256: Mother Daughter Stuff & All Laser Pointers (Or No Laser Pointers)

Summary

We're Here to Help – Episode 256

Date: February 2, 2026
Title: "Mother Daughter Stuff & All Laser Pointers (Or No Laser Pointers)"
Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds
Podcast Theme: Unqualified but well-meaning advice, delivered with humor and the energy of two long-time friends riffing their way through listeners’ quirky problems.

---

Episode Overview

Jake and Gareth return to dispense their signature blend of advice and banter to a diverse batch of callers. This episode features three main segments:

1. Navigating a mother-daughter dynamic over breakfast rituals
2. Tackling an annoying parent with a laser pointer at a kid’s Taekwondo class
3. A follow-up on a previous call involving stuffed animals, hot dogs, and alleged neighborhood gators

The episode is anchored by the hosts’ comic rapport and willingness to playfully probe the logic and emotional undercurrents of each situation.

---

1. Ayahuasca, Scratch-Offs, and Documentary Tangents

[02:15-08:20]

• Jake and Gareth riff on Gareth’s upcoming ayahuasca retreat and the peculiarities of ayahuasca diets (“the no caffeine, the no salt, the no sugar…the diet is so limited. It's just joyless.” – Gareth, [02:37]).
• They joke about shamans from Illinois and getting high in a van in Van Nuys.
• Scratch-off lottery tickets and the “grim” ritual at gas stations is lampooned:
  • “I'll tell you what I hate the most...old world cutout coupons at a grocery store.” – Jake [04:21]
  • “Anytime a line is forming behind me…the hell yeah that I feel.” – Gareth [04:12]
• Discussion of Japanese endurance TV shows and old-school documentaries:
  • “In this new world with so much content, there are so many bad documentaries now...” – Jake [06:01]
  • They reminisce fondly about the film American Movie, especially its Milwaukee roots and scratch-off-loving characters.

Tone: Freeform, irreverent, nostalgic.

---

2. Caller #1: Michelle in Queens — Mother-Daughter Stuff

[11:55-29:42]

Background:

Michelle’s mom helps watch her daughter and, as part of her overnight prep, leaves out breakfast items (cereal, bowl, spoon, mug, etc.)—even pouring dry cereal into the bowl before bed, which Michelle finds both weird and potentially unhygienic.

Key Issues Michelle Raises:

• How much time is this saving in the morning?
• She believes cereal left out gets stale (mom disagrees)
• Fear of attracting bugs with exposed food
• Wishes her mom would diversify breakfast choices

Hosts’ Immediate Reactions:

• Jake and Gareth laugh off the first two concerns (“It’s not getting stale...cereal stale, that's why you have the milk.” – Gareth & Jake, [14:32])
• Both zero in on bugs as the strongest practical concern.

Gender Dynamics Mini-Rant:

Jake observes that daughter-mother relationships are uniquely tense (“The way daughters treat their mothers is wild. It is not the same as the way sons treat their mothers.” – Jake, [15:05]), humorously contrasting male and female family roles.

Advice and Solutions:

• They urge Michelle to focus on the bug point, the only argument they find truly compelling.

• Gareth suggests orchestrating evidence of rodent infestation:

  • “Take tiny little bites of the potatoes...make it look like rodent poo.” – Jake, [20:07]
  • “Put some of the rat poop in the cereal. Put it under it.” – Gareth, [21:02]

• They debate the merits of staging vs. simply confronting her mother, eventually recommending a “long play” where Michelle subtly escalates the evidence (e.g., moving bowls, bitten potatoes) to see if her mom notices.

Notable Quotes:

• “You need to get to the root of this problem, which is you can't be leaving food out.” – Gareth [16:06]
• “I would love you to get a text from your mom or you to have your mom go, bad news. And you, with a straight face, have to go, huh? And she goes, a mouse attacked my cereal.” – Jake [25:08]

Notable Moment:

Michelle reveals her own double standard—she stores tomatoes and potatoes on the counter, too (“That’s how you’re supposed to store tomatoes and potatoes!” – Michelle, [19:01]) prompting the hosts to stress the importance of consistency if she uses the bug argument.

Next Steps:

• Michelle agrees to execute the extended ruse, documenting with photos for the show’s amusement.
• “If it doesn’t work in three days, let’s move on and confront her.” – Jake [27:59]

Tone: Warm, playful, poking fun at everyday family annoyances while giving advice that is as entertaining as it is actionable.

---

3. Caller #2: Mitch in Indiana — The Laser Pointer Dad

[34:00-49:58]

Background:

Mitch, an addiction counselor, calls in about a parent at his daughter's Taekwondo class who persistently shines a laser pointer at kids—despite protests from parents and even the affected kids.

The Problem:

• The parent is allegedly a friend of the school owner, making it tricky to escalate traditionally.
• Other attempts (speaking up, emailing the school) have gone nowhere.
• Mitch wants validation or a clever “bit” of his own.

Immediate Host Reaction:

• “If I’m with my daughters, an adult man has a laser pointer on my daughter's chest...I'm gonna go, can I help you in my math?” – Jake [35:39]
• “He just plays stupid and he gaslights everyone. ‘I don’t have anything, what are you talking about?’” – Mitch [38:11]

Pitches & Brainstorming:

• Jake proposes fighting “like with like”:
  • “I would get your most powerful...flashlight...do it right in his eye. And he goes like, ‘Hey, hey.’ And you go like, ‘It's a bit!’” – Jake [40:57]
• Gareth pushes the idea of everyone joining in:
  • “Get a few other parents involved and you all get laser pointers...you all target like a group of assassins.” – Gareth [44:31]
• Mitch loves the escalation:
  • “Either everybody gets a laser pointer or nobody gets one.” – Jake [46:07]
• They discuss logistics (water guns, practicality, safety on mats) and agree the best “bit” is to flood the situation with so many laser pointers it forces the studio to ban them altogether.

Notable Quotes/Moments:

• “You're going to create a laser pointer problem. They're gonna have to make a rule.” – Gareth [45:52]
• “You have a bucket like a trick or treat...Here are the laser pointers, please put them back when you go into class.” – Jake [45:17]

Next Steps:

• Mitch commits to ordering a bulk of laser pointers, recruiting kids, and sending documentation to the show.
• “Will you please follow up with us? …I really hope he doesn’t stop just so we can do this.” – Jake [49:21]

Tone: Mischievously supportive; amplifying a petty annoyance into a full-on, hilarious standoff.

---

4. Caller #3: Zach in North Carolina — The Gator Follow-Up

[50:10-62:45]

Background:

Zach previously called about neighborhood “gator panic”—an older neighbor spreading claims of dogs being eaten by a 12-foot alligator. Zach’s experiment: placing a hot-dog-stuffed toy dog near the pond.

Follow-Up:

• Zach stealthily deploys the stuffed animal filled with hot dogs. Hot dogs inside the toy are eaten; the toy disappears.
  • “So I went back two days later and the animal was completely gone.” – Zach [53:28]
• The hosts debate the scientific validity of the experiment: was this evidence of a gator, a raccoon, or just that everything likes hot dogs?
  • “All that happened is you lost money on hot dogs and an animal.” – Jake [55:02]
• Gareth says, in effect, the experiment at least made Zach reconsider the risk: “Now Zach says, okay, look...I put a bunch of hot dogs and a stuffed animal and something ate it...So, I don't know what happened.” – Gareth [57:32]

Bell Ring Debate (Did they solve the problem?):

• Hosts are split—did Zach get closure, or just muddy the waters (possibly literally)?
  • “This is new territory for us. For me, mostly. It's a really clean...problem, and we either solve it or not.” – Jake [59:29]
• Community is invited to “vote” on whether this constitutes a successful outcome.

Notable Quotes:

• “Don't walk your dog near a swamp.” – Jake, summarizing the new consensus [62:00]
• “The lesson of this episode is carry more hot dogs with you when you're in nature.” – Gareth [62:38]

Tone: Whimsical, self-aware, and meta—hosts ribbing their own process as much as the caller’s logic.

