You know, I mean, it wasn't like, the.

[Bert Kreischer]

You were kind of hesitant about Neff.

[Mark Normand]

Oh. It was a consolation prize.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Wow.

[Mark Normand]

The goal was Comedy Central.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow. Wow.

[Mark Normand]

And I had been on Comedy. Comedy Center. Crazy. Like, I had a relationship. I did Live at Gotham. I did this mashup show. I did a presents. I was like, I want to do an hour. Like, that was the goal. And then getting on there, I was like, they're like. Because they're like, Comedy Central turn. Turned it down.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, interesting.

[Mark Normand]

I was like, all right. And they're like, but you can be on Netflix. And I was like, cool.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Hilarious. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And then now they have 300 million subscribers.

[Bert Kreischer]

Netflix Global, baby.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. It's pretty. It's pretty crazy the way it changed. But remember, like. Like, Comedy Central was everyone's goal.

[Bert Kreischer]

Of course. Hbo before that even.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah. But HBO kind of seemed untouchable because their model was. Are you a superstar? You know, it was like, Robin Williams, Carlin, Chris Rock, Seinfeld. Yeah, that was it. They only played in that arena at that time, so it was like Comedy Central felt, like, accessible.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

But also great because, like, Attell was there, and they played the shit out.

[Tom Segura]

Of your special for a while. By the time we had hours on there, they were like. It was like, one and done.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And you had to do three edits. I remember doing.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

It was like, they're like, we have the extended version. That's 50 minutes, 55 minutes. You have the 52 and then the 42.

[Bert Kreischer]

And I'm like, all right.

[Tom Segura]

So you're just, like, cutting lines and jokes for this.

[Bert Kreischer]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

For the commercials did something that made me so crazy, and I. Nobody really cared because they were like, okay. But it was on. I forget if it was the half hour. I think it might have been the half hour or one of the other standup shows. Maybe it was the Live at Gotham. Dude. They took on their. Like, they don't. There was no. Like, you're involved.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You just shot it and left.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

They took the setup of one joke and the punchline of another.

[Bert Kreischer]

Ah, that should be illegal.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, my God. It doesn't even make any sense.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And they were like, oh, yeah. So I'm like, what do you mean, you're sorry? This is. Makes no sense.

[Bert Kreischer]

My career. Yeah, I know. So what the hell is the next thing? Or. Because I watched a YouTube video on Netflix is, like, bigger than earth. It's going to take over everything. It's going to eat everything that tries to compete with it. Can it be beaten? Is There. I know you're on there, so I don't want to scare you, but can it be toppled? Is there another thing that could actually rival it in eyeballs?

[Mark Normand]

History teaches us anything. Like everything is temporary.

[Bert Kreischer]

I. Exactly.

[Mark Normand]

Everything. Like, I'm not saying that it's AI but it goes back to like what we started where like you can't ignore things like technology jumps, especially in entertainment. Like, I understand the thing where people were like, we don't want AI to write our stuff and perform it. Like, yeah, for sure. But it's still here and you better learn about it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Of course you're gonna.

[Mark Normand]

You're gonna have to like figure something out. I don't know the answer. I just know that it's like, it's part of what we're doing.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yo. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And then.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Look, everything. Business is all about competition. So you know, that's what Hulu got big into the stand ups. Because they're competing, you know?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like they're all. Everyone's competing. So. I mean Netflix knows that. They know how. How business works.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh yeah.

[Mark Normand]

They're the big dog. So they're gonna be aggressive. And the end, like the end of this whole thing is always like the best material, like content, if you want to call it is gonna always draw the most eyeball.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

So only way you could defeat a giant would be like, oh, there's this other place. And we're doing amazing things.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

Look, Apple had some huge shows.

[Mark Normand]

They have some huge shows. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

If you make something good. I. I hope I'm not just being optimistic, but I think people will find it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. I hope you're right.

[Mark Normand]

Sometimes things kind of fall. Fall under the radar, you know? And you're like, that's a great show. Like I remember 000 you ever saw.

[Bert Kreischer]

Never heard of it.

[Mark Normand]

So good. And it's on Amazon.

[Bert Kreischer]

And I really.

[Mark Normand]

I still think about it. I saw it years ago and it's so fucking good. Yeah. It came down during the pandemic.

[Bert Kreischer]

What?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. This show's amazing.

