250: Dog Danger on the Gator Walk & Irish Hello (with Ed Helms)

Summary

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"We're Here to Help" – Episode 250: Dog Danger on the Gator Walk & Irish Hello (with Ed Helms)

Date: January 14, 2026
Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds
Guest: Ed Helms
Main Callers: Zach (Wilmington, NC), Rachel (Denver, CO)

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Episode Overview

In this milestone episode, Jake and Gareth are joined by comedic actor and podcaster Ed Helms to tackle two prime listener dilemmas—with detours into gator lore, Midwestern football disappointment, party etiquette, and legendary “Irish goodbyes.” The trio bring their trademark blend of warmth, irreverence, and (questionable) helpfulness as they dig into pressing questions about dangerous gators threatening neighborhood dogs, and how to handle a family patriarch’s party exit mischief.

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Key Discussion Points

Opening Banter: Sports Heartache & Comedic Building Blocks (00:34–11:26)

• NFL Devastation: The hosts discuss the recent Packers-Bears clash and its emotional aftermath for devastated fans. Gareth laments coach decisions, team history, and the agony of being a Packers loyalist.
• Podcasting Perspective: Ed reflects on the joys of podcasting as a self-empowering evolution from indie theatre days.
  • “Could you imagine if you were doing a show at UCB and you had the kind of numbers at each episode, how happy you’d be? ...You’re just back doing live shows. It’s just in your closet.” —Jake Johnson (06:09)
• Showbiz Origins: All three reminisce on performing for tiny crowds, the humility of those early years, and the peculiar intimacy small audiences create.

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Segment 1: Dog Danger on the Gator Walk – Caller Zach (Wilmington, NC) (17:53–52:17)

Context & Problem

• Gator Overload: Zach’s North Carolina neighborhood is overrun with alligators (“pond hopping” between 25+ local ponds).
• Rumor Mill: An elderly neighbor claims a “12-foot gator” is eating dogs, spreading worry and keeping folks indoors.
• The Mystery: No missing pets or official notices corroborate the story; Zach is skeptical but wants to resolve the neighborhood fear spiral.

Memorable Exchanges & Quotes

• “Do you ever feel threatened or like the gators... might like come after you guys while you’re fishing?” —Ed Helms (23:06)
• “If the gator sees a little dog, it’s going to eat a little dog. Am I crazy?” —Jake Johnson (26:53)
• “You know what, this could be kind of like what happened with sharks with Jaws. It’s like creating a fear that doesn’t really exist.” —Jake Johnson (33:26)

Key Timestamps & Insights

• Gator Habits (20:21–22:28): Zach reviews the behaviors of local gators and details the old man’s claims. Reveals his regular fishing trips with his sons, and close (sometimes “eye to eye”) calls with the gators.
• Assessing the Threat (24:50–27:52): Ed asks if anyone’s actually lost a dog—Zach confirms “no”, furthering his skepticism.
• Debating Solutions (31:04–52:17):
  • Meat Dog Science Experiment:
    • Ed (jokingly): “Can you…make like a fake dog with…ground beef in it or something. Like a stuffed dog… and put it on the bank and see what happens?” (34:16)
    • Jake: “I kind of don’t want you to do meat dog anymore.” (46:46)
    • Gareth (doubling down): “I’m actually going to hold the line on meat dog.” (48:28)
  • Pamphlets & QR Codes: Suggests distributing fact-based pamphlets or QR-code linked zines to halt rumor-mongering.
  • Community Action: Ed suggests inviting a herpetologist (reptile expert) or using data signage to restore calm—“There’s no data to support there [being a risk].”

Resolution / Advice

• Main Consensus:
  1. Don’t attempt to “train” gators with meat-stuffed dog dummies (“meat dog”).
  2. Instead, provide factual info to neighbors, via flyers, meetings, or QR codes: “Be smart. But…there’s nothing to be afraid of. There’s been zero disappearing dogs in the last year. Chill out.” —Jake Johnson (47:40)
  3. If curiosity wins, document the “experiment” and report results back—preferably with no “training” or risks to wildlife.

Notable Humor

• “Just the flexibility to progress toward your degree at your own pace. I like that. I don’t want to be told what to do.”—Jake Johnson, riffing on sponsor ad (14:52)
• “Teach the dogs how to run away in Z’s.”—Gareth Reynolds (36:23)
• “What are you pitching, meat tires, Jake?” —Gareth Reynolds (47:29)

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Segment 2: The Irish Hello: Party Exits and Parental Boundaries – Caller Rachel (Denver, CO) (57:46–73:32)

Context & Problem

• The Disappearing Host: Rachel’s dad, Phil—a Larry David-like figure— is notorious for “Irish goodbyes” even at his own parties, leaving his family to explain his absence.
• The Dilemma: How can they help him exit gracefully (and honestly), or at least stop the awkwardness for the rest of the family?

Choice Quotes

• “I am a huge fan [of the Irish goodbye]. And also, no one cares. No one needs your goodbyes.” —Ed Helms (59:53)

Key Timestamps & Insights

• The Phil Problem (59:23–61:45): Rachel outlines that covert “Irish goodbyes” burden the family (“It’s a lot of the same lie over and over. It’s the headache.”).
• Pitches and Gags (62:04–66:56):
  • Fake Phil: Use a lifelike dummy or designated “stand-in” to impersonate Phil for goodbyes/photo ops.
    • “You should also, like, take pictures with him at the party and the next day, show him how fun it is with fake Phil to maybe shame [him].” —Gareth Reynolds (63:54)
  • Emergency Call: Stage fake emergencies (medical or otherwise) to extract Phil mid-party, or—reverse the tactic—require him to return to the party under false pretense.
  • Irish Hello: Enact a family rule: “If you Irish goodbye, we bring the party to you.” (68:01)
    • “That is every member of the party willing to do it, comes into your room unannounced and hangs out wherever you are.” —Jake Johnson (68:25)
  • Later Arrival: Allow Dad to arrive late to minimize his required “mingling window”—“He gets at the first 70 minutes of the party off. He can be upstairs. He makes a later appearance, but we expect another 60 on the back end.” —Gareth Reynolds (72:02)
  • Lighthearted Solutions: Raccoon detectors, air horns, and “dad suits filled with hot dogs” are also floated.

Final Takeaway

• Empathy plus Boundaries:
  • A mix of humor, gentle confrontation (“Irish hello”), and maybe a new family guideline (later call time, clear exit scripts).
  • Underneath: love for Phil’s quirks, and willingness to play along—“I think most likely I’m going to end up siding with Dad, which is going to put you in a tough spot.” —Jake Johnson (73:20)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You gotta wear Quince. ...If you want to dress Eric and Steve, we’ll do a little photo shoot of those two hunks. ...Looking for some new models? Quince, I got the guys for you.” —Jake (16:38) [Joking through ads]
• “There’s something about [the Packers] in big games that you’re like, they’re just not going to do it. Now, the catch is, they always have done it against the Bears.” —Jake (03:11)
• “This is gator flirt.” —Gareth, as Zach and Jake veer into friendly banter about backyard gators (19:04)
• “You’re the Caleb Williams of this relationship with Caleb Williams. You gotta come back in.” —Gareth (05:45)

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Major Episode Segments with Timestamps

• [00:34–11:26] – Opening Banter, Sports Therapy & Podcast Origins
• [17:53–52:17] – Caller Zach: Dangerous Gators & Neighborhood Fear
• [57:46–73:32] – Caller Rachel: The Case of the Disappearing Party Host (“Irish Hello”)

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Tone & Language

Playful, generous, sometimes absurd, with genuine camaraderie and affection between hosts and guest. The advice, earnest but rarely practical, is always underpinned by a sharp sense of humor and improv energy. Ed Helms’ warmth and gentle self-mockery (“I know one thing to be a fact about alligators, and that is that you can outrun them by zigzagging. And I will stand by that.” (43:34)) is a highlight throughout.

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Conclusion

Whether discussing the ontological threat of alligators or unraveling the mysteries of the Irish goodbye, Jake, Gareth, and Ed deliver laughs and relatable insights for fans facing the weird, wild, and awkward moments of life. Their solutions? Sometimes useful, often hilarious, but always “on the caller’s side.”

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For follow-ups or to submit your own dilemma, email: [e-mail].

(Episode sponsors, ad reads, and credits omitted in this summary for focus on core content.)

Transcript

[Jake Johnson]

New year, same extra value meals at.

[Caller Zach]

McDonald's now get a savory sausage McMuffin.

[Jake Johnson]

With egg plus hash browns and a.

[Ed Helms]

Small coffee for just $5 for a limited time only. Prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska and California. And for delivery.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And we are back.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, first of all, we got a great episode today. Yeah, hilarious. Ed Helms is going to join, but beforehand we just wanted to jump on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Really quickly to do an intro into the intro.

