234: Merlin & Captain Ron (with Rory Scovel)

Summary

We're Here to Help — Episode 234: Merlin & Captain Ron (with Rory Scovel)

Date: November 26, 2025
Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds
Guest: Rory Scovel

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Episode Overview

In this lively, advice-filled episode of We’re Here to Help, comedic actors Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds are joined by their friend — stand-up comedian, actor, and “bit” aficionado Rory Scovel — to help listeners with some particularly quirky life dilemmas. This episode mixes the show’s signature blend of earnest advice, relentless riffing, and digressions into personal stories, as the trio handle calls about awkward family finances, neighborly disputes, and the oddities of suburban life.

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Featured Segments & Key Discussions

Reunion with Rory Scovel & Comic “Bit” Culture

[02:11–09:15]

• Rory discusses his current projects, background in painting, and his upcoming comedy tour (tickets at RoryScoville.com).
• Jake and Gareth reminisce about meeting Rory on the set of a pilot, where a mutual love for absurd comedic "bits" forged their friendship.
  • Memorable bit: Rory once performed stand-up by holding only the mic cord, shouting into his hand as if it was the mic.
    Jake: “You can only do it so many times because you’re just yelling. But it was so fun to just act like you don’t know how you’re supposed to hold the mic.” [05:34]
• The trio joke about their “room tone” bit — staying behind after filming just to brag about their dedication to sound department needs.
• Rory describes living in Denver and loving the change, highlighting a new “game room” in his home.
• Brief mention of Gareth’s mother Pam visiting, with Jake joking about his own cleanliness issues.

Advice Call 1: Should We (Re-)Ask for the $10,000 from Uncle Gandalf?

Caller: Tyler, 35, Michigan
[16:06–47:27]

The Dilemma

Tyler’s wife received a $10,000 check as a wedding gift from her eccentric uncle (“Gandalf”), but her anxiety about family relationships and “strings attached” led them to never deposit it. Years later, he wonders how to approach asking for the money (again) without offending anyone.

Discussion Highlights

• The Setup:

  • Tyler’s wife called her uncle a “scary wizard that lives in the woods of Virginia” (“He has a really long beard, glasses, cane, cool leather hat — made quite an impression on her as a child.” [19:56])
  • Jake: “It might be Gandalf.”
  • Named the uncle "Uncle Gandalf," and the wife "Veronica" for the bit.

• The Core Tension:

  • Veronica’s anxiety relates less to potential family fallout and more to the awkwardness of having little relationship with the uncle.
  • Tyler desperately searched for the old check but suspects it was thrown out and long since expired.
  • A $9,500 car purchase (after hitting a deer) recently increased their financial needs.

• Advice, with Bits:

  • Gareth: “Maybe you go the emotional route. Start to stoke a relationship with Gandalf a little more, so she’ll be comfortable.” [24:06]
  • Jake: “If people offer $10,000, it means they can — don’t feel guilt. But you also have to find a way to reach out that isn’t like, ‘Hi, can we have that check again?’” [25:47]
  • Both suggest, somewhat seriously, using the upcoming family expansion (having a kid) as a reason to reach out.
  • Use humor: create a fake Christmas card showing a dream future family, with Gandalf as their “sugar uncle”.
    • “Caption it ‘This could be us, but you playing.’” — Jake [32:21]
  • Consider reaching out to build a relationship, not just ask for money.

• Practice Pitch — Role Play:

  • Gareth, as Tyler, rehearses a sensitive approach:
    “Is there a world where we just try to reconnect with your uncle? Your dad seems to want to know him, we need a financial lifeline, with the car and starting a family…” [43:48]
  • Jake (as Veronica): "Oh God, here we go."
  • Tyler is encouraged to pitch it as a family-building step, not just a cash grab.

Takeaways

• Approach the wife with empathy, acknowledge her anxiety, and pitch the reconnect as both familial and practical.
• If wife agrees, Tyler may contact Gandalf himself, possibly with a Christmas card or invitation.
• Avoid guilt; frame the ask as progress, not desperation.

Notable Quote

“King Arthur wouldn’t have become King Arthur without Merlin. Don’t be afraid to use that line.”
— Jake Johnson [38:00]

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Advice Call 2: My Neighbor Mounted Fake Legs to a Tree — Help!

Caller: Peter, 37, Glencoe, Illinois
[49:20–80:22]

The Dilemma

Peter moved to the suburbs next to a colorful neighbor (“Captain Ron”) who, after a beloved tree fell, honored it by mounting the lower half of a dummy (pants, shoes, shirt) upside-down onto the cut trunk — making it appear as if a person dived into the tree. What can Peter do if he wants the display gone, but wants to keep the peace?

Discussion Highlights

• Describing Captain Ron:

  • Older hippie, ponytail, rides Harleys, sunbathes in a loincloth, has equally quirky roommates, generous and a little wild (sneaks into festivals, offers neighbors smoothies).
  • Jake: “You got yourself a Captain Ron!” [51:17]

• Describing the Legs Display:

  • 15–20 feet up, the sawed-off tree features mannequin legs and partial torso — “like if someone did a handstand and you cut them off at the pubis … fully clothed, sneakers and shirt still on.” — Gareth [52:56]

• Peter’s Issue:

  • Initially funny, now feels tacky, hacky, and makes the house identifiable as “next to the legs tree.”

• Advice, via Comedy and Strategy:

  • Gareth: Suggests a “Donnie Brasco” approach: hang out with Ron to broach the topic, gauge attachment, and possibly pitch rotating displays (make the tree a holiday feature: Santa legs, etc.) [60:26]
  • Alternative Strategies:
    • An anonymous note from “neighbors” asking for removal. Not recommended as the best way.
    • A white lie: say a realtor says the display is a turnoff for buyers.
    • Use a personal story: say the display triggers a (fictional) traumatic memory about a friend dying in a skydiving accident.
      • Jake: “You could say, I had a friend who died that way … how’s he ever gonna know?” [63:12]
      • Gareth: “Better yet, say it was your wife’s friend or cousin to move it away from you.”
  • Wildcard Bit: Paint the trunk like a Mario Brothers pipe and make it Mario’s legs — embrace the absurdity. [65:36]

• Role Play (Peter, Jake as Ron, Gareth as Ron’s roommate):

  • Peter: “It just reminds me of a high school friend … skydiving accident, went straight into the ground. Every time I see those legs…”
  • Jake (as Ron): “I miss that tree … maybe we can meet in the middle — I’ll cut off one leg and leave the other.” [75:33]
  • Discussion blends sincerity with ever-escalating absurdity, while coaching Peter to practice his request and defuse defensiveness.

• Best Practices:

  • Practice your pitch with others for confidence (“Trial by actual fire” — Gareth [80:13]).
  • If pressed, stress the emotional impact, but default to a “no big deal, just wanted to ask” attitude to preserve the relationship.

Notable Quote

“The world is a suggestion.”
— Jake Johnson, on neighborly confidence [59:21]

“Scapegoat your wife’s trauma … use that for everything.”
— Gareth Reynolds [67:29]

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Memorable Moments & Quotes

• On Rory’s Standup Stunt:
  “It was so fun to just act like you don’t know how you’re supposed to hold the mic.”
  — Rory Scovel [05:34]

• Jake on Helping:
  “Everything I’ve ever done has moved the needle massively.” (Dry sarcasm) [08:19]

• Gareth on Family Dynamics:
  “Sometimes divorce is the nuclear. That’s what you gotta do. … Not funny at all!” [07:41]

• On Approaching Difficult Conversations:
  “Sometimes you gotta be that open. You might even make the relationship better by saying stuff like that.”
  — Jake Johnson [61:09]

• On Adopting Absurdity:
  “Cover the tree to look like the green pipe from Mario and have Mario’s legs sticking out the top. That might be the best idea I’ve ever had.”
  — Jake Johnson [65:36]

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Important Timestamps

• [02:11] – Rory Scovel re-introduced; discussion of comedy “bits”
• [16:06] – Tyler’s call about the $10,000 family dilemma begins
• [25:57] – Discussion: approaches to asking for the money post-factum
• [32:54] – Advice on using humor and family expansion as conversation openers
• [43:48] – Full role-play: Tyler practicing the talk with his wife
• [49:20] – Peter’s call about the neighbor’s tree-legs kicks off
• [53:00] – Describing the absurd “legs in the tree” sculpture
• [60:26] – Advice: Donnie Brasco approach, seasonal display pitch
• [63:12] – Cooking up trauma stories as an excuse
• [75:19] – Role-play with Jake as Captain Ron
• [80:13] – Final advice: practice, record the conversation, keep us posted

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Summary & Tone

This episode exemplifies We’re Here to Help’s mix of self-aware, “drunk uncle” advice, genuine empathy, and surreal comic tangents. Jake, Gareth, and Rory oscillate between sincere life coaching and running with every comedic thread, giving listeners both practical tips and absurdist entertainment — all while modeling how to navigate tricky life conversations with warmth, humility, and a lot of laughs.

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Transcript

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is a headgum podcast.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, hey, welcome to gift wrapping.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Whoa.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So we saldana. Hey, can you wrap these please?

[Jake Johnson]

Wow. IPhone 17s. You splurged.

