246: Great Guys & Island Music (Season 3 Premiere)

Summary

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We're Here to Help

Episode 246: Great Guys & Island Music (Season 3 Premiere)
Release Date: January 5, 2026
Hosts: Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds

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Episode Overview

The Season 3 premiere of “We’re Here to Help” kicks off with major announcements, the launch of new show storylines centered on vasectomies and chimpanzee adoptions, and the return of their trademark comedic, heartfelt guidance to listener call-ins. Jake and Gareth help navigate dilemmas around uncomfortable barbershop politics in Bosnia, escaping from a midlife garage band, and a delicate Santa talk for a preteen. As always, the episode delivers a blend of humor, empathy, and offbeat solutions, deepening the sense of a communal—and sometimes chaotic—advice-driven family.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Kicking Off Season 3 (01:29–09:00)

• Evolution of the Show:
  The show’s structure will further evolve in Season 3; main episodes drop Mondays, Wednesdays feature guests, and Fridays are experimental or Patreon exclusives.
• “Year of the Vasectomy” Storyline:
  Gareth commits to getting a vasectomy, vowing to document and share the process on Patreon:

  “This is the year of the snip.” – Jake (05:15)
  Listeners are encouraged to send voice notes about vasectomy experiences. Gareth even jokes about forming a “snip partner” program for fans to get vasectomies together (“vasectomates”).

• Chimpanzee Adoption Initiative:
  Jake reveals plans for the community to adopt a chimpanzee (or possibly three) through fundraising, Wheel of Fortune charity appearances, and merch:

  “There are three chimps in a sanctuary—Ike, Donald, and the third son of a bitch…we might adopt all three of them.” – Jake (12:12)
  Listeners who buy a hat become “part-owner slash parent” of the chimps.

Memorable moments:

• The playful escalation of season storylines (“Season three is starting off with a goddamn bang.” – Jake, 07:58).
• Jokes about communion through unconventional rites of adulthood (vasectomy) and parenthood (chimp adoption).

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2. Caller #1 — Barbershop Awkwardness (19:00–42:13)

Caller: Adnan, 44, Sarajevo, Bosnia

Dilemma:
Adnan and his son frequent a barbershop with two “great guys.” He wants haircuts for both simultaneously, but the “main” barber insists on doing both, causing delays—even though the other barber sometimes does a better job. How can he ask to switch, or expedite things, without hurting feelings or making future visits uncomfortable?

Discussion & Advice:

Laying Out the Problem

• Adnan clarifies both barbers are quality, but the main one resists sharing clients.
• Given the small-town dynamics, Adnan fears gossip or awkwardness:

  “If word gets out, it's gonna spread. He's going to be the first one who's going to hear it.” – Adnan (25:45)

Brainstormed Pitches

• Direct appeal: Tell the main barber to cut his son’s hair, while he goes to the other, citing efficiency. (Unsuccessful—has tried; gets stonewalled.)

• Roleplay Scenarios: Jake and Gareth act out potential confrontations, testing Adnan’s comfort with various scripts.

• Excuse tactics:

  • Cite time constraints (“My wife needs us home…”) and ask to split services for speed.
  • Blame the wife:

    “Great guys love blaming things on their wives.” – Jake (33:42)

  • Or say “My wife loved the other haircut,” implying the new style led to a “spicy” home life—injecting humor to diffuse awkwardness.

• Group flood: Bring the whole family at once to overload the schedule; not ideal for Adnan.

• Ponytail Solution: Grow out his own hair to avoid haircuts for a while.

Adnan’s Preferences

• Likes wife “blame”/time constraint tactics; prefers avoiding confrontation.
• Jake and Gareth encourage him to try the “wife loved the haircut” angle, playfully suggesting to joke about newfound attractiveness due to the other barber (39:10).

Key Quote:

“I've tried [being honest] for the past, you know, two, three, four years... Have you ever tried to tell him that the work [other barber] did on your head led to lovemaking?” – Jake (38:38)
“No.” – Adnan

Takeaway:

• Wrap solution in humor, keep it light and about family demands.
• Adnan agrees to try the new approach, possibly record the encounter.

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3. Caller #2 — Quitting a Friend’s Band (43:14–71:45)

Caller: Jason, early 40s, Sacramento, CA

Dilemma:
Jason, urged by a high school friend, joined a midlife grunge band called "Devil's Rooster.” Now he wants to leave, but doesn’t want to hurt the friendship—how to bow out without drama?

Discussion & Advice:

• Band Dynamics:
  Only friend is Rick, the frontman leading the group; rest are acquaintances. The band is all rehearsal, no gigs, and Jason is “just not feeling it.”

• Potential Exit Strategies:

  • Fake Injury: Take advantage of an actual minor hand injury to buy time (“the injury changed you”).

  • Play Badly/Write Bad Songs: Suggest turning in bizarre, unsuitable material.

  • Pivot the Band: Bring up a new, clashing genre obsession (“island vibes”) and propose a radical style shift:

    “I want to play as a musician. I am done with the bass. I ordered a steel drum.” – Jason, as dictated by Jake (62:31) “What you don’t want is your bassist turning it into an island jammy kind of…” – Jake (52:10)

  • Via Text: Start with a group text about newfound love of island/reggae music; let the group realize he’s not a fit.

• Coaching on Delivery:

  • Keep tone positive, not defensive.
  • Let Rick be the one to push him out (“let them dump you, not vice versa”).
  • Jake and Gareth meticulously dictate the text message on air (68:29–70:27).

Key Quote:

“You gotta walk in, and they're gonna go, where's the bass? And you're gonna be like, not my vibe anymore. I'm doing island vibes.… I found myself musically.” – Gareth (54:35)

Resolution:
Jason drafts, then sends the text live:

“Hey fellas, hand is still sore, but honestly the break has been good for me. Sort of found new musical inspiration: island music. That's all I want to play now as a musician. I've ordered a steel drum and I'm writing songs. More to come.” – Composed text message
Hosts congratulate Jason on taking this step; invite him to rejoin if any complications arise.

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4. Caller #3 — Santa & the 7th Grader (72:16–80:43)

Caller: Mike, New Jersey (follow-up from Episode 94)

Dilemma:
Mike previously called for advice on how to handle the “birds and bees” talk and when to break the news about Santa to his son, now in 7th grade. Having handled sex education, he's struggling to convince his wife to let him tell their son about Santa—worried the boy will be teased by peers for still believing.

Discussion & Advice:

• Recap:

  • Sex talk went smoothly (Mike credits school instruction).
  • Wife vetoed the “No Santa” conversation; son still believes.
  • Concern: “I’m afraid he is going to say the wrong thing at the wrong moment. And middle school kids will make fun of a lot of things, including that.” – Mike (76:25)

• Advice:

  • Reframe: This is about protecting him from potential ridicule, not spoiling magic.
  • Scenario advice:
    • Keep home belief private:

      “I'd maybe do…Hey pal, Christmas is coming up…Can I ask you a quick question…Do you a hundred percent in your heart believe in Santa Claus?…So let's do me a favor. Now that you're in seventh grade, let's not talk about it at school...it's more of a family thing.” – Jake (78:25)

    • Maintain family tradition, but create a “home only” boundary.

• Pitch to His Wife:

  • Frame it as a protective measure, not about taking away belief.

Takeaway:
Mike thanks the hosts, feeling reassured about a gentle, non-confrontational way to prepare his son and partner for the changing holiday landscape.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On vasectomies:

  "This is the year of the snip." – Jake (05:15)

• On haircuts and marriage:

  “Have you ever tried to tell him that the work Gareth did on your head led to lovemaking?” – Jake (38:38)
  "These are three great guys. You belong there." – Gareth (30:13)

• On quitting bands midlife:

  “How did I end up in Devil's Rooster?” – Jake (Full bit, 49:19)

• On Santa talk advice:

  “Let's not talk about it at school. What you believe in and what you don't believe in. Because it's more of a family thing. Right?” – Jake (78:37)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:29–09:00: Season 3 announcements & new show storylines
• 19:00–42:13: Adnan’s barbershop conundrum
• 43:14–71:45: Jason wants out of Devil’s Rooster
• 72:16–80:43: Mike’s Santa follow-up question
• Key advice moments:
  • 05:15: “Year of the Snip” announcement
  • 39:10: Haircut led to passionate marriage joke
  • 62:31: Dictating island music text message
  • 78:37: Jake’s “family only Santa” scenario

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Tone & Highlights

• Warm and playful: Hosts treat every scenario with gentle humor, empathy, and camaraderie.
• Community-focused: Regular appeals to listeners to participate (“snip partners,” chimp adoptions).
• Improv comedy: Frequent in-character roleplays and banter, as well as running jokes on being “a step above garbage.”
• Empowerment through silliness: The show creates safe space for even trivial or awkward problems to be handled with creative, nonjudgmental perspectives.

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Summary

The Season 3 premiere sets a new tone—irreverent, communal, and even more interactive. While tackling dilemmas both universal (awkward service relationships, quitting group projects, childhood rites of passage) and deeply idiosyncratic, Jake and Gareth balance genuine support with playful, often absurdist, strategies. Their advice may not always be straightforward, but for callers and listeners alike, the big message is clear: Sometimes your chosen family is just a step above organized chaos—and two “great guys” here to help.

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Transcript

[A]

Hey, it's Tig Notaro from the Handsome podcast.

[B]

And I'm Mae Martin.

[A]

And I'm Fortune Feimster, also from the Handsome podcast. And we wanted to let you know that we made a very fun special episode of our show sponsored by Squarespace, that's up now on our YouTube page for you to watch. Handsome finally formed a band and recorded a hit song live in the podcast studio. And we documented the whole process for you to watch. It's by far the most ambitious and inspiring moment on our show to date. I feel like we can't say much more about it without giving too much away.

