140: Hot Takes Tuesday Fest

Summary

Podcast Summary: "We're Here to Help" Episode 140: Hot Takes Tuesday Fest

Release Date: December 16, 2024
Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds
Description: In this episode, Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds tackle caller questions with their unique blend of humor and heartfelt advice. Amidst their usual banter, they discuss their podcast hiatus, navigate tricky personal dilemmas, and explore innovative solutions inspired by a "Hot Takes Festival."

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1. Podcast Update and Brief Hiatus Announcement ([01:22] - [04:08])

The episode opens with Jake and Gareth addressing their listeners about taking a temporary break from their weekly episodes. They explain that the increasing popularity of the show has led to more time-consuming editing processes and additional commitments, including exclusive content for Patreon supporters.

Notable Quotes:

• Jake Johnson ([01:30]): "This is our final Monday for a while."
• Gareth Reynolds ([02:32]): "It is becoming a full-time job."

They express gratitude towards their audience and assure them of a return with a more manageable schedule, hinting at potentially moving to a weekly format with video content on Patreon.

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2. Caller #1: Cindy's Halloween Coloring Competition Dilemma ([04:15] - [19:23])

Caller Introduction:

• Caller: Cindy
• Location: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
• Background: Works at an airline on the ground; Metallica fan.

Issue Presented: Cindy shares a workplace scenario where a Halloween coloring competition turned contentious due to a coworker, Ronaldo, who allegedly cheated by adding candy to his artwork to garner votes.

Discussion Highlights:

• Ronaldo's Tactics: Cindy describes Ronaldo as someone who "added treats to the bottom of his picture" and "lured people into the office" to secure votes.

  Cindy ([07:14]): "He did take two little strawberry candies."

• Hosts' Advice: Jake and Gareth brainstorm creative and humorous strategies to outdo Ronaldo without breaking the rules, suggesting ideas like blowing up the size of the drawings, adding lights, or incorporating unique elements to make Cindy's entries stand out.

  Jake Johnson ([12:20]): "You could take the image you are meant to draw, take it to a copy center, and make it, like, 25 times bigger than everybody else's drawing."

  Gareth Reynolds ([13:00]): "What if you blow it up and then you paint it and throw Christmas lights around it?"

• Outcome: Cindy feels motivated by the hosts' inventive suggestions and plans to implement a combination of their ideas to elevate her participation in the next competition.

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3. Caller #2: Carly's Mother's Dating Habits ([24:22] - [40:35])

Caller Introduction:

• Caller: Carly
• Location: New Jersey
• Background: 21 years old, lives frequently with her 56-year-old mother and has a 19-year-old sister.

Issue Presented: Carly seeks advice on how to handle her mother's active dating life, which involves bringing multiple men home without properly knowing them. This behavior has made Carly and her sister uncomfortable, especially when their mother shares explicit details about these men.

Discussion Highlights:

• Mother's Behavior: Carly explains that her mother has been on "six to 10 different dates" in two months and has brought these men to her residence, sometimes leading to uncomfortable situations like making out on the couch.

  Carly ([26:22]): "She did make out with a guy on the couch once while my sister was like locked in her room and she could like hear them and it was weird."

• Hosts' Advice: Jake and Gareth offer strategies to set boundaries and reduce the frequency of these uncomfortable interactions. Suggestions include:

  • Establishing specific nights for dating activities to create a structured environment.

    Gareth Reynolds ([35:26]): "Thursday and Saturdays are your nights where you can bring a guy home."

  • Using humor and creative distractions, such as playing unsexy music when new dates arrive to deflect conversations.

    Jake Johnson ([35:09]): "Make the least sexy music imaginable."

  • Encouraging Carly to collaborate with her sister to present a united front in addressing their mother's behavior.

• Outcome: Carly feels empowered by the actionable advice and plans to implement these boundary-setting techniques to improve the household dynamic.

---

4. Caller #3: Mr. H's Hot Takes Festival ([46:02] - [53:10])

Caller Introduction:

• Caller: Mr. H (Lamorne Morris)
• Background: Teacher implementing a "Hot Takes" program in his classroom to engage students in critical thinking and debate.

Issue Presented: Mr. H discusses the success of his "Hot Takes Festival," an event where students present controversial opinions to stimulate discussion and learning. He seeks feedback and ideas to expand the program further.

Discussion Highlights:

• Program Success: Mr. H shares that the festival has been well-received, with high student engagement and participation already scheduled for the following year.

  Mr. H ([47:36]): "We have teachers who want to come in and give hot takes. I knew it was a success from the very first student."

• Best Student Contributions: Highlighting memorable student hot takes, such as a student arguing that "nothing is better than spicy food" and another that "you can retract an apology after it's given."

  Jake Johnson ([49:20]): "That one is great."

• Hosts' Feedback: Jake and Gareth commend Mr. H on his innovative approach and suggest further enhancements, such as creating a "Hot Takes Hall of Fame" to honor outstanding student contributions and extend the festival's impact.

  Gareth Reynolds ([51:37]): "Someone should get inducted into the Hot Takes hall of Fame."

  Jake Johnson ([52:03]): "Whoever gets voted and does that gets their photo. And every year, there is one kid who does that."

• Future Plans: Mr. H plans to make the Hot Takes Festival a permanent fixture in his curriculum, potentially incorporating it into school events and leveraging it to foster a culture of open dialogue and debate among students.

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5. Concluding Remarks ([53:16] - End)

As the episode wraps up, Jake and Gareth reiterate their appreciation for the callers and provide information on how listeners can engage with the show, submit questions, and access additional content through their Patreon. They also briefly mention upcoming collaborations and guest appearances, maintaining their signature blend of humor and sincerity.

Notable Quotes:

• Gareth Reynolds ([53:07]): "All of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions."

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Key Takeaways:

• Balancing Popularity and Commitment: The hosts openly discuss the challenges of managing a growing podcast audience alongside personal and professional responsibilities, highlighting the importance of sustainable content creation.

• Creative Problem-Solving: Both caller segments exemplify how unconventional thinking and humor can be leveraged to address and resolve personal and interpersonal issues effectively.

• Engaging Educational Practices: Mr. H's successful implementation of the Hot Takes Festival underscores the value of interactive and debate-driven methods in educational settings to foster critical thinking and student engagement.

• Community and Support: Throughout the episode, the hosts emphasize the supportive nature of their community, encouraging listeners to seek advice and share their own stories, reinforcing the podcast's role as a friendly advisory platform.

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Notable Quotes:

• Jake Johnson ([12:20]): "You could take the image you are meant to draw, take it to a copy center, and make it, like, 25 times bigger than everybody else's drawing."