[Gareth Reynolds]

At T Mobile. You can get four iPhone 17s on them. The new center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies. It's the perfect gift for everyone.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm the worst. I only got my mom a robe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, it's better than socks.

[Jake Johnson]

So I have to trade in my old phone, right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, AT T Mobile. There's no trade ins needed when you switch. Keep your old phone or give it as a gift.

[Jake Johnson]

Incredible.

[Gareth Reynolds]

In fact, wrap up my old phone too for my aunt Rosa. Forget that. Aunt Liz will be jealous.

[Jake Johnson]

Sounds like my family drama.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, I got it. I'll give it to my abuela. I'll take reindeer paper with. Hey, where are you going?

[Jake Johnson]

To T Mobile.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The holidays are better. AT T Mobile get four iPhone 17s on us. No trade in needed when you switch, plus four lines for just 25 bucks a line. And now T Mobile is available in US cellular stores with 24 month legal credits and four eligible board inside essentials for well qualified customers. Auto pay + taxes fees and 30 device connection charge credits and imbalance due if you pay off earlier. Cancel contact US Finance Agreement. 256 gigabytes. $830 required. Visit T mobile.com all the games you loved growing up are on the app store. Looking to spark some friendly competition with friends and family. No matter where you're at, turn your phone into the ultimate game night. You can bankrupt your brother in Monopoly. Go shout out hilarious clues to family and heads up. Challenge your best friend to a game.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Of Uno or get on a lucky.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Streak in Yahtzee with Buddy St. Discover tons of classics you already love.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

It's all the laughter and connection of.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Game night right in the palm of your hand. So what are you waiting for? Relive the games you grew up with now on iPhone. Search for your favorites on the app store and let the games begin. And we are back. Just.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Guys, we've never been back together. Rory.

[Jake Johnson]

We haven't. We've never been back together.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Rory is our guest helper. Rory Scoville, fantastic comedian, actor.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you, producer.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What else are you doing?

[Jake Johnson]

Just all of it. I paint. I'm a big painter now. I paint, I sell paintings.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good for you.

[Jake Johnson]

I gift paintings.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you know what story I was telling someone the other day was when we made good at life. We were in a pilot together and. Well, first of all, I Honestly, I love bits. And I've always been like the Bitman. Like, even yesterday, I shot something for a friend of mine at Chicago. I'm biting it. You know what I mean? I'm. I'm pretending video village is its own village. But then. And you and I met each other, really starting to shoot this thing. And I was watching you in wardrobe, and I was like, I think I've met my bit match. I was like, this guy maybe likes bits. You were doing so many bits, good bits. I was like, this guy might do more bits than me.

[Jake Johnson]

It's the best doing the bits.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But when we had to snort coke, fake coke in a scene, and they'd set up everything, and you and I and Steve Berg, friend of show, and the three of us were. They were gonna, like. We were all gonna snort these fake lines. None of us asked any questions. And when we snorted them, it burned so horribly. Yeah, because. And we were like, what?

[Jake Johnson]

And.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And they were like, it's baby aspirin. And we were like, it really burns.

[Jake Johnson]

And then they.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then we had to do it a couple more times. And then other people I've talked to are like, baby ass. That's not what you do. People like, you do, like, vitamin B or something like that, right? And we just.

[Jake Johnson]

Something that actually is healthy, no matter how you ingest it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, it's the only way I actually take vitamin B now.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what I tell people about doing bits on that. That taping of that pilot is when you and I kept bragging about being there for room tone on certain productions. And I. And here's what's so funny, is that that is such a specific, funny moment to. Honestly, I think only you and I on set, I don't think anyone else even thought it was funny. But to retell it, people are like, what the fuck are you talking about?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is. That is a great bit, too. That's a great. That is true. Well, that's what ended up happening. Cause it's like. I mean, I really. We just had so much fun. That was really, like, one of those things where I was like, man, this guy. I just adore this immediately.

[Jake Johnson]

There's. When you get into, like, bits and comics, you can immediately tell where you're like, oh, I'll know this person my whole life.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, you also. You do such a good job of, like. I. I don't think I. A lot of times with my standup, I'm like, oh, it's like a different gear. You are very good at transferring your sense of Humor to the way, like there. I remember there was a time I was in Australia and this comic was telling me about how you did a show. And I don't even know if you did this as a bit regularly or a couple times, but he said you did the whole show holding the wire of the mic as the mic dangled and you just were yelling the whole show. And I was like, what? Like, he's like, the whole show?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I've done that. I did that a few times. Because you can only do it so many times because you're just yelling. But it was so fun to just act like you don't know how you're supposed to hold the micro.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, that is what. That's. That's actually what I thought the whole. I was like. I was like, how did he yell that? I just am always jealous of the ability to yell.

[Jake Johnson]

But I also talked into my hand.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, right. Yeah, right. Like you're holding.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like. Like you think you're holding the mic as you talk into the wire.

[Jake Johnson]

And I think at one point I tapped it. I was like, this thing on? Is this thing actually on? So I'm just not getting any reverb or anything.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is so goddamn funny.

[Jake Johnson]

That's so stupid.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But then. So now you're on. You're about to start your tour. Where can people go get tickets to your tour stuff?

[Jake Johnson]

Rory scoville.com. all the dates are there and we're getting all over the place across a special.

[Gareth Reynolds]

At the end of all of this.

[Jake Johnson]

At the end of it, we're going to shoot a spell. We're going to tape a special.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We. Well, are you.

[Jake Johnson]

Big team?

[Gareth Reynolds]

The team. Get the team. Right. Okay. I don't actually.

[Jake Johnson]

I guess we will be the crew and the director and. Yeah, I guess that's what I mean. Yeah. And we'll do it in. At the end of this tour. Some. Some will announce a big taping and. And all that. But.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Yeah, I'd really like to be involved in the team on that.

[Jake Johnson]

You're in it. You're on the team. You've always. True.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Because I'm not. I don't know if there's emails going around or whatnot, but I really.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't put you on them. I don't bother you with stuff like that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's awesome of you.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't bother you with commissions. You know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then. Wait, what? And then we. We just did our calls. I think we had two home runs.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, easily today, honestly. We saved two. We saved two lives.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But you also did a podcast with Daniel Van Kirk that was a little adv. Pen pals. People would actually write in letters and you guys would give advice. Do you think that's why this is an easy gear for you?

[Jake Johnson]

I love it. I've always loved it. I. I have always loved the gear of, like, you know, I mean, obviously sometimes we get a letter and I'm sure you get a call that's a little more rough in tone. Yes, it's a little more serious.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We have our producers who try to keep us.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Yeah, but.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But when we. When Jake and I first started this, there were some where we were like, I mean, look, divorce is hard, but it. Sometimes it is the nuclear, you know, and we were like, that's what.

[Jake Johnson]

It's what you got to do. I was like, that's not funny at all. Yeah, I think it's great when you can mix in humor with some of these more serious things. But, yeah, I love it. I love the tone of it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We, I mean, we always say that we're like, we're uncles, we're drunk uncles, and it just has to be a big problem to the person. Drunkles. Well, I think it's. It's good. I think this show is probably going to do a lot for you.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, yeah. Everything I've ever done has moved the needle massively.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you talk about where you live now? Do you talk about that?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I live in Denver.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. And you loving that change of scene? Is that better for you?

[Jake Johnson]

I love it. Denver is a fantastic city for me so far. I'm into it. Been over a year. Love state of Colorado. Family loves it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Just a nice vibe, easy to pop back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You have a game room. You got a game room over there?

[Jake Johnson]

We have a game room. We're renting this house. We gotta buy, but we're renting this house. This house is too big for us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Got a game room.

[Jake Johnson]

Got a game room.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What has it got? Got that games. Great.

[Jake Johnson]

I mean, what else do you put in there?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, Rory, listen, we got two beefy, beautiful calls for people today. Yeah, we get some beefy calls. So, Rory Scoville.com for the tour. He'll probably be holding the microphone. My dear friend Rory. There's no one else I'd rather do baby aspirin with.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, man, the best.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And to the show, without further ado, Sweet Jesse here.

[Jake Johnson]

Before we get to calls with Rory, we have a little bit of Jake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And Gareth for you.

[Jake Johnson]

Featuring the delightful Pam Reynolds.

[Pam Reynolds]

Hey, Pam.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello, Jake.

[Pam Reynolds]

How you enjoying California?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I I. It's lovely. I love it. Are you enjoying it?

[Pam Reynolds]

I love it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He lives. I know.

[Pam Reynolds]

Is Gareth being a good host or is he bringing a little.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's been very good. Yes. I've had to get him in order every once in a while, but we cleaned the garage and it was a. It was nuts.

[Pam Reynolds]

You made your sweet mother clean during her visit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I cleaned it. She cleaned it. She's nuts. She loves to clean. Tell him. I do. I like to clean. Yes. I, I, I have a special skill to Jake, and it's rather pathetic.

[Pam Reynolds]

And I'll tell you this, Pam, I'm a very dirty guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right. Why don't you just open the gift, Gareth? She said she likes to clean.

[Pam Reynolds]

I was saying I'm a dirty guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just open it.

