Chelsea Handler

Summary

Podcast Summary: Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson (Sometimes)

Episode: Chelsea Handler

Date: October 1, 2025
Host: Ted Danson
Guest: Chelsea Handler

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Episode Overview

In this rich, lively episode, Ted Danson sits down with comedian and bestselling author Chelsea Handler for a candid conversation on living out loud, personal and professional evolution, sisterhood, aging, activism, and embracing the contradictions within oneself. The tone is warm, comedic, and insightful, with both participants peppering the discussion with stories, laughs, and moments of vulnerability. Handler shares her unfiltered perspective on life, career, and the state of the world, while Danson reflects on shyness, friendship, and love.

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Main Topics & Key Discussion Points

1. Opening Banter & Comfort Zones

• Chelsea’s Reputation with Men
  Chelsea jokes about intimidating men, which Ted admits is true for him:

  “I'm terrified of you.” – Ted Danson (02:58)

• Ted’s Social Anxieties vs. Woody’s Social Ease Ted shares that he’s not naturally outgoing like Woody Harrelson or Chelsea:

  “At parties...I do the false humility thing, which is so boring and not real. I don't meet a lot of people. I'm not Woody Harrelson.” – Ted Danson (04:02)
  Chelsea agrees Woody “makes his rounds” and recalls their chemistry at a dinner party.

2. Chelsea’s Drive and Lifestyle

• Perpetual Motion & Avoiding Boredom
  Chelsea self-identifies as peripatetic, needing action, adventure, and going hard until she crashes—by choice:

  “I want to go, go, go, go. Crash, crash, crash.” – Chelsea Handler (05:56)

• Embracing Nontraditional Paths
  Chelsea reflects on not marrying or having children, and feeling gratitude for trusting her instincts:

  “I'm not a follower...I'm so grateful now because I do not have any regrets in either of those situations.” – Chelsea Handler (08:02)

3. Childhood, Family, and Formative Influences

• Upbringing Shaped by Chaos and Independence
  The youngest of six, Chelsea describes being loud to get attention, reading classics at her father’s push, and consciously deciding not to be dependent like her mother:

  “I didn't want to have to be dependent upon another person...I wanted to fly and be free.” – Chelsea Handler (11:29)
  A family tragedy and “chaos” fostered her comfort with unpredictability.

4. Comedy Beginnings & Stage Presence

• Facing Fears and Finding Comedy
  Chelsea overcame severe nerves trying stand-up at 21. The key was just “getting on stage,” not necessarily crafting perfect material:

  “Getting on stage...and owning it. Because the minute you're not secure with yourself...the audience...isn't gonna feel comfortable laughing at you.” – Chelsea Handler (19:37)

• Service Industry Empathy
  Her early experiences as a server shaped her respect for everyone in service roles, influencing her on-stage material and worldview.

5. Aging & Gaining Confidence

• Turning 50 and Self-Assuredness
  Both discuss how age brings data and faith in oneself:

  “At a certain age...you have enough data to prove that you know what you're doing.” – Chelsea Handler (21:29)

6. Art, Activism, and Responsibility

• Balancing Joy with Social Conscience
  Chelsea feels it’s vital now for public figures to speak out on societal issues while still providing joy and laughter:

  “It doesn't matter if you're public or private. This is unacceptable...This is really getting scary.” – Chelsea Handler (25:16)

• Speaking Up for Others

  “I’m not fighting on behalf of myself. I’m standing up...for all of the other people who don’t have the guts or...are too fearful to speak up.” – Chelsea Handler (28:06)

7. Language Learning and Mallorca Life

• Spanish and Life in Spain
  Chelsea practices Spanish daily (Duolingo, classes) because she owns a house in Mallorca, which she describes with affection.

8. Friendship, Sisterhood, and Intentional Relationships

• Woody Harrelson, Jane Fonda, and Female Friendship
  • Chelsea and Woody bonded immediately, recognizing a similar spirit.
  • Chelsea credits Jane Fonda’s blunt, loving intervention for redirecting her life and models “sisterhood” and holding each other accountable:

    “To have the difficult conversation that is uncomfortable but will yield such great results...that was a woman demonstrating...what a real sister does.” – Chelsea Handler (41:36)

  • Ted cites Fonda’s wisdom about intentional friendships:

    “If you want to be friends, we need to be intentional.” — Jane Fonda, as quoted by Ted Danson (42:15)

9. Books, Writing, and Storytelling

• Overlap Between Books and Comedy
  Chelsea sees her books as permanent records of her life stories, more personal than traditional stand-up. She values the role of reading and listening in writing:

  “To be a good writer, you really have to be a good reader and a good listener.” – Chelsea Handler (37:29)

• Attitudes Toward Learning Ted discusses his difficulty retaining what he reads, identifying as an “auditory learner.” Chelsea prefers reading to listening.

10. Love, Relationships, and Vulnerability

• Finding a Deep Partnership Ted waxes poetic and emotional about his wife, Mary, as the central relationship in his life:

  “There’s nothing she doesn’t know about me. She knows more about me than I do...That’s deep kindness.” – Ted Danson (47:24) Chelsea expresses hope for a similar late-in-life relationship, now that she deeply trusts her judgment in partners.

11. Moral Compass and Values

• “Not for Sale” and Truth-Telling Chelsea’s moral code was shaped in contrast to her father’s deceitful car sales. She’s proud to tell the truth, even if it costs her, and not to “sell her soul” for opportunity, especially in the current political climate:

  “Who are you when you are alone and what are the choices that you make?” – Chelsea Handler (50:07)
  “I’m proud of myself for not being for sale.” – Chelsea Handler (50:54)

• Honesty vs. Convenience
  Ted admits still struggling with convenient lies in relationships, but affirms that truthfulness is relaxing, while lies are exhausting.

12. Gratitude, Presence, and Connection

• Finding Gratitude in Hard Times Chelsea describes beginning her days by writing three things she’s grateful for, even (and especially) when the world feels bleak:

  “That's exactly when you have to be grateful, is when you feel like there's nothing to be grateful for.” – Chelsea Handler (58:06)

• Value of Presence and Kindness
  Chelsea and Ted agree that the current moment demands doubling down on love, presence, and intentional connection.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I would love to make you cry on your own podcast.”
  — Chelsea Handler (00:34; 47:22 — after Ted chokes up about his wife)

• “Men feel this way about me. They think that I’m a little bit...overbearing or in your face.”
  — Chelsea Handler (02:59)

• “You have to move. Woody lasted for 17, 18 episodes on this show. And then, oh, I gotta...I gotta go.”
  — Ted Danson (05:34)

• "I learned about overcoming the stuff that makes you...it's okay, you know? Cause I didn't care about failing. I had nothing to lose."
  — Chelsea Handler (14:06)

• “Everything I need, I have with Mary. Literally everything I need.”
  — Ted Danson (46:13)

• “Telling the truth...not to lie, you know, I try to, really. I don't try. I do it, you know, to my own, you know, detriment. At times I've been too honest.”
  — Chelsea Handler (51:22)

• “The value of presence is so important right now, you know, to really be present when you're in someone's audience or company, to really be there.”
  — Chelsea Handler (58:06)

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Highlighted Timestamps

• 02:58 – Ted admits being “terrified” of Chelsea; they unpack perceptions of her as intimidating.
• 05:56 – Chelsea explains her “go, go, go; crash, crash, crash” life rhythm.
• 08:02 – Chelsea reflects on aging, family expectations, and forging her own path.
• 11:29 – Discussing childhood influences and the desire for independence.
• 14:06 – Chelsea shares about getting started in stand-up and the importance of facing fears.
• 19:37 – Insights on commanding the stage and the necessity of composure as a comedian.
• 21:29 – Chelsea explains the internal data/experience that brings confidence after 50.
• 25:16 – On the need for comedians to speak out in turbulent times.
• 28:06 – Discussing speaking up for others’ rights, not just one's own.
• 30:23 – Chelsea discusses learning Spanish and her love for Mallorca.
• 41:36 – Story of Jane Fonda’s tough-love intervention and sisterhood.
• 47:24 – Ted becomes emotional describing what he loves about his wife.
• 50:54 – Chelsea explains her proudest values: “not for sale,” honesty.
• 58:06 – Chelsea’s gratitude practice and the importance of being present.

