Kevin Nealon

Summary

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Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson (Sometimes)

Guest: Kevin Nealon

Original Air Date: October 29, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode features comedian, actor, and artist Kevin Nealon joining Ted Danson in a wide-ranging conversation. Ted and Kevin reminisce about their comedy roots, swap stories from “Cheers” and “Saturday Night Live,” talk about aging and memory, modern anxieties, the meaning of stewardship, and share laughs about showbiz near-misses, family surprises, and slow-cooked artistic pursuits. The episode weaves Kevin’s passion for hiking and preservation, especially the Appalachian Trail’s 100th anniversary, together with the personal and professional experiences that shaped his comedic voice.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Hiking, the Outdoors, & Reclaiming “Take a Hike”

(00:50 – 06:07; 31:55 – 32:16)

• Appalachian Trail 100th Anniversary: Kevin and Ted discuss the legacy and significance of the Appalachian Trail, and their mutual love of hiking and nature.
• Redefining “Take a Hike”:
  • There’s a campaign Kevin supports to have dictionaries update the “take a hike” definition from dismissive to an invitation to connect with nature.

    “We’re trying to get the dictionaries...to change it to more of an invitation to go out in the wilds… and restore all of your natural instincts in life.” — Kevin Nealon (03:24)

• Mental Health Benefits: Ted and Kevin highlight the importance of outdoor time for mental health, referencing today’s “anxious” youth who are risk-averse and digitally distracted.

2. Origins, Upbringing, and Creative Growth

(06:07 – 10:12)

• Childhood Memories:
  • Kevin describes woodsy adventures and pretending to be forest rangers in Connecticut, while Ted shares his free-range childhood in Flagstaff, Arizona.
  • Both reflect on the generational changes in childhood freedom and risk.
• School Stories:
  • Ted reveals he was a mediocre, distracted student, sending himself to boarding school and “finding theater” at Stanford.
  • Kevin’s athletic and artistic childhood foreshadowed his comedy career.

3. The “Cheers” Audition Saga

(10:14 – 14:57)

• Audition Rivalries:
  • Kevin recounts his hopes and heartbreaks in being considered for “Cheers,” recalling waiting for callbacks and the producers’ indecisions.

    “They looked at each other…‘We’re not getting any closer than this.’ But I didn’t hear them say goddammit, so I walked out thinking, paramount, this is my new home.” — Kevin Nealon (11:15)

• Behind the Bar:
  • Ted reveals he felt lucky to be paired with Shelley Long, and that chemistry reads clinched his “Cheers” role.

4. Breaking into SNL: Lorne Michaels & the Subliminal Bit

(15:11 – 21:52)

• Journey to SNL:
  • Kevin was a standup by trade—no characters or impressions—and through Dana Carvey’s referral, he auditioned for SNL and landed the gig.

    “I’m just a stand up. A really, really good stand up.” — Kevin Nealon (17:49)

  • He tells of Lorne offering him the job in person, and the “think about it over the weekend” ploy (an inside manager trick).
• First SNL Sketch:
  • His debut: the now-famous “subliminal sketch,” which he co-wrote with Al Franken, putting his marketing degree to comedic use.
• SNL’s Intensity: Host experiences, the role of cue cards, and the unique pressure of weekly sketch shows.

5. Panic, Near-Misses, and Modern Anxieties

(25:26 – 33:20)

• Claustrophobia After SNL:
  • Kevin describes the traumatic experience of having a life mask made for SNL’s Jay Leno impression, leading to panic and lasting anxiety.

    “I started to get panicky and I remember about to pass out. I was going like this, 'take it off, take it off.'” — Kevin Nealon (26:04)

• Escalating Fears:
  • Ted and Kevin share brushes with disaster—from falling out of trees narrowly missing rocks to nearly stepping off cliffs while distracted.
• Modern Distractions & Memory:
  • Both joke about memory lapses, lost milk, leaving the car running, and the relief in discovering these are normal, distracted lapses.

    “You know where the milk is? That should be in the refrigerator. I can’t find it. I go to get another glass...I’d put it in the cupboard with the other glasses.” — Kevin Nealon (32:29)

• Aging & Prevention:
  • Neurology, preventive mental exercises, and the elusive quest to learn new things (like Spanish in middle age).

6. Showbiz Crossroads, Stand-Up, and Artistic Side-Hustles

(33:47 – 44:56)

• Stand-Up Touring and New Special:
  • Kevin’s special, “Loose in the Crotch,” is coming soon; he’s touring and still passionate about the craft.
• Beyond Caricatures:
  • Kevin discusses his serious foray into art and painting, sharing how caricature work gives him a silent, visual way to delight fans.

    “It was a nonverbal way of getting laughs...I would post it on Instagram and people would love it and they would laugh at it.” — Kevin Nealon (43:14)

• On Blockbuster Nostalgia and Netflix: Reflections on changing media habits—missing the simplicity of “that little envelope.”

7. Garages, Hoarding, and Sentimental Cleanup

(46:41 – 50:49)

• Never Used the Garage for Cars:
  • The comedy of American garages as catch-alls, not inventions. (“We turn all of our garages into another room.” — Ted Danson, 46:57)
• Release vs. Accumulation:
  • Kevin discusses cleaning out accumulated boxes, digitizing old photos, balancing nostalgia with needing space.
  • Compassion for hoarders, especially if they have cookies.

8. Family Revelations and DNA Surprises

(51:01 – 57:38)

• Long-Lost Half-Brother Story:
  • Kevin shares how a 23andMe connection revealed a half-brother he never knew; the emotions and logistics of sudden new family.
  • Family acceptance, the bittersweet realization for his half-brother, and the shifting meaning of “family.”
• Historical Context:
  • Ruminations on “back then, nobody really used protection,” leading to DNA surprises decades later.

9. Love Lives, Marriage, and Guiding Lights

(58:13 – 71:29)

• Romantic First Encounters:
  • Meeting his wife, Susan: Kevin humorously describes his awkward but fateful attempt at connection, and her immediate recognition that he was “the man I’m going to marry.”
• Italian Wedding Chaos:
  • Ted and Kevin laugh over the paparazzi mixup at his Bellagio, Italy, wedding—where photographers expected Matt Damon.

10. Spirituality, Faith, and Stewardship

(59:31 – 62:16)

• From Catholic to Agnostic:
  • Both reflect thoughtfully on religion’s role in their upbringing versus their present-day ambivalence or secular gratitude.

    “There’s 300,000 religions, but your religion is the right one.” — Kevin Nealon (60:28)

• What Endures:
  • Ted connects his archaeologist father’s worldview to his own sense of stewardship and the transience of individual lives, returning the conversation to environmental duty.

11. Fires, Loss, and What Matters

(62:55 – 64:25)

• Evacuation Lessons:
  • Both share experiences with wildfire threats, reflecting on what truly matters (“external drives, the guitar...and eventually, the cow”).

    “It really makes you aware of what is valuable to you in life when there’s a fire coming your way.” — Kevin Nealon (62:55)

• Living Light, Being Ready:
  • Having kits by the door—and eating from earthquake supplies.

