Robby Hoffman

Summary

"What's Our Podcast? with Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney"

Guest: Robby Hoffman
Release Date: Feb 18, 2026
Host: Headgum

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Overview

In this episode, comedians Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney welcome stand-up comedian and writer Robby Hoffman. True to the show’s meta-concept, the hosts once again seek guidance from their guest on what their podcast should actually be about. The trio settles into a meandering, funny, and surprisingly poignant conversation about watches, family, authenticity, the art of being outspoken, long-term friendships, dating, and the unique challenges and joys of adulthood, including a deep-dive into parenthood. The episode’s humor is self-aware, warm, and often veers into self-deprecation, with all three comics riffing, empathizing, and poking fun at generational quirks and personal anxieties.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Playful Opening and Meta-Premise

• Beck and Kyle riff about weird “speckles” on the couch, slipping into bizarre characters (“Frodrik” and “creamed couch”), highlighting their improvisational chemistry and awkward podcast beginnings.
  • [01:36 | Beck:] “Looks like you came on the couch, dude. And then you're like, what are these speckles?”
  • [02:12 | Beck:] “But let me tell you about this podcast for anybody who doesn't know. It's a podcast called What's Our Podcast? Where we don't know what our podcast is about. So we have a guest come in and tell us what they think it should be about.”

Nostalgia, Watches & Personal Style

• Robby shares childhood watch stories, including a Beauty and the Beast digital watch and how watches represent both sentimentality and a coming-of-age milestone.
  • [17:01 | Robby:] “When I was a kid, I had this Beauty and the Beast watch… when you flipped her head, there was a digital time.”
• Robby discusses finally buying an expensive watch after her first big script deal, and how therapy helped her feel deserving of nice things.
  • [18:23 | Robby:] “It was such a big purchase, and I wanted to do it… it was the first deal I got. I got 65k for the… you take a little bit off the top. We must live.”

Glasses as Identity and Shopping as Expression

• Robby details her quest for the perfect pair of glasses and the emotional rollercoaster after losing her beloved frames on a highway drive.
  • [22:08 | Robby:] “The glasses flew off. But I was in such a state of euphoria… we got to scour the highway for this.”
• She talks about growing up poor, shopping at thrift stores, and eventually styling friends and siblings as an act of love and self-expression.
  • [27:26 | Robby:] “When we had stores like Old Navy when my brother started working… that felt fancy to us at the time.”

Stand-Up Comedy, Pushing Boundaries & Speaking Truth

• Beck and Kyle praise Robby’s Netflix special "Wake Up," focusing on her willingness to open with controversial material, such as stating “all men are pedophiles.”
  • [33:36 | Beck:] “Were you nervous at all about leading the special with like saying that all men are pedophiles?”
  • [34:05 | Robby:] “My whole thing is like, be the most. So then, you know, it's like, get them out now.”
• Robby explains her bold approach and why she’d rather have an audience “bristle” than leave them unaffected.
  • [35:11 | Robby:] “I'm not shy from a bristle. I would rather make somebody feel anything than nothing.”

Friendship Dynamics & “Best Friends” as Adults

• The group compares adult friendship and the difficulty of integrating old and new “best friends.” Robby mentions curating her friend groups and the challenge of outgrowing people.
  • [46:55 | Robby:] “I realized, like, this one girl, she would come to school and have, like, no story. Stories. It was killing me.”
• She reflects on the authenticity of adult friendships—prioritizing sincere, individual connections over maintaining large, historic friend groups.

Dating, Confidence & Gender Roles

• Robby describes her youthful confidence in pursuing boys, and candidly discusses how being loud and opinionated affected her social standing.
  • [56:53 | Robby:] “A lot of guys didn't like me, and I was considered annoying, and I still am annoying… But there was a certain guy that I could get.”
• The group jokes awkwardly about attraction and support, resulting in comic discomfort when Kyle tries to affirm Robby’s self-confidence and accidentally makes it weird.
  • [59:37 | Robby:] “That doesn't sound like he supports… supports me.”
• Robby gives practical, hard-won advice—emphasizing the value of long-term relationships and resisting the allure of “the grass is always greener.”
  • [74:43 | Robby:] “I'm good at having 90% of what I want. I don't need all of it. And I think that fellas need to get… Then that 90 could become 100… I've always been a relationship person.”

Parenthood, Sacrifice, and “The Greenest Grass”

• Beck and Kyle provide an honest look at the physical and emotional demands of new fatherhood, with Beck describing exhaustion and Kyle reflecting on the once-in-a-lifetime feeling of forming love for your child.
  • [65:40 | Kyle:] “The exhaustion thing is something that I don't think you can properly prepare for. And it is. That's a torture technique.”
  • [68:44 | Kyle:] “I had experienced all versions of… love… And when my daughter came into existence… this is something I've never experienced.”
• Robby, as a non-parent, articulates curiosity but feels fulfilled without kids, acknowledging societal pressures and the joy in forging her own path.
  • [71:38 | Robby:] “For me, I look at it like, having kids, it's like, do I want a new job? And I feel like I don't… It's easier for us to step away from it.”
• The trio lands on a core principle of commitment: the idea that you find, cultivate, and choose “the greenest grass” for yourself, and happiness is more about nourishing what you have than chasing the next best thing.
  • [77:04 | Kyle:] “If you are content, that is it, that's, that's, you've scored.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On childhood accessories:
  “[17:21 | Robby:] When you flipped her head, there was a digital time… I would be all the time around the house, like, ‘Ma, ask me what time it is.’ No one would ask me.”
• On friendship curation:
  “[46:55 | Robby:] I realized, like, this one girl, she would come to school and have, like, no story. It was killing me… she had to go. And then I started.”
• On parental sacrifice:
  “[65:40 | Kyle:] The exhaustion thing is… a torture technique. You know what I’m saying?”
• On authenticity in relationships:
  “[35:11 | Robby:] I’m not shy from a bristle. I would rather make somebody feel anything than nothing.”
• On dating contentment:
  “[74:43 | Robby:] I’m good at having 90% of what I want. I don’t need all of it.”
• On commitment advice:
  “[77:04 | Kyle:] If you are content, that is it, that's, you've scored… that is a difficult thing to find in its own.”

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Segment Timestamps

• 00:00–05:39 – Banter, opening, and “Frodrik” riff; marble vs. cork coaster “oracle” for good/bad days
• 06:00–16:41 – Watches, childhood accessories, and personal objects as identity
• 17:01–27:54 – Eyeglass shopping, personal style, and shopping as a family ritual
• 29:08–34:05 – Comedy, pushing boundaries, and being upfront with the audience
• 36:31–42:43 – Friendship dynamics, culling friend groups, “best friend” discourse
• 55:25–65:13 – Dating history, confidence, gender expectations, and Robby’s coming-of-age stories
• 65:16–77:56 – Parenthood discussion, exhaustion, existential rewards, and navigating contentment in life and love
• 77:57–81:13 – On being fulfilled child-free, the “pet vs. kids” analogy, pressure, and authentic self-acceptance
• 81:13–84:39 – Plugs for Robby’s tour/podcast, closing congrats and admiration

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Podcast Idea(s) and Conclusion

• Robby suggests that their show already works as a podcast purely via dynamic, honest conversation—"just this."
  • [48:47 | Robby:] “My idea for what it should be about was this. Yeah, just this. That’s it. You guys just… you don't need anything more.”
• She also proposes a dating advice angle, specifically for “fellas,” given the lack of genuine, practical relationship guidance.
  • [50:01 | Robby:] “The fellas are lonely, and I think they ought to hear from other fellas who are doing it good.”
• The episode ends with mutual admiration, Robby plugging her sold-out tour and “Too Far” podcast, and the hosts expressing hope that listeners find their “greenest grass”—and that happiness is about cultivating what you have.

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Tone & Vibe

The conversation is quick, absurd, honest, and courageously unfiltered, with all three comics lifting the veil on the anxieties and quirks of adulthood, friendship, and personal history. There’s a mutual respect and a shared willingness to go “too far,” but always in the service of authenticity and humor.

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Recommended for listeners who appreciate:

• Candid, self-reflective comedy
• Honest explorations of relationships and adulthood
• Playful, quick-witted banter with a touch of absurdity
• Insight into the creative process and personal growth

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“I’m not shy from a bristle. I would rather make somebody feel anything than nothing.”
– Robby Hoffman, 35:11

Transcript

[A]

This is a Headgun podcast. What's our podcast? What's it gonna be about? Tell us what's our podcast? What should we talk about with Beck and Kyle? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is my coffee. Clearly. I've had a couple glasses of it. I'd love to get just, like. So just. Just, like, turnt up what's on here.

[B]

There's like, some weird, like, little speckles on the couch or something.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Fuck.

[C]

What the.

[A]

You all right, dude? Speckles on the couch? Ew. Did you. That seems freshly wet.

[B]

I don't think so.

[A]

Frodrik. Frodrik, did you wet the couch?

[B]

Frodrick was like, a British man.

[A]

Yeah, he was like your creamed jeans. Yes, of course.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I have your creamed couch, sir, right here. Ready? Freshly slippery for you, Sam.

[B]

Oh, you're Frod.

[A]

I think you were Frodre.

[B]

Yeah, it was Frodic. It was. It was.

[A]

Oh, yeah. It was Frodrick. And can anybody be Frodrik?

[B]

Can anybody be Frodrick?

[A]

Dude, you were fro. It's not a great start, Kyle. It's not a. It's not a great start, Kyle.

[B]

What?

[A]

The start of the show, it's like

[B]

you're, like, talking about how you.

[A]

Like, you're talking about, like, it looks like you kind of.

[B]

What did I do wrong?

[A]

Looks like you came on the couch, dude. And then you're like, what are these speckles? And, like. And then I started doing Frodrek, and you were like, are you Frodo Rick? And I was like, well, you were Frodrek, and I was trying to set you up to be Frodrek and talk about the creamed couch, but.

[B]

But I thought it. Okay, so wait a minute.

[A]

It's shifting.

[B]

The stuff is shifting.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

It looked different?

[A]

Well, yeah, it's drying.

[B]

Never heard of it.

[A]

I don't know how.

[B]

Dude, it's amazing to see you.

[A]

It's amazing to see you. I was just thinking the same thing. It's like, wow, here we. What's our podcast Dot com.

[B]

We built a website with Finn Wolfard.

[A]

Dude, go check out that Squarespace episode. But let me tell you about this podcast for anybody who doesn't know. It's a podcast called what's Our Podcast? Where we don't know what our podcast is about. So we have a guest come in and tell us what they think it should be about. It's with Beck and Kyle.

