I Always Knew I Was Autistic - Talia Mar On Late Diagnosis At 24

Summary

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We Need To Talk with Paul C. Brunson

Episode: "I Always Knew I Was Autistic" — Talia Mar On Late Diagnosis At 24

Release Date: April 2, 2026
Guest: Talia Mar
Host: Paul C. Brunson (WNTT)

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Episode Overview

In this special Autism Awareness Day episode, Paul C. Brunson sits down with singer and content creator Talia Mar to discuss her late diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) at age 24. The conversation is a candid exploration of Talia's childhood struggles with masking, the misconceptions around autism (especially for women), and how embracing her neurodivergence has shaped her identity, relationships, and career.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Early Experiences of Bullying and Masking

[01:03 - 03:51]

• Talia explains she was bullied growing up, largely because she knew what she wanted (to be a singer), which set her apart from peers who felt uncertain about themselves.
• She describes her struggles with eye contact, vocal tics, and difficulty fitting in socially.
  • “I was a little bit weird. I definitely didn’t present myself in the way that everyone else did. I made myself somewhat of an easy target.” [01:15, Talia Mar]
• Masking emerged as a coping strategy; she describes "fake it till you make it" as her lifelong mantra for fitting in.
  • “I think I just got better at masking, and like, fake it till you make it has been my favorite saying...my whole life. And the older I get, the more I believe it.” [03:02, Talia Mar]

2. Navigating Emotions & Using Art as Expression

[05:07 - 07:16]

• Talia discusses her avoidance of difficult emotional conversations, preferring to express pain and vulnerability through music instead of direct discussion.
  • “So then, okay, let’s write a song so that it’s out there...but I’ve done it with like, a chorus instead of actual words.” [05:52, Talia Mar]
• She acknowledges using humor and quick subject changes to avoid deeply feeling sadness or fear.
  • “Whenever there was a topic...the bullying that was happening to you as a young child. Immediately what I saw you do is you would smile and make a joke of it.” [06:10, Interviewer]
• Despite being emotionally open in some realms, she actively avoids "sitting in" distressing emotions, preferring to quickly move past them.

3. Signs of Autism & Realization Before Diagnosis

[08:22 - 13:31]

• Talia recounts recognizing traits of autism in herself from childhood but never having them addressed because she didn’t fit the media stereotype:
  • “Ever since I learned about it at school...every single thing they spoke about there, I massively relate to. But like, no one has brought this up with me.” [09:11, Talia Mar]
• Examples of autistic traits she experienced:
  • Sensitivity to touch, sound, light, and a strong aversion to hugs or dirty hands.
  • Social difficulties, especially making eye contact and friendships.
  • Excessive masking: “I was just really good at faking it, pretending that everything was fine.”
• Self-administered coping: Her psychiatrist suggested she had done CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) on herself for years, training herself to accept or mask her symptoms.

4. Misconceptions About Autism in the Media & Female Presentation

[14:36 - 18:01]

• She attributes part of her late diagnosis to the way autism is shown in the media—often “one specific, rigid image” that doesn’t account for women or non-stereotypical presentations.
  • “People are obsessed with this idea that if you're autistic you have to love trains or have really specific niche things...when really you just need a special interest.” [15:00, Talia Mar]
• Talia highlights how autism is underdiagnosed in women—80% of autistic females remain undiagnosed by age 18.
  • “It presents itself one, again, differently in women, and two, it's a spectrum everyone presents so differently. And I was also hyper emotional. And I think a lot of people have this idea in their head that people with autism struggle with emotion and don't have any. And it's like, well, actually, I do struggle with emotion. I have too much.” [16:32, Talia Mar]

5. Impact of a Late Diagnosis & Advice for Others

[18:01 - 22:17]

