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- [00:01]
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- [01:00]
Carly Glenn
Well, thanks for having me.
- [01:02]
Devorah
Of course.
- [01:03]
Carly Glenn
I am excited to be here. I. I'm Carly Glenn. I'm a singer songwriter in New York and I heard about your podcast and I have a crazy story to tell you today. Devorah it is. Makes me nervous talking about because, like, I'm. I'm already getting clammy and that's normal.
- [01:27]
Devorah
That'll go away.
- [01:28]
Carly Glenn
Okay.
- [01:29]
Devorah
As you like. I tell everybody, like 15 minutes in, it's just rolling. Feels like second nature. It's just like, yeah, you're telling your story to anybody.
- [01:38]
Carly Glenn
Well, I am. I'm telling my story to everybody coming on this podcast. But I, I thought it was important to come on, especially to tell this story because it has to do with mental health and getting care that was not necessarily good. So I guess I'll start there. So back in 2017, I started having PTSD symptoms and just stuff was coming up from childhood trauma that I couldn't manage. And I was having like, I'm having symptoms. I'm having like literally now telling this, like, shakiness. Just like very hard to focus, very weird sort of episodes where I didn't know where I was. And I was like, gotta figure this out. You know, I was 22, I had to check myself into treatment. I was not doing well. I was in Chicago trying to be, you know, a comedian on the Second City stage. And for those who don't know, Second City, that's where like Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Stephen Colbert, like icons, Bonnie Hunt, if anyone know, that's like a fun Fact. Cause I feel like a lot of people don't know that she went there. Cheaper by the dozen. For those who love Bonnie Haunt. I checked myself into treatment because I wasn't feeling myself. I was anxious. PTSD symptoms from childhood, stuff that was coming up. And I had a great experience at this one treatment center and I thought I was only gonna be there for two and a half months, like one and done go and then back to real life.
- [03:24]
Devorah
Were you in therapy or did you just go straight to the treatment center?
- [03:27]
Carly Glenn
Yeah, I had been in therapy at that time since I was 9 years old. So when I was younger, you know, I was already struggling with mental health as it was, and I was, I wanted to take care of myself, I cared about myself. I liked who I was at the time and I, you know, I wanted help. And so I was going in already with like years of therapy under my belt just for something else that was coming up in my early 20s, that I was never. I couldn't, I couldn't compartmentalize whatever was going on. I was, up until that point in my life, I was able to like be myself and like have my anxiety and just take care of it on my own and do college. And like, I didn't have. I wasn't allowing myself to really let trauma hit me. And it finally came out. In my early 20s, I was in this treatment center and like I said I thought it was gonna be a one and done thing. And they said to me, oh no, you need to go to a step down program. And I'm like, a step down? Like, what does that mean? Like, to ease me back into real life. So like intensive outpatient or like a residential program. And I'm thinking, come, like I want to go back to like my life and like being funny and like I have this anxiety sort of figured out right now. I was able to like, talk about something that I, you know, had never spoken about in therapy in years and years. So I felt like that two and a half months was like really powerful for me and I was like ready to move on. And so their suggestion, I listened to them. I was like, I want to do what's best for me and okay, I'll look into a step down program. So I was in Chicago at the time and I took my. We had a computer time, like in the afternoon. Like I was at a place where I had no phone, no nothing. Like I read like a book a day. Like, you know, I did my Sudoku and I was looking at places in the Chicago area. Cause I'm like, I wanna get back to my life. I want my cat back. Cause I had not, you know, I couldn't bring to, to treatment. And so I was like, I'll do an outpatient program and that'll be perfect because I can live back in my apartment downtown. I can have my little kitty cat and I'll just commute and maybe go back to film school, which I did. So I get to this place and it's all good and fine and you know, I trust the people there because I don't know any better as a young girl. And I was, I was young, like 23, I think. You're still a kid at 23, like truly. And so I get there and it's my birthday. I turned 23 when I got there. And I stayed at their, like residence to do my intake. And everything was good. I liked the people, I liked who I was there with. Like the other patients that I met during that intake. And I liked the doctors, they seemed trustworthy. And so I spent six months there being a model patient. Like I was the type of person at this time to be a go getter. Like I was up doing soul cycle at 7 in the morning, then go into this and that and this and that. And I had so much energy because I was myself and I never knew anything else.
- [07:18]
Devorah
Yeah.
