Podcast Summary: We're Here to Help

Episode 254: Risky Business & Mom’s Favorite
Released: January 26, 2026
Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds

Episode Overview

In this lively episode of "We're Here to Help," Jake and Gareth take on three distinct listener dilemmas, blending comedic banter with absurdly creative advice. They coach a listener on confronting an over-cleaning spouse after too many “Risky Business” slips, plot to help an Aussie listener reclaim the coveted “favorite child” title, and follow up on a previous episode with a mom managing an awkward breakup between her nine-year-old daughter and a family friend’s son. With their trademark bartender-uncle energy, the hosts pitch their best (sometimes borderline) strategies, including staged accidents, fake surrogates, and friendship contracts—all in service of “helping” their community, even if the methods are wildly unconventional.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. "Risky Business" — Too-Slippery Floors (13:14–36:02)

Caller: Reagan from Cincinnati, Ohio
Issue: Reagan's wife, Ann, is so diligent about cleaning their hardwood floors that areas of the house have become dangerously slippery, resulting in routine slips—much to Reagan’s frustration.

Key Segments & Advice:

• Identifying the Problem (13:37–16:24)

  • Reagan lovingly describes Ann as tidy and “particular,” while he is “okay with leaving the cups out for a night.”
  • The slippery flooring has led to Reagan spilling coffee, stubbing toes, and near-constant annoyance.

• The Advice Brainstorm (16:24–21:01)

  • Jake proposes a "fake fall" approach: “I was going fake fall... happens off camera. Now we do the...combo fake” (17:03).
  • Gareth expands: “She cleaned the floor. You were walking in. You fell, you hit your head. Pretend to be concussed” (17:17).
  • The hosts riff on concussion protocols and urge Reagan to use mild, believable symptoms for maximum effect, warning him not to push for a doctor’s visit.

• Practice Dialogue & Roleplay (24:39–34:48)

  • Reagan rehearses a staged scenario, including texting Ann a warning: “Oh my gosh, you’ll never guess what just happened” (25:07).
  • Jake and Gareth act out Ann’s possible compassionate but concerned responses, giving Reagan pointers on delivery, pacing, and how to steer the conversation toward changing cleaning habits.
  • Jake: “The setup of, you know, the injury and it could have been worse…leads me into being like, this is what we need to do different so I don’t get hurt. I think she’ll respect that” (33:31).

• Final Script & Strategy (34:48–36:02)

  • The conversation ends with the hosts advising Reagan to keep his pitch focused, express appreciation, and “take the gloves off” and move on after the confrontation.

Notable Moment:

• Gareth: “Don’t rub the shit in her nose. Just go like, we’re moving.” (32:21)
• Jake: “You did a great job. The dog looked adorable. We're happy. Your kids are happy.” (75:16) [refers to a later call but encapsulates the show’s supportive tone]

2. "Mom’s Favorite" — Sibling Rivalry Down Under (41:40–61:12)

Caller: Gabby from Adelaide, Australia
Issue: After decades as the family’s “number one child,” Gabby feels outmaneuvered by her older brother Jay, who moved back to Brisbane and now spends more time with their mom—culminating in a “number one” shirt gifted by mom.

Key Segments & Advice:

• Backstory & Stakes (42:18–46:49)

  • Gabby outlines the family’s joke-turned-saga about their “rankings,” fueled by tongue-in-cheek banter among siblings but seriously threatened by Jay’s recent ascendancy.
  • Jake: “To be the baby and lose the top spot…this is a tough one, right, Jake?” (45:22)

• Advice Options (47:19–50:13)

  • Jake bluntly advises: “You want the six pack, but you want to drink beer and hang out with your friends all weekend, too. I mean, you gotta pick now.”
  • The hosts encourage Gabby to increase her “mom face-time” if she wants to compete.

• Diabolical Plan: The Fake Older Friend (51:00–58:00)

  • They propose Gabby invent a friendship with an older neighbor (played by Gareth’s real-life mom, Pam), send doctored photos, and “hard to get” tactics to incite maternal jealousy.
  • Pam records a tearjerker voice note for Gabby’s mom: “And I'm an older woman, so I really appreciate...Gabby has turned into a sort of surrogate daughter. I just wanted to let you know you've raised somebody wonderful...” (58:47).
  • The plan is to make Gabby seem cherished by another “mother” figure, triggering her mom’s latent favor.