[Pam Reynolds]

I'm a dirty boy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gareth, Open it. She likes to clean. Open it. This came from my little tiny village in England.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, my God, I would love to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'd love to go explore that little village there. And it's called Old Swinford. That's not my village, but it came from Old Swinford.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Pam Reynolds]

I can't wait.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I wrapped that trunk, by the way.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I bought some nice paper and he.

[Pam Reynolds]

Oh, my God.

[Jake Johnson]

This is incredible.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't like it, Pam. I love it. You have to say it in English. You're a cheeky monkey. Monkey. This is incredible. Thank you. And the woman went upstairs. She didn't have anything. I said, do you have anything with monkeys on?

[Jake Johnson]

And.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And she didn't have anything. And then she said, oh. She said, just a minute. And she went up the stairs and she came down and she said, look, I found this. Is this any good? And I said, that's absolutely perfect.

[Pam Reynolds]

It's absolutely perfect.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. Yeah. So anyway, I know you like monkeys, so I thought you'd like to have a cheeky monkey. One lad. So good, Pam.

[Pam Reynolds]

I love it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, Pam.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Bye.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bye to Jake. Bye, Jake.

[Pam Reynolds]

Bye, Pam.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you so much.

[Pam Reynolds]

It was so good to hear you again. This episode of the podcast We're Here to Help is brought to you by the great Quince Cold Mornings holiday Plans. This is when I just want my wardrobe to be simple. Stuff that looks sharp, feels good, and things I'll actually wear. For me, that's quint. And the bonus quince pieces make great gifts, too. For this holiday season. You want to give something away, you want to give a gift, you want to put some things under the tree and you don't know What? Go to quint.com.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I really love quints. I got some corduroy pants, black corduroy pants that I'm rocking this holiday season that look good and there's a little room for the girth that I'll be putting on. My name's Almost Girth. For the record, if you're thinking of.

[Pam Reynolds]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Pam Reynolds]

Gareth and I send money to each other via Zell when we are in the hole to the other guy. The easiest way to do it is though. We both use it, we both know that it works. Pay and or request. Request money. Send me some money via Zell. Why? Because you owe to me, little rat. Time to send me the money you owe me. My brother, the great Danny J and I do something for each other that to us it's sincere and it's sweet. We always send each other money as gifts and we do it randomly and we use Zell. We'll just every once in a while he'll get $7.50 from me with a big subject that says you deserve it. And even though he sends me money back, I know in his heart of hearts for a moment, when he saw that $7.50 on a Tuesday morning at 7 before work, he thought, my brother loves me. And sure, when he sends me less back, do I think my brother loves me less? Sure, maybe a little.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Whether it's a big moment or a small moment, Zell is here for you so you can be there for them when it counts. Send money with Zell and we are brought to you by Angry Orchard. Angry Orchard Hard Cider welcome to freaky season. Officially, Angry Orchard has partnered with the Jason universe this fall to bring some new sweet treats. You're getting a new limited edition Glow in the Dark thriller pack that includes four unique flavors including Blood orange, inspired by the Jason special collectible Jason Crisp Apple 16 ounce and 24 ounce cans. And last but not least, just in time for movie nights Sweet Revenge, a 13 minute short vignette that brings Jason back to the screen for the first time in 16 years. Directed by Mike P. Nelson. Grab freaky good cider from Angry orchard@angry orchard.com Halloween. And while you're there, watch the new Jason vignette, Sweet Revenge and shop the collab merch. Hello.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Hello.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi there. How are you? Great.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

How are you?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good. Welcome to. We're here to help. I'm not gonna lie. We have a. A special one. We've replaced Jake this episode with a great. Not only a great advice giver, but a great looking guy. You have. Rory Scoville is joining us. So you've got me, Gareth and Rory Scoville. But can we get your name?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Hi, yes, my name is Tyler.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Tyler. Where are you calling from, Tyler?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

I'm calling from Michigan today.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great.

[Jake Johnson]

All right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How old are you, Ty guy?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

35.

[Gareth Reynolds]

35. Rory, any questions? Any thoughts before we get into what the hell's happening with Tyler?

[Jake Johnson]

No, I think you're prying beautifully into.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You like the tie guy nickname?

[Jake Johnson]

Exactly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ty. Ty, you like it too, Tie guy?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Yeah, yeah, I like it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Rory might go with Ty. Ty, what a great reveal for Tyler.

[Jake Johnson]

To realize you're asking me if I approved of his net to you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ty guy. We're not talking to you on this one. That's already established.

[Jake Johnson]

We're actually. We're trying to sort out your nickname right now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Tag guy. You sound a little tight type.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, Tyler.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Take as long as you need.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What. What's going on, buddy?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Yeah, so I was hoping you guys could help my. Me convince my wife to accept $10,000 from her uncle.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Whoa. What? I've.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

So.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Well, for a little context. So I. We got married a couple of years ago.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, Tyler, just before context, I say tell her she should take.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

Now with context, we'll see if my answer changes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's going to be tough for any of us to get into her head.

[Jake Johnson]

They're marked bills. That kind of stuff is going to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Take it still. Not me. Take it still.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Yeah, I know it sounds weird. She basically has a lot of anxiety around money stuff. And when we got married a couple years ago, we invited her uncle, who she had not really had a lot of contact with before we invited him. And I think he was really touched because after the wedding, we got a letter in the mail from him that said, like, I'm so glad to be invited to your wedding. I was so happy to be there and meet all your loved ones, and here's a check for $10,000, and I would love to be more involved in your life and start a nest egg and, like, do all that stuff for you. And then my wife, who really. Yeah, yeah, I know. She just never really responded today. It just, like, freaked out a lot. And she also has. She was a teacher, too, and it was the beginning of the school year, and so she was teaching a new grade, and that was just like, she's under the gun all the time. And I'd never met this guy really before. It's been, like, 10 seconds saying hi to him at our wedding. So I didn't feel like I could reach out to him. And.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got to tell you, this.

[Jake Johnson]

Is my first time hearing of an American teacher going, I'm so busy. I don't have time to take this $10,000.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's just.

[Jake Johnson]

It's. Doesn't she need it to buy school supplies that the government should give her?

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's too pure. Teachers are so pure.

[Jake Johnson]

Too pure. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean that to be like, I'm. Fortunately, I have to work with the children of America's future. I don't have time to take $10,000 in unmarked bills and think about a nest egg.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm sorry. I have to educate these kids on how to work for their money.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm indoctrinating. Yeah. That is. Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Is there something shady about the uncle that she is? Do you think that she hasn't revealed or she has revealed and you're not revealing to us?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Rory, it's not like I don't know that he's super shady. So she described him to me. The word that she used were scary wizard that lives in the woods of Virginia.

[Jake Johnson]

Because all sounds still great to me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I will listen if this goes south. I will live with this man. And I just want you to know that right off the bat.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

That's good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, keep going. So she described him. Yes. Gary Wizard.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Gary Wizard.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

I guess he. This uncle and her father did not get along when they were young, and so they were, like. Weren't very close. And the one time that she did seem like she. He was really Grumpy when she was like, nine or something. And he has a really long beard and glasses and walks with a cane and, like, wears a. Wears, like a cool, like, leather hat. So. I don't know, whatever it was when she was, like, a lot of child really made an impression.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

What?

[Jake Johnson]

It might be Gandalf.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's grand.

[Jake Johnson]

He might be the wizard.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Maybe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. Okay, well, let's. Let's name the uncle. Should we just call him Gandalf? Let's just call him Uncle Gandalf.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

I would love that. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And let's just give your wife a name. You can call it. What are you. Anything to pick.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Veronica.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. Yep. No, Veronica makes more sense.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I think we don't need to stay on the theme.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. We'll probably start to lose ourselves in a little establishment.

[Jake Johnson]

We're going to thread away from the theme team. Totally got it. Totally valid.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

You could go Arwen if you want.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, no. Tie guy.

[Jake Johnson]

Veronica.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Tag guy. We're sticking with Veronica. Okay, buddy? Yeah. Okay. Anything else we should know before we. We start to pitch here? I mean, this is quite a setup.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Yeah, No, I don't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So this is your. Your wife's father's brother.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Yes. Okay. Yeah, essentially. And it's. You need help, like, putting a point on it. Like, how. How can I convince.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Her to ask him for another check without offending both of them?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You didn't take the original 10k though, correct?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

No, no, that time I tore my house apart. I was looking for that check in the note today in prep for this call, and I could not find it. And I think that it might. She just threw it away.

[Jake Johnson]

I think it's lapsed anyways. Probably Right.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

It's. Yeah, it's way expired.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And this guy just Gandalf just has for. Do we know how he made his money?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

I have no idea.

[Jake Johnson]

Garrett. No, I just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, then I just think there's. I. Again, I don't believe him to be a wizard. I support your right to.

[Jake Johnson]

He's a wizard.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

All right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, what do you think, Rory? I mean, he wears a leather hat. Yeah, look, here's.

[Jake Johnson]

I have a question about that. Does your wife. Is there any chance your wife feels apprehensive because she's worried that this will somehow affect her relationship with her dad?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

I don't think it's that. I think that her dad also would like to be closer to him, too. It's just that it's, like, awkward because of years of not talking.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, that truly was kind of my only hurdle left, too. I was gonna. Because. And does she seem unbothered by it, or does she seem very against it?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

She has at the time. She, like. I would catch her, like, staring at the check and just sort of like.

