John Mulaney

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson (sometimes)"
Episode: John Mulaney
Release Date: May 21, 2025

In this engaging episode of Where Everybody Knows Your Name, hosts Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson reconnect with the acclaimed comedian and actor John Mulaney. The conversation delves deep into Mulaney's career, personal life, and recent projects, offering listeners a comprehensive look into his journey and experiences.

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1. Introduction to John Mulaney's Current Projects

The episode kicks off with Ted Danson expressing his admiration for John Mulaney's talent and character:

Ted Danson [00:53]: "He is obviously one of the funniest, brightest talents out there at the moment. And, boy, I just like who he is as a man and how he leads his life."

Mulaney discusses his new live Netflix show, Everybody's Live, highlighting its global reach and unique format:

John Mulaney [01:37]: "It's such a funny thing to be at Sunset and Gower near the Arby's and then know you're beaming out around the world and that you're around the world on Netflix, which is truly embedded in people's homes all around the globe."

2. Behind the Scenes of Everybody's Live

The duo explores the unpredictable nature of Mulaney's live show, emphasizing its spontaneity and the various personalities that join:

Ted Danson [03:04]: "So you're, you're, you're truly. This is you raw. You have no idea what's going to happen next?"

Mulaney explains the improvisational aspects, where guests often have no prior connection, creating fresh and authentic interactions:

John Mulaney [03:58]: "There's no pre-interview. There's no social media ask. There's no step and repeat. You come on. And we have lots to talk about and lots to get to."

3. Appreciation for Richard Kind

A significant portion of the conversation centers around Richard Kind, a frequent collaborator and beloved figure in the entertainment industry. Ted lauds his versatility:

Ted Danson [08:36]: "He can go anywhere. He's like. He's ready. Made for Pixar and can do a Coen Brothers movie."

Mulaney shares anecdotes showcasing Kind's commitment and humor:

John Mulaney [13:35]: "He postulated even when dealing with challenging situations, he welcomes it with grace and humor."

4. Broadway Ventures and Challenges

Both hosts reminisce about their Broadway experiences, discussing the highs and lows of theater productions. Mulaney recounts the turbulent run of Status Quo Vadis:

John Mulaney [10:08]: "Which actually happened to Merrily We Roll Along. I think they were. I think the show opened. Closed that same day, and they had to record the album."

Ted shares his own short-lived Broadway stint, highlighting the vulnerability and unpredictability of live theater:

Ted Danson [10:46]: "Rex Reed was reading out loud to all of us in Sardis. Clive's trashing us, but he was doing it and making fun of Clive in such a funny way. We were howling with laughter."

5. Reflections on Early Career and Influences

Mulaney delves into his formative years, discussing his passion for classic comedy and how it shaped his comedic style:

John Mulaney [22:53]: "Cause I had these VHS things I'd get from like PBS of like the Best of Ed Sullivan, but it was always the best of. And I wanted to know what an actual episode was like."

Ted relates by sharing his own beginnings, emphasizing the importance of discovering one's true calling:

Ted Danson [25:13]: "Maybe I love your work too. At the same. While you're at it."

6. Insights into Saturday Night Live

The conversation transitions to Mulaney's tenure at Saturday Night Live (SNL), where he served as both a writer and performer. He reflects on the collaborative environment and the creative dynamics:

John Mulaney [34:21]: "And I had a very good experience there. I just liked having a boss. I liked fitting into a hierarchy."

Ted shares a humorous yet insightful story about his own SNL hosting experience:

Ted Danson [37:33]: "I was in the upstairs bar at Sardis and the metal cage came down with my drink... It was everything about my one day bitter one night stand on Broadway."

7. Personal Life: Sobriety and Family Challenges

A heartfelt segment unfolds as Mulaney opens up about his sobriety journey and his wife Olivia's battle with cancer. Ted commends his courage and resilience:

Ted Danson [48:41]: "You are amazingly courageous. And I think it shows up in your work."

Mulaney shares poignant moments, illustrating the profound impact of sobriety and family support on his life:

John Mulaney [51:07]: "I'm shocked I did it. I'm shocked I was able to do it. Become sober, to actually stick to it in every way."

8. Future Endeavors and Philosophies

Looking ahead, Mulaney emphasizes living in the moment and embracing uncertainty, a philosophy that has guided his successful career:

John Mulaney [63:08]: "No. Five years. No. Three months. Three months in the future is the most I'll plan with children now."

Ted adds his perspective on continuous growth and self-awareness:

Ted Danson [55:45]: "Can I bounce around some more? How's your family with all of your immense success?"

9. Closing Remarks and Mutual Admiration

As the conversation winds down, both parties express mutual respect and appreciation. Mulaney acknowledges Danson's influence and kindness:

John Mulaney [70:45]: "You brought so much, so many happy moments to my life. It is incredibly nice to meet you and everything you've said will mean a lot to me forever. Thank you."

Ted reciprocates the sentiment, highlighting the enjoyable dialogue they shared:

Ted Danson [70:35]: "It was so outrageous. It worked. It was so funny."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Ted Danson [00:53]: "He is obviously one of the funniest, brightest talents out there at the moment. And, boy, I just like who he is as a man and how he leads his life."

• John Mulaney [03:58]: "There's no pre-interview. There's no social media ask. There's no step and repeat. You come on. And we have lots to talk about and lots to get to."

• John Mulaney [22:53]: "Cause I had these VHS things I'd get from like PBS of like the Best of Ed Sullivan, but it was always the best of. And I wanted to know what an actual episode was like."

• John Mulaney [48:41]: "You are amazingly courageous. And I think it shows up in your work."

• John Mulaney [51:07]: "I'm shocked I did it. I'm shocked I was able to do it. Become sober, to actually stick to it in every way."

• Ted Danson [55:45]: "Can I bounce around some more? How's your family with all of your immense success?"

---

Conclusion

This episode serves as a deep dive into John Mulaney's multifaceted life, blending humor with profound personal insights. Ted Danson and John Mulaney's candid conversation offers listeners both laughter and inspiration, highlighting the resilience and creativity that define Mulaney's enduring presence in the entertainment world.

For those who haven't tuned in, this episode provides a rich narrative of professional triumphs, personal battles, and the unbreakable bonds formed through shared experiences. Whether you're a fan of comedy, theater, or compelling personal stories, this episode is a must-listen.

Transcript

[Ted Danson]

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[John Mulaney]

I'm shocked I did it. I'm shocked I was able to do it. Become sober, to actually stick to it in every way.

[Ted Danson]

Welcome back to Everybody Knows yous Name. I just said goodbye to John Mulaney, who walked out the door after doing the podcast, and I'm still kind of digesting it. He is obviously one of the funniest, brightest talents out there at the moment. And, boy, I just like who he is as a man and how he leads his life. And I can't wait for you to hear this. I forgot to mention, he's got a new live Netflix show called Everybody's Live on Netflix. And you're going to hear all about that. So let's get into it. John Mulaney, everyone. Hey. First off, congratulations.

[John Mulaney]

Yes, thank you.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. Now, you were. I don't know where you are now, but you were like, top 10 Netflix around the world for we are globally.

[John Mulaney]

Live, which is very, very funny.

[Ted Danson]

Unbelievable. No, it's unbelievable.

[John Mulaney]

It's such a funny thing to be at Sunset and Gower near the Arby's and then know you're beaming out around the world and that you're around the world on Netflix, which is truly embedded in people's homes all around the globe. It's just a very funny thing to bring.

[Ted Danson]

We're talking about everybody's lives, everybody's mind.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

This is the second rendition, kind of sort of. Yeah. Of your talk show, and it's with Richard Kine.

[John Mulaney]

I appreciate you calling it a talk show. We do have trouble defining it sometimes, and I like it.

[Ted Danson]

A talk show on a high wire, strung between the. You know.

[John Mulaney]

A bit. Yeah. And I remember it was for some sort of awards thing last year. We really. They timed out how much we interview people because they didn't know how to categorize us. So it brings us some peace to have a. To have a category.

