263: WEIRD Here to Help: Wolf Moon Eddy & Vanhattan Burger Fairy

Summary

---

We're Here to Help — Episode 263:

WEIRD Here to Help: Wolf Moon Eddy & Vanhattan Burger Fairy

Date: February 20, 2026
Hosts: Jake Johnson, Gareth Reynolds
Guest Hosts: Steve Berg, Eric Edelstein
Feature Callers: Kelly (Fort Myers, FL → Newport, RI) & Lindsay (Vancouver, WA)

---

Overview

This "WEIRD Here to Help" edition finds Steve Berg and Eric Edelstein stepping in as guest hosts, offering their uniquely odd blend of humor, personal stories, and unqualified advice. The episode leans into the weird—discussing quirks of being "big guys," haunted houses, spiritual energies, and the marketing potential of burger sauce fairies in the Pacific Northwest. The calls showcase real listener dilemmas: moving into a centuries-old Rhode Island house that's possibly haunted, and how to pitch a dream job at a beloved fast-food chain.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. "Big Guy" Problems & OnlyFans Side Hustle

Segment: [04:47–11:39]

• Eric Andre opens by sharing a recurring experience—strangers assuming the "big guy" didn't press the crosswalk button. This stirs a lively back-and-forth on societal perceptions of large men.
  • "People assume big, bigger folks...are simpletons." – Eric [05:36]
• Steve Berg recounts being doted on at Italian restaurants, fed excessively, and mulls the possibility of capitalizing on "eating for an audience" via OnlyFans.
  • "Do you think there is a world where I can make some real coin...eating on OnlyFans?" – Steve [08:23]
• Eric Andre strongly supports the idea, humorously strategizing how Steve could profit—especially if he’s willing to show his feet while twirling pasta.
  • "If you're willing to show feet and eat...I bet you can make a legit $750 a month." – Eric [09:36]

Memorable Moment:
The two riff extensively—genuine support intertwined with total absurdity—ultimately resolving to float the idea to listeners via Patreon, setting up Steve as an OnlyFans pasta (and feet) influencer.

---

2. CALLER: Kelly Fears a Haunted House in Newport, RI

Segment: [11:39–42:15]

Background:

• Kelly is moving with her husband, baby, and two large dogs from Florida to a rental house in Newport, RI. The house dates to 1750, and though perfect in every other way, she has a gut feeling it’s haunted.
• Question: How can they prepare for or peacefully coexist with any supernatural presence?

Hosts' Reactions & Advice:

• Acknowledge the Vibes: Eric and Steve appreciate Kelly’s blend of logic and superstition, share personal respect for old houses, and express excitement (Steve) and fear (Eric) for haunted dwellings.
  • "1750. I mean, the odds are pretty good at least—at least 3, 4, 5 people have died in that home." – Eric [20:15]
• On Hauntings: Steve introduces his take on paranormal theory—downplaying the "dead person hypothesis" (DPH) in favor of energy residue and co-creation theories.
  • "Maybe there’s some kind of energy residue that sticks around...I do believe in a co-creation theory." – Steve [21:14]
• Practical Steps:
  • Sage the house: Both recommend saging (with respect for cultural origins) to make the space your own.
  • Open windows & sing: Steve suggests humorously walking around, opening all portals (doors, windows), singing to "release" old energies, and set the tone—possibly making it into a ritual with music, wine, and family.
    • "If you come in and you're timid and you're scared...I think that's what you're gonna get." – Steve [28:19]
  • Research the history: Steve explains how to trace the lineage of your home via public records and newspapers.
    • "You can go...to the county commissioner...every chamber of commerce, every city library will have this info. You can find every person who has owned that house." – Steve [33:35]
• Connecting with Local Spiritual Community:
  • Meet Wolf Moon Eddie: Eric discovers Newport’s "spirit scene," encouraging Kelly to contact the local mystic, Wolf Moon Eduardo (Eddie Kisicki), for a "house midwifing."
    • "I am so excited to tell you—the head of the spiritual subculture in Newport is a man by the name of Wolf Moon Eduardo." – Eric [24:01]
• Notable Quotes:
  • "You're going to make a house from 1750 your own." – Eric [23:14]
  • "Play your music, read whatever texts are sacred to you...and you're reclaiming this home and your energy, and it’s gonna be yours." – Eric [38:42]

Host Dynamics:

• Eric: Cautious, quick to sage new objects and wary of haunted energy. Fears practical jokes involving Ouija boards and haunted dolls.
• Steve: Playful, curious, and more accepting/fascinated by the supernatural. Offers levity and reassurance.
• Memorable Banter:
  • "I do not believe in playing around. There might be an indigenous healer more legit than Wolf Moon Eddie..." – Eric [27:28]
  • "I'm gonna start sending you haunted objects!" – Steve [27:12]

---

3. CALLER: Lindsay Wants to Pitch a New Role at Burgerville (Vanhattan Burger Fairy)

Segment: [42:22–68:35]

Background:

• Lindsay, longtime Burgerville employee in Vancouver, WA (aka "Vanhattan"), wants to propose a new role that combines photography, videography, website, and digital marketing—essentially, creating and curating in-house creative social content. She seeks advice on proposing a job that doesn't (yet) exist.

Hosts' Reactions & Advice:

• Eric’s Connection: Eric voices Burgerville ads and is deeply enthusiastic about the chain.
  • "Burgerville, the onlyville. Use the app and savor the rewards!" – Eric [47:03]
• Show, Don’t Tell: Both advise Lindsay to prove her value by creating sample content—“show them, don’t tell them.” Eric offers to do a free voiceover for her spec content to help gain traction.
  • "Start making that content on your own...show them your value." – Eric [53:17]
• Surreal, Funny Concepts: Steve suggests leaning into surreal, over-the-top comedic ads with a local flavor—finding comedic actors in the Portland scene and not worrying about big budgets.
  • Pitch 1: Burgerville Spread Fairy — Steve in tights and wings, spreading Burgerville sauce and good cheer, a la old Skittles commercials.
    • "This Burgerville spread is so good on everything...a magical Burgerville spread fairy making the world a happier, better place." – Eric [57:05]
  • Pitch 2: Bomb defusal scenario where Burgerville sauce saves the day.
  • Pitch 3: Fisherman uses the spread to attract fish/leaping burgers—or a talking burger sacrificing itself for the special sauce’s deliciousness.
    • "Sauce you're willing to die for." – Eric [60:44]
• Jingle pitching: The hosts compose a catchy jingle live:
  • "Hey Jack and Jill, walk down that hill and head on over to Burgerville." – Steve and Eric [63:11]
• Resourcefulness: Suggests utilizing local actors/animators and trading on Burgerville’s strong local brand and community feeling—reminding Lindsay she can pay people in Burgerville gift cards.
• Memorable Quotes:
  • "I'm okay handing over my Burgerville job to you, Steve!" – Eric [67:47]
• Host Tone: Supportive, improvisational, and gently challenging Lindsay to take initiative and seize her opportunity with creative, self-produced work.

Lindsay’s Takeaway:

• She’s energized and a bit nervous but ready to begin—plans to research the local arts community and start assembling real, weird, truly Northwest content for Burgerville, with help (“wings spread”) from Steve and Eric’s network.

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Steve Berg (on OnlyFans):
  "Do you think there is a world where I can make some real coin...eating on OnlyFans?" [08:23]

• Eric Andre (on supernatural energy):
  "When you would tape a program off of television...there'd be bits of the Airwolf program...almost like a residual energy." [20:46]

• Eric Andre (on sage and haunted houses):
  "You got giant dogs and a baby...You're recreating this energy of your own." [22:31]

• Eric Andre (on local spiritual leaders):
  "The head of the spiritual subculture in Newport is a man by the name of Wolf Moon Eduardo." [24:01]

• Steve Berg (pitching for Burgerville):
  "I think you lean into this being a little surreal...I think you have a fairy and you have a practical special effect with burger sauce..." [58:03]

• Eric Andre (concluding with Lindsay):
  "You are spreading your wings like Steve, the Burgerville fairy." [67:47]

---

Timestamps for Major Segments

• [04:47] — "Big Guy" Social Experiments & OnlyFans Pitch
• [11:39] — Call 1: Kelly and the Newport Haunted House
• [24:01] — Introduction of Wolf Moon Eduardo
• [33:35] — House History Research and Rites
• [42:22] — Call 2: Lindsay's Burgerville Dream Job
• [53:17, 58:03, 60:44] — Creative Marketing Pitches & Jingle Livewriting
• [67:47] — Lindsay's Takeaway and Fairy Affirmation

---

Flow & Takeaways

The episode is a hilarious testament to the value of embracing life's weirdness—whether it's using your quirks as a side hustle, facing a possibly haunted home with humor and ritual, or pitching your dream role by showing, not telling. Steve and Eric offer encouragement, ideas, and improv sketches, demonstrating that even the strangest problems are best faced with creative openness and a bit of fun.

Listeners leave with practical steps:

• For haunted homes: claim the energy, celebrate the history, and don’t be afraid to call in mystical or indigenous experts.
• For unconventional career moves: Prove your worth, assemble your own dream, and rally local talent (maybe even with the help of a spread fairy).

The spirit:
“Show, don’t tell. Sage, don’t fear. And when in doubt—put sauce on everything.”

---

Transcript

[Eric Andre]

This is a Headgum podcast.

[Jake Johnson]

This episode is sponsored by the great Squarespace.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We love Squarespace here at the show. We are constantly using Squarespace to build different websites for the show that support the show, that support or corroborate some of the show's bs. Again, we've never promised. We're very good at giving advice, but Squarespace helps corroborate what we're going for.

[Jake Johnson]

We have a new website that's not for us. It's for Hot takes. Some members of the community have written in, we've been on an email chain and they wanted to start a website and we wanted to do it for hot Takes. So this is a Squarespace made website.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Squarespace offers tons of stuff. They offer cutting edge design. So your website is going to look cool, beautiful, dare I say SEO tools, search engine optimization. It's important. It's how people find you. You've got your domain recommendations, Don donations, videos, subscriptions. They are offering all this stuff on their website.

