261: Get In My Hole & Piano Time Is Piano Time

Summary

Podcast Summary: We're Here to Help

Episode 261: Get In My Hole & Piano Time Is Piano Time

Date: February 16, 2026
Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds
Platform: Headgum

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Episode Overview

In this jam-packed episode, Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds tackle two standout listener calls that mix wacky life challenges with earnest advice. As always, the banter is rapid-fire, absurd, and good-hearted, with plenty of personal tangents and running bits. The title references both major calls: Madison, who needs help retrieving gear from a mysterious basement hole (“Get In My Hole”), and Sarah, who struggles with her piano teacher oversharing personal details during lessons (“Piano Time Is Piano Time”).

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Upcoming Celebrity Wheel of Fortune Appearance (00:46–10:14)

• Jake announces he, Lamorne Morris, and Hannah Simone will compete on Wheel of Fortune.
• Lamorne is conspiring to sabotage the show with jokes, worrying Hannah.
• Jake considers playing it straight to balance Lamorne's chaos but predicts things will spiral:
  • "I realized I’m going to potentially play it straighter, because you know how crazy, and everyone listening to the show knows how crazy Lamorne can get." (01:06)
  • Behind-the-scenes predictions of the taping, including inside jokes and mischief.
• Charity Angle: Jake pledges his $30,000 appearance fee to support a chimpanzee sanctuary, introducing future "show chimps" and a plan for the podcast community to sponsor chimpanzees together.
• Comic “dad”/“papa” banter about being co-chimp parents.

Notable Quote

"We are going to become chimpanzee parents together. How do you feel about it, dad?"
— Jake Johnson (06:15)

Timestamp Highlights

• 00:46–02:39: Wheel of Fortune antics preview
• 05:18–10:14: Chimp adoption announcement and hat merch tease

2. Listener Call #1: Madison’s Basement Hole Dilemma (15:33–37:12)

The Problem: Madison in Denver dropped her sister’s fly fishing gear down an 8–12 ft deep cistern in the basement, which everyone in the family likes to “just stare into.” How does she get it out before they notice?

Key Moments & Advice

• The hosts riff on the absurdity: “The amount of hours I would spend staring in that hole…” (20:04–20:11)
• Jake shares a real (and hilarious) story about being stuck in a similar hole in Peace Corps, lending empathy for Madison’s reluctance to go in herself (20:54–21:16).
• Solutions Pitched:
  • Cover it up and hope no one notices.
  • Don’t mention it, let the family discover it and react together.
  • Get a rock climber from a gym to retrieve the gear—make it a Denver community challenge.
  • Put up a humorous poster at climbing gyms, offering a podcast shoutout/prize for retrieval.
• Banter about crafting the perfect, not-too-creepy flyer:
  • "Looking for petite rock climber. This is like every dating profile on in Denver." (31:54)
  • Warns against using “get in my hole” as the email handle.
• Agreement: Invite Madison’s friend (a climber), or post flyers—offer to promote the gym.

Notable Quotes

“You need a rock climber with the right body type...with feet like a hand.”
— Jake Johnson (29:24)

“Needed: Rock climber not afraid of a challenge. Chance to be featured on We’re Here to Help.”
— Madison’s proposed flyer readout (34:08)

Timestamp Highlights

• 15:33–36:58: Madison’s problem and advice brainstorm
• 36:58–37:12: Madison’s busy schedule (acapella group, wig party), promise to put up flyers

3. Listener Call #2: Sarah’s TMI Piano Teacher (42:21–59:47)

The Problem: Sarah, 37, takes piano lessons from a teacher who won't stop oversharing about her sex life during lessons (which Sarah pays for) and even asks for medical advice.

Key Moments & Advice

• The lines are blurred: Sarah and her teacher are friendly, hang out at concerts (e.g., Nine Inch Nails), and have attended Friendsgivings together.
• The oversharing gets detailed: “I was the first person she told, immediately after she hooked up with her boyfriend." (48:28)
• Advice:
  • Reassert boundaries by focusing lessons around a challenging recital song, framing it as a competitive challenge (“My friends bet I can’t do it!”).
  • Suggest shifting personal talk to coffee/drinks outside lesson time.
  • Do not mention the podcast as the reason for the challenge.
• The hosts promise to feature her performance on their social media, raising the stakes (and hilarity).

Notable Quotes

“When it’s piano, it’s piano time.”
— Jake Johnson (50:13)

“You offer the social hang. Say, ‘Do you want to get a drink so we can actually have a catch up since we’re focused so much?’”
— Gareth Reynolds (53:42)

Timestamp Highlights

• 42:21–43:43: Sarah’s intro and background
• 46:51–47:53: Sarah improvises a “role play” of the weird lesson convo
• 51:38–56:38: Jake & Gareth’s boundary reset advice

4. Madison’s Follow-up: Mission Accomplished (60:30–78:13)

The Update: Madison returns with an incredible update—she made the flyer as advised, posted it in Denver gyms, fielded some “colorful” responses, and ultimately solved the problem with friends and a rope ladder.

Key Moments

• Madison reads the best/worst replies she received:
  • “I can go in your hole. I am thin with long arms and a rock climber. I would love to fill your hole...” (65:09)
• The rescue party: Madison, her climber coworker, and friends stage an operation with video/celebration to retrieve the gear.
• The team marvels at her execution, declares the flyer “poster-worthy” (62:45).
• Future follow-up: Madison hasn’t told her sister/brother-in-law yet—hosts urge her to come on with them for the big reveal.
• Acapella Bonus: Madison’s group (Green Drive Acapella) records a rendition of the show’s theme song as promised!

Notable Quotes

“We’re going to treat this day as a holiday. You guys are all going to get together every year and look back—enjoy yourselves and it’s just a good reason to get together.”
— Gareth Reynolds, on starting a new tradition (75:01)

“This is our first poster. I think this is legit.”
— Jake Johnson (63:22)

Timestamp Highlights

• 60:30–66:00: Flyer responses read-aloud
• 67:27–71:04: The retrieval adventure
• 75:00–75:36: Declaring "hole day" a new recurring holiday
• 75:59–76:47: Acapella theme song performed

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "I did a Peace Corps at 18. I got stuck in a hole like that... Couldn't get out. Keep going."
  Jake Johnson’s real-life nightmare story, lending credibility and humor to the basement-hole advice. (20:49)

• “We all enjoy looking into the hole.”
  Madison’s understated delivery of her family’s weird hobby, instantly a running bit. (19:42)

• "Needed: rock climber not afraid of a challenge. Chance to be featured on We’re Here to Help."
  Madison and the hosts’ collaborative, tongue-in-cheek flyer (34:08)

• “My name is Sarah. I am 37...I have nothing cute or funny for you.”
  Sarah’s deadpan, awkward intro—riffed on for the whole call. (42:40)

• “If we solve this problem, will you—the group—sing our theme song, please?”
  Jake Johnson, making good on a classic “weird exchange” with a caller. (35:47)

• Acapella outro by Green Drive Acapella, an episode highlight (76:00–77:16)

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Flow and Tone

The episode is signature "We're Here to Help": chaotic, playful, deeply empathetic, and laced with both sincerity and high absurdity. The hosts genuinely value their callers, encourage community participation (from rock climbers to acapella groups), and always lean into bits for humor (“chimp adoption,” “basement hole day,” “piano time is piano time”). Advice is rarely straightforward, with tangents and stories (like Jake’s Peace Corps hole debacle) enhancing both levity and relatability.

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Segment Timestamps

| Segment | Timestamp | |--------------------------------------------|----------------| | Wheel of Fortune & Chimp Charity | 00:46–10:14 | | Madison’s Basement Hole Call | 15:33–37:12 | | Sarah’s Piano Teacher Oversharing | 42:21–59:47 | | Madison’s Follow-up: Hole Rescue | 60:30–78:13 | | Acapella Theme Song Debut | 75:59–77:16 |

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Final Takeaways

• When facing the absurd & awkward, community and humor are assets: Whether navigating family secrets, basement holes, or intrusive piano teachers, the show champions win-win solutions, joyful collaboration, and kindness.
• Listener participation is real and rewarded: Madison’s adventure—from flyer to theme song—sets a high bar for future callers.
• The hosts’ boundary between bit and earnestness blurs intentionally: Tangents and personal stories (including some surprisingly poignant moments) drive toward creative, communal problem-solving.

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Recommended if you:

• Love improv comedy, friendship banter, and genuine if occasionally unusable advice
• Enjoy community-driven storytelling and participatory entertainment
• Are seeking feel-good podcast energy mixed with wild personal anecdotes

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Additional Resources

• To submit a question: [e-mail]
• Acapella theme by Green Drive Acapella
• Gareth’s upcoming film info: giveitupfilm.com
• For more episodes, video, or merch: Patreon.com/heretohelpod

Transcript

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

This is a Headgum podcast. This is a Headgum podcast.

[Jake Johnson]

We're here to help. We're here to help. And we are back. What's going on, G man?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not much, buddy. Back on the road for a minute. You know, the usual grind.

[Jake Johnson]

How you Good. So I got the official date of Wheel of Fortune.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God.