- [07:19]
Carly Glenn
And that's important to know because I wasn't like that for about six years of my life for what I'm about to tell you. So I'm at treatment and it's all going well. Star patient, like I said, I show up, I'm there every day. No absences, you sign away basically your life when you check into these sorts of places, like no drinking, no sexual activity unless you have a partner. And so I was a rule follower. I didn't want to break the rules. Like, I was such a goody two shoes. And six months into my treatment there, I had two of my friends come and visit me from out of town. And I was living at my apartment. And on the weekends I was free to do what I wanted because I was at treatment from, you know, Monday through Friday, every day, nine to five, sometimes six, seven, literally always there. And so I was like, at this point I'm like, I need a break. Like I don't struggle with, you know, alcohol and drugs. At this point I wasn't. And I was like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm gonna have a fun night out. So two of my friends from college come to visit me and I did like a classic Chicago night, which is like trolley night. And we did this trolley and we all got so wasted and just had fun. Like, it was such a great night. And I ended up, like, kissing a boy on the left of me, one of my friends, and, like, making out with a guy on the right. Like, silly, goofy. I'm in my 20s. I'm running around Chicago. I need a break, and I'm having a good time. So at this place where I'm at this treatment center, we had form that you have to fill out when you do something wrong or bad, and you have to present it to the entire treatment center on, like, a Tuesday or Thursday when we had our meeting.
- [09:28]
Devorah
So up to you to pick out what it was that you did wrong.
- [09:32]
Carly Glenn
It was up to me to not do anything wrong. And this was the wrong thing that I did. So I, like, went into the trolley night knowing, like, I'll just write that I drink and, you know, this is what I'll say to, you know, all the people. So I was totally prepared for that. I was like, whatever. Like, I've seen so many people do it here. Like, you know, it doesn't. It doesn't faze me. I don't care. Like, I'll just get up and whatever. It seems so silly because it was. And a lot of things at this place were really iffy, and that's why I'm. That's why I'm here telling the story. But anyway, so trolley night was fun. And I get to treatment the following Monday. And I know I've done something wrong. And I'm gonna have to spill the beans and tell, you know, I have to confess, like, I'm not gonna be. I'm a goody two shoes. I'll tell them that I drank and that I, you know, kissed a couple dudes. And so my therapist there on my treatment team, I saw her and I told her the whole story. I said, you know, my friends from college were in town. I scheduled a trolley night. I drank and I made out with this guy and hooked up. You know, I hooked up with this guy, two of these guys, just in front of everyone, whatever. It was like, silly, goofy, and so spilled the beans in therapy. I go home that night and I come back into the program the next day. And at this point, I haven't really heard from my parents, which is important to know because we're so constantly communicating. Like, on my drive here, they called me, like, both of them at different times. Like, I'm always communicating with them. And the program is designed so that Your parents are really, like, there with you. And so I heard from them all the time, and I hadn't heard from them, like, Monday morning when I had my therapy, to this Tuesday afternoon when I had gotten to treatment. So I'm like, that's weird. So I call them. I'm like, hey, they sounded so strange on the phone. And I'm like, what is going on? So they're like, you might want to go check in with doctor. And I'm just not saying names, but go check in with the chief medical officer there. Dr. What's his face. I like that for him. Dr. What's his face.
- [11:57]
Devorah
That's good.
- [11:57]
Carly Glenn
Yeah, it is good, because what he did to me sucks. So they're like, why don't you go talk to him? And I'm, like, so confused. I'm, like, freaking out. Like, oh, no, what did I do wrong? Because I'm, like, trying to be a good patient, you know? And I'm like, a good.
- [12:13]
Devorah
Following the rules.
- [12:14]
Carly Glenn
Yeah, following the rules. So I go down to his office and I knock. It's open. He brings me in. I sit down, and he stands and he goes back and forth. He's going on this long speech, and I'm like, you know, so, like, beyond, like, I'm, like, attentive with him because at this point, he's groomed me to be so. And it's six months in, so I trust him. And I'm listening to him thinking, like, what are you talking about? So he's going on about how the trolley night and what I did was so terrible. And I'm thinking to myself, like, it's not adding up. What I went out and did doesn't match how, you know, surprised and worried you are. So I said to him, I said, I don't understand why this is such a big deal. And he looked me dead in the eyes, and he said, you could have gotten raped. You could have gotten pregnant. And I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? He looks me dead in the face and goes, well, you slept with multiple men around the city. You slept with multiple men around the city. And I sat there, like, just. My ears, like, started ringing, because I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. What is this rumor you've heard? Because my story goes that I had this trolley night. My best friends were with me all night. I'd sleep with multiple men. What are you talking about? And I'm sitting there like this, defending myself because I was a strong motherfucker. And I. I was, like, blown away. I Was like, what are you talking about? I didn't sleep with multiple men. You slept with multiple men around Chicago. You slept, like, Kept on drilling it at me until I believed in myself. So here I am being told that I've slept with many men around the city.
- [14:18]
Devorah
And he was saying, like, just that night.
- [14:21]
Carly Glenn
Just that night. Just that trolley night, like I had. Exactly.
- [14:24]
Devorah
Did he make that up or did that.
- [14:26]
Carly Glenn
No. So what happened in the translation with my therapist is that she used the verbiage that I used, which is hook up, which to me just means, like, a makeout. In my generation, I'm a millennial, I think all of us would agree. Hookup. He heard it as I had slept with multiple men around the city. Which, by the way, that's his verbiage. I've never. It didn't happen. That's not what happened. And so I have exactly. Like.
- [14:53]
Devorah
Well, my thing is, even if you decided to fuck five men, I know, right?
