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- [00:01]
A
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Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois so my name is Lexi, and my best friends tried to kill me. And I think that what a lot of people don't know is that's not actually really where the story starts. So I kind of want to take it, tell it from the beginning. So I am from Connecticut. I grew up a competitive athlete my whole life. So I'm an equestrian and I actually competed through the Division 1 level in track and field. I did horses professionally when I was an adult, when basically I grew up in a small town in Connecticut. And I dealt with a lot of bullying issues from a pretty young age, but I wasn't super aware of it. I think I always knew that something was different about me and that kids would treat me differently, but when they would laugh at me, I just kind of appreciated the fact that they were laughing at all. And I, I wanted to be where the people are. So it kind of led me to sort of turn a blind eye to all of the negativity that was going on around me. And I grew up a competitive athlete in the equestrian and track and fields and whatever. Things are very rigid in those fields. And so in the horse industry, it's really common for kids to start, you know, working, especially if they can't afford it. This is an industry that's very much dominated by money and power. And I was a kid who was crazy about horses, but didn't really have the financial resources or means to participate. So what would happen is that when I would get out of school every day, my mom would drop me off, it would be like 2 or 3pm depending on how old I was. And I would work literally until like 8, 9, 10 o'clock at night. So there were a lot of things with that that now as I've gotten older, I'm sort of like, that wasn't normal. Like some of the rules I had to deal with growing up in the industry was like, if you broke a bone, you're not allowed to go get an X ray because you have to get back on the horse first. Unless you're leaving in an ambulance. And even then you're, you know, unless you're like paralyzed. It's kind of something that they don't take seriously. Yeah, they don't take seriously. I dealt with just a lot of verbal abuse from my horse trainers. There were always things like if my parents ever had a financial issue or whatever, which I was too young to understand, it would get taken out on me because my horse trainers would stop talking to me. Whenever I knew that there was an issue with my parents, especially with payment or whatever, they didn't really have the means. I would only find out because my, my trainer would, would have me show up to work and then not talk to me, not give me anything. How it worked out was like I would get, you know, a lesson or whatever here and there. So I sort of learned at a very young age that I had to tolerate abuse, especially that came from people that were older than me. And also I was constantly being told by adults that I should never tell my parents anything because people who tell their parents things are, their babies are not as good or whatever. Being like 10 years old and learning that I don't have anyone to go to, the only person that I should go to is whoever my horse trainer is at that time. And I had many of them. I always sort of believed that I had to be strong about everything. And I took everything very literally as a kid. My entire life was very by the book. You know, when my horse trainer told me, don't tell your parents anything, which was really just a way to manipulate me, I was like, okay, yeah, I'm not going to tell them. So around 11 or 12 years old, I decided that I wanted to be a lot more competitive in riding. I was riding at a barn that wasn't as good and whatever. So my mom let me move facilities and this is kind of where I think that everything begins. So I had this sense of like not telling my parents anything. I needed to just have the utmost respect for the professionals that I was working with. I was realizing that I really didn't fit in. This was one of the big times in my life where I realized I was the weird horse girl. I was in middle school for the first time, and while you, you know, I had gotten bullied before and whatever, I was now like public enemy number one. And it was funny for everyone to laugh at me. Like, they would often ask me about my horses and to tell them about my life, knowing that I would like fully info dump on them and thought it was so cool that they were interested and it meant they wanted me to be their friend. And I later found out that it was just they were making fun of me. There was actually a stall in the girls bathroom when I was in middle school. It was the third stall, I'll never forget that. Just filled with like, shit talking me. I never, like, saw anyone else's name, but I was just very, like, alone a lot combined with. I had this really bad ocd. Basically. I was riding at this new barn and I had this new community and whatever. And this was the first time that I felt like I had a safe space. It was about 20, 25 minutes away from my house. And I knew that the second that that last bell rung in class, I would get to go to what I called my new hometown. That's where all my friends were. I remember it was a couple weeks after I had turned 13 and I was in middle school. We got, you know, put on lockdown. And I just was like, oh, this isn't. Nothing is happening. It's a dream. Yeah. So it was like we got put on lockdown and I had a little flip phone. I got a Sidekick. Cause that's what kids had those days. And I was looking on Twitter and I see that hashtag prayfornewtown is trending. And I am sitting in, you know, the bathroom and I'm like, what? Like, what's going on in Newtown? Because Newtown is, you know, new town. I'm. I'm about to like, go there in, you know, a couple hours. And I'm so excited and whatever. And so I click on it and it's not loading. So I was like, okay, what's, you know, what's going on? And I start getting texts from people, and of course I'm on, you know, bathroom, WI Fi. And people are just like saying like, are you okay? You know, what's going on? And I'm just like, what? What the fuck?
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B
You were at the school? Were you at the school?
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A
That was not. So I don't think a lot of people know because school shootings were not happening every two minutes in 20. Fortunately, I don't think a lot of people know that. At the time, we thought it was a terrorist attack. So they put all students. I don't know if it was all of Connecticut, but I'm in Fairfield county too. So I wasn't even like in the town. I had ties in the town.
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B
Yeah, at the one, so. But they also put the school that you were.
- [07:14]
A
So, yeah, it was happening at that school. So they put us in, in lockdown. And I am getting these texts from my friends, like, are you okay? What's going on? And I'm just like, very confused because, you know, I'm like, you know, a 13 year old, whatever. Finally I refresh my phone enough on Twitter that I get it to load and it just says, school shooting, Newtown, Connecticut. And I recognize, you know, the. It's at Sandy Hook elementary, which is like eight minutes away from where my barn was. And, you know, I knew people that were there while it was very real fear. Like we didn't know what was happening. We thought that there was a terrorist attack or whatever. The only reason I found out it was something different. I found out before everyone else was because my mom's friend called my mom and had told her sort of what was going on. And this was like an isolated event. But we were kind of thinking like, there's, I mean, someone just broke into a school, they just shot up a school, like they're going to come to other schools and there's someone going on a ramp, you know, rampage, killing children. And there wasn't a whole lot of information coming out. And here I am terrified out of my mind because I think that that's what's happening. And then eventually, you know, we got to come home. I think it was a few hours later. We were in lockdown for a while. I remember just like running into my mom's arms and breaking down and crying. And then that night, because I didn't have a laptop, I didn't have anything, this was so long ago. I went on my Facebook page. So obviously I didn't go to the barn that day and just refreshed so I could find out if any of my friends had dead siblings. And I remember this being like one of just the worst moments. And then it felt like the world almost moved on immediately. It felt like it was the first big one and I was still seeing it. I mean, I know that there were big ones in the past, but like I was seeing it all over the news and Whatever. But it felt like, you know, after the prayers were over and whatever, that everything moved on. And I remember our first day back at school, which I think was a couple days later, they had us go to what they had just started, and it was called advisory, and, you know, go and talk. But that was kind of it. I think they kind of just asked us, like, if anyone knew anyone and what. How we were feeling. Personally, I was so devastated because to me, this was, like. That was my safe space, and. And it was a lot of people's safe space, I feel like. But I didn't know what trauma was. I didn't know that I was allowed to be traumatized by that. I didn't know. You know, it felt like I just. I have to move on, because the world's moving on, and the people in that town are the only ones that get to feel traumatized by this or mourn. I remember, like, in the beginning, I couldn't go to the barn. Afterwards, it was very hard because the town was crowded and they had so many visitors. And so my mom didn't want me to go be around that because she was just worried of how that would feel. Like, I was crying every single day after it happened. And then finally, it was, like, early 2013, and I started going to the barn again, and it was just the most surreal experience, like, driving there, and there were memorials all over the road, and it was just so much devastation, and I. I don't feel like I was properly equipped to deal with that. But again, I wasn't. I wasn't physically there, so I was like, okay, you're not. There's nothing. Like, it's selfish. You can't, like, be affected by this. So I don't know. And that's just the moment where I feel like I learned, like, things can happen. People can die and kids can die, and people want to hurt children. And, yeah, it's terrifying.
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B
Even if. Even if it was a situation where there wasn't an actual shooting and it was just a drill, if you're in a situation like that and in that moment, you feel like your life is threatened and I could die like that, even if there was no actual threat, that's still traumatic for you in that moment.
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A
The thing is that even after we found out, like, there wasn't an actual threat to, like, us physically, I go on Facebook and find my friends that can't find their siblings, and I'm like, oh, my God. So, yeah, so the shooting happens, and it's just devastation for months, and I Remember that year as not just 2012, but 2013 was. It just felt like all evil. Like, literally a couple months later, we're recovering from everything, and then there's the Boston bombing, and that's, like, three hours from us. And I'm a runner. And so, like, I remember being so excited for the Boston Marathon that day because I wasn't there. But, like, I remember being so excited for the Boston Marathon that day, and now I'm just, like, I am seeing right in front of my eyes, like, the worst of humanity unfold as I feel like a lot of people probably were. And it's just, like, right outside. Right outside my front door. And it felt like my entire life had changed because I now know everything I love isn't safe. Like, going to school is not safe. Going running could potentially not be safe. I, you know, know people went to work, and it's not safe, and, like, blah, blah, blah. So. So I was like, I have to. I just have to protect everyone. I have to help everyone. So my mom sort of decided maybe it was best if I had went to a different school for high school. We had some options going into high school. There was, like, an agri science program. There was, like, a different technical school is different. Whatever. So I was dealing with a lot of increased bullying issues, and my mental health was greatly struggling because I no longer felt safe in the classroom. I went to a school that was. It used to be a bomb shelter, my middle school. And there were no windows in the entirety of that school. And so I remember that being so terrifying because I was like, how the fuck? Like, always trying to think of, like, escape routes, whatever. And so I basically just started from there and there on out. Like, I went from being a straight A student to failing all of my classes. Yeah. And so my mom was like, okay, we're maybe gonna take a different route. You're obviously struggling. I remember feeling like there just weren't enough resources to support students who may be struggling. Especially after. I actually remember that Christmas, which was, like, right before. Like, right after the shooting and right before Christmas, and I had failed a test. And it was like, the test that I had failed happened, like, the day of the shooting. And so I remember they had, like, a volleyball event and that they pulled me aside and told me I couldn't go because I failed the test. And so my punishment was that I was getting put in timeout. I didn't have to retake the test. I just had to sit out of the fun festivities. And I'm like, oh, this is great. I barely want to leave my house, but I feel a sense of obligation. And so that just gave me such a I don't give a fuck attitude about school. I don't care about getting into the programs. Why does it matter? Because apparently this could get taken away in two seconds. But I remember there was a program that I really, really wanted to get into, and I was really excited because I got my acceptance letter probably around like, that January, February. But it was contingent on my grades, which were now suffering, and they did take away my acceptance at the end of it all. So my mom kind of starts, like, trying to work her magic and figure out where I can go, because she doesn't want me to have to go to the school that I was going to go to and deal with all the bullying issues and whatever. But I can't. I don't have the grades to go to where I was initially going to go. And there was a new school being built that year. It was a magnet school. They were doing it off of a lottery system. So I filled out an application. I ended up being chosen to be a part of the lottery. It was supposed to be, like, to get a school that gave underprivileged youth sort of the ability to thrive. It was college prep school. Literally looks like a gorgeous college campus. You were allowed to specialize. So there was. It. I think it was aerodynamics and zoology and biotechnology, and that's what I had chose to do. So I was like, okay, my life is resetting. I'm going to rebuild from this. And that school was a lot safer. So they actually implemented that. We all had to walk through metal detectors every day. We had to get our bags searched.
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B
Did you find that that kind of calmed your nerves at all?
