We're Here to Help – Episode 248: WEIRD Here to Help: Succulent Chinese & Bruce the Spruce

Hosts: Jake Johnson (absent this episode), Gareth Reynolds, guest co-hosts Eric Edelstein & Steve Berg
Release Date: January 9, 2026
Main Theme:
A delightfully zany, advice-giving episode piloted by Eric Edelstein and Steve Berg, focusing on weird listener dilemmas, spanning generational gripes, haunted Christmas décor, creative crafts with wisdom teeth, and vengeful TV pranks. Advice is heartfelt and hilarious, with a spirit of camaraderie for the “fellow weirdos” who call in.

Episode Overview

Eric Edelstein and Steve Berg co-host a WEIRD special of "We're Here to Help," fielding calls that are—true to the title—especially bizarre and unique. The episode’s central through line: celebrating the “weird” among us, sharing hilarious generational complaints, and coming up with over-the-top, tongue-in-cheek solutions to listener quandaries. There's plenty of camaraderie and bits, and some memorable discussions on etiquette, paranormal oddities, and pranks.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Generational Gripes: Phones, Manners, and Bar Traditions

(01:28 – 10:59)

• Eric’s Lament:
  Eric shares a modern pet peeve: people watching videos at full volume in public eateries, bemoaning the loss of personal, sensory experience (like eating solo and reading a newspaper).

  • Quote [04:43, Eric]: "One of my great goals in this life is to avoid being on page A9 of the LA Times: 'Character actor arrested in Valley Strip mall scuffle.' But, Steve…is this a fight I just have to give up?"

• Steve’s Take:
  Steve relates, seeing all ages do it, and takes a stand at social gatherings—“text it to me later” [06:35].

• Bar Culture Ruined by Smartphones:
  The guys commiserate about smartphones killing spontaneous bar debates, replacing the “bar know-it-all” with boring instant fact-checks.

  • Quote [07:50, Eric]: "'I can actually look it up…' Oh, I'm sorry, you're a wizard. You have the same stupid phone in your pocket we all do."

• Desire for Cultural Course-Correction:
  The pair fantasize about opening a phone-free bar, urging listeners to put their phones away and let uncertainty thrive.

  • Quote [09:07, Eric]: "You can't settle debates with your phone. And also, we're going to say it right now: Nobody wants to see a funny video you saw."

2. Call 1: Ellen from Melbourne — “What Should I Do with My Fiancé’s Wisdom Teeth?”

(16:45 – 30:44)

• Context:
  Ellen calls from Australia after her fiancé has wisdom teeth removed. Now in possession of the sizeable teeth, she want to “tastefully” display or repurpose them.

• The Brainstorm:

  • Earrings/Necklace:
    Eric pitches tooth earrings ("…tasteful gold wiring around them" [19:45]). Steve worries this leans "serial killer," but Eric says it’s a "litmus test for true weirdos."
  • Doll or Chupacabra:
    Mount the teeth on a doll as "extra weird" interior design.
  • Gift to Fiancé’s Mom:
    Steve suggests giving one tooth (as jewelry) to her future mother-in-law, honoring the maternal link [22:23].
  • Symbolic Burying:
    Bury a tooth at a place of significance, as a couple’s ritual [22:58].
  • Tooth Goblet:
    Embed the teeth in the bottom of a ceremonial champagne goblet for celebrational toasts [23:16]. Ellen & fiancé keep corks from champagne milestones, so this fits perfectly.
  • Restaurant Grift:
    Fake losing a tooth eating at a restaurant to score a free meal—a nod to the viral “Succulent Chinese Meal” video [24:30].
    • Quote [24:20, Steve]: “I literally lost my tooth on this meatloaf you gave me…all of a sudden you’re getting free meals right and left.”

• Favorite Solution:
  Ellen loves the goblet idea, plans to incorporate it in wedding rituals, and is “pitching” the restaurant scam to her unembarrassed fiancé.

• Memorable Moment:

  • Quote [28:03, Ellen]: "The goblet angle fits into our life perfectly. I think that's 100% locked in."

3. Call 2: Parker — The Haunted Christmas Tree (“Bruce the Spruce”)

(33:22 – 52:36)

• Background:
  Parker’s 94-year-old grandmother gifts him a secondhand, animatronic Christmas tree. The tree moves and lights up—even with batteries removed(!). It’s starting to scare Parker, his wife, and their 2-year-old child.

• Paranormal Diagnosis:

  • Eric and Steve are torn between “it’s a demon” and “there’s probably a logical explanation,” but agree the situation is super creepy.
  • They debate object attachment, haunted objects in folklore, and Eric recounts owning a "haunted" watch and a baseball card that gave him deep heebie-jeebies.

