313: How Fleeing Discomfort Is Holding Back Your Fundraising

Summary

Episode Overview

Podcast: What the Fundraising
Episode: 313 – How Fleeing Discomfort Is Holding Back Your Fundraising
Host: Mallory Erickson
Date: August 5, 2026

In this solo episode, Mallory Erickson dives deep into the ways discomfort and stress responses unconsciously shape—and often sabotage—nonprofit fundraising efforts. Drawing from her own research and years of frontline experience, she explores the habitual patterns fundraisers develop to avoid discomfort and uncertainty, and offers practical mindset shifts for sitting with discomfort to unlock true fundraising potential.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Discomfort Dilemma in Fundraising

• Research-Backed Avoidance Patterns

  • Mallory shares research from 2023-2024 showing that 74-79% of fundraisers, when faced with discomfort, shift to activities unrelated to fundraising—a classic “flight” response (02:00).
  • This avoidance manifests as “busy work,” which feels productive but ultimately leads to scattered, ineffective fundraising efforts.

  "When we feel uncomfortable in something related to fundraising, we flee that discomfort, which is a protection stress response by doing something that isn't related to our fundraising."
  — Mallory Erickson (02:28)

• Real-Life Examples of Avoidance

  • Avoidance can look like excessively editing reports, launching random new fundraising initiatives, or busying oneself with less impactful tasks rather than making the important, uncomfortable asks.

• Cycle of Fleeing vs. Freezing

  • Flight Response: Increasing activity in ways that are “unconscious and scattered.”
  • Freeze Response: Perfectionism, which Mallory describes as a self-protection mechanism. Instead of taking action, fundraisers get stuck editing and “waiting to feel ready.”

  "Perfectionism is actually a protection mechanism… It makes us not take action. It tells us you'll be ready to reach out when… after this impact report is edited for the hundredth and thirteenth time."
  — Mallory Erickson (09:14)

The Neuroscience of Uncertainty & Vulnerability

• Uncertainty as a Major Stressor

  • Mallory explains that uncertainty is “really dysregulating” (06:00). The nonprofit sector is rife with uncertainty, and waiting for things to slow down or become more certain is futile—the pace of change is only increasing.

  "If we are waiting for a moment for life to get or feel slower and more certain, we're going to be waiting forever. And what we actually need to do is increase our ability to handle and manage uncertainty and change."
  — Mallory Erickson (06:30)

• Sitting with Discomfort is a Superpower

  • The “magic” in fundraising happens within discomfort and silence—like the moments after making a big ask and resisting the urge to fill the silence (04:10).
  • Mallory recounts her own trick of pinching her knee to keep from speaking too soon after naming a number in a donor meeting.

  "One of the hardest things about being a fundraiser is putting a number in front of a donor. And then literally not speaking. I would pinch my knee… Mallory, keep your mouth shut."
  — Mallory Erickson (04:22)

The Cost of Avoidance: Scattered Fundraising & Burnout

• Spray-Fire vs. Perfectionism Oscillation

  • Smaller organizations often swing rapidly between scattered, unplanned fundraising initiatives and obsessive perfectionism, never moving forward on the actions that truly matter (10:15).

  "Scattered spray fire fundraising system. Perfectionism. Scattered spray fire. New activity."
  — Mallory Erickson (10:31)

• Mistaking Activity for Progress

  • These avoidance cycles consistently detract from “the thing that is actually going to move your organization forward”—building meaningful donor relationships through uncomfortable but necessary actions (11:10).

  "All of this… is avoiding doing the thing that is actually going to move your organization forward… picking up the phone, calling your donors, meeting people, talking face to face, having lunch, asking deeper questions, vulnerable relationships, transparent conversations."
  — Mallory Erickson (11:27)

• Wellness Impact

  • Learning to consciously experience discomfort also mitigates burnout and improves personal well-being.

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Practical Takeaways & Exercises

1. Conscious Pause at Moments of Discomfort (12:00)

• Notice when you’re slipping into avoidance (flight) or perfectionism (freeze).
• Interrupt the autopilot: ask, “Am I fleeing discomfort right now? What do I really need to do?”

2. Identify Avoided Tasks (12:40)

• Mallory’s “executive coaching invitation” for listeners is to get curious about tasks you chronically avoid.

• Ask yourself: Are you not doing them because of time, or because they make you uncomfortable?

