Podcast Summary: "Complex PTSD From My Abusive Childhood"

Podcast Information:

• Title: We're All Insane
• Host/Author: Devorah Roloff
• Episode: Complex PTSD From My Abusive Childhood
• Release Date: March 24, 2025
• Description: A podcast where real people share raw, unfiltered stories about their lives, challenges, and traumas that have shaped them. Each episode offers a deep dive into the unique journey of the guest—No scripts. No interruptions. Just authentic storytelling that unfolds naturally, in the guest's own words.

1. Understanding Complex PTSD

Kristin opens the conversation by distinguishing between Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Complex PTSD (CPTSD). She explains that while PTSD typically stems from a singular traumatic event—such as those experienced by veterans or first responders—Complex PTSD arises from multiple, prolonged traumatic experiences, often beginning in childhood.

Kristin [00:55]: "Hi, I'm Kristin and I have complex ptsd. I guess technically the diagnosis is ptsd, because complex PTSD is actually not a diagnosis you can get in America."

She highlights that CPTSD is recognized in the UK's ICD-11 but not yet officially classified in the American DSM. This gap in recognition can lead to underdiagnosis and lack of understanding within the U.S.

Kristin [02:04]: "PTSD does that too, but it's just different when it's so multifaceted."

2. Abusive Childhood and Family Dynamics

Kristin delves into her tumultuous childhood, marked by a dysfunctional family environment. Her parents' volatile relationship, characterized by constant fighting and eventual divorce, set the stage for her complex PTSD. She recounts how her father was quick to anger, and her mother struggled with depression, leading to an unstable household.

Kristin [06:00]: "There was always something going on, whether my parents were fighting, my mom was bringing boyfriends around the house... kids do what they do, and it's... being in this house where I'm essentially taking care of my baby brother all the time."

Her older brother, Patrick, exacerbated the family's instability through abusive behavior towards Kristin and their other siblings. Patrick's constant antagonism and psychological tactics, such as pretending to toss Kristin into an oven, created a climate of fear and insecurity.

Kristin [08:24]: "Patrick would just like terrorize all of us. He would always be up on Michael... he had him terrified that there would be sharks that came out of the shower."

3. Traumatic Events and Diagnosis

A pivotal moment in Kristin's life occurred when her family was involved in a severe car accident. While traveling to her brother Patrick's military graduation, their minivan was struck by a semi-truck. The accident resulted in her mother's death and Kristin sustaining multiple broken legs.

Kristin [18:54]: "The truck driver... hit the front end of the car. The impact was the sliding door on my side and where my mom was sitting. So my mom was essentially crushed, but died a couple hours later from it."

This traumatic event intensified her existing PTSD symptoms, leading her to seek therapy. It was through this therapeutic journey that Kristin began to understand the depth of her Complex PTSD.

Kristin [04:10]: "So a couple months after that, I decide I should probably get into therapy. I seem pretty depressed. It's messing up my work. I'm having a hard time focusing."

4. Coping Mechanisms and Masking

Throughout her childhood and adolescence, Kristin developed coping mechanisms to survive her environment. One primary strategy was "masking"—overcompensating to blend in and meet societal expectations despite internal struggles.

Kristin [04:24]: "I was just highly masking and going through my day to day life. Which masking... is basically just my brain and body overcompensates... to blend in and fit in and do the normal things."

This constant need to appear "normal" led to chronic fatigue and burnout, as Kristin pushed herself beyond healthy limits to manage both her emotions and her family's dysfunction.

Kristin [04:24]: "I'm always turned on and social with people and present at work and pay attention... I didn't realize I was doing like all this extra work for 30 years of my life."

5. Abusive Relationships and Path to Recovery

Kristin's personal relationships were significantly impacted by her Complex PTSD. She recounts entering an abusive relationship with a narcissistic partner named Chris. This relationship was characterized by emotional manipulation, isolation, and abuse, further entrenching her trauma.

Kristin [46:34]: "He was manipulating, isolating me... making me feel worthless. It was an addiction, essentially, to this relationship because they make you feel so worthless."

Despite attempts to leave the relationship multiple times, Kristin struggled to break free due to the addictive nature of Chris's intermittent rewards and emotional abuse. It wasn't until a mutual friend conflict and Chris's blatant disrespect that Kristin found the strength to end the relationship.

Kristin [62:01]: "That's what made me leave... he chose a crappy friend."

6. Therapy, Healing, and Moving Forward

Acknowledging the need for professional help, Kristin began intensive therapy around the age of 30, particularly after the passing of her Aunt Kathy. Through therapy, she started connecting her fragmented memories with her stored emotions, a crucial step in healing from Complex PTSD.

Kristin [66:34]: "I brought up with my therapist that I think it's complex ptsd... I gave her my summary here of my life and crappy childhood... I blew it off the charts."

Kristin is currently on a healing journey, supported by antidepressants to manage her chronic fatigue and ongoing therapy to process her trauma. She emphasizes the importance of authentic connections and setting healthy boundaries, which have been instrumental in her recovery.

Kristin [73:48]: "Life is not about living somebody else's life or what other people think is important... what actually brings me joy and what I find value in."

Her journey culminated in a healthy relationship and marriage, where she finally experiences stability and genuine support, contrasting sharply with her previous abusive experiences.

Kristin [62:05]: "Now I'm 31. I just actually got married in October 13th... He was super sweet... no chaos to it."

Conclusion

Kristin's story is a profound exploration of living with Complex PTSD resulting from an abusive childhood. Her candid discussion sheds light on the multifaceted nature of trauma, the challenges of coping mechanisms like masking, and the arduous path to healing. Through therapy, self-awareness, and supportive relationships, Kristin exemplifies resilience and the possibility of overcoming deep-seated trauma. Her journey underscores the necessity of recognizing Complex PTSD and the importance of seeking help to foster authentic healing and personal growth.

Kristin [82:27]: "Managing the tools are the biggest thing because we live in a society... I'm on a personal healing journey."

Notable Quotes:

• Kristin [00:55]: "Hi, I'm Kristin and I have complex ptsd..."
• Kristin [08:24]: "Patrick would just like terrorize all of us..."
• Kristin [18:54]: "The truck driver... hit the front end of the car..."
• Kristin [04:24]: "I was just highly masking and going through my day to day life..."
• Kristin [62:05]: "Now I'm 31. I just actually got married in October 13th..."
• Kristin [82:27]: "Managing the tools are the biggest thing because we live in a society..."

This episode of "We're All Insane" offers a raw and unfiltered glimpse into Kristin's life, illuminating the profound impacts of Complex PTSD and the relentless pursuit of healing amidst relentless trauma.