• Talia describes feeling significant relief and self-forgiveness after her diagnosis, explaining past difficulties and helping her articulate needs.
  • “I'd have forgiven myself a little bit easier.” [19:25, Talia Mar]
• Her parents responded with recognition in hindsight: her "rule-following" and "justice" obsessions were autistic traits.
  • “How did I miss that? ...I just put down to you just being...extremely interested in rules...when really, my brain’s just a bit different.” [19:35, Talia Mar]
• The host notes official diagnostic criteria treat ASD as a disability; Talia recognizes the challenges but also the unique strengths ASD can bring.
  • “...the way your brain processes that is actually very interesting. And that's got you to a better conclusion than it would have got someone else.” [20:49, Talia Mar]
• For young women/girls or parents with suspected ASD, Talia says seeking diagnosis can be vital for understanding and adapting—even if difficult through public health systems.
  • “I think there is no harm in trying because it can just give you answers and it can explain things. And also, I think as a parent, it can be overwhelming...You just need to do something slightly differently.” [21:40, Talia Mar]

6. Relationships & Acceptance

[23:10 - 23:55]

• Talia shares that her fiance, Simon, embraced her unique mannerisms and supported her unmasked self from the beginning.
  • “It was one of the things he liked about me because he had to...If he didn’t, he’d have known immediately and been like, I don’t like these traits. This isn’t gonna work.” [23:25, Talia Mar]
  • “He’d read me like a book.” [23:50, Talia Mar]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On masking and confidence:
  “Fake it till you make it has been my favorite saying…my whole life.” [03:02, Talia Mar]

• On late diagnosis and the relief it brought:
  “I'd have forgiven myself a little bit easier.” [19:25, Talia Mar]

• On media stereotypes and autism:
  “People are obsessed with this idea that if you’re autistic you have to love trains...when really you just need a special interest.” [15:00, Talia Mar]

• On emotional experience as an autistic woman:
  “I do struggle with emotion. I have too much.” [16:32, Talia Mar]

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Important Timestamps

• [01:15] Talia on childhood bullying and confidence
• [03:02] Masking and "fake it till you make it"
• [05:52] Using songwriting for emotional processing
• [06:10] Humor as a response to pain
• [09:11] Realizing autistic traits as a child
• [14:42] Media stereotypes and barriers to diagnosis
• [16:32] Differences in female presentation of autism
• [18:10] The impact of a late ASD diagnosis
• [19:35] Parental reflections and self-understanding
• [21:40] Advice to parents and undiagnosed young women
• [23:25] How Simon, her fiancé, connected with her unmasked self

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Final Thoughts

This episode of "We Need To Talk" offers a vulnerable, authentic look into one woman’s journey with late-diagnosed autism. Talia Mar’s story illustrates both the challenges and the power of understanding and embracing neurodivergence, advocating for greater awareness—especially regarding the unique presentation of autism in women.

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Transcript

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[Podcast Host]

to we're Talking in honor of Autism Awareness Day, we're joined by Talia Marr to discuss her journey with ASD from early struggles with masking to her diagnosis at 24. This is an honest conversation about breaking down the misconceptions surrounding autism and embracing neurodivergence.

[Interviewer]

Clearly, you know, children are bullied, and adults are also bullied for a variety of reasons. What do you think the reasons were that you were bullied?

[Talia Marr]

I think people are, especially kids, they're really unhappy when they don't know what they want to do and someone else does know what they want to do. I probably came across as having a level of confidence that, one, I didn't have, and two, they definitely didn't have because everyone knew I wanted to be a singer. I wanted to do this. And I think everyone at school was like, I don't know what I want to do. And it was probably just a way of being like, just shut her up. Like, that's enough. Also, I was a little bit weird. I definitely didn't present myself in the way that everyone else did. I made myself somewhat of an easy target.

[Interviewer]

Okay, how did you present yourself?

[Talia Marr]

I struggled with, like, eye contact, talking to people, like, openly. I ticked. I had tics at school. Like, I had vocal tics. And people would be like, why stop doing that? Like, why are you making that noise? I'm like, oh, my God, they noticed. Like, in my head, I was like, no one's going to notice. It's under my breath. Like, I did everything I could to control it, but I just could not stop. And I think people. Yeah, they just thought, oh, she's weird.