[Jake Johnson]

Like imagery.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Honey, go to bed.

[Jake Johnson]

Honey, put the check back in the safe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's just cash it. Honestly.

[Jake Johnson]

No, be fun. Let's just cash it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That way you stop worrying about it. Let's just cast the thing.

[Jake Johnson]

Let's just cash it and just sign.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It over to me, and let's just cash the goddamn thing.

[Jake Johnson]

I wish.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

I wish I had.

[Jake Johnson]

I mean, in the days of Kevin Smith, I think Clerks was made for $10,000. And now I'm not saying that pitch is push her over the edge, but.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It'S not a bad first pitch. Do you want to pitch on making a third Clerks?

[Jake Johnson]

I think I kind of want to get another Clerks out there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think it's. It's very. Look, it's a great setup. I mean, how much have you brought this up to her? Do you feel like you've kind of exhausted her?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

No. Never?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. Okay.

[Pam Reynolds]

So.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, my first pitch is maybe the way in, because this is. This was at your wedding. How long ago?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Three years ago.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Three years ago. I mean, this is wild. Look, first of all, the fact that this guy could be a nest egger for you is huge. That's really. There's could be a huge upside here. So I think I have two routes. My first is maybe you go the emotional route and you just sort of suggest that, you know, this guy seemed very. That Gandalf seemed very nice, very open at the wedding, you know, that her father misses Gandalf, that she doesn't feel right about taking the money because there's no real relationship. Maybe it's time we start opening the door into Gandalf's world a little bit more and just start to stoke a relationship that way, you know, maybe as she starts to get to know him a little bit more, she'll feel more comfortable with it, which I think you should probably do. Anyway, my pitch, as far as what you should do would be come up with some stuff that could be paid for with $10,000. And either one of two ways either start to kind of bring it up, like, be like, we need a new car, or we need a water heater.

[Jake Johnson]

Or we need three hot tubs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We need three hot.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

We literally.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We want to be lord of the times.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

We literally had to. We bought a new car last month for $9,500.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, what the. Is happening right now?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Yeah, a deer. A deer totaled the old one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

At any point in that, did you mention the Gandalf money?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

No. No, I didn't. I'm realizing now that maybe it was a mistake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, it's not a mistake.

[Jake Johnson]

Here's what I think. I think you have two hurdles in front of you, and I'm not trying to make it, you know, any worse, but it's only going to get worse before it gets better. I mean, I think we all know. We all know that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

But you have two hurdles. One, you've got to convince your wife this is worth us taking this money because really could use it. Everybody could use it. And also, people don't offer an amount like $10,000 if they can't afford it. So you can go ahead and eliminate any sort of grief or guilt over taking the money. However, I think if your wife agrees and is like, you're right, we could totally use this $10,000. Is that going to be bizarre to then go to the uncle and go, can we have the money you originally gave us? I'm curious what that moment will be like if you are able to convince her.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Yeah, I could. I would be. So I. I mean, like, I've done. I've done a lot of therapy in the last couple of years, and so I think I could verbalize, like this was the anxiety. And I've worked past it. And now I would like to, you know, have more of a relationship, but I just don't think I can.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Do that on her behalf.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The idea that you're trying to side relationship with her uncle.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So I'm gonna go hang out with your uncle for a couple.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, we're going to a bowling tournament. And while call. I'll text every day.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean that there's the move. There's. Yeah, that's the movie. I. Yeah, I definitely. Look, I think what I would. I think what you should probably start with is maybe mentioned to her that. Do you have any kids, Ty Guy?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

No. We're trying to start a family.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. All right, look, you're trying to start.

[Jake Johnson]

There you go. There it is right there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got.

[Jake Johnson]

Now you lean on that for this pitch to the uncle and you actually use that for both of them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think you really. I think the start of that, the starting the family is a very expensive, real conversation you can probably have. And what you should maybe do is just say to her, look, I am very excited to start a family with you. My anxiety kind of has made me bury Some stuff down that I don't want to talk about. Some issues that I've sort of left alone. One that I can't shake is that your uncle offered us 10 grand and said he wants to help us. And you're a teacher. I'm a simple mechanic. I don't know what you do. We didn't ask. I'm a simple man. I'm a simple mechanic or whatever.

[Jake Johnson]

I actually think you're wildly complex. Don't be insulted by Garrett's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm just. I'm just a simple man. I have tools and I know very little.

[Jake Johnson]

I eat pies. I eat okra, and that's all I'll ever eat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm a simple pie, okra eating mechanic, Sprite.

[Jake Johnson]

I only and all.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, we've had this argument about me and Sprite, but I'm not gonna drop Sprite. That's not paying for itself.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm not dropping Sprite. Babe, we need the money.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I think you could just say, I think one of these things. It's a very helpful, lucky thing that so many people would love to be in this position where he offered us that. Now, I'll admit that I feel like our time with that check is over as far as the post date on it, but why don't we just start to see if your dad, who also has some regrets about maybe not having a relationship with this gu. If we can maybe reach out to him and just start to talk to him a little bit. If he wants to help us out, great. But if this ends up just being an emotional connection, that's also great. But I do think that it would be a very helpful line for us to have in the world that we all are currently facing and living in.

[Jake Johnson]

And also, also, you gotta consider vicinity. You could let this guy in. He still lives so far away. It's not like, oh, yeah, he's over every day. Yeah, this guy, it'll be like if he's.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

If he's awful, it's not.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, no, yeah, exactly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Even. He might not even be real. There's a lot. There's a lot of details here that make me think this was maybe a shared apparition. But if he is real, I thought that too. I think bring him over. I. I do think you could also say, I mean, the fact that your car just got up and it was $10,000, basically, and it never came up, you know, I mean, that's not a bad one either. You know, I mean, I think there are ways to have a financial, like, the, the weird part of me wants to just call her and pitch her, but I do think that would probably not behoove your cause. The best. It'd be great for the show, so.

[Jake Johnson]

Good for the show. That would actually gain us money through ad buys and such.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just give me his email. But I, but if you want something like that, we can go crazy, but I think you might need to do this sort of thing you're talking about, which is just kind of say, you know, like, have this conversation with her where you just kind of say, look, I can't stop thinking about this. This is going to be a very helpful situation for people who just got a car deered, are about to have a family, and, you know, we could use it.

[Jake Johnson]

It would help us. Yeah, it would help us. And then if she goes, yeah, I think you then both full court press, you're like, look, we, we. Our car got fucked up. We realized we're trying to have a family. We had a lot of anxiety about cashing that check, and then it just kind of got away from us. You want to not make it sound like you're asking for money. You want to also lean into going, hey, and also without re upping that 10k, even if you didn't do it, we, we actually feel weird that we don't have a relationship with you. We're so grateful that you were grateful to get to come to the wedding, you know. You know what?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or when it comes to it, you good. You good. Tie bad. Veronica, you know, you. You could be the guy who's like, hey, we just wanted to have a relationship. And she's like, give us the money.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, good cop, bad cop.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good cop, bad cop it. But I do think either way, there, There's a way where you could maybe do this in a little bit more of a. A goofy fashion, if that would help you. Where you could kind of lay out, you know, you could put out there some, you know, pamphlets to Fiji or some screenshots or something like that. You could Photoshop your beach. You could also Photoshop you2 in a Ferrari with a family, you with a B.

[Jake Johnson]

You could do something like caption. Use the caption. This could be us. But you playing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I mean, again, I, I don't. Well, it's worth.

[Jake Johnson]

It's worth seeing. I mean, we don't know her.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's definitely not. It's not a bad idea to put.

[Jake Johnson]

A slogan we don't know her vibe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We don't know. We actually, she's not on the call, so Rory Is totally right. But you could do something like that if you think that would be a little more of a funny way to show your sincerity. But at the end of the day, I mean, you are teeing yourself up for that conversation. What do you think of this so far, Tyler?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Okay, I really like the angle of, like the starting a family angle. And, and you know, remember when we had that $10,000 last month and now we don't. That would be nice again. And I, Yeah, I like those angles and I don't know. That gives me a good place to start from. I don't want to push too hard is the only thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Because it's really just afraid of anyone being mad at her anytime.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't know if anyone would be mad. I think you got to lean in and no one's going to be mad. I do think. Did the uncle ever ask like, hey, you guys got that check right? Because he would have noticed it never cleared.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He has shitloads. Maybe he didn't. I mean, maybe he's just like.

[Jake Johnson]

Which also should give you even more confidence to go, hey, we didn't want to take the money from you. Then something, the car got up and we actually could use it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that's, I, I, I guess her. So her anxiety would be kind of like, how do you re. Approach him after all this time too probably. Right.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

He, I think, I think, yeah, I think. Well, and how do we, how do we, how do we do that without like. Yeah. Offending him a lot, you know?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, here's what you. I have, I got. Okay, I'll add a couple. A little more specificity. This one. What you could do is, if you wanted to start the conversation in a sweet way, you could show her a Christmas card from the year 2031 of your family and it can be you, her. And then you could add a kid or two in the picture. I mean, you just Photoshop these in a dog, a nice tree and some school supplies behind her that she's gonna be giving and gifting to these children around the holidays. Cause things might be tough when she maybe is lightly charmed by that. You can say I have no problem reaching out to him and just asking him if, as the holiday season's approaching, if he has any interest in coming to a dinner or if he wants to maybe spend a little time in between Christmas and New Year's in the area. See, does her dad live where you live?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Yeah, her dad lives a little while, but his, this, this uncle lives in Virginia.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but, but you still Extend the olive brain.

