Podcast Summary: We're Out of Time

Episode: A Rabbi’s Rock Bottom: Addiction, Faith, and Rebuilding After Losing Everything
Host: Richard Taite
Guest: Rabbi Asher Gottesman
Date: February 17, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode features Rabbi Asher Gottesman, founder of Transcend Recovery, addiction coach, and host of the “Showing Up with Asher G” podcast. Asher shares his personal journey from childhood loneliness and addiction to losing his multimillion-dollar business, becoming suicidal, and finding recovery, meaning, and faith. The conversation dives into issues of family dynamics, Jewish identity, suicide, the limits and powers of community, and practical advice for those struggling with addiction. Themes of vulnerability, accountability, connection, and hope are woven throughout.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Early Loneliness, Family Dynamics, and Identity

• Childhood Isolation:
  • Asher, the youngest by eight years, felt unintended (“I thought I was a mistake” – [02:30]).
  • His parents were “tired,” leaving him with profound loneliness after siblings moved out ([03:02]).
  • “I felt a distinct sense of loneliness immediately. And then I used evidence to prove my loneliness.” – Asher ([03:44]).
• Religious Expectations:
  • As a Rabbi’s son, felt unable to fit in with peers or siblings:
    “I have to be this unique character… I felt very out of place not being able to be a regular kid.” – Asher ([03:48])
• Pain is Subjective:
  • “There is no direct correlation between pain felt and pain inflicted. For us to start judging our pain is narcissistic as well.” – Asher ([04:45])

2. Addiction, Faith, and Spiritual Wrestling

• Relationship with God:
  • Grew up with a fearful conception of God (“let’s Make a Deal God”):
    “God was meant to… (be) feared… If I ate non-kosher…something terrible is going to happen… I resented religion a lot.” – Asher ([06:14])
• Finding Awe Instead of Fear:
  • Discovered the word “yira” means “awe,” not “fear,” shifting his spiritual perspective ([06:14])
• Divine Nudges and Hitting Rock Bottom:
  • “God gave me nudges along the way…Unfortunately, I didn’t listen to those nudges. So it ended up being a swift, massive kick in the ass. But it wasn’t because God’s a spiteful, nasty God. It was, hey, dude, how do I get you there?” – Asher ([08:01])

3. Hitting Rock Bottom and Path to Recovery

• Personal Crisis:
  • After business collapse and bankruptcy, Asher planned suicide but waited due to a two-year life insurance clause ([09:16]).
  • “Everything I did… drugs, alcohol, food… were solutions…. I really believe that if you knew me you couldn’t love me. And I was completely unlovable.” – Asher ([09:16])
• Intervention and AA Experience:
  • Therapist identified his addiction, sent him to AA, where the universality of pain and desire for community became clear ([11:34]).
  • “Why am I any different than those guys in the room? They want to die; I want to die. Why am I looking at differences? Go look at similarities.” – Asher ([12:50])
• Community’s Role:
  • “It was the first time in my life that nobody cared who my dad was, how much money I had… what religion I was.” – Asher ([12:56])

4. The Power of Unconditional Love and Being Seen

• Rabbi Shiner’s Kindness:
  • Story of being accepted by a Hasidic rabbi in jeans and a t-shirt:
    “He treated me like a child… It was the first time in my life I experienced anything like this… he saw the soul.” – Asher ([14:16])
• Comparison Trap:
  • Learned to stop minimizing others’ problems:
    “How do I know that $800 to that guy is not $12 million to me? Why am I comparing?” – Asher ([13:07])

5. Suicidality, Shame, and Honest Conversation

• Speaking About Suicide:
  • “I invite [people considering suicide] to take the suicide and put it in their back pocket…Let’s see if there’s an alternative.” – Asher ([15:58])
  • Both hosts admit to recurring suicidal thoughts and stress the importance of eliminating shame and encouraging discussion:
    “That thought by itself is really lonely if you can’t share it.” – Asher ([17:10])

6. Recovery Insights and Jewish Spirituality

• Surrender and Belonging:
  • “When I surrendered and stopped looking for the differences and looked at similarities… for the first time in my life… I felt at home.” – Asher ([17:50])
• On Universal Salvation:
  • Asher discusses how, in Judaism, “Everybody can go to heaven… Not just Jews. Everybody.” ([18:34])
  • Explanation of the Seven Noahide Laws as principles for non-Jews ([19:16])
• Making Amends:
  • The process of repentance and making amends—“If I hurt another human being, you better bet, you better clean your side of the street.” ([20:31])

