255: Beyond the Balance Myth: Motherhood, Leadership, and Letting Go with Love with Stacy Huston

Summary

Podcast Summary: What the Fundraising

Episode 255: "Beyond the Balance Myth: Motherhood, Leadership, and Letting Go with Love"

Host: Mallory Erickson
Guest: Stacy Huston, Executive Director, SixDegrees.org
Date: September 2, 2025
Length: ~42 minutes

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Episode Overview

This episode explores the intersection of motherhood and nonprofit leadership, challenging the myths of “balance” and “compartmentalization.” Mallory Erickson and Stacy Huston have a candid, humorous, and vulnerable conversation about navigating demanding careers while raising young children, the pressures and judgments that come with each role, and the messy, often unseen work of nurturing adult relationships during major life transitions. Both women reflect on letting go of perfection, the empathy gaps that occur until we share lived experience, and the power of modeling authentic leadership for the next generation.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Stacy's Background & Current Role

• Stacy is Executive Director at SixDegrees.org, founded by Kevin Bacon, supporting small grassroots organizations through storytelling and campaign development. Her focus is on elevating the visibility of community-based groups as economic and social drivers.
• Quote:
  “We sit at the intersection of storytelling and philanthropy… Our work is really focused on helping small grassroots organizations…tell their stories so that more people see them, learn about them, are inspired…and eventually give them dollars and time and capacity.” — Stacy (02:25)

2. Professional Identity vs. Personal Life

• Stacy grew up in California and now lives near DC; she notes the difference in social norms—work-first identity on the East Coast vs. more personal, holistic introductions in California.
• She is a wife, mom to two little girls, and active in her community.
• Both Mallory and Stacy struggle with expectations to “compartmentalize” motherhood and career, feeling that neither identity can be left behind.
• Quote:
  “There are these, like, interesting, exact expectations around when we're supposed to be sort of like career purists and when we're supposed to be mom purists… it always feels like I'm trying to leave like a part of myself behind that feels unnatural.” — Mallory (06:17)

3. Remote Work, Flexibility, and Mom Guilt

• Stacy appreciates the flexibility of remote leadership but highlights the ongoing struggle to turn off the professional or parental sides when needed.
• Day-to-day logistics (sick kids, last-minute schedule changes) still tend to fall on moms, often resulting in judgment from both professional and parental circles.
• Quote:
  “It's the pressure of being a mom and a wife and managing a house and even with daycare, it's like you're the first person they call… It's expectation that the mother is often the one that's going to be the first kind of line of defense.” — Stacy (08:25)
• She emphasizes transparent communication about priorities and capacity to family, friends, and colleagues to prevent burnout and resentment.

4. Renegotiating Adult Relationships

• As life stages diverge, adult friendships often require intentional renegotiation or natural letting go.
• Both describe the pain and awkwardness of realizing a relationship has changed or ended—not due to drama, but simply life moving on.
• Missing models for “non-dramatic” relationship transitions leaves women, in particular, feeling pressure to maintain unrealistic standards.
• Quote:
  “I wish there was more conversation, examples of adult relationships ending, not dramatically… sometimes a relationship is complete, right? Stage of life has changed, location has changed.” — Mallory (16:59)

5. Empathy, Apologies, and Growth

• Empathy often requires a “common memory”—it can be difficult to understand someone else’s reality without analogous lived experience.
• Storytelling, Stacy argues, creates shared points of empathy and understanding.
• Both discuss how sometimes only experiencing a major life change oneself (like motherhood or marriage) brings awareness of past insensitivities.
• The importance of taking accountability for missteps—even if unintentional—and being explicit in apologies to enable forgiveness and stronger relationships.
• Quote:
  “We may not always be able to [show empathy] until we've had the experience…that’s why storytelling is so important…begin building a memory for yourself to build empathy.” — Stacy (25:51)

6. Parenting While Leading

• Stacy shares her routines for staying connected to her daughters while traveling (letters, FaceTime, small gifts) and her commitment to protecting family time.
• Both agree that when work “takes from their bucket,” they are intentional about “pouring back in” with focused attention and play.
• They reflect on how leading both at home and at work makes them better and more compassionate on both fronts.
• Quote:
  “What we need to be more conscious of is when you're taking from someone's bucket…being intentional about how do we pour back into them that attention and love that they're craving.” — Stacy (31:55)

7. Modeling Vulnerability and Growth for Kids

• Both strive to model vulnerability, transparency about mistakes, and growth mindset to their children, recognizing this as a crucial aspect of raising resilient future change-makers.
• Stacy notes being grateful to become a parent later (“at 40”) with greater self-awareness, despite the logistical demands.
• Quote:
  “For my girls to see their mom be confident, also struggle sometimes…all of those things are important experiences for the young people in our life to see.” — Stacy (35:51)

8. Support Systems & Community

• The importance of finding and building a village—both for practical support (like Mallory’s story of another mom watching her daughter during a keynote) and for mutual emotional reinforcement.
• “We can't do this work alone. We need to show up for each other. That’s another way to fill each other's cup.” — Stacy (41:46)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Stacy: “If you drop the ball, it can seriously impact other people's lives. And so I think that I have had to compartmentalize at times, but just also just become way more transparent about when I've hit my capacity…” (10:29)
• Mallory: “I feel like I spent a lot of time pretzel twisting myself to try to make everybody happy and then got to a moment where I was like, yeah, I can’t do life like this.” (13:10)
• Stacy: “It is a practice… Instead of ‘what did I do wrong?’ sometimes it’s just life stage, not about you.” (17:57)
• Mallory: “Sometimes the choices feel impossible...in those impossible moments, I find myself feeling really isolated because... I’m either not enough here or not enough there.” (30:09)
• Stacy: “They’re seeing mommy do some pretty cool things and they now believe they can do those same things. That’s pretty powerful.” (35:51)