12. The Creative Life: Energy, Sleep, and Endurance

(65:32 – 66:43)

• Touring with Adam Sandler: Kevin describes the strange hours and rituals of a late-career road comic.
• Aging Creatively:
  • Both find reassurance in artists (like Mick Jagger and Paul McCartney) staying vibrant into their 80s: “Stay creative, keep moving, stay engaged.” (66:43)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On redefining “Take a Hike”:

  “We’re trying to get the dictionaries…to change it to more of an invitation to go out in the wilds… and restore all of your natural instincts in life.”
  — Kevin Nealon (03:24)

• On getting “Cheers”:

  “I got Cheers, at least 90% of why I got it was I was reading with Shelley Long. Shelly Long just nailed that part.”
  — Ted Danson (14:23)

• On DNA family surprises:

  “A friend of mine…do a radio show in Austin…he goes, I don’t know if you noticed, but I’ve noticed you’re not getting recognized as much anymore…It was a gradual boiling water.”
  — Kevin Nealon (52:09)

• On the anxiety of SNL life masks:

  “If [the nostril straws] closed up, I’ll suffocate. I started…panicky. I was going like this, take it off, take it off. And…the next thing I know, I’m [smelling] salts and I’m waking up.”
  — Kevin Nealon (26:04)

• On aging and remembering:

  “If my mental health and my anxiety level is good…then I pretty much remember why I went into this room.”
  — Ted Danson (33:05)

• On modern digital anxiety:

  “The generation now is anxious because they’re always on their devices. They’re not out, they’re risk averse…not climbing trees like you did, or riding bicycles.”
  — Kevin Nealon (31:23)

• On faith and skepticism:

  “The longer I live scientifically, I think…there’s 300,000 religions but your religion is the right one.”
  — Kevin Nealon (60:28)

• On discovering what matters in a disaster:

  “I know what’s valuable to me now, and I keep it by the door.”
  — Kevin Nealon (63:09)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment Description | Timestamp | |-------------------------------------------------------|------------| | Hiking, “Take a Hike” campaign, nature & mental health | 00:50–06:07; 31:55–32:16 | | Childhood & creative upbringing | 06:07–10:12| | “Cheers” audition stories | 10:14–14:57| | SNL, Lorne Michaels, and the Subliminal Sketch | 15:11–21:52| | Near-misses, anxieties, memory lapses | 25:26–33:20| | Stand-up, art, caricatures, creative hustle | 33:47–44:56| | Family revelations, 23andMe half-brother tale | 51:01–57:38| | Faith, spirituality, and stewardship | 59:31–62:16| | Fire evacuations and what matters | 62:55–64:25| | Love & comedy: Meeting Susan, Italian wedding | 67:02–71:29|

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Tone & Style

• Deeply conversational, blending heartfelt honesty with quick wit and playful teasing.
• Both men are self-deprecating, gently nostalgic, and open about their vulnerabilities, with Ted often acting as the amused, affable interviewer and Kevin riffing with understated comedic detachment.
• Frequent asides and meta-humor about the beats and awkwardness of show business auditions, memory loss, and the absurdity of publicity.

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In Summary

A lightly profound, humor-packed hour where Kevin Nealon’s layered talents and quirks get a warm, roomy conversation. Expect stories about chance and fate (“If I’d gotten Cheers, I wouldn’t be married now…”), anxiety and acceptance, the real joys of hiking and artistic expression, and the odd surprises of midlife, from lost relatives to aging memory and the shifting value of faith/family/work. Ted’s gentle warmth and curiosity perfectly frame Kevin’s blend of humility and dry humor.

Key Takeaway:
Find your stewardship, laugh at your detours, cherish new trails (literal and figurative), and don’t be afraid to check the kitchen cupboards for your milk.

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For Further Involvement

Support Trail Preservation:
Sign the “Take a Hike” petition for a better definition and to help protect the Appalachian Trail: [takeahikepetition.org]

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(All timestamps approximate; content-specific ads and production credits have been omitted for clarity.)

Transcript

[Ted Danson]

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[Kevin Nealon]

You know, because back then nobody really used protection, right?

[Ted Danson]

You're asking me?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. Back then. What did you do back then?

[Ted Danson]

Welcome back to where everybody knows your name from Saturday Night live's weekend update to the Happy Gilmore movies. Kevin Nealon has never stopped making me laugh. He lives and breathes comedy. He hasn't gone literally more than two weeks without getting on the stage for a standup set since he started in the late 70s. He has a new standup special coming out soon, which we'll get into, and I encourage you. I'm afraid we talk about it, but I'm afraid you need to Google his artwork and take a look at it. It's true. Truly spectacular. Like me, Kevin is a huge lover of getting out in the middle of nature, and we're going to talk about that and his efforts to protect the Appalachian Trail. So here he is, Kevin Nealon. I thought because you have hiking with Kevin that this was something you've done. Hiked the Appalachian Trail before, have you?

[Kevin Nealon]

No, I have not. I might have crossed it at one point. I might have been on it and did not know it because it's the longest hiking trail only in the United.

[Ted Danson]

States, Georgia to Maine.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know, my brother hiked on a trail in Spain called the Camino de Santiago Trail. It's a very spiritual trail. I don't know if you heard of this, but people go there that are going through things in their life, whatever it is. And my brother was just hiking and he met his wife there. Not his wife, but he meant the woman who would be his wife. His wife was home.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

So. But this Appalachian Trail, I think of it as kind of a spiritual trail, too. It's, it's, it's, it's the 100th anniversary of, of the trail and the, you know, the Appalachian Trail Conservancy, it's always been, you know, the stewardship of the whole thing. It's, it keeps it, manages it and, you know, protects it and is the advocate for it.

[Ted Danson]

And it's the 100th anniversary.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Coming up.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. That show's been on for a hundred.

[Ted Danson]

Years, and I don't know whose idea it was. But it's brilliant that taking the phrase take a hike.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Meaning buzz off. Is being turned literally. There's a petition to go to the different. Right. It's gotten to that dictionaries where we're going to change the definition to go out and enjoy nature. Truly take a hike. Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And, and we're taking, we have a form Take a hike petition dot org. You can go there and.

[Ted Danson]

No, no, I signed it like you did already. For real? Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, oh, nice. Yeah, yeah, I, I Did you see.

[Ted Danson]

My name on there name on it? I confused.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, but it is true. It's, you know, it's always been dismissive like take a hike. You know, it's like, you're annoying. Get out of here. So we're trying to get the dictionaries like, you know, the Oxford Dictionary and Webster's to change it to more of a, you know, know an invitation to go out and in the, in the wilds and the nature and kind of just restore all of your, you know, natural instincts in life. I, I, you know, I, I like to hike in the morning because I'm the most creative. When I'm hiking, I think a lot. I meditate and I used to study my lines in the morning because head is the clearest.

[Ted Danson]

What's a hike? Do you mean like 45 minutes longer train?

[Kevin Nealon]

5Ft, 5ft of incline, I think does it. That is interesting. What does the hike to me, because some people see I have a hiking show on YouTube called Hiking with Kevin. And I hike with a different, you know, a lot of different celebrities through the canyons, mostly of la. And I interview them and, you know, Conan's done it and I saw Kristen Bell. Kristen Bell was on there. Yeah. Cheryl Crowe. And so I like being outdoors. I like being. And I think that's one of the reasons I'm partnering with them because I'm a hiking enthusiast, but I'm not. I don't own a. Well, I do have hiking shoes, but they're not the heavy duty kind.

[Ted Danson]

Right, right.

[Kevin Nealon]

Where you have the, the poles and you're hiking, you know, and the ox. I still use the oxygen pack like the people in Everest do, but that's only for the canyons. High up in the canyons, like near the Hollywood sign. The O.

[Ted Danson]

Specifically are your interviews. You ask, like, so how are you? They talk for half an hour, start huffing and puffing and you're controlling your breath.

[Kevin Nealon]

And I'm usually the one huffing and puffing. I watch that and I go, people Say, who's the most out of shape of all your hikes? I've done about 150 of these. 170. I go, it's me. I look back at it and I'm like. Because I'm talking and I'm walking up the hill and everybody else seems to be. I know when they're not in good shape is when they come with a cup of coffee. And then I hiked with David Spade once. It took me a while to get him because I'll hike, but it's gotta be flat and it's gotta be in between rush hour traffic and you gotta have some food for me because I'm hypoglycemic. So we went and we hiked and there was a 1% incline. I would say 0.1. And he goes, are we going uphill right now? But. But yeah. So I love hiking and. And the Appalachian Trail is something I always wanted to do. And I follow people on Instagram that do it. And it's really interesting. Just, I think once you've done that, it's kind of changed your whole perspective on life.

[Ted Danson]

Were you city kid growing up?

[Kevin Nealon]

Not really. I grew up in Bridgeport, Connecticut, so it was kind of on the outskirts of the city. But I. My friend and I, we used to. There was some woods nearby our house maybe about half a mile away. And it's probably all developed now, but we. We both want to be forest rangers, so we would go there, we had axes, and we would build lean tos and fences. Almost like, you know, in the pioneer days. It was really pretty impressive. We had the wood fences around and we had the lean to with the, you know, the branches all over it. And we'd sleep overnight there. And, you know, we're only like half a mile away from home. And we'd cook, we'd have the burner, you know, the fireplace.

[Ted Danson]

All that was my life growing up in Flagstaff, Arizona. Oh, we would go. We'd jump on horses too, and go that away for as long as we felt because it was just in the middle of.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, that's intense. It would get hot, wouldn't it? Was this in the winter?

