255: Ugly Old Sweatshirt & Monitor Swap (with David Krumholtz)

Summary

We're Here to Help, Episode 255: "Ugly Old Sweatshirt & Monitor Swap" (with David Krumholtz)

Date: January 28, 2026
Hosts: Jake Johnson, Gareth Reynolds
Guest: David Krumholtz

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Episode Overview

In this lively and comedic episode, Jake and Gareth are joined by actor David Krumholtz for a classic double-helping of unqualified—but sincere—advice. As always, the trio brings open-hearted, sometimes tangential, and frequently hilarious support to listeners' dilemmas. Topics covered include maintaining maturity in long-running friendships, dealing with grown-up “gross guy weekends,” and the ethics of monitor envy in an office setting. True to the show’s spirit, the hosts riff with sharp humor, empathy, and plenty of mutual needling.

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Main Segments and Key Discussion Points

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1. Catching Up & Doppelganger Jokes

Timestamps: 00:17 – 06:14

• Jake introduces David Krumholtz as both a long-time friend, admired actor, and "brother from another mother" due to their similar looks.
• Playful banter about hair loss, past collaborations (including making out for an NYU student film as twins), and the odd actor “lookalike club.”
• Discussion of plastic surgery, the pressures of being “on display” as actors, and insecurities—delivered with self-deprecating humor.

“It’s almost disturbing, except you have a lovely head of hair and I am—”
—David Krumholtz (01:09)

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2. Caller #1 – Steve and the Not-So-Golden Boys' Weekend

Timestamps: 11:08 – 33:13

a. Steve’s Cabin Conundrum

• Caller Steve from Montana describes an annual, 11-year-long tradition where high school buddies meet at a Forest Service cabin for a “get shitfaced” weekend that always turns into disgusting chaos—think beer-soaked Cheez-Its, smashed hot dogs, a “piss pad,” and a regrettable amount of cleaning.
• Steve’s dilemma: How can he get a gang of now nearly-30-year-olds to party but “class it up” and keep the cabin cleaner, without being the group’s nagging dad?

b. Details of the Mess

• The carnage doesn’t extend to bodily fluids inside but includes extensive food mess and general disregard.
• “Piss pad” outside the door, beer cans everywhere, meals destroyed—clean-up eats up half the weekend.
• Social shame: Steve feels embarrassed to tell his wife about the “grossness,” not the partying or jokes.

c. Host & Guest Advice Brainstorm

• Jake suggests camouflaging cleanliness as a game or challenge (throwing trash into bins for points, like a drinking game).
• Gareth adds a competition with consequences: last place does a full sweep-up in a “maid outfit.”
• David goes rogue, proposing Steve boycott the event (“let them suffer in their own mess”) or even stage a “boycott”—but this risks Steve realizing he isn’t needed.
• Group also jokes about fake emails from the Forest Service threatening to ban the group for their filth or about hiring a maid (“that’s so mean to the maid... she’d show up to 11 hammered dudes in the woods with no cell service!” - Krumholtz, 22:45).

d. Deeper Decisions: Outgrowing the Old Sweatshirt

• David pushes for mature separation—Steve should organize a more “adult” sub-group, break away, and leave the filth-lovers behind (“like an ugly old sweatshirt that just doesn’t fit anymore” – Gareth 28:56).
• Jake and Gareth remind Steve (and all listeners) that not all old friends remain “friends for life,” and “as you get older, the circle gets smaller.”
• Hosts analogize the group to an ill-fitting, stained sweatshirt: nostalgia won’t make it comfortable again.

e. Alternatives Considered

• Fake animal break-in (bears, tigers, “hot dog tiger,” or rats) to scare the group into cleanliness.
• Joking about the group as “drunk pig poachers” immune to all deterrents.

f. Steve’s Plan and the Hosts’ Closing Thoughts

• Steve agrees to plan a cleaner group outing, slowly “side-pitching” a new tradition with higher standards and less shame.
• Jake sums it up: “For the guys you love, plan a second trip... some will drift, others will stay. That's okay.” (29:10)
• The segment ends with practical, bittersweet encouragement: maturity sometimes means letting go.

“You’re hanging on to something you look bad in... it’s an ugly old sweatshirt.”
—Gareth Reynolds (28:56)

“As you get older, the circle gets smaller. Why am I in a bar with that guy? I’ve never liked him, he’s never liked me, but we’re just around each other.”
—Jake Johnson (29:23)

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3. Caller #2 – “Monitor Swap”: Should Kyle Steal His Coworker’s Monitor?

Timestamps: 34:59 – 56:39

a. Kyle’s Office Ethics Crisis

• Caller Kyle, 22, from Massachusetts, works at a software company. He wants his friend/coworker Emily’s significantly better office monitor ("mine's from 2010, hers is basically new"), but they sit face-to-face.
• He jokes about "stealing" or swapping their monitors and seeks advice on how to do so “without getting caught.”

b. The Approaches Debated

• Gaslighting: Jake proposes the “classic swap-and-play-dumb,” i.e., switch the monitors, and if Emily notices, “What? No, these have always been here.”
• Framing the Boss: David ups the ante: blame the swap on management (“the boss decided, since I’m in more days than you...”).
• Victimless Crime: Gareth asks about swiping from someone else—the anonymous swap, but this is complex.
• Start a Movement: David points out the bigger issue: why are some getting stuck with junk monitors at all? Suggests an anonymous protest letter to management.
• Sabotage: Gareth floats “accidentally” breaking the old monitor during the coming office reshuffle; David says, “Break it right now.”
• Go to IT: Collectively, they realize, just ask IT; say “my monitor’s glitching,” and get a new one.
• Natalie (producer) breaks in with the smart take: “Just ask Emily—she might not care.”

c. The Podcast Prank Solution

• In a riff of meta-podcasting, the hosts propose Kyle make the swap, film himself doing it, and if caught, say, “It’s for the ‘We’re Here to Help’ podcast”—turning the whole act into a friendly, silly podcast challenge.
• Emily can only reclaim her monitor by hearing this episode and calling in. If not, Kyle keeps the monitor—“It’s not gaslighting if it’s a bit!” (Jake & Gareth, 51:01)

“If anybody catches you, say, ‘I’m doing this bit for this podcast called We’re Here to Help... It’s like a prank, it’s for the podcast!’”
—Jake Johnson (50:27)

• David and Gareth improvise a practice run, with Krumholtz playing a nosy coworker.
• The hosts cheerfully encourage Kyle to execute the “Monitor Swap Game” and report back.

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4. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Doppelganger Banter

“Mine’s going too. I’m on the M. Stuff.”
—Jake Johnson on hair loss (01:15)

“We made out... big deal for me. I’d never been on a set before.”
—Jake Johnson recalls NYU film with Krumholtz (03:09)

Cabin Chaos

“It’s like a frat house squalor kind of what it turns into.”
—Steve, describing the mess (13:39)

“Why are you sleeping in a one-room cabin with 11 guys who are filthy?”
—Jake Johnson, direct as always (28:49)

Outgrowing Friendships

“It doesn’t fit anymore—there are stains, there are holes in the pockets. You’re hanging on to something that you look bad in...”
—Gareth Reynolds (28:56)

Monitor Swap Shenanigans

“Isn’t the fake bet a gaslight though?”
—David Krumholtz (49:02)

“You want to do the swap with me? Everybody does these swaps.”
—Jake Johnson (48:31)

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5. Advice Recap and Episode Takeaways

On Maturing Friendships

• It’s okay—and sometimes necessary—to let go of old traditions (or friends) that no longer fit who you are.
• Start new traditions with the people who respect your boundaries and values.
• Nostalgia isn’t always enough to excuse gross or regressive behavior.

