Podcast Summary: "We're All Insane" – R*ped By My Uncle for 10 Years

Host: Devorah Roloff
Guest: Raven
Release Date: August 25, 2025

Overview

This deeply personal episode features Raven's harrowing account of surviving ten years of sexual abuse by her uncle, navigating a complex and troubled family environment, and ultimately finding recovery, self-acceptance, and purpose through spirituality. The episode is an unfiltered, honest telling of abuse, silence, addiction, mental health struggles, and resilience. Raven hopes they can transform their pain into hope for others who feel alone in their trauma.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Stage: Why Share Now?

• Family Disclaimer: Raven cautions her family not to listen, explaining that they are happier now and ready to share only because they're doing better.

  “If you do listen to it without my permission... please don’t talk to me about it. Try, try and pretend like you didn’t... I want to do some alchemy and I want to change my story into something... other people can get something out of.” (02:09)

• Purpose: Raven’s goal is to turn personal pain into something positive, hoping someone listening will benefit.

2. Early Life & Family Dynamics [03:15–12:00]

• Family Structure: Raised primarily by paternal grandparents (“mother and father”), not by biological parents (“mom and dad”).
• Parental Issues: Dad battled addiction and instability; mom characterized as loving but barred from involvement due to her “messiness” (linked to undiagnosed ADHD).
• Initial Trauma: Early separation from biological parents left lasting emotional scars and fostered a sense of missing connection.

3. The Beginning of Abuse [12:01–25:00]

• Uncle’s Move-In: Uncle (father’s brother) moves into family home.

  "My uncle moves in... he starts like trying to build a relationship with me or whatever... I do remember the horrible night that all the shit happened." (20:00)

• Grooming & Assault:
  • Abuse commenced at age 3 with physical touch, escalating to oral abuse.
  • Uncle established secrecy using threats:

    “He would say to me, like, ‘hey, you can’t talk to anyone about this, because if you do...’ So I’m a kid... Not realizing even what’s happening to me.” (25:40)

• Memory & Impact: Raven clearly remembers many details, describing a childhood “robbed of innocence.”
• Boundary Testing: Uncle tried further sexual violations, but would stop if Raven strongly resisted — fostering twisted confusion about "love" and "boundaries."

4. Attempts at Escape and Missed Opportunities [25:01–1:04:00]

• Abuse Moves Locations: Abuse continues in the casita (guest house) on the property.
  • Spongebob played on loop to distract Raven.
• Fears & Silence: Raven believed their mother sensed something but couldn’t act; confusion was reinforced by the uncle’s manipulation and frequent reminders not to tell.
• Isolation: No other family suspected anything.

  "All of my family... have wonderful memories of my uncle. It’s just me that has horrible, horrible, horrible, demonic memories of my uncle.” (01:04:20)

• Move to Florida: Family relocates, uncle only visits—abuse less frequent but occurs during his visits.
• Another Incident: At age 7, Raven is coerced into a sexual encounter by a 13-14 y/o family friend.

  “So you’re in the tub. And he says that. Oh, God.” (01:11:10)

• Guilt & Internalization: Raven describes self-blame for the abuse and never telling, believing it would destroy the family or not be believed.

5. Ongoing Abuse and Coping [1:10:00–2:10:00]

• Attempts at Protection: Moves sleep location to parents’ room to be safer, but uncle simply continues abuse there—even next to sleeping grandparents.

  "I would literally wake up to being assaulted in the same room as my parents, like, right next to them." (2:08:40)

• Powerlessness: Feelings of total helplessness; efforts to subtly avoid uncle fail.
• Detection Failure: Even when others suspected or questioned, Raven would deny due to shame, confusion, and guilt, missing intervention opportunities.

6. The Climax and End of the Abuse [2:10:00–2:25:00]

• Las Vegas Trip: On a family vacation the abuse escalates (“climaxed”), with Raven suffering visible injuries.

  “He abused me orally so bad... I had bruising... like hickeys but on my private areas.” (2:23:00)

• End of Abuse: Uncle’s heavy drinking leads to liver failure; he dies after six months in hospice.
• Aftermath and Relief:

  “The best birthday gift was the next day he finally died... If anything, I felt relieved.” (2:27:40)

• Impact on Family: Raven still hasn’t told family—fears disbelief, devastation for aging grandparents, and the loss of their positive memories of the uncle.

7. Aftermath: Mental Health, Addiction, and Search for Healing [2:25:01–3:10:00]

• Developmental Challenges: After the uncle’s death, deep depression, social anxiety, and self-isolation surface.
• Drugs and Acting Out:
  • Early exposure to drugs (Molly, mushrooms, weed) in search of relief; leads to arrest at age 14.
  • Raven regretfully describes "ratting out" others to the police—deep shame.
• Homeschooling and Social Struggles: Three years of online school, raising self via YouTube, poor social modeling, leading to social and communication issues.
• Online Communities: Builds friendships and community via Discord, but old traumas, lack of therapy, and wounds resurface in unhealthy online behavior and another cycle of pain and isolation.

8. Narcissistic Family Dynamics & Secondary Traumas [3:10:01–3:45:00]

• Lack of Support: Parents spend heavily to help others but deny Raven therapy.
• No Safe Adult: Attempts to get help repeatedly result in disappointment; shamed when asking for help with cleaning and mental health.