• Carly ([33:14]): "I want my mom to have a good time. That's not. That's not the problem."

• Gareth Reynolds ([35:26]): "Thursday and Saturdays are your nights where you can bring a guy home."

• Mr. H ([49:35]): "We have a wall at the back of my classroom that is just pictures of all of the kids after they've done their hot take."

---

Final Thoughts:

Episode 140 of "We're Here to Help" showcases Jake and Gareth's ability to navigate a variety of personal challenges submitted by listeners with empathy, creativity, and humor. From workplace competitions to family dynamics and innovative educational practices, the hosts provide thoughtful and entertaining guidance, reinforcing the show's commitment to being a supportive and relatable advisory platform for its audience.

Transcript

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

We are back.

[Jake Johnson]

So this would be our. This is our final Monday for a while.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Jake Johnson]

And this will be episode in total, probably 100, 140. Well, we're at 1:35 as of today. Your math is right. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think that you were felt like you were going to poke a hole.

[Jake Johnson]

I was, I was. I thought I was. My math got real weird. I was going to go like for 135. That we're going to be at 180 by 5 now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We've talked about this before, but it is wild. Recording for five hours, being like, all right and we're good till Thursday. I know we really. There were, there were days where, I mean, it felt like we had really put a dent in future recordings and it would be like, all right, we're good for two weeks.

[Jake Johnson]

But I wonder why that is. Well, partly, especially when our show's really cooking, we do edit the calls.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

So it's not. We don't have one of those podcasts where we just kind of talk. We, you know, you know, I really like it produced, so I like when it's pretty lean and mean and tight. But what ends up happening is it takes way more time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I also think that what would happen was we, you know, we had a good bench, but as we started to feel like people were listening, we just really, we would do a call and we'd be like, well, let's do that for Monday. Like, we were just our good calls. We would just put right in because we were so excited about.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what also made it a little tricky was the patreon of it All.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And we wanted to do special stuff for there and we were like, this is becoming a full time job.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. No, I think that before we decided we were going to take a break, we were going to go to once a week, which probably would have been.

[Jake Johnson]

I think, I think if we come back and I know we've kind of talked about it, but I think it's once a week. Zoom Video. And I know for the video people. Sorry. But then we could do the video on Patreon and that's just going there and then. But it's an audio based show and see what happens.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think so too. I think that it's like, it's just like anything where a lot of it was birthed out of excitement and then it kind of just got. I think that would just be the way to keep ahead of stuff and keep feeling like we have good shit.

[Jake Johnson]

And then because we still have a lot of people writing us on Patreon all the time asking for why can't. Why aren't we accepting their money? And the reason we're not is we stopped taking money because we're not putting enough content.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And again, I'm accepting the money. I can't be more. I am open.

[Jake Johnson]

My Venmo is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My Venmo is very public. I'm accepting the money.

[Jake Johnson]

So we appreciate you all. Thank you for listening and we appreciate it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you truly. Oh, my God.

[Cindy]

Hello.

[Jake Johnson]

Hi, can we get your name, please?

[Cindy]

My name is Cindy.

[Jake Johnson]

We're gonna go, Cindy. Okay, and where were you calling from, Cindy?

[Cindy]

I am calling from Calgary, Alberta, Canada.

[Jake Johnson]

All right. And what do you like to do up in Calgary, Cindy?

[Cindy]

Oh, shit. Listen to your podcast again.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, and what do you do for. What do you do for work, Cindy?

[Cindy]

I work for an airline.

[Jake Johnson]

Airline? Do you get on the planes?

[Cindy]

No, I'm on the ground. I'm the in the airport person.

[Jake Johnson]

That's pretty great. And what's your favorite band of all time?

[Cindy]

Oh, Metallica.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hell yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, favorite album, Favorite album, Cindy. Yeah, favorite album.

[Cindy]

Like Master Puppets. I'm just throwing one out there.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. And Cindy, let's pretend you're on. You're in a jail cell. You're on death row. You've actually. You didn't commit the crime, but you are going to get electrocuted for it. And it's a terrible tragedy. You are given one last meal. It could be whatever you want. It could be mix match. What's that? What's going to be on your final plate, Cindy?

[Cindy]

Oh, shit. You know what, my friend? Asked me this and she took the piss out of me so much. She was like, seriously, that's going to be your last food. I was like, yo, I'm thinking off the cuff here. Pizza. You gotta have pizza. I would have pizza. I would have a Punjabi dish called shole pature because it's just full of grease kind of bread. Love it. Just all bread things. Pastries.

[Jake Johnson]

You just have a plate of carbs.

[Cindy]

Absolutely.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

All right. Well, Cindy, I think we got a pretty good sense of this. I know we all love you. We're all fired up about this. Your catchphrase already is oh, shit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was just gonna say I love any answer that always, oh, shit.

[Cindy]

Oh, yes. It is my go to. I do say it a lot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You just said it in response to being called out on it.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Cindy, Calgary Metallica, loves carbs, works with planes. What can we do for you? Oh.

[Cindy]

Oh, okay. So a couple of weeks ago, my friend, just out of the blue, she was like, let's do a Halloween coloring competition. And I was like, oh, I'm on vacation, I can't play. So I was watching from afar. So she just printed a bunch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Coloring competition.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I missed.

[Cindy]

Yeah, coloring. Just coloring in. Yeah, sure. So she printed different Halloween themed pictures and everyone got to pick whatever picture they wanted, color it, hang it up, and then there was a vote.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So sorry, one more time. Your age?

[Cindy]

Oh, I'm 42.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Oh, shit. Indeed. Okay, 42. Coloring. Keep going.

[Cindy]

One guy, we're going to call him Ronaldo, he cheated because he added treats to the bottom of his picture. And he was like, if you vote for me, I'll give you candy. And he lured people into the office and said, this one's mine. Write my name down. Vote for me. He. Everyone says he cheated, but I did send the shark some pictures.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're looking at these pictures of people in their 40s and what they do. See the candies sprinkled on the bottom too.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a. I will say Ronaldo did a solid job coloring in. He did half asset. It's a good drawing. But he did take two little strawberry candies.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Again, Jake, you're buying into the premise that people in their 40s coloring is. Should be complicated or difficult. Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

Of the show. Premise of the show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Exactly. For sure.

[Cindy]

His coloring wasn't the best, but he was creative because he actually added a couple of ghouls and ghosts and. But the fact that he lured people to vote for him is the cheating bit.

[Jake Johnson]

Quick question for you, Cindy. Was there any sort of Rules that said you can't tape candy on it. Not to be.

[Cindy]

No, there wasn't. No, there wasn't.