On “Petty” Office Dilemmas

• Instead of conniving or gaslighting, often the best first step is open communication: ask your coworker, or simply approach management for an upgrade.
• If you can’t resist the prank, at least make it a good-natured “meta” game—be silly, not mean, and let everyone in on the joke.

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6. Closing & Listener Follow Ups

Timestamps: 56:39 – end

• Jake invites both Steve and Kyle to report back—especially Steve’s wife, who is “the real winner here.”
• Gareth and David are delighted with how the episode’s “advice” surprisingly lands sweetly, not just as a bit.
• Epilogue: a nurse named Crystal calls in with real-world vasectomy aftercare advice, adding genuine—and humorous—bonus help.

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Major Segment Timestamps

• Catchup, Doppelganger Banter: 00:17 – 06:14
• Steve’s Cabin Dilemma: 11:08 – 33:13
• Kyle’s Monitor Swap: 34:59 – 56:39
• Listener Vasectomy Advice (Crystal): 57:17 – 60:00

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Episode Verdict

A classic “We’re Here to Help” blend of heartfelt advice, wild tangents, and uproarious comedy, this episode features standout chemistry with Krumholtz and the usual mix of ineptitude and wisdom. Whether you’re outgrowing your college buddies (and their beer-laced Cheez-It parties) or plotting harmless office high-jinks, Jake, Gareth, and David’s approaches—half sincere, half shenanigan—somehow land where good advice truly lives.

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Memorable Quote:

“You’re hanging on to something you look bad in... it’s an ugly old sweatshirt.”
—Gareth Reynolds (28:56)

Transcript

[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Kyle]

Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska and California. And for delivery.

[Jake Johnson]

This is a Headgum podcast. And we are back. We've got a special guest today, somebody who's special to me. David Krumholtz is here. And, David, not only have I been a fan of yours since before I got in this game from slums of Beverly Hills and such, but you and I look similar. We are brothers from another mother.

[David Krumholtz]

It's almost disturbing, except you have a lovely head of hair and I am.

[Jake Johnson]

Mine's going tragically. Mine's going, too. I'm on the M. Stuff.

[David Krumholtz]

You're on the stuff, huh? Yeah, I just started taking the stuff. I started taking the stuff like 15 years too late. And then this is what you're.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're chasing the dream.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, what happened with mine was everything was fine, and then I directed that movie and the stress of it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. Is that right?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, it was. Well, I was back to Minx, and I was editing and I thought I was doing fine. I thought I had it all together. David, we've been emailing about this stuff with the anxiety and the stress, but I didn't realize anything was abnormal. And then the DP said to me, you are losing hair at Rapid Clip. Wow. Do you want us to start painting it in?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Jake Johnson]

Whoa, Mother.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Such a tough one.

[David Krumholtz]

By the way, the painting is wonderful. And since they use called topic, and it really is painting, it's not painting. It's like dusting a light. Dusting. Like fairy dust, but, you know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fairy dust.

[David Krumholtz]

Yeah, but, you know, like, you make wishes and they come true. But I lost a huge chunk after my nervous breakdown, which lasted nine months.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, my.

[David Krumholtz]

A lot of fun. And. And I was like, oh. And then it didn't grow back. And then I lost another chunk when I ran and wrote. And it was in that show where I played the old lady, Gigi. Being in charge, being the question answer.

[Jake Johnson]

It's so hard.

[David Krumholtz]

It's a nightmare.

[Kyle]

It's a nightmare.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a nightmare. So let me ask just a question because, you know, we've gone back and forth and I believe you know this, but I really respect you as an act talent. I think you're.

[David Krumholtz]

I respect you as an acting talent. I wish we got to work together. I. People know that we worked together a long time ago.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't Remember much of what was. So. It was at nyu.

[David Krumholtz]

Twin brothers on an NYU short film. We made out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We.

[David Krumholtz]

I did.

[Jake Johnson]

I remember you telling me that. I don't. I remember doing it because it was a big deal for me. I'd never been on a set before.

[David Krumholtz]

Big deal for me to kiss you. I mean, big deal for me.

[Jake Johnson]

Two guys looking in the mirror, realizing we look good.

[David Krumholtz]

It's a shame we have Zoom between us right now.

[Jake Johnson]

Come on. So we did that, and then I remember meeting you through the Charlene Yee world, huh? Yeah. And I don't know if you ever got this email, but when we first met at some party or something, maybe with the Seth world, I knew that world through Charlene and Mike. Sarah.

[David Krumholtz]

Right.

[Jake Johnson]

But I got your email and emailed you.

[David Krumholtz]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

And I was like, man, at some point we've got to work together and play brothers or do whatever.

[David Krumholtz]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And it still hasn't happened, but because.

[David Krumholtz]

Wood is unimaginative and hates me, I think.

[Jake Johnson]

I think.

[David Krumholtz]

I think it's not about you. It's about me and my reputation for being, you know, mean on set.

[Jake Johnson]

Do you have a. I've never heard a negative word about you.

[David Krumholtz]

I'm the best, baby. I'm the best. I'm kidding, of course. No, I don't know why it hasn't happened. And everybody does the Oscar, Isaac, me, you, Jason Manchukas thing.

[Jake Johnson]

See Oscar. I don't see Manzoukas.

[David Krumholtz]

I see a little. I like to see Oscar.

[Jake Johnson]

I like to see Oscar.

[David Krumholtz]

Handsome fella.

[Jake Johnson]

Look, to be honest with you, that's what us, dude.

[David Krumholtz]

The man looks like gonzo. He's a, you know.

[Jake Johnson]

No, look, he's handsome in his own right, but he's very. We want Oscar in our thing, but he's not us.

[David Krumholtz]

Yeah, he doesn't want to, you know.

[Jake Johnson]

A lot of guys, a lot of brown hair guys. Adam Pally claims to be us, but he does not look like us.

[David Krumholtz]

No, Adam Pal's got a whole different. I was just texting nightmare thing going on.

[Jake Johnson]

He's not us. He's very handsome, too, but he doesn't look like us.

[David Krumholtz]

No, he doesn't look like us at all. He should be. He looks better, I think. No, no offense, but I agree he's got less of a. Of a pronounced nose.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I agree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's amazing to have this connection of doppelgangers.

[Jake Johnson]

It's also looking in the mirror. But, David, anything you say about you, you never have to say, no offense, because I get it.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[David Krumholtz]

No, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

We don't look the same, but we do look like actual brothers.

[David Krumholtz]

Now I see. I got to the point where I was very sick of my call. Of course, expedited by the fact that my face is exposed as an actor to the world. You know, I'm at a point. Honestly, man, like, I'm super surprised. I haven't gotten major plastic surgery yet. I've gotten minor plastic surgery. Can't. I don't know if you can tell, but no, I haven't. But I haven't got.

[Jake Johnson]

I would. I would tease more, but Gareth might get plastic surgery at some point.

[David Krumholtz]

Oh, really? Why? You look beautiful.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, then, never mind, David. I won't do it. Thank you.

[David Krumholtz]

You look pleasant.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, I get called. No, no. I'm fat. Aaron. Paul. I'm happy where I'm at.

[David Krumholtz]

You look all right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thanks, David.

[David Krumholtz]

It's gonna. It'll get better.