[Ted Danson]

No, this is Flagstaff, which is 7,000ft on up to 13.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's where I want to go and I want to go to also. You know what? I'm Sonoma or Sedona. Sedona. That's it.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And Simona. Oh, no, Simona's a girl I met in Sonoma.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

We're gonna be fine. Don't Worry.

[Kevin Nealon]

But I. I've always heard about Flagstaff. And that is pretty. That is an altitude up there.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, it's beautiful. And that was my upbringing. Just lucky you and you back then, you could, you know, your mother could say, be home before dark or you'll be in trouble. But that was it. Yeah. And you were off, just having a great old time.

[Kevin Nealon]

How was that high school up there?

[Ted Danson]

The high school? I don't know.

[Kevin Nealon]

You never went to school?

[Ted Danson]

No, I went to junior high there.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

And then I was. You got 15 minutes at the end of the day to do your homework, and you only needed about five minutes. So the school wasn't particularly great back then. And I was a horrible student, very lazy. So, anyway, I got. I thought it was my idea, but basically I got sent away to a Kent school for boys in Kent, Connecticut.

[Kevin Nealon]

I know that. I know that area.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. School would see up there.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. So. And I got to play basketball and.

[Kevin Nealon]

Are you a basketball player?

[Ted Danson]

I thought I was until I went to Stanford and stepped out on the court and it was like.

[Kevin Nealon]

Did you go to Stanford?

[Ted Danson]

Stanford, Connecticut. Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, I thought you went to Stanford. I was gonna say you weren't a good student, but you went to Stanford.

[Ted Danson]

No, it was Stanford, but crappy. What?

[Kevin Nealon]

Stanford, Connecticut?

[Ted Danson]

No, sorry. Stanford.

[Kevin Nealon]

You did go to Stanford.

[Ted Danson]

See, the trouble with you is I can't tell if you're now bantering with me and I need to keep up. This is the most real I've ever.

[Kevin Nealon]

Been in an interview.

[Ted Danson]

Stanford University, Palo Alto.

[Kevin Nealon]

So you were a good student?

[Ted Danson]

I.

[Kevin Nealon]

You're lazy.

[Ted Danson]

All of the above, but not a good student.

[Kevin Nealon]

But you were smart.

[Ted Danson]

I was smart enough to relax and know that this was not going to be my life. So, yeah. Enjoyed the test and who cares? And did.

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, enjoy filling out those dots.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. Good for you.

[Ted Danson]

What did you make of a found theater? That's what happened to me at Stanford. So. Forever grateful.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. That's great, man. Pretty up there. Palo Alto, too.

[Ted Danson]

Yep. Used to be. I have one image of Atherton, which is right next to Palo Alto, which was where all of the computer stuff started. And I was raising, trying to get enough money to buy a $200 convertible with my friend. And so we were parking cars at wedd and funerals, and I answered an ad to go to this. Some kid's garage, parents garage. And I sat there with a little dental tool scraping out the solder marks that got a little too wide or big on a chip. It was a chip that was literally this big. And I remember sitting there going, God, what a bunch of losers, you know?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Obviously they own the world now.

[Kevin Nealon]

I got. I have no idea. I cannot comprehend how they could even. I can't even comprehend how to build a house, never mind a chip. Yeah, you know, you need some metal, I guess, and some soldering irons and.

[Ted Danson]

A friend who knows how to build.

[Kevin Nealon]

So I was telling somebody I was coming here to do the podcast. Old friend of mine, he's not really in the business. I go, I'm gonna go do this podcast with Ted Danson. He goes, oh, Body Heat. Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Yes.

[Kevin Nealon]

Body Heat. You guys see Body Heat? It was so good. That was so good. I still remember William Hurt finishing his run and then taking out a cigarette. Yeah, that was such a good character trait there.

[Ted Danson]

Okay, let's go back a little bit. Let's just. Let's do the. I love the Cheers story. It makes me feel good.

[Kevin Nealon]

You want me to tell that story? Okay. So I'm 26. I've been in Hollywood for maybe two, three years. I was bartending at the Improv. I had played football in college. I go for a interview at Paramount, an audition, and I got five callbacks over a period of two weeks. The two producers and the director, Jimmy Burrows, Lassen Glenn.

[Ted Danson]

Yep, yep.

[Kevin Nealon]

All those guys, Charles brothers, they look at each other go. And I heard them say this. We're not getting any closer than this. But I didn't hear him say, God damn it. So I walked out thinking, paramount, this is my new home. Yeah, that wasn't too bad. That wasn't that difficult. I don't know what people are talking about, you know? And a week goes by, I hear nothing. Two weeks go by. My managers call, they go, well, they love you, but they've decided to look at an older. Older actress for the part. You know, it's you and Fred.

[Ted Danson]

Fred Dreyer.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yep.

[Ted Danson]

William Devane.

[Kevin Nealon]

William Devane.

[Ted Danson]

Shelly Long. Pat somebody. Duff. Julie Duffy.

[Kevin Nealon]

Julia Duffy. Yeah. So. But they liked me because I did play football. It was originally for a football player.

[Ted Danson]

Yes. It was tight end.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

I was quarterback. Maybe that's why I didn't get it. But. And I was a bartender. And also, Jim told me that it was originally supposed to be on the way out to Vegas, the bar, and not in Boston.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

You didn't know that?

[Ted Danson]

I had this very. Except for the ending, obviously, had a similar story. I went two or three or four times. I was shooting a taxi, and throughout the week, they would call me down in between whatever's rehearsals and by about the third or fourth time, I was going, oh, no. They said to me, so don't take anything without checking with us first. Don't take another job off.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's a good sign.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. So I said, so this is mine. No, no, no, no. Just don't take anything. And I walked out the back door of the office, and coming up the stairs into the front door was this line of actors. So.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, older guys, right?

[Ted Danson]

Oh, yes.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay, good.

[Ted Danson]

I know. I was the first older guy. You were the young crowd.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay. Yeah, that was. So you were doing Taxi at the time.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And who was that? Was Andy Kaufman there then? Wait a minute.

[Ted Danson]

He wasn't when I was. At least that episode.

[Kevin Nealon]

And Christopher Lloyd was great.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, my gosh.

[Kevin Nealon]

I like it when they're. When they're taking that driver's exam and he's slower, so go slow. What is the orange light? Me. Those were so many great shows back then. I mean, everything seemed. I mean, they're all three camera. But they were good. They were well written.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. And pardon me. And Paramount was like a factory, so.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

There were so many. And the writers were all friends, and if somebody got stuck on a script, people from other shows would come over around midnight and. Yeah, it was that kind of world back then. Yeah. So, wait, so, okay, go on.

[Kevin Nealon]

You want to tell a story again?

[Ted Danson]

No. Or just the part where I got it. So first, let me ask you this.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm sorry to interrupt you, but how did they finally tell you that you got the part? I want to pretend what it sounded like. I want to pretend it was me.

[Ted Danson]

Well, first off, they went further. I don't know if you were doing the. Teaming up with Reading.

[Kevin Nealon]

With Chemistry.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, Chemistry reads.

[Kevin Nealon]

I didn't get to that because the.

[Ted Danson]

Truth is, I got Cheers. A big. At least 90% of what why I got it was I was reading with Shelley Long and Shelly Long just nailed that part. She walked in chambers. She was.

[Kevin Nealon]

That was perfect.

[Ted Danson]

And I got teamed up in the three couples, came downstairs and took turns auditioning in front of the studio and the network and the little makeshift bar. And I think I got it because I was with Shelley. But anyway, back to you.

[Kevin Nealon]

Enough about you.

[Ted Danson]

Enough about. No, we'll get back to me in a minute. So you're. You come to la, you're bartending, but doing stand up at the same time.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, I was getting. And that's the other thing. Stephen Kolsack.

[Ted Danson]

Col. Yeah, Kolzak.

[Kevin Nealon]

Kolzak. He was the casting guy and he came out to see me at the Ice House, you know, as we were going through these stages, I've had the best set of my life. Standing ovation. As I'm walking off the stage to the aisle. He goes, I just got here. How was it? Okay. I said, well, it went pretty well.

