226: Buttercup's Garden

Summary

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We're Here to Help

Episode 226: Buttercup’s Garden
Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds
Date: November 3, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this riotous, heartfelt episode, Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds field a memorable call from Rachel in New Hampshire—who seeks advice on how to rein in her eccentric mother, Buttercup, whose penchant for peeing outdoors and minimalist attire is starting to influence her young grandchildren. The conversation spirals into signature "We're Here to Help" chaos, blending sincere family advice, offbeat bits, and some stand-out guest appearances—including Gareth’s own mother, Pam Reynolds—in a hands-on effort to craft the perfect intervention strategy.

Later in the episode, a follow-up caller, Nina from Cape Town, returns with an investigative update on a neighboring apartment’s see-through bathrooms, leading to collaborative sign-writing and more misadventures.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Rachel’s Buttercup Problem ([10:48]–[52:47])

Setting the Scene ([10:48]–[14:27])

• Rachel (alias, 40, Northern New England/"New Hampshire") introduces her mother "Buttercup", beloved but increasingly "eccentric," especially in grandparenthood.
• The question: How to curb Buttercup’s habit of scant clothing and public urination, which is being mimicked by her grandkid—Rachel’s son.

“Peeing Outside” Dilemma ([14:27]–[24:00])

• Jake and Gareth riff on how boys love to pee outside, and commiserate on the challenges of teaching public/private rules.
• Jake’s “hog in/out of the barn” rule:

  “If someone can see your hog, put it back in the barn.” (Jake, [15:13])

• Rachel’s challenge: It’s hard to enforce rules on the kid when Granny herself is a bad example.

Buttercup’s Style and Behaviors ([17:04]–[20:43])

• Buttercup’s wardrobe: “sports bra and underwear” for forest hikes, gardening, daily life.
• She reportedly “pees wherever she wants,” even when public restrooms are available.

Family Dynamics & Buttercup’s Legacy ([20:50]–[23:56])

• Buttercup has always been “wild card,” but her quirks have “blossomed” with age.
• Rachel’s friend: “I have a crush on Buttercup”—a fact that thoroughly disgusts Rachel.

Tactical Advice & Bits ([23:56]–[32:04])

• Primary advice: Honest but gentle boundaries. E.g.,

  “Buttercup, your grandkids are getting in trouble at school for peeing outside and saying they do it because you do. Can you help out and model the right behavior... until they’re older?”
  (Jake, [24:01])

• Escalating bits:
  • Fake school voicemails or emails (from “headmistress”) reporting grandchild’s behavior.
  • Staging a “snake scare” based on Buttercup’s phobia (“urine attracts snakes”).
  • High-jinks with fake security guards or planted wildlife.

Bringing in Pam Reynolds – The Matriarchal Perspective ([32:41]–[52:04])

• Gareth’s mum, Pam Reynolds, attends the Zoom to consult as a fellow “elderly outdoor peer.”
• Pam recounts being punished by her father for peeing in the garden—a formative experience, but:

  “Now I’m old. I go anywhere, anywhere.” (Pam, [37:07])

Intervention Strategies Play-Acted ([39:01]–[44:28])

• Jake, Gareth, Rachel, and Pam simulate the “tough conversation” with Buttercup.
• Pam: “It’s not nice for your son to learn a nasty habit from me. I’ll absolutely do my best...”
• Rachel predicts Buttercup would deflect but likely comply if approached directly.

Crafting the “Headmistress” Voicemail ([47:04]–[51:17])

• Pam delivers a surprisingly convincing, gently chiding voicemail as a preschool director, for Rachel to play for Buttercup.

  “It seems [your grandson is] weeing outside ... and he told us that his grandmother, Buttercup, he’s learned from her…We don’t find it acceptable behavior.” (Pam, [49:34])

Outcome and Next Steps

• Rachel is thrilled: “This is perfect.” Plans to use the recording and follow up.
• If the bit works, they urge Rachel to record Buttercup's real reaction.

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2. Nina’s Bathroom Window Saga ([55:49]–[70:31])

The Issue ([55:49]–[57:51])

• Nina (from Cape Town)—calls back to update previous advice about her neighbor’s bathrooms with see-through glass, where she regularly witnesses neighbors “going to the loo.”

Nina’s Investigation ([57:51]–[62:00])

• Nina and her “housemate Daisy” manage an on-site tour courtesy of building workers, confirming the glass is technically “frosted,” but still reveals enough for privacy to be compromised—especially in the showers.

Solutions & Signage Brainstorm ([62:00]–[67:09])

• Jake & Gareth propose:
  • Posting rotating, cheeky signs (“If you can read this, I can see you dumping” / “What a view to watch you poo!” / “How’s your dump?”).
  • Sending anonymous flyers to Airbnb guests warning them of their visibility.

Nina’s Acceptance ([68:10]–[69:32])

• Nina leans toward accepting her new “spectator status”:

  “Maybe I just enjoy the show... I’ve done what I can.”

Memorable Bit ([71:07]–[71:18])

• Gareth’s dream:

  “I don’t want to watch people drop deuces. ... I want people to watch me drop deuces. That’s all I want.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If someone can see your hog, put it back in the barn.” – Jake ([15:13])
• “I want to watch a documentary called Buttercup’s Garden.” – Jake ([21:33])
• “She has a garden, and when she has to pee, she just, like, pees. She pees wherever she wants and she thinks that’s fine.” – Rachel ([19:04])
• “Now I’m old. I go anywhere, anywhere.” – Pam Reynolds ([37:07])
• “If a policeman came up and wanted to give me a ticket for doing it... that would be the most effective.” – Pam ([44:28])
• Pam’s in-character school voicemail: “We find it a little concerning that [grandchild] seems to be weeing outside ... he told us that his grandmother, Buttercup, he’s learned from her. …We don’t find it acceptable behavior.” ([49:34])
• “What a view, to watch you poo!” – Jake/Gareth brainstorm, signage for Nina’s saga ([63:37])

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [10:48] — Rachel introduces “Buttercup’s Garden” issue
• [14:27] — Boys peeing outside, household rules vs. society
• [17:04] — Buttercup’s eccentric attire and habits detailed
• [23:56] — Strategic advice: how to talk to Buttercup
• [32:41] — Pam Reynolds joins the call
• [39:01] — Role-playing the intervention with Pam
• [47:04] — Pam delivers “headmistress/director” voicemail
• [52:47] — Rachel’s plan: deploying the voicemail, next steps
• [55:49] — Nina checks back in: window-bathroom update
• [63:37] — Signage brainstorming: best voyeuristic slogans
• [68:10] — Nina’s acceptance speech: “enjoying the show”
• [71:07] — Gareth’s dream of being watched on the toilet

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Episode Tone & Style

• Language: Direct, frank, irreverently playful; plenty of banter and familial teasing.
• Vibe: A blend of heartfelt, practical advice and ridiculous comic scenarios, always with warmth and camaraderie.

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Takeaways

• For Families: When an eccentric parent’s quirks are starting to influence grandkids, clear boundaries—delivered with empathy and humor—are more effective than confrontation or shaming.
• For Listeners: Sometimes, accepting life’s absurdities (“the view to watch you poo!”) is the healthiest path—after you’ve done everything reasonable.
• For Comedy Fans: This episode is peak “We’re Here to Help,” with improv games, multigenerational wisdom, and classic running gags delivered at breakneck (and sometimes brazen) speed.

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A hallmark episode celebrating familial weirdness, the limits of behavioral intervention, and the enduring bonds of laughter—whether in the garden or the hallway.

Transcript

[Jake Johnson]

This is a headgun podcast. Morning, Zoe. Got donuts.

[Rachel]

Jeff Bridges, why are you still living above our garage?

[Jake Johnson]

Well, I dig the mattress and I want to be in a T Mobile commercial like you teach me. So, Dana.

[Nina]

Oh no, I'm not really prepared. I couldn't possibly at t mobile get the new iPhone 17 Pro on them.

[Jake Johnson]

It's designed to be the most powerful.

[Rachel]

Iphone yet and has the ultimate pro camera system.

[Jake Johnson]

Wow, impressive. Let me T Mobile is the best place to get iPhone 17 Pro because they've got the best network.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nice.

[Nina]

Jeffrey, you heard them.

[Jake Johnson]

T Mobile is the best place to get the new iPhone 17 Pro on us with eligible traded in any condition. So what are we having for launch?

[Rachel]

Dude, my work here is done with.

