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If you felt lonely, isolated, disconnected, with an empty feeling inside, and just yearning for more, knowing something is missing, then this podcast is for you. So here's your host, Joe Mittega. Hello and welcome to WE have you ever had one of those days where your mind won't slow down? Your thoughts race from one problem to the next. You feel emotionally exhausted before the day has even begun. You know what needs to be done, but somehow you just can't seem to move forward. You tell yourself you're overwhelmed because life is busy, because work is stressful, because your relationships are complicated, because the world just feels like too much sometimes. But what if. What if overwhelm isn't really the problem? What if overwhelm is simply the message? A message from a part of yourself that's been waiting for years to be seen, heard, and loved? In this episode, I want to explore a different way of understanding overwhelm. Because I don't believe we become overwhelmed simply because life is difficult. I believe we become overwhelmed when we drift too far away from the child we once were. The child who laughed without fear, the child who loved without conditions. The child who believed everything and anything was possible. Long before the world taught us to worry. Long before fear became our first language. Long before we learned to measure our worth by our success, our failures, or the opinions of others. As adults, we often try to solve overwhelm by working harder, thinking harder, controlling more, or pushing through. But healing rarely begins by adding something new. Sometimes healing begins by remembering. Remembering the child within you who has never stopped hoping, who has never stopped dreaming, who has never stopped believing that life was more than simply surviving. Today we're going to explore the emotional intelligence needed to return to that child. Not by pretending the past didn't happen, but by allowing the love, curiosity, trust and wonder that still lives within you to become your guide once again. Because the child within you isn't gone. They're waiting. They're simply waiting for you to come home. My name is Joe Mittega and from around the world, welcome to WE Well, I want to welcome everybody here today. It's a beautiful day in Atlanta, Georgia and middle of the summer and you know, it's just been an amazing, amazing summer. I have to tell you, a lot of, you know, my world has changed a lot. I launched my oldest son. He's now got his own apartment. He's a full time resident in his own home about 90 miles from here. He starts his collegiate career in baseball and he's super excited and you know, a new chapter awakes for myself and my youngest son, most of you know and those of you that are new, welcome. My youngest son is what's considered a modern day Mozart. His ability to see music, feel music, see patterns, is far beyond the normal. And as he's learned those techniques behind the piano, he's now taking them out into the world. And over time, I'm going to explain some of his successes. Pretty amazing stuff, I have to tell you, but it's really just been an interesting summer for me. A lot of changes. All good. I think I told everybody these past couple weeks that, you know, I was having this part of me, this higher part that guides me all the time, saying, it's time to go back into silence, Joe. It's time to go back into silence. And for the first time in a long time, I felt a resistance, saying, no, dear God, please, please don't send me back into Silen, please. And I was interpreting silence as solitude. And years ago, that's where my path was, silence and solitude. No, basically my higher power was just simply telling me, you know, Joe, take your headphones off. Sometimes it's time to get to know silence in a different way. And that's what I've been doing, you know. Years ago, when my past wife and I, our paths separated, I went into a sacred silence in a healing position and I started working on an 18,000 piece puzzle. I'm not a TV watcher, you know, obviously I don't drink or drug. I made a conscious decision that I was going to put my overflow into my boys as a single dad, so there was no pursuit of companionship. So to fill the space, I bought a dog named Zeus, a 15 pound puppy. This is 10 plus years ago. And I bought an 18,000 piece puzzle. Over the following years, in my silence, in my solitude, in my learning what it was life to be not married again. I put together that puzzle today. It's on my wall in my puzzle room. And it's kind of cool how things go full circle. People have asked, well, Joe, you're going to do another one. I was like, there's no fricking way I'm doing another big puzzle. Well, of course, as you're going to learn more and more if you're part of the we podcast, and I say it all the time, there's a God and it's simply not Joe, that's for sure. Well, sure enough, about a week ago, I hear this voice. I push against it in fear that it meant solitude. Basically, it just meant silence. Lo and behold, I'm sitting there one day, I have my headphones on like normal. My boys have both been gone a lot this summer. So it's literally me with myself and my dog Zeus, who is getting so old he sleeps most of the time. And I take my headphones off and I was like, oh, thank God. All it was was silence with no music. And it's been amazing what I've heard. Well, the next thing I heard was time to get another puzzle and to just kind of match Joe's personality. I really don't do small well. I just don't. It's not my style. So this time I'm not doing an 18,000 piece puzzle. I'm doing a 40,000 piece puzzle. And I share that because, you know, if somebody would have asked me a year ago, no way. There's just no way. Well, there's a big way. And now what does that give me the opportunity to do? It gives me the opportunity to spend four, five, six hours a day in silence. And I'll let you know what I hear. So, you know, if you're new here, welcome, welcome. From around the globe, humanity is waking up in a way that it's never happened before. And the concept of the we is something that happened to me as a consequence of a spiritual experience back in September of 2022. And the way the we podcast is literally expanding around the globe. Top five in Norway, top 10 in Canada, already in presence in 16 different countries. It's just constant and conscious validation that we as a humanity are waking up. Why? Because you couldn't listen to one of Joe's podcasts if you weren't on a spiritual journey you couldn't make it through through one of my podcasts, let alone last week's podcast, which I'm going to talk about here in a minute. If you weren't on a spiritual journey of some nature, you couldn't do it. Well, in that the we podcast is basically doing something no other podcast in Apple's history has done, and that is to reach the global charts with just a man and a microphone. And I'm making a pretty bold statement. No one's ever done it before. But the caveat is