- [14:58]
Carly Glenn
What's his deal?
- [15:00]
Devorah
That's no one's place to judge that.
- [15:04]
Carly Glenn
Well, it was so judgmental. And this man is supposed to be a doctor. Who cares.
- [15:09]
Devorah
It, like, reminds me of, like, a weird, like, almost like, when you hear the stories of, like, a. A church, like, when somebody goes to, like, Very culty. Yeah.
- [15:17]
Carly Glenn
Yeah. So that's why this story is so important, because what happens next ruined my life for the next six years. He kept on drilling this into me until I believed it myself, until I said, okay, give me whatever you think I should be taking to, you know, offset the crazy behavior that I've just made and. Cause I couldn't get out of it. I was being manipulated to believe that this is something that had happened to me, when in reality, it really fucking didn't. Did you still have to share it.
- [15:51]
Devorah
In front of, like.
- [15:52]
Carly Glenn
Yeah. And I defended myself. I said, I didn't do this. And it's being. It's. And I was gaslit to say, no, you're manipulating your therapist. And so what happens because of this trolley night and because of this silly little night that I just wanted to have for myself completely blew up into. You're bipolar, you're manic, you're promiscuous, and we have to get you off your Lexapro because you had this night because of your Lexapro making you manic, and we have to get it off. You have to get off it immediately. And we're putting you on lithium. So to sum it up, a chief medical officer spread a rumor that I had sex with multiple men around the City convinced me of that, told me I was bipolar because of it, put me on lithium, and the next week, I was pretty much brain dead. Imagine this lively person. I had no words. I was deadpan. I had no brain. And I do get emotional talking about it.
- [17:02]
Devorah
Yeah.
- [17:04]
Carly Glenn
Because how dare a person, like, do that? And for six years, I was not myself. I had no personality. I had. I forgot how to sing. It was devastating. Imagine who you were. Who I was. I had no vernacular. Like, I couldn't. I had to have my phone out in group therapy to Google words because I had no idea what anyone was talking about. And every time I begged them on my hands and fucking knees to get me off the lithium, they would say, oh, you're just talking about your trauma more. You're just talking about your trauma more.
- [17:45]
Devorah
So do you think it was because they put you on such a high dose?
- [17:48]
Carly Glenn
Yeah. Well, I think it's because this man in power who knew that I was a privileged person who had, you know, good parents, I got so sick that I had to move into the residence, which is just more money for him and his practice. The amount of people that came and left that place was horrendous, like professionals who worked there. And finally, after six more months of me being there, I was moved into a basement apartment and I lived with someone who had schizophrenia, which was, like. It was awful. I was there, out of my mind. I had no brain. Lithium, if you're not. If you are not diagnosed bipolar, it's just gonna shut you off. And not only was I on lithium, I was put on Lamictal, Seroquel Wellbutrin. All of these drugs that made me shut off. And when I tell you that I was a zombie, that's truly all I was. I couldn't. I had no joy, no happiness. It was just tears and dead. And I was, like, every day digging so deep to try to find just a small ounce of me. And nothing. Nothing. Like. And it was just. I think what was the scariest part about it and what's so scary about it now is that I. I don't think I lost years off my life. Like, I was really in that space for six years. Like, that's how much it screwed me up. The scariest, I think, part about it is to know that this man has so much power because of his credentials. And I'm not the only person at this treatment center with a horrible story. Mine doesn't even come close to some of the things that I know have gone on there. So. Yeah.
- [20:21]
Devorah
So how Long were you there in total?
- [20:23]
Carly Glenn
I was there for one whole year. I was there from age 23 or 24 to 25. And my mom finally came to pick me up after the six months, up until, like, you know, the trolley night. I had been going back and forth, Right? Yeah. And my parents were always out, like, doing therapy with me. And they kept me so away from them for those six months. And finally my mom came out, and I had a great relationship with the woman at the front desk. Cause I'm just friendly. I love talking to people. And that's who I was. I was spunky. It's who I am now. Thank God. Like, thank God I'm back. Like, it's been the last year that I've fully been present in my brain. So I'm like, now I'm gonna go tell this fucking story. Because this should not be happening at a place that is probably federally regulated because it's run by actual doctors. Like, the reason why I bring that up is because, like, Paris Hilton went to a horrible, unregulated place, and her story is so insane. And, like, I think that's what was scary about mine is, like, I'm at this place that is federally regulated, that is run by a doctor.
- [21:43]
Devorah
Yeah. It goes to show that it's run by.
- [21:44]
Carly Glenn
But it's malpractice, Right? Malpractice. But to answer your question, I was there until I was 25. And this amazing woman at the front desk, my mom, was in the waiting room. She flew from New York to Chicago to come out to see me. And she got there and wanted to talk to the, you know, staff immediately, because I was not myself. Everyone in my family knew it. Everyone was like, where's our daughter? Where's our daughter? Like, I truly had no personality, like, robotic, and just cried. And I. She got there, and the woman at the front desk leaned over to her while I was going back to get the doctor to come and talk to my mom, she flew all the way out here, and she wants answers. And he wouldn't even give her the time of day. And meanwhile, they're paying thousands and thousands of dollars for me to be there. So, like, what, you can't speak to my parent for two seconds? Anyway, so the woman leaned over to my mom and is like, get her out of here. Like, get your daughter out of here. And my mom was like, why? Why? And she was like, she's not herself. They are making her sick. Yeah. And that's when I left. And it took me six years to get back into my right mind.