[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

If anybody tries this and goes through Walden, email the show. I think if I would have had this when I was right out of high school, I think I would have done online university. I think it would have worked better for me. Walden University set a course for change. Certified to operate by Chev. You want to be sexy this year? You want to compete with Steve Berg with the sexiest hunk of the year? Then you gotta wear quince. A new year, colder days. This is the moment your winter wardrobe really has to deliver. If you're craving a winter reset, start with pieces truly made to last season after season, Quince brings together premium materials, thoughtful design, and enduring quality so you stay warm, look sharp, and feel your best all season long. Hey, Quince, if you want to dress Eric and Steve, we'll do a little photo shoot of those two hunks. You Looking for some new models. Quince, I got the guys for you. They're great looking men and they know how to wear Mongolian cashmere sweaters. They know how to wear wool coats, leather and suede outerwear that actually hold up to daily wear and still look good. Their outerwear is really impressive. Imagine Steve Bergen that think down jackets, wool coats and Italian leather outwear that keeps you warm when it's actually cold.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Steve]

Hey, how's it going?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good, how are you?

[Steve]

I'm doing well.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right. You sound fired up. Welcome to the show. I'm not going to lie. You've got Jake, you've got me, and we've got. The great David Krumholtz is joining us. You've got two Jakes or two Davids and one Gareth. So what's your name, please?

[Steve]

My name's Steve.

[Jake Johnson]

Steve.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Where are you calling from, Steve?

[Steve]

I'm calling from Montana.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Montana. I'm good. Shall we jump in? The best.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Steve, really fast. Do they have speed limits in Montana or is it still on those highways? You can go as fast as you want.

[Steve]

They've got speed limits. They upped them to 80. So 80 people go 85.

[Gareth Reynolds]

80'S right?

[Steve]

Depending.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I remember in high school, we used to take road trips up there because there was no speed limits on certain highways.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's fun.

[Natalie]

All right.

[Jake Johnson]

Anyhow, Steve, what's going on, bud?

[Steve]

I think I'm a little younger than you, Jake.

[Jake Johnson]

That's what happened. All right. It didn't land, Steve.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, Steve, you don't need to attack. Jake, Come on. Or David.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, all right, Steve, what can we do for you today, buddy?

[Steve]

All right, so every year, my high school buddies and I get together at a forest service cabin and we go get shit face drunk and enjoy some. Some food and some good times and catch up with everyone. Since we only see him once a year, we've been doing this for about 11 years. So ever since we were juniors in high school, fun. And frankly, I'd like to get the boys to class it up a little bit.

[Kyle]

We.

[Steve]

It's pretty disgusting in that cabin. When we're done with it, we got to spend half of the time just cleaning it up. And I keep. I bring garbage bags and I bring tools for us to keep it a little cleaner, but no one seems interested in using it. And it gets to the point where I only want to Go for about half the time because I'm kind of ashamed at how gross it gets and I don't really want to. I don't even want the bottom of my boots to touch the floor in the morning after the carnage.

[David Krumholtz]

It begs the question. Yeah, I'm sorry, but this begs the question, can you get into specifics about the kind of grossness that we're talking about here?

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Steve]

So this year we woke. I woke up, I go to bed earlier than some of the guys because I'm kind of the old man of the group, but I woke up to a pile of beer soaked Cheez its on the table.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Steve]

And there's smash. There's usually smashed hot dogs on the floor.

[Jake Johnson]

So it's just like a fr. It's like a frat house squalor kind.

[Steve]

Of what it turns into.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, it's a bunch of guys. No one's clean. It's not like people are taking shits on the floor, but food gets dropped, Cigarette butts, just gross.

[David Krumholtz]

Used condoms end up on the top of your head while you're sleeping. These kinds of things.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. I mean, are there. How is, how crazy? What's the craziest? Is it dirty hot dogs and stuff like that or does it get disgusting? Disgusting.

[Steve]

There's. It's not like there's no. Generally there's no body fluids in the cabin. We usually make that outside the door.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Okay.

[Steve]

But there is a. There is a spot right outside the back door that's called the piss pad where everyone throws up outside the back door because it's cold in the winter.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[David Krumholtz]

The bathroom, non functioning. It can't be used.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's full of hot dogs.

[Steve]

The bathroom does work. It is a 20 foot walk though, so people don't want to have to go out.

[David Krumholtz]

House, it's an outhouse. Wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, 20ft.

[Steve]

But the biggest thing is we're. Some of us are starting to get married and have kids as we're getting close to our 30s. So, you know, it would be nice to be able to tell my wife I enjoy it and I'm not, you know, totally disgusted by it when I go up there.

[Jake Johnson]

Let me ask you an interesting question.

[Kyle]

You're.

[David Krumholtz]

You're, you're the clean one, right? You're the, you're the guy who's trying to class it up. But see, but yeah, you feel shame over this, don't you? Personal shame.

[Steve]

Not in like the amount of drinking or how late we stay up or, you know, the jokes or anything like that. Just in like the Grossness of how gross it gets.

[David Krumholtz]

Okay, so is there one guy in your group who's particularly gross?

[Steve]

Yeah, I would say it's a group effort.

[David Krumholtz]

Oh, wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And there's really.

[Jake Johnson]

Let me jump in. Let me jump in for a quick second here. So this is a pretty clean setup, Steve, but what is the specific question we could help you with?

[Steve]

How can I get a group of 25 to 28 year olds to get drunk while keeping the cabin clean?

[Jake Johnson]

Interesting. Okay. Because that's it. It's very. It's doable. It's very hard because you got a group of 25 to 28 year olds who still live like they're in a fraternity and nobody in that situation wants the A rule or like a chore chart or the dad or to be told what to do. So we've got to camouflage it in a version of a game.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

And. Or a challenge. Because these dudes I know myself. It's always game oriented when it's. It's a group of friends going similar to like the Andy Roddick episode with the trash hole. We've almost got to set up like bins where if you throw your trash can in this, you get one point from here. If you miss, you get minus blank. There's punishments. That's the beginning of what I'm thinking.

[David Krumholtz]

An earning system.

[Jake Johnson]

An earning system. And especially with a group of men, a punishment system. I used to play a game when I was growing up called an had. The whole hierarchy was. There was a president, a vice president, a secretary and an. And if you were the. You guys play that. But in our rules, our games, that we would always play. Gareth, I'm sure we played this together. Oh, yeah, I'm sure we played Asshole, the lowest tier. The asshole has to do what the president says to do because the president could make their life terrible for that round. Do you guys play any game with stakes like that?

[Steve]

We do. Usually it gets. Once we're playing games like that, it's hard to keep anyone together because at that point they're pretty well lit up.

[Jake Johnson]

Here's really. Honestly Steve, where I'm going. And you gotta tell me if this is the right path or not, because this isn't an easy one. Because we're dealing with 11 drunk guys in a cabin in Montana and they like to be rebellious against you. So any logical move of hey, guys, could we blank. Is not gonna work any. I brought extra bins. Your bins. Right. They're all saying we want to come here and act any way we want. So I think there has to be a game in that. Literally. I would consider creating via a text thing, charts. So like, you create line, you put like a piece of duct tape on the floor and across the room in the foreign is worth five points. Closers three, Very close is one. Every beer can, when you're finished, you have to go to the free throw line and shoot. So if you miss, it's not only zero, but then you gotta clean it. So part of the drinking and partying is this game, but part of the game is you've got to keep the court clear.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's pretty good. I like that. But then what if you attach onto that, if we do that for like 24 hours and then the person in last place on that chart has to do like a sweep up and like a rag down or something like that.