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A
So, yeah, for. For a time, I felt good about the fact that it was safer. And I know all the schools in Connecticut, maybe not all of them, but at least, like, where I went to middle school at that time, I think in the year after or something, they. They actually built a wall so that you no longer are able to just, like, access students. And all of the schools that I in Fairfield county had built something that added an extra layer of protection so you weren't able to just, like, you know, get. Yeah, get in. Because previously, like, you literally could have just. You could have just like, walked in and walked to the side and whatever and access students within two seconds. So there were a lot of security. Also, it was only freshmen and sophomores at that time, so it wasn't a filled campus. There were I think maybe like a couple hundred students per school. They were considered like different schools. They all had different principals. And so I remember my first day of school vividly because I was so excited. I remember I had an ear to ear smile. I go up to my classes and I'm like, oh my God, I'm gonna like make. I'm making friends. Like, I don't know anyone there because no one else got in. So I. It was day one, I sat. We had like these new orange chairs. I sat in one of them. I sat next to this girl that I was like, she looks really nice. She's smiling. And her. And I got to chatting. I found out she was a twin. And I was like, yes. Like, I. That's two friends. I'm gonna, I'm gonna like try to be friends with her sister and whatever. Let me just like. And then we got to our first assignment. And our first assignment was they gave us a map and they wanted us to list all of the 50 states where they were. Now I also went into high school, I should mention, when I was 13. So my birthday's in November, so I am always a lot younger than everyone. So anyway, I'm in this class, I'm writing down my 50 states and I'm like, oh, well, I haven't learned this yet. So I wrote down the states I knew, which I thought was a good chunk of states. And I handed it in my paper and I was smiling. The teacher was so pretty and she had gorgeous lipstick. And I was like, my life is complete. And she looks at my paper and she's like. And then in front of the entire class, she goes, hey, Alexa, are you supposed to be in the special needs classes? And everyone burst out laughing. And I was like. And she was like, guys, it's not funny. Some people need extra help. Like, she probably has a learning disability. Cause like, look at this, you know, which, like, nothing wrong with having a learning disability. Nothing wrong with having extra needs. But like, I had never been in any sort of, like, different class. I immediately felt that there was like some, you know, stigma in the air. And I was just like, what the fuck? In front of everyone. And so everyone was just laughing at me. And she was just like, are you going to answer? Because I was staring, I was staring at my shoes. She's like, are you going to answer? And I just like, sheepishly was like, no, I'm not supposed to. And she was like, she was like, oh, so you're really just that stupid? The teacher over the year I ended up having so many problems with this teacher, but so that was like devastating for me. I got up and I ran to the bathroom and I hid in the school bathroom. And around like 2012, when all that stuff happened, or early 2013, I also started to deal with self harming. And that sort of became like, I ran into the bathroom and that's what I was doing. I had a pencil sharpener, I cracked it open. I was like, okay, that's what I do because I feel like I need to be punished for what just happened. And then I went through the rest of the day of classes and I found out that we didn't rotate that much. So I was with all of the same students, students in all of the classes. Also, not only did we have like a dress code, we had to wear lab coats that said like, which school we were in because there were three, three schools. They were all under the same building, but just to separate us all. So the zoo kids all wore like a white lab coat. And all of the zoo kids, since there weren't that many of them, had the same classes. So I was like, wow, I just committed social suicide. Like this. My life is over. No one is ever going to be friends with me. They think it's like so funny that the teacher just embarrassed me in front of. So I marched into the principal's office and I was like, hey, is there like any way I can, you know, other classes available and whatever? And he was like, yeah, like I might be able to like, you know, switch you around and we'll see what happens. That ended up happening. And there were so there were four classes a day. Each class, it's like a college. They were all 90 minutes long runs on that same schedule. And so they had switched me in a couple classes with kids from other, other programs. That's where I met my soon to be, soon to be boyfriend. I saw him across the hall and I was like, yes, that's working for me. That's working for me. He's adorable. And I was like, of course. I'm like 13 years old. I'm like, that's the love of my life. So I actually went through that entire semester kind of dealing with all of those things. And I didn't have anywhere to sit at lunch after that day because none of the kids wanted to with the stupid kid. So I would sit alone. And then eventually I figured out that I just needed to sit in the principal's office. And when I went and sat in the principal's office, there was another Girl that kind of had the same issues. And she was a horse girl too, and she was a runner too. And so we just like, chatted. And there was a school secretary there who was really nice and oftentimes when I was dealing with bullying issues, she would let me sit in her office instead of going to class and would just give an excuse so that I kind of felt like I had a little bit of a saving grace there. So, you know, I'll. Couple weeks goes by and I like kind of have that one friend sort of. We text every now and then. And I have the principal's office. Yeah, the principal's office. I had some friends from beforehand that I talked to every now and then. But back then, like, I. I still felt like the weird kid. And I didn't really, like, push into those friendships as much as maybe I should have. And I didn't realize, like, who maybe was my real friend and who wasn't. And I really wanted to be friends with the cool kids, like everyone. So. October of 2013, so almost 11 years ago, I had my first suicide attempt that I was hospitalized for. It wasn't major or, well, what I would have considered major or anything. I went to the hospital. I was there like a day, and then they sent me home. And I didn't really know what it. Like, this is going to sound so fucked up, but like, I didn't really know what it took. I didn't really. I like, I like, knew that I had started to deal with suicidal thoughts around, you know, when I was 13. And then I was like, okay, I have no friends. There's no point. There's no reason that I'm alive, whatever, I want to act on this. And then someone ended up calling 91 1. And I had already done something at that point, but I ended up in the hospital. But it wasn't like severe or anything like that. Although to me it felt like. It felt like it was because I had to go to the hospital and I was there. And that caused actually a huge falling out with one of my friends because they were one of the people that called 911 and was concerned about me. And I don't know, now I'm even more isolated than I was before. And so I just returned to being myself, like. Like nothing had happened. And kids found out because they heard the teachers gossiping about it and whatever. And I told them that the police went to the wrong house. It was so. It was so traumatizing because they did make me go to the hospital and whatever, but it Was, like, a whole misunderstanding, and nothing had actually happened. And so I kind of set my sights on, like, I want to be doing better. I want to. I want to get my grades back up. I want to. I want to meet this cute boy. And I'm like, how can I make that happen? I literally made, like, what I guess we would call a dream board. And I was like, I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm changing my life. So I started to have some, you know, friends. No one that was, like, super close, but just, like, I became a little bit more extroverted. And so It's January of 2014, and I have just turned 14, and I have my sights set. I am like, I. This is the semester. I thought last semester was the semester, because now I'm in high school, but this is the semester. So I went to the principal, and I was like, can you put me in all different classes? Give me some of the mixed kids, whatever? Of course, I know I have to have the ones that are required, but can I go in some of the other classes? I convinced the principal that I needed to be in Spanish class that I knew this guy was going to be in, because, of course, this is the love of my life, and I need to meet him. And day one of Spanish class, I sit down right next to him and his friend, and I'm like, we're doing it. And then I proceed not to really talk to him for, like, I try so hard. I learned about him. Like, I learned that he wanted to be in the military, and that had been his dream since he was a kid, and he was British and his mom was foreign, and just all of these facts, and I was, like, collecting them in a notebook. I was trying to come up with ideas of how can I get this guy to talk to me more than two seconds. I had a friend that was hosting a contest of who can get the most signatures that says I love bagels on a piece of paper. And I was like, you know what I'm gonna do is I am gonna ask this guy, can you sign my paper for me? I'm gonna be super confident, and then I'm gonna just, you know, try to start talking to him. I also may or may not have faked a British accent, because when I heard that he was British, I was just like, me. Me too. Like, I'm like, oh, my God, I'm so. But, like, I made it go, like, in and out. So, like, you would think that I'm just, like, slipping into my accent. I'M so cool. I'm so mysterious, but I'm getting this guy. And so that day comes around, and he writes. He does the I love bagels. But he actually surpasses my expectations because once he heard it was a contest, he decides to change his handwriting. And. And he wrote in cursive and in big letters and whatever to make it look like a bunch of different people signed my little contest sheet. And so I ended up winning. And I was like, wow, you just, like, you're the love of my life. Oh, my God. I'm planning our wedding. So I think it was that day or, like, shortly after, where he started calling me Lexi. So I marched home that day, and I told my mom. I was like, never call me Alexa again. Like, that's not my name anymore. And it worked because the Alexa device had just come out, like the Amazon one. So I was like. I gave her that reason. Cause I wasn't about to be like.
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B
It'S cause of my new husband.
- [26:15]
A
A boy told me. So anyway, he had asked me, like, that day. He was like, do you have Facebook? Like, you know, I want to add you on Facebook. I skipped down that fucking hall afterwards. I was like, yes, I have Facebook. And I added him. And then I was like, so at work. So at work posting, I was like, it's really hard not to, like, slip into my British accent every now and then. He had cats. So I was like. And at that time, you know, I have an allergy to cats, but I was like, cats are, like, the best animal ever, and I have, like, 10 of them. And, like, I was just, like, writing shit on that wall, trying to get him to notice it. And he would throw me a, like, every now and then. But there was nothing that I could work with. But I was. I wanted this so bad. A couple days later. This is, like, February of 2014. I was in a class, and I also used to have a stress ball that would help me because I would get very anxious in school, especially after everything. So I had a stress. And some of the other students that liked to make fun of me took my stress ball and played catch with it. And I got it taken away from me. And I needed to, like, be able to fidget and do things, especially when I was anxious, and I didn't do well with, like, having that taken away. And I went to class because it was third period, and this guy had seen me, and he was like, hey, you know, what's going on? And I was like, nothing. Everything's fine. And whatever. And eventually he, like, had noticed that something was wrong. I can't remember if it was because I had told him or someone else told him. But what I do remember is that he marched down to the security office, which had my stress ball, and demanded they gave it back. And I don't think that they did. I think that the next day I showed up and he had given me a new stress ball. It just. It made me feel seen, it made me feel cared about. So I decide at that point, that's it. I'm going to message him. So I said, what happened today? Like, you know, referring to, like, the stress ball thing and whatever. I was like, what? What happened? And. And he was like, what do you mean? And, like, pretended that it had nothing to do with him. And so I used this as a gateway to sort of start talking to him. And I decided to be vulnerable with him about, like, the struggles I was having with friends and what was going on, and tell him a little bit about just, like, my life with horses and whatever he wanted to know about them. He was super interested in my life, and that meant everything to me at the time. Time. Eventually, we're chatting, and he asks me if I want to go to the movies with him. And I remember the day we went to the movies, he brought his little sister with him. And I thought she was, like, the prettiest person I've ever seen in my entire life. I was like, I guess, like, attractive runs in the family. And he didn't want her to come because it was like, I'm going on, you know, my date and my little sister has to come, but his dad had made her come and whatever. And so I was like, oh, like, how old is she? Because I. I'm spotting, like, a potential friend situation, whatever, he knows. And he was like, oh, she's 13. And I was like, oh, like, when's her birthday? And I realized that, like, we weren't even, like, a year apart. So I was like, oh, my God, like, you know, I want to be friends with her. I want to, like, be with you. You invited me on this date. Obviously you like me, like, a little bit. And where I first started noticing that things were weird with him was how he was with his sister. So she took a liking to me, too, and followed me on Instagram. He didn't have any social media, but she did. But so her and I start, like, developing a friendship. He's livid about this. He was like. And things got increasingly more violent. So he asked me to be his girlfriend. And I remember Just some weird things happening. Like this was like the first few weeks of our relationship. I had sort of decided, like, I'm gonna kiss him. I have never had my first kiss. And I remember that he had like, asked me, he was like, oh, has, you know, has anyone ever kissed you? And I was like, yeah, of course. Like, I've kissed so many people because I don't want to be like, weird. And he was just like, oh, really? Like, and then tried to kiss me. And I was like, whoa, I don't know what I'm doing here. He made me sit down and watch a how to kiss video on YouTube. And I was like, okay, he knows I'm a fucking prude. Cool. After the video ended, he was like, so, like, do you know anything about like, sex. Do you know anything about, like, sex positions? And I was like, no. Yeah. Like, I like, don't. I don't even remember what I said, but I was just like, I don't. Yeah. Yeah. And so he was like. He like made me sit with him and watch like how to do each sex position videos and like explain it. And I was just like, oh my God, this guy thinks I'm like, well. And at the time I was like, that's not weird. Like, he just thinks I'm a prude because every 14 year old has experience with this and whatever. I wasn't ready for that either because I was like, this is like our. This was our first date at my house and my sister was playing in a Barbie dream house behind us. She was six years old. And I remember him like saying really creepy things and whatever in the presence of like my six year old sister. But anyway, I had what I felt like was like a step up from everyone else. The only cool thing about me was that I had a tree house in the woods of my backyard. So I came up with this plan of like, oh, let's go on a walk. Let's like, I'm gonna have my first kiss with him at the treehouse. He doesn't know it's my first kiss, but I'm gonna be like, Super Bowl. So we do that. But one thing I remember is this treehouse is like 40ft in the air. But I was like, showing it to him. He was like, oh, isn't this. Isn't this so cool? Like I could like push you out of it and you could. You would die. And I was like, what the. Looking for a pickup truck to get just about anything done look no further the Chevy Silverado Ev isn't just the Most powerful Silverado ever with next level towing capability and technology. It also offers gameplay changing versatility with the available multiflex midgate and tailgate. Which means Silverado EV helps you carry large, bulky and oddly shaped items up to nearly 11ft in length. Chevrolet together. Let's drive. Visit Chevrolet.com to learn more. Oh, such a clutch off season pickup. Dave. I was worried we'd bring back the same team. I meant those blackout motorized shades. Limestot made it crazy affordable to replace our old blinds. Hard to install. No, it's easy. I installed these and then got some for my mom. She talked to a design consultant for free and scheduled a professional measure and install hall of fame son. They're the number one online retailer of custom window coverings in the world. Blinds.com