We're Here to Help – Episode 220: So What I’m a Sex Machine & A Chip Gaines Type

Date: October 20, 2025
Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds
Podcast Network: Headgum

Episode Overview

In this lively episode, Jake Johnson (New Girl, Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse) and Gareth Reynolds (The Dollop) field calls from listeners seeking advice for everything from awkward family mishaps to sentimental household disputes. Their trademark self-deprecating humor, relentless riffing, and genuine attempts at helpfulness shine through in stories that span wedding mishaps, large quantities of lube, contentious wooden fridges, and an epic update about an outdoor pee spot.

Main Segments & Key Discussion Points

1. Warm-up: Social Invitations & Birthday Karaoke (02:36–08:46)

The hosts start by dissecting the etiquette of social invitations when Jake receives a late invite to a dance party from a friend (Lennon). This prompts a comedic deep-dive into adult party expectations, dancing, karaoke, and birthday apathy, especially among performers.

• On Dance Parties:

  • Jake ponders: was he only invited to avoid awkwardness due to an upcoming podcast recording?
    • “Is this real? Am I being Larry David here?” (03:01, Jake)
  • Gareth’s judgment:
    • “I think you might be right... she’s right to not invite you, because what are you going to do at a dance party?” (04:03, Gareth)

• On Karaoke:

  • Both confess a strong aversion, especially as performers.
    • “How much goddamn attention do you need?” (05:11, Jake)
    • “I get enough [onstage]. I also can’t stand being around karaoke... It’s loud, it’s weird.” (05:13, Gareth)

• Bit on Adult Birthdays:

  • Most performative adults avoid elaborate birthday celebrations.
    • “I could not give a [bleep] about my birthday.” (06:26, Gareth)
    • Jake recounts Max Greenfield pranking him with a fake 50th birthday announcement. (07:21–08:35)

Notable Quote:
“I want to be in the civvies [for Halloween].” (04:47, Gareth)

Tone: Playful, observational, and self-mocking.

2. Call #1: Ramona’s Lube Dilemma (16:24–38:25)

Caller: Ramona from Portland, Oregon, 27
Scenario: A series of Amazon package mishaps culminates in her uncle accidentally sending an industrial-size bottle of personal lubricant to her home—leading to awkward family fallout and the threat of widespread humiliation at upcoming gatherings.

Situation Recap:

• Uncle John’s Amazon account is autofilled with Ramona’s address after wedding gifts.
  • First, 40 pounds of baking soda shows up by mistake (“He said it was for laundry detergent… that’s a year’s supply”, 17:30).
  • Later, a 32-ounce bottle of lubricant arrives.
  • Ramona & family discreetly toss the lube, but Uncle John notices its absence, texts a photo for confirmation—awkward spelling and no punctuation included.

Escalation:

• The secret leaks to Ramona’s dad, who’s notorious for not keeping secrets, and is poised to roast Uncle John at the next family gathering.
• The caller’s concern: How to protect Uncle John (and his wife) from becoming the butt of the joke?

Key Brainstorming (26:20–38:25):

• Gareth suggests owning the joke to disarm potential mockery (“reverse UNO card” approach, 26:24).
• Possible “defensive” strategies:
  • Uncle John wears a shirt: “So what, I’m a sex machine?”
  • Everyone at Thanksgiving could brandish little bottles of lube when the joke comes up
  • Or, best of all, mobilize Ramona’s mom for a gentle, well-timed public reversal: gift a giant bottle of lube to her husband (Ramona’s dad) if/when he needles his brother—suggesting “maybe you could use this someday, tough guy” (29:34).

Consensus Plan:

• Equip mom with an oversized bottle of lube and a zinger ready for Thanksgiving.
• Make the joke “about celebrating older couples’ intimacy instead of shaming it.”
• Optionally, flood the room with tiny bottles as a show of solidarity.

Notable Quotes:

• “Maybe you can use this someday, tough guy.” (29:34, Jake)
• “What's embarrassing about having sex with your wife?” (23:21, Jake)
• “We're not gonna be able to own it… but I do think we have to figure out a way to overcome it.” (24:23, Gareth)

Memorable Moment:
Jake and Gareth double down on the pro-lube, pro-sex-positivity message, riffing on how to “frame the framer” and make the family roast harmless ("I buy 32 ounces… so what, I'm a sex machine?" (27:33; 27:40)).