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Key Timestamps

• 02:25: Stacy introduces SixDegrees.org and their storytelling-driven philanthropy.
• 04:10: Discussion shifts to blending (and resisting) professional identities with personal life.
• 08:04: Challenges of remote leadership and “turning off” work or “mom” mode.
• 11:29: Navigating logistics and cultural judgments about motherhood and work.
• 13:37: The necessity (and difficulty) of renegotiating relationships in adulthood.
• 16:59: The societal silence around mature, peaceful friendship transitions.
• 25:51: On true empathy requiring common memories and the power of storytelling.
• 31:55: Strategies for staying present and restoring relationships with children after work/travel conflicts.
• 35:51: Modeling confidence, vulnerability, and growth mindset for children.
• 41:01: The importance of practical support networks—“it takes a village.”

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Tone & Language

Mallory and Stacy’s conversation is animated, funny, vulnerable, and compassionate. Both use real-life anecdotes, gentle humor (about birthday goodie bags and “mom brain”), and relatable examples to underscore deeper points about empathy, boundaries, and the impossibility of “having it all.” They are honest about imperfection and unapologetic about prioritizing what matters most in each moment.

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Final Reflection

This episode is a must-listen for nonprofit leaders, parents, and anyone navigating demanding roles. It dispels the myth of perfect balance, encourages authentic leadership, and offers practical wisdom on boundaries, communication, and the sometimes-messy work of building lives—and organizations—rooted in love, growth, and community.

Transcript

[Stacy Houston]

Foreign.

[Mallory Erickson]

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[Stacy Houston]

We may not always be able to until we've had the experience, because I believe that common memory is where empathy becomes like comes into play. If we don't have common memories, then we can't really come from a place of empathy. So that's why storytelling is so important for us at 6 degrees to talk about lived experiences and to share them in a really authentic way. Centering the peoples whose stories they are. Because then you can kind of peer in in to that place and begin building a memory for yourself to build empathy.

[Mallory Erickson]

Hey, my name is Mallory and I'm obsessed with helping leaders in the nonprofit space raise money and run their organizations differently. What the fundraising is a space for real and raw conversations to both challenge and inspire you. Not too long ago, I was in your shoes, uncomfortable with fundraising and unsure of my place in this sector. It wasn't until I started to listen to other experts outside of the fundraising space that I was able to shift my mindset and ultimately shift the way I show up as a leader. This podcast is my way of blending professional and personal development so we, as a collective inside the nonprofit sector can feel good about the work we are doing. Join me every week as I interview some of the brightest minds in the personal and professional development space to help you fundamentally change the way you lead and fundraise. I hope you enjoy this episode, so let's dive in.

Welcome everyone. I'm so excited to be here today with Stacy Houston. Stacey, welcome to what the fundraising.

[Stacy Houston]

Thank you so much. It's so great to be here with you, Mallory.

[Mallory Erickson]

I'm so excited for this conversation and just so appreciate everything you do and how you show up in the world. Why don't you start just telling everybody a little bit about you and your work and then we'll talk about some more personal sides of the work.

[Stacy Houston]

Yeah, same same. It's really an honor to be here. So I'm Stacy Houston. I'm the executive [e-mail] which is a public 501C3 charity that was founded by actor, philanthropist and musician Kevin Bacon. So we sit at the intersection of storytelling and philanthropy. And so our work is really focused on helping small grassroots organizations based domestically in the United States to reach a wider audience, because we know that community organizations are economic drivers in our communities and they're also filling gaps that are really needed in terms of social and even environmental services. So we use our expertise around content creation, campaign development to help them to tell their stories so that more people see them, learn about them, are inspired by them, and eventually give them dollars and time and capacity and all of that wonderful stuff. So I have a very, very fun job and I get to work with a wonderful team that are largely creative and inspired by change makers all around the country.

[Mallory Erickson]

I'm so grateful for the work that you do. And I know when you and I started to a little bit More personally on LinkedIn, we were talking about the balance of that, of careers that we love, work that we love, and life behind the scenes, managing our little people and sort of balancing motherhood with all of that. So tell us a little bit about all the other pieces of your life other than running this incredible organization.