[Jake Johnson]

So go to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you are ready to launch, use offer code Gil sent me to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain.

[Sponsor Voice]

So you're running out of closet space. The good news? You don't need to stop shopping. You just need to start selling with the real real. The realreal is the world's largest and most trusted resource for authenticated luxury resale. Whether it's that mini bag that can't even fit your phone or those boots you never fully broke in, the RealReal handles everything from photography and copywriting to shipping and pricing. So you can just sit back, get paid and make room for things that actually feel like you. And with 10,000 new arrivals every single day from top designers like Prada, Celine, Louis Vuitton and Loewe, all for up to 90% off retail, you're bound to find something perfectly on brand to fill that extra closet space with. Plus, right now you can get an extra $100 to shop. When you sell for the first time, make room for what feels like you go to therealreal.com to start selling and get your extra hundred dollars to keep [e-mail] that's therealreal.com terms apply. So you're running out of closet space. The good news? You don't need to stop shopping. You just need to start selling with the RealReal. The RealReal is the world's largest and most trusted resource for authenticated luxury resale. Whether it's that mini bag that can't even fit your phone or those boots you never fully broke in. The RealReal handles everything from photography and copywriting to shipping and pricing. So you can just sit back, get paid, and make room for things that actually feel like you. And with 10,000 new arrivals every single day from top designers like Prada, Celine, Louis Vuitton, and Loewe, all for up to 90% off retail, you're bound to find something perfectly on brand to fill that extra closet space with. Plus, right now, you can get an extra $100 to shop when you sell for the first time, make room for what feels like you go to therealreal.com to start selling and get your extra hundred dollars to keep [e-mail] that's therealreal.com terms apply.

[Eric Andre]

Ladies and gentlemen, it's that time again. Steberg from Omaha, Eric Edelstein from Glassell Park. It's weird. Here to help. Are you weird? Do you need help? Then you're in the right place. Or maybe you just want to listen to weirdos getting help or weirdos giving help. Steve Berg, my hero. How you doing? Good.

[Steve Berg]

Oh, Eric, Fantastic. I'll tell you what. I have a feeling half the people who listen this are just like. We're like weird animals that, like, are being studied. You know, it's almost like the. Where people are like, let's see how two insane giant men behave and try to give people advice.

[Eric Andre]

Yeah. And you know who the first two are studying us?

[Steve Berg]

Who?

[Eric Andre]

Jake and Gareth.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah, they are.

[Eric Andre]

I think they just wanted, like, what would these guys do if we actually gave them our own show? And somehow, bless their hearts, they're letting us keep rolling and we're so grateful.

[Steve Berg]

Are we being punked? Maybe they're punking us.

[Eric Andre]

I think my whole life's being punked.

[Steve Berg]

That's true.

[Eric Andre]

Every job I get, I feel like I think I'm being punked or something happens where I'm being punked and I'm great.

[Steve Berg]

Pull us. I'm great with it.

[Eric Andre]

Yeah, the rug hasn't been pulled yet. We're still rolling. Steve, I got something for you of something that consistently happens, and it hurts my feelings, and I want to see if this happens to you.

[Steve Berg]

Okay.

[Eric Andre]

I'm waiting at a crosswalk. Somebody walks up, and in that second, they evaluate me. Look at me. And life is assessment. And they make the determination that this big guy has not pushed the crosswalk button. Why? I don't know, but it happens to me all the time. It happened to me on Saturday. We're Standing there waiting for the crosswalk. This nice family came up to the farmer's market. They looked at me, kind of paused, and she furtively pressed the crosswalk button because she decided in that moment I

[Steve Berg]

hadn't pressed it because. Do you think we. They think we look dumb.

[Eric Andre]

Yeah. I think people have this natural thing. Now. I'm also going to say this, and this is very embarrassing. I actually hadn't pushed across. I really wish I was kidding. No, I think people assume big, bigger folks. Big guys are simpletons. And, you know, our wives probably agree with that.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. But big time.

[Eric Andre]

Yeah. And that was what? Even. Because they will come up and look at me and they'll always press that button. Does this happen to you or is it just me?

[Steve Berg]

You know what happens to me? So I. Here's. Here's a big guy thing. In fact, I was just eating at one of my favorite restaurants. Lao, actually. Well, it's now a different name. Anyways. Anyways, this great Italian restaurant, old and there's an old.

[Eric Andre]

They change the name.

[Steve Berg]

They did, because the new owner. But the same. It's still the same energy and same vibe.

[Eric Andre]

Same food. Yeah.

[Steve Berg]

Same menu.

[Eric Andre]

What's the new name?

[Steve Berg]

I truly can't remember. It's something Italian. Can't pronounce. I have a list, but I can't.

[Eric Andre]

Okay, so you're eating an El Solo, formerly the Artist formerly known as Oso. Of course.

[Steve Berg]

I dusted my entire plate. They bring me over another, like, half portion of pasta for free. And this isn't like a. Like, like, like an. I mean, like, look, I actually love Olive Garden, but it's not that kind of place. It's a nice place. It's old school, really good food. But this happens to me so much. I'm telling you. Old people love to feed me to a degree where I'm like, is this a fetish? Do they like. I think there are people who like to watch a big guy eat. And for some reason, I have cornered the market here in the Midwest of people observing me eat. Like, wow, he's actually going to eat like, Because. And also, like, when a lady, an old, older, like, you know, wonderful, beautiful Italian woman comes up to me and brings me seconds without even asking, which is not a policy the restaurant holds. You have to eat it all.

[Eric Andre]

You've turned a fine dining place into the Olive Garden.

[Steve Berg]

I turned it into a buffet. They're like, wow, this guy ate that entire plate of spaghetti that nearly no one finishes, actually. In fact, we were sitting next to a Couple priests, me and my family. What? Yeah, the priests come in there, eat. They eat for free.

[Eric Andre]

Oh my. This is classic.

[Steve Berg]

This is like in the Italian neighborhood of. We got a very like Sopranos. The neighborhood in Omaha. And I love it or sees Deli, the works, VF Arena. There's so many good restaurants down there and I love Italian food. But I'm telling you, old Italian grannies love to watch me eat. I think I impress them by my sheer ability to take down volume.

[Eric Andre]

Well, yeah, they want to see more because you know, that's it. Every, every Italian nona wants to watch someone eat. And you're coming in, you're giving them their dream. Yeah, yeah, I'm spreading joy and happiness. I also know that there is a legit fetish of people wanting to like force feed people and watch them get bigger. Now that's a real thing.

[Steve Berg]

I mean this with all sincerity and I'm not trying to sound like a self aggrandizing or like, you know, I mean I'm. Anyone could. I'm. I'm just, look, I'm just a guy, man. But like, do you think there is a world where I can make some real coin or just a little bit of extra side money eating on only fans? Because if there is, I know it sounds like a bit like, look, I want to, I want to build a new staircase. I need to, I need to pour a new cement. And let me tell you, cement, it is not cheap. So do you. How much do you think I could take in a year? And be honest of just me eating, twirling spaghetti, perming it, you know, putting the crush red pepper and eating it.

[Eric Andre]

Well, I think the calendar has shown that there's a huge sexual interest in you. We're already right there. The biggest question is I don't think

[Steve Berg]

it's a sexual interest. I think it's more.

[Eric Andre]

It's a sexual interest.

[Steve Berg]

We just saw Zoo.

[Eric Andre]

I think somebody drew you on a horse and it's a beautiful piece of art on a plane. And it's sexual. So you have to understand you are a sexual being. People are interested in it. The first question for only fans, I have to ask. I'm thrilled you're willing to eat. Are you willing to show feet?

[Steve Berg]

Yeah, look, look, it's 2026, babe. Things are expensive. Groceries prices ain't coming down. And boy, I go to the.

[Eric Andre]

No, they're going down, they're going down, they're going down. If you're willing to show feet and eat like some gnocchi or tortellini Steve, I bet you can make a legit $750 a month.

[Steve Berg]

A month. I would do that in a second. That would.

[Eric Andre]

Then this begins it. Okay, this is no longer a bit.

[Steve Berg]

Okay, well, we're gonna set up an

[Eric Andre]

only fans for you.

[Steve Berg]

Okay?

[Eric Andre]

You're gonna eat pasta, you're gonna show feet, pan down to the. You're gonna take a button or two down in the middle of your meat. Why? Because you have to.

[Steve Berg]

Because that's right.

[Eric Andre]

You want comfort. You want comfort. And you're going to be in some velouris. Velour tracksuit pants. And we're going to get this only fan started. This is really happening. And you have to eat meals and you have to show feet. And then I think you're gonna pay for that new staircase. And all the cement you want.

[Steve Berg]

All the cement you want. That's your version of pecan.

[Eric Andre]

Pecan cement now.

[Steve Berg]

Okay. Okay. Well that's, that's interesting. Like that's something to consider because like I am always. I'm open to side hustles. You know, it's like, look, I mean, it's rough out there.

[Eric Andre]

Yeah, it's rough. It's rough.

[Steve Berg]

We all need to make a little extra money.

[Eric Andre]

They're cutting our residuals.

[Steve Berg]

I mean, look, we got a lot of gripes here. But like I do. I, I am willing to explore those only fans eating on it. I. One, I gotta eat. Two, if I just put my camera on a tripod and I just film it.

[Eric Andre]

Okay, so this is happening. So fans, write into the Patreon, talk to Morgan, write into weirdhere to help gmail.com. steve is willing to show feet for a higher tier, but will you pay 10 bucks a month? Basically you'd be having a meal with Steve. So what you can do is cook your meal, then you're gonna sit and have a meal with Steve. He'll take questions and he will eat a meal with you. You know what, Steve? I'll pay for this. And I'm already get to enjoy meals with you already. And I know it's one of the great experiences in life. So fans, this is happening. The OnlyFans account is about to happen. And get ready now for an all new episode of we're here to help.

[Steve Berg]

Well, hello, good buddy. Can I please get your name and where are you calling from?

[Caller Kelly]

You can. My name is Kelly and I'm calling from Fort Myers, Florida.

