Ep 253: Whitney Cummings

Summary

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We Might Be Drunk Ep 253: Whitney Cummings

Date: October 13, 2025
Hosts: Mark Normand & Sam Morril
Guest: Whitney Cummings

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Episode Overview

Theme:
This episode is a classic We Might Be Drunk hang, with comedians Sam Morril and Mark Normand joined by the irreverent and candid Whitney Cummings. The trio swaps stories about comedian life, road peeves, generational culture clashes, outrage cycles, comedy’s changing landscape, and self-destructive quirks. They riff on everything from personal vices to nostalgia, social media mobs, negative feedback, and why comedians seem primed for self-inflicted chaos.
The tone is loose, quick-witted, self-deprecating, and always teetering on the edge of controversial honesty.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Cheap Habits Die Hard

• 00:06–01:30 The group confesses their lingering "cheap" habits despite success—Whitney grabs hotel matches, Mark hoards fast-food napkins, and Sam admits to pocketing hotel mints and soaps ("I haven't bought soap in 10 years" – Sam, 00:50).
• Rich people still doing broke stuff is a recurring bit.

“I love when rich people still do broke sh*t.” – Mark Normand (00:34)

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2. On Fake Foods, Placebo & Suckers

• 01:27–03:40 Digression into how things like Haagen Dazs and Chilean sea bass are marketing inventions.
• Placebo effect and whether citronella candles actually work ("My dad invented them. They're fake." – Mark, quoting a lawyer, 03:11).
• Skepticism about online studies and product claims.

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3. Surviving Before Comedy Paid

• 03:44–04:44 Mark shares hustling for cash via depression studies:

“Once you’ve done studies like that, any study you see, you’re like, no—that’s a bunch of people who needed $50.” – Mark (03:54)

• It’s a slice of how comics grind before making it.

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4. Party Tales & Woody Allen Podcast Critique

• 04:43–07:19 Whitney on recent birthday benders ("They just kept feeding me booze," 05:06);
• The group critiques Bill Maher’s Woody Allen interview ("He talked through the whole thing. He wouldn’t let Woody talk. He sucks." – Sam, 05:52).
• Woody Allen’s legacy: Critical discussion on "Annie Hall," problematic tropes, age-gap relationships in old cinema, and the fascination with neurotic male leads.

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5. Aging, Cancel Culture & Generational Slurs

• 11:31–14:09
• How society judges old celebrities differently:

"Why aren’t you giving the 85 year old guy a pass?... Ageism." – Mark (12:44)

• Reflections on language changing (Oriental, colored), Carlin’s bits, and the confusion that comes with "woke" lingo shifts.

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6. Social Media Rage and Negativity

• 14:45–19:59
• Sam and Mark vent about “dead internet theory,” bots yelling at bots, and the meaninglessness of most outrage.
• Negative feedback and trolling are compared to high school bullying.

"If I was 15 and my hero was on Twitter, I'd be like, hey you, son...We’re all still in high school." – Mark (19:30)

• Whitney: "I’ll post and ghost." (15:50)
• Real world is less hostile than online:

“No one knows you. The sun is shining. Birds are chirping. It’s just on here.” – Sam (16:06)

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7. Peeves Segment

a. Airline Etiquette & Parenting

• 23:40–26:06
• Whitney’s peeve: parents who let kids play video games loudly with no headphones on planes:

“Just use the headphones! …He goes, ‘She’s a baby.’ I go, ‘Yeah, but you’re not.’” – Whitney (24:13)

• Noise complaints, babies crying vs. controllable annoyances.

b. Obesity, Flights, and Comfort Wars

• 32:44–42:34
• Sam’s peeve: Being seated next to an extremely obese passenger in first class.

"This is secondhand fat." – Sam (33:39)

• Whitney reframes obesity as addiction/addictive coping, not pure choice.
• Conversation on “body positivity”—dad bods, double standards, and social empathy for different vices.

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8. Comics & Vices: Addictions, Overcommitting, and Self-Sabotage

• 42:53–53:54
• The crew confesses to their current vices—Mark: overcommitting, Whitney: drinking, Sam: buying stuff for his kid.
• Whitney and Mark both like taking cabs over Ubers for human connection and street-level news:

"I divide people into who takes cabs and who doesn't." – Mark (50:08)

• Hilarious story of Mark losing his laptop in a cab and frantically chasing it around NYC (51:04–52:59).

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9. Podcast Health Trends and Wellness Fads

• 54:29–56:41
• Sam’s ill-fated attempt at "health hacks" (salt in water, banana peels in the yard) leads to anecdotal lampooning of comedian wellness obsessions.

“It, like, hurt me. I almost had to go to the hospital because...I was eating so much salt.” – Sam (54:40)

• Topic: How comedians chase the next “fix,” be it health, vice, or a dopamine spike.

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10. Collectibles, Wealth & Nostalgia

• 58:04–64:04
• The gang riffs on grown adults collecting toys (Labubus, Pokémon), the psychology of “flexing” with rare memorabilia or expensive oddities.

“True wealth now is buying something you don’t even want just so someone else can’t have it.” – Mark (60:04)

• Comedians admit to developing new, sometimes comical, hobbies as replacements for unhealthy coping mechanisms.
• Nostalgia for vintage cars—guest and hosts discuss personal favorites, the joy (and risk) of classic car ownership.

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11. Labyrinth, Movie Nostalgia & Musicians Acting

• 68:06–74:06
• Whitney pitches "Labyrinth" (1986) as a must-watch; the group reminisces about weird children’s movies and “amusing litter” (singers starring in movies).
• Fun rapid-fire: Cher, Lady Gaga, Britney, Eminem, and Whitney Houston as stars who crossed over to acting.

"I love when they go, 'You're so famous, we don't even have a script. We'll figure it out later.'" – Whitney (71:16)

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12. Work Ethic, Stand-Up, & Comedy Reps

• 77:00–79:43
• Whitney credits Louis C.K. for reinforcing a strong comedy work ethic ("That’s what it takes." – Louis, recalled by Whitney, 78:31).
• They debate why comics are shamed for "working too much" and push back:

“Why am I mentally ill for trying to be good at my job?” – Mark (79:13)

• Tension between work/life, romantic partners and the commitment stand-up demands.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Mark on trolls & negative feedback:
  "The narcissism to believe we never deserve any negativity ever... we're still in high school. Everyone's just trolling each other." (19:30)

• Whitney on airplane parenting:
  "I'm fine with a baby crying on a flight, but the noise from machines is controllable." (25:16)

• Sam on flights:
  "This is secondhand fat." (33:39)

• Whitney on comedian vices:
  "Our job is like understanding human nature – why don’t we have compassion for them, they’re just addicted to trolling." (19:51)

• Whitney on obsession with productivity:
  "You conflate busyness with actual productivity." (49:37)

• Mark on NYC cab wisdom:
  "Where are you from? Ukraine? Can you tell me what's going on? That's the only way." (50:20)

• Sam on online outrage:
  "I went outside and was like, here it comes... and no one knows. No one knows you." (16:06)

• Mark on the changing definition of cool:
  "I think there’s something kind of punk rock about being wholesome now." (67:02)

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Notable Segments & Timestamps

• 00:06–03:40 – Wild cheap habits, hotel soap, fake food brands
• 04:43–07:19 – Woody Allen, podcast critique, age and relationships
• 11:31–14:09 – Cancel culture, aging, and changing language
• 14:45–19:59 – "Dead Internet"/trolling/negative feedback discussion
• 23:40–26:06 – Peeves: Noisy kids on flights, headphones
• 32:44–42:34 – “Secondhand fat,” body positivity, vices
• 42:53–53:54 – Addictions: Overcommitting, self-sabotage, lost laptop saga
• 54:29–56:41 – Health fads & comedian wellness trends
• 58:04–64:04 – Collectibles, cars, and nostalgia
• 68:06–74:06 – Movie recommendations, musicians in film
• 77:00–79:43 – Comedy work ethic, Louis C.K., stand-up hustle

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Final Thoughts

The episode is a whirlwind of brutally honest confessions, sharp pop culture stories, and meta-observations about modern society, internet outrage, and comedian self-sabotage. Whitney Cummings seamlessly trades high-energy barbs and intimate admissions with Mark and Sam, displaying the deep camaraderie, competitiveness, and mutual understanding comics share.

“Our job is to understand human nature… So why don’t we have compassion for trolls?” – Whitney Cummings (19:51)

A highly recommended listen for comedy fans, stand-ups, and anyone craving unfiltered talk about the insecurities, distractions, and survival tactics of life in—and out—of the spotlight.

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Transcript

[Whitney Cummings]

No, you look. Look like. Like you work out like crazy, probably.

[Mark Normand]

I do work out. I don't know if it's, like, crazy. I do, like, weird body workouts. I don't, like, go to the gym. What is in your.

[Sam Morril]

I had a mint.

[Mark Normand]

Okay, Pedophile. Why do you just have candy?

[Whitney Cummings]

This would be the saddest pedophile ever. Look at these. Look at these candies.

[Sam Morril]

Come on.

[Whitney Cummings]

These are rough.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah. Why do you have Christmas candy in your shirt?

[Sam Morril]

Every time I see a mint at a hotel, the store, I put it in my pocket.

[Whitney Cummings]

I do that with matches.

[Sam Morril]

Me, too.

[Whitney Cummings]

I like matches.

[Sam Morril]

I love matches.

[Mark Normand]

I love when rich people still do broke.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

When I go to fast food, I have to get a handful of napkins.

[Sam Morril]

Put them in the glove box in a water cup. Oh.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Also.

[Whitney Cummings]

And I get a club soda.

[Mark Normand]

All of the mini shampoos and conditioners. Got a whole thing at home of them.

[Sam Morril]

I haven't bought soap in 10 years. I just take it from the hotel, the extra one. I put it right in the bag. It's horrible soap.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's bad soap.

[Sam Morril]

It's.

[Whitney Cummings]

Get some good soap on Amazon. It's cheap. You get good soap.

[Sam Morril]

I like the soap.

[Mark Normand]

Amazon's fake. I'm hearing.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, like, nicer brands.

[Mark Normand]

Like a nice. Like, I don't know. I don't know what you use in your hair.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's like a cosmetic shampoo soap. What can we really use in our hairs?

[Sam Morril]

Whatever. The Hotel Express or the Holiday Inn Express.

[Whitney Cummings]

There's not much we can do with our hair.

[Mark Normand]

Fish juice. I don't know, but that you can.

[Whitney Cummings]

Get, like, what is the gel to fish?

[Mark Normand]

Do I have. No, no.

[Sam Morril]

Juice. Juice. Oh, for the hair.

[Whitney Cummings]

I thought it was like, that's a type of ju Jew. You're like. You're a gefilte fish Jew. I like a filter fish. I actually think it tastes good.

[Sam Morril]

You're the one.

[Mark Normand]

Is it always canned?

[Whitney Cummings]

It's like. No, you can get in a container. It's like. It's gutter fish. It's like. It's like a mush of fish.

[Sam Morril]

Yikes. I like selling it.

[Whitney Cummings]

Well, you have it, like, once a year, and you put horseradish on it, and it kind of. I think it's good.

[Sam Morril]

It's like anals. You do it once a year with your wife.

[Mark Normand]

You said it was very horseradish, but I. Do you remember when. I don't know. It's so weird. To quote the New York Times. You sound like such an Idiot. Remember when it used to be a flex? Like, sorry about this.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It's like, I'm dumb, right? The New York Times.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Or you're like trying to seem smart, but there was this whole article about how Chilean sea bass is fake.

[Sam Morril]

I heard that. It's all branding.

[Mark Normand]

All fishes are fake.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

They're all just. There's no such thing as.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. And like certain type of salmons are bad.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, it's just a white fit, you know? Same with Haagen Dazs. That word means nothing. That was just two Polish guys just said, what's a German sounding word? It's a fake.

[Whitney Cummings]

But it's not even German.

[Sam Morril]

Well, I just. I think the word sounds.

[Mark Normand]

The product is still ice cream.

[Sam Morril]

It's just ice cream. Just regular old ice cream.

[Whitney Cummings]

Ben and Jerry's not even gay. No, I'm kidding.

[Mark Normand]

One time I was sitting with like an older, like a lawyer in LA who I love. He's like a old school kind of lawyer. And he was like in the music video Bronx.

[Sam Morril]

Sorry.

[Mark Normand]

When Michael Jackson's hair caught on fire, he like came over to try.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, wow.

[Mark Normand]

Type of people, like work with Richard Pryor. Whatever. And we're outside and I have this citronella candle, you know, because it helps, like ward off bugs. He's like, citronella? Can I. Yeah. I'm so sorry. Let me light it so that the bugs stop.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

He's like, oh, is that. Is that what it's for? And I was like, yeah, citronella. And he's like, I don't think it works. And I was like, no, it's citronella. Okay. That is known to. Wore off.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

And then he's like, I don't think so. I'm like, how do you know? He's like, because my dad invented them. They're fake.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, wow.

[Whitney Cummings]

Damn.

[Mark Normand]

There's a lot of pull it up.

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't even know what citronella is.

[Sam Morril]

It's a black chick I dated. Wow. I didn't know that either.