[Jake Johnson]

This is January 12th, which is a Monday, obviously this weekend. It was a very big game. The packers and the Bears played. Gareth, your thoughts?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake, you know as much as you and I. And maybe I'm trying to posture by saying that it doesn't matter to me as much as it did. And it doesn't. It still matters to me. Yeah, it does. I woke up in the night.

[Jake Johnson]

You did?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. And I was like, what?

[Jake Johnson]

How did.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. You must have been saying, off the record, you're ready for the head coach to be fired.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I wasn't before that game.

[Jake Johnson]

No, I was saying before. Most of us is, we're going to win, going to get fired, and then you're going to get horrible.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Most of us, I think, thought, keep the coach.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Before the game because we've had a lot of injury. Like, there's reasons why you'd say this is.

[Jake Johnson]

Parsons is out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So there's a reason why you would say, look, you. But. But that it was so bad that you're like, you can't. You can't be rewarded.

[Jake Johnson]

I got to tell you. And you and I have texted about this, but the way that Ben Johnson bullied him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

The reason I've been so nice via text, it was almost hard to watch.

[Caller Zach]

He.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I.

[Jake Johnson]

The handshake. At the handshake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Crazy.

[Jake Johnson]

You beat him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's crazy. And it's very specific, obviously, to him.

[Jake Johnson]

And the backstory.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I googled. Well.

[Jake Johnson]

But also they've both said, I thought that deep down, MCFL, when, you know, something happened. But McFlur does not seem like a bad guy. What is it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, he doesn't look for.

[Jake Johnson]

But he. He. He seems like. I've always said this to you. I don't think he's a great coach. And we've gone back and forth on this because obviously the packers have been beating the Bears. I think he is the epitome of the go far mantra. Yes, he has it, but he's very. He's very, very few.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If you look back again, they're like, when we. We Beat the. Remember we, we had a bet when we did the Rich Eisen show.

[Ed Helms]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And it was the packers demolished the Cowboys. Then the next week they were beating the 49ers. Then they blew it right then this year multiple times up enough to win the game. What the, what the Bears have been doing in the fourth quarter, the packers have been doing the opposite.

[Jake Johnson]

But I will say the Packers, Cowboys, it's because the Cowboys are even bigger choke artists. But my big thing about the packers forever is that they're kind of choke artists. But they're always a well built team. They remind me of almost like the Cardinals in baseball. The packers are never going to be bad. The Lions might be terrible, The Vikings could be terrible. The packers are a well run organization. But there's something about them in big games that you're like, they're just not going to do it now the catches, they always have done it against the Bears.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

But I'm like, no, them against any team in the playoffs. They're going to fall apart them against the Bears, I'm like the first half, I'm like, of course they're fucking world. They're not afraid of us. And this was the first game where the packers were the packers against the Bears. But the Bears weren't the Bears.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was in a group text with a couple of buddies from high school who as soon as the third quarter got going, I was saying there this is bad. We need to change everything very quickly or we're going to lose. And they said, whoa, buddy, getting dark for some reason. And I, and I, and I was, I go, I mean I just flown back so I was a little tired, so I was crabby. But I go, you know what, I don't need to be involved in this group text. And I backed off and watched.

[Jake Johnson]

I agree devolve.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The game went away.

[Jake Johnson]

So, so in closing, really good game. I will say this is just to the Bears community and the Chicago Bears and Caleb Williams, who I DM way too much.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And on the day of the game.

[Jake Johnson]

Yep. And he does not write back a lot. He'll just do like a heart emoji or a thanks bro. And I am that guy who is two decades older going like hey man, just great work, keep it up. And he'll go, thank you. And really I need to slow down. It is honestly not reciprocated. And I chill.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Doesn't matter. No, you don't. And I would do the exact same thing.

[Jake Johnson]

But Gareth, it's very clear he's not interested in a Friendship.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Keep texting. You will be friends. And I'd like to join.

[Jake Johnson]

No, he's making it very clear. Hey, man, I'm trying to show respect because you're being nice. You're a weird old guy. And I'm going, cues received. I don't write for a couple weeks. We win a game, and I go, like, just to let you know, brother, you are clutch Iceman. And then I'll send it and I'll go like, what a dork.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, can I tell you something? Let me tell. Let me tell you a little something right now.

[Jake Johnson]

Stop it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're in the fourth quarter and you're down in this friendship, but I'm the best. But guess what? You're the Caleb Williams of this relationship with Caleb Williams. You gotta come back in.

[Jake Johnson]

Unfortunately.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Everybody enjoy the episode. Without further ado.

[Jake Johnson]

First of all, how you doing, buddy?

[Ed Helms]

I'm pretty great.

[Jake Johnson]

Good to see you.

[Ed Helms]

Yeah, great to see you.

[Jake Johnson]

You know, somebody said it to me, my buddy Clay, we were talking about these podcasts and the numbers, and he said, could you imagine if you were doing a show at UCB and you had the kind of numbers at each episode, how happy you'd be? And I'm like, it's a great way of putting it. He's like, you're just back doing live shows. It's just in your closet.

[Ed Helms]

Yeah, but you're right. It's like doing a UCB show in a.

[Caller Zach]

In.

[Ed Helms]

In like Madison Square Garden.

[Jake Johnson]

Exactly. For that's. And you just go like, great.

[Ed Helms]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

In your closet with a couple of. You go like, great, now I get to see you. It's with Gareth. But we would be doing this live for years at some theater. And then you go, it was great. 114 people were there.

[Caller Zach]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, I remember doing shows where I was like, there are more people on stage than in the audience, like, regularly.

[Jake Johnson]

It was still fun. Yeah.

[Ed Helms]

I did. I did stand up comedy shows with that math, which means there were zero people in the audience.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've been there.

[Jake Johnson]

I was there. Oliver Raleigh and I did a two man show in New York right at the beginning of the pit to one guy. Literally nobody showed up to Oliver. The lighting guys said, do you guys want to keep going? We were really questioning ourselves and we both said yes. And we gave it everything. And afterwards, when we were covered in sweat, we were like, we learned a lot about ourselves. It's truly for nobody. I think we just like this a lot.

[Ed Helms]

Yeah. I remember I remembered some shows, like stand up shows early on where the crowd was so small that it was like, let's just get to know each other. And you just wind up having a. Just, like, a conversation with, like, some random person or two.

[Jake Johnson]

This isn't crowd work. I'm genuinely curious. Yeah. Where are you from?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Why.

[Caller Zach]

Why are you here?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What got you. How did you end up here?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I don'.

[Gareth Reynolds]

End up here.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't have a joke after this, but where are you guys all from? What are you doing for the holidays?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. I did a show in New York once.

[Ed Helms]

And, like, genuinely curious. Where are you from?

[Jake Johnson]

Cincinnati. Literally no comment. That's cool. I'm from Illinois.

[Ed Helms]

That's cool. I want to know more about Cincinnati, and I'm not even looking for a punch. I am not trying to make fun. I don't want to roast you.

[Jake Johnson]

I just want to know more about Cincinnati. I can tell the woman you're with. You guys are physically weird together, and I don't even care. There's no joke. It's just. It's a weird combo. I'm literally not making a joke. How'd you guys meet?

[Ed Helms]

Your. Your outfit is outrageous. And, like, there's so much material to be done about your outfit. I'm just curious. I Just curious where you got it. I want to know why you're into it.

[Jake Johnson]

Like, yeah, quite literally. Why did you buy that? Not. It's a joke.

[Ed Helms]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm not joking, but why did you buy that? Like, this show is.

[Ed Helms]

We're not doing a show. I'm just. I'm curious about you.

[Jake Johnson]

There's not enough people here to call it a show, so we're just in a room together. Why are you two together? That's a crazy match. And why are you wearing all turquoise? No joke. Nobody laughed. Sorry. My timings feels comedic. I'm truly just curious. That's how bad certain shows get. So here's what this one is. We're gonna take some calls. Gareth and I don't know them either. And we're just gonna see what.

[Ed Helms]

Oh, good. I'm glad that. That this as. As Jake knows. When we worked together on a movie many years ago, I was very delighted by a phrase that Jake used very frequently, which was. Do you remember? Do you know what I'm talking about?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Ed Helms]

Maybe you. Maybe you know it too, Gareth. If something comes up and just Jake's not into it or it's something that we're not. He's not gonna, like, roll with or. Whether it's a creative suggestion or a dinner. Dinner suggestion or anything, can't wait. Yeah, not for Jake. Not for Jake in fj. And I adopted that in my own life. And I think I texted you a while back to tell you that sometimes someone will pitch something to me, and I'm like, you know what? I don't think I'm into that. I don't want to do that. And my first thought is, not, not for Ed, not for Jake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's great to use it like that.

[Ed Helms]

And I will say to myself, like, not for Jake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not for Jake.