[Jake Johnson]

It's kind of crazy to call it cheating.

[Cindy]

Okay?

[Jake Johnson]

If you ain't cheating, you ain't trying. You know, if you don't spit on the baseball, you don't get as big of a curve, you know?

[Gareth Reynolds]

But, Jake, I don't know if you should be doing a kind of like, athletic growl during this Halloween coloring a picture competition. It's just.

[Cindy]

But now Christmas is coming, so we're doing.

[Jake Johnson]

This is getting fat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, Shake, stop.

[Jake Johnson]

Please put a penny in that old man's. Ha. If you ever got a hey penny.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Will do, Jake.

[Jake Johnson]

And if you ever got a hey penny. God bless.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're in there.

[Jake Johnson]

We're gonna see you later.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're in their 40s coloring. Okay, city. So. So what do we expect for Christmas? More coloring.

[Cindy]

Yes, she's doing.

[Jake Johnson]

So we're getting off the. The whole. Gareth, we gotta buy in. We can't just get on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm trying real hard.

[Jake Johnson]

The call. I know you are.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm trying so hard, but I need to win.

[Jake Johnson]

I need to win. We are.

[Cindy]

What can I do to win?

[Gareth Reynolds]

We got it.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. So, Cindy, the premise of this one is you guys do a coloring competition. Ronaldo taped candies to it and he won. Now you're doing it again for Christmas, and the truth is, Ronaldo was not the best drawer. Now, here's my question to you, Cindy. How's your drawing?

[Cindy]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

How good are you?

[Cindy]

Not good. No, I'm at drawing, but I'm good at coloring because we got a color.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, okay. Okay. So this is just coloring. That's right. So you're good enough at coloring. Do you think you. Because this has reminded me of the golf call where the guy said, like, you know, I got to win this time. How good are you? And he's like, not that great. And I'm not going to practice.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We were like, you got to call it outside the lines to win. Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

So you're a good enough color. Color artist to win.

[Cindy]

Yeah. She set a few rules this time. You can't tell anyone which one is yours for voting. And all she said was, be creative.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay? So that's one rule.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I also. Okay, okay.

[Jake Johnson]

So that matters, Gareth, because we didn't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fudge the rules without question. That sounds like there's no rules. I already have a pitch. I don't know if. I mean, is there anything else we need to know about the upcoming Christmas coloring competition, Cindy?

[Cindy]

No, she's only got three rules. Have fun, be creative, and don't tell anyone which one is yours when it comes to voting.

[Jake Johnson]

But taping candy is fine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Tape and candy is fine. You know what else is fine?

[Cindy]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know when you go, like, you're walking down the street, you see a flyer and it's like guitar lessons, and it's got those little tags, and you rip one off to call the number.

[Cindy]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So what we're going to do is at the bottom of yours, we're going to make that, and you're going to be able to write above that. Send a dollar request to this Venmo for an extra Happy Christmas. And you're going to create a Venmo where whenever someone sends a request to it, you're going to send them a dollar. So basically, you're paying a dollar for.

[Jake Johnson]

It, by the way. Not bad. You can even do it cheaper. You could do a quarter.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You could. Yeah, sure.

[Jake Johnson]

Because then you go, why would that $2 could also do $50,000?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I'm just saying. Quarter. A quarter. I mean, you are the shitty house for Halloween. He is a Tootsie Roll kid.

[Jake Johnson]

How much money is Cindy gonna pay?

[Gareth Reynolds]

She was.

[Cindy]

Yeah, we don't make that much money.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, Jesus Christ. I mean, what do you want me to do? It's a coloring competition. You're all in your 40s.

[Jake Johnson]

Here's my.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dude. You have money. $17. You think Ronaldo got all that candy for free? That costs money.

[Jake Johnson]

You're not wrong, Yo.

[Cindy]

He probably did, because there's a fucking candy jar in our office. He probably took two out of there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, you know, rob Ronaldo and use that money towards the Venmo.

[Jake Johnson]

So here's what I'm thinking, Cindy, and this is not cheating, but it is. It is fudging the system the way Ronaldo did. I like the idea of paying people. You got to keep it cheap because there's a way that could get on top of you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

What you could do, though, is you could take the image you are meant to draw, take it to a copy center, and make it, like, 25 times bigger than it's everybody else's drawing. Don't tell anybody. So yours is fucking massive. Then you color it in because they never said it has to be this size. Tell nobody. So the day of, you have it, like, rolled up perfectly. When you get there, you go, which one's best? These 11 little 8 by 10 shitty ones or this fucking mural that I did?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like that. How about this?

[Cindy]

I like that.

[Jake Johnson]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What if you blow it up and then you paint it and so. Yeah, I really like and interesting. What if we also did this? Whatever you come up with at the end of it yours. You tape Christmas lights around it.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you plug that into.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I know. You really. You know what you could do no matter what is even if it's not around it, you could even do the lights through the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that's great. That's great.

[Jake Johnson]

So like you could piercing through.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like if it was a house, you kind of have lights on.

[Cindy]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Look, it's a big art project, but you could take it over the top and you know, you could also do. And I don't know how to do this, but turn it parts of it into a scratch and sniff.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's impossible. I mean, that is impossible. Jake, you are asking her to crack the scratch and sniff technology which we have been trying to figure out for my entire lifetime, but we don't know how it works.

[Jake Johnson]

But you could also just buy. Go on ebay, buy an old scratch and stuff and just put it on your drawing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, remember when this started with 17 was too pricey of a budget. We are now going on ebay to buy scratch and sniffs.

[Jake Johnson]

So what do you think? What do you think, Cindy? About a big. To blow up the size of it, make it huge, throw lights in it, throw fucking sparkles on it, you know, so that it all of a sudden it really pops.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

You can also make it three. You can make it three dimensional places. You could put like different levels of tape on the outside so like it comes out at you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep. Make it pop a little bit. Not much, but give it a little shape. I like that.

[Jake Johnson]

Spray it with perfume.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, spray it with perfume.

[Cindy]

You're really going for the scratch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake is. Jake is assaulting every sense, which is good. But I like that he backed away from scratch and sniff.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, you're right. We'll never figure out the technique.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's insane. It's insane for us to be like this corner's coconut.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh. But you know what you could do is you could have like press a button. When you press a button, you get like sprayed in the face with something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, you are. Are you going to come on board as a producer of this art piece?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Cindy]

Like, like fishing for that.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, you're right. Let's not do that. But we could do a really big one with the lights and just find a weird smell and spray it all over that. So people, when they're looking at some, they go like, oh, that's a really good gingerbread house. That's a treat. Holy Cindy. Smells like, you know, a pine tree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good smell, you know, and it has.