[Jake Johnson]

Lamorne Morris versus me versus Hannah Simone. This is awesome. Lamorn and I were talking yesterday, and I said. We were just chatting on the phone, and he said, hannah is nervous that she's just going to be in between us and we're going to derail the show and just insult each other the whole time. And I said, what'd you say? He said. I said, that's going to happen.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And he goes, I'm going to make it very clear I'm going to use every opportunity to make fun of Jake. And he goes, I don't care about winning. When I'm going to try to sound it out, I'm just going to say, okay, Jake is a dickhole. There's no Js. And I started laughing and I went.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, Lamorne, that is, by the way, such a funny bit to insult. Solve the puzzle.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. And I go, I go, here's the problem, Lamorne. We got to talk this out a little bit. They will all hate us. The show audience will not get the joke. And you and I will be dial. And I go. And then once we get in that mode of I can't believe how unprofessional we're being at the Wheel of Fortune, it's going to get worse. So I think after talking to him, I realized I'm going to potentially play it straighter, because you know how crazy, and everyone listening to the show knows how crazy Lamorne can get.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You can't fight Lamorne on Lamorne's turf.

[Jake Johnson]

And once he gets going crazy, it gets so fun.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Then you're like, all right, now, let's blow it up. But we've got to remember the premise of that show is to play Wheel of Fortune, not turn it into our little.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How funny is it that your relationship with Lamorn on air when you're naturally yourselves is you have to just try to get him to stick to the premise a little bit. And now Wheel of Fortune is going to get bit by that snake.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, it's hard because it'll start and it'll be all normal. You know, we'll all just be like, yeah, we're here for this charity. And we'll all be weirded out by Wheel of Fortune. And then what I. What always happens is I will dig at him as a soft joke without even thinking, right. He'll be doing his answer and I'll go like, that's not true. And then he'll look at me and we'll smile. And what I'll be thinking is, I didn't mean to do that. Let's not. But he'll go like, ah, want to open up the can of worms?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, you should have just gone limp.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. And I'll be thinking, I take it back. I. I just, I don't know. I. I made a mistake and that was immature and it's not the right environment. And Ryan Seacrest isn't laughing. Vanna White's not laughing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. Vanna White' not laughing.

[Jake Johnson]

No. Pat Zak would have hated it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, God.

[Jake Johnson]

And then the next time where it gets to Lamorn doing a version of a guess, it's going to be two words and he's going to go, I like to punch Jake Johnson in the face, cuz he deserves it. And then they'll go like, can I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you solving the puzzle or just saying that?

[Jake Johnson]

Can I buy a vowel? There's a punk over there named Jake Johnson. That's not a vowel. There are no.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There is a person who has lost their turn buying a vowel. This has never happened in the history of the show before.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, no, there's not. That letter.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nope.

[Jake Johnson]

And then he and I, during the break, will both start laughing. And then my guess is there'll be a director or somebody there going, really funny stuff, guys, but a lot of that stuff we will have to cut out. So we're going to stick to the four. And Hannah will go, yeah, I agree. We should. And I'll go, agreed too. And then Lamorne will go like Denzel. And I'll go like, fuck. And then, you know me. Then I'll go, what do I care? We're just. I got 30 more minutes with this guy. We're doing Wheel of Fortune. And then it'll come to me. They go, you got to guess. And I won't. And I'll go like a punk goofball over there. And I'll go, now we're. Now we're death trap.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The only thing is that you have to solve a certain amount of puzzles for the taping to end. So at some point you're talking about the crew going into overtime on maybe the easiest show to tape ever.

[Jake Johnson]

It might never. The episode might never end.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's a chance.

[Jake Johnson]

Here's what I'M excited to announce and this is the beginning of this. We have not done the hats yet, but I'm going to. I'm gonna get $30,000 to show up for charity. I'm gonna give it to some of it. I'm still in contact. I'm trying to find Bubbles because I want to give some of it to that I wrote to. I found the place that is currently housing Bubbles. I want to cut him a little check through another sanctuary in Kentucky. Who reached out to. It's always people reaching out first. But there's this sanctuary in Kentucky that we are going to adopt. Use that money to adopt some chimpanzees. And they are going to be the show chimps. Gareth. We're going to make Christmas cards. Our yearly Christmas card is going to be the chimps. We as a community are the parents. So every caller is an uncle or an aunt. You and me are the two dads. We are going to become chimpanzee parents together. How do you feel about it, dad?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Papa? I've never felt better. This is. There's so. It's honestly hard to have an on the spot reaction. The first is it's awesome because it really is so necessary. And I'm not trying to be like. But it is.

[Jake Johnson]

We all know the deep, real good stuff. It's all positive.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then on top of that, there's also. There are, you know, there are times where you go, like, I'll think this. Sometimes I'll be on a show with like a comedian that I really admired or like, like, I, I said this the other day, I think, to you. But I was. I went and had coffee with one of the guys I worked on Arrested Development with and he started on the Golden Girls. And so I started watching old Golden Girls episodes. His name's in the credit. It just. There was something about that connecting to me. But when you actually think that a young Jake Johnson, who was 100% familiar with who Bubbles was, you are now on the other end of that.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, it's great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Using your career to help.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bubbles.

[Jake Johnson]

I'll tell you another thing. I'll tell you another thing. You see this guy right here?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

That's Rodney. He's going to be one of ours. We're going to adopt Rodney. Can I tell you a little bit about Rodney?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

He's rescued. In 1996, he was used at a laboratory for experimental medicine in New York. Places closed down. Rodney was pulled from his goddamn mother at birth in order to be raised by humans in a nursing Setting they, they got a bunch of these to the primate a rescue center, along with six other young chimpanzees. In 96, this group of younger chimps was introduced to four older chimps. Growing up, he always wanted to play and would sometimes try a little too obnoxiously to get the other chimps to join in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, he's a jake chimp.

[Jake Johnson]

He daunted and hassled them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's a jake chimp throwing things their.

[Jake Johnson]

Way or slapping the ground until they would chase. Never mind if they were annoyed. It was all a game to Rodney's wild ass.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, thankfully Rodney was well taken care of by Zulu, one of the older chimps who treated him as her own child. Bless Zulu.

[Gareth Reynolds]

God bless Zulu.

[Jake Johnson]

We every little chimp who's a little bit wild needs a Zulu or sword. Let me tell you about today. Rodney's still a goofy chimp who wants to play with his other chimpanzee companions. But every once in a while we do see Zulu. We'll play with him too, but not as much. He's a happy chimp now. He likes to goof around. But at mealtime, Rodney's high pitched noises of excitement and happy food barks can be heard above everybody else. Wow. So that's just one. I'm not gonna read all of them. Yeah, there are two other guys. One of them is named Donald, which I found incredible.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Jake Johnson]

And there's another, I think, And we got an a guy named Ike. So I'm also gonna do a thing for fun and we'll see if people are interested in this. But we are gonna make Leah at Raleigh shop and I are gonna make hats that says I adopted a chimp with Jake Johnson. We're gonna set a price for every penny of profit will go right to the sanctuary. The show's not gonna make a dime on it. Leah's gonna get paid her side because she's working hard. She's got to get a little bit of money. But that's going to be on the website if you're interested. I'm going to try to get one and give one to Ryan Seacres. So I'm going to be a salesman for people and I'm going to talk to the audience of Wheel of Fortune and ask people to buy hats and all that money is going to go to these sanctuaries. So let's see how many hats we could sell, how many chimps could get something. But we as a community, you're going to hear more about Rodney. You're Going to hear more about. I hear more about Donald, but February 20th.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, is Kyle going with you?

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, Kyle's gonna come because on the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

19Th, he's got a busy week. Because on the 19th we're going for the prelim.

[Jake Johnson]

No, wait, March 19th for you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, February 19th.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, no.

[Gareth Reynolds]

To the preliminary. So we're filming that setup. I found my guy finally, which is his own whole crazy story.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, so, Gareth, your movie is getting to a film festival.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. So I made a movie called Give It Up. It will be at Cineque, which is in San Jose. March 15th is the big screening. It's in a huge room. You can go to give it up film.com for tickets and information. There are a couple other screenings, but that's really the one we're trying to get people to go to.

[Jake Johnson]

Will you be at this?

[Gareth Reynolds]

We'll be at the screening. We'll be at all the screenings. And there's. I think there's a Q and A after that first one. So it's a big room. So we're trying to get people there.

[Jake Johnson]

So for all of our fans, if you're near the San Jose area, go support Gareth. Be there, make some noise. And without further ado, this episode is brought to you by Walden University. Think you're too busy to earn the degree you've always wanted? At Walden University, you get the W and win your time back With Tempo Learning, you're in control. No weekly deadlines, no rigid schedules. Just the flexibility to earn your degree on your terms, at your pace, and within your budget. On. For over 50 years, Walden University has helped working adults turn ambition into action through flexible distance learning. Today, our mission is simple. Provide access to education for professionals ready to level up and create real change.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Caller Madison]

Hello.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi, how are you?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Good.

[Caller Madison]

How are you doing?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you. We're going to solve this problem for you. What's your name, please? Oh, boy. What'?

[Caller Madison]

Please, my name is Madison.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Madison. Hi, Madison. Where are you calling from?

[Caller Madison]

I'm in Denver.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Awesome. Beautiful. Madison, just because we you're in the jungle, I think this will make Jake feel comfortable. You're in a jungle, I'm there, Jake's with you. You see an animal, it's a predatory animal. But Jake's with you. What animal are you going to feel most comfortable? It's a predatory animal. Feeling like you're gonna disarm with Jake Johnson by your side.

[Jake Johnson]

Listen, I can answer for you. You're safe no matter what. I got you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Madison. What's the problem?

[Jake Johnson]

What can we do for you?

[Caller Madison]

Well, I know what Jake wants me to answer, which is a silverback.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's perfect.

[Caller Madison]

But I'm gonna go with anaconda.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great.