  "I want you to notice some of the tasks and activities that you've been avoiding that maybe have some discomfort or uncertainty attached to them… get curious about where those things are and what might be standing in the way."
  — Mallory Erickson (12:54)

3. Reframe Your Relationship to Uncertainty (07:30)

• Accept that discomfort and uncertainty are inherent and necessary for transformative fundraising and growth.

4. Strive for Excellence, Not Perfection (09:55)

• Excellence involves action; perfectionism stalls progress.
• Excellence is forward motion through discomfort.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Perfectionism is actually protectionism… Is that a real word? Either way, it's very appropriate for right now.” — Mallory Erickson (09:38)
• “The things that are going to have the biggest impact are the things that are the most uncomfortable and that feel in the middle, the most uncertain.” — Mallory Erickson (11:53)
• “Your ability to handle discomfort, to handle uncertainty, will have the biggest impact on your fundraising results and honestly, on your health and wellness and preventing burnout.” — Mallory Erickson (12:08)
• “You can totally do this.” — Mallory Erickson (13:29)

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Key Timestamps

• 02:00 – The research on fundraising discomfort and avoidance begins
• 04:22 – The challenge of silence after making a fundraising ask
• 06:00 – The impact of uncertainty on fundraisers’ mental state
• 09:14 – Perfectionism as a stress response and barrier to action
• 11:27 – The fundamental actions that drive fundraising success
• 12:54 – Executive coaching invitation: notice the avoided tasks
• 13:29 – Encouragement and wrap-up

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Episode Tone & Style

Mallory’s tone is warm, direct, and compassionate—occasionally playful (“my little loves,” “perfectionism is actually protectionism, you guys”). The approach is candid and supportive, blending research with personal anecdotes and practical coaching.

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Summary for New Listeners

This mini-coaching episode of What the Fundraising is a compact yet powerful guide for nonprofit leaders seeking to break free from subconscious avoidance patterns. Mallory Erickson empowers listeners to confront their discomfort head-on, arguing that transformative fundraising—and greater well-being—are born from consciously sitting with the uncomfortable moments most of us try to escape. By swapping busywork and perfectionism for brave, conscious action, organizations and individuals alike can exponentially increase their fundraising results and satisfaction at work.

Challenge for the Week:
Notice which tasks you avoid and get curious—what if discomfort, not time, is holding you back? And what brave action could you take today to move beyond it?

Transcript

[A]

Before we dive in, I want to give a huge shout out to donorperfect for supporting this podcast and the fundraisers

[B]

who listen to it.

[A]

They're not just a CRM. They're a partner in helping fundraisers feel more confident, aligned, and supported. Learn [e-mail] Mallory.

[B]

That really is what perfectionism is about, is protection.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

Protection from taking the action, from doing the vulnerable thing. So if you are experiencing anxiety, stress, discomfort in an unconscious way, and you are not interrupting that, you're not pausing at that moment to make a conscious decision about how you want to move forward in your fundraising, Okay, I know this is really stressful, but I also know that this is where our biggest fundraising opportunity is.

[A]

Hey, my name is Mallory and I'm obsessed with helping leaders in the nonprofit space raise money and run their organizations differently. What the fundraising is a space for real and raw conversations to both challenge and inspire you. Not too long ago, I was in your shoes. Uncomfortable with fundraising and unsure of my place in this sector. It wasn't until I started to listen to other experts outside of the fundraising space that I was able to shift my mindset and ultimately shift the way I show up as a leader. This podcast is my way of blending professional and personal development so we, as a collective inside the nonprofit sector can feel good about the work we are doing. Join me every week as I interview some of the brightest minds in the personal and professional development space to help you fundamentally change the way you lead and fundraise. I hope you enjoy this episode, so let's dive in.

[B]