---

Episode Highlights & Memorable Quotes

Gendered Family Exasperation

“The way daughters treat their mothers is wild. It is not the same as the way sons treat their mothers.”
— Jake Johnson, [15:05]

Escalation is the Bit

“You're going to create a laser pointer problem. They're gonna have to make a rule.”
— Gareth Reynolds, [45:52]

On Advice in General

“We are on his team, but ... he’s less upset about what this guy was saying ... the bottom line is Zach agrees more with the idea of not putting your dog in harm’s way here.”
— Gareth Reynolds, [62:25]

---

Key Advice Pitches (with Timestamps)

• [14:56] For Michelle: Make the reasonable argument about bugs, skip the “stale” and “better breakfast” critiques.
• [20:07] For Michelle: Stage rodent evidence (move food, bite potatoes, sprinkle “fake” rodent droppings) to drive the point home in a memorable, funny way.
• [45:52] For Mitch: Give all the kids laser pointers to force the Taekwondo studio to outlaw them.
• [59:29] For Zach: Community votes on whether “stuff a toy with hot dogs” experiment yielded any actionable, rational conclusion.

---

Final Thought

If you enjoy advice delivered with a mix of impishness, circuitous logic, and genuine warmth for the weirdness of human relationships, you’ll find this episode a high-energy example of Jake and Gareth’s comedic friendship and unpredictable solutions. Even if you missed the episode, you can walk away knowing:

• If you want someone's behavior to change, sometimes it's most effective (and amusing) to play along to absurdity.
• Family, as usual, is more complicated than breakfast choices.
• And, if you don't want to encounter gators, maybe don't test the theory with hot dogs.

---

To participate or follow up:
Email [e-mail] or support them on Patreon for video content and extended bits.

Transcript

[Jake Johnson]

New year, same extra value.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Meals at McDonald's now get a savory sausage McMuffin with egg plus hash browns and a small coffee for just $5.

[Caller Mitch]

For a limited time only.

[Jake Johnson]

Prices and participation may vary.

[Caller Mitch]

Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska, and California. And for delivery.

[Stephen Berg]

Well, good afternoon. This is your little friend, Stephen Berg, and this is a message going out to all you fantastically brilliant vasectomy doctors. I have a little proposal for you all. My wonderful friend and brother, Gareth Reynolds, is looking to get a vasectomy done because he is making the choice to not bring children into this world. And you know what? I respect that opinion. Nobody wants a bunch of little Gareths running around. Boy, try saying. Try pluralizing Gareth with a lisp. That's not easy. Nobody wants a bunch of little garrets running around when Gareth himself doesn't want that. So, doctors out there, what we are looking for, what we are wanting, if possible, is for you to. To give our friend Gareth a vasectomy. Now. We'll pay for it. He's got cobra. He's got great insurance. That's not the issue. Here comes the little angle we're taking. We would like to document this on a little thing called videotape. This is a plea. This is a call to all vasectomy doctors in the lower 48 in the United States. Please, oh, please, let our little friend Gareth Reynolds get a vasectomy and let us videotape it. We're talking to Hi8. You know, like a gritty. You know, it'll look good, it'll be classy, it'll be artsy. You will come off looking like an absolute hero. That's a Burgundy. Thank you. Enjoy this message and enjoy this episode. Bye.

[Jake Johnson]

Bye.

[Caller Michelle]

This is a Headgum podcast.

[Jake Johnson]

And we are back. So we're recording this January 15th.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Next week. Gareth, you are taking ayahuasca again? Yes. Walk us through what's going on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, you know, it starts. We've talked about it. I mean, it starts with the, you know, the. The startup is difficult.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The no caffeine, the no salt, the no sugar. The diet is so limited. It's just joyless.

[Jake Johnson]

And you're doing ayahuasca once every six months now?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Is that recommended?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

So the idea of it, the shaman says. Gary.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, Gary. Gary the shaman, who does it in a van in Van Nuys.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I am a shaman. I also, you know, I'm actually from Des Plaines, Illinois. It's near Chicago.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look, you're just letting the fumes of the van. Come into the van. Is that.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, that's also part of the trip, brother.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

All right. So I am a shaman. I'm also addicted to scratch offs, by the way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let me know if you see any numbers on your journey.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, scratch off addictions, which I've gone through and that surprise me at all. They're the funniest and dorkiest of all gambling.

[Gareth Reynolds]

To those of us who don't do scratch offs, when we're behind you in line, I know we're not happy.

[Jake Johnson]

I'll tell you what's the worst. When you're the person in line, taking your time, going, yeah, give me four of. Yeah, the pyramids, actually. As if their strategy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know.

[Jake Johnson]

Can I get. Can I get one crossword the $3. Yeah, give me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you're handing in your four dollar winners and then you're letting it ride in the next vert. It's. It really.

[Jake Johnson]

It's really grim.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It really is. You're. When you're behind the person, you're like just trying to.

[Jake Johnson]

Even when you are the person.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Because the problem is, is you're like, I'm not this person. And then you go like, 25, 000. I got two of them. If I just get one more apple, then you go like 25. And you go like this 25.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've. I've won like 2% of screw. But anytime you're. Anytime a line is forming behind me, I just. The hell yeah. That I feel.

[Jake Johnson]

I'll tell you what I hate the most is behind. And this was more old school. It's not as much. Or at least I'm not seeing it as much. Old world cutout coupons at a grocery store. Do you remember the. You would be there and it would be like somebody would take a box out and each one would get scanned and you're like, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's just that we're doing more of the electronic checkout, so we're not seeing it up close. That's still happening in the regular checkout.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're still coming in with their Ziploc bag full of crazy shit while they're counting the amount of cranberries they just bought to make.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, there was a game show in Japan where they took a guy, a comedian.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know this.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Crazy.

[Jake Johnson]

And put him in an apartment, took off all his clothes and said, you can only get things if you win it from call in shows and like magazine things. And that idea of this guy starving to death.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

And then they Keep messing with him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And it's the Truman show in the sense that they're broadcasting pretty much all of this. And he's just in this little box not knowing what's going on in the outside world. And he's becoming a huge star.

[Jake Johnson]

The ending of that, I don't want to give it. So crazy. And his story keeps going. Like, what happened to him years later.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Amazing.

[Jake Johnson]

Amazing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But no, that is. That is. That is the ultimate for survival clipping. Wild, crazy, crazy, crazy. Oh, that is.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what? I would like to do a documentary.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you don't know what you're about to get into it. Then you're like, yes, top five.

[Jake Johnson]

I would say when a documentary starts and it kicks, nothing is better. But I will also say in this new world with so much content, there are so many bad documentaries now and they're poorly made and it's goofy reenactments.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But it's also.

[Jake Johnson]

There'll be other things where I'm like, this wasn't worthy of a documentary.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

It'll be like. Like, I got into bowling and then I bowled a 219.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It happened.

[Jake Johnson]

And you go, what? How the are. And then they. But they do all. It feels like a 30 for 30.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So they know how to make the doc. It's almost as if AI made this doc where you're like the voiceovers. Right. Where it's like he didn't even know what a turkey was. And then he started getting. You're like, shut up. This is so nothing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. That you could tell. There's. They're stretching because of the amount of interviews before the moment they're talking about.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Totally good documentary. You used to. Just a good documentary. They would just follow a subject for 10 years.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then they would be like, my God, what if. Let's edit this together finally.

[Jake Johnson]

And it's American Movies. The best documentary.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree completely.

[Jake Johnson]

Is incredible.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Amazing.

[Jake Johnson]

There was like an era where you'd watch documentaries in movie theaters.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah. American Movie. Oh, I mean, I'm from Milwaukee. Like this. It was.

[Jake Johnson]

It's nearly perfect.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was the strangest experience ever.

[Jake Johnson]

Was it really?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, it just. Well, because he was like a small town hero suddenly.

[Jake Johnson]

No way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah. We would talk to you. Be like, I saw Mark at the.

[Jake Johnson]

Did you ever meet him?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I never. My brother took film school with him and was like, yeah, he was a trip. And my brother's like, I smoked weed with him a couple times. He was a trip. And then you'd see Mike.

[Jake Johnson]

Mike Shank.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mike Shank. You'd see him around.

[Jake Johnson]

He was into scratchers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Actually, I was just gonna say my buddy saw him buying scratchers. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, I love the scratchers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. He's like, okay, I got a couple dollars on that one.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm not gonna tell Mark, though. Remember when he didn't tell mark, I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Want $50, but I don't want Mark to know because he's gonna want to spend it on beer. That's anymore. But anyway, yeah, I'm taking ayahuasca, everybody.

[Jake Johnson]

Enjoy the show. Oh, great God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

American movie.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, paradise. Oh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

When he screams, you're like, what?

[Jake Johnson]

And it was excellent.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I looked out, I remember thinking, if I take that other head of acid, that I'd probably be okay in the hospital. So I did. Lost another two days.