[B]

Oh, I want it to be about comic books.

[A]

Oh yeah, like the X Men or like, or like Johnny. Johnny Trombrone.

[B]

Yes, Johnny Trombrone. I loved that comic as a kid. And the thing, what I liked about the Johnny Trombrone comics is that you sort of like, yes, he was, he was part of the Trombran force and they like, of course, like were protecting Earth and, but also could like, like, like do like interplanetary travel. But the whole Trombr community, like it's, it was the comic books, like it was about like meeting new people, you know, eating good food.

[A]

Yeah. Going out and like that is why

[B]

like to me as a kid, like I wasn't into Captain America. I wasn't into Wolverine. I was into Trombr.

[A]

Johnny Trombrone, a guy who had really good connecting, like social skills, building community.

[B]

He was like origin story is he's like a little kid who, who always wore a blue shirt.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And he couldn't, as I recall. He didn't know how to ask questions.

[A]

Right. Yeah.

[B]

So he would always be like, I, I, I need, I, I, I need a slice of pizza.

[A]

Yeah. It would be like, that's exactly.

[B]

So he'd go to the pizza place and like, I need a slice of pizza. I need to know if there's cheese here.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But he couldn't ask a question.

[A]

Yes. And that's why he had such good community building.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Johnny Chombre. He didn't, he didn't wait around and ask people stuff. He just, he was a man of action and people loved him for that. And yes. Yeah.

[B]

It was really the Trombran community.

[A]

Yes. Yeah. Oh, what if I was playing with

[B]

the coach, like a two faced type? Remember, remember two face from the Batman?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So this side is for those of you who are listening. I'm holding a coaster. One side is sort of look beautiful. Marble, ivory, quartz. Beautiful. Like this is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. It's like if you can, if I were to describe the colors, I'd say there's gray and it looks almost like, Almost looks like an old shell. It looks like an old shell.

[A]

Yeah. Marble.

[B]

And on the other side, look at this cork. It looks like cork. Looks exact, it feels like cork. Feel that.

[A]

I see. Oh yeah. That's amazing. Thank you.

[B]

So if you, for, if you're just listening. Oh, sorry. If you're, if you're listening, you can't see it. One side is cork, the other side is more like a marble.

[A]

Just don't say that again because you said it enough to a marble.

[B]

We got a marble side here, a

[A]

marble side over here, a cork side.

[B]

If I flip this and it lands on the marble side, Great days are ahead.

[A]

Okay, Marble side up. And if it lands on the cork

[B]

side up, then Bad days, Bad days aplenty.

[A]

Okay. All right. Where are you going to let it land?

[B]

Right here on the floor.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. So we. We're going for either Great days ahead or Bad days of Plenty. Okay. You wanna. You could tell. You tell the audience what it lands on.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Watch your feet back.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's going right there.

[A]

There we go. Ooh. Bad days aplenty.

[B]

All right, well, we got a great show today.

[A]

We got a great show, Bad Days Aplenty, but we have a great show. Robbie Hoffman.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

I mean, we've both. We've talked about. We both watched her special. Incredibly funny.

[A]

She is so funny. Love her special. Yeah. And love her.

[B]

Yeah, very.

[A]

Talk. She can just. She can just talk. She can just. She has a lot of thoughts that she. She has very clear thoughts that she believes in. So she can just, like, go. But she's also a great listener.

[B]

Yeah. And like, such an awesome, distinct voice, Persona. Like, she's incredible. And it's gonna be interesting to see how she vibes with the. What's our podcast format?

[A]

Yeah, I can't wait to see her vibe with it. Or not vibe with it, but she's coming in, so.

[B]

Knock, knock, knock.

[A]

Here's Robbie Hoffman.

[B]

What's our podcast? The show where we'd ask a person to tell us our podcast.

[A]

We already said that part.

[B]

I forgot.

[C]

Oh.

[B]

This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace.

[A]

Yeah. Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and do well online. Maybe you're just starting out or maybe you want to scale your business. Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. You're looking at me weird, Kyle. Everything okay?

[B]

I can't tell if you're about to beat me up or I'm about to beat you up.

[A]

I think you're about to beat me up. But look, okay, look, in all seriousness, we're here to talk about Squarespace. It's incredible.

[B]

I remember. Do you remember messing with it with Finn Wolfard?

[A]

I had so much fun. It was actually, like, the reason I feel like I like. It's like one of the reasons I

[B]

keep going you in terms of your, like, Living?

[A]

Yeah, like, just like, knowing and making stuff. It's like, remember the Squarespace stuff within, Right? So that was fun. That was easy. It was like they were like, all different fonts and, like, finding you could add cool images. It was just like, if my life could be like, making a website on Squarespace, I would be like. I just feel like I would be so happy.

[B]

Check out squarespace.com Beck and Kyle for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code Beck and Kyle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain and you'll be so happy. I really need to talk to you. Soon, man.

[A]

Sometime. Yes, soon.

[B]

Off mic. Okay.

[A]

Yeah, eventually.

[B]

Check out Squarespace.

[A]

You've been saying that for a couple years, but you haven't made the time.

[B]

I want to make the time now. This podcast is brought to you by Harry's.

[A]

Nice intro, dude.

[B]

This podcast is brought to you by Harry's. This podcast is. Why am I still saying that? It's because Harry's is actually bringing you this podcast right now. They've been really, really cool to me and Beck.

[A]

Yeah, thanks for saying all that, Kyle. You know that that makes me think. Don't you feel like everything in your life has leveled up? Think about it. Your phone is basically a supercomputer in your hand. Your car, if you press. If you have the right car, it can park itself.

[B]

Yeah, I guess you're.

[A]

I mean, if you have the right car. I don't.

[B]

I don't.

[A]

I'm not going to trust my car. Yeah, but your headphones cancel noise like a magician bringing a rabbit out of a hat. So let me ask you this. Why is your razor still flimsy, overpriced, and stuck in 2008?

[B]

Dude, you know why?

[A]

Why?

[B]

Because I'm stupid.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. Well, it's time to get smart. Let me tell you about Harry's.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

I love using Harry's.

[B]

I'll understand it.

[A]

Harry's is a razor.

[B]

Okay, I get that.

[A]

Harry's is a razor that you buy and you. You. You rub, you. You drag it on your face and it takes off the hairs.

[B]

Oh, man, it looks like you. You probably used. Used the razor more recently than I did. That's right.

[A]

I actually used the. This. This is a Harry's razor shave.

[B]

It looks smooth as hell.

[A]

Yeah, I gotta be honest, I. I love the razors. They get close. I like the little. The little plastic cartridges. I like the. I like the. The way they clip on to the little holder, the little stem Thing, you know, you replace the, the razors. I like the. I just like everything about it. I like the packaging. It feels good to use Harry.

[B]

Well, it's Harry's plus has an advanced pivoting system to reach every corner of your face.

[A]

I knew that.

[B]

Fine blade tech for a close, smoother shave. And a weighted metal handle. Harry's heaviest handle ever.

[A]

I don't have the heavies, but I've

[B]

been meaning to save up more control and comfort.

[A]

But it's actually very affordable.

[B]

Feels like an expensive shave, but it isn't.

[A]

That's why I said it's very affordable.

[B]

Refills are still cheaper than the other guys.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And you know what other guys I'm talking about? I'm looking at you. Barry Albert.

[A]

Barry Albert.

[B]

Barry and Albert designed with progressive blades for less tug and pull. I like a progressive blade.

[A]

I don't need somebody tugging and pulling at you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

At least not up there.

[B]

With ARES plus, you get a barbershop quality shave with German engineered blade.

[A]

And which is why we're always all saying I need a German blade.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Each blade is honed at three different angles to cut the hair cleanly.

[B]

Thanks for that.

[A]

It's like that at the root without tugging again. Then when this isn't like a. This isn't like a little tugging thing. It's more of like a cutting. It's like a German blade that's going to cut the hairs.

[B]

Well, the blade space is optimized to glide smoothly and avoid clogging.

[A]

I hate clogging on my face.

[B]

Drugstore blades clog so fast.

[A]

Drugstore blades clog so fast.

[B]

I know. And especially I think I got thick hair.

[A]

That is the thing. When I clean my Harry's razor, all the hairs come out.

[B]

That's gotta feel nice.

[A]

It's nice. I'm cleaning with, I'm shaving with the

[B]

knee blade, this drugstore razor and I gotta tell you, everything gets clogged in there.

[A]

Yeah. I've seen you shave before snl. I've seen you shaving. You need a better razor.

[B]

Gosh, I might have to get Harry's.

[A]

Yeah. If you don't love Harry's look, they'll make it right with a risk free trial. So just get Harry's. What you waiting for?

[B]

For a limited time, our listeners can get the Harry's plus trial set for only $10 at harry's.com beckandkyle Ooh, I want that. Okay. This set includes the all new Harry's plus razor. One refined five blade cartridge just Say it.

[C]

Ooh.

[A]

Ooh, I want that. I want that.

[B]

A two ounce foaming shave gel.

[A]

Ooh, I want that. I want that.

[B]

And a travel cover to protect your blades on the go.

[A]

I already have that.

[B]

Just head to Harry's.com Beck and Kyle to claim this offer and after you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them.

[A]

Please support our show and tell them we sent you.

[B]

I'm gonna need. If you go to harry's.com beckandkyle I'm gonna need you to mention that you heard about it from our show. Okay?

[A]

Because Kyle,

[B]

if this doesn't happen, I'm gonna be in a lot of trouble. There are people who are saying that they are going to harrys.com beckandkile and it's not from our show. I need the truth out there that it's because of our show they're going there. Please let them know.

[A]

Are you okay man? You heard the man. Go start shaving.

[B]

Yeah. Have you heard this phrase be adulting?

[A]

No.

[B]

Neither have I. Yeah, well you can't

[A]

just like make up words and say that they're things. No, I know, but for real. No, we all know adulting is one of the best.

[B]

It's like when like all of a sudden you're having to deal with this grown up grappola. Yeah, Phooey.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember one of those things was getting life insurance. Like because you know you got like all these insurances.

[B]

You want to make sure you're, you're covered. Right. If things happen and they do if

[A]

you're, you know, if people, especially if people depend on you, if you have a family or you're just, you know, you're married to one other person or to two or three or four other people. Even more reason to get life insurance.

[B]

Well, Fabric by Gerber Life is term life insurance. You can get done today.

[A]

Wait, when?

