Podcast Summary: "Postpartum Psychosis Nearly Killed Me"

Podcast: We're All Insane
Host: Devorah Roloff
Guest: Megan
Date: January 7, 2026

Episode Overview

In this powerful and unflinchingly honest episode, Megan, a nurse from Texas, shares her deeply personal journey through postpartum depression and psychosis. She opens up about years of secrecy and shame, confronting the realities of mental illness following childbirth—experiences that nearly cost her everything. Megan’s story touches on mental health stigma, complicated family dynamics, the importance of seeking help, and the lifesaving power of open communication. This episode serves as both an urgent call to awareness and an encouragement for anyone struggling in silence.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Introduction & Setting the Stage

• Background
  • Megan explains her intent to focus solely on her experience, not casting blame on her ex-husband or family. Their relationship is healthy and co-parenting is positive (00:00).
  • She kept her postpartum struggles a secret for years, only recently telling her ex-husband about her experience (00:00–01:25).
  • After researching for a hoped-for future pregnancy, Megan learned postpartum depression affects 10–20% of women, with postpartum psychosis being much rarer (00:48–02:50).

How It All Started: Personal & Relationship History

• Upbringing & Early Adulthood
  • Raised in a deeply religious household, sheltered upbringing may have influenced her later decisions and reactions (03:12).
  • Adherence to "True Love Waits"—emphasis on saving oneself until marriage (04:00).
• Meeting Her Partner
  • Met her ex-husband working at a hospital; a relationship initially marked by rapid commitment and overlooked red flags (05:40).
  • Took on the caretaker role for his children from previous relationships—juggling emotionally demanding family life, work, and school (07:50).
• Contraception and Hormonal Imbalance
  • Details experimenting with various birth controls and how badly hormonal methods affected her mood, foreshadowing later mental health struggles (08:56–11:08).

"I just was affected by hormones pretty easily, I suppose."
— Megan (09:49)

Relationship Breakdown & Escalating Stress

• Toxic Relationship Cycle
  • Relationship became toxic—chronic fighting, cheating, emotional distress (12:00).
  • Began drinking heavily, emotionally dissociating, and experiencing depression before pregnancy (12:50).

Pregnancy and Birth Experience

• Unplanned Pregnancy
  • Initially devastated by unplanned pregnancy, but her family's excitement quickly lightened her fear (14:00–15:52).
• Pregnancy Bliss Turned Trauma
  • Felt happy and energized during pregnancy—balancing work, study, and parenting multiple children (15:52–19:15).
  • Labor and delivery described as a "Hollywood moment," but emotional state shifted drastically the moment her daughter was born (23:10).

Immediate Onset of Darkness

• The Switch: Birth as a Trigger
  • As soon as the baby was delivered, Megan was "enveloped in darkness." She experienced immediate, overwhelming sadness and confusion about its intensity (28:49).

"I was just enveloped, just completely consumed with darkness. Evil darkness, sadness... I was convinced that I... was just possessed by a demon."
— Megan (28:49)

• Desperate for Normalcy
  • Tried to tell herself it was just hormones ("baby blues"), mimicked joy for others, but internally was numb and deeply depressed (29:45–33:00).

Early Warning Signs Overlooked

• Invisible Suffering
  • Constant crying, numbness, and feeling like an imposter. Others chalked it up to normal postpartum emotions (30:00–33:30).
• Fear of Stigma
  • Did not disclose the depth of her struggles, including thoughts about demons and evil, to her doctor or family (33:35–35:30).

Daily Life with Postpartum Depression and Psychosis

• Isolation at Home
  • Complex feelings about her husband’s other children; harbored resentment and intrusive thoughts, felt they might “corrupt” her newborn (37:11–41:30).
  • Insomnia, hearing noises she interpreted as evil presences, refusing to sleep in the bedroom for months (41:50–45:00).
• Disordered Behaviors
  • Hoarded dirty diapers; neglected her hygiene and self-care; wore same postpartum pad for days (46:16).
• Family Observations
  • Family and friends noticed she was struggling (poor hygiene, sadness), but attributed it to new motherhood or a stressful home life (48:24–50:25).

Cry for Help—Missed Opportunities

• Encounters with Health Workers
  • Even when showing up at the WIC office disheveled and barefoot, staff noticed her suffering but never intervened beyond a gentle conversation (53:55).
• Medical Appointments
  • Downplayed symptoms to providers due to shame—never discussed hallucinations or violent fantasies, only sadness (54:35–55:00, 85:03–85:14).

Progression to Psychosis

• Suicidal Ideation and Detachment
  • Suicidal thoughts and fantasies about escaping by faking illness or injury. Never actively wanted to leave her baby, but wanted life to end (56:04).
• Intrusive, Violent Thoughts
  • Developed disturbing, violent dreams and thoughts about harming her stepchildren, sparking deep fear about her own mental state (66:40, 69:03).