- [23:07]
Devorah
So when you. So your mom took you out that day and then did you go back to the therapist that you were seeing before?
- [23:15]
Carly Glenn
No.
- [23:15]
Devorah
Or none at all?
- [23:16]
Carly Glenn
They caught me cold turkey because I. They had no plan for me. I was so desperate to get off these medications, I was taking them every fucking day.
- [23:28]
Devorah
Yes. Did you just say where medicines altogether?
- [23:31]
Carly Glenn
Yep, under the care of my gynecologist. Thank God. Like, they left me with no resources because they kept saying, if you leave or if you go off your meds, we will be forced to kick you out. And so the gaslighting was like insane. And I just listened and abided and just did what I had to do to like stay there and appease them because they had so much control over me. And. Yeah, I don't remember what your question was.
- [24:08]
Devorah
I was asking if you went back to the therapist. You said no because they cut you off.
- [24:13]
Carly Glenn
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No.
- [24:14]
Devorah
So you just stopped the medicine completely?
- [24:16]
Carly Glenn
I stopped at cold turkey. They gave me no resources because I had left. And they sent me a horrible email like, saying they weren't offering me like, you know, my final rounds or discharge or anything. And they left me for dead, essentially. So thank God I had my parents. I lived at my parents house for like six months.
- [24:37]
Devorah
Okay.
- [24:37]
Carly Glenn
And I got off the meds that way. I got my Lexico, Lexico Lexapro back from my gynecologist. And because she's amazing, I love her. She was literally at my sister's wedding. She's incredible. She has a podcast of her own and yeah, she prescribed that to me and I was able to undo what they did, sort of. But I kind of want to show you a picture of what I looked like through that time because not only was I not in my right mind, I was over 100 pounds heavier than I am right now because of the effects of all the medications on my body. And I just. I was unrecognizable inside and out. I had no idea who I was on the inside. I had no idea who I was on the outside. And before I find this picture, I just want to say that the importance of this story for me and why I'm telling it is because hopefully somebody is in my position and listens to this and they're on the wrong medication and they know it and they might be getting gaslit by whoever's giving it to them. But you know your mind the best. And if you're ever told by a medical professional that no, you're wrong, like that is malpractice in my opinion.
- [26:11]
Devorah
And I mean, I think too, like you said, you can trust yourself and know if something feels off or wrong.
- [26:16]
Carly Glenn
Yeah.
- [26:16]
Devorah
To speak up.
- [26:18]
Carly Glenn
Yeah.
- [26:18]
Devorah
Because, you know, just because they're a doctor doesn't mean that they're always right. And obviously your case is extreme.
- [26:25]
Carly Glenn
Yeah.
- [26:26]
Devorah
But there's also doctors that I feel like just want to prescribe. They don't actually, like, take the time to hear you out or some people don't even need medicine.
- [26:33]
Carly Glenn
No. And he didn't take any time to hear me out. He spun a story, a web of lies at the six month mark. He had nothing, nothing, nothing to pin me with. Oh, no.
- [26:45]
Devorah
Yeah.
- [26:46]
Carly Glenn
I had a trolley night.
- [26:47]
Devorah
When you, when you got out, did you ever have a thought in your head of, like, well, I wonder if, like, I might be bipolar. I wonder if I might.
- [26:55]
Carly Glenn
I had no idea who I was after I left this place. Because you're told that you're exactly like, you're told all these things. And I had no idea who I was after I left this. And I knew exactly who I was when I walked in there. You know what I mean? And so you start to question.
- [27:15]
Devorah
I feel like everything.
- [27:16]
Carly Glenn
I started to question everything. Of course I questioned my life, I questioned my being here. I was. I had no joy, no happiness, no personality, no nothing. It's basically. It was basically me being comatose, like, walking around with a dead brain. Like, I could walk, talk and eat and other things. But, like, I.
- [27:40]
Devorah
You had nothing to.
- [27:41]
Carly Glenn
I had nothing. To me, I was just a body and walking around. And so in 2021, I tried to take my own life. I couldn't do it anymore. And by the grace of fucking God, man, I met the best therapist I've ever, ever, ever known. And she saved my life. And she has a connection to the place that I was at, so the treatment center. Like, she knows them and has an opinion, and it was. It's just in crazy. It's insane.
- [28:25]
Devorah
Yeah.
- [28:27]
Carly Glenn
Podcast. Just plugging the pod insane. It is insane that I found her. I mean, the way that I found her in Chicago is like, beyond. And she got licensed in New York for me, like, because she's a badass and she was able to validate everything that had happened to me there. Yeah.