[Steve Berg]

Oh, Fort Myers.

[Caller Kelly]

And don't, Steve, don't do your ooh. Because Fort Myers is not that great.

[Steve Berg]

Well, but it's right next to Naples, which. My father is in Naples right now. My brother, his wife spend half the year in Naples. And let me tell you, Naples is gorgeous. I've had some of the best. Naples is gorgeous in my life. It is, absolutely. But for Myers, what is that, about a 20 minute jaunt to Naples?

[Caller Kelly]

It's a little over an hour. Oh, it's over like an hour. An hour north of Naples, an hour and some change south from Tampa. We're like smack dab in the middle.

[Steve Berg]

Oh, so you're not helicoptering from like. Like I do from Fort Myers to Naples. You actually drive in a car?

[Eric Andre]

Fort Myers is on the ocean. Like I'm big on anywhere kind of ocean. Isn't it beautiful? It's the gateway to the Gulf Islands, they say.

[Caller Lindsay]

Yeah, it has it.

[Caller Kelly]

It has its moments. It has its moments.

[Steve Berg]

Okay, okay. Now is it the kind of place where like someone might throw an alligator through a drive through window?

[Caller Kelly]

Oh, we have gators everywhere. I literally. Yeah, I have gators in my backyard in the pond that we live on.

[Steve Berg]

That's so awesome.

[Eric Andre]

Do you really?

[Caller Kelly]

Great.

[Eric Andre]

That's a damn dinosaur.

[Caller Lindsay]

Oh, yeah.

[Eric Andre]

I'd be so scared. I'm so scared of gators. My buddy is one in his backyard in Gainesville.

[Steve Berg]

Me too.

[Eric Andre]

Oh, no way. Gators, sharks, none of it.

[Steve Berg]

Now I don't know if you're.

[Eric Andre]

No, I don't do.

[Caller Kelly]

The sharks, the gators, I don't mind.

[Steve Berg]

Do you know in Florida they have their own version of the Bigfoot and it's called the Florida skunk ape. Are you aware of that?

[Caller Kelly]

I do not know.

[Steve Berg]

Well, I have not.

[Eric Andre]

I'm seeing it right now in the zoom. There's a big old 6 foot 4 inch skunk ape named Steve Burke.

[Steve Berg]

Well, you know, I've been called worse. I've been called worse.

[Eric Andre]

Yeah, I've been downwind to you, brother. I shared a hotel room with you. Down.

[Steve Berg]

Good Lord.

[Eric Andre]

Skunk ape of Omaha. Yeah, I'm not afraid of the gators. I'm afraid of the skunk ape.

[Caller Kelly]

Steve, I'll get you googling on this thing.

[Eric Andre]

Yeah, please. We may need to have you go

[Steve Berg]

full immersion and find it a thousand percent real. Of course I can prove it, but that we'll have to do it off the air. Kelly from Fort Myers, Florida. If you are on a deserted island, and I mean deserted, or let's say the planet Neptune, and you couldn't get off Neptune, but you were allowed to bring three things. One, well, it is apples, oranges, though. Tomato, tomato. If you could bring three things, and these things are. One would be one book. One. Another would be one album, and the third would be one film or a premium television show. Or a premium television. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But without thinking of it, you have to go rapid fire. Rapid fire. California.

[Caller Lindsay]

Okay, okay.

[Caller Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I just finished a really long book. I would probably bring that one because it would kill a lot of time.

[Steve Berg]

What is it really good by Tolstoy?

[Caller Kelly]

No, no, it was called Alchemized. Really good. A little witchy magic, but it was super long.

[Eric Andre]

Oh, you're home. You're home. We see why you're calling weird here.

[Steve Berg]

Okay, everyone. Just turning. Turning chemicals into gold. But it's much more than that.

[Eric Andre]

She's a. Helena Marino is a former alchemist with amnesia who is held captive by a powerful necromancer. Steve.

[Caller Lindsay]

Yeah.

[Steve Berg]

This sounds like an 80s movie of the week. I love it. I would watch.

[Caller Kelly]

It's so good.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah. I mean, so good. I'm writing it down.

[Eric Andre]

Steve is going to read it and prepare a report for us for next week because he is a necromancer skunk, ape himself.

[Steve Berg]

That's absolutely 100% correct. And also, I need to start my own, like, Oprah's Book Club, you know, but like, the real.

[Eric Andre]

Oh, I. We would all be in. Steve, you're throwing that out like. Like an idle bit. We're all in for your book.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Eric Andre]

It starts today.

[Steve Berg]

Caller, look.

[Eric Andre]

What he already started.

[Steve Berg]

Okay, okay, so now album. Album. Kel, talk to me.

[Caller Kelly]

Okay.

[Caller Lindsay]

Album.

[Caller Kelly]

I just did a re. Listen of from under the Cork Tree.

[Caller Lindsay]

Fallout Boy.

[Caller Kelly]

I'd probably go with that one because it slaps every time. It doesn't matter how. How much time. So good.

[Steve Berg]

Like. Okay, so, Lindy. And talk to me about a film or premium television.

[Caller Kelly]

I'm just gonna go with my gut. I'd probably bring Dirty Dancing.

[Steve Berg]

I saw Dirty Dancing for the first time last. About last year. My wife. My wife loves it. She made me watch. Yeah, I know, right? She made me watch it, and I was like. I was ready to be a hater. I was like. I loved it. I thought it was great.

[Eric Andre]

You'd never seen it before?

[Steve Berg]

Are you kidding me?

[Eric Andre]

Yeah, I know you've never seen it before. Ste.

[Steve Berg]

Relate to the Dirty Dancing game. And let me tell you, the soundtrack is very good, and the movie is incredible.

[Eric Andre]

Yeah. Oh, it's. It's an incredible movie. Swayze, Jennifer Gray with her original nose.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah.

[Eric Andre]

Jerry Orbach. It's ridiculous. Jerry Orbach. Oh, I Miss him? I miss it. Oh, Dirty Dancing Steve. I'm glad he came around. I'm shocked it took you that long to see it.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah.

[Eric Andre]

Because nobody puts Burgo in the corner.

[Steve Berg]

I have waited for so long.

[Eric Andre]

Also, I feel like Patrick Swayze is a deep influence on all of us.

[Steve Berg]

Oh, me, I love, you know, movie. I love is Ghost.

[Caller Kelly]

He's unreal.

[Eric Andre]

Ghost is Ghost holds up great. And then I started a two year career in bouncing as a bit after watching Roadhouse and I. Okay, we're signed off. We love all of your picks so far. This is very, very cool. A book about a necromancer. Steve Berg is a necromancer. So please, I have a feeling we're going to get a little bit witchy and weird with you, which is what we're really here to do. Caller, please tell us how we can help today.

[Caller Kelly]

Okay, so little bit of background here and also good news for us because I'm not going to be in Florida for much longer. My husband and I, I know it, I want, I miss my seasons.

[Steve Berg]

But regardless, I, I hear that. So where are you moving to? Sorry, really quick.

[Caller Kelly]

We are moving to Newport, Rhode Island.

[Steve Berg]

Hell yeah.

[Caller Kelly]

Part in my question.

[Caller Lindsay]

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Caller Kelly]

So we're moving to Newport next month. And you know, we took time to look through houses. We had super specific requirements because we have two massive dogs, we have a baby. We're just like a train of chaos right now, right?

[Steve Berg]

I love chaos.

[Eric Andre]

Let me jump on that.

[Caller Kelly]

Recently sign a lease?

[Caller Lindsay]

Yeah, yeah, great.

[Caller Kelly]

We just recently signed a lease sight unseen because of course we're still here in Florida. We did have a friend go check it out. He gave it a thumbs up. Everything looks great. And this house checks all of our boxes, right? Like, it could not be better. It's absolutely gorgeous. It's the backyard that we need for our animals, the space for our kid. Like, it's amazing.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Eric Andre]

Downfall.

[Caller Kelly]

This house was built in 1750. Now old, right? We're old and we're in New England, which is notorious for being all things spooky, haunted, witchy, you name it, right?

[Steve Berg]

Yes.

[Caller Kelly]

So again, I've never been to the house, but I saw photos.

[Caller Lindsay]

Go ahead.

[Steve Berg]

I was just gonna say, like, these are all upsides to me, but go, go on, please.

[Eric Andre]

I'm so scared.

[Caller Kelly]

Well, okay. So when I initially looked at photos, I, I didn't get scared, but I had like a very deep, like gut reaction of like, oh, yeah, oh, this, like, this place is definitely haunted. Like all the other houses that we looked at like, like, no weird feelings, no weird nothing. This one, I was like, there's definitely something funky happening here. Not enough to scare me because obviously we still, like, went through with signing the lease and we are, in fact, moving in. But there's just this preconceived notion that I have that there is something lurking around in there. So my question to you guys is, what can we do to prepare for a potential haunting? Or is there anything that we can do to make peace with whatever might be lingering there? Because 1750, like, you're out of your mind if you don't think there's not something there. Right?

[Steve Berg]

Well, I mean, yes or no. I mean, like, it is. Is into this stuff as I am. I, first off, am not a believer or buy into the dph, which is the dead person hypothesis. I think that's maybe how it's a simple way for us to understand maybe the other that might be dwelling in the house. So don't necessarily be scared of that. It. Now what initially, before we get into kind of like breaking this down, what about the photos of the house is giving you the. The. The creepy crawlies? I thought my house was old. It was built in 1928. That's so old for Omaha.

[Eric Andre]

1750. I mean, the odds are pretty good at least. At least 3, 4, 5 people have died in that home.

[Steve Berg]

For sure.

[Eric Andre]

Oh, for sure.

[Steve Berg]

Way more.

[Eric Andre]

Oh, I like this, though. Are you kidding? It's gorgeous. Oh, that eight frame.

[Steve Berg]

Oh, mama.

[Eric Andre]

No, I love this. And you know what? I'm getting a good energy feel from this.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah, I'm too.

[Eric Andre]

And so, Steve, when you say you're not a believer in dph, Stephen.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah.