[Ted Danson]

One of my favorite moments was looking at Wanda Sykes sit there, going by, sitting next to John Waters.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

And what is his name? Stavros Alkias.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

And Neil. Yeah, yeah. And. But there is getting a little raunchy. And I watched. Yeah, I watched one Go, what the. Where am I? What. What's going on?

[John Mulaney]

What's going on? Yeah, because they aren't necessarily.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[John Mulaney]

Not just raunchy, but like, like, just Stavi and John Waters are having this Baltimore connection.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[John Mulaney]

You know, two seats down from me. They're just naming very rough lesbian bars in Baltimore that they both hang out at. And then the former Solicitor general is a few seats away trying to keep trying to get real legal advice from Neil Stavi, then declares war on landlords. They get into some sort of masturbation conversation. I just look at Wanda and she goes, what is going on? As if. And also I try to have like a twinkle in my eye at that moment. Like, oh, don't worry, I'm about to stir it all together. But I have no idea either.

[Ted Danson]

So you're, you're, you're truly. This is you raw. You have no idea what's going to happen next?

[John Mulaney]

No, because. No, it's. Yeah. Lots left up to chance because we have the callers come, you know, calling in from around the world now. We have, you know, I know Neil Katiel well, actually, but a lot of times we have experts on that I have no connection to. And no one on the panel would. So everyone's kind of meeting for the first time.

[Ted Danson]

No one's. They don't. You don't sit down with them backstage and say, this is how this kind of works. No, your seatbelts.

[John Mulaney]

What we say when we approach people to do it is, hey, this'll be the lightest lift you've ever had. There's no pre interview. There's no social media ask. There's no step and repeat. You come on. And we have lots to talk about and lots to get to. And I kind of also present it to people as like, this would be a fun dinner party with people you might not ever have hung out with.

[Ted Danson]

I would add what I would say to myself if I was going to be on your show was Ted Danson. Fasten your seatbelt and bring your A game.

[John Mulaney]

Oh, really?

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, I really do think so because it's.

[John Mulaney]

Well, you always have your egg.

[Ted Danson]

No, no. Well, here. Well, careful. We're going to live this out in the moment whether or not I have an egg.

[John Mulaney]

Real time.

[Ted Danson]

How did you meet Neil?

[John Mulaney]

Neil Katial?

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[John Mulaney]

I met him through Senator Al Franken maybe four years ago. I knew of him well because I listened to this podcast called America's Constitution with Professor Akhil Amar, who's a Yale Law constitutional legal scholar, who was Neil's sort of Mentor at Yale Law and they wrote some articles together for various law reviews. And so I'd heard of Neil and then I'd heard of him just as a person in the world. And then Senator Franken introduced me to him when he came to one of my shows in Maryland. And then Neil, through Justice Jackson, got me a tour of the Supreme Court that Olivia and I went on, which was very interesting. That was. I mean, you know, you go to some places in D.C. or you don't now, but originally you did and you know, you're invited in and Supreme Court's just so there's sort of nothing to see and everything to see. Yeah, yeah.

[Ted Danson]

I have never had. I've gotten lots of different tours over the years.

[John Mulaney]

What's interesting is they really decorate their chambers differently.

[Ted Danson]

You mean like decor?

[John Mulaney]

Decor and vibe. Sotomayors were like when someone on the floor of a dorm takes over the hall with their own shit. Like spilling out of Sotomayor's are photos and drawings and paintings and mementos that people have sent her all over the walls in the hallway. And then she has, because she loves baseball so much, she has blown up poster sized pictures of every justice from the past 15 years who's thrown out the first pitch. It's like John Paul Stevens at a Cubs game, Alito at a Phillies game. Taking it way too seriously. And it's a really fun, like, joyous hallway. The chief justices, dark wood panel, very serious. You're also allowed to go to the National Gallery when you're a Supreme Court justice and pick any artworks you want to be in your chambers. John Roberts, I think he has some of those Gilbert Stewart, you know, George Washington paintings.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[John Mulaney]

Justice Jackson, I believe she had some really like cool colorist, Alma Thomas paintings. Very sunny chambers. Sandra Day o' Connor always had a very like Tex Mex feel, like Southwestern blankets. And I think Gorsuch still has that. Cause he's like a Colorado guy. There's always one western judge who keeps, keeps that like Ralph Lauren store, second floor vibe happening.

[Ted Danson]

Did you. Who, who showed you around? Neil or.

[John Mulaney]

No, a clerk of Justice Jackson's. She'd been, I'm trying to think at this point how recently she'd been confirmed. So it was a little fun talking to someone who is walking around the court. Newer to it. You know, Justice Jackson's newer, the clerk is newer because they're still a bit, you know, getting the ropes and also figuring out the personalities. Each justice. There's nine justices, they each have four clerks for one year. They're appointed for life. The Clerks come and go. It's really. It's a. It's a fun setup, sticking to your.

[Ted Danson]

Show that you're doing now. Richard Kind.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

One of my favorite, favorite kind of actors.

[John Mulaney]

The best.

[Ted Danson]

He is funny. He can be outrageous. He can be soulful, heartfelt, serious. He can literally go anywhere.

[John Mulaney]

He can go anywhere. He's like. He's. He's ready. Made for Pixar and can do a Coen Brothers movie.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[John Mulaney]

With real heart. And just even in shooting promos for this show, he can be an intimidating guy. I thought, oh, he could play a mob boss.

[Ted Danson]

Yes.

[John Mulaney]

Or he could play, you know, also a leading man.

[Ted Danson]

I know that sounds.

[John Mulaney]

No, no, you're absolutely silly.

[Ted Danson]

He can do. He has everything to be a leading man.

[John Mulaney]

I can't remember who it was. Was it Greg Bierko said about Richard Kind? He said, there's two things the space station that went up can see. Two things from space on Earth, The Great Wall of China and every choice Richard Kind has ever made.

[Ted Danson]

Clearly, Richard has heard this and must love it.

[John Mulaney]

Yes. He did it.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, my God. That's wonderful.

[John Mulaney]

It's great. Yeah, it's great.

[Ted Danson]

And how did you guys get together? I know you did a Broadway show.

[John Mulaney]

We did a Broadway show recently. Rich and I met doing this IFC show called Documentary. Now myself and Bill Hader and Fred Armisen and Seth Meyers would do it, almost like a summer project from Saturday Night Live. And we just. We'd shoot up in Portland a lot. It was very small. And we did a Stephen Sondheim company parody, and Rich was in it in mid verse.

[Ted Danson]

Find out they've been canceled.

[John Mulaney]

Yes. Mid album recording. Yeah. Which actually happened to Merrily We Roll Along. I think they were. I think the show opened. Closed that same day, and they had to record the album.

[Ted Danson]

My One Broadway Experience was opened. Got bad reviews. Next day, I say goodbye to my parents, put them in a cab. They're going back to Arizona. Having come seeing the opening, walk into the stage door. And the stage door, guys says, excuse me, where are you going? I went, I'm sorry, but I work here. Not anymore, you know, bud. And we closed. Wow. Yeah.

[John Mulaney]

What was the show?

[Ted Danson]

It was called Shit. It was called Shit. It was from the Goodwin Theater. It was called Status in Chicago. It was called Status Quo Vadis.

[John Mulaney]

Oh, okay.

[Ted Danson]

And it was one of those. It was so well directed that every rim shot was perfect. So the audience would burst into a big laugh because the rim shot was perfect. Yeah. And then you'd see them go, ha ha. Oh, wait, no, wait a minute. Why am I laughing? The whole thing was, I'm laughing, but this is not that good kind of laughter.

[John Mulaney]

Oh, wow.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, it was. It was rugged.

[John Mulaney]

It was almost like you had a cattle prod making them laugh. But they didn't know why and grew resentful.

[Ted Danson]

Yes, exactly.

[John Mulaney]

I can't remember who it was. Someone told me that opening night, you know, around midnight when reviews came out, someone came in and just started taking the sink out of their dressing room. And that's how they knew it was.

[Ted Danson]

I was in the upstairs bar at Sardis and the metal cage came down with my drink that I was drinking just on the other side of where, you know, I reached for it and banged into the cage that came down. It was abrupt. We heard the sorry, this is all about my one day bitter one night stand on Broadway. Rex Reed hated Clive Barnes.