[B]

Uh huh. Today. And this is my problem with a lot of insurance is like, oh yeah, we'll get it, we'll get, we'll have it ready for you in a couple weeks.

[C]

Oh, you know what?

[B]

The insurance we're gonna get for you. Yeah, that's not gonna be ready until.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

November. I feel like 2034.

[A]

Oh geez.

[B]

All of a sudden. Of course now I'm imagining what 2034 is like. You know, it's like everything's flying or you know, the, the car, you know, with. Because now they have these self driving cars.

[A]

What'll be then spoons and forks are doing their. You don't even have to move your

[B]

arms or doing the Macarena.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, doing them around.

[B]

Fabric by GE Term life insurance you can get done today, is my point. Made for busy parents like you all online on your schedule. Right. From your couch, you can be covered in under 10 minutes with no health exam required. All right.

[A]

Yeah, that's the kind of thing I like. Like, if you got kids, especially if you're young and healthy, the time to lock in those low rates is right now.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

Look, it's just like fabric is flexible. Okay. It's high. They have high quality policies that fit your family and your budget. Like a nice pair of jeans that fit. Just so you know, it's amazing. They got like a million dollars in coverage for less than a dollar a day.

[B]

Okay, now here's the thing that I'm always like, okay, what's the thing? You gotta be kidding me. There is no way.

[A]

Yeah, okay.

[B]

Whenever I think about it, I'm like, that's no way that's happening.

[A]

What are you thinking, man?

[B]

Fabric is partnered with Gerber Life.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Because they're trusted by millions of families. Like yours, for instance.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

For over 50 years. There's no risk. There's a 30 day money back guarantee and you can cancel at any time.

[C]

They have over.

[B]

Okay, this is now, Rochelle. I think our producer is messing with us. Cause I'm seeing, I'm looking at the screen, it says they have over 1,900 five star reviews on Trustpilot. Sorry, that's got to be 190. There's no way that's 1900. No, it's 1900.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

You heard it from Rachel.

[B]

With a rating of excellent. That's got to be the best things I've ever had in I've ever even had.

[A]

Has somebody already gotten on the phone with Guinness World Records? Because that's insane. It definitely is, dude. You can trust. Trust Pilot. It's in the name. Look, stop listening to Kyle or no, do listen to Kyle and join the thousands of parents who trust fabric to help protect their family. Apply today in just [e-mail] beckandkyle that's meatfabric.com BeckandKyle M E E. T is how you spell meat. Fabric.com BeckandKile Policies issued by Western Southern Life Assurance Company. Not available in certain states. Prices subject to underwriting and health questions.

[B]

1900. That's really cool.

[A]

I tried to pass this. I tried to be like, oh, I like watches. And then I would go to buy another one. I'M like, I like this watch. I don't need to get into watches.

[C]

I like how good the silver dial has age. It's like yellow.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

No, I've always, like, I think watches, the kind of thing. Like, when I was a kid, I had this Beauty and the Beast watch. I had a watch when I was, like, six or, you know, maybe first grade or something like that. And it had, like, Belle, the princess. It had her head.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And when you flipped her head, there was a digital watch. There was a digital time.

[A]

I remember those. The big chunky ones. Yeah.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

I love those. Yeah. I had, like, a Ninja Turtles one.

[C]

Yes. I had my Beauty and the Beast one. And I would be all the time around the house, like, ma, ask me what time it is. Ma ask me the time, and she's like, I. What do. What does it. Why do you need the time? I'm like, ask me what time. Nobody would ask me the time.

[A]

She wouldn't ask you the time. She just wouldn't do it.

[C]

Yeah. I just could remember always gravitating towards a watch just. I always liked.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Now do you think your watches are synced up?

[A]

Oof. This is.

[C]

I don't.

[A]

I got.

[C]

I'm at 129.

[A]

I am, too. Exactly. Look at that.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

That is.

[A]

And I don't always have it synced up because sometimes I just throw it on after I haven't worn it for a while, and I don't set it.

[C]

I know.

[A]

It's like, I've been there.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. But I do wear this almost every day since I got it. It was such a big purchase for me because.

[A]

Me too.

[C]

First of all, this. It was such a big purchase, and I wanted to do it. I actually spoke to my brother, and he was like, it was the first deal I got. I got a script. I got 65k for the. And I never made that much money.

[A]

Yeah, that's a nice chunk.

[C]

So he's like, you take a little bit off the top. We must live. And then everything else, you. You know. But 3,000 of. I was like, this is stupid. This feels stupid. And I thought about it for so long. I mean, I wanted to watch for, you know, over two years at least. At this point, I've done my research, but I just. I had therapy, which I. I go in and out of. Works a tiny bit.

[A]

Works a tiny bit.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

For me, it worked a lot. And now talk therapy.

[B]

What type of.

[C]

Yeah, talk therapy. It can work a tiny bit, which is better than nothing.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. You go in it for a little tune up.

[C]

And I haven't taken it off since. It's one of those things of tr. Like, I don't buy a lot, but when I do, it's like my glasses I've had for, you know, 12 years now. It's like once you feel something fits you, I don't have to think about it now. I was like, I never have to think about a watch. I know I'll always want to wear the one I wanted one. Since four, I've been wearing them.

[A]

That's exactly how I feel. Just to. Just to mirror what you said. Just because then we'll move on. But like, this was for my SNL entire run. My eighth, I was like, I'm gonna do something nice. It was 4,000 similar. I thought about it for years, tried a bunch on, and I got it. And at first I was like, special occasion. I don't want to mess it up. And then I was like, every time I get something nice, I'm like, special. And then I'm like, why not wear this thing every day? And now I wear it all the time.

[C]

And it's like jewelry. Like, for a dyke or for, you know, it's like, what are you getting diamond earrings for an occasion or. You know what I mean? It's just I can remember where I was. The kind of watch, you know, I had a guess in high school. All my friends got together for my sweet sixteen got me a guess watch. So you get into fat, you know, $100 watch is such a crazy jump.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

We were like, oh, 130 for a fossil or, you know, guests or. And it was purple. You could also tell how dikey. It was like purple with purple sparkles. Purple gems all the way around. The face was huge.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Purple leather str.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

And I wore the hell out of it.

[B]

Now my question is your glasses you said you've had for 10, 12 years.

[C]

Yeah. least. Yeah.

[B]

Do you feel any? Because this is how I feel.

[C]

Do you want to be a part of the conversation?

[A]

Well, that's part of the show. Is everybody see? We were gonna do just the two of us.

[C]

I locked in on you. I don't know why we've never talked, but it's a natural.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You're wearing it so well.

[B]

The podcast is typically everybody joins.

[C]

I know. I. Kyle, go ahead. Last is 12 years minimum.

[B]

Has anything happened to them? Or like, do you repair them? Is there any maintenance? Is my question.

[C]

Because I actually. The second I had this exact frame. See, I say 12 years. It's probably. I'm going 20 years with this glasses. Well, like, basically since high school.

[B]

You found your thing. You found your thing. So you've had multiple versions of this?

[C]

No, this just the second. These ones are probably 12. What happened was my friend got her cousin came in from France, something. Her cousin's family had a Miata, a convertible Mazda, very cool. And let us take it for a drive. And we were thrilled. Always loved the Miata. I've always liked it, you know. And we were driving so fast. We were driving to the country. I lived in Montreal all the time. We were driving maybe an hour out of the city, and I couldn't believe how fast we going. And I was looking back, you know. Cause I was like loving it so much. And then at a certain point, I said, I can't see.

[A]

You didn't even know that they flew off.

[C]

The glasses flew off. But I was in such a state of euphoria. She was driving this thing like a maniac. And I said, malay, like, the glasses are 300. You know, if you wear glasses, like $300 glasses, it's crazy.

[A]

And it's your face. It's a part of your.

[C]

It's just such an acronym. Expensive ordeal. You got to get the prescription. I was like, malay, we got to scour the highway for this. We'll see something glimmering. They're the tiniest glasses to find.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And she pulled over into the shoulder and we walked back, maybe, I don't know, before we realized this is.

[B]

It's not going to happen.

[C]

Cars, even if we do see them, how we get into the glasses, right? We have to do like, you know, like if you're in paintball or something, you gotta capture the glasses instead of capture the flag, you know.

[B]

But then Frogger or something like that.

[C]

Yeah. The stakes are death, you know, And. And so we went back to the shop where I bought them, and they had one model. They had the. The display model. It was on a teddy bear.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

It was like, you know, in the window, they had like a teddy bear wearing these glasses. I said, no, no, those fit me. She goes, well, those are for kids. They're all over people. But they say, ollie, people, they made a kids model.

[A]

The kid model of Oliver Peoples.

[B]

But your previous ones were not the kids.

[C]

They were, but they didn't, you know, I guess they didn't know. But when she took them, she's like, no, they're for kids. Because previous ones they just had in the store. But this one was clearly on a teddy bear. I said that. I'm telling you, that's the classes you knew.

[A]

And that's what you've been wearing since.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And are you in. Do you know if they're still in production, if anything?

[C]

No, no, no. That's it.

[A]

So, like, you can't buy up a bunch of.

[B]

I have the last two because that's like me. I am obsessive about my glasses. And I've had one. I had a pair of frames prior to this that were different, but I could never replace them. So I eventually just had to like, transfer to these ones. And when these go. I don't know. I've been on ebay already trying to find vintage Ralph Lauren sunglasses that I convert to eyeglasses, and they're not. It's not easy to find.

[C]

I can get you good glasses, but I like. I think we can. Better. I think we can do better.

[A]

Let me see. Yeah, I think we can do a lot better. That's a compliment. She thinks you can look. I.

[C]

Well, first of all, you're wearing grown man glasses. There's a lot more size options. I'm wearing kids. Like, it's just not even made. My head is so small.

[A]

I think we should get some little kid glasses on.

[B]

Kyle, what do you think are the right glasses for me?

[C]

Yeah, I think we could go full tortoise shell.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I think we could move a little smaller. Not like me small, tiny bit though. Smaller.

[A]

When you say full tortoise shell.

[C]

We both have small heads. Obviously. Mine's smaller than you, but relative. Male, female. And I think you would. We could just elevate if you are open.

[B]

I think this would be a good

[C]

glasses shops that and we can vlog it for your podcast.

[B]

We're gonna go eyeglass shopping now. Can I just say this up front about these, please? No. Not knowing what you might fully sell me on, like, this is the new Kyle. But there is the chance that I'd be like, I really like these and can appreciate them, but I don't feel ready.

[C]

Great. Then we move on.