[Ted Danson]

I got the part. In that moment, I got the part.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's right. Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, but, well, you were doing that then still when you got called to do Saturday Night Live.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, you mean stand up.

[Ted Danson]

You were at the Improv.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, yeah. I was not bartending now anymore. I had left that to do stand up, which is a big, big leap because, you know, you made pretty good money bartending. So I, I left that and I started doing stand up. And then I was actually, you know, I did all the talk shows like Leonard man and the Tonight Show, Johnny Carson and Merv Griffin and Michael Douglas, Mike Douglas, and. And I had just, just was shooting a pilot for a travel show. You know, it's like a travel. And I was going to go there and say, and here's that and this, and, you know, this is why you want to come here. And I got snl, and the, the producer was nice enough to let me go and go do it, you know.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, you had gotten the job.

[Kevin Nealon]

I got the job. I auditioned for it. What happened was I'm a stand up. I'm not a sketch player. I don't do characters or stuff, you know, And Dana Carvey was my roommate when he was in town. He had an apartment over the garage. We rented a house in the hills with a couple other comics. So he got selected to be on that show, rightfully so, because he has characters and accents and impressions for that summer, for that upcoming season. This is back in the 1900s, I remember. And so he. Off he goes. I'm so excited for him. I'm so proud. I'm telling people I can't date, you know, my buddy. And two weeks later, I get a call from him out of the blue. Kev, I'm out at Lorne Michael's house. I'm in the back bedroom. Guess who's in the kitchen? Bill Murray. No.

[Ted Danson]

Yes.

[Kevin Nealon]

Anyway, Lauren's looking for one more cast member. I told him about you, and I think he's going to want to see your audition tape. I'm like, bill Murray's in the kitchen. You see what? I wasn't even buying into that because I know I never get it because I don't do sketches or stuff, but I send it in anyway. It's a free Trip to New York the most. And a couple weeks later, get a call back. Gav, I'm back at a la Michaels house. Guess who's in the kitchen? Steve Martin.

[Ted Danson]

What?

[Kevin Nealon]

No, because good news, Lauren, like your tape. They're going to fly you in for an audition. Steve Martin's in the kitchen. But you know, I don't do accents or characters or, you know, I. I'm just a stand up. A really, really good stand up. Yeah, you'll see, I'll show you.

[Ted Danson]

No, no. I've been watching all day and you made me laugh.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm kidding.

[Ted Danson]

So.

[Kevin Nealon]

So I go into New York.

[Ted Danson]

You're so funny, Kevin. Yeah, you really are.

[Kevin Nealon]

I should have had a show a long time ago.

[Ted Danson]

But it limited you.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, I wouldn't be where I am right now. I wouldn't have done SNL if I.

[Ted Danson]

Got somebody else's jokes. Oh, I see. Not. I went back to Cheers. I'm so sorry.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, no, no, that's what I'm saying.

[Ted Danson]

I didn't realize you were past that.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, no, I was referring to Cheers. If I got Cheers, I wouldn't be married now. I wouldn't have the kid I have.

[Ted Danson]

That's right.

[Kevin Nealon]

Does that make sense? Because everything I think happens in that. In that order, I think. So anyway, I fly to New York. It's a free trip to New York. I do my little audition and I don't even remember what I did. And I fly back to la. And three weeks later, I find myself sitting in a high rise in Beverly Hills across from Lorne Michaels. He's offering me a job on SNL. And I said, thank you very much, Mr. Michaels. Let me think about it over the weekend.

[Ted Danson]

Did you really?

[Kevin Nealon]

I did. That's the way.

[Ted Danson]

And. Because that is a bit. But he needed to.

[Kevin Nealon]

I. I wanted that job and he knew it. And he said, what do you think about over the weekend? We'll see in New York on Monday. And he did. But the truth is, and I look back on this now and I don't know how much of this was kind of behind the scenes. We had the same manager. It was Brad Gray at the time with Brillstein.

[Ted Danson]

Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

And so he handles. He was managing Bernie. Brillstein would handle Lauren, and Brad was me. And so it was almost like a setup. Lauren gave his pitch, I've taken it all in. And then he excuses himself to go to the restroom. Give us time to talk. Right. And Brad goes, just tell him I'm gonna think about over the weekend. You know, just tell him Tell them to think about over the weekend. And I knew that they must have had talked about that before. I'm just a pawn, right?

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And he comes back and it's killing me because I don't want to say that. I want to say, I'll take it, man. Let's go. So I go, I'll. He goes, so what do you think? I said, well, let me think about it over the weekend. He said, what do you think about over the weekend? We'll see in New York on Monday. That's what he did. He did. And I was there on Monday.

[Ted Danson]

I love the story where I missed the subliminal. Subliminal was the first thing you did on air.

[Kevin Nealon]

That was the first sketch I did, yeah, That I wrote.

[Ted Danson]

Michael came up to you. I'm sorry, Lauren came up to you and said, you sure you want to do that or something?

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, he said something like this. He put his hand on my. We're like 10 seconds away from the commercial. Coming back. He puts his hand on my shoulder. Are you sure this is what you want? I said, let me think about over the weekend.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, so he did he mean the.

[Kevin Nealon]

Whole career of SNL fame and all that, you know, And I was like, tense. And this, this subliminal sketch is difficult to do because it's like two conversations going on at once, right? Yeah. Like I could be talking about Conan o', Brien loser, and I would just fit words in there that nobody, nobody would know I was saying failure, you know?

[Ted Danson]

Well, that was a bad example because that's kind of like what people say around here.

[Kevin Nealon]

Maybe you're right.

[Ted Danson]

Wait, one more on that, because I watched the one I saw was Marla and Donald Trump divorce headlines.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, right.

[Ted Danson]

Was that your first one or.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, no, I'd done a sketch. It was my. I did a sketch first with Victoria Jackson and John Lovitz. It was about an advertising. Exact. I went to school for marketing, so I have a degree in marketing, so I knew about subliminal advertising.

[Ted Danson]

And.

[Kevin Nealon]

And I co wrote this with Al Franken. And the gist was I would go in there and try to get people to do what I want by using inserting words very quickly right in the middle of a sentence.

[Ted Danson]

Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

And Victoria was the secretary and John was the boss. And I would come in and I would say, hey, is Mr. Mr. Manningson. No, he's not, but he'll see you in a minute. Okay, that'll be fine. Right away. So let me ask you something. We should go out to dinner sometime. Your treat and you know, we'll have a good time. He goes, I would love to. Let me buy. Oh, that's all right. That's very nice of you to say that. And then I go in and I'm sitting down talking to Lovitz and I go, hey now, just thinking Mets tickets. Are you going to be going to, you know, out of town? Yes. Let me give you some Met tickets. Would you like to use my Met tickets? You know, so it was that kind of thing. It was more of a sketch and then it became more of a weekend update feature.

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[Kevin Nealon]

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[Kevin Nealon]

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[Kevin Nealon]

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[Ted Danson]

Who were the women there that when you were there?

[Kevin Nealon]

The women there were Jan Hooks who was so underrated, I mean of all time.

[Ted Danson]

Wonderful.

[Kevin Nealon]

So good. She was such a great sketch player and to this day I think she's one of the top three that have been there over the years. So. Yeah. Victoria. Victoria Jackson, Laura Dunn and Jan Hooks.

[Ted Danson]

Though I did a scene with them the one time I boy, I was not cut out for that.

[Kevin Nealon]

You didn't like it?

[Ted Danson]

I didn't like it. Not like it. I just felt like I was surviving, you know, and it's just so intense.

[Kevin Nealon]

I feel bad for the host because they're not used to that. Especially hosts that aren't in front of a camera a lot.

[Ted Danson]

Right. Or they're stand ups and know their own voice.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, it's fun.

[Ted Danson]

I think I had fun, but it was scarier.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's scary. It's scary. I mean, I've heard of hosts just collapsing. And this is a crazy story. I had claustrophobia for several years from snl. I went down to do in the makeup because I was playing Jay Leno. So they need to make a prosthetic chin for me.

[Ted Danson]

Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

So they got to do that life mask, I think it's called, or death mask. It's plaster and I've never had it done before. And they cover you with plastic so it doesn't drip on you. And they cover up your ears and your mouth is closed.

[Ted Danson]

Straws in the nose.