no big business behind, no big finance behind, no large careers behind, no massive social media behind, no billion dollars as a starting place. Well, I don't think anyone else has reached the top global charts man in a microphone before. And why do you always say that? Because it's not Joe. It's not the man, it's the message. And the message is the next era of message. It's the next generation of the new message out there. The new thought movement that came in 40 years ago brought conscious awareness to people that you could literally hear your thoughts. Where when I grew up in the 5th, the 60s and 70s, 80s, the concept didn't exist. Society in the masses was completely unconscious to the idea you could hear your thoughts. Well, the past 40 years there's been a whole movement, the new thought movement, and it's constantly refined itself and constantly developed itself and constantly has gotten into a real mainstream idea. And I love it. And now it's time for the next idea. It's time for the deeper idea. It's time for the deeper understanding. And that's what the we podcast is all about. The we podcast is not about telling you what to do. It's about sharing my experience, strength and hope with you. I've created the Voices of We, which is the second episode, which are Tuesday episodes. And over time I'm going to be sharing people's stories. I've shared a story last week in the past two weeks of a couple that I've been supporting. And just so everybody knows the truth, the stories are real, the names are made up, the states are made up, the ages are made up. All of the rest is made up to keep the solitude and the sanctity, the sacredness of my sharing with people or people sharing with me. The story is real, the details are made up, and I share the story with fact so I can share about it passionately. It's not a made up story, but the characters and the names and the ages and where they live, that's all created, that's all made up and kind of brings me into last week's episode. I share with people all the time and if you're new here, welcome. I tell people I'm going to be as open and as intimate and as honest as I can possibly be. And last week was one of those weeks. If you've listened to any of my previous episodes, there's several of those episodes that I literally weep the entire time through. I cry the episode that says Wayne Dyer quoting Jesus. That episode was created the day after my father died. And I cry most of the way through. I pray to God I never have to be that vulnerable again because the only way I could ever get that vulnerable again, as vulnerable as I was there, is that something or someone deeply close to me would have to make their transition. I pray that doesn't happen anytime soon. If it does, I'll be right here sharing it. With you. Well, last week it wasn't about grief. It was about anger. Absolutely angry. And I have no problem sharing the bigness of my anger. I don't just like, I don't have any problem sharing the depth of my grief. I don't. Why? Because it's all part of us being human. We have four basic emotions. Mad, glad, sad, and scared. And we have to get those emotions out in the world. And I want the world to know it's perfectly okay. If you listen to my podcast and listen to the wording I constantly am saying, I am angry. I am this. I am that. Why? Because when you're stating your truth and sharing it from a passionate position and sharing it from a bigness like I did the last episode, it's a real life thing and I'm not crossing anybody's boundaries and I'm speaking a truth that needs to be spoken. I want to continue to remind people. Visit my website, Joe mitiga.com My first book, Filling the Void, will be there soon. I'm offering it for free. You're going to hear me over and over and over. Visit jomitiga.com because at that website, you're going to be able to get all of my stuff for free. Books are always going to be there for free. Well, the first book, the website is just about out. The delay in the website is because we keep expanding it, making it more interactive. We've created a book club. We've created an interactive experience there. It's going to be very cool. So just continue to check it, Joe mitiga.com and download the book. Well, my son comes in, my sons, my boys, especially my oldest. He listens to all these podcasts he took, calls me this morning. He says, what that? Blank, blank, blank. I said, stop cussing. You're better than that. He says, man dead. You were mad that last episode. It's like, you're right, I was mad. I was angry. Why was I so angry? Why was I so angry on episode two? On the Tuesday episode, I was in grief and empathy because my friend relapsed and I could just imagine him in his pain, sitting at the bar, drinking. I had deep empathy for that. Why? I know that experience. His wife, I had deep compassion for because she's really sad. Loss, fear, terror, concern, all the above. She's very, very sad. Episode one, empathy and compassion. Episode two, the Thursday episode. Rage. Anger. Mine. Why? Because the sorry drunk now is taking his anger out on his wife. Here's how Joe defines it. When you're acting out and you're in the throes of your disease and you're keeping your emot challenge to yourself. I have deep empathy for you. I do. I have deep compassion for the pain you're in. I do. When you start taking your rage out on another human. I have zero tolerance. Not a tolerance. Not an iota of. An iota of tolerance of anybody taking their rage out of another human. Now, I will venture to say, and I don't know this statistically, but the mass majority of rage being taken out between two people is men taking it out on women. Is that the totality? I'm sure it's not, but it's a massive majority. And I have no tolerance for it. None. And I'm just going to continue to say that over and over, and I'm going to give you some solutions and I'm going to tell you why I was the way I was and what I'm going to tell you what we can all do do about it. You know, I was raised in a deeply traditional Italian family. My father, that you've heard me talk about before was a deeply Italian, traditional man. He was a man's man. I say it all the time. Where is this kid's dad? Where's the man in the family? And when I say man, I'm not excluding females. I'm saying who is the leader here, who's standing strong, who's setting the boundaries? And a lot of times that is mom as well as dad. I can't speak for mom because I'm not a mom, I'm a dad. So please understand, I'm not excluding by gender when I say, where's the dad? I can only say that because I'm not a mom. I'm a dad. And I can share from my experience. And I was raised by a father that deep respect was the only thing that mattered. I'll never forget. He told me a story, and this is where, you know, if you ever want to know why it took Joe so long, because I was basically raised by a dinosaur. Truly Italian. Yes. And I just have to say it straight up. I was in the center of a deeply Italian community. The police chief was Italian, the fire chief was Italian. Everybody was Italian. And my father fit right in. My father was second generation. His father was first. 