We're Here to Help – Episode 256

Date: February 2, 2026
Title: "Mother Daughter Stuff & All Laser Pointers (Or No Laser Pointers)"
Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds
Podcast Theme: Unqualified but well-meaning advice, delivered with humor and the energy of two long-time friends riffing their way through listeners’ quirky problems.

Episode Overview

Jake and Gareth return to dispense their signature blend of advice and banter to a diverse batch of callers. This episode features three main segments:

1. Navigating a mother-daughter dynamic over breakfast rituals
2. Tackling an annoying parent with a laser pointer at a kid’s Taekwondo class
3. A follow-up on a previous call involving stuffed animals, hot dogs, and alleged neighborhood gators

The episode is anchored by the hosts’ comic rapport and willingness to playfully probe the logic and emotional undercurrents of each situation.

1. Ayahuasca, Scratch-Offs, and Documentary Tangents

[02:15-08:20]

• Jake and Gareth riff on Gareth’s upcoming ayahuasca retreat and the peculiarities of ayahuasca diets (“the no caffeine, the no salt, the no sugar…the diet is so limited. It's just joyless.” – Gareth, [02:37]).
• They joke about shamans from Illinois and getting high in a van in Van Nuys.
• Scratch-off lottery tickets and the “grim” ritual at gas stations is lampooned:
  • “I'll tell you what I hate the most...old world cutout coupons at a grocery store.” – Jake [04:21]
  • “Anytime a line is forming behind me…the hell yeah that I feel.” – Gareth [04:12]
• Discussion of Japanese endurance TV shows and old-school documentaries:
  • “In this new world with so much content, there are so many bad documentaries now...” – Jake [06:01]
  • They reminisce fondly about the film American Movie, especially its Milwaukee roots and scratch-off-loving characters.

Tone: Freeform, irreverent, nostalgic.

2. Caller #1: Michelle in Queens — Mother-Daughter Stuff

[11:55-29:42]

Background:

Michelle’s mom helps watch her daughter and, as part of her overnight prep, leaves out breakfast items (cereal, bowl, spoon, mug, etc.)—even pouring dry cereal into the bowl before bed, which Michelle finds both weird and potentially unhygienic.

Key Issues Michelle Raises:

• How much time is this saving in the morning?
• She believes cereal left out gets stale (mom disagrees)
• Fear of attracting bugs with exposed food
• Wishes her mom would diversify breakfast choices

Hosts’ Immediate Reactions:

• Jake and Gareth laugh off the first two concerns (“It’s not getting stale...cereal stale, that's why you have the milk.” – Gareth & Jake, [14:32])
• Both zero in on bugs as the strongest practical concern.

Gender Dynamics Mini-Rant:

Jake observes that daughter-mother relationships are uniquely tense (“The way daughters treat their mothers is wild. It is not the same as the way sons treat their mothers.” – Jake, [15:05]), humorously contrasting male and female family roles.

Advice and Solutions:

• They urge Michelle to focus on the bug point, the only argument they find truly compelling.

• Gareth suggests orchestrating evidence of rodent infestation:

  • “Take tiny little bites of the potatoes...make it look like rodent poo.” – Jake, [20:07]
  • “Put some of the rat poop in the cereal. Put it under it.” – Gareth, [21:02]

• They debate the merits of staging vs. simply confronting her mother, eventually recommending a “long play” where Michelle subtly escalates the evidence (e.g., moving bowls, bitten potatoes) to see if her mom notices.

Notable Quotes:

• “You need to get to the root of this problem, which is you can't be leaving food out.” – Gareth [16:06]
• “I would love you to get a text from your mom or you to have your mom go, bad news. And you, with a straight face, have to go, huh? And she goes, a mouse attacked my cereal.” – Jake [25:08]

Notable Moment:

Michelle reveals her own double standard—she stores tomatoes and potatoes on the counter, too (“That’s how you’re supposed to store tomatoes and potatoes!” – Michelle, [19:01]) prompting the hosts to stress the importance of consistency if she uses the bug argument.

Next Steps:

• Michelle agrees to execute the extended ruse, documenting with photos for the show’s amusement.
• “If it doesn’t work in three days, let’s move on and confront her.” – Jake [27:59]

Tone: Warm, playful, poking fun at everyday family annoyances while giving advice that is as entertaining as it is actionable.

3. Caller #2: Mitch in Indiana — The Laser Pointer Dad

[34:00-49:58]

Background:

Mitch, an addiction counselor, calls in about a parent at his daughter's Taekwondo class who persistently shines a laser pointer at kids—despite protests from parents and even the affected kids.

The Problem:

• The parent is allegedly a friend of the school owner, making it tricky to escalate traditionally.
• Other attempts (speaking up, emailing the school) have gone nowhere.
• Mitch wants validation or a clever “bit” of his own.

