232: Shrewd Little Boy & Danny Two-Times (With Gaten Matarazzo)

Summary

Podcast Summary: "We're Here to Help" Episode 232

Title: Shrewd Little Boy & Danny Two-Times (With Gaten Matarazzo)
Release Date: November 19, 2025
Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds
Guest: Gaten Matarazzo

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Episode Overview

In this lively and comedic episode, Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds are joined by actor Gaten Matarazzo for a classic round of unconventional, heartfelt, and occasionally ridiculous advice-giving. Through call-ins with two guests—Michelle and Danny—the trio tackles bizarre social dilemmas, blending sincere empathy with absurdist humor and roleplay. The main themes: boundaries with children in your neighborhood, and navigating gifting etiquette in a young adult relationship.

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1. Opening Banter & Movie/TV Talk

[01:48 – 08:45]

• The guys open with a signature free-form riff: discussing Jake’s “dream death” (being killed by a chimp at a Missouri chimp farm), imaginary funerals, and Weekend at Bernie's scenarios.
  • "I would love to be killed by a chimp that was once a pet." —Jake Johnson [02:11]
  • "I'd like to be propped up in the last row." —Gareth Reynolds [04:36]
• Jake tells Gaten he and his daughter are big fans since Stranger Things Season 1.
• Conversation shifts to Gaten's thoughts on the show's finale being shown in movie theaters for the first time.
  • Gaten elaborates how this “theatrical TV premiere” is a Netflix first and how excited the cast is for the communal experience.
    • "I think this will be the first TV premiere in theaters, which is really cool." —Gaten [06:31]
  • Jake reflects on the cyclical nature of viewing habits: “This is the first time I’m like, oh, [TV] might be turning again.” [07:01]

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2. CALLER 1: Michelle — "The Shrewd Little Boy"

[14:38 – 45:07]

Story Setup

• Michelle, 31, from suburban Chicago (Romeoville), commutes on an e-bike.
• Encounter: A 12-year-old neighborhood boy (“Danny”) starts talking to her about her electric bike, eventually showing up at her home on separate occasions.
  • “I commute with a bike…I was going to see a band…this kid stopped me. He asked if he could ride it…He ended up coming to my house…helped with the leaves.” —Michelle [15:43–21:21]

Hosts & Gaten Clarify

• The trio unpacks the escalating weirdness:
  • Michelle is worried people may judge her for engaging with the kid (especially with her ski mask on), but mostly finds it strange he keeps showing up.
  • Gaten draws on his own experience as a work-driven pre-teen wanting adult friendships: “It would hurt my feelings when I’d find out, like…‘I can’t get food with you not because I don’t want to—it’s inappropriate. You’re 12.’” [24:12]
  • Jake and Gareth stress how, from an adult’s perspective, boundaries are key—even if the intentions are friendly.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Gaten summarizes the “kid’s” side:
  • “I did have a very eager desire to be really close with them…and it would hurt my feelings when…they can’t hang out because I’m 12 years old.” [24:21]
• Michelle, on uncertainty:
  • “Should his parents know he’s talking to strangers?...Should I try to meet his parents?” [21:24]

Roleplay & Analysis

• To illuminate the dynamic, Jake has Gaten roleplay as “Danny”–the eager kid–interacting with Michelle about the leaves and the bike (mock-awkward and sweet).
  • “So do you want to be my best friend?” —Gaten-as-Danny [30:20]
  • “Not really.” —Michelle [30:22]
• The hosts determine Michelle’s conduct is less weird than initially thought, but the situation is “borderline stalker kid.”

Advice & Options Offered

Multiple solutions are brainstormed in signature chaotic style:

• Direct Approach:
  • “Next time, tell him you need to talk to his parents before anything else happens. As a 31-year-old, I need to talk to someone over 18.” —Jake [44:37]
• Deflection Tactics:
  • Make the bike less cool (“ugly-fy it” with Hello Kitty stickers) [39:23]
  • Pretend the bike is “broken” or “gone.”
  • Make a scapegoat (fake “now I’m busy with my sister’s baby!”)
• Parental Contact:
  • “If you want to give me your parents’ info, I’ll reach out and call. And if they’re good…” —Jake [35:10]
  • Gaten: “Continuing this relationship is probably not in anyone’s best interest.” [26:59]

Michelle’s Resolution

• Michelle leans toward a practical solution: give the kid $5 and info for a local bike rental for his parents to use.
  • “I was going to...give him the five bucks with the address for the electric bike rental so that he could give it to his parents.” [42:36]
• Hosts remind her: be kind but set a clear boundary. If the boy keeps coming over, say directly you’d need parental involvement to continue interacting.

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3. CALLER 2: Danny — "Danny Two-Times" (Toiletry Tangle)

[50:25 – 72:55]

Story Setup

• Danny, 23, in Colorado, calls about a relationship etiquette dilemma:
  • He often stays over at his girlfriend Daphne’s apartment (she’s an athlete, on a budget), and uses her toiletries; he tries to replace them, but she refuses to use what he brings, returning them to his apartment instead.
  • “She refuses to use the soap or the toothpaste or whatever and just brings it back to my apartment next time she comes over.” —Danny [51:39]
• He wants advice on how to make her feel comfortable accepting these items, to keep things equitable.

Hosts’ and Gaten’s Analysis

• All agree: Daphne is probably trying to avoid feeling financially beholden or dependent.
  • “She doesn't want to live under Danny’s financial umbrella.” —Jake [53:29]
  • Gaten points out it’s about respect and pride, not rejection of kindness.

Notable Quotes & Bits

• “I want you to create an alter ego—Danny Two-Times—never buys anything once, buys it two times.” —Jake [54:23]
• Gareth pitches “Secret Stash” (hiding toiletries at her place), which the others jokingly call “gaslighting” [56:40].
• Poem Pitch: Jake and Gaten riff on the idea Danny should write a poem to make his case (“Accept my paste”), eventually crowdsourcing a goofy, half-rhyming love poem.

Advice Options

1. Danny Two-Times/Costco Angle:
   • Present as “I bought in bulk; help yourself—it’d be silly for it to go to waste.”
2. Direct Conversation:
   • Gaten: “Just sit and say, ‘I love you; you’re my favorite, and I want to do this for you.’”
3. Poem or Gift Card:
   • Gareth: “A weird-enough gesture may break the routine.”
   • Danny: “I think I might do the poem and gift card and see if that gets her.”

Resolution

• Danny is encouraged to combine sincerity and a little humor—either via a note/poem or a funny “bulk buy” explanation.
• Ultimately, respecting her wishes is top priority: “What if he just says, ‘Alright, I respect her wishes’?” —Gaten [65:27]

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4. Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “I don’t know if we stick with it…it was like a choose your own adventure: if chimp, chimp wreath; if fall, tried to grab a lizard…” —Jake [03:25]
• “We forget that he followed her. She didn’t know how he knows where her home is…He’s already crossed an inappropriate line.” —Gaten [35:47]
• “Is Santa Claus gaslighting the children?” —Gareth [57:15]
• “Welcome to our world, on top of that, having a guy…Kaden, why don’t you do this though? Is that not it? Why don’t you just have a toiletry bag of your stuff at her place?” —Gareth [65:35]
• “When I buy said creams, it comes from a place of me wanting you to feel seen.” —Gaten [71:35, collaborative poem]

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5. Key Timestamps

| Segment | Timestamp | |------------------------------------------------|-------------| | Chimp funeral, “dream death” riff | 02:00–05:14 | | Gaten on Stranger Things finale in theaters | 05:42–08:45 | | Michelle’s full story with “Danny” the kid | 14:38–45:07 | | Gaten roleplays as 12-year-old Danny | 29:02–30:28 | | Advice round-up for Michelle | 40:37–44:46 | | Danny’s toiletry relationship issue | 51:12–72:55 | | “Danny Two-Times / Secret Stash” jokes | 54:11–57:44 | | Poem brainstorming (“I want you to be clean…”) | 68:10–72:06 |

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6. Episode Takeaways

• Boundaries Matter: Friendly or not, recurring interactions with kids in your neighborhood benefit from clear adult boundaries—preferably with parent involvement.
• Communication is Key: Even well-meaning gestures in a relationship can unintentionally disrupt the balance; direct conversations (sometimes with a bit of humor) are better than elaborate evasions.
• Humor Helps: Absurd solutions, roleplay, and self-awareness—hallmarks of Jake, Gareth, and Gaten’s approach—both amuse and illuminate that even “dumb bits” can unearth real advice.
• Fresh Perspectives: Gaten’s experience as a “precocious” youth and Gen Z guest offers empathy and wisdom, occasionally (mercifully) steering the older hosts away from their most harebrained ideas.