is the goat shop. Up to 45% off select styles plus a free professional measure during the blinds.com year end. Blowout rules and restrictions may apply. What the fuck did you just say? Like, that's so, that's so weird. He was like, you'd be you, you could jump out of there. Like I'd push you out and you'd be dead in a second. And I was like, oh, that's morbid. Ha ha. Our relationship starts getting progressively weirder and more violent over the course of the next few weeks. I discovered that he is deeply racist. We were probably like three weeks in when I told him, like I wasn't, you know, I was maybe not feeling it anymore. And he told me that he has access to guns and he's going to come shoot up the entire school and that he's figured out a way to sneak a weapon through the metal detectors and that. And he knew like, I mean, obviously he's from connect it too, but he knew of like how affected I was more than anyone else. And he had known and was saying that. And I was like, well, I can't leave because I have to. Yeah, I, I have to like protect you. He would tell me he's going to kill his sister. And his sister told me that he was violently, physically and emotionally abusive towards her and towards their parents. And I was like, I, oh my God, I'm, you know, I have to like protect everyone. What am I supposed to do? He was like violent towards me too. It was like a couple weeks in when he, you know, started sexually assaulting me and telling me that like all boyfriends and girlfriends do these things and whatever. And I was like, I felt weird about it because I was like, I'm only 14 and this doesn't feel like something that I'm ready for. I don't feel, like, mature enough for this. So I tried to call off the relationship multiple times, but just never felt like I could. And I started to become friends with some of his other friends. Friends. And they were the ones that were like, yeah, no, we don't like him either. Like, I. I see that. I think he's like a loose cannon. So. So there was a girl at another school because shit was always fucking happening. They got stabbed. She was killed. It's unfortunately a pretty famous case. It was a school, like, 10 minutes away. And around that time, he starts realizing that I am, like, talking on. I had a Twitter. It was an anonymous Twitter dedicated to horses. He starts realizing I'm having more friends than maybe he knows and can control. So he decides that he is going to get Twitter. And. And we got into a huge fight because he proceeded to tweet about how, like, that girl's death wasn't a big deal. And then he tells me that he is bringing in a knife to kill me with. He already has it. We were, like, in school when this was happening. He already has it. So I'm like, I. This is too fucking much. So I went down to the principal's office and I told them. I was like, he has. He has a knife. He's gonna kill me with it. Like. And they were like, okay. Like, we'll, you know, investigate. And so they did search him, and they apparently found nothing. Later on, like, he. He, like, sent me a picture of it and was like, no, I have it. But he proceeded to, like, go on Twitter. I remember refreshing the notifications and taunt me online and be like, someone had my bag searched today. Like, I wonder what that's about. And there were a lot of very weird tweets. Oh, so he was also. I'm Jewish, and he'd post swastikas every single day. He drew one on my desk at one point. Like, I was like, this man's gonna fucking kill me. Like, he's gonna kill me. But I'm also like, I can't get out of this relationship. Like, I'm fucked. I can't get out of this relationship. So it's like, May of 2014, and a bunch of stuff has happened. He is posting insane shit on Twitter. He's talking about how he's going to kill me. He also says, like, he's going to kill someone by poisoning online. He, like, jokes about killing me with chloroform. He tells me a lot of Times in detail that I'm suicidal. So if he kills me, no one will. No, he would just make sure to do it from poisoning foreshadowing. And his little sister was my best friend in the world. And she was the first friend that I felt like that is my friend. And she introduced us to or me to a couple of her friends. They were always guys, they were always older guys. And we'll get there because, of course, they all matter to the story. So while this is going on, the principal at my school tells my parents that maybe school is just not for me, like, physical school. So he encourages my parents to homeschool me. And they always wanted to do, like, I love my parents. They always wanted to do right by me. And so they were like, okay, if she needs to go be homeschooled, then she needs to be homeschooled. What I think is really hard about it is that really, it just led me to, like, be severely educationally neglected because they didn't know. They didn't, like, teach me themselves. They got an online curriculum, and at that point in time, most of what was available was, like, super religious curriculums. That kind of opened up the door for more shit to start happening. So right before that, I, like, moved Barnes again. I was still in New Town. I still kind of had that community. I was just kind of figuring it out. But I was in this really violently abusive relationship. And I'm like, I don't know what to fucking do. When it was summertime, I tried to pretend that I wasn't allowed to see him. My parents just can't take me and whatever so that I wouldn't have to endure as much of the physical abuse because it just, like, I never felt safe. I found out later on that they never even. That my school, which I reported, like, the knife too, never even told my parents that anything was going on. That they told them that I had an issue with the student. They didn't say that there was anything with a knife. They didn't say who the student was. They did not express, like, which, like, they should have. They didn't report it to the proper authorities. They were just like, let's move on. And there were multiple times that I told them. There was a point where I actually was in a seminar in school and we were learning. I hadn't taken sex out at this point because I was very young. And we were learning about, like, sex and sexual assault. And I was like, oh, that's happening to me, like, nearly every day. Every time I see this man that is happening in the bathroom at school. That's happening. And, you know, whatever. He. So I marched down again to the principal's office, and I asked to talk to someone and I told them, and they were like, like, people have real abuse to deal with because I went to a school that was more for, like, underprivileged youth, and there were students who, like, needed CPS regularly and. And couldn't. So they were like, you expect me to believe, like, you're 14 years old and you're in an abusive relationship that you're too scared to leave? Like, sure. And I had met this other girl that I was now friends with. She had a boyfriend. She had a new boyfriend. And this guy was older. He is, like, five years older than her. She's around my age, so that puts him in adulthood. And he. He decides that he wants to be friends with me too. So I'm like, okay, I have my friend group with, like, this guy's sister, and I have my friend group with, like, you know, my barn best friend and. And her boyfriend and whatever. And he was introducing me to new people. So she told me. She was like, you could tell him anything, by the way. Like, he's great, you know, because he's so much. He was in college. Like, she went to his college graduation because he was, like, already a senior at that point. Point when she was a freshman in high school. Like, he's, like, about to be 21 at that time, and we're 14 years old. She's a little bit older than me, but this guy, it starts to be my vault for information. I start to tell him everything, along with my new horse trainer who I've been riding with for the last couple of months. And he. And she, like, I can't even express how fucked up this situation gets, but he starts to, like, like, be very weird with me. Do you remember when, like, early Snapchat used to tell you who was best friends with whatever? I remember what happened was they, like, had that list. Yes, you could see it. But also, like, when you went to send a Snapchat to people, remember, like, you could just send to, like, who was on your best friend list? So I was one of his best friends. And I was driving to my boyfriend's house this one day when I get a Snapchat from him, and. And I open it and it is a dick pic. And I left it open because I was like, okay. And a couple minutes later, I get this text. I get this text from him, and he is like, oh, my God. Lexi, I meant to send this to, you know, her and whatever, but just because you're on the best friends list and whatever. And I was like, oh. Like, that's totally fine. And he. And he was like. I was like, I'm not gonna. Like, whatever. Cool. He was like, well, now that you've seen it, what do you think of it? And I was like, I think you have a girlfriend and I have a boyfriend, and I. No. And so he was like, oh, come on. Like, we've always been closer than we're supposed to be. And I was like, no. And I thought that would be the end of it. And then it just kept happening. So there was a point in time where he convinced me. He was like, you don't need, like, that abusive loser. And you don't. Because I was like, I'm. If I lose him, then I'm gonna lose her, too. Like his sister and whatever. He was. So this other guy was like, you don't need that abusive loser. Like, you know, whatever. And I could help you, like, make more friends. And he tells me that the way that he's gonna help me make more friends. And even if I wanted to stay friends with her and her friend group and whatever I could was if I sent him pictures of my outfits every day when they're on my body in every angle. Sent him videos, twirl around. Do you know, he was like, you have to do that because you dress like shit and you have no style and whatever. I'm gonna be like, you're, like, gay bestie. And, like, you know. And so I was like, oh, okay. Like, yeah, because it does seem like kids are always making comments on my clothes when I'm not in my uniform. And, like, whatever. Meanwhile, he's, like, still sending me fucking dick pictures. And I'm still convinced, genuinely, that, like, you're just doing this by accident and you have, like, fat thumbs and they keep slipping. And then one day, I was doing it, and I sent him, like, the pictures, which, like, his girlfriend knew about, by the way. Like, it wasn't, like, if I had thought something was wrong or that I was doing something wrong, I wouldn't have. She wouldn't have known, like, obviously. But that wasn't my intention. And he sent me a jacking off video with it. And so I was like, okay, you're pushing the boundaries a little bit, and whatever. And so I had said, you know, I don't want to. Like, I'm gonna have to, you know, tell her or whatever. And so I decided to check in with my horse trainer and ask her like, should I, should I tell? Like, there's this guy, first of all, he has a girlfriend. I have a boyfriend. The girlfriend's my friend. She also rides here I am, he's older than me, like so much older than me. And I'm uncomfortable and like whatever. This woman tells me that this is so flattering. You've been a loser your entire life. Like why wouldn't you be excited about this older guy that's paying attention to you? I had braces. She was like, you have braces for crying out loud. You think, think most, most girls with grace braces like that are like 14 years old are pulling guys in their 20s. Do you really think that's happening? And I will say that in the equestrian industry, things like pedophilia are swept under the rug often. Most people that I knew when I was younger that rode have some sort of sexual abuse story in the industry, a lot of which came from trainers. I will also say that my horse trainer at one point taught me how to give a blowjob. She always commented on my body and so like she was very inappropriate with, with me and whatever, but I was like haha, she, she was like 70 years old. It's like she's like a sweet old lady. She was also starving my horses at the same time. Like I, I have pictures of it. I've posted them on TikTok, I've posted them on Instagram. My horses were emaciated when they ended up leaving that barn. We had to full on escape from there, there. But I, I was like, she knows best because. And so I asked her too. I was like, should I like wait for a little bit, should I tell my parents about this? Like she was like no. She also told me that if I had reported or told anyone that this guy was sending me like jacking off videos and doing weird things and making me uncomfortable and whatever, that he would go to prison for pedophilia. And she was like, why would you want him to suffer just because you're more mature than everyone else? And I was like, oh, okay, yeah, that makes sense. That was, that was the adult in my life. I am now homeschooled. You now have like this access to me, whatever. And this guy, the older guy was like even worse. I later would find out he's a serial pedophile. I personally know at least 15 girls that he sexually assaulted while they were minors. I know one of those people is actually a family member of his, his. He was very interested and Obsessed with beastiality. And he would tell me that if I ever. If I tell anyone else that he's going to sexually abuse my horses, it's going to be my fault. But that also was a part of our conversation. So eventually he progressed, and it did become very physical. He would, like, come to my house in the middle of the night and sneak in. And he was obsessed with the idea of getting me pregnant. And. And there were also just rules for, like, anything he did. Like, I wasn't allowed to shave because he wanted me to look as prepubescent as possible. And he did say that to me. He told me that he was only attracted to me because I was young, I was a child, and, like, these. A lot of these things were said on Snapchat, and I actually have, like, screen recordings of them, screenshots, whatever. But at the time, I was like, this is weird, but, like, weird in the sense I'm sending it to my friends. Weird in the sense, like, I don't fucking know. But I also remember spending, like, hours researching, like, like, what are Romeo and Juliet laws? What are the laws of consent? Am I, like, technically consenting to this? Like, I haven't even reached the age of consent. And all of this is going on. And it went on for. For years that he was dealing or he was doing that to me and other girls and whatever. But the way I looked at it is the other girls didn't have the added, they have an abusive boyfriend. They kind of just had him. So not that that wasn't traumatic, but I kind of felt like I could protect them physically by, like, offering myself up. So there were times where, like, on, you know, a girl, one of my friends, or, like, one of the other girls would call me and would be like, he has threatened me with this. And whatever. A vivid memory I have was my friend calling me and telling me he told them that he was going to beat the shit out of them and that he was on their way and whatever, because he hacked their Facebook account and found out that they, like, had chatted with another guy or something and they were supposed to be with him, and that I made up, like, a lie that I had. I had hacked her Facebook because I'm jealous. I'm jealous that you're talking to other girls, and I'm jealous of this whole thing knowing full well that that was going to result in him turning around and assaulting me because of. Because of what had happened. I don't think I understood how bad it was and how much I did not have things under control. My boyfriend's sister, you know, she was introducing me to friends, and there was a certain point when I was about, you know, 14 years old, or maybe I was, like, about to be 15, when she decided to start introducing me to smoking weed. She was like, you're always going through a lot, and this. This is gonna help you. Like, you know, I tried it with her over a year before my attack, and I was like, yeah, you know, I like this. And then it just became something that I. That I did all the time. That's. That was, like, a coping mechanism for me. I made friends with. With that whole crowd. And, I mean, I knew everyone kind of before I had met them when I was, like, 14. But this was the first time where I would have been like, we're all best friends. We're a friend group. I have two friend groups, actually. It's the friend. Two fucking abusive friend groups. One of them, like, the one with the guy who's like a predator, like, that was like a pedophile ring. Like, all of his friends passed the girls around there. All of the guys were adults. We were all getting passed around. We were going to bonfires, and it was like a whole game of, like, who's gonna go with who? And, like, whatever. And I had no idea how horrific that was and how damaging that was. And then when I was dealing with, like, my boyfriend in that friend group, which my boyfriend didn't know that there were, like, other people coming in, he would have isolated the shit out of me even more. You know, I had to try to kind of get creative in the ways that I was hiding from him, that I wasn't completely isolated, but because he would kill me, like, that's. That's what it felt like. That's what it felt like was at stake and really what was at stake. Yeah. And it just helped me deal with the abuse. And. But I remember that there was a point where, like, my boyfriend, her brother, had found out and just like, teared into her room and was screaming and freaking out and was blaming me for it because I was like, this is entirely my fault. And then eventually he realized that it made me a hell of a lot more tolerant to what he was doing to me, because if I was high before, you know, being assaulted, I was a lot calmer.
- [49:27]
B
So at this point, how long were you with him?