• Proposed Solutions:

  • Transfer for Study:
    Steve offers to have Parker mail "Bruce the Spruce" to his PO Box for a weeklong paranormal investigation using a ghost box and dowsing rods [44:18, 45:12].
    • Quote [44:18, Steve]: "I will do a full investigation study on this thing…I'll do all my paranormal testing."
  • Ritual Cleansing:
    Eric advocates burning sage and palo santo, speaking holy words/lyrics, and spiritually “resetting” the tree’s energy.
  • Haunted Object Specialists:
    If it’s truly malevolent, Steve can pass the tree to friends (Greg & Dana Newkirk) who professionally neutralize haunted objects and tour with them [49:03].
  • Regift as Prank:
    The “evil” option: give Bruce away without warning to see if it haunts other recipients.

• Next Steps:
  Parker’s wife is sold; he’ll mail Bruce to Steve for testing. Follow-up promised for future episodes.

• Memorable Moment:

  • Quote [40:36, Parker]: "She's yelling, bruce, stop. Stop moving. And then she's like, if you move again, I'm gonna kill you. And then it stops."
  • Quote [46:39, Eric]: "I'd be without a partner here if Bruce the Spruce comes to life and kills Steve."

4. Follow-Up: Annie — Pranking Her Dad via Smart Plugs on the TV

(52:54 – 68:33)

• Background:
  Annie called in Ep. 239 about her dad letting her 5-year-old watch Ghostbusters, resulting in sleep problems. The previous advice: use universal remotes to “mysteriously” turn off the TV and discourage scary scenes.

• Update & Results:
  Annie switched tactics—installed WiFi smart plugs on all TVs. Now, she can remotely turn off the TV from her phone, driving her dad batty.

  • Quote [57:14, Annie]: "He said to my mom, it always turns off at the best part of the movie…he’s just kind of accepted it that the TV turns off sometimes."

• Family Dynamics:
  Annie's mom at first resisted the prank, but after hearing about the show (and Steve's pizza admiration), she joined in and filmed her husband's confusion.

• Debate: The Maple Syrup Prank:
  Steve continues to push his idea to plant maple syrup in the fridge and slowly drain it to breed further paranoia, but Annie's mom (and everyone else) think her husband would just ignore it ("He wouldn't care." [66:57]).

• Notable Quotes:

  • [59:27, Annie’s Dad]: "No fucking idea."
  • [66:39, Annie’s Mom]: “One of us has to be unconscious.”

• Verdict:
  The prank is a success: her son avoids scary movies, her dad’s technological confidence is shaken (lovingly), and the hosts are delighted at the familial chaos. The maple syrup concept is declared a non-starter for this family.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Eric (re: modern phone behavior): "Nobody wants to see a funny video you saw. Well, I also think email it, text it, remind yourself later if it's so wonderful." [09:07]
• Steve (pushing boundaries): "What if you make… instead of you wearing it, you give it to [your fiancé’s mom] as a gift. Here’s your son’s tooth. You literally gestated and made these teeth.” [22:23]
• Parker (on Bruce): “It started moving and our two year old son started freaking out… The batteries were out. Had been out for the entire year." [36:39]
• Annie’s Dad (on baffling TV glitches): "No fucking idea." [59:27]
• Annie’s Mom (marriage wisdom): “One of us has to be unconscious.” [66:39]
• Steve (on maple syrup conspiracy): “The maple syrup thing is the ultimate… it's the subtlety… a little spark that becomes a brush fire, then becomes a wildfire of paranoia.” [68:57]

Timestamps for Most Important Segments

• 01:28 – 10:59: Eric & Steve discuss generational gripes—phones, manners, and bar etiquette
• 16:45 – 30:44: Caller 1: Ellen’s wisdom teeth home décor dilemma
• 33:22 – 52:36: Caller 2: Parker’s haunted “Bruce the Spruce” crisis and transfer to Steve
• 52:54 – 68:33: Follow-up: Annie’s TV prank on her dad, family dynamics, and the fate of the “maple syrup” conspiracy

Tone and Atmosphere

The vibe is freewheeling, kindhearted absurdity with a deep affection for listeners and cohosts alike. Eric and Steve’s banter is self-deprecating and conspiratorial—they’re “on the caller’s side,” whether concocting outlandish advice or just commiserating about bad restaurant etiquette. The episode radiates a cozy sense of belonging for anyone who ever felt “weird.”

Summary Takeaway

This tightly-packed episode is a celebration of community among the oddballs—the “weird here to help.” Whether you’re fighting the tide of rude public phone usage, unsure how to honor a loved one’s oral surgery, worried you’ve inherited a haunted heirloom, or just want to pull a fast one on your parents, Eric and Steve are here for you—with big-hearted, outlandish, and always memorable advice.

If you like advice podcasts that are equal parts empathy, comedy, and absurdity, you’ll love this episode.