[Interviewer]

Okay, so these are the children saying this.

[Talia Marr]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

Did you have any friends among that social circle?

[Talia Marr]

So I had no. I had, like, moments where I had friends or I had someone who, like, would call me their friend, and then it would kind of go downhill for various reasons or whatever. And I had a group that was supposed to be my friendship group, but those were the ones that wrote stuff on my yearbook. So I don't know If I would class them as really good friends.

[Interviewer]

Yeah. So how do you think that that impacted how you showed up at that time?

[Talia Marr]

I think I just got better at masking and like, fake it till you make it has been my favorite saying, phrase, quote, whatever you want to call it, my whole life. And the older I get, the more I believe it and the more I hone in to that like one saying. And I think that's probably what really, really triggered it.

[Interviewer]

So that's why when you just mentioned you showed up looking like you were confident and like, that was an act.

[Talia Marr]

Oh, yeah, yeah, 100%. Yeah. I definitely have confidence in areas and like, I can be really confident, but I think it comes from a place of, well, if I'm not confident, this isn't going to go well, so I'll fake it. And then sometimes it slips into real confidence and you have a moment where you're like, okay, I think I got this. And then you might return to planet Earth.

[Interviewer]

Okay. So if you were to give 11 year old Talia advice, who's in that environment that she hates, what advice would you give her?

[Talia Marr]

Do you know what? I don't know if I would. I don't know if I would give her advice, like, because I think, and that sounds horrible, but I think one, I would have listened to it because I was so set on the way that I was doing things, and two, it worked at the time and I think I came out pretty unscathed, considering. And I think if I said something to her, I might change the course of everything.

[Interviewer]

But you're saying she wasn't fine then?

[Talia Marr]

Yeah. I don't know what I would say to her. Sorry.

[Interviewer]

No. But this is what I find interesting. She wasn't fine then.

[Talia Marr]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

What would have made her fine?

[Talia Marr]

People being nice. I'd speak to them.

[Interviewer]

You speak to them?

[Talia Marr]

I'd speak to them. I'd be like, look, it's enough. She's having a hard day.

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Talia Marr]

But I don't know if there's anything I could have said to me that would have made it better. I really don't know.

[Interviewer]

Okay, this is fair. This is fair. So at that time, despite everything that was happening, you still wanted to pursue music?

[Talia Marr]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

That was your North Star.

[Talia Marr]

Oh, 100%.

[Interviewer]

Yeah. It seems like a lot of your work comes with a message.

[Talia Marr]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

Because not all. I feel like not all artists have a specific message to what they do, but you have a message around your work.

[Talia Marr]

Yeah. I feel like as much as I'm. I always say I'm an emotional person and I'm an open book. I'm not. I often don't talk about that kind of thing because I think because I'm emotional and like, I can't just have a conversation about something upsetting or sad logically and just have that conversation without being emotionally distraught and wrecked. So I just avoid it. I just avoid any conversation like that where I'm gonna be super upset. We're just under the carpet. Bye. Bye.

[Interviewer]

Yes.

[Talia Marr]

So then, okay, let's write a song so that it's out there. And like, I then have told everyone having a bit of a hard time. But I've done it with like a chorus instead of actual words.

[Interviewer]

Yes. You just kind of move on real quick.

[Talia Marr]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

Pass it. You know what's interesting is that you've even used that technique with me here.

[Talia Marr]

Oh, really?

[Interviewer]

Yes. Is that whenever there was a topic. So take for example, the bullying that was happening to you as a young child. Immediately what I saw you do is you would smile and make a joke of it.

[Talia Marr]

Yeah, that's me.

[Interviewer]

Yes. So that you could quickly move on and not feel that impending emotion of sadness or fear. Right. So I'm just curious, in your day to day life, right. Even to this day, do you ever just sit in the emotion?