[Jake Johnson]

I loved that movie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And we are brought to you by Nirvana, the Band, the show, the Movie. Okay. I am a huge fan of Nirvana, the Band, the show, which is truly. It's unlike anything you've ever seen before. And now they're making a movie, which I cannot wait to see. When their plan to book a show at the Rivoli goes horribly wrong, Matt and Jay accidentally travel back to the year 2008. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[Jake Johnson]

Critics have been liking it. Variety says it's insane that it exists. Slate says a thrilling roof shaking blast. Sunshine State Complex calls it a comedic miracle.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So the movie comes out February 13th. Again, it's called NIRV with two ends. Well, three, technically. The band, the show, the Movie. And it's out February 13th. You can get tickets now. Nirvana, the Band, the Show, the movie. Go get it.

[Jake Johnson]

This episode of the podcast has been brought to you by Dell. Have you been waiting for the perfect time to upgrade your tech? Good news. The wait is over. Dell Tech Day's annual sales event is here, and we're celebrating our best customers with fantastic deals on the latest PCs like the Dell 14 plus with Intel Core Ultra Pro processors.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We've also got incredible perks like Dell Rewards, fast free shipping, premium support, price match guarantee, and more. And while you're upgrading your PC, you may as well go all out because we're offering huge deals on our premium suite of monitors and accessories. You know what that means? That's right. You can get a whole new setup with amazing savings. Clearly, this is a sale you don't want to miss. Visit Dell.com deals that's Dell.com deals.

[Jake Johnson]

For over 50 years, Walden University has helped working adults turn ambition into action through flexible distance learning. Today, our mission is simple. Provide access to education for professionals ready to level up and create real change. Walden is where students get the W, those big and small wins that help them move forward and create the change they want to see in their lives and careers and communities. With a hundred plus degrees and certificates, it's never been easier for students to find a program that matches their goals. With graduate degrees in nursing, social work, counseling, and psychology, as well as undergraduate and certificate programs, Walden empowers students with the skills and the guidance to get it done.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Walden University is where working professionals like you get the W, the knowledge, the skills, and the confidence to make the changes you want to see in your career and community. With Walden's Tempo Learning, you're in control. No set weekly deadlines, no rigid schedules. Just the flexibility to progress toward your degree at your own pace. Gain practical skills through real world scenarios that prepare you to make positive impact on others.

[Jake Johnson]

Walden University set a course for change. Certified to operate by Chev.

[Caller Zach]

Hello. Hi.

[Caller Michelle]

Hi.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How are you?

[Caller Michelle]

How are you guys? I'm good. How are you guys?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good. Can we get your name, please?

[Caller Michelle]

Sure. My name is Michelle. I'm calling from New York. Rough age, 35.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can work. How's New York?

[Jake Johnson]

Are you the city or are you upstate Queens? Oh, what part of Queens?

[Caller Michelle]

You know, Flushing, Bayside area?

[Jake Johnson]

Sure. And what do you do in Queens, Michelle?

[Caller Michelle]

Well, I'm a teacher, so I teach. So today we have a day off, which worked out perfectly.

[Jake Johnson]

Michelle, what can we do for you today?

[Caller Michelle]

All right, so I'm calling today because I'm having an issue with my mom. So when she watches my daughter, she'll come and she'll stay for like, a few days at a time, which is nice. But the night before, you know, she likes to get herself ready for the morning. I leave early since I'm a teacher. So she'll do things like, you know, set up the coffee pot for the morning, which is great. I appreciate that. One night, I started noticing that she was leaving out her mug next to the coffee pot just, like, in preparation for the morning. Okay, fine. Then, you know, the next night, I notice it's a mug. And then there's a bowl next to that as well with a spoon. Okay. And then the cereal box is all lined up. So you see my counter, it's, you know, the mug, the bowl, the spoon, the cereal box lined up in preparation for the morning. And again, whatever, because she's watching my daughter, it's fine. So one night I see or I hear the cereal being poured into the bowl, and I'm figuring, like, oh, maybe she's just having, like, a late night snack. But no, she wasn't having a late night snack. She was pouring her cereal into the bowl so that it's ready for the morning. So now we have a lineup. You know, the coffee cup, the bowl with the dry cereal, no milk on the spoon.

[Jake Johnson]

She wants her morning to be like a Keurig machine. She just wants to walk out, press a button, she's got boom, boom, boom.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's in night. Her is doing morning her favors. That's cool.

[Caller Michelle]

Yes. But my issue is there's a few issues. So pouring out the cereal takes, you know, three seconds. So how much time is she really saving there? That's number one. Number two is that leaving cereal out overnight is weird. And I think that it gets stale. She insists that it does not. So I disagree. And then also, I like. She's attracting bugs into the kitchen because.

[Jake Johnson]

You know, the first cereal. Michelle, I got to interrupt the first two. I'm not with you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Those are completely agree. It's not getting stale.

[Jake Johnson]

It's not getting stale.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cereal stale. That's why you have the milk.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, but also, these arguments are crazy. But the first time you're right is bugs. Now, I'm just telling you this because we. We're coming at you real. That's why you called in. We're not. We're not one of the teachers in the conference who's going like, totally, your mom's insane. We're gonna give it to you straight. And here's the truth. That attracts bugs. Keep going.

[Caller Michelle]

It does so. And then the last thing that I, you know, think is that she should maybe broaden her horizons, eat something a little more delicious than.

[Jake Johnson]

Stop. This is crazy. Michelle, Michelle, Michelle, Michelle. And this is getting personal to me now, and I'm going to tell you why. Because I have daughters and a wife. The way daughters treat their mothers is wild. And it is not the same as the way sons treat their mothers. And I know this is why. And also the way Gareth treats Pam. Daughters are so annoyed by moms.

[Caller Mitch]

Wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

In a way, Gareth, that is not lined up with what we did. I'm not kidding. It is different.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Brother, do you Sidebar. Do you love it? I mean, you kind of are playing with an advantage.

[Jake Johnson]

No, I'm not like you, Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're not like us. It's easy for me.

[Jake Johnson]

No, I'm not in competition with my wife. You.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm just saying it. I understand.

[Jake Johnson]

Hurt you a lot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Your daughters so.

[Jake Johnson]

Christ, Gareth, no.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So you're saying that this is a daughter mother.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm saying three of these issues. The broaden your horizon to office. This is weird. My mom's driving me crazy simply because she's my mom. Michelle. Bugs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I also, I could not agree with you more. I think the thing is, you've also let these arguments fester in your head and you sort of are starting to believe that they make sense. Suggesting that there's a better breakfast. You've kind of. You've been percolating on this. But Jake is right.

[Caller Michelle]

You know, there's a better breakfast.

[Caller Mitch]

The.

[Jake Johnson]

Michelle, Michelle, Michelle, you're right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Michelle.

[Jake Johnson]

Michelle, stop it. You're right. But come on, Michelle.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Then there's going to be three farm fresh eggs sitting out in a spatula. Jake is right.

[Jake Johnson]

And Farmer's Market on your counter.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's late. She's helping herself out in the morning. You need to. You need to get to the root of this problem, which is you can't be leaving food out. And of everything you said, Jake is.

[Jake Johnson]

Right, but because guess what? Because Gareth is right too. Because guess what, if you win the other one, you're going to have like omelets in a bowl.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You will.

[Jake Johnson]

You'll have like, you're going to go, wait a second, this is what I want.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cereal. I miss. You're going to hear her, like, whisking into a bowl late at night, cutting peppers because you decided that she needed a more balanced breakfast.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, this is. It's not what you want, Michelle.

[Caller Michelle]

I mean, but I asked her once, I said, why are you pouring this out? And she was like, oh, it'll be fine overnight. I'm just getting it ready. And I said, okay, whatever. I just left it alone. But then there's. So after I emailed in, there was one other incident that kind of pushed me over the edge. So it was, you know, the cereal and the bowl has been happening. Right. And whatever.

[Jake Johnson]

So annoying.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Then I gotta say, the Smurf cup is growing on me.

[Jake Johnson]

I agree. I'll tell you what, Pam gave me this. This is my cheeky monkey.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You are right. You are a cheeky monke. All right, keep going. Michelle, what were you saying?

[Caller Michelle]

So, so then there was one night where the, like, afternoon coffee that was still in the pot, she then poured it in her mug, also in within the lineup because she said she was going to warm it up in the microwave in the morning.

[Jake Johnson]

Daughter, mother, daughter stuff. Engage with the mother.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Daughter. So she's. She's taking stale coffee and reheating it at all.

