Podcast Summary: "Forced into Child Marriage: Life as a Mormon"

Podcast Title: We're All Insane
Host: Devorah Roloff
Episode: Forced into Child Marriage: Life as a Mormon
Release Date: October 28, 2024

Introduction

In this deeply personal and harrowing episode of We're All Insane, host Devorah Roloff interviews Kristen, a survivor who shares her traumatic journey from a Mormon upbringing to forced child marriage and enduring abuse. Kristen's story sheds light on the intersection of religion, abuse, and the enduring quest for healing and self-discovery.

Early Life and Mormon Upbringing

Kristen begins her narrative by recounting her childhood within a Mormon family. Born in Utah, her family relocated to North Carolina when she was four years old. Despite her parents becoming inactive in the church after the move, Kristen remained connected through her grandmother, whom she describes as her "safe place."

Kristen [02:00]: "I didn't understand that I had trauma until I was 38 and I have lived through trauma all my life."

She emphasizes the strict and organized nature of the Mormon faith, highlighting the community's judgmental stance on external influences and the emphasis on purity and family.

Experiences of Sexual Abuse in Childhood

Kristen's recounting takes a painful turn as she shares her early encounters with sexual abuse. Living in a Southern Bible Belt area, she was exposed to predatory behavior from a young age. An influential figure from her neighborhood, who was her older brother's best friend, began to develop inappropriate feelings towards her as she entered her pre-teen years.

Kristen [03:00]: "Every single time something like that would happen to me, I would just completely freeze and just allow whatever to happen to me because I didn't know how to stop it."

She describes incidents where she was touched and coerced into situations she couldn't comprehend or resist, leading to a lifelong struggle with trauma and self-worth.

Forced Marriage at a Young Age

At the age of 16, Kristen was thrust into a forced marriage with the same neighbor who had been abusing her. The pressure to conform to religious expectations and purity culture played a significant role in this coerced union.

Kristen [48:35]: "He proposed to me right in front of her as an 18-year-old proposing to a 14-year-old girl."

Despite her innate resistance and the silent support from her therapist later on, Kristen felt trapped by the societal and religious mandates that dictated her actions, leading her to believe that marrying him was the only way to regain some semblance of control and worth.

Life in Marriage: Abuse and Isolation

Kristen's first marriage was marred by psychological and physical abuse. Her husband, once her confidant, became increasingly controlling and abusive, both emotionally and physically.

Kristen [35:27]: "That's when it started getting physical. It hadn't been physical abuse yet... but then it became physical all of a sudden."

Her marriage was further complicated by her husband's addiction to pornography and continued manipulation, making Kristen feel isolated and powerless within her own home. The lack of familial support exacerbated her situation, leaving her to cope alone with her trauma.

Leaving the Church and Beginning the Healing Journey

After enduring years of abuse, Kristen began to question her faith and the oppressive structures within the Mormon Church that had enabled her suffering. Her desire to protect her children from similar trauma motivated her to seek help and eventually leave the church.

Kristen [105:57]: "I want to be here for my kids, so that's what you need to focus on. That's your priority."

Through therapy, Kristen started to unravel the deep-seated trauma that had dictated her life choices and behaviors. She confronts the toxic aspects of her religious upbringing, particularly the misogynistic and patriarchal teachings that devalued her voice and autonomy.

Second Marriage and Continued Trauma

Kristen's second marriage did not bring the healing she sought. Instead, it introduced a new wave of psychological abuse, further entrenching her in a cycle of manipulation and control. Her second husband continued to exploit her vulnerabilities, pushing her into harmful behaviors and maintaining a facade of normalcy to the outside world.

Kristen [99:15]: "He was like constantly wanting me to start, like, create my own page and, and post all the videos with all the men."

Despite brief moments of hope and attempts at counseling, the abusive patterns persisted, leaving Kristen feeling even more isolated and mentally drained.

Breaking Free and Embracing Self-Discovery

After 15 years of tumultuous relationships and continuous abuse, Kristen reached a turning point. With the support of her therapist and a renewed focus on her children's well-being, she began to break free from the toxic cycle.

Kristen [122:19]: "I just don't know who this person is anymore. Because I just realized, like, my person is a total lie."

Kristen's journey is one of resilience and the arduous path toward self-empowerment. She acknowledges the challenges of overcoming deeply ingrained trauma and the importance of setting boundaries to protect herself and her children.

Conclusion: Insights and Reflections

Kristen's story is a poignant testament to the devastating impact of forced child marriage and the insidious nature of psychological abuse within a religious framework. Her candid reflections highlight the critical need for awareness, support systems, and the dismantling of harmful cultural and religious practices that perpetuate such traumas.

Kristen [127:18]: "I have to keep reminding myself, like, I am on my healing journey now, and I need to keep pushing forward."

Through her vulnerability and strength, Kristen provides invaluable insights into the complexities of escaping abusive environments and the ongoing journey toward healing and self-acceptance.

Notable Quotes

• Kristen [02:00]: "I didn't understand that I had trauma until I was 38 and I have lived through trauma all my life."
• Kristen [03:00]: "Every single time something like that would happen to me, I would just completely freeze and just allow whatever to happen to me because I didn't know how to stop it."
• Kristen [48:35]: "He proposed to me right in front of her as an 18-year-old proposing to a 14-year-old girl."
• Kristen [35:27]: "That's when it started getting physical. It hadn't been physical abuse yet... but then it became physical all of a sudden."
• Kristen [105:57]: "I want to be here for my kids, so that's what you need to focus on. That's your priority."
• Kristen [99:15]: "He was like constantly wanting me to start, like, create my own page and, and post all the videos with all the men."
• Kristen [122:19]: "I just don't know who this person is anymore. Because I just realized, like, my person is a total lie."
• Kristen [127:18]: "I have to keep reminding myself, like, I am on my healing journey now, and I need to keep pushing forward."

Final Thoughts

Kristen's episode on We're All Insane is a powerful exploration of the dark realities faced by individuals trapped in abusive religious contexts. Her openness serves as a crucial reminder of the importance of mental health support, the need to challenge oppressive societal norms, and the strength required to reclaim one's identity after enduring profound trauma.