[Mark Normand]

Lot of stuff like that. But placebo effect is an effect. I think it's more the light.

[Whitney Cummings]

I think I have. I think you have a bulb thing I put in. I think that works, doesn't.

[Sam Morril]

It doesn't. Who knows? It's all a lie. Damn.

[Whitney Cummings]

Placebo has some effect, though.

[Sam Morril]

So much. It does, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

More than regular effect, from what I understand. But also studies are. So did you ever do, bro, what did you do when you didn't have money?

[Sam Morril]

What do you mean?

[Mark Normand]

Cuz? I did studies I did. I got paid to be in studies.

[Sam Morril]

Really? That gal with the sleep study?

[Mark Normand]

Never that.

[Sam Morril]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

And once you've done studies like that, any study you see, you're like, no, that's a bunch of people that needed $50 who said whatever they needed.

[Whitney Cummings]

What's the weirdest one?

[Mark Normand]

Oh dude, I did a lot for depression because if you see it was, it would be in like something like LA Weekly, I don't know what Yalls version of that would have been like.

[Sam Morril]

20 years ago, New York Post or Village.

[Mark Normand]

And it'll say like ucla, like are you depressed? Question mark. Like do you want to come be in the study? And it's like probably, I don't know. But also like by the time I get to, to this study that's paying me $50 to take a pill that has not been approved by the fda, like I will be depressed. Like yeah, you get there and they ask you questions and the longer you stay in, the more money you get because it's like $50 cash. It's you and a bunch of like meth heads that are like shaking. I mean it's truly like drug addicts.

[Whitney Cummings]

This would be a good game show.

[Mark Normand]

It's by the way, such a good idea.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

This fall on NBC.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

I'm so hungover.

[Mark Normand]

What, what's your. What did you do last night?

[Whitney Cummings]

I had like a surprise birthday. No, like last week I was on the road and Liz, Rachel, Veeder, a bunch of people just threw us. Norman sent a weird gift card to a bar.

[Mark Normand]

When's your birthday?

[Whitney Cummings]

August 29th. It's long over. When this comes out it'll be like two months.

[Sam Morril]

Is that a Leo Virgo?

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, I got hammered. I just got. They just kept feeding me booze and we were at Shade which serves Bodega cat now.

[Sam Morril]

You got that right, fatty. Great.

[Whitney Cummings]

So that's.

[Sam Morril]

They got a. Yeah, yeah, good time. What was the after party?

[Whitney Cummings]

We just kept popping into weird bars. The bars got weirder and weirder as it got later. It was just me, DeVito and Matt Ruby in a bar. And I remember a guy who ran the bar would just tell me stories about getting fucked up with Robert Plant. And I was like, I think it's too late. I think I got to get the fuck out of here. It was like 3:30 in the morning.

[Mark Normand]

Do you know those things? I don't know the brands. I'm sure we've all, you know, Robert Plant.

[Sam Morril]

Not actually a plant. We're just. Okay, sorry. Not worth the interruption. Oh My Bill Barr interrupting Woody Allen over here. All right, keep going.

[Mark Normand]

I haven't listened to that yet.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, it's worthless. He talked through the whole thing. He wouldn't let Woody talk. He's. He sucks.

[Whitney Cummings]

Wow.

[Sam Morril]

Check it out.

[Mark Normand]

What? I'm okay.

[Sam Morril]

Looking well, you know, Woody's so old. He's like. And then when I did Jade Scorpion, he's like, I love that movie. Great movie. Changed my life. And then he brings it back to him, and you're like, come on, Bill. Yeah, Woody here.

[Mark Normand]

Have you listened to it?

[Whitney Cummings]

No. I have. I saw the clip and I was like, oh, my God. The clip's amazing because it was just Bill Maher being like, what do you think of this movie? And Woody Allen being like, good. Not great. But he's going through so many classes. It's just cool to hear Woody Allen's.

[Mark Normand]

Take, you know, podcasts now to try to get a younger audience.

[Whitney Cummings]

But she.

[Sam Morril]

Too soon.

[Whitney Cummings]

One of the funniest things I heard was apparently Chelsea Handler was at a dinner with him and, like, a big party, and she just said something. So how do you two meet? That's fucking hilarious.

[Sam Morril]

Absolutely.

[Mark Normand]

Kathy Griffin had an amazing story as well that she should tell. I don't know if she told it somewhere in a special or something, but about when she asked Woody Allen his favorite TV show and he said he had a Montana, he was dead serious. And I was like, that's either hilarious. That's either hilarious.

[Whitney Cummings]

He's leaning into it.

[Sam Morril]

Brilliant. Brilliant.

[Mark Normand]

It was, like, wild.

[Whitney Cummings]

Well, he got kind of cocky for a minute. I mean, some of those movies, like, they were so on the nose that you were like. I mean, Manhattan husbands and wives, too. You're just, like, gonna bang the student, right?

[Sam Morril]

Manhattan. He' was dating a 17 year old in the movie.

[Mark Normand]

It was a different time.

[Sam Morril]

It was.

[Mark Normand]

It was. He saw women as equals.

[Sam Morril]

A better time. Yes. Well.

[Whitney Cummings]

Well, the twist of the movie is not. He's like, I shouldn't date high schoolers. He's like, I can't believe it didn't work out. That's like, the sad ending. He's like, we could. I gotta grow up.

[Sam Morril]

That she gets on the school bus.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, I've. Whatever.

[Whitney Cummings]

You what?

[Mark Normand]

I just don't. My thing with Woody Allen is this, like, glamorizing of that. Like, men should be. Like, it's okay for men to be scared of everything. Like, totally useless and worried about everything all the time. Never cheat. I don't know about that.

[Sam Morril]

No. Nebuchy.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, nebuchy. But, like, Just the idea of. It's like. It's a lobster. What do I do? It's just like. That is so repulsive to me.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, well, he.

[Mark Normand]

We're at war. China's. China's getting. Trying to just bought America. Can everyone pull it together?

[Sam Morril]

Well, no one's saying he's a sex symbol. He had to make a bunch of movies just to hook up with, you know, what's her face. Keaton.

[Mark Normand]

No. Right, right, right. Oh, that. Don't even. Well, I hate that too. She's. It's like. She's like this idiot that can't figure out how to say goodbye. She's just like, oh, Sorel.

[Whitney Cummings]

She's just like saying, you know, Annie hall is a great mo. Come on.

[Sam Morril]

This is a hot take.

[Whitney Cummings]

This is a hot take.

[Mark Normand]

Understand why we all. It's like. It's like. I also.

[Whitney Cummings]

We don't all have to like it. I. I think it's a great movie.

[Mark Normand]

Was smart or. I'm not a feminist. Like, I'm a bad person.

[Whitney Cummings]

No one said that.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Whitney Cummings]

These aren't all looped together.

[Sam Morril]

She's an idiot.

[Mark Normand]

I'm like, forced to like. And I'm like. I don't. I don't.

[Whitney Cummings]

You're not forced to like anything. We. We love. We talk about all the time.

[Mark Normand]

Supposed to be a horror movie. It was supposed to be called Anhedonia. So Anhedonia. You know what anadonia is? Because you both have it, which is the inability to enjoy the current because you're too busy mourning that the moment's going to be over.

[Sam Morril]

We do have that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. So it was originally going to be called Anhedonia. Right.

[Sam Morril]

Okay, I'm correct. Google's not an Adonis woman answer ever.

[Mark Normand]

That's hilarious. Yeah. I don't know. Anhedonia movie. So wasn't he originally like the way that he cut it? Maybe that's why that. If that's not true, then I don't like it even more because the reason I was giving it a pass is because I was going, oh, I heard it was originally supposed to be a horror movie and he re edited it so he didn't even shoot it. It wasn't as funny as it should have been.

[Whitney Cummings]

Did you know that Saw was supposed to be a rom com.

[Mark Normand]

By the way? Saw I saw is an incredible.

[Whitney Cummings]

The first saw I never saw.

[Sam Morril]

It's terrifying.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's not my cup. I don't like the torture porn horror genre. I like the psychological ones.

[Mark Normand]

Casting crew screening with a bunch of people who like Knew what was gonna happen. I was screaming. I was like. I was around the people that made it. I knew it was fake. Yeah, I knew it was. I knew this person was the blood guy, and I was screaming my head off.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, it's scary, for sure.

[Mark Normand]

But to me, that is. It's like when a comedian can make another comic laugh. It's like, you know, this is fake. And I'm still screaming. It's like, we know this didn't happen to him yesterday. You know, we know he's not dating anyone, but he's still making me laugh.

[Sam Morril]

Like, good point.

[Mark Normand]

So I always give Annie Hall a little bit of a pass because I'm like, oh, I thought it was edited to be a horror movie or it's supposed to be different.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's got some amazing scenes in it. The therapy scene where they're both in therapy. That's a great scene. I mean, it's got some amazing white.

[Mark Normand]

People talking about how hard their lives are because they can'. Love.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's a comedy.

[Sam Morril]

Well, they're trying to work it out there.

[Mark Normand]

It's very.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's like saying, like, we can't enjoy Seinfeld because you're like. You're complaining about mundane observations when there's a war going on in the Middle East. Like, no, it's. It's a comedy. Why can't you enjoy a comedy?

[Mark Normand]

I just. Annie Hall. I guess for me, the stakes just feel too high for what it is. I'm. Here's the thing. This is a little bit of a gender reversal when it comes to Woody Allen. I'm like, can you just calm down? Just relax? Can you imagine if you can. Can you imagine if there's, like, a female movie star that was just like, I don't know. I can't. You would just be like, she needs to be in a mental hospital.

[Sam Morril]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

Like, that person is mentally ill. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like, I don't think it's funny when men are incompetent.

[Whitney Cummings]

Do you like any as a person?

[Mark Normand]

I'm scared. Who's going to handle the meteor?

[Whitney Cummings]

Well, you'll hate us, but do you have any other. Any Woody Allen movies that you're like.

[Mark Normand]

I like that one, Blue Jasmine, but I think that, like.

[Whitney Cummings]

But she's a female train wreck.

[Mark Normand]

Right? Totally. So trainer.

[Whitney Cummings]

No, like, legitimately in an insane asylum by the end. Right.

[Mark Normand]

Different character that I'd seen. And I. I loved it. I think for reasons that are totally super subjective, which is like, I love seeing Dice be so good in it.

[Whitney Cummings]

He was good. L too. Look at that.

[Sam Morril]

That's a great cast.

[Mark Normand]

He always casts incredible people. I think that's his superpower.

[Sam Morril]

Everybody wants to work with him. So he does address the cancel in the pod for like two minutes. Bill Maher brings it up and he's like, yeah, I didn't care. And Bill Maher's like, come on, I had to hurt. And he was like, I made everything I wanted to make. I. I got in at the end.

[Whitney Cummings]

It is good to get canceled in your mid-80s.

[Sam Morril]

Got canceled at the end.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's the right time.

[Mark Normand]

Who was Morgan Freeman? Remember when they tried to come after Morgan Freeman?

[Whitney Cummings]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

And it. Someone's like, he's creepy.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yes. He's touchy on set.

[Mark Normand]

Or he would tell people they were beautiful or something. And I worked with a makeup artist who had worked with him, and I was like, was he. And she was like, he told us all we were beautiful. He'd be like, hey, sweetie. He's like, bring flowers. And. And he was like. She was like, we loved it. Oh, he was such a Freeman. He was incredible.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like, it was at that age. They're not scary. It's like, I remember they tried to cancel Stan lee at like 95. Like, he's groping his nurse. He's 95. You're not in danger, right?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Like, it's like Bobby Lee when he says he was molested by a retarded guy. I'm like, do you know if the retarded guy, what if he just thought he was like, like opening a cabinet? Like, if he didn't even know he was molesting you?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, I thought he was petting a.

[Mark Normand]

Puppy too hard, but this makes me nuts because it's like, okay, we talk about sexism, racism, but we don't talk about ageism.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, it's big.

[Mark Normand]

Why aren't you like, you know, giving the 85 year old guy a pass? That was, by the way, a nurse is probably pretty progressive.

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, this is not the way I thought you were gonna go.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, when I hear that like a 75 year old man said tranny, I'm like, that was for him probably like a big up.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, good point.

[Mark Normand]

He was probably trying to use.

[Sam Morril]

And we can't expect them to keep up with the lingo. They can't keep up with fashion. Why would they. Why would they not say color they're.

[Mark Normand]

Hanging out on at high school parking lots in their pedophiles? Why would they know the new lingo?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, they're not on Snapchat.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know it is weird. I remember hearing my grandpa once say Oriental. I didn't know. I was like, what is that? I didn't know what that word was. I was super young and I was like, is that. And my mom's like, yeah, you shouldn't say that. He just. He's old. He's not racist. He's just old.

[Sam Morril]

He's just old. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like, Asian people are like, that's cool.

[Sam Morril]

Cool.

[Mark Normand]

Like what?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, my. My grandmother said colored, but she didn't. She had black friends. Now, that's a lie. She had slaves. But nice lady, sweet lady color, you.

[Mark Normand]

Know, it's like, oh, is it?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. What's.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's like Carlin's bit, remember? Where they just keep adding, like, shell shock. Post traumatic stress disorder. They just keep adding words to it.