[Jake Johnson]

24 monthly bill credits on experience beyond for well qualified customers, plus tax and $35 device connection charge credits ended balance due if you pay off earlier. Cancel Finance agreement. IPhone 17 Pro 256GB $1099.99 and new line minimum $100 plus a month plan with auto pay plus taxes and fees required. Best mobile network in the US based on analysis by Oaklo Test Intelligence data 1H 2025 visit t mobile.com and we are back on a Monday with a really fun episode one I'm excited about, one I think you're gonna really enjoy. Gareth and I do this one together today as it's Monday. We've established Monday is the G man and I. Wednesday is. We're trying to do guests on Wednesday. Don't always land them, but we're in a period right now where we're getting a lot of guests. And so either we do a guest or we do a, you know, a little weird one. And then Fridays, every other week we're doing weird here to chats and throwing some friendship games in there too. And the reasoning is, is why the hell not? But I'm coming on now. This is going to be a short intro because we got a big show, we have a big first caller and you might be wondering why you here solo. And I'm going to tell you why I'm here solo. It's because on today's episode, the great, the amazing, the sweet, my love, Pam Reynolds comes on. And I didn't want Gareth here saying, shut up, shut up, Stop talking about my mom. Because he's missing the point of it, folks. Sure, Pammy and I have a sweet back and forth that borders on inappropriate. Sure, one of our great members of this community painted a photograph or painted a painting with me and Pam in each other's arms with her shirt off, her staring at me lustfully as I look away. And sure, we're asking people not to print that out and bring it to Gareth's live shows and ask him to sign it because that would be inappropriate. It's the last thing he needs to see after a live show. A photograph of his, a buddy who annoys him and his mother bare chested next to each other. And then the great Margaret described it as two lovers about to quench their thirst of each other. Gareth doesn't need to be reminded of that after a wonderful stand up show. But I do want to say she comes on and she crushes it like always. She's so fun. I think you're gonna love the episode. I know that I do. I hope everybody had a very safe Halloween. I'm curious if anybody has any weird costumes or stories based off of or near the podcast. I don't know. I mean, you got a bunch of people dressing like characters from New Girl or from Jurassic World. They do the Lowry, which is fun. Does anybody dress like a character from the podcast? Does that even happen? Anybody kink their hair out and go as Gareth? Anybody going as Eric and Steve? Anybody overtired driving a scooter around being me? I don't know. I just wanted to throw it out there. I want to give a big thank you to the community for paying attention. Continuing to pay attention. I will say the Steve Bird calendar is wrapping up. We are going to close that up. Morgan is going to send something out about the details of it all. I still can't believe we made a calendar of Steve Berg. And I can't believe how it's turning out. And the most shocking news. I can't believe that. It's kind of hot. Never in a million years did I see that coming. Steve Berg is a sex symbol. Okay, man, 2025 is backwards years, man. But look, if I'm honest with myself, when I'm looking at those photos, I'm not laughing. I'm imagining I'm one of those trouts that he's pulling out of a lake. And when I look up, I go, not mad. I'm in these big hands. I mean, I'm not imagining that, but you get the idea. He looks good. He's a handsome guy. We've had the photographer that did Garrett's weird photo shoot where he's in those weird pants looking insane, trying to look like he's in a boy pan. What is that man doing? He reached out and wants to photograph Steve on a boat. I think we've done enough modeling for a while. We're gonna, we're gonna have a interesting November and December because we've got the holidays coming up. And on some of those episodes, we throw in some weird episodes as they go. But we are going back to format. We're going to do more just calls for a while. It's been really fun mixing things up, but we appreciate you being part of the experiment. We hope you guys are having as much fun as we are. And stay tuned for just a shocking Pam performance. So welcome to November, everybody. Without further ado, this episode is brought to you by Zell. If you need to give money to somebody or send money to somebody or somebody needs to send money to you, it's tacky to say, hey, give me money. But it's not to request it on Zell.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

Send Money with Zell. Zelle.com this episode is brought to you by Lisa. My days are always packed, so when I finally hit the mattress at the end of the day, I need it to deliver. I'm a big believer in sleep. Like everybody else. I listen to podcasts and all the podcasts tell me now, sleep is everything. So make sure you get a mattress where you can sleep deep on it. Sleep deep on Leesa.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello.

[Rachel]

Hello.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi, can we get your name, please?

[Rachel]

It's Rachel.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi, Rachel. You got Jake, you got Gareth. Welcome to we're here to Help America's no More Podcast. Now look it up. Where are you calling from?

[Rachel]

Let's go with Northern New England.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is that a fall?

[Jake Johnson]

Is it fall?

[Gareth Reynolds]

The lighthouse?

[Rachel]

No, it's New Hampshire. Fine, it's New Hampshire. It doesn't matter.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know.

[Rachel]

I feel like you're not supposed to tell anyone where everyone always lies.

[Jake Johnson]

That's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, you're more than welcome to lie. It's just sometimes. Yeah, there's. Sometimes it's funny to have a fake region, I guess. I think you're our first fake, like, zone. How old are you, Rachel?

[Rachel]

I'm going to be 40 on Saturday.

[Jake Johnson]

Hold on. Why the size?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great.

[Jake Johnson]

40S are the best.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're great.

[Rachel]

Okay, then. I'm excited. I'm thrilled.

[Jake Johnson]

Good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Okay. Feels like that's fabricated, but we'll take it. And then we know. Jesse told us that someone else is probably going to be calling in, but maybe you should just get us started here.

[Rachel]

Yeah, we can't count on her. So I can get us started.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Interesting. We've been through this before, so what's going on?

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, what's up? Get us started.

[Rachel]

Sure. So my sister and I, it's just the two of us, and we both have children and we're both very close to our mother, who we love very much. And I will preface this by saying she does not listen to this podcast. So I think it's fine that she's a wonderful mom and she's raised us and nothing but love, but she's a little eccentric. That's not new. She lives very close to my sister in about an hour from me. So, like, she's very involved in our lives. We spend a lot of time together as a family, but also, like, she spends a lot of time with the grandkids, etc. And I think her eccentric, whatever that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Word is, eccentricity, sort of like.

[Rachel]

Thank you. It has changed or sort of blossomed in her older years, perhaps, as I guess this maybe tends to happen. But it's gotten to be a little bit too much for us to manage. And she doesn't really think anything's wrong with her eccentricities, so it's a little bit challenging. She. Do you have any questions? Can I keep going?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Rachel]

Okay. We both. We all have kids.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm just gonna jump in really quick. It sounds like you're getting there, but you had sort of reframed in the new version of the question about your kid, and sort of. So let's. Let's hope. Let's focus it on that.

[Jake Johnson]

But I also, like Rachel. You got a little bit mad at us that we didn't have a question. Well, you know, you're just setting it up. I'm seeing the picture. You go. You got any questions? Gareth goes. Now you go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. You know, it really reminds me of, like, in stand up, when your premise is like, you're going through it, you're like, okay, I'm bombing pretty hard. So we're very invested. No, it's great. It's a great setup. We're just waiting to see where it goes. My own. Okay, I'll give you a question. What should we call Mother? Let's just give her a fake name.

[Rachel]

Can we give her her grandmother name, which is the name she's actually called to the grandmother?

[Jake Johnson]

Sure, whatever you want.

[Rachel]

It's Buttercup.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okie dokie. Well, that's very specific. We'll get into that soon enough. But keep going, you're doing great. Great stuff.

[Rachel]

Okay, so we have children under the age of six. So we have a six year old. My sister has a six year old and a baby and I have a four year old and I have a boy. And maybe you guys know, but boys like to pee outside.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That never changes.

[Rachel]

So totally love that for him. It's great. He loves to pee outside. He has since he figured it out. That's fine. But he doesn't quite understand that you can't pee outside anywhere. You have to pick and choose where you pee outside. Right. So like you can pee outside at home in the backyard, but you can't like pee outside at the playground, like in the middle of playing.

[Jake Johnson]

Unacceptable.

[Rachel]

Yeah, it's not great. And so, you know, we're working on that. Like, you can't pee there.

[Jake Johnson]

Easy rule on that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Rachel, move to France.

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Nope. Oh, if someone can see your hog, put it back in the barn.

[Rachel]

Oh, okay. That's very fair. And I will definitely let him know when I see him today.

[Jake Johnson]

Because if you're in a park and no one's around, you can release the hog from the barn. Who cares?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I.

[Jake Johnson]

But if one person could possibly see the hog, get it in the barn.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You need a layer of brush behind you in order to be.

[Jake Johnson]

But if. What if you're in a full park and there's nothingness?

[Gareth Reynolds]

The park is too active of a zone. Well, as long as you're willing to do the.