[B]

So just go watch us make complete.

[A]

Fools of ourselves and have the best time ever. Or become the newest pop sensations. That's right. Go to YouTube.com handsomepod or listen wherever you get your podcasts. That's YouTube.com handsomepod to hear us record a song live. See you at the Grammys. Oh, for sure, buddy. For sure. Get started on your dream website today. Head to squarespace.com handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code handsome to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. And we are.

[B]

We are back.

[A]

All right. Gareth and I were just doing on Patreon a chat. We're doing more of them. We're gonna actually start doing the chats with the guys on Patreon.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

We're gonna try to do at least once a month, maybe twice a month.

[B]

That's just for people listen. That's with Scatter and pp. Just that's what Scatter and pp.

[A]

But the idea of it is main show is feeling more Mondays, me and Gareth. Wednesdays, there's a guest Fridays. Every other Friday is weird. Occasionally we'll do like the, you know, best advice. But any new friendship game or anything, that we're probably just going to do on the occasional Friday or on Patreon. Just as we're figuring out every season, as we've always said, the show keeps evolving. And now we are officially in season three.

[B]

Yes, big things coming, too.

[A]

Big things coming. But also the show is going to change and evolve again.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

But now it is season three and the first big storyline of season three. The first. We're in a whole new galaxy, folks. Mind you, season two storylines like the kidney, they're still going the calendar, These are still part of the season two storylines. Don't fade away.

[B]

No, it's not Berg's attitude, his heartthrobiness, that. That can't go anywhere.

[A]

That's not going anywhere.

[B]

To stay.

[A]

We. We are nickname him Peepee because when he's doing his podcast, cute guy voice.

[B]

He.

[A]

We were all doing a chat and he goes, excuse me, guys, I gotta take a pee pee.

[B]

Oh. As soon as we started, you called him out because it was like the second the subject changed away from him, he was like, I'm gonna go pee pee. So we're calling him Pee Pee Pee. And Erica's Elvis's monkey Scatter. But yeah, we were just talking on Patreon and.

[A]

And something happened.

[B]

Talking about animals. Talking about I love animals Stand up special.

[A]

About how the end of your special, which, when it's available, you're going to tell everybody here and we hope you guys all support them. But you said it's about animal mortality. And then I thought, for a guy who loves animals so much, and there's a sweetness to it, I thought, does the G man ever want kids?

[B]

And I never have. I love being an uncle. I love being able to, especially with the road. And then I told you that.

[C]

I.

[B]

Think I'm ready to make a lifetime commitment to my decision to not have kids.

[A]

And so I thought, what does that mean, Gareth?

[B]

And I explained that means seeing a specialist who can cut the cord.

[A]

And then you said, you're going from cable to wi fi.

[B]

Was that streaming? I'm cutting the cord.

[A]

Cutting the cord. Cable to streams the first storyline of season three, which. Gareth. I'm going to push Natalie to release this on Monday.

[B]

Sure, that's fine.

[A]

Is being released January 5th.

[B]

I. I'm. Yeah, I'm gonna. I think I'm probably gonna do it this month, I think. And I'll tell you what, I don't know how much you know about it, but it is nothing. It's very strange what happens. The actual procedure itself is pretty simple. Outpatient, no problem. Sometimes there's a problem. But I'm hoping I won't be that.

[A]

First of all, the entire story of this, every behind the scenes doctor appointment, anything Gareth is willing to do is going to be on our Patreon.

[B]

Sure. I will record whatever, everything. I probably. I don't know if I'll be saying wowee as much.

[C]

You might.

[B]

I might. I don't know. I haven't been through it. I mean, there's.

[A]

This is the year of the snip.

[B]

This is the year of the snp. Yes.

[A]

And the first thing I want to say is, do you have the doctor or the place you want to do it?

[B]

No, but I have someone I know who has done it and recommended a doctor. So when I get back after this run, I'm going to.

[A]

Is it in the LA area?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So here's what I would like to say to our community. We want the best.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Anybody has a link.

[B]

Yes. To the best. I'm open.

[A]

We will. As a show. Fly Gareth. There.

[B]

There's no way I'm flying for a vasectomy.

[A]

Gareth.

[B]

Gareth, I. I am the home. So little that I'm not going to go.

[A]

What if it's. What if it's a. What if it's the best vasectomy doctor in the gun?

[B]

What is the offer gonna be? I mean, that seems very simple. It's like.

[A]

This is not simple.

[B]

You're producing. You're producing mo. Yes, you are street drugs.

[A]

Here's the reality. If someone's gonna go in those walls and cut off your ability to eject semen into. Well, actually, no. You still eject semen, but what does it do? It just takes it in there.

[B]

I, I, from what I've heard, it's a very similar appearance, but that. Yeah, there's just the. It's just not firing the.

[A]

So it snips the. The part of the balls that have the sperm and fired off. It snips that. So in the.

[B]

You think I'd know more considering I'm 100% doing it well.

[A]

So here's what I would like. Voice notes from nurses, doctors.

[B]

That sounds good.

[A]

What do you know about this? Because here's what we might be here to help. A bunch of guys could get snipped this year.

[B]

Hey, I'm down to do. Make it like a polar bear plunge or whatever. A bunch of us could go down there, stand in a line.

[A]

Who's considering now what.

[B]

I'm down for years. I'm down for a snip partner. If there's someone who wants to get snipped together, I'm down to. For someone from the show to join. We can maybe get a Groupon.

[A]

You're talking about like an audience member. We pair you up like a friendship.

[B]

Yeah, like, like, like the, the waxing.

[A]

Hold on. We could do Wowie. Anybody wants to get snipped with Gareth.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. We'll be vasectomates.

[A]

So season three is starting off with a goddamn bang.

[B]

Yes, with an empty load.

[A]

Episode 26, where Gareth is getting a vasectomy.

[B]

I am.

[A]

Yep. And we as a community are going to go through that with him.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

We're going to hear about it.

[B]

This is, this is really. We were. I want to Remind everyone we were on patreon 6 minutes ago and this just came up. And now this is the year of the vasectomy.

[A]

So what could be more important than this? You know, I gotta tell you something else. There's going to be two things of 2026, and I had forgotten to tell you this part of it. So 2026, year of the vasectomy, as well as taking the chimpanzee love from me to another level. So I've had people who work at sanctuaries reach out. I've gone back and forth. I am figuring out right now how to, quote, unquote, adopt a chimp. Jake.

[B]

How you're putting a vasectomy ahead of what you just said.

[A]

I'm not taking it.

[B]

Where are you? But it doesn't matter.

[A]

The vasectomy is bigger.

[B]

I want to do it with the. I want the chimp to do it. Keep going. I'm just. I'm out of line.

[A]

The vasectic. Gareth. Vasectomy is bigger.

[B]

Okay. I. I'm more excited by your news, but go ahead.

[A]

I'm excited about. You're getting a vasectomy. There's an enormous.

[B]

You're adopted.

[A]

A chimpanzee. Talking about, I never thought this is how today would end with you and me. I never thought a statement would be, you're getting a vasectomy. And you'd yell, you're adopted.

[B]

By the way, it's funny that we were like, all right, you got an intro? Yeah, I got an intro. All right, then here we are going like, what is happening?

[A]

You get a chimp. Season three is starting with a vasectomy and the idea of potentially as a community. And I'm going to tell you how this might happen. So for the listeners of the sanctuary in Kentucky, who I'm currently talking to, guys, there's no evidence of this yet. This is just chatter.

[B]

Speculative.

[A]

But I'm currently in talks. I might try to go on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune with Lamorin.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And the proceeds are gonna be for gym sanctuaries.

[B]

Jake, let me just say very quickly, if you go on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune, my mother's head will literally explode.

[A]

She loves the show.

[B]

I love the show. But I also we. The celebr one. She will lose her mind. Okay, keep going.

[A]

So I'm in talks with them now. They had asked me to do it for a while. I've always said no. And then they asked me to do one with Lamorne and Hannah. And it's a few weeks back, and I passed. And then I started Talking to these. This chimp sanctuary. And I thought I reread the email. I was like, why did they even asking on Wheel of Fortune? I was like, I don't need to go on Wheel. What am I going to do on Wheel of Fortune?

[C]

And.

[A]

And then I read it's all for charity. And I go, oh, there you just get a fee for showing up that goes to charity. And then the fee they would pay me, I would give.

[B]

I'm like, and you can get more. Because if you win, won't I agree?

[A]

I mean, I'll be so bad at it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I sometimes call you Gareth.

[B]

It's a fair point.

[A]

So. But I thought that fee alone I could send over there. And then I started thinking, you know what we could do? We could use that at the beginning of the Adopt a Chimp program and as a community. And I've been talking to this place and there's a couple of chimps that we can get the backstory on in their names. And then I'm gonna make hats with Leah that say, I adopted a chimp with Jay Johnson. And every profit, she gets her cut. Cause she's doing legit work.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But every profit, rather than a penny, going to the show, all of it goes to the chimp. So therefore, if you buy a hat, you are technically like a Packer fan.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

In a part owner slash parent of the season three. We're here to help chimpanzee family. And as of now, there are three chimps in a sanctuary. Ike, Donald, and the third son of a bitch. His name I can't remember right now, but I know their personalities a little bit. I'm reading about them. I got funny photos. We might adopt all three of them.

[B]

Oh, my God, that's awesome.

[A]

No, no, all of it right now is just.

[B]

That's amazing, though.

[A]

But if that happens this year, what you're going to get if you stick with us is the story in our intros and on Patreon. Gareth is going to get a vasectomy. We are going to go through them with him. We're going to hear the beginning, the middle, and the end of it. We're going to hear about how it is after. And you have the opportunity to become a parent in the community of a chimpanzee. And Gareth, by the way, you'll be a parent.