[Mark Normand]

Who's also. Who's they?

[Sam Morril]

What?

[Mark Normand]

Non binary dork. Like, it's also just like. It used to be octopus octopi. Now it's octopuses. It changes.

[Whitney Cummings]

Were they getting offended?

[Mark Normand]

Tell me if I'm wrong. Tell me if I'm wrong.

[Sam Morril]

But wow, it's unhoused. Yeah, it just keeps going. Like, I remember when it was Qatar. Now it's cutter.

[Mark Normand]

We're just evolving.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, it's a cutter.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know, it's like goth girls at Qatar.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Yeah. Like, do you just want to correct us or is this real? What do we do? Remember Kiev? Is Kiev.

[Whitney Cummings]

Was that ever a thing?

[Sam Morril]

That was a thing. Yeah. I got corrected on Kiev with. Because Ukraine, the overlords, they're all watching. They're yelling at us. We're all scared of them. It's a horrible way to live.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Oh, sorry.

[Sam Morril]

Well, that's the thing. Like, who. Who are you so worried about? You know, we're always like, cut that out. Cut that. We don't want that out there. But I'm like, who are these people that are like. I think it's the Internet. It's just the comments.

[Mark Normand]

Like, we, like, we have to stop talking about it. Just. It's not what I just. Are you guys on the dead Internet theory at all? No, I don't think any of it's real. Like, it's not real. The Internet. Like, do you ever notice the Internet's like my new theory? Like, the Internet. Something will happen. It'll go crazy, and it's just like bots yelling at bots yelling. I'm literally.

[Whitney Cummings]

I think that's a lot of it.

[Mark Normand]

Well, I'm like, do you guys. Its own self Sufficient, sustaining. Just like rat king, you know, when Rats tails get stuck together. Like, that's the Internet. And.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, I think it's just.

[Mark Normand]

It's not.

[Sam Morril]

Seinfeld calls it when you kick an ant hill, he's like, it's just ants running around. Then they go back in the hole eventually.

[Mark Normand]

Like.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like, that's what he calls all poor.

[Sam Morril]

People, though that was Tom Segura.

[Mark Normand]

But also, like, let him have it. Like, I feel like we're the bully. Like, these people that we get to talk in microphones, people listen to us. We charge people to listen to us talk. Like, we get to be heard. And someone else like, I don't like your term. And we're like, fuck, shut up.

[Sam Morril]

That's true.

[Mark Normand]

Talk. No one else.

[Whitney Cummings]

I just try to disagree. If it gets nasty because you're like. Because you get, like, maybe two nice ones, and then you look at the third one and it's like, shut up, you fucking hack. And you're just like, I don't know. I know, but that's. That's why I just. I'm like, let me just bail. I'll post it and I'll post and ghost. Post and ghost.

[Sam Morril]

I remember the first time getting a bunch of shit on Instagram and Twitter. And you're like, oh, man. And I went outside and I was like, here it comes. And no one knows. No one knows you. The sun is shining. The birds are chirping. And I was like, oh, yeah, it's just on here.

[Mark Normand]

I feel like everyone we talk to, you're like, yeah. I mean, can you believe they're, like, transitioning babies in utero? This is crazy. You know? And then everyone's like. And then you're like, who are all these people? Everyone.

[Sam Morril]

Everyone does this.

[Mark Normand]

Where's everyone? Where are they?

[Whitney Cummings]

It's all rage bait. I think it's. I agree with you that, like, it's always the most extreme example. And you're like, is this happening?

[Mark Normand]

But those are addicts. Like, anyone who's on the Internet doing that, that's addiction, you know? So it's. That's just their addiction.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. I rem the news stuff. You're like, don't go to San Francisco. The whole place is on fire. And you're like, I'm booked there in a week. And then you show up and you're like, here we go.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

I remember an agent back in the day who was like, we don't. It was like when I was, you know, trying to get road weekends. And, you know, you're getting some. But then I remember, they're like, there's a fallout at a Mall of America. And I was like, oh, okay. Yeah. Some comic dropped out. And I was like, the same Mall of America that All Shabab says they're going to shoot up this weekend. And he was like, that's not a big story. And I go, log on to CNN right now. It was the front page. All Shabab to shoot up all of America. I'm like, I wonder why he dropped out. He's like, are you going to do it? I was like, no.

[Sam Morril]

Well, it's still there.

[Whitney Cummings]

I know, but I. But I was talking to Joe List about it, and he was like, if you do it and you get shot up, you're the dumbest fuck.

[Sam Morril]

Right?

[Whitney Cummings]

So just don't do and do it another time. And I did. Or I did another club there or something.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, I do.

[Mark Normand]

Hot take. I think it might be good for us.

[Sam Morril]

What's that?

[Whitney Cummings]

Getting shot up by El Shabo.

[Mark Normand]

Like, negative. Some negative feedback might be okay. I haven't, like, drawn this line of thinking out. I might pivot on it. But, like, you know, before, like, when you would do, like, TV or whatever, you would just get, like, a rating that was like, here's your rating. And you'd be like, oh, word, look, they love us. You know what I mean? And that's all you knew.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You didn't hear anything. You'd hear, like, reviews or something. You know what? Here's the best example. Howie Mandel came on my podcast once and cracked me up because he was like, I don't like performing in New York City. And I'm like, why? What do you mean? The crowds are amazing. Whatever. And he was like, because, like, you're at Carnegie hall, biggest night of your year. You know, you sell out Carnegie Hall. Like, your name is on the marquee at Carnegie hall for, like, three months.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Such a big deal. Then you go play, you sell it out, whatever. How many thousand seats at 3,000. 3,000. Great. And the reality is that about 7 million people walked by and were like, nothing.

[Sam Morril]

That's one way to look at it.

[Mark Normand]

So many people didn't come to the show.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

But also, it's like, it's expensive. Even. Even your own fans are like, I can't. I get hit up. Like, I can't afford it all the time, you know? And also a way to look at it is like, I'm on the billboard or whatever for Chicago theater. I'm under Ringo Starr. That's fucking insane. It's insane. It's like, I'm under a fucking beetle.

[Sam Morril]

I know.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's cool as hell. You know, my dad's friends, like, send him pictures of it, and he sends. I didn't see any.

[Sam Morril]

Send it to me.

[Whitney Cummings]

And I was like, that's cool as hell. So, yeah, that's one way to look at it. But also it's like, how fucking lucky are we totally, that we get to. But you.

[Mark Normand]

Some of the personalities in our business, you're like, I'm glad they have a couple negative comments on. You know what I'm saying? Like, who would that person be if he's monsters weren't coming after him a little bit Even talking about that, like, the fact that we don't think, like, we. Negative comments should exist is so, like, our job. They should understand human nature. And the fact that we're still talking about this five years after negative comments are like, you know.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So bizarre to me. Like, we're so the. The narcissism to believe we never deserve any negativity ever, and that we don't understand human nature. That, like, it's high school. We're still in high school. Everyone's just trolling each other. Also said he came on podcast once and he was like. Like, yeah. He's like, if I was 15 and I looked up, I would. And my hero was on Twitter. I could read. I'd be like, hey, you, son. It's just kind of. I think we're. It's mental illness. We have. Our whole thing is like, I'm neurodivergent. I have add. Well, this person's addicted to trolling. Why don't you have compassion for them?

[Sam Morril]

It's inevitable.

[Whitney Cummings]

But also, we rate everything. Like, you Uber rate it. Postmates, you know, UberEats, whatever. You rate it. I mean, that's a big part of my new hour is ratings. Like, I. I went to the Anne Frank house, and I was like, let me go on TripAdvisor. They're raiding Anne Frank. Yeah, they're raiding her house. Everywhere you go is rated, you know.

[Mark Normand]

Like, did you look up like, the Zillow? Like, the price of the house with an attic? I mean, yeah, but also, like, we do it all day, every day, like, to. It's so funny that we're so blindsided by the fact that people are critical or have opinions or aren't, like, universally unctuous to us. Like, I'm, like, walking down the street, New York, and I'm just like, this fucking asshole. This. This shirt guy. Like, we're doing it all day. Every day in our heads.

[Sam Morril]

Of course. Of course. Well, I guess it annoys me because young people are like compassion and be nice and, you know, don't fat shame. But then they'll be like you said.

[Mark Normand]

At the end of every episode.

[Whitney Cummings]

We recently went. We recently went viral for an Ellen clip because Fitzsimmons was on here and I saw it.

[Mark Normand]

New York Post Brave. I saw it.

[Whitney Cummings]

Fox News, everyone's. Yeah, there we go.

[Mark Normand]

And can I tell you something? It's the kind of thing this is. If we want to do gender card. It has to be a guy saying.

[Sam Morril]

It really, don't you think?

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't know.

[Mark Normand]

To me, like, he just is, like calm. He was like. It didn't really bother me that much. But the younger.

[Whitney Cummings]

I read some of those comments and they were still pretty. Like, you know, fuck this guy if he can't.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, really?

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. If he can't handle it. But it's like you said he could handle it. It was other people that.

[Sam Morril]

Right. He worked every 10 years.

[Mark Normand]

You know what it is? It's, you know, you're a movie guy. Philadelphia Story.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. Oh, classic.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Jimmy Stewart.

[Mark Normand]

You know your problem, right?

[Sam Morril]

Terry Graham.

[Mark Normand]

No tolerance for human weakness. And that's what we're doing when we're mad at people. They're weak, sad, scared, lonely people. And we're like you guys for making comments like, just keep going.

[Whitney Cummings]

You've worked for some people. I mean, you worked like. I mean, you've been a boss, but you've also worked for like, you know, like Roseanne. Was that. Was she a good boss?

[Mark Normand]

Awesome.

[Whitney Cummings]

Come on.

[Sam Morril]

New York Post.

[Mark Normand]

Truly awesome. It was a dream.

[Whitney Cummings]

Damn it.

[Mark Normand]

I just set such a great example for everybody. Just a fan of her tweets in general. You know, I just, I think she's just like, just ahead of her time.

[Sam Morril]

No, I mean, look, I don't want.

[Mark Normand]

To restart anything because she'll, like, make it a whole thing. But again, we have to have compassion for people who are. Whose brains.

[Sam Morril]

Crazy function. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But also I do think that. I do think fame is. Breaks people's brains.

[Sam Morril]

Of course.

[Mark Normand]

Major, major, majorly. And I think that anyone that's. We've just talked about ageism and I'm not going to bully someone who you know, like a lot of the Roseanne stuff, like. Yeah, well, if you live on an island alone in Hawaii and you're reading whatever you're. Of course, you know, why wouldn't this happen?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Total sense.

[Sam Morril]

Like, of course, you know, it's on.

[Whitney Cummings]

A nut farm Literally, I was talking to Trevor Noah once, and he said how he did the White House correspondence dinner. And for. They just would clip the parts that spoke to them. So, like, on MSNBC's page, it would be like, here he is making fun of Trump. And on Fox News, they'd be like, here he is shitting on Biden.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

No one watched the full thing. They just watched the part where they live in their echo chamber that once.

[Sam Morril]

Their clicks on their side. Yeah, that's all it is.

[Whitney Cummings]

But it's kind of interesting.

[Sam Morril]

I do hate when people go, you know, somebody writes a mean comment and I write like, ah, blow me. And they go, I thought you were a free speech guy. I'm like, I am. That's why I'm. I'm writing blow me. You know, that's my free speech.

[Mark Normand]

I do think a lot of times people. And this is something I learned maybe, like, this is specific about what? Sometimes people are trying to be funny.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, of course.

[Mark Normand]

Failing miserably, of course, does not the same way. A lot of art.

[Whitney Cummings]

You should have seen me in Oklahoma last weekend.

[Mark Normand]

Like, a lot. A lot of art. Tweets or whatever don't translate written out. Yours both do very well, actually. But, like, sometimes theirs don't either. You know what I mean?

[Sam Morril]

That's a good point.

[Whitney Cummings]

Can I hit you with a peeve, actually? Because this. This came.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I sent peeves.

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, Whitney is such a fucking. Whitney is such a pro.

[Sam Morril]

You're a pro.

[Whitney Cummings]

So. So I'm hitting you with a peeve real quick. I'm flying back. I took. You know, I was flying back from Oklahoma City, and it's one of those airports where the flights. You either get a 7:00am out.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Or a 5:00pm out.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

And you're like, I'm taking the 7:00am obviously. So I'm next to Vitor. Like. Like, let's just try to doze off on the flight. There's a guy behind me, his kids playing a video game. This is the peeve. No headphones. Oh, just use the headphones.

[Mark Normand]

That's not so loud.

[Sam Morril]

It's about it.

[Whitney Cummings]

So I turned around and politely said, do you mind just, like, headphones? And he goes, she's a baby. And I go, yeah, but you're not. You could do. You could adjust the microphone.

[Sam Morril]

Just turn it down.

[Whitney Cummings]

But I'm like. He was like. And he's like, one of headphones. And I'm like, I do. And I still hear your dumb game.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Wait, wait, Walk me through. So how old was the kid? Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Very young, but playing a video game. I'm like, she doesn't know. If the sound doesn't matter.

[Mark Normand]

It drives me nuts. But here's my peeve about your peeve.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, here we go.

[Mark Normand]

If. If you. If. If he. That person had just gone.