“I started to have very bad dreams at night where I would be harming the other children… I would be abusing them, just being so aggressive. And I would wake up and I would be like, oh my God. Gosh, yeah, you need to calm down. That. That's awful that you don't need to be doing that.”
— Megan (66:39)

“I had a dream one night that I got out of bed and I poured gasoline in the kids’ bedrooms… lit the house on fire... and I can hear it in my head to this day, the kids were screaming, mama, mama, and like banging on the door. And I just kept on running. I never even turned around.”
— Megan (72:20)

• Awareness and Fear
  • Fear of becoming one of the tragic stories she’d read about; recognized she needed urgent help (74:27–75:17).

Turning Point: Seeking (and Receiving) Help

• Finally Asking for Help
  • At 8 months postpartum, she confessed everything to a nurse practitioner, who prescribed medication but did not escalate to a psychiatric facility—based on Megan’s insistence she wouldn’t act on the thoughts (76:10).

“I remember telling her, ‘I know how this sounds. This sounds insane, but I don’t need to go anywhere—I’m not going to do these things, I promise… I just need some medica—I need something. I need help.’"
— Megan (76:09)

• Treatment & Challenges
  • Medication (Zoloft) started to work; nightmares and psychotic symptoms decreased, but residual anger, guilt, and relationship strain persisted (76:09–79:45).
• End of Relationship
  • Ultimately left her marriage for the safety and wellbeing of all involved (January 12)—a painful but necessary decision (80:53).

Recovery and Ongoing Struggles

• Aftermath
  • Felt relief and joy after leaving, but PTSD remained—especially when her sister became a new mom (81:56–86:11).
  • Experiences episodes of paranoia, struggles to believe others could have a positive, “normal” postpartum experience (85:11–86:11).
• Recurrent PTSD
  • Continued to deal with trauma, particularly during times when the family dynamic reflects her own past struggles (86:11).

Reflections and Advocacy

• Open Communication Matters
  • Now emphasizes to her partner and others the importance of talking about bad days openly (87:09–87:41).
• Cultural & Systemic Issues
  • Criticizes the “brush it off” attitude surrounding postpartum suffering; calls for more robust and mandatory mental health screening for new mothers (92:24–93:44).

“Women, we do not keep quiet anymore. We speak out on this stuff. People might think of you as a ‘bad mom,’ but you speak out on it because your health, your baby, your husband, everybody’s health matters in your family.”
— Megan (94:01)

• A Message to Others
  • Encourages women to speak up, seek help early, and not let shame or fear dictate whether they reach out (94:01–97:07).
  • Host and Megan discuss how storytelling provides answers, validation, and hope for those suffering in silence (95:20–96:50).

Notable Quotes & Emotional Moments

• On Immediate Postpartum Darkness:
  “I was convinced that I... was just possessed by a demon.”
  — Megan (28:49)

• On Stigma & Silence:
  “That’s insane that I hid all of that pretty good. I never discussed that type of stuff, but obviously I didn't hide the crying and the keeping the diapers and stuff like that very well at all.”
  — Megan (87:57)

• On the Urgency of Action:
  “If the first couple of weeks when I was just crying a lot and just hearing the voice and it wasn't anything crazy, it was just like a little bit of a voice. I could have got on meds then and I never would have progressed into what it progressed into.”
  — Megan (91:38)

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |------------|--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:00 | Megan’s introduction, disclaimer, and background | | 02:00 | Research on postpartum depression, psychosis, and social stigma | | 08:56 | Hormonal struggles, impactful role of birth control | | 12:00 | Relationship toxicity, discovering partner’s infidelity | | 15:52 | Pregnancy acceptance, family reactions | | 23:10 | Delivery, the "Hollywood moment," and the instant onset of darkness | | 28:49 | Describing immediate, overwhelming postpartum depression after birth | | 33:35 | Fears of stigma—choosing not to disclose hallucinations/delusions | | 41:50 | Insomnia, hearing "something in the corner," avoiding bedroom (sleeping on couch for months) | | 46:16 | Hoarding diapers, personal neglect | | 54:35 | First medical postpartum depression check-ins—what got missed | | 56:04 | Suicidal ideation, thoughts of self-harm | | 66:39 | Intrusive, violent thoughts about stepchildren; dreams of harming them involuntarily | | 72:20 | Dream of burning down the house; recognition that this is “rock bottom” | | 76:09 | Breaking the silence at the doctor, seeking medication | | 80:53 | Deciding to leave marriage, taking daughter, starting new life | | 85:11 | PTSD after sister gives birth; ongoing paranoia and triggering memories | | 94:01 | Megan’s call to action: women must speak out about postpartum mental health |

Episode Tone & Takeaways

Megan’s vulnerability is matched by her clarity and hope. She moves seamlessly from moments of dark humor to sobering realizations, always candid about her fears, failings, and triumphs. The episode is a testament to human resilience and an urgent reminder that severe postpartum mental illness can happen to anyone. Most crucially, Megan demonstrates the importance of reaching out, fighting isolation, and demanding that mental health be prioritized in postpartum care.

Final Thoughts

This episode is essential listening for anyone touched by parenting, mental health, or trauma. Megan’s courage in sharing details that society often silences can, and likely will, save lives. The conversation closes on gratitude and hope—by breaking her silence, Megan empowers others to do the same.

"If I would have watched this video... seven years ago, I would have been… Everything would have been different."
— Megan (95:17)