[Jake Johnson]

Even extended.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Anyway, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Even if he's like, I can't, I don't want to. Whatever the conversation is going, it's the holidays. It might just be a nice thing to do in general. Then maybe your intentions don't feel nefarious, which I don't really think they are, but, but, but it might, that might be the way to just be like, I'll, I'll manage it. I'll call him. He was very sweet. I'll email him. Whatever the you want to do, but some version of that.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

I also think it's worth, it's worth on the, the photoshopped card to make the children a different race than you. Just see if that gets a laugh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love that. Rory. I, I, you know, here's what I'm gonna do.

[Jake Johnson]

You. Let's do what I'm picturing. It's gonna crush again. I don't know her vibe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So why don't you do two. One where they're yours and one where you've adopted, one where you've feel it out. Day of you'll have the two options, and then day of, you can kind of open an envelope and make that decision. You also, if you wanted to, you could say, I'll talk to your dad about it. I'll talk to your dad about it, but why don't we invite Uncle Gandalf over for some holiday spirit this holiday season?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Right, right.

[Jake Johnson]

Because a lot of those teachers, they go home from Hogwarts at the, at the holidays. So he could be around.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, very much so. If, if time even is a thing that he pays attention to or participates in. Probably.

[Jake Johnson]

Probably. Honestly, he probably, you know, can somehow, you know, alter it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He might be a shapeshifter. But I think if we're just getting. Look, all Rory and I can do is pitch. By Earth law, and I think by Earth law, something like this might get you there. What do you, what do you think you're going to do, Tyler?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

I like the, I like the idea of me talking to him because, honestly, I think it's going to be a really tough pitch to get her to talk to him at all.

[Jake Johnson]

You just need to sign.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

That's the way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you want.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Right. You know, I need to, like, get her to say yes before that. I can do that, but. But I think I could handle it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you want to make anything like a Christmas card or anything like that, or you feel like you're just going to kind of go, oh, yeah, yeah, I do like that.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

A Christmas Card. Like for. For Gandalf, you mean?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, well, no, like a fake Christmas card that you show to her to be like, this is us in the future with a happy family. We're going to be supported by our sugar uncle a little bit.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not in those words.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

No. I think that's a great idea.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

And I think also the idea that I just had, that is dependent on your ideas to. Thank you very much. But sending a card to him too, as well as maybe a phone call, you know, just like a handmade thing.

[Jake Johnson]

I would read it.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Like you said, not nefarious.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I just. To be very clear, you did come up with that idea off of our stuff. So we do have full ownership over that idea. Still. That's not kind of.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, right.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We still feel nicely involved in this.

[Jake Johnson]

Don't be afraid to use the phrase, King Arthur wouldn't have become King Arthur without Merlin. Don't be afraid to use that conversation.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If you're feeling like you're losing water a little bit, I would definitely throw something out there like that.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. And you can have that. I'm not. Yeah, I'm not gonna take ownership.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. All this stuff is yours. Yeah. We don't. None of this is copywritten. As a matter of fact, Roy, I don't even know if you are allowed to. You know, I don't think that's your IP to. Yeah, I don't even know how IP work. I don't know what it stands for, to be honest, but.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

So you guys don't want any of the 10000 if I do end up with it, you guys email with the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Uncle, get us CBCC us. Yeah, again, I don't know what that stands for, but BCC us. No, but seriously, I mean, do you feel. What are you going to do? When are you going to have this conversation with her?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Depending on her mood, Maybe. Maybe this week. Want to try to do sooner rather than later?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you want to start by having like some. Do you want to pick up some takeout, bring it over, be extra sweet? Is that going to help or do you just want to just. Is that feel a little. Then are you feeling a little nefarious and sneaky?

[Jake Johnson]

Well, hold on. Take out might not work in favor of. We could use the money.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just be like, that was 900 worth of.

[Jake Johnson]

Wait, where did you get these lobsters?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't. I don't know. I borrowed the money from Alan and we don't.

[Jake Johnson]

I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're screwed.

[Jake Johnson]

We actually needed to recover the debt from this Takeout to pitch you that we need the money.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look, we're in too deep for us.

[Jake Johnson]

We're in a web now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I already reached out.

[Jake Johnson]

What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, well, honestly, man, I. Oh, go ahead. What were you gonna say?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

No, I think. Yeah, I. I think maybe just, like, making her a nice dinner at.

[Gareth Reynolds]

At our house and then make a nice.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Having it. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And. And then. Yeah. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Run some music and say, hey, little Bryson.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sing it. It. Sing it. Make a little song to someone else. Well, how would that go with the uncle?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I love you. Much better. But just, like, what does the lyrics have to do? She's like, just. It's sexy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's reach out to your uncle together. Something like that.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Feels like I lost Rory, but nope. All right, so, Tyler, why don't you do that? And, I mean, I'm very curious how this goes.

[Jake Johnson]

I would.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would say, since you have some anxiety level, do you want to practice with us real quick? Do you want to kind of give us a practice in pitch of this?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Sure. Yeah. Let's give it a try.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so just let. No. No pressure, but just start, and then we could correct it from there. So why don't you play Veronica? Now, remember, she's a teacher. She's serious. She has some anxiety of her own. Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. Should I start?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. Nope.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just sit there. Okay. I have a feeling if you start, it's not gonna be some.

[Jake Johnson]

I had some choices.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. I think, again, you're kind of the. You're kind of the. You're kind of just there. Okay, fair enough.

[Jake Johnson]

Fair enough.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, Ty. Guy. Go for it.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Okay. Hey, Veronica.

[Pam Reynolds]

Welcome.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Welcome home from work. Great to see you. I was thinking today a lot about, you know, I was looking through our old photo album of our wedding pictures and how. What a beautiful day that was and how much. And I saw this picture of you and your Uncle Gandalf, and it reminded me of the. You know, he wanted to be a little bit more involved in our life. And I was just wondering if, you know, you wanted to start, like, have you heard from him or have. Do you think maybe we should reach out to him or something?

[Jake Johnson]

Tight. Quick timeout. What scale of 1 to 10? What kind of hard press you think she's going to put up here? Just so I know as an actor, what I should be throwing at you.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

You mean, like, resistance to this? Oh, I would say maybe like a six or seven out of ten.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You got it.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm gonna go seven just to give it a little flair.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All Right. And then I'm gonna jump in if.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

You want to give me a work extra workout. Maybe go eight or nine, and then maybe it'll be easier in real life, you know?

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right.

[Jake Johnson]

All right. Time. Time in.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Tyler, I thought I told you to stay out of our scrapbook.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, I'm gonna jump in. I. Rory. Yeah? I think eight is. Eight's too much. I don't think that's gonna be a workout. Tyler. Here's my. Here's my worry. It's my worry.

[Jake Johnson]

I knew I was gonna get pulled.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I knew I was gonna get pulled right out. No, you're gonna stay in your role. I'm gonna actually take over Tyler here in a second. I think. I. I think that it feels kind of random if you do it that way. And here. Here's. Here's what I would do. Okay, so she's come home from work.

[Jake Johnson]

We've.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We've established all this stuff. Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

All right. So I've just walked in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, you've been home for an hour, and dinner will be ready in 20 minutes. So we're just sitting there. We're having a little red wine. Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, these kids.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Honey, honey, honey, you do it. You do it for other reasons than just. You're so giving. I mean, that's the thing. It's like.

[Jake Johnson]

You're right. You're right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You really give. Hey, there's something that I wanted to mention, and I really. You know, I've been working with Dr. Clark a lot on anxiety and stuff like that, so the last thing I want this to do is feel like it's coming out of nowhere, because it is something I've thought about for a while, but it's not that bad. But, you know, I just.

[Jake Johnson]

What is it? What? What is it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

There she is. You know, I just keep. I, I. One thing that I've always thought about is when. At our wedding, when Uncle Gandalf was there and he offered us that check for 10 grand.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, God, here we go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, but I just. You didn't. And I respected the decision to not cash it and all that. The only thing is, there's two things. One, I think about the fact that your dad seemed to want to kind of have him back in his life a little bit, and that maybe we didn't do that for some reason, I don't know, or anything like that. But the other thing is, as we're talking about, you know, extending our family, and even after the car thing with the deer, I just keep thinking, I.

[Jake Johnson]

Told you I only had a couple drinks. I didn't mean. I wasn't trying to hit the deer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You didn't even say that before, so that's new.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm kidding.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you.

[Jake Johnson]

Go on, go on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What are you saying? Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Sorry I interrupted.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, it's okay. We should probably. That's actually enormous conversation that we'll put a pin in. But later. Later. Yeah, absolutely. Don't fill the glass right now. Let me finish this. But I do think, is there a world in which we do kind of reach out to him and try to reconnect with him a little bit? Not only because I think that we should be as big of a family as we want to be. Your dad seemed to want to get to know him more. I mean, he lives on his own in, like, a wizard shack in the middle of Virginia. Should we invite him over? Yeah, it's weird.