[Jake Johnson]

Christmas music coming out of it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what else you could do? And this might be a hat on a hat, but you could also, at the bottom, be like, look, I know I stepped it up for this this year, but that's just because Christmas is so important. And the truth is, no matter who wins, I'm just lucky to have people like you in my life.

[Jake Johnson]

This is an amazing turn.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, a little emotional, by the way, dude.

[Jake Johnson]

And this is a really manipulative way of winning.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. Oh, it's pure. I. You don't mean it.

[Cindy]

Well, okay, you guys hit the nail on the head, because I'm. Oh, I'm retiring. This is my last Christmas working with them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what?

[Cindy]

Really guilt them into voting.

[Jake Johnson]

And.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, and it's a great way to say, this is Cindy's.

[Jake Johnson]

Here, here's my idea.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And it's Cindy's. Without saying.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Without saying it. Hey, you guys mean a lot to me. This is my last spin.

[Jake Johnson]

Either way, does the. The chief of this. Do they pick the drawing, or can you pick your own drawing?

[Cindy]

No, because she's in charge of it. She picks all the drawings, and nobody knows what's coming.

[Jake Johnson]

Because what I was gonna say, if there's a way to get, like, you know what you could do? Whatever. Here's what I would do. This is very manipulative. You get whatever house they give. You said, whatever. Gingerbread house or Santa. Whatever. Then on top of it, somewhere in there, you get a work photo of all the employees, and you go to a Kinko's and you get that matted in and you draw everybody in it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or how about this? If it's like a house or something like that, you take a picture of these people and you kind of cut them in the windows and you put them all around, and you sort of.

[Jake Johnson]

Say, like, I'll miss you above the house.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll miss you all. Merry Christmas.

[Cindy]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

If someone doesn't vote for you, they're Scrooge.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. I think. I think get. Get images of all these people and cut it around, whatever it is. Even if it's Santa, you make them.

[Jake Johnson]

Elves, and then everybody gets to see themselves, and they're like, oh, my God, that's so funny. I'm so little.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Cindy]

Yes. Well, if I'm blowing it up, then the pictures can be a little bit bigger anyway.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. Cindy, if you do all this with a. Everybody knows you're leaving, right?

[Cindy]

Yeah. Everyone knows. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So that you go, I'll miss you all. I love you. Merry Christmas. If they don't vote for you, what kind of pieces of shit are. And then after you win, you go like this. Hey, Ronaldo, good trick with the candy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, Ronaldo.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Hey, take those little strawberries and shove them up your ass.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mine only cost $150.

[Jake Johnson]

Or just walk up to Ronaldo and go, hey, Checkers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm Chess, baby.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm glad you're at the ending, because I was like, not sure what that is. I. I think that's the right way to do it. And I think that. I think it's a win. I think it's a win.

[Jake Johnson]

I. If you. If you lose there, you work with the coldest people on planet Earth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. What do you think, Cindy? Do we get to know shit?

[Cindy]

Oh, yeah. Oh, shit. I'm going to do as much of that as I can.

[Jake Johnson]

Doesn't count.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I felt good. Just accept it. Jesus. Not everything is on your terms. We got to know shit. We're out on a good note.

[Jake Johnson]

We just have to edit out you asking for it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, we don't.

[Jake Johnson]

That would be so funny.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I listened to it and I'm like, that's crazy.

[Jake Johnson]

All of a sudden, she just goes, oh, oh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gareth ending his stand up shows with. Can I get a thank you? Can I get a standing ovation?

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, could everybody just stand up for a second?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Everyone clap a lot. Clap more. All right, Cindy. Well, I. Do us a favor and send us what your final product is.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, that makes sense.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So we can take a look at it. But I think this is a way to step it up.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, you're going. Yeah.

[Cindy]

See, I knew I called the right people. Thank you so much. Like, I have so many ideas now. Like, it's amazing.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you. Good luck to you. Thank you for the call.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Happy holidays.

[Cindy]

You too. Have a good one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bye. And we're brought to you by Alma. We obviously on this show give out advice, but it's a little tongue in cheek. But if you have a therapist, had a therapist, used one in the past, whatever it is, you know, it can be pretty difficult to find someone. Pretty difficult to find the right fit. You're sifting through hundreds of options. Sometimes it doesn't feel like it's the person you want. So that's what Alma does. Alma basically helps filter the therapist through search engines in ways to get a therapist that you want to have.

[Jake Johnson]

Alma can help you find a therapist who gets you. I do think therapy is more impactful when you feel heard and understood. If you want to talk to somebody, ALMA is there to help you find the right someone. It can also help you find a therapist who takes your insurance. Over 95% of therapists at ALMA accept insurance. People who find in network care through almost save an average of 77% on the cost of the therapy. It's also very easy to get started with alma, which helps some of these websites get really tricky. ALMA can help you find the right therapist for you. Not just anyone. Visit hello Alma.com heretohelp to get started and schedule a free consultation today. That's hello Alma a l m a.com heretohelp.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And we are brought to you by Door-. Listen. Every holiday season starts with the best intentions. You're gonna bake that homemade pie. Kevin I did make a pie last Christmas and it was delicious. You're gonna get all your holiday shopping done early, but life gets in the way. So don't feel bad. It happens with everyone. Luckily, you've got Door Dash.

[Jake Johnson]

All right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like a secret holiday helper. Door Dash has you covered on gifts, groceries, dinner for tonight. DoorDash makes it so easy. You may even feel a little guilty. But hey, no one needs to know that your pie was really store bought or that that thoughtful gift arrived just minutes before your guest did. And now through the 24th, DoorDash has big deals running for the holidays from Best Buy, Ulta Beauty, Wingstop, Aldi and more. Save money and the holidays all with DoorDash. Whether you tell people is up to you. DoorDash your door to more.

[Jake Johnson]

Use code here to help. Joy 24 for 50% off of your first order max $10 off orders of $15 or more. Offer ends December 26, 2024. One promo per order not valid. For orders containing alcohol terms apply. This episode is brought to you by Greenlight. Greenlight is a debit card and money app for families. Parents can send money to their kids and and keep an eye on kids spending and savings while kids and teens build money, confidence and lifelong financial literacy skills. This is something that I use with my kids. I like being able to put their chores on it. I like being able to have them monitor how much money they have as opposed to always asking me to buy them things. Millions of parents and kids are learning about money on Greenlight. It's the easy, convenient way for parents to raise financially smart kids and families to navigate life together.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's very Important. It is important. Because, Jake, a lot of people were raised with parents who didn't do anything like this. They would just hide a hundred dollar bill around their place and let their kids find it. So listen, sign up for Greenlight [e-mail] GilSentMe that's Greenlight.com Gil sent me. And try Greenlight today. Greenlight.com Gil sent me.