[Kevin Nealon]

Straws in the nose. And they start putting plaster all over you and it starts to harden and I never thought it'd be a problem. And it starts to get warm and it's hard and you're thinking, oh, my God. All this open is my nostrils. If they close those up, I'll suffocate.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And I started to get panicky and I remember about to pass out. I was going like this, take it off, take it off. And last. And then the next day, I know I'm smelling salts and I'm waking up.

[Ted Danson]

And it is I, I similar, not as intense, but it is very scary. You think you can do it and it'll be all right, but it's terrifying.

[Kevin Nealon]

So I did it again because I didn't want to, you know, I wanted to get it done. I wanted to play Jay loud. And I almost passed out again. But two weeks later, I'm stopped in a subway between stations. It's dark. I started getting that same feeling again. And it's just snowballed from then. I started getting it more and more. It became almost agoraphobic. I thought it was over for me. You know, I have to fly. I gotta be on a plane to go places even. It got to the point where I was driving on the, like the 101 freeway. And on the other side was backed up with traffic. I think, how am I gonna get home? I gotta. If I need to get home, it's so backed up. So anyway, I worked through that over a couple years now. It doesn't bother me anymore. But here is the nightmare of all nightmares. About a year later, I shudder when I think about this. Jeff Daniels is hosting the show. And he goes down to makeup. It's Friday night. And Jim, the head writer, comes up to me. He's kind of. He goes, did you hear? You hear what's happening with Jeff Daniels right now? I go, no, what's happening? He goes, they can't get the plaster mask off his face. And I'm like, what? What? He goes, yeah, somebody mixed the wrong. Like somebody who used to work there had a vendetta and they mixed the wrong powders together so that when they did this, it was. He had a 5 o' clock growth on his face, right? And he's got eyebrows and eyelashes. It all stuck to that. They couldn't pull it off. They could not pull it off. They tried pulling it away and pouring water down there because he's got the straws in his nose and it just gave him a bloody nose. There was bright red blood all over the plaster. And he goes. And if he panics and throws up, he'll drown because there's no way for it to come out. And they were trying everything. So Lorne. Lorne knows a lot of people. He calls a couple of plastic surgery buddies. They're at a party, you know, it's Friday night. They come over with their black doctor's bag, and they set up their camp there. They take out X acto knives and they pull the mask away. And then they cut the eyebrows off of the mask. Eyebrows. Pull it off to here, cut the eyelashes.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, Jesus.

[Kevin Nealon]

Get it all the way down into the beard. And then giving him Novocaine shots as they're pulling it off. Pulling it off, pulling it off. He came in the next morning, splotchy face, red face. And I'm not supposed to know this happened, you know? And he goes, did you hear what happened to me? I said, no, what happened? Oh, no. It was like my biggest nightmare. And I hope he hadn't developed claustrophobia from that.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, that's horrifying.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, my God. I'm telling you, it's. No, I can't even talk about it.

[Ted Danson]

You did that nine years.

[Kevin Nealon]

For nine years. But, you know, by the way, they don't do that anymore. The Plaster. It's all like, you know, digital360 thing that going around you. Thank God I still have mine at home. By the way, the mouth is like this.

[Ted Danson]

Somebody I had one of those made and brother in law of mine turned it into like a chia pet thing where he planted, you know, this bush inside of my head.

[Kevin Nealon]

I like that.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, that was the scared. Scared. I'd never been so scared.

[Kevin Nealon]

Do you ever look back on things that could have happened but didn't happen? And there's. There's something in my head right now that I cannot shake. And this happened maybe four years ago. I was on a precipice over the ocean, kind of rocky, you know, in and out, little, little high up, high up. You know, maybe it was in Point Doom and ocean's down below with rocks and I'm flying a drone, flying a drone. And I started backing up and I'm kind of trying to find them backing up. And I was like this close to the edge and because I have a creative imagination, to this day I picture myself falling off of that thing. And what if I took one more step back and I can't shake that. Maybe I need to go back there and relive.

[Ted Danson]

No, no, don't. Don't do that. I had so many near misses as a kid. I used to climb trees and I remember falling down, I don't know, 30ft maybe falling down and the branches were kind of catching me on the way down. So it wasn't like a 30 foot flaming. It, you know, caught me. And then the last 8ft I landed on my back. But my like 8 inches from my head. On one side was this boulder and the other side was a metal stake. For some reason it had been driven into the ground. And there's just so many things that it's like.

[Kevin Nealon]

I know, I know. Did you read that book? It's called, I think, the Anxious Generation. It talks about how the generation now is anxious because they're always on their devices. They're not out, they're. They're risk adverse, right, because they're not climbing trees like you did or riding bicycles. They're all inside playing video games and, you know, not taking any chances. And nobody's, you know, nobody's making them take a chance. So. And that's another reason about the hiking. It's good to get away from all that and get outside and take some risks, you know, go.

[Ted Danson]

That was a big talking point in the things I was reading about. The Appalachian Trail Conservancy was the mental Health aspect.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

And there's so much of people, either undiagnosed or not, treating it in this country. And as simple as taking hikes, being in nature.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. I mean, there's a lot of distractions in life, too. Maybe you've had the same thing. I hope so. I hope so. You know, when something that goes wrong with me, I like to talk to other people and I like them to say, oh, I get that all the time. You know what I mean? That makes you feel good.

[Ted Danson]

It does, yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, oh, I get that. That's nothing. So I. I poured a glass of milk and took the milk and went away. Probably had some cookies. And I go back to get the milk, I can't find the milk. And I said, honey, you know where the milk is? That should be in the refrigerator. I can't find it. I go to get another glass out of the cupboard. I'd put it in the cupboard with the other glasses. That was the first time it happened. I didn't tell anybody. Yeah, I took it out and go, oh, that's not good. Put it in the refrigerator.

[Ted Danson]

Wait, wait till you get a little older. I'm almost 78 and I'll. If I'm. If I'm, you know, if my mental health and my anxiety level is good. Yeah, it's acceptable, then I pretty much remember why I went into this room.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, yeah. You know, yeah, but.

[Ted Danson]

But you're always questioning, did I legitimately just have a lot on my mind or is this.

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, yeah, welcome to my new life. So I. About six months after that, I'm on the road somewhere and my wife sends me a video. The video is going down the cupboards and then she opens the glass cupboards, the milk is back in there.

[Ted Danson]

That's great.

[Kevin Nealon]

And, you know, that's not the only thing. I mean, there's other things going on too. Like I'll leave the car running because I had an electric car and it's quiet and you get out just, you know, and so then there's the hybrid car, it's quiet too. And I get out and my wife again in the morning goes, you left the car running all night. I said, yeah, yeah, you're right, I did. You left the stove on. Yeah, but it's just on small. It's the pilot. People used to heat their houses by leaving it on. It's. Nothing's going to happen. So I was doing this benefit for Alzheimer's and there's a lot of neuro neurologists there.

[Ted Danson]

Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

And I said to. When I told that one about the milk. One of them, she goes, look, in this world, there's so many distractions. I say, yeah, right, yeah, there's distractions. There's going to be cell phones. Yeah, that's right.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And so I went out there thinking, okay, that's good. I was just distracted, that's all.

[Ted Danson]

It's like when you walk into a party and somebody hands you a glass of wine, you haven't even had a sip yet, and you knock it over by. Something happens, and the fault. Everyone in the party turns and looks and goes, oh, dead. Yeah, really hammered, you know, and if you do this, you're Alzheimer's, dementias right around the corner.

[Kevin Nealon]

My wife wanted me to go see a neurologist to see if I had dementia.

[Ted Danson]

We did that. We did that because we went, no. What we're reading is you can do things to be preventative. You can exercise your brain. You can, you know, brush your teeth with the other hand instead, you do things that aren't habitual, do things that surprise you and you don't know how to do. Learn a language, Play a violin, even if you can't.

[Kevin Nealon]

I try to learn a language. It didn't happen. Three years. No, three years Spanish with a woman in Mexico City Twice. Twice a week. Because I always thought, I'm learning Spanish. I don't care, you know, I. What age I'm at right now, I'm going to learn it. And people always go, why are you learning now? It's almost like you're going to be dead soon. Right?

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

I said, I want to learn it. I'm going to. And, you know, the problem is I didn't have a lot of time to study it, so I was just doing the classes. Three years later, I said, you know what? I'm going to take a break.

