Joint Accounts

Summary

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Podcast Summary: What We Spend — “Joint Accounts”

Host: Courtney Harrell
Guest: “Charlie” (Pseudonym), 34, Filmmaker
Date: August 27, 2025
Podcast: What We Spend (Audacy)
Episode Theme:
Two partners navigate the financial realities and emotional complexities of merging their lives — and their money — for the first time. Through real expenses and candid discussions, Charlie opens up about debt, budgeting, household planning, and what it means to combine finances with a partner whose approach to money is so different.

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Main Theme and Purpose

This episode explores the financial journey of Charlie and their partner as they prepare to move in together. Through one week of real-life spending and honest conversation, the episode investigates:

• How two people with very different financial histories and perspectives approach merging lives.
• The practical and emotional aspects of combining finances.
• The ways in which money habits, debt, and family influence couple dynamics.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introduction to Charlie and Their Relationship

• Charlie: 34, filmmaker working in post-production, relocated to the Bible Belt for lower cost of living and a job opportunity.
• Partner: Firefighter in a different city (several hours away), father of two children.
• Relationship: Together for 6 months, see each other twice a week due to distance, now planning to move in together to deepen commitment and address logistical challenges.

“I didn’t think I would ever be in the situation, to be honest with you.” – Charlie (01:30)

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2. Financial Snapshots

Income:

• Charlie: ~$90,000/year (pre-tax/insurance)
• Partner: ~$45,000/year (firefighting)

Expenses:

• Rent: $1,240/mo (1BR plus garage)
• Utilities: $173/mo
• Phone: $135/mo
• Internet: $51/mo
• Car payment: $450/mo
• Insurance (car + rental): $200/mo
• Gas: $60–$80/mo
• Gym: $58.50/mo
• Groceries: ~$800/mo (heavily influenced by Charlie's weightlifting, “feeding these muscles”)
• Apple One: $38/mo
• Dog: ~$400/mo (includes daycare)
• Debt payments (excluding car): over $2,000/month, now reduced to ~$35,000 total

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3. Contrasting Money Mindsets

Charlie:

• Grew up without a financial safety net, learned to be “resourceful” (08:18)
• Never wants to experience the fear of homelessness again (08:18)
• Relentlessly budgets and tracks every expense (uses spreadsheets, checks daily).
• Aggressively paying down debt — should be debt-free (except car) in two years.
• Views marriage as a business arrangement and supports prenuptial agreements.

“I want to be debt free as soon as possible without putting myself in too much pain.” – Charlie (07:03)
“I have to be a bit of a nerd about money now. I’m so aggressive with it.” (09:29)

Partner:

• Does not budget or use credit cards.
• No debt — grew up seeing his family struggle with debt after immigrating.
• Prefers “vibe-based” spending — spends slowly and cautiously, but not meticulous.

“[He] doesn’t budget…that feels luxurious to not have to think about every single math equation every single day, you know?” – Charlie (09:51)

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4. Merging Finances: Tensions and Strategies

• Not Combined Yet: Aside from occasional joint groceries or date nights.
• Imminent Focus: How to split expenses in the new household — 50/50 vs. by income.
• Considerations:
  • Charlie’s debt repayments mean they “live off” a similar amount to their partner, despite higher salary.
  • Partner wants 50/50, but Charlie worries that could put financial strain on him and affect his ability to provide for his kids (11:42).
  • Both value equity, but recognize practical complexity.

“He wants to split 50/50. And I’m like, that’s not really leaving you a lot of extra money for your children or other priorities you might have in your life.” – Charlie (11:42)

• Dreams for the Future:
  • Partner wants a house for stability; Charlie wants investment-minded homeownership — only with legal clarity (i.e., after marriage and with prenup).
  • Both agree on avoiding debt, but differ on what defines financial stability.

“Buying a house is a much bigger legal and financial commitment than, say, getting married…Marriage has to come first for me, and it is in my and my partner’s best interest to make sure we don’t complicate each other’s financial or legal situation.” – Charlie (21:03, 23:44, 23:48)

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5. Weekly Spending Diary

The episode tracks a full week in Charlie’s financial life, revealing real numbers and the feelings behind each decision.

Day 1 [15:07–17:09]

• No actual spending.
• Made all meals at home, partner visited for dinner.

Day 2 [18:30–20:47]

• Expenses: Eye exam copay ($25), sparkling water ($1.35)
• Reflections on lifting, healing trauma through discipline, and parallel with financial discipline.