[Jake Johnson]

Part of the same. That's all part of the same.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love the evidence, by the way. That could be fresh cup of coffee. We can't. For those of you listening, she's just showing us a picture of a cup of coffee, which could be.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, but, Michelle, I will say thank you for the evidence. You done a great job. But in this photo you sent, because now there's a new photo, the bowl of cereal is empty.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And wait, hold on a second, though. Now let me ask you this, because behind the cup of coffee, there is a little container of tomatoes and potatoes. Now, that's always out, and that's yours.

[Caller Michelle]

Well, but that's how you're supposed to store tomatoes and potatoes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, I. I agree. I just keep them. I highlight that, Jake, because I think just to lay the foundation, if we go the bug route, that could be very helpful. If we're saying there's bugs brought on by the morning dish, they're eating the.

[Jake Johnson]

Potatoes and the tomatoes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're getting in there.

[Jake Johnson]

Tomatoes. The potatoes. The tomatoes. Okay.

[Caller Michelle]

So you have to protect them.

[Jake Johnson]

Michelle, you've given a hell of a setup. Some crazy, very likable person. I'm with you, Michelle. I think it's weird for somebody to leave food out overnight, especially cereal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Saves you no time.

[Jake Johnson]

And what are your thoughts before we get into pitching, Michelle? Yeah, just when you hear the idea, and obviously I trust you, you're going to be honest. Do you like the notion of bugs?

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah, I think that's a good. I think that's a good avenue to.

[Jake Johnson]

Go down, because there is a way.

[Caller Michelle]

I don't like bugs, and she knows that I really don't like bugs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And what is.

[Jake Johnson]

What does she think about rodents?

[Caller Michelle]

Rodents? Oh, she's not a fan.

[Jake Johnson]

So here's what I say. You do take tiny little bites of the potatoes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Get.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, now you have to do this yourself because it's this podcast, so we never go a straight line. And you need to film yourself taking the bites and get something that looks like rodent poo. Little black plastics. Put it on. And then before she comes. But you leave it for her to find, put your hand in her cereal bowl. Like your hands a little rat. Move it around so that the food jumps to the side a little. So when she gets there in the moment, she goes like this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, my God. Because here's what we're looking to do to mom. Oh, my God, I brought a rat. And we want her to never tell.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You another way to even make more of an impact with that. Put some of the rat poop in the cereal. Put it under it.

[Jake Johnson]

We don't. We're afraid she's going to eat it.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah, it's fake rap, and it's just going to. It's just going to get covered.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but it could be, like, little chocolate shavings. Like, I think we don't want her.

[Jake Johnson]

To like it, do we?

[Caller Michelle]

It'll be tasty.

[Jake Johnson]

We don't want her to go, like, slippery slow. Oh, my God. The rat shit tastes like chocolate.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now I've got an update.

[Jake Johnson]

Hello. I'm going believe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Setting up my rat for the morning right now.

[Caller Mitch]

There.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. She goes to her husband. Michelle's house has a magic rat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's eating ratchet and loving it.

[Caller Michelle]

It.

[Jake Johnson]

It poos chocolate shavings.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dennis, you have to get over to Michelle's and eat this rat.

[Jake Johnson]

It's like cocoon with all these old people leaving stuff out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then Michelle's got to. Michelle's got to go to house to house and sort of Santa Claus, the poop.

[Jake Johnson]

Everywhere she calls it goes. There's like, nine old people that think there's a magic rat in my house. I hate this podcast. Okay, so, Michelle, what do you think? We've got two roads to go down. One road is you set it up and tell her, hey, mom, there was a goddamn rat in my house last night eating your cereal. Or two.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And this. I'm going to say the B word for no reason. Leave it for the bitch to find out her own.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow, you are.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm only saying that because this is a daughter.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Coffee has gone into that mug today, Michelle.

[Jake Johnson]

You want to know why I'm saying that, Michelle? Because let's be honest. For the first time in this call, this is how we feel about mothers as daughters. This.

[Caller Mitch]

No, not true, Michelle.

[Jake Johnson]

You're afraid she's going to hear it. This puts cereal in this. Leaves milk on the counter.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jinx is her mother.

[Caller Michelle]

Oh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It'S just. Don't let that. Don't let that sway you on the decency of these pitches.

[Jake Johnson]

Here's how guys view their moms. I love my mom, but she's crazy. Here's how girls view their moms. This is driving me crazy. And here's. Here's what mothers do to their dogs.

[Caller Michelle]

Can I get you something?

[Jake Johnson]

Can I get you something? This is asking everything. Here's what dads do. I'll be in Florida for nine months, and the kids go like, I love my dad. It's all backwards, man.

[Caller Michelle]

Oh, no. Sounds like it's getting personal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This Is therapy okay, Michelle?

[Caller Michelle]

Oh, my God, Michelle.

[Jake Johnson]

What? Do you think that two roads.

[Caller Michelle]

I think that I might have to bring it to her attention because she's not the most observant.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's fine.

[Caller Michelle]

I fear that. I fear that she won't notice if I take bites out of my own potatoes on the counter and leave chocolate cheating.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think I.

[Jake Johnson]

Then you just humiliated yourself.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But I.

[Caller Michelle]

Listen, I just ate raw potatoes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't think she's really gonna notice that. Which is actually super good for you. Super good for you. I would still do it. And then if it needs to be brought to her attention, just be like, mom, there's like, a rat that's been coming up on the counter. It's been nibbling the potatoes. There's been, like, rat shit on the counter. Have you noticed that?

[Caller Michelle]

Actually, there actually was a mout mouse in my beast pretty recently, and my husband had to. Had to take care of it.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so forget about rat, because the mouse is real. Go to mouse. But here's what I would love you to try, Michelle. I would love mom to discover it on her own. So maybe hint to mom first. Does mom know that there was a mouse in the basement?

[Caller Michelle]

I don't know if we ever told her about that.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, that's the first thing I could remind her. That's the first thing I do so that she goes like, oh, the house has mice. And then she goes, maybe Michelle should clean up a little bit more.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Because we all know how moms are with daughters, too. It's a complicated dance, Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

It is as wavy as those bangs.

[Caller Michelle]

Thank you.

[Jake Johnson]

So here's what I would do, Michelle. Here's what I'm hoping. Actually, I think Gareth might be right. And the smartest way of this is just to tell her. But here's what I'm hoping for. The fun of the show.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I would love you to get a text from your mom or you to have your mom go, bad news. And you, with a straight face, have to go, huh? And go, what happened? What happened? And your mom go, a mouse attacked my cereal. I'm so sorry. And you go like this. Oh, mom, that's awful. And she goes, we can't leave food out. I don't even know if the potatoes are safe.

[Caller Michelle]

I think I. I think it was her idea.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think that's very possible. I think if you do this for, like, a few days out of a week, she will notice. If she doesn't, then we have the next.

[Jake Johnson]

Then we just straight up, then you tell her Every day goes in there, put your hand in, and then open your hand up so they go everywhere, right?

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And then knock it over one day. And then I put chocolate shavings in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Still, we don't want to make it tastier, but still bite the potatoes. Film yourself doing all of that stuff for us.

[Jake Johnson]

Just bite the potato stage.

[Stephen Berg]

Funny.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. But I also think it's good to be like, oh, my God, I got to throw all these potatoes, by the way.

[Jake Johnson]

Do this. Knock over the thing, and then the next day, if she doesn't say, they knock over the potatoes and tomatoes.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah. I mean, right now, I think I have some tomatoes. I have some garlic out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So we could.

[Caller Michelle]

We could knock some things over.

[Jake Johnson]

Think a mouse is going to eat garlic?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was also going to flag it.

[Caller Michelle]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Because what you don't want your mom to do is go like this. I know it's not a mouse. And you go. And they. Garlic.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It ate a bunch of the garlic.

[Jake Johnson]

And then she goes, I think it's an adult sneaking and taking tiny bites.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. By the way, you're listening. Lips are rashy.

[Jake Johnson]

Michelle, you smell terrible.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, Michelle, you pretty bad for school.

[Jake Johnson]

I know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's. Those are human bites.

[Jake Johnson]

In two weeks, a woman calls in and goes, hi, I need help from this podcast. My daughter is taking tiny bites out of garlic tomatoes and not getting my. My cereal over.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My daughter's eating garlic and blaming it on a fake mouse. Maybe move the garlic.