[Stacy Houston]

Yeah, it's so funny. I will say. I grew up in California. Now I'm right outside of Washington D.C. in Fairfax. And when I first moved here, I thought the most annoying thing the whole world was, what do you do for a living? And I'm like, I had entire groups of friends that I did not know what they did for a living. You know, some were in entertainment, it was clear. But I had a friend who actually worked at a hula hoop company and I swear the fact that I don't know what he actually did at that company still bothers me to this day. Like, why did I not ask any more questions than that? But I say that because when I first moved here, I really resisted talking about career first. And now it's so natural for me to kind of start there and then stop. But outside of my career, I am a wife and a mom of two really beautiful, spunky, opinionated, strong willed little girls. I have a 5 year old Abby and a 3 year old Eloise who are just like the joy of my entire life. I never actually thought I wanted to have children. And then my husband, and then we had one kid and then Covid hit and we were like, oh God, this, this kid needs a friend or else we're gonna have to play with them forever, you know, like, so then we had, we had another so they could have a companion and obviously she routed out the Houston family and it's been a great joy. But I'm really active here in this community, really active member of my church, Grace Community Church and really wonderful neighborhood with, you know, just a lot of families that roll up their sleeves and help one another. I'm very lucky. I think that as soon as I kind of push back on some of the more professional parts of this area and really spent some time cultivating relationships, that just took a lot longer just because of the amount of busyness that is just so inherent with the mid Atlantic. But most specifically outside of the Washington, D.C. area, I found a really strong community because once you're in and you're on the calendar, you're a lifer. So.

[Mallory Erickson]

Oh my gosh, I love that. And I'm in California and grew up here, but then spent 10 years on the east coast and found my way back. But it's so interesting, that piece around kind of what part of your life you lead with or talk about. Like, when you were saying that. I'm like, I used to joke when I was running an organization in California, I still hired a lot of people from the East Coast. Cause that was sort of my professional upbringing and probably my style a little bit. And I used to joke that I wanted to an app that would insert niceties into emails that they would send the California staff who were like, you haven't asked me how I am. You went straight to business. And it's so interesting, like that fusion. And I feel like it brings up this really interesting question of like or expectation in certain situations of us, like compartmentalizing those sides of ourselves and then being in other environments where that feels or like, so unnatural to do so. And I feel like for me, it's always been really hard. You know, people say you talk about your kids a lot. And I'm like, yeah, like, I'm with my kids a lot. Just like. Like my life is basically an appendage. Exactly. I mean, I do raise them and you know, like, I'm with them every day when I'm home. And so it's like. But I feel like there are these, like, interesting, like, exact expectations around when we're supposed to be sort of like career purists and when we're supposed to be mom purists. And I personally have had such a hard time with either of those roles fully compartmentalized. Because it always feels like I'm trying to leave like a part of myself behind that feels unnatural. I'm just curious for you, like, especially having that kind of like cross country experience. Like, how do you navigate that?

[Stacy Houston]

Yeah, in some ways I feel really lucky because I'm able to work remotely and as executive director, like, if I Can't do something on a certain day, I'm like, I got like, I have to do this. I have a great board, a great team. We do really want to create space for our staff to have a life and to be fulfilled and have some of that like balance.

[Mallory Erickson]

Right.

[Stacy Houston]

But at the same time, I do think it is really, really difficult, especially when you're leading an organization and you're a driven person, to know when to turn off the professional side. And I've had a lot of conversations, my husband, about this. It's the pressure of being a mom and a wife and managing a house and even with daycare, it's like you're the first person they call. I'm like, call my husband. Like, he's available, he's there. I'm traveling more, I'm doing these things. But it's expectation that the mother is often the one that's going to be the first kind of line of defense. And then if, if you're not there, you don't show up for something. The looks, oh my gosh, like the, it's really a lot of like judgment in terms of you just doing your best and something may be working differently for your family. But my daughters are quite vocal. I mean, when my 5 year now 5 year old was 3, she was tested at her school and they're like, she has language skills of a five year old. I'm like, yeah, that tracks. And so she's really good about saying things like, mommy, are you listening to the sound of my voice? If I'm distracted or if she's home like she is today, she got sick last night. It's just these things never happen when you have time for them to happen. It's always like the least convenient time. I'm like, oh no, I'm the parent that can be home with her today. And she just wants to cuddle. She just wants to spend time with me. And she's like, can I lay on your lap? And I'm like, oh, I have this presentation from this organization and I have this call and it'll be really hard to change and maneuver. There's 10 people on it. And so sometimes she just can't. Maybe it's that you won't, but you kind of look forward and you're like, there's just so many other things that would cascade if you had to make an adjust. And so I find that people in my life have to adjust as well. I think that this is something that I've learned is to be really communicative about this is how I'm prioritizing and this is where we can give and take. My closest friends, they, they know, like, I might not get to see you once a quarter. Like, I would love that. But sometimes it's, hey, I'm going to be at this winery on this weekend and like you, you're gonna need, you know, this is where we are. And I want to spend time with you and have that kind of like intimate one on one and spend time with your kids. Like, I can't do that for everybody anymore and balance the things that are most critical, which is really my own children, my spouse, my work. Because there are people that are depending on me even in my work. Right. I think it's not like a normal 9 to 5 where you check in and you check out. Right. Like if you drop the ball, it can seriously impact other people's lives. And so I think that I have had to compartmentalize at times, but just also just become way more transparent about when I've hit my capacity in the extra stuff that I would love, but I always don't have time for.

[Mallory Erickson]

Yeah. Oh my gosh, there's so much in there. No, it's, it's. I mean, I resonate with everything that you were saying. I mean, even from the very beginning of like the glares I feel like I get when I go when I'm on the phone picking up my kid from daycare and I'm waiting in the car until it's 5 o' clock so I can finish this last little call and, and then, and like all the moms are standing in front just glaring at me in the car. And then the people I'm talking to on the other line are like, you're always picking up your kids. And I'm like, you, man, I have.

[Stacy Houston]

Children, like, they need picked up.