Day 3

• Standard day, no unusual spending.
• Reflections on the logistics and emotion of moving in together.

Day 4 [27:03–30:20]

• Payday.
• Payments:
  • Dog food/probiotics: $181.82
  • Credit card payments: $76, $178.21, $205.04
  • Groceries: $95.02
  • Total debt payments for the month: $2,078.62 (from this paycheck: $736.09 spent)
• Mixed pride and anxiety over the scale of debt payoff.
• Partner “impressed” but recognizes income disparity.

“I am both very proud of and horrified by this number. I can’t wait to be in a position where I can save that and get a month ahead of my budget or put it towards a house down payment…” – Charlie (27:03)

• Reflection on partner’s physically demanding (and underpaid) work as a firefighter.

Day 5 [30:28–32:48]

• Purchased protest supplies (poster board), hair gel, and mousse ($18.69 total).
• Reflections on immigrant identity and guilt about “consumer” spending.

Day 6 [32:55–33:47]

• Spent the day at a political protest with mentee, went out to eat ($53.04 total).

Day 7 [33:57–36:08]

• Took partner’s son to the zoo; spent $35.05 on food/treats.
• Discussed financial goals with partner and son (the son wants to save for college and a washer/dryer!).
• Open, grateful relationship; desire for collaborative budgeting.

Weekly Total: $936.41

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If you really look at our financial pictures, they're probably a lot more equitable than if you just look at our income level, which is to say, I’m not operating off of $90,000 a year. I’m operating off of around $45,000 a year.” – Charlie (11:42)

• “I want to make sure… the structure process really involves his input and so that I’m not creating things that are impossible for him to live up to, but that he feels really good about creating with me.” – Charlie (12:45)

• “I’ve always thought about marriage as a business agreement. I know that sounds really romantic, and I apologize.” – Charlie (23:48)

• “I think a prenup is actually so romantic. I don't think everyone will agree, but not planning for conditions around separation or divorce is dangerous.” – Charlie (21:03)

• “You don’t have to carry this alone. I’ve had to be my own strength for so long… It feels like a whole new book.” – Charlie (39:35)

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Emotional Impact & Reflections

• Budgeting as Self-Care:
  For Charlie, budgeting is an emotional tool as much as a practical one, providing security and supporting mental health.

• Building a Future Together:
  Merging finances is not just about numbers; it’s about navigating vulnerabilities and creating a foundation for love, family, and mutual support.

• Challenges Ahead:
  Charlie hopes financial planning will remain a collaborative process; worries about falling into default gendered or personality roles.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Charlie's relationship history & financial mindset: (01:25–04:17)
• Detailing incomes & routine expenses: (04:39–07:03)
• Charlie's debt story & motivation: (07:03–08:18)
• Partner’s money approach & family history: (09:51–10:57)
• Splitting expenses — equity vs. equality: (11:42–12:45)
• Long-term goals & role of prenups: (21:03–25:32)
• Reflecting on debt-paydown, partner's paycheck: (27:03–30:20)
• Guilt/spending, immigrant identity: (31:27–32:48)
• Conversations on collaborative budgeting: (36:08–38:15)
• Most romantic thing partner could say: (39:35–40:12)

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Conclusion

“Joint Accounts” provides a nuanced, emotional, and numbers-driven look at what it really means to merge finances with a partner. Charlie’s vulnerability in discussing debt, generational scars, and the hope for equitable partnership offers listeners both practical insights and profound emotional resonance. Above all, the episode reminds us that love and money can—and often must—be designed together, with openness, negotiation, and deep mutual care.

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Transcript

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[Charlie]

Here's your check.

[Carvana Customer / PJ Vogt]

Whoa, when did I get here?

[Courtney Harrell]

What do you mean?

[Carvana Customer / PJ Vogt]

I swear it was just moments ago that I accepted a great offer from Carvana online. I must have time traveled to the future.

[Charlie]

It was just moments ago. We do same day pickup. Here's your check for that great offer.

[Carvana Customer / PJ Vogt]

It is the future.

[Charlie]

It's it's the present and just the convenience of Carvana. Sorry to blow your mind. It's all good. Happens all the time.

[Podcast Advertiser]

Sell your car the convenient way to Carvana. Pick up. Times may vary and fees may up a heads up before you this podcast is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. We are not financial advisors. You should always do your own research and consult your own financial advisor before spending or investing your money. Please note that all income, financial information and expenses in what we spend are self reported.

[Courtney Harrell]

Did you have an image of what you wanted the financial piece of your romantic life to look like?