[Jake Johnson]

Scares me that he's like, should we.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Invite him over for maybe dinner this holiday season? I'm sure he could fly himself out. But then, on top of that, that. Isn't that a really good lifeline to have where we kind of. If, let's say we do need $10,000 or we need a thousand dollars, like, to have that emergency valve, to me, feels pretty lucky. And I just think you could use it to give your kids more supplies because of the failure of us to take care of teachers as a society, like, do you know what I'm saying? What. What do you think of something like that?

[Jake Johnson]

I cash the check. What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Where? Did. What?

[Jake Johnson]

That's why you can't find it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Veronica. And scene.

[Jake Johnson]

I got into crypto.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What? Veronica, which one? Have we made money?

[Jake Johnson]

I don't even remember.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you have.

[Jake Johnson]

I can't find the email. I can't find the code. What? The. Can't find the code or the email?

[Gareth Reynolds]

God damn it. All right, Tyler, what do you think of that?

[Jake Johnson]

That was pretty good, Garrett.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

That.

[Jake Johnson]

Honestly, you just swayed me to get involved.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I want to talk to you after this about some interesting stuff, actually. Rory, what do you think of that?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Tyler, I. Yeah, I really like the. The approach that you took. And I love the idea of a lifeline, too, in addition to all the other things as well, because that is a really, really good, good point as well. It would be great to have someone who could just their 10k be awesome.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's a good reason to want to do this as well as a financially beneficial one.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. It just seemed like the right call.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it does. It really does. So. So what do you think, Tyler? Feel all right?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

I feel great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Yeah. I. I think this was really good advice.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. All right. Well, there you go. And, and again, put me on any email with the uncle. I really want to. I want to get to know this.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

You just want money, Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's insane. You sound crazy. All right, Tyler. Thank you, buddy. Good luck. Let us know keep.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Thank you, guys. Bye. Bye, bud.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Hello.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi there. How are you doing?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Well, how are you?

[Jake Johnson]

Good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can we get your name, age, where you're calling from, please?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Yeah, this is Peter, 37, calling from Glencoe, Illinois.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right. I'm in Illinois right now, Peter.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Fantastic.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nevermind. So we've got.

[Jake Johnson]

I love that pause.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We've got. You've got myself and the great Rory Scoville helping you today. Well, I Will say we just solved a banger of a problem. So we really. We're hot. We're hot right now, Peter. We're hot.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, we're coming off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So even if we don't help you, we. We're going to feel real good about the day.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But Peter, what can we do for you? What. What's the problem today?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Yeah, I mean, I think this is pretty straightforward, but. And I sent in a picture of this. So. Somewhat recently, we moved into our first, I guess you know, called suburbs house. We're north of Chicago. You and your wife and now one year old. So, yeah, you know, we got the yard for the first time, real house. We got a neighbor and awesome dude, just like you're older, you know, Ponytail hippie, but drives. Harley's like, just nicest guy in the world.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's just standard. Got his ponytailed old guy driving hard. He's a regular boats blue, you wouldn't.

[Jake Johnson]

Have thought, but blue.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But does. Definitely does some hard drugs. A lot of needles on the prop, you know, classic neighbor, easy, chill.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, yeah, we'll bake a cake on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Your birthday kind of guy. Yeah, yeah.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

I mean, first. First time I tour the backyard, I look over and he's. He's sunbathing in a loincloth. So, you know, just. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Captain Ron. You got yourself a Captain Ron.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right. Yes, you got yourself a Captain Ron. Okay, so keep going.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Yeah, so he's got this. This beautiful giant tree in his front yard. About a year ago, huge storms come through, knocked down the tree, and he's just devastated. Like, this is the reason I bought the house. Just can't believe it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's like, he was the reason he bought the house. You do have yourself a Captain Ron every step of the way, by the way.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Okay. But, yeah, so he's like, well, okay, I'll do something cool with it, like, you know, carving or something. And I'm like, all right, you know, that's. That sounds pretty cool. And then about, I don't know, two weeks later, and this is like fall, so we're not too far off from like Halloween. But all of a sudden, this, like half a person, this comes out of nowhere, sticking out top of the tree. It's like a. Like if you imagine like the bottom.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Half a look at the picture.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, okie dokie. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Here, I'll just explain it. Yeah. So just for people who are listening. Okay. I guess I would describe it as, you know, sometimes when you see a car driving and they are a funny, quirky person, and they have, like, an arm coming out of the trunk in a way that's sort of like, I bear, I'm a criminal or something like that for a long.

[Jake Johnson]

You have crushed this example.

[Gareth Reynolds]

God.

[Jake Johnson]

Good for you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We are looking at the half, and this tree was big. We are looking at the half, half tree version, still using a trunk for appendages, but.

[Jake Johnson]

And we. We should describe it. The tree trunk is still about 15ft or more high.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. Yes, it is. It is 20ft, 20, 30ft up there. And just awkwardly put a top of it. Where it's been clean sawed is the lower half of a body. But like, if. Imagine if someone was doing a handstand and you cut them off at the pubis, and then you just place the legs upside down on the trunk. So it's half of the body, just the legs. But they have pants on.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They have sneakers on. And what's most alarming to me, Rory, is it looks like it's. It's still part of the shirt. So it is like this person was sawed in half fully.

[Jake Johnson]

It does it. It is such a choice.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a choice.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a real choice. And honestly, it's such a. Captain Ron would easily do this. I love how much he loved this tree and thought this is what.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And you're like, what did he love about the tree? That's how he honors it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're pitching kind of sentimental things like, why don't you honor it by making some tables out of it? Or we could do a, you know, maybe a plaque, and he's like, kind of taking those all to heart. Like, that's good.

[Pam Reynolds]

That's good.

[Jake Johnson]

Because I was picturing an upside down person who looks like they dove right into the top of the tree and they got stuck. Oh, well.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, you mean are they proportionately the size of the tree? So the legs are kind of the same size as the trunk? Oh, no, no, no.

[Jake Johnson]

The legs are kind of sticking up. It's someone who's probably about 5, 9.

[Gareth Reynolds]

5 regular. So just regular guy, regular.

[Jake Johnson]

Looks like a murder happened at the top of a tree. And it's somewhat torturous.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, sure.

[Jake Johnson]

I got to tell you, the only way you. You could, if you wanted to up the ante, he would have bent those knees. So that. Knees were bent. Yeah. So that your brain couldn't even fathom.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What you were looking at. I'm already there. But you're right, it did kind of have the, like. Like, he fell into it. More. It's very strange, Peter. Okay, obviously, this great, great picture. So keep going.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Yeah. So had a good laugh for about a week.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

You know, then the seasons change and leg's still up there. Yeah. Hasn't gone anywhere. We're still there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's sticking with it.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

And he's sticking with it. Yeah. It seems to be a permanent installation here. And so.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

And, you know, people come by, you're like, oh, like, if we meet somebody, we're like, yeah, we're. The house next to the leg sticking out of the tree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, it's a landmark now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Absolutely. Yeah.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

A little bit of a landmark.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

And, you know, it's like, I like a good. I don't know. I mean, it's. I hate to, like, say I hate something that's kind of funny, but kind of the point. It's like, this is. This is what we're gonna have next to our house moving forward. So the question is, what do I. What do I do about this? I currently have a good relationship with them, but.

[Jake Johnson]

But.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

So I don't want to, like, rock the boat here, but I don't want those to come down.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't think you could talk to him about. I mean, I don't know how you feel, Rory. I feel like I. I mean, what is it about it that bothers you? It's just that it's kind of just. I mean, it's just stupid. Yeah, It's. It's. It's kind of. It's kind of jokey, obviously, and, like.

[Jake Johnson]

You'Re gonna say hacky. It's got a vibe to it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a little hacky.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Yeah. I think that's where. That's where it's gotten. Yeah, it's just kind of.

[Jake Johnson]

There's a little hokiness, too, where you're like, yeah, we got a kind of a nice neighbo. Trees look good. Then there's that hokey thing right there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You definitely can't pitch. Hey, will you take it down? It bothers us, because I think that's the sort of thing where he's going to be like, no, it's my property. I can do whatever I want.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, here's the thing. You want to. And this is why I think you're probably apprehensive about your. I think is why you're reaching out in general, because it's like, how do you do it? And the best case scenario is he goes, oh, yeah, no problem. Who cares? And then you go, great. But if he says no, he likes It. Even if you're like, all right, well, we can live with. Will have slightly adjusted the relationship.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

It will become contentious to a certain degree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's just. Does he live alone?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

So we're going to add to the lore of Captain Ron. He does not. He has a couple of roommates, and he's. He's in his 60s.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How old are these roommates?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

And I've only seen one. Another ponytail guy, same age, you know, mid-60s.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

It's an interesting dynamic over there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You ever hang out. You ever hang out with these. These fellas?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

No, I have not. Although I did briefly. There's something called the Winnetka Music Festival over here, which is pretty cool event, but also just to give some background on Captain Ron, we're watching a show and he pops out of nowhere. And I'm like, oh, hey, you know what's going on? He's like, let me tell you, just not selling tickets at the door. I can't believe it. So walked around the side and hopped a fence and went through the woods and.