[Ted Danson]

You know, how are you with jokes? Jokes? Standing. You're standing.

[Kevin Nealon]

I don't know any jokes.

[Ted Danson]

How are you with your story or the order of your stories that you're telling when you do stand up?

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm good. I've been doing it for 46 years.

[Ted Danson]

Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

Because I didn't get that job on chairs.

[Ted Danson]

So it.

[Kevin Nealon]

I had it. Yeah, I did.

[Ted Danson]

And my brain's going, yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Do you know that the postman, John Ratzenberg.

[Ted Danson]

Rat.

[Kevin Nealon]

We went to the same college, and he got thrown out of the college.

[Ted Danson]

Really?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. Bridgeport, Connecticut.

[Ted Danson]

Tell me that.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, he's embarrassed about that. I don't know what he got thrown out for, but. And then he went on to tell me how He, I guess, you know, developed those little packaging things, like sitting at the bar, Little cardboard crinkly things, like an accordion for packing so there.

[Ted Danson]

Wouldn'T be all the plastic and stuff.

[Kevin Nealon]

Just sitting at the bar. Cheers. He just had nothing else to do. He.

[Ted Danson]

It went into production. They did really well.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Sizzle Pack. Is that the name of his company? Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

I love. I love that. I mean, I don't like wasting paper, but the one thing I cannot. This is like, my biggest pet peeve. You open a box, and they got that styrofoam peanuts can't stand. They fall everywhere, and they stick together. You can't get them off, and it's like, oh, I don't even want what's in the box.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Put those paper sizzles in there.

[Ted Danson]

He's an interesting guy.

[Kevin Nealon]

I love him. Yeah, I haven't seen him in a long time.

[Ted Danson]

We did. I think Woody. You notice Woody's not here.

[Kevin Nealon]

I love Woody.

[Ted Danson]

I do, too. Have you ever worked with him?

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, it's Saturday Live. He was hosting once.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And this is always. Remember this? I'm in the makeup room. I'm watching, you know, come back from a commercial, and I see Woody sitting at a desk in the classroom, and he's just flipping pencil around. You know, somebody goes. Comes in. They go, you're in this sketch. You're supposed to be. You're supposed to be right now. And he just fiddled the pencil. He knew I wasn't there, so I had to crawl into the cameras, right. And get up and climb into my desk, and. And that was. That was, like, the only time that's ever really happened to me. But one of my favorite sketches with. With Woody was. I wrote this one. He was in the hospital recovering as a soldier, and all you could do is see is his face. And he goes, doc, how am I doing? You're gonna be all right. I said, yeah, you're gonna be all right. But the bad news is, you. You lost a leg, huh? What about my other. Other leg is okay. Gone. Both gone. Anyway, it. It went on and on until the only thing left was his face, and I'd hand him a cigarette. All gone. Legs gone. Arms, you know? But, yeah, he's great.

[Ted Danson]

Did you learn lines or were you. Are you. You into the.

[Kevin Nealon]

I learned lines. No, I don't like cue cards. Yeah, I see it a lot, you know, and it kind of disappoints me because anybody could do that if you're reading off the cards, you know, and they're just on the cards. I mean, not everybody does. But I look back at our, our cast, it was a lot of like going off the cards. Charlton Heston did it. He hosted once because, you know, but we would help. We held the, the tablet for him. Lines were on the tablet. But anyway, yeah, we would learn the lines. And I understand how in between the shows on snl, they make changes.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

So sometimes, you know, you're not sure what they change, so you kind of rely. But there's a way of looking at the cue cards that's really. See, I was a cheater in high school, so I kind of know how to look at things without being noticed. And who was it? Dabney Coleman was on once.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, God, I miss him. What a wonderful actor.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, yeah, he was great. It was a campfire scene and he goes, can you just keep moving the cue cards around? So I'll be like looking around and. And I could just read it that way. I thought, that's pretty clever. I like that. Yeah. And Phil Harmon would be. Always give instructions to the host how to read the cue cards, how to find them. And there was three, you know, one here, one here, one here. So you always knew could look anywhere. So that's definitely an art.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, it is. It would throw me into panic. I did soap operas in New York when I first got there. And that was back when it was almost live, but not quite.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's when you had to learn a lot of lines.

[Ted Danson]

Like a ten pages actor's nightmare. And you got him the night before. Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's when they delivered them to your house on the doorstep.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. They used to have either cue cards or those little teleprompter scroll like things or whatever. And I'd be doing kind of, okay, I've got my lines. And then peripherally you see the three union guys holding whatever it is they're holding. And this guy was holding a teleprompter. All of a sudden I see him look at it, turn around, shake it, and I'm gone. You know, it's like.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, I know.

[Ted Danson]

Horrible. I never got past panic in soap operas.

[Kevin Nealon]

What soap operas were you on?

[Ted Danson]

Somerset. Yeah, Somerset and the Doctors for a few days.

[Kevin Nealon]

The Doctors. You're a patient that died?

[Ted Danson]

No, I was the expert reassuring the parents, you know, and I was trembling and pouring sweat. And they were very calm about their daughter who was dying.

[Kevin Nealon]

Why is it that whenever somebody comes across someone on the street that's dying or in a hospital, they always go, you're going to Be okay. You're all right. You're going to be okay.

[Ted Danson]

For my sake. You're going to be okay.

[Kevin Nealon]

You're going to be okay. Yeah. And they die before they can even say the K. You're going to be. Oh, okay. Okay.

[Ted Danson]

So wait, you're. You're on the road now?

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm touring right now. I have a special coming out. It's called Loose in the Crotch.

[Ted Danson]

I know. I love that you like that.

[Kevin Nealon]

And that'll be out soon. And. And I'm touring and do a lot of stand up. I knew that hiking show. And I. And I. I'm an artist. I. Oh, sketch.

[Ted Danson]

God, are you an artist? Seriously.

[Kevin Nealon]

I.

[Ted Danson]

Somebody in the notes that said caricatures, and they're not. They're way beyond that. They're really wonderful.

[Kevin Nealon]

I love doing. I've been doing caricature work since I was a kid, but never to this level. You know, I would just do a quick doodle of, you know, and over the years, I just started doing more and more. And right before the pandemic, I would go on Instagram and I would see some of these amazing artists doing caricatures. I thought I never even went that far. So I started kind of studying them and started drawing and practicing and just got to that point.

[Ted Danson]

I mean, because caricatures usually in my mind, take some aspect of some feature and make it silly and big. And you go, oh, yeah, yours are really. I don't know, I'd be proud to have a caricature of me look like what you do. I mean, it's their art. They're not silly, they're not making fun of or simple.

[Kevin Nealon]

They're subtle kind of exaggerations. I started doing this a year before the pandemic and also throughout the pandemic. And I found that it was really rewarding for me because as a stand up, you know, you get laughs. You make people happy, you get laughs. This was a nonverbal way of getting laughs. I would post it on Instagram and people would love it and they would get a kick out of it and they would laugh at it.

[Ted Danson]

Do what. What is the medium? Or.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's a mixed medium. It's sketch.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And then I do a wacom, which is a digital, and then I paint.

[Ted Danson]

With what, oil or acrylic? Acrylic, yeah. So there are hard copies. Everything you've done is. And how big is it? How big are you?

[Kevin Nealon]

It's. I can make prints too and put them on canvas. So that's what I do. And. And I haven't done any in like a year because I. When I did that book, I was so burned out from doing so many. I've done a couple, like, you know, friends that wanted something done. I did their father or whatever. But as far as a celebrity, I'm working. I'm getting starting to go with Billy Joel. It's my next one. Do you see that documentary?

[Ted Danson]

No, I haven't yet.

[Kevin Nealon]

I saw the first half. It's really good. Yeah, really good. I'll send you a list of movies to watch. Don't worry about it.

[Ted Danson]

I have it.

[Kevin Nealon]

Do you have a. Do you keep notes in your phone? Like, do you have the note app?

[Ted Danson]

I do.

[Kevin Nealon]

I use that all the time. I got like 8,000 notes and one of my notes is movies to watch that I hear from friends recommending them. And. And I got a slew of them. And then I. And then I have another place that I save on my Instagrams where films that directors recommend, you know, because, you know.

[Ted Danson]

Do you go back and.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, I'll try to do it. Because you know how sometimes you sit down in front of the TV and go, what can I watch?