Okay, my little loves, welcome back to our week of executive coaching. Today is going to be a hard conversation between you and me, and I know you can do it, and I know you can sit in this discomfort, but I also know it's going to be a little bit hard to hear. So I was reflecting recently on this research that I did in 2024, I think 2023 or 2024 around what happens when we are uncomfortable in our fundraising. And the research showed that when we feel uncomfortable, when we feel discomfort in our fundraising, I think it was either 74% or 79% of fundraisers did something not related to fundraising. So that means when we feel uncomfortable in something related to fundraising, we flee that discomfort, which is a protection stress response by doing something that isn't related to our fundraising. Now, if you are in a frontline fundraising capacity and all of your work is fundraising related, what it likely means is that you flee the discomfort of setting up a meeting or sending a Vulnerable email or sending a proposal, and you do busy work. And this is a flight response. Okay? It is a flight response. And what we are doing is we are fleeing the discomfort of whatever is happening, whether it is our discomfort around how we're going to hit our fundraising goals or our discomfort we with a donor not getting back to us in a timely fashion. So we are starting to doubt how that meeting actually went. And if we actually did a good job or if they actually liked us, we're fleeing. We're trying to soothe that discomfort and that anxiety in our body, and we're soothing it by doing something that feels productive or feels busy or gets our brain to stop beating ourselves up about something else, because we dove into another task that helps release some dopamine or serotonin and picks us up a little bit. And this is a dangerous cycle because what it leads to is this scattered spray fire fundraising system in smaller organizations where we're just doing a bunch of, like, half fundraising strategies. And we're like, why isn't anything working? And it's like, well, because in the space where you were supposed to be waiting for somebody to get back to you, or where you were supposed to be building momentum towards that pipeline, or the moment you hit discomfort in a relationship or in a strategy, you pivoted well before the results of that strategy or the results of that relationship cultivation were going to show themselves. And. And you fled the discomfort of sitting in that uncertainty by doing something different. And all of those disconnected actions actually really hurt our fundraising results. And a microcosm of this is even in the silence in a donor meeting, right? Like, one of the hardest things about being a fundraiser is putting a number in front of a donor. And then literally not speaking. I would pinch my knee. I would, like, take my nails and literally, like, pinch my knee to be like, Mallory, like, keep your mouth shut. Okay? And it is hard. It is uncomfortable. That is okay that it is uncomfortable. What we don't want to do is have our stress response come in and hijack the entire situation and allow us to flee the discomfort of that moment. What we want to actually be able to say to ourselves and to our body is it makes perfect sense that this is uncomfortable. And it is in this discomfort that our real fundraising opportunities, our deeper relationships, those transformative gifts actually live. And one of the things that we know and that I talk about a lot in my book, what the fundraising is the way that uncertainty is really dysregulating. Okay? Uncertainty is really dysregulating. This is totally Normal, okay? It's totally normal for uncertainty to be dysregulating. The issue is that this world is uncertain. For the last five years, six years, if not before, we have been dealing with disruption and uncertainty on top of disruption and uncertainty. And so many fundraisers that I know are desperately waiting for a moment when things aren't going to feel like this. And I really hate to be the person to tell you this if this is the first time that you're hearing this, but the amount of uncertainty, the speed at which life is coming at us these days and the rate of change is not going to slow down. It is only going to speed up. And so if we are waiting for a moment for life to get or feel slower and more certain, we're going to be waiting forever. And what we actually need to do is we actually need to increase our ability to handle and manage uncertainty and change. And part of that, believe it or not, is in our ability to handle discomfort with consciousness, with self support, with self love, to handle uncertainty in that space, okay? Because otherwise, every time our body gets uncomfortable, we are unconsciously going to go in one of two directions, okay? We're either going to go into flight, where again, we are fleeing the discomfort by increasing our activity in a way that helps us feel busy and productive, but isn't really busy and productive because it's unconscious and scattered. Or maybe we find ourselves because of the discomfort going into perfectionism, which. Perfectionism. Dun, dun, dun. Where's my little. That's kind of the wrong. That was kind of the wrong thing there, but I'm still getting used to this new thing. Okay, so perfectionism is actually a protection mechanism, right? Perfect is an illusion. Nobody is perfect. Okay? Perfectionism is a freeze response. It is a protection response. It is designed to protect us from any additional vulnerability or tenderness by. What does it do? It makes us not take action. It tells us you'll be ready to reach out when you'll be ready to talk to this donor after this impact report is edited for the hundredth and thirteenth time. Okay? This is. You will be good enough if ready. When. Oh, you just need to change this. One more thing in the grant report, right? All of those things that are. Because perfection and excellence are two totally different things. You can strive for excellence and not fall into protectionism, but. Oh, protectionism. This is my new official word. Perfectionism is actually protectionism, you guys. Is that a real word? Either way, it's very appropriate for right now. Emmy had a sleepover on Saturday night and I'm still Feeling the ramifications of that from a cognitive perspective. But thanks for coming with me on this journey. But that really is what perfectionism is about, is protection. Okay? Protection from taking the action, from doing the vulnerable thing. So if you are experiencing anxiety, stress, discomfort in an unconscious way, and you are not interrupting that, you're not pausing at that moment to make a conscious decision about how you want to move forward in your fundraising, okay, I know this is really stressful, but I also know that this is where our biggest fundraising opportunity is, right? If you aren't consciously choosing your pathway, what you're doing is stress is subconsciously driving your fundraising, and it is driving it in two directions. And often I see organizations oscillating quickly back and forth between these different directions. Scattered spray power. Fundraising system. Perfectionism. Scattered spray fire. New activity. All of a sudden, we're going to sell chocolate and make 13 cents a chocolate bar. Oh, but now we're gonna overdrive into perfectionism, and we're not gonna send out this newsletter until everybody in the organization has spent way too many hours of their life editing it. Now we're back to thinking about how we could do coffee sales, because then we'll make a $13 on every purchase. All of this, y', all, is avoiding doing the thing that is actually going to move your organization forward, that is actually going to lead to your fundraising success, which is dun, dun, dun, since I don't think I have that sound effect anywhere yet that I know is picking up the phone, calling your donors, meeting people, talking face to face, having lunch, asking deeper questions, insight gathering, deeper discovery, vulnerable relationships, transparent conversations. All of those things are actually what are going to drive your fundraising forward. Okay? Everybody always asks, what's the lowest hanging fruit? Which I really don't like that saying in general. But unfortunately for everybody, the things that are going to have the biggest impact are the things that are the most uncomfortable and that feel in the middle, the most uncertain. So your ability to handle discomfort, to handle uncertainty, will have the biggest impact on your fundraising results and honestly, on your health and wellness and preventing burnout. So, I'm sorry, my loves, today was a little bit of a gut punch. Truth telling. 10 minutes. But these are some concepts I want you to start to think about because they really inform then the decisions and the consciousness that you bring into your daily activities. So I want you to notice, okay, my executive coaching invitation for you is I want you to to notice some of the tasks and activities that you've been avoiding that maybe have some discomfort or uncertainty attached to them and perhaps just maybe you've been putting them off or leaving them on your to do list or quote unquote not getting to them because you don't have enough time, because they actually make you uncomfortable, not because you don't actually have the time to do them. And I just want you to get curious about them. I absolutely have these things as well. Everybody does. I want you to just get curious about where those things are and what might be really standing in the way of you being able to move forward with them. Okay, that's all for today. Okay. I love you very much. You're doing great. You can totally do this.