- [49:29]
A
Like, a year. Okay, maybe a little bit less. It was like, this is, like, late 2014, early 2015. So I am trying to end this relationship, and they go away. They go Overseas. And my feelings about the relationship started to be complicated because there was a certain point where I feel like I had developed almost like. It's almost like a Stockholm syndrome. It was almost like, I hate you, but I love you because you're all I've had for so long. And you're not this guy. You're not a guy that, like. Because, like, it was very easy for me to notice that the guy that was a predator was. There was something off. Another obsession he had was, like, me having sex with his brothers, me being gang raped. And I was like, I know. I don't. I know. I don't like that. I know. I'm not into that. I don't really like you that much either, because you're really mean to me, and you're always threatening me, and you do force me to do a lot of things, and. But, like, you're not that guy. There was one time where I was FaceTiming him, and I noticed that he had condoms in his bag, and there was a girl there that he had mentioned being cute. And I was like, why the fuck would you go overseas and, like, bring condoms and, like, whatever? And, I mean, likely, like, he was cheating. His sister was also the one that told me she was trying to cause issues with us a lot, which I didn't. I. At that time, I was like, she just wants me to get out of this relationship because she knows. She's such a good friend. She knows how bad this is, and she wants him to, like, leave me. Because that's how I felt like it had to happen. Like, he's gonna leave me. Just. Shit kept falling apart. Like, I probably should have noticed back then how his sister was backstabbing me constantly, but I interpreted it as like, she's his sister. She ended up telling her brother that I had. I had cheated on him and whatever, knowing that he would hurt me. When they got back from being overseas, it was both of them that was there. He was going away to start military school, and I kind of was like, okay, like, things could end here. Like, we could have a reasonable end, you know? But I also, like. It had been going on for so long that I didn't remember who I was without it, where I probably should have realized, like, shit hit the fucking fan. It was September of 2015, and I had gotten this message on Facebook from this person that it was a fake account, but it was a person that had all of the mutual friends of those people and whatever. So I was like, oh, it's probably like, a new Girl who wants to message me and whatever. And so they started chatting with me. I was like, oh, okay. Like this is so nice. I'm making another friend. I didn't actually know this person. I asked my best friend, like, did you do you know them? And she had said yes. So I was like, okay. This person proceeds to send me a bunch of naked photos of myself and tell me that they are going to put them on the Internet, on child porn websites. They are going to post them around the school that I used to go to. Everyone is going to see that. And these photos are very particular in the sense that they weren't like, they weren't like photos that I, that were taken with the intent of like, like being sexy or whatever. They were body checking photos. And my ex had an obsession with my body and I had dealt with a lot of eating issues before we were in a relationship. But he would like, he was obsessed with just like making me smaller all the time. He would always tell me I was too fat, you know, call me like a piggy, just like whatever. And oftentimes if he thought that like I, I maybe wasn't looking as I should, he would make me send him body checking photos. So the fact it was those photos was kind of like made me raise an eyebrow. But I, I like still, I never thought the fucking worst of people. And that was like stupid of me. But so anyway, those photos got posted of me online. It went from a threat to very quickly being like, if you don't send more, I'm gonna post these, you know, online and whatever to they were on my Facebook account. This person posted them on my wall. And then I was getting contacted by people that like they had individually messaged them just things that they had of me. And I was just like, how do you have this? And they told me that they had hacked my icloud. And I was like, oh yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Like, not really, but anyway, it was the weekend that he had his phone back for the first time in over a month. And didn't strike me as odd that, you know, he has, he has access to his phone and he's also probably the only person that had access to those photos. That's, that's not weird, that's not suspicious. After the photos got sent around, eventually someone called my mom. It was like 1:00 in the morning and my mom found out and she called the police and was like, someone needs to come report because someone is like trying to extort my daughter because they are telling her she doesn't send more photos. Like, you know, and these photos are already online. Like, who knows where they are? And the police officer comes and, you know, takes the statement and basically is like, like, okay, so, like, do you know this person? Like, and I'm like, well, no, they. They know, like, my best friend. And they were like, well, you should probably call your best friend. And I was like, okay, yeah, but, like, what do we do about it? And they were like, well, nothing. Like, this is like a kid probably just, you know, having fun. Like. And they were like, you can change your password on icloud so this doesn't happen again. I was like, what do we do about the fact that these photos are, like, public? And she was like, well, you probably shouldn't have taken them. That's, you know, that's kind of on you. And I actually later on last year, went and got the police report and like, she wrote down pretty much that. That exact story. Like, you were cautioned about changing your password. You were told that this is the consequences of your own actions. And maybe don't, you know, send these photos to people or have an easy to guess password or whatever. Don't take these photos. And I was just devastated. I was like, like, everyone has now seen this vulnerable stuff. And then I found out over time, because random men would message me that, like, it definitely went further than that. And the police did not give a fuck. They didn't do anything. And I started to lean on my mom a lot more in that moment because this was the first time she really knew of anything. This was the first time I was like, okay, you kind of have an idea of not exactly what's going on. I didn't tell her, you know, who could have done it. I didn't tell her any of that. But I was like, I'm leaning on you a little bit. I noticed also. Another thing that was weird is that my best friend started to pull away a lot from me. So initially we were supposed to be flying down to see there's, like, a basic training period and I guess, like, in military school, don't fully know how it works, but we were supposed to be flying down to see her brother the weekend that he, like, had his, like, graduation, and he came back and he broke up with me. And he was like, you're such a. You definitely sent that picture to everyone. Like, I was really upset. I was upset by the breakup. We broke up, and then his sister started pulling away from me. And I thought that it was maybe because she didn't want to be in the middle of everything. But then when I, like, as I got older and I put those time timelines up, I'm like, so the photos leaked the day he is. Has his phone for the first time, and then the week of our, like, breakup and everything, which happened in October. Like, you. All of a sudden, you haven't wanted to break up with me in years, and now all of a sudden, you do want to break up with me because of these photos, which, like, wasn't the worst thing. Like, a lot of things happened throughout our relationship, and I was like, that's like, because you need to support me. It was just confusing. And then I tried to, like, lean on his sister, and she was, like, pulling away from me more than ever. Like, not answering my text messages, not. Whatever. So there was another incident with another girl that she was friends with where they both overdosed on Benadryl. And the incident happened, like, during school hours, and the girls almost died and got transported to hospital. And I was kind of the person that she reached out to after. After that happened. She was like, you know, I've been going through this hard time and whatever. And it was, like, this explanation now, it probably should. I should have again raised my eyebrow that, like, another girl almost died because of you, but, like, she'd also taken the. The medicine and was in the hospital, too, and whatever. Their family was awful. Like, they were. There was always yelling. There was always fighting in that household. Just so much going on. And she told me that her mom, like, didn't want her anymore. Like, and I know that they were. They had been talking for a while about what, we're not gonna be able to keep you and whatever. And I was just like, this is so heartbreaking. Like, this girl's like, you know, 15 years old. And my family actually decided. My mom, who loved her like her own, was like, if that happens, like, I will fill out a foster care application. I will, you know, try with everything in me to get her placed into her house. Like, I would adopt her. This is my daughter. Like, my mom felt very strongly about her, too, and just, like, having her in our lives, not really knowing. Knowing the extent of kind of what was going on. And I let a lot off because of what happened, you know, because I was like, you're in a difficult spot. Your parents are awful to you, and your brother is horrifically abusive and whatever. And you're probably just, like, you feel stuck. And I'm like, she's so. Like, she's misunderstood, and I'm all she has and the. Our other friends are all she has, and she probably just wants to lean in more to them than she does to me because, like, I. I'm closer to her age, and I'm more relatable and, like, whatever. And she sees, like, I have, like, a happy family life, and it just. I. I made so many excuses, and I was like, it's because of this. And I remember when she really broke my heart was the day of my 16th birthday, November 25, because she didn't text me. She didn't text me. She never said happy birthday. And I was like, I just wanted. I wanted you to acknowledge me. And so I had kind of made the decision of I was gonna let it be what it is. So I decide November. I'm taking this tolerance break. I'm waiting for this girl to come back and see if she's still, you know, if she still wants to be my best friend and whatever in the be. So she does come back, but at first, she doesn't really acknowledge that she had, like, missed my birthday, which felt so big to me. And she invited me to just hang out with, like, the guys and smoke and whatever. Like, you know, like, we always do. This is a week before my attack. So she invites me to this thing. I was like, all right, cool. And I remember this day was very interesting. We all had smoked together. I do remember just feeling a lot, lot more like. Was like, I'm very. Just felt very high and. But, like, nothing was wrong. Like, it wasn't. It wasn't, like, major. But she used to date this guy. Her first boyfriend was the son of a police officer, and I think he was the captain. And this guy was, like, horrific, awful, so abusive. So I felt like she kind of understood what I was going through. And there was a point where she actually asked me to, like, become friends with him. But her reasoning for wanting me to become friends with him was because she wanted me to capture him doing something bad so that they could send it to the dean of students, where he went to school so that his father would, like, disown him, and then he would be left to do nothing but kill himself. And so I was like, you just, like, asked me to participate and, like, help it. I know this guy's a piece of. But, like, you want me to, like, help you kill him? Like, I'm. At that time, I was, like, 15 years old. So she started kind of being friends with that guy again and then telling me a little bit more of, like, oh, she was just being dramatic. And he's actually not that bad and like blah, blah, blah. And so I was like friends with him. I would say loosely. We all kind of were. So anyway, he. We're hanging out at like our typical friends houses. That guy's not there. So there's two boys, me, her. We got high and there were just like a lot of, a lot of things that were weird. For example, I remember hearing her talk me. She was on the stairs and she was talking to one of the guys and I heard her just like she was like, she's still fucking upset over like over my brother and whatever. And it's been like a whole month or like it was. It's been like two months. Like maybe like she could be upset for like two days, maybe even two weeks. But like whatever. She's so pathetic. And. And she was always like. I don't think I realized at the time that she would just make fun of me all the time. I would describe that day as like, weird, weird vibes. Like I was like, it was, it was just weird. It just felt. I felt like something was off. And these were people that I had like spent almost every day with for a period of time. And. But I'm like, ah, we haven't seen each other in a while. Like that's why, that's why it's weird. So I actually called her out and I kind of was like, you're taking my vulnerability and you're just like exploiting it for like a guy's attention. Like I was pissed off, but this is my best friend. And I'm also like, this happens. Like I have seen shit like that happening my entire life where like, oh, sometimes girls like when they're going through puberty and they're getting older, like that's just what I thought it was. I was kind of like, whatever, you're being shitty to me. But cool. But also I became super aware of everything. Like shit got very real very fast that day. So I became aware of the fact that like I had always known that the boys had extensive history with like smoking weed and were like maybe dealing things or whatever. I don't think I fully understood what it was. I remember I was sitting at the kitchen table and I was, I was just, you know, chatting, shooting the shit with them. I was like, oh, you know, how's this going? And that one of them had said to me, he was like, oh, I'm dealing with like a 15 year old kid with a pill problem now. And I was like, oh, I'm so sorry. Like, whatever. And he Was like, no. Like, it's just I can't provide him enough. And I was like, oh, like, you. You sell pills. Okay. There was a point in that night where they told us that someone would be coming over related to their dealing and that we had to go hide in the bathroom and that we literally climbed into the cabinet in the bathroom. And looking back, I probably should have been like, that's fucking weird. So that that night kind of concludes with. It was just weird, but nothing, like, major happened. I go back to the girl's house and I kind of like, mentioned, like, I didn't mention that she forgot my birthday, but I, like, kind of. I had brought up something about I had gotten a purse for my birthday and I was like, telling her that and whatever. And I think it clicked for her that, like, she had totally forgotten my birthday because a couple days later I get a text that's like, hey, do you want to come, like, hang out with us? We're going to do the same thing. We're going to go to one of the guys houses, smoke some weed, like, have some fun, but it'll be for your birthday. And I was like, absolutely, yes. And I remember I ran into my mom's room and I was like, can I go? And my mom was like, no, absolutely not. You're not going near that person. Because I just. I don't like. I just don't like it. Forgot to include the detail that my mom stopped liking her. And she stopped liking her because of the birthday thing, because she was like, all right, well, like, if this girl wants to go and lean in with the wrong friend group, she's really gonna, like, have to lean on my daughter forever. Like, there were just a lot of things that I think was like, it was just very parental. Why she stopped feeling so maternal towards her and wanting to. Wanting to include her in everything and whatever. And I was like, oh, come on. Like, like, it's for my birthday. And she's like, okay, like, I guess because she's finally acknowledging your birthday. It took took her long enough, but when she had asked me. So I got attacked on a Saturday, and when she had asked me to hang out, it was Friday night. And she said some things that, like, were weird. She said, you have to get all dressed up because one of the guys, one of our guy friends, he has a little thing for me. And I also owe her a favor and she has some, like, tension with him and whatever, and I need to pay her back this favor. And also she thinks that could be really good for me that I'm like going out on a. Or like having like a little date. And that guy was kind of like, he was cute. I kind of knew he liked me. He was older than me, but I was like, whatever. Maybe she's right. Like, my best friend knows best, but she tells me you have to look super attractive. And I was like, what do you mean? She was like, you need to wear a thong. You need to wear like a push up bra. Dress completely not like yourself, lots of makeup on. Like you need to, you need to look a certain way and it needs to, it's not you. And I was like, okay, like, I'll do my best. And that hurt my feelings really bad. And I had sort of told my mom a little bit of that because like I said, we were starting to be closer. And I was like, mom, you know, and my mom was like, why the does she care what you're wearing to your own birthday party? Like, And I was like, well, I don't know. So I just wore something that made me feel pretty. And it was these like black pants and this like cropped sweatshirt thing. It was turquoise. And I put my makeup on and I had my, my coach purse that my mom got me for my birthday, which didn't really match the outfit. But my mom was like, girls purses don't match the outfit all the time. Like, it's fine because it felt special and I wanted to wear it. And I was so excited because I was like, this is something think she's gonna think is so cool. Like, that's what I thought at least. So I go to her house. My mom was going to a gymnastics meet that day with my, my youngest sister, who's seven or eight at the time. So like, what was happening at my birthday birthday party that wasn't real was that we were gonna go to the movies and we're gonna spend all day watching movies and it was just gonna be great. And then like, I was probably gonna sleep over and like, whatever, whatever. So I get dropped off at her house and another thing she told me is make sure you don't eat, like, because you don't want to. You don't want to, like, look not great in front of the guys and whatever. And then they had gotten Chinese food and her mom really wanted me to eat the Chinese food and I didn't, but I was like, like pretending to. And it was just, it was just a whole thing. And she had a friend with her that day and that friend wasn't coming to the party with so as soon as I walked through the door, she audibly gasped at my outfit. She was like, ugh. And was like, you thought that was like, okay to wear and whatever. She's like, now I'm gonna have to find you something for my closet and whatever. And so she just, like, pulled a bunch of shit out of. She had just done her laundry, and she pulled a bunch of shit out, and it was a maroon sweater, a different pair of, like, black pants. And. And she was like, just like, change. Change your whole outfit. Like, whatever. You look horrific. And. And then I remember, like, I had done my makeup, but. And she made me sit in front of a mirror in her room and just kept saying, like, keep applying more mascara. Keep. You know, if you think you have enough, you don't have enough. Keep applying more. So I remember just, like, I left the house, I had, like, a whole makeup look on that just did not feel authentic to me. I did not feel like myself. I also. I don't like the color maroon. I didn't like it. I didn't like what I was wearing. But she was like, oh, it compliments your eyes. And I actually think there was a reason that she, you know, chose to dress me in that color. But she had. Had said all of this stuff, and I was like, this is my best friend. When her dad dropped. Dropped us off, and she was being super weird about the idea of me smoking. So randomly she had told me, now, mind you, we smoked the week before together, and everything was fine, but randomly, she had told me. She was like, my parents told me that they're going to start drug testing me and whatever. And, like. So I decided, like, I'm not gonna. I'm not participating. And I was like, okay. She's like, but you're still going to. Like, I don't want. I don't want them to think we're lame and whatever. Like, you have to. And. But she asked me so many times that day if I was gonna smoke, because I had been like, oh, it'll be like, we don't need to smoke. Like, we. We could just have fun, like, you know, chatting. And I love. I'm just excited to be around you guys, and I'm excited that you're, like, celebrating me and we. Whatever. And she just kept asking me. She was like, no, no, no. You have to. Like, this is your special day, and I don't. And I was like, all right, like, whatever. I'm going to. So I figured out the timeline of everything based off of my Snapchat stories. So I posted a Snapchat story when I was in the car. And it's like a selfie, but then like the next one was of course a picture of the road. So I found out that was posted at 1:54pm and so judging by where we were on the road, that was like 15 minutes. It would be like 15 minutes to our location and then it was like about a five minute walk. The timeline's important when you think of how compressed everything is, because what I will tell you is that I. Based on the 911 call, that 911 call was made at 2:44pm so this all happened, like me getting there and walking to their house and whatever. Like everything I'm about to explain had to have happened in an extreme short period of time. But anyway, so I. We walk over to the house. She keeps saying things to me, whatever.
- [70:35]
B
So it's just you and her at this point?