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Tone & Style

The conversation is deeply personal but never heavy; humor and warmth are constant. Both Ted and Chelsea are honest about their vulnerabilities, personalities, and moral struggles, making the episode feel like a conversation among old friends. There’s mutual respect and genuine curiosity, particularly as they discuss friendship, love, aging, activism, and presence.

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Useful for Listeners Who Haven't Tuned In

If you're looking for insights into Chelsea Handler’s worldview beyond comedy, how she navigates the pressures of public life, and what drives her creativity and choices, this episode is essential listening. You’ll also find Ted Danson at his most honest and affectionate, especially when discussing friendship and love.

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For more Chelsea Handler:

• Visit chelseahandler.com for tour info (High and Mighty Tour)
• Listen to her podcast "Dear Chelsea"

For more on Ted Danson and the show:

• Previous episodes at Team Coco or SiriusXM+

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Transcript

[Ted Danson]

Where everybody knows your name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson sometimes is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with the name your price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and and affiliates price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states. You make me cry.

[Chelsea Handler]

I would love to make you cry on your own podcast.

[Ted Danson]

Welcome back to where everybody knows your name. Chelsea Handler is my guest today, and she is one of the hardest working folks in comedy. Since her groundbreaking show Chelsea lately in 2007, she's written six books that have topped the New York Times bestseller list. She sold out shows around the world and been named one of Time magazine's 100 most influential people. You can listen to her show dear Chelsea, wherever you find your podcasts. And you can visit chelseahandler.com to see if her high and mighty tour is coming to a city near you. So let's get to it. Meet Chelsea Hemm. Why did I get so lucky that you're here? Seriously, I'm always. I would not pick me if I were you.

[Chelsea Handler]

Really?

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

You know that I like older men, right?

[Ted Danson]

I just spilled my coffee all over my lap.

[Chelsea Handler]

Did you? And you just went to the bathroom.

[Ted Danson]

Too, so that's two older man things.

[Chelsea Handler]

Was that okay? I mean, you've been to the bathroom twice since I arrived five minutes ago.

[Ted Danson]

One was wash my hands. I forgot.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, okay. I'm just saying. I'm just throwing that out there, making sure everything's okay. Is everything running okay? Did everything.

[Ted Danson]

If you think I can keep up with you bantering such a silly, silly.

[Chelsea Handler]

One, I will slow down. I think you can. And I think you could probably.

[Ted Danson]

But what happens is I scream and I fall to the ground like, you know, the heroine in a bad movie is about to get eaten by a gorilla. They fall prematurely. They could get up and run. Okay, yeah, that's me.

[Chelsea Handler]

I understand your condition now, and I will take that.

[Ted Danson]

Thank you.

[Chelsea Handler]

I will take that into consideration.

[Ted Danson]

I went into the other room. We have the sweetest group of people, starting with Conan. And everyone who works here in this building is Conan esque.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, that's nice.

[Ted Danson]

I went in and said I'm terrified. I am so. I am so not like you. I am not courageous. I'm not. I'm not quickly, rapidly funny. I am. I play it safe in some areas in my life. All of those things. So anyway, whatever. I won't characterize myself. I'm very happy you're here.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm happy to be here.

[Ted Danson]

And thank you.

[Chelsea Handler]

And now that I know you're so scared of me.

[Ted Danson]

Terrified of you.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'll rein it in. I'll rein it in. This is, generally speaking, most men's reaction to me. Just so you know, you're not alone. Men feel this way about me. They think that I'm a little bit. Not that you're saying I'm overbearing or in your face.

[Ted Danson]

No, no, no, no.

[Chelsea Handler]

But that's a lot of men feel that way towards me. But I understand that shit.

[Ted Danson]

I hate that.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, no, it's okay. It's okay. It's part of the fabric of who I am. You know, I'm not. I'm not mad about it.

[Ted Danson]

No, I wasn't worried about you. I was worried about me being like most men.

[Chelsea Handler]

No, no, no. Most men like, the fact that you're willing to sit down with all of those feelings towards me shows me that you are a real man.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. Oh, God.

[Chelsea Handler]

So there you go.

[Ted Danson]

I'm very excited because this is true, by the way. I get scared about pretty much everyone who walks through the door because I don't. At parties. I don't go across the room and say hi and have a nice, wonderful chat with somebody. I do the false humility thing, which is so boring and not real. And I don't meet a lot of people. I'm not Woody Harrelson.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, you are. Woody makes his rounds. I was at a dinner party with Woody a few months ago, and we were like two magnets.

[Ted Danson]

Just.

[Chelsea Handler]

You are crossing the room to bump into each other.

[Ted Danson]

You are. You're both. You're. Yeah, you are. You're a much better Woody, but you are in that. Yeah, you like joy, you like taking chances. You like scaring yourself. You're bold, you're big, you're bright, you're smart. You're a bunch of contradictions. That's Woody.

[Chelsea Handler]

Thank you. Yeah, thank you. Appreciate that. I think we're all a bunch of contradictions when we boil it down. Don't you think most people are pretty contradictory because you can have one side of you and we're so multidimensional. Nobody's just one thing. So if you're a public facing person, people see what. They kind of see you as a one thing, how they want to see you. But as we know, people are multidimensional, so they have lots of different sides to them. So it's always interesting when you get to know somebody a little bit more and you're like, oh, wow, I didn't expect that. Or I didn't know that. Like, for you to say you're shy is very surprising to me.

[Ted Danson]

I'm going to try to give myself cred in front of you. Do you know my wife, Mary Steenbergen? She's my cred. Do you. Have you hung out with her?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, she's very. She's very cool. Yeah, she's. Yeah, yeah, Good. That. Good landing on that.

[Ted Danson]

Yes, thank you. I get a lot of people double taking me because they see that I'm. She's with me, and that's quite lovely.

[Chelsea Handler]

And otherwise you're with Woody, so you've got all your bases covered, Woody.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. No, here's the other thing. You both are very similar. You're peripatetic. Do you like that one? You don't stop moving. You have to move. Woody lasted for 17, 18 episodes on this show. And then, oh, I gotta. I gotta go.

[Chelsea Handler]

I gotta be here.

[Ted Danson]

I gotta bounce.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, yeah, I can relate to that completely.

[Ted Danson]

Why is that? You.

[Chelsea Handler]

Just boredom. You know what I mean? Like, I'm. I need action and I need a lot. Like, I go, go, go, go, go. And then I crash, crash, crash. But I don't have a problem with that schedule. Like, I. People will be like, well, why don't you have more of a moderate lifestyle? No, this is how I want to live. I want to go, go, go, go. Crash, crash, crash.

[Ted Danson]

Are you beholden? Beholden to anyone right now as far? I mean, you're not married.

[Chelsea Handler]

As a lover, you mean as a.