Immediate Host Reaction:

• “If I’m with my daughters, an adult man has a laser pointer on my daughter's chest...I'm gonna go, can I help you in my math?” – Jake [35:39]
• “He just plays stupid and he gaslights everyone. ‘I don’t have anything, what are you talking about?’” – Mitch [38:11]

Pitches & Brainstorming:

• Jake proposes fighting “like with like”:
  • “I would get your most powerful...flashlight...do it right in his eye. And he goes like, ‘Hey, hey.’ And you go like, ‘It's a bit!’” – Jake [40:57]
• Gareth pushes the idea of everyone joining in:
  • “Get a few other parents involved and you all get laser pointers...you all target like a group of assassins.” – Gareth [44:31]
• Mitch loves the escalation:
  • “Either everybody gets a laser pointer or nobody gets one.” – Jake [46:07]
• They discuss logistics (water guns, practicality, safety on mats) and agree the best “bit” is to flood the situation with so many laser pointers it forces the studio to ban them altogether.

Notable Quotes/Moments:

• “You're going to create a laser pointer problem. They're gonna have to make a rule.” – Gareth [45:52]
• “You have a bucket like a trick or treat...Here are the laser pointers, please put them back when you go into class.” – Jake [45:17]

Next Steps:

• Mitch commits to ordering a bulk of laser pointers, recruiting kids, and sending documentation to the show.
• “Will you please follow up with us? …I really hope he doesn’t stop just so we can do this.” – Jake [49:21]

Tone: Mischievously supportive; amplifying a petty annoyance into a full-on, hilarious standoff.

4. Caller #3: Zach in North Carolina — The Gator Follow-Up

[50:10-62:45]

Background:

Zach previously called about neighborhood “gator panic”—an older neighbor spreading claims of dogs being eaten by a 12-foot alligator. Zach’s experiment: placing a hot-dog-stuffed toy dog near the pond.

Follow-Up:

• Zach stealthily deploys the stuffed animal filled with hot dogs. Hot dogs inside the toy are eaten; the toy disappears.
  • “So I went back two days later and the animal was completely gone.” – Zach [53:28]
• The hosts debate the scientific validity of the experiment: was this evidence of a gator, a raccoon, or just that everything likes hot dogs?
  • “All that happened is you lost money on hot dogs and an animal.” – Jake [55:02]
• Gareth says, in effect, the experiment at least made Zach reconsider the risk: “Now Zach says, okay, look...I put a bunch of hot dogs and a stuffed animal and something ate it...So, I don't know what happened.” – Gareth [57:32]

Bell Ring Debate (Did they solve the problem?):

• Hosts are split—did Zach get closure, or just muddy the waters (possibly literally)?
  • “This is new territory for us. For me, mostly. It's a really clean...problem, and we either solve it or not.” – Jake [59:29]
• Community is invited to “vote” on whether this constitutes a successful outcome.

Notable Quotes:

• “Don't walk your dog near a swamp.” – Jake, summarizing the new consensus [62:00]
• “The lesson of this episode is carry more hot dogs with you when you're in nature.” – Gareth [62:38]

Tone: Whimsical, self-aware, and meta—hosts ribbing their own process as much as the caller’s logic.

Episode Highlights & Memorable Quotes

Gendered Family Exasperation

“The way daughters treat their mothers is wild. It is not the same as the way sons treat their mothers.”
— Jake Johnson, [15:05]

Escalation is the Bit

“You're going to create a laser pointer problem. They're gonna have to make a rule.”
— Gareth Reynolds, [45:52]

On Advice in General

“We are on his team, but ... he’s less upset about what this guy was saying ... the bottom line is Zach agrees more with the idea of not putting your dog in harm’s way here.”
— Gareth Reynolds, [62:25]

Key Advice Pitches (with Timestamps)

• [14:56] For Michelle: Make the reasonable argument about bugs, skip the “stale” and “better breakfast” critiques.
• [20:07] For Michelle: Stage rodent evidence (move food, bite potatoes, sprinkle “fake” rodent droppings) to drive the point home in a memorable, funny way.
• [45:52] For Mitch: Give all the kids laser pointers to force the Taekwondo studio to outlaw them.
• [59:29] For Zach: Community votes on whether “stuff a toy with hot dogs” experiment yielded any actionable, rational conclusion.

Final Thought

If you enjoy advice delivered with a mix of impishness, circuitous logic, and genuine warmth for the weirdness of human relationships, you’ll find this episode a high-energy example of Jake and Gareth’s comedic friendship and unpredictable solutions. Even if you missed the episode, you can walk away knowing:

• If you want someone's behavior to change, sometimes it's most effective (and amusing) to play along to absurdity.
• Family, as usual, is more complicated than breakfast choices.
• And, if you don't want to encounter gators, maybe don't test the theory with hot dogs.

To participate or follow up:
Email helpfulpod@gmail.com or support them on Patreon for video content and extended bits.