[A]

I hope today's episode inspired or challenged

[B]

you to think differently.

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For additional takeaways, tips, show notes, and more about our amazing, amazing guests and sponsors, head on over to Mallorykson.com podcast and if you didn't know, hosting this podcast isn't the only thing I do every day. I coach, guide and help fundraisers and leaders just like you. Inside of my program, the Power Partners Formula Collective. Inside the program, I share my methods, tools and experiences that have helped me fundraise millions of dollars and feel good about myself in the process. To learn more about how I can help you, visit Mallorykson.com PowerPartners last but not least, if you enjoyed this episode, I'd love to encourage you to share it with a friend you know would benefit or leave a review. I'm so grateful for all of you and the good hard work you're doing to make our world a better place. I can't wait to see you in the next episode. Hey, I want to tell you about a podcast I genuinely love, the Small Nonprofit Podcast. It's hosted by the incredible Maria Rio and it speaks directly to the realities so many of us are living inside every day. Maria, tell us about your show.

[C]

Hi, I'm your host, Maria Rio. I moved to Canada as a refugee, use charitable services myself, and have been fundraising for over a decade. I love exploring ways our sector can grow change and make the world more equitable. The Small Nonprofit podcast is where we do just that. I believe small nonprofits are where the most transformative work happens, but we've been set up to fail by systems that expect us to do more with less. Every week I sit down with leaders, fundraisers, and change makers who are doing things differently. They're building sustainable funding without compromising their values, creating power instead of dependence and pushing back on the broken systems we we've all inherited. You'll walk away with actionable strategies you can use, not just inspiration. So if you're ready to stop scrambling and start building something that lasts, you're in the right place. Let's get into it.

[B]

If you're leading or fundraising at a small nonprofit and you're craving work that

[A]

feels aligned, sustainable, and human, go listen to the Small Nonprofit Podcast. Search the Small Nonprofit Podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts to listen.