[Eric Andre]

What does that mean?

[Steve Berg]

The dead person hypothesis.

[Eric Andre]

So, yeah, I think you're like me. I don't believe how I choose to see the great beyond or whatever else. I don't believe people are punished and penalized by having a Haunted House from 1750 for the rest of their eternity. Yeah, I think, Steve, it's a little bit more like we're old. But when you would tape a program off of television and you would take Michael Jordan, but then there'd be bits of the Airwolf program you watch before it, almost like a residual energy.

[Steve Berg]

Eric, I think that's a much more interesting theory than a dead person's spirit laying around. I'm with you on that. I think maybe there's some kind of energy residue that. That. That sticks around also. I do. We will get into too many theories. But like, I. I do believe in a co. Creation theory, that's where I'm kind of landing. Where there is an energy and it uses our subconscious to show us images. And that's why people often see like dead relatives or people they're familiar with. I think, I think that explains UFOs and aliens too. But that's also a weird theory that I have no evidence for. I just find it more compelling and interesting. Okay, so Cal, Cal, Cal. This house is objectively gorgeous. Eric and I right away.

[Eric Andre]

Beautiful. Yes.

[Steve Berg]

So I think, yeah, I think you made the right decision, but your concerns are valid. Everyone's concerns about now. Let me tell you a little story.

[Eric Andre]

Not everyone's, Steve. Not everyone's.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Steve Berg]

Jacobus is. Jacobus is questionable. You know our lovely friend Erica, Eric Edelstein. When I moved into my last apartment in la. Eric, do you know if you remember this? Eric came over. He was going to pick me up. We were going to go have a delicious meal. But before he did, he was so sweet. Eric, I don't know if you remember this. And it really. I thought it was touching. You came over and you saged the corners of my house.

[Eric Andre]

Yeah, it's just a good way of. And we don't want to appropriate, but it's just a really great way of making the energy your own. And I'm also big on this stuff. Like that stuff will be there if you want it to be there and you don't want it there. You got giant dogs and a baby and like you don't want that. You're recreating this energy of your own. You're going to make a house from 1750 your own. So you can sage it. But just doing a little bit of research, I just found one name. So. Steve, do you know that there's a huge occult mystical subculture in Newport?

[Steve Berg]

So okay, here's the reality. Rhode island is way more witchy than Massachusetts.

[Eric Andre]

Oh, is it really? Give us that. Give us.

[Steve Berg]

They have a much longer witch history in which covenant history than Massachusetts. Massachusetts gets all the play and all the love. Rhode island is like really the epicenter.

[Eric Andre]

That's what I'm looking at right now. Now, do you have any friends yet in Newport? Have you made any friends there yet or are you moving in blind?

[Caller Kelly]

No, we do. We do have one who lives in Newport. And he was the one that went and looked at the house for us. And I even asked him because he FaceTimed us while he like went through the house. And again, I still got that feeling while we were looking at it. You know, even just through the lens. And I asked him, I was like, you get any spooky vibes over there? And he said no. But I'm not gonna lie. I don't really trust his judgment.

[Eric Andre]

Yeah, well, you're gonna get in there and you're gonna Sage it. But you have one friend there. Are you ready to meet a second friend?

[Steve Berg]

Yeah, boy.

[Caller Lindsay]

Always friend.

[Eric Andre]

I am so excited to tell you the head of the spiritual subculture in Newport is a man by the name of Wolf Moon Eduardo.

[Steve Berg]

Yep.

[Caller Lindsay]

I love that.

[Steve Berg]

Sounds good to me.

[Eric Andre]

Real name, Edward Eddie Kosicki. And he is a mystic and a seer, and he uses ancient ruin stones to provide divine interpretations for a wide spectrum of seekers.

[Steve Berg]

That's good.

[Eric Andre]

City counselors, housewives, and doctors. He says the Elks Lodge in Pelham street is completely haunted. It is filled with ghosts. But this guy, Wolf Moon Eduardo, first of all, don't you want that to be your second friend you make in town? A guy named Eduardo? Yeah. Yeah. Come on.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah.

[Eric Andre]

I want to be like, hold on. I'm texting Wolf Moon Eduardo. And I love that. It's.

[Caller Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Eric Andre]

It's Eddie Kisicki. But now he's Wolf Moon Eduardo also. You find out his rate, you have him come over and midwife this house, and there's going to be a transference of energy into your family's energy. And it looks like there's a massive spiritual subculture. And Wolf Moon Eduardo is kind of a linchpin of it all. I mean, I'm looking at this guy online. He looks so damn cool. It looks like there's some crazy, amazing stuff going on in this Elk's Lodge full of ghosts. There's a history of French occultists in Newport, and I think we need to reach out to Newport. Wow. Oh, yeah. This is pretty cool. I think that house. I personally, I was prepared to be terrified because we'll say I'm the softy. I'm the scared one of 13ft. But I got a great vibe from your house. I just think you're going to go in and claim the energy of your house as your own and that those ghosts are welcome to hang out at that wolf at the Elks Lodge. And I bet I don't know what Wolf Moon Eduardo's rate is. I bet you get them off the clock for, you know, 125 Canadian. He comes in here and he restarts that house with your energy.

[Steve Berg]

Another thing I would do like that and just to kind of like, you know, it's always good to do A little homework and do a cup, some opening gambit work before. So I, I do think the, the, you know, if you can find your version of Eric Edelstein in Newport, have that person come over and do that, that nice staging, then you know what I'm gonna. I'm gonna do, I think like going in and like treat. Treating it kind of like as funny. So I would open the windows, open all the doors in your house and just walk around to every portal, meaning like a window or a door, and just start singing like a song like, you are free to leave. Lovely spirit come and go. Well, I also don't want to put

[Caller Kelly]

any of these spirits out. Like if they're nice, they can sing.

[Eric Andre]

They gotta go there. I don't care if they're nice. You got a dog. It's gotta go, I think. But you're braver than me. I'm deeply scared of all this stuff. I buy stuff on ebay and Sage and Paul is onto it. I don't want that energy. I've gotten rid of haunted baseball cards. I got rid of a haunted watch. Literally. I got a watch off ebay this week. I saged it. I don't want anyone else's energy. This thing is mine. I get I very scared of this.

[Steve Berg]

I'm gonna start sending you haunted objects, Steve.

[Eric Andre]

I'll be so pissed if a doll shows up here with no address. I know it's you I have coming for you.

[Steve Berg]

Ouija board. I'm FedExing them.

[Eric Andre]

Don't do it. Where do you sleep when you visit la? Where do you sleep?

[Steve Berg]

Okay, fair enough.

[Eric Andre]

I will get you back. I'm so scared of this stuff. I do not believe in playing around. Also, there's probably Newport, Rhode island is historically the Narragansett people. You might be able to find an indigenous healer that might might be more legit than Wolf Moon Eddie with no judgment. I want none of Wolf Moon Eddie's curses. I'm trying to get you work here, pal. Yeah, but there might be an indigenous person you can come in to sage it whose, you know, name doesn't sound Italian. And that might be another way to do it. But I think we know Wolf Moon Eddie's probably going to be a friend of this podcast and I'm very curious.

[Caller Kelly]

Yeah, we at least have a contact.

[Eric Andre]

No.

[Steve Berg]

Come on.

[Eric Andre]

Wolf Moon Eddie, like, yes. And Jake Johnson will very likely pay for Wolf Moon Eddie to come over. Why don't I go over there? I'll do it for half that. I'm not paying for Wolf Moon Eddie, what are you guys doing?

[Steve Berg]

I also will say if, like, I. I do think a lot. There is a lot of what we bring into a dwelling or residence. So if you come in with fear and like you're scared and creeped out of the place, I think maybe that's what you're gonna get. But if you come in and that's what I'm saying, like, as an example, like opening up every door and every window and just saying, like, hey, you're free to go. If you leave, like, make it into a musical. Walk around, like, have a glass of wine, you know, like, crescent the house by releasing the energy. Like, if you're bad, you can go, but laugh about it. Like, I think if you come in and you're timid and you're scared, sister, unfortunately, I think that's what you're gonna get.

[Caller Kelly]

So I. Yeah, no, I. I agree.

[Eric Andre]

I want you to blast music. You love. Blast. Fallout Boy, open those windows. Sage up in the corners. Because I get a great vibe from that house. And if it's built in 1750, we know it was built correctly. Yeah. And this thing is here to last. You're gonna make this energy your own, potentially with Wolf Moon Eddie or a local indigenous healer. But I. I have a really good feeling about this. And I think you're gonna. You're gonna love Rhode Island. It's such a cool spot.

[Caller Kelly]

And also you can do America's best kept secret.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah, exactly.

[Eric Andre]

Not anymore. Also not anymore. 30,000 downloads on the opening day with us. They're all go moving there now.

[Jake Johnson]

This episode is brought to you by Quint.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Quint gives you that well built wardrobe that holds up over time. Premium materials, thoughtful designs, everyday staples that feel way easier to wear. You can rely on them as the weather shifts.

[Jake Johnson]

I got a real Quint story here. So I got a bunch of Quint shirts. Really nice black shirts. I've been wearing them a lot. I'm doing an Apple press day to talk about the Dink, the pickleball movie. The networks, going back to my days when I first started. Don't really like how Jakester dresses himself at these events. Or they do it to others, I don't know. But they always hire a stylist just to oversee what the old Jakester's wearing. I've used the same woman. This woman, Annie, she's excellent. She came to the house the other day. She goes, what have you been wearing? Let's try to find something that works with what you're wearing. I go, I've been wearing these black shirts from Quince. She says, oh, I love that brand. I go, oh, yeah. She goes, yeah. She goes, why don't we just wear one of those with a little jacket over it? What kind of pants you like? I like Quince pants. She goes, let's order some of those. So I will be wearing the Quince shirt because of the Quince sponsorship and I'm becoming Mr. Quince.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Go to quince.com here to help for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns and now available in Canada. So that's Q U I n c e.com here to help free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.