- [28:49]
Devorah
Were you able to take any legal action at all?
- [28:52]
Carly Glenn
Not yet.
- [28:52]
Devorah
But you plan to?
- [28:54]
Carly Glenn
I hope to one day.
- [28:55]
Devorah
You should.
- [28:56]
Carly Glenn
I will, I will. Not right now. I have bigger things to fry right now. Wait, let me show you this picture.
- [29:02]
Devorah
Show me.
- [29:02]
Carly Glenn
So you can just have a Visual. Okay, ready?
- [29:05]
Devorah
Whoa. My goodness. You're. I'm, like, more focused on your face.
- [29:09]
Carly Glenn
Yeah, I know.
- [29:09]
Devorah
Like, you don't even have the same face.
- [29:11]
Carly Glenn
No. Are you blown away?
- [29:12]
Devorah
Were your parents shocked?
- [29:15]
Carly Glenn
My parents are traumatized by the whole thing. I'm traumatized. Like.
- [29:19]
Devorah
Yeah.
- [29:20]
Carly Glenn
Yeah. How long looking at that? Like, it triggers me. Like, really does.
- [29:24]
Devorah
Yeah.
- [29:25]
Carly Glenn
It's not horrible.
- [29:27]
Devorah
Right. Well, I think, too, you know, it takes.
- [29:31]
Carly Glenn
There's a toll on my body and my brain.
- [29:33]
Devorah
Yeah.
- [29:34]
Carly Glenn
And I'm tired.
- [29:35]
Devorah
It takes a lot of, I think, healing to get to a place where. And I. You know, I wouldn't say even that because I think that there could be times that you can talk about something or look back at something and it not have an effect on you. And then other times where you look back and it does affect you and trigger you, and that's normal. I think that's part of healing in your journey, and it's. It's not a bad thing. I think it makes you human to have those emotions and.
- [30:01]
Carly Glenn
Yeah.
- [30:01]
Devorah
And you have every right to feel sad by that because, like you said, your life and personality and, you know, your voice was stripped from you.
- [30:12]
Carly Glenn
You know, that got me.
- [30:13]
Devorah
Yeah.
- [30:15]
Carly Glenn
My voice, like. I mean, that is, like, the biggest thing that killed me because I am a singer. Like, that is, like, my means to.
- [30:26]
Devorah
Express therapy in a way.
- [30:28]
Carly Glenn
Exactly. Exactly. They took away, like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. I just remember I was in a voice lesson downtown, and I was trying to sing while I was on the meds, and I had a little small breakthrough, but not in a way that was, you know, not how I'm singing now. Now I'm singing like, oh, my God, I'm back. But I just had a moment in my voice lesson where, like, something came out of me and I just started. I just. I broke down and I was, like, hyperventilating. My voice teacher was so amazing, and, you know, he just, like, stopped what he was doing. Like, came and just rubbed me on my back and, like, I'm so happy to be here. Like, truly all I wanted to do was have a fun trolley night. And then this psychotic psychiatrist made me really sick and I almost died.
- [31:21]
Devorah
But it's so important, like you said, because there's people that are going through this or have gone through it, and, you know, you're on the side of it now where you're able to talk about it, but so many people still aren't.
- [31:33]
Carly Glenn
No.
- [31:34]
Devorah
And you know it. You're providing that voice for people as well, because too many People, I think, and it's. It's very easy to let this happen, but I think too many people allow pe. Other people and these traumas and things that happen to them in their life define them, and they don't come back from it. So the fact that you were able to, you know, come out on the other side and speak about it.
- [31:59]
Carly Glenn
Yeah.
- [31:59]
Devorah
Especially this soon after. Like, it's not like it was, like, 10 years ago, you know.
- [32:04]
Carly Glenn
Right, right.
- [32:05]
Devorah
It's just I feel like you kind of provide and show that there is a light.
- [32:11]
Carly Glenn
Thank you.
- [32:12]
Devorah
At the end of it.
- [32:13]
Carly Glenn
You're exactly right. That is literally why I'm here today. Like, it is it? Because, oh, my God, if I had been listening to a story like this when I was in treatment, I would have, like, called 911. I would have been like, get me out of this fricking place. Like, they're drugging me. Right.
- [32:31]
Devorah
But it also makes you a little bit more aware, which I feel like we live in a world, unfortunately, where it's important to be so cautious and aware.
- [32:38]
Carly Glenn
Yeah.
- [32:39]
Devorah
You know, like, we have to kind of feel like the most, like, watch our backs all the time. Like, you can't trust anyone.
- [32:48]
Carly Glenn
No.
- [32:48]
Devorah
And I hate to say that.
- [32:49]
Carly Glenn
No.
- [32:50]
Devorah
And there are good people. There are some people that you can trust. But I think that, you know, it goes to show that, like we said, just because you're a doctor or professional or something might be regulated. Like, it doesn't mean that it. It can be trusted or that they're doing things properly or Right. And, you know, they're. They destroyed someone's life for a period of time.