[David Krumholtz]

Gareth, you guys are very kind. You know what I say? You do. Steve, stop going. Don't go to the next one because you're the guys with, with the bags, right? They're going to be alone without you looking for the bags in the bins. And they're going to, Holy crap. We pissed Steve off to the point where he's not here anymore, and now we're, we're living in our own garbage.

[Jake Johnson]

So you're talking about a boy. You're talking about a boycott of. Show them what happens when nobody picks up the garbage in New York City.

[David Krumholtz]

Don't miss.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're gone.

[Jake Johnson]

Will be there. It'll be so disgusting that they'll go, all right, we're gonna pay you a little bit more.

[David Krumholtz]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I, I fear the problem with that. I fear that he will find out that he is not necessary to the weekend. And then it'll be, they'll move on.

[Jake Johnson]

Or they'll just be disgusting and be like, man, that was crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That was even better.

[Jake Johnson]

And Steve's gonna go, I miss hanging.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Out with Steve's annoying. Yeah. Then Steve will be home with his wife. Like, yeah, I bet they're playing asshole.

[Jake Johnson]

But Steve, hold on. What do you think as of right now about this idea of a boycott?

[Steve]

Well, what I was kind of thinking is schedule A, because there's usually three or four of us who get up a little earlier and start cleaning up so we can sit down and not throw up. So I was thinking like scheduling one apart from that, where we keep it a little cleaner. It's the guys who aren't quite as reckless. And then side weekend, four of us kind of see, oh, it's kind of nice to be able to not Sacrifice a deck of cards every weekend and keep things clean. And then that would bleed over a little bit to where I can get a majority of them to at least be like 25% cleaner.

[Jake Johnson]

So you're talking about dividing the group, starting with new tradition. And the filthy ones, you're just not part of this. Because now we've done this new thing that's cleaner and you're the past, we're the present.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But then your pitch is that you're going to take that side group and you're going to strengthen the bond of being clean. And then you bring it back to the OG group and then you've got a movement. Is that what you're saying?

[Steve]

That's what I think would be the goal. Maybe just one time we bring the guys who I think will keep it cleaner and we make a. Make an effort to show them that it is, in fact, better not to be surrounded by garbage.

[Jake Johnson]

What's your thoughts?

[David Krumholtz]

I honestly, I think Steve has the best answer to his own question. I think that's the way to go. And worst case scenario, you split up, you divide into two groups, and you all hammer fight. One day you get a hammer, hammer, hammer, fight it out. You know what I mean? In the bloody snow.

[Jake Johnson]

Gareth. Gareth. Bombing Krumholtz is loving this. I saw you weren't loving it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I don't. I mean, we know the premise of the show. This guy can't solve his own shit. I. I like it. It just feels like a long play. I would, I would throw out two others. How are you getting the cabin? I can't remember if you said that. Is that. Is it someone's cabin or are you renting it?

[Steve]

We rent it from the Forest service.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so here's what you do. This is, I got two for you. One is. And it could work together. One is, you get an email from them before the next one saying, the last time you guys left, the place was a real shithole. We need you guys to step it up because, you know, we love having you. Whatever. But there was mushed hot dogs in the dishwasher. There was hammer blood in the snow. Whatever you want to say. But you can either make a fake mock email or a mock email, or you can just say that you got it. The other pitch is, why don't you. In this morning session, when you say the three or four of you, get up and do it. What if you just hired a maid for like two hours and you just say to this person, look, just move quick. We're not looking for anything special. This is going to be a cake job for you. Do a quick.

[David Krumholtz]

Garrett, that's so mean to the maid shows up and has to clean up vomit and stuff.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Listen, I understand it's a mail maid.

[David Krumholtz]

Did I mention it's a mailman of nowhere?

[Jake Johnson]

So yeah, it's scary.

[Steve]

There's no cell phone service.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know that part.

[David Krumholtz]

I didn't know that part is going to show up to a group of 11 men in the middle of nowhere with no cell phone.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't care what they're offering. Don't go. I don't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what I don't like about how similar you two are when you disagree with me. It's a real gang up. I really feel that energy.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, it's because he's smart, Garrett.

[David Krumholtz]

I can't do that as this. As we learn more about this, about Steve's party thing or we call it a party, it sounds more and more incredibly creepy if you think about. They're in the middle of nowhere in piss laden, vomit laden snow.

[Jake Johnson]

It's not great.

[David Krumholtz]

No Cell phone service. 11 guys getting whacked out and playing drunk. Being drunk, playing poker. Someone's gonna get knifed.

[Jake Johnson]

It could get dark.

[David Krumholtz]

This is gonna get dark. Steve. Steve, you gotta back out. You're gonna get killed. You're gonna get killed for wanting to clean the damn place.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Steve. What. What do you think about the reality of going David's route and cut ties? Listen to your wife, cut ties, start a new group rather than trying to bring the old group back. Rent the cabin with four of the cleaner guys and then you can plant the seed with the other guys. We're doing it. I don't want to live like a animal. I'm not 19 anymore. So if you want to come, there's just some rules that you guys make as like a little democracy.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Steve]

I think, unfortunately I think that might be. Might be time to separate from some of the, you know, less mature guys who aren't. Aren't as willing to keep people.

[David Krumholtz]

I'm sorry, Steve, that. That's probably not easy to do and you know, you know my suggestion, you're in Montana, right. It's probably a little slow kind of lifestyle there. So then these guys get together and this is where they rage because they're. They've been pent up. My suggestion is everybody pulls their money. Take a trip to Vegas. You can vomit all over the place. People will clean up after you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mates.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[David Krumholtz]

You know, you can be an idiot in public and do Whatever you want. And, you know, that way, you know, you can avoid having to sort of feel trapped with them in the same little spot in the middle of nowhere.

[Jake Johnson]

I got a random one. Steve, what if you. What if you staged the first night when everybody passed out that there was an animal break in? You know, they say with like the idea of like bears and food, that because of all the food and the trash, we staged some version of an animal breaking and you guys have to clean up for the safety of not getting attacked.

[David Krumholtz]

I like that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love this bear in the area. There's a bear or a couple raccoons or something like that that came in through a window.

[Jake Johnson]

But if there's this idea that we create this fake idea from the people that there's been a bear in the area that's been breaking in and it's dangerous. So you cannot leave beer out, you cannot leave food out. If there's food, you gotta close it up because the bear has been breaking into cabins and hurting people.

[David Krumholtz]

Tell them there was a nearby exotic animal sanctuary, and it isn't a bear, it's a tiger on the loose. There's a tiger.

[Jake Johnson]

Scarier notes on that, by the way. If I'm going drinking and somebody goes, there's a wild animal sanctuary somewhere out here. A Bengal tiger escaped. And it loves things like beer soaked Cheez Its. But be careful because it's wild and vicious. I'm not taking. If somebody spills their beer, I go and go, Mike, clean up after yourself. There's a Bengal tiger sweep up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's a hot dog tiger around here. You fool.

[Kyle]

You're.

[Jake Johnson]

You're spilling, you clown. Yeah, I don't care about the mess. I'm not your mom or your dad. I do care about a tiger attacking me while I'm sleeping.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right, Steve?

[David Krumholtz]

What is your gut, by the way? Believable.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That feels pretty good.

[Steve]

Well, most of the guys are hunters, so they might just get excited if there's animals in the area.

[David Krumholtz]

All right, Your friends are out of control. You need to get away from them. You sound like a much better person than they are.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are.