[Ed Helms]

I don't have any dudes. Yeah, not for Jake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm gonna start using it felt a.

[Jake Johnson]

Lot of not for Jake, but with Ed, because on that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah. I felt it.

[Jake Johnson]

There were so many different creative energies, and everybody was likable.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There was not a toxic tag.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. There was not a person there who I didn't like being around. I was like, I like this group. But there would just be certain vibes where I'm like, everybody, have fun. That one's not for Jake. I'm happy to be in soft focus in the background. I can't attack that bit. That one's not for Jake. But this other one, I'm happy to jump into Jake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're still rolling. Stop saying not for Jake during the day.

[Jake Johnson]

But I love the way Ed initiated this. Ed texted me a little bit ago, and he goes, start. I'm doing a podcast. I don't know your thoughts on podcasts. It might not be for Jake, but if you want to do it, we'd love to have you. And I go, it's not only for Jake, but I got my own, and I would love you on it. He was like, let's do it. I was like, yeah, this era. Podcasts are for Jake.

[Ed Helms]

Thank God. And thank God we're all better for it.

[Jake Johnson]

Are you at home doing yours, Ed? Is that your.

[Ed Helms]

No, I have an office.

[Jake Johnson]

You do?

[Ed Helms]

And. And then I have this little, like, studios kind of thing set up here.

[Jake Johnson]

I love it. And what are. What. What got you into the pub? We're going to do the calls really fast because they're here. I just want to know what podcast. Are you excited? What are you doing? What'd you get excited about? How'd you get into it? Well.

[Ed Helms]

Like, you guys, you cynical bastards. I just wanted a piece of the piece of this podcast for Jake. I was like, if it's for Jake, it's probably for Ed and I. No, but I did, like, I've always just been this kind of, like.

[Jake Johnson]

You.

[Ed Helms]

Know, weird curiosity, rabbit hole, nerd, and I got into the. And history has always been a part of that. And so I was like, can I do. Is there like a fun, cool podcast about history? And so for three seasons, we actually did this pretty hardcore podcast that's like highly produced history called. And it's called Snafu. And it's about history's greatest screw ups or biggest screw ups. And they're deep dives. Like seasons one through three are. Each season is about one thing. And. And it's kind of like. It's like documentary radio or like.

[Jake Johnson]

And it's.

[Ed Helms]

And they're. I'm so insanely proud of it.

[Jake Johnson]

It's.

[Ed Helms]

It's a, It's a labor of love and it's a. It was a ton of work. Season four, I was like, how can.

[Jake Johnson]

I make this so easy? Make this a little bit easier.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, no accuracy.

[Ed Helms]

Yeah, no accuracy.

[Jake Johnson]

And.

[Ed Helms]

And so I aied myself.

[Caller Zach]

And.

[Ed Helms]

Yes, you're talking to AI. I'm so much more charming for Jake right now.

[Jake Johnson]

Ed Helms is on like 40 podcasts at the same time.

[Ed Helms]

Exactly. No, but I, I decided for season four that instead of like tons and tons of research into one thing, I would do like a little bit less research into lots of things and then have gu guests on. And so I tell. I have a guest on and I tell the guest a sort of a story basically about an historical screw up. And then we riff and laugh and come up with hot takes about it. And it's been really fun. It's really cool. Not any less work, by the way.

[Jake Johnson]

Much different work.

[Ed Helms]

It's still a ton of work, but. But yeah, good times. Well, and I'm psyched. Have you on.

[Caller Zach]

It's gonna be.

[Jake Johnson]

I can't wait to do it. It's gonna be really fun. So let's take a call. Let's see what happens. Ed, thanks for join. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Walden University. Walden University is where working professionals like you get the w. The knowledge, skills, and confidence to make the changes you want to see in your career and your community. With Walden's Tempo learning, you're in control. No set weekly deadlines, no rigid schedules. Just the flexibility to progress toward your degree at your own pace. I like that. I don't want to be told what to do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Learn from Walden's faculty, scholars and practitioners with real world experience to share. 94% of whom hold doctorate degrees like Jake.

[Jake Johnson]

If you've been waiting for the right moment, this is it. Head to WaldenU.edu and take that first step. Walden University Set a course for change Certified to operate by Chev this episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by booking.com booking.com offers a wide array of hotels and vacation rentals across the US So you can find exactly what you're booking for.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

Hello?

[Caller Zach]

Hello.

[Jake Johnson]

Hi. Can we get your name, please?

[Caller Zach]

Yes, sir, my name is Zach.

[Jake Johnson]

Zach. And where are you calling from?

[Caller Zach]

I am calling from Wilmington, North Carolina.

[Jake Johnson]

Ooh, Wilmington, North Carolina.

[Caller Zach]

Right.

[Jake Johnson]

Zach, you are here with Gareth and I and then an old friend of mine, where I think we didn't meet on tag, but we got to become friends on tag. Mr. Ed Helms is joining the pod. Zach. So you're in a good situation here, pal.

[Caller Zach]

Yeah, yeah, no kidding.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, so, Zach from North Carolina, take it away. What do you got going on?

[Caller Zach]

All right, so set the stage just a little bit. We live in a neighborhood that connects to a pretty big river and has a lot of gators that migrate into the neighborhood ponds every year. So the pond attract a lot of big gators?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caller Zach]

Do you. I bet you do. Do you have one in your backyard? I can't remember if you said that or not.

[Jake Johnson]

Not yet, my man. But I will soon, brother.

[Caller Zach]

I might have to get you one, my man.

[Jake Johnson]

Look at that slur.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, this is the weir.

[Jake Johnson]

Know what's happening, but I like it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is gator flirt.

[Jake Johnson]

You gonna get me a baby gator? Baby gator bait. Excuse me? Take it. Take us out of this weird hole you and I just put us.

[Caller Zach]

Okay, so. So the. The big gators, they have babies every year in a lot of these ponds, and then they pond hop. So you never know what gator you're gonna run into, where the baby's at. It's kind of like a. A bear. And it's.

[Jake Johnson]

It's cubs.

[Caller Zach]

You know, you see the babies, you know, the mom is working somewhere.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sorry, what? Yeah, what was the term?

[Ed Helms]

So many questions.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gator, hawk?

[Caller Zach]

What?

[Jake Johnson]

It.

[Caller Zach]

No, no, I was. I was talking and referring to a bear. I think maybe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, you think maybe.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a great answer to my question. What do you got, homes?

[Ed Helms]

Well, is there.

[Jake Johnson]

So is.

[Ed Helms]

Sorry, just to back up for a second. Hey, Zach, this is Ed. Are they. Are the gators, like. Are the gators fucking in your ponds or.

[Caller Zach]

Yeah, Steve, that's a good question. I don't. I don't know if they're doing it in the river, in the motel.

[Jake Johnson]

Where do you think animals, wild animals don't have, like, sex huts.

[Ed Helms]

Okay, great.

[Jake Johnson]

So. I don't know, jungle, man. They don't have like a special gators right. In the river.

[Caller Zach]

But.

[Jake Johnson]

But you.

[Ed Helms]

But. But I'm. It sounds like you're. You get to know these gators or you have, like, you're able to identify them because, like, to me. Yeah, I would just be like, there's gators in my yard. I don't know who's who or which is which. But you sounds like you're tracking where they're going and they're, they're pond hopping.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caller Zach]

So, yeah, the reason I can identify some of them are because my, I take my boys fishing literally every day after school. And we go to a lot of the same ponds, so we can, we can identify certain ones. But there's so many of them and there's so many ponds, I believe it's like six miles of neighborhood and there's probably 25 ponds within the neighborhood itself. So, yeah, so they pond hop. The dilemma is there's an old man that walks his dog every day. And so this happened, I'm gonna say probably in about the April timeframe, May timeframe. So he walks his dog every day and he's telling everyone in the neighborhood that there's a 12 foot gator that is eating dogs. So his story keeps getting a little bit more elaborate every time you see him because there's trails all through it. We're fishing all the time, we're walking. He's running into us daily. So the day that I first heard of this story, the event happened. And he was shooken up because he couldn't find his dog. He thought it ran away. So he took his golf cart through the trails, found a gator that was eating something. He couldn't tell what it was. It looked like his dog. He got closer to it, saw two black legs, white feet sticking out, which is very specific of its mouth, and realized that it wasn't his dog. So obviously he was less concerned, but still concerned that there was a gator eating a dog. So after that he's going around telling the story of the gator eating a dog. So now people don't walk their dogs on the trails that you're not seeing as many people out walking. In general, we love to fish, but apparently. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Is this just a weird story or is this a quiz? They're gonna end in a question? Because I, I gotta tell you, I like the weird story. I can skip as long as we're getting to an ending. And I know, then don't slow down. I just want to make sure this ends okay. And it's not just. Yeah, anyway, yeah, guys. And we go, exactly. That had to be a question, brother. All right, so yeah, there's a dog, he's eating an animal, but it's not the old man's dog. But these gators are making Babies, they pond. You take your sons fishing every day. Pretty cool.