[Jake Johnson]

This episode of the podcast has been brought to you by Dell. Have you been waiting for the perfect time to upgrade your tech? Good news. The wait is over. Dell Tech Day's annual sales event is here and we're celebrating our best customers with fantastic deals on the latest PCs like the Dell 14 plus with Intel Core Ultra processors.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We've also got incredible perks like Dell Rewards, Fast free shipping, premium support, Price match guarantee and more. And while you're upgrading your PC, you may as well go all out because we're offering huge deals on our premium suite of monitors and accessories. You know what that means? That's right. You can get a whole new setup with amazing savings. Clearly this is a sale you don't want to miss. Visit Dell.com deals that's Dell.com deals

[Jake Johnson]

this episode of the podcast is brought to you by Wayfair. The new year is here. Get back into an at home routine you love and elevate your space with Wayfair. From bedding and mattresses to storage solutions for every home in the house, Wayfair is your one stop shop. Refresh your living room with accent pillows, mirrors and faux plants for way less.

[Gareth Reynolds]

When my mother comes over, she always is going, oh, you need one of these, you need one of those, you know. So I used Wayfair to get some like end tables for, for lamps, I guess you would call that home decor. I'm not doing an all around refresh, but that's up to you if you'd like to do that. But they offer a ton of stuff at Wayfair. It's very easy to shop there. You really get a sense of what it is, what it'll look like, its size, all those things. And really they have everything. I could not believe the amount of stuff that they had on their everything, Literally everything.

[Jake Johnson]

So get organized. Refreshed and back on track this year. For way less, head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's Wayfair W A Y-F-A-I-R.com Wayfair Every style, every home.

[Eric Andre]

Now.

[Steve Berg]

Now, if you're really paranoid about this and you want to go the extra length, what I would do, and this is very easy to find. I think it's called getting the mats about a place. I've been doing it with the house I live in where I'm kind of been researching the history and the people who lived in my house. It's very fun because I'm like just a dork for that.

[Eric Andre]

But how do you do that?

[Steve Berg]

So you can go like the county commissioner in Omaha and this is every city. They will have the history of the land before your house was built on.

[Eric Andre]

No.

[Steve Berg]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. And you can actually do a lot of this work now. If you have newspapers, dot com and you have access to. Access to ancestry, you can find out quite a bit online. But if you. Every chamber of commerce, every like, even like the. The city library will have a ton of this information. So you can find every person who has owned that house. You probably can find out what was on that land before that. So you could learn the names of every resident and hold like a ceremony for them, honoring them, saying like, hey, yo, thanks for letting us live here. We are going to be great stewards of this house. You know what I'm saying?

[Eric Andre]

I. I'm glad you love it. I don't want to know who's died in my home, Eric. I want to be in full denial.

[Steve Berg]

Eric, I will have a dossier on your death.

[Eric Andre]

You better not.

[Steve Berg]

Dude.

[Eric Andre]

If I get a haunted doll and the people that do, you know, in 1932, that was said carbon monoxide. No, Steve.

[Steve Berg]

Eric, I've been wanting to tell you this for a long time. I have this controversial theory that the Black Dahlia killer lived in your house.

[Eric Andre]

Stop.

[Steve Berg]

No, I'm serious. I think Manson did was like, was crashing on a couch at your house back in 68.

[Eric Andre]

Steve, I don't want this. I'm very scared of this stuff. We're just gonna assume she's in a 275 year old house, that no one has ever died. That's our reality. I think even though, let's be honest, the math is not great.

[Steve Berg]

Well, look, we're not. We're not. We're not math guys, you know, we're. We're English composition guys. But like Let me. I do think, I do think doing your due diligence, like learning the history of the house, first off, you're going to become addicted to it. It's also like a mystery to uncover, like, what's better than mystery in this day and age. I wake up in the morning, it's mystery. So it's. This is like the big great one of a movie. Right. It's like, go in, you can do a ton of research, probably just from your laptop, like over the weekend, do that. And then when you move there, you could actually call and request, I think, the history of the every home. Like, there's so much information that's publicly available on any, like, piece of property. So I think doing that and then finding out the residents who live there, it's not going to tell the whole story of them. But you can also.

[Caller Kelly]

Right, right.

[Steve Berg]

You could also go on newspapers.com and they have digitized a ton of ancient old newspapers, especially in the old, old, old state like Rhode Island. I bet there is historical records out the wazoo. I think doing that and like creating a little dossier about the house will give you a peace of mind. And also just the more you know, the better armed you are for anything that comes up.

[Caller Kelly]

I agree.

[Caller Lindsay]

I love that.

[Eric Andre]

Okay, how about this?

[Caller Kelly]

Like, good people that lived there, like a shoe cobbler.

[Eric Andre]

Oh, yeah. There's a reason you're there.

[Steve Berg]

There. There's 100 chance a shoe cobbler, like, occupied that house.

[Eric Andre]

For sure it didn't murder anybody. There's no one hidden. Well, I'm also going to say this exactly. Wolf Moonetti is spearheading a psychic festival, Sunday, February 15, in Middletown, Rhode Island.

[Caller Kelly]

And I wish we were living there.

[Eric Andre]

Well, I'm sure it's a regular thing because there's a holiday he. Before this, he did a holiday shopping vendor fair. Wolf Moon. Eduardo is on Facebook. I'm looking at him right now, and his Instagram is Wolf Moon Sacred Spaces. Oh, and I'm looking at his. He's involved in this lucky cabal, a Wailing City witch hunt. Like, I think that, I mean, this looks completely lucky. Cabral, the Wailing City witch.

[Steve Berg]

Wait, wait, wait.

[Eric Andre]

Also, he left us on the full snow moon 13 months ago. She has walked through the fire. There's a Wailing City witch, and there's a lot going on. And there's Wolf Moon, Eduardo's psychic festival.

[Steve Berg]

Hold on, wait. Let me ask you a question, Eric. Why is Wolf Moon think he needs to hunt. Hunt witches? What kind of psychopath is that?

[Eric Andre]

Steve? This is going to help me with the house.

[Caller Kelly]

No, I thought we were over the witch hunting.

[Steve Berg]

No, we're over it.

[Eric Andre]

No, this was a friend.

[Steve Berg]

Eddie's trying to bring it back, man. No, no, no.

[Eric Andre]

He's helping her get to the other side. This was a friend.

[Steve Berg]

By hunting a witch?

[Caller Lindsay]

Okay.

[Eric Andre]

Yeah, well, it's just part of a psychic festival.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah. What is 125 bucks to get in?

[Eric Andre]

You know, maybe Jake Johnson will pay for it.

[Steve Berg]

You have to buy two drinks.

[Eric Andre]

Yeah, put it on Jake's tab. You have to. Drinks. The eggs are incredible. I hope you're wearing cheap socks. You're gonna knock right off. Do a little bit of sturgeon and raw onion in there. It's awesome. But, no, it looks like there's an incredible community for you waiting in Newport. Yeah, I mean, I feel like we got some incredible options for your friend. Do you feel like we've helped today?

[Caller Kelly]

No, I.

[Caller Lindsay]

Yes.

[Caller Kelly]

I love the idea that Steve gave of kind of doing. Doing some research, maybe seeing who's been there. I don't hate the idea of like, calling out a few, you know, walking around the house with my stage and calling out a few people like, hey, yeah, Franklin, thanks for. Thanks for, you know, thanks for being here, but you gotta go. I love that.

[Caller Lindsay]

I love.

[Eric Andre]

Play your music. Read. Read whatever texts are sacred to you, whatever is meaningful to you. And you're reclaiming this home and your energy, and it's gonna be yours and yours.

[Caller Kelly]

Yeah.

[Steve Berg]

And so also, and I think push

[Caller Kelly]

comes to shove, I'll call in Wolfman. But I like the idea.

[Eric Andre]

Please call him. Either way, I'm looking at this guy's Facebook page. He looks like such a legend. Don't you want to be in Wolf Moon's posse? He may do a little bit of witch hunting, but that's not his whole deal.

[Steve Berg]

Eric will be going on 3. A three state stint of seeing Bob Dylan shows with Wolf Moon by the end of the year. Mark my words.

[Eric Andre]

I'm so in. Why do you think I'm asking you to do this? I. I see a guy named Wolf Moon. Eddie, look, Steve, I love you. This might be my upgrade. I might be doing advice podcasts with Wolf Moon Eduardo very soon.

[Steve Berg]

God, I mean, it's.

[Eric Andre]

Yeah.

[Steve Berg]

For the first time,

[Eric Andre]

but.

[Steve Berg]

So what do you. I also think. I also think Kel like that. I really do think opening the windows. Because there's something with windows, I mean.

[Caller Lindsay]

Yes.

[Caller Kelly]

Yeah. You gotta air it out.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah. And even if you just kind of like get granular with it, like a A window is a portal because it's, it's, it's, you know, it's a doorway through another side. I do think opening up every portal in the house. Day one, before you move furniture in that kind of fun first night where you guys are sleeping on the floor, having a glass of wine, maybe like a ham and potatoes and you know, you're doing that and then walk around

[Eric Andre]

potatoes.

[Steve Berg]

Because the health maybe.

[Eric Andre]

Why is everything food?

[Steve Berg]

Because I'm hungry all the time.

[Eric Andre]

All right, I respect it. The other thing I'll say is there's this new science thing. Steve, I've been meaning to ask you about this. Have you heard of house burping?

[Steve Berg]

No. Oh, God, what's this?

[Eric Andre]

No, it's. There's a house burping and especially for an older house that you want to, even in winter, regularly open your windows and let the air through.

[Caller Kelly]

Yeah.

[Eric Andre]

And apparently it's a whole thing in Germany and that, you know, it's part of. If you lease or rent an apartment or a house in Germany, it's in there that you have to burp the house. They have some special long German word for it for house burping. And now they're very mad because it's becoming one of those tick tock influencer things of house burping. Like this is us while they're taking us. It's like, you guys can chill. We can appropriate your house burping. You know why two world wars. So we're gonna do what we want. You aren't allowed to about us appropriating your house burping and calling it burping when there's some far from nugent term. You know why two world wars, okay. And you're over two friends. Okay.