[Jake Johnson]

This episode is brought to you by Philo. Philo's got current seasons of the shows I can't miss live on networks like A&E, MTV, Discovery and TLC.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's right.

[Jake Johnson]

Classics like the Office, Martin and Friends that I never get sick of. And all of the incredible originals on amc, from Mad Men to Orphan Black. Don't forget their library of more than 75,000 movies and shows, all of which I can save and rewatch anytime, for a whole year. So never miss a minute of shows like Mean Girl Murders, Lethally Blonde, Peppa Pig, Golden Girls and Fatal Attraction.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And don't forget, Jake, Love After Lockup. Love After Lockup.

[Jake Johnson]

Best of all, with Philo, you get all of this for just $28 a month. You got no contracts, no hassles, just one subscription and a world of entertainment. So go to Philo TV and check it out for a free seven day trial. That's Philo P H I L O TV to start watching.

[Carly]

Hi.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi. Welcome to. We're here to help. Thank you so much. Of course. Can we get your name, please? Please?

[Carly]

Yeah, My name is Carly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Carly. Carly. Where are you Carling from? Jake?

[Carly]

I'm Carling from New Jersey.

[Gareth Reynolds]

New Jersey. And Carly, let me ask you this. You're in the jungle.

[Jake Johnson]

Good question.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you see an animal.

[Jake Johnson]

Back. Silverback.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stop. And you see an animal.

[Jake Johnson]

Silverback.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stop it. Jake. You see an animal.

[Jake Johnson]

Silverback.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake. You see an animal. And it fills you with fit. Jake. It fills you with fear. But you're also a little excited by that question. What? What animal in the jungle is this for you?

[Jake Johnson]

Silverback.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Turn your light on. Turn your light back on. Weirdo.

[Carly]

I think for me it would be like a little tiny tree frog.

[Jake Johnson]

Cool.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So great.

[Jake Johnson]

Why? So that's what you're saying.

[Carly]

Kill you?

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's right. They can kill you.

[Carly]

They're so cute.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Carly, you know, there's so.

[Jake Johnson]

Great answer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Who just take the bait and just go silver back eight times. But I like your little tree.

[Jake Johnson]

Silverback.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nine. So what's going on, Carly?

[Jake Johnson]

Well, hold on. We got more questions. Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do we? I think she answered the weird jungle.

[Jake Johnson]

Carly. What do you do for work? Busted.

[Carly]

I. I work in suicide prevention.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you. That, by the way, I tried to get us away from this comedy poison. Okay. Jake wanted to go up and eat the tree frog. Foolish man.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you for doing what you did, Carly. And tell us what we can help you with today. The idea that you're calling us for help is shocking with what your job is. I.

[Carly]

Listen, I didn't know where else to go. This is such a weird, weird situation I'm in.

[Jake Johnson]

Hopefully you came to the right place.

[Carly]

I hope so, but. Well, long story short, my mother, who I love very dearly, is in her hot girl era, one might say. And she really likes to tell me about all the guys that she's dating. And she's even brought some home. She doesn't know these men very well.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So just because it's appropriate. How old are you?

[Carly]

I'm 21.

[Gareth Reynolds]

21. You're still living at home with Mom.

[Carly]

So I don't live with my mother, but I'm over there a lot.

[Jake Johnson]

And she's how old's mom?

[Carly]

My mom is 56, young. And my sister lives with her.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

And when did mom and dad and their little dance.

[Carly]

Oh, this is a complicated story. So they got divorced in 2008, but my mom was remarried to my stepdad. He's been out of the picture for like three years at this point.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so she kind of went marriage. Marriage. Now she's kind of celebrating being single for the first time in a long time.

[Jake Johnson]

But what sparked it for mom to enter hot girl era?

[Carly]

You know, I. I don't think that she's ever really been without a man.

[Cindy]

To be completely honest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And she's. What's she doing? She's date napping. Is that what she's doing?

[Carly]

Date napping?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Date date apps. She on those.

[Carly]

Date apping. Oh, yes.

[Jake Johnson]

I thought you. By the way, I thought you said date napping too. I just didn't want to comment on it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's how me and Leah go on dates. We'll go out, I'll have a huge margarita and burrito and be like, time for a little date nap. Well, Kevin, we saw what you did when you went out on the town and you ate a big bowl of pasta for five alone. By the way, we hosted Thanksgiving and did another little 7pm Like, I'm gonna lay down for a couple minutes. Woke up at 4:30 in the morning, everyone was gone. Kevin. Kevin is honestly 70 years old. He really is. He's into cigars, pens, and crashing at seven Hammered.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Carly, Carly, back to you. So your mom dates a lot, but she's always dated a lot. So this is not a new phase. She's just kind of a good looking.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Lady, new in the sense that she hasn't been single and playing the field. So she's really playing the field.

[Jake Johnson]

She's been single for three years.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Carly]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Has she been playing the field for the last three years?

[Carly]

So, yes, but it has gotten. Gotten a little worse the last couple months.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, walk us through what has gotten worse. Walk us through where we're at and then finish off with what we can do for you.

[Carly]

So she has probably in the last two months, gone on six to 10 different dates with six to 10 different men and has brought some of them back to the place where my mom and my sister live without knowing them very well. And it's making everybody a little uncomfortable. So I guess my question is how can we get her to stop doing that and also get her to stop telling me all of these details about these men.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's saying she's bringing them back. Meaning we're going to the bedroom and.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, scared.

[Carly]

Sometimes.

[Jake Johnson]

Sex.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Say it, Carly, say it.

[Carly]

Yes. Yes. Sometimes. Yes, Sometimes they're coming back for sex.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And. And are we going. Are they going to the bedroom?

[Carly]

Yeah. Well, actually she, she did make out with a guy on the couch once while my sister was like locked in her room and she could like hear them and it was weird.

[Jake Johnson]

Question for you, how old is your sister?

[Carly]

She's 19.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Move out. Awesome. This is awesome.

[Jake Johnson]

But I'm not understanding 19.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She can't move out.

[Jake Johnson]

Of course she can.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, she can't. Rent is crazy. She can't.

[Jake Johnson]

But here's my, here's my, my question on this one, Carly. And maybe I'm. Maybe I'm crazy. We're Talking about a 56 year old woman who's having a good time.

[Cindy]

Yeah.

[Carly]

You know, good for her.

[Jake Johnson]

She's already raised her kids 19 and 21. If you said like my sister's 6, I'd be like, mom, take it easy. She's a 19 year old woman. But, well, what am I missing here?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I mean, okay, Jake, imagine if you. Let's say you are staying with your mom. Stop.