[B]

There's a nice little. There's a nice crispness to the idea. You're gonna shut down my human daddy but become a gym papa.

[A]

You're gonna be a dad, brother. And when we officially send the donation in. We'll get cigars. It's a boy. Gareth. Steve and Eric will get hats. Dude. They'll be like dude. And then you imagine all those guys and we're not. Everybody's the dad. Everybody who buys a hat, you're the mom too.

[B]

Can I make. Can I make a pitch real quick? I mean, this is a long intro, but let me make a pitch real quick. We should invent a chimp that we're calling Steve or Pee Pee. And we create a bunch of terrible things that it started to do to make Steve feel like he has ownership over this bad chimp.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And then we'll tell him that it's a fake.

[A]

I will say we adopted four.

[B]

We adopted four. And. And we're calling Steve after the calendar.

[A]

It's so good.

[B]

And we'll show Pitt will just Google image of whatever. Like a kind of chubby chimp.

[A]

So the Steve chimp got a little weird. You know what we could do actually? Eric listens to the show, so we can't do this. But I was gonna say we could say one of the names is Eric and one is Steve. And we'll be like. And it's just their behavior. We'll be like the Eric one got really weird during a meal.

[B]

It attacked the guy feeding it. And the berg is just really kind of weird. And Randy. It seems to live in a little bit of a diluted world.

[A]

All right, everybody, enjoy has a lisp.

[B]

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[A]

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[A]

Guys join Jenny Slate, Max Silverstree, and Gabe Leadman every Tuesday, where the fun finally makes it out of the group chat. These three friends have been together as buddies for over 20 years and they're not afraid to get real, crack each other up along the way, and bring in new guests every week to join in the chaos.

[B]

It's hilarious, heartfelt, and feels like a hangout with your funniest friends. You don't want to miss this. And don't miss our recent episode where we had Jenny on as a guest.

[A]

And if you like what she does, which I'm sure you will, she's a very funny woman, then go listen to I need you guys, Jenny Slate's new podcast. Wherever you get your podcast, this episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Do you like building websites, Elizabeth? Yeah. Do you know an easy place where you could build a website? Squarespace. Squarespace.com a sponsor of the podcast. We're here to help. Thanks, Elizabeth.

[B]

We adore Squarespace. My website is Squarespace. My other podcast, the Dollops website, is Squarespace. Every website I am associated with is Squarespace. I am currently working with one of the callers behind the scenes on a website and we're going Squarespace because they do it all for you. They make it easy for you to get involved in the website game. And you have to have a website. I mean, what are we doing here? They've got everything. They have cutting edge design, SEO tools. You know, I'm a big SEO tools guy. Search engine optimization, that's me, baby. If you want to set up a place for donations, videos, it's just every way you can up your legitimacy online, Squarespace is there for you. And like I said, right now I'm working very closely with a caller and I am shark tanking her business and we're using a Squarespace site and we've Used Squarespace on the show tons of times because user friendly, makes it look legit and can't say enough good stuff about it. I mean, that's why we talk about Squarespace all the time. So go to squarespace.com Gil Sentme for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code Gil sent me to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hello.

[C]

Hello.

[B]

Hi there. Welcome. Can we get your name, age, and.

[C]

Where are you calling from? Thanks for having me.

[B]

Yeah. Where are you calling from?

[C]

My name is Adnan. I'm 44 and I'm calling from Sarajevo, Bosnia and Herzegovina.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

What's your name again?

[C]

Budnan. It's spelled a D. N. A N. Thank you.

[A]

You're welcome.

[B]

Okay, sarajevo. And you're 44?

[C]

I'm 44, yeah.

[A]

And Adnan, how'd you hear about the show?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, it's a good question. Well, my wife actually introduced me to the show a year, a year and a half ago. She's a big Jake fan, fortunately or unfortunately. And I've been listening to you guys ever since.

[A]

And you listen to it there in your homeland, you just listening to us? Yeah, that's absolutely, man, that makes me happy.

[C]

I think so too. Thank you.

[A]

Thank you. So, my friend, what can we do for you today? First of all, what time is it where you are?

[C]

Oh, it's late. It's very late. If I'm a little quiet, my. My baby boy is sleeping. It's around 10 o'.

[B]

Clock.

[A]

So, my friend, what do you got?

[C]

Well, my son and I have been going to the same barbershop for the past, let's say three years or so. And when I book appointments, I book it for both of us and we go one after another.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And there are two barbers at the shop. The owner who cuts our hair and his colleague. And they're both great guys. Right. And the issue is kind of twofold. First, when we come in together, one of us always has to wait for the other one to finish, which is kind of time consuming and fairly unnecessary.

[A]

You're talking about anand you want the two chairs?

[C]

Oh, no, we're in one chair. That's the problem.

[A]

But you're saying get the colleague and the owner cut our hair at the same time?

[C]

Well, yes, I, I would, I would like that to happen. That. That is the.

[B]

You guys go to see the same guy, right?

[C]

At the barber shop where two barbers work at the barbershop.

[A]

I got most of the time sitting there chatting. Yeah.

[C]

You're like, right.

[B]

You both like the same.

[C]

The other one is based on. Yes, yes, we like both of them.

[A]

Yeah, they know. He doesn't care. Oh, anyone could cut his hair.

[B]

Oh, okay. All right, Keep going.

[C]

Well, yes, the second issue is actually that what you're just saying is that the other barber at the shop is usually free, and he cut my hair twice or three times in the past, and that was when the other guy was on vacation. And as a matter of fact, he did an excellent job, even better than the usual barber.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

So the question is understood, right? How can I ask the other barber cut my hair without hurting the feelings of the barber we've been going to all this time?

[A]

Question for you. Yes, the barber, you like his name? Let's give him a name. The better. Tony, the one you don't like.

[C]

I like both of them.

[A]

I understand.

[C]

I like both of them. I like both of them. I just want. Sometimes I want it to be a little bit faster so that we don't lose time. And the other barber?

[B]

You're our only Sarajevo guy. You're fine.

[A]

We're not hot there.

[B]

Yeah, it's our Greenland.

[A]

But you got Tony is number one. Who's our number two?

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

Who cares? Garrett Barber.

[B]

Just to be clear, the shitty barber who you like less is Gareth.

[C]

Well, no, there are no shitty barbers. Please don't get me wrong, but the.

[B]

Less the last great guys, the less good barber is Gareth.

[C]

No, he's actually. He's actually the one. He did. He did my haircut even better than the first. It's actually a compliment for you.

[A]

So you want Gareth to cut your hair, but Tony's the og. Here's what you do. You say to Tony this. Hey, Tony, you're the best. You run this place. Will you do my son's hair? I don't care. Look at me. I'm 44 years old. I'll just have Gareth do it. Yeah, but just in order to get time done. I. I want you, because I respect you, to do my son's hair because he's comfortable with you. And you know, my son, he's a little jumpy. But I'll just go to Gareth because we're running out of time. And he'll go, no problem.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

Well, not exactly. I actually tried that. And it's always. And it's always. Well, a couple of times. Five or six times I've tried it in the past couple years.

[A]

You've tried it six times?

[C]

Well, over the years, I've Been going to this part, like, at least six years, and with my son for the past three years. And every time I asked him, even when he was on vacation, he would say, well, I'll be there fairly soon. Don't worry about it. You can wait. And all of that. The same thing. When I asked him to do my son's hair, he said, no, don't worry about it. I'll. You know, you can wait. It's going to be fast and all of that.

[A]

So it's kind of awkward.

[C]

It's just awkward.

[A]

He's not letting you. Again.

[B]

You've gotta.

[C]

Right. A little bit.

[A]

I get this.

[C]

I've tried that.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Just kind of hitting the wall. And the wall is awkwardness. I don't want it to be awkward. I don't want it to be in the conflict. I mean, again, they're both great guys. There's nothing wrong with them.

[B]

We love them.

[C]

It's just that it's a little bit awkward, and I don't know how to go around that. That's one thing. And the other thing, I wanted to be comfortable when I go in there. My son loves them both. Right.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

They're both great guys.

[C]

They're both great guys.

[E]

I agree.

[C]

Even Garrett.

[A]

So I got a quick question. Just because we're getting a little bit of the lay of the land of where you are. There are other barbers.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

How big is the town you're in?

[C]

Well, it's not that big. And I'm kind of worried about this call because if he ever, ever hears about this, there isn't a lot of chances that he's gonna miss.

[A]

Clear. They're both great guys.

[C]

Yeah, they are.

[B]

Do you feel one of them is not a great guy?

[A]

No, these are both. No.

[B]

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Sorry.

[A]

And are you really worried about In Bosnia, the barbers are gonna go, wow, cutting hair. Did you hear the latest episode? I'm telling you.

[C]

Hey, it's a small. It's a small town. I mean, fairly small town. Right.

[B]

God, it would be for us.

[C]

If a word gets out, it's gonna spread. He's going to be the first one who's going to hear it.

[A]

Yeah, but let me make this crystal clear. They're both great guys. All.

[B]

Well, hold on. Do. Do you think that anon. That both of them are great?

[C]

Absolutely.

[A]

Okay, so we got no problem. You're just saying that Gareth is a little bit better. Yeah, but they're both.

[C]

The one that's sitting across from here or the one.

[A]

But it's more about time.

[B]

Yes, it's about time.

[A]

The first guy's not that good at cutting hair.

[B]

Yes. And you've tried our first pitch six.

[A]

Times, and he won't let you off the hook. And it's gotten to the point you've had to call in the middle of the night of podcasts while your son is sleeping. That's right.

[C]

Exactly. Exactly.

[B]

Just so. Just so we can hear what the pushback sort of sounds like, do you want to just be Tony with him for a minute?

[A]

Sure.