[Charlie]

I didn't think I would ever be in the situation, to be honest with you.

[Courtney Harrell]

Like the situation of being in love with somebody.

[Charlie]

Oh man, I've been in love before, but I think that being a bit of a free spirit, it's easy to fall in love. I think that part's really easy. But there was a feeling around the time we started to say things like I love you and talk about, well, I actually feel like this might be weird to say, but I feel like I want to pursue more relationship escalatory things with you. And that was such a big conversation. And he's like, yeah, I feel the same way.

[Courtney Harrell]

Our guest today is a 34 year old who we're calling Charlie. They're a filmmaker, they work in post production and for the last three years they've been living in the Bible Belt.

[Charlie]

I never thought I would be living in the Bible Belt, but here I am. I ended up finding my dream job here. I also found my partner here.

[Courtney Harrell]

Very weird when we talked. Charlie had been with our partner for about six months, but the two of them quickly realized that they wanted to build a life together. Even though Some pieces of their life aren't super easy to combine. Charlie's partner is a firefighter who works in a different city several hours away. So right now they only get to see each other twice a week. And is that why you guys are thinking about moving in together?

[Charlie]

It is the reason we don't spend enough time together.

[Courtney Harrell]

Charlie and their partner are hoping to move in together later this year. That's the most pressing next step. But they're also starting to dream about their long term future together. Like any couple, they have a lot of different financial pieces to puzzle together. He has two kids, Charlie has debt, they don't make the same amount of money, and until now, they've had different priorities for their finances. This week we'll follow along as the two of them step closer to merging their lives and start thinking about what that will mean for their money. I'm Courtney Harrell and this is what we spend. Tell me about your partner.

[Charlie]

I can't help but gush a bit when I think about him. To be honest, I get a bit weepy. He's an amazing person, just such a gentle human who loves his children so much and loves having a family and loves giving care to people. He's been an absolute joy to have in my life and I'm very, very lucky that we connected.

[Courtney Harrell]

How much do the two of you have, your finances combined? Right now?

[Charlie]

I would say they're really not combined at all, only to the effect of we will treat each other to things like I will make dinner and buy groceries sometimes and he will buy groceries sometimes and we'll make dinner together or he'll take me out sometimes or we'll share the expenses of a date.

[Courtney Harrell]

When they move in together this year, they'll start sharing regular household expenses like rent, utilities and groceries though, and we'll get into this more the exact way they're going to split. That isn't clear because they have really different salaries. Let's get into their numbers. As a firefighter, Charlie's partner makes about 45,000 a year. Charlie makes twice that much working in film post production, about 90,000 a year. Before taxes and health insurance, Charlie spends $1,240 a month on a big one bedroom apartment with a garage and $173 a month on utilities. Charlie's phone bill is about $135 a month and Wi Fi is about $51 a month.

[Charlie]

Transportation, it's roughly like $60 to $80 a month for gas. And that can obviously vary.

[Courtney Harrell]

Charlie's car payment is $450 a month, and car and rental insurance bundled together is $200 a month. Charlie is also really into lifting weights, so they spend $58.50 a month on a membership at the YMCA.

[Charlie]

I'm always surprised by this number, but groceries, I spend $800 a month.

[Courtney Harrell]

Well, you're doing all that weightlifting.

[Charlie]

That's right. I have to feed these muscles. I have this obnoxiously healthy diet that I have to maintain by constantly going to the grocery store.

[Courtney Harrell]

Charlie spends about $38 a month on an Apple One membership and about 400amonth on their dog, which includes taking him to daycare at least twice a month. And then every month, Charlie is putting as much money as possible towards their debt, not including their car loan. Charlie used to have between 40 and $45,000 in debt. Now they have about 35,000 left to pay off. It's all survival debt money. Charlie didn't have upfront to pay bills when work was scarce, plus a bunch of the expenses that came with their move across the country a few years ago. They actually moved from a big city to the Bible Belt because of their debt. They wanted to lower their expenses so they'd have more money to chip away at it. And it's really worked. Thanks to the lower cost of living, Charlie's regular expenses only eat up about half of their income. So they dedicate as much as they can of what's left to the debt. Why did you decide to tackle your debt so aggressively?

[Charlie]

I want to be debt free as soon as possible without putting myself in too much pain. I still have somewhat of a quality of life, and based on my current calculations, I should be debt free, not considering my car. But all the other debt should be completely wiped out in two years, which I'm very proud of. But also it's still two years away. It's not a long time, but it's long enough where I'm getting a little itchy about it, you know.