[David Krumholtz]

They sound horrible and headed to jail any day now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. You're in a group of drunk pig poachers, so it might. I like that pitch a lot. Well, what if we said raccoons? What if you. What if the three or four of.

[Jake Johnson]

You in the morning decided to kill a raccoon?

[David Krumholtz]

But what if they're sweet, Some of them. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, they'd be like this great. We have guns. Tell Them to bring a record. I'll shoot a raccoon in the living room.

[David Krumholtz]

How about possums? How about we go one step up to possum?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Love rats.

[David Krumholtz]

There's no love rats.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey. What? Hey, Steve, I got something. Because you talk about hunters. So the tiger thing doesn't work. What if it's just an infestation with rats?

[Steve]

There's always mice in that cabin because.

[Jake Johnson]

It'S in the middle of nowhere and nobody cares.

[Gareth Reynolds]

These guys are bulletproof.

[Jake Johnson]

This is what you do. You.

[David Krumholtz]

You get a honey badger, put it in a cage.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here we go.

[David Krumholtz]

And you tell them if they don't clean up, you're on. You're just letting the honey badger.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But it involves some of the things.

[David Krumholtz]

We learned from earlier. Damn honey badger is just sitting in the living room in a cage waiting, starving, and you guys are drinking all around. And the second something goes wrong, you. I'm gonna let them honey badger out.

[Steve]

This cabin is a one room cabin. There's no.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What are you going here for? This has gotten so. At the beginning, I understood the idea.

[David Krumholtz]

This is weird.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There is no. I think the. What we're saying at the end of the day is accurate. Get out.

[Jake Johnson]

What are you doing, Steve? Why are you sleeping in a one room cabin with 11 guys who are filthy?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what it is? It's like you. There's like a sweatsuit that you used to wear when you were younger and you loved how it looked, but it doesn't fit anymore. There's stains, there's holes in the pocket. You're hanging on to something that you look bad. You look bad.

[Jake Johnson]

It's an ugly old sweatshirt. But for the guys in that group who you do love, see who loves you back and plan a second trip.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Side pitch it, because some of them.

[Jake Johnson]

Are gonna go, Steve's fine. He's not my guy. He's a neat freak.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that's okay. He doesn't like hot dogs.

[Jake Johnson]

You're gonna go, I don't really like him either. Get older, the circle gets smaller. You go, why am I in a bar with that guy? I've never liked him. He's never liked me. But we're just around each other. Those guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

True. It is the alcohol. The alcohol makes it all palatable because you're really. You're inebriated. Yeah. So. But if you're looking to be a little more adult, I think the move is what we're basically all saying. Start a side text, get a side group of the best ofs, and go have a summer Trip and thank your wife, for God's sake.

[Jake Johnson]

Here's where we're at. And then we're going to go back to you and you're going to finish this off here. We've got the idea of punishments, the idea that if somebody loses, they wear a maid outfit, they clean the whole thing. We've got some version of hoops and a game where they're playing and they got to clean as they go. We've got a fake email from the cabin service that you guys got to get cleaner, that it's gotten too disgusting. We've got a wild tiger from a sanctuary nearby and I, I know you're hunters, but be careful. And then we've got to divide the group plan and say either it's because of your wife's not allowing you, or you're changing it, but you're creating a second group and we've got another one. Steve, that was more your earlier idea and that is you go up there with a few other guys, have a cleaner version of it, and then try to bring that to the whole group. What are you gonna do here, man?

[Steve]

You know, I think, I think you guys are right. I'm gonna have to plan separate outings with the one guys that I do like and want to spend more time with and not start to pull away a little bit and maybe, you know, find other activities that aren't, aren't so shameful in my wife's eyes or my own eyes.

[David Krumholtz]

That's the sensible thing to do. And can I just say, you're not better than them, you know, don' it with judgment. Do it out of compassion, you know, and a little bit of self respect for yourself. You know what I mean?

[Jake Johnson]

Some judgment and a little judgment.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you know what else? If any of them ask you what's up, you can sort of say it was, I can't live like that. It's just a little too much, a little too dirty and maybe, maybe, maybe you scare a couple of them straight too and they can go on the new gathering.

[Jake Johnson]

So Steve, in closing, walk us through really fast just because I think this plan is going to work for you. What are you actually going to do? So you're going to plan what, something in spring.

[Steve]

I think I'm gonna talk to the guys who I'm really close with and say like, I just can't do it anymore up there. I've only been going for half the time anyways, the last few years.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Steve]

And I just, I. It's just not, I think we're We've grown past this and try to get something going either earlier in the winter, in November or early December.

[Jake Johnson]

Let me ask you a question. Are you gonna do this in person or via text?

[Steve]

I do it in person.

[Jake Johnson]

Never mind. I was gonna say if it's text, let's do it now. Will you follow up with us after you do that chat?

[Steve]

Yeah, yeah, I can do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because we could even talk about what the next trip might be. You know, we could spitball that on a follow up a little bit, not get crazy.

[David Krumholtz]

But yeah, this ended beautifully. This ended actually sweet in a sweet, beautiful way.

[Jake Johnson]

This will work. Awesome.

[Steve]

Thank you.

[Jake Johnson]

And you know what? Actually, you know what I'd like, Steve? Will you have your wife call in at some point with a follow up so she can thank us? Yeah, because really, this is gonna be. She's gonna go, he doesn't. Steve, you don't listen to this podcast, do you?

[Steve]

I do, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, you do. Okay. But it's mostly the wife.

[Steve]

No, I would say it's mostly me.

[Jake Johnson]

That a boy, Steve. Never mind. Steve. Thanks for the call, buddy. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Do you like building websites, Elizabeth? Yeah. Do you know an easy place where you could build a website? Squarespace. Squarespace.com a sponsor of the podcast. We're here to help. Thanks, Elizabeth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We adore Squarespace. My website is Squarespace. My other podcast, the Dollops website, is Squarespace. Every website I am associated with is Squarespace. I am currently working with one of the callers behind the scenes on a website. And we're going Squarespace because they do it all for you. They make it easy for you to get involved in the website game. And you have to have a website. I mean, what are we doing here? They've got everything. They have cutting edge design, SEO tools. You know, I'm a big SEO tools guy. Search engine optimization, that's me, baby. If you want to set up a place for donations, videos, it's just every way you can up your legitimacy online. Squarespace is the there for you. And like I said, right now I'm working very closely with a caller and I am shark tanking her business. And we're using a Squarespace site and we've used Squarespace on the show tons of times because user friendly, makes it look legit and can't say enough good stuff about it. I mean, that's why we talk about Squarespace all the time. So go to squarespace.com Gil sent me for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch use offer code Gil sent me to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hello.

[Kyle]

Hello.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi, can we get your name, please?

[Kyle]

Yeah, my Name's Kyle. I'm 22 and I'm calling from Massachusetts.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, great. Well, you got Jake, you've got me, and we've got a phenomenal talent, a great problem solver. David Krumholtz is our guest helper. So we're going to get you sorted and set.

[Kyle]

Wow. All right, I'm ready.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's jump in.

[Kyle]

Yes. So I work at a software company, and every desk has a company provided monitor or, like, your computer. And I've been working here for a little over a year. And a couple months ago we got a new hire and we'll call her Emily. Her and I became friends. But my problem today is that she has a newer and nicer monitor than I do. And I'm hoping you can help me figure out how to steal it or swap it for mine, which is older and not as good. And something to consider and makes it kind of difficult is that we sit directly across from her. Like, I sit directly across from her. So where, like, face to face are you.

[David Krumholtz]

Are you at work right now, in front of the monitor?