[Jake Johnson]

A big old snake. You're on your own. Okay, I'm kicking you in the knee and running as fast as I can. Get her.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Eat the snake. All right, Madison, what's going on? What can we help you with?

[Caller Madison]

So I rent my house for my sister and brother in law. They just built a new house, so I'm in their old one. And I had some friends over after I moved in and was giving them the grand tour through the place, showing them the kitchen and living room, all that. And you know, the grand finale of the tour is in the basement. I wanted to show off the best feature of the house, which is basically in the maintenance room. There's just this incredibly deep hole in the floor.

[Stephen Berg]

Cool.

[Caller Madison]

Yeah, it is cool, honestly. But as I was lifting the grate to show off the hole, some other stuff fell in.

[Jake Johnson]

Like what?

[Caller Madison]

So, well, that I didn't know what it was at first, but it's like something. They're in little packages. One says Yeti on it and the other says Abel, which, when I googled it, is like fly fishing gear.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. When did this fall in here?

[Caller Madison]

Like, what do you mean when?

[Gareth Reynolds]

At the end of your tour?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yeah.

[Caller Madison]

So I had friends in the maintenance room. I lift the grate and they like flipped into the hole and I sent pictures.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

So you can see this.

[Caller Madison]

We're seeing it.

[Producer or Additional Guest]

And whose book is this? That's down there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Who, Who's. Where did that stuff come from?

[Caller Madison]

Well, so they're. Their basement's just full of their stuff still.

[Jake Johnson]

Why is there? It's really scary stuff, man. Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Caller Madison]

Well, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Your brother and sister in law, you said.

[Jake Johnson]

What are they storing down there? Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Silence of the Lamp.

[Jake Johnson]

Everything that's really scary.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that's.

[Jake Johnson]

That's in horror movies now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now.

[Caller Madison]

Well, that's why it's the best way to end the tour.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, but what is scary way to end anything? Why is it there?

[Caller Madison]

Your guess is as good as mine.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Caller Madison]

Honestly.

[Jake Johnson]

But what are the people?

[Caller Madison]

I know it's a cistern. Like I know it's a cistern. If you asked me what a cistern does, I would have no answer for you.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so you lift it up and while you were lifting up, two boxes jumped in it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, somebody knocked them. The great knocked them.

[Jake Johnson]

Did they fall in?

[Caller Madison]

I think. Well, so the room is full of stuff, so I have to like clear all of this junk off the grate. So I think I just missed a couple pieces in my eagerness to show up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Okay, so two things fell in the big hole in your maintenance part of your brother's house.

[Jake Johnson]

But this is your their house. And so I guess my question is how do I get this stuff?

[Gareth Reynolds]

My brother Yeti stuff has fallen into my hole.

[Caller Madison]

Yeah, exactly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Throw some hot dogs in it.

[Caller Madison]

Well, so I mean the first thing I did was cover up the hole and throw the back on top.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, for sure.

[Caller Madison]

But yeah. So my question is like what do I do? Do I.

[Jake Johnson]

Right.

[Caller Madison]

Because they're gonna come clean out the basement soon. And like we all enjoy looking into the hole. So I know they're gonna look in.

[Jake Johnson]

There and then they're gonna go look.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't sleep on. We all enjoy looking into the hole. You let that.

[Jake Johnson]

I agree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We all just like to go sit.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. I gotta say, it's like a fire. You know, you go camp when you make a fireman stares at it. That's what that hole is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Use. No use.

[Caller Madison]

Well, you also just want to keep track of it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what's use?

[Jake Johnson]

Big hole in the basement.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

I mean the amount of hours I would spend staring in that hole.

[Stephen Berg]

Jake.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I'd be right up just looking at the hole.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Said that an hour ago.

[Jake Johnson]

I'll be right up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm not nagging you. But with dinner's cold.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm looking at the hole.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus Christ. Why did we buy this house with a hole?

[Jake Johnson]

So your. The question is, is how do I get that stuff out of the hole? Or fishing gear? Like fishing.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Either.

[Caller Madison]

How do I.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

It's. It is.

[Caller Madison]

Well, yeah, the fishing gear's in the hole, though.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, but, yeah, the rod is the fishing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, it's amazing that the fishing gear's in the hole, but you got.

[Jake Johnson]

If he's got fishing gear, he's got a rod.

[Caller Madison]

I. I got a pitch somewhere, maybe.

[Jake Johnson]

How deep is this hole?

[Caller Madison]

If you look at the picture, I mean, it's got to be, like, 10ft, 12ft.

[Jake Johnson]

I did a Peace Corps at 18. I got stuck in a hole like that. And that's not a joke. Couldn't get out. Keep going.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You were talking.

[Jake Johnson]

Scariest moment of my life. And the guys. The other guys just said, climb out. Didn't have the arm strength.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So what did you do?

[Jake Johnson]

Stayed in there for hours. Tried to get out, and they were all laughing. And then dirt would fall in, and I was so sweaty. Would go in my eyes. Couldn't get out of the hole. Took me hours.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You got out?

[Jake Johnson]

I had to. I would have said, this is great. Just asked. You got out? No, I'm still in the hole.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great context for this call.

[Caller Madison]

Did someone throw a rope down, or did you, like, have to wedge yourself up?

[Jake Johnson]

They wouldn't do it. They were laughing at it in the jungle.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This makes so much sense.

[Jake Johnson]

And I was helping build a latrine, and I had a metal pole, and it was just going down. It ripped the hell out of my hands. And those guys had leather hands. They were fine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This.

[Jake Johnson]

So then the guy goes, come on out. And I go, wow. And he showed with it. It was like a spider monkey going up the wall. And I thought there'd be a ladder.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or much is making sense.

[Jake Johnson]

And I went like that. And then I tried, and they laughed, and I kept. I'll go two rungs up. Rungs meaning I create a little hole.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

My body's falling down, weak in the middle. And I go. He was in Spanish. No, no, Puerto out of hole. The response was, okay. Hours. They left at a time. Just kept going. Gareth. You know what I did? I got out of the hole. Thank you for the call.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hold on. Sorry. Madison, don't hang up.

[Jake Johnson]

Journey.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, that's great for you.

[Jake Johnson]

I shot out of the hole.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good for you.

[Caller Madison]

That makes me feel better that you're not gonna tell me to go into the hole.

[Jake Johnson]

No, I haven't finished. That's why I asked. How deep is it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's Costa Ricans laughing at you. Deep.

[Jake Johnson]

So that's deep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a deep hole. What a story. Obviously. But here would be my first pitch. And again, I'm I'm glad you got out of the hole, buddy.

[Jake Johnson]

Me too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That must have been part of me.

[Jake Johnson]

Will always be there, though, brother.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That tracks so much. That tracks so much.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, keep going.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How about this?

[Jake Johnson]

You don't say, crazy looking. Everybody knows it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't say a thing. Don't say a thing to him. All right, when the next time you guys go down there for a gape viewing, go down there, have a look into the hole that lives in the maintenance room, and let your brother go. Whoa.

[Jake Johnson]

What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you go crazy. Hold on. And you go, oh, yeah, I saw that down there. What is that? I thought you knew.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, I hear you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He goes, no. And you go, oh, I don't know. Then it's a communal problem. We're seeing how much they need it, how much you need to sweat. If it's a big problem, then you guys solve it together.

[Jake Johnson]

Can I get a photo, Jesse, of the basement again? I just want to look for tools, structure. I want to see if there's a support beam.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake is going to be MacGyver right now.

[Caller Madison]

Are you hoping to lower me?

[Jake Johnson]

I want you to do. I want.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You got that extension cord tied around your neck. Jump in there.

[Jake Johnson]

There's nothing I see. But you gotta do something about three times your weight, and you gotta rappel down the side of that wall. You got to get to the bottom of the hole.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How wide is the hole? It's not that wide.

[Jake Johnson]

It's tight.

[Caller Madison]

I have to say, I'm worried my hips are gonna, like, get me stuck in there.

[Jake Johnson]

That's a video we would like to see.

[Caller Madison]

Yeah, I'm not maybe got back. I'm not trying to, like, wiggle into this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think the back's gonna happen. I think the bag's gonna help you on this one. You want to jump far enough in, and then it'll jam you. That's the goal here.

[Jake Johnson]

The fear of Santa.

[Gareth Reynolds]

God stoppers. That's what we call the big hips.

[Jake Johnson]

And so you're wondering, what do I do about this thing in the bottom of the hole? Do I try to get it out? Because I'm a hundred percent. You got to get it out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't agree.

[Caller Madison]

Well, I feel like I need to get it out, but I'm. I am, you know, if there's a good enough story as to how it got in there that doesn't incriminate me too much, I'm open to that too.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, the story, I mean, I don't.

[Caller Madison]

Know if they'll buy that. I just didn't know.

[Jake Johnson]

How about. I got a question for you. You're in the Denver area. Where was. Where was the rock climber?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Who. The guy who had to cut his arm?

[Stephen Berg]

The.

[Jake Johnson]

No, the woman who went on. That was in Colorado. No, that's Philly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Philly. But there's definitely a lot of rock climbers in Colorado.

[Jake Johnson]

I would say let's make a post here where you go there and you say, need a rock climber to go in a hole in my basement and get some stuff. You could be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no.

[Jake Johnson]

Be featured on. We're here to help.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're putting it out right now. If we have a rock climber in the Denver area. Slim hips, slim hips.

[Caller Madison]

You're gonna get 5,000.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But here's what.

[Caller Madison]

My best friend's a rock climber, so I can pitch it to her.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So have a good day.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what? We could. So your best friend's a rock climber and they are at a gym at a little community.