[Jake Johnson]

And then pretend with your hands that you're doing something where you're pointing at something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So you're just wiener poked out. And you're pointing your minority reporting alone at a park.

[Jake Johnson]

That's called the minority report. Tom Cruis.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just.

[Jake Johnson]

Tom, just do a little cruise.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You don't want to go to a.

[Jake Johnson]

Park in Tom Cruise or it's actually take away. Tom, just go to a park and cruise. That means your hands are going like this. As your hogs out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. As you're just whizzing.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. So keep going, Rachel. So here's what I understand so far. You got two sisters, you adore your mom. We made sure the one's a little sensitive. One sister. There's two girls.

[Rachel]

Yeah, one sister.

[Jake Johnson]

You got three kids total. We made it very clear that mom was great because we don't want to hurt mom's feelings because clearly she's sensitive. So we spent about a minute and a half of doing Eric Edelstein, Steve Berg talk and that she's the best. She's wonderful. She's great. We love it. She's wonderful.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The best mom on earth.

[Jake Johnson]

And so she goes by Puttercup. We also, Jesse jumped in and said, don't forget to talk about the kid. What we learned about the kid is he likes to piss outside.

[Rachel]

And it's hard to teach him, hey, you can't pee anywhere you want. When grandmom likes to like walk around without a lot of pants on at her home.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sorry. Now we have. Now we can jump in. Now we'll jump in.

[Jake Johnson]

Explain how Buttercup dresses.

[Rachel]

So Buttercup is a woman in her 70s. She's very active and fit. She wears normal clothes usually, except she does not like to be uncomfortable and she doesn't like to be, you know, she doesn't like to feel strapped down. So if it's very hot, she will wear very little clothing. And not in public necessarily.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Very little. What do we talk?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, agreed.

[Rachel]

Like a sports bra. Like, she recently went hiking in the woods this summer in a sports bra and underwear, but she got lost.

[Jake Johnson]

So just here's what. Here's what I need from you now, Rachel, you gotta stop dancing around.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And I'll tell you why. She doesn't like to be strapped. I feel like this is a where I'm talking to Steve and Eric again last night. She doesn't like to be strapped on. And close. She's hiking in underpants and a bra. It's madness.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What are we talking? Because granny panties.

[Jake Johnson]

If I saw a seven year old woman in underpants on a on Griffith Park, I'd lose my mind.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'd always assume she's lost.

[Rachel]

We don't live in la. And she was walking and like she has a bunch of property. So it was like her woods, her wooded area borders like, you know, it borders humanity. And when you get lost, you're gonna have to see humanity.

[Jake Johnson]

Sure, right. I understand that. A little bit more sense. She's an eccentric lady in her plan. And Guess what? If I end up in my sevens.

[Rachel]

Oh, God.

[Jake Johnson]

Sorry. Keep going. You're right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Go on.

[Jake Johnson]

I gotta stop here. You know what's gonna happen.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm gonna say it.

[Jake Johnson]

But if I. If I got acres and I decide, you know what, I'm battling a little cancer. I'm not feeling great I'm gonna take a little hit of this green magic. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm stoned as hell. Coffee tastes wonderful. I'm gonna take a walk. I'm not going. I'm putting jeans on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I'm going.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm in a weird pair of old man underpants. Let's put duct tape on the bottom of my feet so I don't get scratched and just walk around insane.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The level of dedication to not clothing yourself is obviously off the charts.

[Jake Johnson]

Put duct tape on the nipples as to not offend the animals and let's dance. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's just obviously crazy.

[Jake Johnson]

And also duct tape on the top of your head so the aliens don't come in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, Rachel, you have to jump in now. It's not even an option anymore. So you wanted interjections? You got him, sister.

[Rachel]

In the summer, she's hot. Hot enough. And she has this garden. And, yes, she has, like, a long driveway so she could see someone coming. But she'll be in her garden in, you know, underwear, like granny panties and, like, a sports bra or something. And if she has to pee because she's too lazy, she just, like, pees. She pees wherever she wants, and she thinks that's fine. We went on a hike and she peed behind the trailhead. There was a porta Potty, and we had left home 15 minutes before.

[Jake Johnson]

This is. All right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, Rachel. All right.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm getting a sense. So it's too much. I agree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now, okay. Peeing at the trailhead. Is she trying to hide herself at all or she's just kind of like, okay, so she's sort of going off somewhere and she's pulling the granny panties down and she's squatting.

[Rachel]

Yeah, but she's going off, like, the trail. This was, like, a very popular trail. She's 200ft from a parking lot, and she goes down the trail. Like, she goes behind the sign that says, like, welcome to the trail. Here's the map. Maybe, like, just 20 or 30 granny.

[Jake Johnson]

Panties to the side. I get it. So Rachel, growing up, what was Buttercup like?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my Lord.

[Rachel]

Very similar to the way she is now. But, yeah, I mean, I guess she's always been, like this.

[Jake Johnson]

A wild Card.

[Rachel]

For some reason, it just seems like a little bit more accentuated in her older years. She's always been the mom that people come over and be like, yeah, like your mom's. You know, she's just weird, but, like, she's fun and cool, and I get it.

[Jake Johnson]

Really give a. I just need to say point blank, I have a crush on Buttercup.

[Rachel]

Oh, my God. My friend just recently told me that, and I find that so gross. He said, I need to come to your house, and she's walking around naked. I'm disgusted.

[Jake Johnson]

I know. There's something about this lady. That one. I want to watch a documentary called Buttercup's garden.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

82. I want. I want to just. I like this vibe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like it, too.

[Jake Johnson]

That she smoke a lot of pot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Rachel]

So, no. She does have, like, some gummy she uses for pain.

[Jake Johnson]

Of course it's yes. The answer is yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

65 Gummies become such a big player in 80%.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Like, especially if it's because they say it's for pain. It's not for. I mean, sleep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. It's the other one.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. I only do it to sleep and then to wake up, and then.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then all of a sudden, you're walking naked through your property with duct tape on your nipples, feet, and forehead.

[Jake Johnson]

She's stoned out of her.

[Rachel]

Kind of always has done this. Like, we lived as a family of three women, so, like, we walked around naked in the house. That wasn't that weird. So, like, we're very.

[Jake Johnson]

It was weird. Depending on your age, Rachel.

[Rachel]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The issue here is obviously there's two sets of rules. There's home based rules, and then there's society rules. Now, if you're talking about moving the goalpost in society to where we all piss outside, and I'm okay with that. We're just not there.

[Jake Johnson]

Nobody's talking about that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Some of us are talking on the side about maybe. Excuse me, Minority Report architect. How dare you? Now, Rachel, first of all, it's amazing that your sister is still not here. That says a lot about how Buttercup is raising half of the family.

[Rachel]

I will tell you. My sister has a baby, and she didn't have anyone to watch the baby except Buttercup, and she felt very guilty about asking Buttercup to watch baby about her.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. So then let me ask you a question, Rachel, because now we've got a very clean setup. What is your specific question we can help you with? On today's episode of We're Here to Help. As Garrish says, the number One podcast in the world. Don't look it up because our numbers will not reflect.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't look it up, for God's sake.

[Jake Johnson]

That's how you will not reflect.

[Rachel]

Won't look it up. And how can we get her to tone it down so that, like, we're not peeing at the trailhead and we're not peeing maybe, like, in front of the grandkids, even outside in the summer, just sort of like, if you're alone, if you're by yourself, do whatever you want. But, like, with the family, with these children who pick up on everything.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, I get it.

[Rachel]

Tone it down.

[Jake Johnson]

I got something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I do, too.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so I think the weight. We're not going to change. Buttercup. A buttercup is a buttercup. So it's like saying, I want to eat a buttercup, but I don't want to gain weight. Get the out of here. Don't eat the buttercup. So when buttercup is locked and loaded for who she is, and God bless her, she's going to be who she is on her land. She's going to squat and she's going to piss, and God bless. What we can do, though, is keep it away from the grandkids. And here's how I think we do that. Rachel, you say, my son at school took the hog out of the barn on the playground, and when he got in trouble, he said, it's okay. My buttercup does this. And the other day he was at school, he took his clothes off. He was just in his underpants and said, no, my buttercup does this. So I think what we need to do, because the kids are starting. They love you so much. They're starting to be influenced by you. So let's tighten things up just so they don't get in trouble in school. We don't want you to change at all, but they adore you. We adore you. But just until they get a little bit older and they understand the difference between societal right and wrongs. Can we throw some shorts on and not piss on a trail?

[Rachel]

I think it's reasonable. Like, I think. I think she can meet.