[B]

So why don't you talk to Jake as Tony? Do the thing where you're pitching that you're gonna both.

[A]

I'm Jake, he's Tony.

[E]

You're.

[B]

No, you're Tony. He's. He's himself. I want to hear how the barber. Like, because I wouldn't.

[A]

He's got to be Tony, because I'd be.

[C]

But I have to be Tony.

[B]

Okay, fine, fine.

[A]

So I'll be you and you're Tony.

[C]

That's fine.

[A]

Okay. Hey, Tone. How are you?

[C]

Hey. What's going on?

[A]

Ah, you're a great guy.

[C]

I know that. I've heard that.

[B]

You guys aren't saying that he's a better guy than me.

[A]

We never would get. They're both. You guys are absolutely, absolutely, absolutely not. So quick question for you, Tom.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

You know, I come in here with my son. We both love it. You know this. We would never go to play sauce. You guys are both great guys.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

What if we just had you do my son specifically, and I'll just go that other guy, Garrett, who's the same, but both great guys.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Because then when we come in, we'll just sit in the chairs together. We'll get out of here quick. But I want.

[C]

It's not. It's not going to take that long. It's just going to take half an hour, 35 minutes, you're all going to be done.

[A]

That's long. We. Tony, we might have different definitions of long, you know.

[C]

Well, at least we spent at least an hour there.

[A]

Right? So what. I get it. What I'm thinking is, if it's the same time, we'll only spend 30 minutes total.

[C]

That's what I'm trying to achieve.

[B]

I feel like we moved out of role play. Do me a favor. I'm going to be. I'm going to be you. You be Tony.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm going to be you.

[C]

All right.

[B]

All right. Hey, Tony. Sorry, I'm a couple minutes late. I'm gonna actually go to Gareth. You'll Cut. My son. My wife has booked. We got to go to see a movie in like 20 minutes. We're pushed her time. Is that okay?

[C]

That would be fine.

[B]

Okay, thanks.

[A]

All right.

[B]

There we go. You're welcome.

[C]

Yeah, but that's.

[A]

Wait, hold on.

[C]

That's the situation. That's the situation that I want to avoid.

[A]

That would be fine as Tony, but.

[C]

I want to avoid that, but because it's going to be uncomfortable. And this is just a one, one time shot. But if I were to say that. And I said that, but I think if you happen to be, for that.

[A]

Time, small town, I. I think.

[B]

I think the next time you go back, you're addicted to the way it was before. I think just if you get it done once like that, I think then you're starting off.

[A]

I have an idea.

[B]

What?

[A]

You trust these guys, right? They're great guys.

[C]

Absolutely.

[E]

Both of them.

[C]

Yes. Yeah.

[A]

It's not funny, man. Do you make the appointments over the phone or is it.

[C]

Absolutely. And a couple of days in advance as well. So I can't say on, let's say, Friday. I'm booking an appointment for Tuesday. Yeah, I can't say. Hey, I'm. I have to. I don't know. You know?

[A]

Yeah, I get it. One quick question that I just need to know.

[B]

Are these good guys not a great. Are you on this call?

[A]

I just want to know.

[B]

They'Re good.

[C]

Since you asked a couple of times. This Garrett guy, seriously. No, they're both great guys. So.

[A]

All right. You don't want to make it awkward. You don't want to book them at different times. Here's what I think.

[C]

That's the main point.

[A]

I get it.

[C]

I really don't want to make it off.

[A]

I know.

[C]

Really made that clear.

[A]

And you're a good guy, right?

[B]

You're. You're a great guy. Don't forget about you, my man. The fact that you're having this moral quandary, you're a great guy.

[A]

You're. These are three great guys.

[B]

You belong there. You're amongst the right people.

[A]

Say, your son's a great guy.

[C]

Well, actually, he might be an obstacle in all of that because he likes him so much. Couple of times I actually wanted to go to the, you know, the nearest barbershop, but he didn't let me go. Didn't let me go.

[B]

He likes them that much.

[C]

Right, right, right, right.

[B]

They are great guys. I mean, there's a seven year old who won't let you switch barbershop to the nearer one. That's Closer.

[A]

This is a great.

[C]

Actually, when we went there, he said that to him. Wow.

[B]

I got a pitch. I got a pitch. I got bad news for your son. Santa's not real. And your kid. That barbershop closed. You got to go to the one close to your house.

[A]

It's a small town. These are great guys who are. Tony. No, you can't close it. It's a small town. These are great guys. But here's what I'm thinking we could do. I think, you know, we could do you go to the other barbershop on your own.

[B]

Hmm.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

But I have to wait for him to go to on vacation. Oh.

[A]

Because these great guys will find out you went someplace else.

[C]

Well, here's the thing.

[B]

They're going to be better guys.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Actually going to the same barber.

[B]

Wait, what?

[A]

Your father in law and my brother in law. So the whole family is going to this barber?

[C]

Well, almost the whole.

[A]

I got a question for you.

[B]

Oh, I got it.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

Why don't you. What if you all go to get your hair cut at the same time, flood the system and then you have note you're not going to wait there for two hours.

[A]

No, that's.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So you're all there at the same time. You've got to go. You've got to cut it in two together.

[A]

Yes, that's a great idea. Yeah.

[C]

One way to go. Yeah, absolutely.

[B]

You know what I like about you?

[A]

He doesn't like any idea the way.

[B]

The way that you say no is very polite because that's another way to go, you know? You know what I mean? There's like three roads. He's like, you can go that way.

[A]

You could go that way. But these are great guys.

[C]

Like that phrase, Gareth. I don't hate it. Yeah, I don't hate it.

[A]

I have a pitch for you.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

You're afraid of growing your hair out long.

[B]

You like the Beatles.

[A]

I got a question for you. Is it appropriate for your line of work in your lifestyle to have longer hair?

[C]

Well, it is. It wouldn't. I mean, it wouldn't hurt.

[A]

Have you ever had a ponytail? Well, you're a great guy.

[B]

You.

[A]

You great guys have ponytail.

[B]

You're now pushing for the Bosnian ponytail.

[A]

I'm pushing for the boss.

[C]

I've had it. I've had it for at least seven or eight years. When I was younger.

[A]

Oh, right.

[C]

In my 20s.

[A]

Right now you're in your 40s, and guess what? The 40s are the new 20s.

[B]

So here's our solve. Will you grow a ponytail?

[A]

You don't go to a party.

[B]

Grow a ponytail. Be a great guy. Your kid gets his hair cut by Tony. Is that cool? And then that's one way to go.

[C]

I don't hate it.

[A]

Hey, you know. Okay, so what do you hate the least?

[B]

Out of what we've talked about, what.

[A]

We'Ve pitched, what do you hate the least?

[C]

The first pitch. The first pitch is the first pitch.

[A]

Which was the first pitch.

[B]

The pitch you've done.

[C]

First pitch was. Hey, I'm kind of in a hurry. Would it be all right if we. If I got my haircut at the. Oh, what's his name? Garrett's name.

[A]

I have an idea on this. It's gonna work. You know what? Great guys love blaming things on their wives.

[B]

Yeah, it's kind of what I was going with.

[A]

You know what you could do there? Go like this. Hey, I gotta get back. The wife saw me. She wants us home. Can we just cut and. He'll go. It won't take long. You go. Look, I'd rather be here with you. You guys are great guys. I got chores to do. Back.

[B]

She's not even a guy.

[C]

That actually is not bad. That's not bad.

[A]

Guess what Tony would say to that. That's a great guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's got a wife.

[C]

Say anything.

[A]

He wouldn't say, because you gotta go like this. I got him to go sit in Garrett's chair. He goes, no, it won't take long. You go like this. Damn wife. She's not a great guy.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't hate her, but not a great guy.

[C]

Her. Right.

[A]

I love her, but she's not a great guy.

[C]

I. Well, that's what. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You come in. I mean, add a little stress to your energy. Your. Your wife has made plans for you, too. You're supposed to go straight from there to plans. You have a half hour. You don't want to rush it. You're going to go to Gareth.

[A]

And then when you're both.

[B]

They're Tony's good, great guy.

[A]

And then once that happens and it works, Hannah, when you leave, you go, hey, this was great. Let's just do it like this. This was easy.

[B]

Or.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Or even next time you come in, you just say the wife.

[A]

Then we the new.

[B]

And that's just the new system.

[C]

Well, actually, that wouldn't be permanent, which is all right. I actually, you know, I don't. It wouldn't be permanent in terms of doing it every time the same time, the same way.

[A]

How come that.

[C]

That. Well, if you were to say Every time you go there. I'm busy. I don't have time.

[B]

No, no.

[C]

You know, my wife is to blame.

[B]

No, no, no. But you're addicted to the new schedule. Time is important, but also right.

[C]

But when I make appointments, I make it two or three or four days ahead, right? So if I were to do it, that means that I'm actually planning ahead. I would be able to do it once. Hey, on a Tuesday afternoon. Something came up. I'm not going to be able to be here for an hour, hour and a half. Can my dear great guy Gareth do my hair? But it. But it's not going to be. It cannot be permanent. It's, you know, which is fine. Which is all right.

[B]

Well, no.

[C]

Better something than nothing.

[B]

We're pitching, okay? That. Because this. You're. The efficiency of this one time now, you, like, has made you change your policy.

[A]

I got an idea.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You do the policy once where Garrett cuts your hair. This could work. I don't know. Okay, you do it once. The next time you go in, you make a big show that you cannot believe it. Your wife loved your haircut from Garrett. And you say, like to your son, cover your ears.

[C]

And you go, she actually did. Yes.

[A]

This is what you said, Tony, the sheets were on fire. And he goes, what? You go, hey, at my age, whatever it takes. You're out playfully. Garrett, get over here and cut my hair. You've got the magic touch with my wife. And he goes, I cut your hair.

