WE’RE HERE TO HELP – EPISODE 221: “BUTT FUNNEL & SHAKY IN THE MOUTH”

Release Date: October 22, 2025
Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds

Brief Overview

In this lively and laughter-filled episode, Jake and Gareth return to their original advice-giving format, taking calls from listeners with their signature blend of silly banter and genuine attempts to help. The episode features an enthusiastic recap of a recent concert, a deep dive into how to get young basketball players to “box out,” a hilarious exploration of friendship, sports coaching, and the invention of the “butt funnel.” Later, they help a longtime listener navigate a tricky dentist/friend breakup, and cap things off with a follow-up caller's quest to win Milwaukee’s best bar trivia. As always, the hosts’ comedic chemistry makes everyday dilemmas entertaining.

EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS & KEY DISCUSSION POINTS

1. Returning to Format, Friendship, and Show Updates

• Timestamps: [01:33]–[03:06]
• Jake and Gareth announce they’re returning to their original, two-person format after experimenting with games and new segments.
• They encourage fans to vote on the Steve Calendar and tease upcoming guest Ryan Gaul.
• Jake shares a story about a spontaneous trip to see Chappell Roan in concert with his daughters, enjoying the Coachella-like vibe:

  “I have never been in a crowd of people that was so nice and chill.” – Jake [05:31]

Notable Quote

“My favorite part was just being the dad—like, the group called me Dad all night.” —Jake [07:10]

2. Warm-Up Question and The Jungle Turkey

• Timestamps: [15:41]–[18:39]
• The hosts bring back their signature “weird questions” for callers. Heather is asked: if she was running through the jungle, what animal would she want to see?
  • Heather, in a left-field move, says she’d want to see her suburban pet turkey, Steve, “because if he were in the jungle, then he would be free and I wouldn't have to take care of him anymore.” [18:11]

Notable Moment

Jake and Gareth riff on the idea—Heather’s turkey would not survive in the jungle:

“He would be free for one second… everything would eat that turkey.” —Jake & Gareth [18:25]

3. CALL 1: Coaching Challenges – Getting Girls to Box Out

• Timestamps: [18:46]–[32:16]

• Caller: Heather from Connecticut, assistant coach for her daughter’s 7th grade basketball team.

• Problem: Despite constant reminders, the players aren’t “boxing out” during games—even though they will do it in practice.

  • Jake and Gareth discuss how kids sometimes do the opposite of what parents and coaches say.

• Advice:

  • Turn boxing out into a dance/game at practice—incorporate music and reward physical engagement (e.g., butt dance with Nicki Minaj): “Who can knock the girls closest to the bleachers without using their hands?” —Jake [24:45]
  • Rename the move from “box out” to something more fun/clear like “butt bump,” “butt push,” or (jokingly) “butt funnel.”
    • The Butt Funnel: Detour into a hilarious aside about the “butt funnel”—an architectural dancefloor feature from Bar Rescue meant to promote mingling by forcing people to rub butts as they squeeze through:

      “The butt funnel is a small opening in a dance floor, and as they walk through, they rub butts… The more people interact, the more fun they have.” —Natalie quoting John Taffer [27:26]

• Game-ifying Box Outs:

  • Keep track of in-game box outs and reward most active players with pizza, a crown, or a special privilege (e.g., sitting out a drill in practice).
  • Implement a “box out thermometer” to track the team’s cumulative effort toward a group pizza party.
  • Heather is enthusiastic about these suggestions and agrees to try them.

Notable Quotes

“Maybe we turn it into a game with music. Get Nicki Minaj blasting…” —Jake [24:31]
“Whoever does the most butt bumps, box outs, gets to wear the box crown! Then take their picture like ‘employee of the week’.” —Jake [29:52]

4. CALL 2: Breaking Up With a Shaky Dentist

• Timestamps: [34:15]–[56:00]
• Caller: Matt, 65, prompted by his daughters to seek advice.
• Problem: Matt’s longtime friend and dentist (40+ years) has developed shaky hands—he describes a recent visit:

  “As he’s working on me, his hands start to shake... and I’m thinking, this is not going to go well if this continues.” [35:56]

• Matt has already seen a new (younger) dentist and seeks advice on how to end things with his old friend/dentist without hurting feelings.
• Advice:
  • Jake and Gareth debate ghosting; both think it doesn’t fit someone of Matt’s generation and the nature of the friendship.
  • They brainstorm several exit strategies:
    • White Lie: Claiming a daughter or her boyfriend is a dentist, so “I have to go to them now.” [42:16]
    • Fake Injury: Dramatically react to the dentist’s shaky work in the chair (role-playing ensues—hilariously).