90% of my dad's friends were first generation. They were born in another world and they came here. And, you know, I see people ask your dad in the Mafia? No. Was the Mafia a real thing? Yes. Big city, all that. Was that a culture thing? No. Why do I know that? Because I was raised in the center of it. And if it would have been, I'd be telling you about it right now. It's not. It just isn't. The movies are the movies. Love the movies. But was it deeply entrenched? Was the mafia in control? No. Falsehood. Now, that being said, it didn't mean that that culture wasn't full of men. And it was full of rough men, tough men. They took things into their own hands. I will never forget. I'm 15 years old, my dad tells me a story. And now again, this is in the 70s, probably somewhere in there, early, early 80s, 70s. And some kid, some 20 something year old, backhanded the daughter of one of his friends. And my dad told me the story later. He says, son, you know, you just don't. You treat women with respect. Respect your mother first. And you treat women with respect. You know what they did to that kid? They found him, he got down, my dad put a loaded.357 in the kid's mouth, pulled the trigger back and said, if I ever see you again, you will never see your mother again. Hear me? My dad had a.357 loaded hammerback in this kid's mouth. Why? Because he hit a woman? Do I condone violence? No, I don't. You ever wonder why it took me so long? That was who I was raised by. I asked my dad later, like, I don't know, eight, nine, ten years? I said, dad, why? Why? Like, why'd you do it? Says, I saved that kid's life, Joe. I was like, what are you talking about? If the father of that daughter would have found him before I did, he had buried him and not thought a thing about it. Is any of that right or wrong? No, that's just how it was. No. Goodbye. You leave right now, never to be seen again, and you can only imagine that kid left town. Why do I say all that? Because is there a way in today's society to have the same type of strength without threatening with fear? Yes, there is. How societies come together. You come together in strength. You ever notice how the bully never, ever picks on somebody bigger than them or with the same type of strength? You ever noticed how an empowered woman who has the capacity and the esteem and the self worth very rarely ever gets bullied. Because if she does, she can emotionally fight back the people that get bullied. And I'm gonna say women. I know there's men too. I'm not a man, so I can't. I'm not a woman. So I can't speak from that side. I see it all the time. The women that typically get bullied are the women that have been emotionally beat up. Sometimes physically, but mainly the majority mentally, socially, emotionally, spiritually beat up their entire lives. And then they come across some bozo that thinks he has the right to take his rage out. That's what happened last week. And I have no tolerance for it. None. And I'll tell you what happened in that story here a little bit later. And then my son says, well dad, if she speed up so bad, why doesn't she leave? Well, that's why this title is what it is. I feel overwhelmed because my life feels stuck. Why doesn't she just leave? She's stuck. Why? Codependence. And that's what this particular episode's going to be. Last week's episode was talking about more of the addiction and the powerlessness of addiction and all that. Addictions kill physically, codependence kill spiritually, they kill emotionally, they kill your esteem. And we're going to talk about. I'm going to talk about the solutions, like how do we get through it? What do we need to do? How does the overwhelm that causes you to feel so stuck? Why are you stuck and why are you emotionally overwhelmed? And what can we do about it? And that's what I'm going to talk about in today's episode. More and more, you know, what is codependence? Codependence is a social belief system that has been so skewed over the years, has been so misrepresented over the years, that it basically were taught that our role in life is to make sure everybody else is okay first and you second. That's what good girls do. They make sure everybody else is happy. That's what moms do. They make sure their kids needs are met first and they always get last. Anything wrong with that? No. As long as there's some level of balance for a mom who's got little kids. Other than that, no. And the awareness is what we have to become aware of first. Truly, because society has created an environment, has created a social delusion. And I'm going to talk about co dependence from a social position, from a worldly position on my Thursday episode. But here personally, a person gets so confused because they're taught from young that it's not okay to take care of yourself. That's called selfish. You're a selfish little boy for thinking you should come first. That's selfish. Or a little girl who wants to be Pretty well, you know, that's just egotistical. Who do you think you are? How we are trained as little kids causes it. It really does. And then, of course, the consequence of abandonment and neglect. We grew up. Why are we the generation to change? Because most of you on this podcast, except my 19 year old, I don't know how many 19 year olds are listening here. Mine does. But for the most part, people that are going to be listening to this podcast are going to be 40 to 70, in my opinion, all around the world, men and women together. And the reason we are the generation of change, truly because we were raised in an era of time where the consequence or the consciousness of emotionally supporting a child, it didn't exist. New thought movement didn't exist when I was born. And emotional support of a child, it didn't exist. It just didn't. 30, 40, 50 years ago. So the consequence of that is basically, we are either abandoned emotionally or neglected emotionally from day one. Even in the most loving environments, even in the safest environments, even in the environments where you physically had everything you needed your whole life. But I can promise you, 99% of you, even though you probably had nice clothes, always eating, always had water, always were safe, were never abused, never abandoned, and never screamed at. Well, most of us all screamed at, but never abused by screaming. You still weren't emotionally embraced. You weren't. Why? Because the consciousness of the day, 40 years ago, it didn't exist. It does now. It does. And you can see it. I see it all. I see it everywhere. Those of us today are telling our kids things differently than our parents told us. I'm going to continue to remind you. Tell your kids you love them. If you can't verbally do it, text them, show them an emoji, Tell them you're proud of them. Let today be the first day. I said this a week or two ago. Hopefully people heard it two weeks ago and they started. And now