[Sam Morril]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

I'm so sorry. Like, you would have been like, it's fine.

[Whitney Cummings]

Well, here's the other thing. If it's out of your control, it's out of your control, too. Where, like, the baby screamed the whole flight.

[Mark Normand]

And I don't care, because that's how I get boners.

[Whitney Cummings]

Because it turned me on and I got off. No, I. Woody Allen. No, but. No, but I understand. You have a baby on a flight, they're gonna cry. It can be tough.

[Mark Normand]

How far are you going?

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You knew a baby was coming for about a year and a half.

[Sam Morril]

Like, where.

[Mark Normand]

Where does your baby have to be?

[Whitney Cummings]

But, you know. No, but that's. I'm fine with that. And he. Even a couple times, like, he's, like, trying to, like. I get it.

[Sam Morril]

You're.

[Whitney Cummings]

You're doing your best. But. But the. The noise from the machines is.

[Sam Morril]

Because that's controllable.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's controllable.

[Sam Morril]

The baby is not.

[Whitney Cummings]

The baby's not right.

[Sam Morril]

That's fair.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's a fair peeve.

[Mark Normand]

And by the way, your baby is a maniac. Cause you let it on these machines. Machines. That's the other thing. It's also. You know what I mean? That's the other thing.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You do this at home, too? You're not just doing this to placate the kid on the plane.

[Sam Morril]

Right. So you're not a screen baby lady.

[Mark Normand]

It's just like, you're training a kid to be addicted. You're giving a kid a drug that they're always gonna need.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

When you actually need it to work, it's not gonna work. I think, like, the best reason to not use screens besides all the, you know, billion, like, you know, neurological reasons, is that when you actually need it to placate a situation, it's not going to matter.

[Sam Morril]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

You don't have that, like, trump card, you know? But I don't do screens yet. We do do YouTube videos of monster truck rallies, and that's pretty much it. And garbage.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's his favorite.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, that's fun. So he's not gay.

[Mark Normand]

That's a good. That's a good peeve. I also, like. I don't know if you guys have this, like, deep, like, pugnacious nature that you kind of Never really get to act upon because we're not allowed. But when they're like, if there's a dog in a hot car, I'm like, let's go. Like, Hatfield and McCoy.

[Sam Morril]

Like, Anza was like, oh, the Karen Pip.

[Mark Normand]

When it's actually justified. When it's actually, like, a fight that someone needs your. It's like, I get so excited. Like, when there was a draft in Malibu, I was like, oh, there's something justified and not. You're not being a Karen.

[Sam Morril]

No, you're not.

[Mark Normand]

So there was a guy. This was on a plane. I don't know where I was going. And a Guy got a FaceTime call and went, hello.

[Sam Morril]

And the what race? Because that factors in.

[Mark Normand]

I don't know.

[Sam Morril]

You don't know?

[Mark Normand]

I might know, but not enough to be able to defend whatever you're about to do.

[Sam Morril]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

Is I slide out of frame. And I think it was actually, like, Jersey Italian.

[Sam Morril]

All right. That's white.

[Mark Normand]

Honestly.

[Whitney Cummings]

Thank God. Thank God. That could have gotten ugly.

[Sam Morril]

Exactly.

[Mark Normand]

Hello in the hole. And I was like, I got it. Like, please let me. Like, please. Like, I never get to do that.

[Whitney Cummings]

Mark. Mark literally laughs. I'm super comfortable with confrontation and he's not. We made it a part of a movie we wrote. We're like, yeah, he can't do it. Yeah, it's.

[Mark Normand]

I had so many movie ideas, I'm gonna.

[Sam Morril]

I picture myself losing if I confront the guy.

[Whitney Cummings]

Well, if you do it politely, then they're in the right. I mean, you don't do it to, like, pick a battle. You do it just be like, hey, like, we're a society.

[Sam Morril]

Right.

[Whitney Cummings]

You have to be a civilized member of the society.

[Sam Morril]

That's true. So what happened? Did he come?

[Mark Normand]

But I just love being like, I. I volunteer as tribute.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Everyone in that moment is like, they're. They become like, whatever childhood they had.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Like, you see who's fight, who's flight, who's freeze. And I always fight.

[Sam Morril]

And I'm like, I got it, Dan. And did he shut it down?

[Mark Normand]

I. Oh, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Okay. Because those are talent.

[Whitney Cummings]

How do you say it?

[Mark Normand]

I'm the person who, like, if someone brings out perfume on a plane, I'm like, oh, excuse me, ma'. Am. Migraines. Like, the answer is no.

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

I'm impressed.

[Mark Normand]

My thing is, I don't really say much. I think you just go, like, you have to just mean it, and you just wait. You have to just wait there and stare at them until they stop.

[Sam Morril]

This should be a service. I should Be able to, like, call you TaskRabbit. Yes.

[Mark Normand]

I wanted to do a.

[Whitney Cummings]

Because it's four minutes away.

[Sam Morril]

Exactly.

[Whitney Cummings]

Exactly.

[Mark Normand]

And I was gonna say, like, tis. Grab it. Which is not at all funny, but.

[Sam Morril]

Closer to the word.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, exactly. As comics, you're like, it's close to the word. Yeah. So many people. I want to just, like, solve all the things. So many people are complaining about. Like, the other thing. I feel like everyone's going. It's like everyone's listening to my taking my data. Listen.

[Sam Morril]

My phone's listening. Yeah. Take my information.

[Whitney Cummings]

It is listening.

[Mark Normand]

I was like, I know. But I was like, dude, I just. I don't know why everyone's so confused about this. Like, you just throw it off, feed it data. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Whitney Cummings]

You just lie in every day. Every day.

[Mark Normand]

I'm like, so, like, is it possible to eat too much kale? I'm about to go for a jog. Like, if it's our. If it's our.

[Sam Morril]

Great point.

[Mark Normand]

Do you know? So I was like, what about starting a business where people will just talk around your phone while you're doing something to just throw off your bad behavior?

[Whitney Cummings]

What's upsetting you is. Is it the ads? Is it the fact they know you know they're listening?

[Sam Morril]

You know they're listening? It's people. Scary.

[Mark Normand]

If I. I don't know. Correct me if I'm wrong. I know you guys will. Which is like, I think it's more about your buying habits and the things you do affecting, like, your ability to get health insurance and stuff like that.

[Sam Morril]

Whoa.

[Mark Normand]

Like, they can tell if you have a drinking problem by, like, how you.

[Sam Morril]

They say. And they know it knows you're gay before you do. That's true.

[Mark Normand]

Pregnant. All that.

[Sam Morril]

Damn.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

I take my wife's phone, she's in the shower, and I go, fake tits, fake tits, fake tits. Just to really get that. That ad.

[Whitney Cummings]

They know if we have a drinking problem, Mark. Our podcast is called We Might be Drunk.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, that's true.

[Whitney Cummings]

You guys might have a problem.

[Mark Normand]

But they can. Like, if you're using a mouse, like, older men and women, when they use mice. Oh, my God. This is so funny that I'm paraphrasing something in a way where the words aren't used. Like, a mouse. Is my. Is more than one mouse for a computer called mice?

[Sam Morril]

Was it never more than one?

[Mark Normand]

You would say the mouses.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, the mouse.

[Mark Normand]

I've never said plural.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Mark Normand]

It's the first time I'VE ever said more than one mouse. Mouses. That they can tell if you have onset like Parkinson's drinking problem and they can drive your insurance up. Yeah. Because they can. See. Did you know that they're just trying to pass this law in California now that it's the first law they've ever had that Uber is no longer allowed to charge you more because they know your phone has low battery.

[Sam Morril]

Wow, that's a new law.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Sam Morril]

Holy.

[Whitney Cummings]

There was at one time they did the price gouging during a mass shooting.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah, they can.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's crazy. Cuz. It's just cuz. It's just cuz it's like a weird. I don't know what the word algorithm is. The word, but some weird like, you know, robotic thing. They're like, oh, no, everyone wants it, right?

[Mark Normand]

More demand. Oh, more demand. Yeah. But it's like if your battery is low, they know you're just going to accept any fare because you don't have battery.

[Sam Morril]

That's genius.

[Whitney Cummings]

I didn't know they were able to do that.

[Sam Morril]

I didn't either.

[Mark Normand]

No one makes money doing the right thing. You can't make. How else would they make money?

[Sam Morril]

Damn.

[Mark Normand]

If it was fair.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Holy.

[Whitney Cummings]

Anyway, we'll be in Saudi Arabia in a couple weeks and.

[Mark Normand]

As will I.

[Sam Morril]

Are you getting.

[Mark Normand]

I don't. No. What?

[Sam Morril]

Oh, I guess you're not looking. Yeah, it's all bots.

[Mark Normand]

I think if you're a woman working in Saudi Arabia, it's so deeply unfair that I will be forced to work when I'm there and read things and read a schedule.

[Sam Morril]

Good point. You won't have to drive.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I was going to say, at least they'll have a driver for me. Yeah. I don't. I don't care. Like, I don't.

[Whitney Cummings]

Are you on the road really hard?

[Mark Normand]

Because I know, I know. Tim was talking about how he was getting about going over there.

[Sam Morril]

Like. Yeah, well, he's just embraced. Like, I'm embracing the regime. I'm all for it. I say let's do it.

[Mark Normand]

Think you guys get more of this because you respond to it?

[Whitney Cummings]

I didn't respond.

[Mark Normand]

Or like talk about how it annoys you.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, maybe because then they're like, we're getting to them. Keep going.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I think it's their way of like communicating something. Am I on the road lot? Yeah, I'm on the roadlock.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I just took like summers. I've just started kind of taking down.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, I'll do a few, but it's.

[Mark Normand]

Like July And August, like, I did the great outdoors, like the Canada shows.

[Sam Morril]

Which I did those.

[Mark Normand]

Those are awesome. I love those. But I think just like going to. It's just. Everyone's hot. It's just like. Yeah, I just, like, think it's more fun to kind of like do in the fall. So I'm taking.

[Sam Morril]

So you go to like a buffalo. It's a great comedy town. But in the summer, they're like, we have two seconds of sun. And it's like, spin it on your dumb zingers.

[Mark Normand]

Cereal. What's the cereal plant that's right there?

[Sam Morril]

General Mills.

[Mark Normand]

I think it's General Mills plant. It's right there. It's just like. But what are your other pet peeves?

[Sam Morril]

Oh, wait, I got. I got one.

[Mark Normand]

You know, I love structure.

[Sam Morril]

And then you have some. Okay, this one's going to be mean, so buckle up, cuz I feel guilty, but it's. It's the truth. It hurts.

[Mark Normand]

Palestine kids are dumb.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, it's all fake. But I had a flight. I got bumped up to first class. Very exciting. Now I'm in the window seat. It's the two seats. First class, cushy, big armrest, big console in the middle. Nice seats. I get up, the lady goes, you can move on up, sir, to 1B. I'm like, oh, I got the window. First class, first row. I get up there. The fattest man on the planet.

[Whitney Cummings]

I knew this was gonna be a flat one. When Mark said, this is gonna be mean, I knew it was gonna be a fat thing.

[Sam Morril]

And I feel about fat the same way I feel about smoking. Do whatever the hell you want with your body. But when it's affecting me. Now we got a problem. This is secondhand fat. So he's got you.

[Whitney Cummings]

So this is. We have have similar issues. It's both a flight issue. Yes, both an issue where we're affected.

[Sam Morril]

And he can control how much he eats. See, why do we hate billionaires so much? If we don't, we should also hate the obese.

[Whitney Cummings]

Wait, why? Why are you running away for this one?

[Sam Morril]

Because she's fat.

[Mark Normand]

I didn't know because I didn't want the chips to make noise.

[Sam Morril]

What a pro.

[Mark Normand]

I really needed some chips.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, so did he. Because this guy was a mess.

[Whitney Cummings]

Was he eating on the flight?

[Sam Morril]

He didn't stop eating from the moment we took off. And it was so sad because he's got the fat coming out here, so his arm has to sit on the fat. So now his arm is on my shoulder because he's so Obese. This is like, obese. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Isn't there something about, like, that level of obesity that it's like. I don't want to say not a choice, but, like, it's. Something dark is going.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, completely. Completely. That's why I feel bad. But again, we hate the billionaires because they don't need all that. I'm like, he doesn't need all that. He doesn't eat a gummy bear every second.

[Whitney Cummings]

But a billionaire has a lot of advantages. Being that fat sucks.

[Sam Morril]

I know, but then why do it?

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't think. I don't think it's a disease. I think it's hard to quit.

[Mark Normand]

Also, some of it is about getting abused as a kid, making yourself unattractive and unmolestable or something. I believe that's where I learned that.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, my wife wasn't abused. But yes, so. But it was huge. And then the lady comes by and goes, we have a meal option. It was early flight, so she goes, we have a frittata, we have a granola with yogurt, and we have French toast drizzled with honey and syrup. And he goes, I'll take the French toast. And I'm like, come on, man. You have to get the fattest meal with all the sugar and the carbs and everything.

[Mark Normand]

Where did we land on, like, I guess women like the body positivity. Did that ever.

[Sam Morril]

That's.