[C]

No problem.

[A]

You go, I love you, Tony. I love what happens with her on the sheets better. You're a great guy, but that's my wife. She likes it. I do this. I would prefer to sit and talk to you. You're a great guy. So is Garrett. I want what happens at home when I get this haircut, dear.

[B]

Riff is his name.

[A]

What are we calling you?

[B]

You called him Garrett.

[A]

Who cares? Nobody even likes.

[B]

He does.

[A]

He's not a great guy.

[B]

What do you think of that?

[C]

Interesting.

[B]

Let me add. Let me add a little. Let me add a little more to this. Are you tip. Are you tipping Tony?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

All right.

[B]

You feel comfortable maybe adding a little bit more money to Tony's tip?

[A]

15%.

[C]

It's already at 15%.

[A]

20%.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

All right.

[B]

I think if you're comfortable, if you add a little bit more of a tip. If you add a little bit more of a tip. Okay. You're compensating him for the change. You're. You're just.

[C]

We're just bribing. We're Just bribing.

[A]

I wanted to.

[C]

I wanted to be comfortable. That's the entire.

[B]

It's comfortable.

[A]

But, Adnan, tell me this. I gave you a solution that's comfortable.

[C]

It is.

[A]

If I had a great guy, a friend of mine, and he said, hey, I did this other thing, and my wife appreciated me more, and we had a wonderful night. You're a great guy. I say go with him. You made love to your wife because of the haircut, because of the work Garrett did to your hair. You made love three nights in a row under the full moon.

[C]

And she usually does it despite of my haircut.

[B]

And then here's the problem with our pitches. Sometimes you react like you're not calling an advice podcast to get out of a pickle.

[A]

You're calling it. You're. I think your tone is, this will never work.

[C]

Well, I'm actually kind of close to that because I've done it for the past, you know, two, three, four years.

[A]

Have you ever tried to tell him that the work Garrett did on your head led to lovemaking?

[C]

No.

[A]

You've never done that?

[C]

No.

[A]

Let's do this for a second. I want you to be Tony, and I'm gonna be you, and I want you to do, truthfully, your best version of Tony. Okay.

[C]

That's fine.

[A]

Thank you. You're a great guy.

[C]

Thank you so much.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

That's fine. Ready?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Hey, Tony.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

You're a great guy, Tony. Tony, I have something very embarrassing to say to you, but true. Last week, when Gareth cut my hair, I went home to my wife. She loved the haircut. We made sex many times. That's fine. It was better than usual, and it was because of the haircut, therefore.

[C]

Good to hear that.

[A]

Thank you, my friend. You're a great guy.

[C]

You're welcome. You are so.

[A]

Thank you. That is fine.

[B]

Don't sleep on me.

[A]

So, Tony, the boy, you cut his hair. That is fine. Garrett cuts my hair. That is fine indefinitely. I love you. You're a great guy. Garrett is a great guy. I want this. Awkward. I like to come here, but this is a solution that'll work. Your thoughts, Tony?

[C]

I absolutely agree.

[B]

Can we put you in this car? I have one more pitch.

[A]

He absolutely agrees.

[B]

I know. I don't want to talk past.

[C]

What can he say to that? He can't say anything.

[A]

Nothing. And it's playful.

[C]

Nothing.

[A]

He's going to go like this.

[B]

Who is this guy? When did you get on the phone?

[A]

But that's. He can't, because what you're saying, it's Funny. It's fun. He's going to go, I'm happy for you. And then you go, but I got to tell you, you need to cut my son's hair because you're so good. I don't know what's happening. And then you go, tony, this is real. My wife, before this haircut, it had been six months. She won't touch me. Me, I'm like a dead turtle. It's weird, sure, but Now I am 18 years old. And he goes, this is fine.

[B]

Anon. Are we good with this? Do you feel good about this? Honestly?

[C]

Honestly, it's a great, great story. And I can go with the version of it.

[A]

Are you gonna do it?

[B]

Are you gonna do it?

[C]

I could, yeah, absolutely. But I'm not gonna go into all of this. Six months.

[B]

Okay, but you will say you got banged. You got banged harder because of it.

[A]

But don't do the turtle thing. Yeah.

[B]

We all agree. I'm not signing off on the turtle. Jake is a great guy. His hair is in the right video. Great guy.

[C]

Yeah, he's all right.

[B]

Now, here's what we want you to do, okay? Go try this. Seriously, try it.

[A]

Film it. Audio record it, please.

[B]

Audio record it.

[A]

And you're just. Hold it. Tony's a great guy.

[B]

We're not gonna know the language. Don't record it.

[C]

I could do that. I could do that.

[A]

I don't care if it's in English.

[B]

Ok, we'll use Babel. But try it in earnest. Let us know how it goes, because you're a very different. This happens every now we run up against someone like you who will not take pitch for an answer.

[A]

Great guy.

[B]

He was a great guy. It's not an indictment on you. You're specific. So we're gonna go do this and let us know how it goes. Hopefully it's a win. But if not, we're gonna get you a win.

[A]

These are all good guys.

[D]

All right.

[C]

Okay, I will try.

[B]

For God's sake, tell people about our show out there, would you?

[A]

And before maybe you're in a small town, we don't want these great people.

[B]

Tell the barbers. Tell these two guys they're great.

[A]

Bye, buddy. Bye, buddy.

[E]

Thank you so much.

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

Bye. Bye.

[A]

Hello.

[E]

Hello.

[A]

How are you? Not bad.

[E]

How are you?

[A]

Good. Can we get your name, please?

[E]

Yeah, this is Jason.

[A]

Hey, Jason. Where are you calling from, Jason?

[E]

Sacramento, California.

[A]

Jason Sacramento. How long you been listening to the show, Jason?

[E]

Just a few weeks, actually. My girlfriend got me listening.

[A]

Cool. And what? And how did you get started? Are you somebody? And you can be honest here. We're not sensitive. I mean, we are garbage. How many have you listened to at this point?

[E]

Just a couple episodes, actually.

[A]

Right on. What's going on, bud?

[E]

Oh, well, I guess the question in a nutshell was the situation. I'm in. I'm looking to exit. I got roped into playing in this band a couple years ago that my friend started, and it's just not going anywhere. And I'd like to leave the band but also remain friends with the members. It's hard and so good for you. Yeah, it's kind of a tough one. I don't. I don't really know how I can.

[B]

Let's get some facts. What kind of music?

[E]

Kind of like rock grunge type stuff. Like, imagine something like, you know, any one of Jack White's projects with Nirvana influence.

[A]

Jason, let me get an age of you and the members.

[E]

We're all early to mid-40s.

[A]

Yikes. Okay. I just mean it in terms of a rock band and everyone in their mid-40s, that's a different animal. If you would have said 27.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Because I think in your mid-40s, you could drop out of a band and stay friends.

[B]

What do you. What do you play, Jason?

[A]

Bass.

[E]

I play bass.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

That's a shame. That Jake, was that right? Because the look on his face right now is like, gareth, would you let me cook? Get out of the kitchen. I'll let you know what supper's on.

[A]

Hey, little boy Scooter. All right, so what's the name of your band?

[E]

It's called the Devil's Rooster.

[B]

You are in your 40s. Yeah.

[A]

I'm shocked Gareth didn't try to guess the name there. When I guess bass, that is your role again, when I go, what's the name there? You just to throw a random.

[B]

I just. I'm sorry. I just got. I just got moved out of the room, so.

[A]

The Devil's Rooster. And who. Yeah, who picked the name and why are you guys. The Devil's Rooster?

[B]

Is it a play on the devil's.

[E]

Well, and see, that's what I thought at first when I first heard the name. I thought it was kind of a double entendre there, but nope, I just. It turns out, like. So the singer came up with the name first of all.

[B]

Do. Go ahead.

[E]

I have not heard that yet, but that's not bad.

[A]

The above garbage.

[E]

The name actually stems from, however, like, an actual literal rooster on his property that he thinks is maybe possessed or something.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[E]

And so, yeah, I thought it was like a kind of a dirty joke at first, but then it turns out it's not.

[A]

So that. And what's the. Even more. What's the lead singer's name?

[E]

His name is Rick.

[A]

And who's kind of the leader? Is it Rick?

[E]

Well, that's definitely him. Yeah, he does. He does all the songwriting, sings lead, and does the leaked guitar work, too.

[A]

And do you guys rehearse or do gigs?

[E]

Just rehearse at this point. He's booked some studio time.

[A]

Oh, he wants.

[E]

But, yeah, yeah, exactly.

[B]

It's a good time to get out.

[E]

It seems like it's more of a recording project than it is going to be like, a live thing.

[A]

Okay. And how's the music?

[E]

You know, there's some good. Some good riffs, some good progressions, but there's some hard. Like, it's. It's difficult for him to form these into, like, coherent songs. You know what I mean?

[A]

You don't think Rick's that talented? I.

[C]

Not.

[E]

We're gonna be bleeding in the band, I guess.

[A]

Well, yeah, but, I mean. Yeah, we don't have to.

[E]

I mean, we said the name of the band, though.

[A]

Yeah, I think that. But I don't mean this as a mean. Like, it's.

[C]

Well, if he was.

[A]

If you thought this. If you thought Devil's Rooster was gonna pop, you might stick around. But you're like, hey, I don't think this band's ever gonna do anything, so I don't know if I need to spend all this time doing this. Is that kind of correct?

[E]

That's exactly where my head's at.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And there's nothing wrong with that. No, Gareth, we've both been in sketch groups or improv groups where you're like, I like all you guys. I don't mind getting together. This group's never gonna make it in TV and movies, and we're never gonna have a big audience. I don't need to rehearse on a Wednesday night.

[B]

Stepping. Stepping out of an improv group only to keep doing improv with other people at the theater. Always awkward.