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Final Notable Moment:
The hosts and Gaten help both callers—and each other—navigate weird social problems, with Gaten providing Gen Z perspective and the hosts leaning into their delightful, bumbling comedic energy. The result: actionable advice, but always with a wink.

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(Episode contains additional sponsor messages, some extended riffing, and outro credits.)

Transcript

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[Gaten Matarazzo]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm in Indianapolis, of course. Oh, no.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How Jake's dream death.

[Jake Johnson]

Or nightmare?

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Death.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, you'd love it.

[Jake Johnson]

Getting smothered by a chimp.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You'd love to be, but you're be like, wow, he was smiling the whole time.

[Ad Voice/Announcer]

You're not wrong.

[Jake Johnson]

I would love my end. I would love to be killed by a chimp that was once a pet. And I would want to be visiting something. And they go, I got a chimp. And I go, that's a pretty big. Just rips my head right off. Everybody at the funeral is like, he wasn't sick. It came out of nowhere. He was in Missouri. There was a chimp farm. He went.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He said goodbye to me that day. Super weird. Like he.

[Jake Johnson]

It's like his taste.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like he knew. I don't know. I. I don't know. It's hard to tell. But that was Jake. I mean, you just never knew what was going on up there. He said he was going to A gym farm. I said, I'll up. He goes, I need to go to this alone. He goes, I love you, brother.

[Jake Johnson]

He said, 100%. No, brother. This is my mission. And then he no matter what, girl, be good. He sent that to nine different guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He copy and pasted the same text, which is also kind of like, I don't know. I don't love that, to be honest.

[Jake Johnson]

But anyway, he's gone. Funeral is hard to be sad. It was a chimp attack.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's weird that he wanted jokes as weird as will. He wanted a chimp wreath. Just, like, hard to stay focused, put.

[Jake Johnson]

Stuff in motion not knowing how he died.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't know if we stick with it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was like a choose your own adventure. If chimp chimp reef. If fall tried to grab a lizard.

[Jake Johnson]

The guy making the speech goes like, this feels inappropriate, but it was written before. Nothing's greater on God's great earth than chimps. He says it's ironic how he died.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

But I feel like we should change this.

[Jake Johnson]

Aaron's like. He started thinking chim. Nothing more beautiful than chimp babies. My daughter's like this guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And now we're just gonna play some wild chimp sounds for five minutes. I'm sorry.

[Jake Johnson]

And if the audio's not right, just use this. But if the audio's right, cut this part out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I wish he had. He insisted on no casket, which I'd never heard of before. So he's just kind of laid down here splayed.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

What I would love to do is have me in a random seat, Weekend at Bernie's style, and not tell anybody in the middle of it. Somebody goes like, put me in a fedora and a hat. And then go, where's the body? And somebody goes like, oh, my God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is. That is the best way to handle your funeral. I'd like to be propped up in the last row.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. And then during one of the speeches, he goes, we'd not like to play a recording from Jake. And I go, why are you goofballs looking forward? Look back, and at that point, there's a spotlight. I'm just like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They kind of bring you up like, you're like. You got one of those, like, little waist hoisters.

[Jake Johnson]

It goes like this really slowly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Everyone screams.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thanks for doing this to be here.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Thank you, guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So gaten really fast. Thank you for doing the show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my gosh.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Thank you for having me.

[Jake Johnson]

I will say really quickly, you know, I'm a fan. We like my daughter and I watch the show together and we are. She is. I'm a fan. But she. She spotted you from season one.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Okay, cool.

[Jake Johnson]

She's like, that's the one.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

That's the guy.

[Jake Johnson]

How old your daughter? She is 12.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Is 12. So she was really young when it came out then.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. We started watch. She started watching stuff right away. I mean, I don't know. Live. Live. Right when we found season one, it kicked off. It kicked off. And how are you feeling about the finale being in a movie theater?

[Gaten Matarazzo]

That one were really stoked. It had been pitched for a while and it was. There was a little bit of pushback because I think it was just like, not really. I think the whole. Because I don't know if it was a thing where it was against the model of what was known for being the point of Netflix to begin with. I'm like, I don't know. Because it really makes sense because there were other theatrical releases for Netflix movies not for TV yet. So I think this will be the first like TV premiere in theaters, which.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think is really.

[Jake Johnson]

This is by far the first of its kind.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

It's really cool. I mean, it feels like a long movie anyway. It's very cinematic and I feel like it's culminated to something that's worth that scale. I. I would think, I'd hope at least we. We've been excited about it for a while.

[Jake Johnson]

I will say, as the last boomer who grew up on going to movies and TV was different and then cable popped and then streaming and then streaming is taking away the excitement of movies. But TV is so good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, TV's great.

[Jake Johnson]

This is the first time I'm like, oh, it might be turning again.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That would be great.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

I would like it to. Because I think there is trade off. I know that there's a lot of grumblings and people do miss the theater going experience, which is completely valid. And I do as well. But it doesn't mean that the stuff that's there isn't good. Like, there's so much good. There's so much good, good shit out there. And this is.

[Jake Johnson]

There is. There is a feeling of community when people watch things together and you have it like a film festival. Yeah. You know, I like making little indies that really live in people's homes. They're not for, you know, a hipster theater in Minneapolis with nine people there. It's meant for you to watch it at home.

[Caller Danny]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

But the festival is special.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So if they're now starting to say a huge episode, we're asking People to come together, experience it in real time, and then I'll go get dinner.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

It's pretty special. I think it's more. I think it's a cool idea. We were really hoping that it was going to work out. They started pitching it while we were still filming, I think, which is about a year ago.

[Jake Johnson]

Cool.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

So we've known about that.

[Jake Johnson]

I love that it's happening.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

I'm going to go as well. I want to see it in that space. I also would just like to see it because I guess we have seen it anytime we premiere, because we do show the episodes in, like, a big theater to, like, kick off the event of, like, the release. But that's not necessarily. That's usually with people who have a connection to the show. It's a different crowd. It's a different.

[Jake Johnson]

A lot of industry. Yeah. Yeah.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Which is fun and it's. It's cool. It's like. It's a pat. It's a pat on the back session. It's like, we did it, guys.

[Jake Johnson]

But. Exactly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

But seeing random people in a movie.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Theater, that's gonna be so cool. It's gonna be awesome, man. It's gonna be really cool. I'm stoked.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. So the premise of this is we're just taking calls. None of us have heard anything.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Oh, yay.

[Jake Johnson]

We know nothing ahead of it. We are gonna. A call is gonna come in. We are gonna hear what happens. You have no rules.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

This is good. Oh, my publicist gonna kill.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And the problems will not be enormous. They will just be important to the person. But they'll be. You're not gonna have to worry about anything.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

How do you know?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, you're right. They might just change the storm. Well, we are talking about releasing this episod, so maybe this might be a banger. This might have been.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

This would be a good one to do.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, so, Natalie, whenever you're ready. And, Gareth, you mind starting us when the caller comes in?

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Gaten Matarazzo]

I don't wanna.

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

Don't wait for permission.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Understood?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, and I never shut up, so just jump in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

For real? Yeah, but it's like six kids at a dinner table.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Oh, this is my speed. This is great.

[Jake Johnson]

100%.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Good story.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi, how are you?

[Caller Michelle]

Good, how are you?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good. We'll get your information in a minute, but we want to say you've got Jake, you've got Gareth, and we have our guest helper, Gaten Matarazzo is with us today. Hello, can we get your name please?

[Caller Michelle]

My name is Michelle.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Michelle. And Michelle, how old are you roughly?

[Caller Michelle]

31.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Where are you calling from?

[Caller Michelle]

I'm calling from the Chicago, like suburbs.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, Michelle, which one?

[Caller Michelle]

Oh, Romeo, Sure.

[Jake Johnson]

Of course I know Romeo. Okay. Do you guess so, Michelle? I'm a little bit. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I can't test.

[Caller Michelle]

It's like, it's just warehouses, so there's not much over there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wait, so Romeo. So it's Romeo. Villa Joliet. That sounds like the shittiest Shakespeare ever.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Did I do it on purpose?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, they buzzed up. Yeah, I have no idea. All right, anyway. All right, Michelle, look You got three hitters. So why don't you walk us through what's going on? What can we help you with today?