[Jake Johnson]

I mean, I will tell you this, Rachel. Here's why I think I would. It would work. Okay, I'm. I'm Buttercup. My daughters are already embarrassed by me. I'm doing everything I can to keep it high and tight because they're in school. By the time I'm in my 70s and they have kids, it's gonna get weird.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The wheels will be off. Do you have an example of one of the high and tight. One of the shifts you've made, because.

[Jake Johnson]

Clothes. If we're gonna. If we're gonna go to a school thing, my wife will say, like, please don't wear those short shorts.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, You. Yeah, I. I will say, you are out of control, as am I, and I cannot imagine. Yeah, it's not good.

[Jake Johnson]

There'll be times where we'll be at an event and I'll be trying to make jokes with them, and then they'll be making jokes back, and it's not appropriate. My wife will say, you three need to stop now.

[Rachel]

Right.

[Jake Johnson]

And so, you know, I'm like, you're not wrong. We were getting loud. And so if the idea of it is it's a slight detriment to the kid, and the kid at school is getting in trouble because you. Because they love you so much, they're copying. Could you do it for them? Just until they get a little bit older? I would say, no problem.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I also love the pitch. I wonder if you want to go a little further and have a female friend of yours, or if you're. Whatever the gender of the teacher is, have them leave a voicemail getting into detail about what happened that you can play for Buttercup. So maybe it's.

[Jake Johnson]

Do you like that idea, Rachel?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yes.

[Rachel]

Or like an email. I feel like an email.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, here's why. Here's why I like the voicemail. We could do it right now. Gareth and I could be the administration at the school.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Rachel]

If I want to send it.

[Jake Johnson]

Only if you would actually send it to her, though.

[Rachel]

I would probably just have her listen to it. Like, I would, like, go, that's fine, and have her listen to it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what I mean?

[Rachel]

Like, I would have it on my phone and be like, oh, God, you have to hear this.

[Jake Johnson]

Could your sister be there with her phone and record it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Rachel]

Well, if we can get her on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The line, she absolutely can be.

[Jake Johnson]

All right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So I'll answer the questions for her, Jake. Yes, she will play it. And yes, we should do this. And yes, the sister will also record it.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, you're just. Because you want to do the bit. But I'm only doing it if it's going to really happen.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have other pitches and I want to do the bit so bad. My. I should put duct tape on my nipples.

[Jake Johnson]

Let's hear the other pitches really fast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Set up a fake. Have you have your friend who wants to see your mother in her element, dress up in a security jacket, and the next time that you're at the park and she's going to do it. Or out in public, have him come over as a fake security guard, suggesting that what's happening is inappropriate. Likewise, have a fake snake in your bag. So when you go on some of these hikes, you sort of throw a fake snake behind her and then go, oh, my God. And then you sort of say, that's why there's a bathroom. You're going to get yourself in.

[Jake Johnson]

You're going to get your vagina bit. Is the. That's the name of that pitch?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not what I said. Not what I said. Merge title. Not what I said. The other hats.

[Jake Johnson]

The.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The other is. I do have access to someone else who does this.

[Jake Johnson]

Your new nickname is Vagina. Snake biter.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wrong merch. I will say special title. My mother in England does this pisses.

[Jake Johnson]

I know she does.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stop. I didn't want to go here. Stop. I didn't want to go here.

[Jake Johnson]

Mom, he's outside.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. And. And what we could do is I could call her and pitch her on what would be the largest. Like, what would dissuade her the most from doing this.

[Rachel]

I like that. And I was just thinking. So the snake thing I also like, because my mom has very few fears, but one of them is stink, so that's great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then snakes.

[Jake Johnson]

She's.

[Rachel]

Yeah, she's really scared of snakes. She hates them. And. And I did have this one time she did pee in my backyard because I wasn't home and she had to pee. I know. And she was passing by, and anyway, and we do have a ring camera, so I guess there's some video somewhere.

[Jake Johnson]

You know, we could do this is. I'm not pitching Piggly and Mo, but it would work in this case.

[Gareth Reynolds]

For the last. For the last time.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, you're no longer with us, but this is a situation with Buttercup. She's weird enough that you could say, hey, Mom, I heard this podcast, and these guys were talking about a thing that's been happening, and that is because urine attracts snakes. So if you pee outside, it's becoming a thing for people that their private parts and their upper thighs are getting bit by snakes. So there's this huge warning right now in the Northeast because there's these invasive snakes that the smell of urine attracts them, and they think it's a threat. So do not pee outside, because snakes will bite your cooch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. I will say they're. They're dead, dude. But I do think there. I. I would worry that your mother is gonna scoff at something like this.

[Jake Johnson]

Unless she heard a podcast from two doctors.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I. I'm not listening. There are other people who could pretend to be. Podcast. It can't be. I mean, what are we talking about? They died. They had a chap. Aquiddick. They passed away. Okay, but. But.

[Jake Johnson]

So audience hates them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hates, hates. Every now and then at a show, someone will come up and be like, I did. Like Piglia. Moe, Stop. Stop it. But I worry that that might be too soft for her. I worry that she would go like, whatever. It's not. It's fine. I think maybe you need to have more of a direct intervention. But what do you think?

[Jake Johnson]

Way to go to Rachel Gareth. I was thinking the same thing.

[Rachel]

She'd immediately Google it, though.

[Jake Johnson]

She would.

[Rachel]

Yeah, yeah. Immediately she'd be like, I can't find any proof of this. Like, I don't know what you're talking about. And she would just ignore it.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, that's why the audience hates Piggly and Mo. Yeah, they always say that part of it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If Rachel like Piggly Mo, she'd say yes. She wouldn't say it wouldn't work. Well, I'm not commenting out of all of these people, did you like Piggly and Mo?

[Rachel]

Let's just keep going with this part.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you think we could get a voice note from Pam?

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, but we're not gonna get it now, so it'll just be at the end.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We could. I could have her say something into the microphone right now. I could call her and she could say something. Then we could record it. I mean, if we wanted to.

[Jake Johnson]

How good would it sound?

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's good. She'd be good.

[Pam Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Call her up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Should we? Now what do we want her to say? Because she's gonna need clear direction. No, she won't be able to hear you. Thank God.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what, Jesse, will you send her a zoom link? Sure, I can do that.

[Pam Reynolds]

Hello.

[Jake Johnson]

How are you? Pam, it's Jake.

[Pam Reynolds]

Hello, Jake.

[Jake Johnson]

How you doing? We miss you.

[Pam Reynolds]

You've had your hair cut.

[Jake Johnson]

I have. I think I just washed it last night.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Disgusting. Don't. Don't link up with someone who brags about that. Mom.

[Rachel]

Well, it looks like you might put.

[Pam Reynolds]

A bit of color on it, too.

[Jake Johnson]

Really?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No constant accusations.

[Jake Johnson]

But I appreciate that. That's a nice thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know, but. Yeah, it is nice.

[Jake Johnson]

First of all, Pam, before we get into this. How you doing? How's everything?

[Pam Reynolds]

I'm all right, thank you. I've got another new leg, so I'm doing very well.

[Jake Johnson]

Good.

[Pam Reynolds]

Jake, I like your monkey. And I like your gorilla.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stop talking. All right, Mom.

[Jake Johnson]

I've been waiting a lifetime to hear that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mom, here's what we need your help with.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what that means incogni, don't you?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Quiet, Mom. Here's what we need to know.

[Jake Johnson]

Pam, what does monkey mean? Incogni.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Quiet.

[Jake Johnson]

When we were growing up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mom. Jake, I think I. Rachel, I couldn't talk. Sorry. Sorry, Rachel. You're right. That wasn't.

[Pam Reynolds]

I couldn't repeat it.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, here we go, Pam. I like it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Three, two, one. And we're back. Okay, Mom. So here's what's going on. On the phone right now is Rachel. She's calling from northern New England. She eventually admitted it was just New Hampshire. Her mother is named Buttercup. Buttercup is a bit eccentric and has a propensity for urinating outside. Her son and her and her niece and nephew have sort of adopted this practice. Not a tremendous amount, but there's some troubling signs. And Rachel wants to get it so that her mother stops going to the bathroom kind of wherever she wants. I. After hearing this, after some pitches fessed up that you like to piss outside, too. Sometimes we'll go on walks. You'll go off to somewhere, I'll have to keep watch, and you'll have a piss. And you do this sometimes with your sister, Hillary. You do this sometimes on your own, but it's.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, Pam, there's nothing wrong with this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nothing.

[Pam Reynolds]

Jake, I'm with you.

[Jake Johnson]

I like this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nobody's against you, Mom. We're just trying to get. We're trying to solve Rachel.