[Courtney Harrell]

Yeah, but you're really like to put that much a month towards it is like you're really focused on that goal.

[Charlie]

Yeah, it's a huge goal of mine. It was hard to get into the debt, I mean, emotionally. But for me to pay it back means that I won't burden anyone with that if I were to pass away or if something happens to me or if I lose my job.

[Courtney Harrell]

Charlie has never had any kind of financial safety net. Growing up. Their dad was in the military and their mom was a homemaker. She was a German immigrant Who Charlie says brought a Post World War II, you scrape by with every little bit you have mentality to the home. So Charlie learned to be resourceful. But they knew when they left home that it was on them to pay their bills.

[Charlie]

There was this moment when I was in my 20s, when I was severely underemployed, was living in a big city at the time, and work I had. I think I was applying to more corporate jobs for two years. So I was freelancing and trying to fill in the gap as much as I could by doing retail work and also hourly work here and there. And it was so feast or famine, and I wasn't prepared for just how much famine there would be. There was a moment when I had an eviction notice slide under my door because I was a couple days late paying rent. I didn't have the money in that moment. I knew that, but I was like, okay, I'm going to figure out how to make this happen in the next couple days. I think I. I've always seen myself as a provider, and providing for myself means that I will never, ever experience. Even though I can't fully control my circumstances, I never want to experience almost homelessness ever again.

[Courtney Harrell]

After that, Charlie became a religious budgeter. Now they plan everything out and track all of their expenses every week in a spreadsheet.

[Charlie]

I would say I'm a bit of a nerd about money now. I have to be, actually, because I'm so aggressive with it.

[Courtney Harrell]

But it sounds like you are in a moment now of feeling in control and positive about your finances for sure.

[Charlie]

Yes. And it took a long time to get there.

[Courtney Harrell]

How would you describe your partner's relationship with money?

[Charlie]

He's interesting in that he doesn't budget, and that is a bit of a shock to me because I. Because I think that there's a bit of a. That feels luxurious to not have to think about every single math equation every single day, you know?

[Courtney Harrell]

So what did you say when you found out that he doesn't budget?

[Charlie]

I'm laughing because my response was a bit shocked. And I was like, so. I don't want to put words out there, but it sounds like you budget on vibes. And he was like, no. And I was like, okay, I'm sorry. This is coming from someone who's very meticulously combing through every expense. I'm not entirely sure how this works for you.

[Courtney Harrell]

Charlie's partner isn't a big budgeter, but he's not a big spender either, and he doesn't have any Debt, which might have something to do with watching his parents struggles.

[Charlie]

His family left their home country to escape debt. And he said that his family, his parents specifically, were always complimenting him on how slow he was to spend the money that he had.

[Courtney Harrell]

And he doesn't have debt now.

[Charlie]

He doesn't have any debt. It shocks me. He doesn't even have a credit card.

[Courtney Harrell]

He doesn't have a credit card?

[Charlie]

Yeah, he doesn't have a credit card. He's like, how many credit cards do you have? And I'm. I'm. I told him. He's like, what? And I'm like, yeah, they all have different benefits.

[Courtney Harrell]

If Charlie and their partner were two circles on a Venn diagram, the space they share would say, I do not want debt. On that, they agree. But of course, there are so many other things in each of their circles. All the beliefs, big and small, about the best way to use their money, all the habits they've developed over time that they'll soon need to merge into one system that works for both of them. How are you thinking about how you're going to split expenses to begin with?

[Charlie]

That is such an interesting and ongoing conversation. Because if you really look at our financial pictures, they're probably a lot more equitable than if you just look at our income level, which is to say, I'm not operating off of 90,000 a year. I'm operating off of around 45,000 a year. And so whether it's I pay 60% and he pays 40 or we pay 50, 50, those are still conversations we're having. And he's someone who's like, no, I want to split 50, 50. And I'm like, that's not really leaving you a lot of extra money for your children or other priorities you might have in your life.

[Courtney Harrell]

Yeah. I mean, the easiest thing to do, obviously, is to look at what each of you make, but our lives are so much more complicated than that. And our money is tied to all the different things in our lives. And so how do you balance all of the different things in order to come to, like, an equitable equation?

[Charlie]

There's no clear answer.