[Mark Normand]

I. Oh, no, clearly. But what? Did men even get any benefit in that or. No?

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, we got the dad bod. Women would be like, he's got a dad. And it's like, cute. And by the way, they post pictures of, like, Jason Momoa, and I'm like, he's literally an action star. Not working out for like, a week and a half. It's not a dad bod. He's. He looks amazing.

[Mark Normand]

My guy is like, like burly like that, and I love it. It's not like a belly, but it's like, he's like, not. I don't like abs. The beefy. I love husky beefy.

[Sam Morril]

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[Whitney Cummings]

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[Sam Morril]

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[Whitney Cummings]

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[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

See, that doesn't look bad on momoa. That's like a. Just a standard dude.

[Whitney Cummings]

He just looks good.

[Mark Normand]

But here's it. Like, women, like, if I sit next to it on a plane, a girl who's like, really, really thin. Like, I know what's going on if I see a what? Like, I know. Like, if I look at a what I see. Do guys, don't you know? That's why I'm not weighing.

[Sam Morril]

What do you mean? What do you mean?

[Mark Normand]

Don't you kind of know psychologically what's going on with this man? If you were really to just go like, what? What's. What's up?

[Sam Morril]

Why? No, we don't think. We're not as tuned in as the ladies.

[Whitney Cummings]

No, he's literally just annoyed that he has to share room right now.

[Sam Morril]

And then here's the worst part. To go pee. He had to do this one. This is when you know you're £8 million.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's such a Bum.

[Sam Morril]

He had to, like, propel himself.

[Mark Normand]

But that was incredibly athletic.

[Sam Morril]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Whitney Cummings]

I've never seen you do an act.

[Mark Normand]

That was that, by the way.

[Whitney Cummings]

I've never seen.

[Mark Normand]

I'm so impressed, actually. That should be your thing.

[Sam Morril]

I studied it. I was like, obsessed with this man.

[Mark Normand]

Maybe quit leaning on a wall.

[Whitney Cummings]

Mark's studying him. He's going to be in a whale like Brendan Fraser movie. Mark as. Mark's just like. And the Oscar and the Oscars for best actor.

[Mark Normand]

Mark. He's preparing to do stand up in LA once.

[Sam Morril]

You know what's funny about the whale is you're not supposed to play a gay character if you're not gay. Unless you're £9 million. Because he was gay in that movie.

[Whitney Cummings]

They just. They were just. By the way, I always have an issue with.

[Mark Normand]

Movies are gay.

[Whitney Cummings]

What are you. I know, but those aren't. But those. When you're just like, not even in a real story. And you're like, let's just give this guy the worst life of all time. It's like, what screenwriter is just like, he's gonna be £900?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Daughter hates him. Right?

[Mark Normand]

That's the whale.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

There he is.

[Whitney Cummings]

I didn't even see it because I'm like, I don't want it. Like, nothing about this is like, this is gonna be a good time.

[Mark Normand]

Don't you think he should play Rodney Dangerfield?

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah, I see it. This guy not.

[Mark Normand]

Is not as the whale. But.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, yeah. But that face right in frame.

[Whitney Cummings]

Rodney Dangerfield is a fat gay guy.

[Sam Morril]

I'll tell you.

[Whitney Cummings]

I can't move in this chair. I've never been this fat in my life. No one will me. I can't see my dick.

[Sam Morril]

I can't get no prep.

[Mark Normand]

I don't know, though. Yeah. That. I don't know the logic on that.

[Sam Morril]

The fat.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. It was crazy.

[Mark Normand]

When you see people that are like, you know sometimes, and you're like, oh, they're. They want to lose. What? Or you see them order a diet or you're like, they're. But when you see people that have committed to it.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like, they've got the fanny. They've got. They. They're like, this is me forever.

[Sam Morril]

Yes. Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Mentality 100.

[Whitney Cummings]

I think everyone's got their. Their vice. And I think for certain people, like, food is an addiction and obesity is a disease the way alcoholism or gambling is a disease. I think, like, gambling, you don't see people. It doesn't show on your body. That's what it is unless you get your legs broken.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

But it doesn't show in your body. But, like, food is.

[Sam Morril]

It is.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I used to have serious, like. Like, overeating stuff.

[Whitney Cummings]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

And for me, it was like, it's a control thing, and it's an. For me, it was an isolation thing. Like, I would binge, but I wouldn't throw up. Like, I would. Would eat a lot and make myself, like, sick and then, like, cancel whatever. Like, if I had a plan, and then I, like, can't have to cancel it. It was like. It was like a social anxiety thing or something dark.

[Whitney Cummings]

What's your thing now, do you think?

[Mark Normand]

That's a great question. Broke of all, because I love that.

[Sam Morril]

Your joke is still.

[Mark Normand]

The person that does the most drugs go to Punchline is Whitney and her drugs.

[Sam Morril]

I do love drugs.

[Whitney Cummings]

Do not do a lot of pills.

[Mark Normand]

I'm sober.

[Whitney Cummings]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

I'm sober for three years. Yeah. It's not like it was. Look, the pandemic was like, you know.

[Whitney Cummings]

What made you just be so.

[Mark Normand]

Well, I never did drugs or anything before the pandemic. And then everyone's, like, doing edibles and Truly, every comic in L. A, like, in their pocket, they have, like. Like a. Like a Ziploc bag of. Of a brownie that is wrapped in a wrapper from, like, the same guys that made, like, the five Hour energy drink logo. It's like, there's, like, red and there's, like, like, planets on it. And they're like, yeah. And it's medicine, though. But it's medicine medicine. So then I was like, oh, yeah. Like, everyone thinks I'm so, like, manic and work too hard and all this stuff. And I'm like, I should, like, chill out, right? I should, like, smoke weed. Like, oh, you guys smoke weed and do mushrooms. And that was, like, doubled down on me being like. Like, that did not chill me out.

[Whitney Cummings]

The LA scene will peer pressure you into weed. I've done shows. How many shows?

[Mark Normand]

But you're healing. Tuesday night at midnight, you are heal. This cocaine is pure.

[Whitney Cummings]

Shows where, like, there's, like, 40 gift bags of just weed. I'm like, I mean, I feel weird. I feel weird not taking it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

But then I'm like, do I know any pie? I can just give it to you.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, you're toxic. You don't want to heal. Like, you're not chill. Like, you're such a workaholic. You want. It is weird. And I think I was just so, like, oh, I think I worked too hard. Both my Parents are dying. Like, I should do this. And then I. There was a window where edibles did help me with sleep.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, they work with sleep.

[Mark Normand]

And then my whole thing was like, I'm not addicted to weed. I'm addicted to sleep.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know?

[Mark Normand]

And then they got way too strong and way too unpredictable. And, like, one day it'd be great. Two days later, it would hit you, like, so hard.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Wake up to like, what are all these texts? Like, why. Oh, like, why did I schedule a call with the maritime lawyer trying to figure out where the Scientology ships are? Like, it was like, wow. And so I'm just too man neck, I think.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Yeah. It was the worst.

[Mark Normand]

And I think that when you're like us, you can. You guys really are able to like, be fun. I think for me, I just did too many podcasts for four hours where I was just like. Like, yeah. But it also stayed with. A lot of times when I did that. I think you were actually on one that it was like, me, you, and Giannis or something.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

And I hadn't. If you take an edible the day before, you're still just weird.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's why I hate them, because they're in your bloodstream.

[Mark Normand]

And I had gone off Prozac, and Prozac is. That's my 50mg Prozac.

[Whitney Cummings]

Did that help a lot?

[Mark Normand]

I just do that to just close the loop on my, like, an obsessive brain.

[Whitney Cummings]

Well, do you think you have a vice? Like, even, like, maybe working out is advice for you? I don't know.

[Mark Normand]

I definitely have. Yeah. That. What's yours? Would you say drinking?

[Whitney Cummings]

Probably.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, definitely drinking.

[Mark Normand]

I think over committing myself to things is definitely. Oh, like, I think the vice would be, like, it makes your life unmanageable or it's like a bad thing, Right?

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

I think it's. It would be that I'll over commit to things. Like, I'll be like, yeah, I'm gonna do this show for Skyler Stone in Long beach next week.

[Sam Morril]

I do the same thing.

[Mark Normand]

I'm not going to this show. I know. We all know I'm not going.

[Sam Morril]

He told me you were going. That's why I did it. What the hell?

[Mark Normand]

I'm can't. Like, this is. I think once you're like, vices get dorkier. It's like that I start feeling this adrenaline and shame, and then I'm like, I'm not gonna cancel. You know, I'll do it.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's another peeve. Is people not taking. No for an Answer. Like, I feel like part of the reason you. You do that is because maybe this person's asked you to do it 12 times and you're like, it does.

[Mark Normand]

It's jury duty. We're not doing jury duty. Stand up.

[Whitney Cummings]

I had a guy hit me up. I'm doing Vegas in September. And he was like, I like the guy a lot too, but he was like, let's go see David Blaine before. And he goes, I'll bring you backstage. You'll meet him. I go, I'm good. I want to be ready for the show. And he's like, oh, come on, it's David Blaine. You gotta go. And I'm like, I wrote. All right, maybe I'm still gonna say no. I'm just trying to stop the negotiations.

[Mark Normand]

How come when a guy does this with the girl with sex, it's illegal?

[Sam Morril]

Oh, hey, but if I'm making you.

[Mark Normand]

Meet a magician, that's so much worse.

[Sam Morril]

That's super dicky.

[Mark Normand]

You know what I mean? You want to meet a magician?

[Sam Morril]

I'll make you do.

[Whitney Cummings]

Come on. Suck my.

[Mark Normand]

No, no.

[Sam Morril]

Come on.

[Whitney Cummings]

Why can't you suck my. All right, maybe this was the whole.

[Mark Normand]

Thing when everyone was like, like, like Louis CK is, like, doing whatever he's doing in offices. I'm like a comic in pencil. The laughing skull just asked me to do a free show four times in a row. Shouldn't we cancel them?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, right.

[Mark Normand]

Shouldn't I cancel Steve Hofstadter for all these emails, right?

[Sam Morril]

At least a jerk off ends.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, exactly.

[Sam Morril]

There's a finish to it.

[Mark Normand]

And so, yeah, so I. For me, I think it's a little bit of, like, that, like, shame hit. That adrenaline hit. And then I'm like, like, oh, I'm going to just spend the day in Long Beach. Like, I should go there and shoot some content. It's like the. It's all the same thing. The delusional, you know, kind of thing. But I really don't. I'm sure there is one.

[Sam Morril]

That's a good one. That's a good one.

[Mark Normand]

I got to say, I am a little bit. I don't think I have, like, the shopping thing because I buy, like, vintage stuff, but I'm a little bit. And maybe having a kid is because every drug, like, you can talk yourself into anything. It's like, people are like, no, red wine's good for you. It's healthy. We'll always find a thing.

[Whitney Cummings]

I heard. I heard Andrew Huberman on. On Bill Maher being like. I heard him being like, two drinks Two drinks a week, max.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, no.

[Whitney Cummings]

He's like, that's the mat. He's like, two drinks a week, max.

[Mark Normand]

I'm like, I'm killing every guy's roofie game. This is what? This is the second one this week, though.

[Sam Morril]

But she needs a drink. Not you, technically, but my new thing.

[Mark Normand]

Is, like, I have to go on ebay and find the monster truck, the Grave Digger, that's green because I already have two. And what if he loses them? So it might be like, hoarding.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get you.

[Mark Normand]

I'm like, buying like, you're a hoarder a little bit.

[Whitney Cummings]

No, I think I'm just like, I've seen your place. It's like, it seems so neat, pristine.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, I think that when you're a hoarder and you're. If you organize them well, it's a collection. That's like the work. It's like a sommelier. It's like, I'm not an alcoholic.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's like a Demetri Martin joke. I like that. That was a good kind of it.

[Mark Normand]

But yeah, so it's like that. And so I'm using my child to feed my adrenaline addiction of, like, ordering.

[Whitney Cummings]

But over committing is also, I think, a sign of someone who's like, people, please. But also like, you can't stop working. Like, because you do seem like you work non stop.

[Mark Normand]

That's really interesting. Like, people say that about me. Like, I think. I don't know how to answer that. Except the trick about workaholism is oftentimes you're actually not getting anything done. You conflate busyness with actual productivity.

[Sam Morril]

That's big.

[Mark Normand]

Which is why we have a typewriter bond over here, which is like, last night I left my. Okay, so I take cabs. That's my kink. Maybe this is my over.

[Whitney Cummings]

Ubers.

[Mark Normand]

You mean I take cabs.

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, me too.

[Mark Normand]

I love. Okay, I love cab.

[Whitney Cummings]

I've taken Ubers. But, like, it's only in, like, a must do situation. I prefer the cab, dude.

[Mark Normand]

I divide people in who takes cabs and who doesn't because I can only really attune to people that take cabs. People that don't take apps, like, don't know what's going on in the world. They're not.

[Sam Morril]

Not everywhere. You talk about New York.

[Mark Normand]

Are you talking about anytime I go to a city, I try to.

[Sam Morril]

You call the company.