[A]

But then we, we try the process.

[C]

I mean, and I want you to love. I want you. I love people to come into like, like, you know how I always feel like a lot. And I. And I am a lot. And yesterday I had an awkward. So I have social anxiety, I guess. I was with like some more famous people than me and I was really excited to be there. I'm not always good with that.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Because I, I, I have no chill, you know, I am excited. I do like them. You Know, I. I have not developed a chill.

[A]

We developed it at snl, but it took a lot of roadblocks.

[C]

It takes a lot. And so, fine. I give myself grace. I come home. I said, you did the best you could. With what? With your personality. You grew up without a father. It is what it is. But where I get to really pop off is stand up. I get to be even more me than I am. It's almost an exaggeration. There's no apology. It's just. I am given the liberty to be a lot or whatever I want, or I can just. That's what I want. If I'm shopping with someone, like, the liberty to be the most. You. You don't like. It's gone. You don't feel hot. It's gone. Like, I want you to put something out and be like, wow. I don't know. I don't know if I've ever thought

[B]

of, you know, and, you know, the places to go. You have?

[C]

Yeah. There's a few. And then.

[A]

And then you, like.

[B]

You.

[A]

You've done this with other people. You like finding this with other people. You kind.

[C]

I started with my brothers. Yeah. I have five brothers. And I grew up styling. It's so funny that I'm a dyke now, and we don't realize, but it's like, I always dressed my brothers, and I always helped them with. At the time, my older brothers. There are plenty of fish profiles. I took all their photos.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

I gave haircuts. We went to Old Navy shopping together. My brother be like, it's from Old Navy. Can you believe it? And I can, you know, and it's like. And I can. Old Navy was new. We always grew up going. Before it was cool, we. We shopped at Salvation army and Village Devalur, which is Value Village and Canada's Goodwill.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And it was so embarrassing as kids to be poor and, you know, going through. And getting, you know, getting your school clothing, you know, and there was a certain amount of clothing you needed from the school. They would send, like, a list. You need two shirts, two gym pants or whatever. So we would just fill in those holes. Going shopping, I don't know. I used to be so embarrassed, and now it's like, I'm good at that. Yeah, you're good at that.

[A]

From that process of, like, trying to figure out.

[C]

But then when we had stores like Old Navy, when my brother started working. My brother was working at Purolator, which is like FedEx, right. We have Purolator here. And having his own money, we like to go new. So we went to Old Navy, which was like, new, you know, Now I've. Now I almost never buy new. Yeah, it's interesting. I've gone back, but that felt fancy to us at the time. But I took my brother shopping. We styled them. Dates. One of my brothers was colorblind. He's like, just blue, black. I'm like, just get out of here.

[A]

Just go. It's fine.

[B]

Very sweet.

[A]

It's very sweet. Yeah.

[B]

You feel close to all of them.

[C]

I'm close to a bunch of them. Yeah. I actually. Yeah, I remember Schneer.

[A]

That is a great name.

[C]

Yeah. My older brother, he. They had a lot of friends over, and I remember they must have been like 18 or. And I was maybe 16, and I had a friend over and we were doing our makeup and getting ready to go out, and my brother, like, comes into the room. He's like, hey, ladies. Like, where you guys going tonight? I'm like, I'm not fucking telling you. Get out. Okay. And he goes, well, you know, you guys going to the Dome? Because we might go to the Dome. And, you know, it'd be, you know, worst case scenarios. We go. We hit on a bunch of girls. Turns around, it's my own sister. I'm like, can you get the. Out of my room?

[A]

He's like, don't go.

[C]

Nobody is thinking of this. Yeah, like, nobody is thinking of this.

[B]

Wait a second. You're my sister.

[C]

Yeah. It's like, crazy. Like, you'll know before we turn. Like, what is wrong with you?

[A]

Oh, my God. I don't want to see. I don't want to see somebody going by me. Like, oh, I can't wait to pick. Oh, that's my sister.

[C]

Like, he would receive. What.

[B]

What is the Dome?

[C]

The Dome was this club that would let in basically anyone underage, no matter what.

[B]

It wasn't an underage club. It was a.

[C]

No, it was in Montreal. And Montreal, the legal age is 18.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So already I was. We were going at 14, 15.

[B]

Did you party?

[C]

Yeah, we went clubbing almost every weekend. We tried to get boyfriends and make out and free drinks.

[A]

Drinks. Yeah, drinking.

[B]

I mean, like, scary, but also. That's.

[C]

Yeah. Well, no, it was like, we did it like, once a week, and I would go out for a while.

[B]

Like, do you remember the.

[C]

What was.

[B]

What were the hit songs

[C]

like, Hot and Hair, maybe.

[B]

That's early.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, but they played a lot of, like. Yeah, I think it was like a lot of R and B, I would say.

[A]

Yeah. Just describing that. Getting Ready Scene with your brother coming in. Like it sounds like. Cause you had nine siblings, right? And you guys are all close in age and I know there's like a lot of chaotic periods, but like when you were in. Did you guys move to Montreal?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Did it like when you were there and like you're getting ready to go out and stuff, did it kind of feel like like living in a dorm or something? Like everybody's like, you know, where you going? I'm going over here. Everybody's getting ready to go out.

[C]

I guess I never did the dorm

[A]

thing, like living in a house with. You know what I mean? It sounds like.

[C]

No, it was. I guess it was looking back like that. It just. There's no way to describe it because you are living with your brothers and sisters. It's kind of like comparing a family of like a nuclear family of two kids, two parents, a family of four to a family of 12 is like. We also like like co raised each other, you know, like my little brother. I have one little brother and four older brothers. My little brother's not just my little brother, he's like my son.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Like there's. There's something different when you're also left to your like, you know, my mother really had us. You know, I can't be everywhere so you guys have to look out for each other type of vibe. Like in the 1930s or something.

[A]

I want to bring up your special. So funny. I've. I was re watching it but recently knowing that we were going to have you on, I wanted to. The first time I watched it was the first night of Hanukkah with my wife and her mom and I took a gummy. I'm a little high. We're settling into the couch. And it was really funny because it was like all men, little gay. I'm like, hey, that's true. It's funny. All men, pedophiles.

[C]

Yeah. I'm like, okay.

[A]

It's not. I don't know if that's true. And the gummies setting in and I'm just like. And then I watch it again and I'm like laughing so much because I'm not high with my mother in law and my wife.

[C]

Is she only talking about.

[A]

She's. I'm not. It's actually because the she. Because the thing is you, you're. It's so funny and it like connects to such a truth.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And so like even like, you know, so many of the parts where it's like, well, she is speaking truth. She's Telling, telling jokes though, right?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So I'm not a pedophile. Even though the, the jokes are rooted in truth. I'm not a pedophile.

[C]

It's like I fell in love with her. She was 17. But keep in mind, I was also 17.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Keep in mind she was underage. What you're not hearing is I was also underage. You know, there's things like that that I kind of sometimes can play with because again, comedy.

[B]

I was watching it this morning and I laughed in that same bit during this pedophilia bit. You're then like, however you transition into it. Something about like, but the kids there to blame.

[A]

I was like, get the fuck off.

[C]

I have kids jump on me. It's like, you know, and obviously I'm talking about my nephew or whatever. Like, I'm obviously joking, but I'm like, Bro's 10 years old. He's the size of me.

[A]

No. Yeah.

[C]

10 year old child running up to me. I'm like, but I can't take all this now.

[A]

I. I feel the same way. Even friends, kid, they like jump on me and I'm like, okay. You know, I'm like, thank you. But like, it's, you know, it's fine.

[C]

But it is like scratching their ankles sitting. I'm like, this is like you're digging. Your knee is like elbowing me. Like, it's just.

[A]

Yeah, it's too.

[C]

Even.

[A]

Even if you're just like, I'm not. I'm not. This was not my idea. You know what I mean?

[C]

Exactly. Exactly. So, you know all jokes. Robbie Hoffman, Wake up on Netflix.

[A]

That's right. Were you, were you nervous at all about leading the special with like saying that all men are pedophiles?

[C]

No.

[A]

That's so. It was so bold, like, because I was like. Because, like, you get into more of your. No, because like, you know, you get it is the most. It. It is something that would make somebody like bristle compared to anything else. And I'm like. And I'm like, and I love you. Part of me watching it was like, I don't want you to push people away from your humor if they're, if they're just finding you for the first time.

[C]

I feel like I'd be up front.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Like, my whole thing is like, be the most. So then, you know, it's like, get them out now.

[A]

Right?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Right. Right. Yeah. I love.

[B]

And I. What I love is like, I don't know if it's like one of the. It's like a It's like a. I don't say a profile shot of you, but, like, you get a nicer view of like, this. Probably three people are very heavily featured in the.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

In the audience. And they're laughing, enjoying it. But it's just so funny, like, to get to, like, play. Just to see facial reaction to like, a bold statement. Like, that is so awesome. And like, I. Because, like, I don't know how I would. It's so funny to me, but I would maybe even be like a little self conscious. Holy shit.

[C]

Yeah. I think the people who want to sit in the front are, like, used to, you know, they want. They want some of that attention they

[B]

were ready to be.

[C]

Yeah. I think people who are like, okay, I'll sit in the front. It's like, fine. I would be like you, though, you know, and none of these things were on purpose. You know, it's not like I thought to open with that stuff because. To get people out. But if that's what it did, then I'm thrilled. You know, it just worked with the vibe. You know, it's interesting that people go like, you've been working on this for so long, like, what you saw the hour and wake up is the hour. I, you know, is just material I've been doing in the past maybe 18 months or something like that. So it's a snapshot of where, you know, had you come six months later or six months early, maybe that wouldn't be the. The opening joke because it'd be something new or different and it's baked in somewhere else. But it's just where we. Where we caught it in the pipeline. That's where it was. But then, you know, the silver lining is, okay, go big or go home or people lose it. Then there's a lot coming up. You know, also that. You know that it's sometimes good. And also, I'm not shy from a bristle. I would rather make somebody feel anything than nothing. I would rather, you know, if you're not uncomfortable at all or if you don't object to one thing, then I haven't made you think about that thing. Or you haven't even, you know, I would rather the discourse than not always. Even if it's uncomfortable or it's hard or it's, you know. Yeah. I just would rather be on it and thinking about it and talking about ideas than not then. Yeah, that was.

[A]

Well, you do it in such a way where I'm like, you make it funny. And, like, what part of me is like you. You get Away with it.

[C]

Exactly.