[Talia Marr]

No, I absolutely do not do that, Do I? No, not really. I think I might have a moment. Like, it definitely gets to me. Like I. I'm a crier. The whole Internet see me cry. Like, it's not that I don't feel it, but I. I hate that feed. I mean, not that anyone enjoys it, but like, I hate that feeling so much. I feel like as soon as I have a moment where I feel I can get out of it, I grab it and I run.

[Interviewer]

Right. But what is it that you hate about the feeling? So, for example, a lot of us feel distraught when we feel fear. And then I say, okay, but if you can get a get out of fear card moment, so you grab it and you run, then that means you never sit in fear and you fall. You don't fully know what fear feels like.

[Talia Marr]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

Now, is fear a good thing? Oftentimes it's bad, but many times it's good.

[Talia Marr]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

Fear can save your life.

[Talia Marr]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

You know, it can save your life, but you have to know how to recognize it.

[Talia Marr]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

So then how are you then teaching yourself to recognize these emotions?

[Talia Marr]

I think I'm not. I think what I do is I go. No one else reacts as heavily as I do, which means I'm overreacting. So as soon as I can stop overreacting, I'm gonna do it.

[Interviewer]

Yeah, yeah. So that's you just telling yourself, yeah, yeah.

[Talia Marr]

Or I'll just have a moment where I spiral for a bit and then I get to the end and I go, whew, that's enough.

[Interviewer]

At what point do you have the ASD diagnosis?

[Talia Marr]

That was only three or four years ago? 2021.

[Interviewer]

2021, yeah. All right, so this is if we could spend a good moment in this, because I think this is one of these areas that even in the research for you coming in, I noticed that there's not a lot out there with regard to women with autism or autistic spectrum disorder.

[Talia Marr]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

Okay. So you were diagnosed at what age with ASD?

[Talia Marr]

24.

[Interviewer]

At 24, yeah. What led to you even going in for that diagnosis? Because you had previously been misdiagnosed with dyslexia.

[Talia Marr]

Yeah. So I, for a very long time had thought that I was autistic for a very long time. Ever since I learned about it at school. School. I remember I turned to the person next to me and they were. We were learning about it and they were telling us, you know, XYZ is a common symptom, if you want to call it a symptom. Common, whatever. And I said to him, I was like, everyone does that. I don't really get it. Like, this is just people. And he looked at me and went, no, they don't. I don't do any of that. And I remember thinking like, that's interesting. And I just said, oh, no, I'm joking, obviously. Haha. Whatever. Move on. And it just from that moment was always a thing in the back of my head of like every single thing they spoke about there, I massively relate to. But like, no one has brought this up with me. No one's ever said it. No one's ever jested about it because we. I was like maybe 10 at this point. No, like, it's not even been a conversation around me. So I kind of just had that moment, let it go. And then when individual incidents happened throughout the years, that thought would come back and I'd go, huh, Maybe this is the autism thing that I was originally thinking about presenting itself again in my.

[Interviewer]

Can you give an example of one of those?

[Talia Marr]

Like, I've really, like. Growing up, I never wanted to hug my family. I struggled having dirty hands. Like, I didn't want to touch things. I was really, really over sensitive to sounds, to textures, to light, to sensations. I wasn't good at Making friends. I was really bad at eye contact. I. I just struggled with things that are what people would call typically human traits that everyone else would go, that's not a hard thing. And I'd be like, this is debilitating. What do you mean? And because of that, fake it till you make it came in. And I just learned to like, okay, well, I hate hugging people. It sends a shiver into the deepest core of my soul and it makes you feel blindly uncomfortable. But I would just. I then was like, okay, I'm just gonna go into a room and say, I'm a hugger. I'm a hugger. And then I would start the hug. I'd initiate the hug. I'd give the strongest eye contact I possibly could, no matter how horrible it made me feel inside. Because I was like, no one else is struggling with these things I see. And in doing so, I masked and I covered up all of these little things to new people. Everyone who knew me could tell, and they were like, hold on, there's something.