[Caller Michelle]

Okay, so I commute like with a bike. I have an electric bike that I use to get around. And one day I was going, I was going towards like a bar. I was going to go see a band. So it was like in the evening and I'm riding and there was like this kid that stopped me. And you know if somebody like says hi, I always say hi. And I have the ski mask on. So I kind of lowered him. Like I don't want. The cars passing by are going to think that I'm trying to talk to this kid and like steal him or kidnap him or something. But so I lower like my ski mask, he's like, I really like your bike.

[Jake Johnson]

Hold on, I'm getting turned. Michelle, stop for one second. You're riding an electric bike. You're a 31 year old woman, there's a kid, you're wearing a ski mask. You're afraid. People think you're going to kidnap a little boy on a bike.

[Caller Michelle]

It has a basket in the bag.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

How is this like a 2 year old?

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, exactly. How when you say kid, I think 12.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah, around that. He's in fifth grade. I end up finding out that he's in fifth grade. So I, because he was asking me questions about the bike and stuff and you know, I, he asked if I could, if he could ride it. I told him, well, I'm going somewhere right now.

[Caller Danny]

So no.

[Caller Michelle]

So I, I go on my way. I kind of don't think about it and I get this, I get back home like really late, right. And then I don't go that direction, like the opposite direction of where I usually go. I'm just going back and forth to work primarily. And one day I come back from work or no, I'm going to work and I open the garage and he's there talking to my dad and my brother.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

I do want one bit of clarification beforehand. What kind of a road did he flag you down on? Was it like a red light that he was standing at? Was it like, was he on the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Side of the road?

[Gaten Matarazzo]

He was like, help.

[Jake Johnson]

That's the question. I don't know.

[Caller Michelle]

Like no, no, no. It's like a sidewalk and it's right by a rec center. So it's like off the street, there's like cars going. There's like a rec center. There's a school right there. You know, there was like other kids playing on like the this basketball court.

[Jake Johnson]

That's cool.

[Caller Michelle]

So it's that kind of a road.

[Ad Voice/Announcer]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

So it was kind of normal to stop and talk to this boy.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

This is way more.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

This is the normal rec center. There's other kids.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

That is normal. I'm so curious. That isn't. That's unfortunate that this. Did you. You told your. Your dad about this game?

[Jake Johnson]

We're not there yet. We' not there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. I'm sorry.

[Jake Johnson]

Sorry. So we're gonna get to the end.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

I get excited.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm sorry. We're all excited. 12 year olds in a garage.

[Jake Johnson]

Before we get to the 12 year old boy single white female in you. What did you and this boy talk about on the side of the road when he flags you down?

[Caller Michelle]

He asked. There's a lot of times when people like talk. People like ask about my bike all the time. So they'll ask like brand and stuff. I was just trying to see like what kind of questions he would have if he was like interested in bikes. If like new because he was on an electric scooter. So I was like, you know, I was just. He. I like told him the brand. He's like oh looks really. I think he really just wants to ride it. Like he just wanted. He really wanted to ride it.

[Jake Johnson]

I will say go into what you said before going to the kid's the weird one. Michelle's not. I'm not ready to draw that line in the sand yet. Who's interested in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Excuse me, excuse me. This child is in the garage talking to her dad.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

That's what's crazy.

[Jake Johnson]

That's what's crazy. So now Michelle, let's go back to you. You come home said 12 year old boys talking to dad.

[Caller Michelle]

So I told him like you know I'm going to work so we can't do it right now. Plus like I'd rather like you you do it like with your parents watching. Because I that at that point I'm like you know the. It's dangerous like on the bike and plus I don't know if he's gonna ride away with it. And then you don't know third time. Yeah and then if he falls or something or whatever. So if it's like under his.

[Jake Johnson]

I'll make this simple. We don't need to do nine points. I don't know him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Keep going Michelle.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. And coming from a guy who I.

[Jake Johnson]

Wrote someone scooter in New York. Who am I to talk.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Actually don't think that point wasn't holstered over here.

[Jake Johnson]

I was like, oh, yeah, I am that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You let a stranger ride your scooter. Jake did it in New York like a month ago.

[Jake Johnson]

Just about a week and a half ago. All right, but Michelle, this isn't about me being that 12 year old boy riding a stranger's scooter. This is your. You have some valid points why this little boy shouldn't ride your scooter. Then what happens? And then what is. Let's get to what happens and what our problem is. Try not to interrupt.

[Caller Michelle]

The third time I came back home and I was like getting the leaves and he asked and so I gave him like five bucks. I was going to give him five bucks because he was helping me with.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake, let her go. Let her go.

[Jake Johnson]

We're all.

[Caller Michelle]

Real quick, real quick. Because I was going to, but he's like, oh, because. Just give me like a ride on the bike instead of with that. So the reason why I bring that up is because my solution was going to be like, I give them. There's like a electric bike rental place that's nearby in Lockport. I was gonna give him like five.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bucks towards a rental.

[Caller Michelle]

He was like, help me. Yeah, towards the rental. Like, he helped me with it and it kind of helped. Oh, because with the leaves. Like, I came home and I was getting the leaves and then he's like, oh, can I help you? And I'm like, I guess if you are like, you're really that bored, like, you can help me with the leaves if you want. Yeah.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Michelle, I don't think this is about the bikes.

[Caller Michelle]

Well, and that was the other thing where it was like, yeah, it's just like, true. I don't know. Should his parents know that he's like talking to strangers? And that was the thing. It's like, should I try and meet his parents?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, we still haven't heard the problem.

[Jake Johnson]

I think we just heard the problem. I don't think it's about the bike. Should I contact this boy?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hold on, hold on. Okay, so he helped you with the leaves.

[Jake Johnson]

Kidnapped him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Michelle, he helped you with the.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

You did, kid.

[Caller Michelle]

He.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He helped you with the leave. So you were like, I'm gonna give him $5 towards renting his own e bike. Essentially.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah. Like, oh, you know, tell your parents. Like, like, let your parents know that you want us. Like.

[Jake Johnson]

Michelle.

[Caller Michelle]

But then. Yeah, because then I'm also thinking like, should. Should his parents know, like, he followed a stranger. He's like, all the way to their home and like, yeah, right.

[Jake Johnson]

What is this specific question? We could help you with today. By the way, one of the better setups I've been calling. Well done.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And Michelle, we were blitzing the whole play, so way to hang in there and keep the, Keep your eyes downfield.

[Jake Johnson]

And thank you for just continuing to shoot weird bullets the entire time. Everything that came out of this, the gun, I'm like, that's a weirder bullet. Money.

[Gareth Reynolds]

May I hearken back to the beginning when a 12 year old stopped her and we were like, what?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, how about this?

[Caller Michelle]

Well, it's a long setup, so. Yeah, I had to throw that in. I didn't have to throw that in either.

[Ad Voice/Announcer]

I'm glad you did.

[Caller Michelle]

It's a long setup. I feel like the details matter, you know?

[Jake Johnson]

They do.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah. I guess the, the question is kind of where I should go from it. Like, should I just give it my mom? She doesn't want me to. Like, I, I told her about it. She just wants me to be like, no. And that's it. You know what I mean? Like, it's someone else's problem.

[Jake Johnson]

That's a normal response.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Is what we call in the business a straight shooter.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Wearing a ski mask, pulling it down, afraid you're going to kidnap, Wanting to help, giving the kid money. You're in a weird relationship.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, so the, the question is, what should you do right now with the 12 year old who seems to not only be e bike obsessed, but has some sort of strange bond he's formed without your permission? Right.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah, he's, he has some, some set of skills which I think he could cultivate later in life.

[Jake Johnson]

Stop it. Stop it.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Many do.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

May I?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, Michelle?

