Podcast Summary: What the Fundraising

Episode 273 – Behavioral Science for Better Donor Conversations with Cherian Koshy

Host: Mallory Erickson
Guest: Cherian Koshy
Date: December 9, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode dives into the power of behavioral science in fundraising, specifically how understanding donor psychology can transform conversations, relationships, and giving outcomes. Mallory Erickson welcomes Cherian Koshy—veteran fundraiser, thought leader, and author of the forthcoming book Neuro Giving: The Science of Donor Decision Making—to unpack the practical applications of behavioral research, the importance of narrative and trust, and actionable ways fundraisers can guide donor journeys ethically and effectively.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Cherian's Background and Book Genesis

• Experience: Cherian brings almost 30 years of fundraising experience and a self-professed obsession with understanding why donors do what they do.
• The Book: Neuro Giving is a literature review-style compilation, gathering decades of behavioral science research relevant to giving, packed with citations and insights tailored for fundraising professionals.

  “My goal with the book is just putting it all in one place ... so it’s not a book that’s my musings … as much as it is a literature review.” – Cherian (04:08)

Understanding Donor Motivation: Common Misunderstandings

• Basic Generosity: People are innately generous—studies show even pre-linguistic babies demonstrate altruism. As we grow, cultural and personal experiences layer on “stories” that complicate generosity. (05:31–08:53)
• Identity Alignment: Donors give when their personal identity aligns with an organization’s work—they see giving as expressing a “better version” of themselves.

  “They see something about themselves that they want to live out... Generosity will find the way. So they have this future tense about themselves... the better version of themselves.” – Cherian (00:38, 05:31)

• Affluence ≠ Generosity: Fundraisers often wrongly assume wealth signals generosity, neglecting affinity and passion as true drivers.

The Fundraiser’s Role & The Science of Storytelling

• Facilitator, Not Extractor:

  • Fundraisers should guide donors by making it easier to give, not just focusing on relationship-building or making transactional asks. (10:10)
  • Provide clear guidance—donors often need context on “how much is helpful” and what levels of support accomplish.

  "It's our job to provide a recommendation to the donor once we understand what they are trying to accomplish." – Cherian (10:10)

• Storytelling Nuances:

  • Not all emotional stories are effective. The most powerful stories connect to donor identity, timing, and motivation—not just those that elicit sadness.
  • Beware of compassion fatigue: Overloading supporters with sad stories can cause disengagement.

• Building Authentic Trust:

  • Trust is rooted in consistency and vulnerability.
  • Organizational trust can’t rely solely on charismatic personalities—if the person leaves, so can the trust.

On Ethics, Transparency, and ‘Using Science for Good’

• Behavioral Science ≠ Manipulation:
  • The research is not about "hacking" donors or tricking people into giving. Shortcuts may work short-term but undermine long-term outcomes. (20:13)

  “My hope is that folks will certainly use this for good ... there is science, there is data around what we ought to be doing in the right way, because this is how all of our brains work. …” – Cherian (20:13)

• Ethical Guardrails:
  • The book includes a dedicated ethics section, emphasizing responsible application of behavioral insights and a warning about emerging tech, like AI, that could be misused.

The Power and Peril of Language in Donor Conversations

• Words Matter—A Lot:
  • Language shapes how donors process and react to pitches. Microsecond brain reactions to words can undermine trust or clarity before the fundraiser even realizes.
  • Cherian advocates for deliberate language choice and rehearsal: practicing nuanced conversations, ideally with feedback, to reduce mistakes that break rapport. (23:18–29:49)

  "There are all kinds of examples...where the language that we choose...all have intentional or unintentional implications on how a donor perceives the work..." – Cherian (23:18)

• Trial By Fire vs. Practice:
  • Fundraisers too often learn in live, high-stakes scenarios, making avoidable errors. The solution? Practice and feedback—tools like Practivated help fundraisers build muscle memory before real conversations. (26:57–29:49)

Debunking “Low Stakes” Donor Practice Myths

• No Such Thing As a “Graceful” Donor:
  • Even supposedly forgiving donors subconsciously react to language—there's no safe shortcut to real practice.
  • Realistic roleplay or simulation is more effective prep than “gentle” donor conversations.

  “Even a quote unquote friendly donor is not actually able to make that decision consciously.” – Cherian (30:40)

Cherian’s Surprises and Tips for Fundraisers

• Testing, Trying, Rewriting:
  • If he'd had these insights early in his career, Cherian would have tested messages more, experimented boldly, and practiced conversations meticulously.
• Urgency and Donor Perspective:
  • Don't manufacture urgency from the organization’s timeline—connect with what’s actually urgent for the donor.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Donor Identity (00:38, 05:31):

  "They see something about themselves that they want to live out... Generosity will find the way. So they have this future tense about themselves... the better version of themselves." – Cherian

• On Practice & Mistakes (23:18, 26:57):

  “If I had that [practice tool] 30 years ago, I would have made fewer mistakes, bar none.” – Cherian

• On Ethics (20:13):

  "This is not a hack. This is not how you use the book. There’s a whole section around ethics ... because there are little things you can do to get people to make a short-term decision that will benefit you, but it won’t work in the long term." – Cherian

• On Trust (15:00 approx):

  "Trust happens by consistency and vulnerability. ... It’s not the exact same thing with a donor, but we can’t just show up once a year with a donor and be like, 'Hey, I remembered your birthday.' That’s not a trusting relationship." – Cherian

• On Language (28:20):

  “Our brain makes these microsecond decisions about the words that we hear and thinks about them in a way that we don’t even consciously process.” – Cherian

Key Timestamps

• 00:38–04:33: Cherian’s journey, the book’s origins, and purpose
• 05:31–08:53: Innate generosity, donor psychology, and common missteps
• 10:10–15:00: Fundraiser’s role; storytelling and emotional engagement; building trust
• 18:45–22:46: Ethics of behavioral science and responsible use
• 23:18–29:49: The critical importance of language, practice, and learning from mistakes
• 29:49–32:20: The fallacy of “low stakes” donor conversations for practice
• 32:40–32:58: Book preorder bonuses and Cherian’s contact

Where to Find More

• Preorder: Neuro Giving: The Science of Donor Decision Making via NeuroGivingBook.com, with special bonuses for podcast listeners
• Connect with Cherian: neurogivingbook.com
• Mallory’s resources: Additional tools, quotes, and full transcripts at MalloryErickson.com/Podcast

Conclusion

Big Takeaway:
Understanding the behavioral science behind donor motivation isn’t about manipulation. Instead, it’s about removing barriers, aligning with donor identity, and practicing ethical, effective conversations—using language with care and building trust over time. Practice, preparation, and scientific insight can take the guesswork and frustration out of fundraising, turning every conversation into a mission-moving opportunity.