[Jake Johnson]

And you were living there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would say no.

[Jake Johnson]

Clean up your tattoos. Pam and I are happy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, you find a thing and then you've got your new hook. It's tattoo time. Until we take the break.

[Jake Johnson]

Why don't you take that dog for a walk? Me and your mom are gonna have some fun.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus Christ.

[Jake Johnson]

But.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But imagine. Imagine like, like I. Okay, when I was in high school, my mother was single and they're cleaning up. Shut up. Shut up.

[Jake Johnson]

Sorry.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Trying to relate to the call. Shut up. My mother. Oh, stop. I know that when it would. I can't even do it. I know that when there would be a. She'd go on a date, even it would make me feel weird. So I can't tell. If I knew she was making out on the couch, I would want some sort of solve. So I guess this is less your problem, Carly, and a little more your sister's problem. But the question is, how do we dissuade mom from dating? Well, from bringing it home when it's her home. I know, but we don't.

[Jake Johnson]

We don't want mom in a parking lot of a Burger King.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, we might rather that. Honestly.

[Jake Johnson]

Not for Mom's safety.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, not for her say, but it is. But by the way, speaking of. I mean, she's really playing the field, so.

[Jake Johnson]

Carly, the main issue here is mom is bringing home too many guys. Is it safety concerned? Is it a grossing out, the sister concern? Do you not want your mom having. Making whoopee?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, she doesn't want her mom banging.

[Jake Johnson]

I'll tell you. I'll tell you what. My dad, before he passed, if he was having a little bit of fun, you know what I would say? Great. If my mom said, hey, the plumber came by and he laid some pipe, you know what I'd say to Eve? I hope you guys had a wonderful time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, you wouldn't.

[Jake Johnson]

Sure. What?

[E]

Stop it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's not true.

[Carly]

I. I want my mom to have a good time. That's not. That's not the problem. You know, good for her. She's got the power. But I don't want to have to hear about it afterwards, given all the details I got.

[Jake Johnson]

You see? Am I. So, yeah, it's essentially, she's telling too much.

[Carly]

Yes. Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How do we keep mom from talking about her hot girl Summer? How do we limit that?

[Jake Johnson]

Do you ever tell her stories?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was just going to say no. Well, I think we got an eye for an eye. It.

[Jake Johnson]

I think we got. I mean, there's one way to slow it down. Carly, do you have a boyfriend?

[Carly]

I do.

[Jake Johnson]

I want you to have sex with him on the couch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, slow down, Jake. I think. I think you can start communicating fire with fire. Even. Even fake stories.

[Jake Johnson]

But then also, if your mom goes like, hey, hey, what are you guys doing? You go like, I thought you Were running this like a goddamn swingers party.

[Carly]

Yeah, that's an option.

[Jake Johnson]

Does 19 year old have a boyfriend?

[Carly]

He does.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. So what I think that you and 19 year old have to do is you've got to outdo your mom so that your mom goes, what is happening in this house? And you go, maybe we should create some boundaries.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think that is really the best play.

[Jake Johnson]

And then she goes, I don't want to hear you and your boyfriend doing what you do. And you go, same mom. And we go, we're all active ladies who like to have a good time, but can we do it with a little bit of a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We got to have. We got to. Yeah. We need to be a little less open about what we're all doing here. I think that I have another pitch.

[Jake Johnson]

What is it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

The other pitch is the next time she goes on a date and brings a guy home, you mentioned to the guy how that guy's just going to be another story in the long line of stories. And you call her out and make her never want to tell you another thing about a guy.

[Jake Johnson]

Or when she brings home a guy, play really unsexy music really loud.

[Carly]

So we have Bluetooth. We could so do that.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. So that you make the least sexy music imaginable. And you just. So your mom has to finally go like, stop with this. And then you go like, mom, it's too much.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like that.

[Jake Johnson]

And then you could start saying like, why don't we do weekends? Friday night is a home. Like, Friday nights for the boys. But weekdays is just us. Or you do like two days a week, you say like, you know what if we had like Thursdays and Saturdays, our date nights. The rest, let's just live peacefully. So those nights your sister can go to her boyfriend's. Those nights.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep. Those can be home date nights. And the rest, the schedule cannot. I think that's pretty good. And then I think you just dissuade her. I mean, you can dissuade her a few ways from the gabbing like we mentioned.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, when Gareth was younger and Pam and I first met, what did we just crazy. All I remember is, no, the 69 didn't happen.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do not ever.

[Jake Johnson]

I remember with your mother and little Gary.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's crazy.

[Jake Johnson]

He must have been 19.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You are a year older than me.

[Jake Johnson]

First 20. So you were 19. He had his big ginger hair a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Little more in the back. He.

[Jake Johnson]

And he yelled, get out from under my mother. You're not my daddy. Daddy. And I said, I'm not going to be Your father. And he said, would you take me fishing? It was awkward.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Get out from under. Will not be forgotten. That's going to be, like, on my wall as I, like, train to come over to your house and fight you like your weird garage tackle, dummy.

[Jake Johnson]

So I got to say, Gareth, we've done a very bad job on this pitch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't think we have, you know.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, what? Our pitch?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think our pitches. I think our pitch. I think our pitch is dissuade your mother from talking about it by outdoing her with. With tails, I think. So when your mom says, oh, the other night, Carl couldn't get my bra off, it was so awkward. So he ended up just having to get my boobs out and then say.

[Jake Johnson]

When I was hooking up with G's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mom, standing mute him. That's crazy. You know, Jake, that is the most ludicrous part of your story, you being able to handle A standing 69. So. So I think you outdo her and you say, oh, yeah, I know that one time. I mean, again, I. You get as graphic as you want to, but you open it up to where your mom is a little like, well, look, look, this is what you started. I don't want to have these conversations with you, but this is what you started. And then you sort of drop the battle plan of saying, look, it's a little awkward for you to bring guys home. We're not in the same sorority, so can we say Thursday and Saturdays are your nights where you can bring a guy home. Your sister is going to spend the night at her boyfriend's if she has to, those nights. And outside of that, she needs to figure out a home game for the guy.

[Jake Johnson]

Carly, what do you make of that? I think that's pretty clean.

[Carly]

Yeah, I think that that's not too bad. I also like the. The blaring loud music part, too. So it might be. It might be a mix of both.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think you could also. Here's what you could also do if you really wanted to show your mother. Stop telling us these fucking sexcapades.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The next time she's regaling you with one, record her. And when that guy comes over, you Bluetooth that story over the Bluetooth. Ooh, and make her realize how she can't trust you with these stories.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, that's really good. You could also do it not in front of the guy. You could record every time she tells you a story and then just play them all back for her.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Also, if you could. You know what you could do? Even just. You can use it as that cannon fire if you need. But you could also, every time she's doing it, just take it out, take your phone out and just be like, here, talking to this. Because these stories are so disgusting that I play them for people, because it's so crazy that my mother's telling me these stories.