[Ed Helms]

Do you ever. Do you ever feel threatened or like the gators are. Might. Might like come after you guys while you're fishing or anything?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caller Zach]

Yeah, we do, because my. My youngest son likes to put his head over a bridge to kind of see where the bats are at. And there's been occasional couple times where the gators have literally almost been eye to eye with each other because it's hiding in. Under the trees and the moss. So, yeah, we definitely have our. Our scared moments, but I think they're okay. I just think you just got to stay away them. So my point is. My question is, how can I determine if this guy's telling the truth? I still. We still don't know if he's telling the truth or not because no one's really. Other than all the stories from all the old people that like to check their checklist and tell you what, what not to do. They get to add this to the checklist of that there's dogs being eaten.

[Jake Johnson]

Interesting.

[Caller Zach]

And then how do we stop spreading fear to the neighbors? That kind of like makes the peace in the neighborhood again. So I guess that's. Those are my two questions in one.

[Jake Johnson]

You guys want to see a picture of these gators? Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, of course. Can you send one frame to Jake?

[Caller Zach]

Oh, yeah, the.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Christ.

[Ed Helms]

Wow.

[Jake Johnson]

And that's your porch, Zach.

[Caller Zach]

So that's a friend of ours. Backyard that is really close to our house that has a pond right in the backyard.

[Jake Johnson]

Is that a gator? A croc. Huge. Yeah.

[Ed Helms]

Those look like crocodiles.

[Caller Zach]

It's a gator. We've been told by many people that there's not crocodiles, but I mean, that looks like gators are bigger, I think. Well, you know what? I don't know.

[Ed Helms]

Is there. Do you know of anyone else in. In your vicinity, in your community that has. That has either had a scary encounter with. With an alligator or has lost a pet to an alligator?

[Jake Johnson]

No.

[Caller Zach]

So that's the thing. That's why I'm. I'm skeptical. But again, I. There's no proof. Whether it's not, you know, there hasn't been an HOA letter sent out, which I thought would have been maybe the first thing, but again, this. They've had these things here for years.

[Jake Johnson]

Does it change? Sorry. No, you go ahead.

[Ed Helms]

Like, would it. Would it change your behavior towards the alligators to know that the alligators had or hadn't eaten this old man's dog?

[Caller Zach]

Yeah, I think one. I wouldn't bring my dog around anymore. And then two, I probably wouldn't fish as much in the pond.

[Jake Johnson]

So this is an interesting one, Zach, because. Yeah, you got a bunch of gators.

[Ed Helms]

Why are you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You have a little accent at the end on the gators part, and I just want to flag it.

[Jake Johnson]

Don't knock. And be careful, because, you know, I can't get back up. I'm just flagging Jake's accent me into the gator talk. The call's gonna get ringed.

[Caller Zach]

Okay?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm tired.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. All right, buddy.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Zach, sorry about that, brother.

[Caller Zach]

I love it.

[Jake Johnson]

So you got huge gators in your backyard.

[Caller Zach]

Huge.

[Jake Johnson]

And you don't think these gators eat any?

[Caller Zach]

No, I think.

[Jake Johnson]

No. Ed is concerned, too, here in gators. He wants to go get it crazy. No, we got a whole other call here getting deep into gator.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're from Chicago. We're all curious.

[Caller Zach]

Yeah, it sounds like I've lived in Alaska, California.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not using. Yeah, Zach, you're fine.

[Jake Johnson]

But. But so here. So, Zach, here's my question here, buddy, just so we can pinpoint what this question is. Those are huge gators. They look like crocs to me. Yeah.

[Caller Zach]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And guess what? A gator's got to eat, right? So true. The gator is going to eat something. If the gator sees a little dog, it's going to eat a little dog. Am I crazy?

[Caller Zach]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So you're. Then an old man's going around saying he saw the gator eating a dog. And so the question is, is how do we know if the gator ate a dog? That's crazy. The gator eats dogs, guys. Well, but if that's the question, then the answer is. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What leads you to think that this is fake? Just that it. Hasn't it happened before that you.

[Jake Johnson]

You think these gators are vegetarians?

[Caller Zach]

Well, that was my.

[Ed Helms]

That's my question about, like, would it even change your behavior towards the gators to know either way? Because I think. I would think you would proceed with extreme caution around the gators, Reg, Regardless of whether or not you had known.

[Caller Zach]

That you're on the older people's side.

[Jake Johnson]

I know, but Ed. But Ed, Zach Zane, his kid is, like, sticking his head in the water, going eye to eye with a data. First of all, that should stop.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, that should stop.

[Jake Johnson]

Regardless of if it ate the old man's dog. That's a big gator, man.

[Caller Zach]

That is. They're not all that big, but those are found in the ponds. Most of them are probably six to ten Feet.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Zach, that's a lot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's big.

[Jake Johnson]

Ten foot gator. How old's your youngest son?

[Caller Zach]

Six.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what I'm saying here? Okay, buddy. That's. Yeah, Zach, you know what I'm saying here, right, bud?

[Caller Zach]

Here.

[Jake Johnson]

I do know this.

[Ed Helms]

I grew up in Georgia and. And was in. Spent a lot of time in Florida, so I'm. I know how to run away from a gator. Do you guys know this?

[Caller Zach]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

How do you run?

[Ed Helms]

You must know this, right?

[Caller Zach]

It's not zigzag, because they can. They can catch you. I hope you don't say that.

[Ed Helms]

That's what I was gonna say.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How great would it be to watch.

[Jake Johnson]

Someone get attacked while zigzag are going to be watching? Ed, first, be confident, explain it. Then get chased and going. This son of a can zag.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The rumors weren't true.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Ed Helms]

I'm so sm.

[Jake Johnson]

There's nothing to worry about. Zigzag. You explaining to the kids before there's nothing to be scared.

[Ed Helms]

Watch how close I can get and then still run away. And I'm fine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Throw your dog at it to stop it.

[Jake Johnson]

When I did 21 Jump street, we went on one of those boats where they. You go like, see the gators in the bayou, Louisiana, and they throw, like, marshmallows in the ground. And the guy was doing the whole show about how safe it was when he didn't have any fingers. I remember just being. That was very clear. This isn't for Jake. He would be like. It doesn't mean. He's like, just throw the marshmallow in. Everybody can hit the gator on the head. And I was like, what happened to your hand? Was that like a birth thing? And it was like, no, I'll get it. I'm like, therefore, I will never hit a gator's face. I don't want to throw a marshmallow near it. You've lost your fingers to them, sir.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Throw a marshmallow.

[Jake Johnson]

But, Zach, let's get to. Let's get to your question and figure out if we can pitch to help, because what you want to figure out, because we're in. Part of this premise, Ed, is no matter what, we're on the caller side. So the caller wants to know how he can see. He doesn't like that fear is spreading. He doesn't feel unsafe with the gators, but he doesn't like this vibe that the gators are going around and eating old people's dogs, right?

[Caller Zach]

Correct.

[Jake Johnson]

So we're trying to figure out how we can pitch Zach to get a clear answer, is, did the gator eat this man's dog or not?

[Caller Zach]

How do I find proof? 1. And there may not be an option for that. And then if I can, how do I stop the fear of the name?

[Jake Johnson]

But.

[Ed Helms]

So the guy. The old man's dog is gone, though. Like, it didn't reemerge.

[Caller Zach]

No, his dog is not gone. He thought it was his dog.

[Ed Helms]

Right.

[Caller Zach]

But his dog was apparently somewhere else. It was just another neighborhood dog.

[Jake Johnson]

Or it could have been like a. Like a river rat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Or like a skunk or something.

[Jake Johnson]

That's what he just saw. Two. Who just saw two legs together.

[Caller Zach]

Yeah, it was longer legs the way that he described it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. But you're saying he might be lying.

[Caller Zach]

True. That is true.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Caller Zach]

So how do I find out if he's lying, other than approaching him and. I mean, I'm not. Good. I usually am a yes guy, and I hate that, but I usually just go along with what people say unless someone's with me.

[Ed Helms]

Can you. Can you just. Can you conf. Well, first things first.

[Jake Johnson]

Have a.

[Ed Helms]

First, have a community meeting where you train everyone to zigzag, including pets.

[Jake Johnson]

Doesn't work.

[Ed Helms]

Because that is the right way. I don't. I. I think you. You're. Yeah, I think you're wrong.

[Jake Johnson]

You can't.

[Ed Helms]

You had to look it up.

[Caller Zach]

Okay.

[Ed Helms]

All right.

[Jake Johnson]

Google it.

[Ed Helms]

But how can we say, can we set a trap for this old man?