- [70:36]
A
Yeah. And so we get up to the house. There's the two boys. I had actually never been to this guy's house, but he was like one of my best friends, but we'd always hung out at like another. Another friend's house or in the woods or whatever. And so you walk in. His room was like, very trippy. There was a table in the middle. There was a chair, like right here. It was a small space. There was a chair, chair right here. Which one of the guys was sitting on? The guy whose house it was was sitting across from me. And then we sat down. I can't remember if it was a bed or a couch or something, but there was something at the side of the room that me and my female best friend sat down on. And so we start chatting and I immediately shoot my eyes towards. The guy that she wanted me to flirt with is sitting over right here. So I immediately shoot my eyes towards him. And I'm like cracking jokes and whatever, trying to do the things that she told me that I was supposed to do. And very quickly they, like, get the, you know, weed out. And what was weird about it is that, like, I have now kind of grasped the fact a little bit that, like, these guys are dealers and they had like a whole growing room at the other guy's house. And I knew they did at this house for, like, where they had their weeds. So, like, they had. They had weed. And so the table was filled with like bong pieces and bongs and whatever. And he picks up a water bottle. Bong. It literally was like a Poland spring water, water bottle. I remember just being like, oh, charming. Like, haha. And I had even cracked a joke about, like, you're gonna give me, like, the not nice stuff and whatever. As I look back and retell this story, I'm always like, there were so many signs. Oh, my God. So he gives me. He, like, has this water bottle bong and he's like, loading it up. And so I remember they were like, okay, so, like, are we smoking? And he kind of looks at me and everyone's looking around at each other. There were just like, weird vibes. And I even made some comments about, like, what the fuck is up with you guys? Why are you, like. Your eyes are like, all dancing between each other. You're so weird. And they just felt nervous. And I was like, it's because we really haven't been together this close and this intimately in so long. Like, last week we had a whole house to ourselves. This, like, we're just in this guy's room now. And so she. They're like, so. So, like, are we smoking? Like, they make like an movement. And the girl is like, lexius. Lexi is. And he was like, okay, like, cool and whatever. And she's like, I'm not. And I was like, well, I don't have to either. And they both, like, kind of were like, no, no, like. And it was just weird. Very, very weird. And even then I was like, okay, you're fucking weird. Like, what's going on here? So he puts this water bottle bong together, he assembles it and he lights it up and he, likes, has his thumb over it and he hands it to me and he's like, ladies first. And I was like, okay. So I, you know, take it. And I, like, inhaled a hit. Everyone's face was just, like, dropped. Like, like terror. And I was like. Cause I start coughing, like, aggressively coughing. Like, I've never seen them look that white. They just were looking at each other. And I was like, what's going on? And he was like, no, nothing. I just. I didn't. I didn't think you were gonna inhale it for that long. I was like, you smoke with me all the time, like. And I made a comment very specifically, remember? I was like, what, you think I can't hang? And he was like, no, it's just. That's some fire shit. And I was like, all right. The fuck does that mean? Okay. But I kind of just was like, moving on, but I'm still coughing. And so I was like, can I have, like, you know, some water or. He said like, let me get you some Water. I know that he brought water in because that's one of the last things that, like, was, like, super clear to me. And my vision started to kind of like, black. Black box. It felt like when you hold an iPhone this way and you have the, like, boxes on the end, it just felt all boxed in. I was like, this is so weird. We're, like, a minute into this, and I'm trying to, like, keep my. Keep my composure, like, whatever. He gives me the water. I have, like, a couple sips of it. And now we're probably on minute two when I realize. I don't realize, actually. I am no longer. I am no longer in that room mentally. I am actually with my grandmother, my great grandmother, who is dead. Who's dead. And of course, it's very alarming to be like, oh. But it felt like. When you. Have you ever caught yourself in a dream and been like, oh, I'm dreaming, and whatever. You know, that second, like, before you catch yourself where, like, you're kind of, like, watching your dream and, like, it doesn't make sense, but it's not that weird. And, like, yeah, so that's kind of how it felt. I. I felt like I was there, and it just was like, yep, this just is. This just is. It just exists. It's not. There's not anything complicated to it. And I was with my, you know, grandmother. There was just something so weird. I was like, we hadn't seen each other. She died when I was three. And. But, like, I distinctly remember her face. I remember so much, and she was just being weird, and I was just like, this just is what it is. Like, I'm. You know, And I guess I thought I was dreaming or something. I was calling. The dream got increasingly more scary. It was like I was having a nightmare, and she kept shouting at me and was like, alexa, do you. Do you remember falling asleep? Do you remember falling asleep? And. And I kept hearing that over and over in my head. I was like, do I remember falling asleep? Like, what the fuck? And I'm like, why is she asking that? And, like, why do I feel weird? And, like, I. I looked down, like, at my hands and tried to, like, splay them, and then they, like. Like, literally, it was just the weirdest nightmare. Like, everything turned to fire around me. And then I saw spiders and. And then there were, like, rats hallucinating. Yeah. So. So basically, I. It just. The dream kept getting weirder. It kept. Kept getting weirder. And I was like, do I remember falling asleep? Do I. Like. And I kept asking Myself that I was like, she said that. And why would I have not. And then I felt like I kept getting hit. Like I had a pain in my jaw and then a pain in my ribs. And then a. Like I was like, why? It's almost like something is like hitting me. It's almost like, whatever. And then there it was just there. It just kind of like appeared. Where like. Like that moment where you're like, I know I'm. Oh, fuck. Like, I figured it out. I'm in a dream. My brain is like, you're not dreaming, you are hallucinating. You're hallucinating. And as soon as I did that, I kind of opened my eyes. Whenever I tell this part of the story, I think people forget, first of all, how trauma works. And that trauma has a way of making us have trouble with our memory and whatever. And also that I was on substances as it was happening. That doesn't make what I remember of it less valid. It does not make. But I think people oftentimes will pick apart exactly my retelling of every story and be like, oh, well, this and that and whatever. And I try to make it very clear, explicitly state like, this is just my memories, what I remember to have happened. And I am retelling it, you know, as it's appearing in my brain today. It's not necessarily going to be a perfect retelling because, I mean, this isn't court. I don't remember everything perfectly 100% of the time, but I remember just like, pain and realizing that, like, something was hitting me. I felt like I was like flip flopping. I kept, like, they kept, I guess, grabbing my hair because, like, it was like, I felt like someone like pulled my hair and like, the feeling of, like, it goes backwards like that. And then I was like flipping all over the place. I just remember hearing one of them scream, yo, chill. And then I was like on the. I was on the floor and I kind of like tried to fight to get back. And there was a period of time where one of them, the guy had me up against a wall and he was like pressing into my neck, like, strangling me. And I was like, I at that point was like, I'm. I'm going to fucking die. I'm going to fucking die. Stop. Like, please. And I was like hyperventilating really bad because, you know, you're being strangled against a wall. And he was like, everyone fucking hates you. They're gonna be so happy when you're dead. What? You know, And I was just like, I kept, like, trying to close my eyes. Being like, this is, like, part of, like, the, you know, hallucination or whatever, but, like, that. It was. It was a physical feeling. It was. It was different than, like, that dreamlike feeling. I was like, this is physical, and they are. They are hurting me. My phone was, like, on the table. And I remember I looked over at my phone, and it just kind of, like, hit me. I was like, okay, I have an iPhone, you know, which means that it's class. I'm gonna go like, I need to get out of here. I need to get the fuck out of here. So I'm gonna grab the iPhone and I'm gonna, like, shatter it against the table or something, and I'm gonna use the glass to, like, defend myself. And so I kind of try to, like, rush that way and grab my phone, which my phone did break. But, like, again, I don't. It's not like I remember snapshots and whatever. It's never been, like, a movie to me. I remember seeing that there was an open window and that I kind of was like, well, I'm gonna die here anyway. You know, I knew we were on, like, the second or third store story. I was like, if I jump out this window some, like, I might die. I might break some bones or whatever, but at least I'm dying on my own terms because they're gonna kill me here. And. And it became super clear, especially when, like, he was holding my neck, that I was like, they want you dead. They hate you. Like, I could see it in his eyes. And I, like, tried to look over at my best friend. I tried to beg her to stop him. I tried to ask the other guy. No one was bugged. Lodging. And it was like, just this feeling I've never felt before. I was on the. You know, I ended up on the floor again. And I am trying to figure out how I can, like, get up, how I can get out of here and whatever. And at some point, the guy whose house it was, his mom, you know, opens the door and is like, what. You know, what's going on here? And he is like, well, she's just. You know, she's having a bad trip and whatever. And when he said that, I was like, what the fuck? Am I tripping? You don't trip on weed. What the fuck am I tripping on? He was like, she's just being violent because, you know, there was. There was glass on the floor. There were like, my. Oh, yeah. So once I realized that, like, I was. I was being Murdered, like. And let me make this super clear. Like, I. I knew. I was like, I am. You are killing me. Like, you know that this is a dangerous situation. There's no. There's no like, if or question in my mind. I'm like, I am in danger. So I remember I had, like. I don't. I think it was like, either I watched a true crime documentary or something, but I decided that I was like, well, you're gonna, like, die here. And someone had told me that if that ever. If you ever find yourself in that situation, which, of course, who thinks they're going to make sure you taint the room with your DNA. So I was trying to be everywhere in that room, and I, like, grabbed, like, chunks of my hair out and I, like, put them all over the floor and was just trying, like, I was, like, making a mess there. I had heard from one of them that I ripped, like, that he had a gaming console out of the. Out of the wall. Because what do you do? You're fighting for your life. And I don't know if she had just gotten home or if she was asleep downstairs or whatever. I do kind of recall he'd said, like, you're gonna wake the neighbors up when they, you know, they were, like, trying to cover my mouth and make me quiet. And I remember him making a comment to my best friend about, like, you said she was going to be quiet. And I was just in so much pain when his mom walks in the room and I just see her feet, and I've never met her, by the way. He says, you know, she's like, this is what's happening. And whatever. And he's like, but we're going to leave soon. And I was like, no, I'm going to. I'm going to die here. Like, he's. They're going to take me off this property. I'm going to die. Like. And I'm trying to, like. I can't make my voice, like, come out. It's kind of. It was just a mess. And she sat. Says something that will always stick with me forever, which is, she needs to leave. She's not allowed to die here. And just kept repeating, she's not allowed to die on my property. Get her off. She's not allowed to die on my property. Because I was like, you just walked in on your son attacking someone. And you're like. And she, like, said things that made me so aware, you know, your son's a piece of shit, and you don't want the leaves. Legal trouble from it. I actually did later find out that he was facing charges because he had pulled a knife on his ex girlfriend and told her that he was going to kill her and that he had also assaulted a police officer. So he had. She had said, like, something about he was in enough trouble. And that kind of was one of the things that prompted me later on to look him up. But to be completely honest with you, I didn't think any needed to Google my friends, especially being so young. I didn't. I didn't know that, like, when I googled his name, it was going to be like, you know, this happened. So she kicks me out. She, like. And I like, leap up from the floor, and I'm like, down the stairs, and I run out, you know, run to the door, and I grab, like, the door handle. And I, like, heard my best friend up there, like, kind of, like, arguing with them because, like, I said, I was on, like, the second or third story. I know I had to, like, run down some stairs. And I hear her, like, just talking about, like, I'm so sorry and whatever, and I grabbed the door handle because I'm like, I'm getting the fuck out of here. She must have, like, gotten there faster. Like, maybe I wasn't moving as fast as I thought. Grabs my hand and digs her fingernails in, and I, like, open the door and I just, like, pull out of her grip and walk out. And she was like, do you even know where you are? Do you even know? And, like, just starts, like, taunting me. And I was like, no, but like, I. I know what you did. I know you tried to hurt me. I know this. And she's just, like, laughing in my face, and she tells me. There are a couple sentences that I have since that moment. Like, they ring in my ears. I've never been able to forget them. This was another one which was, you're high and you're having fun. Get back inside side. Because I was like, I'm not. I'm not having fun. I'm not. This is not fun. What are you saying? She really wanted me to not leave that. Leave that house. And then she kept saying, like, you're. You're making a scene and whatever. And at this time, of course, it, like, that's why I explained the timeline earlier on, because at this time, it felt like so long has passed, when in reality it was probably only a couple minutes. It was maybe five or 10 minutes that I was in that house. You know, I'm now out on the street. But as soon as she said that she was like, you know, you're making a scene. I was like, no, I'm here. You have not seen a scene. I'm going to make a fucking scene. And I started screaming again. Another one of those things that I've never forgotten. Help me. I'm going to fucking die. And screaming exactly what happened. I've been attacked, this thing. But what I. What has always stuck with me is that even as I'm saying it, I can't make my voice go down to, like, what it was. I can't. Like, it was spoken without a tone. Like, there was no. There was no confusion. There is no. There was no sarcasm. There was no. Like, it was. So matter of fact, I would raise my voice. I would. Whatever. Because I was like, surely someone is going to. Is going to help me. And as soon as I started doing that, she pushed me to the ground. And I hit the concrete kind of right outside of the staircase, or not the staircase, but like, there were the front porch steps. And I scraped up my hands and knees and I started running from her and. And continuing. Continuing to scream that I was gonna die. And again with, like, my memories exist in fragments. So what I know about what happened next is there was a phone call to my mother. Apparently, I later found out. Cause I actually. I did a video with one of my best friends who I'm still friends with, and she said that I had called her as well. I think that what it was is like. Like, I think it might have been, like, my emergency contacts. And my. My other friend had been one of my emergency contacts because she was a person that was historically reliable. I don't have any memory of calling her. She says it happened and she remembers the commotion. But I think that it might have, like, she was in my emergency contacts, and I hit that. I also think that there's a possibility that I was just like, hey, Siri, you know, call 911 or not call 911, call my mom or something thing. She had taken my phone and my phone had broke. And there was also, like, so much like, gaslighting going on. My hand was bleeding because I had, like, fallen on the concrete, but also because, like, the glass on my phone was broken. And. And she was like, your hand's not bleeding, but like, I literally had. I have a picture of that cut. Like, it was bleeding. And she. She was just, like, trying to manipulate the situation of like, you're scared and this is hilarious to me, and whatever. And I remember asking her, I was like, what. What did I do to you? Because whatever I did, I'm sorry, call 911. I. I told her I will never tell another soul that this ever happened if you call 911. And she says, if I do that, you're going to go to prison. You're going to go there for your. The rest of your life. Because this guy is in a gang and he's a dealer, and he's. He's going to kill you. He will kill you. And even if he goes to prison, he will have you killed. And that's a lot to hang over, over the head of a person in this state. And of course, it seems realistic, because now looking back, I'm like. I almost feel like they were trying to drop little hints where I knew they were trying to mention the pills that he was selling the week before. And whatever things that I had never known about before in my entire life were now all of a sudden apparent. And I was just terrified. And I was like, you can tell him. Put me on record. Like, I am never telling anyone. And she doesn't budge. And she laughs at me and laughs at my fear and whatever, and I end up collapsing and having seizures. And during the time period I was having a seizure, a guy had come over. There were also multiple people, by the way, that tried to help me. She told them that I had schizophrenia. She was like, my sister. This is my sister. She has schizophrenia. She's having a really bad day. She's having. You know, And I was like, no, I don't. And whatever. And I think, like, people, especially at this time, it was like, things. That's someone else's problem. And I don't think people wanted to pull over because they had the fear of, like, I was acting very, like, erratically in public, and there was anxiety. I would later find out there were multiple 911 calls made. So they might have just drove away and called 911. I don't really know. But I remember just