[Jake Johnson]

You know, we could also do Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We could have her on the show. I'll date her.

[Jake Johnson]

We could go back and do the. Who were the two characters?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, you mean. Yeah, it was Mo. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And we could do a thing about how mothers talking to their daughters about the sex they have is proving to be a really unhealthy thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's creating celibacy in daughters.

[Jake Johnson]

But what do you think? What do you think, Carly? Would you want to go the Dr. Pigley and Mr. Mo? Would you want to go the loud music? Would you want to go the Fight fire with fire? Where's your heart at?

[Carly]

I think it's got to be a mix of the Fight fire with fire and somehow get a recording of something in there.

[Jake Johnson]

Great. So recording of, like, her talking?

[Carly]

Yeah, of like her talking or like the music. Something's got to be.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, I think that's right. Why don't you. Why don't you start with the music?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

And then if that doesn't work, because recording her talking, she could get pretty mad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But it also shows. It does show her that it's crazy.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. But why don't you start with that and follow up with us and we'll kind of. We'll see if this one needs a part two.

[Carly]

Absolutely. Sounds like a plan.

[Jake Johnson]

All right. We appreciate the call.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good luck.

[Jake Johnson]

All right.

[Carly]

Thank you so much.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, let's just point out 56. Not a crazy age to be banging. Go ahead. Take care, Carly. Thanks so much. We're getting a tattoo. Take care. Thanks a bunch.

[Jake Johnson]

This episode is brought to you by Simply Safe. Simplisafe is a home security that I am currently using. Garrett.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Same here, Jake. Also using it. Listen, I mean, it's really just. It's an update. It's a home security system with active guard outdoor protection. It's the only home security designed to prevent crimes before they happen. Listen, Simplisafe is very easy to set up. It's very easy to follow. And, yeah, I mean, it is just a way to feel better about, you know, where you live and making sure that it is safe. The cameras used advanced AI to tell the difference between friendly faces, like families and neighbors and potential threats. So, yeah, while Other systems only react after a break. It's Simply Safe combines live monitoring and proactive protection outside and inside your home. Simplisafe is extending its massive Black Friday deal for our listeners this week only you can get 50% off any new system with a select professional monitoring plan. This is your last chance to claim their best offer of the year. Head to SimpliSafe.com here to help. That's Simply Safe.com here to help. There's no safe like simply safe. And we're brought to you by Quince. Listen, you know what? Quints are fantastic clothes. We love our quints. They have a bunch of seasonal must haves. Cashmere sweaters at $50. European linen shirts, versatile activewear. Truly the quince clothing is awesome. We've got a bunch of it. And Quince cuts out the cost of the middleman, passes the savings along to us. I love my Quince shirt. I have a like kind of flannelly looking quince shirt. I wear it so much it's got an odor.

[Jake Johnson]

So upgrade your wardrobe with pieces made to last with quince. Go to quince.com here to help. For free shipping on your order and 36065 day returns. That's quince Q-U-I-N c e.com here to help to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com here to help.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And it's it's me. It's not the shirt. I have dealer. And we're brought to you by Dollar Shave Club. Listen, no matter what you're going for, you're trying to do a smooth shave, you're trying to maintain a beard or you have what I'm doing, which it looks like that Andy Samberg Justin Timberlake character with their weird beards. That's what I'm doing. Leave me alone about it. I'm just doing neck and cheeks. Get over yourselves. Whatever it is, go with the always high quality but never overpriced dollar Shave club. I, I have many Dollar Shave club razors. I have the, the shave butter. I have the like do after shave. I use it all whenever I shave. It's very simple. I just get out the Dollar Shave Club products. But they also have things like The Club Series 6 Blade Razor, the Club series diamond grip handle. That's for the affluent super villain. Like I said, the heavy metal handle. They just have so many options. They really have kind of changed the way that people shave. They have a double header electric trimmer which sounds intimidating but it's a great Way to divide and conquer. We're talking balls and beard in that order. I go from down to up. Call me crazy, I like to party. They have a style detailer, precision trimmer. Just listen. We're trying to eliminate as much hair as possible. This is what people want, so we're doing it. So join up with the Dollar Shave Club. And the products are now available everywhere. So you can order from their website or Amazon or you can just get them at your favorite retailer near you. This is what domination looks like.

[Jake Johnson]

Don't take our word for it. Try for yourself. You can visit their site right now for 20 off of $20 or more and get your products delivered door. Visit dollarshaveclub.com here to help and use promo code here to help for 20% off $20 or more.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And we're brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is not only a product we endorse, it's a product we use. I use them for my personal website. So does the shark there. But also the amount of times we've used Squarespace to help solve one of the problems on this show. Honestly, countless, many times we throw a Squarespace website at our problem and because it's so user friendly, just very easy. They do that with design intelligence. There's Squarespace payments connected social and multimedia accounts. There's invoicing you can sell your content. There's SEO tools. We love Squarespace and find it super helpful. Could not recommend it enough.

[Jake Johnson]

So head to squarespace.com Gil sent me to save 10 off of your first purchase of a website or domain using the code Gil sent me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey everyone, it's the shark. The original call from this next follow up aired on May 2nd. It's called you are the danger and it is the second call from the episode. So if you'd like to listen as a quick refresher, go for it. Enjoy.

[E]

Hello.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Welcome back, whoever you are.

[E]

Thanks for welcoming me back. It's good to be back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Who is this person?

[Jake Johnson]

Sounds like hot welks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it could be. Who? We know you're a follow up. We just know you have great energy. What's your name and what was your first call or your last call?

[E]

Jake. Got it in one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake, it is Hot Takes. It's me, Hot Takes.

[Jake Johnson]

How you doing, brother?

[E]

I'm doing great. I am. Listen, part of the reason I'm excited is just because Gareth, you said I was on your Monk Rushmore and that has been filling my head for. For weeks since I heard it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You need a big head to be On Mount Rushmore. I know.

[E]

So you chiseled.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now let's just say again you're we call you. I Want to guess Mr. K. What do we call you? Mr. H. Mr. H. Mr. H. Mr. H. Mr. H. I know you're on my Mount Rushmore. I don't want to insult you. No, you are because you are like we. I feel like we ring the bell on you every time we catch up with you. So what is going on? As you know, or if you people who maybe are not familiar, you are a teacher. You were giving hot takes for a while to your students. Things that made you riled up, hot thoughts you had. And then eventually that became too much. We suggested that you start giving the students the spotlight for them to come in with hot takes so you could still kind of carve out your niche at your school. That worked and now it's sort of caught on and it's a trend. So is that a pretty good summation?