[Steve Berg]

God.

[Eric Andre]

I'm just saying they're upset. They're legit upset about us appropriating house burping. And I'm like, you guys, you got about a 300 year thing where you're not allowed to say anything.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah, that's true. They're on probation, so.

[Eric Andre]

They're on. They're on probation.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, look, look, essentially you are burping the house, so to speak. You're spiritually burping the house by opening the windows and doors and singing a little song. I like Eric's idea of blasting. Oh boy, 21. Oh yeah. Fall upon.

[Caller Kelly]

Yeah, that I'll come with my own little jingle.

[Caller Lindsay]

I've.

[Caller Kelly]

I have a one year old. All I do is make up jingles all day every day.

[Eric Andre]

So we want an update. And also in a dream world, we would love an update on Wolf Moon. Eduardo.

[Caller Kelly]

Yeah, no, I'm not kidding. I am.

[Jake Johnson]

Don't tell him.

[Eric Andre]

You know he's Italian. Let him be Wolf Mood. Eduardo. Let that. Let that dog howl. Let him go.

[Steve Berg]

Let's let him go.

[Caller Kelly]

Amazing.

[Eric Andre]

Yeah.

[Steve Berg]

Let him dance. Thanks a lot, Kelly. We really appreciate it.

[Caller Kelly]

Thank you, guys.

[Eric Andre]

You rock, Kelly. This is so fun. You're one of us. You're weird. Thank you.

[Caller Kelly]

Yes, 1,000%. Thank you, guys.

[Steve Berg]

We love you, sister. Have a good weekend.

[Eric Andre]

Bye, Kelly.

[Steve Berg]

Bye,

[Eric Andre]

Caller. Welcome to Weird. Here to help. First off, what is the name or the name you're choosing to use and where are you calling from?

[Caller Lindsay]

My name is Lindsay. Usually I'd say I'm from Portland, Oregon, but because Eric is here, I'm from the coon.

[Eric Andre]

I saw that 360-friend. I got so excited. Are you kidding?

[Steve Berg]

You're from the coup.

[Eric Andre]

The coup? Vancouver, Washington. The other Vancouver. Once I saw that three six zero, I got so excited. Lindsey, are you kidding?

[Caller Lindsay]

Yes. And it has to tie in with what I'm calling about too.

[Eric Andre]

Oh, this is huge. Because, you know, Lindsey, maybe you're ready to get on board with this. We need to have an answer to Portlandia with Vancouver. And here's the thing that is exploding. I stayed on the river last time when I was home because we have a full house now.

[Caller Lindsay]

Waterfront.

[Eric Andre]

Yes.

[Caller Lindsay]

And it was just all fancy now.

[Eric Andre]

Yeah, this is all new. It's incredible.

[Steve Berg]

Eric, you're a natural born river rat, too.

[Eric Andre]

Oh, I am. I would love to live on the water in Washington one day. We're. We're deeply into us. Even all the way up to Calama, friend. We're into it. My wife's into it. So first off, my fellow Vancouver resident, this is so huge. You're going on a desert island. Let's say you're going to Savi Island. You're going to Kalama. You can only bring one movie, one book and one album. What's it going to be? And if instead of movie, you can also do a premium television show, what's it going to be? So we get a sense of who you are, what we're rolling with without

[Steve Berg]

thinking about it off top of your head. Go, go, Lindsay.

[Caller Lindsay]

Okay, well, I'm glad you said TV because I'm not much of a movie person. For a book, I would say Atomic Habits because I bought it last year. Still haven't read it, and I feel like I need to still build Habits.

[Steve Berg]

My favorite book, right? Oh, yeah. Cover is really good though.

[Eric Andre]

I bought a book on procrastination. I'm getting to it next week. I've been there, friend. I got a lot of self help books.

[Steve Berg]

My favorite book is.

[Eric Andre]

No. Yeah, do the audiobook. You got this.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah. My favorite book, Washers by Dean Coons. I haven't read it, but I know, I love it. Sorry, Lindsay. Just playing. Just playing, babe. What now? Continue, Lindsay. Continue on your. Your favorites.

[Caller Lindsay]

For a TV show, it'd probably be like my DVD collection of Parks and Rec.

[Eric Andre]

You know, there's a Vancouver resident on there, friend.

[Caller Lindsay]

Wait, really?

[Eric Andre]

Oh, I was on there. Yeah.

[Steve Berg]

Erica was recurring.

[Caller Lindsay]

Oh my God.

[Eric Andre]

Lawrence. Yeah, I was a lunatic.

[Caller Lindsay]

I should have known that.

[Eric Andre]

Yeah. Now just know.

[Caller Lindsay]

Wait, now I remember. Oh my God.

[Eric Andre]

Pride of Vancouver, my friend. Yeah.

[Steve Berg]

Weren't you like launching frisbees at Adam Scott's head?

[Eric Andre]

If I'm remembering correctly, Amy Poehler's. Yeah, and then there was a. I was like attacking Amy Poehler at town hall meetings. Then there was a horrific real life news story where that actually happened. And then that was no longer what I should be doing on time.

[Steve Berg]

Are you. You're the inspiration behind the gu. Maybe you fired this little chick?

[Eric Andre]

Yeah.

[Caller Lindsay]

He looks so cute.

[Eric Andre]

You. You can go to town hall meetings. Oh my gosh. I'm in.

[Steve Berg]

Hey. Okay, so now album. This might be the most important one for us to get to know you at. Lindsay.

[Caller Lindsay]

I have to say, it's been said before, and you guys don't really like him, but I'm gonna bring the album trench by 21 pilots.

[Steve Berg]

It's not that I don't like it. It's that grandpa Steve doesn't really know who I've heard of them. Are they like an Americans got talent band that like broke big out of like some reality show that they. With a name like £21? That's what it feels like to me.

[Caller Lindsay]

They're like a Midwest emo band from 2009.

[Steve Berg]

Okay. I mean, I'm from Omaha, Nebraska, lovingly referred to on Rolling Stone as Emoja. So I know about my emo music.

[Eric Andre]

Yeah. Steve is a Midwestern emo band from 2009.

[Steve Berg]

It's essentially he is. I've had a top for a lot of my life, so, you know. Yeah, I, I, I, I, you know, I'm sad in the inside, happy in the outside. Very emo Midwest. If you heard the bad cursive Tim Casher, he's my boy. Lindsay, goodness sakes, you sound like a fantastic person. What is the issue that you would like Eric and I to potentially help you with today. We're feeling very helpful, FYI.

[Caller Lindsay]

So basically, Eric, you have done work with Burgerville before and you've pouted about the brand before. And guess what?

[Steve Berg]

What?

[Caller Lindsay]

I work there.

[Steve Berg]

You work at Burgerville.

[Eric Andre]

Okay, Lindsey, I'll give it to you. Ready? Burgerville, the onlyville. Use the app and savor the rewards.

[Caller Kelly]

Exactly.

[Eric Andre]

Yes.

[Caller Lindsay]

That's the voice.

[Eric Andre]

And you know Burgerville, I got that because it really is my favorite restaurant in the world. I went in the Doughboys and talked about Burgerville and then I said I wanted to, I wanted to do their ads and then I magically got to do it. So big up to Burgerville using quality Northwest ingredients every single day.

[Steve Berg]

Is there a specialty burger there? Like, is there like a signature burger? Like, talk to me about that because I'm a stranger to it.

[Eric Andre]

Lindsay, you want to handle this? We also have incredible regional treats that are seasonal. What are we doing right now, Lindsay?

[Caller Lindsay]

So right now we're doing the seasonal truffle mushroom burger for the month. But I'd say our most popular that people come down to or come up to all the time for is our Walla Walla burger and our Walla Walla onion rings in July.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And we are brought to you by Squarespace. Oh, Squarespace, how we love you. Squarespace is where you go to create an online present to appear professional. You launch your passion project with Squarespace. We love Squarespace. We use Squarespace all the time. My website, GarethReynolds.com is a Squarespace website. We use Squarespace to help people on the show build their. Well, honestly, to corroborate their fibs and their white lies. We use Squarespace for that sometimes. But other times people will use Squarespace for trying to build up their business online. I was working with someone who we were going to start a whole ear business and. And it completely fell apart. But we were going to use Squarespace because there's no other place to go. It's an all in one website platform that is designed to help you stand out and succeed online.

[Jake Johnson]

Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. From consultations to events and experiences. Showcase your offerings with customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business. Get paid on time with professional on brand invoices and online payments. Plus streamline your workflow with built in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools. So go to squarespace.com for a free trial when you're ready to launch. Use offer code Gil sent me to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Mint Mobile. Every group has someone who insists on doing things the hard way. Eric actually me. That friend still paying for subscription. They forgot they had that one friend refusing to update their phone because it still works. Eric not wanting people to have phones in bars so they can check him when he's lying about a story. That's weird. I used to be that person too. Especially when it came for over paying for wireless. Then I switched to Mint Mobile and I'm glad that I did. Here's the reality about Mint Mobile. We gave a promo code to Brian Patrick Farrell. My dear friend. I said, what do you think? And he said, the reception is just as good. He was scared to do it. He kept his number. He said it was simple to do. And then over the whole year he's going to stick with it. He's like, I'm saving real money and I did not lose any quality.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ready to stop paying more than you have to. New customers can make the switch today and for a limited time get unlimited premium wireless for just $15 a month. Switch [e-mail] heretohelp that's mintmobile.com heretohelp upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months or $180 for 12 month plan required. $15 month equivalent taxes and fees. Extra initial plan term only over 50 gigabytes. May slow when network is busy and capable device required. Availability, speed and coverage varies. Additional terms apply. CementMobile.com oh God.

[Eric Andre]

And I'll say this. Lindsey Walla Walla Sweet onion rings are by far the best onions in the world. And I'm an onion guy. I get them shipped in. They come in like this little thing that looks kind of like pantyhose to keep them fresh. They are so good. And Burgerville has the best onion rings. Also, Lindsay, I'll say this. I'll put Burgerville's fish and chips and fish burger with about anyone. Right? Friend.