[Mallory Erickson]

Like, you always send me voice memos when you're picking up your kids. And I'm like, yeah, because that's like literally that drive or the 10 minutes that I'm not on calls during the day and then I'm going to pick up my children where somebody's mad at me on that end about how I'm doing that side of it and you don't like it on this end, how I'm doing this of it. And sometimes it can feel like this. Like in some ways I feel, I mean, in many ways I feel incredibly grateful also that my girls get to see their mom love what she does and like make change. And you know, I always say to them, like, you know, my job is to help create the world I want for you. And sometimes that's directly with you and sometimes that's my work. Like sometimes my work, it's still for you. It doesn't feel like it to a five year old, but you're like, whatever, like, like, please just color mom.

[Stacy Houston]

Yeah, exactly. Seriously.

[Mallory Erickson]

But like trying to keep like my eye on that like prize in addition to like really loving it and finding it super fulfilling and knowing that that's something that's really good for me. But yeah, I think, I mean, another thing I'm like hearing and what you're saying, maybe that has been true for me, has. I've had to renegotiate a lot of adult relationships in my life and some of them it's what I've been able to and some of them I haven't been able to. And I feel like I spent a lot of time like pretzel twisting myself to try to make everybody happy and then got to a moment where I was like, yeah, I can't do life like this. Like, this is what's going to be the end of me.

[Stacy Houston]

Yeah. Especially during COVID there's a shift we went from. This is pre kids and we had just had our, our daughter. She was like three months when Covid hit. And so I was part of these different social clubs, moderating a lot of panel discussions, networking three to four times a week. It was a lot. And when we felt things starting to open up again, we were like, what do we want to keep from this time and what do we want to kind of revert back to? And one of the things that we were really good at for a long time was that we were going to do one thing a weekend. And it's like church is always baked in. That's like included. But we're like, if it's a birthday party, it's one birthday party. If it's our friends wanting to meet at a winery, like that's what we're doing. If it's someone's a dinner, like that's what we're doing. But I had a lot of friends that would be like, are you free? And it's like, yes, but I'm also still not coming because I have laundry and I want to just see my PJs today. Like, I don't want to feel like I'm over scheduled because I know for me that can be really hard on my mental health. It can just feel, you know when you're like looking at your calendar and you're like, I'm going to get to sleep in three weeks. I don't know if you've ever been there, but like, that happens more times than I'd like to admit. And so talking about renegotiating relationships I think is. It's really hard, but it is something that you kind of often need to think about and reevaluate. I was listening to, I want to say it was Simon Sinek who had shared something similarly or talking about relationships. And he's like, you know, we are told that this friend that we grow up with, they're supposed to be our friend for our whole life. And we get hurt when, like, things change when they have kids and we don't have kids yet or they join some country club and we're not joining there. And so they build these new relationships. And he said relationships are really about proximity. Oftentimes. Like, I have friends that are. I'm still close with in California. And just last night I got a text message. I woke up, I saw it this morning. One of my best friends is like, I really miss you. We need to schedule something on the calendar so that we can talk because we leave voicemails. That's how we've been communicating. So she's like, very clear, hey, I need some time. That's going to happen. Right? But I've had some friends that just maybe feel like it's a blow off, like I'm not making enough time for them. In reality, we are in different stages of life and that's not a bad thing. That's just where it is. Sometimes moving 20 minutes away is enough to be like, oh, man, this is a long distance relationship. I can't commit to this. I'm not, I'm not ready for it. And that doesn't mean that in another few years you might have an intersection point again and be able to rebuild it. But I think creating some grace for each other in that is really helpful. Just letting people know, hey, this isn't about you. This is stage of life I'm in right now. And it's just, these are the things I can really manage for myself and just being clear that it's not about them, that you care about them, you adore them, you love spending time with them, but it's just not in the cards as much as you would like. And I think that sometimes we don't want to have those vulnerable conversations and then we overcomplicate it and make it more difficult for ourselves down the road because feelings get hurt.

[Mallory Erickson]

Yeah, we don't really give ourselves permission up front to, like, make hard decisions like that. And, yeah, I was just saying to my mom on Sunday and my. One of my siblings, I was like, I wish there was more conversation. Examples of adult relationships ending, not dramatically. You know, Like, I was like, we. Because I feel like sometimes a relationship, like, is complete, right? You're like, stage of life has changed. Your location has changed. And I was like, I could not think of a single show I had ever watched, movie I had ever seen, where an adult relationship just naturally ended and transitioned. And I'm like, why is this so hard for us to imagine or allow or. Because I feel like, especially for women, like, it creates just so much additional pressure that then can't be compartmentalized and seeps into all the areas of our lives.