[Jake Johnson]

And so. So here's what I'm trying to get to, Zach, because it's somewhat of a confusing question. It's. It's not bad, but it's a little confusing, and here's why. Sure, you're not saying he lied because his dog is still alive, but he's spreading fear that these gators eat dogs, and you're trying to convince the old people that they not only did to not eat that one dog, but these gators don't eat dogs.

[Caller Zach]

Well, we all know that they're capable of doing that, but I think the capability in them actually doing it is a. Is a different thing altogether.

[Jake Johnson]

So how about we do something like this? And I don't know if I like this pitch. I don't know if I like it for the dogs around there, but with Photoshop, it's very easy to put photos of dogs sitting really close to gators right by the swamp and be like, guys, these gators are friendly. I mean, this is a bad pitch because. Because this is a bad. Because the gators are going to eat the dogs.

[Ed Helms]

You don't want a false sense of security. You don't want to spread a false sense of security, which is.

[Jake Johnson]

I want. I kind of feel like that's what Zach is at. Like, here's the reality, Zach. Gators eat dogs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think that's kind of the problem here is that the gators will eat the. There's ways to. I mean, the only real way you can figure out if this guy is full of shit or not is to actually talk to him and try to trip him into something, which is like a crazy thing to try to do, especially when there is actual dog danger on the gator walk.

[Ed Helms]

Well, you could try to pin him down on what he saw and just be like, so you saw totally legs. Dog legs sticking out of a gator dog legs.

[Jake Johnson]

And then.

[Ed Helms]

And then also be like, because no.

[Jake Johnson]

One around here is missing a pet. Yeah. You know what? This could be kind of like what happened with sharks with jaws. The. It's like creating a fear that doesn't really exist. The amount of people who get bit by sharks is so small.

[Caller Zach]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So you could put up a big, like a big sheet of paper that says if anybody's missing any pets that have been eaten by gators, please Mark, yes or no.

[Caller Zach]

Put it up at the hoa, like, office or put it up at the pond.

[Jake Johnson]

There's a lot of fear spreading about these gators. But you could lie and say, you ahead, Ed.

[Ed Helms]

I have a better one.

[Jake Johnson]

Jump.

[Ed Helms]

I think I have a good. I think I have a good solution.

[Jake Johnson]

Pitch.

[Caller Zach]

Okay.

[Ed Helms]

Lay out, like, can you. Can you make like a fake dog with.

[Jake Johnson]

I love how confident you were in this before you started.

[Ed Helms]

No, but a fake dog, but with like, with like ground beef in it or something. Like a fake, like, like a stuffed dog. But take the stuffing out and fill.

[Jake Johnson]

It with like food that a gator would eat. Yeah.

[Ed Helms]

And then put it on the bank and see what. And. And film it and see. And. And then be like, can. Or put a game camera out so you can actually like, film it over time. Because then you'll know.

[Jake Johnson]

What do you think you'll find out if they get a meat sack full of gator food and put it right there where a bunch of. Of pregnant gators and baby, what's your cat? They would go like this. You smell that? And one would go, I think that's a domesticated dog. I don't think we're supposed to eat that non moving meat sack. Does it move? No, it doesn't bark. It smells delicious. I think we pass. That's the most evolved gator in the history.

[Ed Helms]

Here's what you'll know. Here's what you would know after this test best. If he eats the, the dog. The stuff, the fake dog.

[Jake Johnson]

You learn nothing. Dad, if he eats the big dog, you know he'll eat food. Yeah.

[Ed Helms]

Which is, that's useful. So keep your dogs away. Like I feel like the moral of this story is keep whatever the old man said or not.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. Keep your dogs away from my got. I actually got one.

[Ed Helms]

I live around coyotes and we, this is our ethos in my neighborhood. Like we see coyotes all the time and it's like, don't leave your cats outside.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, right.

[Caller Zach]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Because they will eat them. But what if we create something? Because I gotta say, I was very excited. Very similar to Ed's zigzag thing. I was hook, line and sinker that Ed had the pitch. I don't think the pitches. Get a bunch of meat and put it in a furry dog.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Teach the dogs how to run away in Z's.

[Jake Johnson]

Keep the dogs to zigzag. No, I think what you could do is you could create a dog barrier on your own arbitrary number 10ft from shore. And you could just say the gator is never going to go past 10ft. So just keep your dog 10ft from shore and this is a non issue.

[Ed Helms]

Wait, why do you think a gator would adhere to your line?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, he's got to sign the agreement, right, Jake?

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, the gator.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because there's a notary or you, you.

[Ed Helms]

Spray paint it and then you, you're doing blood.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, here's, here's my theory on it. If you put it right by the bank, the gate has got to come out of the water. It's got to eat. But I don't think these gators are threats. They're not like, you know, bears. If you leave peanut butter in your car, they'll break into your car to get it. And if you live near, like you have a cabin in the woods, be careful, it might come in your house in the winter. We've never had that problem with gators. Gators are not entering a neighborhood and going into an apartment building because it smells dog meat. Right. Gators want to be near the swamp up. But they got to come out a little bit to eat. So if a dog, or Zach, a little boy, a six year old boy, is sticking his head in the water, I could see the gator getting confused.

[Caller Zach]

True.

[Jake Johnson]

10Ft from the shore. I think the gated knows we've Been around since the. We've been. We're dinosaurs. We know how to survive with humans. I don't, I don't know that the.

[Ed Helms]

That Zach's conflict and you. Please clarify, Zach. I don't know if Zach's conflict is with the gator population or with this old man and, and the fear mongering.

[Caller Zach]

Right.

[Ed Helms]

That's.

[Caller Zach]

Yeah, that's really what it's. But I love them.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You want to find out if the old man is full of. Because you believe people should be walking their dogs here, even though we all fundamentally disagree with that premise.

[Jake Johnson]

Because what is it you want to have happen? Dogs without a leash near the ponds.

[Caller Zach]

I just want people to be able to walk on the trails and for the older population, which is quite plentiful here, to not have that in their back pocket.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You want the slowest people to be walking as close as they can to the gators.

[Caller Zach]

Yeah.

[Ed Helms]

Okay, can I ask, like, is like, if you see a gator, do you run away or is it one of those things where it's sort of like. Like when I see a coyote in my neighborhood, I don't run away because I know that they're not. Not really gonna.

[Caller Zach]

Right.

[Ed Helms]

But I. But I. I keep a sort of respectful distance. Is it that or do you. Like, if you see a gator, it's like, we gotta get the out of here. Like, what is the level of. What's the normal sort of etiquette or protocol in your community?

[Jake Johnson]

Do you want to answer that, Zach, or you want me to?

[Caller Zach]

Brother, I would love for you to actually.

[Jake Johnson]

Nah, you go first, man.

[Caller Zach]

Okay. I think it's pretty much if you don't mess with them, they won't mess with you. But kids and dogs don't always understand the severity of what a gator can do and is lurking and can jump out of the water and snatch.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Zach, what is your thesis statement about dogs, gators and old people?

[Caller Zach]

Dogs, gators and old people is they can all coexist if the climate's right.

[Jake Johnson]

He fell apart at the end there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That comment killed you, my guy.

[Jake Johnson]

But the start was excellent.

[Ed Helms]

The climate.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, you know what you could do? Yeah, there's a couple things you could do. You could make a couple meat dogs, put it 10ft out and see how long we need to.

[Caller Zach]

Hot dogs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a different podcast. Let's not get it.

[Ed Helms]

Let's.

[Jake Johnson]

We can't open that can right now with hot dogs. Man.

[Caller Zach]

Group grouper. Well, bass and blue sunfish and bluegill.

[Jake Johnson]

Big ass bass. Man, you chopping that dog up and putting the whole thing on.

[Caller Zach]

It's massive.

[Gareth Reynolds]

1.

[Ed Helms]

Mustard or relish on that bun?

[Caller Zach]

No, just little, little pieces of it.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, you chop it. Okay. I just imagine a whole dog floating in that pond just tempting those gators.

[Caller Zach]

That could be bringing the gators that could be on me.

[Ed Helms]

When's the last time there was a. There was a. So, so this, this older gentleman has been spreading a. What you think is a rumor that, that there was. When was the last time there was like an actual documented attack on a person or pet.

[Caller Zach]

In this neighborhood? I haven't heard of one.

[Ed Helms]

That's your angle.

[Jake Johnson]

That's the angle right there.

[Ed Helms]

It's like, I think, I don't think you need to like, you know, tear this guy down, but you can just make sure that the message in the community is like, we just. There's no data to support there.

[Jake Johnson]

Fear monger for fear. So how about a sign that says.

[Ed Helms]

You always go to a sign.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, because he, he doesn't want to go one to one. So he wants this to change in the community. But he's not going to go up like a politician to each old person and go like, hey. And they go, hey. And he goes, has a gator ever killed your dog? Because that's crazy. Maybe it's a pamphlet. Maybe it's a pamphlet. Pamphlet at all.