over the past two weeks, they can look back and they say, you know what? I sent my daughter, who's 36, I love you, text for no reason. That's why communication is such part of the reason. We are the generation to change. And I don't care if your daughter, you've never sent it before. Let today be the first day. Let your daughter sit there in confusion saying, is this really my dad? He just said, I love you. I wonder if he's sick or ill. Because that's what they'll think. They really will. They'll just think something's wrong. It's okay. Let them think that. Let today be your day to start the process. Why? Because that's all part of the generational change. And your kids are already doing it to their kids. Most are. Now, the challenge, what happens right when we don't get our emotional needs? And that's why this particular episode, the emotional intelligence needed to return to the child within us, is where I'm going in this episode. Because there's an emotional essence in you. I call it the inner child. You call it whatever you want. The inner part of you that is part of your emotional development. It wasn't developed emotionally as a little boy or as a little girl. It just wasn't. Now, there are many more women today than men that have kind of grasped hold of this concept. A much larger percentage of women never completely lost their ability to emote. Large percentage. And you can see that just in the way at a funeral, you see any funeral or a wedding, you'll see women crying a lot more than men. Why? Does that make them better or worse? No, it just means they're more connected. They never got disconnected from their emotional sense of being. Well, it's not the case for a lot of men. It's not. And I can tell you, when men are acting out their rage, it's because they've got a deep, hurt little kid inside there, and the only reaction they know to pain is rage. Probably because somebody raged at them. Does that justify it? No. Absolutely. Zero. Nada. Nothing justifies taking your rage out on somebody else. Nothing. But I want you to help identify the voices in your head that keep you stuck. Why are we stuck in life? The only reason you're stuck in life is because you're pursuing the solution to your stuckness from the outside in. Hear me. The only reason you feel internal, feel stuck is because you believe the answers to your internal feeling of stuck are outside of you. That's the confusion, the emotional intelligence needed to shift where the solution is. What I'm going to talk to you about today, emotionally, the solution to your stuckness is inside of you, not outside of you. Why is it so hard to do? Well, it's so hard to do because we were raised in a society that validates, almost literally celebrates and defines as if it's okay that you are responsible for everybody else. A lot of society believes that, and it's a complete falsehood. You are responsible for you. They are responsible for them. Why can't we do it? Because of the voices, the mental side of codependence. And why is Silence, so important. And, you know, I'm one of these guys that if I'm going to tell people to do stuff, then I typically do it. And I'm the guy that, you know, if I'm going to tell you to go 30 seconds, I'm going to go six hours. I mean, that's just me. That's just my personality. I kind of accepted myself for who I am and I spent a lot of alone time, I have to tell you. And if I'm ever to have a female around me, she better be empowered as hell, because I tend to vibrate people. I really do. Well, here's the story. This is what I'm going to tell everybody on this podcast. You're going to hear it a lot now, because I'm working a 40,000 piece puzzle three or four, five, six hours a day in silence. So listen to me. If I can do six hours in silence, you can do 60 seconds. All I'm asking is to try 60 seconds. Why? Because during that 60 seconds, what causes you not to be able to do it? Voices in your head. So extrapolate that the other way. How can Joe possibly go six hours with no music, no sound, no nothing, Just me and the puzzle. How can I do it? Because I don't have the voices anymore. Why? Because for years I've been literally living the steps, I'm telling and teaching people what to do here. I live it all the time. Well, if I can go six hours, you can go 60 seconds. And that's what I'm going to ask you to do. And when you're in that 60 seconds, make sure you have a piece of paper. Because the voices, when you're trying to be silent, when nothing outside of you is distracting you, you're going to hear voices. Write those voices down, all of them. The favorable ones and the not so favorable ones. From the codependent position. How people get stuck and they can't move forward, they can't get unstuck, is to have voices like this. The voices will say, well, I have to help him. He can't make it without me. Joe, you don't understand. It's my responsibility to make sure he is okay. You know, Joe, he's my husband. I have to take care of him, I have to fix him. I have to. What? And then it goes from the I have to to I'm obligated. I can't explain to Joe. I just feel obligated. I have to make sure he drinks water. Joe, I'm obligated. I have to Take him to the doctor. Folks, any sentence in your head that has another human being in the center of it, that's codependence. Hear me any and all voices, any and all sentences in your head describing your behavior that has another human being in your sentence is a codependent sentence. All of them except a mom who's taking care of a three year old. And when a mom says I have to wash my three year old, that's a fair statement. Yes you do. Three year old can't do it for themselves. Not talking about moms, I'm not talking about children, I'm not even talking about your kids. We'll get to that in a different podcast. I'm talking about the same voice that you treat your 7 year old daughter with, that you treat your 70 year old mother with. That's the voice I'm talking about. I'm talking about the same voice how you treat your nine year old son. The same voice you treat your 39 year old brother. That's the voice I'm talking about. And why is it so important to get this? Because every time you have a voice in your head talking about having to take an action step for somebody else, you're abandoning the inner part of you who's in pain. Hear me again. Every voice in your head that is telling you you have to take an action step to fix, to rescue, to help, to save, to make better somebody else, you're abandoning yourself. Your consciousness is outside of you instead of inside. We feel overwhelmed and stuck. Why overwhelmed? Because no matter how hard you try over and over and over and over and over and over, you cannot fix somebody else can't do it. We wonder why our life feels such a failure. Because if your consciousness says I have to fix them for me to be okay and you never can fix them, you're in a life of defeat. You're in a life of failure. You're in a life of overwhelm and stuck. Why stuck? Because, well, Joe, you just