[Courtney Harrell]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

And I think it's so unique to each couple or to each pair. I guess we're both very emotional people. He wants. He just wants a home and a family in a very peaceful environment. He's really open to how that's structured. And I'm someone who comes in with a lot of structure. I'm very good at creating structure. And so I want to make sure, on my part, that the structure process really involves his input and so that I'm not creating things that are impossible for him to live up to, but that he feels really good about creating with me.

[Courtney Harrell]

After the break, we'll dive in to Charlie's week.

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[Charlie]

This is audio day one. I woke up a little late today because I could not get myself up. I'm a lifter and I had an intense gym session yesterday. It was pull muscles and glutes, and normally I'm not so much of a sadist that I would group all those in one session, but I had to get it done. I had to make sure I got my deadlifts in before the week reset and I'd have to do it all again. So yesterday was a special case. I sound like such a bro right now on a typical morning. Actually, this sounds really nerdy. I start my day spending a few minutes reconciling my budget to ensure that all the numbers match up between my budget and my accounts. And then I'll dig into the workday. And I find that starting my day with a thought exercise helps me get into, like, work mode. Otherwise, I kind of flounder for a bit and then take too long to wake up and get started. But it is interesting to reflect on what I actually spend in a day because I build out my budget and plan every expense. I'm super involved with my finances, and in my mind, I already gave that money a job, so it's quote unquote spent. But nothing actually left my account today, so it was a no spend day. I made all my meals at home. My partner will come over later and we'll make dinner. And tonight it'll include an appetizer. Bacon wrapped dates. Ooh. Not because we're bougie, but because the bacon needed to be used up and we hate wasting food. My dog will be particularly excited to see him because it's been a few days and I've noticed that my dog gets depressed when he doesn't see my partner enough. So that's really cute. It makes me think. Oh, I. Interesting. Like, obviously I miss my partner, but I'm also a very independent person, so I'm pretty flexible. And I'm very excited to see him tonight.

[Courtney Harrell]

Total for day one. $0.

[Charlie]

This is day two. Okay, so I quickly want to address something that I said yesterday. I thought I was so cool and so independent, and generally I am. But seeing my partner yesterday got me in touch with how much I miss him. I am so toast fam. We love each other so much and we have so much fun together. And speaking on my experience, when you're single for a long time because you're unwilling to settle for a relationship that can't match your level of emotional intelligence or the values that you're deeply committed to. You navigate dating knowing that what you're looking for may not exist, and. And you just make peace with that. And I'm in my 30s now. I know myself deeply, and I've worked very, very hard to build my life. I've got a great community, and I feel super fulfilled, independent of a romantic relationship. That said, it feels amazing to have a family. I feel so much gratitude for the life my partner and I are building together and the fact that he just exists at all. I'm just so in awe of him. He's such a beautiful person. So day two. This morning, my partner and I walked the dog together, and then we went our separate ways.

[Courtney Harrell]

On day two, Charlie drove to their annual eye exam, which had a $25 copay. Then they bought some sparkling water for $1.35, and after work, went to the gym to lift.

[Charlie]

And honestly, I'm still catching my breath. I do weighted squats and RDLs, which are remaining deadlifts. My heaviest lift is my hip thrust of 275 pounds. My goal, this one in particular, is to break £300. And to be honest, that's an arbitrary number. Just, you know, I'm like, hey, I can probably make. I can add 15 and probably beat that. You know, it's kind of where that mindset came from. But it feels amazing to lift, and it's so much fun to push myself and. And as someone who just has a lot of excess energy naturally and who comes from a background of a lot of trauma, I feel like this has been one of the ways that I've been able to heal, is to show myself literally. I've got me, like, even through the hardest moments where I'm physically lifting more than my body weight, I've got me. I'm not gonna let myself go. I can wrestle a firefighter, and I can carry all of my groceries up in one trip. Completely worth it. But I also think that lifting is a really great metaphor for changing your relationship to finances because it requires a lot of dedication, it requires a lot of drive, and sometimes it's easy to forget. When I'm in the middle of it, I literally am in the middle of paying off. Like, I've been doing this for years. I've been paying off my debt for years. So it's easy to forget the level of discipline that I've cultivated, all the things that brought me here, because it took a lot, a lot of time to build up my salary to where it is now, where I can comfortably be. Like, yes, I'm paying aggressively, and I'm using half of my salary to do that. Took a lot of time. Learning how to budget and how to be very strategic with money is one of my greatest accomplishments, for sure.

[Courtney Harrell]

Total for day two, $26.35. Day three was a typical weekday for Charlie. Dog walk, budget check in, work, gym, cooking at home. But they also spent some time thinking about moving in with their partner.