[Jake Johnson]

Stepson might be his. He might be a little bratty right now, pam, but I'm 100%. You deserve to pee wherever you want. You've earned it.

[Pam Reynolds]

Absolutely. It's the way Jake.

[Jake Johnson]

If it is, then consider me English.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, well, let's hear the accent then, weirdo.

[Jake Johnson]

I love you, Pammy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Terrible. I mean, the best he's ever done. For some reason. I don't know why, but. But Mommy. So we're really gonna ask you what would stop you or scare you a little bit out of pissing outside? We have a couple pitches, so can we just kind of throw them at you and you tell us which one sounds the most impactful? I know we're not gonna curb your pissing outside, but we're just trying to help.

[Jake Johnson]

Or before we do this, with little. With little baby boy Gareth. My stepson. Everything, Pam. Not even letting you breathe. He talks. So it's. He's like A little teenage boy. Okay, so first of maybe a baby.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, I can hear.

[Jake Johnson]

You have no idea.

[Rachel]

Hear everybody.

[Pam Reynolds]

Whoops.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what it was like when he was a little guy. I. I have to deal with it now.

[Pam Reynolds]

Jake, I admire you, ma'.

[Jake Johnson]

Am. I admire you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stop. What? You just stick to the goddamn call.

[Jake Johnson]

Jake.

[Lamorne Morris]

Stop.

[Jake Johnson]

Pam, before Gareth tries to control anything, do you have any thoughts on this whole call from Rachel? Her mother's nickname is Buttercup. About Buttercup peeing outside. What are your thoughts?

[Pam Reynolds]

Well, I can tell you something. Actually, rather just a little tell. When I was little, I once started to pee outside and my dad saw me. I'd pee in the garden and I didn't think anybody saw me. And this one day he saw me and he told me I wasn't to come in anymore and use the toilet. He was going to dig me a hole in the garden.

[Jake Johnson]

Why did he do that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

To stop you.

[Pam Reynolds]

To stop me? He thought it would stop me because I think he thought it was so disgusting. And so if. If he dug me a hole. So you see, I think that's where my. My peeing outsiders come from.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Did it stop you at all?

[Jake Johnson]

No. She's still doing it.

[Nina]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, I was.

[Pam Reynolds]

I was a bit. I was a bit frightened of him, so I stopped it. Until I got old. And now I'm old. I go anywhere, anywhere.

[Jake Johnson]

So do you have reason we're in this predicament is Rachel feels that her mom is starting to influence her kids who are young, and her son is starting to pee in the weirdest places.

[Pam Reynolds]

Oh, well, I don't know really, because like I say, in England, people just pee anywhere. My little nephew just pulls his pants down in my sister's garden.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have to jump in. What she's saying is not true. The nephew might do it, but only because again, I mean, it's the exact same problem. So, mom, let me walk you through a couple of things we've talked about and you tell me what would maybe stop you the most.

[Pam Reynolds]

Okay?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Pam Reynolds]

Fire away.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, the first one is, what if the school, like you talk about the nephew? What if the school called and said, hey, the child is peeing outside and it's. And when we asked the child about it, they said it was because of Pam. They know that Pam pees outside, so they think it's okay. Would that make you piss outside? Less. More or the same?

[Rachel]

Oh, less.

[Pam Reynolds]

I try to curb it a bit. Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Would.

[Pam Reynolds]

Yes. Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Interesting.

[Jake Johnson]

Rachel, do you have any questions for Pam?

[Rachel]

I mean, she just. Pam, you just Seem a lot like my mom. I wish she lived in England or vice versa. I think you guys would really get along.

[Jake Johnson]

I want to try. Try something really fast. Rachel and Pam, can we do a role playing where you practice Rachel, talking to your mom about seeing if she could curb the peen. And Pam, will you just play this as Pam?

[Pam Reynolds]

Yes, I will, certainly.

[Jake Johnson]

And then just consider your. Your 4 year old. You were talking about the boy who's peeing outside. You say everybody does it in England, so for you it's how you feel. And Rachel.

[Pam Reynolds]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Will you jump in? We're gonna go to the. Rachel and Pam, we're just gonna call you Buttercup, which might be my new nickname for you, if you're okay with that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is the last time you'll be on the show, by the way. Mom, go ahead.

[Jake Johnson]

Not true.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, true.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Buttercup, are you okay with that nickname?

[Pam Reynolds]

Yes, I think it sounds very nice. Thank you.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you. I'm flattered. All right, so in three, two. I'm in love with Buttercup. And go.

[Pam Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh.

[Pam Reynolds]

Rachel, tell me your problem. I'm Buttercup.

[Rachel]

This is where you get the acting skill.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know how to set a seat. This is where my writing skills come from.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm a police officer. You're being arrested.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dialogue's always been a strength.

[Rachel]

My sport, anyways.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, no. Go ahead, Rachel.

[Rachel]

Mom. Buttercup, you know, I was just talking to the other day about not peeing outside. Outside of the yard. You know, like maybe like not in a parking lot. Like, maybe not in the playground. Definitely not at school, outside. And he doesn't really understand why that's a problem because he sees you do it wherever you want outside of the home. And, you know, I just. I'm wondering if maybe, like, it's not great for you to just pull down your pants and all the time in front of the kids anymore and pop a squat, you know, because usually there is an accessible bathroom at them somewhere in the vicinity. And I know you love peeing outside, but, you know, it might be time to, like, change your ways.

[Pam Reynolds]

I have to say, Rachel, I agree with you and I will. I know I've got to the ripe old age and I've always done it, but I don't know. I agree with you. It's not politically correct and it's not nice for your son to learn a nasty habit from me. So I shall absolutely do my best to.

[Rachel]

Oh, my gosh, mom, you're so reasonable.

[Jake Johnson]

Rachel, is that anything the way Buttercup might respond? Because this actually might be the best approach. No. How will Buttercup respond?

[Rachel]

She'll probably argue and she'll be like, I'm sure he's just doing it for fun. And it's definitely not because of me, but if you don't want me to, I won't pee in front of him.

[Jake Johnson]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let me ask you this.

[Rachel]

She would probably say. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So first of all, great scene and, Jake, great work. I had a feeling you were gonna jump in there and be a real weirdo, and you seemed.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, they were both great actors.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, great. Mom. What if. What if there was someone with a phone who you thought was filming you in public doing it, like a stranger? Would that make you feel like you would stop doing it?

[Pam Reynolds]

Oh, yes, definitely.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What if there was a what Wouldn't.

[Jake Johnson]

Work, though, for you. Because I got a feeling everything is gonna be, oh, yes, definitely. And I got a feeling later today you're gonna be pissing out in the gard question. She's got a holding to feel like I'm getting there. Absolutely. That would work. Two minutes later, I'm gonna do whatever I want.

[Pam Reynolds]

Well, yes, I have to say. I mean, if I go for my walk tomorrow and I need to go, yeah, Dan will come. My drawers.

[Lamorne Morris]

But will you be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Will you be.

[Jake Johnson]

Would you like to go for a walk, my dear?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Alrighty. And that's the problem. What about if there was a fake?

[Jake Johnson]

There was a sound from Rachel's. Incredible.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What if there was a security person who approached you when you were doing it and said, what you're doing is not legal. You can't do it anymore.

[Pam Reynolds]

Oh, I'd be horrified.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. And what about any of it?

[Jake Johnson]

Would you stop?

[Pam Reynolds]

No, I mean, I'd be horrified and take my. My. My paying ticket and then a weeing ticket.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What about if, when you did it, there was a snake close to you?

[Pam Reynolds]

Oh, no, I wouldn't do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That wouldn't stop you at all.

[Pam Reynolds]

Oh, that would put me off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now, would any of those put you off more than any of the others? What on that scale is the worst?

[Pam Reynolds]

I think being spotted by the law.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You think someone may be coming over and being like, hey, we know you've been peeing in this area. It's a problem. Knock it off.

[Pam Reynolds]

Yes, but I would only probably react at that point because I'm sure, like, the real Buttercup, I'm the fake buttercup. When you want to go, you want to go, and you just go. And that's it. And if I. And I walk quite a lot, so.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Would it Would there's a reason I'm.

[Jake Johnson]

In love with you, Pam.

[Pam Reynolds]

Jake, if you saw me spotting in.

[Jake Johnson]

The bushes, you don't know me. Gareth does. That's why he's so threatened.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Listen, this is a tightrope act the entire time so far we're still on the rope, but I don't know how much longer we will be. If, Would any of these lead you. If after one of these happened as an inciting moment and then there was a conversation about never doing it in front of the kids and making sure the kids thought it was inappropriate, would any of these lead you to following that ask more than the others?