[Caller Lindsay]

Yeah. So, okay. The reason why I'm calling is because I've been with Burger for years. I love the company. We have a new CEO coming in. Some things are changing around. I started out as an employee when I was like 16, crew member, learned all the roles. I switched to a manager later and then I saw there is an opening for a customer service agent and it's remote and I was like, get me out of here. Love the restaurant. But I want to hang out with my cats some more.

[Eric Andre]

Yeah.

[Caller Lindsay]

And so I kind of like to expand that role. And so my question is, how do I propose a job that doesn't really traditionally exist?

[Steve Berg]

I love this. Okay, so basically, to kind of summarize it, you are trying to create a new position in a company that doesn't have a position. This is fantastic. So like, basically like you're trying to maybe in a way bring Burgerville, like elevate Burger Bill's marketing campaign. Is that kind of your idea?

[Caller Lindsay]

Yeah, like I'd like to work kind of in the back end of stuff because they already have like a digital marketing agency they outreach to that I'm sure Eric worked with in the past. I kind of want to be on the ground. So if they need like a photo shoot, I can be the camera guy. If they need to update the website, I get help with that. They need more video editing for animations. I can jump in on that too. It kind of be different projects at different times, but I'm fulfilling any gaps that they have that the, you know, the marketing agency can't do.

[Steve Berg]

So just.

[Eric Andre]

I love this and I know for a fact Burgerville would much rather do stuff in house. Just as they bring sustainability and Northwest pride to their menu items they would love and it would save them some money to be able to have you do it. I'll tell you what I would do is a lot of times I really start working and Steve, I'm curious if it's same for you when I do stuff for free where it's an investment in yourself. I would start making that content on your own. And here is also what I will say. I would be very happy to do a free voiceover for you when you make that content, to really amp it up and use their voice and someone they use as a voice. Because if you show them your value and if you can take it, you go into that main office, you tell Heidi I said hello, she's running stuff there. And you show her, say, hey, I made this. And it could be Walla Walla sweet onion rings. It could be any of our seasonal cobblers. I mean, I think that there needs to be a love letter to Burgerville spread because Burgerville spread is the most delicious thing. I just had my neighbor, Tony Cameron, wonderful. Stand up, brought me back a jar of Burgerville spread and it lasted about four days. I was putting it on everything. Well, I mean, don't you think, Steve, she starts making her own stuff.

[Steve Berg]

I absolutely, Eric, I think it's great because basically it's like a proof of concept. Because especially when they don't like to go in and just tell them this is what I want to do. I think as opposed to telling them you show them what you want to do. However, I think you're going to need some great ideas is. Now, Lindsay, Lindsay, be honest with me. Do you have the goods like, can't like here? Because, because here's what I'm thinking, sister. I'm thinking what you do. You, I mean like you live close to Portland and there's a lot of talent. I, I, I'm, I'm, I have grandparents from Salem, so I know I'm very

[Eric Andre]

familiar with name drop.

[Steve Berg]

Hey, hey. You know, I come from a prestigious family. Old, old, old money. No, I'm just kidding. But like what I would do if I wanted to show a new boss what I can do, I would not tell him about it. I would do it on you first off. That's going to show a lot of gumption on your part. But what I would do if I'm you, I would go to some comedy clubs, look at the local theater, see who are the two funniest people in Portland, ask them to do a spec commercial and you know, like, and then you can show your boss. But they could run these on Instagram. Like you don't have to pay to have a digital commercial. This could be like, you could say, like, look, let me be in charge of Instagram. We're going to shoot these little spots. I can direct them, I can hire an editor, I can do this. But I think you need to come up with like some, I think we need to come up with basically some commercial spots for you to do for like social media. Eric, what do you think about that?

[Eric Andre]

I love that, I love that. And then you will just focus on each thing that makes Burgerville special. So it's the regional if they're low in fish sales, but let's boost those up.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah.

[Eric Andre]

Because people don't know some of the best fish in the world comes from a burger place.

[Steve Berg]

Let me, let me, let me, let me, let me pitch you. And I, let's. So I wanna, I'm gonna open up the floor with pitching ideas for commercials. We open up a beautiful pan shot of like a creek. And then all of a sudden we, we pan over and we see like an old grandpa and like overalls with his like little grandson. And the grandpa's like, huh, I sure miss Nancy. I miss grandpa. It's like starts off very sad. Like, like, yeah, my Wife just died. Your grandma just died. And then all of a sudden he's like, you want a burger, grandpa? And then he's smiling, he's like, grandma who? And you make him look really funny. I don't know, like that. That might be a little dark for an opening gambit, that. But we're just getting the ball rolling.

[Eric Andre]

We used to have an improv game called New Choice. Yeah. Did you just do New Choice, Steve? New Choice.

[Steve Berg]

Okay, I just got New Choice by. By Eric. Okay, let's see. What do you got, baby? Come on, come on, come on. Pitch me, pitch me, pitch me. We're in the room. Eric, I want to hear your idea. Come on.

[Eric Andre]

Me?

[Steve Berg]

Yeah, you.

[Eric Andre]

I would do a love letter to Burgerville spread. They have this secret sauce, Steve. I would have like a spread fairy.

[Steve Berg]

Okay.

[Eric Andre]

This Burgerville spread is so good on everything. You have a magical Burgerville spread fairy. Making the world in Portland and Vancouver a happier, better place by sharing Burgerville spread. Because when my neighbor showed up and there was a jar of Burgerville spread on my porch, I about wept. And I immediately went in, cooked myself a Beyond burger and dunked this stuff all over it. It was just so good, Steve.

[Steve Berg]

But like, but give me the content.

[Eric Andre]

You.

[Steve Berg]

You and I, Eric, we're running an agency. It's Mad Men. You and I were smoking, we're drinking.

[Eric Andre]

Oh, I love it.

[Steve Berg]

Like, so here you said fairy. So what? What if you. You're in a Burgerville, right?

[Eric Andre]

I'm putting you in a fairy outfit with wings. Well, look, I. And you're floating around doing good deeds, giving Burgerville spread. And then you're half housing burgers. Housing.

[Steve Berg]

But then under the cuff of my long sleeve shirt, I have a pump up a tube pump full of this delicious spread. And I'm going around to different people and basically, yep, it's a practical.

[Eric Andre]

And drinking a good amount yourself, you're gonna have spread all over your beard. I will.

[Steve Berg]

It'll be all.

[Eric Andre]

That's your lot in life, buddy.

[Steve Berg]

I think you lean into like this being a little surreal and a little bit like over the top wacky. I think you have a fairy and you have a practical special effect with burger sauce. And these he's. It's a bunch of people eating plain burgers. Like, ah, this burger is okay. I mean it's a burger. And also the fairy makes these burgers.

[Eric Andre]

Oh yes. Because everything's better with Burgerville spread. And like think about those Skittles commercials. Like, they're so surreal and so fun and they're kind of like little short films. They are and they're brilliant. And what I also love is Skittles is one of the few ones that still does brilliant act. Because now my big beef, and this is partially my beef for Burgerville. Steve, what happened to the commercial actor? Now it's all celebrities and the creativity has gone so far down. So this is a chance for you to be an answer to that, to write something real funny. We're putting Steve in lycra and leggings and pantyhose with fairy wings and he's going to fly around giving Burgerville spread around the Portland, Vancouver, Tigard, Beaverton metro area. And all of a sudden Steve's getting a Burgerville check. You've proven your worth to this, to this great Northwest company. And that new COO is going to save a whole bunch of money that they can put into opening new Burgerville's, which is their goals. They want a lot more Burgerville stuff.

[Steve Berg]

Oh, the stockholders are going to be happy. Here's another pitch. And this, you know, maybe it gives new choice, but someone's going to have to come up with a picture. I can't be the only one here. So, okay, picture this tense situation. You have two guys or a guy and a girl they're standing over trying to defuse a bomb. Do we cut the blue wire to be cut the green wire? Do we cut the red wire? They don't know. But what happens is they, they like, well, let's take a quick burger break. They take it by the burger, some of that burger burger sauce falls onto the bomb, defuses the whole situation. They high five Burgerville, come and get your sauce. I mean, that's gold.

[Eric Andre]

What about a love letter to the actual fisherman? Steve, since you're a fisherman, like you start on a boat, the fish aren't biting, then a little drop of Burgerville spread goes in the water and the fish go crazy. They start jumping in the vote saying, please cook me, please cook me. We want to be a part of this spread.

[Steve Berg]

And what?

[Eric Andre]

Because I would dip the, the fish and chips in the Burgerville spread, not just the tartar sauce.

[Steve Berg]

Let me tell you this. Let me, let me just add a little something. I love what you got cooking there, Eric. We really love that here. But what is stiff instead of a fish? It was a talking burger that you fish out of the thing.

[Eric Andre]

Oh yeah.

[Steve Berg]

Then you come and you dip in the sauce. The burger is happy to be eaten now because it has this wonderful sauce on. It's like, look, I'LL sacrifice. I'll sacrifice myself gladly, if you smother me with that sauce.

[Eric Andre]

Yeah, the sauce is that good that the fish are willing to die for it. There's your tagline. Sauce you're willing to die for.

[Steve Berg]

Sauce you're willing to die for. That is.

[Caller Lindsay]

That's a good one.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah.

[Eric Andre]

Right.

[Steve Berg]

Lindsay, what do you think? Do you have any ideas? Like, I mean, I think if you. Here's the thing. If you're going low budget, you're doing this on spec, and you have a budget, like, of, I don't know, 800 bucks that you. You are paying for with your own money, I do think you're gonna have to lean into weird, surreal comedy to make it.

[Eric Andre]

Yeah.

[Steve Berg]

I think if you try to make it safe, like a. Like a normal national, like, Burger King commercial, it's not gonna come off. It's not gonna. You need to stand out. I think that's what Sonic did so well. I think, like, go back on YouTube and watch those Sonic commercials because, like, they did change the game of, like, TV for, like, least a hot second where improv was king. And we. They were just putting, like, here's a weird situation. Let. Let these two champs roll. But I think if you're gonna do this, these commercials need to be, like, nothing anyone has ever seen before. Does that make sense?