[John Mulaney]

Really?

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. Or didn't like him or was jealous or whatever. So Clive Barnes review came out and this was back when he could shut down a show with a bad review. His review was horrible. Rex Reed was reading out loud to all of us in Sardis. Clive's trashing us, but he was doing it and making fun of Clive in such a funny way. We were howling with laughter.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

While we were listening to our demise. It was the most. The weirdest. Weirdest.

[John Mulaney]

You were like the audience, you were laughing. Didn't know why. Yes.

[Ted Danson]

He was prodding us with the electric prod. So then you just went immediately to with Richard.

[John Mulaney]

One of those things where as soon as you picture Richard doing something, that's it. There's no one else. I was just sitting in the writers room on the Everybody's in LA show, which was this pop up six night thing last May, and we were looking at some opening titles footage that this guy Brooke Linder has shot all around Los Angeles. And I just started saying out loud tonight, live from Ella and kind of doing Richard. And then we laughed. What if Richard Kine was the announcer of the show? And then as soon as you say that, what if Richard Kyne Blank. One, you have to do it and two, there's no one else that can do it.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. He is incredible. He will go for it. He's as outrageous as you are.

[John Mulaney]

He will go for it 100% and busier than. I've never not seen him where he's about to get on a red eye. I mean, he's always headed for a red eye to do another. He's the busiest man in show Business.

[Ted Danson]

Mary and I, my wife and I saw him someplace recently and we just geeked out, hugged him, had to hug him.

[John Mulaney]

I know he's one of those people that when people just walk up to on the street. And I think someone once came up to him and went, hey, you're dumb. Dumb. And he goes, a bing bong. I think you mean bing bong. And they go, nah, you're dumb. Dumb. Like the amount he came up to me during the Broadway show, we were doing it at the Hudson Theater and, you know, Broadway being what it is now, we had some elevated ticket prices for some seats, which we were all aware of, and we felt the responsibility to do a great show.

[Ted Danson]

But.

[John Mulaney]

But we were aware that they were gouging, you know, these. These were an arm and a leg, some tickets. So Rich comes into rehearsal. He goes, are people coming up to you and yelling at you on the street about the ticket prices? I go, no, they're not yelling at me on the street. Are people coming up to you and yelling at you? He goes, yeah. People go, $400 for a ticket, Rich. What are you going to do? This is ridiculous. I go, you have a life where people walk up to you on the street and scream at you about ticket prices. And I think because he would do it to them, he welcomes it.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, that's funny.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Do you guys have a writer's room on this show?

[John Mulaney]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[John Mulaney]

And it's a lot of folks that have written and produced their own shows because, you know, we have 12 shows, lots of. Lots of live pieces, really talented costume and set department. And so everyone's kind of. We were writing a lot in pre production, and now everyone's kind of running off making their own pieces come together.

[Ted Danson]

You. You go on air around the universe. That's weird.

[John Mulaney]

It's so funny.

[Ted Danson]

Can you feel it when you walk out now on the street? The different level of energy coming your way because of people seeing.

[John Mulaney]

I find. I find it in request to play other countries, which is nice, you know. Oh, yeah, I'm. I'm the. We're really getting a lot of buzz in Brazil. We said, Brazil. That's a song or something in some. Yeah, a lot of buzz in Brazil. Yeah. That'll be Richard's 11 o' clock number on the next show. We mentioned Brazil on the first episode, and in terms of social media, there was nothing.

[Ted Danson]

Said it. Like you said it and said it, and then you looked straight in the camera and said it.

[John Mulaney]

Big Brazil. Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[John Mulaney]

And there's no more activated social Media crowd than Brazilians. And so, you know, I don't know what I would do if I'd learned Portuguese to do a show. I. I'm very open to it, though. I'm hoping, like, a football stadium. I'm not gonna go play some comedy club in Brazil. No, no, we need. We need this. The scale, really, this is huge. Brazil is huge stuff. It's huge. If I can't fill a stadium in Brazil, I'm out of the business.

[Ted Danson]

You can fill it anywhere. I had this thought that I have to. We can cut it. You can cut it. I'm sitting here going live.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Some people go, that doesn't make register how amazing that is that you're sticking your neck out live in the same moment all around the world. And the live kind of goes over their head. So here was my thought. Sorry, but I'm gonna empty it anyway, was you should have. Netflix should have watch parties in Brazil, Rome, all over the world that you can cut to.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

While live. And maybe even fire off instead of just a phone call. You could, but people need to know that this is.

[John Mulaney]

Oh, yeah, you know, we did a joke. We did some joke cutaways last May where we go, let's go to Paris, France now, where they're watching the show. And then we'd cut to a group and it would look the way Paris really looks, which is, you know, just looks like any. Yeah, just looks like any place. It's just in a room, like an Internet cafe. There's no Eiffel Tower in the background. And we would cut around the world and go, oh, this isn't what I hoped it would look like. We were picturing, like, the Truman show, where everyone is, you know, in bathtubs in Beijing.

[Ted Danson]

Cheering, you know, what was the pitch to Netflix? Like, did they immediately go, yes, they.

[John Mulaney]

Came to me to do something during the festival, and I said, I'd like to sort of COVID the Netflix Festival in la. Like, it's an LA event. So I said, what's interesting to me about the festival, and it's true every time they do it, is that every comedian comes to Los Angeles. We never get to see each other because we're always on the road. But everyone really does come. It's huge. And they take over every venue downtown, Hollywood bowl, the Greek, everything. And so for, like, 10 days, we're all kind of kicking out summer camp. Summer camp. And in la, which is just a weird place.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[John Mulaney]

So I said, I'll do it if we can be live and we can kind of COVID the festival like it's an ongoing crisis in Los Angeles. Like the Rodney King uprising, you know. And they, I remember saying, the Rodney King uprising going, john, you can't pitch things this way. And they said, okay, that's fine. And then that was a big success. So we decided to expand it a little and with the global, you know, national, global live thing to take, have more topics from around the country and take more calls from around the world. A lot of Australians call. I have to keep, I keep meaning to look up what time it is in Australia. When it's 7pm in the morning.

[Ted Danson]

It's like 14 hours. But the day ahead or something like crazy like that.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah, it's really another planet.

[Woody Harrelson]

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[Woody Harrelson]

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[Ted Danson]

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[Nick Liao]

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[John Mulaney]

It's good.

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[Ted Danson]

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[John Mulaney]

Of Broadcasting and, oh, the Museum of Broadcast Communications.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, right. I mean, that's amazing to know.

[John Mulaney]

That was around age 10. Yeah, I really liked. I liked the Simpsons, Conan, Chris Rock. I liked everything that was coming out at the time. But I was really into comedy from the 50s and 60s and 40s as well. And so I would go to the museum. Cause I had these VHS things I'd get from like PBS of like the Best of Ed Sullivan, but it was always the best of. And I wanted to know what an actual episode was like. Cause I remember thinking, like, how did they fill two hours? You know? So I wanted to watch. It's very strange, actually. This is a little too convenient of an origin story. But I wanted to watch a clunky variety show. I wanted to be like, it's not all, you know, the Rolling Stones. There had to be some bad acts and things. So I started watching full episode. I'd pick a Johnny Carson episode from 1972 and just watch the whole thing to see what it was like while other people were learning karate.

[Ted Danson]

Was this by yourself? Meaning you didn't have a buddy or you had a buddy?

[John Mulaney]

I had a buddy that was into it as well. Yeah, we Both really liked the Honeymooners and I Love Lucy and we both loved Frank Sinatra when we were 10 and I went to see Sinatra for my 11th birthday.

[Ted Danson]

But you know, that shows a lot of respect for this chain of comedy that you were about to step into, meaning you went backwards as well and you looked at the people who were incredible years before your time.

[John Mulaney]

Oh, yeah, I was really interested in it. Just even in the late 80s, early 90s, it felt like, oh, this is a level of show business that's over and I wanted to know more about it. So there was still a Carson and then a Leno and a Letterman and everything. But I was interested in the old.