- [33:11]
Carly Glenn
Yep. They did.
- [33:12]
Devorah
And that. That is something that should be spoken out about. And, you know, like you said, too, there, it's happening to people in so many different ways.
- [33:23]
Carly Glenn
Yeah.
- [33:24]
Devorah
Which is so heartbreaking.
- [33:26]
Carly Glenn
Oh, yeah. Like, mine. Listen, what happened to me is really strange. Like, it is like I was sitting in an office listening to this psychiatrist tell me I had slept with multiple bed. When I literally knew. I literally was in bed by, like, 11.
- [33:45]
Devorah
It just, like I said, makes sense to me.
- [33:48]
Carly Glenn
Because even.
- [33:48]
Devorah
Even if you did, how does that result in. Even if someone is promiscuous, how does that make them bipolar? Why does that mean they need to be on 10 different medications? Like, that doesn't even.
- [33:58]
Carly Glenn
It doesn't. And I don't think that he. Yeah, he can't. Like, he can't know.
- [34:03]
Devorah
I think it's a control thing. It's almost like. I think people like that get off on Control.
- [34:08]
Carly Glenn
Right.
- [34:09]
Devorah
And.
- [34:09]
Carly Glenn
And he is the definition of a narcissist.
- [34:11]
Devorah
Yeah.
- [34:12]
Carly Glenn
So truly, like, I was under the care of a narcissistic psychiatrist. And that's your headline for the episode, everybody.
- [34:21]
Devorah
Right.
- [34:22]
Carly Glenn
That's. That's literally it. That's the headline. Right.
- [34:26]
Devorah
So in the six years after.
- [34:28]
Carly Glenn
Yeah.
- [34:29]
Devorah
What did you find that helped you the most? Like, what were some things you did?
- [34:34]
Carly Glenn
Creating? Yeah, I made a whole TV show called I Didn't Mean to Go Mental. It's. I made the pilot. Like, I wrote it. I ended up. It was something that I was working on in film school. Cause I was going to film school during treatment, and then I was told, oh, you can't go to film school anymore. You're sick. Yeah. And so I dropped out. And then I went back. But it, like, they really ruined, like, you know, trajectory that I had, that. Who knows where I would have gone. But I think that during these six years, like, I've been able to process what happened to me through all of my work, which is, like, my show. I didn't mean to Go Mental, which I star in. Okay. Oh. So, yeah, I would say that I created a lot. And.
- [35:28]
Devorah
And that probably felt good to get back, too.
- [35:30]
Carly Glenn
It felt amazing. And in the last year, now that I've had my voice back to. It's been restored to what I know it to be. I, weirdly enough, like, serendipitous. So I was on the phone with my friend Craig when I was living in Chicago FaceTiming, and this woman was, like, in the room and whipped the phone out of his hand and ended up being my now producer of my debut album, Molly Wilson, who used to manage Carly Simon, who I was named after. And ever since, I've just been working on myself and putting myself first, which is what I've had to do in the last six years, especially these last few years since I was in psych, because I tried to take my own life and was admitted there. So ever since then, I've just been patient, and things have been happening for me that I hope I deserve. Like, I think I deserve it because I was so not in my right mind. And, like, oh, my gosh, I met this amazing producer who's connected to me in this serendipitous way. And now I'm recording my debut album, like, and I got to process a lot of, like, I have a song called PTSD on my record worth Fighting for, which is coming out January 14th, and then a lot of other songs that reflect, like, the journey that I've been on the last six years, so I've been busy creating stuff so that I don't have to ruminate in it so much. And that's like. I don't know. It's kind of what makes an artist, I guess. You know, you write what you know, and that's just how I've been spending my time.
- [37:16]
Devorah
Yeah. And that's what I was gonna say to you, too. You know, obviously, I don't. I don't believe that anything. Like, while. Yes, Everything that happens to us happens for a reason. Do I think that these bad or traumatic things should happen? No.
- [37:30]
Carly Glenn
No.
- [37:30]
Devorah
But I do think that if they do, we can turn it into something that makes our story.
- [37:39]
Carly Glenn
Meaningful.
- [37:40]
Devorah
Yes. Like, I feel like, you know, now you're able to use what happened to you in something that you love, you know, like, with your creativity, and that'll speak volumes to so many people.
- [37:54]
Carly Glenn
Thank you.
- [37:55]
Devorah
Oh, I'm serious.
- [37:56]
Carly Glenn
I appreciate it.
- [37:57]
Devorah
Good.
- [37:58]
Carly Glenn
Great. But we're hanging out. Yeah, obviously.
- [38:01]
Devorah
But no, like, I just feel like, you know, while. Yes, obviously, when you talk about it and you sit here and you reflect it, it can very easily make you emotional and, I know. Make you upset. But at the same time, you're. You know, everybody's going through a healing journey and a process, and I think that if you're able to take that and turn it into something good and help other people and prevent it from happening, or even allow people to have more courage to use a voice and speak up and even recognize, like, oh, this might be off, or something's wrong here. Like, you're doing wonders.