[Mark Normand]

I. Nope. You just go out the airport. Usually there's a cab. The airport, the fastest. Like, no one's Giving. This is where I get my news. Mikey's been with me. Where? I'm like, where are you from? Like Ukraine? I'm like, what's going on? Can you tell me? Because this is what I've heard. And he's like, what? Like you? That's the only way.

[Sam Morril]

You got a white cab driver. Get the hell out of here. Ukraine.

[Mark Normand]

Come on, Lois. When you have boots on the ground, I'm like, where are you?

[Whitney Cummings]

If I get a female cab driver, what's going on with Roe v. Wade?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

What's happening there?

[Mark Normand]

Why do you think I'm driving this car? And so last night, I get in, get this cab, and give him cash because I'm like, I got a credit card. You know, taste, whatever. Like 100. I can tip them. Whatever drops me off. I get inside where I am, and I'm like, I left my laptop in that cab. Oh, left my laptop.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's brutal.

[Mark Normand]

Uber.

[Sam Morril]

You could attract it.

[Mark Normand]

Uber. I could. And if I paid by credit card, I could have gotten the phone number of. So I'm just, like, just total raw dog. All I have is find my iPhone. I have to find my device.

[Sam Morril]

Okay, okay. That's something.

[Mark Normand]

So it says it's, like, near Madison Square Garden. I'm like, great. So I get in another cab. I'm chasing the. The find my whatever. And I'm like, not. I'm like, did you. Did you drive me or do me anything? Like, just. And I was like, this is addiction. This is. So it was, like, midnight, and then I'm on the street between, like, a bidet and something else, and it said, it's right here.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Which means it might have just been last. Open there. There's a backpack on the street. Okay. There's, like, all kinds of crazy characters on. I was like, open the backpack. I'm looking in. And I was like, I could literally get murdered. Right? This is the most drug addict.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

All these drug addicts sitting around, and I'm the one that I can easily replace and back up remotely at any point. Like, I don't need this right now. And I was like, this is really dark.

[Sam Morril]

That is dark.

[Mark Normand]

And I just was like, you know what you got? You can have it. Whoever wants it, take it. If he got good for him, he'll go sell it.

[Sam Morril]

Whatever.

[Mark Normand]

And then I got home, and I was like. I felt so liberated. I was like, oh, my God. I'm, like, writing a notebook. Because so much. Many times I'm on my computer, and I'm like, the iMessage and I'm like, I need to Google this for a joke to see what Burning man really looks like to write. Because I can't write this joke unless I read the substack about, like, nonsense delusion. Jokes aren't actually getting written. Scripts actually are getting written. So I'm like, I'm gonna write a notebook. This would be so good. No distractions. I wake up this morning, she's like, hey, they dropped off your laptop. I was like, I was so pissed. And, like, the idea that this cab driver was like, I don't want this thing, like, tracks your data.

[Sam Morril]

Like, I don't want to, like, what a sweet guy.

[Whitney Cummings]

How do you find it?

[Mark Normand]

They don't even want it anymore. He knew where he dropped me off. Drop, like, at the front desk.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, my God.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's a great gut.

[Mark Normand]

But they don't steal. I'm like, you're not even gonna steal this. You sound like.

[Whitney Cummings]

Sound like you have bad add. It sounds like you're like, do you.

[Mark Normand]

Take anything I'm not the person for? I don't really believe that.

[Sam Morril]

Really? All right. You haven't talked to you.

[Mark Normand]

You haven't been interesting to me. Oh, no, I don't not believe it. I just think it's like, free speech. It's like Addoc. All this stuff is like. I think it was all really useful to us, like, a thousand years ago. And now we're all just like, have. You know, we're living in environment.

[Whitney Cummings]

Got that great bit. You know, we're overstimulated. You know, it's like, there's cheese in our crust. Yeah, everything.

[Mark Normand]

I love that.

[Whitney Cummings]

You know that bit where he's like, everything. You know, psp, all this stuff. Your kid's not. He doesn't have add. He's paying attention.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, as a parent, I butchered it.

[Whitney Cummings]

But look up Nick Griffin's Everything that.

[Mark Normand]

Used to feel like hyper vigilance. And add, for me, like, comes in so handy now that I have a kid. Kid. Because I'm like. Like, I'm.

[Sam Morril]

He's never.

[Mark Normand]

Not one problem. Has to get his head on one corner. I refuse to baby proof that. So that table's too heavy. It was too expensive. You're gonna have to just walk around and start. But, like, it's all the things that made me used to think I was crazy. Like, I'll just like. Like, it becomes superpowers when you have a.

[Sam Morril]

That's great. I mean, that's when you need it.

[Mark Normand]

All the things that are so crazy. About women. Once they have a kid, you're like, oh, thank God. You're that nuts?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's like autism. They go, you're autistic. And I'm like, well, that's why I know every capital, too.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

So there are upsides than you, right?

[Mark Normand]

I don't. I have yet to. Like. I was diagnosed with autism. I beat it.

[Sam Morril]

All right. I got a weird one.

[Whitney Cummings]

Okay.

[Sam Morril]

We're talking about vices and weird vices. I'll do a thing while I hear something. Like, I heard you got to put a spoonful of salt in your water every morning. Is it, like, get your blood flow?

[Whitney Cummings]

Can we look that up? Is that good?

[Sam Morril]

And I bought this, like, crazy Himalayan sea salt. And I would put in the water, and I was. It, like, hurt me. I almost had to go to the hospital because I had just. I was dehydrated. I was eating so much salt. But I bought it.

[Whitney Cummings]

Were you not doing it right?

[Mark Normand]

Can I bum you out?

[Sam Morril]

It was one of these huberman things, I do think. There we go. Helps replenish the lost electrolytes, but I think I overdid it.

[Mark Normand]

Study is paid for by what, hydrate the little powder? Salt pouches.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, those taste pretty good.

[Mark Normand]

I don't mind them. The thing is, I think the. Is it Himalayan or Himalayan? I don't know. It's Himalayan. Right? I did say one time the Himalayan sea salt, and the person went, himalayan sea salt coming, right? Like, instant correction.

[Whitney Cummings]

It sucks when someone points out something.

[Mark Normand]

So obvious when you're like, Caribbean and like, I love the Caribbean.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Come on. You could have just said it the way I said it. Like, mirror neurons, Anything but Gary Brecker talks about how this.

[Sam Morril]

He's good, actually.

[Mark Normand]

Only Celtic sea salt doesn't have. Because that salt is from the water that's full of mercury.

[Whitney Cummings]

We've seen the people. People who go to the beach, and they fill it up with water. The. The water from the beach, and then they put it in a pan and they cook it, and they're like, salt. And you're like, that's not how you're supposed to.

[Sam Morril]

I've never heard of that. Wow.

[Mark Normand]

But wait. So it hurt. Oh.

[Sam Morril]

So, yeah. So another thing I did was I heard that banana peels are good for, like, your yard. So every day, I would just throw at a big patch of dirt in my front front yard, and I would just throw banana peels in it. And my wife was like, we have 38 dead banana peels sitting on dirt. What are you doing? I'm like, I heard it's good for the soil. And she's like, like, yeah, you got to dig in and put the banana peel or cut them.

[Mark Normand]

I take back what I said about autism. You are autism in a way that is that Rick Glassman pretends to be.

[Whitney Cummings]

But, no, Rick is autistic.

[Mark Normand]

I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

[Sam Morril]

I'm kidding.

[Whitney Cummings]

No, but Rick is certainly autistic.

[Mark Normand]

It's funny because the. The putting the salt in every morning. It is funny because it would be like. Or don't drink at, like, noon.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You're like, salt.

[Sam Morril]

The things we do to, like, whack a molecule. So true.

[Whitney Cummings]

I was thinking, when I hear these studies, like, don't you know you can only have two drinks a week? I'm like, well, I get sunlight and I go to the house.

[Mark Normand]

Am I gonna get water?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, you know, it's a vodka and coke.

[Mark Normand]

Remember one time I did have a therapist say, like, smoking might be good for you every now and then because at least you'll be taking deep breaths.

[Sam Morril]

That's a bit. That's great.

[Whitney Cummings]

That David tells Dr.

[Mark Normand]

It's the only way to like. So, like, drinking might be good for you because you'll be making less. Well, Guinness is supposed to be.

[Sam Morril]

I looked that up, too.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, really? Because when I had a baby nurse.

[Whitney Cummings]

She said, this is like, facts for dumbass.

[Mark Normand]

You mean a podcast? Comedians giving health advice. It's all batshit.

[Whitney Cummings]

I actually heard. I heard a tell's trainer. He saw this trainer for kettlebells, and he sees this one trainer because the guy lets him smoke during sessions.

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Whitney Cummings]

Which is amazing.

[Mark Normand]

Also, though, if we're alive, take advice from us. Us, like, you know what I'm saying? If we've managed to survive our lifestyle and what we're.

[Whitney Cummings]

Mark's drinking in the afternoon, and I'm. I barely made it here from a hangover.

[Mark Normand]

All right.

[Sam Morril]

Sadly.

[Mark Normand]

Okay, can you get. Here's my pet peeve. Your producer putting up my bio. We're getting ready to wrap on a screen.

[Whitney Cummings]

Well, she's got to leave in 15. I want to hear.

[Mark Normand]

We even hear this game.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, hell, yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Whitney's a football fan.

[Mark Normand]

Peeves. Okay. My peeves. I did send them in. Oh, where? Okay, well, we kind of talked about this a little bit. I Being negative about things that dumb people like. Oh. Like labubus. Why can't they just have their little.

[Sam Morril]

What's a labubu?

[Whitney Cummings]

They're like, the little stuffed things, right?

[Sam Morril]

Oh, like a beanie baby.

[Mark Normand]

Why is like, why can't they just.

[Whitney Cummings]

Are people trash them because Are they super expensive? Is that why they're getting.

[Mark Normand]

It's like. It's like a Beanie Baby.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It's like another one of these sort of like, hype things that gives you clout if you have like. And you can post it on your thing and it makes you feel special. And, you know, it's obviously, you know, like this. It's a trauma response to something, but people like, collect them and I'm kind of like, good for you.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Let's get a Labubu in studio, dude.

[Mark Normand]

By the way, it's actually.

[Whitney Cummings]

I kind of wanted the boo Boo.

[Sam Morril]

In here better than Honey Boo Boo. Such a.

[Mark Normand]

It's like so off brand.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Seven grand.

[Mark Normand]

I'm. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Oh.

[Mark Normand]

It's a whole thing. Like, it's like never Tulamania. It's like.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, it's like a bubble.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's gonna fake Labubu in here, you know?

[Sam Morril]

But everyone's like, is the the of.

[Mark Normand]

End of society? Because adults are collecting Labo. It's like, this actually might be the thing that holds them.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's like when I see. It's like when I see a super rich guy be like, like Jake Paul or someone wearing a Pokemon card around his neck, like, what are you doing here? You're so rich. Why?

[Sam Morril]

Why? It's a flex. Cuz that's probably like a $10 million car.

[Whitney Cummings]

I know, but it's just like, you could. I guess he has bought everything else. I guess you. You're that rich. You're just bored and you're like, I'll just get whatever weird thing.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Well, this is actually the weirdest, like, thing about Ellen that I had. No. When you went to Ellen's like, studio or. I remember one time I like hosted it, and there was like, in her office, she had a vintage fencing costume from like the 1600s.

[Whitney Cummings]

The interns with it, which.

[Mark Normand]

But it was like, God knows how much it cost. Like, it was like some southern. And you're just like, what's. Is this? Just like. Like, what is. You know what I'm saying? All these people that are making like five grand a week or whatever, working hard, they're just like, this is like. You just have so much money. Is this my. Like, you could have gotten a fake one too, or had nothing.

[Sam Morril]

I love put at your house in.

[Whitney Cummings]

Ted, where Joel McHale's character is just showing off his wealth and he's doing all these paintings and then he. And then he gets to one, and he goes, that's Lance Armstrong's nut bronze. That's his. For some reason, that just hit me so hard.

[Mark Normand]

I think true wealth now is buying something that you don't even want just so someone else can't have it.

[Sam Morril]

It.

[Mark Normand]

Dang, it's. That's labubos, too. It's like, I don't even want this, but I don't want you to have it.

[Sam Morril]

I got your insulin.

[Mark Normand]

That's like, Ellen. I feel like she was just like, I don't even want this, but, like, I don't want someone else to get it.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like, that's the farmer bro AIDS medication.

[Mark Normand]

Or there's.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Or there's just, like, a power move to your employees to be like, this is from the 1600s.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And I think this is more valuable than your time.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

This is just like, some guy's outfit that's still dirty or something. But.

[Whitney Cummings]

But yeah, it's a weird thing to be because it's one thing to be interested in history, but that's such a random thing to watch.

[Mark Normand]

I think it's just like, I want it.

[Sam Morril]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

I'm just throwing my office.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. I think Seinfeld has that with the cars, too. A little bit. Like, I need all these cars.

[Mark Normand]

This is a one in a million, though.

[Sam Morril]

I love cars, too.

[Whitney Cummings]

Are you a big car person?