[Charlie]

There's so much to consider, and for some reason, combining households in your 30s feels a lot different than combining households in your 20s. And maybe that just speaks to where I am as a person in my life and how seriously I'm taking this relationship. But the current plan is for my partner to move in with me since my place is bigger and a bit cozier. If you've ever been to a straight man's apartment, you'd understand what I mean. It's not that bad though. As far as my partner goes, his financial priority is providing for his kids and buying a home. He really wants a home. I personally get excited about land so I can establish a big garden and grow my own food. And we've talked about having our own gym and all the types of lifting we'll do in this gym. We're both really into lifting. He's definitely considered a starter home so that he can get into a home sooner. That's not so much my preference. I prefer a solid investment that I could see myself living in for decades. It'll be really interesting to see where we end up in the future. Once my debt's paid off and we've saved a bit, we plan on living in apartments for now. He's joked about going out and buying a home without me and I get it. It's important to him because he wants to provide a stable home for his children. And I told him it's fine if he buys a house, but. But that's his property. I'm not going to pay his mortgage, just like I'm not driving his car and paying his car loan. And if we wanted to live together in his house, I'd find other ways to cover costs. But unless we're married and go into home ownership together, that would be his asset. But we're not married and I have to look out for my financial interests. Buying a house is a much bigger legal and financial commitment than, say, getting married. And this is an area where I don't mind being a little traditional. Probably the least traditional person. But this is an area where it's smart to be traditional. Marriage has to come first for me, and it is in my and my partner's best interest to make sure we don't complicate each other's financial or legal situation should a separation or death occur. I'm the type of person that thinks a prenuptial agreement is actually so romantic. I don't think everyone will agree. But not planning for conditions around separation or divorce is dangerous. Regardless of how long our relationship lasts or if something happens to either one of us. He has a very high risk job as a firefighter. We've got to look out for each other and his kids.

[Courtney Harrell]

Base level before you meet your partner. How did you think about marriage for yourself?

[Charlie]

I've always thought about marriage as a business agreement. I know that sounds really romantic, and I apologize.

[Courtney Harrell]

I don't think you have to apologize. It's okay.

[Charlie]

But no. It's such a serious decision to merge your finances and your lives and the structure of your lives, and I can't help but be very pragmatic there.

[Courtney Harrell]

What is his reaction to the prenup piece?

[Charlie]

He definitely gives me side eye. I don't think it's a. It's a strange outlook, I think, for someone to have when they're like, I want to marry you. And I'm like, I do, too. I care so much. I want a prenup. Maybe I'm not bringing it up at the right times, but I think it's also partially unjust. He knows that I really care, and that's ultimately the most important part, is that it's coming from a place where I want him to be taken care of. And whatever asset he has before our relationship as a business starts, he can still retain those assets, and we don't have to worry about splitting it up a certain way.

[Courtney Harrell]

I mean, speaking of assets, he really wants a house.

[Charlie]

He does. I think a story that he tells himself is that that is the definition of success and security. And I'm not saying that that's wrong. That can absolutely be true, especially if it's true for him and for you.

[Courtney Harrell]

It's the total independence of not owing anything.

[Charlie]

Heck, yeah. I can't wait to be free from my debt.

[Courtney Harrell]

What do you think it'll look like for those two dreams to come together? Very achievable.

[Charlie]

Absolutely. But I really feel like those two things can be separate for now. He can focus on his kids and I can focus on my debt. And we'll just create the shared expenses between us, such as housing and utilities, and figure out the rest in the future. I don't think that everything has to be mingled right away.

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[Charlie]