[Ted Danson]

It also shows how. It's a lesson in how to manifest what you want to do in life.

[John Mulaney]

It's weird, actually. Sometimes I sit around going, yeah, it's weird to only want to do one thing from 5 to 42 and then to do it, to do it. It's very cool. It's also, I go like, man, you didn't have any other interests, you just wanted to do this thing and now you do it. I'm fine with it. But it's a funny.

[Ted Danson]

If I weren't an actor, I'd maybe be a butler because that appeals to me too. But that'd be about it.

[John Mulaney]

Serving people does.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, yeah. Same people I like.

[John Mulaney]

Oh, okay. You'd have to watch.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. You'd have to audition for me to serve you.

[John Mulaney]

That's really great. When did you know you wanted to be an actor?

[Ted Danson]

Oh, second year of Stanford. Wow. Because I couldn't play basketball anymore. No. I thought. I went to a prep school in Connecticut. Small 300 boys, won the league championship. And basketball.

[John Mulaney]

Congratulations.

[Ted Danson]

Thank you.

[John Mulaney]

And not enough people say that to you.

[Ted Danson]

No.

[John Mulaney]

Congrats on that championship.

[Ted Danson]

Thank you.

[John Mulaney]

That was huge.

[Ted Danson]

Maybe I love your work too. At the same. While you're at it.

[John Mulaney]

Sure, sure. I love your work now. But I just want to say that that was a big deal to everyone in Connecticut and it certainly still resonates with a lot.

[Ted Danson]

Thank you.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah, you're welcome.

[Ted Danson]

Thank you. It was short lived. Went to Stanford, came out. This was the same year that Lou Alcinder was a freshman at ucla. So basketball was a different thing. And I walked up to the court with my buddy who was an athlete and it was like, oh, fuck. Just way over my head, I'm not going to make it. So acting. Six months later I tried out for a play randomly and it was like.

[John Mulaney]

Oh, okay, what play?

[Ted Danson]

Man east man. Bertol Brecht. Play. Yeah.

[John Mulaney]

What's the.

[Ted Danson]

I was the fourth, you know, soldier from the left. I barely was in it, but I just. The light bulb went off and I never wanted to do anything ever again. Moved my car behind the theater, slept in it. Just ate, drank, slept.

[John Mulaney]

Incredible.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[John Mulaney]

So you grew up in Connecticut? No, Arizona, I was gonna say. Oh, you went to a prep school that far away?

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. Yeah.

[John Mulaney]

Was that. Were you okay with that?

[Ted Danson]

I thought it was my idea because my mother. My mother loved it because it was church. Episcopal.

[John Mulaney]

Right.

[Ted Danson]

Watered down Catholic, which I know you're not watered down. You're Catholic.

[John Mulaney]

That was so hardcore, it's crazy.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, we were a little watered down, but all my friends were going away to school who were ranchers, friends who had been schooled at home. And men were going to go someplace. I didn't want to be left behind, so I thought it was my idea and off I went.

[John Mulaney]

What is Arizona like in the 60s?

[Ted Danson]

Cattle, lumber, town in Flagstaff. At a university and. Yeah, a very small university at the time and a museum and a research center where my father was the director. He was an archaeologist, anthropologist, the. And all of that. So we were out in the country. My friends were hoping. Navajo. I jumped on horses and ran that away, you know. Be home by the time the sun goes down or you're in trouble. It was so unlike anything else.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah. Not even. Yeah. This is not golf resort Arizona.

[Ted Danson]

No. This is going out to the hop. In Navajo.

[John Mulaney]

Did you speak any of that language?

[Ted Danson]

Quasi, which is very dirty female part Gucci, A butt, which is. Ouch. Which makes sense.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ted Danson]

And to point with your lips instead of using your fingers. Just over there.

[John Mulaney]

Oh, wow.

[Ted Danson]

It's very handy, actually, when you think about it.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah. Truly.

[Ted Danson]

Where's my hat? Over there.

[John Mulaney]

It is better. We're always flailing around with our goddamn hands. That's great.

[Ted Danson]

So off you went into. You literally started performing, singing, acting, doing plays.

[John Mulaney]

I don't remember the time I could sing. I wonder if pre puberty I could. There's no recordings of it. I have the confidence of someone that can sing. I just can't. I'm just a bad singer. But I've always thought I. In. In my. In my head, I always could. I wonder if when I was a small child, I had a nice voice because I'm certainly acting like it.

[Ted Danson]

So if you.

[John Mulaney]

Well, I'll put myself in things on SNL where I'm singing and it's just.

[Ted Danson]

Okay. It's a little mental confidence. Come for you. How the Hell did. That is because you are doing live TV around the world.

[John Mulaney]

When it comes to certain types of three camera live audience comedy, I have very high self esteem. It's not in other parts of life. I have many struggles, but when it comes to like direct address to an audience, I just have a real confidence that I'll figure it out.

[Ted Danson]

You do too. You are.

[John Mulaney]

But when I'm on a set just doing any other kind of acting, there's a lot of. Was that good? I have no idea. I'm really losing my bearings. But. But a nice. Give me a nice.

[Ted Danson]

If somebody came along and said, here's a great dramatic part.

[John Mulaney]

Oh, I'd love to do it. Get to yell or possibly whisper because that can also be scary. I'm actually doing this play, Status Quo Vadis, opening tomorrow at the Wilshire E. Bell.

[Ted Danson]

Careful of the rim shots. They're deceiving.

[John Mulaney]

I'm really hoping for some raves. It's funny. Theater is so hard to get off the ground and everyone's always going, we need to. The theater business is struggling. I'm like, well, don't close shows with reviews.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, that's one way.

[John Mulaney]

Shiv each other constantly.

[Ted Danson]

Saturday Night Live. Yeah, that came out with Conan. No.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah, they actually saw me on the Late Night with Conan show. So they hired me as a. I auditioned, but they hired me as a writer. Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler, same year, 2008. Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Will Forte.

[John Mulaney]

Will was there already. Jason Sudeikis, Bill Hader, Fred Armisen, Andy Samberg, Kristen Wiig, Casey Wilson Kenan.

[Ted Danson]

Royalty, Royalty, Royalty, Royalty.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah, the best. And 2008, which was that election year. And it was a really funny time to be dropped in because it was. We did like these Thursday. What were they called? Thursday Weekend updates. So we did special prime time shows and the Saturday shows. This is my first weeks. We did 12 shows in eight weeks.

[Ted Danson]

Wait, wait, wait. I don't remember this. Yeah, we did Saturday Night Live and.

[John Mulaney]

Then Thursday we did these Thursday Weekend Update specials leading up to the McCain Obama election.

[Ted Danson]

And they would be shown Thursday.

[John Mulaney]

It was live Thursday.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, wow.

[John Mulaney]

Probably like 9pm Eastern. And all the writers at SNL, we got to write for those as well, obviously, which was prime time money. I remember Steve Higgins and Mike Shoemaker and Seth Meyers saying, you're all gonna get $9,000 an episode times three episodes.

[Ted Danson]

And I was like, you could make a living, man.

[John Mulaney]

I was like, this is the greatest. I still remember walking home going, I'm set.

[Ted Danson]

I'm set.

[John Mulaney]

I don't have to do anything and ever again. My rent is $800. I'm good.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, Yeah.

[John Mulaney]

I went and bought new pants. There was a brand of pants called Bonobos that had just come out and they looked nice. That was their selling point. They go, these pants don't look like.

[Ted Danson]

Good around the butt.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah. Tapered leg, ankle. They figured all the parts out.

[Ted Danson]

Where did you live in New York?

[John Mulaney]

I lived in Greenpoint, Brooklyn.

[Ted Danson]

Oh.

[John Mulaney]

Had two roommates. Pretty close to Williamsburg. We're right off McCarran Park. I was there for the first couple years and then one time the bridge went up because a boat was coming through. I couldn't get to Long Island City to get the train to Dirty Rock. So I moved to. I moved into a studio at 12th street and 7th Avenue next to St. Vincent's Hospital. And I wanted to live somewhere where, if necessary, I could sprint in a straight line to work.