[Caller Zach]

A card? A QR code maybe?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Ed Helms]

QR code, QR code is a good.

[Jake Johnson]

Idea, especially for older people.

[Ed Helms]

I feel like if it's, if you're going against this older guy's message, he's going to tear those signs down.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't think. But what do you think about, if you think about pamphlets, if you think about like if you're walking down Hollywood Boulevard and they're trying to get you to join something, you get past like a little zine, like a little magazine that has like the information. What if you made a little like two page pamphlet about you did a little homework on gators, dogs. And the beginning, the top of it was let's stop the spreading of fear. We can call all old people. Gators and dogs could coexist, comma, if the climate is right.

[Ed Helms]

What like that, what if you had a real. Expert, like a herpetologist? Is that a reptile person?

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, but keep going.

[Ed Helms]

Like a reptile expert that came. It was like an alligator expert, like spoke to the community or you made a video that your QR code went to and it was like. And you could just leave this QR code all around the Older guy is not going to know what the QR code.

[Jake Johnson]

Can we do something a little crazy said? Yeah, could we go. The QR code is you talking about the safety of gators and dogs. As a amateur expert in gators, an amateur herpetologist. An amateur herp.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, you knew the term.

[Jake Johnson]

I know just my opinion.

[Ed Helms]

I know one thing to be a fact about alligators, and that is that you can outrun them by zigzagging. And I will stand by that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That.

[Jake Johnson]

All jokes aside, Zach, would you be willing to get a stuffed animal dog and would you be willing to fill it with meat and put it by.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The kid, Start that with. All jokes aside.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, because now I'm thinking this could be our first step before the QR code, and then you could follow up with us.

[Ed Helms]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

If it doesn't eat that. Now we have proof. If it does eat that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I also think if you do come back from the field with those results, it might be worth saying to this guy, say, hey, you know, I filled some dogs with meat. None of the alligators came out. What exactly happened that day?

[Jake Johnson]

Exactly right. You could say to the guy, hey, I'm just a little bit. You know, I heard about your dog, and that spooked me out, too. So I'm doing some research. Are you sure your dog. Like, are you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm a herpetologist.

[Jake Johnson]

I just want to know what you know. But I have been calling into some podcasts. I'm trying to get to the bottom of this because I don't like the fears being spread, obviously, as neither do you. So that dog that's. See that fake dog near my. Near the pond, I filled it with meat, full of real meat, and nothing's been eating it. So could you do something for this show?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've got a rotting meat dog by the pond's edge, so I'm kind of trying to be the voice of reason in the town.

[Jake Johnson]

Zach, this might be an example of run a mile to go a block in a zigzag. In a zigzag. But could you actually do that for us and get a stuffed animal dog and fill with meat and take photos of it and send.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think we need a few of them.

[Jake Johnson]

And then.

[Caller Zach]

Oh, 100%.

[Ed Helms]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Put it near, probably ideally not near any houses, because the other thing I don't want to do is I don't want to get these gators going. Oh, those little dogs are food. You know what?

[Caller Zach]

Right.

[Ed Helms]

We don't want to train the gators.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There is a chance we train the.

[Jake Johnson]

Gators don't do this. Actually don't do meat dogs.

[Caller Zach]

Do it at night time so no one sees one.

[Jake Johnson]

No, we don't want to get out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Go out there at night near the pond's edge and put down meat dogs.

[Ed Helms]

No, no, here's. Here's how you do it. You just put a ton of. So you put meat in there, but you also put, like, I don't know what tastes bad to Gallagate, like tons of garlic or something so that you can tell if they went for it.

[Caller Zach]

And they bit it.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Ed Helms]

But also they're. They're gonna learn. You're also training them.

[Jake Johnson]

That's interesting.

[Ed Helms]

That.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is gross. I. I like the idea. It's also just so funny, though, that you're now seasoning your dog meat. Like you're chopping fine onions. Like I'm gonna find out.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Zach, we've given you some bad ideas, but maybe there's a winner in here. What are you thinking of doing here, bud?

[Caller Zach]

I do like the first step of putting a stuffed animal dog with meat inside of it. My question is, do you think that I should get a little raft and put it in a pond, or should I put it on the outer edge first?

[Jake Johnson]

In the pond.

[Caller Zach]

Okay. First.

[Ed Helms]

That's not a very. That's not a very realistic.

[Jake Johnson]

It's not. But I don't want to train these gators to come up on shore and eat meat dogs. Sure.

[Caller Zach]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I kind of don't want you to do meat dog anymore.

[Ed Helms]

I'm a little worried about meat dog.

[Jake Johnson]

Not. I am.

[Ed Helms]

I'll tell you why. Why I'm second guessing it because I don't think that, that, That I still. I. I also went on a gator tour where we fed the marshmallows, and I had guilt about giving. I felt guilty about giving these wild animals marshmallows, which is the most toxic.

[Jake Johnson]

Totally.

[Ed Helms]

You know, treat. And I'm just thinking, like, if you. If. If he tried an alligator actually swallowed a stuffed animal, they would be fine. Even just.

[Jake Johnson]

I've seen one where they got pulled out of the pond and they had like a tire inside that.

[Caller Zach]

Yeah.

[Ed Helms]

That would not. It just wouldn't be good for the gator.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You pitching meat tires, Jake?

[Jake Johnson]

You know what I actually think I'm pitching? I think I'm pitching QR code eating.

[Ed Helms]

A dog out of meat.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Give that gator the best meal of its life. Yeah. I think what I'm pitching is. Yeah. What I'm really. What I really think you ought to do is make some sort of a card where you do a little zine and a pamphlet, you pass it around to people and you let people know that the dangers are unwarranted. There's no missing dogs in the neighborhood. This is fear for fear's sake. Be smart. But come on, follow the data. Follow the data. And you should be the voice. And it's not about this old man, but that, that community needs a voice to protect the gators and to realize, start being the one out there going, there's nothing to be afraid of. There's been zero disappearing dogs in the last year. Chill out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm. I'm actually going to hold the line on meat dog. Okay, so gonna meet dog by the shores.

[Jake Johnson]

Zach, what are you gonna do? How do we end this?

[Caller Zach]

I think I'm gonna go with the meat dog. Honestly, I think it could be sketchy, but I think that the good the test.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Caller Zach]

And then I will do the QR code and I can take. Take some pictures.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, walk us through how you're gonna literally do meat dog.

[Caller Zach]

So I'm gonna probably go on Amazon, find a pretty, you know, average looking dog, probably medium size, and then I'll cut a hole in it and then I'll put some. I have some hot dogs, so I'll probably just put some hot dogs inside of it. Probably won't cut them up. And. And then I'll sew back. Back and I'll put it on one of the edges where we see the gators.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is. Come on. Now that we're hearing it, let's admit it's perfect. And he's gonna stuff the dog with hot dogs.

[Jake Johnson]

What is your hope? Is your hope that it gets eaten by the gators or not eaten by.

[Ed Helms]

The gator or gives you proof that.

[Jake Johnson]

Not proof.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not eaten.

[Jake Johnson]

So the proof would then prove that it.

[Caller Zach]

That it most likely didn't eat a dog.

[Jake Johnson]

And so therefore, if it doesn't, after a week, are you then gonna go to the old man or the people walking by and are you gonna tell them what you did as a science experiment to prove that their dogs are safe?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll answer.

[Caller Zach]

Yeah, please.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. You're not gonna go tell people you put a bunch of hot dogs in a stuffed dog.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so then this is just for you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is just so we feel safer about him pushing this as a safe place.

[Jake Johnson]

Do me a favor. Could you pretend the gator ate the hot dogs and the stuffed animal and then we're the old man. And can you explain Ed, Gareth and I Are three old men walking down with our dogs. And can you tell us what you did and what your theory is?

[Caller Zach]

That it did eat the dog?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. So let's say the gator ate the dog.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The fake.

[Jake Johnson]

The fake, fake dog walking with our dogs. And I go like, hey, hey, guys, be careful with those dogs. Those gators could eat them.

[Caller Zach]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. Hey, guys, be careful. Yeah, hey, we're those old dudes. Zach and I just said to you too, hey, around here there's a lot of gators. We're scared to walk our dogs near the pond because the gators could eat them. You have any theories on that?

[Caller Zach]

Yeah, I actually do. I just. I set up a. A case study on my own and put some. Some hot do meat into a fake dog just to kind of see if it would prove if the gators are actually active and they. They actually want to eat real dogs or fake dogs. Because the story going around has actually been told that there's been a real dog, Eden. And so that one was eaten. And also the other one was eaten, which was fake. So I would keep your dogs away from the pond.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

And then how would it go if it didn't eat that dog?

[Caller Zach]

Dog?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey.