[Jake Johnson]

It's apparently a deterrent to mice. If she decides to look this up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Whoa.

[Caller Michelle]

Okay. She probably won't, but that's a good note.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Thank you, Natalie.

[Caller Michelle]

So, Michelle, I appreciate you, Natalie.

[Jake Johnson]

What are you gonna do?

[Caller Michelle]

So I think I'm going to. I think I like the route of trying to make her realize it and come to it on her own. I think that would be. That would be the funnier option because it'll be. It'll be more of like a long play, but I'm okay with that. You know, I think. I think that'll be a fun way. So maybe I'll. I'll figure it out. Maybe I'll bite some potatoes. We'll see.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, please.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You will.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, Michelle, your photo evidence from the earlier ones were so good. Just keep doing photo evidence. Do the photo evidence of after the quote unquote, mouse attacked the cereal, and then do this. If it doesn't work in three days, let's move on and confront her.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why don't you show us, if you can, an escalation of how much you're trying to make your mother notice. Like, let's start small.

[Jake Johnson]

Smart.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Take a picture. Let's. Let's show a little disturbance. You know, the cereal may be knocked out a little bit. Maybe day three, the bowl is turned to the side and the cereal spilled. There's a potato with a bite taken out of it.

[Jake Johnson]

I think that's really fun.

[Gareth Reynolds]

On top, like, change.

[Jake Johnson]

If you go back to the beginning of the show, look at Gareth's hair and then look at it now, and he claims he's not using anything. So you see how the amount of change will go. So by day four, you're losing it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're losing it.

[Jake Johnson]

That wasn't great. It was really funny in my head, but it came out soft.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But what I would do is I also think, at worst case, that is making it so she's noticing it, even if she mentioning it. So then when you bring it up, she's going to go, oh, yeah, I did think that was strange.

[Jake Johnson]

I think this is exactly right.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah. Like, mom, I think something's going on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

But if you can get. Do you and your mom ever text? Or is it all in person?

[Caller Michelle]

No, we text.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. If you could get her to text about this so that it'd be really funny for the show, or if you could somehow record. I would love to hear your mom go, I've got news.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. The conversation would be great.

[Jake Johnson]

The idea of Michelle telling you there's a mouse problem in your house and there cannot be any food on the counter, including the tomatoes and potatoes would be a great ending.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Michelle.

[Caller Michelle]

That was good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The price for this middle of the road advice as you've got to give us as much content as possible because you're on fire.

[Caller Michelle]

Yeah. Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So we want to solve it, but if you could take us along for that journey as much as possible. That's very appreciated, Michelle. Thank you.

[Caller Michelle]

I'm in.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's go.

[Caller Michelle]

Thank you guys so much.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And we are brought to you by Squarespace. Oh, Squarespace. How we love you. Squarespace is where you go to create an online present to appear professional. You launch your passion project with Squarespace. We love Squarespace. We use Squarespace all the time. My website, GarethReynolds.com is a Squarespace website. We use Squarespace to help people on the show build their. Well, honestly, to corroborate their fibs and their white lies. We use Squarespace for that sometimes. But other times, people will use Squarespace for trying to build up their business online. I was working with someone who we were going to start a whole ear business and and it completely fell apart. But we were going to use Squarespace because there's no other place to go. It's an all in one website platform that is designed to help you stand out and succeed online.

[Jake Johnson]

Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place, from consultations to events and experiences. Showcase your offerings with customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business. Get paid on time with professional on brand invoices and online payments. Plus streamline your workflow with built in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools. So go to squarespace.com for a free trial when you're ready to launch. Use offer code Gil sent me to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Butcher Box. I just got my first butcher box. I got some chicken, I got some New York steak, I got some ground beef and I've been loving it. For over a decade, Butcherbox has led the industry with meat and seafood that's antibiotic free, hormone free and independently verified. It's the clean, trustworthy protein you want to be eating, especially at the start of the year. I've been trying to get into meal prepping so I'm cooking it all up then I'm storing it in the fridge and just having it throughout the day and I'm loving it. I'm going to be a fan for a long time with Butcherbox. It's becoming part of my routine and I'm storing it right in the garage fridge.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So as an exclusive offer, new listeners can get their choice between organic ground beef, chicken breast or ground turkey in every box for a year plus $20 off when you go to butcherbox.com heretohelp that's right, your choice of organic ground beef, chicken breast or ground turkey in every box for an entire year plus $20 off your first box and free shipping always. That's butcherbox.com heretohelp. Don't forget to use our link so that they know that we sent you.

[Jake Johnson]

This episode is brought to you by Quince.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Quince gives you that well built wardrobe that holds up over time, premium materials, thoughtful designs, everyday staples that feel way easier to wear. You can rely on them as the weather shifts.

[Jake Johnson]

I got a real quint story here. So I got a bunch of quince shirts, really nice black shirts. I've been wearing them a lot. I'm doing an Apple press day to talk about the dink, the pickleball movie. The networks, going back to my days when I first started, don't really like how Jakester dresses himself at these events or they do it to others, I don't know. But they always hire a stylist just to oversee what the old Jakester is wearing. I've used the same woman. This woman, Annie, she's excellent. She came to the house the other day. She goes, what have you been wearing? Let's try to find something that works with what you're wearing. I've been wearing these black shirts from Quince. She says, oh, I love that brand. I go, oh, yeah. She goes, yeah. She goes, why don't we just wear one of those with a little jacket over it? What kind of pants you like? I like quince pants. She goes, let's order some of those. So I will be wearing the quince shirt because of the quince sponsorship And I'm becoming Mr. Quince.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Go to quince.com heretohelp for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. And now available in Canada. So that's Q-U-I-N c e.com here to help. Free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com here to help. Hello.

[Caller Mitch]

Hello.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi there.

[Caller Mitch]

How y' all doing?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good. How are y' all doing?

[Caller Mitch]

Oh, I'm. I am fantastic.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Where are y' all calling from?

[Caller Mitch]

Indiana.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Indiana, famous for the alls. What's your name?

[Caller Mitch]

We're gonna go with Mitchell.

[Jake Johnson]

Mitchell. Mitchell. Mitchell. And where in Indian Indiana are you? In a city. You in the country?

[Caller Mitch]

In the city.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, great. And how old are you? Middle.

[Caller Mitch]

Good old South Mend. 35.

[Jake Johnson]

35. And what do you do? What's your day to day?

[Caller Mitch]

I am actually a counselor. An addiction counselor.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, I love it so much. 35 counselor, Indiana. What can we do for you today?

[Caller Mitch]

So this is the issue that I'm having. My wife and I, we have our daughter in martial arts. It's not jujitsu. Sorry, Jake. But so in taekwondo. We have her in taekwondo and she's been in it for past year and a half or so. She's doing great. She's in between a green belt and a blue belt. But just recently we've noticed that there is this quote, parent, unquote, total mouth breather that has a laser pointer and he's shining it on the kids, like is there as they're waiting to get in line to go into their class. He's shining it on these kids.

[Jake Johnson]

What is that?

[Caller Mitch]

Multiple parents.

[Jake Johnson]

Why is he doing this?

[Caller Mitch]

Because he's an idiot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But is there any actual practical reason he's doing it? Or he's just a lunatic.

[Caller Mitch]

He's just doing it because he's a chode. I don't know.

[Jake Johnson]

But what does that mean? So it's just an adult man? Because if I'm with my daughters, an adult man has a laser pointer on my daughter's chest.

[Caller Mitch]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm gonna go. Can I help you in my math?

[Caller Mitch]

He hasn't. He has not done it to my child yet. But it's gotten to the point where some of the kids have even said, like, put it away, or I'll put it away for you.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, this is a bunch of Taekwondo. Little masters.

[Caller Mitch]

Yeah, they're just gonna kick them right in the giblets. So, like, that's what I was thinking. Mitchie and I got to the point where he was doing it in front of the instructors, did it to a girl while she's walking down the ramp, and I yelled at him. I said, put the thing away.

[Jake Johnson]

Who are you? Me? That's my move too, brother.

[Caller Mitch]

100. So is that justifiable? My wife's like, like, hey, no, no, no, no.

[Jake Johnson]

You're dead right next to me.

[Caller Mitch]

Thank you. Thank you. I feel justified and validated. Vindicated, too. Is this dashboard confessional to vindicated? Yes. So then I'm just, like, throwing shade at him. My wife's like, you are gonna black out. You are about ready to throw this guy through a window. I'm like, yeah, I am mofo. If he wants to step in front, I will show him what it's like.