[Ted Danson]

Mary has this bizarre thing where she'll be driving someplace home and she starts, I don't know, two or three miles out going, can I walk home from here? She's always asking herself, can I walk home from here?

[John Mulaney]

Right. Meaning, is there enough side street?

[Ted Danson]

No. Do I have it in me to walk 40 miles? How long would it take me to walk 60 miles? She's doing, calculating while I'm driving. I don't feel a lot of confidence coming my way from my driving. But she always doing that.

[John Mulaney]

Sorry, could I walk. Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Could I walk that way? Yeah.

[John Mulaney]

I think about that too. When I'm just on the 405 for two hours, I go, would I be able to figure this out if this just broke? You know, all electronics in the US Suddenly stop. Would I be able to just figure out side streets? Do I even know which way is north or south? I don't know.

[Ted Danson]

You came out of Saturday Night Live without ptsd, right? I mean, yeah, because some of your compatriots do. Some of It's. It's hard.

[John Mulaney]

Oh, it's very hard. Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

And it's very competitive. Yes. To get your material up.

[John Mulaney]

And it's competitive with yourself and with the gods of show business. And I don't even mean the gods that run the show. I mean the sort of larger. Just is something playing or not. But I recognize I had a very good experience there. I just liked having a boss. I liked fitting into a hierarchy. I. I like, I kind of like. What would be a good word, Bizarre, strong willed people. I get a kick out of them. I liked working with some of these guys at the show, had been there since 76 and were 90 years old and were just crazy and mean. I mean, really, like I just got.

[Ted Danson]

You're not offended?

[John Mulaney]

No, I delighted in it.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. That's great.

[John Mulaney]

I don't want to name names, but so many of them are dead. But there were just people go, you know, I remember Phil Himes, our lighting designer had started on NBC radio during World War II, as did Don Pardo. And we were doing a sketch where Fred was playing Obama. And it was like a. At one point he gets up in the Oval Office, Fred, and he looks out the window. So we kind of needed a special treatment, I thought of lighting on the Oval Office windows. So they were non reflective or something. And I'm explaining this to Phil Himes and he stares at me and he goes, I fucking lit John F. Kennedy in the White House. And I'm like 25 going, can you do this thing where the windows don't shine? Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Who was your head writer then?

[John Mulaney]

Who was Seth Meyers? That was also a big part of it. I think generationally.

[Ted Danson]

Tina had gone.

[John Mulaney]

Tina had just left. Right, 2007.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[John Mulaney]

So generationally, I think those of us that worked under Seth found it really friendly and all the writers would cross pollinate. So in terms of competition, we weren't.

[Ted Danson]

That's cool.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

And did you perform as well? You were hired as a writer?

[John Mulaney]

Yeah, I did a couple Weekend Update features when I was a writer, but no otherwise. When I auditioned, I thought, they have Hader and Fred and Andy and Forte and Sedega. They don't need a Caucasian man that looks like me at all. So I'm gonna do this. This'll be a cool thing to audition. But when I was there, I thought, I go, this cast is insane. I mean, I had hopes, but it wasn't like you wouldn't look around and go, I think there's a spot for me. When you hosted, you were great. I remember watching that. Is that 1987? 88.

[Ted Danson]

I don't know. You blocked. Are you serious? Did you google me just so you could say that now? Because yeah, I was reading your Wikipedia feedback.

[John Mulaney]

You did?

[Ted Danson]

Oh, yeah. And rightfully so. All I can say is I lived. That was my experience. I made it.

[John Mulaney]

You got zero feedback. No one said anything to you?

[Ted Danson]

Don't think so. Or I was so terrified that it went over my head.

[John Mulaney]

It is a scary proposition. And fast.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, very fast. And if you're, if you're a stand up or clever lad or writer or something, you do your own monologue or you come with some ideas. I waited until Saturday morning.

[John Mulaney]

You're so crazy.

[Ted Danson]

For my monologue. And it turned out to be really monologue. Mike Myers monologue. It was his first time on the show, I think, performing. And he. I was. The bit was. I was this. I was Ted hosting, and he was this French Ted in this parallel univers, but being very French and over the top with his comedy to the point where he wets his pants. And at the end of mine, I wet my pants.

[John Mulaney]

I remember that. Yeah, that's what you get when you wait till Saturday morning.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, exactly.

[John Mulaney]

We did that a lot. We'd give some of the monologue Friday night and go, hey, we love you.

[Ted Danson]

Hope you can swim.

[John Mulaney]

Have fun. Yeah, this is it.

[Ted Danson]

I'm happy, proud that I did it or that I was even asked, but it was.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah, you popped up in Kirsty Alley's.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, we all did. I think all of us sang. And you were there.

[John Mulaney]

I was there. I was. No, I wish I was there.

[Ted Danson]

No, you.

[John Mulaney]

I watched on tv.

[Ted Danson]

Wait, but you. Oh, so you saw me on tv? I wasn't on when you were. No, of course not. You were a kid.

[John Mulaney]

I was maybe 5.

[Ted Danson]

5.

[John Mulaney]

So I was like.

[Ted Danson]

It was the beginning. Maybe that was.

[John Mulaney]

Oh, I think that was it. It was that monologue.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[John Mulaney]

I went then something to this. This parallel Ted French bit that we're still talking about all these years later.

[Ted Danson]

I need to take a break. Bill Hader, the greatest.

[John Mulaney]

The greatest.

[Ted Danson]

He came here and I just fell hard. He is such a sweet smidge of sadness. Brilliant, amazing actor. He can go dark.

[John Mulaney]

So he's in Tulsa. When I'm in Chicago, I'm watching, like, old Ed Sullivan. Bill from, like, age 9, 10. I remember his grandma took him to see Blue Velvet in the theater when he was, like, seven. Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

That may have been so great. One of the issues.

[John Mulaney]

It'S so funny, not just for a little kid to see Blue Velvet, but to see it in the theater and your date being your grandmother. And then his friend Duffy tells a story that he showed up at junior high one day just looking spooked. And everyone went, what's wrong? And he went, I saw this movie, Aguera Wrath of God by Werner Herzog last night on tv. And he was, like, showed up to junior high, still shaken up by it. So he has the greatest depth of influences, you know, and then is, like, is. You know, is the Criterion Channel in one person, and then is able to make so much work inspired by that. And then is also just One of the best sketch comedy. Comedy people ever.

[Ted Danson]

I think one of the. I would stop anything to go see Stefan.

[John Mulaney]

Oh, yeah, yeah, Those were. Which was you and Bill. Yeah, yeah. Well, those were incredibly fun to do.

[Ted Danson]

And I. And I know this is. These are old stories, but I love the fact that you would makeup. He thought he'd be saying something off a cue card, and you will have switched the cue card. So it was brand new material to crack him up.

[John Mulaney]

To crack him up and to just keep it really off balance. Yeah. It had to be a clean lift, you know, because what the goal was that Wally, the cue card guy that, you know, you sometimes see on. On the show, it was that when he. When you would lift the next card, you wanted Bill's eyes to. It wasn't just cracking up. It was also this look of, oh, everything on this card is new, you know, and luckily it was like it's Weekend Update, so it's straight down the barrel. But you'd see him going. And then. And really it's part. It's one, he doesn't know what the joke's gonna be. And two, it's brand new text. Just as a human being that you have to read live. It was so exciting.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[John Mulaney]

And Bill obviously has been open about, you know, having a lot of anxiety and panic on the air, so it was an extra funny thing to. And Andy Samberg would stand next to the camera with his arms folded, and I think it was almost like exposure, that type of therapy when, like, someone's afraid of cotton balls and then Maury Povich would have someone run out. It was like exposure therapy.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah. That was just like when you said I had a really nice.

[Ted Danson]

In your mean years.

[John Mulaney]

Oh, are we out of them? These were. These. Yeah, these were kind of a.

[Ted Danson]

No kidding.