[Caller Zach]

So there's a story going around about a dog being eaten by a 12 foot gator. Did some little research and put a fake dog with hot dogs inside of it. And it's been out for a week and throtting, but gators hadn't got it yet. So I think we proved that that gator didn't eat that real dog.

[Jake Johnson]

Are you happy with this solution? Are you glad you called in?

[Caller Zach]

I. I am. I love this and I love the qr.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so let's. If we need to call back, we'll do another QR code or we'll do a QR code of this episode, but I really hope it works. And please follow up, especially if you're get to the point where you're going to talk to the old people about what happened.

[Caller Zach]

Okay, I will. If I do any interviews. For sure.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you, Zach.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you, Zach.

[Caller Zach]

All right, thanks, guys.

[Jake Johnson]

See you, bud. Right on.

[Ed Helms]

Good luck.

[Jake Johnson]

This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Hungry Roots. You've heard us talk about hungry root before, so you know how much we love it because it truly simplifies our lives. As a busy parent, it's been a game changer. Saving time, reaching health goals, and reducing stress. To do all my weekly food shopping with Hungryroot, it makes it easy to make sure that I'm getting good, nutritious food for the family in one stop shopping.

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

We adore Squarespace. My website is Squarespace. My other podcast, the Dollops website, is Squarespace. Every website I am associated with is Squarespace. I am currently working with one of the callers behind the scenes on a website. And we're going Squarespace because they do it all for you. They make it easy for you to get involved in the website game and you have to have a website. I mean, what are we doing here? They've got everything. They have cutting edge design, SEO tools. You know, I'm a big SEO tools guy. Search engine optimization, that's me, baby. If you want to set up a place for donations, videos, it's just every way you can up your legitimacy online. Squarespace is there for you. And like I said, right now I'm working very closely with a caller and I am shark tanking her business. And we're using a Squarespace site and we've used Squarespace on the show tons of times because user friendly, makes it look legit and can't say enough good stuff about it. I mean, that's why we talk about Squarespace all the time. So go to squarespace.com Gil sent me for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code Gil sent me to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[Jake Johnson]

This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Mint Mobile.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

Hello. Hi. How are you?

[Caller Rachel]

Good. How are you?

[Jake Johnson]

Good. Can we get your name, please?

[Caller Rachel]

Rachel.

[Jake Johnson]

Rachel, how you doing?

[Caller Rachel]

Good.

[Jake Johnson]

Where are you calling from, Rachel?

[Caller Rachel]

I'm calling from Denver.

[Jake Johnson]

Cool. I like Denver a lot. You got a special one, Rachel. You got Gareth and I, but then you got the great Ed Helms joining us.

[Caller Rachel]

Oh, my God.

[Caller Zach]

Hi.

[Jake Johnson]

Hi. Hey. This is Eddie.

[Caller Rachel]

Wow, that's so exciting.

[Jake Johnson]

Cool.

[Ed Helms]

I'm excited too.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Rachel, you want to just jump in and give us what your issue is? You want to say anything before? What do you want to do here?

[Caller Rachel]

Well, I'm calling on behalf of my dad, so I guess I can start and kind of give a little background for him, if that's okay.

[Jake Johnson]

That sounds fair.

[Caller Rachel]

Yeah. So he's like a 60 something Jewish man from the east coast. He's very much a Larry David type. He does not do the things that he doesn't want to do. And at as he's gotten older, his social battery wears ever since. Whereas my mom is very active and social and she'll stay at a party till the lights come on. So I guess my problem is that my dad has this terrible habit of Irish goodbyeing and he'll do it in our house. So we're left with people saying, like, where's Phil? He's asleep, but we got all cover for him. And I guess. And then now also his issue is, is getting out of small talk. And he keeps saying, like, I wonder if I can get on YouTube and there's got to be a way to end. End a conversation. Right? Like someone will tell me. Like I.

[Jake Johnson]

It's.

[Caller Rachel]

It's a lot.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so what is the specific question that we could then help you with today?

[Caller Rachel]

Yeah, so I guess the specific question is, how can my dad leave a party without Irish goodbye and screwing us all?

[Jake Johnson]

That's interesting. So we're, we're pitching to give dad a line or two to get out of a social situation, go upstairs in his room and relax. But not Lee, because I, I am. I do the Irish goodbye.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's the best.

[Jake Johnson]

I am.

[Ed Helms]

I was about to say this is a tricky one for me because I am a huge fan.

[Jake Johnson]

Me too. I love it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It feels so good.

[Ed Helms]

And also, no one cares.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Ed Helms]

No care. No one needs your goodbyes.

[Jake Johnson]

Unless.

[Ed Helms]

Unless, like it sounds like Rachel.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Ed Helms]

If you're a host, it's a very different.

[Jake Johnson]

I think what we' is Phil hosts because of his wife.

[Caller Zach]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And then Irish goodbyes and everybody's in the living room going like, where's Phil?

[Ed Helms]

Right. Right.

[Jake Johnson]

And the family's left with. I think he might have gotten a bit of a headache.

[Caller Zach]

Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

But we just need a line for Phil that goes essentially, I'm out of here. Peace. Go ahead, Ed.

[Ed Helms]

Well, I quit. Rachel, this is quite a prediction document. And we're talking. These are generational differences. I have to Say I love Phil. Like what. How you've described Phil is just seems. He's like. Seems like someone I would really get along with. That said, I understand this pickle that you're in and I'm wondering, I want to clarify something about your question. Are you hoping to find a way to convince Phil to maybe stick around longer or are you just giving him like a cleaner, Literally handing him like.

[Caller Rachel]

I want to get him a cleaner exit.

[Ed Helms]

Yeah, got it, got it, got it.

[Jake Johnson]

What if Rachel, what if we pitched on something written up that you could laminate and at a certain point of the evening you hand it to your dad right before he goes. And he just goes, says the few lines really fast and leaves.

[Caller Rachel]

Okay, like like a cue card for him.

[Jake Johnson]

Like essentially like a little like. Because we're looking for something he could say to people so that he. Or are you looking for something that you guys could say in defense of him? Irish goodbye.

[Caller Rachel]

I. I think we would prefer if he would just not disappear and would. Would give people something to say. But if, if we could keep lying for him. I guess it's just. It's a lot of the same lie over and over. It's the head.

[Jake Johnson]

He's got a head.

[Caller Zach]

He go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't.

[Caller Rachel]

I don't know where he.

[Jake Johnson]

With. Yeah, I get this does is.

[Ed Helms]

It feels like like, you know, the rubber mask technology is advancing. Have you seen. You know what I'm talking about?

[Jake Johnson]

Like you.

[Caller Rachel]

Like a Mission Impossible mask.

[Ed Helms]

Yeah, like those Mission Impossible masks. Like you see these YouTube videos. A fake. I'm talking about going a fake film.

[Jake Johnson]

Weekend at Bernie's, Phil. Sure.

[Ed Helms]

Well, that's. That would be like the just sort of no cardboard cutout version.

[Jake Johnson]

But there is a version that we could actually pitch you on, Rachel. But. Go ahead, say it.

[Ed Helms]

Are there any friends of your family who look a lot like.

[Caller Rachel]

Get a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stunt double A fake fill.

[Ed Helms]

Yeah, like a stand up them.

[Caller Rachel]

Yeah, we could find one, I think.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what I'm honestly pitching about to pitch right now. And it's a weird way together, but I actually think it could work. Based off what Ed was saying, I think you should put at your parents house in the basement or in one of the things get similar to like my jiu jitsu dummy where you could get a 140 pound thing filled with like bean bag material and get it to look with a mask as close to your dad as possible. Put glasses on it, a fedora and put it on like a corner couch and everybody knows it's fake. But when People go, where's your dad? You go, like, we're not sure. He disappears all the time. So we're just pretending that's dad sleeping. So just go say goodbye. So then people know at a certain point, comedically, they could just go like, all right. And then your mom could just go, well, somebody go in the closet and get my husband. And then they just put him out, and he's asleep with a fedora on his head, a newspaper on his chest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You should also, like, take pictures with him at the party and the next day, show him how fun it is with fake Phil to maybe shame.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Get him a little upset at fake Phil.

[Caller Rachel]

Okay. We can try to give him some fomo. I don't know if he's ever had FOMO a day in his life, but.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Rachel, going off of this dun dub, is there anybody in your circle who could be fake Phil? A brother, a cousin, somebody, a friend who would be willing to show up to your mom's party dressed as your dad and basically tag in for Phil?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You could also get him there a little early so that Phil makes fake Phil. And you're like, oh, because you Irish. Goodbye. We just got a guy to hang out.

[Jake Johnson]

He's gonna step in the Gareth thing, where you take a lot of photos and he has a great time, and he's awesome.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This.

[Caller Rachel]

We could totally do that. My brother would do that in a heartbeat. Although, is he too close to do it?