- [38:34]
Carly Glenn
Thank you for saying that. Because, seriously, I've been, like, stirring about. Like, do I. Come on here? Do I talk about it? And it's like, okay, scary, because you're. You're scary. It's like, I wonder how people are gonna perceive this, if they even are gonna think it's as bad as it was for me. Like, you know what I mean?
- [38:53]
Devorah
There's that. But also, everybody handles trauma and things differently. There's somebody that could have something like that happen to them, and they're just done for. Like, they don't ever come back from it. There's some people that it might happen to them, and it goes right over their head. You don't know how, like, we're human. We're all different, but that doesn't take away from how it affected you and how it made you feel. That's very real, and you're entitled to that in every single way.
- [39:17]
Carly Glenn
Yeah.
- [39:18]
Devorah
And, you know, I think it can be very scary speaking out against doctors.
- [39:24]
Carly Glenn
Yeah. Are still doing this. Like, the place is up. Right.
- [39:27]
Devorah
And especially when it comes to mental health, because I think people are very quick to judge people or think people are crazy or insane or this, that, and the other. And at the end of the day, like. Yeah, at the end of the day, none of that. Like, the labels of it don't really matter.
- [39:42]
Carly Glenn
It's.
- [39:43]
Devorah
If you're. I think at the end of the day, if any medication or treatment is stripping someone away from who they truly are within, it's a problem.
- [39:54]
Carly Glenn
It's a big problem.
- [39:55]
Devorah
Yeah.
- [39:56]
Carly Glenn
And it's a bigger problem when you go directly to who you're supposed to go to, which is a doctor to say, I don't feel good on this med. Yeah. Right. And all they did was not help me.
- [40:08]
Devorah
Right.
- [40:09]
Carly Glenn
And for their gain.
- [40:10]
Devorah
And originally, you checked yourself in.
- [40:12]
Carly Glenn
Right?
- [40:13]
Devorah
Yeah.
- [40:13]
Carly Glenn
Like, so it's like.
- [40:14]
Devorah
It's crazy that if you think of it that way, it's like you. You just wanted help, and then it just spirals into this.
- [40:20]
Carly Glenn
Yeah.
- [40:20]
Devorah
Bizarre.
- [40:20]
Carly Glenn
And it's like. And it's like stuff that happened to me when I was a little girl, Like, I didn't even mention that. Like, I. I've. You know, there's a lot of stuff. I know you probably have to, you know, put a trigger warning on a lot of people who come on here, because it is triggering to hear me say this, but I was sexually abused as a kid and for many years, and I. That all came out in my early 20s, and that is why I went away. I'm like, I have to go talk about this under, like, in a. In a place where I feel safe.
- [40:56]
Devorah
Right.
- [40:56]
Carly Glenn
And so now that this horrible thing at this treatment center has. It doesn't even compare to what I went through as a kid. Like, what I went through when I was 24, 25, and the last six years. And that is not something I would wish on anybody. To truly lose yourself and to have no idea what you are, who you are.
- [41:23]
Devorah
It's helpless.
- [41:24]
Carly Glenn
It's helpless. It's devastating. It is. I will never, ever take happiness for granted ever again. If I'm taking anything from this experience, it's that and, like, little things in life. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's my story. Devorah.
- [41:47]
Devorah
Well, I think you did amazing.
- [41:49]
Carly Glenn
Thank you.
- [41:50]
Devorah
You should be proud of yourself.
- [41:51]
Carly Glenn
I am. I am.
- [41:52]
Devorah
Do you feel less clammy over there? Do you feel anything? I'm like.
- [41:55]
Carly Glenn
I'm like.
- [41:55]
Devorah
Did you, like, feel like it A little bit loose. No, I feel loose.
- [41:58]
Carly Glenn
I feel good. I'm like, you know, I. I'm comfortable. I could probably sit here now for another hour. I don't know if you really want to listen.
- [42:05]
Devorah
Once you get it flowing, was there anything else that you wanted to touch on or you think you got it all?
- [42:10]
Carly Glenn
I think that's the. That's the main story. There's a lot of shit that happened there that really. With me, but it's not something I'm going to talk about today because it's still stuff that I'm unpacking in therapy. And that is my main. Yeah, that's my main narrative from that place. I will say in my. In my rounds, once they said this to me, which is so psychotic, because I'm funny. And if you haven't already guessed or noticed, I. I like to make jokes and have a good time, and I am just. That's how I showed up to treatment. Like, I was a ball of energy and I just want. You had a personality I can't imagine. I can't. Oh, my God. And in my round, a doctor said this to me, well, you don't want to end up like Robin Williams. And I'm like, dude, Robin Williams had dementia, you dumbass. Like, this is the care that I was on.
- [43:10]
Devorah
Right.
- [43:11]
Carly Glenn
Like, what do you mean I'm gonna end up like, are you threatening my life? Like, I'm supposed to be here to get help? Like, I don't know.