[Pam Reynolds]

I would, I would not want little ones to see me doing it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I really would. Any of those things I just laid out, would they make you stop doing it more front of the kids?

[Pam Reynolds]

Well, I think, I think the, you know, if a policeman came up and wanted to give me a ticket for doing it. Okay, I think that would be, this, that would be the most effective.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What do you think of that, Rachel?

[Rachel]

I mean, challenging to put on but like it's possible we could try it. I just, you know, like the fake policeman. Seems like a lot of, you know.

[Jake Johnson]

Whenever we go I keep saying this to Gareth, but Pam, as you know, our boy never listens. But this fictional third party policeman just never works with us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So what, what are you leaning towards Jake and Rachel? What are your thoughts?

[Jake Johnson]

Let's go to Rachel first. What are you thinking here?

[Rachel]

I mean I like the, the teacher sort of like creating, you know, saying like, oh, this is a problem. You know, like that seems a little bit more believable. I kind of like the snake thing. Just because she hates snake so much, I just, I just feel like she's gonna of do a little digging and be like, you're bullshit. But so I feel like the snake thing is my favorite, but I just don't know if I could pull it off. But I like the like teacher sort of like sending a message like, you know, like there's a problem. Buttercup is really influencing the young children now.

[Jake Johnson]

And so how would you like that ideally done? Would you want to just start a fake email account from the school? Yeah. Because all you got to do is do one spelling wrong with the school, something. She's not going to check that. No, no, no. And then send it to you to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A British woman who always sounds authoritative, who could do a voicemail right now.

[Jake Johnson]

That'S a great idea by the way. What do you say? And then would you actually play this for a Mom. And say you got a voice note from one of his teachers, the headmistress?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, we might need to update the terms.

[Rachel]

I told them that, but yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Are you trying to make my head explode?

[Rachel]

Oh God.

[Jake Johnson]

You're the headmistress in a role playing game.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, let's lock in here.

[Jake Johnson]

Are you fucking kidding me? Rachel, go play game. Switch in the other room. Here's 20 bucks. Little guy, go to the corner store and play pinball.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is.

[Jake Johnson]

The dead mistress is in the other room.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is the worst the show's ever been. Without question. Rachel. Even Rachel bugged out. All right, Rachel.

[Jake Johnson]

Rachel, it's just me and Pam.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mom, will you do this? We will give you a couple details and then can you just start talking like you're leaving a voicemail from. For Rachel from the school.

[Pam Reynolds]

Do you want me to be sort of be the headmistress?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, but please stop saying headmistress.

[Jake Johnson]

Please keep saying headmistress. And also Jake, you're. You're tardy rich and start getting mad at me for my bad behavior.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Rachel, I'm going to jump in here. Will you.

[Jake Johnson]

What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What is the. We will bleep this out. What is the name of the school? Okay, preschool.

[Rachel]

Like it's preschool. So like I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then should we make this the head principal?

[Rachel]

Yeah, that's like. We'll make the director. It's like a director.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so we'll say the director of preschool.

[Pam Reynolds]

And that's what I'm to say that I'm.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're the. Yep. You can even say your name is Pam Reynolds if you want. You're the director of preschool. And what? We will bleep this out the child's name again. Okay, so mom, you've got to say you're Pam Reynolds from preschool and has been caught going to the bathroom in places outside where he shouldn't be peeing. It's not appropriate. And when confessed about it and confronted, he said he learned it from his grandma. Buttercup.

[Jake Johnson]

I think this is great, Gareth.

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, so. And don't. Mom, we can correct you and we'll edit it together. So don't worry. Don't feel like you gotta stick the landing on the first.

[Jake Johnson]

But you're the headmistress, Pam. And she's in charge. Don't be afraid to talk about what you're annoyed with that you're the guy in the class. Jake. Who's smoking cigarette.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, again, again. These are shields, children. And remember, you're the one prince of.

[Jake Johnson]

19 year old boy who just got.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Off that's a huge problem and way off course. So, Mom Reynolds, then you need to be looked at in a separate phone call and a separate.

[Jake Johnson]

Agreed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't say, okay, mom, you're Pam Reynolds from preschool has been peeing outside in inappropriate.

[Jake Johnson]

And I'm Joey the janitor who just got out of jail.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nor jail Cake. All right, Mom.

[Pam Reynolds]

Okay.

[Nina]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So whenever you're ready, just start. Remember, authoritative, but not so much that.

[Pam Reynolds]

Yes, yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Are you going to get an action to start it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. I will, yeah. Whenever you're ready, Mom. Action.

[Jake Johnson]

These floors are so dirty.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Get out of here. Get out of here. Mom. Ignore that.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, look at this. This is a voicemail.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a voicemail. All right, go ahead, Mum. Whenever you're ready.

[Pam Reynolds]

Yes, hello, this is the director of the preschool and I wanted to bring something to your attention that we've just become aware of and we find a little concerning that seems to be weeing outside in the playground or wherever he feels it's okay for him. And when we confronted him, he told us that his grandmother, Buttercup up, he's learned from her. And it seems to be to him, acceptable behaviour. And we don't find it acceptable behavior. So we wondered if we could just point this out and perhaps get some kind of resolution. We'd like to talk to you about it. And between us, we can probably decide how we should approach it so that Sam doesn't feel that he's a naughty boy. And so anyway, the quicker we can get together, that would be fantastic. So thank you very much indeed. We look forward to hearing from you.

[Jake Johnson]

Holy, was that good?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think that's perfect.

[Jake Johnson]

Pam. Rachel, that's a 10 out of 10.

[Rachel]

I thought it was amazing.

[Jake Johnson]

Amazing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

That was so good. Now, quickly, would you just say, jake, you're the naughty boy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, Mom. Thank you so much, Mom. That'll be it. And mom, just hit end. And then it'll say, no, you killed it.

[Jake Johnson]

Say naughty boy Jake Arnott boy. I'm that mistress. Please, Mom.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Click end. In the bottom.

[Pam Reynolds]

Cane boys like you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

In the back, it says in the bottom it says leave. Hit leave. Hit leave. Mom. Hit leave in the bottom.

[Jake Johnson]

Stop it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you, Mom. Love you, Mom.

[Pam Reynolds]

Okay, cheerio.

[Jake Johnson]

Bye, Pam.

[Pam Reynolds]

Bye.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bye.

[Jake Johnson]

Rachel. I think that's excellent. What do you think?

[Rachel]

Me too. No, I like it a lot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That.

[Jake Johnson]

And so what are you going to do? Are you just going. Do you want to email that to your mom?

[Rachel]

Well, can you, like.

[Jake Johnson]

We'll send it to you as. We'll send it to you. As its own little voice note.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Rachel]

We'll send it to you and then I can. Yeah, because she might not know how to, like, open that on email, so I might literally have my sister show it to her on her phone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I per Jake's earlier ask, can we have. We would love for this to be filmed or recorded. Her reaction, at least for us.

[Rachel]

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

[Jake Johnson]

This is great. First of all, Gareth, great producer. Pammy killed it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's great.

[Jake Johnson]

Great. Rachel, I feel like we got a real winning thing here. What do you think?

[Rachel]

I do too. This is great. This is perfect.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so please follow up with us, please.

[Rachel]

Yes, of course.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Always. There we go.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm sorry for grossing you out a bunch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, Rachel. Thanks a bunch.

[Rachel]

You didn't gross me out. It was just very funny. And I think you guys will make a lovely couple one day.

[Jake Johnson]

Rachel, what's your problem?

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're on the same page. Get up, Rachel. Jesse, kick her out now. For the love of God.

[Rachel]

He loves her.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He calls over, forgetting we're in love.

[Jake Johnson]

It's unconventional.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm gonna find out where you are in New Hampshire.

[Jake Johnson]

So cute. She loves.

[Rachel]

Is really, really cute.

[Jake Johnson]

I agree. Could you imagine us making little g. She's talking too much.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Appreciate it, everybody. Thanks a bunch. That. That'll be the end of this one. Rachel, you're gonna have to leave. Or Jesse, we're gonna have to. Thanks a bunch. Talk to you later. God bless. Bye. Bye now.