[Kyle]

I am at work. Not in front of that monitor, but.

[David Krumholtz]

Wow, so you're in there.

[Kyle]

I mean, I'm in a room.

[Jake Johnson]

We could do it, right?

[David Krumholtz]

Do something right now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Steve]

Oh, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

This could be in real time. Is Emily at work right now, too?

[Kyle]

Emily is not at work, which is actually where I was gonna get into. One of the reasons I think I deserve it more than she does is that she has been only. She only comes in, like, once a week, and I'm in three days a week, so I use it twice as much as her.

[David Krumholtz]

So how much of a monitor upgrade are we talking about here? How much better is hers?

[Kyle]

I mean, so my monitor that I currently have is, like, from 2000, and I'm going to say 10. And it's got the old RBG connection, so it's not even HDMI. The newer ones are, like, within the last two or three years, there's besides Dell, like, no bezel, full screen, 15 or 16 inch with HDMI.

[David Krumholtz]

That is a big disparity.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The elephant in the room is she's going to notice. I mean, she's definitely going to know that you've swapped monitors. Correct?

[Kyle]

Well, that's what I'm curious on, because I don't know how often she really uses it or interesting how. Well, like, I don't know if the difference. If you knew what to look for would be dark. But I don't know how much she pays attention to.

[Jake Johnson]

Let me ask you a question, Kyle.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like that.

[Jake Johnson]

What if you just did right now a swap and play dumb routine. And that is. She goes, did you swap my monitor? You go, what monitor? She goes, that monitor used to be mine, but now it's yours. And you go, what are you talking about?

[David Krumholtz]

I like that. Okay, a little bit.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. It. It's.

[Crystal]

Look.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, it's cr. It's. It is gaslighting. But then she'll go, did you swap it? And you'll go, emily, I honestly don't even know what you're asking me. Did you ask me if I took your computer monitor and put it on my computer monitor? Aren't they the same?

[David Krumholtz]

Wait a second. We don't have to. I'm sorry, we don't have to gaslight the woman you b. Do you have a boss?

[Kyle]

Yes, I do.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[David Krumholtz]

Okay, so she comes in then. She's not even there. Next time she comes in, you've swapped it out. She may say something. You say, oh, the boss decided, because I'm actually in the office more often than you are and you work.

[Jake Johnson]

What if she goes to the boss? And the boss goes, that didn't happen. Then Kyle looks like a maniac, a liar.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, well, I got a question, Kyle. Are there any.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, David, it is better than gaslighting.

[David Krumholtz]

That's a bad. That's a better.

[Jake Johnson]

You're right.

[David Krumholtz]

No, I didn't think about that.

[Crystal]

That.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are there other of these monitors around the office? She doesn't just have the only one, right?

[Kyle]

No, there are. There are some that are like that. I just don't know the people who those monitors are. So we could do something, I guess, where it's like a victimless crime, I guess where I steal one of those but I people, right? Which could be anonymous, sort of.

[Jake Johnson]

I know, but Deal. This is. I hear you, but this is a hard thing. So you and Emily are close friends, right?

[Crystal]

Right.

[Kyle]

Yeah. Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

So you know what this reminds me of, Kyle? What we might have to try to create here. So, David, we have a buddy, Steve Berg. And our audience is getting bored of us talking about him so much. But Gareth and I are obsessed with him. We're 25 year friends. Years ago he was talking to me about a football game that had already happened. And so he and I made a bet on a game that had already occurred. And so he obviously lost. And by losing it Rather than take money, we said the loser has to get glamour photos where they try to be their sexiest, not their funniest, but their sexiest. So where I'm kind of going with this, Kyle, is what if we try to lock Emily into a bet and the bet is the monitors, but we also use this podcast as a way. Like you guys call into the show and we pretend it's the first time. Oh, yeah.

[David Krumholtz]

Like there's a no way you can lose.

[Jake Johnson]

And then the loser gets the monitor and she goes like, that's fair.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's, that's, that's. I still don't fully see it, but I actually really like the idea of.

[David Krumholtz]

Immoral in him stealing this. Let's talk again to the deeper issue here. You're telling me there's certain people in this Office that have 2010 era monitors and then a bunch of people who have brand new monitors? Literally.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[David Krumholtz]

Like, you know, a 4, 13, 14 year difference, let's say, in technology, which is a lot. Yeah, I do. Why don't you talk to your boss? A and B, why don't you. What? Why are they giving you the crappy monitor? What?

[Jake Johnson]

I'll tell you. It's the same thing as, like cell phone companies. You sign up, you get a whole new great plan. You get a new phone. If you've been in AT T forever, you get if Jack.

[David Krumholtz]

Wow. So are you being too nice and letting them get away with not giving you a new monitor?

[Jake Johnson]

That's entry. You're saying rather than make it an Emily Kyle problem, make it problem.

[Kyle]

That could be. They are. They are in the process. So what made me think of this is we are moving our desks around, like as a whole company. And so I decide. So there are people who are getting, I think, newer monitors or maybe just newer.

[Jake Johnson]

Kyle, I got an idea. I got an idea going off of David saying an anonymous letter with fake signatures. Sane. We are furious that new employees get these. And we do not. We will not stand for it. And that goes to the top.

[David Krumholtz]

Jake, in another life, would you have been like a. A scam artist?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. I'll answer. Jake, you don't need to say a word. 100.

[David Krumholtz]

David.

[Jake Johnson]

My whole family, he'd be in jail.

[Gareth Reynolds]

With his name tattooed on his knuckles.

[Jake Johnson]

Every. Everybody. Most of my family was in jail.

[Gareth Reynolds]

David.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm in Hollywood.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He'd be selling toilet paper to his celli.

[Jake Johnson]

It's shocking that I'm in this moving.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If we're moving monitors. What do you mean moving monitors? Are you here's what I'm thinking. If we're moving stuff around, why not do a fake break? Why not? If your desk gets moved or we make your desk get moved or something like that, you can. You can sabotage your monitor, and then you complain to the top that your monitor no longer works.

[Jake Johnson]

Ooh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's an opportunity to break your monitor.

[David Krumholtz]

Break the monitor.

[Jake Johnson]

Break the monitor.

[David Krumholtz]

Break it right now. Break the damn pool.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hold on, David. Yes, David, hold on.

[Jake Johnson]

Shake, Kyle. Knock your monitor on the ground.

[David Krumholtz]

Yeah, just pretend to bump into it.

[Jake Johnson]

And then it's bro. And you just literally go, hey, my monitor fell. I don't know what happened. It's not working. Yeah, can I get a new monitor? And then when they give you the old one, go, can I get the one Emily has?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, you should say. You should be like. It's actually. When you. When you talk about it, say it's actually a good opportunity, because that one was kind of getting wonky anyway. I mean, it's from 2010, right?

[David Krumholtz]

And the thing is, I know you're worried about Kyle that you're going to actually break the monitor, and then there's some kind of penalty. So here's what you do do. You don't actually break the monitor, right? You spill. How about you spill something on it? Coffee on it or whatever.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what I mean?

[David Krumholtz]

And then you claim that it's been wonky ever since. Yeah, it's simple mistake. You didn't try to break anything. It's been wonky ever since.

[Jake Johnson]

You know, you could do off going off of that. You don't even have to spill anything on it. Just say, my monitor is getting really wonky and it's stopping me from work. Every once in a while, it's just glitching or pausing, and then it shut off. Can I get a new monitor?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And if they go. There was no problems with it when we checked. Go. I don't know what to tell you. I lost, like, 15 minutes of work. It's from 2010.

