We're All Insane – Episode Summary
Podcast: We’re All Insane
Host: Devorah Roloff
Guest: Kara
Episode: Daughter of a Killer
Date: February 23, 2026
Overview
In this raw, unfiltered episode, Kara from Owensboro, Kentucky, shares her powerful story about growing up as the daughter of a man convicted of manslaughter. The conversation is a deep dive into generational trauma, parental incarceration, cycles of addiction, and the difficult, often conflicting emotions that come with loving someone who has hurt you. Kara’s narrative highlights both the pain and resilience of her family—especially the unsung strength of her mother and siblings—and the urgent need for compassion and support for children affected by parental incarceration. She also voices her advocacy for programs like Daddy-Daughter dances in prisons to help maintain meaningful connections between incarcerated parents and their children.
Key Topics & Discussion Points
1. Childhood in the Shadow of Crime and Trauma
- Kara grew up with her father in and out of prison for 32 years, initially incarcerated for manslaughter while she was just three months old (02:10).
- Kara describes her two older brothers as her "real life heroes" who helped her survive their tumultuous family environment (00:33).
- Her father, described as a thrill seeker and a major drug dealer, spiraled into destructive behavior before the crime that would change their lives (02:49).
“Sometimes I can't even put it into words... I just, I'm still in awe. I still sit back, I'm like, oh my gosh. Wow.”
— Kara on her and her brothers' resilience (00:33)
2. The Day That Changed Everything
- Kara recounts the day her father held her mother at gunpoint for hours while Kara, a newborn, lay on the bed nearby (05:40). Her mother managed to escape by distracting him.
- The murder that landed her father in prison was triggered by missing money, drugs, and fear—culminating in a fatal altercation with a man named Joe. The incident is described as an act of self-defense amidst crime and chaos (08:21; 17:51).
“She started kicking the back door with her foot in hopes our neighbors would see it... Could you fucking imagine being in that situation? Survival mode. You don’t think twice about it—and she did that.”
— Kara on her mother’s escape (10:20)
3. The Impact of Incarceration on Kara’s Upbringing
- First memories of her dad are in prison, with the trauma of sterile environments, searches, and the emotional confusion of seeing her father only in that context (21:04).
- Visiting prison as a child left Kara with deep-seated anxiety, confusion, and broken promises—her dad always out of reach physically and emotionally (26:13; 30:39).
- Kara is grateful her mother always told her the truth about her father’s situation (30:55).
“The vibes you get from prison—it almost sucks the life out of you... it leaves you with lifelong anxiety, confusion, and so many questions.”
— Kara (25:36; 21:04)
4. Challenges Upon Her Father’s Release
- Her father's reentry after 13 years in prison was filled with hope but quickly descended into renewed addiction and domestic turmoil (33:50; 38:10).
- Kara describes feeling both excited and fearful when her father first came back into their lives (38:01; 38:10).
- Her dad’s inability to adapt, his return to drug activity (making meth in their home), and the effect on the family, including encouraging one brother’s addiction, are recounted in detail (38:18; 45:24).
“My dad never went back to work... he was okay, and went right back to the street.”
— Kara (45:24)
5. Cycles of Disappointment, Violence, and Estrangement
- Drugs, criminal activity, and violence come to dominate their home once again, culminating in another arrest following a police raid (45:24).
- Kara distances herself for protection and mental health, especially after a violent incident involving her father and brother (51:00).
- Eventually, her father is incarcerated again after kidnapping his next wife, further fracturing their relationship (56:24).
“You have the right to feel that way... just stay away. Just stay away.”
— Kara on emotionally cutting ties (56:42)
6. Grief, Guilt, and the Complexity of Forgiveness
- Kara reflects on the complicated, often guilt-ridden feelings about her father, especially during his terminal decline (79:30).
- She shares how advocating for children like herself—through actions like organizing Daddy-Daughter dances in prisons—has become a way to process her pain and create meaning (97:55; 106:00).
- Devorah offers poignant support, reminding Kara she has no debt to pay her father in guilt or forgiveness (91:24).
“You don’t owe him anything. He didn’t give you anything that you need to owe him.”
— Devorah (92:43)
“I want to be there for those children... so they do have somebody to talk to, so they do have somebody to understand.”
— Kara (107:24)
7. The Lingering Effects of “Daddy Issues”
- The conversation expands on how Kara’s upbringing caused deep-seated insecurity, anxiety, and relationship struggles—“daddy issues” aren’t always what pop culture assumes (101:04).
- The hosts discuss the broader need for social and school-based resources to support children living with family shame or loss (66:24; 68:33; 110:45).
“You’re not going to find love—sometimes—from the people we need it from most.”
— Kara (99:21)
8. Finding Healing Through Advocacy and Self-Love
- Kara is now driven to help others in similar circumstances, believing that change can only come if people with lived experience provide support and foster empathy (106:00; 108:24).
- The episode closes with encouragement for listeners to reach out, share their stories, and support the movement for more compassionate, trauma-informed policies for children with incarcerated parents.
Notable Quotes & Moments
-
On Childhood and Resilience
“My brothers...have been my real life heroes. I don’t know where I’d be without both of them.” — Kara (00:33) -
On Trauma and Survival
“Could you fucking imagine...it’s survival mode. You fucking hit the ground running.” — Kara (10:20) -
On “Daddy Issues”
“Daddy issues isn’t just jumping from man to man...It’s putting up with shit you don’t need to put up with because you don’t know it’s not right.” — Kara (101:04) -
On Reconciliation and Boundaries
“You don’t owe him anything. He didn’t give you anything that you need to owe him.” — Devorah (92:43) -
On Healing and Legacy
“You’re a strong, beautiful woman...you’re here to help others. You don’t have to do that.” — Devorah (105:14) “The only way I feel like I’m going to find peace is getting my hands dirty with the situation, getting involved.” — Kara (106:00)
Important Timestamps
- [02:10] – Kara’s father’s incarceration and family background
- [05:40] – The day of the murder and holding her mother at gunpoint
- [21:04] – Kara’s first memory of visiting her father in prison
- [26:13] – Emotional impact and psychology of childhood prison visits
- [38:10] – Father's release and return to addiction
- [45:24] – The police raid and second stint in prison
- [51:00] – Violent incident between Kara’s father and brother
- [56:24] – Estrangement after kidnapping and new sentencing
- [79:30] – End-of-life confrontation, guilt, and final words
- [97:55] – Healing through advocacy, Daddy Daughter dances, and message to other children
- [106:00] – Vision for supporting children of incarcerated parents
Call to Action
Kara wishes to connect with listeners who want to make a difference for children with incarcerated parents or who need support themselves. She encourages outreach for those interested in advocacy or community-building, especially to normalize conversations and offer meaningful resources for impacted kids.
Contact: wereallinsanepodcast@gmail.com
Form: Share your story here
Closing Theme
This episode is a candid, heart-wrenching exploration of the endurance of the human spirit, the scars of family trauma, and the hope that comes from using one’s pain as a beacon for others. As Kara says, “Sometimes we don’t find love from the people we need it from most.” But healing—and change—are possible, and no child should have to face that journey alone.