[Ted Danson]

Lover, As a dog owner? As a. I have a dog family member who's living with you. Or can you just go home and go to sleep whenever you want for a weekend, like I heard you say or something, and then go again?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, I do that quite frequently. Like, if I go, like. Recently I went on a trip to Ibiza. It was impromptu. My friends were all there, and they were like, come, come, come. And I was like, you know what? I was on my way to New York. I thought maybe I'd just do a little trip through Ibiza from LA and then back to New York. Like, that was on the way. You know, in my mind, I'm like, that's a little kind of fun excursion. And I went for three days. And Ibiza, as you may have heard, is pretty much, you know, a party situation. And so it was.

[Ted Danson]

If it's a party situation. I haven't heard that, Chelsea, but go.

[Chelsea Handler]

On So I go and I party and I'm out, you know, and. And I mean, I went to bed one night at three, one night at one, and then the next night was until six in the morning. And then I got to New York, I got to my hotel. I've slept the entire plane ride. I got to my hotel room and I slept for another 14 hours. And then I got up and started working again. So that's kind of my machine. Like, I mean, that's kind of how I operate and it works for me. I wouldn't suggest it or recommend it to a person with a regular lifestyle and a 9 to 5 job, but it keeps me on my toes. Yeah. And I need to be stimulated.

[Ted Danson]

Got it. Do you think that, I don't know. Teenage. You would have thought 50 would have looked so good as it does and so energized and doing anything you want and top of your game.

[Chelsea Handler]

Thank you. My father had a heart attack when he was 52 and he was old. And I remember looking like thinking, he didn't die at that point, but I remember thinking, oh, well, he's 52, it's time probably for him to go. Like, I thought that was such an old age. And so it's so crazy to think about when you get to be the age that you thought your parents were old at and then to be living a completely different life. So no, to answer your question, no. I didn't think it would be this fun or this rewarding or that I'd be so lucky in my career and life and lucky to kind of get through all of those zones where people told me I was supposed to do something like get married or have a child, and that I got through those phases of life unscathed. Like, I was close to getting married a couple times. I was like, don't do it, don't do it. And I didn't do it. I listened to my gut. And then, you know, with children, that just really wasn't at the foreground of my mind. But I'm so grateful now because I do not have any regrets in either of those situations. Now if I get married as a fluke, it would be because I don't have to follow that, you know, what any society is telling me. So. So I feel pretty grateful that I've had my own guts and decision making that I didn't. That I'm not a follower, you know?

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

A lot of women that I speak with are like so confused about their decisions that they've almost forgotten what they actually want.

[Ted Danson]

Where you came out of your family that way, though, almost by necessity, seems like. Meaning your. Your upbringing, father, mother, kind of tough.

[Chelsea Handler]

Uh, well, I wouldn't say they were tough. I would say they were. It was a. No, nothing was tough. My dad was tough, but my mom was sweet and lovely and shy and quiet. Very antithetical to who I am. Like, you would never know. She didn't even know what to do with me. She's like, oh, my God, you're my daughter. Like, why are you. Why won't you shut the fuck up? Um, but my dad was loud, and he was, like, you know, boisterous. And I. I think I just saw the dynamic. First of all, I had five brothers and sisters, and I was like, oh, my God, this is too many people already.

[Ted Danson]

Like, where were you in the county?

[Chelsea Handler]

Youngest of six.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, so you had to be a little loud?

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, yeah. I had to learn how to get my voice heard and also, like, to get attention. Not for the wrong stuff, you know what I mean? Or the stuff like, yeah, I was cute. I had blonde hair, and I was precocious. So that always got me a lot of attention. But I wanted attention for being more than that. You know, I wanted to be bright. So I was very. And my dad saw that I was getting a lot of attention for being loud and cute and. Da, da, da. And he was like, you better start reading books right away. So I. I literally had to read books when I was, like, 7 or 8. I read Anna Karenina by Tolstoy. I read east of Eden when I was 8. I had to give a book report in our kitchen. So I value that aspect of my childhood because it did make me bright and it made me love books. But I also just felt, growing up, watching my parents, my mom's kind of reliability on my father, and her lack of authorship of her own life, in a sense, I saw that, and I recognized that as something that I didn't want to have in my life. I didn't want to have to be dependent upon another person, and I didn't want to have to have all the responsibilities she had. I wanted to fly and be free.

[Ted Danson]

And you are. Dear Lord. That's pretty amazing. You know those books you just mentioned? And I nodded. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. You haven't read them?

[Ted Danson]

No. They're the books that I lied about reading to my teachers, and I've lied for so long about them that I do know.

[Chelsea Handler]

You believe you've read them?

[Ted Danson]

I believe I read them.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, by osmosis, you have read them now because you're sitting with me and I've read them so I could tell you all about them. Anything you need to know. But it was great. Cause I hated it when it was happening. You think as an 8 year old you want to sit there and read about a spurred lover jumping off a train because her boyfriend doesn't like her. I was like, dad, this is too intense. I was trying to go to school and they were like, humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. And I'd be like, which one? China or Berlin? And not like I was some genius child. Not at all. I just had a nice balance of like, of like what is going to get me far in life. And also like, you know, a lot of love in my family, a lot of trauma. My brother died when I was young, so that impacted our family, but just chaos. And so I kind of swirl around in chaos. I enjoy it.

[Ted Danson]

That's so interesting because I'm the exact opposite.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right.

[Ted Danson]

And I mean, I'm painting myself horribly.

[Chelsea Handler]

But you're painting yourself like a hermit.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, yeah, well, hermit with Mary Steenburgen in my cave. So it all works out really, to be honest. But chaos. I try to put things in order and Mary is much happier with chaos. I know that I'm in a healthy state of mind. The more chaos I can accept in my life if I'm upset emotionally. Oh, dear Lord, I am so, so linear.

[Chelsea Handler]

Really?

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. Okay, so out you come this way. Courageous. Bold.

[Chelsea Handler]

Vaginally.

[Ted Danson]

You came out vaginally. See, right now I said the word because I wanted to be hip and stay with you, but, oh, I just started to sweat saying the word vaginally.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, but it's okay. It's a medical term.

[Ted Danson]

No, I understand.

[Chelsea Handler]

And you're an obstetrician, so I mean, why not say it? And I'm a gynecologist, so we're all set.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, man. Let me just take a break and sweat for just a second. Out you come, fully baked to be able to do this job that you're doing. But when did you stand up making people laugh, being not controversial, but prodding people into looking at all sorts of different things that they might not. So how did that first. How did you first get on stage? When did you first do that in public?

[Chelsea Handler]

I did that when I was like 21 years old and I did like three minutes at the Laugh Factory. And you used to have this thing where you would line up at the Laugh Factory in the middle of the night to get one of those open mic slots and I had never thought about doing standup until I gave. I had to give like a speech kind of thing. And everyone came and I was so nervous for this speech. I was so nervous about public speaking. Like, it. It honestly, you know, gave me diarrhea. Like, the thought of it, I was like, oh, God, I can't do this. I can't publicly speak. And people say they would rather be shot by a firing squad than publicly. You know, many people feel this way, even actors a lot, right? And I felt that way. But getting on stage and telling this story to the small group of people that I had before I did my set at the Laugh Factory, everyone came up to me. Not everyone, but many people came up to me from this group and the small setting. And they were like, you should be a stand up comedian. Your storytelling is really engaging and very funny. And I was like, stand up comedian? I don't think, I don't know what that is. But after getting off that stage and having the feeling of kind of facing a fear and the adrenaline that comes from that of like, not only did I face the fear, I actually succeeded. Like, it was a success. Then I was like, okay, let me try stand up. Even though it scared the living shit out of me, it completely did and did for many years. When I started doing it, I made myself do that. And that was when I learned about overcoming the stuff that makes you like, it's okay, you know? Cause I didn't care about failing. I had nothing to lose. I was a waitress at that point. It didn't matter if I failed. I was waiting tables anyway. So that was my job. I didn't think I was gonna make a career doing standup. I thought maybe this is an avenue to, like, become successful in this industry. And the more I did it and the more I realized I could write my own material and not speak someone else's words and speak my own words and not have somebody tell me what to do, which I've never really had a good relationship with. Like being directed all the time or being told, you have to be here. This time. Being a standup. Com comedian allowed me to kind of create jobs around that. And my talk shows were created around me. Even when I did sitcoms, they were created around me. So unbeknownst to me at the time, I didn't realize how much, you know, authorship that gives you being a comedian. But it proved to be like, one of the best kind of decisions I ever made because it opened up a whole world for me where I don't really have to answer to anyone. I mean, I guess the government, soon they're coming, but, you know, I don't. So far in my career, I've never really had to say, you know, let me do my thing. Like, nobody really gets to tell me not to do my thing.