[Mark Normand]

I get cars now. So. First of all, with the Pokemon thing and all that stuff, I used to like, that used to drive me nuts. I'm working on a bit about it also. This is another pet peeve. Why can't comedians just say something without giving context of if they've talked about it before and if we're working on it? But we should be. Like, we talked about this the other day in the parking lot. Remember? No one cares. Like, Jordan Jensen. I just tried to get through a podcast where we didn't say, like, we were talking about this earlier about, like, we don't want to get busted, like, saying the same thing twice or something.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But that guys like collecting toys now. It's like every. Guys have, like, a Marvel. Like, you're 40. Like, why do you have. Have the Pokemon, Whatever. But now that I have a son, it's like the main. It's like, you have what Pokemon card? How many lightsabers do you have?

[Whitney Cummings]

Whitney's a fun mom.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Thank God.

[Mark Normand]

Because my guy, the biggest red flag is he's a whole thing of Zelda stuff. Ninja Turtles.

[Sam Morril]

He has a giant Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle tattoo.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. And every Time. I'm like, why, are you in pain? Where. Put your shorts on. Henry's coming down. Where's your Ninja Turtle tattoo, too? It's like, everything that sucked now that I have a son is like. But cars. Getting into monster trucks, like, has really, like, I have one vintage car, Silverado 81.

[Whitney Cummings]

And I like, can we pull that up?

[Mark Normand]

I love trucks. Like, I love vintage trucks. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Interesting.

[Mark Normand]

I'm not a vintage, like, sports car guy. I don't know anything about them, but I think it's just more like nostalgic. I think growing up, I probably had some kind of like. That was the first.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's pretty cool.

[Mark Normand]

Mine's like. Mine's like a. Like brown.

[Whitney Cummings]

Are they. Do you feel like it's safe to drive or is it kind of just to have.

[Mark Normand]

I don't. I live in California. Everyone's on drugs. It's not safe to drive anything anywhere. But, yeah, it is kind of like that one on the far right. Yeah. So good. So good.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's a cool looking car.

[Mark Normand]

I just. I don't know. There's something, like, sexy about it to me there. So I just like, even having in the driveway, like. Like putting stuff in the back, like, and making a little Ford out of it for him. Like, it's just.

[Whitney Cummings]

Have you seen this basketball player look up Devin Booker's car collection because he's got some crazy.

[Mark Normand]

Do you have a car in New York?

[Sam Morril]

I do. I got a 1973 BMW O2. Whoa. No one wants to get in it because it has no seat belts. I haven't. I haven't insured it. No airbags, nothing.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Sam Morril]

But it's a great car.

[Mark Normand]

That's sick. Are you gonna restore it?

[Sam Morril]

It's already restored. I already did it.

[Mark Normand]

Get it functioning.

[Sam Morril]

It's fine. It works.

[Mark Normand]

But you can't have. Is it illegal to not have seatbelts?

[Sam Morril]

Of course.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Sam Morril]

Got it. Yeah. But I still. I'm riding dirty.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Sam Morril]

But it's.

[Mark Normand]

What would you get fined? That's beautiful.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's a cool car, right?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Wow.

[Sam Morril]

Jesus. It's a 50s Bel Air, so.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I'm kind of like. It's just one of those things. I think that as you, like, get older and have less vices, you're like, I'm. I like excellence in it. I like excellence. Like, I like something that is like, clearly, like, I went to nascar. I got to wave the flag at nascar. It was a pretty big deal. It was actually kind of a weird, like, career high. I was like. I was pretty Psyched. But I obsessed with the crew pit pits. Like, how they. Dude, it actually gives me goosebumps. Like, seeing men actually be useful. This is when you've been in LA for too long that you masturbate to.

[Sam Morril]

They're so cruel.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. And the way that they do it and like, I just love sort of. Oh, my God.

[Whitney Cummings]

That's a nice pick.

[Sam Morril]

Is that what you wore to do the flag? Come on?

[Mark Normand]

Well, yeah, I wore like a jean dress.

[Sam Morril]

Like Jay Leno. You gotta. You gotta get a skimpy skirt.

[Whitney Cummings]

I think car people like denim. I think that's what we're finding out.

[Sam Morril]

I guess so. Sydney, sweetie.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. It was really cool.

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, that's fun.

[Mark Normand]

It was so sick.

[Sam Morril]

Wow. You see that Drew Ski thing where he did whiteface at a nascar?

[Mark Normand]

No.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, my God. It's unbelievable.

[Whitney Cummings]

Is it funny?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, it's so funny. Yeah. Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's like the Eddie Murphy thing.

[Sam Morril]

Yes. Right? Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Remember when Eddie Murphy. That was such a classic SNL sketch. When Eddie Murphy goes. He was undercover as a white guy and the last black guy gets off the bus.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

And they start giving out cocktails to everybody.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Yeah. Everywhere he goes, like, you can have it. You're one of us.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, wow, look at that.

[Sam Morril]

I mean, look at the makeup job he got all the way white bodied. And then he just had fun with the. The white brethren.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I do think NASCAR is kind of fascinating because it's like, what are we watching? Like, what are you actually watching?

[Whitney Cummings]

Are you an F1 person?

[Mark Normand]

You know what? Not as much. It's a little elitist for me.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But I'm sure it's cool.

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't know much about it. I watched. I just watched the movie with Brad Pitt. It's good, but it's like 2 hours and 40 minutes.

[Sam Morril]

There's no reason.

[Whitney Cummings]

There's no reason to fucking.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

A blockbuster summer type movie should be. I think it's like, for an hour.

[Mark Normand]

I think movies are like, for planes.

[Whitney Cummings]

But it was.

[Sam Morril]

It was.

[Whitney Cummings]

It looked gorgeous.

[Mark Normand]

And.

[Whitney Cummings]

And he's amazing. He's always amazing. And it's. It is fun as hell. Yeah, it's. But like. But it's 2 hours, 40 minutes.

[Mark Normand]

What are you. Are you. Are we kind of waiting for a crash?

[Sam Morril]

Of course. Of course.

[Mark Normand]

That's what's crazy about it is you're like, I hope it doesn't happen, but if it happens, be cool if I was here.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I don't want it to. I do not wish it. It's like that. It's like in hockey, when you're kind of like, I wouldn't freak out if there was a fight.

[Whitney Cummings]

Of course, fights are fun as hell, you know, but then there's this.

[Mark Normand]

You're kind of. It's boring, except for, you know, someone.

[Sam Morril]

Could die until a good year bounces into the crowd and hits a lady right near one tooth, and it's. Which has happened. Pull that up.

[Mark Normand]

Like, the one that I went to is in Phoenix. I couldn't make Daytona last year, but, like, immediately there was a little bit of a, like, guy hit the side. And it gets so quiet.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So quiet. And everyone's just like. It's got. It's kind of like our gladiators, in a way. It's like.

[Whitney Cummings]

Same with ufc.

[Mark Normand]

So is ufc. Ufc. I. I like. That's why I like monster trucks. I like wwe. I like.

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, you like wwe?

[Mark Normand]

Love. I love knowing that someone's not actually gonna get hurt. I know all these guys do get hurt in ways, you know, but, like.

[Whitney Cummings]

No, they don't age well.

[Mark Normand]

Y.

[Sam Morril]

No.

[Mark Normand]

But I think there's something I. There it is.

[Sam Morril]

Like, they have a big Persona. They had to do, like, years of grinding and these gyms I like.

[Mark Normand]

We're here to make you laugh. Like some monster trucks. And I'm.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's a show.

[Mark Normand]

I'm always fascinated by what makes comedians laugh because we're, you know.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And like, monster trucks. I was dying because it was so silly. And there was something, I think, that, like, it used to be, like, edginess was like, sex, and that's all anyone talks about. Like. Like, I think there's something kind of like, like, punk rock about being, like, wholesome.

[Sam Morril]

Sure.

[Mark Normand]

Just being, like, fun and goofy.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, Nate Bragazi's like the Clash now. He's religious. You know, he's not political.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

It's just.

[Mark Normand]

You're like. He had the balls to say he believes in God. Crazy.

[Sam Morril]

It's like mega death.

[Mark Normand]

You love your wife.

[Sam Morril]

Whoa, whoa.

[Mark Normand]

Can you say that? You need to cancel it.

[Whitney Cummings]

So.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that's.

[Sam Morril]

We want action. I mean, you don't watch Cops for the. The traffic tickets. You know, you want crack up the ass. You want a black guy getting stomped out. You want. You want action?

[Whitney Cummings]

Would be a hilarious Cops if it was just, like. Just the. Just misdemeanor. Just the most minor shit. We pulled you over, but we're gonna let you off this time.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

This show sucks.

[Sam Morril]

That would be funny.

[Mark Normand]

I think you. This sort of is a good segue into your. You guys Asked for recommendations for movies. Do you guys do that now?

[Sam Morril]

Last time, yeah, we were. We were two in the zone.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

So when we're rolling, we forget sometimes.

[Mark Normand]

Or I just remember. Like, I don't think I did it on the show before, because if I say this, and I've said it before, just, just. I'm gonna blame mom brain forever. How long has your wife been blaming Mom Brain?

[Sam Morril]

Oh, I mean, yeah, for years.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Baby's six months.

[Mark Normand]

But Labyrinth.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, classic.

[Mark Normand]

I'm obsessed with movies that went over your head when you were a kid or you.

[Whitney Cummings]

This one right here. Yeah, it's really good.

[Sam Morril]

David Bowie.

[Mark Normand]

Dude, you go back. First of all, they were on the most lsd.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

On so many drugs. I also love the behind the scenes. If you go on YouTube, behind. Behind the Scenes of the Making of Labyrinth with Jim Henson, the documentary about Jim Henson that was on Apple didn't really cover a bunch of Labyrinth. And I think it's because they were on so many drugs is my guess. Allegedly. But the cheat codes in this movie, it is. I always make fun of Chris De Stefano because he loves the stoics. Like, but there is so much, like, stoicism. What is this? I haven't. Oh, okay. And. Oh, they use real babies. Look. You know, you're gonna watch a baby get abused, but, like, we need adversity, you know?

[Sam Morril]

Know.

[Mark Normand]

And then when you see them doing all of the puppets the way that they choreographed it, like, it is so sick. But, yeah, what the movie is about, you're just like. Like, it. It just.

[Sam Morril]

What is it? I haven't seen it in 20 years. What is it about?

[Mark Normand]

It's about how you give other people your power and get in your own way. And, like, no obstacles are real. It's like.

[Whitney Cummings]

That was Neil Brennan's podcast.

[Mark Normand]

And it really is. It's about this girl who's like. Like, you know, is going through a labyrinth, basically, and everything that young Connelly. Oh, and then Ludo.

[Whitney Cummings]

Old Connelly's pretty good too.

[Sam Morril]

I agree. Hot lady.

[Mark Normand]

She's the best of the best.

[Sam Morril]

What was the Poor Man's Labyrinth with Tom Cruz? Mystic Myth Space. No, no, no, no. I know Tom Cruise. I don't know. Mythical. Something like that. Method.

[Mark Normand]

Mythical religion.

[Sam Morril]

No, no, no.

[Mark Normand]

I thought it was Tom Cruise.

[Sam Morril]

It was. It was like the crystal.

[Mark Normand]

Dark crystal. No, it was dark crystal. I feel like. Was the.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, okay.

[Mark Normand]

Weird. Like Pepsi to this coat.

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, dude, Minority Report. That was solid.

[Sam Morril]

He was a five year old and he was super young legend.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, I Don't even. I've never even heard of these.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Two around.

[Mark Normand]

I feel because you were too busy watching a guy not be able to figure out how to pick up a lobster, that these are the movies. Movies that had, like. I can't watch things with horses in them, but, like, these unicorn. This is like lsd.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Like, everyone was on mushrooms and LSD when they made this sort of core. What is it? What would you call it? Like, wisdom core or, like, gothic core?

[Sam Morril]

Fantasy.

[Mark Normand]

Fantasy core. This is like, the first of the.

[Whitney Cummings]

Tim Curry.

[Mark Normand]

What is it? What are the Ren Fair people? What would you call that?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, sure.

[Mark Normand]

That works with, like, wisdom. Yeah. David. But I'm a sucker for a famous musician starring in a movie that just like Desperately Seeking Susan. Like, it's. It matters because it's Madonna. Like, Labyrinth couldn't have really happened with, like, Steven Seagal or, like, Kirk Douglas or whatever. You know what I mean?

[Sam Morril]

It's just like.

[Mark Normand]

That's David Bowie, dude.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

What are other. What are other movies starring Amusing litter.

[Mark Normand]

Mariah Carey, One of my favorites. From Justin to Kelly, for sure. I love a. You're so famous.

[Whitney Cummings]

We don't even have Moonstruck with Cher.

[Mark Normand]

G, by the way. Soap Dish, I think, was also Cher. Cher, like, did a lot of movies.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Lady Gaga Star is Born.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I like when they're like, we don't even. You're famous. We don't even have a script. But we'll just make a movie. We'll figure it out later.

[Sam Morril]

I love that Crossroads with Britney.

[Mark Normand]

Tom Wa.

[Whitney Cummings]

Pretty good actor.

[Mark Normand]

Say.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah. Who?

[Whitney Cummings]

Tom Waits.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. There was. Was.

[Sam Morril]

Was it called Gigli? Did I have that right?

[Mark Normand]

That's real. That's Jennifer Lopez. But that was like, her and Ben Affleck.