• Execution Plan (60:46–61:12)

  • Gabby preps to set the narrative with her mom—enlisting her sister’s tech help if needed—and agrees to send a follow-up.

Notable Moment:

• Pam (as Pam): “You’ve raised someone wonderful and I’d like to get her a T-shirt that says she’s number one, because she’s number one to me, and I’m sure she’s number one to you, too.” (58:47)
• Gabby: “I love it. I think it’s a great idea.” (60:31)

3. "Friendship Contract" — The Breakup of the Elementary Power Couple (61:28–77:12)

Caller: Dee Dee (returning caller; follow-up from ep. 247)
Issue: Her daughter’s “breakup” with a friend’s son (both around 9–10) threatened their families’ tight bond. Previous advice included drawing up an “annulment” or friendship contract.

Key Segments & Advice:

• Recap & Outcome (61:52–64:03)

  • Dee Dee outlines the “wedding game” between the two kids and praises Gareth’s suggestion for a friendship contract: “We realized that the reason they were kind of calling each other boyfriend and girlfriends was due to the fact that they played pretend weddings…” (63:01).

• Reading the Friendship Contract (64:06–65:30)

  • “A friend is someone you choose to be on your team. They are the people who make the good times more fun and the tough times a little easier…” (64:06)
  • Conditions include: no more pretend weddings, no boyfriend/girlfriend talk, focus on kindness and fun.

• Hosts Debate Utility & Follow-up (66:40–75:29)

  • Gareth is playfully skeptical: “They sign a little contract. They don’t do it anymore. Meh.” (67:16).
  • Jake insists: “This is a bell ring. We solved it.” (67:26).
  • The hosts inquire if this has genuinely solved the family’s issue and suggest a future check-in with the kids for “the real scoop.”

Notable Moment:

• Jake: “If weird smoke comes out of the back…maybe just keep going forward.” (77:20)
• Dee Dee: “It did not break apart our friendship. We still get to go over there. Honestly, they were a little awkward still. I think it solves the problem.” (71:58)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Gareth (on over-cleaned floors): “Fake fall leads to combo…you literally break a plate with a ham sandwich on it and go, ‘hey, Ann, we need to talk…’” (18:42)
• Jake (on parental favoritism): “If you really want the top spot, it’s time to step it up. I FaceTime my mother most days. She still likes my brother better.” (47:19)
• Pam (as Gabby’s surrogate neighbor): “I just want you to know you’ve raised a wonderful daughter…” (58:47)
• Jake (reflecting): “There’s no shit. I mean, this is all fake, but—yes. Move on, he’s right. Strike and leave.” (32:26)
• Gareth (playful skepticism): “I think it would be the first 69 that ended in a dual puke.” (65:36) — (on absurdist friendship rules for himself and Jake)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Risky Business call (slippery floors): 13:14–36:02
• Sibling rivalry & fake friend plan (Mom's Favorite): 41:40–61:12
• Friendship contract follow-up: 61:28–77:12

Tone & Style

The hosts maintain their typical tone of good-natured irreverence, playful bickering, and affection for their callers. Their language is candid, sometimes absurd, and littered with “bartender/uncle” level energy. They invite participation—audience and guests alike—and are generous with mockery but even more so with their sincerity when callers need reassurance. Their interplay is peppered with bits, improv, and character-playing, but always circles back to helping the listener address their real-life problem.

Takeaways

• Absurdity works. Whether it’s a staged concussion or recruiting a fake neighbor, the spirit is to “help”—sometimes by roundabout means—but always with empathy and humor.
• Script your confrontations. Practice—sometimes literally by role-playing with friends—helps tackle awkward conversations with loved ones.
• Sometimes the bit helps. Even when being silly, Jake and Gareth’s strategies focus on helping callers get what they want…or, at minimum, alleviating tension with a good story.

A quintessential “We’re Here to Help” episode: a little unhinged, a lot supportive—and maybe, just maybe, practically useful.