[Ted Danson]

Do you remember what?

[Chelsea Handler]

Knocking on wood here. Knocking on wood.

[Ted Danson]

We'll get to that. I guess we have to.

[Chelsea Handler]

We don't have to. I mean, I don't have to know, do we? It's pretty dark.

[Ted Danson]

It is dark. Let's keep light for a second.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay.

[Ted Danson]

Do you remember how you. What your bit was? Sorry to call it a bit, but what did you step up on stage with Story?

[Chelsea Handler]

I think I was complaining about waiting tables and people having. Taking a long time to make decisions about lunch and how dumb that is, you know, like, what are your specials? I was like, so who give? Like, just pick something from the menu. This. You're not even going to remember that you ate here? Hopefully, you know, like, hopefully it'll be that unmemorable. Um, so I just had. And people who didn't, you know, I. I actually think everyone should have to be a server for about six months.

[Ted Danson]

So does Mary. She did it for seven years.

[Chelsea Handler]

I've never in my life yelled at a server. I've never not tipped a server because of bad service. If somebody gives me bad service, I actually give them double because I know they're going through something. You know, like, I have such respect for that. I have respect for flight attendants and I have respect for the service industry. And without being in those jobs, it might be harder to gain that respect. So I think I was just bitching about how rude people are, you know, and how people don't even look you in the eye when they're ordering or they wave you over. So it was like only three minutes of material, which is kind of hard to even think about. And then I just started raging, you know, like, if I had it like a topic that was happening or a boyfriend that was ridiculous, or I would just go off.

[Ted Danson]

And you could do that without, like writing something down or anything. You could just wing it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. At that point in my career, it was more about the chutzpah necessary to get on the stage. I was like, just get up there. You're good at talking. Just get on the stage. Because there were many nights where I would drive to a comedy club, whether it be the Improv or the Laugh Factory or the Comedy Store or any of these open mic nights, which are at smaller places oftentimes Where I would drive up and then just be like, ugh, I can't. I would lose my nerve and drive home, you know, and go watch something on TV or smoke a joint or something and be like, I'm not going to do it tonight. So it became like, just follow through. Just keep getting on stage and keep getting on stage. And it wasn't so much about the material as it was is getting comfortable on stage in front of strangers and owning it. Because the minute you're not secure with yourself, then you're not selling anything and you're not buyable. Like, you know what I mean? And I don't mean buyable in a profit way. I mean, like, the audience member who sees you sweating and nervous and not knowing what you're gonna say or being insecure isn't gonna feel comfortable laughing at you because they're worried about you or they're making fun of you, you know. So for me, in the beginning, it was really about just getting my stage presence. Like, I'm on stage, it's time to listen, you know, like, that attitude.

[Ted Danson]

That is so reassuring to the people in the audience, because that's what they want to hear, too. Relax. You're in good hands. You can just enjoy. You don't have to worry for me. I'm. Yeah, yeah, I should. Did some of the people wrote what you just said down and they'll. They'll give it to me tonight to read over and over again.

[Chelsea Handler]

I won't. Because. Because now my stage presence is different because I've been doing this for so many years. So now when I walk on stage in a place, it's quite the opposite. I have the stage presence, right. I've got that. So now I get to be even more crafty and, like, you know, artful with my use of language and the way I say things and the points I want to bring and callbacks. So it's like, the more you cement a certain skill set, the more it opens you up to improve upon other skill sets surrounding the initial skill set. So now, like, you know, if I host the Critics Choice Awards or whatever, I walk out there going, everyone's going to have a good time tonight. Because I'm leading the show. Like, that's my attitude.

[Ted Danson]

That's amazing.

[Chelsea Handler]

And when I do a show, if I'm in Philadelphia at the Met, I walk out and I'm like, everyone's going to leave here feeling much better than when they walked in. That's on me. This is your job. This is your responsibility. Like, I take it much more seriously now because I'm older and I understand the impact.

[Ted Danson]

See, some people give the impression that that's what they're doing. Confident and all of that. You genuinely are. Well, where is your. Do you have, do you have moments of oh dear Lord, yeah, where am I? What am I doing?

[Chelsea Handler]

I mean, I don't have. I feel like at a certain age and I'm. I wonder if you feel this way as well, that you have enough data to prove that you know what you're doing. Like there's enough life experience to understand you're good, you know what you're doing, you're reliable, you're dependable and you're gonna get yourself from this point to the next point. That's how I felt about turning 50 this year. I was like, I have no reason to worry about myself. Like I've proven time and time again that I'm gonna land on my feet. So yeah, there's a different kind of confidence. I don't think it's as loud. I think the more confident you get, I think it becomes quieter. You know, I think when you're searching for it, you're like loud. So when I was in my early career and I was brash and I was in your face, it was like I was trying to get to where I am now.

[Ted Danson]

Right. Forged by nature and alive with fall color. Maine does autumn the way it's meant to be. Think quiet, misty mornings, glowing foliage, salt scented breezes, then fresh lobster. Just press cider and warm donuts straight from the farm. There's no script here, just woods, waves and whatever comes next. This fall, write your story in Maine. Start [e-mail] youm probably think it's too soon to join AARP, right? Well, let's take a minute to talk about it. Where do you see yourself in 15 years? More specifically, your career, your health, your social life? What are you doing now to help you get there? There are tons of ways for you to start preparing today for your future with aarp. That dream job you've dreamt about. Sign up for AARP Re skilling courses to help make it a reality. How about that active lifestyle you've only spoken about from the couch? AARP has health tips and wellness tools to keep you moving for years to come. But none of these experiences are without making friends along the way. Connect with your community through AARP volunteer events. So it's safe to say it's never too soon to join aarp. They're here to help your money, health and happiness Live as long as you do. That's why the younger you are, the. The More you need AARP. Learn more at aarp.org wisefriend Sometimes an identity threat is a ring of professional hackers. And sometimes it's an overworked accountant who forgot to encrypt their connection while sending bank details. I need a coffee. And you need Lifelock, because your info is in endless places. It only takes one mistake to expose you to identity theft. LifeLock monitors hundreds of millions of data points a second. If your identity is stolen, we'll fix it, guaranteed, or your money back. Save up to 40% your first [e-mail] specialoffer terms apply. All right, do you feel like now that you're 50, now that you've proven to yourself that you're capable of doing all of this, do you think you look around the world and the people around you that you love, and you go, all right, here's what I need to focus on because this is a little strange time we're living in. There's a lot of fear and sadness and anger. Do you feel a responsibility to shape your creativity and point it in a certain direction or certain way? Or is your job just to be not just, but to bring joy, happiness, hope, and funny through the way you still have always done things?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, but, yes. And like, yes, Joyfulness, spreading laughter, sunshine. All of those vibes, setting the tone in a room, you know, making sure. Like, for me, as a comedian, when I see two people in the audience that didn't come together, that are sitting together, that are like, their shoulders are shaking and they're rubbing elbows with a stranger, I love that. I fucking love looking out into the audience and seeing that. But right now, we're heading into a period of time where people need to be vocal about what's happening. You know, I was kind of like, okay, we already went through this presidency once. You're not stealing my joy. So I've tried to be discerning about when to comment and when to chime in, because, once again, I am just a public figure. Not everybody cares about my opinion. I understand that. But we're. Now, we've entered a time where it's really imperative that we do speak up and say something and that everybody does. It doesn't matter if you're public or private. This is unacceptable. The censorship and this idea of the freedom of speech eroding and among all the other horrifying things that have been happening in our country, I wanna remain optimistic because that's my Nature. And I do think, as women, as a woman, it's so important for me to instill confidence and hope and optimism into other women first and foremost. And I think that's one of the main reasons why we're in the situation, is because of men's fear of women and how powerful and successful we are and have become. And they, you know, they don't like that, those kinds of men. And that's. And this is kind of like, you know, hopefully the death cough of that kind of autocracy and peeling back of rights in our country. But it won't be unless we're all really, really vocal about it. And then obviously, in a very nonviolent way, nobody wants violence. I don't want violence. I don't want guns. I don't want any of this. But we have to figure out a way to organize and galvanize because this is really getting scary.