[E]

That is a very good summation. I would say the latest update is if I were to ask, ask you, what do you think best case scenario would have been? I think I beat it. We are killing it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's going on?

[Jake Johnson]

Well, recently we started.

[E]

We have started to design the Hot take festival which will happen on one of the last Tuesdays of the school year. Holy think science fair. But for hot takes, great.

[Jake Johnson]

Awesome.

[E]

Check out the library. We're inviting people in to come in to argue with my classes about their heart takes. They are very excited for it.

[Jake Johnson]

I think that's excellent.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is great.

[E]

We are booked. My class is booked months out. I have teachers who want to come in and give and give hot takes. I. I'll tell you, I've had like I knew it was success. The very first student one of the year, the kid finishes looks right at me and says when can I go again?

[Gareth Reynolds]

We got it.

[E]

We got it. And we've been firing an all cylinder since we've got. We've got great hot takes. I mean some of the kids, we have a wall at the back of my classroom that is just pictures of all of the kids after they've done their hot take.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mr. H, let me ask you this because this is, this is a win. I mean obviously this is a win that keeps winning. This feels very shark tanky in that we just sort of. Yes anded and you've taken it it off on your own and we did very little, honestly. But you've heard a lot of hot takes out of all those hot takes. You've heard from your students. What is the best? What is the one where you're like, God damn, that's pretty good.

[E]

So it's not one I agree with, but the best worded in all of my students have agreed with this one is a kid stood up in front of the classroom and just said nothing is better. Spicy. And he went on a rant about how everything has gotten spiced good.

[Jake Johnson]

Actually. What are some other hot takes? What are some other hot takes the kids have had?

[Gareth Reynolds]

That one is great.

[E]

We did. You can retract an apology after it's given. Was one that got the kids fired up. They got a good one. We had one that had a great follow up this week. Speaking of follow ups, kids, on Tuesday I had two boys in one of my classes. They know they're in a class with a lot of the girls who are athletes. So they rank sports and to poke the bear they put all of the girls sports. The girls in the class were playing at the bottom just to just get a reaction.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[E]

And so the next day was the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. It's kind of like a wasted day.

[Jake Johnson]

Anyway.

[E]

We did put your money where your mouth is Wednesday and those two boys had to go out and play field hockey, volleyball. It didn't go so great for them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Boy, oh boy.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, Mr. H, to me, you're the teacher of the year.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're the teacher of the year. And I think for our show it's. This is truly when we come up with our advice or what the show is going to be. Never do we think. I mean, you are the running back. As far as you have taken this and just run with it. It's impressive.

[E]

You are the offensive line. I want to push back that you guys didn't do anything because I originally called, wanted to get out of it. And the very first thing I made clear was there was no getting out of this. So you guys are the offensive line. If I'm the running back, I mean.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would say we're the GM and the coach, honestly.

[Jake Johnson]

So. So Mr. H, what's your hot take of the future? What's going to happen next with later this year, next year and going forward with Mr. H's Hot Takes.

[E]

It is going to be a permanent part of my classroom. We have part of the hot take festival is going to be getting future kids in here to look at it to see how hot takes are made so they come in next year.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Museum.

[E]

A museum.

[Jake Johnson]

What about a hall of fame?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just gonna say for hottest takes I.

[Jake Johnson]

So that when kids come back to the school, they can have a photo.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, that's what should be the end of the Hot Takes Festival. Someone should get inducted into the Hot Takes hall of Fame.

[Jake Johnson]

And this year's the first annual.

[E]

That could be. One of my kids did suggest that they thought we should vote at the Hot Take Festival and the winner should have to give their hot take in front of the entire school.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[E]

Sounded a bit intimidating, but is an idea.

[Jake Johnson]

That's a great idea. And whoever gets voted and does that gets their photo. And every year, there is one kid who does that. And so part of the thing is, if you're in Mr. H's class, you're like, I kind of want to be the person.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Who wins.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Really. It's H o T H o F.

[Jake Johnson]

And then what you're really hoping for in, like, 15 years is one of those Hot Takes hall of Famers has, like, a great career.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And does something. Becomes an orator and then comes back and goes, like. Visits the school and goes like, when I did Hot Takes, I realized that, oh, I could fly fighter jets.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, sure, whatever.

[E]

And I like that career trajectory. I think that.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. You're doing it, man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's great, Mr. H. Well, Mr. H.

[Jake Johnson]

We love you, buddy. Thank you for the call. This was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Shall I ring the bell? Even though we can't hear it, I'm ringing it.

[E]

Yeah, ring the bell.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you, Mr. H. Keep us posted.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mr. H. And thank you for what you're doing.

[E]

We will. Thank you for what you guys are doing. Enjoy the rest of your day.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's what I was fishing for. See you, buddy.

[Jake Johnson]

We're Here to Help is hosted by.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt, and the associate producer and editor is AJ McKeon. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakio, and our video editor is John de Bruyne.

[Jake Johnson]

The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh, and you could check out his [e-mail] that's Oliver R A L L I dot com.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The album artwork is by James Fosdike. You can find him on Instagram at James Fosdike D I K E. And if you'd like to see me do Stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Additional artwork by Paddy Holland. You can find him on Instagram @Paddy Holland 2004. And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our [e-mail] heretohelpod.

[Jake Johnson]

And if you'd like to be on the show. Email us your question@ HelpfulPod gmail.com.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All of the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. Hey. Hey. I'm Lamorne Morris. And I'm Kyle Chevron. And we are here interrupting your workout to tell you about the lemorning after podcast, now on Headgum. That's right. Every Wednesday, a new episode drops, and we wait.

[Jake Johnson]

Lamorn, what are you doing over there?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's nothing. Just is polishing my Emmy. Why? Well, because we're now the only official Headgum podcast hosted by an Emmy winner. Is that true? Probably not. But Jake Johnson's on Headgun. Does he have an Emmy? No, but. But he has been a guest on the Morning after, which might be an even bigger honor. I mean, and we have other amazing guests like Glen Powell, Raven Simone, the cast of New Girl, and many, many more. Plus, we play games. We tell stories. We poll the fans for questions. We pull them for questions, pulling them constant I up and down, sideways, backwards. It's a lot less weird than it sounds. You'll see. Subscribe to the Morning after on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcast. And watch video episodes on YouTube. New episodes drop every Wednesday.