[Caller Madison]

Oh, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So let's make a little billboard, a little poster that goes up there. We need you to come in here, climb to the bottom, get these out. So what do you think of that as an idea?

[Caller Madison]

Well, first, you are underestimating how many rock climbers there are in Denver.

[Jake Johnson]

Make it a competition. The person who could do it the fastest gets the reward. Who's the fastest person that could get in the bottom of this hole? Get some stuff and get it out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's just stick with the.

[Producer or Additional Guest]

Where are you anchoring this?

[Jake Johnson]

No, no, they're going.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're going. They're raw, dogging up. They're going. Jake Johnson, Costa Rica style.

[Jake Johnson]

There's nothing you literally gotta do. Oh, you got to do this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, we're getting them down there.

[Jake Johnson]

They're getting.

[Caller Madison]

They're free climbing.

[Jake Johnson]

You need real. That's hard.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got it.

[Jake Johnson]

I got stuck. Yeah, we remember, but I got out of the hole. I know by grit.

[Caller Madison]

Okay, well, you might need to help me write a waiver if that's the direction this is going to go, because I'm not liable.

[Jake Johnson]

We're not liable for anything on the show. And just Gareth, because of the end says you're an adult.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You make your own decision legally clear.

[Jake Johnson]

That's all you got to do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're legally clear.

[Jake Johnson]

So what do you.

[Caller Madison]

The last thing I want is like, skeletons. The bottom of the hole.

[Jake Johnson]

O Jake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now, Jake will come for a visit.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

But what do you.

[Jake Johnson]

What do you think of that for real as a pitch? Because I think. Turn it. Opening it up to the rock Climbing community is a bit of a challenge. I'll tell you what. You get one of these spider monkey rock climbers. They'll do that in a second for sure. They'll go like this. I enjoyed it. And we're celebrated.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're also floating out there.

[Jake Johnson]

Also this. If you do it and you belong to a gym, we will promote the gym.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great.

[Jake Johnson]

So if you own a gym, we'll do it like you go to a. A boxing place. These guys on the street go to a boxing place, challenges the head coach. Head coach beats him up, blows up on YouTube. Helps business. If you own a gym and you want to show how good it is, send your best rock climber.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Send us someone who can get out of a ten foot.

[Jake Johnson]

It's nearly impossible.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ten feet.

[Jake Johnson]

There's no way you could do it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Four feet higher than most of these people. Getting out of that easily.

[Jake Johnson]

No way. So you train all the time. Every day. You got the chalk on your hands. You're playing up a fake wall.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can you do it when the pressure's on?

[Jake Johnson]

Can you do it when it's real?

[Gareth Reynolds]

When there's two things that are maybe used for fishing a little bit at the bottom of the hole.

[Jake Johnson]

You can't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But you can't.

[Jake Johnson]

You can only do it there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Try doing it in the real world in a hole.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Real rest. You're going to some stranger's house and getting in a basement hole.

[Jake Johnson]

What do you think of this? I think this is a genuine solution. I think if I was a rock climber in Denver, I would go, I could do that. No problem. Really?

[Caller Madison]

Everybody says that you have to measure that hole.

[Producer or Additional Guest]

I don't. It doesn't look like that many people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can fit in one at a time. Part of it is that one at a time, Natalie, we're not having them all jump in. It's not the three stooges entering a room with free food. Yeah.

[Producer or Additional Guest]

It doesn't look like that much of the population can fit.

[Jake Johnson]

Agreed. So you've got to be the perfect rock climber with a little body that can get to the bottom.

[Producer or Additional Guest]

You can't bend down it up with your feet and then climb up.

[Jake Johnson]

So, hey, this is a problem for the rock climbing community.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think we're saying we've got you to the point where we're bringing in an expert. We're gonna help facilitate the expert. How they want to get it.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, no, because you're not a rock climber. You don't have a gym in the Denver area.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look. And we're we're splunkers, you know, gold diggers, whatever you have.

[Jake Johnson]

How about this? Does anybody in the Denver community want a lot of advertisement?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And if you do, this is. It's not supposed to be easy. If it was easy.

[Caller Madison]

But if my neighbor most likely is a rock climber, well, we also need.

[Jake Johnson]

A rock climber with the right body type, so.

[Caller Madison]

That's true. We need a little petite.

[Jake Johnson]

With feet like a hand.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Look, basically, honestly, I'm changing the pitch. Does anyone have a monkey in Denver? Do you have a monkey? Will you throw your monkey in a hole? And if you did, would the monkey come out with fishing?

[Jake Johnson]

That monkey listens. A lot of them don't. And that's facts.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll tell you what. All we got to do is put some gorilla glue on the feet of a monkey. I guarantee you one of those two boxes is coming up.

[Jake Johnson]

Throw out a challenge to the spot Bouldering Gym.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Therehere we go.

[Jake Johnson]

1235 Delaware Street.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Come on.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't think you got a rock climber in that place that could get this good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, this is WWE style.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh. How about Movement Baker Rock Climbing Gym, 1155 West 5th Avenue. Yeah, could I get somebody? Could I get somebody?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

We're the best rock climbers in our little gym. Could you go in a basement and get this out? I can't. How about Denver, Boulder and Club Central?

[Gareth Reynolds]

How about Alex Honnold, star of free solo?

[Caller Madison]

There you go.

[Jake Johnson]

See, in Denver?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Who was.

[Caller Madison]

Who was the rock claimer calling for, like, a singles event? Maybe we need them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, she's in Philly.

[Jake Johnson]

She's in Philly.

[Caller Madison]

We talked about that.

[Jake Johnson]

And so how about. You know that. So basically, what do you think about climb Denver outdoor rock climbing? That's not that. That's a different thing. That's not a gym. That's an experience. So back to you. The phones are away. Do you want to go. Do you want to make a poster right now and go to a bunch of rock climbing gyms and put it in the lobby? Do you want to talk to your friend or your sister and spread it? How do you want to do this?

[Caller Madison]

I'm open to the poster and the climbing gym, but I am curious how to be worded because I don't need some calls about strangers wanting to come into my house and plunder my hole.

[Jake Johnson]

No, I don't even want to say.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Merch, but I'm backing away. My mind's spinning.

[Jake Johnson]

Same. So should we make a little poster?

[Caller Madison]

Make a poster. Let's do it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

You Got a sheet of paper in front of you.

[Caller Madison]

You know. You know I do.

[Jake Johnson]

I mean, I. I didn't. So let's start with this. Looking for petite rock climber.

[Caller Madison]

This is like every dating profile on in Denver.

[Jake Johnson]

Sure. Okay. You're not wrong.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's gonna sound like Grinder if you're not careful. I don't Seeking twink from my hole.

[Jake Johnson]

Sinking rock climber. Rock climbing twig for my hole in my house.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got a hole in my basement, if you know what I mean.

[Jake Johnson]

Need you to dig out some fishing ge. You start with the letter. What do you think? The poster says.

[Caller Madison]

Like wanted rock climber not afraid of a challenge.

[Jake Johnson]

Right. To be featured on the podcast. We're here to help because you don't want it to be like a weird thing where they're like, what is this?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Y?

[Jake Johnson]

Which isn't dangerous. Yeah, it's weird. It's goofy. It's not dangerous. And then. So wanted that first line you said to be featured on the podcast weirded it up. Fishing gear has fallen into a 10 foot hole. That's skinny.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like this.

[Jake Johnson]

Need a rock climber to get it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Out because prize to be announced on the podcast.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. If interested in scaling this little wall and getting this stuff, please email me here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are they emailing us? No.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, well, if you have an email you could give.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't want it to do one.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Caller Madison]

Maybe I'll make like get in my hole at gmail dot com.

[Jake Johnson]

I wouldn't call it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That'd be careful. I'd be careful.

[Jake Johnson]

Wouldn't call it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And it's taken. Good point, Jesse. Hey, I'll sell it to you. Last thing I need is a bunch of task emails. Clogging up that email for me. I gotta keep it refined.

[Caller Madison]

Plugging it up.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So how's the poster? Will you read it back to us when you're okay?

[Caller Madison]

I have wanted rock climber. Not afraid of a challenge. Chance to be featured on. We're here to help. Must fit inside of 10 foot by X width hole. Please help me fish out our gear.

[Jake Johnson]

Before my brother slash homeowner sees that I dropped his stuff in the hole.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know if you need that.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think. I think that's good.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm trying to make it less mysterious and weird and more like I'm just going to this woman's house. It's kind of funny. I don't feel scared.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think. I think what we're saying at the beginning about we're here to help that's true. Solve it. It sets it up that it's not like.

[Jake Johnson]

That's true.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And what I would do is I would. What is the. Do you feel comfortable saying the name of the gym that you're gonna go and put this up at?

[Jake Johnson]

Put it up at a few gyms.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, then go do that. I think if you go put that up in a few gems put. You can make an email that's specific to this cause and need to.

[Jake Johnson]

This needs to happen.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Refine it. You. You get specific. But that's the general idea. And then when can you get these up? Do you think, Madison?

[Jake Johnson]

Today?

[Caller Madison]

Probably like on Sunday.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so get them up Sunday. I agree. She seems swamped.

[Jake Johnson]

What are you doing tomorrow?

[Caller Madison]

Working.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Tomorrow.

[Jake Johnson]

When? 24 hours a day.

[Caller Madison]

Well, and then I've got my adult acapella group rehearsal on the evenings.

[Jake Johnson]

Can I hear.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hold on.

[Jake Johnson]

Give us a taste.