[Ted Danson]

I agree. I'm not necessarily the person who speaks out other than talking through Oceania and talking about oceans and stuff that I feel I have license to. I'm not the guy in the streets, but I'm beginning to think streets, meaning peaceful demonstration. And here someone said, why don't you go? And I just explained what I just said to you. But the truth is, when you demonstrate, you're showing to all the other people out there that you're not alone. There are a lot of people that feel the same way you do. And speaking out, even if you're just speaking out like we are now, it shows that to other people that they're not alone. And so I think it is good to speak out, even though I'm.

[Chelsea Handler]

Conflict avoidance, I understand that, but it's also about the protection and care of others. A big line that people say a lot, I hear a lot, is, well, it doesn't affect me. That doesn't affect me. That doesn't affect me. And it's like, okay, as a defense for voting for certain policies or voting for a candidate like Trump when he's against women's rights or abortion rights. And it's like, it doesn't. I. I'm. I'm not getting pregnant. You know what I mean? It doesn't affect me either, actually, but it affects everybody else. So it's like, get out of your own backyard. Is. Is kind of my feeling. It's not that you're fighting necessary. Obviously, I can leave this country if I want to. You know, I have the ability to do that. I'm not fighting on behalf of myself. I'm standing up for what's. What I believe is right. And for all of the other people who don't have the guts or the. You know, or are too fearful to speak up. Like that's who you're speaking up for, is what I would say to anybody who is speaking up. You know, that's how I think about it. Anyway, it's not just about you. It's about all of us together, which is, you know, going back to your Oceania. That is about all of us. I mean, look what we've done to the ocean. It's despicable. Like, we ruined the land, and then we went and ruined the ocean.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. I think you have to be smart about picking your fight.

[Chelsea Handler]

Would you mind keeping your hands where I can see them?

[Ted Danson]

I mean, it's behind.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay. I just. But one of them was moving around, and I was.

[Ted Danson]

Are we on camera?

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm filming.

[Ted Danson]

Is this live?

[Chelsea Handler]

Actually, I'm filming you. This is a live Instagram. Actually, it's not your podcast anymore.

[Ted Danson]

I had a lower spine itch.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay.

[Ted Danson]

Lower sprinty.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's a little too specific to be believable.

[Ted Danson]

Do you play wordle in the morning? Do you do. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

That is the year. The third person who has asked me that today. No, I don't play wordle. I do duolingo in the mornings, actually.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, what are you lingoing?

[Chelsea Handler]

Estoy from the endo Espanol, but not from duolingo. I take Spanish classes, and then I. But I supplement it every morning.

[Ted Danson]

See? Porque espanol? Oh, never. Don't follow me on this.

[Chelsea Handler]

No problema.

[Ted Danson]

Why are you thinking of. Or you just want to.

[Chelsea Handler]

I have a house. I have a house in Spain, and I spend a lot of time there.

[Ted Danson]

I'm sorry, don't tell me where. South Mallorca. Oh, there you are.

[Chelsea Handler]

There you are. It's a big island.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. Find me if you can. Well done.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Thank you.

[Ted Danson]

When did you do that?

[Chelsea Handler]

About 10 years ago. I gave that to myself as a gift after my. I think I left Chelsea lately. It was before I started my Netflix show, and I went on vacation to Mallorca for my girlfriend's 40th, and I was like, what is this place? This is, like, majestic. Have you been in Mallorca?

[Ted Danson]

I have not. Or Menorca either. I have friends that do have a house.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, well, if and when you go, you will experience the magic that this island has. It's very pink. The atmosphere, like, the light is pink. Everything's always pink in the sky. The sunsets are pink. It's very beautiful and vertiginous. So there's lots of mountains, mountain biking, and a lot of road biking.

[Ted Danson]

What is the foliage? Is it desert?

[Chelsea Handler]

It's arid. It's dry. Yeah, dry and mountainous, but it's beautiful. Anyway, I go there as much as I can, and, yeah, I have a place there. I do that in the summertime, and then in the winter, I go skiing.

[Ted Danson]

I love to ski, I've heard, but I don't. I just can't watch because you might be naked, and I can't.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm not naked. I'm in a bathing suit.

[Ted Danson]

Okay. All right.

[Chelsea Handler]

But sometimes people think I am naked when I'm not naked, but I don't go around naked. I don't know what anyone's talking about. Actually. I know exactly what they're talking about. But typically, I wear bathing suits when I ski. For my birthday only.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Not on the regular.

[Ted Danson]

Do you have a lot of girlfriends?

[Chelsea Handler]

I do, yeah. I have a lot of, like, groups of friends that I'm on, like, you know, part of. Like, I'm not the main group. I like floating from group to group to group. I have lots of different girlfriends and lots of different, you know, like, groups. And I kind of am a floater.

[Ted Danson]

You are. You and w. Did you and Woody get along and recognize each other?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, the first time I met Woody, yes, absolutely. We recognized the spirit within one another for sure. The first time I met Woody was at Willie Nelson's 90th birthday at the Hollywood bowl, which someone was. Else was hosting, but somehow I think Ethan Hawke was hosting, but at some point in the night, he was like, you just do it. Because he. But we were smoking joints backstage, and it was ridiculous. And at a certain point, somebody was too stoned to go out, and they're like, chelsea, you do it. You do it. I'm like, I'm stoned, too. They're like, yeah, but you can do this with your eyes closed. And they wanted me to walk out on this, like, ramp that they had built, this, like, overhang that went over the audience at Hollywood Bowl. And I was like, there's no way I'm walking that far in this condition. I was like, I'll go out to the center of the stage and read this script, but I am not walking. And they were like, okay, just whatever. Do anything. So it was one of those nights, and that's the first time I met him. And then I met him after at a friend's house.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, yeah, He's. He's my magnificent Friend who I love.

[Chelsea Handler]

He's a lover. Yeah. He's lovable.

[Ted Danson]

Adore him. And he's such a bundle of contradictions, you know?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

He'd come back on Monday on Cheers, and the rest of us guys were all married, and. And we'd immediately wag our finger. Come here. Come here. Sharing, sharing. What did you do? And he would have gotten in two bar fights. His car had been hijacked. Carjacked. I mean, literally, this happened to him. And all these stories. And then you'd go. Part of your brain went, okay, I got who he is. I'll put him right over here. And then he'd say, would you read this play I just wrote? And it's like the most magnificent, gorgeous play you'd recognize.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, my God.