[A]

You know what I mean? I think there are different. And I don't know if it's because you're like. And also, like, as you've said, like, as a more mask presenting.

[C]

By the way you're walking, you can

[A]

say, okay, I'm on eggshells.

[C]

Giving him the safe. Just say, yeah, as a mask lesbian. Yeah. You're doing so good.

[A]

You.

[C]

You're doing very good.

[A]

I don't want to be bad.

[C]

This has been wild.

[A]

You like. I'm like, wow, she can. Like. And also so funny and so smart. It's like, you can. You can. It's like, we want to hear you say this stuff. And you can get away with it because you're funny and smart, but it is like, I almost imagine, like. I imagine, like, you finding new fans that are like, yo, fucking Robbie Hall. Like, dudes being like, I don't know, like, you. You're saying things that, like, they're thinking. I don't know. Like, it's.

[C]

I know. I just. It's always been. I don't. Yes. I get away with a lot. Half of it is because of who I am and the subject I'm talking about, and half of it is because I've been building that palette for people about who I am and what I'm. You know, that maybe, you know, because I got in trouble. I still get in trouble for a lot of things I say, but it started way back, even grade school, third grade, Bobby out, kicked out of the class. You know, I was always in trouble. This and that. You know, I've. In friend groups. I don't like your boyfriend.

[B]

Right.

[C]

You know, he smells friendship. Gone. You know, 16 or whatever. I'm like, I don't like the guy.

[A]

Yeah, you're going, I'm not being an asshole.

[C]

We have to be like, we have to like the partner. Like, none of us like him. Yeah, he steals.

[A]

They suck. They're annoying. Just because we're a group, we have

[C]

to like, oh, you don't like my new boy? So I've gotten in trouble a ton. But then I've worked that to my. You know what I mean? I've. I.

[B]

It's become part of the fabric I've used.

[C]

Yeah. I've been able to, like, channel it.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Do you. In those instances where you told whomever, like, I don't like your boyfriend. He stinks, or whatever, versions of that have played out over the course of your life and career. Like, do you ever feel guilt? Or is it like, no, this is Who I am. This is. That's what I wanted to say.

[C]

Here's the thing. I was never wrong. And so I have a problem. I wish I was wrong, but I was right about the dude. When I think of him, to this day, I'm still right about him. Right. And they're married. And the only regret would be that I lost a friend.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And you're.

[B]

When did you say that?

[C]

I'm just saying that was, like, probably where this happened. It's happened a couple times that I don't like people's partner and sometimes I love, but. But I didn't know the finesse back then, so maybe I was in my early 20s. But also, there's a lot of girl. I. I got in trouble with this group of girlfriends that I had. I think it's kind of like you guys finding each other in college. You find your people sometimes. I had this, like, really core group of friends, and I'm still really good friends with two of them. So, you know, one of my best friends from high school was still my best friend, but we realized in the group there needed to be some trimming out.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, you're kind of friends with. With people who aren't your people, and that's a total normal process of growing up. You don't have to save every friendship and you don't have to. You know, it's just. I realized, like, this one girl, she would come to school and have, like, no story. Stories.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

It was killing me. We're already in university at this point. We get to the class, by the way, I took the bus there. She's got a car as she gets. And she goes, I went to park the car and it was a quarter in the meter, End of story. I go, what? Who hasn't? It is always leftover money. A lot of times in the meter, it's just not.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You don't have to say anything.

[B]

It's not significant.

[A]

It's like. It's such a fun bit to do when you're intentionally doing it.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Yeah. That's funny. But when you're in the moment, it's just, what are you doing?

[C]

You're taking up stuff. She's like, can you believe it? And we're like, yeah. And it's just like that one. She had to go. And then I started.

[A]

And how did she go? Were you like, you're gone?

[C]

I did a phase out because I was then invited to her apartment. It's like, we were invited. We were starting to get apartments. I've had an apartment forever. So I'm like, okay, she's getting her apartment and she wants to do cupcake decorating. We're all going to come over and do this cupcake. I said we can't just talk like we're on. I don't. Why do we have to have this fucking activity? Yeah, like. Like we just want to go. And it's like I just said I'm not gonna make it. I just.

[A]

You can't do. You come over, but you're not gonna make the cupcake.

[C]

It's a thankless job to be like us.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It's a thankless job to bring the funny stories, bring the personality, bring the hot takes. I'm bringing the Gus.

[A]

And be like this person bringing nothing. Why are we bringing them around?

[C]

Yeah, they have money and they have the nice. But it's like. Like I'm bored out of my mind. It's just a thankless job to be the one in the group which I often shouldered a lot of. Yeah. Of like. You know what?

[B]

I heard you're carrying the weight.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You don't know who DMed me, right? Gay. Gay, Right. She's sleeping with him. She's gay. Look at just dm. I kept no secrets to.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And do you like. So you're at a. How big was this group of like seven, eight girls? So there some people were on your side?

[C]

Yes, everybody agreed with me always.

[B]

But some people must have been like, well, I can't. Like, they can't.

[C]

Yeah. No, they're still friends with her to this day. My mutual friend still friends with me.

[B]

So you. You basically just.

[C]

You.

[B]

You continue to hang out with whatever.

[C]

Five.

[B]

Five of them separately from this other.

[C]

Exactly.

[A]

I couldn't agree more. With this perspective. Did. Do you. Do you have this in. In adult life with new groups of friends, you feel like you can do that, you know, especially now given your professional. Where you are, you know?

[C]

Yeah, I don't. I don't keep many friends.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

In terms of, like, I'm friendly with a ton of people.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Look, I would consider us friendly, but best friends. I have. I have a good handful.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, because.

[A]

And are they part of a group? Are they individual? They're individual connections.

[C]

Sometimes it's individual just because we move so much now that I have yet my. Have my high school friends. And then when I'm in Toronto, I have my best friends in Toronto.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

And then New York and I met Carm and then here. And then I got a whole dyke crew.

[A]

Awesome.

[C]

Dykes like me who are in this weird predicament and it's like, oh, you found men's shoes in a size six. Where'd you find those? You know, just sharing tips.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, so. So some separate and some together. It is hard. What I have noticed, and this is I'm good friends with Adam Friedland and good friends with Carmen Christopher. And they hadn't met.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

When my guys meet each other, they both came to my birthday and it was a small dinner. Actually they came to my wife's birthday first, Gabby's birthday, and it was a small. They were the only, maybe the only two guys and my sister's boyfriend, two. And it was just wild. Like to me they're two like Rushmores. I just love them.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But then to see them interact, like me being the link.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I found it really cute. I found it. Grown men making friends is like, they. I don't even, I can't even articulate it. It's still something I'm figuring out because I don't get my. Like, I have such independent friendships with both of them, but I couldn't believe that they didn't know each other. And I'm so close with both of them. But then it's like they hang out and now they're friendly with each other. And you know what? I've seen that they like each other's stuff online. Like, I see qc.

[A]

That's cute.

[C]

I feel like it's happening, you know, but it's just. That's an interesting thing when your one offs meet.

[A]

Absolutely.

[C]

And I want them to be like to me, I'm like, like, be bro.

[A]

Just connect the way that we connect with each other. I want this to be a thing, but it is not work out.

[C]

It doesn't always work out with each other. It's like, you know, and karma. Like, well, I'm your best. You're my best girlfriend. I'm like, you're my best guy friend. You know, they want who's best, who's best. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's just. But then they meet somebody else calling like, yeah, he is cool. But they're not like, they don't want to.

[A]

They're not like, oh my God, you're Robbie's friend. Yes. Let's connect. It's kind of like, oh, it's like

[C]

two dykes I introduced. Introduced to, you know that they met through me. One from New York and one from la, but now they both live in LA and they got together like, oh my God. Emil is so cool. And Roxy's so cool, and I'm like, that's great. Like, that's the best. It's funny when guys do it, they

[A]

have trouble connecting, they have trouble opening up, and.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Especially emotionally, we feel like. Yeah.

[B]

This is like. I. I don't even.

[C]

How many best friends do you guys have?

[B]

Best friends? Three.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Not including my wife.

[C]

Yeah. Would you consider Becca best friend?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's one of my best friends.

[C]

Now, do you guys have. Are your best friends the same, or have you ever had your best friends? We had best friends.

[A]

We definitely have some separate best. Yeah.

[C]

And have they met?

[B]

I mean, probably everybody's met at this point.

[A]

Yeah. But they, like, it's not.

[C]

Not.

[A]

It's not the same. It's the. I don't think, like, any of our best friends have ever. Would ever.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Isn't it so weird?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. It's funny.

[C]

I love it. Yeah, I agree. No, so I think it's almost.

[A]

It's almost like there's more. More of a possibility for your friends to connect with each other if the connection isn't so strong. Like. And not a best friend.

[C]

Right.

[A]

But, like, you know, we're friends with

[C]

a lot of the same people.

[A]

But when you have a best friend, it's a specific connection.

[C]

It is. Specifically, and I'll say this, all that helps, you know, the weeding out and knowing how to find your people. It helps for when you do have those friendships. Like, my best friends now really get. You know, we're really like, I'll meet. It's not a matter of history, Jess. You know, I think when you're in high school and then university, you've had the same friends. You're like, well, I've known them for 10 years. I mean, like, history. Like, I could meet someone. My buddy Jay, I met the first time I met him. Best friend. Like, we've been such good friends.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

The same, like, that sort of thing. And even though, you know, now we're friends six or seven years or something, but even that first year, it was like he was as close to me as any, you know?

[B]

Right.

[A]

So exciting to find history.

[C]

Only thing. It was a people thing. It was like, you find your people.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So I have a bunch of. I have that with Ali Colbert, who's a comedian from New York, and just. We're both like. Like, it's just. There's so much less explaining it has to be done if you're. If you're of the, you know, cut. Similar.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. It just Happens.

[B]

Well, it is that. It's the time of the show.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I don't know if the premise was explained to you.

[C]

Well, the premise is that we do all the work. That you guys don't have a podcast idea and then you voice the work onto the unpaid guests. Is that.

[A]

That is correct. I actually, before you came in here, we were both like. Like, I can't believe Robbie's coming in to do this show. It's so great. We're so excited. She wanted to come here. And then I was doing an impression of you. Exactly the same thing. I was like, she's going to be like, so wait. She's going to say, here's my idea for your show. You figure out what the fuck your show is about and you don't put it on us.

[C]

No, but literally, I was thinking on the drive here, I'm like, so wait a minute.

[A]

So wait a minute.

[C]

What the fuck? They have me doing work. They don't know what it's about. I'm supposed to know what it's about. My idea for what it should be about was this. Yeah, just this.