[Gaten Matarazzo]

I, I may I have something to add here. There's something here that I think I might specifically be able to touch on here. So I started doing what I do for a living when I was a little bit younger than this young lad. And the thing is that, like, I was like in a workplace with a lot of adults all the time and I was like super eager to know them and be very, very close friends with them. And it would hurt my feelings when they were like, oh, hey buddy. And like, they would be like, all right, have a, have a good one. And like, they were nice and they'd be like, what are you doing for homework? And like, we're like, very fun, like very, very good with me for sure. But like, I did have a very eager, like, I guess desire to be like, really close with them and like, how. Let them be my friends and like, develop that bond because Maybe it felt cool or something. Or I looked up to them and it would hu. Hurt my feelings at the time when like I would find out that like, well, I'm like, we should get food. And they were like, ah, I'm busy. I can't do that because it's inappropriate and because I'm 12 months old.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, G, I'm glad you said the second half because as the older guy in that situation, if a 12 year old goes like, fun scene, Jake. And I go, you too, you crush it. And they go, want to get a meal? I'll go, I think your, your mom or your tutor. I don't think you and I should go to a diner together. My gu. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh no, this isn't my son.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

And so that does sting a little at 12. But then when I turn, even when I was like 14, 15, I got even a little bit older. I was like, oh yeah, I get that for sure. And so I think in the long run, if you now say like, hey, I don't know you, I don't know your parents. I didn't like, you got to off for. No, don't tell him to off. And then like now he'll be hurt. And then when he's 17 he can be like, oh yeah, that was responsible. It might be weirder later on the road for that him to one day be 18 and then say, why did that 31 year old like, like cater to.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Michelle.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I love this point of view. And this is not where I was gonna go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, neither one of us would have.

[Jake Johnson]

I was getting ready to throw eggs and do some weird stuff.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh God.

[Jake Johnson]

But I Michelle, thinking about it from the 12 year old's point of view, when that 12 year old is 20. Looking at your behavior at 31.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

You gotta be careful. He's like, like, yeah. I was going through a really hard time. My parents split up and I saw this electric scooter. Next thing I know, this woman's giving me money one day and be like.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

I would Never give a 12 year old money for nothing. And the scooter.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And let him ride my mountain bike.

[Caller Michelle]

I was 12.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let him ride or give him five bucks to go. To go rent one.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

You understand your point that it's endearing and like, I'm sure he's like very cute and very sweet and it's like, oh, this is adorable.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, now.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Would you. Is there anything to. Is there another side of this where she does talk to the parents and say, I want to be a positive influence.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Do you have contact with it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

She doesn't, but she could find a way to get contact, you know what I mean?

[Gaten Matarazzo]

That's kind of what doing this relationship further is in anyone's best interest.

[Jake Johnson]

Michelle, I got a question. How many, what are we calling this 12 year old boy? We gotta, I gotta stop saying 12 year old boy. We give a fake name. Say it again.

[Caller Michelle]

Danny.

[Jake Johnson]

Danny.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

So Danny, that's such a 12 year old boy name.

[Jake Johnson]

My brother's name is Dan and growing up he was Danny. And we got, when he was about 17 he said stop calling me Danny, I'm not a little boy before. So now I haven't been able to call him Danny. But now when he's on the pod I get to call him Danny.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I call him Danny.

[Jake Johnson]

Danny. So how many times have you and Danny hung out talking electric vehicles?

[Caller Michelle]

So three times. So when he stopped me, when he came to my house. Twice. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, and when, how long do these talks go? Not the first one, but how long are you standing outside by your garage Talking to a 12 year old boy named Danny?

[Caller Michelle]

The first time he came to my house it was like five minutes. The second time he helped me with the leaves it was like 15ish.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm saying this Michelle, because there's a lot cooking. Walk me through how he helped you with the leaves again. And then let's do something. Gaten, will you be Danny any day? Michelle, will you be this? And Michelle, tell Gaten a little bit about how it started and how you got to leaves and then let's role play that a little bit.

[Caller Michelle]

Okay. So I was using a leaf blower and I had to leaf blow them all together and then pick them up. So he came up, asked me if he could help and I'm like, yeah, sure, like if you really want, like I'm fine doing it, but if you really want, you can. And I asked him if he wanted to like pick them up or use the leaf blower he wanted like. Oh, it'd be cool like for a kid run a leaf blower or whatever.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. So Michelle. Hey Gate, do you have enough?

[Gaten Matarazzo]

I think that's good.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, let's see what happens. Just to get a sense of if Michelle's weird, if Danny's weird.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

I don't really know Danny's quirks, but I think I can like channel.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

The 12 year old that I once was.

[Ad Voice/Announcer]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, so ready to pigly and.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nope.

[Jake Johnson]

No.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Hi, Michelle.

[Caller Michelle]

Yo. Hey, how's it going?

[Gaten Matarazzo]

It's going really good. Do you need help with these leaves?

[Caller Michelle]

I mean, I'm, I'm just, I'm good doing it on my own here. Just trying to pick up these leaves. But I really want to here.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Yeah, I really want to try that leaf blower. What, like how, what, what's the charge on that? You know the, the amount of battery life, you know how long it takes once it's dead to charge back up?

[Caller Michelle]

No, it's plugged in. So you just have to plug it in here. But you have to make sure that you hold the cord here so that it doesn't disconnect.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Is it okay if I put it like if I jam my fingies into here, could it potentially hurt me? Is this a piece of like heavy equipment that might be too scary for me at my small 12 year old frame?

[Caller Michelle]

I mean it's pretty simple. Simple machine. And since you helped me out, taught me how to make sure that it wouldn't disconnect because he tied the thing together and.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Right, right.

[Caller Michelle]

And it didn't disconnect.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

So do you want to be my.

[Caller Michelle]

Best friend here and I'll pick up the leaves? Not really.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

All right, you're my best friend, Michelle. I can't wait to come back and help you rake leaves again.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, really fast. First of all, you are Danny.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great.

[Jake Johnson]

Now I can sense Dann. Michelle is that close at all. I know the dialogue is different. The feeling there a little bit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You.

[Caller Michelle]

Can say no, no, like, but I could be wrong. Right? Like now see, I love this perspective. I'm really glad that I called it. I look like a, like an idiot. Like a very like weird woman. No, but it's okay. Like I understand. I do have like, I've been told multiple times I've been asked if I'm autistic. Like, you know, I know, but it's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, like you're being sweet.

[Jake Johnson]

But hold on. But Michelle, the question was, was that accurate at all?

[Caller Michelle]

I think that what I got more from from like the interaction with him was that really he just wanted to ride the bike. Like we weren't really talking during it. We're like, you know, picking up the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Leaves and whatever user. This actually changes things.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Like if it's a thing that he has like a crush on this, on this 30 year old woman, he would. I don't think it's a crushed on the bike.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So Michelle, will you now do me a favor because I feel like we're getting close to it. Can you do the scene where you are Michelle And Danny.

[Caller Michelle]

So, like, okay, jumping into the part where it kind of went more sideways.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Caller Michelle]

So I gave him the leaf blower. And then.

[Jake Johnson]

But hold on, Michelle. So it started off. He goes. Just do the whole scene for me, please. The little 12 walks up. You're blowing leaves.

[Caller Michelle]

Okay. Blowing the leaves. Oh, hey, how's it, like. Can I. Can I help you with. With the leaf? Oh, sure. Yeah, I guess I'm. I'm just doing that. It's like, I'm okay doing it on my own, but if you. If you're bored, if you want to help me. Sure. Do you want to use the leaf blower? Do you want to pick up the leaf. Oh, I want to use the leaf blower. I want to see. Okay, just make sure. Okay. Just make sure that you keep it. It's plugged in. It's a little loose, so you gotta, like, hold it while. While you're plugging. While you're using the leaf blower. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. You know what. What you could do, you can actually tie it and then plug it in, and then it's not gonna come loose. Oh, that's cool. Okay. Working. Working. Picking it up. They're all done. Oh, well, thanks for your help. Let me grab. If you, like, stay out here. I'll grab five bucks real quick.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Without any. What? Where.

[Jake Johnson]

That. I know, but to me, she paid for the service.

[Caller Michelle]

That's what kids do too.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, but that's also.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Michelle, I gotta say, that's less weird than I thought it was all of a sudden. No way.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Okay. Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. Yeah, that seemed.

[Ad Voice/Announcer]

I'm.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm all of a sudden having a weird turn. I think I was just having a hard time getting to where you were at. Yeah, Everything about that situation kind of feels fine to me, but.

[Caller Michelle]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But she. What she wants is she wants to. Can she go forward with this?

[Jake Johnson]

This relationship, friendship?

[Gareth Reynolds]

And the answer. I think we're all saying.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm not saying yes. If you're saying we're all saying yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I'm saying no.

[Jake Johnson]

I might be saying, he said.

[Caller Michelle]

He said no to the five bucks. And he's like, oh, no, that's okay, but could you give me a ride on your bike? Like, could I ride your bike instead?

[Ad Voice/Announcer]

Great.