[Bert Kreischer]

What is it like a spy show? So.

[Mark Normand]

Dude, this show follows because I feel like one of the things that happens with it is when you start to describe it, you're like, oh, it's like another one of those. And you're like, it's not another one of those. Like it's. It's so. It's so much better. So it's the same creator who did Gamora.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh yeah.

[Mark Normand]

That Italian mob style show. And he did this. And it follows like a shipping fam. Like A family that's does like hot like massive container ship shipments. This. The Italian Mafia, but not like the. Not Sicilian. Like a Northern Italian mafia family and then cartel people. But all this. The stories are interconnected. And dude, they shoot this show in like. I mean on location in. In Louisiana, in Mexico, in Northern Italy, in North Africa. Like on. On. You're like, what is the fucking budget of this show?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You watch the show. You're like, is this. There was stories that it was a $300 million budget, which I believed at the time. I learned later I met somebody who was friends with the line producer and they were like, no, it was not that. But they just made the most of what they had. But it's just a really like the. The writing and the storytelling and the acting is tremendous.

[Bert Kreischer]

All right.

[Mark Normand]

Really good show.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's a good wreck.

[Mark Normand]

And it's a one and done. The guy like everyone when this ended, they're like, oh, we want season two. He's like, I always made it to be okay. Standalone.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, damn. Hell yeah. I love. Like that. Is that cocaine on the. On the COVID there?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. 000 is in reference to. It's like the most purified.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh. Got it. Not cut with anything.

[Tom Segura]

Amazon does have. Does have some good.

[Mark Normand]

But it's like.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Sneak like a sleeper. Awesome show.

[Bert Kreischer]

Never heard of it. Now I'm interested. They got Sam Special on there. Check that out.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Another sleeper they have.

[Tom Segura]

I mean I thought Slow Horses was a pretty sick spy show on Apple. I was great. I love it.

[Mark Normand]

It's great.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And he is just. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

He's fun.

[Mark Normand]

Gary Oldman.

[Tom Segura]

He's incredible.

[Bert Kreischer]

He's always good.

[Tom Segura]

It's funny. It's legit funny as well as being awesome.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

It's a great show.

[Mark Normand]

Very funny.

[Bert Kreischer]

All right. We'll get some Poroso. See Tom on tour. Go see or check out his show. Bad Thoughts on Netflix.

[Tom Segura]

Check out Two Bears Bank July 12th. Count Basie Theater will be at the Wilbur August 7th. I'll be in LA at the Irvine Improv October 22nd through 24th. And then OKC after that. And then Vegas. Then I'm doing a club in Rochester. And so.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh.

[Tom Segura]

Chicago Theater October 4th. That's a fun one.

[Mark Normand]

The best.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Winnipeg Casino the night after that.

[Bert Kreischer]

That'll humble you. Gotta go through to a casino.

[Tom Segura]

Bringing a little Gary to that one too. Then we got Salt Lake City November 14th through 16th. And then Carnegie Hall December 4th.

[Bert Kreischer]

Hell yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Big stuff.

[Tom Segura]

Sam.com shows or Punchup Live. Samuel Punch up live. Mark Normand?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Are you on Punch Up?

[Mark Normand]

I think so.

[Bert Kreischer]

Check it out. I'm on. I'm at the Melody Tent, which is kind of a crazy venue for me, so come on by that. Then we're at the.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, you're going overseas, bro.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, Foxwoods, Ben Sale, and then New Zealand. Australia. We're adding shows in Sydney and Melbourne and Adelaide, so that's cool. Then. Then I'm in the Hamptons. That's a. That's a beach trip. Calgary for the great outdoors. Vegas, Dallas. And that's good enough for a while.

[Mark Normand]

Australia's so.

[Bert Kreischer]

I love it. Third time going.

[Mark Normand]

They're the best.

[Bert Kreischer]

Big fan. Great. I always say, Australia's America in the 80s. They never got annoying, they never got queefy. They still do blow. The girls are skinny. It's great.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

All right, we'll see you all in hell. Thanks a lot. Whiff it up and rip, Warty. Sunday's the day for my next offender. A bit of piva wreck. You know, the beer juice. Close. I've had a little too much burping. And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope. And I get down in the same way I found the roof like the cops coming and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans this woman doesn't look like I remember her and I get down in the same way we might be true.