[Ted Danson]

And a poem he just wrote, and he's like, this bundle.

[Chelsea Handler]

Wow.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

He's a redneck hippie, as some friends.

[Chelsea Handler]

Like to call him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good description.

[Ted Danson]

One other quick thing on Cheers. Did you know Kirstie Alley?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes, but not well. Not like you did.

[Ted Danson]

We used to call her a biker chick from hell. There is a similarity in your laugh. Several times you've laughed. I went, oh, my God, that's a curse to you.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, really?

[Ted Danson]

Sorry, I had to get that out of my head.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, stop apologizing.

[Ted Danson]

She was magnificent.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, she was magnificent. Yeah. She had a big energy about her. I like that. I like when you see people and you can see their energy. You know what I mean? Like, there's something exciting about that. It's very magnetic.

[Ted Danson]

I agree.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes.

[Ted Danson]

I agree. That's why I hang out with Woody.

[Chelsea Handler]

Your wife. That's why you hang out with your wife. Mary's got that. She has a big light around her.

[Ted Danson]

She does.

[Chelsea Handler]

Huge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure.

[Ted Danson]

We're similarly shy in some, but we're 72 and 77. So that could have something to do with the fact that I don't jump off tall buildings with Woody.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right, right. That's okay. Yes. You have to protect your coccyx.

[Ted Danson]

I do.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's right.

[Ted Danson]

And I do.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Okay. Tell me about your books.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, I always just feel like when I have something to say, stand up. And like, books, it's kind of a lot of crossover, you know, like, stand up. My standup is very much about storytelling. I just announced a new tour I'm doing next year. It's called the High and Mighty Tour. Because I'm going to be high and mighty. Yeah. It starts in February, but tickets have just gone on sale. So I'm excited about that and I'm excited about, you know, weaving just the stories of my life together. Like I have. I think in order to have anything to say, you kind of have to live a life, you know what I mean? You have to go out and experience things in order to communicate your. And to. And not every comic is a storyteller. They're not. Some of them are just telling jokes. That's like real traditional joke telling, which I always love and admire. You actually know less about them after the set, you know what I mean? Or nothing new. Whereas my stories are really personal. I have a great big family. So my books have been kind of like another avenue of communication between my standup and my books. The books are there permanently. The standup is very movable. But there's definitely overlap in between the two. And writing is just a different skill set that I didn't ever think. I. I didn't graduate from college. I didn't think I could become a New York Times bestselling author. I took such joy in the first time that I was a New York Times Number 1 New York Times bestseller. I took such joy in calling my brothers and sisters who've all graduated from college and telling them that I was the one with the number one New York Times bestseller book. And my sister's like, a book. When I got my book deal, I remember my sister going, a book about what? And I was like, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. It was a book about one night stands. But it started my book career, which was. Has been really bountiful. So I loved writing. I love getting better at writing. And I think to be a good writer, you really have to be a good reader and a good listener, you know, like, I think listening is one of the most important things that you can do when you're with someone new and to gain information. And reading is listening. You know, it's kind of all goes hand in hand.

[Ted Danson]

So I'm being very thick right now. Reading is. I love this, but do it again in different words.

[Chelsea Handler]

Reading is you're taking in someone else's story. Listening is the same thing. So reading and listening aren't that far off.

[Ted Danson]

Reading, I'm sorry, for. Give me reading.

[Chelsea Handler]

What did you think I said?

[Ted Danson]

Writing at first? Sorry.

[Chelsea Handler]

Reading. Yeah, reading is listening. You know, like to focus. You know, we've lost so much focus. You know, now with social media and all the nonsense and all the noise, it's really hard to focus. And I'm sure You've probably done this, but the other day I put my phone away for eight or nine hours and just read books. You know, I had three books, and I rotated between the three and the, like, the level of sanity and joy that I felt. You know, I was like, oh, this is what life is supposed to be like.

[Ted Danson]

I know I'm on holiday when I have two or three hardcover books around, that. That, to me, is holiday.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Did you ever read the book A History of Love by Nicholas Krauss?

[Ted Danson]

Yes. No.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, no. See, that's a great book for you and Mary to read together. The History of Love or A History of Love. The History of Love, I think it's called.

[Ted Danson]

I should. And there's no reason what I'm about to say would make me not want to read that book. But I've discovered why I did so poorly in school and had to work so hard. I'm going to scratch your coccyx. No, no, no, no. It's up above the spine, mid. Okay. Thank you. I have trouble. I think it's a real learning issue thing where I can read, but I can't read to retain information. Oh, really? Yep. And I had that trouble as a kid in high school, writing papers and stuff. I can read novels that thrill me, but don't ask me to tell you about the story too much later. Everything that I need to know and retain, I want to hear. I learn lines with my daughter teaching them to me.

[Chelsea Handler]

So you're an auditory learner.

[Ted Danson]

I am.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right. I understand that.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. I do better reading than listening.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

But I mean, you know, books, like, if you listen to a book, do you listen to it on tape or do you read it?

[Ted Danson]

I read it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, you do?

[Ted Danson]

I will want to read it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes.

[Ted Danson]

But if it's like, read it, because you're gonna have to write a paper, I'm out.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right, right, right, right, right. I mean, I'm out too, for that. I don't wanna write a paper. I don't wanna be responsible. If I'm gonna write something, I'm gonna write a book. Not a paper that feels like you have to deliver it to somebody's expectations, you know? And I'm really just trying to meet my audience's expectations. It's not even my own anymore. It's like, I wanna be there for my audience in a way that's gonna support and kind of show them. Like my most recent book, it was about just becoming the kind of woman that I am and what I've done and how the times I've fallen off the track. And the people who've helped me get back on track, which have always been women. You know, I tell a story in my most recent book about Jane Fonda kind of calling me out on my bad behavior when I was young. This was like 15, 10, 15 years ago. And she's a very close friend of mine. I know you work with her, too, for the climate stuff and her pack. And she took me aside once when I was badly behaved and just not in a good place in my life. Just kind of like, you know, desultory, listless, floating around, not really having any direction. What was working me for me so early in my career had kind of stopped working for me. And then I was just kind of stuck. And I had become angry about stuff from my childhood that I hadn't, you know, talked about with anyone professional. And she kind of called me out. She didn't kind of. She did.

[Ted Danson]

No, she's very blunt.

[Chelsea Handler]

And we had a talk, and she was like, that's unacceptable. Like, you have so much talent. Like, you better go and figure out what's. What your plan is, you know, and how to be. Not be a product of your environment, but make your environment a product of you. And that was a very powerful thing to hear at a time in my life where I really needed to hear it. But beyond that, it was such a measure of sisterhood. Like, that was a woman demonstrating to me what a real sister does, and not just for another woman, but for anyone in your life to have the difficult conversation that is uncomfortable but will yield such great results if the person is actually listening.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. Jane Fonda made such a huge difference in my life. I remember this is what. Something she said to Mary. They. We had them over for dinner, the book club actors. And as she was leaving, she turned to Mary out on the street and said, are we going to be friends? And this is Mary, who, you know, knows her a little bit, but is smitten by the Jane Fonda that we were all smitten by. And she goes, yes. And she said, all right, good. We need to be intentional. I'm not going to live forever. And if you want to be friends, we need to be intentional. And I love that because it's so true. There are people that I. That I say, I do love them and I appreciate them, and I can't wait to see them again. That's not enough.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes.