[Jake Johnson]

You are that guy.

[Caller Mitch]

George Costanza in that episode of Seinfeld where he's like.

[Caller Michelle]

I don't want to go outside because I'll show you what it's like.

[Jake Johnson]

But, Mitch, let me ask you a question. You do Taekwondo?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Let's get some size on you here, Mitch. That's what I was gonna.

[Jake Johnson]

You're Taekwondo guy.

[Caller Mitch]

I am not a Taekwondo guy. I'm actually a boxing guy. I am five foot ten and about two. 285.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, so you thought you could pick a punch?

[Caller Mitch]

So I bricks, you know?

[Jake Johnson]

And. And how much do you box? Can you throw hands?

[Caller Mitch]

Can I feel? Dude, he's like, Gomer Pyle.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, you would murder this guy.

[Caller Mitch]

I mean, it'd be. It'd be two hits. Me hitting him and him hitting the ground.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, I understand. And how old is laser pointer?

[Caller Mitch]

Laser pointer is Let's. I don't know. His kids are a little bit older. I'm 35. I don't know, maybe mid-40s, late-40s.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Mitch, give me a pitch of what you know about this guy as if he were your friend.

[Caller Mitch]

What I know about this guy is that he is a favorite of the owner of the school. So when I emailed the school. Yes, when I emailed the school and said, hey, could you guys please do something? Because obviously the parents seeing something, he just plays stupid and he gaslights everyone. I don't have anything. What are you talking about?

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, he's doing it like it's a bit.

[Caller Mitch]

Yes, yes. And it's a terrible bit. And I. I have bits and they're funny.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, you do.

[Caller Mitch]

Does not have a good bit at all.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, he's right, though.

[Jake Johnson]

Jake, by the way, is Eric.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But. But we know he's right.

[Jake Johnson]

But Midge. Okay, I have bits. I have point guard ears.

[Caller Mitch]

I'm funny. I know it.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, so. But here's the thing, Mitch. So everything you're saying. So what I'm getting is this guy is doing the laser pointer on the kids because he thinks he likes this toy and he thinks it's funny.

[Caller Mitch]

Yes, sir.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. And I agree with you, it's not funny. And it's also not appropriate to do anything regarding kids. So if he was doing that at a bar to grown ups, what are you gonna do? He's doing it to kids at a taekwondo class.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, there's a way to handle this, right? The mats.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So you're saying Mitch challenges laser.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't know yet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Caller Zach]

All right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is there more to get out there, Mitch?

[Caller Mitch]

I didn't really. No, no, not really. I mean, the. They wanted the guy's name. I'm like, it doesn't matter what the guy's name is. So I actually used to do. I used to do youth ministry. So the games that we would do in youth ministry, it's almost pretty psychotic. Like, I would take. I would take mayonnaise and freeze it and then scoop it out with ice cream scoops so it looks like vanilla. I cream and then I put hot fudge on it, and then I tell the kids, hey, I got you guys some ice cream sundaes. Enjoy. I just take it too far. Like Winston does a new girl.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mitch. Mitch, why would you do that again?

[Jake Johnson]

Why does that. Because it's funny, Mitch.

[Stephen Berg]

What is it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because it was funny.

[Jake Johnson]

All right?

[Caller Mitch]

Because it's funny. So I thought. What I thought initially was get a squirt gun. And every time he shines it on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have that written down.

[Jake Johnson]

Shoot him in the head. I don't hate that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

To be perfect, I have that written down here.

[Jake Johnson]

Truthfully, don't hate that. I had floodlight.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't hate that.

[Jake Johnson]

And so what I would do.

[Caller Mitch]

Lumen flashlight.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. I would get your most powerful, like, military grade flashlight or a cop light. And when he does that, you do it right in his eye. And he goes like, hey, hey. And you go like this. It's a bit. You go, you do the kids. I do you. And then if he does it to you go, if you do that to me, you're gonna meet these fists. But you're picking on kids. So I'm defending the kids. And he goes, it's a joke. And you go, so's mine. This is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I did have the joke.

[Caller Mitch]

So is mine.

[Jake Johnson]

This is a joke, too. I used to do jokes to kids and I would give them mayonnaise ice cream sundaes. Why? Because it's a joke.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that part I'd leave out because once again, I think that that, that's talking past the close. But I. I think, I do think, like, if you're as big as you. Something like that. The only other avenue I can think is, well, two. One is you can have. If you go to. You said he's like friends with the owner of the place. Yeah. If you go there and say it's, like, distracting for your kids, it's ruining the experience for your kids. Something like that.

[Jake Johnson]

But that's to handle it. Crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree. And I. I do like squirt gun best. I like if you start squirting him while you're there.

[Jake Johnson]

I agree. By the way, one intense, like, machine gun. Squirt it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. So they like keychain super soakers. I mean, you can get something that packs a real punch that's tiny. Like, I remember that from when I was a kid.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Mitch, right now, in the world of floodlight squirt gun, are you going to actually do this?

[Caller Mitch]

Oh, 100%.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. Do you want us to pitch? Do you want to find something that the three of us are all happy with of what is the best move to do there? Is this a route you like, and is this going to get you in trouble with your wife?

[Caller Mitch]

Oh, I don't think so. No.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so here's the problem with the squirt gun in a taekwondo studio. The other people are going to have to clean up the water, most likely. You. You're going to look like the bad guy. Because the master is going to go, hey, man, you honestly can't get the mats wet because a kid could slip. So could you drive?

[Caller Mitch]

He actually. So he does this normally in the lobby. Like, it's not even around the maps. We're not even inside yet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, I think that's fine. I. What do you think? I mean, I feel like he can just like. And do we want this to be attached to Mitch? Do we want this guy to know Mitch is doing it?

[Jake Johnson]

Mitch want. Mitch has already called him out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, let's go.

[Caller Mitch]

Yeah, people already know that. That I've had it with the. I've had it with Gomer. Let's just call him Gomer.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so one option is the squirt gun that is very effective. I would probably lean towards fighting fire with the same kind of fire. And I would go light. Because if he was squirting the kids with water, then you fire hose him. But he's just doing that annoying little red dot because he's like, pretty funny little dot on you. So if you go pretty funny.

[Caller Mitch]

I got a laser pointer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was thinking that.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think he's gonna find that as a. He thinks laser pointers are funny unless.

[Jake Johnson]

You got a really bright one and went right in his eye.

[Caller Mitch]

So I gotta up him with.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, okay, wait. So what you need to do is.

[Jake Johnson]

You just need to heighten. So he goes like, I don't like when it happens to me. And you're saying, I don't like when it happens to the kids.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And my pitch on the laser pointer to escalate would maybe be get a few other parents involved and you all get laser pointers. And once he starts doing it, you all target like a group of assassins.

[Jake Johnson]

That's fun, kids.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that's great, too.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Caller Mitch]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right.

[Caller Mitch]

I like that too. Give it to the kids. I could give one to my daughter and just be like, look.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Caller Mitch]

When this idiot starts pointing it, just do it right on his. Right on his nose. But what.

[Jake Johnson]

You can't die, Mitch. But here's what. Yes, but here's what you could do, Mitch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Maybe burn it.

[Jake Johnson]

The laser pointers cost a buck or two.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nothing.

[Caller Mitch]

Oh, if that.

[Jake Johnson]

So you could spend 50 bucks and hand it to every kid and go as they're walking in, go. If he gets you, get him back. And then when they go and have a bucket and go, hand him back, guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

And you have a bucket, like a trick or treat. You go, here are the laser pointers. Please put them back. You're not allowed to have them in class. They can't be a distraction. But as you're walking in, everybody have these. So if this guy gets you, everybody get him back. And what's going to happen then is they're going to venture up to say, no laser pointers in the lobby. So you're taking a little bit and you're putting it on steroids so that they say you can't have steroids in competition. That's right. Right now, in Jiu jitsu, you can take steroids.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is the beauty. You're going to create a laser pointer problem. They're gonna have to make a rule.

[Jake Johnson]

And so you have so many laser pointers. Spend a hundred dollars. Get a hundred dollars worth of laser pointers. So there's so many laser pointers, and then. Then have three in each hand and just be going like this. Like a little light show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Caller Mitch]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

The laser pointers were fine when this one guy who's a friend of the owner was doing it. Every kid can't have a laser pointer. And you go, okay, so no, it's either no laser pointers or all laser pointers.

