Podcast Summary: "Death Admin"
What We Spend | Audacy
Host: Courtney Harrell
Release Date: September 3, 2025
Episode Theme:
Alyssa, a 38-year-old widow and mother of four in northern Utah, opens up about navigating the financial shock, emotional upheaval, and relentless bureaucracy after losing her husband. This episode peels back the layers of “death admin,” the financial and administrative challenges following a spouse's death, all while Alyssa balances parenting, grief, and the realities of single-income survival.
Main Topics & Structure
1. Setting the Scene: Sudden Loss and Financial Overhaul
- Alyssa’s Story (01:29–06:52)
- Alyssa’s husband, primary breadwinner, dies suddenly of chronic kidney disease complications after a long health battle.
- Alyssa, a former stay-at-home mom, faces an abrupt shift in financial security and life plans.
- “We thought we had money if we needed it, but the worry was always, ‘Is it going to be enough?’” –Alyssa (01:43)
2. Immediate Financial Fallout & Survival Strategy
- Social Security Survivor Benefits & Life Insurance (07:22–08:42)
- Alyssa navigates survivor benefits: $1,000/month for herself and each child, tied to children’s ages and her earning/remarriage status.
- Life insurance payout ($250,000), invested with help from a financial advisor, provides $3,000/month to supplement expenses.
- Alyssa’s total annual income (benefits, insurance, rental): approx. $106,000.
- “The amount has to last me and four growing children…as long as possible, right?” –Alyssa (17:33)
3. Real-Life Budgeting and Expenses
- Candid Breakdown of Costs (09:13–10:41)
- Monthly expenses:
- Mortgage & insurance: $1,900
- Utilities: $400
- Car payment/insurance: $870
- Groceries: $1,600
- Pet care, phone, orthodontics, digital storage, cleaner, kids’ allowances and activities.
- Medicaid covers health insurance; Alyssa pays $75/month for her own life insurance.
- She has a rental unit generating $10,000/year.
- “It just always feels like something’s coming, especially with kids and health stuff.” –Alyssa (05:46)
- Monthly expenses:
4. The Heavy Lift: “Death Admin”
- Overwhelming Paperwork & Emotional Toll (11:14–13:57)
- Alyssa is thrust immediately into logistical tasks: workplace meetings, claim forms, death certificates, account closures, funeral planning, etc.
- Describes dealing with layers of bureaucracy, unhelpful customer service, and the emotional pain of handling death documents.
- “Every time I look at [the death certificate], I throw up…I just can’t.” –Alyssa (13:41)
5. Life Insurance: What It Meant & The Guilt of Spending It
- Receiving and Managing the Payout (15:20–18:18)
- $250,000 check received within 30 days; family helped Alyssa find a financial advisor.
- Emotional conflict: Guilt and pressure about spending “blood money.”
- The payout felt simultaneously life-saving and inadequate for long-term needs.
- “It felt like blood money…even though the point of it was to take care of our kids. But I get very anxious about spending, especially on splurges.” –Alyssa (16:28)
Alyssa’s Week: Audio Journal Snapshots
Day 1: Groceries and Subscriptions (21:23–22:26)
- $80.16 groceries delivered (Alyssa menu plans to reduce waste), $25 car wash membership, $100 internet bill.
- “Menu planning keeps us in budget and avoids buying food that doesn't have a designated purpose.” –Alyssa (21:39)
- Total: $205.16
Day 2: Shared Lunch, Bike Repairs, and Football Gear (22:40–26:51)
- Lunch with another widow (gift card, no cost); $25 gas, $27 bike repair, $126 for football gear (for oldest son).
- Emotional reflection on public scrutiny and the pressure of being accountable to supporters.
- “If people don’t approve of my spending, will they withdraw their support? I need their help, their village.” –Alyssa (25:00)
Day 3: Family Support, Zero Spend (29:37–31:39)
- Day out with in-laws (they cover dinner & concert); emphasis on the importance of community and staying geographically close for her kids.
- “We stayed…for the kids. To have as little change as possible and be around my husband’s family.” –Alyssa (30:00)
- Total: $0.00
Day 4: Football Fees and Birthday Gifts (32:49–35:24)
- $300 football registration, $20 birthday gift for daughter’s friend.