[Ted Danson]

You really need to show up. You need to knock on their door and go, come.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. You need to water the garden.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. You really do.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, that's true. And especially like in this town, you know, everything can kind of be like transitory or transactional. Like, you know, people float around and it's easy to sometimes retreat and not want to be social. I certainly understand that as well. You know, I'm not. While I can be very social, there are times where I'm like, I can absolutely not go out tonight or I can't go out this whole week. Like, I need to recover or I need to, you know, ground myself or get grounded or whatever that means. But it is nice to make the effort to spend time with the people that inspire you and that, you know, I've recently just spent like, I've seen Jane like once a week for the past six weeks, which is unusual for us, but I love it. And then I was on my flight to New York and she was sitting two seats over from me. I didn't even know until I got up and I saw her head from the back of her seat. I'm like, I know that head. I'm like, that's Jane's head. And I was like, jane. And it's sure enough it was Jane, you know, and. But. But it feels good to spend. I know exactly what she means by being intentional with your friendship.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. Forged by nature and alive with fall color. Maine does autumn the way it's meant to be. Think quiet, misty mornings, glowing foliage, salt scented breezes, then fresh lobster. Just press cider and warm donuts straight from the farm. There's no script here, just woods, waves, and whatever comes next. This fall, write your story in Maine. Start [e-mail] sometimes an identity threat is a ring of professional hackers. And sometimes it's an overworked accountant who forgot to encrypt their connection while sending bank details. I need a coffee and you need lifelock because your info is in endless places. It only takes one mistake to expose you to identity theft. LifeLock monitors hundreds of millions of data points a second. If your identity is stolen, we'll fix it, guaranteed, or your money back. Save up to 40% your first [e-mail] specialoffer terms apply. I make jokes about myself and whatever, but it is true for me that I. One of the reasons why I'm not Woody, who is incredibly social and there's a party wherever he goes. A real good one. I not. I mean, I wish I were that way, but I've always. The fellowship of men to me has always been very. It's lovely, very relaxing and beside the point. My Relationship. And everything I get out of life comes from women. And not women. Big general women, but relationship. Everything I need. This. I. This. I'm not saying this is right. Probably not, but everything I need, I have with Mary. Literally everything I need.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, that's so nice.

[Ted Danson]

I feel like if I, you know, I'm about to die, I will go, ha. I did it. I know what it's like to be the best part about being human. That to feel loved and to be able to love that kind of circular thing that happens. Yeah, it's just heaven on earth. I wish I were more woody. Like I could work on that. But that is my truth. My. My goodies come from Mary. And we found each other late in.

[Chelsea Handler]

Life, which is even better. How old were you guys when you got together?

[Ted Danson]

45. She was 40. We both knew that we could fuck up any relationship. We literally said separately to ourselves, oh, I'm just not meant to be in a relationship. You know, Mary said I look like I should be good at a relationship. Obviously I'm not. And I knew I could fuck up anything.

[Chelsea Handler]

And then we found each other and what are your. Like, what is your. If you had to pick your favorite thing about Mary, what would it be? You have to pick one thing.

[Ted Danson]

Wow, it made me cry.

[Chelsea Handler]

I would love to make you cry on your own podcast.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, I. Wow. One thing is so hard. God. Her kindness, her willingness, her. The fact that she witnesses all of me. There's nothing she doesn't know about me. She knows more about me than I do. Kind. She's incredibly kind. Even though she's not always nice. According to her, I will be always nice and charming and nice. She will be that kind of deep kindness. Like Jane telling you, stop doing that. That's deep kindness. Yeah, charming is make you laugh. And da, da, da, da.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

She's so beautiful physically. Inside, outside.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. You're lucky that you guys found each other.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, very, very.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, I'm gonna need a later in life relationship. Also, I'm 50, so I'm gonna have to start finding. I mean, I don't have to, but I could see myself meeting someone. Now that I'm confident in my decision making around choosing partners, I trust myself a lot more than I did when I was younger, so I would make better decisions now. So I'm like, oh, I wonder what will happen because somebody's kind of come along, you know, there's going to be men. So I'm very excited to see what the future holds.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, yeah. I mean, clearly you're Magnificent. I mean, you are. And so that ain't a problem. That's up to you. And what you, I guess, want and when.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, I mean, it's. Yeah, but what you sound. I mean, what you're saying sounds. I mean, anyone who's listening to that and your description of all the things you appreciate about her is such. Is so emblematic of the ideal. And that is the truth. That's your truth. You're living proof that that exists. And a lot of people think like, oh, it doesn't. It does. And it can exist with. There's not just one person, you know, that it can exist with. For you. You found your person. But for a lot of people, they think, oh, as soon as, like, you know, or if they don't understand that that's possible, what you're describing. And it's possible, I believe, with more than one person that you meet in life.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, I'm sure it must be.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Bouncing for a minute. If you describe your faith, your inner little flame, the thing. What is that?

[Chelsea Handler]

My faith?

[Ted Danson]

Your faith, that moral center of yourself, where does that come from? Or is it describable?

[Chelsea Handler]

I think I saw my dad. My dad was a used car dealer, so he was pretty shift. And I remember being like, I don't think so, buddy. Like, he would ask. I mean, he would sell cars that were in bad condition for way more than they were. He would lie about all of the work that they had done on the car. He'd be like, oh, this transmission's brand new. And I'd be like, oh, God. Like, I just saw him lie in real time, and I just knew I could never. I wanted to be just the opposite of that. So my moral compass is, what. What am I going to do when no one's looking? Hey, I always think about that when I'm alone. I'm like, okay, you know, if you want to. Like, who are you when you are alone and what are the choices that you make? And I'm pretty proud of myself for not being for sale. You know, I've had a lot of opportunities to.

[Ted Danson]

What does that mean, for sale?

[Chelsea Handler]

More like to not sell my soul to the devil, you know, like what's happening with this Trump administration and, you know, for instance, with all these people that are kind of capitulating, like, not. I'm not doing that. You know, I'll leave before that happens, or. But I'm not ever gonna do that. I'm never gonna say, yes, I believe in you. I believe in this. I'm not Gonna ever divorce my values in exchange for money? I'm not gonna. I'd rather wait tables again. Do you know what I mean? Like, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. And every time I have to make a difficult decision or a moral decision, I'm, like, reminded. I'm proud. I'm like, I'm glad you just did that. You didn't have to do that, you know, like, to go out of my way when I know somebody's suffering that doesn't expect anything from me, you know, to actually do things that people don't know about and help people without getting a. Raising a flag to it, you know, to really just think of others, so. And to always kind of tell the truth, not to lie, you know, I try to, really. I don't try. I do it, you know, to my own, you know, detriment. At times I've been too honest, and people are like, oh, you shouldn't have said that. I'm like, but I'm not gonna lie. They're like, well, you can lie. And I'm like, yeah, you can lie about little things. You can't really lie about the world we're living in or. Or relationships, you know, and you're doing a disservice to anyone when you're lying to them because you're, you know, you're duping them.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, I'm going, yeah, because I. I do. I. Sometimes our biggest disagreements or fights or anger come out of me doing a convenient lie, you know, well, this is just going to upset you, so I'm not gonna, you know.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right.

[Ted Danson]

Omission, which is all total bullshit. But I do come around. I do come around. I have a delayed reaction. But, yeah, truthfulness is. Is so relaxing. Being truthful is relaxing. Having a lie, having a half truth, having is agonizingly exhausting.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, it is really hard. Yeah, it is exhausting. I've experienced. I mean, I wasn't like this when I was younger, in my 20s. Like, if I wanted to get away from a guy or break up with a guy, I would make some story up instead of just saying, I'm done with you. And that would create a whole web of lies and then another web of lies. And then you run into him on the pier with your new boyfriend two minutes after you told him you're going to Vermont for the weekend. You know, like, so it's just one lie leads to more lies. So it's just better not to lie. And everything comes out. Everything comes out in the wash, and it's like, so when you, when you see grown people lying, you're like, at some point it's going to be revealed that this is not true.