[John Mulaney]

No, no. But there was a. It's funny looking back and going. Even jokes we would write or things like I said, we'd give someone a monologue who's just in an Oscar winning movie and go, that's it. You know, I'm 25 and I'm done typing. I think that's really good. It was a kind of cavalier quality. I guess we had to have it. But I do look back going, man, it's a funny thing for these really young looking nerds to demand is, you know, you. You have NBC's yours for 10 minutes. The greatest.

[Ted Danson]

That is amazing.

[John Mulaney]

It's so funny.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

I've just heard about a serious but rare heart condition called attr. Cardiac amyloidosis or ATTRCM if you have attrcm, you may experience symptoms related to heart failure like breathlessness and swelling of the legs, but also have issues that seem unrelated like carpal tunnel. There's a treatment option that may help called Atrubi or Acharamidis. Atrube is a prescription medicine used to treat adults with ATTR CM to reduce death and hospitalization due to heart issues. In a study, people taking Atrubi saw an impact on their health related quality of life and 50% fewer hospitalizations due to heart issues than people who didn't take a truby, giving you more chances to do what you love with who you love. Tell your doctor if you're pregnant, plan to become pregnant or are breastfeeding and about the medications you take. The most common side effects were mild and included diarrhea and abdominal pain. If you have ATTR CM, talk to your cardiologist about ATTRUBY or visit ATTRUBY.com that's a T T R U B Y.com to learn more.

[Woody Harrelson]

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[Ted Danson]

Job for free, share it with your.

[Woody Harrelson]

Network and get qualified candidates that you can manage all in one place. And LinkedIn's new feature can help you write job descriptions and then quickly get your job in front of the right people with deep candidate insights. At the end of the day, the most important thing to your small business is the quality of the candidates. And with LinkedIn you can feel confident that you're getting the best. Find out why more than 2.5 million small businesses use LinkedIn for hiring today. Post your job for [e-mail] Ted and Woody that's LinkedIn.com Ted and Woody to post your job for free. Terms and conditions apply.

[Ted Danson]

The 50th anniversary was great. I know you.

[John Mulaney]

It was really cool.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, really.

[John Mulaney]

It was so many new pieces, spectacular. I liked it wasn't just like clip packages. A lot of performance.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, that was really good. How long were you on that?

[John Mulaney]

Working on that in conversations for weeks leading up to it but nothing got done. And then we all flew in around the Monday or Tuesday before and then it really ramped up. But leading up to it was funny because you just knew that Lauren was. You just knew he was waiting just long enough that it got really scary because we saw it coming for so many years. You had to make it disorganized in some way so that it could all come together by the broadcast.

[Ted Danson]

Were people pissed off or did they like the scripted show about Saturday Night Live?

[John Mulaney]

Oh, the Jason Reitman one?

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[John Mulaney]

No, I didn't hear anyone was pissed off. I did get a physical, though, at UCLA Hospital. And I get all this blood work done. Prostate, they check my liver.

[Ted Danson]

Everything good?

[John Mulaney]

Everything good. The doctor, knowing a little of my history, goes, I don't know how this is possible, but you have the liver of a 12 year old. I was thrilled. That's really what you want in your organs is 12?

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[John Mulaney]

Because they've lived a little life, but.

[Ted Danson]

They'Ve got some more miles.

[John Mulaney]

So then we're finishing up the physical. And he goes, I saw that movie Saturday night, so I have a real appreciation of what your career's been like. And I said, oh, well, you know, that movie's not that accurate. And he goes. Cause I know Jason, he wouldn't make stuff up. And I go, yeah, but I'm telling you, I'm telling you, some of it's embellished, but that's okay. Cause it's for a movie. And he goes, from what I'm hearing, it's very accurate. And I go, sir, doctor, I don't want to have this conversation anymore. I'm trusting you with a lot of my blood.

[Ted Danson]

Can we shift gears?

[John Mulaney]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Your kids have the most courageous parents I could imagine. Start with you and then let me. I mean, just what you do. Stand up is courageous. Stand up is ridiculous. Dealing with the courage to become sober is hugely courageous, which you. Becoming sober.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah. Kids don't. My children are not my sober living companions. But a lot of credit to the absolute gift of them coming into the.

[Ted Danson]

There are millions of reasons why people become sober, but they're all courageous. And they are all, in essence, like holy wars. So to me, that's a. You are amazingly courageous. And I think it shows up in your work.

[John Mulaney]

This is very nice of you to say. I'm just taking it in. That's why to your listeners, I'm quiet. I'm not nodding.

[Ted Danson]

He's right. He's understating it.

[John Mulaney]

He's getting it. He's starting to get it.

[Ted Danson]

And obviously your wife, what she went through dealing with cancer and how she dealt with it and how she went public, all of that is so courageous. And I just have hats off to.

[John Mulaney]

You, as that means a lot, Ted. Thank you. Yeah, I was.

[Ted Danson]

And none of that's easy.

[John Mulaney]

No, it's not. And what Olivia also did. Was in the midst of it, you know, before, you know, after her fourth, but before her fifth surgery because to stop the potential spread of it, she had a hysterectomy and oophorectomy as well. So in the midst of it, we also made embryos so that our daughter could be here, which she is now, which is the greatest. And in the midst of all of this, I always look back on her the. When she was diagnosed in April, through that whole year and go, she wasn't just courageous, but she was also so fun to be. Like, we had so much fun. It's weird. I go through iPhone photos and I go, oh, that was. That's you, me and Malcolm in the backyard with the kiddie pool when, you know, he decided to just pour so many pebbles into the storm drain and clog it up and whatever it was. And it's. I go, oh, that was three weeks after. After your lymph node dissection. Whatever it is. It's always in the midst of that. So I really. It wasn't just the courage of it. She also was just giving us. So it's always just her greatest, best self throughout it.

[Ted Danson]

Well, some of the. To me, courageous is also the being public about it so as to make sure other people don't. Maybe some person wouldn't have to go through what she did.

[John Mulaney]

And it was really this lifetime risk assessment test that she had done is the only reason they caught it. And it's not. You know, she had her mammogram. She was proactive about all that stuff, didn't she?

[Ted Danson]

And if not could have spread.

[John Mulaney]

Would have spread faster.

[Ted Danson]

Would have, yeah.

[John Mulaney]

It was bilateral.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[John Mulaney]

In four different places by the time they did an ultrasound, which is what found it, you know, not just a mammogram. So wow, just like it. The, the, the luck of it. And then obviously all the work she put into it.

[Ted Danson]

You were sober when that. But you were long sober. How many?

[John Mulaney]

Not long, but December 2020. So yeah. And this was, this was April of 2023. I think that's.

[Ted Danson]

Don't you think? Did you have a part of. You go. Thank. For many reasons, but thank God I'm sober to be able to be here for real.

[John Mulaney]

I remember not there was that. And then I remember one day I'm bringing her, she's in bed. She had the 10 hour double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery and she still has more to go. And I brought her a tray with like apple juice, something she wanted to eat that her mom had made in the kitchen. And then it had oxy cotton and some sort of nerve medication and a Xanax, which they also gave just for rest and recovery. And I'm walking, I go, oh, I haven't even. It never crossed my mind that I was holding these medications in my hand like the, the obsession of it was gone. You know, I thought, oh, I'm so far beyond that. And I can be a good butler with the best. With the best client. And yeah, but the presence also. And then it's. People stay the same in so many ways. And I'm still the same person I was when I was like five in so many ways. But I will admit it's a huge change. Just a huge way of looking at everything. And yeah, I'm shocked I did it. I'm shocked I was able to do.

[Ted Danson]

It, become sober.

[John Mulaney]

To actually stick to it in every way. To not have. Well, I still do this to not. Well, I'm trying, but I backs like nothing wrong or shameful about relapse. I just mean I'm shocked always that it landed.

[Ted Danson]

Can you see yourself that not, not the. Oh, I'm tempted to, but. Oh, I. I'm old, I'm, I'm, I'm feeling agree, you know, aggrieved. I'm, you know, some sort of trigger that used to cascade into, oh, I'm gonna have a drug. Oh, yeah, that. Do you. Are you aware of those kind of things where you're. This is, you know, two miles out, but I can see it.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

I'm not tempted to have anything, but I can see it. And I think I'm going to nip that in the bud.