[Caller Madison]

No way.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Caller Madison]

For free.

[Jake Johnson]

For free.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How about this? If we stopping you with this. If we solve this problem, we get it.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

We solve this problem. Will you, the group sing our theme song, please?

[Caller Madison]

Absolutely.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

We'll get Oliver to write the lyrics, and then you guys, as a. You guys do the.

[Caller Madison]

Yeah, we'll do an acapella rendition of your. Yes, for sure.

[Jake Johnson]

Incredible. And then obviously not only the audio. We would love to film that and see it. So just one phone.

[Caller Madison]

Perfect.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, Madison, this is a get to work. We will help you.

[Jake Johnson]

But this is only Wednesday. That's Thursday. What are you doing on Friday?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's working.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Oh, yeah.

[Caller Madison]

Work again. And then we've got our holiday party. It's the holiday season. It's busy, but, you know, I'll make it happen. Oh, man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You could call it the holiday.

[Caller Madison]

I've got a wig party on Saturday. I've got another acapella thing, but what's a wig party? It's a party where everyone brings a wig and then you all open the wig.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll tell you what, wear them.

[Jake Johnson]

Will you send photos of what A wig party.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll tell you what, ironically, the more we dig, the more lost our plot gets. Stick to the story, Madison. Make these flyers go to the gym.

[Jake Johnson]

Or potentially, a new theme song with acapella.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm still sticking with that. The wig party's off brand. Madison, go hang these up at the gym. If you got to do it Sunday, you got to do it Sunday.

[Caller Madison]

Yeah, I'll do it as soon as I can.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We'll talk soon. Okay. All right. Keep us post.

[Caller Madison]

Thank you for your help.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, Madison, we're going to get this fishing gear out of that hole in your brother's basement. Bye.

[Jake Johnson]

Bye. Next episode of the podcast is brought to you by Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You've got all these things going on. You've. You've downloaded a bunch of apps or you've got platforms or streamers or whatever it is that you are not using, but you don't know that you're not using them. So what do you do? You just sit there and you keep paying them a monthly fee, but not anymore, because Rocket Money is gonna go in there and say, hey, do you want this? And you're gonna go, no, I don't. What am I doing? And Rocket Money's gonna be like, that's what I thought you were gonna say. And then they're gonna get rid of it for you. But there's so much more that Rocket Money does. It's not just a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions. It also monitors your spending. It helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. There's just endless stuff that Rocket Money does.

[Jake Johnson]

I've saved a lot of money with Rocket Money, and the person who have saved the most is Steve Berg. Steve Berg was on here and we were talking and he told me he had a subscription to something that he had been paying on Monthly for 12 years. If that's not Steve Bergen in a nutshell, I don't know what is. And he wasn't even that mad about it. He's like, well, thank God I canceled that. I would have been furious. I would have taken them to people's court. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. [e-mail] Help. That's RocketMoney.com Help. RocketMoney.com Help. This episode of the podcast has been brought to you by Dell. Have you been waiting for the perfect time to upgrade your tech? Good news. The wait is over. Dell Tech Day's annual sales event is here and we're celebrating our best customers with fantastic deals on the latest piece. PCs like the Dell 14+ with Intel Core Ultra processors.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

This episode is brought to you by Quince.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Quince gives you that well built wardrobe that holds up over time. Premium materials, thoughtful designs, everyday staples that feel way easier to wear. You can rely on them as the weather shifts.

[Jake Johnson]

I got a real Quint story here. So I got a bunch of Quince shirts. Really nice black shirts. I've been wearing them a lot. I'm doing an Apple press day to talk about the dink the pickleball movie. The networks, going back to my days when I first started, don't really like how Jakester dresses himself at these events or they do it to others. I don't know. But they always hire a stylist just to oversee what the old Jakester is wearing. I've used the same woman, this woman, Annie, she's excellent. She came to the house the other day. She goes, what have you been wearing? Let's try to find something that works with what you're wearing. I go, I've been wearing these black shirts from Quince. She says, oh, I love that brand. I go, oh, yeah. She goes, yeah. She goes, why don't we just wear one of those with a little jacket over it? What kind of pants you like? I like Quince pants. She goes, let's order some of those. So I will be wearing the Quince shirt because of the Quintz sponsorship and I'm becoming Mr. Quince.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

Hello, hello, hello.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Hello.

[Jake Johnson]

How you doing? Welcome to. We're here to help. You're just gonna be on hold for another minute or so. Do you have your problem all figured out?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

I do.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, will you just tell us what the problem is really fast and we'll put you on with the guys.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yep. My problem is that my piano teacher won't stop talking to me about her sex life during our paid lessons.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so then remember to state the problem when they ask. When you say your name, do you know you could use your real name or a fake name?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. And then with the age and then try to Say something kind of cute or funny and show your personality at the beginning. Okay?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Okay, sounds good.

[Jake Johnson]

We're gonna bring the guys on in less than 10.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Okay, thanks.

[Jake Johnson]

Hello. Hello. Hey. Welcome to the show.

[Caller Madison]

Hey. Thank you.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Good morning.

[Jake Johnson]

Good morning. Can we get your name, please?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

My name is Sarah.

[Jake Johnson]

Sarah. And how old are you, Sarah?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

37.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, and where are you calling from?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

I'm calling from Denver, Colorado.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. Got anything else?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

That's all I got.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's nothing cute or funny.

[Jake Johnson]

That was not cute. Did Earl.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Was Earl on with you before? Earl was supposed to prep you to go cute and funny.

[Jake Johnson]

That was supposed to be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That was Earl. He's the prepper.

[Jake Johnson]

The prepper. You're supposed to then do the thing and try to say something cute and funny.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's Earl's whole. What was it? Did Earl ask you for something cute or funny?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

He did. I just have. I got nothing cute or funny for you.

[Jake Johnson]

So the setup is say something cute or funny. I go, you got anything else? You go, I do not.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

I do not.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, Sarah, what is your issue today?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Okay, so my issue is so kind of like an awkward issue with my piano teacher. She won't talk. Stop talking to me about her sex life and like asking me for medical advice during our piano lessons. And I paid for these. I pay for these lessons.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you involved in any. Is there any reason why she would seek you out specifically or. This is just gabbing.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

So. So I'm 37 and a grown up, but I take piano lessons with a bunch of 8 year olds usually.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, you take a group class?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

No, no, no, it's not a group class.

[Jake Johnson]

But you do the. You do the performances?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yeah, I take lessons and I perform in her recitals.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, my God. My daughters do it too. But by the way, my daughters do this too. And there's the occasional older person.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that's awesome. I love that.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, it's awesome.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yep, Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, by the way, Sarah, all the parents do they probably cheer for you as much as they cheer for the kids?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yeah, they were. They were excited. My mom and my brother came to the recital last year, so it was pretty.

[Jake Johnson]

So great. We give a lot of heat when there'll be a kid, there'll be like a six year old and then there'll be like an adult goes up and I'm still doing the like, Whoa, you got it, Sarah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

I appreciate that. That does make me feel better.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, it's a lot of nerves.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Appreciate it.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so us through this her and give us some examples of what this teacher's saying, give us a moment. What it feels like in class.

[Caller Madison]

Okay.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

So she, you know, she teaches from her home, so she. I get that she's spending, like, most of her day with kids, so I don't think she gets a lot of adult interaction.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

And she's single. She lives alone. I'm single. So, like, maybe we've kind of, like, bonded over that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is she your age? Is she same age?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

She's about 10 years older than me, so she's. She's 750, as some people would say. Like, other people on this call, but not me. I said, so she and we have a lot in common. Like, we get along, we're very friendly. We like some of the same music. We've met up at a couple concerts. So maybe we've, like, blurred the line a little bit between this is your student and, like, a friendly vibe.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, you have more, by the way. You have blurred the line.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Go to a concert with somebody, and then you'd be like, hey, the lines are blurry. Yeah. You went to a concert?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We, like, met up at a Nine Inch Nails concert recently.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, boy.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

What is the song they do about Animal. I want to. You like an animal, Correct?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So you're standing next to your piano teacher while they're going, I want to you like. I want to feel you from the inside. And you're going like. Like, dude, I should play this. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's like, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And she goes like this. These are really easy chords.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah. And then the next class, she's like, my knees get sore from doggy.

[Jake Johnson]

Or at the next recital, they go like, now, like, Christy Lee will be doing a song from Moana. And now Animal by Sarah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sarah will be doing Animal by Nine Inch Nails.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yep. Yep. That's pretty. That is pretty much the situation. You nailed it.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Stephen Berg]

All right.

[Jake Johnson]

So we get it now. So you guys have blurred the lines and what happens in class? Let's get a taste of what sex talk from a piano teacher during a lesson sounds like. Maybe you could play both characters. Sarah, do you and the teacher.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Okay, I was worried about something like this. I'm sorry, okay? But I prepared for this.

[Caller Madison]

So.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Okay, so, like, I'll walk in. We. We, you know, we say our little greetings. We'll be like, hey, Sarah, how was your week? And I'll be like, oh, good, Kathy, how was your week? Weather's been nice. Did some practicing this week. And then it'll be like, oh, she'll Be like, sorry, I'm like, really tired today. I'm kind of out of it. Like, I was up fighting with my boyfriend all night and I'll be like, oh, boyfriend, this is new. And then she'll be like, yeah, well, we've been friends for, you know, like a decade, but we just hooked up for the first time last night. And then I'll be like, wow, okay, that's a lot of new information. Meanwhile, like, my scales book is on the piano, like, hasn't been touched yet. So that could go on for like, sometimes like 30 minutes of a 45 minute lesson.