[Caller Michelle]

So it's like that bike, but you know what I mean? Like, that was the back of his mind. So I was like, you know, like, I'm not really letting you ride the bike by yourself. Yeah, right. Like, he found me. He does that. Like. Okay, but anyway. But he Then I'm like, you know, I one, like, he doesn't wear a helmet. I'm like, do you have a helmet? He's like, no, I don't have one. I'm like, okay, how about you, like, save up for one? Like. Like buy one or something. I'll give you the five bucks. You, like, save up for a helmet? Potentially. Which, you know, then I am also thinking, like, I shouldn't have kept it going. Like, you know, he still has this hope or whatever.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

But insinuate further meetings and perhaps.

[Jake Johnson]

Michelle, I got a pitch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I do, too.

[Jake Johnson]

I got a pitch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yours is in the direction of maintaining the relationship, I'm assuming.

[Jake Johnson]

Possibly. So here's where I'm at now. Thank you for going with me on this one. I will say we were swaying around. I couldn't get a sense of what the was happening. But now I feel like I got a pretty good sense. And I will say, I don't think you're being weird. And I'll also say I'm not positive Danny's being weird. So here's what Danny wants.

[Ad Voice/Announcer]

He wants to ride that bike, man.

[Jake Johnson]

He can't. I've never seen anything as cool in his life. Here. You as a preschool teacher are torn. You don't want to squash his kid's desire, but you're not his mom, you, or his dad. You say this, Danny, I'm gonna let you ride your bike. I just need to talk to your parents and get their permission first and whatever their rules in terms of helmets and this, but it can't be a fake note. But if you want to give me your parents info, I could reach out and call. And if they're good, you leave a little collateral here. So I know you're coming back. Ride the bike, little guy.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

I have a rebuttal here.

[Jake Johnson]

Here, go.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

We forget that he followed her. We forget that she didn't know how he knows where her home is. Facts, like, down the road and, like, trailed her to see where the bike went or whatever it was. Even if you like trail scooter, he's already crossed an inappropriate line.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If this man is 20 years older, he did illegality.

[Caller Michelle]

And there's no way that first day, there's no way that he followed me, because that trail, it's like an hour I went, and I was on my bike for an hour there.

[Jake Johnson]

So then Michelle.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Way weird.

[Caller Michelle]

I don't know how. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Michelle, in your best educated opinion, how did he know where you lived?

[Caller Michelle]

Honestly, it could. It must have been that he saw me like Right. Like commuting to work one day, like coming back from work. Maybe he just happened to be like by one of the parks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I don't agree.

[Caller Michelle]

When I was. It was like the first time. No, I haven't.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

When he first saw it, he was like, oh, this is a cool bike, can I ride it? And like, as he was touching it, he just sneaks one under.

[Caller Michelle]

I don't think that he could have snuck it.

[Jake Johnson]

Please don't say sneaks one under. While he might have sneaks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He might have snuck one under, you.

[Jake Johnson]

Know, while he's touching it, he just sneaks under.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look, we have Michelle, we have Jake's pitch. I'm with Gate. I think I would. Look, there's. I know he's 12. I'm not trying to be rude. I think there's some flags here. Just as far as your comfortability in your life and things like that. I, I think you got to break it off now. You're right in the sense that I do think it's difficult to. It is a little difficult to break it off. I'm gonna pitch a strange one, but I think maybe you need a scapegoat. You need an excuse why your time is too valuable now to spend it with him and say that he probably needs to go off and just be a 12 year old somewhere else. I'm pitching. You're raising your sister's baby that doesn't exist. Wow. And so huge lie to a 12.

[Jake Johnson]

Year old boy, Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake, he found out where she lived.

[Jake Johnson]

You're gonna find out she's lying. He's a little stalker. That'.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

You could figure this out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I could get a reborn baby, but.

[Jake Johnson]

Then you could just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look, I had to create a fake baby because I don't think we should be doing this.

[Jake Johnson]

But that's so crazy, Gareth, you're talking to a boy. I think you need a fake baby because you're weird.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think creep him out. There are three different ways this could creep out.

[Jake Johnson]

I'll tell you what you don't do to 12 year old Gaten on set when he goes, hey, you want to get lunch? You don't go like this. I would, but I have to. I have to babysit a fake baby and I'm going to wear you out. Even though you're a sweet 12 year old boy. It's not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's different. You can't do it at work.

[Caller Michelle]

He ended up on Stranger Things. You probably find like any creepy thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The title of this call those weirder things. Yeah, I. Either way, I think you have to go in the direction of this can happen. I what I would say, I mean.

[Jake Johnson]

You could also just say wrong.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey look, I think it's great that you're doing this. Go Gaten, go.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

I have a pitch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

You need to eliminate the incentive for him to come back. You need to pretend the bike broke.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah, but he'll see.

[Jake Johnson]

Michelle, your thoughts?

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Just say you got rid of the bike.

[Caller Michelle]

Okay. So on that vein I actually I was going to do this before but I decorated my bike with like both of them with hello kitty stickers and it's supposed to be a theft deterrent. So it's like even if it's locked up like no one's going to look.

[Jake Johnson]

At it and try and like feel it for one. What for a 12 year old boy?

[Caller Michelle]

Just in general. Not, not. And for the 12 year old boy I was thinking like maybe it kind of. Because I you know, I hadn't he him and yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way I used to spray paint all my bikes brown. Yeah. Even the tires. And I'd be in New York and people would be like I just don't want to steal it.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, reminds me of when I, I used to smoke basic lights in college and people be like can I bump a cigarette? And then they go mine. Yeah, I, look I, I don't think that's going to be a deterrent for this kid. I also think it's amazing that Jake heard that was like genius. I so they just steal it and take the hello Kitty off it. Look, it might be the sort of thing where if we think it's right, you might just want to let him down. I mean you might just want to do that and you might just want to say look I have a lot going on. I don't feel comfortable, you know, trying to teach you how to ride this.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

This and say if I let you ride this and you hurt yourself then I'm gonna be the one that's in trouble.

[Jake Johnson]

So I can't be honest.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So Michelle, I just feel like 12.

[Caller Michelle]

Year old kids, they come up with excuses. I'm like no, I'm not gonna get hurt, no I'm not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know we're coming back to fake baby. Your, your sister's son was on the back in a Bjorn fell off.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey Michelle, I'm coming to you for a second. We're coming back to you for a second. We've got some pitches now know we've got say you got to talk to his parents. We've got an excuse that the bike broke. We've got. I. I can't hang out with you anymore because my sister had a baby. We've got continue to uglify the bike and make it more hello Kitty so he'd be embarrassed by it.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Where are you kind of at? Hold on. Gareth has a finger up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's an insurance issue.

[Caller Michelle]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay what?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Her insurance won't cover it if he does something on it. You just think he's not going to.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Resonate with like the insurance. Like he's not going to be like he's not going to care about that.

[Jake Johnson]

Worth putting your finger up here?

[Caller Michelle]

I don't know.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Okay.

[Caller Michelle]

I don't know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I feel like the 12 year old right now.

[Jake Johnson]

What's insane about Gareth Gaten and you don't know him. I've known this guy for 20 years. Is he's right now on the call because he thinks I'm being crazy. He's trying to be like the adult and he literally goes insurance issue the insurance. And he's like look at me, I.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Can'T let you ride this because you're not on the insurance.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm so sorry I stalked you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's not that I'm trying to be the adult. It's that in my head that went 100 times better in my direction. I was like got it. And everyone was like, shut the up.

[Jake Johnson]

I was like, all right, Michelle. No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Michelle, hold up now. Let me, let me win the call real quick.

[Jake Johnson]

Professionally. All right, so Michelle, back to you. What are you kind of thinking?

[Caller Michelle]

So I think that the thing that I'm going to do is the thing I was going to do in the first place, which wasn't one of your pitches but was give him the five bucks with the address for the electric bike rental so that he could give it to his parents. They'd have to download the app and do that way and just kind of. And it's weird.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

You're giving the dog a treat, Michelle.

[Jake Johnson]

I gotta say.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

It's your.

[Jake Johnson]

I wouldn't.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

It's not weird. I just think it's not very effective. I agree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think it's allowing a fester.

[Jake Johnson]

I know this as an inner 12 year old stalker boy, which is just part of who I am.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

My fair share.

[Jake Johnson]

But you know, but very similar to that. When I was young I had had random older friends that I would do the same thing with and just keep pushing in any somewhat way in for it's give you an inch, they'll take a mile.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

So what's so fun? That's what's fun is that like, that's why kids become friends with each other so quickly because they just say, can I be your friend? Do you want to go hang out right now?