3. Call #2: The Great Wooden Refrigerator Debate (42:13–64:49)

Caller: Michael, 42, Upstate South Carolina
Scenario: Michael and his wife Tanya inherit a family lake house with a relic: a “wooden fridge” from 1987, now leaking and energy-inefficient. Michael finds it eyesore and hassle, but Tanya’s sentimentality (and her friends’ support) keeps it alive. He wants it gone; she wants to see if it outlasts her.

Key Discussion Points:

• The fridge evokes “coffin in the Wild West" and "coffin for a ventriloquist dummy” (44:12, Jake & Gareth).
• Michael considers sabotaging the fridge before realizing how wild that would be (48:52).
• After probing, the hosts suggest:
  • Repurpose the fridge as a memory cabinet (photos, souvenirs), with wood-burned art: “The Fun House 1987–” (56:01–56:48).
  • If Tanya’s attached, get a repairman: if it can be fixed, keep it as long as possible; if not, convert to a relic (62:03).

Notable Interactions:

• When Tanya joins the call, her defenses are up—but negotiation leads to compromise: try repairs first, then memorialize.
• “Part of her wants to see how long it will last. … I want to see if this fridge outlives me.” (60:07, Tanya)

Resolution:

• Tanya agrees to pay for repairs; if fridge is unsalvageable, Michael can turn it into a nostalgic “fun house” memory box.

Memorable Moment:

• “I say we turn the fridge, because you are a handyman, into a shrine…” (51:01, Jake)
• “Let’s hug, let’s make sure there’s a hug right away. … I don’t want there to be any roast. We don’t need it between each other right now.” (64:04, Gareth)

4. Follow-up: “Piss Spot” Toilet Update (66:35–73:57)

Callback to episode #195 with Ty Burrell.
Caller: Carissa, Arizona
Recap: Previously, Carissa wanted to stop her dad from peeing in one spot outside (stinking up the property).

• Advice given: set up fake security cameras, pretend footage will go to a “third party”; Ty Burrell suggested placing a toddler potty (to shame him).

Current Update:

• Carissa’s mom loved the intervention, even decorated the toddler potty with the podcast’s logo and the hosts’ faces (“so my dad is pissing all over us,” 72:22, Gareth).
• Dad’s reaction: he now pees all over the property, no longer just one spot.
• Hosts declare this a win: “We're happy he's grazing. Let him graze other pastures.” (73:31, Gareth)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jake on Social Invitations:
  “Am I being Larry David here? Is this real?” (03:01)

• On Bad Karaoke:
  “How much goddamn attention do you need?” (05:11, Jake)

• On Family Roasts:
  “Maybe you can use this someday, tough guy.” (29:34, Jake)

• Sex Positivity:
  “What's embarrassing about having sex with your wife?” (23:21, Jake)

• On Fridge Sentiment:
  “Part of her wants to see how long it will last. … I want to see if this fridge outlives me.” (60:07, Tanya)

• Piss Spot Solution:
  “That could be hotel art. … You see the sun setting, and then there’s a little kid’s outdoor piss toilet. That makes no sense.” (70:26, Gareth)

Segment Timestamps

| Segment Description | Timestamps | |---------------------------------------------------------|------------------| | Social invitations & adult party etiquette | 02:36–08:46 | | Call #1: Ramona’s Amazon lube disaster | 16:24–38:25 | | Call #2: Michael vs. Tanya’s sentimental fridge | 42:13–64:49 | | Follow-up call: pee spot & toddler toilet intervention | 66:35–73:57 |

Tone & Style

The hosts’ language alternates between irreverently comic, gently empathetic, and unfiltered, always circling back to “being on the caller’s side.” Their advice is practical but playfully delivered, rich with bits and mock-arguments, softening family awkwardness with laughter while honoring the mess of real life.

Summary Takeaways

• Family mishaps are best handled with humor and ownership. Defuse jokes by joining in—ideally with a pro-partner message.
• Sentimentality and nostalgia are real—but so are maintenance bills. Negotiate, honor the memories, but strike a functional compromise.
• Advice is only as good as its fit for the people involved. Sometimes the fix is a hug, sometimes it’s a toddler toilet stenciled with your favorite podcast hosts’ faces.

This episode is a showcase of two friends steering listeners—and themselves—through life’s embarrassing mundanities, making listeners the stars of their own, bizarre sitcoms of everyday life.