7. What Makes Recovery Community Work

• Transcend’s Unique Value:
  • “One word. Community.” – Asher ([24:25])
  • “We are going to create a community where someone feels seen and heard and hopefully not judged…” ([24:36])
• Advice to Parents:
  • “We have to find a way that [kids] can feel seen and heard so that they can have somebody they can be honest with so we can help them help themselves.” ([25:54])
  • Parents must change too—“So when (kids) come home, they see changed parents too… not just the identified patient.” ([26:43])

8. Religion, Prayer, and Cultural Experience

• Ritual vs. Relationship:
  • Jewish prayer, performed repeatedly in Hebrew, sometimes loses meaning for those who don’t understand it ([31:40]).
  • Asher: “God doesn’t need us to say it. Sometimes we need us to say it… In order for us to maintain the humility and the understanding…” ([32:11])
• Guardrails for Living:
  • “These are guardrails for a full, happy, satiated life.” – Richie ([34:33])

9. Vulnerability, the “Wounded Healer,” and Personal Growth

• Being a “Wounded Healer”:
  • Acknowledges struggle continues, but now with tools and boundaries.
    “Be vulnerable enough to share… that I still struggle. I now have more tools in my tool chest… Yet I’m not perfect here… don’t ever use it as an excuse.” – Asher ([36:21])
• Key Advice:
  • “I wish I would have gotten my head around the concept that I don’t need to do anything to be worthy of love. I got up this morning and I’m worthy of love.” – Asher ([38:13])

10. Relapse, Community, and Digital Loneliness

• Handling Relapse:
  • “Life ain’t linear, guys. Just because you relapse doesn’t mean everything that happened before… is a problem.” – Asher ([40:06])
  • “Failure is only failure if you don’t learn something from it.” ([40:21])
• Connection Instead of Isolation:
  • Real connection comes from trust, vulnerability, and shared experience—not screens ([41:17]).
  • “The only way out of loneliness is to find somebody else that you allow to see you, that you’re not afraid to share your secrets… who responds… without judgment and with kindness.” – Asher ([41:17])
• On Digital “Connection”:
  • “Anybody that thinks social media is connection, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry for you.” – Asher ([43:33])

11. Looking Forward: Dreams, Service, and Purpose

• Future Plans:
  • Wants to move to Israel, shed professional titles, and serve people one-on-one for free:
    “Hang out with people and literally let them know in real life that they’re lovable and build them up.” – Asher ([44:21])
• If Given Unlimited Resources:
  • “Figure out a way to end famine. Nobody should be hungry anymore.” – Asher ([45:15])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If you just say it to somebody, you know, if you’re not capable of it…” – Asher ([38:08])
• “You’re not starting off down by ten in the fourth quarter.” – Richie ([38:36])
• “You couldn’t chase the dollar and be a good person… Once it becomes chasing, it’s a problem.” – Asher ([39:43])
• “In today’s world, the only way out of loneliness is to find somebody else that you allow to see you, that you’re not afraid to share your secrets.” – Asher ([41:17])
• “Failure is only failure if you don’t learn something from it.” – Asher ([40:21])
• “One word. Community.” (on what makes his recovery work unique) – Asher ([24:25])
• “Don’t use [being a wounded healer] to obfuscate yourself from responsibility. Use it to relate to others.” – Asher ([36:21])

Important Timestamps

• Childhood Loneliness & Identity: [02:26]–[04:16]
• Struggle with Faith & “Let’s Make a Deal” God: [06:14]–[08:01]
• Suicidal Planning & Turning Point: [09:16]–[12:50]
• Community and Belonging in Recovery: [12:56]–[13:36]
• Transformative Act of Kindness – Rabbi Shiner story: [14:16]–[15:37]
• Talking Honestly About Suicide: [15:58]–[17:37]
• Relapse and Growth: [40:06]–[41:02]
• On Digital Loneliness and Real Connection: [41:17]–[43:39]
• Future Vision and Purpose: [44:21]–[45:15]

Closing Notes

The conversation covers the spectrum from childhood pain to religious questioning, systemic challenges in both treatment and faith communities, and what it means to authentically connect. Asher’s story is a testament to the healing power of vulnerability and the lifesaving potential of compassionate, supportive community—one built on seeing the soul, not judging the person.

Find Asher’s book on Amazon: “Connection” by Rabbi Asher Gottesman.
Contact: astrogoddesman.com

(For further exploration, listen to full segments at indicated timestamps for personal stories and deeper context on each theme.)