[A]

This.

[C]

That's it. You guys just. You don't need anything more. Guys. Dial back two of the coolest. I almost feel like calling Carmen, Adam being. I have two new guy best friends.

[A]

Yeah, it's.

[C]

You guys are out. Yeah. No, you're in.

[B]

Carmen's are out.

[C]

They would both like, who do you mean?

[A]

Yeah, Yeah. I would love to be best friends.

[C]

Adam will think it's the watch. You'll be like, I told you I wanted to get a watch. I've been telling you. I've been saying, he sends me the worst watch. I said, what are you looking at?

[A]

Oh, God. You'd be like, well, get the fucking watch. Yeah, get the fucking watch. Stop talking about it.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I think that that is. I think that's an idea. So wait, so the idea is.

[C]

The idea was this. We had one of the greatest episodes, probably of your podcast, I have to imagine.

[A]

Absolutely. We slipped in the conversation. There wasn't even a slight break. I could have gone a million different directions the whole time.

[C]

The other thing is dating advice, because from the fellas, we don't hear a lot. Yeah, we're not getting. There's a hole in the market. You're married. Are you married?

[A]

I'm married. We both have kids.

[C]

Fellas. Yeah, there's a lot of lonesomeness happening there. These dudes are sitting with their hands and they are lonely. You've Been hearing about this. You're reading about this, and Jordan Peterson didn't get it done. He didn't get it done. And the fellas are lonely, and I think they ought to hear from other fellas who are doing it good. It might not be the easiest thing, but you're getting it done.

[B]

How do we.

[A]

Yeah, in a way. In a way, you're the second gay guest we've had who's been like, you guys should tell these lonely incel guys. You should help them figure it out. Was it Bob?

[C]

Bob?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Bob.

[C]

Because I didn't get it on the list that it was. It was something.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That wasn't the idea. No, no, that was. But I'm saying it's the fact that. Yeah, because you guys know what you're talking about.

[C]

Yeah. And I help. Listen, I'm doing what I can. One guy at a time.

[A]

Of course you did. All your brothers.

[C]

Yeah. I got Carmen a girlfriend.

[A]

Is that right? She's there. Such a great fit. She's incredible.

[C]

Out of thin air.

[A]

Wow. The gay women are making men out of the boys and the gay men.

[C]

Exactly.

[A]

Turning the.

[B]

In terms of either this or dating advice, my only thought on the dating advice of it all is like, how can we in this moment now figure out a way to have people ask us questions or to. Or are there universal questions we could try to answer?

[C]

No, but I could ask.

[B]

Okay, great.

[A]

Great.

[C]

Okay. Okay. Okay.

[A]

So. And then we're going to go to the neighboring studio doing.

[B]

Yeah, this is going to be a dating advice. And it's. It's coming up right now. Today's episode is brought to you by.

[A]

Alma. Alma, Alma.

[B]

A year from today, who do you want to be?

[A]

Sammy Davis, Jr. Not what I was

[B]

expecting, but awesome sauce. What version of yourself would you like to meet?

[A]

Definitely.

[B]

Sammy Davis, Jr. Sammy Davis, Jr. A year from now, do you feel less anxious?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm Sammy Davis, Jr.

[A]

I'm Sammy Davis, Jr I'm tip of the Rock crew Need.

[B]

And I'm acting.

[A]

Do you have any other questions for me? Are you.

[B]

Or do you feel more like yourself?

[A]

No, I feel less like myself. I kind of feel more like Sammy

[B]

Davis Jr. Maybe your relationship is stronger or the grief feels smaller.

[A]

No, just kind of on top of the world. I kind of just do whatever I want. I'm Sammy Davis Jr. But anyway, for real.

[B]

But for real, who do you want to be in a year from now?

[A]

I want to be.

[B]

Do you want to feel less anxious? Do you Want to be. Feel more like yourself?

[A]

I do.

[B]

What if the thing that you've been secretly worried about just took up a little less space in your mind? Would that be nice?

[A]

That would be great. And I've definitely been there before where it's. The thing is taking up a lot of space, and then it takes up less space and I can even. You can even take up less space. Yep, that's right.

[B]

You know who helps with that?

[A]

Who?

[B]

I'm not gonna say. Sammy Davis Jr. Back.

[A]

Dang it.

[B]

The right therapist. The right therapist can help you get there. Alma will help you find them.

[A]

Alma has a directory of 20,000 therapists with different specialties, like, you know, life experiences, identities. And 99% of them take insurance.

[B]

You, my friend. You and you. And hell, I'm gonna say yes.

[A]

Put it on yourself.

[B]

You right here. Point it at me.

[A]

The man in the mirror.

[B]

You deserve to feel like that future version of yourself. You deserve it. A year from today isn't that far away.

[A]

Get started [e-mail] our podcast. That's hello, Alma.com O U R P O D C A S T. And

[B]

I am never gonna forgive you for that, SAMMY DAVIS JR.

[A]

So I want to be Sammy Davis

[B]

Jr. You are amazing. What's going on, Big B?

[A]

What's up, Cayman? Yes. Back at it again, dude. Yes. Ask me, dude.

[B]

What are your name?

[C]

New.

[B]

New Year's resolutions.

[A]

My New Year's resolutions. I actually didn't make an official one. This.

[B]

Oh, Ah, I'm sorry.

[A]

What about you?

[B]

What about you?

[A]

I want to get off my phone and more into. Instead of just. Really? The thing is instead of just scrolling and thinking I'm learning and taking stuff in, actually go pursue stuff that I'm interested in instead of just passively soaking up my time by scrolling.

[B]

Yeah, I'm. I'm on the like less. Less phone time. A book a month. Two movies per month.

[A]

Similar then getting. Getting stuff.

[B]

Trying to get. Always trying to get the physical activity in as well.

[A]

That's great. That's great.

[B]

Oh, we gotta. You know, we got a great guest today on. On our show. If you don't know what the show is, I don't know why the. You're watching or listening.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, go for it.

[B]

Come to us. We got the answers because, ladies and gentlemen, this is day Dating advice.

[A]

Dating advice. That's what it's all about. You told us. Dating Advice is our podcast. That's what we'll talk about with Beck and Kyle. Yes. And our guest this week, Robbie Hoffman.

[C]

I'm very impressed.

[B]

Thank you for being really. Are you really impressed? I feel like. So it's intimidating.

[C]

You have the graphics. I mean, it's all put together.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Very impressed.

[A]

Thank you. You.

[B]

How many. I. I've got to ask you this something we ask all of our guests, and this is a tough. And if you don't want to answer this un. I understand. How many people do you think you've dated in your life

[C]

now? Seriously dated or as a kid, too, when I had, like, boyfriends that were like.

[B]

I think that that counts.

[A]

I think that counts. Were you, like. You were like, will you be my boyfriend? And you, like, dated for two weeks and you didn't talk and then you broke up?

[C]

Yeah. Will you be my boyfriend and never talk to them?

[B]

What. What age did that start?

[A]

Start.

[B]

What was your first?

[C]

I was like, I was always young with it. I pursued guys heavily.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's incredible. Like, it makes. We're talking.

[C]

Like, I would. We would go to the pool. Like, we had, like, girls swimming at the pool. I had, like, separate girls and guys swimming at the public pool. And. But there was, like, always a switch over where it's like, it was boys hour, you know, so you'd see the boys coming in. The girls would be leaving because we didn't have swimming together. Like, if, by the way, it wasn't a swimming class, it was like, free general swim at the. At the community center, at the public pool.

[B]

Interesting.

[C]

So. And then you always, like, hang in the halls, you know, and, hey, how you doing?

[A]

And you were. You were over. You were always confident with it. You were like. And you would pursue these guys young. I guess the question I was always

[C]

considered a lot and a lot of guys didn't like me, and I was considered annoying, and I still am annoying. And I. But I don't know why I got. I still wanted it, and I still was like, well, I think I should have a boyfriend. And eventually I started getting. It started working. But I also think I got prettier. I was still as annoying.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, and a lot. But there was a certain guy that I could get.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And not. I was like, no, we have a boyfriend. I also got it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I think that confidence does go such a long way. And like, the fact that I would imagine if I was that age, a boy and like, anybody was showing interest in me, like, I would. Then that's a big part. Would be a big part of my attraction is just the fact that somebody's talking to me is like, okay, well, you're beautiful to me all of a sudden.

[C]

I think it was embarrassing for guys to be with me from a young age because. And now I'm older than that. Maybe I'm talking high school because I was a class clown as a girl, right. And I think it was just really not cool to be a loud girl, to be an opinionated girl. Like, it was cool. It was fine, but it wasn't like, cool as far as, like having like. Yeah. And yeah, it was a little like, I don't know, like I was a little lower class or something. And I was also extremely poor, so. And. And by this time I was, you know, the families were wealthier around me and so the whole thing was giving lower class and they didn't really want that. But, yeah, slowly but surely, I stuck with my thing and I got hot too, which is very helpful. So then people were confused about me. Like, do I like this annoying girl, but she's like, hot. And I would dress. I started dressing slutty. I'm like, why not?

[A]

Oh, wow, that's.

[C]

Yeah. And that's great. Yeah. And then I.

[A]

And that's fantastic. I love you. And then I see, like, you, like, the thing you're dressed is.

[B]

Oh, no, you're envisioning too much,

[A]

dude. Yes.

[B]

I guess if you guys are. I want to be support.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I would love to. I love that. She's like, all right, I'm going to put myself out there. That's what I'm saying. Get what I want. I'm going to go.

[B]

Of course I support that. That's what I sound like he supports.

[C]

That doesn't sound like he supports. Supports me.

[B]

I'm support. I just don't. I don't want to say, you know, I feel funny saying no. That it's a hot little girl right now.

[A]

You're getting off. You're making it weird.

[C]

Why did he say it like that? I never would have said it like that.

[B]

I'm in trouble.

[A]

I was talking about her confidence as. Empowering her as a woman to just.

[C]

He really was. And then you made it weird and called me a hot little girl.

[A]

This is going viral, dude.

[B]

This can't be going viral already.

[A]

Yeah, it's out. This is a live stream one.

[C]

Okay. So my situation basically, that I was like, I just.

[A]

That is a totally different.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

How old are you there? How old are you there?

[C]

I'm probably here. I'm like 19 or 20. Okay, good.

[A]

That's the cuz that maybe 18.

[C]

I don't.