[Rachel]

Bye. Wait, am I really gonna hang out?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. Get out of here. And we're brought to you by Kachava. Oh, my Lord. I have told you over and over again, people, how much I love Kachava. This is the greatest protein powder I've ever come into contact with. Nutrition off the charts. It's delicious. I have it in my hotel room right now while I'm on the road. Really is just for your whole body. Great nutrition. I. I mix it sometimes in with my smoothies. Sometimes I just do it with some water, with some oat milk, whatever it is. But it's all day energy because it's got five key vitamins and minerals. Keeps things regular with the fiber, the probiotics and the enzymes. Replenishes your muscles, your protein. You need the electrolytes, B vitamins. I cannot say enough good about cajava. Right now I'm rocking the chocolate, the rocklet. But I love their chai. I drink it every day. I have cachava every single day. But their flavors are chocolate, vanilla, chai, matcha, coconut, acai, and Strawberry, which is their latest one. And I. I'm not gonna lie, I'm maybe a little partial to that one. Your future self will thank you. Go to kachava.com and use code here to help for 15 off your next order. That's K A C-H-A-V-A.com kachava.com code here to help for 15% off uncommon goods.

[Jake Johnson]

The countdown is on, folks. Holiday season is officially here. Time to get gifts for your most loved ones, your mildly loved ones, your close friends, that guy Todd at the office. Everybody needs a gift. What are you gonna do? I'll just find something online. I'll put it off. I have a suggestion. Go to Uncommon Goods and I'm going to tell you why. Uncommon Goods takes the stress out of gifting with thousands of unique, high quality finds you won't see anywhere else. You don't believe me? Go to the website.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's something for everybody. From moms, dads, kids, teens, book lovers, history buffs, die hard football fans, foodies, mixologists, avid gardeners. I'm not everybody. Your postman, your milkman, you've got something for everybody. So when you shop at Uncommon Goods, you're supporting artists, small independent businesses. Because many of these handcrafted products are small batches, so they're just made in small batches. So you shop now before they sell out, before the holiday.

[Jake Johnson]

So don't wait. Cross those names off your list before the rush. To get 15 off your next gift, go to uncommongoods.com here to help. That's uncommongoods.com Here to help for 15% off Uncommon Goods. We're all out of the ordinary. Sweet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesse here. This next call is a follow up to episode 212, shit show.

[Jake Johnson]

Can we get your name, please?

[Nina]

My name's Nina.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Nina. How you doing?

[Nina]

I'm good. How are you?

[Jake Johnson]

Ooh, I remember this accent.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I do, too.

[Jake Johnson]

You want to take international school?

[Nina]

I didn't go to international school. But you did ask if I did.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, it sounds like it did to me. Are you. Do you live next to construction workers who take shits?

[Nina]

Maybe.

[Jake Johnson]

Now we're talking. Nina, remind us of your problem. What we said, what you did, and where we're at.

[Nina]

Okay, so my problem was that the apartment that's just been built across the street from my. My apartment block in Cape Town has floor to ceiling windows in every bathroom. And I've seen people going to the loo. And since then, basically what you guys suggested is that I go for a viewing like I set up a viewing or I make a sign. I put a sign on my balcony that says, I can see you dumping.

[Jake Johnson]

Or I can see people. Good ideas.

[Nina]

Yeah. No, great ideas. So what actually ended up happening is that I contacted the agent, and she said that all the units have been sold and will be either Airbnbs or the owners will move in. So I able to set up a viewing with her. But the day after our call, my housemate and I were in the street just analyzing the apartment, because you can just see in from every angle. So we were just looking, and one of the builders asked if we wanted to come in. So we had a viewing with him, and I sent a video.

[Jake Johnson]

Great.

[Nina]

It's a bit long and badly edited, but it shows.

[Jake Johnson]

So is our show, so are our pitches. So's my life.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Everything okay?

[Nina]

I'm gonna skip, like, the first 30 seconds because it's kind of long, but. Yeah, that's fine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, so this is the elevator. Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Beautiful.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Beautiful. Absolutely.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Nina]

It's really high up. Like, I understand. Down all the glass.

[Jake Johnson]

Holy cow. That's the bathroom.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So we're taking a tour.

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

You're laughing.

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, the bathroom is frosted from the inside, so you would never guess.

[Nina]

Exactly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, that's shocking. I would think that was good. Oh, look at you. What a video. But it's frost. Frosted.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So. So, Nina. Yeah. Even though it's frosted where you're from, we can see in clearer than it looks from the inside.

[Nina]

So, yes, for that bathroom, but this one is the one that has only the bottom half.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here you go. Okay. The bottom pane on this one.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. This is a great video you did. You killed it, Nina.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So this is lunch.

[Jake Johnson]

Dina put her hand on the other side to show.

[Nina]

No, that's my housemate, Daisy. But they were. Daisy, you could see everything so she could take a picture of us, right?

[Jake Johnson]

Incredible. Wow. Incredible.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It. It really is crazy to move into a place where people can just see you go to the bathroom.

[Jake Johnson]

But that's not what you're thinking when you're thinking about the views and the flooring.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, you're like, oh, that's nice.

[Jake Johnson]

The last thing you're thinking about is, there's some girl watching me go to the bathroom.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So here's where.

[Nina]

Nah. Tries to have a conversation with the build.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, translation, shut up.

[Nina]

Guys whose place it is know that the frosting, like, can still. People can still see things. Do they know that? Yes, I can see everything, even with the frosting and then I can see people's faces when they stand up. It doesn't do anything. Guys can stand now take a picture and come and show you a fun thing. Like, I'm seriously. Do you think they're going to change it or.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're not going to change. Stop it.

[Jake Johnson]

Is that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So this is the unit?

[Nina]

Yes, this is the main one.

[Rachel]

This yard.

[Jake Johnson]

It's like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The shower.

[Nina]

Like, I knew there was a shower here cuz I could see the shower head.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Funny.

[Jake Johnson]

I think they're going to put some kind of girl.

[Nina]

Because you can see like, what I.

[Rachel]

Mean, obviously it's still blurred, but you.

[Nina]

Can like see someone pulling up their pants. Yeah. I'm sitting on the toilet, like changing their clothes the other day. And I could see the whole thing.

[Jake Johnson]

Security. Easier now. This is excellent.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So many. Okay, first of all, I love that we're a show that does face pixelations on hidden camera videos.

[Jake Johnson]

I also feel like we're all of a sudden investigative journalist.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is Daily Line.

[Nina]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

I was thinking it's Dateline too, Man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nina, great work on bringing it up. And.

[Rachel]

And also.

[Jake Johnson]

10 out of 10.

[Gareth Reynolds]

10 out of 10. And also the shower. We didn't even think of the. You can fully see these people. Fully see these people.

[Jake Johnson]

I. I will tell you this, Gareth, and I know you agree. I wish we were there, Nina. So we could pretend to be like. You know how like local news goes up with cameras and just us bombards. People.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

I wish we could go to the builders and go. Do you realize people can watch you take dumps in a building you've put together? I wish.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We need to be.

[Jake Johnson]

I think we need to be. We're here to help News, too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We need a chopper, period.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm willing to. I'm willing to waste the money. I'll pay everything.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll do everything. I'll do anything for it. I'll go to Riyadh. I don't care.

[Jake Johnson]

You're gonna pay. You would have gone to Riyadh. I don't think you got invited.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's. That. That. It's not too late to book me. Give me the bag.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Nina.

[Nina]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

What the fuck do we do now?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, they know.

[Nina]

I know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know what we do.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. So I think the next. So you have done everything in your power. You are killing it now. Do we put a sign out that says welcome to the neighborhood? I can watch. I can see you dumping.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, I also, if I may, it might be a good idea the next time you see Someone dropping a deuce in there or in there. Get a picture of it and put that on the sign, too.

[Jake Johnson]

No, Gareth. You go to jail for that, brother.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, well. No, you're not going to see. No, no, no, the. You see the frosted head half, Gareth.

[Jake Johnson]

No, we're not posting photos of people going to the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I leave your jumping ship.

[Jake Johnson]

Now, how about this? We're cooking B. I know we're close. Nah. How about something like this? If you can read this, I can see you dumping.

[Nina]

I'm pretty sure that was exactly what you suggested last time, but I do think that maybe it's still a possibility.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, I. What we have to do. So you went to the builders, which was actually. They're not changing anything. And those guys, the workers were right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, they're done.

[Jake Johnson]

They're like. They're not spending more money. The units have been sold.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Why not just take a picture of it with no one in there so that we can see what's going on? Or Daisy goes back up there, somehow you get a picture of her miming it and why don't we put on the sign? What? A view comma, to watch you poo.