[Jake Johnson]

And so while this is happening, no.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Piano, no piano, no piano. I'm sitting at the piano and I'm.

[Jake Johnson]

Looking at the piano, but I haven't totally get this. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, you, you, you've opened a Pandora's box with someone where it's just, you can't go back to teacher. Student.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yeah. And I kind of did it to myself because I like, I think I listen and I encourage and I'm like, oh, interesting. But now I don't know how to, like, back myself out of it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is it, is it always sex talk? It's always kind of that sort of talk.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

It's a lot of sex and relationship talk. Like, I do think I was the first person. Actually, I know I was the first person she told, like, immediately after she hooked up with her new boyfriend because she told me that I was the first person she told because I think it had happened the night before. And like, I don't, I don't want to be the first person she's told. I don't feel like I should be.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. So, Sarah, let me ask you a question, because this is, this is complicated from a lot of sides, in my opinion. This would be very clean if you did not go to concerts together.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But you just saw each other at concerts.

[Jake Johnson]

No, they met up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Sarah.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yeah, we kind of met up.

[Jake Johnson]

You made plans?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yeah, we didn't like, get the seats together. Like, we were sitting in different sections, but we like met up between songs and like, said hi.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. And how many times outside of the piano have you guys socialized? And who initiated that?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

A couple. If I did go.

[Caller Madison]

Okay, I did go to her Thanksgiving.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

She had like a friend's giving, and I went to her friends giving last year.

[Jake Johnson]

Why?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Because she invited me and it, it was real nice of her.

[Jake Johnson]

But. Sarah, let me ask you a question. Now, do you want to be her friend or no?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

I want to be her friend outside of, like, paid lesson time.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. Understood. So you are happy being friends. You like her.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

But when it's piano, it's piano time.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, that's clean.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

That's. That's right.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, that then, by the way, the concerts, all that don't matter. That's clean. I'm your friend. This is piano time. Gareth, go ahead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so the issue is that she's ruining piano time with social chat. So I think you should ask her out for a drink and make it all about piano talk and show her that you're blurring the lines in the other direction. And then if there's. Then that way that kind of guides her back into the structure of. Friend time is friend time. Piano time is piano time.

[Jake Johnson]

I've got a pitch.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm going to call that Blurred Lines.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great.

[Jake Johnson]

I think that's crazy, but it could work. Here's my pitch. It's January 19th, right now, you say to her by March 19th, you want to do a very challenging song. You want to challenge yourself. Do you think say to her, can we get there? Meaning if she starts talking about other stuff, go. Let's talk about this at the bar. But we have to try to get this song. So if she's like, oh, my God, did I tell you about Roger? Go. I'm dying to hear about it, but let's do it after the lesson, because again, I'm trying to do the White Album by the Beatles by March.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And that's. As a teacher, she's got a go. Yeah. She has a goal, too.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yep. Yep. That could work, because we do have our recital coming up in May, and I am working on a really challenging piece.

[Jake Johnson]

So here's what I want you to do for the May one, and then I've got a great idea. Say two of your friends, Jake and Gareth, you were talking to them. They're old friends of yours. Have you been listening to the podcast for a while?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Have you listened to every episode?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

No, because I started at the very beginning, and I've been working my way from the very beginning, and I'm at, like, August 2025, so there's a little gap I've missed anything that happened recently.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. That's cool, though. That's cool. You're about to have a lot of fun. Show gets crazy. Here's what I'd like you to do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm having a vasectomy. Go ahead.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm adopted. Chimps.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a chimp, daddy.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

I am caught up to that.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, you're jumping around. So, Sarah here's what I'd like you to do for real say to her at the next lesson. I've been challenged by two buddies of mine, Jake and Gareth. They are asking if I will film my song at recital. These are guys I've known for a long time. They cannot believe they were teasing me that I'm doing piano lessons like I'm a 10 year old. And I told them I'm gonna rock this song. So can we spend it from now until May and go really hard and then could you film me in May and so I can send them the video because I really want to beat these guys. These guys are know it all that give everybody advice. Nobody wants it. They think they're smarter than they are. I just want to beat them.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yeah, yeah, that can work.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like that. And I. What I would do on the heels of that is say also, you know, what are you doing Friday night so that we can actually have a catch up? Do you want to get a drink so we can kind of talk about personal stuff since we're focused so much?

[Jake Johnson]

Gareth, that's beautiful. You could say, because we don't. Because I want to focus all this time on the piano. Can we start doing a monthly coffee at the very least so we can catch up on all personal stuff?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

And you know she's gonna say, that's very nice. All right, girlfriend.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

She's gonna go, look at Sarah wanting to be my best friend.

[Caller Madison]

Yeah, okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You have.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

That could work.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep. A little bit of the social time to get back on track.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what, that actually is sweet and Mormon like us, that is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We. By the way, Sarah, just quick update. I know you're catching up on episodes. Actually this just happened a call ago, but we're. We're thinking we're kind of a Mormon show now. We're the keeper of the calls.

[Caller Madison]

Oh, okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Not any of the weird stuff. Yeah, we don't know a lot about the, the details of it, but just in terms of the sweetness of it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, we like the soda. I might still do a drug from here, you know, from time to time.

[Jake Johnson]

But I'm still drinking coffee.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, Jake's having coffee, but we're pretty close. We're 90 10ers.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm also going to drink alcohol when I want to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm also going to drink alcohol too. And yeah, Jake's a big gambler.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm going to do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And by the way, I'm going to do a lot of things.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm going to do whatever I Want.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have to do whatever I want anyway. We just stopped being a Mormon podcast. But what do you think of all this, Sarah?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

I think that could work. I like. Yeah. I like sort of making the offer of the social time so that I don't just feel like a jerk for being like, hey, can we not talk about anything related to your life?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think if you hit it with all that setup Jake had, that's going to be very easy to do.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yeah. Yeah, that feels good. And then I get my like paid piano time back because I am like paying 50 bucks a lesson.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Right now. Just to like listen to her talk.

[Jake Johnson]

About her boyfriend, which is insane. And that can't happen anymore.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've. I've been in this situation before with stuff and, and the other thing that I'll do, but I think this is better, is be like, sorry, I don't have a lot of time. I kind of got to get into it. I gotta like a thing after this, you know. But that is only gonna solve one or two do. This is a whole list.

[Jake Johnson]

This is gonna really work. Because what it's gonna do is it's going to really focus you guys up through May and knowing that we are going to post your recital on Instagram, which we're gonna. Yeah, your. Your song is going up on IG as its own thing.

[Caller Madison]

Oh, yeah.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

You guys are gonna be wowed.

[Jake Johnson]

And so that's in truth, a lot of pressure.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

It is. Yeah. Wow. That just got real.

[Jake Johnson]

Because there will be hundreds of thousands of people and if it happens to go viral, millions of people will watch you do this piano sign up. So while you're sitting up there, know that there's a chance millions of people are going to watch this recital.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

That is not helpful for my stage fright.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, here's where it is, Hyp. Helpful. You gotta work really hard. You got five months.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You can beat stage fright with preparation.

[Jake Johnson]

Preparation. Because here's the reality. You're only doing it in front of a bunch of 8 year olds and their parents. The more you work from now until May, the better you will be. So tell her you're sending it to these guys and it's really big pressure for you and you really need to wow them and then say, because we're going to miss some of our gossip time. Why don't we start getting a monthly coffee and just catch up on life stuff so that this hour we focus. Because I am legitimately nervous for me.

[Caller Madison]

Yeah, this could work.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

This was really helpful.

[Jake Johnson]

And so what are you gonna say to her walk us through it.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Okay, well, so my only. My only question is, I don't think I can say I've been on this podcast.

[Jake Johnson]

No. And do not mention the podcast.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

And people are going to see it because episode.

[Jake Johnson]

Do not mention the podcast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, you could say, I guess I.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Have to say something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Say you're trying. I mean, like, go ahead.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

It's like my two friends really want me to videotape the recital because they think it's super goofy and lame that I do this, and I want to prove them wrong. And then we're gonna. A bunch of our friends. So I need to, like, rock this recital.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. And I would say I know them. They're gonna send it around to all of our friends, and if I do bad, I'm going to get teased playfully forever. And they thought it was like, laugh out loud. Funny that I'm taking piano lessons at my age and I want to kind of rock it in not a silly way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then you offer the social hang.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yeah, this is going to work. I think that that part's going to work.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think it'll work.

[Jake Johnson]

Will you follow up with us?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yeah, I'll have my mom film the recital and I'll send you guys the video.

[Jake Johnson]

That's the cutest thing I've ever heard of my life.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sounds like we're talking to an 8 year old. You're adorable.

[Jake Johnson]

And Sarah, what's. What song are you gonna do?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

I'm playing Beethoven, Sonata in C minor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Holy mackerel.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

And it's a really cool song.

[Jake Johnson]

What do you get? How are you gonna do your hair? You're gonna do barads. Just because part of the thing for the little girls is how they do their hair at these. They wear little dresses, they dress up a little bit.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yeah, I was not planning to do braided pigtails.

[Jake Johnson]

Will you do one big braid?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

No.

[Caller Madison]

No. Okay.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

One big French braid down the back of my head.

[Jake Johnson]

One big French braid. And then wear like a straight up, like, spring gown.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, no shoulders.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yeah, it's getting so weird.

[Jake Johnson]

I agree. Moving on. Sarah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is Sarah. Earl might take over and ask you for something cute or funny. Just for the.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Just cute at the end.

