We're Here to Help

Episode 246: Great Guys & Island Music (Season 3 Premiere)
Release Date: January 5, 2026
Hosts: Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds

Episode Overview

The Season 3 premiere of “We’re Here to Help” kicks off with major announcements, the launch of new show storylines centered on vasectomies and chimpanzee adoptions, and the return of their trademark comedic, heartfelt guidance to listener call-ins. Jake and Gareth help navigate dilemmas around uncomfortable barbershop politics in Bosnia, escaping from a midlife garage band, and a delicate Santa talk for a preteen. As always, the episode delivers a blend of humor, empathy, and offbeat solutions, deepening the sense of a communal—and sometimes chaotic—advice-driven family.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Kicking Off Season 3 (01:29–09:00)

• Evolution of the Show:
  The show’s structure will further evolve in Season 3; main episodes drop Mondays, Wednesdays feature guests, and Fridays are experimental or Patreon exclusives.
• “Year of the Vasectomy” Storyline:
  Gareth commits to getting a vasectomy, vowing to document and share the process on Patreon:

  “This is the year of the snip.” – Jake (05:15)
  Listeners are encouraged to send voice notes about vasectomy experiences. Gareth even jokes about forming a “snip partner” program for fans to get vasectomies together (“vasectomates”).

• Chimpanzee Adoption Initiative:
  Jake reveals plans for the community to adopt a chimpanzee (or possibly three) through fundraising, Wheel of Fortune charity appearances, and merch:

  “There are three chimps in a sanctuary—Ike, Donald, and the third son of a bitch…we might adopt all three of them.” – Jake (12:12)
  Listeners who buy a hat become “part-owner slash parent” of the chimps.

Memorable moments:

• The playful escalation of season storylines (“Season three is starting off with a goddamn bang.” – Jake, 07:58).
• Jokes about communion through unconventional rites of adulthood (vasectomy) and parenthood (chimp adoption).

2. Caller #1 — Barbershop Awkwardness (19:00–42:13)

Caller: Adnan, 44, Sarajevo, Bosnia

Dilemma:
Adnan and his son frequent a barbershop with two “great guys.” He wants haircuts for both simultaneously, but the “main” barber insists on doing both, causing delays—even though the other barber sometimes does a better job. How can he ask to switch, or expedite things, without hurting feelings or making future visits uncomfortable?

Discussion & Advice:

Laying Out the Problem

• Adnan clarifies both barbers are quality, but the main one resists sharing clients.
• Given the small-town dynamics, Adnan fears gossip or awkwardness:

  “If word gets out, it's gonna spread. He's going to be the first one who's going to hear it.” – Adnan (25:45)

Brainstormed Pitches

• Direct appeal: Tell the main barber to cut his son’s hair, while he goes to the other, citing efficiency. (Unsuccessful—has tried; gets stonewalled.)

• Roleplay Scenarios: Jake and Gareth act out potential confrontations, testing Adnan’s comfort with various scripts.

• Excuse tactics:

  • Cite time constraints (“My wife needs us home…”) and ask to split services for speed.
  • Blame the wife:

    “Great guys love blaming things on their wives.” – Jake (33:42)

  • Or say “My wife loved the other haircut,” implying the new style led to a “spicy” home life—injecting humor to diffuse awkwardness.

• Group flood: Bring the whole family at once to overload the schedule; not ideal for Adnan.

• Ponytail Solution: Grow out his own hair to avoid haircuts for a while.

Adnan’s Preferences

• Likes wife “blame”/time constraint tactics; prefers avoiding confrontation.
• Jake and Gareth encourage him to try the “wife loved the haircut” angle, playfully suggesting to joke about newfound attractiveness due to the other barber (39:10).

Key Quote:

“I've tried [being honest] for the past, you know, two, three, four years... Have you ever tried to tell him that the work [other barber] did on your head led to lovemaking?” – Jake (38:38)
“No.” – Adnan

Takeaway:

• Wrap solution in humor, keep it light and about family demands.
• Adnan agrees to try the new approach, possibly record the encounter.

3. Caller #2 — Quitting a Friend’s Band (43:14–71:45)

Caller: Jason, early 40s, Sacramento, CA

Dilemma:
Jason, urged by a high school friend, joined a midlife grunge band called "Devil's Rooster.” Now he wants to leave, but doesn’t want to hurt the friendship—how to bow out without drama?

Discussion & Advice:

• Band Dynamics:
  Only friend is Rick, the frontman leading the group; rest are acquaintances. The band is all rehearsal, no gigs, and Jason is “just not feeling it.”

• Potential Exit Strategies:

  • Fake Injury: Take advantage of an actual minor hand injury to buy time (“the injury changed you”).