[Caller Michelle]

Right.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

That's so endearing and admirable.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Michelle. Yeah, Michelle, here's my final pitch to you and then we gotta let you go. But I want, after I pitch, I want you to say what you're gonna do do Next time he comes over, say, hey, it's a little inappropriate that a 12 year old boy is here. Somebody your age, at my age. I need to talk to your parents to make sure they know this is all okay. So could you give me their phone number? Because I want to call them if you're going to keep coming by asking me about electric vehicles. And most likely what he's gonna say is, no, don't worry about it. Or you tell him and the mom or the dad is gonna go, sorry, I know my son Danny. He's a wild man. I'll keep you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're a link in a ch, Shane is my guess.

[Jake Johnson]

But I think you need to be the adult and you need to take control of the relationship and let them know, hey, I'm not. You didn't do anything wrong. You're just a boy named Danny who's a stalker and a little bit of a weirdo.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Yeah, there's a way to do it nicely, like, hey, you haven't done anything wrong. Not nothing at all.

[Jake Johnson]

But as a 31 year old, I just need to talk to somebody over 18.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Michelle, you're in good shape.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah, Worst case scenario, I'm prepared.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, Michelle, we follow up with us after the break.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Breakup.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah, for sure.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, but Michelle, the breakup happens next time you see him.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah, 100. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Also when you see him, put hello Kitty stuff all over yourself so he's less interested.

[Caller Michelle]

Give him some hello candy stickers.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, Michelle, thank you. And we're brought to you by Squarespace. Oh, sweet. Squarespace. Look, all in one website platform there to make you succeed online. You're starting your small business, you're scaling up, you want to claim your domain, you want to show people what you have, grow your brand, get paid. All these things, they sound pretty good, right? Well then you go with Squarespace and you're going to get it done.

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[Gareth Reynolds]

But it gives you everything you need. Offers you services to get paid. All in one place. Can showcase what you have going on. They have cutting edge design tools so you could build a bespoke online presence that perfectly fits with your brand or business. SEO tools. What's SEO stand for? Why? Search Engine Optimization. You're going to get discovered now because Squarespace's SEO tools are going to get you noticed. So go to squarespace.com GilSentMe for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code Gil sent me to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. And we are brought to you by Mint Mobile. Most holiday gifts end up in a drawer or the back of your closet or accidentally left at your cousin's house. But not this one. Your cousin's not getting this one. Mint Mobile is offering unlimited premium wireless list for 15amonth. That's their best deal of the year. AKA the only holiday gift you'll actually use every single day. So Mint Mobile's best deal of the year is happening right now. So get a 3, a 6 or a 12 month unlimited plan for 15amonth. All their plans come with all the same stuff. The high speed data, the unlimited talk and text. Nation's largest 5G network. You can bring your current phone, you can bring your phone number. So all these things, all these talking points you're trying to push back on, they're not holding up in mobile court. My guy, I switched them in mobile. There is really no difference. It's the same thing. The only difference is the price. Okay, so get involved. Here's what you're not gonna do.

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[Jake Johnson]

Help.

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[Gareth Reynolds]

You by Sundays for Dogs. Look, we've talked about this before. I've talked about this before. When it comes to dog food, it seems like you have to make an easy choice. You can either have fresh and healthy or you can have the easy to store and serve, but never both. But what if I told you listeners, you don't have to choose anymore thanks to Sundaes. Sundaes is a fresh air dried dog food made from clean ingredients. The recipes are customized based on the needs of your dog so you give the size, the breed, the allergies, activities levels, all that stuff. And Sundays does not require thawing, refrigeration, preparation. They're just like little, just like little chewy pieces. I know, I think I just described food, but it's a little different. But you do, you just pour and serve it. That's it. So I got sundaes for my girlfriend's dog. You could tell the difference after using it for a minute you're like, am I crazy? But then you're like, no, these dogs have more energy. Energy. You could tell they're itching less. They just seem healthier. You can tell when you're putting good stuff in your dog's bodies. And I definitely noticed the difference with my girlfriend's dogs when I last visited her. So Sunday's holiday sale is going on right now. Go to sundaysfordogs.com here to help and get 50% off your first order. Or you can use code here to help. 50 at checkout. 5 0. That's 50% off your first order@ Sundaysfordogs.com. don't miss out on Sunday's best sale of the year at Sundays for dogs.com here to help or use code here to help. 50 at checkout. Hello.

[Ad Voice/Announcer]

Hello.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi. Hi. Welcome to. We're here to help you guys with Jake.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And Gaten Matarazzo is here with us as well. Three killers.

[Caller Michelle]

Awesome.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. So this better be good. What's your name, please?

[Caller Danny]

I'm Danny.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Danny. Wow. Danny, leave Michelle alone.

[Jake Johnson]

This is Danny.

[Caller Danny]

You have another Danny today?

[Jake Johnson]

Are you 12?

[Ad Voice/Announcer]

No.

[Caller Danny]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

Danny, what do you think about electric scooters?

[Caller Danny]

Electric fun when you're drunk.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow. You shouldn't be drinking, kiddo. Danny, how old are you?

[Caller Danny]

I'm 23.

[Gareth Reynolds]

23. Where are you calling from, Danny? Whereabouts?

[Caller Danny]

I'm calling from Colorado.

[Jake Johnson]

Cool.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, Danny, 23, Colorado. Jake. Gareth Gaten. What's going on?

[Caller Danny]

Okay, so I have been with my girlfriend For a little over a year and a half. And she. She plays volleyball at the school that we go to. I have a part time job and just the way that things work out, we end up spending a lot of nights at her apartment. And because of this, I end up using a lot of her toiletries, like her soap and her toothpaste and stuff like that.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Caller Danny]

And so I often try to like, replace the toiletries because I have a consistent income and like, she does. I try to like, replace the things. Yep, I try and like replace the things.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I am.

[Caller Danny]

Yeah. But whenever I do that, she refuses to like, use the soap or the toothpaste or whatever and just brings it back to my apartment the next time she comes over. And so my question is, how do I get her to like, use and accept the like, toiletries that I'm trying to like, replace?

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Buying the same products.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, great question.

[Caller Danny]

Yeah, I am buying the same products.

[Ad Voice/Announcer]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

I think gate. And she's feeling like I don't want to use him.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

This is. Yeah, this seems like it's coming from a. From a place of her wanting to hide. Yeah, for sure. Maybe just out of like a respect of like, I want to like, not take advantage of like the money for.

[Jake Johnson]

You, not your toothpaste.

[Caller Danny]

You guys are hitting the nail on the head for sure.

[Caller Michelle]

Her.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

What are we calling her? Really fast, but we can still fix it.

[Caller Danny]

Kate, Daphne.

[Jake Johnson]

It is sweet, but we got to get this girl using the toiletries. Because the thought is nice, but it's also goofy. Like I look, I don't need half a tube back at my house. The tubes for you. Because I use the tube at your place and we're at your house so much.

[Ad Voice/Announcer]

Right.

[Jake Johnson]

So you coming to my house bringing the floss is getting goofy dafty. Just leave.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, hold on now. Is she using. Is she in any way putting the products over at your house? So she has some home base items of hers at your place?

[Caller Danny]

No, no, there's. She has other home based items at my place, like the like lotions that she likes and whatever she has at my place.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. This is a woman that doesn't want to live under Danny's financial umbrella. And so she's make who. When you guys go out and eat, who pays.

[Caller Michelle]

It?

[Caller Danny]

It depends. Usually me, but like, she pays a lot too.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Okay, that's good. This is good because you guys are a year and a half in. This is a good chunk of time together. And so I get that, like, there's an incentive there. Not incentive, but there's a desire there to, like, even the playing field and make sure that you guys are on, like, the same page there. And I think based on, like, the initial start of it, I don't think it's coming from a place of being, like, don't do this for me.

[Jake Johnson]

No, I'm fine. Don't.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

I don't need your help. It's coming from a place of. I don't want to take advantage of your kindness or take advantage of you spending some of your extra cash on.

[Jake Johnson]

This situation, but I. I got a pitch. Danny.

[Caller Danny]

Ready?

[Caller Michelle]

Let's do it.

[Jake Johnson]

Need to create a alter ego. Alter ego for you, Danny, Two times. And Danny two times never buys anything once. He buys it Two times. Two times gets toothpaste. He gets two tubes. One, Danny, two times. One for. One for yours.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

So if she bring it there, get one free.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, you go like this. O. That's really good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The buy one, get one, freeze. Help. Helpful.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, you go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's good.