[Jake Johnson]

You got to stay on for a second just to close with Earl for legal reasons.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, thanks a lot, sir. That's us signing off, so stick on the call. All right. We're going to move you to a different room. Thanks.

[Jake Johnson]

Hello?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Hello.

[Jake Johnson]

Hi. Is this Sarah?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

It is.

[Jake Johnson]

All right. So you can't do any of the advice of what the guy said. This show is just for pranks, so you're gonna have to call up with a fake follow up. But it is illegal to take the advice. Do I make myself perfectly clear? Do I make myself clear?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yeah, that. Yep. Yes. Yes, sir.

[Jake Johnson]

Now, you never say to anyone you were on this show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sarah, Jake, Ms. Earl.

[Jake Johnson]

I lost it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, thanks.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Put that together.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know. Very good. Bye.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

All right, thanks, guys. Bye.

[Stephen Berg]

Hello.

[Caller Madison]

Hello.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi there.

[Caller Madison]

Hi.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How are you? We know that you're a follow up. So what's going on? What was the first call? What's your name? Where are we at?

[Caller Madison]

Yeah, so my name's Madison. I'm in Denver, and my first call was because I have a giant hole in my basement and I dropped some of my sister's stuff into it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We were just talking about this today.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, Madison, take over.

[Caller Madison]

Okay, well, your advice. You know, I'll admit that I was definitely expecting the advice to be more like, you know, get a full basket and, you know, a net. Like, fish it out. But you were pretty committed to the idea of putting someone into the hole.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We always are.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Which I'm just.

[Caller Madison]

I. I know. I mean, who wouldn't be? And I'm happy to accommodate. So you recommended that I make a flyer and post it up in a bunch of climbing gyms in Denver, so. I did do that.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, my God, you did such a good job with this flyer. Garrett, will you go line by line for the people driving in the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a full flyer. It's full of information. It's got our we're here to help logo. And in the top, and then to the side of that, it says, we need your help. Right below that is a very clear circular picture of the hole, which, again, this is deep. So it's. It's a cavernous thing we're seeing here. To the side of that, it says, in search of a skilled climber who could fit into this hole, gives the.

[Jake Johnson]

Dimensions and then approximately 28 by 36, diameter, 8ft deep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So it's daunting below that, if you look into this hole and think, quote, I could easily shimmy to the bottom and then scramble back up.

[Jake Johnson]

End quote.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We need your help. Whoever retrieves the items from the depths of this hole will be featured on the podcast. We're here to help and receive a prize. Parenthesis, parentheses, to be disclosed on the podcast. Please email us for more information and then contact us at Helping all at gmail.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Madison. 10 out of 10.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, and there's even. There's even an asterisk. Participation is voluntary. Any decision to enter this hall is made entirely at your own risk. We accept no responsibility for injury, death, or subsequent involvement by emergency services.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what I might want to do with this? What I might want to do with this, Madison, is Morgan, who was able to print out calendars from a company. This should be its own laminated page.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This could be a poster.

[Jake Johnson]

This is a poster.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is completely a poster.

[Jake Johnson]

This is so good. And so this show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is our first poster.

[Jake Johnson]

I think this is a legit.

[Caller Madison]

I'm glad you like it.

[Jake Johnson]

This is excellent.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It really is.

[Jake Johnson]

It's also what our show's about. It's so weird.

[Caller Madison]

And I'll say it.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

You know, I went to three different.

[Caller Madison]

Gyms with this, and two of, you know, really, Only one of them was, like, interested.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Caller Madison]

The other two are kind of like, yeah, you can put it on the bulletin board.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. But, yeah, one of the places had investment and what's.

[Jake Johnson]

Let's give them a shout out. What's the name of that climbing gym?

[Caller Madison]

Oh, yeah, that was Movement Climbing Gym in Baker.

[Jake Johnson]

If you guys are in Baker or near Baker, go to Movement Climbing Gym.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We love them.

[Caller Madison]

That's pretty central in Denver. It's a good one.

[Jake Johnson]

It's the best.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's nowhere else you'd rather be climbing, honestly, and talk about whole spelunkers.

[Jake Johnson]

I mean, also, Garrett, next time you do a show in Denver, will you stop by this?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. All right. So then, Madison, what happened after that?

[Caller Madison]

So I posted this poster, and I, you know, we'll see if I get in trouble, but I definitely use my work printers to print this out. And, you know, in the midst of printing this out, one of the designers sitting next to me saw it and was like, well, I'm a climber, and she is maybe five, two.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Caller Madison]

So I had her in my back pocket, but she didn't really have any good ideas of how to get into the hole and back out.

[Jake Johnson]

Right.

[Caller Madison]

So went move forward, posted them. I did get a few responses.

[Jake Johnson]

Can we hear the responses?

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yes.

[Caller Madison]

I sent you, you know, maybe the most ominous response. And the rest of them are very kind and professional.

[Jake Johnson]

Will you read Madison? All of them?

[Caller Madison]

Oh, my gosh, yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you.

[Caller Madison]

So the first response I got was the more interesting one. The subject line is, I can go in your hole.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, God.

[Caller Madison]

It says, hello, I hear you have a hole in need of someone to enter. I am thin with long arms and a rock climber. I would love to fill your hole. Oh, no, I can send a cover Letter and resume if desired. And then full name of the person in the email address.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, my God. I mean, I didn't even think of this aspect of it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The comedy is there, but honestly, don't do this guy.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You don't want the job. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. How about the other ones?

[Caller Madison]

So I also got.

[Producer or Additional Guest]

I will just say the email address is helping holegmail.com.

[Jake Johnson]

I agree. I agree, I agree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree.

[Caller Madison]

You can have that email address once.

[Stephen Berg]

This is all over.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're good.

[Caller Madison]

Really want it?

[Jake Johnson]

No, we might take it. I'll said just give me a. Give me a number.

[Caller Madison]

I got one from someone called Felix the cat that says, hi, guys. I'm super keen to try going down the hole. My partner, too. We haven't been caving in a while. Sounds like fun to me.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

And I went back and forth with.

[Caller Madison]

Them for a while. They seemed like good contenders.

[Jake Johnson]

They could be real because they're into caving.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cave the idea that you're like, we've missed caving. We'll go down an eight foot hole.

[Jake Johnson]

But that's what caving is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Going little holes, bigger ones.

[Jake Johnson]

Then sometimes they get stuck and it's worth it to them. They're like, this is cool.

[Producer or Additional Guest]

I just want to say we don't need to vet any of the applicants because Madison has salt.

[Caller Madison]

Yes, that's true.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, keep going.

[Producer or Additional Guest]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Madison.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yes.

[Caller Madison]

So I'd say those were kind of the two standouts to me. The, you know, the creepy answer. And then Felix and Alana were really nice, and I went back and forth with them for a while, but none of the applicants had a great idea of how to get in and out of the hole because I sent them more pictures and there's nowhere to, like, loop a rope to lower anyone in and out.

[Jake Johnson]

I was thinking more like spider down the wall.

[Caller Madison]

Yeah, well, and there's. It kind of like opens up after the concrete in the floor, so it's hard to, like, get yourself into it.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

It.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Caller Madison]

But I was talking to my best friend. Her name's Avonlea, and she introduced me to your podcast. So, you know. But she was talking with her boyfriend, who had the idea to throw down a rope ladder, like a fire escape ladder into the hole. And he was like, yeah, we could do that. I'm happy to hold the ladder, but I'm not getting in the hole.

[Jake Johnson]

Respect.

[Caller Madison]

And I.

[Jake Johnson]

You got that five. You got that five, two, buddy of yours.

[Caller Madison]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said, I happen to know a co worker who would be happy to get in and out of this hole. So that's when we started formulating plan. The plan.

[Jake Johnson]

Great.

[Caller Madison]

And I had. I had all of them over. So my co worker Bria and her husband, and then my friend Avonlea and her boyfriend Nick. And then I put together a compilation video for you.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, I. I'm not a big socializer. Gareth knows that. That. But I used to be. As I've gotten older, the idea of going out and having like a couple's dinner, it doesn't sound interesting. If I was invited to go to someone's house while they put a ladder down a hole. That's. I'm a yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Now, I would go with my wife, too. That gives us something to talk about for the hour and a half once the hole is done. Let's see, you guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I. This would definitely get you out of your hole.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. I'd go like this. I want to see this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And then I would help hold the ladder.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And when that little 5:2 co worker went down there and got it, I would want to go afterwards. Like, how was it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I also thought it looks scary.

[Jake Johnson]

It smelled weird. I bet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think you'd be pitching from above.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. You know, and then as soon as she got out, I'd be like, you should be really fucking proud of yourself. That took a lot of gall.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now, very quickly, before we see this, remind me again what's in the hole? What are we doing all this for?

[Jake Johnson]

Remote or something?

[Caller Madison]

Exactly.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yeah.

[Caller Madison]

I wasn't sure because they were. It was two pouches that I could sort of read the labels.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

One said yeti.

[Caller Madison]

So I was thinking it was probably like some sort of camping gear. And then one had. I don't remember the name of it, but some sort of like fly fishing company name on it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so. All right, so here we go. So we're taking the COVID of the hole off. This looks weird. It is tight.

[Jake Johnson]

Shier than I.

[Caller Madison]

So how are you feeling?

[Jake Johnson]

Not great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, the ladder is down. Oh, my God, it is deep. This is your coworker about to go down the ladder.

[Jake Johnson]

She's climbing down. I love the score.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You did the ladder secured. The score is great.