[Caller Mitch]

Oh, yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then I think when you want to bury the hatchet with this guy, when he. This blows up in his face, tell me. I want to take him out for ice cream. And then you bing, bang, boom, you do the mayonnaise 100.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, that's a great gaslight them.

[Caller Mitch]

I'll have regular ice cream and be like, what's wrong with you? I'm just trying to be nice to you.

[Jake Johnson]

That's that. Oh, yeah, that's exactly right. If you got him at the end and he goes. It's like frozen mayonnaise. You go like this. My wife made it. You piece of.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Put a laser pointer as I run.

[Jake Johnson]

So move. I think we found a very solid solution. But the real important question is, what do you think?

[Caller Mitch]

Honestly, I thought initially, like, squirt gun. I'm going with it. You know, I've been listening to you guys since day one. Like, you know what? Jake and Gareth are gonna have something to say. Squirt gun was funny. But the laser pointer for the kids, either everybody gets a laser pointer or nobody gets.

[Jake Johnson]

And by the way, that's your mission statement. When the head talks to you and goes like, hey, Mitch, we can't have a bucket of laser pointers, you go, I agree. So then we either all have them or nobody has them. Right. How do you want to do that? Totally up to you, sir. Or ma' AM and they go, well, we're kind of fine with my family friend having one doing the kids. And you go, that seems crazy, right? I know.

[Caller Mitch]

Are you playing favorites? Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And they'll go, I guess that is crazy. So then no laser pointers. And you go, put the sign up. Then hit him with the signs up. They're gone. And then Gareth is right. Would you like a scoop of ice cream?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Who wants some ice cream? All my enemies who want some ice cream, too.

[Caller Mitch]

I don't care.

[Caller Zach]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

This hot fudge was delicious. The ice cream tasted like mayonnaise.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ice cream's mayonnaise. Idiots.

[Caller Mitch]

The look of disappointment on children's faces.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's an interesting thing for a youth pastor to find pleasure in. Mitch, I'll be honest with you. But outside of that, this has been a lot of fun.

[Caller Mitch]

So fantastic.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Mitch, I think we're gonna win here. Are you gonna do it? And if you do it, will you take photos of all the laser pointers and all the kids? If they do it and they're all laser pointing the guy, will you film it?

[Caller Mitch]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

And film you going like this. Get them. Get them.

[Caller Mitch]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Just turn it into utter chaos. Because the first day should be fun. The guy will be laughing, too. He'll be like, I love laser pointers. And so. But get it crazy. And then get the. The faculty involved, and they're going to have to say, we're going a little laser crazy. So then you go to your pitch. Shall we do everybody gets one or nobody gets one?

[Caller Zach]

Yep.

[Caller Mitch]

Perfect.

[Jake Johnson]

Will you please follow up with us?

[Gareth Reynolds]

When are you going to do this?

[Caller Mitch]

Well, let's. I'm gonna. I'll feel the situation out tomorrow. We normally take my daughter on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so we'll see what it is tomorrow. And then I might be making a bulk order on Amazon Tuesday night, so it could be as soon as next week.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know.

[Jake Johnson]

Fantastic.

[Caller Mitch]

I really hope. I really hope he doesn't. I really hope he does not stop just so that we can do this.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I agree. And this will get him to stop out.

[Caller Mitch]

Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Caller Mitch]

Fantastic.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, Mitch. Thank you, buddy.

[Caller Mitch]

Thank you. Thank you, guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello. Hello. Hello, Hello.

[Caller Zach]

Hello.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi. Welcome back. We know your follow up. That's all we know. What is your name and where are you calling from? And what was your first call, please?

[Caller Zach]

Yeah, my name is Zach, calling from the Wilmington, North Carolina area.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Caller Zach]

And my call was dog eating gator bait.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Caller Mitch]

Yes, sir.

[Caller Zach]

Ed Helms was on that day. I'm sure you guys remember it wasn't right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Will you just remind. Jake and I are fully familiar with the call. Will you just remind the audience again a little bit what the first call was specifically?

[Caller Mitch]

Yeah.

[Caller Zach]

So basically my neighborhood's been having an older man, let's call him jb. Convincing everyone that a dog has been eaten by a 12 foot gator kind of been scaring a lot of the older people that live in the neighborhood. So they have one more thing to check off when they're telling anyone what not to do. They get to add, a dog has been eaten by a Gatorade. So wanting to debunk that and also stop spreading fear to the neighbors was kind of like the setup of that.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, I just did Ed Helms's podcast yesterday.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, nice.

[Jake Johnson]

And we were talking about this call. Do you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. I remember we were filling things with meat.

[Jake Johnson]

A meat sack.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Remember? We were putting meat and stuffed animals.

[Jake Johnson]

Is that what you did?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Classic.

[Caller Zach]

Yeah. So that's actually what I ended up doing. And I. I believe by the end of the call, the only person that was in on it was Gareth. I think everyone else said it was a bad idea, but I went ahead and went with that pig.

[Jake Johnson]

I think it is a bad idea. You're training the gator to eat things in meat sacks. What? Oh my God. You did it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, okay. So we're looking at a stuffed Doberman pinscher that you've put on some leaves in the. Oh. Now in the water. So it's in the swampy territory now. What is in this? The stuffed Doberman meets.

[Caller Zach]

It's. It's a hot dog. I filled it with three separate hot dogs all the way down to the. To the butt area of the dog.

[Jake Johnson]

I wish somebody watched you doing that.

[Caller Zach]

My wife did.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They probably. They're not afraid of gators anymore. He's like, don't walk your dog over here. There's some guy who stuffs hot dogs.

[Jake Johnson]

In this an put hot dogs in a stuffed dog and try to feed it to a gator. That's scary. Scary.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is scary.

[Caller Zach]

So I will say when I. When I did it, I had to figure out a way to. To get it to a pond without people noticing what I was doing. So I think I made it a little more awkward. And I put it in a white trash bag and was carrying this. This stuffed dog with hot dog meat in it. So I. There was definitely four or five different people that saw me do it, but they obviously didn't know it was in the bag.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How long ago did this happen?

[Caller Zach]

So I sent a follow up email. The timeline was about a week and a half to two weeks and it had been eaten. If you look at the pictures we're.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Looking at, there's about two or three spots.

[Jake Johnson]

Wait, what?

[Caller Zach]

Where I went? Yeah, there's two or three spots where a gator or something ate just the hot dogs out of the the animal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Caller Zach]

So I went back two days later and the animal was completely gone. So.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, maybe.

[Caller Zach]

I'm not sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let' just be clear. The I didn't realize we were looking at the after effect of the swamp. So it looks like the brain of the dog was eaten.

[Jake Johnson]

Ate the hot dogs out. That fake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The foot of the dog was eaten and the dog's ass had a hot dog eaten out of it too.

[Jake Johnson]

It was a gator.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, we don't.

[Caller Zach]

We don't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not a gator. Could have been rats eating the whole thing. You think a gator took little nibbles? I. I've seen gators. Have you seen a gator?

[Caller Zach]

I don't really know. We have weird animals here.

[Jake Johnson]

So what other kind of animals could have eaten those hot dogs?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Anything.

[Jake Johnson]

Every animal in the world.

[Caller Zach]

Yeah, true.

[Jake Johnson]

Want to get a hot dog?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, hot dogs are mean.

[Caller Mitch]

My.

[Caller Zach]

My theory is that something ate the hot dogs out of it and then a gator came the next day and took it into the water.

[Jake Johnson]

That's not my.

[Caller Zach]

That's my theory.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I choose to. I choose to believe too, Zach.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I. I don't believe the theory is we put hot dogs in a stuffed dog, another animal at the hot dogs and then a gator goes, I'm gonna eat a stuffed animal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look at that.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't believe that's accurate. I believe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I believe too, Jake.

[Jake Johnson]

Nothing experiment. And I agree with Ed Helms and I's point of view that this was a waste of an opportunity.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll be honest. Now that we're. Now that we're post all of this and the dust has settled a little bit. It not sure why I co signed it and I'll be even more honest act. I'm not sure why you went with it.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I don't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All that happened is you lost money on hot dogs and an animal.

[Jake Johnson]

What did we prove on this?

[Gareth Reynolds]

God is real.

[Caller Zach]

We proved that is true. I believe that we prove that the ponds are potentially dangerous.

[Jake Johnson]

We know that there's gators in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Whoa, buddy. Now Zach, Zack, Zach, hold on.