[Nina]

That's not a bad idea.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, I have an idea with that. So it makes it anonymous. What if we do it a little serial killer. And here's what I mean by that. Rather than hanging it from your house, what if you make anonymous flyers that say, what of you? I can see you poo. And put it in everybody's mailbox. So? So if I'm going to an Airbnb and I walk inside and under the door, there's a sheet of paper that says with what looks like cut out lettering from, you know, with no handwriting. It says, what of you, comma, I can see you poo. I go, huh? Then when I go to the bathroom and I go, like, what have you. Wait a second. Then I'm calling and complaining.

[Nina]

So the people's mailboxes of. Of the units inside that block.

[Jake Johnson]

You mean everybody in that unit? Not in the area? This. Nina, if you could see them poo, they get the card. Not everybody, Right?

[Rachel]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

That'd be crazy, right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's just going to be like a job with the amount of turnover. If you just have a large laminated sign. Who hang it outside of your place? Who cares? Own it. I mean, this is your problem. I think if I.

[Jake Johnson]

How about this? A big sign out your door that says, how's the dump?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

Because that could just be randomness. If I were taking A dump. And I looked out the window and I saw a sign where I go, like, oh, weird. I can see into that person's place. And the sign said, how's your dump?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'd be throwing slash shower. Where we now have the shower is also a crazy. I mean, that is. You're gonna fully see. See everything it looks like from the shower.

[Jake Johnson]

What if you do a fake specific and you go, two dumps in a day. You.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, you know what you could do? Okay, Nina, make five signs and you just rotate them.

[Jake Johnson]

And Nina, pitch us the five sign ideas. Go off the top of your head.

[Nina]

Okay. I can see you taking a dump.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, two.

[Nina]

If you can see this, I can see you pooping.

[Jake Johnson]

3.

[Nina]

I can see into your bathroom.

[Jake Johnson]

4.

[Nina]

This is so many, Jake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

4.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, tap your jack.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't be afraid to bring up the shower.

[Nina]

Okay. I can see you showering.

[Jake Johnson]

Please don't give notes, Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're absolutely right.

[Jake Johnson]

Five. Five.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If you.

[Nina]

Oh, my God, your bathroom has a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Whole window in its wall.

[Jake Johnson]

6.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What?

[Rachel]

Keep going.

[Pam Reynolds]

5.

[Jake Johnson]

Keep going.

[Nina]

I don't have it in me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nothing else they do. Oh, my God.

[Jake Johnson]

One Last 1. In 3, 2, 1. What's the sign?

[Nina]

I can see you on the toilet.

[Jake Johnson]

Perfect. So of those, pick your favorite three. You had a lot of winners. Thank you. Start rotating them.

[Nina]

Okay. Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

And then try to get back in the building and take photos to make sure you could. People can read it from there and follow up again. This is a saga that I know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what else I would do? Yeah, I would. If I were you. Think about booking one of them for a night, maybe getting some pictures that are specific to this. But then also you can then leave a review. And your review should be. I stayed here and it. I realized you can see people on the toilet. Like, something like that.

[Jake Johnson]

You could. You could do that without staying there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can you?

[Rachel]

You.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, do you have to stay there to make the comment?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think they. When they ask you to leave a review about the place. I don't think anyone.

[Jake Johnson]

I hear you. So, Nina.

[Nina]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

We've given you some great ideas. We are in your corner. You know, we know it, girl. You feel supported and you're like, I'm not alone in this really weird problem. I've got two friends and that's a fact of life.

[Nina]

Thank you. I feel that.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, you should, because that's the truth. Now tell us, what are you gonna do?

[Nina]

Okay, well. Okay, basically what I've been thinking is maybe I just need to accept it. And now that I've put it out into the world and I've had this special thing and I've gotten to speak to you guys and other people know about it, but. But it's not something like, I've done what I can. That maybe I just enjoy the show in a very respectful way.

[Jake Johnson]

I respect the hell out of that. I thought it was going to be. No, I respect the hell out of that. Thank you. Because what I was gonna say is, have you ever seen Braveheart?

[Nina]

No. It actually happens, but I've heard of it.

[Jake Johnson]

Age gap. Gareth. Gareth was like. I was 30 when that came out. There's a great scene when old Melly Gibson's. I think he's been tortured to death. I don't remember. But. But he looks over and he sees the love of his life and he yells, all he's got to do is submit and say, that's it. But he doesn't. That son of a bitch yells, freedom. And in this moment, if you want to be Mel Gibson and yell freedom and let this go and just stare at people taking dumps, you can. You've done everything in your power to stop this. So now if you want to just watch strange people. People dump and piss and shower, you can.

[Nina]

Especially if it's an Airbnb. I'm gonna see so many different things. Like, they're gonna be people coming in and out, you know.

[Jake Johnson]

Nina, let me know one thing. Where do you. Where do you live again? Cape Town, if we're ever there. Can I stay at your place for a night and just watch the snow shake? That would mean a lot to me. I'll bring food if I ever go there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can I get the address of the place across the way? Because I would really stay there and have people see what I'm up to.

[Jake Johnson]

Nina, thank you for the call. Follow up with us. You've been watching the show, I think.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let us know what it's like once you're watching the show.

[Jake Johnson]

Of course.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't think this is the end part of this. I don't.

[Nina]

No, I don't think so either.

[Jake Johnson]

You can't send any video or photos of people because that is illegal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Jake Johnson]

But you can describe it.

[Nina]

What if I, like, blur them out more?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. No, I don't know.

[Nina]

Yeah, Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't think. No, I don't want to be part of.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't want to be part of why.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't want our show to go in that direction.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, exactly. But film it and then we'll decide. But thank you.

[Jake Johnson]

No, don't Film it and send it to us and then we'll decide that's not.

[Rachel]

Describe it to you. I'll describe it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. And if it's a.

[Jake Johnson]

To all the people who write into our show and there's a lot of people who email who will say, hey, thanks for the good laughs. It was 3am I was doing a feeding with my kid. I couldn't sleep. I don't want them to think about where the kind of guys going, yeah, film someone taking a dump and send it to our personal emails at Gareth Reynolds at Gmail email.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We need. This is a. This is a journalistic endeavor now. This is no longer comedy. I'm not. I don't want to watch people drop deuces. I'm like, nina, I hate it. It's not what I'm into.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, you don't want to watch people, Gareth. You want people to watch you drop deuces. Yes. If I. If I'm. That has got to be the most standup thing you've ever desired. That's all I want.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Check out the shoe. Watch a jack and crap. Crap.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, I will be in Tennessee. Come check me out at Tickles. I'll be dropping a T. Dude, I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I gotta tell you, Tickles right on the money for fake comedy club name. I'll be at Tickles in Memphis.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, thank you for the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you for the call. Appreciate it.

[Nina]

Thank you so much.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right.

[Guest commentator]

My nomination for the best episode so far is the first call from episode 147, Cooking in Soup with Michael Sam era. The hot tub call. This one is quintessential. We're here to help and exactly what a call should be. First of all, Michael was one of my favorite guests on the show. I feel like he totally got the premise. He was hilarious, also helpful. He gelled really well with you guys. You all offered really solid solutions and really teased out all the different considerations at hand. Most importantly, the caller came with a clear, straightforward premise that was an actual issue, interesting, realistic, and had no simple solution in sight. Those are the absolute best calls. When you can hear the person's problem and you think, yeah, that's a real issue. And I honestly don't know what to do next.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Guest commentator]

In addition to my nomination, I also have a bonus related hot take to throw in since we're doing that now too. Some calls are fun, but lack that extra oomph because they could be solved with some clear communication. But the caller admittedly just wants to, like, find a different approach, which is fine. I'm still going to listen and enjoy the call call. But when I'm most invested is when a call truly lacks a clear solution. And honestly, I think season two has been better about that as the show has grown and evolved, especially in episodes like Cooking in Soup. Thank you.

[Jake Johnson]

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at Helpful Podcast and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] hereto help pod to see our entire catalog.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grim Productions Executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis associate producer Jesse Thurston Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller Theme song by Oliver Raleigh the COVID artwork is by James Fosdyke Animation by Andrew Strelecki and if you'd like to see Gareth do Stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Rachel]

All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com hereto help what's going on?

[Lamorne Morris]

It's Lamorne Morris and Hannah Simone, and we host the Mess Around a New Girl Rewatch podcast now on Headgum. Now here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl. And we really get into it. Like we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind the scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is garbage.

[Rachel]

That's not true. We talk about so many memories we.

[Jake Johnson]

Have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia, Rodrigo.

[Lamorne Morris]

We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes we even talk to other co stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr. And your dad. We talked to your dad on this show as well.

[Pam Reynolds]

Make sure you subscribe to the Mess.

[Jake Johnson]

Around wherever you get your podcast. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.