Audio Diary Day 4 I got paid this morning. $2,365.25 was dropped into my account today. You know, after taxes and benefits were removed. I paid $181.82 for dog food and probiotics. I paid $76 towards a credit card balance. I'm slowly chipping away at that one. I have other accounts that I'm prioritizing right now. I paid off a small credit card balance of $178.21. And I paid $205.04 towards another credit card. I know these seem like such random numbers. I also spent $95.02 at the grocery store. I budgeted the remaining portion of my paycheck today to cover annual membership fees, cheap plans for fun, and my gym membership. Okay, are you ready for this number? A total of $2,078.62 is going to debt payments this month. I am both very proud of and horrified by this number. I can't wait to be in a position where I can save that and get a month ahead of my budget or put it towards a house down payment or sheesh, can you imagine investing that? Oh my God, I can't wait to pay off my debt. I told my partner about that number today and he was just like, wow, yeah, you make more money than I do. And he's like, I can't believe you can do that. And I'm like, yeah, I'm living off half my salary, babe, and it kind of sucks, but it won't always be that way. And honestly, he said he was very impressed by that. So I'm. I feel proud. Also, I wanted to share. My partner is a firefighter and he went into several stories about his day to day and his job. And today he told me a story about how he had to climb 14 flights and put out a fire and evacuate the building and make sure the building was totally evacuated. And I was like, holy cow, that's. You did that today. That's so wild. He's like, yeah. And I also had to resuscitate a guy and shock him with a defib. And I'm like, what? You did that too? What the heck? And I'm just here typing away at a computer. It really doesn't make sense that he gets paid as little as he does, considering that he works as hard as he does and has to save people's lives. And honestly, it is a bit taboo for firefighters to talk about their income because it's such a job that you're supposed to. You're supposed to want to sacrifice yourself for this role. There's almost like a line of duty and a pride in that. And for him, it's his dream job, but I know how hard he works, and I just can't imagine doing his job. I want to make sure that he's able to retire, so that's an extra incentive for me to pay my debt off so I can make sure this man can retire. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking about today. I'll talk to you more tomorrow.

[Courtney Harrell]

Total for day four, $736.09.

[Charlie]

Audio diary. Day five. I'm exhausted. Famous. I could not get into my sweats fast enough after work. Oh, my God. And today's Friday. And Fridays are usually my rest days from the gym, and I think that's part of my exhaustion. Consequently, I didn't have much of an appetite today. So even though I had some meals, like breakfast, I haven't really had anything for lunch. I haven't had dinner yet, so I need to make something. And my partner will be here this evening, so we'll probably cook together. And I want to vegetate and I want to cuddle and maybe watch a movie or play video games, because I honestly don't make enough time for that. I really enjoy video games.

[Courtney Harrell]

On day five, Charlie went to the store and bought some poster board to make a sign for a protest the next day. And they also got some hair gel and mousse that they'd never tried before.

[Charlie]

I'm actually surprised that I feel myself judging myself. Like, I feel myself wanting to label it as silly that I bought myself hair care products. They weren't even expensive. But I think I'm someone who, like, I don't like clutter, and I don't want to waste anything, so I'm just not sure if I'm gonna actually use it. I think that's where the guilt comes from. Yeah, I guess I haven't reconciled that in my mind. There's always a little bit of guilt with, oh, am I identifying too much as a consumer? Does anyone else ever experience this? One thing that my mom used to tell me, and I feel like a lot of children of immigrants will relate to this, was when she's upset with me, she would say, you're acting like an American child. And I was like, well, I am an American child. You kind of raised me to be one. Like, I don't. I can't escape it. Fish in the water here. Anyway, that was really interesting to think about today. And all I did was buy, like, hair gel for wavy hair and some hair mousse. All right. Pretty sure I'm gonna go crash.

[Courtney Harrell]

Total for day five, $18.69.

[Charlie]

This is audio diary, day six. I'm honestly surprised I still have somewhat of a voice right now. I spent today shouting quite a bit. I went to a protest, but my firefighter left early this morning. It was like 4:30am which is wild, but he's got such a long commute. I had breakfast at home.

[Courtney Harrell]

After breakfast, Charlie spent the day at a big political protest with a kid that they mentor. And then the two of them went out to eat. Then Charlie went home to rest.

[Charlie]

It is. It's not late late for most people, but it's getting pretty late for me, so I'm just gonna focus on relaxing from here on out.

[Courtney Harrell]

Their total for day six was $53.04. On day seven, Charlie and their partner took his son to the zoo.

[Charlie]

We had such a great time at the zoo earlier in the day. We got a chili dog and fries and two ices. I got the Dr. Pepper one, and the kid got the blue raspberry one. I liked his better, and he liked both of them, of course, because he's a kid. That was, of course, zoo tax. That was $35.05 for all of that together. And I made the kid pay me in fry tax. So I ate a couple of his fries, and I was very happy to treat them both. And so what I love about these two is just the kind of conversations we have together. It's just so open. And I asked them both about their financial goals. And my partner's son is 11 years old, and he's got so many ideas about how he wants his life to go as an adult. And I thought it was very cute that he wanted to save up for, like, a washer dryer. I asked him what his money goals were, and he was like, yeah, I'm saving for college. I'm saving for a washer and dryer. And I was like, what about kid goals? Like, what kind of fun things do you want to do as a kid? But I don't think he really wanted to go there. He was really excited to think about his future. And I asked my partner what Kind of goals are you most excited about with our relationship? And I'm really excited about day to day life. I'm excited about learning about how we each want to budget and how we each want to build our life. And I just feel a lot of gratitude to have found a partner who wants such an open connection, who wants to see me with in a positive light and with a lot of grace and that I'm able to hold that for him as well. I'm gonna go hang out with a guy as they're playing video games right now and I just very happy to be where I am in this moment in my life.

