Podcast Summary: "The Price of Parenthood"

Podcast Information:

• Title: What We Spend
• Host/Author: Audacy
• Episode: The Price of Parenthood
• Release Date: April 16, 2025
• Description: On What We Spend, individuals from diverse financial backgrounds transparently share their earnings, desires, and a detailed account of their weekly expenditures. This episode delves into the financial realities of parenthood through the eyes of Jay, a religious studies professor balancing the expenses of raising two young children.

1. Introduction to Jay and His Financial Journey

[01:26] Jay opens the conversation by addressing the challenges new parents face, highlighting how businesses often target this demographic's vulnerabilities:

“New parents are the best market for businesses because new parents are fucking idiots. New parents will pay any amount of money to figure out how to get their kid to sleep more or how to get their kid to eat better.”

He candidly reflects on his own experiences, admitting that his family had to purchase an online course for $300 to help with baby care, emphasizing how exhaustion and vulnerability can lead to significant financial decisions.

2. Jay’s Personal and Professional Background

[02:13] Courtney Harrell introduces Jay:

“Our guest today is a 38-year-old religious studies professor in Maine. He's a parent of two kids and he's asked us not to use his real name so we're going to call him Jay.”

Jay shares details about his family:

“The oldest is two and a half, the youngest is seven weeks and one day.”

He humorously notes a rare day of ample sleep, courtesy of his in-laws:

“[...] today is a really good day because the in-laws got the toddler so I've got like nine hours of sleep almost.”

3. Jay’s Troubled Relationship with Money

[03:34] Courtney probes into Jay’s relationship with money:

“How would you describe your relationship with money?”

Jay responds with stark honesty:

“Extremely unhealthy, borderline abusive.”

He elaborates on the constant anxiety money causes him, describing his decision-making process as a relentless cost analysis:

“Every decision I make is cost benefit analysis. It's not even benefit, it's just cost analysis.”

This anxiety manifests physically, making even mundane purchases feel burdensome:

“I have physical pain when I have to buy something, when I have to like spend money on something, I'm like, ah shit, is this.”

4. Navigating Finances as Educators

Jay and his wife, both educators, manage their finances through a joint account. However, the arrival of their children drastically altered their budgeting approach. Jay admits:

“I just don't bother budgeting per month. And like every time I sit down and actually think about it, I'm like, what am I gonna cut reasonably?”

He shares practical adjustments they've made, such as consuming more cost-effective foods like chickpeas, while his wife prioritizes maintaining their quality of life:

“I can't really change my lifestyle without wanting to die.”

5. Breakdown of Weekly Expenses: Jay’s Diary Entries

Jay meticulously documents his weekly spending, providing a transparent look into the financial demands of parenthood.

Day One

• Expenses: Birth certificates ($21), Costco shopping for bulk items including diapers ($200), groceries ($105), credit card bill, and a $50 gift card for his mom.
• Total: $400
• Quote:

  “Having a newborn, having a kid in general is just death by a thousand cuts.”

Day Two

• Expenses: Childcare ($65), increased internet bill ($3), and deliberation over cost-effective airport parking.
• Total: $108
• Quote:

  “This is my own anxiety about money that comes to the fore. [...] it's my own anxiety that comes to the fore.”

Day Three

• Expenses: Medication for his wife ($10), failed haircut, wine purchase ($15), cat funeral expenses ($345), offset by a $420 contribution from his father-in-law.
• Total: $345 spent, with an additional $420 received.
• Quote:

  “It's completely out of reach for me five years ago. 10 years ago. Oh, 10 years ago. It'd be a joke.”

Day Four

• Expenses: Breakfast date ($25), bakery treats ($15), toddler snacks and groceries ($20), gas ($42).
• Total: $120
• Quote:

  “He's really cute, and when they're not being a terror.”

Day Five

• Expenses: Subpar haircut ($40) and tea purchase, totaling $61.
• Quote:

  “I just feel like you get a lot more bang for your buck for 40 bucks.”

Day Six

• Expenses: Minimal spending focused on household tidying and a whiskey purchase.
• Total: Minimal, focused on daily upkeep.
• Quote:

  “Staying healthy has never been this affordable.”

Day Seven

• Expenses: No money spent.
• Quote:

  “There was no money spent.”

6. Reflections on Upbringing and Financial Habits

Jay delves into his childhood, revealing how his parents' financial mismanagement profoundly impacted his own relationship with money:

“As a young adult, child of divorce, you get a window into your parents' lives that you didn't have before.”

He recounts witnessing his parents struggle with credit card debt and lack of retirement savings, which instilled in him a deep-seated aversion to irresponsible spending:

“My mother spends very frivolously, like, unbelievable. It's addictive almost.”

7. The Influence of His Wife’s Family on Financial Stability

Jay discusses the significant financial support his wife's family has provided, contrasting it with his own financial struggles:

“They were able to effectively quadruple the amount of savings I had.”

He grapples with feelings of inadequacy and the realization that his efforts to be fiscally responsible pale in comparison to the generosity he receives:

“It's not negative feelings. It's just... it's complicated.”

8. Shifting Orientation: From Money to Religion and Parenthood

Jay reflects on his internal struggle to balance his religious beliefs and his pre-existing obsession with money. The arrival of his children forced a reorientation of his priorities:

“Kids come and they are there. Everything is oriented around them. It is a shocking reorientation.”

He expresses a desire to reduce his financial anxiety for the sake of his children:

“I do not want that for my kids. I do not want them to have that burden.”

Jay aspires to teach his children financial responsibility while also sharing the roots of his own anxieties, aiming for a balanced approach to family finances.

9. Conclusion: The Ongoing Battle with Financial Anxiety

Throughout the episode, Jay candidly shares his continuous struggle with financial anxiety, emphasizing how parenthood has exacerbated his concerns but also provided opportunities for personal growth and redefinition of priorities. His journey encapsulates the delicate balance between ensuring financial stability and fostering a nurturing environment for his children.

Notable Quotes:

• Jay on Financial Anxiety:

  “Every decision I make is cost benefit analysis. It's not even benefit, it's just cost analysis.” [03:34]

• Jay on Parenting Expenses:

  “Having a newborn, having a kid in general is just death by a thousand cuts.” [15:XX]

• Jay on Parental Financial Impact:

  “My mother spends very frivolously, like, unbelievable. It's addictive almost.” [10:26]

• Jay on Financial Support from In-Laws:

  “They were able to effectively quadruple the amount of savings I had.” [25:26]

Final Thoughts: The Price of Parenthood offers an unfiltered glimpse into the financial strains and adjustments that come with raising a young family. Jay's honesty about his struggles with money, shaped by his upbringing and exacerbated by his new parental responsibilities, provides listeners with a relatable and insightful exploration of the true costs of parenthood.

Interested in Sharing Your Financial Story? If you'd like to be featured on What We Spend, reach out to us at whatwespendpodcast@gmail.com and share your financial journey with our community.