[Jake Johnson]

To get into the festival. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

So, yeah. Hung out with him for a little bit there. But other than that, it's one of.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Those things where it's like, one of the things that's great about getting older is the. The kind of. It's like you can do, like, stuff that's. And be like, I'm 60. You think I'm sneaking in through a fence. Yeah, like you're getting that. Like, it's. He's really in a great spot where his body's still functioning, but he's still a little Bart Simpson y.

[Jake Johnson]

He's got the confidence of, you know, the world is a suggestion.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Completely. The world is a suggestion. Well, well, boy, it's a tough one. It's tough because I think you're. The stakes are high because he's a neighbor and you don't want to.

[Jake Johnson]

And you do like him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You do. I'm going to pitch. My first pitch to you is. And this is. I'm going to. I'm going to say you Donnie Brasco it. I think you're going to need to become a little bit tighter with Ron and the Ron mates. And I think what you're going to need to do is go over there and have a hang, see if they want to have a couple IPAs. I know they will see if they want to have a hang. Get to talking to them and maybe get into the, pardon the pun, root of this a little bit more. Find out why it's that what it means. The thing I will say is. My guess is that Ron is probably not super attached to it.

[Jake Johnson]

It.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's probably just like, did it. Thinks it's funny. And maybe now he's a little into it. My pitch, eventually to you would be that you should. If you could pitch other things that he can put up there almost seasonally, that might be the move. Like, right now, we would be doing some Halloween stuff around the holidays.

[Jake Johnson]

Christmas, make it Santa.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It could be Santa Legs, you know, but maybe the way in to just start is something a little bit like that. Because I don't think what you're going to be able to do is have nothing up there again. I don't know what you think, Rory.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, it's a tough conversation to have.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But we've had a world with our Captain Rons.

[Jake Johnson]

There's a world where you. You go, hey, you just, you know, it's so funny. It's weird, just wondering, is it always going to be up there? It freaks us out a little bit. We love you. Don't be afraid to say these things. We love you, and we don't want to, like. We don't want to be like, the neighbor that's, you know, telling you we can't handle it. We can handle it. But if there's a world where you wouldn't mind changing it or taking it down, we would love it. But again, we like hanging out with you. We don't want to ruin this relationship. I think sometimes you got to be that sort of open about it. You might even make the relationship better by saying stuff like that. But there is a world where he goes, oh, I. I'm just too lazy to do it. If you can get up there, go for it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think it might. I think it kind of might be that. It's hard to fully know, but that's why I'm pitching a little Donnie Brasco. Now, there's a couple other angles. I don't love this one because I don't know if it'll work, but you could do an anonymous letter. We've done that on the show before. It's not from you. It's from someone else who says, hey, a bunch of us neighbors are sick of these fucking letters. Legs, will you take them out of there, please? It's really weird. We don't like it, but I just feel like Captain Ron's probably not going to care. If you're looking for a lie to maybe start the conversation with, I. You could say we've Been talking about selling the house. We're not sure we're going to do it, but we did have a realtor come over and the realtor did say something like that sometimes is not something that prospective buyers love. You know, I like something like that.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. He might read through that, though.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He might.

[Jake Johnson]

And he also might not give a house.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What if you.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What if you wanted the legs for yourself?

[Jake Johnson]

Like, what if you were. Had something that you wanted to do with it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm a murderer. May I?

[Jake Johnson]

You could also say I had a friend who died that way. And it reminds me of it every time I see it. Wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That.

[Jake Johnson]

How's he ever gonna know that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Oh, man.

[Jake Johnson]

Skydiving accident.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Peter, that's not a terrible pitch. I was not trying to discount what you were saying, Jesse. I like that as well.

[Jake Johnson]

No, I like Jesse's bench.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's also.

[Jake Johnson]

It's just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's just kind of. It's just like I want to take those legs home and bang them. What Rory saying. Well, Rory saying is pretty good. What do you. I think you guys should adjust Rory's pitch just slightly and say it's. It's my wife who had a friend and she's really sensitive about it.

[Jake Johnson]

She's never told and she won't come over anymore.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I really.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Get it. Get. Yeah, that's. That's the right move, is to move it a few degrees away from you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I still think what you should do is do a little bit of a hang, but, I mean, there's. I don't. Honestly, if you're over there and you sort of after a couple of pops, say, hey, what is with those legs? And he tells. Yeah, it's just a stupid thing. And you could say, I just have to tell you. My wife had a friend who, you know, skydiving. Her. Her cousin died. Sky.

[Jake Johnson]

It's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's just tough for her. I know. It's funny. I think it's funny. Is there any way we can replace it with. Just because I think if you get them down, they're probably just going to leave it at this point. Do you.

[Jake Johnson]

Let me ask you, do you think he. He's the kind of guy that's. Is willing to. Is he a hard ass or is the kind of guy that he's like, oh, man, I'm sorry, I had no idea.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

No, he's definitely the latter.

[Jake Johnson]

I mean. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Yeah. Like, he's the kind of guy that just like. So this would be a perfect example. Like, I was. We needed Some extra storage. So I built, like, a little shed on the side of our house. He comes over.

[Jake Johnson]

He's like, put some legs on the.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Top of that thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mind if I throw some legs on legs at it? Yeah, I got this extra half of a mannequin. Can we do shoulders up? Make it look like he went through a wormhole kind of. And he's trapped eternally.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

I mean, that would have really added to it.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. I know you're about to tell a story about the shed. I just got to interrupt real quick, because I think what you should do is cover the tree to make it look like a green pipe from Mario and have that be Mario's legs. I'm not going to lie. That might be the best idea I've.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Ever had in my entire life.

[Jake Johnson]

And put some, like, Koopa troopas, like, walking around.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So. So, okay, that's Halloween right there. I want to say Rory was getting us right there, but now he's pitching. Just turn the lawn into Mario Land.

[Jake Johnson]

So make it Mario Land. See if that bugs him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just. You go crazy with. Trying to punch up his yard as Mario Land. I got some stars.

[Jake Johnson]

You built the. You built the shed?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Well, just like, a small exhibit. Like, he popped over, and he literally. He made me a smoothie, and he's like, hey, just, you know, had some extra. I've made this for you. You know, also, it's probably coming into, like, my property line. I don't care. I'll let it go. You know, like. Yeah, just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's. Oh, he's an actor.

[Jake Johnson]

He wanted. He wanted to, like, kind of, just so you know. Oh, look at that. He was smart to bring the smoothie. He, like. Because he could have just straight up confronted you, but he's like, I'm trying to do this other thing. Do we want to convey peace?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do we want.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

I mean, he also. He owns. He owns a roofing company. Like, he sent over guys to clean our gutters. Like, he is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's a good guy.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

He's a solid guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, okay, here. Here's what I'm going to say. I'm going to give you a couple options on how I. I'm. I. I still think. Think scapegoating your wife's trauma is the way to go.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

She's gonna love that now.

[Jake Johnson]

And honestly. And honestly, that means use that for everything.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Use your wife's trauma with every. Not captain, wrong guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Any issues, whatever it is, you want to return. A lawnmower.

[Jake Johnson]

My wife was killed by a lawnmower.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My Wife. My wife's cousin got run over by a lawnmower. My wife. My wife's favorite movie is the Last.

[Jake Johnson]

Lawnmower man in a giant accident right into a lawnmower.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's crazy. I would say one of two things. Or maybe a couple. One, you could call back by bringing him over a smoothie to have a tough conversation with him. Oh, you could get him something nice from a shop, bring it over, say, hey, I just wanted to ask you something. Something like that. The other thing you could do is you could go to the. You could go to, like, a nursery or something like that for trees, not kids. And get him. Get him a tree. Get him a replacement tree. Get him something and say, hey, I really. You know, I always think about tree. How much it meant to you. You know, trees are kind of our legacy. Why don't you plant something like this near it, and then you'll have a new tree sprouting there. By the way, while we're talking about trees, which I think you brought up, Captain Ron, I can't remember at this point, but the legs are there forever. Because the only reason I ask is my wife's cousin just died in a. In a clothed pool dive. And so they were all having fun, but it was hot tub. He didn't realize it was a. It wasn't an Olympic sizer. And.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Passed away. Yeah. He. There was a freshly laid concreted pool, and my wife's cousin jumped into it thinking it was full, and he only went halfway through the concrete. And it just kind of reminds her of that. Bad time.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, Peter, I don't know. What. What are you thinking? How do you feel about some of this? Even though it's nonsense, but some of it's real?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

You know, I think obviously the pulling on the heartstrings with the death is. I mean, it just seems like a win.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The nuclear move, I think.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

I mean, I'm going to have to get the wife's buy in. I mean, even if I say it just because we've got to be on the same page, because he does, like, over.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look, if. If you. If you feel like it's better for you to do it, then you do it. Do you think you could do that?

[Jake Johnson]

That.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

I think I could pull it off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what else you could do? It's. You could say your parents are coming to town or something, you know, and.

[Jake Johnson]

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Go ahead.

[Jake Johnson]

Is Ron the kind of guy to go, oh, my God, what was their name? Would he, like, look into it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, he.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Honestly, Honestly, it's a little bit of a fear.

[Jake Johnson]

It just occurred to me now that I'm like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But you don't even have to say, she went to high school. I went to high school with a.

[Jake Johnson]

Guy who this happened to, and it reminds me of.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It reminds. My best friend in high school did this.