[Sam Morril]

That's what they met, right?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Because usually it goes the other way. Like. Like, Jared Leto gets famous. He's like, no, I have this band and.

[Sam Morril]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

Cult and bring my fans to my island. Not weird at all.

[Whitney Cummings]

Steve Martin's like, like, I'm famous, so you got to listen to my folk band.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

All right, we'll do it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

We love you.

[Mark Normand]

Doesn't Wood Allen play, like, the recorder at, like. Yeah. Cool. Cool, though.

[Sam Morril]

It's worse than the things girls play.

[Mark Normand]

Things girls play in third grade.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's like the Thing. He's like, fourth best. I don't want to. I want to see the other stuff. His standup was great. Dude. That album was great.

[Sam Morril]

Killer.

[Mark Normand]

My wife's oh, W. Houston. The Bodyguard. That was iconic. Cuz there are some things I like when they go, you.

[Sam Morril]

Oh.

[Mark Normand]

Like you have to be a famous, famous musician to play a famous musician. It's like, I love that because it's like, you know, when you see someone playing athlete, you're just like, I can't.

[Sam Morril]

You know?

[Whitney Cummings]

Unless it's like Kevin Costner. He kind of pulled it off. I feel baseball is different because baseball dudes can look golf.

[Mark Normand]

You're right.

[Whitney Cummings]

Like, also golf like Tin Cup. You're like, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Legend of Bagger Vance or something.

[Sam Morril]

That one.

[Whitney Cummings]

That was rough.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. 8 mile. Like, it's actually that sick. Yeah, there's a lot of good ones actually, dude.

[Whitney Cummings]

Dwight Yoakum.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Also Beyonce. I love something that's just like, I'm camp. I'm here to just entertain you. What was the Beyonce movie with Ali Larder where she tried to steal her man? And it was a horror movie about a white woman trying to take your man.

[Sam Morril]

What?

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, I remember this.

[Mark Normand]

That's such. In, like, in the black community. That's such a fun, like, horror movie. A white woman with skinny lips in no butt takes your man. What do you do?

[Whitney Cummings]

Idris Elba.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Wow. That's a hot sex.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's a hot cast.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. And the honky's not bad either. This is a fun little romper.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. She's an attractive lady too.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Thank you for cleaning.

[Mark Normand]

Basically. What's the one with the Demi Moore? I love that genre of movies too. Right when women started coming into the workforce. The movies that Disclosure. When she's the boss and she makes Kirk Douglas, like.

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, it's Michael. Michael Douglas.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Sorry.

[Whitney Cummings]

That would have been a better movie.

[Mark Normand]

Douglas was Michael Douglas.

[Whitney Cummings]

Let me suck your old dick.

[Sam Morril]

He's in hospice.

[Mark Normand]

He's like, oh, I love Kirk Douglas's whole, like, thing. He was pigeonholed as the guy that every hot woman, like, wants to be.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Sleep with them.

[Sam Morril]

It was like Fatal Attraction.

[Whitney Cummings]

Exactly.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

He's always in, like, a leather bomber jacket. Have you watched Fatal Attraction recently?

[Whitney Cummings]

No.

[Mark Normand]

You guys should do a Mystery Science Theater. Like, it would be so Patreon.

[Sam Morril]

Let's do it, dude.

[Mark Normand]

I'm telling you.

[Whitney Cummings]

Should we do that? That'd be amazing.

[Mark Normand]

It's such a. Just to, like, talk through how insane. First of all, the scenes were so much longer back then. Someone would get out of a car and you would just. 20 minutes later, they'd walk in the house. It was like. But Michael Douglas, every room he enters in. What is it you just said? No. Fatal Attraction. He, like, jumps in the room. It's actually kind of amazing. He, like, runs and skips and jumps in, like, Kramer. Yeah, there's. It's so funny. Like, I love funny.

[Whitney Cummings]

He was just. His whole 90s was just, I'm in bang chick thrillers.

[Mark Normand]

But also remember. What was that? Not Single white female. What was the other one? The baby. Don't let the babysitter. What was it?

[Sam Morril]

Rock the Cradle. Rebecca De Mornay.

[Mark Normand]

So you know that she's hot. You know, there was that article about how the. That movies play on the fears that we all currently have. So, like, zombie movies are about our fear of homelessness and that this genre of movie about women going to the workforce. Like, you're gonna leave your baby at home. Like, the babysitter is gonna, you know, sleep with your husband and take your baby. Like, just how leaning into the. What was changing around that time or whatever.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, man.

[Mark Normand]

There was a genre of, like, if you're a woman and you get a job, your whole life will fall apart. They were like warning movies. They were like, no, you can go be. Get a job. Big, big working girl. See what happens.

[Sam Morril]

Well, that's why women like true crime, because it's just the scariest thing possible. It's like getting banged and thrown in a river or whatever.

[Whitney Cummings]

It's a good summary of forensic files.

[Sam Morril]

Thank you.

[Whitney Cummings]

Watch this. Chicken bang.

[Mark Normand]

Thrown a river. So weird. Like, does anyone notice? It's kind of like no one's talking about that anymore. Like, murder kind of over.

[Whitney Cummings]

We just need a good one because I think we had a run of killer. Like, the jinx was incredible. Making a murder was good. Staircase was incredible.

[Mark Normand]

Number one.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. So it's like we had a run of just.

[Mark Normand]

There's been no good murders.

[Whitney Cummings]

There haven't been a lot. I mean, murders, you got to step it up.

[Mark Normand]

But also, like, I. I'm obsessed with, like, we've become kind of desensitized to murder. Murder.

[Whitney Cummings]

Totally.

[Mark Normand]

Like, we're calling murder Ice Pick. Like, I'm seeing it, right?

[Sam Morril]

Like, Ted Bundy was a sex symbol. Yeah, for a while.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. But it's just like, the fact that we were really into murder for a while now.

[Sam Morril]

We're like, ah, interesting. So what are we gonna do now?

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah. What's the new one like, the new kink.

[Mark Normand]

The new kink has actually maybe come from listening. So Murder podcast, the new thing is trying to stay alive as long as possible with ice Bass. And we're doing salt. Salt in the morning.

[Sam Morril]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

Doing ketosis. And we're gonna live forever. Like, we want to live forever now.

[Whitney Cummings]

Yeah, I don't feel like I'm gonna live forever.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, I'm feeling rough.

[Mark Normand]

It's so funny because it's like LA versus New York podcasters. Or maybe la. I could put in with Austin. They're all just like. You go to their podcast. It's just like wheatgrass. Just like, there's an ice bath. You have, like, get in the sauna. And you guys are just. This is like you have breast implants and just like, you're actually drinking for real during the day. Like alcohol.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

You. I think you have a New York. Ish energy.

[Sam Morril]

I could see that.

[Whitney Cummings]

Because I think that's another reason people might think she's a workaholic is because her energy, it feels like very New York.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. You east coast, originally.

[Mark Normand]

I'm so sorry. I don't go on podcasts and complain about my depression and where's that? No, I just mean, like, when people say, like, it seems like you work a lot, I'm like, you guys, I can only say it's a good thing.

[Sam Morril]

But you guys.

[Mark Normand]

You guys probably work more.

[Sam Morril]

I work.

[Whitney Cummings]

We work a ton.

[Mark Normand]

We treat comedy like a job.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

And people are like, just because I don't only do stand up for the 20 minutes a day that we're actually.

[Sam Morril]

That's a good point.

[Mark Normand]

During the week, people like, she works so much. Actually, Louis ck, I'm. You know what? Let's talk about all the people that have been canceled, the good things they did for women.

[Sam Morril]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

It was Louis C.K. actually, you guys, this might get a canceled. Louis C.K. encouraged me to keep doing stand up.

[Sam Morril]

The worst thing you ever did.

[Mark Normand]

No, I remember that I came out of the Improv once, and I was very, very. I've probably been doing stand, like a year and a half, two years. And at the time, in la, you can do a lot of spots. You just have to go to, like, Pasadena and Hermosa. And I would start at 4. I would go. There was this open mic called Bliss, and then you go to this bowling alley. And then you go. It was more like rooms, you know.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like sushi restaurants. Like, you know, stuff like that. And he was, like, talking to me outside a bunch of. And I was like, sorry, you guys, I have to go. I have to. And I was so trained to be me. Like, feel bad for how many spots I was doing. So I was like, you're gonna do another spot. Like, it's seven o'.

[Sam Morril]

Clock.

[Mark Normand]

It's Wednesday?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

What do you have to do? You're done.

[Sam Morril]

What else am I doing?

[Mark Normand]

You just ate like with a bad Facebook joke for 20. Like, you're just done for the night. And like, so I was like running around and I was like, I gotta get to a spot. Like, I have like three spots and I know, I'm like crazy. And he's like, no, that's. That's what it takes.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like, he was almost like, yeah, you're not like special for like. And I was like, like, how Matter of fact he was made me realize like, oh, it's not normal to do one a night.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, good.

[Mark Normand]

Like, he was almost like, only three. And I was like, okay, that's if he thinks it's got it.

[Whitney Cummings]

I just ran into an 18 year old kid in the street. Just like, he's like, I'm a comic. And I was like, oh. So we chat for like 10 minutes on the street. And he was like. I was like, how much are you getting up? And he's like five, six nights a week.

[Sam Morril]

I was like, great, good for you.

[Whitney Cummings]

A couple times a night he goes, yeah, but he's 18. I mean, he's just starting. But it's like I said, but the fact that you're starting that young and you. And you understand that's what it takes. And I was like, you're gonna be all right.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like, it was because people that don't want you to succeed are gonna be like, why are you doing all these spots?

[Sam Morril]

Yep.

[Mark Normand]

Why do you work so much? Like, you know, what are you doing? Or people are like, you have like a disease. You're mentally mentally ill. For trying to be good at my job, I would.

[Whitney Cummings]

Get in relationships, like, you have to do another set all the time. Especially when you're starting out and you're like, I really got it right now.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. And I'm like, you work from nine to five, that's eight hours Also. Let me go off.

[Mark Normand]

You're not with the failed comments.

[Sam Morril]

Stomach. Oh, that's true too. That's true.

[Whitney Cummings]

I like it.

[Mark Normand]

We're like, like, how about you get to the gym and I'll go do my standard.

[Sam Morril]

Yes, here, here.

[Mark Normand]

We both know how this human nature thing works.

[Sam Morril]

I think you gotta go.

[Whitney Cummings]

You got an Eagles game to get to. But plug some days.

[Sam Morril]

Toronto, Baltimore, Fayetteville. Yeah, go see Whitney.

[Mark Normand]

Just added a show in Toronto. You guys know how to find me.

[Whitney Cummings]

Hot Springs, Arkansas, Philly, Philadelphia.

[Sam Morril]

Go Eagles.

[Whitney Cummings]

The Miller Theater. Oh, that's a good one. One Fort Lauderdale.

[Mark Normand]

I feel like Philly doesn't have as many venues as it used.

[Whitney Cummings]

It doesn't. Yeah. New Orleans. Whitney, you're the best. We'll see you soon.

[Mark Normand]

Thank you, guys.

[Sam Morril]

I hope. Yeah. Thanks for coming in.

[Whitney Cummings]

That was Whitney Cummings. She was awesome as always. Fun episode.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

Coming up, I will be in Chicago at the Chicago Theater, Winnipeg. That's gonna be fun. Saudi Arabia, Barcelona, Milan, Dublin, Liverpool, London, Paris, Amsterdam, Berlin. I'm going back to Salt Lake City a second time this year. So much fun at wise guy. So November 14th through 16th. That's a great one.

[Sam Morril]

Great club.

[Whitney Cummings]

Oh, one of my faves. And they got reno, Nevada, on November 29th. And the Biggie, Carnegie Hall, December 4th. Love you guys.

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Whitney Cummings]

Punch up live Sam. Morale. Or just go to my website.

[Sam Morril]

All right.

[Mark Normand]

All right.

[Sam Morril]

I'll be in Saudi Arabia as well. One night only. Greece or Athens. I should say Oslo. Helsinki, Stockholm, Dublin, Valley Center, California, at Harrah's Baltimore Magoobies. Washington, D.C. at the Lincoln Theater, Chocolate City, Rochester. Coming back to his hometown, Niagara Falls, San Diego. And yeah. MarkDomacami.com Go to punch up.

[Whitney Cummings]

Get some bodega cat, BodegaCat Whiskey.com or Instagram BodegaCat Whiskey. Send us a DM.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Whitney Cummings]

The best, guys. Thanks for listening.

[Sam Morril]

Thank you.

[Whitney Cummings]

I don't hate that mystery science theater idea for. For either Patreon or Punch Up.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah. Soder's been doing it and he's, like, making a fortune. So I think, not a bad idea. Not a bad idea. We're the movie guys. Yeah, let's do it.

[Whitney Cummings]

All right.

[Sam Morril]

All right.

[Mark Normand]

Sunday's the day for my next bender. A bit of fever wrecking all the fear juice.

[Sam Morril]

Cross close.

[Mark Normand]

I've had a little too much burping and Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope. And I get down in the same way up on the roof like the cops coming and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans this woman doesn't look like I remember her and I get down.

[Sam Morril]

In the same way.

[Mark Normand]

We might be true.