[Interviewer]

Sure.

[Talia Marr]

But I. Essentially what my psychiatrist said was I did CBT on myself.

[Interviewer]

Cognitive behavioral therapy. Yeah. Cbt, yeah.

[Talia Marr]

So when I got the diagnosis, he was like, there's obviously no cure, but, like, there is, you know, therapy, and there are treatments that can help combat the issues that you might face. He's like, but it sounds like you've done this your whole life. You've essentially done all these steps and you've trained yourself to be. To cope with it.

[Interviewer]

Why do you think you

[Podcast Host]

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[Interviewer]

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[Interviewer]

was that you were not diagnosed with ASD earlier.

[Talia Marr]

I think because of the media. I think how autism is presented in the media is not how I am. The things I'm interested in, the things that I do, the way I look, the way I talk, like you look at these programs that talk about autism spectrum disorder and they, they focus on one specific end of the spectrum which is obviously the more severe end, which, okay, yeah, people might struggle to communicate fully. Like they can't. They don't speak until later in life. You know, they have a lot more severe symptoms. Again, if you want to call it that, that. I think people forget that it's a spectrum. It presents differently in women. And also you can have different interests. It's not, you don't have to just love trains. People are obsessed with this idea that if you're autistic you have to love trains or you have to love these really specific niche things when really you just need a special interest. Music.

[Interviewer]

Music. There you go. So with the evidence being there, you said the media is the reason why. So you were. And if you could just unpack that a little bit more specifically. What was it about? Was it because you were so great at masking it or was it something else as to why you were not diagnosed?

[Talia Marr]

I think it was partly that I was masking it and partly that no one in like even just little things like the amount of makeup that I wore, like you never see that presented in autism. Like people like the, the people that play someone who has autism in a movie, they, they have one specific rigid image of what that person looks like. Or how they present. And that I think my parents and the people around me just thought, well, you don't look anything like that. You don't speak like they do. You don't have their interests, so, like, you can't be on the same spectrum as them.

[Interviewer]

I see, I see.

[Talia Marr]

When obviously, like, it presents itself, one, again, differently in women, and two, it's a spectrum everyone presents so differently. And I was also hyper emotional. And I think a lot of people have this idea in their head that people with autism struggle with emotion and don't have any. And it's like, well, actually, I do struggle with emotion. I have too much.

[Interviewer]

Okay, okay. So to the point of what you're saying with regard to women, this is the one that blew me away. In the research for you coming in is 80% of females with autism are undiagnosed as of age 18. Yeah, 80%.

[Talia Marr]

That's crazy, isn't it? That's wild.

[Interviewer]

And to your point, is a component of this seems to be masking is one component. Another component is the thought is that if you have autism, it doesn't look like her, it looks like him. Right. But then also in the research, what I found is that it looks as if a lot of the studies that determine whether or not someone has autism are predominantly based on boys and men and women were not incorporated into ASD studies until recently.

[Talia Marr]

Yeah, that's wild. It makes no sense, but it's. I. I feel like that's a common. A common theme in. In medicine. Yeah.

[Interviewer]

Yeah. How do you think your life would have changed for you if you had received a diagnosis earlier?

[Talia Marr]

I think I'd have just had that, like, eureka moment, I guess, earlier, and feeling like a weight lifted and an understanding, because the reason I went to get my diagnosis was because I started therapy. And I remember I was talking to her about an instance of me being in a club and having a panic attack and leaving. And she kept asking me. She was like, you know, what does that bring up for you? Why do you think you felt that? And I was like, I just was overstimulated. She was like, no, but what do you think that means? And I was like, I don't think it means anything. I think I have autism. And I was just overstimulated. She would not drop it.

[Interviewer]

Well.