[Stacy Houston]

Absolutely. And as much as I'm saying this, if one of my great friends all of a sudden became more and more distance, I would think it was all about me. Like, it's so easy to preach it, but if you're on the other side of that and they're just not communicating whatever it is, it is so easy for me to say, what did I do? In fact, I have a very dear friend that moved to Ohio, and we had gone up and visited. And then about a year and a half ago, like, the communication just kind of dropped off. And I sent a few text messages, and they went unresponded. And then I called, and I didn't get a call back, and I immediately was like, oh, my gosh, did I offend them? Did I post something? Did I say something? Did I miss a birthday? Did I do something that really hurt them? And then finally, I kind of sent a message like, I love you, and I don't know what happened, and I miss you, and I. I don't know what's going on, but, like, just know that I'm here if you ever want to talk. And she was like, oh, my God, I'm a terrible friend. And she just responded with, like, I've had health issues. I've had this. I've had that. I don't want to talk on the phone all the time. It's like, all of these things. But she just booked a trip, and she's coming to stay with us for three days in a couple weeks. And I'm so grateful that I just took that extra step to say, like, I'm feeling a certain way, like, I love you. I hope everything's okay. And just showed that sign of vulnerability instead of, like, what the stories we Tell ourselves. And it's like, I don't know what happened to that person. Yeah. They just ignored me. They. And I could have been bitter, and I could have had a resent that grew, but it doesn't serve me. It wasn't fair to her. Right. But it is a practice, I think. And you're right. Like, I immediately think about girls, which is like, you know, that HBO show, like that friendship, when that blew up, it's like, there was cheating and this and that, and it was, like, hostile. And it's. It isn't really ever. And it's not as fun. The entertainment value isn't fun. Right, right. But you're right, you know, as people, we're living it and we don't see it. I don't think it's modeled for us as clearly.

[Mallory Erickson]

Yeah, it's so interesting. I had an almost identical experience to the one you were just describing with somebody that I love, that I was reaching out to and not hearing back from, and thought maybe I had, like, harmed her in some way or, like, had done something that really hurt her. And I sent a message, like, checking in, kind of, hey, did I do something wrong? Like, I want to make it right. I want to hold myself accountable if I did something that hurt you and didn't hear back. And a few months went by, and I was like, you know what? I'm just going to try one more time, and I'm going to be really clear that I want to take accountability. I just don't know. You know, I'm neurodivergent. So I think there's always a part of me that's like, I missed something or I misread a cue, and I want to figure out what it was to make it right or something like that. And I, like, sent this long voice memo, and she responded like, oh, my God, I'm the worst friend. Oh, you know? But she had been going through her own stuff. Both of her, like, hospitalized parents, just, like, so many things. And then she was so worried that I would be angry at her, and I was like, no, I just wanted to. But then we got to have a really vulnerable conversation on both sides around just, like, I don't know, restating, like, the safety in our relationship, but also the need for communication, like, style and cadence to change. Yeah. And to have grace for each other. Right. And to. Not to have grace for ourselves, but also grace for each other. And I just feel like it was such a great example for me. And it sounds like for you, too, of, like, this can Be done. And there are just so many different ways for things to, like, work.

[Stacy Houston]

I love that, and I love the key point that you said there that really makes it for me, is that you had to kind of discuss the style and cadence. It's, what do you need in this relationship? Right. Do you need a friend that is checking in weekly? I might not be able to be that friend right now. Right. I have, like, a small group of people that I can check in weekly with. Right. But if you are okay with a call once a quarter, I have a friend that we do zoom calls, and we said, let's just set a zoom call every other month, and we'll just have it on their calendar in the evening. And if we have to bump it, we have to, but it's there. And we know when we're planning dinners and stuff, we can pick alternative nights. And because that friendship was meaningful to both of us, and we had a conversation about it, we're like, what, because you don't live here anymore? We're missing out on so much goodness that this friendship brought to both of us just to be an ear for one another. So, yeah, having those kind of, hey, what do you expect out of this relationship? I think that's really key. We don't do it enough.

[Mallory Erickson]

No. And give ourselves permission to, like, renegotiate or exactly. To say, like, hey, I might not be that person right now that you need. And I just want to be honest about that so that I don't hurt you down the line. And you invest in relationships where maybe the person can be, you know, as present as you're needing right now. I feel like Covid also really taught me a lot about that. I read a meme or something recently that was like, being 40 today is wild because you have some friends who. Kids are going to college, and you have some friends who are having babies. Right. And that is, like, exactly how I feel. And sometimes it can be so hard because you're just like, yes, we both have kids, but we are just dealing with very different things.

[Stacy Houston]

And, like, I'm paying daycare tuition. You're paying.

[Mallory Erickson]

Yes. Or just like, I remember when voice memos started on the iPhone before it was transcribed. And my friends with older kids or no kids would just go bananas with those. And I was like, every time I play a voice memo, my kids start screaming to be louder than it. If I put in AirPods, they pull them out of my ears. Like, I was just like, this modality of communication does not work for me. I cannot do it. And I think we don't. Like, I just had somebody say to me yesterday, like, I always felt like I was compassionate, passionate to moms. And now this woman is a mom. And she was like. And I feel like there are all these ways I didn't give Grace that I'm feeling, like, kind of guilty about now. And I'm curious, like, what you think about that, because it is so hard. I feel like that's happened to me around. It happened around my wedding with people kind of behaving ridiculously. And then later, when they were getting married, realizing that they behaved ridiculously. That happened to me, actually. I behaved ridiculously at a friend's wedding. And it wasn't until I got married that I was like, I should have never asked to bring that person. What was wrong with me?

[Stacy Houston]

What's wrong with me? 100, you know, like, no kids. And they're like, but can I bring my kid? And you're like, no, that's definitely not. Like, what is. Why would I. Yeah, I mean, 100. And it's like, key example. It's like birthday parties. But I have two kids. How can I bring one birth kid to a birthday party? My other kids, Like, I can't go to the birthday party. It's like, listen, if one kid's going to the birthday party, you don't have to give a birthday bag to both kids. But, like, there's other kids coming. You know what I mean? But also, when you throw your own birthday party, you're like, you can't leave this kid without a birthday bag. You're buying extra birthday bags now, which also. Can we just get rid of birthday bags?