don't understand. I say this all the time, right? Because I hear this from people I've supported. Joe, you just don't understand. If I don't get him his vitamins, he's not going to take them. He's 60 years old. Maybe he doesn't want to take vitamins. I know Joe, but he has to. Says who? Well, Joe, you know, if he doesn't, you wonder why he gets so mad at you. I tell one of my friends, you Wonder why your 60 year old husband gets so mad at you because he has told you 40 years times I do not want to take vitamins. You think my codependent friend cares what he has to say? No. Why? Because she knows better. She wonders why he gets mad now. In her heart, she really believes she's helping him. She's not. She's not. She's actually betraying him. She's actually controlling him and cloaks it in love. And it's the cloaking in love, folks, is why codependence is so hard to see. Your heart of hearts will tell you I'm just loving them. That's why I'm doing it. Well, that's a lie. You're not. You're masking your own pain. That's why you're doing it. And that's a challenging truth. I'm going to show you how I know. And I'm going to tell you what to do so that we don't keep masking our pain and trying to fix somebody else. Stuck is because you're on a hamster wheel going nowhere with the belief system that overwhelm can be fixed, can be healed in you by fixing somebody else. It can't be. That isn't where it gets fixed. It gets fixed by embracing the part of you who is hurting. How can I determine the difference? How do you know the difference between the things? Well, love is about sharing your overflow. Love happens when you're in the state of being called empathy or compassion. Not fix. Hear me? Love. Like actual love. Not this made up nonsense. You fix my holes, I'll fix yours. Do you know that 98% of all marriages. This is a fact? I just know it is. 98% of all marriages, two people meet each other. Man and woman, man and man, woman and woman. I don't care what the couple is. They get around each other and they say, wow, I feel so much better being around that person. And the other person says, wow, I feel so much safer being around the other person. So as long as I'm around her, I feel better. As long as she's around me, I feel safe. And from a state of I feel better. And from a state of I feel safe, they label that love. And then they get married. And then they wonder why their emotional communion breaks up, deteriorates, and eventually their paths separate. Why? Because that's not love. If you have to be around another human being to feel better, my question is, why don't you feel better before you go wound and hurt? If you have to be around somebody to feel safe, what part of you are you Abandoning, neglecting and dismissing, that is causing you to feel unsafe prior to going. And then people say, well, Joe, that isn't what I'm talking about. I'm talking about, you know, I just like being in people's company. I get it. No question. I'm not opposed to sharing company with each other. I think it's fantastic. I'm questioning, what energy are you participating in while the two of you are together? Are you the one giving the overflow? Are you the one taking the overflow? Now, did you hear? I said overflow, which is compassion and empathy, not fix. Well, Joe, I'm in his life because I'm just going to tell you a secret. Joe, I know what he needs. I'm his secret. No, you're not. You're his codependent. I've said that a thousand times. And why do I say it like that? Because humanity as a consciousness literally lives in the delusion, in the made up illusion that you fix my holes, I'll fix yours. We'll call it a match made in heaven. And we create relationships out of that. Now, did that used to work? It did. Why? Because neither party was growing. Why is the divorce rate through the roof? Why do people outgrow their partner now all the time? Because the reason they got together 20, 30 years ago, you fix my holes, I'll fix yours and we'll call it love and get married. Well, over time, if that's still working, they're still married. But if it's not working 90% of the time, what it means is that one party or the other started learning how through emotional support, spiritual awakenings, emotional healing, spiritual growth from the emotional and spiritual side of themselves, one party or the other started growing, filling from the inside out, creating a relationship power than themselves, with a power greater than themselves. So the exact human that 20 years ago they needed to be around for them to feel better. Well, in therapy or spiritual experiences, they're feeling better inside out through healing, through growth, through awakening, and their partner. Now they're sitting there looking at their partner saying, I don't need you anymore to feel good. I already feel good. Then the big question is, well, if I don't need him to feel good or I don't need her to feel good, why am I here? Well, a lot of that why am I here? Is being asked now a lot. Why? Why now more than ever before? Because humanity is waking up. She, meaning humanity as a she, a feminine energy. She is waking up to the feminine side of self. What does that mean? We're all as humans, made up of a male side and a female side. The male side, mental, physical. For millennia, the mental side dominated thought and physical. The past years, the female side is waking up stronger, faster, at a faster rate than ever before. And what does that mean? On the feminine side, the emotional part of you, the mad, glad, sad and scared, is in communion with the spiritual part of you, which is a communion, a connection, an interaction between you and a power greater than yourself. Call it what you want. Well, the emotional part is the hard part. The other part's a pretty good part, although that gets confusing as crap. The spiritual part, because people are raised in the delusion that God is codependent just like they are. People tell me all the time I'm just praying for God. That's fantastic. What are you asking God to do? Well, God's going to fix me. No, he's not. God's going to rescue me, Joe. No, he's not. No, Joe, you don't understand. I just have to chase God faster. The only reason God hasn't fixed me yet, I'm doing something wrong. Just ask. I'm not going to bring religion in. It's all nonsense, folks. God is not here to fix you. God didn't create your problem, humanity did. God didn't create your separation, humanity did. God didn't cause your angst, humanity did. What the hell, Job? God's not going to fix me or rescue me. What good is God? God gives you the strength and courage to walk forward and heal yourself. Now add that into a story here in a minute back on why codependence is a killer. It's a killer of esteem. And we'll get to the emotional side. Twenty years ago, I had family members, three of them, all hooked on the crazy ass drugs of the day. And my mother, who was tough, tough as nails, was an enabler. And you know, people basically walk into her house and steal. I came in there one time