[A]

But you're also saying, like, this group, isn't it?

[B]

No, I agree. Well, how close are you with the other members of the band, Jason?

[E]

You know, with the other guys, I really just know them through the band. And I've gotten to know him pretty well, you know, but it's mostly Rick that. You know. I've been friends with Rick since high school, so.

[A]

Okay.

[E]

I really try to avoid hurting his feelings, of course.

[A]

I get that.

[E]

Like, and the other guys, I don't think if I bail out, I don't think they would even really hurt. It's not like.

[A]

Right. And, Jason, tell us how Rick got you into the band.

[E]

Well, you know, like, I guess, like, we played together in a group earlier in life when we were in our 20s, but I ended up leaving that band because I just moved on to more serious projects.

[A]

And then.

[E]

Later on, you know, like, a couple years ago, he just hit me up again. We, you know, continued being friends all that time, and he just kind of decided he wants to get a band together again and invited me over to jam, and I did. And then the next week, he's like, hey, you want to come jam again? And then pretty soon, it turned into a weekly practice.

[A]

All of a sudden you're like. I mean, Devil's Rooster.

[E]

Like, how did I end up.

[B]

Step above.

[A]

I understand. I get this. All of a sudden you're like, how am I in Devil's Rooster? Sure.

[B]

What do you do for work, Jason?

[E]

I do facility maintenance for a restaurant chain.

[B]

Okay. I mean, I got.

[A]

I see. A merch idea. And that is, how did I get in Devil's Rooster? That's because that's a real thing where you're like, I like this guy a lot. I legitimately view him as a friend. We've known each other since high school. I'm willing to do this thing.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I'll go get on the Wednesday. It's fun. We have a couple beers, we play. It's fun. All of a sudden, he's like, hey, we're recording. And you're like, recording what? We're in Devil's Rooster. You're the bassist.

[B]

How did I end up in basis?

[A]

I'm not the basis of Devil's Rooster. Yeah, you are. Ah.

[B]

How did I end up in Devil's Rooster? As a. Like. Wait, how did we get here?

[A]

How did we get here?

[B]

A quick slide. I think that's okay. I have a couple already. You work in maintenance. You could hurt your hand. You could hurt your hand, and you could just wear, like, a. Something on your finger, like a small thing, but just means you can't play for a little bit. Then he's gonna have to move on. And you could give your blessing and say, look, I know you're trying to record. Why don't you have someone step in for me? You know? And that can just be your way to start the move away.

[A]

I got an idea going off of that, Jason, pretend you had a dream and in the dream, you heard bass riffs and they. And when you play them, they're terrible. Make him fire you.

[B]

I have a similar pitch to that, which is write a couple songs that are awful.

[A]

Yes. And go, hey, man, if we're recording.

[B]

I got a couple.

[A]

I view you as Paul and I'm John.

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Hey, man, I'm down to record, but can we do half mine?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And your songs are all lovey. Yeah. Well, I just did. I was in Catalina, as I said, and I was on one of these tours, and one of the things is they played a reggae song. It was Bob Marley and the Thing. But then there was. I heard a cover, and it was clearly white people doing reggae about island life and how, slow down, have a drink. Enjoy island life. What if you wrote a song called Island Life and it was all about being on Catalina island, living life, drinking margaritas, eating hamburgers, and the bass was so cheesy. White guy reggae. Jason in Devil's Rooster would hate it.

[B]

I. I'll go one further. You should just get, like, a steel drum and just start hitting on that a little. I mean, if you wanted to go even further, I mean, you could start saying, like, you really like what the work the band's been doing, but the vibe you're going for is a little more islandy. And, I mean, the second you start interjecting this whole new concept or how.

[A]

About this you're working on. You've been working on a solo project, and if you're gonna stay in Devil's Rooster, you need to combine them because you've been doing a lot of island sounds and you're happy to stay in the group, but your heart these days is on a fictional island.

[B]

And maybe the album tit you think is the devil's Reggae.

[A]

Because I'll tell you, if you're in your 40s and you got a band that's rock grunge, and it's called Devil's Rooster, what you don't want is your bassist turning it into an island jammy kind of.

[B]

What's great about this, if I do say so myself, is that he's not going to want you in the band anymore.

[A]

That's what we're looking.

[B]

So then you have the ability very shortly thereafter to say, look, Rick, I love you.

[E]

You.

[B]

I love working with you, but I think you maybe need someone else.

[A]

Or how about this, Jason? What if you pitch go, hey, I just saw a movie called Pitch Perfect 3. What if we became an acapella group?

[B]

Or you do pitch like Maybe some hardcore choreography for the live shows.

[A]

But there's no live shows. It's just recording.

[B]

But whatever. You're gonna do it in the studio.

[A]

And you said. I just. What if we became a band that dance? Yeah. So, Jason, where we're going with this is you got a fake injury, which is always solid, but it's a fix, in my opinion. Yeah.

[B]

And it's. You've got way less fun.

[A]

You've got the play Badly routine. You've got the. You've created a solo project, and it's kind of got island vibes. Or you want to turn the Devil's Rooster into Devil's Reggae.

[B]

Well, I think that connects to island vibes. That's sort of, to me, the similar. I think. I think Jake and I are both going to put our signatures on the. You want to go in an island vibes direction.

[A]

What do you want to do, Jason?

[E]

Yeah, I think the island vibes is definitely the move, because just. It's funny that you would mention the injured hand, because the funny thing is right now, I actually do have, like, a real injury on my hand that's preventing me from playing for a couple weeks. So I got a little break here, but it's still.

[B]

Well, you used that break.

[E]

This pressure of like, when are you coming back? We gotta. You know, we're getting in the studio.

[A]

The injury changed you, and it gave.

[B]

You a chance to get on the steel drum. Yeah, right. Yes. So you weren't. You didn't.

[A]

You.

[B]

You actually started to.

[A]

I mean, I don't know, able to do the steel drum, but you don't even use a steel drum. Use a pot.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Put a little bit of water in a big pot and go. It's crazy.

[B]

But it's now, Jason, when you do this, you have to look serious, and.

[A]

You need to wear a Hawaiian shirt and puga shell necklace.

[B]

And you're gonna need to have your phone recording in your pocket.

[A]

Yeah. But Jason, if it's a bit. He's gonna sniff it out and go, just pick up the base and you're back in Devil's Rooster.

[B]

You gotta walk in. Yeah, you gotta walk in, and they're gonna go, where's the bass? And you're gonna be like, not my vibe anymore. I'm doing island vibes. I had two weeks off. I kind of found myself musically. I wrote some stuff that I'd really like to play you guys. I think we laid.

[A]

You know what? I would do it. I would do it via text at first.

[B]

That's Jake.

[A]

Because Jake Real life, Jake.

[B]

Yeah, let's send it.

[A]

Because in real life, Jason, when people have a change, it's never as performative as that. I would write something like this, hey, guys. With the injured hand. It's given me a lot of thought about not being with my hand injury. I haven't been able to play bass in a while, but it's actually been inspirational. I think I'm going in a different direction musically and getting really into kind of island slash steel drum, reggae. Feel good music. Music. Anybody interested in pursuing this? I'm feeling really passionate.

[B]

I think you want to seem excited. I, I, I mean, yes.

[A]

And then I think what Jason's gonna go is like, huh, well, we're right about to record Devil's Rooster. And you go, yeah, man. My heart's not really into Devil's Rooster, but my heart's really into this idea of island music. And go, I just like the idea of white folks on an island, on a beach, just feeling good, drinking Coronas on vacation. I just. You could also love the music.

[B]

You can also pitch the, like, you know, this is such a bookable thing. We can be doing, like, outdoor restaurants for a whole summer if we want.

[A]

Or you could even pitch something dorkier. That is, we could record this and imagine that they could be playing in the back of, like, a restaurant. You know what the dream would be? This plane at, like, a themed restaurant on, like, a Club Med. And Jason's gonna go, that's the dream. And you go, I don't even think we need to get paid for it. We'll just give it to them.

[B]

Yeah, you just write back, Irene, I think, Jason, do you want. I think Jake's right. I should start with a text because it kind of paints you into the corner and it lets them have a minute to be ready to not shocked.

[A]

Jason's gonna try to come back and convince you, so Rick is gonna try to come back and convince you. Don't do that. Just being Devil's Rooster.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And what you have to do is go, like, I'm kind of done with Devil's Rooster, but I'm not done with you guys. And be like, it's a vague starting idea, but make them cut you out so that you could all still get drinks. And they go, I don't. He hurt his hand and had a nervous breakdown. The fucking dude wanted to make reggae music.

[B]

What is, what's great about that is that you'll be cool about them saying they don't want to work with you anymore versus Rick having any Edge when you say, I don't want to do this anymore.

[A]

And then if he says, hey, can you just come into studio and play this? Go like, yeah, I gotta tell you, man, my heart's not there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you go, I just.

[B]

My heart's on the island.

[A]

My heart's on the. Musically, my heart's on the island. And not in a bad way, but I'd be happy to do that. But I met. And then when you play island music, it's bad. And you go, dude, I'm at step one. I never thought it'd be so fun in my mid-40s to have to like, learn new stuff, but I, I want to learn to play the steel drums. And he's gonna go like, dude, we gotta record an album soon. I don't. I can't have you learning a new instrument. And go, well, that's just where I'm at.

[B]

I just.

[A]

And where he's gonna say is, I think I need a new basist. And then you go, I'm totally cool with that.

[B]

Cool.

[A]

Dude, we've been friends forever. I respect the hell out of you. But I, I. You can even do this other song.

[B]

I'm gonna. This is honestly inspirational for the new stuff I'm writing, so thank you, Rick.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Okay.

[A]

What do you think, Jason? What are you. Are you gonna do this?