[Mallory Erickson]

Like, I have.

[Stacy Houston]

This is my policy. Like, it's all junk. It's all plastic. What are we. What are we doing? No one wants it. I don't want to step on one more. Like, ink pad, you know, oh, my God.

[Mallory Erickson]

Or plastic airplane or. Yeah, thank you.

[Stacy Houston]

None of it. Thank you. I don't even know what the question was at this point. I just. Mom brain. I just. What? What were we even talking about?

[Mallory Erickson]

I mean, I feel like, that piece around, like, showing empathy to people even before.

[Stacy Houston]

There you go.

[Mallory Erickson]

We haven't had their experience. Like, how do we get ourselves to be better at that?

[Stacy Houston]

I think that we. 1. We may not always be able to until we've had the experience. Because I believe that common memory is where empathy becomes, like, comes into play. If we don't have common memories, then we can't really come from a place of empathy. So that's why storytelling is so important for us at 6 degrees, to talk about lived experiences and to share them in a really authentic way, centering the peoples whose stories they are, because then you can kind of peer in to that place and begin building a memory for yourself to build empathy. I have a dear friend who also was a client. I have coached people over the years on getting TEDx talks, right? And I just work with Steph, and Steph's an executive coach and really brilliant. And whereas a lot of my work is around creating connection right, in communities and with each other. And what can we do to be really intentional about showing up for people in our everyday actions? A lot of her work is around kind of taking ownership over who's at the head of your table, right? Like, so when you're making a decision, like, am I making this out of jealousy, out of fear, or am I happy and content? Am I doing this with the right person at the head of my table? And she's also been working on this stuff around taking a turn. So in accountability, because we haven't had those experiences. Sometimes instead of going to the, oh, my gosh, I did something wrong. What it's thinking very clearly. Like, maybe I did. Maybe I didn't put a lot of grace towards this when I acted a fool at the person's wedding or invited someone to the dinner party when it was supposed to be kind of an intimate event or. Or just made it a little bit more uncomfortable or played something that I shouldn't have played around someone's kid. Like, fill in the blank of what you may not think is that big of a deal, but being able then to say, hey, like, especially someone stonewalling you, I don't know if this is it, but, you know, I really want to say that if this offended you in some type of way, I really apologize for that. And this relationship is important to me. And we may not always see eye to eye in many things, but the last thing I want to do is to make your life more difficult in some type of way, right? Like, I care about you, and it doesn't matter that we might see things differently or be at different stages in our life. And when you're able to do that, I think forgiveness flows and it can really create, like, those bridges that we need to mend relationships and to keep moving forward. But it's that key thing about having to take accountability. Because often we don't know until it's slammed us right in the face. And then it's, oof, I really put my foot in it. And it's uncomfortable having to take ownership, but how much better you will feel and how much more valued that person that you actually care about will feel if you just can say those words. I'm sorry. Right. Like, they're simple, but they're meaningful. Especially if you're connecting it to that direct action that may have been mistaken but still needs to be addressed.

[Mallory Erickson]

Yeah, I love that. I'm thinking about some of the recent apologies I made, like my daughter going over to somebody's house and asking, okay, Google to play dua lipa that then had a lot of inappropriate words in it. And I mean, there are just so many things like you're running through the list. I'm like, I need to apologize for that. And I need to apologize for that. And I love what you said about, like, sometimes we can't maybe expect ourselves or expect others to have empathy for an experience that is so foreign to them. Right. That they can't really relate to in any way. And maybe whether we decide to or not. And it's part of why I wanted to have this conversation with you here publicly is like, for people to hear more stories of. I was talking to a friend recently and feeling like I don't have a lot of friends with, who are in big careers with young kids, like, at this stage of life. And so I don't have a lot of stories or a lot of people to shame spiral with who will actually.

[Stacy Houston]

Not start a group.

[Mallory Erickson]

Yes, Right. Like, because sometimes the choices feel impossible. Like, it feels like there's no way I'm getting out of this choice, even if I'm conscious about it, even if I'm prioritizing, even if I'm putting the right. I love what you said at the right thing, at the head of the table. Like, I think a lot about, like, conscious based values versus fear based values and the fact that we all might have 10 values. But sometimes those values are in conflict with each other and we have to make a decision about which value we're prioritizing in that moment and. And own it. And it doesn't mean that the value we sacrifice, it doesn't feel good. But sometimes in those impossible moments, I find myself feeling really isolated because I feel like anyone I might talk to about it, like, when I go to a conference, they're like, oh, why are you late? And then when I come back for a conference in my mom's, it's like, oh, how could you go? And it's like, oh, man. Just. It's so hard sometimes.

[Stacy Houston]

Yeah. My 3 year old has been having a really difficult time. And as I've been traveling, I traveled every week for four weeks, a day or two, but it's a lot. And so she started kind of regressing, wetting herself, having this really just hard time. Mommy, don't go. I don't. And this fear that maybe I'm not going to come back. And that's really difficult because you're like, how do you meet them, where they are? And I have things that we do. We send them little letters when I'm leaving. They have something open. We FaceTime every single day. We really try to stay connected in that way. And I'm grateful that we have like technology as a tool to do that. They know that they always get a gift when they come home, when I come home. Little things that they can look forward to. But nothing replaces time.