- Conflict between wanting to compensate her kids for their loss and needing to set limits.
- “There’s only so much money and I can only do so much as one person…nobody gets everything they want all the time.” –Alyssa (35:24)
Day 5: Pool Day, Unplanned Costs Loom (38:15–39:11)
- No direct spending, but unplanned upcoming expenses loom (broken goggles, possible replacement phone after a pool mishap).
- “With kids, there’s always the propensity to spend…something always threatens the budget.” –Alyssa (39:14)
- Total: $0.00
Day 6: Overwhelm & Planning Ahead (41:51–41:56)
- No spending, but emotional check-in about managing the family’s summer schedules.
- “I’m just feeling overwhelmed right now...I’m gonna slow down and take it one day at a time.” –Alyssa (41:39)
Day 7: Swim Lessons, Bills, and Routine (41:56–42:51)
- $96 swim lessons, plus gas, electricity, car payment.
- Weekly Total: $2,082.47
Key Discussion Points & Insights
The Guilt and Pressure of Survivor Finances
- Alyssa feels both empowered and burdened by life insurance and benefits—aware of privilege but always calculating longevity and justifying expenditures.
- Public visibility of her finances (due to community support and GoFundMe) brings scrutiny and internalized pressure: “If you’re poor, you should look like you’re poor…It is always surprising how many people think…we should just be living in poverty.” (28:41)
Parenting, Grief, and Wanting "Normalcy" for Her Kids
- Struggles with how much to say "yes"—wants kids to have opportunities lost due to their father’s absence, but sets boundaries based on realism and resource limits.
- Honest family conversations about financial decisions and their root in love and loss.
The Relentless Nature of “Death Admin”
- Administrative tasks around death are time-consuming, emotionally draining, and often insensitive or impersonal.
- Alyssa likens the process to “going to the DMV over and over…except everywhere are reminders of the worst thing that’s ever happened to you.” (13:34)
The Value of Resources in Recovery
- Direct connection between access to money and the ability to afford healing opportunities—such as therapy for herself and her kids.
- “There is a certain amount of, like, resources and healing that require money…in that sense, having access to money is very real healing.” –Alyssa (37:29)
Community, Stability, and Memory
- Staying close to her late husband’s family provides a sense of continuity and community, offsetting trauma and supporting memory for her kids.
- Family decisions (school, housing, activities) are filtered through the lens of legacy and connection to their father.
Notable Quotes & Moments
- “It wasn’t worth more to us than him. I’d rather he be with us than have this check.”
–Alyssa, on the life insurance payout (17:33) - “Every time I look at [the death certificate], I throw up… I just can’t.”
–Alyssa, on the emotional toll of paperwork (13:41) - “If you’re poor, you should look like you’re poor… it is always surprising how many people think just because my husband died, we should just be living in poverty.”
–Alyssa (28:41) - “Nobody gets everything they want all the time.”
–Alyssa, on setting limits for her kids (35:24) - “I just feel like it really has opened up my life in a new way.”
–Alyssa, on the visibility and judgment that comes with widowhood and receiving public support (28:17) - “There has to be as little change as possible for the kids…and for them to continue to be around my husband’s family.”
–Alyssa (30:00)
Timestamps for Key Segments
- Alyssa’s Background, Husband’s Passing: 01:29–06:52
- Immediate Finances: Social Security & Life Insurance: 07:22–08:42
- Monthly Expenses Breakdown: 09:13–10:41
- “Death Admin” and Paperwork Trauma: 11:14–13:57
- Life Insurance: Emotions & Management: 15:20–18:18
- Audio Diaries: Day-by-Day: 21:23–42:51
- Deeper Reflections on Summer, Guilt, and Legacy: 42:51–44:50
Conclusion
This episode provides an intimate, honest look at the financial aftermath of sudden loss—the relentless chores, difficult choices, and raw emotions behind “death admin.” Alyssa’s reflections shine a light on the pressures widowed parents face, the reality behind survivor benefits and insurance, and the immense importance of community support and careful planning. The episode is both sobering and empowering, offering insight into surviving the unthinkable with transparency and resilience.