[David Krumholtz]

Or you freak your bosses out and they get scared of you. Like, you say something like, my monitor is speaking to me, or you're in love. Or your monitor is in love with my monitors and your boss is going, this guy's losing his mind off responder. We need to get him a new monitor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He might be getting a new job.

[Jake Johnson]

They won't say, you know what? It's the monitor's fault.

[David Krumholtz]

But we're saying that's a bad idea.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, we've had some good moments, but at the end Yeah, I think the end is off.

[Jake Johnson]

I got to say, Kyle, I think we've come across something that's way better than stealing, gaslighting or creating a fake mutiny. I think you literally just go to your boss right now and say, hey, my computer screen is getting wonky. It's been shutting off occasionally. What. How do I go about getting a new screen and then go like, like at like Emily's.

[Kyle]

Okay, I, I think that would be. Yeah, I, I prefer that. Yeah, it's probably a little bit of a better bar than. Than the gaslighting or stealing.

[Jake Johnson]

Now let me ask you a question.

[David Krumholtz]

Let me ask yourself. In trouble, man. Don't get yourself in trouble.

[Jake Johnson]

Let me ask you a question, Kyle. Is your boss there right now?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Kyle]

Jake, he is not.

[Jake Johnson]

Are you lying to me?

[Kyle]

No, he's. He's working from home today, so.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, then why don't we do this while you're on your phone talking to us?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but he has a computer.

[Kyle]

I have a computer. Yeah, I have my computer in front of me that I can write an email.

[Jake Johnson]

I could. Let's contact that boss as a team.

[Natalie]

We could have him join the zoom from his computer and then he calls his boss on his cell phone and you can watch him and hear that of the conversation.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, he's willing.

[Jake Johnson]

Kyle, are you willing to do that?

[Kyle]

I can certainly give it a shot. I can't guarantee that he would pick up though.

[Jake Johnson]

If he doesn't, he does it. But if he doesn't. Here's what I'd like you to do. Leave a message.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do we want. We have two phenomenal actors.

[Jake Johnson]

We don't talk. We don't.

[Crystal]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But should we run him through this before we get.

[Jake Johnson]

That's a good.

[Natalie]

Maybe a practice run.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Give him a. Give him a little rehearsal before we do this.

[Jake Johnson]

Kyle, are you going to do this? Will you be. Do you feel comfortable trying this? Because I think this is a great win, but only if this is something you actually want to do. This is your real job.

[Kyle]

I don't. I. I'm. The only hesitancy I have is I'm not like super close with him. So I don't, I don't know if it's something that he even has control over. Like we have a special department that.

[Natalie]

You would call about your monitor.

[Kyle]

Yeah. Like he's probably going to say, all right. I mean, ask, ask. Like the PC Depot is what it's called. Like we have our own in house tech specialist that like, like are in charge of that.

[Natalie]

You know, they're just gonna give you a new cord. If you say that your monitor's wonky, they're gonna give you a new cable to connect it. It's gonna be a simple fix. And if they have a whole IT department, they're gonna be like, this isn't broken. Have you asked Emily if she really cares about her monitor and she'll swap with you, Natalie.

[David Krumholtz]

What?

[Natalie]

I'm sorry.

[Kyle]

That's the smart answer. But I've been it. Just because I've only known her for a couple months, it feels like a weird thing to be like.

[Jake Johnson]

It is a weird thing. It's embarrassing.

[David Krumholtz]

For a couple months might be a good thing. You know, she doesn't. She'll not assume you're nefarious or weird, possessive in any way. She'll be like, oh. Or you just say, hey, you know, sometimes we swap monitors around here. That's a Joe's monitor. It used to be part of two months.

[Jake Johnson]

You want to do the swap with me? Everybody does these swaps. What do you mean? Yeah, we just swap monitors every two months.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Move one monitor to the left every two months. You don't know this?

[Natalie]

I think you should go back to the fake bet.

[Jake Johnson]

The fake what bet?

[Natalie]

With Emily.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's where they call in.

[Jake Johnson]

I mean, going to you for a second here, Kyle. I'm going to just propose two right now, really fast. Fake bet. Gaslight. If those were. Oh. If you're at a crossroads, which road do you start going down? 1.

[David Krumholtz]

Isn't the fake Beta gas light, though.

[Jake Johnson]

Different version. I'm talking about literally right now, swapping monitors.

[David Krumholtz]

I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm so invested. I. I should just go.

[Jake Johnson]

Please.

[David Krumholtz]

We all are.

[Jake Johnson]

It's the whole premise.

[David Krumholtz]

I have children that are in the whole premise. This is not important, but go on. Sorry.

[Jake Johnson]

It is important. It's the whole thing.

[David Krumholtz]

I'm sorry. It's the whole prem. I agree.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Kyle, what do you think? If you're at a crisis, if I.

[Kyle]

My. My gut is. Is telling me the benefit to gaslighting is that I don't have to try and get her to, like, call into a random show and be like, oh, do you want to do, like, a bet with me? And on this podcast, America's number one podcast, but thank you. And so I'm almost leaning more towards that. The gaslighting, which is kind of a crazy sentence, but it's. It's. It's seeming like if I were to, yeah, make the swap and then just play dumb or just Say, I don't. I don't know what you're talking about.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Kyle, I have a play that could get you out of the viciousness of a true gaslight and the craziness of it. Do the gaslight right now. Just do the switch. Film yourself doing it. So if anybody catches you, say, I'm doing this bit for this podcast called We're Here to Help. And they go, what are you doing? You go, it's like a prank. It's like from the office pranking her. But it's. We're good friends.

[David Krumholtz]

The podcast is putting you up to it.

[Jake Johnson]

The podcast is putting.

[David Krumholtz]

And then you just never put the monitor back.

[Jake Johnson]

Exactly right. And then if it ever comes up, you go, oh, my God, I did it for the podcast. I forgot that.

[David Krumholtz]

That way it's on Emily to bring it up.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. And then guess what, Emily, we are telling Kyle he's not allowed to bring it up unless you hear this and then call in. So this is a podcast game. This is a prank that we are. This is the first annual monitor swap game.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's gonna be many more to come.

[Jake Johnson]

The only way Emily wins is Emily, you gotta listen, call the pod, and then we will pitch you what to do next. So, Kyle, this is not a gaslight. This is not mean. This is not insane. You're just doing a gag from a podcast.

[Kyle]

I think I like. I like that. That. That puts a little pressure off of me and allows me to. To utilize the. Yeah, the podcast.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, you know what this game is called?

[David Krumholtz]

That's right.

[Jake Johnson]

It's called. This is a game called. So listen, Carl, I think we've given. I think we're on to something that's very close to winning, I think, right now. And you. If you don't want to do it, you don't do it, sir. You didn't want to do the boss thing. You didn't do it. Did we bully you into it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

Did I want to? Yes. Was David's idea of calling as the dad good? Yes. Did we do that? No. So we are in a spa right now where we have a win. But if you don't want it, we'll keep pitching. Here's the pitch. You hang up, you take your phone, you put it on video, you do a very silly look at the camera and go, I'm about to play from. We're here to help. Oh, boy. Then you take her mouth monitor and you switch it to your monitor. If anybody says, what are you doing, Kyle? You say, I'm playing. It's a game from the podcast. We're here to help. Emily's a friend of mine. They go, okay, the way works in round two is you never bring this up. She, like a scavenger hunt, needs to find this podcast, listen to this, call in, and then if she does that, that we will tell her a move of what to do next. An but after you do the swap, Kyle, you, sir, are out of it. So if she brings it up and you're not gaslighting, you're plain.