[Mallory Erickson]

Yeah.

[Stacy Houston]

So one of the things that I've tried to do is say, hey. Then I'm. If I'm traveling then there's going to be a couple days that week that I'm cutting it at three and I'll try to pick up the girls early. Now that's the weather's nice, like take them to the pool. So I think that what we need to be more conscious of is when you're taking from someone's bucket, as you will, and in this case when you have kids, sometimes not showing up is taking from their bucket. Right. Being intentional about how do we pour back into them that attention and love that they're craving that one on one time that I'm going to leave my phone and not take it to the pool so that I don't have a distraction so that I do get in and swim with them and play with them and all of that and saying like, that's what I'm going to do. And so I've been really clear on those boundaries. And Sunday I've been really clear on like that as a day that I'm with my family, I don't really like to do even anything with like extended family. It's just like, just an important day. We get such few hours, I think sometimes with our kids, especially at these ages. And so yeah, when I have to work really, really hard, that whole work hard, play hard. Well, that play hard is like I'm playing hard with my kids. I'm gonna let them pick what they want to do one day, even if it's 90 degrees and they want to go to the park. And I'm just gonna be like, all right, we're just gonna put on some bucket hats, lather on that sunscreen and bug spray. They want to do it. And so figuring out how other someone else is served, I think is really helpful and maintaining those relationships. And as hard as it can be, sometimes it does fill your bucket as well. Right. Like bringing joy and seeing someone feel really valued and appreciated by you. That's the cycle that just pours in and pours out, and that's really what we need more of.

[Mallory Erickson]

I love that. And I have some, like, similar. I mean, I FaceTime a lot with them. When I'm gone, I feel like we finally have Isla, the 19 month old. We went through a phase where FaceTime ruined. Oh, thank you. Emmy named her after her gymnastics teacher.

[Stacy Houston]

I love it. I love it.

[Mallory Erickson]

But we were in a phase where FaceTime would just ruin it for Ryan and, you know, it would make everything a lot worse. We finally have gotten to the stage where she likes it and we can connect while I'm gone. And Emmy, my oldest, when I come home, she goes, what was in the gift hall? Which is like the exhibit hall, where she's like, what did the gift hall have this time?

[Stacy Houston]

It's so funny. Like, my husband, when he goes to tech conferences, because he's in that world, world, he always brings back the little stuffed animals with, you know, the company logo. And I'm like, you don't ever have to buy anything. You're just grabbing the swag. You know what I mean?

[Mallory Erickson]

You're like, I know, but it's just as bad as the goodie bags. So it's like, that's like another reason why we have so much crap.

[Stacy Houston]

Yeah, for sure. Everywhere.

[Mallory Erickson]

But I love thinking about those little things and just like the presence, like, I think that's been a big thing with my team and clients and stuff like that is like, when I am with you, I am like fully present with you. Unless. Yeah, if my kid is sick, they might be there or there are other things that are going to change. But then when I'm not with you and I'm home, like, on my calendar, there are these big blocks of, like, family time. And I will not text you back. I will not, like, because I am with them. And I might not have my phone with me and I might have just completely turned it off. And so I love that. And I have to put it on my calendar. And that's like one of the ways that I feel like I have to bring, like, work and family together. Because if I don't, the work stuff is on the calendar and the family stuff isn't. And it's like just so much more likely to eat all of those, like, little moments and opportunities to reconnect.

[Stacy Houston]

I know. It's funny because even me, my husband, at times when we've been like working on our relationship, it's like, like tonight we are connecting. Like, you know what I mean? Like tonight we're gonna have like a date night. Like calorie. You're like, oh, that's not sexy. That's not. You want to do that, but it's like practical.

[Mallory Erickson]

Yeah.

[Stacy Houston]

You know what I mean? Because when you put it on your calendar, it's important to you. Right. And you're not going to make an excuse for it. So it's a mindset. Like, switch how we think about it and say, what's on your calendar is what you prioritize. What's on your calendar is what you know is happening. And you're not going to. And if you have to shift it around, you're gonna have to really think about it. Right. Don't just easily push things. And so, yeah, how we have to think about it and adjust. That reminds me of that, that Cali, the D.C. transition, just, you know, it's how we make our way and it's how you're talking about. Emmy, I have a, you know, a five year old and I just did a TED Talk last year and TedX talk, I should say. And she'll walk around the house and she'll be talking to herself and I'm like, like, what are you talking about? And she's like, I'm practicing my TED Talk. And so I always focus on those moments too. Like they're seeing mommy do some pretty cool things and they now believe that they can do those same things. And they can. And that's pretty powerful. I had a wonderful, wonderful mom. And she's no longer with us, but she did so many incredible things. But she didn't really have belief in herself fully. She knew she was good at some things, but she didn't believe in herself the way that I believed in her. Right. And that always made me sad. And so for my girls to see their mom be confident, also struggle sometimes and have to be vulnerable and have to say I'm sorry. All of those things are important experiences for the young people in our life to see. And I'm actually grateful to be a 40 year old mom with little ones because I didn't know all of this stuff in my 20s or even my early 30s. And I know I'M a better parent at this stage in my life, even if it's more hectic. And so every day is a learning, but I invite my kids in on that journey so they know that, like, I'm learning too. Mommy doesn't know everything, and we're going to make mistakes together and we're going to try to move forward together as a family as well.