[Jake Johnson]

They're not dangerous. They ate hot dogs. Zach, that means everybody Googles your Facebook.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, hey, hey. Neil Degrasse Tyson's talking for a minute. Are we not now suggesting that with the ingestion of the dogs taken away, the pond is dangerous, so maybe not walking your dogs near it is the right idea?

[Jake Johnson]

Correct.

[Caller Zach]

Yeah. That's why I think the QR code was a second pitch. But I was honestly not sure how to go about that. So that's why I wanted to see if you had any suggestions.

[Jake Johnson]

Cake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We don't. We don't want dogs walking near there. They're gonna get the hot dogs eaten out of their ass.

[Jake Johnson]

Nine to live in reality.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Enjoy that.

[Jake Johnson]

What do you think you proved that animals in a swamp would like to eat hot dogs in a stuffed animal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't take your dogs near this area.

[Jake Johnson]

But is that the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. Well, so Zach didn't believe that. So now Zach does. On the side of.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, so Zach thought not to eat a hot dog.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dog.

[Caller Michelle]

He thought, he thought, he thought walk.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Your dog wherever you want, it's no big deal. He thought it was fear mongering.

[Stephen Berg]

Exactly right.

[Jake Johnson]

But this. So Ed and I were talking yesterday and he goes, cuz his show is very organized. He writes something, it's like very just like this show. And he goes, it's really funny how different we are. He goes, I've thought a lot about the gator call. And I went like, eh. And he goes, I don't understand the logic of it. And I went like, yeah, I think it was just stuffed meats.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We were just having fun.

[Jake Johnson]

Now that I'm listening to it, I'm nervous. He's right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, he's wrong.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, explain why.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because Zach was the skeptic.

[Jake Johnson]

Zach thought, of course a gator would eat a hot dog.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Zach thought it was a. Listen, we're on the caller side. Zach had a different pov.

[Jake Johnson]

Zach, Zach animal would never come out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Of the thought that there was a lot of fear mongering going around about walking your dogs near this area.

[Jake Johnson]

Area.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So Zach went to Toys R Us or whatever a toy store is now, put a bunch of hot dogs inside of this thing. And now Zach says, okay, look, I'm not sure if this guy's fear mongering if what he's saying happened or didn't happen. But I'll tell you one thing. I put a bunch of hot dogs and a stuffed animal and something ate it. And this dog ended up in water. Gone. So I don't know what happened.

[Jake Johnson]

This is interesting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's not as safe as I. Zach initially Thought.

[Jake Johnson]

And is that what you learned, Zach?

[Caller Zach]

It is what I learned, but I think that there's other dangerous animals out there now that we can pin on, and not just the game.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, whatever.

[Jake Johnson]

But. But for you, you think that old guy's right. Be careful with your dogs. And before you thought, nah, don't be careful with your dogs near a swamp full of gators.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stop with the attitude. Yeah, okay.

[Caller Zach]

Yeah, I think so.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so then I need to ask the community something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The bell's getting rung.

[Caller Zach]

Well, okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Zach to you. Is this a bell ring?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Caller Zach]

It'S a bell ring. That. It proved a point.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a bell ring. You wait. You wait. You went. It is a bell ring.

[Jake Johnson]

A bell ring is. You have a problem. We fixed the problem.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We did. Zach was the problem.

[Jake Johnson]

So I'm gonna ask the community on this one, right?

[Caller Zach]

Yeah, I think so. I will say that Ed Helms, he did bring up that if you run in a zigzag, that gators, it's harder to get to you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's what.

[Caller Zach]

I looked that up after the fact and debunked it.

[Jake Johnson]

That's not true.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So there's this.

[Caller Zach]

Not because it creates a closer, I guess, straight to you when you zigzag. So you cut off. Terrible advice.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We'll ask Ed if he wants to put some hot dogs on his back, go down to North Carolina and run it a zigzag.

[Jake Johnson]

So. So we're going to, as of now, a mixed result. The audience comment on whatever you view this on, bell ring or no bell ring.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We can put it up for a vote.

[Jake Johnson]

We could do a vote, too, but let's see if. If people are responding, and then if we need to, we can do what we need to pick, because I don't know, this is. This is new territory for us. For me, mostly. It's a really clean.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let me. Let me.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a clean problem, and we either solve it or not. Not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Zach, do you feel like the problem you initially called with is still a problem?

[Caller Zach]

Yes, part of it. Because I. I still don't know if the guy's telling the truth or not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But the dog that had hot dogs in it got eaten.

[Jake Johnson]

That's. You're. You're just trying to get a win here.

[Caller Zach]

Of course, we're one for two, but I think we did win on one.

[Jake Johnson]

Out of two meat out near a swamp.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dogs are meat. This was not external meat. This is not. Yeah, well, that's what I'm saying. The zigzag doesn't Work either. But now that we know that if there's meat inside of a stuffed animal, it's gone, that's not good. Don't walk your dog there. Hold on. That goes for everybody.

[Jake Johnson]

But do you stop kids too? Stop. Stop selling your pet. Do you really believe in your, the peak of your intelligence?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't do this.

[Jake Johnson]

I am. This is real life.

[Caller Zach]

Yeah.

[Caller Mitch]

Don't do that.

[Jake Johnson]

That, this. And I'm trying to figure it out. I don't know. For me. Do you think this is a bell ring for the integrity of our show? I'm not saying.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let me, I'm not saying, I'm not saying this is the most vigorous ringing in the history of the show. Well, let me, I'm going to answer your question by asking Zach a question. Zach, did you think the hot dog dog would go, go underwater or be gone or be eaten?

[Caller Zach]

I thought that the hot dog would be gone with the dog, but I didn't think the hot dog would be gone and the dog not gone. But if that makes sense.

[Jake Johnson]

It doesn't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I, I, I, I'll be honest. I think you've carved out a third.

[Jake Johnson]

Lane, but there it's all gone. So the hot dogs for sure are gone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The dog is gone, but we don't.

[Jake Johnson]

Know what ate it. And then. But somebody litter. It's litter. Gareth. Somebody might have just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was hoping you weren't going to go into the litter direction.

[Jake Johnson]

You could if you filled, if you put socks out there, somebody might throw out the. So they're taking a walk.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let me ask you this, Z. Is there trash out there when you go and walk?

[Caller Zach]

There's not. Okay, clean.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's, let's have people vote.

[Jake Johnson]

Trash he put out. Let's have people vote now is it means guess what, Somebody cleaned up, by.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The way, and threw out. You like, you, like, run a mile to walk a block. You don't walk your dog near a swamp. That is a, I think that's a valid message we started with. Zach is more on board with that than when we started. That's why I'd say the bell rings.

[Jake Johnson]

That's true. Zach's logic is not the logic of most. And that is you can walk a little dog near hung.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What are you weak?

[Jake Johnson]

And now he's going, whoa, that's not safe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I'm not saying that, I'm not saying I understand the rules of the game as much.

[Jake Johnson]

We are on his team, but we.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are on his team team. And he's less, he's less upset about what this guy was saying whether what that guy's saying true is true or not.

[Jake Johnson]

Interesting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The bottom line is Zach agrees more with the idea of not putting your dog in harm's way here.

[Jake Johnson]

Not a dig, but I appreciate that because that is the peak of your intelligence.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Zach, tell him to stop.

[Jake Johnson]

But that's good logic.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're talking to a guy. The lesson of this episode is carry more hot dogs with you when you're in nature. Nature.

[Jake Johnson]

Goodbye.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Goodbye. Thank you, Zach.

[Jake Johnson]

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ HelpfulPod gmail.com and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] hereto help pod to see our entire catalog where Here to Help is produced by.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Rabbit Grimm Productions executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis associate producer Jesse Thurston Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller theme song by Oliver Raleigh the COVID artwork is by James Fosdyke animations by Andrew Strelecki and if you'd like to see Gareth do Stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Jake Johnson]

That was a hit.

[Caller Michelle]

Gum podcast.

[Jake Johnson]

All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com heretohelp pod hi, I'm Drew Affoalo.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I'm Dasun Afualo, and we host.

[Jake Johnson]

The Headgum podcast two Idiot Girls. Each episode we're discussing plenty of topics that you would be giggling at a sleepover with your weird cousins. We talk about all kinds of things.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like weird dating, horror stories, maybe a really bad wedgie you had once, or even a show you're loving and anything in between. So you can listen to two Idiot.

[Jake Johnson]

Girls on your favorite podcast app or.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Watch full video episodes on YouTube. New episodes will be posted every Tuesday.