[John Mulaney]

I'm very lucky that life's been so great that it's always 30 miles out.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[John Mulaney]

But I'll be doing something and I go, huh, you really want to be this exhausted? Stretched thin? A little, yeah. Aggrieved. Do you really want to be in a situation or can you now just go, hey, I don't think what we're working on or I don't think what we're setting up in life here is going to pay off. Well.

[Ted Danson]

Or the word entitled pops into your.

[John Mulaney]

Brain a little bit. Yeah, I deserve blank. Yeah, no, luckily those things are miles and miles off. But yeah. Yeah, that's part of it is just always knowing. Always so addicted to the self control of it in some ways and so happy that I'm always present when I'm with my kids and Olivia and friends and everything.

[Ted Danson]

I mean, you wouldn't even have been in the same hallway as Olivia if you hadn't been sober? No, you would not. You would have. She would have been in Brazil in a different hallway.

[John Mulaney]

Yes, she'd be. Yeah, she'd be off in Arizona in the 60s compared to where I was. She'd be in paradise and I'd be doing whatever. No, I was. It was a bad. I was in a bad neighborhood of my brain for a while. And I acknowledge. You always have respect for it, that it's still. There you go, I see you. I know you're there. But that's not, you know, my daily life. Don't have to be afraid of it. Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Good on you, man.

[John Mulaney]

That's very nice of you to bring.

[Ted Danson]

People are my favorite kind of people. Because you earn something. You. I mean, not. Also. There are a lot of sober people who are assholes.

[John Mulaney]

A lot are assholes and a lot. You know, the thing about it is, you make such a major shift in your life. You have to also Remember that there's 99% of things you still don't understand about yourself.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, exactly.

[John Mulaney]

I think sometimes when people go through sobriety, they're like. They think they've just got it on lock. And I'm like, there's still things you could improve.

[Ted Danson]

Can I bounce around some more? How's your family with all of your immense success?

[John Mulaney]

Oh, my family of origin?

[Ted Danson]

Your. Yes. Your mother. Father. Your mother and your father are alive?

[John Mulaney]

Yeah, they're in Chicago. Very alive. Traveling all the time. My dad's a corporate lawyer. My mom's a law professor. They recently both, you know, entered more of a retirement. But everyone's really perfect about it in that. Happy for me. Proud of me. Vocally proud, which is really nice. And also have their own world of what they're interested in. What's also impressive and what. It's a nice measured thing. We grew up with a lot of. We'd go see stuff at the Steppenwolf Theater and the Goodman Theater, and they've introduced us to a lot of things. So I felt like, you know, it wasn't like I thought, I gotta break out of this family in this town. Because it was Chicago and It was the 90s, so it wasn't, you know, it wasn't. It wasn't like.

[Ted Danson]

You'Re escaping.

[John Mulaney]

Escaping. Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

You're not the black sheep. You're not.

[John Mulaney]

Oh, I'm. I'm the darkest of the sheep.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah. But someone's gotta be third. That's a good one. To be the third kid.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[John Mulaney]

Who you can't pin that guy down.

[Ted Danson]

You have a younger brother and then one who. Where was the child who passed away at birth?

[John Mulaney]

My brother Peter. That was after me. And then our younger sister Claire lives in Chicago as well.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. There's an example of courage, too. Having a child after a child.

[John Mulaney]

You know, it's amazing you say that. I don't think I've ever really talk to my parents about that. But I just remember them telling us after Peter that we're going to have a baby. And my memory is. And I was pretty young. Was the three of us going, okay, just not understanding. Not understanding. From my perspective, I won't speak for my brother and sister. Not fully understanding what had happened or if that is what always happens or it's a strange thing.

[Ted Danson]

Your job is to be out. I don't know what your job is. Sorry. But my impression is be outrageous. But you need to be willing to go anywhere to accomplish whatever the moment is. You need to be courageous and outrageous and maybe shocking and maybe wildly inappropriate or whatever. Where do you keep your moral? Do you have a kind of a compass that goes, nope, too far or, you know.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah, for sure.

[Ted Danson]

And what.

[John Mulaney]

I don't mean to sound kind of hokey, but I remember I had a joke in 2005 about what was, I guess, 2005. Yeah. About the ongoing war in Iraq and Bush. And I was working on it. I was at a club. It was something about how they were treating it like performance art, where it's like, oh, you're not supposed to get it. Because they were so cryptic about why it was failing and everything. I can't remember the bit in full, but this woman came up to me after and she said, you know, my son's serving overseas. I just want to say you ruined my night. And I thought, I don't like that. I don't like ruining someone's night. That's still kind of the thing in my head. And I was once opening for Brian Posayn at Caroline's Comedy Club. And I was behind this couple that got the bill. They were really enjoying the show. They got the bill and they're looking it over, you know, two drink minimum. And they're looking at it and looking at. And he goes, well, we just won't go out for the next couple weeks.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, wow.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah. And I thought, oh, yeah, you gotta fucking deliver. This isn't like for me. And by the way, this is not me sounding off on what comedians should be like. Cause I don't care at all. It's one of the most boring conversations I care about me and my career.

[Ted Danson]

Find your own success.

[John Mulaney]

You go, do you want to debate woke or whatever? Just go. Go fill airwaves with that. It's so boring. And also, I don't give a shit. I want me to be successful. The rest of you can kick rocks, but I remember thinking like, yeah, this isn't. This isn't a. This isn't a confrontational piece of performance art. Like, I like to just. I like to at least not ruin your night and maybe make you think the check was worth it somewhere in between.

[Ted Danson]

Sorry, I just flashed. Now. I can't remember the name of the bit. It was in your opening monologue, maybe of your first time back on this rendition of your show about the band that you were gonna hire.

[John Mulaney]

Oh, that was on Wednesday.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, that was. This Wednesday?

[John Mulaney]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

That was the funniest. Funniest.

[John Mulaney]

Oh, I'm glad you liked it.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, I loved it.

[John Mulaney]

Oh, that's great.

[Ted Danson]

Out loud. It was.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah, I just did that one. I did think, like, you know, I was like, well, yeah, I don't want to just air dirty laundry from booking the show. But I was like, this was. It was so. It was so genuinely frustrating on Monday and Tuesday and so funny to me. By Wednesday, it was really.

[Ted Danson]

I encourage you all to go listen to it if you don't know what we're talking about, because it is hysterical. But is the guy a con artist? He must be, right?

[John Mulaney]

Oh, I don't know. I really don't know.

[Ted Danson]

Well, what else?

[John Mulaney]

There's been no contact. Oh, there's been no contact since I was dealing with someone. I don't know in what capacity. I definitely was asked for a ton of money.

[Ted Danson]

He may have given you a great monologue in a way.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah. Someone said, my head writer, David Ferguson, right before I walked out, he went, such a gift in the end. And I went, yeah, but I'm still mad.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, you should be.

[John Mulaney]

I was like, I almost wanted to say that on the air. Unless you think this monologue is some kind of silver lining, I'm still very pissed off about it. That was really funny. I'm glad you liked that.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, really good.

[John Mulaney]

That was a bit like, okay, this is a long. I remember, yeah. Up to. Up to Wednesday at 7 in terms of the live thing. I thought I had some notes on cue cards, but I was like, this is. There's so many details, and I want to tell this. Well, but that was kind of. That gave it for me a really fun.

[Ted Danson]

Do you have A team of people now, that meaning writers and everybody who are with you. So whatever's next, you can go for the show.

[John Mulaney]

No, no. The show has an amazing staff of.

[Ted Danson]

Writers, but if you go off and do something else, it'll be something else.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah. When I go on tour, it's just me. Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Do you have a. What's next? Do you have a five years from now in your head?

[John Mulaney]

No. Specifically, no. Five years. No. Three months. Three months in the future is the most I'll plan with children now. I'll give six months, but I find. I don't know. Do you? Five year old.

[Ted Danson]

I just. Minus. Please. Thank you. Thank you. Please let me be able to.