[Mallory Erickson]

I love that so much, and there's so much wisdom in there. I feel like I have really been working hard to. When I make a mistake, mistake, and I'm having a hard time with it, saying that to my kid. Yeah, Mommy messed up and I need to make it right. And here's what I did and here's what I'm trying to do and. But now, unfortunately, anytime I don't know the answer to something she says, we'll just ask Daddy. He knows everything. And I'm like, okay, now you need to start publicly messing up, please. Thank you.

[Stacy Houston]

No, no, thank you. Yeah, Daddy knows. That's hilarious.

[Mallory Erickson]

She'll say if anytime. I'm like, I don't know. She's like, okay, we'll ask. Okay, Google or Daddy.

[Stacy Houston]

That's hilarious. Daddy does everything that's funny. The things that kids say, like what they pick up on in the house, that's.

[Mallory Erickson]

I know, but you're right that they're seeing all those moments, you know, not just the ones where we're telling them, like, how cool it is that we get to do. I brought Emmy to a keynote I did last year, and we walked in and there were posters of me and I was like, how does it feel like seeing your, like your mom on the. And she goes, I do not care about it. But I was like, you know, she was like, so unimpressed. She's like, take me to the gift hall. But I was like. But I was like, I know that this matters. I know it matters in what she believes is possible for her, you know, whatever she wants to be. And it doesn't have to be anything like what I do, but just that she sees a world of opportunity available to her. And so I'm so grateful for, like, leaders like you who are showing the. Their way of navigating the complexity of what it means to be in a really meaningful way, meaningful world changing role, and also in a world changing role of raising amazing kids. So thank you. Thank you.

[Stacy Houston]

Thank you, Mallory. Same to you. I think it's important to have these conversations and I'm really glad that you reached out and wanted to explore this topic because we don't talk enough. I think about being moms and parents in general and caretakers, and it's such a critical role, and we are raising the next generation of change makers, hopefully. And so I think that raising kids is often, like, healing parts of yourself as well. They're a really good mirror to the things that are still triggering to us or the things that we sometimes push really far and down. Right. And so there's so much growth to be had, and it makes me a better leader, for sure. And I love that you took your daughter to one of your keynotes. That's really special. Abby always wants to travel with me, but, I mean, she's pretty wild. I mean, Abby is. She's my wild child. So we're gonna see. We're gonna get her maybe, like, six and a half, and we're gonna test the water. But I do. I'm looking forward to times when I can, like, bring her with me and just see up close what I'm doing. This idea of, like, mommy's going away. I would love for her to see, like, what is mommy doing when she goes away? And I think that's a nice way to kind of bridge it for them.

[Mallory Erickson]

And if you have something in the Bay Area, I should say this. What allowed me to do that the first time. Now, I've done it twice, but the first time was another mom, female leader saying, I will come to the event with my older kids, who will sit with her in the front row while you speak. Because it was like, the day before she started kindergarten. I was like, I don't want to leave. It's right before this big transition. She was like, how about this? I'll bring my kids. Kids, too, and they'll be together. So just another kind of, like, testament to, like, what we can do for each other. So if you come to the bay with Abby, Emmy and I will come and we will sit with her so that she can see you and you can have that first experience. And I'd love to just see more of that type of community show up for all of us trying to. To navigate this life a lot.

[Stacy Houston]

Thank you. Yeah. Community, A village is absolutely everything. It cannot be understated. We can't do this work alone. And so it's nice to know that you had someone for you in that way as well. We need to show up for each other. I think that that's another way to fill each other's cup for sure and get a little more longevity out of it. That's for sure.

[Mallory Erickson]

Yes. Yes. Okay. I could talk to you forever. Thank you so much for having this conversation and joining me today. I'm so grateful.

[Stacy Houston]

I appreciate you. It's been a real pleasure and an honor and I'm looking forward to more conversations with you in the future. So thanks for having me.

[Mallory Erickson]

Same here.

I hope today's episode inspired or challenged you to think differently. For additional takeaways, tips, show notes, and more about our amazing guest and sponsors, head ON over to Mallorykson.com and if you didn't know, hosting this podcast isn't the only thing I do every day. I coach, guide and help fundraisers and leaders just like you inside of my program the Power Partners Formula Collective. Inside the program, I share my methods, tools and experiences that have helped me fundraise millions of dollars and feel good about myself in the process. To learn more about how I can help you, visit Malloryerickson.com Last but not least, if you enjoyed this episode, I'd love to encourage you to share it with a friend you know would benefit or leave a review. I'm so grateful for all of you and the good hard work you're doing to make our world a better place. I can't wait to see you in the next episode. The question I've been asked the most in the last five years is how do you always know what to say to a donor? And the truth is because I've navigated donor conversations thousands of times, unfortunately I had to learn what to say the hard way. Live with a donor in high stakes conversations. It was uncomfortable, messy, defeating and definitely.

Led me to burnout.

I want better for fundraisers which is why I built Practivated, the first AI powered donor conversation simulator built just for fundraisers. With real time feedback, customizable scenarios and coaching from your AI guide Coach Tivi, you can practice donor conversations in a safe, judgment free space. I want to help you build confidence, reduce stress and strengthen donor relationships all at the same time. Are you interested? Book your demo with me Mallory erickson [e-mail] demo.