[Jake Johnson]

You, by the way, you lead in with. I love it. Hey, just so you know, I got all this stuff, but I got a two for one. So my stuff's already stacked. Once she gets out of the routine, once it's done, it's a sand castle. Walter's gonna knock it down. It's gonna look normal. She's just in a weird routine. We just got.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

I don't know, though.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This seems.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Though this seems like an easy fix in a pinch. But you guys are a year and a half in him, with the hope being for much more time after that. So this becomes a president that's set, and she finds out that you haven't been getting buy one, get one, freeze. Like, she goes online. She's like, I'm just gonna do the deal that you did. And then she can't find it anywhere. And then she's like, how the did you do this? And she finds out she's not. She's gonna be mad about the fact that you lied about it.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Does she? Yeah, Danny.

[Caller Michelle]

Does she.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you want her to just be better at accepting these things, or are you just more like you logistically want to keep her stuff stocked up so she's taken care of? Like, do you care about having credit?

[Caller Danny]

I just want it to be, like, equitable. Like, I'm using all her things, and she doesn't have time to make money, so let's make it equitable.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Danny. I'm going to pitch secret stash. I'm going to pitch that at her place. You have a hidden stash of all the things she likes at hers. And then when you start to notice that some of these things are getting low, you go to the secret stash and you maybe use it once and then replace it so it's a little more full. But it would be a weird thing to accuse you of doing.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Oh, okay, wait, but that's like textbook gaslighting.

[Jake Johnson]

It's crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, not if it's.

[Jake Johnson]

Not if.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not if you just make it seem.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

I don't know, babe.

[Jake Johnson]

This is logic. I love the guy. The only reason I'm doing a podcast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is how I was 30 seconds ago.

[Jake Johnson]

I thought that's where you were going. This is what you always do. You asked a question about emotions and care. Then you said, gaslight her and no, fill the toothpaste and then go. What are you talking about?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're like Santa. Is Santa Claus gaslighting the children. Children.

[Jake Johnson]

Terrible logic. All right, okay, okay. Pass.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have an. Go ahead.

[Caller Danny]

Not to kick a ideal horse when it's down, but I also don't think I could hide it at her place without her finding it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, you can have it in your bag. I got a pitch.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

I open the fridge and my girlfriend, I'm like, I can't find the ketchup. Can't find the ketchup. And then my girlfriend's like me of in front the. You're.

[Jake Johnson]

You idiot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's why you have more ketchup in your bag.

[Jake Johnson]

Also, guys, we got to get away from Secret Stash because it scares me. 23 year old guy in a beautiful relationship. Don't start. Secret stash.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Danny, I'll give you my email if you want to talk offline about the secret stash.

[Jake Johnson]

There's going to be a new show releasing on Tuesdays called Secret Stash. Ideas? It's just Gareth giving bad advice.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Is that like, you have like, where days and what days? Like, what are you stashing? And then the next day it's where you're stashing.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Danny.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Each episode's two hours.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm pitching turn her place into a mini target.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Danny, I got a pitch for you. It might be running a mile to go a block, but I would like you to potentially write her a poem or a letter that you recite for her. Her with the theme of it except my paste and what I mean, this is not gaslighting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, Sorry, Danny.

[Jake Johnson]

No, this is a bad idea too. Kay, I think.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Okay. These are very funny.

[Jake Johnson]

Jake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's offensive.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

This is where the issue goes. Like you did call A comedy podcast for advice on your relationship. So you will. I just have to just get one out there.

[Jake Johnson]

Their back.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Maybe you could just hunker down and say, I love you. If you're using the L word. I love you. I want to do this for you. Please let me do this for you. You're my favorite.

[Jake Johnson]

That's Accept my paste. But as a poem.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

No, but, like, don't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's secret stash. Except the opposite, by the way. We're all living off the fattest secret stash.

[Jake Johnson]

No, we're not. So dan it. Woody. Where are you kind of at here?

[Caller Danny]

So I have tried to do the conversation of, like, look, this is, like, me trying to be nice to you. And, like, I will. It took me longer than it should have.

[Jake Johnson]

My paste. Have you ever.

[Caller Danny]

It sounds kind of loose, Jake. I. I haven't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Have you ever buried paste in a woman's yard? The yard?

[Caller Danny]

That's where you go in the yard?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Garrett wants you to dig holes. Come home dirty. Three in the morning, mud hands.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, you were looking for floss.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. She's like, here, use some of my soap.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

This is really good. If you look really scared and the places you're hiding, like, you're dirty. You're sweating like. No, I'm fine.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm hiding.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

She's gonna think you're a murderer.

[Jake Johnson]

Why are your knees covered in dirt.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wash, by the way. Then that's the perfect time for Jake's poem.

[Jake Johnson]

I just threaded that deal, by the way. Hey, G, thanks for coming. Gareth and I got this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, don't worry, buddy. Freak her out. That reader, the poem, Money in the bank.

[Jake Johnson]

Follow up with us, Danny.

[Caller Michelle]

Or not.

[Jake Johnson]

So back to you.

[Ad Voice/Announcer]

Where are you?

[Jake Johnson]

Kind of thinking we've given you some maybe bad pitches, but I still think there's a winner here so far. But where are you at?

[Caller Danny]

You know, I think I might try.

[Caller Michelle]

And.

[Caller Danny]

Not do a. Do a known stash with the poem. Like, blend the two ideas. Like, say, look, no matter what, I'm leaving this here at your place because eventually you're going to run out. And this is a poem about why you should use it no matter what. Please use it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Can we write it right now, together?

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Well, I just. We want to make sure that we're not teetering on the line of condescension.

[Jake Johnson]

How is that kind of.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

I just think that being like, I know you've expressed. Because there also is a world here of her expressing her wishes to the contrary.

[Jake Johnson]

Right.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

I understand that that might come from a Place of maybe embarrassment or pride.

[Jake Johnson]

And this is a different generation of men.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Just to say, like, if she's like, no, I don't need that. I don't want that. And then to give a box with the poem and be like, here's why you're wrong.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, well, hey, Gayn, welcome to our generation.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, could we do it?

[Jake Johnson]

This is where women have got tired of us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Could we just do a gift card? If we do a gift card, is that then sort of fine, bridging the gap and like, walking the line of like, here is something towards what I've take. You don't even need to be so avert as saying it. But you could give her that a gift card and just be like, here you go. I mean, look, I know I use some, but she.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't think she. She doesn't want the money from it.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

I think I've. I think I might have figured out a middle ground with the stash situation.

[Jake Johnson]

Us.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Do a stash at yours. You can put it wherever you want. You have it. You're buying it on your own accord for you. And then if the conversation comes up, if the time comes where she's short and she's like, money's tight, or things get like, oh, wait, I have an extra 2.

[Jake Johnson]

So this goes back to Danny two times. But we just ch. We just changed the name. You call him Pantry Danny. Danny's got a pantry. And Danny's pantry full of goodies.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like a stash.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. But you know what you do? Danny Bulks. What Danny?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Costco.

[Jake Johnson]

Danny's club. Danny's club. Danny's club is. You go to Costco and you buy 40 toothbrushes. 40 every. And you go, I got such a deal on this. And she goes, this is crazy. You go, I know. I'm part of Danny's club.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

It's just a lot. You do one lie. Yeah. Everything in one.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what? It's not a lie. The deal. You go, hey, I just did something crazy. She goes, what? You go, I went to, like, this, you know, Costco type place. I just bought everything in bulk. And she goes, why? I. You know, you know, it's cheaper if you get things in bulk. And she goes, what'd you buy? And you go, 60 toothpastes.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Your lotion. How about your lotion?

[Jake Johnson]

So wherever you need something, let me know because I have it in bulk and it would be stupid to buy it again.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You could also blame it. You could also scapegoat it even on. On inflation. Yeah. Or that it's for emergencies. I just thought it'd be good to have in case there's an emergency and there's a run on stuff. We have all the things we like.

[Jake Johnson]

How about this, Danny? What if we just say you just won a contest gate and tell them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know, okay?

[Gaten Matarazzo]

I know, because this podcast is going to get released and she'll see this.

[Jake Johnson]

But then by then it's too late. If she's going to hear it, she's going to see it and then she's going to go buying bulk.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like. I like Jaden coming in and setting us straight when we get cooking in.