[A]

How old are you? Old are you there? How old are you in that picture? But you're older now, so it's all good. Because

[C]

I would, you know, I started, I started just working with that too. I was still my same annoying, whatever. But then, so then what happened was guys who I was best friends with would fall in love with me. Right now they're turning because now I would have one friend who was a guy or whatever who let me be me.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I wasn't too loud and I wasn't too obnoxious. All the ways that I still am today. And I'm perma working on this stuff, you know, since I've always been insecure about being annoying and too obnoxious. And I've been working on it forever. So maybe, you know, maybe, maybe something that is workable and maybe it's something, you know, part acceptance and part. But there was a few guys who. They like that about me.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Or they thought I what? You know, because you, you know. And then, and then I was bringing out, but I was bringing the physique.

[A]

And that's just a whole nother. Yeah, of course.

[C]

So they were like, it's like a friend. But I get. I could hit that, right?

[B]

And it's like maybe not totally the same.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But I don't know if you ever had this experience where like I would be in school. I think I've said this on the podcast before, but like all of a sudden some random girl, like, who I wasn't, had no interest in or was in another class would appear in one of my dreams and then I'd arrive at school the next day, I'm like, dang, she is beautiful. Like, it's like I never considered it

[A]

until they popped up in your dream.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Because what's weird is you grow up with these. If you go to grade school and you're going through that puberty time and then you're a teenager, it's like, yeah, I'm walking in. I'm walking in like Amelia Bedelia.

[A]

Uh huh. Yeah. And then I'm coming out overnight, whatever, over the summer.

[C]

So it's like, yeah, we don't fuck with Amelia Bedelia like that, but fucking okay.

[B]

But this is a new era. This is a new generation.

[C]

You kind of go through like the Urkel to the fucking Stefan Urkel. Stefan.

[A]

Yeah. And it's interesting to develop that relationship.

[C]

Clean up nice at the friend's wedding.

[B]

Very beautiful. I don't.

[A]

Very beautiful. Very beautiful now too.

[B]

I don't know how.

[A]

Always beautiful. No matter what.

[B]

I'M so nervous. How to, like, describe a photograph of.

[A]

She's trying to bait us. She's trying to bait us. I can't look at that. She's trying to bring a sc. She's trying to prove. She's trying to prove something here about men. I've never, I've never, I don't like, just.

[C]

I went through that phase where the guy was like, in love with me, but he's like my best friend. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. And then you did date him. And then you did date him, or

[C]

no, he was into you. No, I, I, I, I, I strung along. Or I thought we could have the friendship with, you know, and, or I liked even the attention that they did. Like, I didn't care about the. Yeah, he's in love with me, but I'm not giving him nothing. I'm not touching.

[A]

Ultimately you're gay and you're like, I don't know, whatever ended up being gay.

[C]

And also I was like, well, he just has to manage if he's in love with me, I don't have to deal with that. And it's fine. If he's in love, May. He'll come pick me up at school. I'm not gonna take the bus.

[A]

Am I going to use this for the things that I need?

[C]

He'll be good to me and I'll be good to. I'm still bringing great conversation. We're still watching great movies. You know, I'll cuddle.

[A]

That's nice. It's confusing for him. Yeah, it's nice. I think more people should just cuddle,

[C]

be sitting there hard. That has not, it's not my fault.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

So, okay, now, now. So that's, so that's a little bit.

[B]

This is a little history of my

[C]

dating thing now for, for guys is I know a lot of guys in serious relationships, I think that their. I'm not sure how much they're thinking about having kids, but I think there's no way to prepare for having kids. I don't have kids. You guys have kids. So I think it's a good next. It's almost past dating. It's more like once you're in the relationship having kids, how does it change you? Is that there, you know, there's that period. Sometimes the kid is born and the father doesn't connect for. It takes a lot longer because obviously the mother, you know, if conceiving naturally has the baby growing inside of her, has all this, like, very hormonal connection. Yeah, there's a lot of recovery there and then you. So is fatherhood scary? Is it, is it, is it explainable? Is there anything they can look out for and anything like that?

[A]

The guys out there.

[C]

Yeah, guys who are just getting married maybe, or just getting together seriously and thinking about family.

[A]

I mean, I don't think there is really anything you can prepare for, you know, I mean, you can like get to a. I think you get to a place in your life where you're like, oh, I think I can do this. You know, and if your partner's like, yeah, I can do this with this person, then. Then you do it and you try it and it kind of like you, you adapt to it, you know, you like, nobody tells you.

[C]

Exhausted.

[A]

Oh, like so exhausted.

[C]

Suddenly you're not sleeping. Like, can you explain that?

[B]

First year, I think I'm in year, my daughter's two and a half and she's been sick this week and that's been affecting her sleep. So like we've been, I think, you know, two nights ago she woke up at. Put her down at, let's say 8 or 9pm she usually goes down at 7:30, but she just wouldn't go to. She's fighting sleep now. So like now it's like a whole process just to like put her in the bed. So we're reading books, but she's delaying it so it'll be like, I want another story. Or like, I wanna hang with Mommy, I wanna hang with Daddy. She has these strategies so that she can delay the actual drop off into the crib. And then she wakes up again at whatever 1am and wants to hang out with us and wants stories. Finally get her back to sleep an hour or two later, wakes up again at 4am she is supposed to get up at 7, but the exhaustion thing is something that I don't think you can properly prepare for. And it is. That's a torture technique. You know what I'm saying?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And so that is, I think, probably one of it.

[C]

Like in the beginning when the baby is three months, like, what are you sleeping?

[B]

But that is, I will say that for me, that was almost, I want

[A]

to say easier because they're sleeping all

[B]

the time and they're like, there's no, not like there's no personality there, but like they don't have like the,

[C]

I

[B]

don't know, the intelligence, but the kind of slyness to be like, you really

[A]

start parenting when they can talk and manipulate, manipulate and you have to set boundaries and be like, it's constantly like, no. Because if I say yes to that then you will ask for it every single time.

[C]

Right.

[A]

You know what I mean? And being like, we don't do it like this, or like, if you do want, like, giving them things, but also just like trying to set up. We do it like this. We don't do it like that. Even if you're screaming and crying, Although that's okay that you're screaming and crying. You can have your feelings, but you can't. Behavior isn't okay. But feelings are going.

[C]

You, like, please it, you know, like how. Yeah, Like, I think that is. It just. It takes everything. Like, you have to just deal with the screaming.

[A]

Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. Because. And. And then. But then if you don't fight it, it goes away quicker. Like, if you're like, okay, I'll give you some space or whatever. If. And you don't go, hey, like, try to. Try to talk them down sometimes. I mean, everybody's different.

[C]

And then on the flip side, are they just the cutest thing that you like, squeezing and obsessed with them, like you just can't wait to smell and hug them?

[A]

Yes. I would say, like, succinctly, it takes up all of your time and all of your energy, but it gives you a stronger energy that you never had before because they kind of become the driving force for everything. It's like, yes, this is so exhausting. But they're the thing that means the most to me and gives me so much joy. So it does give you energy in a way that is.

[C]

Because you've put so much into them too, that you do feel like.

[B]

And I will add my sort of general pitch on the whole thing always. Not always, but like, I am 41 years old. We had our daughter, I think, when we were maybe 39.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Turning 39. And I feel like I had experienced all versions of, like, I want to say love to me or something like that. I've had crushes, I had relationships. I've dated, you know, different versions of romance and sort of like, whatever experimenting goes into figuring out what you enjoy in a partner or in terms of being in love. And when my daughter came into existence, all of a sudden it's like, oh, this is something I've never experienced. There's like 40 years of life.

[C]

I know it's not explained.

[B]

No, this was like, there's a whole new level to unlock. That was the thing that was sort of like most. I don't say enlightening, but it's like, oh, shit. Of course you hear people say, like, it changes you to have a Child. But to, like, experience a new feeling

[A]

like that new orientation.

[C]

That's the thing. I think I. That would be my only. Like, that regret would be the only thing would be like. You know, it's like when people say, oh, well, well, my dog is my kid. Or my. I'm like, shut up, bro, we don't have kids. Like, it's fine. Like, bro, we don't have kids. We could never know. It's like. It's like many things you can never know. I could, you know. Yeah. I dress like a boy or whatever. I can never know what it's like to be a man, for instance. I can never really know. I can never know what it's like to. To have a parent. There's just. To be a parent. Like, I just, just. It's just. I know that it's a total different thing. We all have different experiences. You can't. There's many things like that. If somebody.

[B]

Right. What it's like to score a goal in the World Cup.

[C]

No, this is different.

[A]

Wrong again.

[C]

No, that I could know that. Let me practice. That I could know.

[A]

You killed.

[C]

No, I just. That's why I resent when people go like, and I have a dog and a cat. But I'm not like, there are kids, like, in a serious way. Like, I'm like, what are you talking about?

[A]

I do agree. I do.

[C]

We have pets. It's a different thing.

[A]

And that's okay. It's a certain type of love that. And there's a strong love there.

[C]

But the responsibility also, it's just a total different thing. That would be the only. I'm just curious to feel. It's exactly that. Is that difference of that. That said, it's not enough of a curiosity.

[A]

Yes. And that being said, I'm hopefully with a bunch of majority of parents that would say, I would never tell somebody. They need to feel that. You know what I mean? Or you have to know what it's like. You have to do it because it's just. I mean, it is a unique thing, but you also get to live a unique life by not having kids and having this life that you have and not disrupting it with the needs of the kids.

[C]

Yeah. No, for me, I look at it like, having kids, it's like, do I want a new job? Job.

[A]

Right.

[C]

Like, am I okay with my job right now? Like, I like my job. I like what I do for a living. And it would be like, do I want another job? And I feel like I don't now it's easier Said than done for me because we're gay. So to go to have kids is. If it was something that happened naturally, maybe the conversation would be different, but we'd really have to go out of our way to do it. And there's a lot of signs. You know, there's a lot of tricky things about it. So it's easier for us to step away from it. And it's not a real like that we feel okay, you know, not having them. I think if I was in a heterosexual relationship, I could be totally somewhere different. If it was by.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, virtue of a night or whatever where it's like, you know, doesn't have to have as much planning or something then maybe. But because the cookie crumble like that. Okay. Then I feel okay doing it.

[B]

I also. I'm stating the obvious I think here. But like being a person with a child, you know, talking to somebody who doesn't or people who don't like. Obviously I also have a sense of jealousy of that. You know, being able to like get on an airplane, like I'm gonna go to St. Lucia next weekend. Like that is sick. Like there are all these things that it's like, obviously my life is change in a way that I feel dedicated to my child that I'm not. I'm not gonna be social. I'm not gonna live my life in the same way I did. Whatever.