and I said, mom, you have to change the code of your garage door. I won't do it, Joe. Mom, they're stealing from you every day. I won't do it, Joe. Mom, they're stealing. They're effing stealing from you, Joe. They're family and family comes first. I said, mom, and you're gonna effing kill them if you keep supplying them with the money to go buy drugs. You can only imagine how that conversation ended. My mother was not happy. She cussed at me, she stormed me out of her house. And I did not cuss at my mother. I told her the truth. You keep letting these young people who are completely powerless to their drug addiction, you keep letting them come in your house and steal from you and do nothing, you're contributing, period, to their death. Why? Because the drugs of today, you take one too many pills because you got drunk, you die. Isn't like that before. Did she ever change the code? No. They stole her wedding ring. Now, my mother was probably in her 70s, they stole her wedding ring, pawned it for $5. Think she'd ever change that code? No. Why? She cloaked it. And family comes first and love. It's all bs. Did she know it was bs? No. She believed with all of her heart. Pure codependence. Pure codependence. Now, was I telling her not to feed him? No. All I was saying, change the code on the garage so in the middle of the night when you're sleeping, they don't rob you blind. She never did. She never changed. One of those boys died, not because of her, but because of other complications. The other two, now, 20 years later, families successful doing their thing. Was she right? No. She's a contributor. Why do I say that? Because I'm talking to all you family members out there right now that think it's loving to support your drug addict kid or your alcoholic family member. It's not. You're not helping. You're not. Now, I'm not telling anybody what to do, but I am telling you it's time to get help. You need the help. My mother needed therapy. She wasn't going at 75. Why? Because she firmly believe she was doing the right thing. Was she? No, she wasn't. Why? Because they had open access. She had all sorts of nice stuff. They had open access to her stuff. They would basically go to her house, walk in, steal, walk out, go to the pawn shop, pawn it and go get drugs. Happened for a long time. So if you're listening here and you think you're being loving and supportive to your drug addict son or daughter, you're not. By allowing them to have more money, you're not. The best thing that could have happened for one of these kids was that they got caught stealing something and went to prison for 12 months. Jail for 12 months. That would have been the best thing possible. Why? Because the path they're headed, they were going to die. They were going to overdose. One of these boys, literally. His parents were big in the AA program. They believed that drug addiction of today's is similar to alcoholism. It is not, folks. It's different. It's completely Different. The drugs of today are synthetically designed to make your body crave them. Synthetically designed. Drug addiction is not a disease. Alcoholism is a disease. Drug addiction of today is not a disease. It is designed by chemists. One pill body craves. Kid. Human. Boy, girl. Can't stop. Those are facts. Look it up. Not alcoholism. One of the boys ended up in a treatment center for the following five years. The only reason they took him is because his parents were longtime AA people. They took him young. The other boy we shipped to my dad. And for nine months, my father did not let this human being out of six feet of his sight. For nine months. Six feet for nine months. That's how they got him over it. Do I suggest either one of those treatment? Yes. Sitting on somebody for nine months, probably not. And if you're contributing, if you can't stop yourself, you need help. Next week I'm going to talk about a story about a man, one of my contributors, who had to tell his college age daughter, no, you cannot come home because she was addicted to drugs. I'm going to tell that story on next Tuesday's episode. And why do I tell all that story? Because the power of the brain, the thought process of the brain, my mother believed with all of her heart that what her head was telling her was true. He's family, Joe. F you get out of here. Well, she was stuck in her own head. And how we get you unstuck? Hopefully you're not somebody who has family members on challenges like that. But it might not be drugs. It's going to be something else. It's going to be. You're trying to get your husband to diet. He doesn't want to. You're trying to get your wife to stop going out every Thursday night. She doesn't want to. The problem is, folks, you can't control somebody else. The only reason you're trying to is because of your own pain. How do I know? Because when you look at somebody and you see their life in destruction, the pain you're feeling, your brain is telling you, I'm feeling their pain, so I have to fix them. The facts are you're not feeling their pain. You're feeling your pain. Hear me. When you see somebody who is in destruction, physically, emotionally, with alcohol, with drugs, with whatever is going on in their life, and your head says, I need to fix them because I see their pain. I feel their pain. Joe, you don't understand. They're in pain. I have to fix them. The pain you believe is theirs is yours. Hear me. The Pain you're experiencing in your belly when you see a loved one destroying their life, that pain is your pain, not their pain. How do we get to your pain is the key. Well, first off, we have to write down all the voices. You have to write down the voices that said, I have to help him. I can't leave him there. I feel so bad for him. I feel sorry for him. He has no friends. All of those voices, folks. All of those voices. Did you hear what I was saying? I feel sorry for him. He has no. He needs me. He this, he that, or she has no one. She's all alone. She needs to be rescued. Any voice in your head that when you're feeling pain, has somebody else's needs in your head. Codependent belief. The only reason you have that codependent belief is because you've got a hurt in your own belly. Literally. So what's the key? The key is the silence. Get yourself in 60 seconds of silence and listen for the voices. When you hear the voices, write them down. When you really understand that the pain you're feeling is yours, not theirs. That's how we connect to the inner sense of yourself. That's how we connect to the inner emotional you. I call that inner emotional you. Your inner child. I call it your inner child. You can call it whatever you want. I'm going to, on these podcasts call it the inner child. And the child doesn't mean you're 6, 7, 8. It could be the essence of you. That's 18, 19. It could be the 25 year old in you. It doesn't matter the age. It just matters. There's a part of you in you. I kind of coined the term. When I'm working with people, I say sits your backside on your couch. I hear what your head is telling you. I hear your head is telling you, I gotta fix them, I gotta rescue them, I gotta help them. The problem is, by helping an alcoholic, you're participating in their death. And I mean that literally. Is it your responsibility that they're killing themselves? No, of course not. But you're not helping them by not allowing them to hit a bottom. 