[Jake Johnson]

Perfect.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Someone was wearing Crocs with socks.

[Jake Johnson]

I love that that she's going down. It is way scarier than I thought it would be. She's deep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Completely agree. And it's watery.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, she. One thing's up the things. You put a sound effect for some reason from Mario. Stinks down here. There's sticks down there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, it stinks.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, stinks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now we're getting her out of the hole.

[Jake Johnson]

They just lifted her out. She's out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We've got a house. We're opening the pouch. Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

It's fly fishing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fly fishing stuff. Oh, my God. And in the yeti?

[Jake Johnson]

Nothing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nothing in the yeti pouch. Just water.

[Jake Johnson]

But it was about getting it out of there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This was cool.

[Jake Johnson]

Wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, now we're drinking. We're celebrating.

[Jake Johnson]

Good. It's a huge win this we have.

[Gareth Reynolds]

In a whole party.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, so, Madison, great job. Thank you to that whole group of people who did it. Gareth, would you ring the bell, please?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Absolutely.

[Producer or Additional Guest]

You have your main climber on the call with us. Ah, so she is. She's been on this whole time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm starstruck.

[Jake Johnson]

Me too. Hello. Hey. You know, I gotta say, you got a lot of gall. You're a tough lady.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Way to go.

[Jake Johnson]

Tell us about what it felt like being in that tiny little cold hole.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And the smell.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yeah, it did really stink down there.

[Caller Madison]

There was a lot of standing water, so that was kind of, you know, added a little bit of fun element to it.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

But, yeah, it's definitely dark.

[Caller Madison]

I had my headlamp on, so it.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Was a different experience down there.

[Jake Johnson]

And what did you. While you're deep in a hole in your friend's basement, do you have any thoughts that surprised you?

[Caller Madison]

Well, I was thinking it would be a good place to hide a body.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Interesting.

[Caller Madison]

But I was hoping. There were too many witnesses there. You know, I didn't think anything could go to two sideways.

[Jake Johnson]

I mean, if they wanted to. It could have been a Dateline thing where they threw the rope in after covered it up and been like, that was a long play.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Lotion in the basket.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, now we. And then they all go like, you thought we loved you. But that didn't happen.

[Caller Madison]

Well, I gotta say, brought her husband along.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, he would have been in on it. If it's Dateline. Yeah, obviously it turns out you and the husband have been in love for two years.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bingo. I mean, honestly, everything Jake said is exactly the story.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Without question.

[Jake Johnson]

And then eventually, that whole thing gets filled with cement.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep. Then nobody knows.

[Jake Johnson]

Arigato, little climber lady.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So I have one question and then one pitch. My question is, this was all for your brother, right? Like, it was his stuff.

[Caller Madison]

My sister, your sister, his sister and brother in law.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now, how much did they know about how out of control this all got to just get an empty yeti bag and one piece of fly fishing equipment out of this hole?

[Caller Madison]

Well, I actually was gonna ask for Me a little more help because they don't know anything about this. They don't know I dropped anything in the hole.

[Jake Johnson]

Great. It's how it should stay.

[Caller Madison]

But I made the big mistake of telling my mother about this and she is like, like itching to tell.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, here's my pitch on that. I pitched that. We do a follow up.

[Jake Johnson]

Follow up with them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

With them. And we tell them everything that's gone on, I think. So show them the video. Everything.

[Jake Johnson]

I think that's right.

[Caller Madison]

Oh, my God.

[Jake Johnson]

But don't reveal anything, Madison. Don't even think about it until we're all on the call together. They're not gonna get weird. Let's just get weird and see what happens.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Trust us. This is so strange that. It's okay.

[Jake Johnson]

They might get mad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. All right. And then I've got one more.

[Caller Madison]

I did make Bria. I made Bria sign a waiver before she went in the hall. So I have them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Honestly, once again, the dateline of this all. Really, you were. You're like, you got out of there.

[Jake Johnson]

It's incredible. I know.

[Caller Madison]

I signed my life away.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

True.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Absolutely. You. Technically, she could still throw you in there.

[Caller Madison]

True. I didn't know my friends before she came. She was game to have two strangers holding the ladder for her to get into this hole.

[Jake Johnson]

It's wild stuff worked out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But we're gonna ask you to kind of cinch up that decision making in the future just for your own safety and the safety of others. My pitch is gonna be what date? Do you remember the date when you went down there? Do you remember what date this happened?

[Caller Madison]

Last Thursday.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Last Thursday. Whatever that date is. Let's mark it on the calendar. Let's mark it on the Steve Berg calendar. And going forward, we're gonna treat this day as what I call a holiday. And you guys are all going to get together and have a little party every day on this year to look back, enjoy yourselves and it's just a good reason to get together like Jake said.

[Caller Madison]

I love it.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Love it. Happy holidays.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Happy holidays, guys.

[Jake Johnson]

We appreciate you. This was amazing. And Madison, let's for real, do the follow up with the other two and we'll reveal it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, don't tip it.

[Caller Madison]

Okay. I love it.

[Jake Johnson]

You guys crushed it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Way to go.

[Caller Madison]

And then I do have one more treat for you, which last time I talked to you, I. You really were eager for me to get posters in. And I told you I couldn't do it that night because I had acapella rehearsal. And so my. My acapella group has put together your theme song.

[Jake Johnson]

Madison.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is deliverable. You keep dragging us back in. This is phenomenal. Ah, here we go. Wow. We're here to help.

[Jake Johnson]

We're here to help. Okay, Natalie, can we use that as the opener for a few episodes after this?

[Gareth Reynolds]

And at Greenway Drive is the social media handle for your acapella group?

[Caller Madison]

Yes.

[Caller (Sarah or Madison)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Caller Madison]

Green Drive acapella. We're your local neighborhood acapella group.

[Jake Johnson]

You guys are incredible.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Phenomenal.

[Jake Johnson]

And then, Natalie, can we just do a few episodes where we put that on? And then we'll do a. We need to pick which one the audience wants going forward. The OG or that one.

[Producer or Additional Guest]

It's gonna be confusing because I do have this, like, her original call. And this follow up is going to be the first episode in February. So we start putting it on now. It'll be.

[Jake Johnson]

No, no, no, no. We're gonna put it on after.

[Producer or Additional Guest]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Jake Johnson]

It's going to be after we. Come on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It'll be.

[Jake Johnson]

We'll do a. We need to pick in February or March and figure out if this is our new theme song going forward. That's excellent.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, it's a contention.

[Jake Johnson]

Wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Amazing stuff. Honestly, Phenomenal ending.

[Jake Johnson]

Madison, call in whenever you want.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Honestly, Madison, don't even hang up now. We're doing another call if you want.

[Jake Johnson]

To hang in there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No problem.

[Jake Johnson]

But we.

[Caller Madison]

We do have a good time.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. This is incredible. So follow up with us. We're going to do with your family. The theme song's incredible. Thank you for getting in that hole. That's incredible. The video is great. All of it's going to be on the social.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The poster. Our first poster, potentially. Things are happening.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Great stuff.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fruitful beyond belief.

[Caller Madison]

Thanks so much.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right. Thank you, guys.

[Caller Madison]

So ring the bell for sure.

[Jake Johnson]

We're here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ HelpfulPodmail.com and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] heretohelpod to see our entire catalog.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grim Productions executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis. Associate producer Jesse Thurston. Editing, mix and master by Chris Fault. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The COVID artwork is by James Fosdike. Animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Jake Johnson]

All video episodes of season one are.

[Caller Madison]

Available now on Patreon.

[Jake Johnson]

And season two video episodes will be.

[Caller Madison]

Available every Monday starting January 20th.

[Jake Johnson]

Go to patreon.com forward/heretohelpod.

[Stephen Berg]

Well, good afternoon. This is your little friend, Stephen Berg, and this is a message going out to all you fantastically brilliant vasectomy doctors. I have a little proposal for you all. My wonderful friend and brother, Gareth Reynolds is looking to get a vasectomy done because he is making the choice to not bring children into this world. And you know what? I respect that opinion. Nobody wants a bunch of little Gareths running around. Boy, try saying. Try pluralizing Gareth with a lisp. That's not easy. Nobody wants a bunch of little Gareths running around when Gareth himself doesn't want that. So doctors out there, what we are looking for, what we are wanting, if possible, is for you to give our friend Gareth a vasectomy. Now we'll pay for it. He's got cobra. He's got great insurance. That's not the issue. Here comes the little angle we're taking. We would like to document this on a little thing called videotape. This is a plea. This is a call to all vasectomy doctors in the lower 48 in the United States. Please, oh, please, let our little friend Gareth Reynolds get a vasectomy and let us videotape it. We're talking to high eight. You know, like a gritty, you know, it'll look good, it'll be classy, it'll be artsy. You will come off looking like an absolute hero. That's a Burgundy. Thank you. Enjoy this message and enjoy this episode.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bye bye. Hey, I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I have a new podcast on head gum called Next. We have. Now, this show is for people with short attention spans, which is everyone. I mean, you're probably trying to skip this ad right now, but don't, because you now legally have to listen to the show. That's how law works. Next we have is very simple. Each episode has three short segments. Princess 3. Lisa Gilroy and I write insane revenge Yelp reviews for callers who had bad experiences with a business. The doughboys play a game called Meal or no Meal. And Steph, Tola and I go head to head on a thought provoking game called Guess that Sound. The show is as dumb as it sounds, and we probably have more fun than we should, but it's a great time and you should listen or watch new episodes of Next, we have Every Thursday on YouTube or your favorite podcast, apparently.