kind of, like, begging. And we got into some physical altercations. When I was there, she had, like, tried to put her hand over my mouth, and I had, like, bit her. Anyway, I ended up having multiple, multiple seizures. And someone had walked over. And then at this point, I had kind of been like, you're. You're going to die. Like, that's what's going to happen. Because my body was shutting, like, shutting down. It was, like, rapid. My heartbeat felt like. I was like. I felt like I was swallowing my own heart. I was extremely nauseous. I had had. It's just. It's so hard to describe all of the physical sensations. And I was just trying to keep myself alert and awake. And so the guy comes over when I have the seizures and I start kind of like coming to a little bit, but it's obvious something's about to happen again. And I'm slurring my words, I can't really like move and whatever. She tells him I have epilepsy. She tells him I have epilepsy. And when I'm not making sense, she's like, oh, you know, that's how it is with, with epileptics. Like, people don't want to, you know, step on anyone's toes or whatever. And she's like, she doesn't need help. And the guy is kind of like, oh, okay. And it was around this time, I think, when my mom was called. And the way my mom says that that phone call happened is that I screamed, I need help. She did something to me and just begged her for help and to call 91 1. And then my friend, like she had the phone or took the phone from me or whatever. But the. The phone call ended abruptly. My mom getting that call, which was probably a 30 second call. She was on in the car on the way to that gymnastics meet. And so she calls 911 and they say that they have like multiple calls coming in and whatever. And she's. She's trying to figure out what the fuck is happening. And she knows like around what area I'm in. So she calls her friend who is a police officer her in that town and is like, help me. So she was actually one of the first people to come out. So things started to progress where my body was shot shutting down pretty rapidly again. Like I said, this was a super short time frame and I'm just kind of like I was trying to pace the street. And I realized that, like, I'm struggling with my memory a lot. Like, it's like I know that I have to remember something, but I don't remember what it is. And so all that could really come to mind was that I had two horses. They were black and white. Their names were Paulie and Lightning. I kept saying that over and over and over and over, over and over again. And as I'm kind of like just doing that and whatever, another guy had come in. And I remember he was on the phone. He was like, what's going on here? And so I had said something along the lines of like, she did something to me. Like, I'm on drugs. I need help. Please help me. And he was like, she's. She's talking, but she's not super alert. And like, whatever. So I think that he is the one that saved my life. But I, at some point collapsed on the ground. And when I had collapsed, eventually my body kind of just like, gave out. What I remember of those moments was hearing him kind of like his voice got louder and he was, like, trying to be like, hang on, hang on. I remember hearing sirens off into the distance and being like, this is almost over. But also, I can't fight anymore. And I said something along the lines of, like, I'm so sorry. I can't fight anymore. My toes started to get really hot and numb. And I just remember, like, then everything would get, like, cold, like, super ice cold. And then all of a sudden, I couldn't feel it anymore. And it just went up my entire body, and it just hit me. I was like, I'm dying. I'm dying. And I started to pray. I was like, I don't know what the else I'm supposed to do. I don't. It wasn't even, like a super religious person. I was like, I need some sort of comfort. And there was. I had a lot of, like, very heartbreaking thoughts. I was like, I did that. Really. I was just murdered. Like, I am. Did that really happen? And I. You know, and so it travels up, and I remember there was this moment of like, you don't really have to tell yourself to breathe, but I was trying to be like, take a deep breath. And I remember physically feeling like my chest would not rise. And then in that moment, everything just started getting, like, very fuzzy. And I started feeling like I was, like, being sucked out of my body. And I know that the ambulance was on scene at that point, and they were able to give me some medical care that was able to, you know, help me and ultimately save my life. But for me, I ended up having, like, a pretty significant out of body experience where, like, I thought. I thought that I was dead. I was like, that's. It's over. And it was. I describe it as, like, it was the most comforting thing ever. Ever felt in my entire life. There was no. I was not in pain. I was not fearful. I was not. And while this was happening, while the EMTs were working on me, while I was being loaded up into an ambulance, I had oxygen. I had, you know, an iv. Like, everything that they could physically give me on an ambulance without being in a hospital. They. They did. She was recording my body. She was recording everything that they were doing. And she posted it to her Snapchat story stories. And she. And I could kind of. Like, it was a weird experience where, like, I could kind of hear things. I wasn't able to, like, talk. Like, and it wasn't like I was awake. It was almost. Again, I will use that feeling that maybe people know or maybe they don't of, like, you're asleep, and, like, you hear your alarm clock in your sleep, and, like, it kind of goes into your dream. That's kind of how it felt. Like, it was almost existing in this, like, other world where everything was super peaceful. And I was just hearing what they were saying. And so she kept saying, lexi, you're my best friend. Oh, my God. And, like, whatever, as she's, like, posting these videos. And the EMTs were like, are you kidding? Like that? You are so disgusting. And then she was like, anyway, my dad's gonna come get me. And tried to, like, run away from the scene. And they were like, no, the. He's. You're getting on this ambulance, and you're coming. Also, we're calling the police because you assaulted this girl. And I forgot to mention that the guy that ended up that I do believe, like, is the one that saved my life. There was a point where she was trying to, like, speak over me, and the guy, specifically, was like, I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to her. And it's not. And it's not like she can really talk that much, but, like, I have a feeling you have something to do with it. So I know in that moment, they were like, there's an assault happened, and the EMTs, like, I. Like, I said I could hear them, and they were just, like. They kept saying, I don't know. I don't know if you can hear me, but this is what I'm doing. I'm putting. Oh, my God. Makes me choked up. I'm putting an IV in. I'm. You're. I had oxygen. You're getting. We're putting in oxygen. Your heart rate's super high. Like, the tone when they were talking to me changed very rapidly when they were talking to her. They were like, what the. Did she take? And they were like, she's fine. Like, she smoked some weed. And they were like, no, weed doesn't cause this. Like, this is a. It doesn't cause what we are working on right now. I had a heart arrhythmia that was just like. My heart wasn't working correctly at all, and my oxygen was low. My blood sugar. I didn't even find this out until years later was, you know, super high and raised even when I was at the hospital. So they were giving me fluids to try to lower that. The hospital was about five minutes away. So I was rushed over to the hospital. I know they had, like, given me some medication as I got older. I think that it was either the guy on the street or something. I think someone gave me Narcan, and I think that's why I started. Started to. I wasn't, like, there, but whatever. I know there's, like, a note when I got the medical records that, like, kind of, like, alludes to that, but I don't know exactly. Like, we were in kind of, like, a dangerous area. So, you know, I know sometimes people, like, carry that around. I think that might have been how it happened. I'm not really sure. But later on, opiates did come up in my system, along with synthetic marijuana or K2 Spice, whatever you want to call wallet. So I think that might have been the reason, like, because I had this medical intervention. I had the oxygen I was having, you know, everything that I was able to kind of, like, survive it. But I remember they were unloading me off of the ambulance, and they were kind of, like, rushing me in. Into the hospital, and they had said something like, go to. Go to 18 or whatever. I think they were talking about rooms or they. I don't know. Maybe it was something medical. Not really sure. But I interpreted that as, like, oh, my God, she must have lied to them at some point. I'm 16. I'm not 18. And they think I'm 18, and they're not gonna call my mom and whatever. So I kept trying to, like, mouth like, you know, I'm 16, not 18. And I just, like, my lips weren't working. Like, I couldn't. I just couldn't. And they were trying to, like, reassure me of, like, hold on, you know, as best you can. And I don't know if they fully knew that I could hear them, but I started to. My eyes. Eyes flickered open while I was still in the ambulance, and especially when I was being unloaded. And it felt like the entirety of the medical staff was, like, there every. I, Like, I had been a fan of, like, Grey's Anatomy. I felt like I was in a medical TV drama. I was like, what the. Like, what is going on? And so they are unloading me and rushing me in very fast. And there are some conversations about, like, okay, we have to see, like, if she can maintain her oxygen just on this, because it's only been, like, five minutes and whatever. And we might have to intubate. And, like, no food, no water. Like, this was the first time I heard, like, npo, which is kind of like, I guess, like, no food, no water. And what my best friend does is. This was also another weird thing. I remember she carried a water bottle with her that day. It was like, a metal water bottle, and she had never done that before. And she had said it's because we smoked weed, like, the week before. And she. If she gets drug tested, she doesn't. But, like, it was weird. I was like, why? Anyway, she unloads the straw and starts, like, takes the water and opens my mouth and starts tipping it down my throat. Like, after literally just hearing that we might be, like, intubating and that I really can't breathe. And I remember the nurse being like, no, don't do, like, what are you doing? And then she was like, well, she's thirsty. And, you know, I see her lips are dry and, like, whatever. And they were like, like, absolutely not. And. And they were like, get her out of here. And they were trying to explain, like, she could suffocate, she could choke. And she was like, well, she's my best friend. I don't want her to be thirsty. And just kept pouring the. Like, they even said the nurses, the doctors, like, everyone that was there was like, that girl's not your friend. Like, she hates you. So I'm. I'm in the hospital. I hear kind of, I guess that, like, the police are coming. And the EMTs stayed with me for a little bit when I was in my room, and I guess they had contacted my parents. So like I said, my mom's friend had went over to the scene. I was already gone. So she had come. She figured out from, like, people, you know, where I had went, what hospital I had went to. And my mom turns the car around. It was actually her friend that was driving to the gymnastics meet and, like, turns her car around and was like, I'm going to, you know, see my daughter. But she was, like, over an hour away. So I don't think, like, anyone was fully prepared for, like, what was happening that day and what was coming in. Because they had said to someone who actually, I do believe it was a nurse, they were like, hey, like, while we're figuring everything out, stand guard of the hospital room because they needed to get security up, and they weren't just, like, readily available and whatever. It was just very chaotic because I had been rushed in there, and now, like, I had to be. You have to switch off of the ambulance stretcher onto the bed and they had to attach me to a bunch of tubes. And they were trying to figure out like, you know, what type of testing are we doing? Obviously we're doing a substance test, like a rape kit, like, what is going on? And so she tells them that there were, there were no boys there. So like you, you wouldn't need to do that because whatever. And sort of starts to like control the narrative very early on. But of course no one believes her. My grandparents are the first people that come to the hospital and they have described this as like the worst moment of their lives. They. They saw me pretty much. I mean, they lived like 20 minutes or less than 20 minutes, like maybe 15 minutes from the hospital and were there like very quickly. And my grandmother says that my eyes were like rolled into the back of my head. I was all over the place. I couldn't talk to them. I couldn't. They would like try to squeeze my hand. They couldn't respond. There were periods of time where I guess I was babbling and I thought I was making sense. It just, it was overall a terrifying moment. My grandmother always tells my mom, like, I'm so happy you were not there for that. And my grandfather was livid and was like, I'm going to kill. Today's the day I kill a 15 year old girl. So the police get there and I know they had talked to my mom, I know they had talked to the other girl and whatever. And at some point she came into my room and I was a little bit more. I wasn't like coherent, but I like could understand a little bit and like could talk maybe a little bit because I had so much medication, so much treatment. Treatment and whatever. And she was like, so I just talked to the police and whatever. And I'm gonna tell you what I said. Like, your mom still thinks we went to the movies and blah, blah, blah. And they don't know that the boys were there because my mom probably wouldn't have approved of like me being friends with these other boys that she didn't know. So we kind of just like changed the whole situation. She was like, what we're gonna say is that you thought your breath smelled bad. You thought your breath smelled bad when we were at the movies. And so you asked a stranger for a mint and he gave you a mint, but the mint turned out to be a pillow. And so he refeed you and like, they're never gonna find him. It's. We're Leading them into a dead end and whatever. And I was, like, baffled, and I. I was not really speaking, but I kind of, like, understood that she had said that. And I was like. My brain was still very much like, this is my best friend. Like, but she had just attacked me, and I was afraid of her. And then she told me. She's like, lexi, do you want to go to prison? Do you want. Like, do you want all the things that are gonna happen? They're gonna kill you. Like, you have no idea how bad this is about to get. And the manipulation and blackmail and whatever just got so strong in that. In that moment. And so the police had, at, you know, some point, come into my room, and that's the statement I gave them. I don't. I actually don't know if I gave them that statement or if I just corroborated what she had said, because I think that. I don't think I actually said that to them, because I think I told her that I wasn't gonna lie. But they had come in, and they were like, can you tell us, you know, what happened? And I just said, my best friend would never hurt me. That part I do, like, distinctly remember. They went on to ask my mom, do you think, like, she would lie for someone? Because we're seeing. I had bruises on my body.
- [103:19]
B
Yeah, so you did have bruises.
- [103:21]
A
So, yeah, so, like I said, it was such a short period of time, so it's not like I, like, had obviously had the beaten out of me and whatever, and I was fighting back, too, so I didn't. I, like, kind of had some, like, markings, like, maybe some, like, scratches and whatever. Nothing that was, like, super duper visible on, you know, my face, neck area, but on, like, the parts of my body that were uncovered. I had some bruising. Her excuse for why I had some bruising, and the one that I had sort of just been like, okay. Was like, I ride horses. I work in a barn. I have bruising all the time. The way bruising happens a lot of the time is it's not immediate. So they were looking at my immediate body condition. And so a lot of it was just, like, red marks and whatever, But I wasn't like, covered from head to toe or anything. I think that they were just like, okay. But at the time, it was like. I think that they just didn't want to do any extra work. I think they were just, like. The doctors said that they didn't think that I was coherent enough to make a statement. But the police were, like, adamant That I do right then and there, because they were like, well, we need to talk to her right away before anyone can get. And like, had been unaware that this had happened. Another thing is my best friend in that moment. So my clothes were laid out right next to me in a hospital chair and my best friend had a tote bag with her, which she had gotten from her dad because her dad came to the hospital too. She took my clothes and she put them into the tote bag. And then her excuse was, well, these were my clothes anyway, because she left and that. And that was caught on security camera. Like they. She knew all good and well that they wanted to put my clothes through analysis and whatever. And she had, she took them and then. And I felt like there was so much of a, like, this is just a 15 year old girl and like, what really could she do Thing. And at the time what I thought was that the police were just all so happy for this to be a roofie case. And like, roofies happen all the time and we rarely catch the guy. Oh, well, like, I assume that that's just what's written in a report somewhere. But like, it was insane to me because I was, was like, had you taken one step further, you would have realized how, like, calculated this felt. And. Because I realized it and, and you know, of course I lived it. But.
- [105:29]
B
So what was it that they ended up giving you? Like, what did you smoke? Did they tell you exactly what was in your system?
- [105:34]
A
So, yeah, so basically it was synthetic marijuana, which kind of is a blanket term for a lot of things. I'm not a medical person, so I don't really know what like, chemical it was that flagged that. I know that the reason that they know it was synthetic marijuana was because some chemical flagged it. Because synthetic marijuana typically does not show up in the bloodstream. That's why, like, it's commonly like a prison drug, whatever. Now opiates showed up in my bloodstream, so that made sense. But because of the other chemical and the fact that I said like this looked, smelled like weed, you know, I had kind of like assumed that maybe that's why they came to that conclusion. Because in my medical records, it doesn't say it was like, like this, whatever it says it was synthetic. It was K2 synthetic marijuana laced. So it was like cut with an opiate and, you know, another, another chemical. But I know that there had to be some other sort of chemical. A ton of shit happens. I end up, you know, I got discharged from the hospital.