[Ted Danson]

I know I have so hard because as I, I don't think it's just because we're actors, but if you're at all have your headlights on, seeing politicians or people lie is so obvious.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, it's so. And then it's for what? Like you go into politics thinking you're going to help people and then immediately you're bought by these corporations or, you know, the NRA or whatever. And like, and then you just become a different person. Like, how do you remain true to who you are while also getting involved in that? You know, how do you be successful in life while also remaining true to the core values of who you are? And do you have values also? Like is a question people should ask, what are your values?

[Ted Danson]

And also be aware that we're all slightly hypocritical. I remember ranting and railing about something early on when I was in the brick throwing stages of activism where it felt good to, you know, be simplistic and go bad, bad person, bad person. And somebody said, you do know that NBC, this is during the height of Cheers, is owned by General Electric. And you know, some of the stuff they make, you know, you. It's so hard to be spick and span nowadays because something you're doing is.

[Chelsea Handler]

Going to offend somebody.

[Ted Danson]

Bad impact downstream. It just is. So anyway, you do the best you can.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, I mean, some people are.

[Ted Danson]

Am I being apologetic for not being clean as it was? I do think, I mean, I'm getting paid a lot of money to act nowadays by corporations. And as soon as you're into a corporate world, aren't you into, you're representing.

[Chelsea Handler]

And sliding a little bit, then you're like representing that corporate world. Some would argue. And some would argue no. But yeah, it's important to do a value check, I think, with. With yourself.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. One more silly question or many more magic wand, ten years from now, what would you be doing?

[Chelsea Handler]

I would love to be living in.

[Ted Danson]

Mallorca writing books from Mallorca.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, I guess so. I guess I'll probably at some point have an urge to write another book. I've written seven, so I'm kind of, you know, and every time I have one come out, I had one come out this year I have to take at least two or three years off because it's such an undertaking. You've written a book, so you understand. Have you written more Than one book?

[Ted Danson]

No, but let's be clear. I wrote a book with someone who was a brilliant writer, and the information in it came from Oceania. It was the state of the oceans. It's a brilliant book. And what made me chuckle when you said number one bestseller in New York Times, the book Oceana was the number one bestseller. Oh, for. I'm not sure if it was minutes, hours, days, maybe an afternoon, something. But if you are ever, for any amount of time, at number one spot, you are a number one, you know, New York Times bestseller.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes. Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

So, Chelsea, how long were you on the number one?

[Chelsea Handler]

Not. Not very long. I mean, all of my books. Yeah. Weeks.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, that's the real deal.

[Chelsea Handler]

Weeks.

[Ted Danson]

That's the real deal. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

All of my books have been number one on the New York Times list.

[Ted Danson]

Mine was an afternoon.

[Chelsea Handler]

The afternoon. Yeah. It was the siesta. It was the siesta version. But that's the great thing. Cause you're on the list for at least a week. I mean, it lasts a week. So you are number one New York Times bestseller. So that's okay.

[Ted Danson]

I will plug it. If you're looking for casual reading, summer reading, do not get it. If you're a high school teacher, grab a bunch of them.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, for sure.

[Ted Danson]

Amazing educational tool.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

That should sell a lot.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, for sure. There's going to be a huge spike.

[Ted Danson]

You get these little things from your publishers, you know, I don't know, bi Monthly or something, saying, nope, nope. You haven't made up your, you know, your guarantee.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, right.

[Ted Danson]

I have yet to see a dime for that. And it's like 15 years.

[Chelsea Handler]

It sounds like a huge success.

[Ted Danson]

Huge success.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, that's good, though, that you wrote a book about the ocean. I mean, we need more books about the ocean.

[Ted Danson]

Tell me something. Anything. I'm just enjoying talking to you.

[Chelsea Handler]

What do I. Can I tell you? I woke up this morning and I was in a state. Just for context for your listeners, this is the day after Jimmy Kimmel was taken off the air. So I woke up today and I was like, oh, God, this world. Like, what are we gonna do? You know? And what am I gonna do specifically, instead of just bitching, right? And I got out my phone and I have this gratitude journal in my phone. And I'm like, there's absolutely nothing to be grateful for. And I was like, that's exactly when you have to be grateful, is when you feel like there's nothing to be grateful for. It's like when you read books about people, you know, in bad Situations who are able to find the light and to find dark light and darkness, you know. So I got out my gratitude journal and it was like, say, you know, tell three things that would make today great. And I was like, I have, you know, I had a shoot this morning. I'm like, let me just have a great time, be present. And then I have a podcast with Ted Danson. Have a great time, be present. And then I have something else later tonight. I was like, just have a great time and be present. And I think the reminder I bring that up to tell you that because of, I just think the value of presence is so important right now, you know, to really be present when you're in someone's audience or company, to really be there. And it's like what I was saying about listening and reading, I think that they're just such values to remain, you know, like, to make sure that we're connecting with each other. There seems to be such a loss of, like, humanity. And so I think it's so important to remember to like, be mindful about our interactions with others and to try to spread, like, double down on love and kindness, you know, in any way that we can. If it's with someone you do know or someone you don't know. But, you know, I had to really dig for those three moments of like, I had to get into the future for my. My great gratitude. Instead of thinking about what I was grateful for, I'm like, okay, I'm gonna be grateful for these three things. So I guess, I mean, I guess the point of all of that is just to say it's great to be present with you and, you know, I'm appreciative of being here and sitting with you.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, you're really quite wonderful. Thank you.

[Chelsea Handler]

Thank you.

[Ted Danson]

I really appreciate it. Thank you.

[Chelsea Handler]

And I'm going to fix your back.

[Ted Danson]

My back's fine, thank you.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm going to fix his coccyx.

[Ted Danson]

That was a treat for me. Chelsea Handler. Thank you. Be sure to catch Chelsea in a city near you on her high and mighty tour and listen to dear Chelsea wherever you find your podcasts. That's all for our show this week. Special thanks to our friends at TeamCoco. If you enjoyed this episode, send it to someone you love, subscribe on your favorite podcast app and maybe give us a great rating and a review on Apple Podcasts if you're in the mood. If you like watching your podcasts, all our full length episodes are on YouTube. Visit YouTube.comteamcoco See you next time. Everybody knows you've been listening to where.

[Chelsea Handler]

Everybody knows your name with Ted Danson.

[Ted Danson]

And Woody Harrelson Sometimes. The show is produced by me, Nick Leow. Our executive producers are Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and myself.

[Chelsea Handler]

Sarah Fedorovich is our supervising producer. Engineering and mixing by Joanna Samuel with.

[Ted Danson]

Support from Eduardo Perez, research by Alyssa Grohl, talent booking by Paula Davis and Gina Bautista. Our theme music is by Woody Harrelson.

[Chelsea Handler]

Antony Genn, Mary Steenbergen and John Osborne. Did you know? Tide has been upgraded to provide an even better clean in cold water. Tide is specifically designed to fight any stain you throw at it, even in cold butter. Yep, chocolate ice cream? Sure thing. Barbecue sauce. Tide's got you covered. You don't need to use warm water. Additionally, Tide pods let you confidently fight tough stains with new coldzyme technology. Just remember, if it's gotta be clean, it's gotta be Tide.

[Ted Danson]

Hello listeners. Ted here. Thank you for tuning in to where everybody knows your name each week. If you want to hear new episodes ad free, subscribe to SiriusXM podcasts plus on Apple Podcasts or visit siriusxm.com podcastsplus to listen with Spotify or another app of your choice.