9. Young Adult Relationships & Repeated Patterns [3:45:01–4:25:00]

• Toxic Relationships:
  • First romantic relationship: Raven represses her trans identity and is not able to communicate needs.
  • Past sexual abuse triggers difficulties in sexual intimacy.
  • Honesty about her own failings—verbal abuse, jealousy, and codependency:

    “During that relationship... I was very verbally abusive and neglectful... A lot of it stemmed from the fact that I honestly didn’t want to be in the relationship...” (4:11:45)

• Breakup as Turning Point: The COVID breakup triggers a mental health crisis and becomes the first catalyst for real change.

10. Recovery: The Hard Road to Healing [4:25:01–5:15:00]

• Depression and Near Suicide: Severe suicidal ideation, alcohol abuse, disordered eating, and self-neglect follow.
• Therapy Initiation: Finally begins therapy after meeting fiancée, begins journey into self-acceptance and honest healing.
• Coming Out as Trans:

  “For me, my lived experience was that I died even though I didn’t die. And after that ... life’s too short for me to not be myself. So it was the very next day that I texted my parents I lived with. I was like, hey, I’m trans.” (4:48:30)

• Psychedelic “Awakening” & Spirituality:
  • Mushrooms foster healing; first acid trip brings spiritual chaos and a sense of “death/rebirth.”
  • Opens third eye; therapist introduces spirituality.
  • Prayers and signs (“everything happens for a reason”) reinforce Raven’s recovery.

  “Moving into the spiritual space, it’s given me so much strength. It’s so empowering because, like, what do we fear the most? Dying.” (5:06:10)

11. Today: Strength, Empowerment, and Advocacy [5:15:01–End]

• Engagement: Recent engagement to supportive partner.
• Found Stability: Found housing, supportive friends, and recovery from old destructive patterns.
• Spiritual Connection: Experiences with prayer, synchronicity, and “spirit guides” become a central anchor.
• Purpose: Excited for the future, grateful to be alive, and wants to be “a beacon of light” for others. Raven stresses healing is possible:

  “I just want to be a beacon of light. I want to show that even if times are really dark... you don’t know what’s right around the corner.” (End)

Notable Quotes & Powerful Moments

• On Secrecy and Silence:

  “He would say to me, ‘You can’t tell anyone about this or I’ll go to jail’... I didn’t know, and when you’re in trauma, especially as a child, you just don’t know it’s traumatic until you look back on it.” (25:30)

• On Family Disbelief:

  “There’s a part of me that thinks they wouldn’t even believe me... That’s just my biggest fear, is that they would try and deny it, you know. And that’s... why I just don’t even want to try going through that pain.” (2:15:40)

• Turning Pain to Purpose:

  “If I do it privately, that’s still something bad that happens to me... I want to turn it into something good for the world, that’s a net positive–rather than just something bad that happened to me.” (02:25)

• On the Protective Power of Spirituality:

  “Moving into... the spiritual realm, it’s given me so much strength. It’s so empowering because… what do we fear the most? Dying.” (5:06:10) “I was never happy my entire life. I was depressed my entire life. And as a kid, I planned on killing myself before I got to this age. I never had any intention to see 30... And to just find something that gives me so much power and so much strength... it makes me so happy.” (5:08:22)

Timestamps for Significant Segments

• Disclaimer/Intention: 00:59–02:45
• Family Structure & First Separation: 03:15–05:45
• Earliest Abuse Memory: 20:00–23:00
• Uncle’s Manipulation and Secrecy: 25:25–26:40
• Ritz Carlton & Family Friend Assault: 01:11:10–01:22:20
• Waking Up to Abuse Next to Grandparents: 2:08:40
• Climax/End of Abuse—Vegas & Uncle’s Death: 2:23:00–2:28:20
• Therapy Finally Begins: 4:46:00
• Coming Out as Trans: 4:47:50–4:48:50
• Spiritual Awakening: 5:01:00–5:06:10
• Episode Closing Message: 5:14:30–End

Tone & Language

Raven’s narration is raw, unfiltered, and often self-deprecating, delivered with vulnerability, occasional humor, and moments of poetic sincerity. There’s abundant use of strong language, especially when describing trauma, as well as frequent asides reflecting on what healthy boundaries or love ought to look like. Devorah is empathetic throughout, offering supportive space and minimal interruption.

Key Takeaways

• Childhood sexual abuse—especially within families—thrives on secrecy, isolation, and manipulation.
• Survivors may feel unable to disclose for years or decades, especially if they fear not being believed, or causing family pain.
• Traumatization leads to compounding struggles: addiction, isolation, depression, difficulty with boundaries, and social relationships.
• Therapy, honest self-reflection, community, and (in Raven’s case) spiritual exploration can be essential for recovery.
• Telling one's story, even anonymously or publicly, can be a powerful form of reclaiming agency and transforming pain for the benefit of others.

“I just want to be a beacon of light, you know, I want to show what we can be in the face of all of our adversity... and I want to show that, even if times are really dark... you don’t know what’s right around the corner.” (5:14:35)

If you or someone you know is coping with any of the issues discussed, seek support—you are not alone.