[David Krumholtz]

And if anyone asks, if she asks or anyone asks, hey, what is. We're here to help.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Who?

[David Krumholtz]

Who show you say the guy from the new girl who's also the kid from the Santa Claus.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're the same guy.

[David Krumholtz]

The same guy.

[Jake Johnson]

And that guy is not Oscar Isaac or Jason.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, Kyle, what do you think?

[Steve]

Okay.

[Kyle]

Yeah, I like that. I can. I can get off of this and go and film that. And then I think it'll be good.

[Jake Johnson]

Send us the video. And then what we will do is try to talk as much as you can in the video because we will run the video at the end of this episode, and most people commuting listen to it will just hear the audio. So just walk through what you're doing, and if somebody interrupts you, just talk. Tell them what you're doing.

[Kyle]

Yeah, okay. Yeah, I can try that.

[Jake Johnson]

This is gonna work. Kyle, you called in with a very specific problem.

[David Krumholtz]

Someone says, hey, what are you doing? Just say, oh, it's a silly little game call.

[Jake Johnson]

Let's do a quick practice. Kyle, you're doing it. David, will you be one of the workers there?

[David Krumholtz]

I sure will.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Kyle, start us off, talk to the camera, do the setup. How you're gonna do it where. Hey, I'm doing this thing. Let's hear the whole thing.

[Kyle]

Hey, everyone, I'm going to be participating in the critically acclaimed challenge from the we're here to help podcast. Today, I will be moving the monitor. We call that the old roommate swap. So I am going to be taking my old monitor and swapping it with my new co workers, Monitor. And we'll see if she knows.

[David Krumholtz]

Who are you talking to?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, it's.

[Kyle]

It's for a podcast. Yeah, they're podcast. Yeah. I don't know if you've ever.

[David Krumholtz]

I don't know.

[Kyle]

Yeah, the podcast is. We are here to help.

[David Krumholtz]

Uhhuh.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[David Krumholtz]

Monitor wants to move the monitor and have a nice new monitor. What's going on here? I'm assuming.

[Jake Johnson]

Can you say really fast? They're both great guys in this Accent.

[David Krumholtz]

They're both great guys. So go on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What.

[David Krumholtz]

What's going on here? Really? You taking a podcast game?

[Kyle]

Yeah, yeah, I'm just. I'm filming a challenge, you know, like, like. Oh, could I do something with like a TikTok? No, she's in on TikTok. But maybe there was like a TikTok challenge of swapping things around.

[Jake Johnson]

Kyle, keep it clean. Just the podcast. Yeah, okay.

[Kyle]

Okay. Yep. We'll stick with the pod. Yeah. So for the. It's for the podcast to call the.

[David Krumholtz]

Boss and tell him you're it.

[Kyle]

I don't. I don't think he's heard of this podcast, so he'll probably. He probably will get the wrong idea.

[David Krumholtz]

Okay, and you're gonna take. Whose monitor? Not my monitor. I can tell you that I love my monitor. Whose monitor?

[Kyle]

Of course not. No, it'll just be this random one over right in front of me actually.

[David Krumholtz]

You mean Emily's monitor? Oh.

[Kyle]

Oh, is that her name?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, he like.

[Jake Johnson]

He likes Emily.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is.

[Jake Johnson]

She's beautiful girl.

[David Krumholtz]

No, she's a little. Little clueless, but she's beau beautiful. Don't you think?

[Kyle]

Oh, I.

[Jake Johnson]

It's not good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He knew. Emily, I want to remind you, this is all made up.

[Jake Johnson]

I know, but it's not good. I don't feel good for Kyle here. This guy's getting pissed.

[Steve]

Let me tell you something.

[David Krumholtz]

Yeah, One finger.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[David Krumholtz]

I knew it was on Emily's monitor.

[Jake Johnson]

He's gonna play with you. He's gonna play.

[David Krumholtz]

I'm going to play the real asshole.

[Jake Johnson]

Kyle, I think this is going to work, buddy. What do you think? You're not going to come up. That's going to be worst case scenario. It not going to be like that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And now you've gone through it, so you know what to do.

[Jake Johnson]

Are you going to actually do this right now?

[Kyle]

Yes. I will go and I'll put in.

[Steve]

My headphones and go film.

[Jake Johnson]

Just do the switch and when she asks you about it, play dumb.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think that's clear.

[Jake Johnson]

And then send us the video asap, buddy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then if she's. If anything, awkward call back.

[David Krumholtz]

Yeah, yeah, just do it.

[Steve]

Okay, I like that.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. David, thank you for joining us today, buddy.

[David Krumholtz]

This was really. People are wonderful, David.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you, Kyle. Thank you, bud.

[Steve]

Thank you, guys.

[Crystal]

Hey guys, my name is Crystal. I just wanted to call in to maybe give some advice to the boys. I worked.

[David Krumholtz]

Oh, God.

[Crystal]

I've been in medicine a long time now. 25 years, over a decade. I worked in emerg and an OR and the Only time you would see people in emerge after having a vasectomy was because they didn't listen to the directions that they were given. 24 to 48 hours, chill out, legs up and Tylenol and advil alternating every 4 hours. Dose tin off, dose of AD till 4 hours back to I don't know. And by store brand. Do not buy brand name. It's one third the price. Recognize. Look for the long name on the drug. You recognize like I don't know. Oh, underneath that. Oh, big long word, acetaminophen. Look for that store brand. You'll pay a third price. Anyways, these are the guys that thought they could go home and cut their grass. They thought they could cut a part away or like help somebody move. Was the one that I heard another guy. I did a 12 hour shift that night. Like just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I felt fine.

[Crystal]

Yeah, you did. Cu. You still had like good numbing stuff there. But come on, like, dude, chill the out. All right, anyways. Of 43,000 vasectomy cases that the surgeon at our hospital did, he only ever had one patient that had severe complications post operatively. And it was found out that he had some kind of other rare issue that then got triggered. One in 43,000. Really. And anybody else was just stupid. Like my ex husband. I sent him in for one. He didn't listen to me. Did not. And he did get a little infection post five days of pills.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fine.

[Crystal]

He would have been even better if he'd listened to me. But you know, hey, he's my ex for a reason, right? Anyway, best of luck to you and all the boys. I'm very proud of you. You thank you. The women in your life or will be in your life. Highly grateful. Highly, highly grateful. And afterwards you're gonna go, why didn't I do this sooner? All right, thanks a lot for the show. Appreciate it and I hope everybody stays more.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bye.

[Jake Johnson]

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ HelpfulPodmail.com and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] heretohelpod to see our entire catalog.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're Here to Help is produced by.

[Kyle]

Rabbit Grimm Productions executive producers Rob Hollis.

[Jake Johnson]

Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis.

[Kyle]

Associate producer Jesse Thurston. Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The COVID artwork is by James Fosdike. Animations by Andrew Strecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to Gareth Reynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Jake Johnson]

That was a headgum podcast.

[Crystal]

All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com heretohelpod hi, I'm Drew O Fualo.

[Natalie]

And I'm Dasin Afualo, and we host the Headgum podcast Two Idiot Girls. Each episode we're discussing plenty of topics that you would be giggling at at a sleepover with your weird cousins. We talk about all kinds of things. Things like we're dating, horror stories, maybe a really bad wedgie you had once, or even a show you're loving and anything in between. So you can listen to Two Idiot Girls on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube. New episodes will be posted every Tuesday.