Podcast Summary: "We're All Insane"

Episode: My Dad Murdered My Mom and Sister
Date: September 22, 2025
Host: Unknown Author
Guest: Michelle

Episode Overview

This deeply moving episode features Michelle, who recounts the traumatic day in 2014 when her father murdered her mother and younger sister. Eleven years later, Michelle shares her story in her own words, reflecting on her family's past, the aftermath, surviving unimaginable loss, and the long road of healing and self-discovery that followed. The episode offers an unfiltered, authentic look at tragedy—how it’s experienced, managed, and slowly woven into a new version of life.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Michelle’s Family Background ([02:02]–[06:12])

• Michelle’s father: Navy veteran, served 20 years, met Michelle's mom (a Korean immigrant) while stationed in Korea. They married in 1985.
• Moved to the United States in the '90s; her sister born in 1997. The family settled in Illinois due to her father’s Great Lakes Naval Base posting.
• “There really weren’t any... red flags. We had a normal life." ([05:49] A)
• Parents’ relationship appeared stable; the only minor issue was her mother’s period of unhappiness during her teen years, likely related to her father's stress after a friend's illness.

2. Early Signs of Stress Before the Tragedy ([06:23]–[11:47])

• Michelle’s sister had a significant neuromuscular disorder; stress increased as her care needs grew.
• In early 2014, Michelle moved back home while rebuilding her own life.
• Her father was promoted at work, leading to more stress and longer hours, at an age when he expected to slow down.
• “You could see he was stressed... but we were trying to... figure it out.” ([10:55] A)
• Michelle got engaged in May 2014. Her fiancé was close with the family—a detail significant later.

3. The Day of the Murders ([11:55]–[39:29])

• June 8, 2014: Michelle recalls the day in vivid detail.
  • She went to church with her mother and sister, then to work. Her father asked unusual questions about her finances that morning, but she attributed it to his recent job loss.
  • At work, her father sent cryptic texts asking her to come home urgently.
• Panic and logistical scramble: Michelle and her fiancé coordinated to get to the house, but police arrived first after her father called 911, confessed, and attempted suicide.
• “I never got home.” ([28:21] A)
• Michelle was rerouted to the police station, where she was held in a room for half an hour before detectives told her:
  • "I'm so sorry. Your mom and sister are dead, and we have your father in custody. We have every reason to believe he did this." ([33:44] Detective to Michelle)
• Trauma of informing family: Michelle describes calling her grandmother and other relatives to break the news—a harrowing and transformative experience.

4. Aftermath: Grief and Survival ([39:29]–[51:00])

• Immediate aftermath: Funeral planning, dealing with both sides of the family, waves of support and logistical overwhelm.
• The duality of grief: “That was the moment I knew my life was different.” ([39:29] A)
• Michelle describes going directly into “what do I need to do” mode, barely having time to process.

5. Legal Process and Ongoing Questions ([43:04]–[50:49])

• Did not see her father for about a year; wrote a letter months after the crime.
• No concrete answer to "why": Her father claims memory loss of the murders.
• Psychological evaluation diagnosed him with a psychotic episode, anxiety, and depression.
• He pled "guilty but mentally ill." Michelle provided a victim impact statement but could not read it herself.
• Her father later attempted a post-conviction appeal, keeping the trauma active for years: “...it was like 9.9ish years of dealing with that.” ([50:49] A)

6. Layered Loss and Complex Grieving ([51:00]–[62:17])

• Michelle lost her mother, sister, father (to prison), and family home—the only permanent home she knew.
• She reflects on the ongoing, everyday impact:
  • On marriage: Husband also traumatized, with PTSD and anxiety; first year after marriage was particularly hard.
  • Missing her mother most acutely during motherhood and milestones: “Who do you want when you’re sick and you don’t feel good? You want your mom.” ([53:02] A)
  • Grieving her sister (“She is forever 17.”) and the future she’ll never witness.
• Therapy:
  • Grieving isn’t linear; trauma responses (anger, sadness) reoccur with triggers.
  • “You can kind of accept what happened but still get angry.” ([57:34] A)
  • Small things, even random events (like hearing about White Sox player Paul Konerko) could be unexpectedly triggering.