- [106:33]
B
Were you honest with Your mom, about what had happened. Like, did you tell your mom that they attacked you?
- [106:37]
A
My mom knew because I had told her on the phone when I had called her screaming they had done something to me. And then my tone was so quick to change, and I just. I wanted to shut her out. I didn't want to have the close relationship with her anymore. So she. She knew that I was, like, I was lying to her, that there was more to the story, but it was also my story to tell. And I don't think anyone could expect what actually happened. Like, until. Like, until I was willing to put the pieces together for everyone. For people to be like, oh, shit. That was so obvious and right under my nose all along.
- [107:08]
B
Yeah, I know that you had said that. That I guess even when the police asked for, you know, your report or whatever, that you were like, my best friend would never hurt me. How long after everything did it take for you to kind of realize this is what happened? Like, for you to put it together and then decide, like, okay, I'm going to be honest about this, and, like, say what actually happened?
- [107:29]
A
I tried to convince myself that this was a rape attempt gone wrong. That they were trying to, like, it was like, some, like, gang range rape thing. I really thought that that would be better.
- [107:38]
B
Did you think that your best friend was in on it?
- [107:41]
A
Okay, no, I knew. I knew. So, you know, I got to church from the hospital, and then I ended up having to go back because very quickly I tried to end my life. I. The panic attacks were really bad. I also, like, I had some withdrawals from whatever it was that I had taken, which they had warned me, like, that could happen, but I had taken one hit. So I was like, it's not going to be that bad. I had, like, a lot of just, like, symptoms of just, like. I don't know if it was true withdrawal or just like, my body was feeling weird and. And I was traumatized and it was, like, adjusting. But I ended up having to go back to the hospital. And that hospital was like, she should have never left. But after that hospitalization, I was discharged, you know, a few days later. And kind of like, my mom said, it felt like she brought home a newborn baby. Like, I was just completely different. My friends after that, that. And I was like, I just lied for you. Like, you better be really nice to me now. I didn't really want to be friends with them anymore, but, like, I wanted them to kind of, like, acknowledge what I had done, because we all knew I did it. And. And this was like, my last effort of, like, I love you guys. I'm protecting you, because you would go to prison right now for what you just did. And. But they were really weird. And, like, I probably should have known, like, something was wrong. They had all. They deleted their snap snapshots. They deleted their Facebook. They were just acting weird. And she had said some things to me that were really confusing. She was like. She tried to tell me that the doctors were lying, that the drug tests were wrong, that. That I misremembered the entire story. I was hallucinating. I was. You know, you were in psychosis. Like, of course that makes sense. And. And so I had mentioned something to her about, like, what I remember, like, the choking, and you assaulted me. And. And she had said, no, Lexi. Like, you did that to yourself. Like, you. Yes, you were choked, and the bruises are like, you hit yourself. You. Whatever. Even if that were true, you still left me to, like, I still almost died. But then I tested the male, the guy, and I said the same thing to him. This is where I knew. The exact moment I knew he had said, it wasn't me choking you up against the wall. It was her. What? Because I thought that I. I was attacking myself. And they turned on each other and were very much like, this only happened because of her. And then she was like, this only happened because of you. Like, you, as in me.
- [110:07]
B
Did you ever ask them, like, why did you guys try to kill me?
- [110:11]
A
Yes. And so I also want to say that it's not like they didn't know that that's what, like, I thought. I also, like. Like, I publicly talked about it. How I was, like, publicly speaking about it was like, nope, they tried to kill me. Everyone had seen those Snapchats. Everyone knew.
- [110:26]
B
How long after this happened, did you start speaking out about it?
- [110:29]
A
Unlike my social media accounts, which were obviously followed by no one and were all private immediately, and in response to that, they just deleted their social media. They never, like, even to this day, they have never tried to say that didn't happen. And in fact, now they have admitted that that's what happened. But. But they immediately were just, like. It almost was like they were, like, taking cover. And I was like, you don't want to defend yourself against these, you know, accusations, or you don't want to. And I think. I think I knew deep down, but I wanted them to try to clear it up, because I knew you had planned to attack me. I knew that 100%. Like, I was like, I know. I felt like you wanted me dead. And I know that you didn't care, but was it just that you didn't care if I had died or that you actually wanted me dead? And over time, it became. It became very clear that it was like they wanted you dead. People told me. People had told me that they had made comments for years about them wanting me dead. I started to put two and two together about. Hm. My ex boyfriend, her brother, he could poison me. It would look like a suicide. Huh. Okay.
- [111:29]
B
So the aftermath of it. So you would keep talking to them, so.
- [111:33]
A
I know. So they blocked me, like, within a couple days of it happening after kind of trying to pin it on each other. And I think once they realized they're mad, massive up and that.
- [111:42]
B
Like, how old were you at this point?
- [111:43]
A
I was 16.
- [111:44]
B
Okay, so you were testing them. They end up going back and forth, kind of blaming each other, and then they both block you.
- [111:51]
A
Yeah, well. And there was another guy. Let's not forget this. So this is where, like, the whole. I don't really know what happened. He was the guy that I was supposed to be flirting with. He disappeared from existence. Like, I never heard from him again. He never said anything. He was never a part of the back and forth, but it was just. It was like, bizarre. And then a couple months later, it was like April, March or April. And I'm having panic attacks every day, and I'm struggling, and I'm struggling deeply with dissociation. And she calls me out of the blue, and I picked up the phone and I was like, you know why? Like. And she admits to me this is not the. Like, a lot of people that know of me might know that there was a big confession in the case. This was not that. That. And she tells me, she was like, yeah, you know, it was at their command. They wanted to do this. And, like, what I remember hearing was that this was part of. You know, she had kept saying that these people were in a gang and this was some sort of thing related to that. And I was like, okay, that makes sense. And I think I was so focused on being scared that, like, I technically lied to the police and that they were gonna, you know, it was gonna be held against me and that's going to be used against me in court and whatever. And how this looks. And, like, I just thought, like, this looks. I don't know. And I. I had been let down by people so many times, and I was like, who am I supposed to tell? There was, like, a period of time where, like, I couldn't walk out my front door. Like, I couldn't go anywhere. I had panic attacks, like extreme trust issues. And I didn't really. I didn't want to go to court. Like, I didn't want. I wanted justice. I didn't want to have to go through a trial period. I. And I, I didn't want to know every detail of everything that they had actually done. And because it was, it was almost felt like it was enough for me to know that it had happened and it was planned. That's devastating enough. You were my best friend. So I kind of was just like.
- [113:45]
B
Okay, I'm gonna start healing from this.
- [113:47]
A
I'm gonna start again. And that's where I was at. But shit kept happening over the years. Every time I would get even remotely comfortable saying anything about it, weird things would start happening. Running. Like I got my tires slit multiple times when I, you know, in my adulthood, I've now moved on in my life and whatever. I got followed while I was running. I would have panic attacks during, you know, I ran track and field in college and I would have panic attacks during races and my times were awful and whatever. I couldn't live. So it was my decision to speak out on TikTok was about me and it wasn't really about. I didn't, I kind of just like didn't care anymore.
- [114:24]
B
And how long ago did you start speaking out about it on TikTok? Tick tock.
- [114:27]
A
So I made a video in March 2023.
- [114:30]
B
It's a fairly recent.
- [114:31]
A
Okay, actually, yeah, so I made a video in March 2023. There was actually a video that I had made a couple months earlier. And I was just like, guys, I was the survivor of an attack and whatever. And then I, I privated the video and I didn't speak about it again until March. That was in like September 2022. I've dealt with an eating disorder for a long time, but my, my eating disorder sort of changed after I got attacked. I developed, developed what's called arfid, which stands for avoidant Restrictive food intake disorder. And I started. I basically became scared that all food was dangerous to me. It was not just food. I also got a phobia of medication. There were actually many years where I was able to exist normally. I did smoke weed again. People always want to know about that. For whatever reason, I. Nothing like I was okay until I realized like the extent of it.
- [115:23]
B
And sometimes I feel like it takes time for us to actually process and have it hit us of like, oh, like this is what happened to me. And then it kind of starts, like, spiraling.
- [115:33]
A
And probably, like, the biggest moment for me was I was, I think, 19, and I was in therapy, and I was talking to my therapist about the other situation with the predator guy, and I was like, I just. I feel so upset because, like, I homewrecked that relationship, even though it was, like, never consensual and whatever. And he was like, you can't home wreck relationships between an adult and a child. Like, that. It doesn't work like that. And I was like, oh, okay. And then I was like, that was abuse. And that was also abuse. And not only that, that was a crime. Like, all of these were crimes. And I was like, wow. And. And so I had this massive mental breakdown down. I did not leave my bed. I lost, like, 50 pounds. I. I ended up in the hospital. I had a potassium deficiency, so a sodium deficiency, Problems with my calcium. Like, I ended up needing IV nutrition. I just. I was so sick. And then I proceeded to just get sicker, and I couldn't take any medication. And yes, it was years afterwards because it. It took a little bit like. Like. And it's not to say that I wasn't traumatized before, but I was functioning. I was living in survival mode. But that sort of, like, validation from the therapist of, like, nothing you went through was normal. And my realization of what I had lost this March 2023, I was like, my life has just, like, blown up, and I can't do this anymore. I've done this for, you know, eight years or seven years. And I was like, hey, my name is Lexi, and my best friends try to kill me. Anyway, this video is about healing. And I threw my phone, I went on a run, and I came back, and the video was viral. That it was, like, a sensation. I was like, oh, my God, everyone knows about this now. And I just, like, was, like, deeply unsafe. And I talked to my mom and we about it, and. And my boyfriend at that time. And I was like, I think I can do this. I think I can step into this. And I really want to advocate, but I was so terrified. I'm sure, like, you know, people would always point out my body language, but, like, I always felt like I. When I was filming, like, it felt like someone was, like. I thought, like, they were, like, gonna jump out from behind me. And, like, I was like, you're not allowed to talk about this. This is. You're in danger if you talk about this. So I tried to keep everything so subtle, and I wanted to make it, like, I knew that people who knew Me were gonna recognize the story. I knew people were gonna be like, oh, okay. I knew people who went to school with me would recognize. Recognize who it's about. So I tried to create this sense of, like, no one knew. And I wanted to take the power away from them. I wanted to give it back to myself. I didn't want to make it about, like. I wanted, yes, to talk about what they did to me, but I wanted it to be about, like, my advocacy and who I am now. But quickly I learned that people on social media cannot. Cannot let a good thing be a good thing. And people would tear. Tear me apart and, you know, comment on every aspect of, like, how I told the story and, you know, what I was saying and whether or not I was being truthful. And I was just like, you don't even fucking know. Like, you don't know how much I lost and how much it takes for me to function as a person every day and how much speaking out means to me. So I kind of, like, went back and forth in the very beginning on if I'm even doing this or not. And then finally, my mom was like, I've got some shit to say. I want to make a video. I want to talk about, like. And we literally were, like, in the car when this happened, and she was like. She just, like, was at, you know, picking my sister up from a friend's house. She was like, I want to make a video. So we made a video. That video hit like, a million views in, like, two hours. I hadn't experienced that because my viral video before was, like, 20,000. Yeah, it was at, like, 20,000. And I felt super viral. I had crawled. I had started this, and I had, like, a thousand followers, and I. I had, you know, crawled up. I'm like, oh, my God, that's insane. And I realized, like, I really wanted to do something powerful with that. I was like, how can I make sure that I'm using this for good? And I tried to emphasize, like, taking the power away from these people, sharing my story, and taking your power back. And it resulted in a person becoming very overly obsessed with me. And that person proceeded to excessively, excessively stalk me.
- [119:51]
B
Was this somebody random?
- [119:52]
A
Random? I actually have. So I have a protection order against them. I talk about this a lot because it's still actively going on. You would think, after it started, but, like, I don't know. There was just an obsession with me. And I'm not gonna say everyone had it, but, like, just, like, people wanted to speculate. People wanted to Enjoy the true crime aspect of it, which I, I understand to an extent. Extent. But I've also like, I feel like I've been very transparent with being like, I'm not telling you guys every single little detail. I don't want to make like because I also have my, you know, my safety. And so as I'm like kind of navigating it, this person starts, they first started texting my brother and they claimed that they knew me. Where I kind of noticed something was wrong was my attackers all of a sudden came out of the woodworks and they had tried commenting on my video videos and they did try to push into. She overdosed. This is her fault. Which like I've always known they were going to do that. I knew that that was the plan all along that you were gonna. This was a suicide. Like, I knew that that's what my ex had said that. And they were just trying to push in, but they knew details like that it was just, it was insane. And like, and I've said this since the beginning and what pisses me off so much about that particular statement is even if that were true, you still decided that I was allowed to die. I was allowed to die on your watch. You still stole things that you knew were going to be used as evidence. You still manipulated to me, lied to me. Like, but like, okay, and so I like did comment that I have the Snapchat videos. Like, I wasn't the one that did this because I was in the hospital. Someone else took another phone and recorded those Snapchat stories that they had posted and sent them to me. The reason that those videos are not public is for me, it's not for them. I don. Care about them. It's because I've been very private about like describing my injuries, describing, you know what, everything that happened. And even here, like I am more vague than I, of course. Like there's gaps in my memory and whatever. But like I do know more, I guess. But I, I will stand by the fact that I don't believe that everyone needs to know every single little thing that happened to a 16 year old girl and the ways in which I had my trust violated and whatever. So I'm never, I'm never telling you that I have shared some of my medical records and I, I made the mistake initially of believing that people just wanted verification that this happened. So I did that. And then of course the goalpost moved. It moved from it hasn't happened to or it didn't happen to. Well, something happened. But she's Manipulating the story. And here's this person who claims they know her that I. But I noticed that it was this one girl that kept telling me about all these comments because I have these people blocked. I don't need to have them in my life. I don't feel the need to explain myself ever. She tells me she's a fan of mine. She's a super fan. She messages me all the time. She. Whatever. And there was a point where she sent me like a really creepy poem that she had written me. And for everyone watching, I have shared it on TikTok. But basically she said she's having dreams about me. And like, it's like a poem about like love being rejected. And when I. I had responded to it very kindly. And then she walked it back. I will give her that. And was like, oh, this was like, this is just like something that makes me think of you. It wasn't. I wrote it years ago. And so she starts kind of over inserting herself in my life. I get a message and the message says, and it is in April of this past year. Chilling information. That is the subject title. And it goes, hi, Lexi, my name is. You know, I follow you on TikTok. I have some information you might want to know. And I was like, what information? And this is while this is all going on. So I'm like, oh, my God. This is where like they're randomly commenting on things. That's what I'm referring to. So I'm kind of like, what's going on? And basically she like goes back and forth about being weird towards me and. And then eventually was like, someone I know messaged message John, which is the fake name of my ex boyfriend. This was, you know, Friday, April 12, my sister gets a text. Hi. She answers, who is this? Is this Lexi? No, Stop trying to contact her now. Okay? Just tell her I'm very sorry for what I did to her in 2015. I'm insert one of my attackers names as in his full name. Also, please tell her to stop mentioning me on her TikToks. That's all I needed to say. I hope one day she forgives me. So I was like, oh, you. You are sorry for what you did to me in 2000. Did you just fully acknowledge for possibly the first time ever? Because he was, you know, the worst of it. He gave me the substance. He had me up against that wall. Like, did you just acknowledge that? And I answered. I said, that's him. Who? And I was like, he attacked me. And my sister said he tried Calling me. Should I just ignore it? So here's what's interesting. Interesting. Her number was mine at the time. I changed my number after it happened, but I have kept all of their contacts, and I lined up the number. It's his number. So I'm like, he just. He just confessed. Like, I don't know what that's going to do, but I know I'm going to the police. I know I'm. I know that.