[John Mulaney]

When we did it, Martin Short and I, he was gracious enough to be on a sitcom I did in 2014. And he said to me, he goes, John, 98% of the business is failure. He goes, that's what most of it is. You just do things. They don't quite work, and then you do the next thing. And I thought, oh, oh, okay. That's great. Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

I've always been successful. Really? I usually can't pull that off. Thank you for the laugh.

[John Mulaney]

Hey, I just want to say this is extremely nice to talk to you. It sort of hit me a little late to. In the interview, but I. I should. You can edit this into the beginning if you want.

[Ted Danson]

Or just a real.

[John Mulaney]

It's a. Or just on a loop. Yeah. It's a real thrill to be able to talk to you, and it's extremely cool to hear you having watched anything of mine or let alone thought about it.

[Ted Danson]

So I have binged you. You know, the first thing. I think all good things, all good hip things come from my stepson. Charlie McDowell marries.

[John Mulaney]

Nice.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. And he. It was. Oh, shoot. The. The Broadway show. Oh. Oh, hello.

[John Mulaney]

Oh, yeah. Nick Crolina.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. Yeah. That was like, whoa, where did these guys come from?

[John Mulaney]

Yeah, that was kind of. That was like opening up on Broadway. Like in a movie, a gangster movie, when a guy has a Tommy gun.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[John Mulaney]

And he just kicks open a door like he can barely control it. That's. Oh, hello. Is like that. It was just jokes.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, yeah. No, it was. No, it was. But it worked. It was so funny. It was so outrageous.

[John Mulaney]

And we kind of knew. Having this long run on Broadway. I remember Nick and I talking about it, like, this is like being on the moon. Like, I don't know how we got here, and I don't know if we'll ever be able to come back, but.

[Ted Danson]

It was really how long the run was it?

[John Mulaney]

You know, September to February, I think.

[Ted Danson]

Wow. Yeah. That is a long run.

[John Mulaney]

Eight shows a week.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. What theater were you at?

[John Mulaney]

The Lyceum.

[Ted Danson]

Don't you. Will you not always have this little tug in your heart when you're in New York and you walk by, oh, all the great.

[John Mulaney]

That great show O Mary is there now. And I went to see it and it was the first time I'd sat inside the theater since that show. It was really cool.

[Ted Danson]

I don't have the whatever to do theater again, but. Yeah, too scary.

[John Mulaney]

It's not because of the status quo vadis experience?

[Woody Harrelson]

No.

[Ted Danson]

Here's what it was.

[John Mulaney]

Okay.

[Ted Danson]

And the age helps after a while to convince you. Nah. Take three and take four and take five is a really good safety valve for acting at my age.

[John Mulaney]

Interesting.

[Ted Danson]

My wife doesn't feel that way. She's 72 and she loves the idea of theater. But I was at the Atlantic Theater in New York, which is like a theater theater to Broadway shows. And Neil Pepe and Mary McCann, who run it, are great friends. And they were doing the 25th reunion of the. Whatever anniversary, I mean. And so they had five, 25 playwrights. And each one was assigned do 20 minutes of anything. It can be opera, it could be whatever. And each week we'll do five of you, and we'll do five weeks of this and we'll raise money and celebrate. So they ask people to come and do it. And I did this. I got a monologue. There was 19 minutes long monologue. And you had not real rehearsal. You worked on it at home. Then you came in and you ran it with Neil maybe for an hour or two.

[John Mulaney]

Who was the playwright that wrote it for you?

[Ted Danson]

Shit. I knew you were gonna ask me. And it was brilliant too. It was about this guy who sits down in front of an audience trying to tell them why he's trying to piece together why he's so upset. And he goes through his day. He's kind of middle management. And he's just getting more and more, but he can't figure out what it is. He goes home, says hi to his wife. His wife wants him to go down into the cellar, the basement of their house. That gets him. He goes down and it is literal. His basement is Hades. Is hell, not like a symbolic. He walks into hell, horrified, terrified, walks back up. She hands him the dog, take him, and he walks the dog. And by the time he comes back, he's forgotten that hell is in his basement. So you realize every. So it was A panicky kind of delivery. And I psyched myself out. Backstage lights go down. Fuck, fuck, fuck. What do I do? No, just go out. The lights come on, and I walk to my place. And 20 seconds in, I dry as a bone, cannot remember a single word. 20 seconds in. The stage manager who's in the booth probably just went back and was sitting down with her cup of coffee when I asked for a line. And I had seen somebody ask for a line the week before. It was not uncommon. These weren't heavily rehearsed.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ted Danson]

And I was stunned to hear. I thought someone would whisper it from the wings. No, it's from a microphone in the back of the house.

[John Mulaney]

That's so funny.

[Ted Danson]

You have to go, line, please. And then line comes over there, you know? So I thought, I'll ask in a clever way at least. I'll say Darcy, which was her name. Darcy. What happens next?

[John Mulaney]

That's so funny.

[Ted Danson]

And she got to the point, just sat down, spilled her coffee over everything, and gave me the line that I had said last and not the one I needed. So I started again, failed again, and I had to ask again. But in that moment, it was like I stuck my finger into a light socket. It was like, fuck, do I run? No, I'm going to cry, God damn it. My daughter's in the audience. And then you move on. But I had so much adrenaline in my body. My poor daughter had to walk me around the city block three or four times, drinking two big, huge water things to get. I had real toxic amount of adrenaline in my body.

[John Mulaney]

Oh, it's so funny. That could be the origin story of someone that loves live theater. You know, I'll. Yeah. How old was your daughter?

[Ted Danson]

Oh, she was old enough to be fine with what she saw.

[John Mulaney]

She just.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, shake it off. Relax. No one knew, dad.

[John Mulaney]

Yeah, I bet some people knew. I'll tell you this. It's also nice when people go, yeah, that didn't go well.

[Ted Danson]

I almost had a meltdown last night because I'm about to start. Scratch that. I had a meltdown last night because I haven't done a podcast in three or four months, so you're the first. And I start the second season of the Netflix show that did well. And now I have to see if it's going to do well again. And we start in two weeks. And I was just. No, I'm incapable. I don't know what to do. Fear just overwhelmed me. It's a real pleasure to have sat down with you and talked with you. You're amazing. You're so bright and talented and you're kind and you're a sweet man.

[John Mulaney]

You're such a fantastic actor and creator and and person in our life. You brought so much, so many happy moments to my life. It is incredibly nice to meet you and everything you've said will mean a lot to me forever. Thank you.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, we'll cut that in. That was John Mulaney. I had the best time talking to him. He waited till the very end to give me any kind of compliment, but all's forgiven. Everybody's Live airs on Netflix live on Wednesdays, 10pm Eastern or 7pm Pacific. For you West Coasters and do check out his other specials on Netflix, especially Baby J. That's it for this episode. Thanks to our friends at Team Coco. And once again you can subscribe to our show on your favorite podcast app and you can give us a great rating and a review on Apple Podcasts if you have some time and you're in the mood. And if you like watching your podcast, don't forget you can watch this episode in its entirety on YouTube. See you right back here next week. Where everybody knows your name.

[Nick Liao]

You've been listening to where everybody knows your name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson Sometimes. The show is produced by me, Nick Liao. Our executive producers are Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and myself. Sarah Fedorovich is our supervising producer. Engineering and mixing by Joanna Samuel with support from Eduardo Perez, research by Alyssa Grohl, talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista. Our theme music is by Woody Harrelson, Antony Gen, Mary Steenburgen and John Osborne.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is Comedy Bang Bang the podcast, the promo and in 30 seconds I'm going to tell you why. You should check out the show. I the host Scott Aukerman have a light hearted conversation with famous celebrities like Jon Hamm, Allison Williams, Phoebe Bridgers, Jason Alexander, Natasha Lyonne, Bob Odenkirk. Just to name a few things go a little off the rails when different eccentric characters and oddballs drop by to be interviewed as well. Each week is a blend of conversations and character work from your favorite comedians as well as some new hilarious voices. Comedy Bang Bang the Podcast Listen every Monday wherever you get your podcasts.

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