99.99999. I was the only person I ever knew in 10 years, 20 years of being around the program, I was the only person I ever heard the story of that had a spiritual experience. Every other human that walked through those doors and I was around thousands of them, they hit a bottom. And because of that pain in the bottom, they sought help. Well, what the codependent doesn't understand is by making the alcoholic's life softer, you're keeping them from their bottom. And if they don't hit a bottom, they have no need to go pursue help literally. Well, how do you stop fixing them? When you become consciously aware the emotional intelligence needed to stop fixing them is to take that window of time, hear your own voices that have another person's name in the sentence, and then sit on your couch long enough and ask inside yourself, who in me is hurting? That's the key. How do we become unstuck? When you're in pain, you have to start bringing your awareness inside instead of fixing outside. I'm going to repeat that. When you're in pain, how do we become unstuck when you're in pain? Instead of following the voices that are saying you have to fix somebody else, follow the intelligence, the emotional intelligence. Follow the inner essence that says ask inside of you who is hurting. Just ask that question and you will hear a voice, you will feel a feeling, you will remember a something. When you bring your awareness inside during that pain instead of projecting outside, that's how you heal. That's where the healing process starts. Now there are a tremendous amount of exercises that can be taught. Dual hand journaling, writing the voices and sharing with somebody else. Giving a voice to the hurt folks, if you see somebody in destruction and it causes you a pain that bowls you over, please get help. Please get help. Because that is a reflection, that is a message. If the overwhelm is so big, when you see somebody else in destruction, that's a message from the inner you. The deeper you that it needs attention, it needs focus, it needs your awareness brought inside to it versus outside fixing somebody else. And please understand the we podcast is about awareness. It's about awareness. You have to seek additional help to get support long term, eventually, sooner than later. Very close. Now I'm going to have contributors that right now I would give a 10 minute explanation of how people can help you support that deeper part of you. I call it the inner child. As we return to the child within us. In the beginning, it's going to be sad and angry voices. It's going to be a scared voice, mainly mad and sad. For men, typically, the anger is in you first. You're just taking it out on your part partner. For women, typically it's sadness first. You're just taking it out on your partner by thinking you need to fix them. Every time you fix them, you're abandoning. You think about it like this. Every time you try to fix your 39 or 42 or 72 year old brother who's a grown man. Every time you try to fix them, you're abandoning the 7 year old, the 8 year old, the 10 year old, the 12 year old little girl in you. And I say that because that's what's happening. Truly the answers to your overwhelm, it's not because your external world is so chaotic. It's because of the belief system that says my answers to overwhelm are fixing my outside world. The reason you feel stuck is because the belief is unstuck comes from fixing the outside world. If I could just fix him, I could move forward. Forward. I e not feel stuck. The problem is stuck heals when awareness comes inside, not from the outside. In my friends and why I get so big and I want to go back to the story, my dad's story. Do I condone violence? Absolutely not. Do I condone the bigness that community portrayed to protect a female that could not protect herself? Yes. The style in which they did it. Was that archaic? Yes. Do I condone violence? No. Condone bigness. Community support. 98% of the people that I support, I've never met. This couple in Connecticut, I've never met. We started interacting a little bit online. She sees the stuff I do, we start connecting. I've never met her, zero but when she reaches out, she now has somebody that can help her. The way that story continued last week, they made it through those couple of days and they were out of town. They get home and she says to me, I'm concerned he's going to go do drugs. I said get all the money out of the bank, which, oh, I can't do that. He'll be mad at me if I do that. Well, Joe, how will it eat? And I said stop talking, stop. Can you ask God for help right now? Yes. This is what I want you to do. Ask God to give you the strength to take that money out of the bank. It was a rent money. These are people that work their backsides off and they're barely making it. And rent money was due coming up now, four or five more days. Take the money out of the bank. You think she immediately did it? No, she didn't. They get back and of course, like couples do, they have GPS on their phones. And she realized he wasn't back an hour. Where was he headed to buy drugs. How did she know? She know where the drug dealer lived. So she immediately got the strength because she was praying. Here's the single largest challenge with prayer. Dear God, Rescue me, dear God, I know you're there. You're going to make everything better. No, that might be a religious perspective. If you pray enough, God's going to rescue. It's not a spiritual perspective. It's not. Ask God for strength to walk through the fear. Well, that's exactly what she did. She walked through the. Because it was terrifying for her to do that. And you know, lo and behold, you know exactly where the man was going to buy drugs, literally to spend their entire rent, which would have been $2,500, on drugs. You know what he said to her afterwards? Thank God you took that money, because I would have spent every penny of it. That's what he said. Now, was he any nicer yet? Not yet, but because she had the courage, because God gave her the courage to remove that money and not the codependent voice. I have to. He'll be mad. I'm afraid what he'll do. He's going to be upset. She had the courage to ask God for strength. She took that money out. And did he get sober the next day? No. Was he pissed? Yeah, a little bit. Relieved? Yes. Did she put a nail in the coffin by having the courage to stay autonomous? No. In fact, it's the opposite. She basically saved him and their rent and her angst from $2,000 more drugs. And after the $2,000, where the drugs is done, then you'd be in the exact same spot. God. So she prayed for courage. She prayed for strength. Did everything get better? No, it