- [43:19]
Devorah
I think a lot of people aren't very professional. I think they don't have a filter. I think they don't speak before they think.
- [43:25]
Carly Glenn
No.
- [43:26]
Devorah
Or think before they speak. Sorry, guys.
- [43:29]
Carly Glenn
I wasn't speaking at all.
- [43:30]
Devorah
I wasn't thinking before.
- [43:31]
Carly Glenn
I just go there.
- [43:32]
Devorah
But that's ok. No, they. They just. They don't. And we live in a twisted, sick world. And like I said, there are some good people, there are some trustworthy people, but unfortunately, you kind of have to sift through to find them.
- [43:45]
Carly Glenn
You do.
- [43:45]
Devorah
And I'm so glad that you ended up finding an amazing therapist that saved your life. That makes the biggest difference.
- [43:52]
Carly Glenn
Shout out to her. Because she's a blessing.
- [43:54]
Devorah
Yes. And I get that. Like, it takes time. I mean, I've said this multiple times on here, too. Like, I was never really somebody that thought that I wanted therapy or needed therapy. I tried it a couple times. Felt very transactional, didn't like it. And I feel like, unfortunately that is the case.
- [44:10]
Carly Glenn
It is.
- [44:10]
Devorah
And, you know, for a lot. Yeah. And it doesn't get you anywhere. It doesn't help anything. They're giving you charts. It's breathing exercises. If it was that easy, I don't think we'd have as many problems in the world, but whatever. And then you can find somebody amazing, and it just gives you a different mindset. So, you know, even if it. Even if that can be another message in there of, like, don't give up on finding the right person or a good person to talk to.
- [44:32]
Carly Glenn
Not at all.
- [44:32]
Devorah
They are out there.
- [44:33]
Carly Glenn
They are. And it's just like dating. You have to be patient, and you have to date your therapist.
- [44:39]
Devorah
Trial and error.
- [44:40]
Carly Glenn
It's trial and error. And what I will say is in. The reason why therapy has been so unbelievable for me now is because, one, I have an incredible therapist who got into this profession because she genuinely cares about humans and she's brilliant, and she allowed me to discover so much on my own. She was just like, my guide, and she let it play out. And she took care of me and was so methodic about how she took care of me. And because I was not in a good place when I first saw her, I was, like, having these horrible episodes. I, like. I hammered my hand during one of an episode. Like, I was so out of it that I took a hammer to my hand and I don't know the rest. I woke up, you know, in a weird state of confusion, and my hand was all black and blue from me just hammering the shit out of myself because I was made and manipulated to, like, hate myself so much at this place.
- [45:50]
Devorah
They almost, like, made you lose your mind.
- [45:52]
Carly Glenn
I did lose my mind. Oh, I sure did.
- [45:55]
Devorah
And yourself. And everything.
- [45:56]
Carly Glenn
And everything. Everything. But, yeah, you know what? I am. I'm alive and well.
- [46:02]
Devorah
Yeah. And you're here to talk about it.
- [46:04]
Carly Glenn
And I'm here to talk about it. And I'm in the now. I'm, like, living my dream. I'm, like, literally in the midst of releasing my debut album, which is incredible. 14. Yeah, it's incredible. It's 14 songs. It's. It's a story. And there are some songs that are, you know, inspired by the time that I, like, especially worth fighting for. The one that's coming out soon. You'll be like, oh, yeah, this is where you are at mentally. But, yeah, I think going from here now and, like. Cause this is, like, a huge deal for me to be coming on here and, like, telling this story. Like, I feel like this is a huge milestone in what I'm trying to do right now, which is exactly what we said earlier, which is literally making meaning out of what happened to me. And I'm doing so in this album. The beauty of it all. And that's what the record's called. And, yeah, I get to leave here today knowing that, like, oh, I just.
- [47:11]
Devorah
You made a difference.
- [47:12]
Carly Glenn
I just. I hope so. I did. I hope.
- [47:15]
Devorah
I promise you did.
- [47:15]
Carly Glenn
I hope so. And now I get to go. It's a. Screw them. I'm gonna go make art, live my life, hopefully be a pop star.
- [47:26]
Devorah
You will be okay.
- [47:28]
Carly Glenn
Thank you.
- [47:28]
Devorah
So there's gonna be a day when you're really famous. And I decided I was odd. We're all excited on my podcast.
- [47:36]
Carly Glenn
Okay. Hear that, meatball?
- [47:38]
Devorah
That's pretty cool.
- [47:38]
Carly Glenn
You hear that meatball?
- [47:40]
Devorah
She's like, I played this whole time, and now I'm ready to nap. But no, seriously, thank you so much for coming on here.
- [47:46]
Carly Glenn
Thank you so much. It's been amazing.
- [47:47]
Devorah
It's a very important story to tell.
- [47:50]
Carly Glenn
I agree. And now I'm alive and well, and I hope to just be a bubble of joy and happiness for people, because that's. I can give that now.
- [48:03]
Devorah
Yes. Amazing. I love it. Thank you.