[Eric Andre]

Yeah, that.

[Caller Lindsay]

Yeah, that's super interesting. I initially called in trying to think of, like, a job proposal, like, whether that's, like, a video or, like, just, like, a fancy PDF with, like, somehow Eric's involvement to send to Heidi. Because everyone here is a big fan of Eric. But that's actually interesting. Doing a commercial.

[Eric Andre]

Oh, yeah.

[Steve Berg]

No. Guess what? No one wants to read. Look, if I'm a CEO and someone gives me a PDF, I'm going to use that to roll up a doobie and smoke. Okay, I ain't reading.

[Eric Andre]

He's gonna roll a doobie anyway. He hasn't even had that good Washington weed yet. Yeah, Lindsey, I think you show don't tell, and I'm thrilled to pass along to Heidi and all the great people in the Burville offices, but I seriously think if you show them, you can. And now there's a whole world of creation for you. You shoot that in an iPhone? Yep. You don't. Don't have to pay your actors much of anything.

[Steve Berg]

You pay them.

[Eric Andre]

And the other thing I'll do is I'll say this. When you said Burger King, Steve, you know what immediately went my way in my head? Because it's burned in there for life. Bk, have it your way. No rules. Yeah, yeah. If you can think of a jingle like that for Burgerville. Because I don't think Burgerville's ever really had a jingle. Think of a hypnotic jingle that can hypnotize children into begging their parents for burgers.

[Steve Berg]

How about this?

[Eric Andre]

And they get the single cheeseburger extra spread.

[Steve Berg]

Hey, Jack and Jill, walk down that hill and head on over to Burgerville.

[Eric Andre]

Hey, Jack and Jill, walk down that hill and head on over to Burgerville. The onlyville. Use the app and savor the rewards.

[Steve Berg]

I mean, Eric and I. Eric, you. With my natural base and your natural baritone. If we were able to harmonize with

[Eric Andre]

that, are we willing to offer that for. To Burgerville right now? Because I am.

[Steve Berg]

Will you do it with me? I will do it with you. Look, look for. Okay, first off, Lindsay, you just got a free tagline for two professional. Two professionals. Second.

[Eric Andre]

Debatable. Debatable. But it's something. And there's also a shocking amount of acting talent in Portland. That's where I came up. That's where I learned to act. I did plays at the Oregon Children Civic Theater.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah.

[Eric Andre]

And kids would get bused in, and I was the only one they didn't mic because I was so loud. But, like, you know, you got Duffy Epstein, Vanna o'. Brien. There's all these incredible Portland actors, Dennis Sparks, you can recruit them. And unfortunately, as actors, we're willing to do stuff these days for 150, 200 bucks. And so you get your $800 budget, you put it toward a couple powerhouse Portland actors. You have the theme with Steve and I. Steve's really going to bring it. He's not going to phone it in.

[Steve Berg]

No.

[Eric Andre]

We also have the backup idea of Steve as the spread fairy.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah.

[Eric Andre]

In wings, wearing tights, making the world a better place.

[Steve Berg]

Get me unwired.

[Eric Andre]

Yeah. So now you can shoot this on your own, do it on your own, or send like four different ideas over there to Heidi. And you're basically showing your value in creating your own position. Because they would love to not be outsourcing and paying someone else anymore. They would love to make this in house. And you're built for this, Lindsay.

[Steve Berg]

You got the goods because this, what you were doing. Also, like, you could be creating a viral moment. Like, cut to a year from now, Burgerville may be opening up. It'd be spring to the midway because of your viral ad. Talk to me, Lindsay. What. What are you thinking here? Let's talk about this.

[Caller Lindsay]

That sounds super Exciting. I came in with a whole different like headset, but this is like super interesting that I'd be totally down to do. I'm gonna have to like research first our local arts and acting scene, but I'm totally down to do it. And I would say the fishing one, I might need to cancel that one because that seems like is a little over my skill set in the small budget we have for sure.

[Eric Andre]

Or you could find a local animator that is looking to create a calling card and wants to do more of this too. You're kind of can build your own little thing here of saying, hey, I'm working for free. Do you want to work for free? And then you have a calling card. And then we might be working for Burgerville and we might be swimming in Burgerville spread.

[Steve Berg]

Okay, I had. Here's a pitch. Here's a pitch that's true. Sheep, right? Okay. You are going to create like almost like, almost like a cinematic moment. It's going to be. The music is really tense. You open up on a cave, which is very easy to fake. You will not have spent much money. You go out and shoot it in some beautiful forest that you live close to. And it's a guy that almost looks like Indiana Jones esque. And he is, he is about ready to open up this old sarcophagus. And inside of the sarcophagus, you, you, you cut back to his face and then is glowing with golden lights. And this music comes and it's a jar of Burgerville sauce. And then Eric's voiceover comes in at the end.

[Eric Andre]

Oh, I love it. Or you can just have Steve say sarcophagus and we all are gonna love it. That's all we need.

[Steve Berg]

Look, I could do the voiceover for the actor. The actor, basically. I could be the, the thought bubble inside the actor's head. I've been looking for this sarcophagus my whole life.

[Eric Andre]

I think we got options, Lindsay. I think so. You think about this. You think about what ideas work best for you. And then you email morgan weirdhertohelpail.com and let us know what you need from us on the next step. Because it's very easy for us to fire off some voiceovers for you or anything else. And then I'm telling you there are some of the most talented actors in the world in Portland, Oregon. I was lucky enough. That's where I did all my training. That's where I became an actor as a, as a small overweight child. And they're out there and they would Be willing to help out for Burgerville. Especially, you can pay people in Burgerville gift cards. Who doesn't want that? That's what I got my parents for Christmas.

[Steve Berg]

Well, okay. So how you feel? You feel good about this, Lindsay?

[Caller Lindsay]

Yes, I feel a little bit nervous, but I'm excited to get the ball rolling. I appreciate the tough love. I'm spreading my wings. You know, this is my first time, so I need to hear it and I'm excited.

[Eric Andre]

Yeah, you are spreading your wings like Steve, the Burgerville fairy. Yes, I can see it. I can see Steve. I'm okay handing over my Burgerville job to you, Steve.

[Steve Berg]

No, no, no.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You.

[Eric Andre]

I can see you as the Burgerville spread fairy. And it is good.

[Steve Berg]

I'm not taking your job. Eric, we'll talk about this.

[Eric Andre]

No, I'll still do the voiceover. But you're the fairy.

[Steve Berg]

Okay, Eric. Obviously. Well, you're typecasting me now. You suck of a.

[Eric Andre]

Have you played a fairy before?

[Steve Berg]

In my. In my dreams.

[Eric Andre]

See, now we're making those dreams a reality for you, for Lindsay, for Burgerville. For Vancouver, Washington, which my parents are very funny. They're like. They used to call it Van Tucky. Now you know what they're calling it? Eric Van Hatton. So you're doing it for van Hatton. The 360 area code. Lindsay, you're stuck with us.

[Caller Lindsay]

I've heard of Manhattan.

[Eric Andre]

Manhattan. And once I stayed at that hotel on the river. Yeah, I was at that glorious Indigo Hotel. Right on the Columbia River. The mighty Columbia. Steve, what do you got through the song about it? We recorded there? Oh, yes, it's great.

[Steve Berg]

We did. We documented. Well, this has been fun, Lindsay. Work hard, get into this. Don't wait. Start today. Start writing down ideas. We gave you a couple, but come up with your own. And honestly, like grind, grind, grind. You want this job, you have to. You are creating something out of thin air. Show. Don't tell Lindsay. And please keep. Keep.

[Jake Johnson]

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ Helpful Pod Gmail.com. and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] here to help. Pod to see our entire catalog.

[Steve Berg]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions Executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis.

[Eric Andre]

Associate producer Jesse Thurston Editing, mix and

[Steve Berg]

master by Chris Faller.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The COVID artwork is by James Fosdike, animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on where here to help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Steve Berg]

All video episodes of season one are

[Sponsor Voice]

available now on Patreon, and season two

[Eric Andre]

video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th.

[Sponsor Voice]

Go to patreon.com forward/hereto help pod.

[Steve Berg]

Well, good afternoon. This is your little friend Stephen Berg, and this is a message going out to all you fantastically brilliant vasectomy doctors. I have a little proposal for you all. My wonderful friend and brother, Gareth Reynolds is looking to get a vasectomy done because he is making the choice to not bring children into this world. And you know what? I respect that opinion. Nobody wants a bunch of little Garretts running around. Boy, try saying. Try pluralizing Gareth with a lisp. That's not easy. Nobody wants a bunch of little garrets running around when Gareth himself doesn't want that. So, doctors out there, what we are looking for, what we are wanting, if possible, is for you to give our friend Gareth a vasectomy. Now. We'll pay for it. He's got cobra. He's got great insurance. That's not the issue. Here comes the little angle we're taking. We would like to document this on a little thing called videotape. This is a plea. This is a call to all vasectomy doctors in the lower 48 in the United States. Please, oh, please, let our little friend Gareth Reynolds get a vasectomy and let us videotape it. We're talking to Hi8. You know, like a gritty. You know, it'll look good, it'll be classy, it'll be artsy. You will come off looking like an absolute hero. That's a Burgundy. Thank you. Enjoy this message and enjoy this episode. Bye bye.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I have a new podcast on Headgum called Next. We have. Now, this show is for people with short attention spans, which is everyone. I mean, you're probably trying to skip this ad right now, but don't, because you now legally have to listen to the show.

[Eric Andre]

That's how law works.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Next we have is very simple. Each episode has three short segments. For instance, Lisa Gilroy and I write insane revenge Yelp reviews for callers who had bad experiences with a business. The doughboys play a game called Meal or no Meal. And Steph Tola and I go head to head on a thought provoking game game called Guess that Sound. The show is as dumb as it sounds and we probably have more fun than we should, but it's a great time and you should listen or watch new episodes of Next we have every Thursday on YouTube or your favorite podcast apparently.