[Talia Marr]

And I was like, I think I can't just go around saying, I've got autism, I'm autistic if I don't have a diagnosis. So I was like, I'm going to go and get this confirmed. Or not confirmed, and I'll find out something else about myself because otherwise I'm just not going to explain myself. And sometimes I need to just be able to be like, oh, that's this, by the way. We can move on from that. Like, it's, it's, It's a moot point. So I think my life would have been just a little bit more. I'd have felt a little bit better about things.

[Interviewer]

Yes.

[Talia Marr]

I'd have forgiven myself a little bit easier.

[Interviewer]

Yeah, yeah. Not so hard on yourself.

[Talia Marr]

Yeah, yeah.

[Interviewer]

How did your parents react once you told them about it?

[Talia Marr]

They were just like, yeah, makes sense. I mean, they had to fill out a bunch of forms for it about my childhood. And my mum and I were talking about it the other day and she was like, when you were a kid, I didn't think it, but now I look back and I'm like, how. How did I miss that? How did I not think that? Because all the things that you used to do as a child that other children weren't doing, she was like, I just put down to you just being, you know, extremely interested in rules and you just loved justice and you just loved following the rules and, like, you were just a really good kid. And it's like, no, my brain's just a bit different.

[Interviewer]

Your brain is a bit different.

[Talia Marr]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

Yeah. When I look at the asd, I think this is how it's listed in the dsm, right? Is that it is a disability.

[Talia Marr]

That's wild to me.

[Interviewer]

And that, you know, it's interesting because I think that when I. Everyone I know with asd, right, including family members, I see certain traits and skills as they have super human ability to concentrate and focus and achieve things that I don't think I can.

[Talia Marr]

Yeah, I get that.

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Talia Marr]

I definitely think, again, with it being a spectrum, obviously there's certain points it gets to where life is a lot harder, like. And things will be harder for people with it, especially at the higher end of the spectrum. But I think even with that, there's moments of. Of, like, I. I guess moments of beauty and moments of like. Hang on a minute. Like, the way your brain processes that is actually very interesting. And that's got you to a better conclusion than it would have got someone else.

[Interviewer]

Okay, all right, it's fair, it's fair. So for everyone now who is in a space, especially for young girls who feel as if they have some of these traits and these characteristics that you were talking about are not diagnosed, your thought is, as a parent, as that young individual to go after the diagnosis.

[Talia Marr]

I definitely think it's so hard in the uk. The NHS is so backed up when it comes to anything, neurodivergency, mental health, anything like that. It could take years to get a diagnosis, years to even get that first consultation. But I think there is no harm in trying because it can just give you answers and it can explain things. And also, I think as a parent, it can be overwhelming when you're trying to do something with a child that has ASD and they're not responding how everyone else's children are responding. And it's like, why is that happening? And you start to blame yourself. You start like, what am I doing wrong as a parent? It's like, you're not doing anything wrong. You just need to do something slightly differently.

[Interviewer]

Yes. Yes. All right, fair enough. And how did you feel? Simon? Embraced your spring.

[Talia Marr]

Just slid into your DMs. Grab that boho, look for that rooftop dinner, those sandals that can keep up with you. And hang some string lights to give your patio a glow up. Spring's calling, Ross. Work your magic.

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[Interviewer]

Ste.

[Talia Marr]

I think because, like, what I said before with me not masking from day one, it was one of the things he liked about me because he had to. If he didn't, he'd have known immediately and been like, I don't like these traits. This isn't gonna work. Cool. I'm out. So it's the little things. Like, I think he just finds little things funny. And it's like, oh, haha, that's endearing, that's cute, whatever. That's just Talia. And he's good at knowing when to calm me down or when to be like, okay, let's take a moment. Let's just like, settle for a second and when to be like, all right, it's enough.

[Interviewer]

Okay.

[Talia Marr]

He'd read me like a book.

[Interviewer]

All right, this is beautiful.

[Talia Marr]

Yeah, it's great.

[Podcast Host]

And if you want to hear the full unfiltered stories from today's guest, you can check them out on the. We need to talk page, drop a like leave a comment and hit subscribe.

[Interviewer]

See you next week. Don't.