[Jake Johnson]

What was his name?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Captain Ron.

[Jake Johnson]

And you just say your name?

[Gareth Reynolds]

He just run. He just wrote his name.

[Jake Johnson]

Gareth Reynolds.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, just say it's me. I've been following. Well, I. I. Do you. Do you really feel like he's going to be able to micro fe his way all the way back to, like, your college days when you're a guy at your frat house, jumped off the roof and passed away?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

I mean. Yeah, I doubt it. I doubt it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That you personally might not be able to. Do you want to practice? Do you feel like you're going to do this?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

I think. I mean, I think I could. I. Yeah, I would try. I think it's all right. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, this, to me, is better than you in the dark of night. Like a thief getting up there and just ripping the legs off, you know, which is always a possibility. I think something like this, I think you could pull it off. You've got that vibe. Do you want to practice? Do you want to say it's you or your wife?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Let's go with me.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. Yeah, I'm.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

I'm. Yeah, I think I'm better off doing that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, Rory. I don't know if you know this about Rory, but he's a. He's a hot actor. So Rory is going to play the part of Captain Ron, and you're going to play the part of Pete.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Peter.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you're going to come over there. I. I say bring a smoothie. Nice little callback to. Hey, we're pals. We smoothie. We're going to smoothie this out, but whatever you want. But, Peter, why don't you walk over there and talk to Captain Ron, who's got a loincloth around his package and his sunbathing.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Yeah, all right. Jump right into it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think so.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Hey, Captain Ron. Good to see you, man.

[Jake Johnson]

I was just thinking about you and your beautiful family and how I love that nothing's ever come between us.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Ah, that's. That's interesting. Yeah. Cool. Well, yeah, I mean. Hey, heard the Harleys yesterday. Those babies are purring.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, yeah. It's that time of year. I like to juice them up real good.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Yeah, yeah, definitely. Well, so I just was coming by. This is a bit of a tough topic.

[Jake Johnson]

Do I look like I have an erection? I was just sitting here and I know that I don't, but the way the lights kind of hit in my crotch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, Ron, it's your roommate, the other 60 year old. Don't worry about that stuff. I think Peter's got some stuff to talk about. I'm gonna go inside.

[Jake Johnson]

Sorry. He got that job narrating podcasts last week and he can't rod lock it in. All right.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Yeah, well, you know, I mean. Hey, hey, the package is looking good, buddy. Yeah. All right, we're good. Yeah, yeah, no problem.

[Jake Johnson]

And you know, hey, I believe you, Pete. I have no reason to never believe you.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

I wouldn't lie to you. Yeah. So, you know, just moving towards that. That weird topic.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. The legs.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

The legs on the tree. I was just. Just gotta tell you, Brian, much as I love him.

[Jake Johnson]

Brian.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Oh, Brian. Okay. Yeah, well, so, Brian, it's hard to say, it's even hard to bring up, but it just kind of reminds me of one of my really good high school buddies. He went out skydiving.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Shoot. Didn't come out. And unfortunately he just went straight into the ground. And every time I see those legs, it just. It kind of brings me back there.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, it's Brian, man. God, Pete, look. What was his name?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Oh, yeah, it was my buddy John.

[Jake Johnson]

John. What high school do you go to?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, Ron, it's your. The other 60 year old from inside. Don't take it places where it maybe wouldn't go. You know what I mean? I'm gonna go. I'm gonna make some sandwiches.

[Jake Johnson]

If you're hungry for lunch, I'll definitely take one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, buddy boy.

[Jake Johnson]

Watching Peter drink these two smoothies without offering me one is really kind of making me hungry, honestly.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Yeah, sorry about that. You know, needed the extra protein. I couldn't give it. Couldn't give one up. Yeah, yeah. You know, just.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

I mean, you know, I grew up in northern Michigan. It's just a little high school up there. All right, all right. You know, but trying to move on from it, so.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Well, look, here's the deal. I had a. I actually had a friend in high school who was born while skydiving. And so that's where the entire thing even came from. The idea to do it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, Ron.

[Jake Johnson]

Trees.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Kind of evens it out in a way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, it's the other 60 year old roommate from inside. I never heard of that before. Is that true?

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Never came.

[Jake Johnson]

You think I'm gonna lie to Peter? We just said our word is our bond. We would never lie to each other.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

All right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just making sure. Just. I never heard it before, so I thought if he was being sincere, maybe you want to. All right, look, sandwiches are almost ready.

[Jake Johnson]

Pete. I love those legs. I miss that tree every goddamn day. I look and I see those legs and it just makes me laugh because if they weren't there, I'd probably start crying. Missing that tree. Maybe there's some kind of. There's some kind of middle ground we can find here. I. I want to pitch to you. Me cutting off one of the legs so that one legs stays up there. Now, I'm obviously willing to meet you halfway.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, Ron. I hate to keep doing this.

[Jake Johnson]

What are you in the kitchen?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I'm locked out and there's no sandwich. Just.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Yeah, my buddy John actually missed. Was missing a leg. So that I think that would just really hit home even more.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, God. He was a one legged skydiver who shoots at. No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So that. I'm sorry. Me at that. That sounds like that what we have is the compromise.

[Jake Johnson]

It does.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's pretty far away from reality, Peter.

[Jake Johnson]

So you want me to take the legs down? Is that right?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Yeah. I mean, that would be just so helpful if you could.

[Jake Johnson]

Can I put anything up there?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

I mean, I think, you know, something nice and decorative. You're a creative guy. I'm sure you can come up with something.

[Jake Johnson]

I know. Where do you think the leg idea came from? I was an art major.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ron, it's me again. And this is over now.

[Jake Johnson]

How is your an scening me in real life?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's ant scene. Come inside.

[Jake Johnson]

All right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's an scene, Peter. I don't know. I think that's pretty good. I. You seem to be able.

[Jake Johnson]

You gotta practice this. You gotta practice this on quite a few friends.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think you gotta.

[Jake Johnson]

In fact, you've gotta practice it on some people who don't know you're practicing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, that's a great call.

[Jake Johnson]

Just that is feel like they're genuine questions.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's okay. That's the homework. That's great. Yeah, I think, you know, go out with someone the next time you're out, either as a couple or just one on one with someone. You explain the legs and just tell them why it bothers you. And tell them it's because the skydiving accident. Play it off with sincerity. That's a great way to rehearse this.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you gonna do it?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Yeah, I'll do it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can I ask you a favor?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can you. When I go around and do it, just do it on a stream yard. We'll send you a link. No, can you. Can you honestly have your phone in your pocket, have the. Have the mic end out and just record this interaction for the show? Is that possible?

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Yeah, yeah, I can do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I just. I really want to hear how this goes. I look, and again, I think the out on this is just say if he's like, no, be like, okay, it's cool. It's fine. I just. I don't want anything to be weird. I appreciate, you know, but I also think by the same token to what Rory's saying, you know, the more that you feel this as a serious thing to you, the more likely he is to take him down.

[Jake Johnson]

I just think he seems like a good guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree.

[Jake Johnson]

And I think he would go, ah, I had him. Why'd you take the legs down? Ah, neighbor has a hard time with it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, his buddy John, he went into earth legs legs last and died from a skydiving accident in high school.

[Jake Johnson]

That's crazy. Let's look that up. What's his text him. Text him. Last name, his high school.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I never even asked.

[Jake Johnson]

Time to. Time to text.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's go over there. I. What I would say is maybe you want to say, like, freshman year of college, just so you're of skydiving age for sure.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, yeah, nitpick, nitpick. The whole story, just where he was. He was on vacation.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Who was he?

[Jake Johnson]

You don't remember?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. There's a lot of trauma around anything he has specifically. Just be like, there's some trauma around me. You feel all right with this, Peter? I think this is pretty good. I'm not going to lie to you.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Yeah, I mean, it's. It's really good. Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Also practice a lot of responses. If he pre. If he even says, you sure you don't just want me to take the legs down? And you came up with a story. Be ready for even that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. Rory is exactly right. This is. I think practicing on someone in the real world is the best way to go, too. That's going to be great.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Trial by Actual fire. All right, Peter, record it when you do it, but keep us posted. And good luck, my friend.

[Jake Johnson]

Good luck.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Thank you. Thank you both.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you. Bye.

[Jake Johnson]

Bye.

[Pam Reynolds]

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ HelpfulPodmail.com and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] heretohelpod to see our entire catalog.

[Jake Johnson]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grim Productions executive producers Rob Hollis.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis associate producer Jesse Thurston Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller theme song by Oliver Raleigh the COVID artwork is by James Fosdike animations by Andrew Strelecki and if you'd like to see Gareth you stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com heretohelpod what's going on? It's Lamorne Morris and Hannah Simone and we host the Mess Around a New Girl Rewatch podcast now on Headgum.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Now here's the thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Every single week we chat about an episode of New Girl. And we really get into it. Like we get up in there. We get up in there, you know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind the scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog. That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo. We're just two BFFs having a good old time.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Okay?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sometimes we even talk to other co.

[Caller/Guest (various names: Tyler, Peter, etc.)]

Stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Greenfield and Damon Waynes Jr. And your dad, right? Talk to your dad on this show as well. Make sure you subscribe to the Mess around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.