[E]

No, that. Yeah, that sounds great. I think I am gonna start shopping for a steel drum now. Do we send those guys that text?

[A]

You want to send the text now?

[B]

And we're really good at writing the text, Jason, Just so you know, we have a great track record. You've only listened to three episodes and you're only in the show. We're great at it.

[A]

Okay, so you're. Now be honest with it, Jason. If you're. I'm going to hang up the phone and tell my girlfriend that show you like is weird. It's just a step above garbage. They tried to get me to do an island thing. It wasn't helpful. You can tell us the truth because we are here to help.

[E]

No, no, no. Absolutely not. I like the idea because that's what. Ultimately that's what I want. If I could get them to push me away.

[A]

That you're always get dumped. Not to dump completely.

[B]

And by the way, they're going to dump you.

[A]

Of course they will.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Psychotic.

[A]

I would dump you.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So, Jason, if you don't want to send the text now, can you tell us what you're thinking the text is going to be? And when you send it, can you send a screen grab of it to our email. Yeah. Yeah. Do you want to just do it now? Sometimes it's nice just to rip the band aid off. Yeah.

[B]

You could just have it written out. At least.

[A]

Put it in yourself.

[E]

Yeah. You know, I just, I. I guess, I don't know. Let's see. Like, if you were to write the text.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

What would it say?

[B]

Thank you, Jason, because that's what I'm.

[A]

Okay. So, Gareth, you want to start?

[B]

Sure. Hey, fellas. Hand is still a little sore, comma. But honestly the break has been pretty good for me.

[A]

Give me a sec because I know, I know. Jason. Ain't rightness. Keep going.

[B]

I have sort of found a new source of inspiration. Colon. Island music. Here's what I'm thinking. Let's go in a direction.

[A]

No, here's what I'm thinking. I'm going to go in a direction.

[B]

Here's what I'm thinking. I've written a couple songs.

[A]

No, because then he has to perform them him.

[B]

That's okay.

[A]

But we can't catch it. We can't get him caught. Okay, I go. Here's what I'm thinking. I want to play island music.

[B]

I'm really digging island music.

[A]

Here's what I'm thinking. Take away. Here's what I'm thinking. So sort of found a new source of inspiration. Island music. And that's what I want to do as a musician.

[E]

Yep.

[A]

Okay. I want to play as a musician. I am done with the bass.

[B]

I've ordered a steel drum.

[A]

And looking to jam. Want to figure this out together, guys? Or are you guys still into grunge?

[B]

It's maybe. Maybe you don't need it to be so ultimatumy.

[A]

Okay, I agree.

[B]

Like, you know, it's just sort of like he. This is his excited text.

[A]

How about this? Then we end with this. Jason, what do you think of this as a text? Hey, fellas. Hands still store hands still sore. But honestly, break has been good for me. Sort of found a new source of inspiration. Island music. And island music is what I want to be and play as a musician. I ordered a steel drum and I think I'm done with the bass. Just wanted to let you guys know where I was at as an artist.

[B]

You might just want to say maybe not even I'm done with the bass, but just I've ordered a steel drum and I'm writing some songs I'm pretty excited about.

[C]

Yes.

[E]

I like that. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

More to come soon.

[B]

Yes, that's exactly right.

[A]

That is to come more to come.

[B]

Boys, because this is this. Now we're just putting a worm on a line. They are that, Trust me. A side. A side text is starting before a reply is starting.

[A]

So, Jason, pretend you're Rick for a second. Here's the text that Rick's got about to get at early in the morning. Hey, fellas, hands still sore. But honestly, break has been good for me. Sort of found new inspiration island music, and that's what I want to play as a musician. So I ordered a steel drum and I'm writing songs that I'm really excited about. About more to come, boys.

[B]

It's awesome.

[A]

And then if they go, ah, man, that's cool. Anyway, we've got to record it, then you go, kind of losing interest in the grunge, if I'm honest. Excited about this new direction. And they go, ah, I think you will finish what you started. And you go, like, honestly, with my hand, the base is kind of jacked for a while, and I want to give my hand time to recover. So I think I'm going to lean more into this island stuff.

[B]

What's great about the steel drum is you can play it with your left way easily, easier.

[A]

And then what you're slowly doing is you're just getting him to go, like, I think I'm out. And then if he goes, hey, want to jam with island music? You just put that off for a while. Because your hand. You got to learn the guitar. You got to learn the drum first. And then if you get together and he's doing his style, you go like this. Nah, that doesn't sound right.

[B]

It's.

[A]

I'm thinking more like a month. A month.

[B]

Dare I say you just Google an image of a steel drum and scroll way down on the image search and just attach that like two days later, if you don't hear back, guess what I got.

[A]

But, Jason, I really think this is a great pitch.

[C]

It's great.

[A]

What do you.

[B]

Where.

[A]

But it doesn't matter if you don't, because Gareth and I think it's real. This is a step above garbage.

[B]

This is. This is delicious. This is delicious. Because let me tell you why it's delicious. It's insane.

[A]

Work.

[B]

It's going to work. But it's funny for us too, and.

[A]

Like a step above garbage. What we're looking for is. We're just trying to feed the raccoons.

[B]

Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

[A]

So, Jason, what do you think of this?

[E]

I. I like it. Are you gonna.

[A]

Are you gonna do it?

[E]

I'm gonna send them a text I'm gonna let them know that I'm into island music now after taking this break and that. Not really feeling the bass, not really feeling grunge. And if they want to jam on some island tunes, then I'm down. But if not, I don't know.

[A]

Do your thing.

[B]

God bless.

[A]

But what do you think? I got a question for you. If you're going to do this, which I believe you're going to do it, what are we waiting for?

[B]

Why not just drive it off the lot now?

[C]

What do you.

[B]

Who are you going to go talk to? We got a deal.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, if you want us to drop a little bit off, we'll wax the tires for free, but we want you to leave in this car.

[B]

We see you in this car. We love the look. You look inspired.

[A]

So what can we do to get you to drive off in the lot, AKA send the text while we're on the phone? What are we waiting for? It's a good price.

[B]

Yeah, I guess you're right.

[E]

I don't know. What do we.

[A]

I mean, what's three days going to do?

[B]

I think what my partner's saying, Jason, is it feels like this all has momentum right now, and why would we sort of stand in the way of something like that? It just feels kind of right is.

[A]

You could take your phone right now and I could dictate because I've already written it out. I got the contract right here. I wrote the text.

[B]

My partner has.

[A]

We could just. I could say it. You could type as I'm saying it, then you could read it back, make sure we're happy, send it to the gang and move on, bing, bang, boom. And then if they respond in the next couple hours, because we're going to be recording for two and a half more hours, you could call back.

[B]

That'd be great.

[A]

All right, let's do that. You want to open up your text?

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

Let's do it.

[B]

I think that's a good idea. Sure. Okay.

[A]

I think that works. All right, so tell me. Tell me when you're ready, and I'll it. Yeah, tell me when you're ready.

[B]

All right.

[E]

Hang on just a sec.

[A]

Thanks, brother.

[B]

Got a good feeling.

[E]

Okay, Got it opened up.

[A]

Hey, fellas.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Hand is still sore, but honestly, the break has been good for me.

[E]

Me.

[A]

Tell me when.

[B]

Hand must really be hurting. Okay.

[A]

Sort of little.

[E]

It's my left thumb that's. That's got me, so.

[A]

Yeah, it sucks.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're not going to sort of found new musical inspiration. Colon island music.

[B]

It's a great colon.

[A]

Okay, Tell me when.

[E]

Okay.

[A]

And that's what all I want to play now as a musician.

[E]

Okay.

[A]

I ordered a steel drum, and I'm slowly starting to write songs. I'm very excited about this. More to come, comma, boys. My partner has something. Jason. I just put his fingers up. It's mostly right.

[B]

I have one thing I'm thinking we maybe want to do, which is instead, what is the middle line about what it means for the banjo, Jake, after Island music, the reveal, and that's what.

[A]

I want to play as a musician.

[B]

You might want to change that line to. I'm thinking it could be a step in the right direction for the band. Instead of it being like that way, it puts it on Rick to be like, I don't want this versus, hey, it's shifting.

[A]

Jason, what do you think? You want it to be band specific or you specifically specific?

[E]

I guess. I don't know. It's more about you. Me, I guess, right?

[B]

Like.

[E]

Or is it.

[A]

I'm kind of. I like it's you specific.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because then what I think he's going to do is cool. Well, let's just do Devil's over here or Devil's Rooster over here. Then you can do your island music and go like, No, I think I'm kind of done with grunge, is what I'm saying.

[B]

Saying, hey, Jason, if you're happy, we're happy.

[E]

Yeah, I think this is good.

[B]

Okay. Do you want to. Yep. Why don't you read it back like you're doing. That's great.

[A]

All right.

[D]

So.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Hey, fellas. Hand is still sore, but honestly, the break has been good for me. Sort of found new musical inspiration, island music. And that's all I want to play now as a musician. I've ordered a steel drum and I'm writing songs. Ones. I'm very excited about this. More to come.

[A]

I think it's great.

[B]

It's a. I, I. You feel good, Jason, can we set. Can we hit send? Can we get you off the lot on this guy?

[E]

Yeah, I think so.

[A]

I mean, hit send, brother. And then if you respond in the next two hours, just jump on the zoom.

[B]

Yep. Come back.

[A]

We'll just get you. We'll just get you in.

[E]

Okay. Just call back at the same number.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because you might need a little help pitching a.

[A]

It might. What I'm. What I think Rick is going to do is. Sounds good for you, dude. Still fired up about our music. We got a recording coming up, and we can get you out of that really fast. Okay.

[E]

Yeah, that sounds. That. That's what I'm expecting to happen.