didn't. A couple days later. And what did I say? Safety. You have to get safe. Get safe. Get the money out and get safe. Go to your sister's house. She says, a sister or a brother or something. Go to your sister's house and be safe. And then she'd send me text, you know, I talked to Johnny's sister. I got texts from Johnny's sister and Johnny's mom, and they're all mad at me because I pushed Johnny over the edge. Now think about the insanity of that. Here's John is in his 50s. He's drank his entire freaking life. The 14 years he was sober, or 14 months he was sober. But John's sister and John's mom is blaming his wife for pushing him over the edge. They don't realize that John stopped going to meetings a month before. Why do I say that? Because if you're one of the moms or the sister of the alcoholic and you don't stand up, you're not helping. That's strength from community Just like my dad did in the delusion of his nonsense. Strength from community. Why did my friend make it this time? How was she able to do it different? Because she had a voice which happened to be mine this time that could offer experience, strength and hope in a different way than she'd ever had before. Did I do anything for her? No. But did I give her the tools? Pray for strength and courage. Yes. Everybody on this podcast today can do what I did. When you see somebody in challenge, rescue. No. Help. Yes. Support. How, however you can support holding a blind eye to an active alcoholic, you're not helping. And I know it's not easy. And I'm not saying confront the alcoholic. I'm saying don't condone the behaviors. Don't condemn the partner. You don't know what that partner's going through. I said to the wife, I said, I wonder how long the sister who's just righteous. You know, it's all your fault Johnny was chasing God to rescue him. It's your fault. The sister. I saw the text. I wonder how long that sister would let Johnny sleep on her couch and spend her rent money on cocaine. I wonder how long the sister would do that. She wouldn't do it for five seconds. Easy for her to be righteous. Your fault. Because he was chasing God and it's your fault. No, it's not. Don't be that sister. If you're on this call right now, don't be that mother, Johnny's mother, and blame the wife. Don't be. Why? Because you're not helping John. What did John need? All John needed was space. Why? Because the bully's not near the bully when he doesn't have somebody to pick on. That's why I was so mad the other day. This big, bad macho, I'm a man, blah, blah, blah, taking his nonsense out on his wife, who does all the work and go right down the list. So what did I tell her? Get space. Go to your sister's house for a couple days. He won't last 48 hours. He didn't last 24 hours. Why? Because when a bully has no one to blame, and of course, in this case, the bully hasn't made money in months. So the bully didn't have money to go drink because the wife had the courage to take it away. And the bully didn't have anyone to bully because the wife had the courage to go get safe. How did she do that? Because I helped. You can help. Did I do it for her? No. I told her to pray for strength and listen, just listen. Do it different this time. And she did what eventually happened. Well, the big bad bully now is a feeble little boy. Lonely, lost, good at a bottom. Yet. Not yet, my friend. Well, you know, I feel bad for him because he has no food. I'm thinking, oh, dear God, don't go see him. Well, she did. Of course, he reamed her. Why? Because he's still a bully when someone's around. She learned, don't go back for a while. I said to her, I'm not telling you not to feed him. Put $20 in the bank so he can drink or eat. That's what she did. Well, lo and behold, he went to a meeting the following day. Literally went to a meeting that following day. And you know what his sponsor told him? He kept saying, oh, the sponsor blames you. The sponsor said to me, you know, my sponsor even said, it's your fault I drank. I asked my friend, how many years has that sponsor been in the meeting, have been in meetings 10 years. There's no way the sponsor said that. The sponsors don't have opinions. All the sponsor's saying is, meet me at a meeting and we'll go have lunch afterwards. That's exactly what happened. The sponsor didn't say, I'll meet you before the meeting. The sponsor said, I'll meet you after the meeting. And that's what they did. They met after the meeting. I got the text this morning. John's been sober now two days. Why? Well, because his wife had the courage not to let her codependence run her life. How did she gain it? She asked for a power greater than her to support and to help and to give her the strength and courage. Who told her that? I did. Which comes back to the we, folks. We are the generation of change. Could she have done it on her own? Probably not. She doesn't know how to do it on her own. And healing doesn't happen alone. It doesn't. My path was unique, but it was 35 years ago. It's different now. We do it together. We. That's a we. That's a perfect example of a we. A woman I've never met reached out to me and asked for help. I supported from my experience, strength and hope. I had empathy and compassion on both sides. I was angry when the drunk is taking it out on a bully, on somebody who couldn't defend herself emotionally, she could not defend herself. She's just beat up. So I helped. Not in him. I helped by giving her action steps to empower herself. Starting with pray for support. Pray for courage, not rescue. Dear God, please give me the strength and courage. She kept saying, this is really hard. Jump. This is really hard. How did I answer? Compassionately. I know, but you're doing it. I know, but you're doing it. Everybody on this podcast today can do what I did to somebody today, literally. There's somebody you can offer support to. There's somebody you can hold their hand. You can't do it for them, but people don't need it done for them. Where two or more are gathered, there's a God there. And together here on the we podcast, we're creating that essence. Now, there's more than two of us. We're in 16 countries around the globe. Eventually, we'll be in every country around the globe. And eventually, together, we're going to continue to empower people. Together, we're going to help people to heal. Together, we're going to help people remember that the issues are not outside. Your answers are inside. And together, we're changing humanity one smile at a time. Thank you so much for being here, everybody. And from around the world, welcome to we. So that's it for today's episode of the WE Podcast. Head on over at Apple Podcasts or Rare. Wherever you listen and subscribe to the show, one lucky listener every single week that posts a review on Apple Podcasts or itunes will win a chance in the grand prize drawing to win a $25,000 private VIP day with Joe himself. Be sure to head on over to wepodcast Global and pick up a free copy of Joe's gift and join us next time for the We Podcast cast.