      “Get out of my mouth!” —Matt (during role-play), with Jake and Gareth howling [46:10]

    • Fake Funeral: Have one of Matt’s daughters send word he passed away—then rule it out as too “dark.”
    • Insurance excuse: Claim insurance no longer covers the dentist
  • BEST AND CHOSEN SOLUTION: Politely tell the old dentist you need to see your daughter’s dentist (or her boyfriend’s), but emphasize staying in touch socially and offer to meet for lunch.

    “No matter what, let’s find each other for a lunch real soon. On me.” —Jake [55:13]

Notable Moments & Quotes

• Matt shares a story about Jake’s dad coping with Parkinson’s:

  “He said: ‘My hand is shaking like it’s somebody else’s, but they killed my dick, so I can’t even do anything fun with it!’” —Jake relaying his father [38:02]

• Intense and funny role-play about confronting the dentist, capped off with:

  “If we were a show that had sound clips, just clip ‘Get out of my mouth!’ the way you just said it.” —Jake [46:18]

5. CALL 3: Trivia Host Follow-Up – Building a Dynasty

• Timestamps: [58:09]–[64:32]
• Caller: Joe from Milwaukee (returning from episode 205)
• Problem: Joe hosts bar trivia and wants to win “Best of” again as he retires.
• Updates:
  • Built a website (Squarespace shout-out), created campaign material, and found two replacement candidates.
  • The hosts commit to helping with publicity and propose a live audition segment for the new host role on the podcast.
• Notable Quote:

  “We're fully independent, homegrown… we're not a big franchise trivia… we give out the best prizes.” —Joe [62:02]

6. Educational Bird Tangent: Budgie vs. Parakeet

• Timestamps: [64:38]–[65:25]
• Listener Jenny informs them that "budgie" is short for “budgerigar” (parakeet in US), native to Australia—a callback to previous episodes' confusion.

MEMORABLE QUOTES & MOMENTS (with Timestamps)

• “He would be free for one second… everything would eat that turkey.” – Gareth [18:44]
• “Maybe we call it the butt bump… The Butt Funnel!” – Gareth & Jake [25:13]
• “John Taffer—yes, Jake, the butt funnel.” – Gareth [28:00]
• “Get out of my mouth!” – Matt (role-play) [46:10]
• “We would love to produce your [fake] funeral and get involved.” – Gareth [48:40]
• “This show is not about: how do we close down the shop of a dentist.” – Jake [54:08]
• “If we were a show that had sound clips, just clip: ‘Get out of my mouth!’” – Jake [46:18]
• “No matter what, let’s find each other for a lunch real soon. On me.” —Jake [55:13]

SEGMENT TIMESTAMPS

• [01:33] – Hosts return to original format, friendship banter, concert recap
• [15:41] – Warm-up “jungle animal” question with Heather
• [18:46] – Heather’s coaching dilemma (“box out”), butt funnel tangent, brainstorming solutions
• [34:15] – Matt’s dentist/friend breakup problem, series of pitches/roleplay
• [58:09] – Joe’s trivia follow-up, updates and plans for future segments
• [64:38] – Bird terminology clarification by listener Jenny

TONE & LANGUAGE

The episode is informal, cheeky, and laced with expletives and absurd bits. Jake and Gareth play off each other with relentless, self-deprecating humor, always bringing warmth and genuine concern to their listeners' problems.

CONCLUSION

Episode 221 is quintessential “We’re Here to Help”—a showcase of weird advice, hilarious digressions (the “butt funnel”), real-world dilemmas, and the relatable anxieties of friendship, parenting, and aging. The hosts’ playful role-play and the supportive, raucous way they approach each caller’s problem make the advice memorable—if not always entirely practical. A must-listen for fans of improvised comedy and unconventional life advice!