- [124:59]
B
So you plan to go to the police?
- [125:01]
A
I did go to the place. And so I had. I told them that they. He was confessing, and so they. They didn't do a whole lot. I wanted to get all the police records. I wanted to get everything straight. So I got all of my medical records, the police records, like, whatever. And what was very strange was when I called the police station to get the records for the ones that actually took my statement, they were like, we don't have anything under your name. I was like, what do you mean you don't have anything? And they were like, well, like, a file exists, but like, it's empty. And like, it exists for that day. Like, it's empty. Like, you know, I don't know what happened. And I was like, okay, but. But I know you were the investigating police, you know, police department. And. And kind of like my working theory was one of them the boyfriend of my best friend. He was the son. He was the son of a police captain. Huh. And I know that police captain had, like, been known to do some shady shit. So I was like. Like, I just. I wonder. Yeah. So I. I dive down a rabbit hole and I. I wanted to find out the name of, like, the father. And so I find. Find out his name, and I Google him. I type his name into Google because I'm like, oh. And I find out that he stepped down because he was convicted of corruption. He had to step down because he tampered with evidence in another case relating to the assault of a worker there. He told her to delete evidence, encouraged her to do so. There are articles about this. Just, like, a bunch of things. So I started working with a victim advocate and a lawyer on my case because we were trying to figure out, like, what can we do from a civil. Civil perspective, if anything? Because criminally, it was really difficult to. Even with that, like, wording of, like, I'm sorry for what I did to her. Like, there's an argument that this could be an assault and battery case, which statute of limitations would have been up most felonies. It is up in Five years. And in the state of Connecticut, that's the same. So we were trying to figure out, like, what can we do from this perspective? You know, from this perspective. And we decide to have me make a video that was like, there's been a confession to see if it inspired anything else to happen. Because sometimes people are, like, panicking and what. Whatever. So I made that video. That video went. Went viral. But this girl starts messaging me. She has chilling information. Someone that she knows. He does not. He's not real messaged my ex. And he's willing to confess to, you know, what happened. And I don't know that I will ever give him the power of saying exactly what are in those messages. But that was like. She sent me screenshots. Yeah. And it just broke me because.
- [127:50]
B
And when was this? This was still in April.
- [127:52]
A
Still in April. It. I've never been, like, less okay in my entire life. I. I went to the police station and I was telling them and whatever. And then I just kept listening to praying by ke$ha on repeat and just, like, sobbing because I wasn't sure what was going to happen. I couldn't move. I remember I couldn't even pee. Like, I couldn't go to the bathroom. My brother had to, like, come help me. And, like, I'm not super close to my brother. I went and. And collapsed in my grandmother's arms. Afterwards. My mom was away. She was on a trip, and she had my other siblings. Like, it was just my brother that was there. I don't live with him, but I went over to his house and collapsed and broke down. And I was like, this is it. I have just lost, like, I. I no longer can control this. But also, like, there was a fear of, like, people are gonna, like, eat that up. Like, like, people online, which I already had a hard time with them because I've already struggled a lot. But I kind of knew, like, someone, you know, if this, like, gets talked about, like, I just. I. I don't want to. I'm like, scared to have to deal with whatever is coming next. And. And I also knew that there would probably be details of the crime that I have not said that are going to come out. And I was just. I was scared. I was like, like, I've just. I've lost my ability to control what happens. And I don't know how I'm going to deal with, like, reading about me online and. And like. And also, what if people are, like, on his side and. And whatever, and on their side and.
- [129:23]
B
Like, how is that Bringing like the public into it.
- [129:25]
A
Yeah, well, because that's, that's what I kind of knew. Like, I was scared. I. You know, because I wanted, I wanted speaking to be about me and my power.
- [129:37]
B
And advocating.
- [129:38]
A
Yeah, and advocating. And I wanted. Then this is where shit really hits the fan because this person keeps doing things. There was a person that had texted my brother back in like February and some weird shit had even been happening in the months before that. And I was kind of like, this is so traumatic for me. Like, I don't think that they even fully realized. Realized how devastating it was. But also because reading his messages, even though he's like admitting things, like he tries to get the upper hand, he was like, I'm just gonna let this blow over. Like, it's gonna blow over. She'll become a. Has been. Let her do whatever she wants and seek attention from the situation, knowing it's like a decade old drama and whatever. And like no one cares. And. And it was just like so clear because I was like, you are getting accused of attempted murder. Murder, like your family. And you're like, what can you do? Like those, those were actually his words, his exact words.
- [130:33]
B
So basically this stalker person that reached out, they were just giving you information of what he was saying.
- [130:39]
A
Yeah. So while it progressed a lot. So that was it initially. And they had said that it was this guy named Tom who was giving them the information. He was a guy that lived with that or lived near them and was a friend of them, theirs. And kind of in my head was happening was like, this girl has a parasocial attachment to me. She's probably like young. Like, you know, she wrote me that weird poem, like, whatever. And people think it's. It's funny that she has this and are making fun of her. And they decided that they would go out of their way and message my ex. And. And so I almost felt like protective over her. And I think she liked that. She started getting super weird. She started sending me $30 every day. I. I founded a nonprofit organization. It's called Sound of Survivors. And so she kind of like was saying that they were like donations, but also they were gifts. And it felt very much like you were using that to try to control me. And eventually I figured out that it was her. And how that I figured that out was because I was like, where do you live, by the way? And she said she lived in Michigan. And I was like, hmm, okay, Michigan. And. And like figured out it was her. As in, I figured out there was no Tom. And that she was the person that. That texted my brother all those months ago and had been harassing people in my life for months because she had texted off of an imessage number and, like, continuously was texting just, like a.
- [131:54]
B
Random person that met you through TikTok.
- [131:56]
A
Never met her. And she was like, I'm from Michigan. And I was like, oh, okay. And. But these were, like, days after the confessions, after whatever, I'm dealing. And the police were, like, investigating, and we're trying to figure out, like, the big question that we were asking was like, why now? Why are they coming out now? Why you know, what's going on? So I was looking into that personally, too, because of course I'm curious. I'm like, what has you willing to, like, message some? Like, what level of desperation is that that you texted a number that you thought was mine that you are willing to, like, talk to some random stranger? Like, but this girl's messaging me and she says she's from Michigan. And I was, like, sitting down next to my mom and I was like, you know, we were talking and I was like, that's just so weird and blah, blah, blah. And then I was like, where did that area code. Where was that area code from that's been texting my family members? Then I was like, it's from Michigan. Okay. I decided I was going to call. I was going to have my mom call and say, hey, can we speak with this, you know, this person? See if it's them. It was them. So I was like, okay, so I have. Someone is stalking me. Someone's stalking me me. And they bring that to the police, and they're like, all right, well, we're going to give them a call. I also. I got an email that said that was from her brother that said that they were planning on. She had. Was planning on flying out to Connecticut to come and kill my attackers because she was so angry. And every time she sees me, she's just distraught. And, like, I was like, I gotta get the police on this. Because I'm not being like, I don't know what's gonna happen. That's like, crazy. Yeah, I'm not being a part of that. So I called the police and whatever. And this person starts, like, excessively emailing me. She finds my best friends, my actual, like, to this day, best friend's number, and calls them, just starts spamming me, like, really weird stuff. And eventually my best friend's on the phone and is like, you need to leave Lexi alone. And I get on the phone, I was like, this is very traumatizing for me, you know, what, whatever. And it keeps going on. She refuses to, to say she'll leave me alone. So eventually the police were like, I think you should get a protective order. I think like she was threatening. After I blocked her, she threatened my physical safety all the time. She excessively called my friends, whatever. But what was especially weird is she started sending like things to my address to let me know she knew where I lived. The big one was pizzas. My protection order was granted. The police had told me after they found out that these confessions were coerced confessions. Essentially, like, even though this is what happened, it falls under coercion, which is not admissible in court. So that's it. I had this tiny flicker of hope after I had made peace with the fact that, like, hope is gone. I had this tiny flicker of hope that there is some sort of case and these are now coerced confessions. There's nothing I can do. And so she breaks the protection order almost immediately and creates AI porn of me. I remember I was sitting in the library. I get an email notification. It was like pornhub.com you, you know, you just signed up and whatever. And then I find out from people like, she's like doing like AI stuff. I report that to police, whatever. They're like, yep, that's a violation of the protection order. They get a search warrant, which they prove that, you know, it is her violating it. And they successfully obtain an arrest warrant. And she continues. When they recommended that I got a protection order, I thought that it would be there to protect me. It's not actually. So even though there is an arrest warrant, they're non extraditable. So this is not a violent offense. Stalking, threatening my life, all of those things. Like, you know, until she physically does something, they can't act on it. So they just keep going after arrest warrants for her. And she knows, knows that there's nothing, there's not really anything they can do. So because it crosses state lines, they asked the FBI to step in. The FBI stepped in. They've been trying to figure it out from like a federal angle, whatever, for so long.
- [135:52]
B
That's where it still is now.
- [135:53]
A
It still is, yeah. She's currently pretending to be dead. The big thing that happened is I was at a Sabrina Carpenter concert, literally like recording the concert. When she starts, she found my number. I changed my number several times, times. And she found she's found my new number and she spammed me and she proceeded to send me hundreds of Texts, hundreds of emails, hundreds of comments on my TikTok. I decided to start speaking out about her. So I kind of, like, brought it online. And when I did that, she commented or she individually messaged every single person that commented on that video and doxed me to them. She gave them my full name, my full address, my abuser's full name, my abuser's full address, all of their information, their Facebook profiles, my number. And of course, I feel horrific about that. And I'm like, I don't. You shouldn't be dragged into this. So that's what's going on. I kind of was told, like, unless there's. I mean, there's definitely a civil angle with my attackers. It's whether or not it's worth it because they have money. They don't necessarily have the amount of. There's. There's not an incentive. And unless people are, like, worth a lot. Civil. Civil lawsuits cost more than they're worth.
- [137:03]
B
Yeah.
- [137:03]
A
And it's more. That's more like proving a point.
- [137:05]
B
So right now, as far as, like, where you are on your journey, are you still in therapy?
- [137:10]
A
Yeah.
- [137:11]
B
Okay, so you're in therapy.
- [137:11]
A
Lots of therapy.
- [137:12]
B
And have you felt like you have found, like, some closure from the situation and from speaking out about it?
- [137:20]
A
I feel like the more I've done, you know, I do. I have the nonprofit organization. I'm working on, the book. I, like, do public speaking. You know, the more I've done those things, the more I feel, like, comfortable.
- [137:35]
B
Yeah.
- [137:36]
A
And it feels like, like you're owning yourself. There is a. There is a sense of justice in it. There is a sense of, like, peace with everything that's happened. And it's kind of gotten to a point where, like, my story, it has purpose now. It's not just my story. It's a story that has helped so many people, that so many people have listened to with without ever really knowing. Like, this is the first time that people are really going to know the full or at least most of the details of what happened. And so I find a lot of peace in that and, you know, having words that, like, have meaning. So. Yeah, I mean, and that's my form of justice. Of course I wish that there was not still, like, things happening, but I'm a lot more equipped to deal with things. And I have to recognize, like, I have a lot of privileges that I didn't have before that are thanks to social media and the kind of, like, success, I guess you could say, of, like, talking about my story. There have been Opportunities that came into my life that I wouldn't otherwise have. So, yeah, I do feel like. I mean, it happened, and I'm. There's no way to change that anymore. And I'm grateful to kind of just be able to give it a purpose. It didn't have one for so long.
- [138:46]
B
Exactly Right. And it takes a lot of courage to come out and basically, you know, talk about a time that you were, you know, your life was the most taken from you.
- [138:56]
A
Yeah.
- [138:56]
B
Because that's. That obviously, is traumatic and terrifying on its own, but then you're kind of like, every time you talk about it, you're almost, like, forced to relive it. So obviously, I'm glad that you are. You've been able to kind of take your. Give yourself a voice and take your power back in whatever way you can from that situation.
- [139:14]
A
Yeah. No, I feel like I always get comments from people that, like, have watched since the beginning or whatever that are. Like, you've changed. Just like. Like I've said, I. My body language was different. I was very nervous talking about it. And now, like, I have told this story so many times, I feel a lot more confident in just speaking about it. It's not this. It used to be super emotional. There were parts that I would get extremely triggered on and whatever, and. And. But now I'm like, there's meaning to it, and there's a reason that I'm telling it, and I know someone's gonna listen to it and feel something, even if it's just one person. So.
- [139:47]
B
Yeah, no, absolutely. And thank you so much for coming on here.
- [139:51]
A
Yeah. Thank you so much for having me.
- [139:53]
B
Of course. And telling, like, the full version of it. Cause I know it's a lot, you know, and I feel like there are so many different parts to it. And like, you said, like, obviously on TikTok, you're able to condense it all, and, you know, it's not. I feel like you made it very clear of, like. Like, your childhood and kind of your. Yeah. And like, why. I feel like because for some people, it's easy when you just hear bits and pieces of a story to be like, well, why don't you do this or do that? But, you know, they don't really probably know, like, your background and how you were and, you know, the bullying that you went through and everything that was ingrained in your brain of, like, this is what I should and shouldn't do. And it kind of, you know, it sets the tone for where you are today and what happened to you. But no, I. I appreciate it so much.
- [140:36]
A
Thank you so much.
- [140:37]
B
Thank you. Was there any other parts that you wanted to. Thank you so much.
- [140:41]
A
You did. Thank you so much for having me.