[Ted Danson]

I know.

[Kevin Nealon]

And you can't think of anything and you're scrolling through everything. And it's like when there was Blockbuster. Remember Blockbuster Video Store? It was so overwhelming. You walk in there and there's like. And I usually ended up renting something I already saw already.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. You know, and then you were grateful when you. This little envelope and it said Netflix on it. And you take the one little envelope home and do it and then you mail it. It was easier.

[Kevin Nealon]

I thought that was the most ridiculous thing. I don't want to mail something back and forth, you know? Yeah, that place is not going to be open very long.

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[Kevin Nealon]

Do you think if you have a garage in your house, it increases your chances of inventing something? Because people always seem to develop things in their garage. Like Jeff Bezos, I think, came up with Amazon in his garage. Netflix.

[Ted Danson]

We don't. We turn all of our garages into another room.

[Kevin Nealon]

Have you ever had a car in a garage?

[Ted Danson]

Never.

[Kevin Nealon]

Me neither.

[Ted Danson]

Never wasted space.

[Kevin Nealon]

Never had it. Get that garage door off of there.

[Ted Danson]

And I won't own a car that if I ding the door against some tree or something, I'm going to get upset.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. I grew up in a home. My father's an aeronautical engineer and my mother's housewife. And there's five of us kids. And it wasn't a huge house, but my father designed it and built it with two off duty firemen. So the sprinklers are great in the house, by the way. So the garage never had a car in there. There was a freezer for extra stuff that we'd have room for you. And then there was just junk. Junk. And my brother had a Carmen Ghia in there that he was trying to change the look of by putting a lot of Bondo on the outside, trying to make it look like some new kind of car and just sat there. It weighed like 800,000 pounds with all the Bondo on it. Never. And junk everywhere. And I would clean it out like every, maybe once every eight months. I clean it out because I couldn't stand it. I couldn't even walk through there. So I cleaned it out and cleaned it. And to this day, if there's something out of place in our garage, I just, I can't have it. I can't have it. So we've moved a few times in the last few years, so there were so many boxes in the garage. And I said, we gotta go through this stuff because a lot of this stuff we're just moving from house to house. And I went through it and I got rid of so much stuff. I got rid of so much stuff and. But things start accumulating again. You know, it's like stuff is not.

[Ted Danson]

As hard as pieces of paper or photographs that go back to your childhood, you know?

[Kevin Nealon]

Right.

[Ted Danson]

That box takes you two days and, you know, choking back tears as you go through it. Kind of.

[Kevin Nealon]

Divorce.

[Ted Danson]

Yes.

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, I will tell you that I, I did go through the photo albums and, you know, I was divorced once before and there's like pictures that I don't want to look at. Anymore, you know, But I decided that, especially after the fires, I'm. They're scaling down on things, you know, so I don't want to lose stuff. So I scanned all the physical pictures. There's a company, companies that'll do it. You send them the hard copies.

[Ted Danson]

You send them and they.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, and they'll scan it and it's like 49 cents a picture. So that becomes a lot of money. And I did half of them. But you're looking through them, you're thinking, well, this is close enough to this picture. I don't need this one. You know, this one's just. Because when you have kids too, it's like, I've never saw my kid from. Not from behind the camera. Growing up, it was always. It used to be. It used to be me, me, me, me, me, me, me. Then he was born. Him, him, him, him, him, him, him, him, me, him, him, him, him, me. And now he's off to college. Now it's like, me, me, me, me, me, me. But, yeah, I do have a problem with cluttering. But I will tell you, I have compassion for people that are hoarders. I was stopped at a stoplight and I looked at the woman across me in her car. She was a hoarder. She had things stacked up behind her and on the dashboard. I don't know if she even saw. But then I saw on her right side, on top of some box, I saw a package of Pepperidge Farm double chocolate Milano cookies, my favorite. And I thought, well, she's. She's okay. She's not that bad.

[Ted Danson]

She's.

[Kevin Nealon]

She's got. Yeah, I can understand that.

[Ted Danson]

So you grew up Catholic? I was, yeah, I was Catholic so as to notice. Catholic. You went to church?

[Kevin Nealon]

I went to church every Sunday, but we never got there in time. You had to get there before the communion, otherwise it wouldn't count. It's going to church.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, but was it a family affair?

[Kevin Nealon]

No. My mother's Protestant. By the way, I just found out I have a half brother.

[Ted Danson]

Wow. Yeah, walk me through that. The just found out part.

[Kevin Nealon]

About a year and a half ago, I, you know, I'm on 23andMe, but I never check it because in the beginning, you know, it's like, hey, I think you got a second cousin. That's really. It's a once removed cousin. I said, I don't have time for that. Right. So my sister's still on it, and she gets a message from a woman that says, hey, I think we have somebody, a relative in common. And this woman researched it more, and it comes back to my sister, my father's name, and then her father's name under it. So her father is my half brother. And so my sister didn't know what to tell us, how she would react, we would react to it, because my father, we just. He's like the greatest guy. Still is, you know, didn't really affect us, but we were all amused by it. That's crazy. And this was before he got married, a month before.

[Ted Danson]

Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

And so this guy.

[Ted Danson]

So it was okay news for the whole family.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, we were fine with it. But for him, it was devastating because he woke up all of a sudden. Those siblings aren't his full siblings. The father is not his biological father.

[Ted Danson]

Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

And now he's got this other family that he doesn't know that are, you know, half. And so he kind of got through that, and we started communicating with him and emailing and talking. Then he eventually came to see me in San Diego. I was performing down there, and we hung out. And he brought a handkerchief because he thought he might get overwhelmed by, you know, not my material, but by being, you know, in my presence. And he even said once. He goes, kevin, I haven't said anything about this to anybody because, you know, I don't want the. I'm sure the paparazzi and everything. I said, dan, you don't need to worry about the paparazzi anymore. In fact, I encourage you. Put it out there. Put it out there. By the way, a friend of mine, I don't know if you get this. A friend of mine, I do a tv, a radio show in Austin, like, once a year. He's like the Howard Stern of Austin. And we usually go out to have lunch afterwards. And the last time I was there, a couple years ago. So he goes, I don't know if you noticed that, but I've noticed that you're not getting. You're not getting recognized as much anymore. I said, you know what? I didn't think about that. But you're right. It was a gradual boiling water. You get that?

[Ted Danson]

I do, I do. I go, I can. Because of a show called the Good Place. Yes. And young people watch that. So I have a little new crowd of younger folks. Or I get people. You should. You should do something. You should get back to work.

[Kevin Nealon]

Is Ted Danza still alive?

[Ted Danson]

Or the elevator. I got one today. Oh, you were in. And I started. I fell into the trap of naming what they might be thinking.

[Kevin Nealon]

Right about four.

[Ted Danson]

Four down the list, we finally got it. And it was like, I knew we could do it. There you go.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the half brother, you know, we started kind of figuring out what it was. His father never knew. My parents never knew. They've all passed. And the mother who was 97, the grandmother, the woman who found, you know, she went to her and said, I really want the truth. Is Emmett Nealon your son? Well, I was with him for one night. And it's possible it's a one night thing.

[Ted Danson]

Wow.

[Kevin Nealon]

And this woman, they grew up in the Bronx and she used to live across the street with her family. And this is not complicated, but it sounds complicated. Her sister married my father's brother. So there was connection with the families. And so Dan, my brother, would say, I would go to these reunions because, you know, we're all part of the family. That connection right there. And I would see dad. It was weird having him say dad, because it's like, that's your dad too. Yeah. I would see him there and I thought, this guy's really cool. I like this guy, you know, And I'd see him a few times there and then he comes to find out that was his father, you know, and at first I thought, well, did we need to bring that out in the open? I mean, I mean, wouldn't have been better just to let it go because everybody's kind of gone now. But I think for his sake, it needed to be out. And I think for ours too, we.