7. Processing, Coping, and Living Forward ([62:17]–[92:43])

• Unanswered questions:
  • She’ll never know if her father intended harm to her too (“Would that change anything? No. Because my mom and my sister and my dad are not here.” [76:30] A).
  • Manages anxiety through cleaning as a way to control her environment—a legacy of the trauma.
• Healing and self-disclosure:
  • “I used to keep it to just the people who were right knowing. But not anymore. No, I want it needs to be out because I feel like closing that part of me is closing off... opening up.” ([96:20] A)
  • Recently more open with friends/acquaintances about her story and regained connections.
• Ongoing relationship with her father:
  • Maintains a cautious, “arm’s length” relationship via emails/occasional phone call, recognizing “the father that’s been in prison is not the father who raised me.” ([72:28] A)

8. Growth, Reflection, and Moving Forward ([92:43]–[end])

• Embracing self-care:
  • Creating a bucket list after realizing she’s approaching her mother’s age at death; reconnecting with Korean heritage, learning to cook her mom’s dishes.
• Parenting:
  • Balancing honoring her past, caring for her own daughter, and being open to new friendships and support.
• Acceptance of non-linearity in healing:
  • “Nothing is linear. It’s okay. Take one step at a time. I can only control myself. I can’t control anybody else.” ([94:19] A)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the initial shock:
  "There really weren’t any... red flags. We had a normal life." ([05:49] A)

• When told about the murders:
  "I'm so sorry. Your mom and sister are dead, and we have your father in custody. We have every reason to believe he did this." ([33:44] Detective to Michelle)

• On grief:
  “That was the moment I knew my life was different.” ([39:29] A)

• On complicated family loss:
  "I didn't just lose a sister; I lost a friend... I lost my mom. And I didn’t realize how impactful losing my mom would be until I got pregnant." ([51:00]–[53:02] A)

• On triggers and therapy:
  "You can kind of accept what happened but still get angry." ([57:34] A)

• On moving forward:
  “Nothing is linear. It’s okay. Take one step at a time.” ([94:19] A)
  “I used to keep it to just the people who were right knowing. But not anymore. No, I want it needs to be out because I feel like closing that part of me is closing off... opening up.” ([96:20] A)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:00] Introduction and most common questions answered (Where was she? Was her father abusive? Did he call her home to “finish the job”?)
• [02:02] Family history, background
• [11:47] Michelle’s engagement and family dynamics leading up to the event
• [19:48] The day of: urgent call from her father and race to get home
• [28:21] Arrival at scene, police intervention, and rerouting to police station
• [33:44] Police deliver the news of her mother and sister's deaths
• [39:29] The initial aftermath: calls to family, beginning of grief
• [43:04] First contact with her father after the incident
• [44:01] Psychological evaluation, court case, “guilty but mentally ill” plea
• [50:49] Post-conviction petition process, protracted legal aftermath
• [51:00] Reflection on compounded losses and changing family relationships
• [62:17] Therapy insights, coping mechanisms, and how trauma lingers
• [72:28] Reflections on her relationship with her father, the impossibility of knowing “why”
• [92:43] Hope, growth, forming new connections, and ongoing healing

Tone and Language

• Michelle’s tone is remarkably candid, gentle, and self-aware. The discussion is raw, emotional, and filled with moments of painful honesty, but also of quiet strength and sometimes dry humor.
• Host and guest maintain an empathetic, validating atmosphere, letting Michelle’s voice and perspective set the pace.

Final Reflections

Michelle’s story is less about “true crime” than about survival, heartbreak, and resilience. The trauma’s impact is ongoing; there is no final closure, but there is growth, self-compassion, and the ability to share, which—by her own words—brings a sense of liberation and hope, both for herself and for listeners with their own hidden wounds.

If you are dealing with trauma or grief and need support, please consider reaching out to a therapist or support group. If you have a story to share, you can contact the show at wereallinsanepodcast@gmail.com.