[Jake Johnson]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Ed Helms]

You know what you could also do? Which. And. And. And a lot of this. A lot of these suggestions are just enabling Phil.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Ed Helms]

To keep doing what he's doing, which I'm fine with. But just to be clear. But you could also have a. You could have a fake fill a stand in.

[Jake Johnson]

But to.

[Caller Zach]

But.

[Ed Helms]

But to do it. I mean, these pitches are, like, kind of far fetched, obviously. But, like, if you really wanted it to be plausible and to, like, fully work for real, you could say that Phil had been had.

[Jake Johnson]

Like.

[Ed Helms]

Like, had a bad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like.

[Ed Helms]

Like, opened a pot of soup and tried to smell it too quick. And it. When the steam burned his face. And now his face is covered in bandages. And so now he has. Now he has gauze wrapped around his entire head. And then it can be anybody.

[Jake Johnson]

How do you do that every week?

[Ed Helms]

That's.

[Jake Johnson]

That. That is the problem night. Not about the fact that he burned his face on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Going back to the way he burned his face is my favorite way to sustain a burger burn.

[Jake Johnson]

I also love that the beginning, your setups and your endings at. Are so Different. The way we make this more plausible and realistic is that he was snorting up soup. His face so bad he's covered in. And you're like. And then someone's just gonna go like, oh, I guess he's fine. Anyway, when I was telling you about my vacation to Tampa. What kind of animals are these people? That's. That's. That's the craziest fit.

[Ed Helms]

Well, I'm just trying to think of a way to cover his face. Right, because you're if. Remember Ralph Macchio and the Karate Kid, like, didn't want to go to the Halloween party because he get bullied. So what do they do? They made his costume. A shower.

[Jake Johnson]

That's interesting.

[Ed Helms]

So that he was wrapped in a shower curtain. And I'm trying to think, what's our version of that?

[Jake Johnson]

Is.

[Ed Helms]

Is there something that just conceals a lot of.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, here's. Here's another different type of pitch. Rachel, what if we do fake emergency?

[Caller Rachel]

We could. He's an ER doc. We could come up with fake emergencies all day.

[Jake Johnson]

Phil goes upstairs. Once he does it, you or your brother run up there and go, like, dad, we need you. Someone's having what Somebody's ch. He runs down. Nothing's happening. So that's.

[Caller Rachel]

We're bringing him back down.

[Jake Johnson]

You're bringing him back in.

[Caller Rachel]

Okay.

[Caller Zach]

What.

[Ed Helms]

And then what happens when he finds out nothing's wrong?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wrong.

[Jake Johnson]

There was no second half to my pitch. All I wrote emergency.

[Ed Helms]

Well, because the other thing you could do is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is.

[Ed Helms]

Is like, he could get the phone call that's like, hey, there's a. You know, a guy got his head chopped off at the er. You have to come in. And then.

[Jake Johnson]

And then.

[Ed Helms]

And then he gets to kind of leave gracefully. Kind of. He sneaks back in the back door. He goes upstairs and goes to bed. But, like, at least nobody's wondering, where's Phil?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Or you know what you could also do? You could theme the party. No Irish goodbye. And every party could have the same theme. And if he goes upstairs, you bring the party to his room. We could ruin. We could ruin his Irish goodbye. And say. The solution to this is say goodbye to everybody. That you could create a family rule. If you Irish goodbye, we bring the party to you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's called the Irish hello.

[Jake Johnson]

The Irish hello. But if you say goodbye properly, whenever you want. But if you're Irish goodbye, we give you the Irish hello. And that is every member of the party willing to do it, comes into your room unannounced and hangs out wherever you are.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like that. I like that angle too. I. You could also. You could just start Irish goodbyeing him a lot. Like, you could just go be like, I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick and just leave. And then when he texts you later, just sort of be like, oh, yeah, sorry, I just took off off and.

[Jake Johnson]

Like sort of have the party Irish goodbye him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You could also do that. I like that too.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You can also get a raccoon detector for your yard. And you could put that in Phil's room.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, keep going. So what would that do?

[Ed Helms]

The sprinklers?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, just it like flashes and beeps really loud. So when he's sneaking off a raccoon detector, really fun.

[Jake Johnson]

You put it on the stairs or something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You put it like right in front of his door, right in the room when he walks in or something like that.

[Jake Johnson]

That.

[Caller Rachel]

So we all know when he left.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That so we know he's Irish goodbye. And then you're like.

[Jake Johnson]

Another thing you could do, Rachel, based off of that, and this isn't a joke anymore, you could do a little air horn. And when. Keep an eye on your dad. And when he starts say to him, I don't want you to Irish goodbye tonight. If you're going to leave, say goodbye. And what he does, blow the horn.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Have someone camp stake out in the room.

[Jake Johnson]

Cuz if I was Irish goodbyeing and I got more attention while leaving.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. That is the beauty of the Irish good goodbye is you're just goodbye.

[Jake Johnson]

And it's humiliating. It's easier to say goodbye.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

The reason the Irish goodbye is so good is what Ed said earlier. He's like, nobody, it's a. It's. Nobody's hurt. You're at a party, things are going on. You just walk out and leave. Nothing happened. But if you stop the party and now it's longer. And then you said you went like. And turned off the music and go like, dad, where you going? Yeah, and then in front of everybody, he had to say like, to my room. You're not gonna say goodbye. We're hosting a party.

[Ed Helms]

Shame. Wait, so Rachel, what if he. When, when he's done this in the past, has anybody just tried to go and get him and bring him back.

[Caller Rachel]

And it's not worth it for us to try. We think it might be worse.

[Jake Johnson]

So.

[Ed Helms]

So it's not worth it because I.

[Jake Johnson]

Don'T want to be there.

[Ed Helms]

Right, right, right. So you're like. Yeah, because a lot of these pitches are kind of in the vein of like trying to get him back but then it's like, have you really won?

[Jake Johnson]

No, in that. But I think what the real pitch is, is if you can't Irish goodbye while hosting, that's insane. You can Irish goodbye at somebody else's house, but when you Irish goodbye while hosting, you're putting us in a bad spot. So we're going to Irish hello you. Oh, go.

[Ed Helms]

What if he's. What if he's okay? Another question, Rachel. Does he enjoy the party for a little bit and then just sort of, like, run out of battery and that's when he disappears? Or is he just kind of a grump the whole time?

[Caller Rachel]

He. He likes it. He just likes his people. So, like, he loves his family and his one best friend, but when my mom will invite other people, and then he's got to talk to people he doesn't really care for.

[Ed Helms]

Right, Because I was gonna say, like, just don't, like, don't invite him. Like, he's not allowed to to the party at all. Like a full Irish hello meaning, like, he never even shows up.

[Caller Zach]

Right.

[Ed Helms]

That's not okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or he gets a later call time. Oh.

[Ed Helms]

Oh, that's interesting, by the way.

[Jake Johnson]

That's interesting. Later call time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He gets at the first 70 minutes of the party off. He can be upstairs. He makes a later appearance, but we expect another 60 on the back end.

[Ed Helms]

Yeah, you gotta stay till the end.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, you either come at the beginning and say goodbye or come in the middle and stay till the end.

[Caller Zach]

Yeah, that could work.

[Caller Rachel]

I think he would go for that because then it's the same time.

[Jake Johnson]

That's exactly right. Okay, and then will you. Are you gonna talk to him about this via text or a call or in person?

[Caller Rachel]

Either.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We could also talk to him on the show.

[Jake Johnson]

Jake, you want to bring. You want to bring your dad on?

[Caller Rachel]

Yeah, he's. He's in the hospital right now, so he. He can't talk on the phone now, but.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Ed Helms]

There might be a version where we. We get a stuffed.

[Caller Rachel]

I don't hate the Lincoln Nebras idea.

[Jake Johnson]

Why don't we get a stuffed D. Hot dog?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Rachel, can we. What if we got a dad suit and filled it with hot dogs?

[Caller Rachel]

I mean, our dogs would love that.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Rachel, with us on this one, because I think the next move is going to be talking to dad, but I think we can come up. I think. And I think most likely I'm going to end up siding with dad, which is going to put you in a tough spot.

[Caller Zach]

I'll stick.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll stick to the plan.

[Jake Johnson]

But. But let's get. Let's get a dad on the phone and see if we can get to the bottom of this, okay? Ed, thank you for joining our show. I'm excited to do yours. You're the best.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you, Ed.

[Ed Helms]

Oh, what a pleasure. Really fun, serious, serious delight.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, it's fun. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ HelpfulPod Gmail.com. and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] here to help podcast to see our entire catalog.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis. Associate producer Jesse Thurston. Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The COVID artwork is by James Fosdike. Animations by Andrew Strlecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do Stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for any entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Caller Rachel]

All video episodes of season one are.

[Jake Johnson]

Available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to Patreon.

[Caller Rachel]

Com heretohelpod.