  • Play Badly/Write Bad Songs: Suggest turning in bizarre, unsuitable material.

  • Pivot the Band: Bring up a new, clashing genre obsession (“island vibes”) and propose a radical style shift:

    “I want to play as a musician. I am done with the bass. I ordered a steel drum.” – Jason, as dictated by Jake (62:31) “What you don’t want is your bassist turning it into an island jammy kind of…” – Jake (52:10)

  • Via Text: Start with a group text about newfound love of island/reggae music; let the group realize he’s not a fit.

• Coaching on Delivery:

  • Keep tone positive, not defensive.
  • Let Rick be the one to push him out (“let them dump you, not vice versa”).
  • Jake and Gareth meticulously dictate the text message on air (68:29–70:27).

Key Quote:

“You gotta walk in, and they're gonna go, where's the bass? And you're gonna be like, not my vibe anymore. I'm doing island vibes.… I found myself musically.” – Gareth (54:35)

Resolution:
Jason drafts, then sends the text live:

“Hey fellas, hand is still sore, but honestly the break has been good for me. Sort of found new musical inspiration: island music. That's all I want to play now as a musician. I've ordered a steel drum and I'm writing songs. More to come.” – Composed text message
Hosts congratulate Jason on taking this step; invite him to rejoin if any complications arise.

4. Caller #3 — Santa & the 7th Grader (72:16–80:43)

Caller: Mike, New Jersey (follow-up from Episode 94)

Dilemma:
Mike previously called for advice on how to handle the “birds and bees” talk and when to break the news about Santa to his son, now in 7th grade. Having handled sex education, he's struggling to convince his wife to let him tell their son about Santa—worried the boy will be teased by peers for still believing.

Discussion & Advice:

• Recap:

  • Sex talk went smoothly (Mike credits school instruction).
  • Wife vetoed the “No Santa” conversation; son still believes.
  • Concern: “I’m afraid he is going to say the wrong thing at the wrong moment. And middle school kids will make fun of a lot of things, including that.” – Mike (76:25)

• Advice:

  • Reframe: This is about protecting him from potential ridicule, not spoiling magic.
  • Scenario advice:
    • Keep home belief private:

      “I'd maybe do…Hey pal, Christmas is coming up…Can I ask you a quick question…Do you a hundred percent in your heart believe in Santa Claus?…So let's do me a favor. Now that you're in seventh grade, let's not talk about it at school...it's more of a family thing.” – Jake (78:25)

    • Maintain family tradition, but create a “home only” boundary.

• Pitch to His Wife:

  • Frame it as a protective measure, not about taking away belief.

Takeaway:
Mike thanks the hosts, feeling reassured about a gentle, non-confrontational way to prepare his son and partner for the changing holiday landscape.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On vasectomies:

  "This is the year of the snip." – Jake (05:15)

• On haircuts and marriage:

  “Have you ever tried to tell him that the work Gareth did on your head led to lovemaking?” – Jake (38:38)
  "These are three great guys. You belong there." – Gareth (30:13)

• On quitting bands midlife:

  “How did I end up in Devil's Rooster?” – Jake (Full bit, 49:19)

• On Santa talk advice:

  “Let's not talk about it at school. What you believe in and what you don't believe in. Because it's more of a family thing. Right?” – Jake (78:37)

Important Timestamps

• 01:29–09:00: Season 3 announcements & new show storylines
• 19:00–42:13: Adnan’s barbershop conundrum
• 43:14–71:45: Jason wants out of Devil’s Rooster
• 72:16–80:43: Mike’s Santa follow-up question
• Key advice moments:
  • 05:15: “Year of the Snip” announcement
  • 39:10: Haircut led to passionate marriage joke
  • 62:31: Dictating island music text message
  • 78:37: Jake’s “family only Santa” scenario

Tone & Highlights

• Warm and playful: Hosts treat every scenario with gentle humor, empathy, and camaraderie.
• Community-focused: Regular appeals to listeners to participate (“snip partners,” chimp adoptions).
• Improv comedy: Frequent in-character roleplays and banter, as well as running jokes on being “a step above garbage.”
• Empowerment through silliness: The show creates safe space for even trivial or awkward problems to be handled with creative, nonjudgmental perspectives.

Summary

The Season 3 premiere sets a new tone—irreverent, communal, and even more interactive. While tackling dilemmas both universal (awkward service relationships, quitting group projects, childhood rites of passage) and deeply idiosyncratic, Jake and Gareth balance genuine support with playful, often absurdist, strategies. Their advice may not always be straightforward, but for callers and listeners alike, the big message is clear: Sometimes your chosen family is just a step above organized chaos—and two “great guys” here to help.