[Courtney Harrell]

Are there any financial conversations that you're scared to have with him?

[Charlie]

He's not someone that I feel intimidated to have any conversation with, to be honest with you. We have an incredibly open relationship where we talk about things. My only hope is that when it comes down to building a budget or talking about how we want to move forward in combining finances, that it's not something that is defaulted to me, that it can be a collaborative effort. And I also do really hope that here willing to adapt or take on part of the daily or weekly budgeting. I think that that's going to be a piece that's going to be very interesting for me to find out about my partner. Is, is he going to learn how to budget? Is he going to learn the tools to budget and he doesn't have to find joy in it? I can hold that card if we want to, but maybe I will pretend there's a fire. We'll see.

[Courtney Harrell]

What if you have to go more vibe based, what are you gonna do?

[Charlie]

I think that would stress me out to be more vibe based, to be honest. I'll have a secret budget. But I want to show him that budgeting could be a way to set intention and a way to be joyful with the money that you do have and not let it be like this barrier, like suddenly you don't have this money anymore.

[Courtney Harrell]

For Charlie, their budgeting has had a real emotional impact. That structure has made them feel more secure. It's helped them move towards their goals. So it seems possible that budgeting with their partner and all the other pieces of the business phase of their relationship that they're entering will also benefit more than their finances. And so I guess, I wonder, do you think that combining the business piece of it has then a impact on the non business, on the like emotional pieces of it?

[Charlie]

Oh, 100% yes. I'm someone who I think about structures first. So if the structure of the thing is taken care of. It's so much easier for me to relax into the actual thing that's happening, like the actual reason why we're coming together, which is to create this loving environment, especially creating a family. That's really what we want together. And budgeting together can be a framework that really speaks to each other's pain points and can help heal those.

[Podcast Advertiser]

Right.

[Courtney Harrell]

You're literally saying we can find a way to take what you need and what I need and create a system where we can make that work together.

[Charlie]

Yeah. I'm sure that will be more and more the case as we combine finances. It's been such a unique lens through which to learn how to love him.

[Courtney Harrell]

Over the next few months and years, Charlie and their partner will have a lot of numbers to work through. Who covers which bills and where should their money go first. And every number will say something about each of them, what they need to feel happy or safe, what they each want it to look like to bring their futures together. We've talked about things that are romantic to you, like the prenup, and I'm wondering, what is the most romantic thing that he could say to you about your future together?

[Charlie]

Oh, this question's gonna make me cry. I think something as simple as you don't have to carry this alone. I've had to be my own strength for so long. It's very strange how because I have someone who's always had chosen family. But it's strange how intimate partnerships like this can. It feels like a whole new book. Not a whole new chapter, just a whole new book. So it's both daunting, but also I'm so, so grateful for it.

[Courtney Harrell]

Charlie's total for the week was $936.41. What we spend is an Odyssey original podcast. It's written and hosted by me, Courtney Harrell. Our producers are Margo Gray and Justine Dahm. Our editor is Maddie Sprung Keyser. Our executive producers are Maddie Sprung Keyser, Asha Saluja and Leah Reese Dennis. Theme song and original music by Matt McGinley. Additional music from APM music mixing by Pedro Alvira. Special thanks to Kristen Torres, Jonathan Menhivar, Zach Clark, Maura Curran, Josefina Francis, Kurt Courtney, Hilary Scheff, Sean Cherry, Laura Berman, and Hilary Van Ornam. If you want to be on what We Spend, we'd love to hear from you. Write us at WhatWe Spend podcast and tell us about yourself. We'll be back next week.

[Carvana Customer / PJ Vogt]

Hi, I'm PJ Vogt, and I want to tell you about my podcast Search Engine. We try to make sense of the world one question at a time. No question too big, no question too small. We will even answer your questions if you send them in. Stuff like what happens when a cemetery goes out of business? What should we do about teens using AI to do their homework? Who buys luggage at the airport luggage store? Follow and listen to Search Engine in partnership with Odyssey wherever you get your podcasts.