[Jake Johnson]

Our own little weird direction again. I thought I had a winner.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know.

[Jake Johnson]

It'S not a lot.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

This is interesting because this is actually. Danny, I'll give you credit. There's a lot of nuance here because there. This is way tougher than initially. I was like, ah, this isn't gonna.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Be that big of a deal.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

But like you said, you've already gone down, I think a pretty logical route of just sitting down and saying, this is no issue with me. I love you. There's no problem. Very simple.

[Jake Johnson]

Simple.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

I would like to do this for you out of the kindness of my heart and appreciation for you as a partner. And. And even. And then the response was. What was the response to that? What was the vibe around it?

[Caller Danny]

The whole vibe was exactly what you guys were saying earlier of, like, it's not like she feels financially beholden to me then or whatever. It's just like, she's a big girl, she can take care of herself and she doesn't, like, want to make that the dynamic.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Guys, it's hit me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've got to go.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

What if he just says, all right, I respect.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've got a.

[Jake Johnson]

We have not considered that pitch, by the way. You know, you thought we had a winner and we didn't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Welcome to our world.

[Jake Johnson]

On top of that, having a guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Kaden, why don't you do this, though? Is that not it? Why don't you do this, though? Why don't you just have a toiletry bag of your stuff at her place? So even if you want to use her products, you have your own little, like, up front out in the open ball.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

It is coming. It is funny to me how we're, what, 20 minutes in this conversation with Danny, and it's not occurred to us that there's not a single girlfriend in the vicinity of this conversation.

[Jake Johnson]

Because he's calling and. And guess what, Danny, you called the right place.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, the Ghostbusters get rid of the ghosts. We walk them around the park.

[Jake Johnson]

We've given you a lot of shots on goal. Tell us which one got through.

[Caller Michelle]

I think.

[Caller Danny]

I think I'm.

[Jake Johnson]

A fair response.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So many good options.

[Jake Johnson]

The response I definitely could just have ever had.

[Caller Danny]

I definitely could just have my own toiletries.

[Caller Michelle]

There.

[Caller Danny]

That is probably the most logical thing to do.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Caller Danny]

I'm thinking it's more fun to. Someone mentioned a gift card.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Gareth.

[Caller Danny]

I think I'm gonna do the poem and the gift card and see if that gets her. I like the idea of the poem.

[Jake Johnson]

I think I'm.

[Ad Voice/Announcer]

I do, too.

[Caller Danny]

Gonna write something. I think. I think it's weird enough that it might, like, throw her off her game and just kind of accept it.

[Jake Johnson]

So we'll put a bunch of toothpaste in her.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

He's holding the pen.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's holding the pen.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

I have to win this situation.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let him sign.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Yeah, he's.

[Jake Johnson]

I just mean this is not. When the junior. The new agent at the firm goes like this. Is this morally correct?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You'll have to excuse my partner, but.

[Jake Johnson]

I think the deal benefits us more than him.

[Caller Michelle]

Shut up.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, so, Danny, do you want to do something now or do you want to send a voice. Voice note later? Do you want to just start coming from the top of your head what that poem is going to look like and just improvise a first draft? Yeah.

[Caller Danny]

Yeah, let's do it.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

It has to rhyme.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It has to rhyme.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't think it necessarily. I mean, if it does.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Okay. Please.

[Jake Johnson]

Do the haiku.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

What's the rule for haiku? Is it 5, 11, 5?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nobody knows. That's what's great about him. Great.

[Jake Johnson]

Let's give you a moment of silence. We're not going to jump in and help. If you sink right now, you sink. It's okay. That's what first draft so for. But let's hear the first draft with a title. I remember mine, except my paste everybody hated, but you do yours.

[Ad Voice/Announcer]

Take over, Danny.

[Caller Danny]

I think the title is I want you to be queen.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Was that I want you to be clean or I want you to be queen.

[Jake Johnson]

Clean. It's so perfectly close.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Could be my clean queen.

[Jake Johnson]

I want you to be clean, my queen. All right, keep going.

[Caller Danny]

How about, okay, I want you to be clean. When you don't accept my soap, it feels kind of mean.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ooh.

[Caller Danny]

Let'S see.

[Caller Michelle]

What else?

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Feel it, don't think it.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you, D.

[Caller Danny]

Good guidance.

[Jake Johnson]

Just put words out there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just literally say anything.

[Caller Danny]

Words. That's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Caller Michelle]

The.

[Caller Danny]

Nope. I got nothing.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a first draft and you're thinking.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And that's what matters. I.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

We're getting.

[Jake Johnson]

Look, I think you're going to have thoughts and that's what we wanted.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You could write a draft and you could call in for a two minute followup in a week or two. We could approve it if you wanted.

[Jake Johnson]

That's cool.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I also wonder.

[Caller Danny]

Yeah, let's do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I wonder if. I mean, I don't. We don't have to go to Natalie. I can only imagine what she thinks about where we flame.

[Jake Johnson]

Natalie, your thoughts.

[Caller Michelle]

I had to leave because your brother doesn't know how to use technology.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So I missed Natalie. Can you say that in a.

[Jake Johnson]

Tell him so really quickly then? We've got about two minutes. Gareth Gaten.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Can we help him write the poem? I want you to be queen.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

I think that's better than I want.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You to be queen on a poem.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Natalie.

[Caller Michelle]

For you to go.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Natalie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You took off, okay? You left the kids and we built something.

[Jake Johnson]

You can't leave the family and go. Everybody's wearing Con off jeans.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What? Burn.

[Jake Johnson]

You didn't raise the kids with me. I was alone.

[Caller Michelle]

Well, good luck, Danny.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Let's know if I want you to be queen. Let's start with that. Because I don't. I think I want you to clean insinuations like you need to do this because you're stinky. And I don't think that's the point here.

[Jake Johnson]

I agree. I think that's fair to say.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Okay. I want you to be queen.

[Jake Johnson]

Go, Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And my queen deserves toothpaste, deodorant and cream. Cream.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. I wouldn't hate it if you were slightly lean.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We don't need to rhyme again. We can throw out a new line. It's okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Sorry, that was a bit mean.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

That was. When I buy said creams, it comes from a place of me wanting you to feel seen.

[Jake Johnson]

Excuse me. I'm gonna smoke a clove and work on my zine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know if every line has to rhyme. I feel like it's getting us in a bad place.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, look at you. So beautiful in lace.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

What's going on, man?

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's why I gotta keep the products at your place.

[Jake Johnson]

Boy wants to ride your scooter spread am with mace in the face.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a call back. Jake, that's a little out of place.

[Jake Johnson]

How about this? Danny, we gotta go.

[Caller Danny]

Okay?

[Gaten Matarazzo]

That's. That's the. So sorry.

[Jake Johnson]

How about this? The poem is called I'm sorry. And the thing you're trying to say is I know that you don't want this stuff here, and I don't know if it's about money or what it's about, but I would love you to have this up. It means a lot to me to leave it here. I feel close to you, and I would like to be able to do this. If you feel very uncomfortable, I'll stop. But if it's okay with you, I would love to be able to buy these toiletries.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And the last line could be, look, lady, I tried to give you the cash. You forced my hand. Now there's a secret stash.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

All right, good call back.

[Jake Johnson]

And Gayton, thank you for being on the show. Man.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Had an absolute blast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you so much.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Been of help.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you. You definitely were. We. We needed you.

[Gaten Matarazzo]

Call me anytime. I'd be happy to come in there. Gen Z voice. Just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, we need it. We need, as you can see, it's necessary.

[Jake Johnson]

We need it. Follow up with us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I will.

[Caller Danny]

Thank you so much, guys.

[Jake Johnson]

We're here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Rose Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ HelpfulPod Gmail.com. and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to help, you can go to our [e-mail] hereto help pod to see our entire catalog.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grim Productions Executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis.

[Lamorne Morris]

Associate producer Jesse Thurston.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The COVID artwork is by James Fosdike, animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on we're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Jake Johnson]

All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20. Go to patreon.com heretohelpod.

[Lamorne Morris]

What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris and Hannah Simone, and we host the Mess Around a New Girl Rewatch podcast now on Headgum. Now here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind the scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog.

[Caller Michelle]

That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia, Rodrigo.

[Lamorne Morris]

We're just two BFFs having a good old time. Okay? Sometimes we even talk to other co stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr. And your dad. We talked to your dad on this show as well.

[Caller Michelle]

Make sure you subscribe to the Mess around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.