[A]

Yeah, but we'll get you out of it. There's. There's ways. He's gonna try to pull you back in the spider web and we're gonna pull him back into ours.

[B]

Yeah, that's why there's so much paperwork with stuff like this.

[A]

Yeah. Hey, my man, after you sent it, let us know and we can all cheers a little bit and get you off the line lot.

[E]

All right. Yeah, it's there.

[B]

All right, buddy boy. There we go.

[A]

The new you starts, you got. Basically what we're saying is you're out there in the car and you got a warranty. So if anything goes wrong with that text, you call back and we'll get you out of there.

[B]

Yeah, we're friends, buddy.

[A]

My man. Thank you for calling.

[B]

All right, Jason, great call. Love you.

[A]

Great call.

[B]

I love you, man.

[E]

Love you too.

[B]

Love you, buddy.

[D]

Bye.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Hey, love you, Gareth. No more of that.

[B]

I'm talking to my friend. I love you, Jason. I miss you, buddy. I hope to talk to you soon. Call back either way.

[A]

Thanks, buddy.

[B]

Can't wait to talk to you.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Miss you, man.

[E]

Cool. Thanks, guys.

[B]

Love you, buddy. Sweet. Jesse here. This next call is a follow up to episode 94, Ding Dash Ditch with June Diane Raphael.

[A]

Hello.

[E]

Hello.

[D]

How are you?

[B]

Good, how are you? I'm good. Great. We know you're a follow up. Can you remind us who you are and what the first call was, please?

[D]

Yeah, my name is Mike and I'm from New Jersey. And I was calling about whether I should have a separate conversation with my son about the birds and the bees and with Santa.

[A]

Remind me of it.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Diane Raphael was on the call. She made Jake.

[B]

Oh, my Lord. Yeah, this is from ages ago.

[A]

So, Mike, remind us of what your problem was. Take your time and reminding it. This goes back to season one. Remind us what it was, what we suggested you do, what you did and what happened. Take on over.

[D]

Fantastic. Thank you. Yeah, so I just called in because I was at that point with my son. He was entering into sixth grade at the time. I called to see if I should have the conversation together. You guys wisely suggested that I should not. Under no circumstances. And so I have not. So definitely ring that bell. I had a conversation about the birds and bees before he went to sixth grade, but my wife put a stop on the Santa talk and so I haven't had that talk yet with him, I think.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

And so I Have a follow up question, if you guys are open for it, is the question of how do I get my wife on board with having a conversation with my son? I'm more than willing to do it. It's more just the fact that she doesn't really want to have it yet. She feels that it's important.

[A]

And the idea of this was you were ready to tell him there's no Santa. For any kid listening. I don't know what's real or what's not real. So we're just talking about what Mike feels. I'm personally not sure my belief system on this. So there could be, there could not be. I don't know how the gifts come in my house. But, Mike, your belief is there's none and you want to talk to your wife about it. And if I remember correctly, June said one of the craziest things I've ever heard, and that was something about. We told our son, whatever it was, there's no Santa. There is a Santa. And June had come late, if you remember.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And had to leave early.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And she was all flustered.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

She was in such a wheelhouse zone. She was so funny.

[B]

Paul was also like, what? Like, didn't she just kind of go rogue? And he was like, no, no, she was.

[A]

He wasn't with us.

[B]

No, I know he wasn't. But then when he came on after we asked him about it, he was like, yeah, it was crazy. Now, Mike, you remember. And go ahead, top it up.

[D]

Chop it off.

[E]

She.

[D]

She also. I think the conversation happened on December 24 or December 23. One of the like.

[A]

Exactly. Right. So anybody, when you get the producer Jesse thing to remind you to watch it. If you haven't watched the. That pause.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Go listen to that episode and come back. It's the beauty of the Internet. You can come back to this one.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So go listen to that one. It's so funny.

[B]

It's unbelievably funny.

[A]

Unbelievable. And then come back to this one.

[B]

So, Mike, so you did have the conversation about the birds and the bees.

[D]

Yes, I did. And that went very well. He had already kind of.

[A]

How did it go? My God, why did you say, let's do this? Mike. You're Mike Gareth. You're the boy. Okay.

[D]

I explained, I asked. I asked him a lot of questions.

[B]

Where the babies come from. Dad, you're in my room.

[D]

I was like, you know, what do you think about sex? What is this word?

[A]

What do you think?

[D]

What happens? And then I kind of went into specifics about it with him as well.

[A]

And he.

[D]

I'd already in the public school system, they had already started talking about how their bodies were changing and stuff like that, which was a leg up for me because I didn't have to go into a lot of that as well.

[A]

So that was easier than you thought. And so your question today is you want to end Santa.

[B]

What a way to put it.

[D]

It's not that.

[C]

It's not.

[E]

That's.

[D]

That's a. I want to end Santa. I'm just. I'm afraid that he is going to say the wrong thing at the wrong moment. And middle school kids will make fun of a lot of things, including that.

[A]

Let's do this. I'm going to be you, Mike. You be your son.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Let's just play out a scenario and tell me what you think of this approach. Approach.

[E]

Sure.

[A]

Hey, pal, Christmas is coming up. You make your list?

[D]

I absolutely have.

[A]

Okay. So mom, did she get for sure. So we know exactly what you want?

[E]

Yep.

[D]

Everything is good. Everything. You and mom both know exactly what I want.

[A]

Okay. And how do you expect those gifts to come to you in your opinion?

[D]

I mean, Santa drops them off.

[A]

Yeah. And so why do you think you got to give the list to me and mom?

[D]

Because you guys communicate to Santa what I want.

[A]

You believe that?

[D]

Yes, I do.

[A]

Don't. Don't ruin it for him, Mike.

[B]

That was going to be my question. My question, Mike, was going to be.

[A]

Who cares?

[B]

You're.

[A]

You're trying to happen soon enough.

[B]

You're trying to get ahead of something, which I understand you. You don't want him to be, you know, ridiculed or.

[D]

I don't think he does. He certainly doesn't say. He seems to have a good group of friends at school. I just know his. One of his good friends, older parents, told their son, because from an advice from their. From their daughter that this one girl said that she believed in Santa and everyone made fun of her in the entire school.

[B]

Do you feel like the general vibe of the class is that most of the kids don't believe?

[D]

I mean, they're seventh graders in middle school.

[A]

I think that kind of starts dying. Fifth, sixth, Seventh.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I would maybe do? You know what I'd maybe do? Let's do another scenario, Mike.

[E]

Okay.

[A]

Hey, pal, Christmas coming up. You make your list?

[D]

Absolutely, I have.

[A]

And can I ask you a quick question, pal? Do you. Do you a hundred percent of your heart of hearts believe in Santa Claus?

[D]

Yes, I do.

[A]

You do. So let's do me a Favor. Now that you're in seventh grade. Grade. Let's not talk about it at school. What you believe in and what you don't believe in. Because it's more of a family thing. Right? Everybody has their own beliefs and their own kind of whatever. The way our family does. Christmas is ours. But let's kind of keep this between us.

[D]

Okay? Sounds good.

[A]

All right, buddy.

[B]

I like that a lot. I think you can turn it. That's.

[A]

Look, because really easy.

[B]

That might make him go, well, why do people then. Maybe you do have the conversation, but I also think the. The idea of saying he might not.

[A]

Want to stop believing.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

I think just say, I gotta protect you because you're my kid. I can't cover you in honey and put you around a bunch of bees. I think they're gonna sting you. So why don't you go, you want to run around in a bunch of honey? That's cool. My man. Do it at home.

[B]

Yeah, there's some. There's some people who don't want to talk about it in public places for whatever reason.

[A]

Your age, everyone's got their own stuff. Stuff. So let's just talk about that at home. With that in mind, let's get your list and start making some cookies, my king. We got to feed that fat old elf.

[B]

What do you think?

[D]

No, that's great, guys. Thank you.

[B]

I think that's pretty good.

[A]

Does that work?

[D]

Yeah, no, absolutely. I think that. I think that's the best way to go. And. And also say to my wife, hey, I think I'm just going to have a conversation that he shouldn't be talking about at school. Yeah, the foundation, right? We've already laid the foundation of, like, Santa, get stuff that everybody gets. Because I know that some kids don't have, you know, financially that they don't, you know, we're not getting, you know, an Xbox or a PlayStation isn't coming from Santa. It's coming from mom and dad.

[A]

Right? So I think you're in a good spot, Michael. This is really about. Is you're trying to protect your son, and that's a beautiful thing. So let's just keep it going. I think you're in a good zone. I think you called your uncles and we. We set you up in a good zone. Zone.

[D]

Thank you. I appreciate it. Thank you very much, guys.

[A]

Follow up with us again after this one goes.

[B]

Yeah, absolutely, I will.

[D]

All right, guys. Thanks so much.

[B]

All right, bud. Thanks.

[F]

Hi, there. This is Stephanie. I am a longtime listener, and I listen to your podcast religiously. I just finished episode 240 and you jokingly said we're here to wed. And it made me laugh because I'm a local wedding planner in Ontario, Canada, and I would be thrilled and overjoyed to help out this couple in Florida. If someone can fly me there, I would be happy to plan or coordinate for them. Especially if Danny J. Is going to be our lovely officiate. I thought it's just so lovely and funny that this community, you know, it supports anybody for a wedding or for a kidney transplant or even a creepy dog in some museum. So I thought I'd throw my hat in the ring and offer that up should anybody need it.

[A]

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ HelpfulPod gmail.com and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our patreon [e-mail] heretohelpod to see our entire catalog.

[B]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions Executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis associate producer Jesse Thurston Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller theme song by Oliver Raleigh the COVID artwork is by James Fosdike, animations by Andrew Strelecki and if you'd like to see Gareth do Stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[A]

All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com heretohelpod.