[C]

So you did have that very good party. You can have it all. You can, you can, you can have a new child.

[B]

I turned 40.

[A]

Have one child. Have one child. So you have some flexibility.

[C]

The two, you.

[A]

You.

[C]

We're three.

[A]

We're. No, we don't have two yet. But we're. We're open to.

[C]

Okay. You both have one right now.

[A]

Yeah. We've talked about the end goal, you know, family, having kids, but we haven't we. And we're running out of time here.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Do we want to say anything to specifically to the fellas about dating out there?

[C]

I think you have to. Yes. I would like to say you. You have to pick one. You have to. You like. I love being you asked me how many people I've dated. It's not that many because I'd like to be in a long term relationship. I really. Maybe because I'm good with temptation. I spoke to this some a little bit, but it's like I grew up kosher and when you're kosher. I just wanted a nugget. I wanted anything. I would get the waft of of a fast food restaurant or something. I never ate date. And I would be so tempted. I wish I could have it. But then I would go home and eat my mother's stew or whatever. It was chewy, you know, just like. But then by the end of my meal, I was full. I moved on.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Like the wall, you know, fine. It was. Was my favorite meal as a kid ever now. But I'm full as hell.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I'm gonna go do my homework and go to bed. Like, let's call it a day. And I got good with temptation. I'm good at having 90% of what I want. I don't need all of it. And I think that fellas need to get. And then that 90 could become 100. It's like you actually enjoy your. Your life, you know, so I've always been a relationship person, and I think, you know, dykes, you know, that we tend to. But. But maybe, maybe not. But yeah, for me personally, I've always liked, like, I can't wait to see 10, 15 years. And I've always. Even. Even, you know, when we were talking about getting rid of some old friends, the friends I've kept, I've loved those 20, 30, or like, you know, the ones that you work on, that you've invested in that are your people. It's just. I like the long term, but you are not having that other thing that you want. And I think that they think that they can. They're trying to find that thing with the. You know what I mean? It's like, you kind of have to know what ladder you're on and get into that.

[A]

I think that's. I think that's great advice. A lot of guys are like, I want. I want the 100 in that first year. I want it all. I want to be completely satisfied. And if I'm not, I don't know if I can commit to this for the rest of my life. But what you're saying is, like, you need to find somebody that you can, like, you can grow with. Grow.

[C]

Grow.

[A]

Grow into the relationship. Like, the potential of it. You see the potential. And I think that's great advice because

[C]

you're never not gonna fight. Like, they're like, well, you know, you're never like, yeah, you're gonna have stuff like that, but. But wouldn't you rather just, okay, get over a fight and then you're like, you're with your girl, you're chilling.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, then, like, oh, you're just sitting there waiting for a new girl. Like, it's just insane.

[A]

So, like, I used to say that Jesse and I, my wife and I, we just, we decided to get, like, we can get married because we started to argue productively or effectively or recover in a way where we were like, we're good.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Not because we didn't argue.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But because we were like, oh, we can, can, yeah. We can do this in a good way.

[B]

Yeah. I, I, I feel like this is related, unrelated. But also, I don't know that I'll be able to articulate it in the best way. I think that a lot of men have this feeling of, you know, there's sort of the, the grass is always greener. There's something better out there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I think it's hard to sort of understand that, like, if you are content, that is it, that's, that's, you've scored. You know what I'm saying? And, like, that is a difficult thing to find in its own.

[C]

And so I do think there's something as the greenest grass, though. Gabby. Windy. I think if you get married, Right. You find that, you know that you have the greenest grass.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And you water it and it stays green.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Each state a little massage. You order it a little massage, you

[A]

come home a glass of wine. You got that green grass.

[B]

Absolutely. And I, I so marry.

[C]

Right. Also, don't just, like, set, like, find the greenest grass. What is that for you?

[B]

But you might not.

[C]

But then don't look at, don't like,

[B]

my point is you might not have a good sense of what that is, because I think there's something.

[C]

I agree.

[A]

Right. It's shifting the perspective a little bit. As opposed to, like, the grass is always greener too. Like, I have found the greenest grass and just let, let it roll with that. Right?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, yeah.

[C]

Guys, you're going to end the show, have five or six kids.

[A]

Okay, great. We're going to have five or six kids. We figured it out. To all the guys out there, your

[C]

pets aren't your, you're not special.

[A]

Like, find somebody who's 90%, maybe 80%, and you'll get to that. 100%.

[C]

No, no, 90%. Okay, 80. Because they can barely even deal with the 90th. Fellas. Fellas.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I can only have 90. You know, they need, you know, 90's good.

[B]

Well, it's always been, it's always great giving advice to you guys and thank

[A]

you for listening to us. Please tweet @us Instagram s and show us your results online. And we always will. Love you.

[B]

And thanks and thanks for the pics.

[A]

Yeah. And yeah, thank you for the pics.

[C]

He's still thinking about the pics.

[A]

He can't get these pics out of his mind. This dirty.

[B]

No, that's not what I meant.

[C]

This new background is my pick. Pick.

[B]

Not true.

[C]

17 year old girl. It's an appropriate phrase.

[A]

Maybe I was 13.

[C]

We don't even know.

[B]

It barely made its way onto my background. I immediately got it off my background.

[A]

Kyle likes. Kyle likes it. All right.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

That was, that was fantastic.

[B]

Thank you for. Also, like, you know, I felt you had. You gave us two options for the podcast idea. You gave us this and you gave us dating advice. And this I think would have been. We probably would have done the exact same thing we had just spent the last, whatever, 45 minutes doing. So I appreciate that. I would have been very happy to do that. But I'm appreciating you appreciate that there was another thing to try out because I do think it was poignant in many ways. Ways.

[C]

Yeah. But I don't know. You know what? I hate reflecting on it. Like, I never want to talk. I, I never want to sound anti family or something like this. Like, I like the, like, for some reason, I like, you know, I want to be pro, but also pro what's right for people.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

You know, I'm pro basically everything.

[A]

Right, Right. Which more people need to be. I think there are too many people with families being like, you gotta do it. Because they're like, if I don't say that, then I made it.

[C]

But I do think they gotta do it. I think people, families should be promoting. But I, it's not like I'm promoting. Don't have kids. It's just, that's how the cookie crumbled for us.

[A]

Right.

[C]

So, you know, it's a weird thing to talk about as somebody who's not a parent, doesn't have. It's just more like, I think learning about that feeling of love. That is the one. Because. Because not that I can understand it, but it's like it is if you've never had a pet and you get a cat, you get a dog and you think that the cutest thing. Okay, so that's a tiny, maybe a 1% of it. Imagine you have, you know, like for somebody who's never had a pet and they never want to get a pet, like my brother Schneer. And now he's like, you gotta get a cat.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

You know, like he loves the cat, but it's like he never, he's like, I don't know. I. With the cat.

[A]

Yeah, but you don't.

[B]

I think if you.

[C]

Once you have it, I'm sure it's a total different thing.

[B]

So I think, forgive me if I'm like trying to put all this information together in a. In a sort of wrappable way that is wrong.

[C]

But we're talking freehand. None of these are articulated thoughts. Grow the up.

[B]

Okay, there you go. Would it be. Would it be fair to say what I think a show like that, the service I think that it provides is that you can be. Choose whatever you want, have kids, don't have kids, be who you be into dogs or cats or into bugs or whatever your thing is with the, like, people being the bugs.

[C]

You went weird again with the bugs.

[B]

Why is it I don't want to

[C]

come to your house and you collect roaches?

[B]

Okay, well, let me just. Let me finish the thought. Okay. And then critique after the fact worked.

[C]

Go ahead.

[B]

My point being. My point being is that like, that was an avenue, a way of like, you can at least hear what it's like for us. Right? And you can make the choice. You can do what you want, be into your thing, but you got the chance to hear like, this is what is what having a child, what is meaningful about it to us or whatever. Or not.

[C]

I like hearing that. I like. Yeah, I agree. I agree. And you guys are doing a good job.

[A]

Let's. Let's talk about your future. What do you got going on?

[C]

I'm on tour. We are. Are basically sold out. I don't even know what's left. I don't know when this comes out. We've added sold out of New York. We added a show that I think has six that's probably sold out by the time this airs. D.C. we sold out. We added another shows of maybe 30 tickets left. I don't even know if those are going to be available. Yes, we've added everywhere. Philly is low tickets, Seattle is low tickets, Toronto, sold out at another show that's sold out a lot. Thank you. Thank you, everyone. If even one or two more people I get from this cockamamney podcast. I'm thrilled to have you and to meet you. Just thank you everyone. Robbiehoffman.com for tickets. Robbie Hoffman Instagram for the links to that and updates and any old school nudes.

[A]

Yes. Nice.

[B]

It's like they were interesting pictures.

[A]

They're interesting pictures.

[C]

My podcast too far is Patreon only. Thank you for all you know to all of our subs. Subscribe to that. $5 a month.

[A]

Who? One tier.

[C]

I do. One tier. $5 a month. Three episodes a month. That's all I can do. Takes everything out of me. $5 divided by three is what, 166 USD? Less than the price.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Of a cup of. Less than the price of supporting a child in need overseas. You could subscribe to the two Far podcast on Patreon.

[A]

You got to do it. I mean, it's great to have you here and. And just talk to you, hear you talk about whatever. I mean, like, I love your special. You're so funny and I'm so glad that you're getting such a bigger platform for people to hear what you have to say. And you're such. It was such a pleasure.

[C]

My two new guy best friends.

[B]

I mean, I. I don't know how long I've known you. Let's say we've been.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Mingling for six, seven years.

[C]

Yeah, that's true.

[B]

But I want to say congratulations on everything. It is, as Beck said, it's. It's been. It's been such an awesome thing to.

[A]

So rad.

[C]

I haven't checked it out yet. Wake up on Netflix.

[A]

Wake up on Netflix. Check it out.

[C]

Thank you so much.

[A]

Thanks, Robbie.

[B]

Thanks, Robbie.

[A]

Bye.

[B]

What's Our Podcast is a Headgun podcast created and hosted by Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney.

[A]

The show is produced and engineered by Rachelle Chen and Anya Kanofskaya with production support from Ali Khan and Ryan Lutzow.

[B]

Our executive producer is Anya Kanukaya. Katie Moose is our VP of content at Headgum. Our theme music is made by us.

[A]

For more podcasts by headgum, visit headcom.com or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[C]

That was a Headgum podcast.