[Ted Danson]

Have family members in laws that found out same thing. He wasn't married. And so it was all. Excuse me. It was all on the up and up, but he didn't know about it.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

And they are now, they're. They're like family, you know, he has grandkids now with.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, I mean, they are family.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

I mean, this, this. My brother Dan lives in San Diego. I've lived out here 45 years and never knew he was that close even. And he's a month older than my sister. And what happened was my father got back from Okinawa, this good looking guy, you know, in the Bronx. And he had met my mother before, but he went back to Okinawa and finally he came back and he was. She was in Washington, at the Pentagon, working as a secretary for a general there. So he would write her letters every day, please come back. I'm home. You know, and she's kind of pursuing her career and she went to modeling school, too. And so the letters became less and less. And then one night he was kind of mourning the loss of his brother in Korea. Who was married to this woman's sister. He was killed by a sniper, so he's kind of mourning that. She had a fight with her husband for, like, four days. So she came over. I don't know if they had a couple of drinks, but it happened that night, and that was that. And then my mother came back from Washington, and they went up to Maine and got married. A month later. I don't know if. I don't know if she was pregnant by my father. So they decided to get married back then, you know, you get married if you're pregnant. And then they moved to St. Louis for. My father went to school, so that was the whole gist of it. And. And this guy Dan. This guy, my brother Dan, he looks more like my father than we do. He reminds me of one of my uncles when we were growing up. At the reunions, you know, you see them on the cigars?

[Ted Danson]

So.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. So that. That was an interesting kind of piece of pie. And then I started thinking, what? Maybe there's other ones out there, you know, because back then, nobody really used protection. Right?

[Ted Danson]

You're asking me?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Back then.

[Kevin Nealon]

What did you do back then?

[Ted Danson]

I. I hoped and prayed and found no need.

[Kevin Nealon]

You gave me the craziest look, like I don't know what you're talking about. But he was in France for, like, seven months because he was in the merchant marines, too. And there's the whole other ship cracked on the English Channel, so they had to dock there until it got f. For seven months. I've seen home movies in Okanawa. Black and white, you know, the home movies, no sound. And there's Gisha girls walking behind them with the fans. So I'm thinking, I don't know, man. I should look at 23 again. 23 and me.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Which is now a dating site, by the way.

[Ted Danson]

Was that. Was that you before you got married? Were you all over the place? Did you have many loves, Mean France and stuff? No, no. Many loves.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, I didn't. I was really shy. I did not date throughout high school. I didn't date in college. Yeah. I was just. I was. I was timid. I was. I did not. I guess I didn't want to be rejected if.

[Ted Danson]

Yep. If they kissed me, I got married, basically.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And also I was always. Because I was raised Catholic, I was always instilled that if you got someone pregnant, it's going to ruin your life. At this age, it'll ruin your life. So I was so worried about getting somebody pregnant, I eventually Lost my virginity to an elf. I was at the department store. Santa Claus.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, that's the chapter in the book.

[Kevin Nealon]

I lost my. So that was in San Diego, and then I lost a little bit more of it in San Francisco and then a little bit more of it in Stamford.

[Ted Danson]

I don't know if I want to.

[Kevin Nealon]

Get this, but as far as, you know, I was raised Catholic, but it wasn't like a stringent kind of a Catholic, you know, And I. And I love Christmas and stuff, but I think I'm at that point now where I'm kind of like agnostic, you.

[Ted Danson]

Know, as far as the God thing, what is your. What's your center, though? Your moral center, your guiding light kind of thing? Is it your wife? You talking to your wife?

[Kevin Nealon]

Money. It's money.

[Ted Danson]

Money. Yeah. Okay. We all can understand that now. We have a good example.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, it is. It is. You know, I'm. I'm a. I'm better than. I don't know. I think I'm a good person. And it's. You know, I think you. You're raised. My parents raised me right. My son is great. So I. I do think religion is good because it gives you hope and it gives you something to hold on to when you're going through hard times and prayer and all that. But I think the longer I live scientifically, I think that it's a long shot. You know, I listen to some of these people that talk about it and Very knowledgeable about it. Like, there's 300,000 religions, but your religion is the right one.

[Ted Danson]

Well, that's the insanity.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's the insanity.

[Ted Danson]

Because faith is this living, pathless kind of thing, I think.

[Kevin Nealon]

But again, I am all for people having faith because it helps them get through difficult times. Faith. For me, I don't. I. I really. And I never thought I'd say this because I grew up, you know, in that. In that religion, but I. It makes sense to me now that and. And any kind of. How did the world start? How did this all. What was first? You know, I don't think we're even capable of comprehending that or what. Or even. Maybe there wasn't even what was first. You know, it's just too.

[Ted Danson]

We're just.

[Kevin Nealon]

We're such minuscule.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know, this huge universe and all the universes, and we think we have the answer.

[Ted Danson]

I know. My dad was an archaeologist.

[Kevin Nealon]

He was, Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

I grew up around, you know, as little three.

[Kevin Nealon]

Now, when you say an archaeologist, did he have a metal detector? And that's what he did, yeah.

[Ted Danson]

No, he was the real deal. Digging holes in the ground and finding stuff.

[Kevin Nealon]

Villages and people and things. I love that stuff.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, this was in Tucson. But anyway, I had my share of skulls and bones and all of that surrounding my growing up. And it was kind of a clear. I played hard with my friends, so I didn't soak this up. But it came back to me over the years that there's a lot that's come before us and a lot that will come after us. This time's not about you. It's about your stewardship.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Of what you've been given. Which brings us back to the Appalachian Trail, which you seem to know so much about.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, my God, it's a great trail.

[Ted Danson]

I am actually going to audition and take that away from you. I think I should be the spokesperson.

[Kevin Nealon]

They're looking for someone older still. I'm sorry, Mr. Nealon, but, you know, we need somebody who actually hiked on the trail.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, that ain't me. Sorry.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, but you're a hiker, aren't you? You like going.

[Ted Danson]

We walk 45 minute walks up and down hills.

[Kevin Nealon]

Mary.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Where do you live?

[Ted Danson]

Underneath where you used to live in the palace that we're.

[Kevin Nealon]

I mean, I need to canyon. Oh, your fire was that.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Do you hit? Got hit with a fire?

[Ted Danson]

No, we got hit with the smoke. We were all out for like three months. But we were very lucky, very blessed.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know, it's. It really makes you aware of what is valuable to you in life when there's a fire coming your way. Like, we were in the evacuation warning zone and I was out of town at the time, and my wife.

[Ted Danson]

Palisade.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. My wife was in Palm Springs with our son and I see what's happening, that we're in the evacuation zone now. Warning. So I called my friend, I said, would you do me a favor? Would you run up to the house and get those five external drives and that Gibson guitar? You know, Gibson guitar gets that the next day. The fire's not there yet, but it's getting a little closer. I said, will you go back and get that Fender guitar and that mechanical pencil on the table? It got less and less valuable each time. There was an apple I left on the counter and oh, oh, the cow.

[Ted Danson]

Open the cupboard, there'll be a glass of milk.

[Kevin Nealon]

There's a gallon of milk in the cupboard. But. But, yeah. So now I. I know what's valuable to me now, and I keep it by the door. And we also have the evacuation kits. We have the fire kit, the earthquake kit, you know, food in it that's been in there.

[Ted Danson]

The one that. It's like £120 and you killed yourself trying to get it off the shelf.

[Kevin Nealon]

We got the radio that you wind up because it doesn't require energy, electricity. And I've been eating out of that earthquake thing. Like sometimes we not have food in the refrigerator. All we have left, I think, is a can of tuna in there. But I'm not telling her that.

[Ted Danson]

She'll find out.

[Kevin Nealon]

She'll find out. We'll never get out of the house anyway. Come on.

[Ted Danson]

What do you do when you finish your set and you're in?

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, you know, I've been touring with Adam Sandler lately. And after that it's like 11:30 at night. It's restaurants, steakhouses, big meals.

[Ted Danson]

He's not that much younger than us, so what the fuck? How can he get away with that?

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, he plays basketball every day. So what I do typically is I've been doing it a long time and I used to kind of maybe go out to clubs afterwards, you know, but now I spend most of the time at the hotel. I don't go to the mall and see a movie because there's Netflix and things, you know. And also I edit a lot. I edit those hikes and I paint and I draw and I use the gym. So it's really everything I need. And usually sometimes there's people in town that I know and they always invite me to their house. I don't want to go to somebody's house. I want room service. I don't want to stay there. I don't have to make my bed, you know, so that's pretty much what I do.

[Ted Danson]

And every time you wake up, this is silly, but I can't imagine doing theater or anything that takes place creatively after this morning, too.

[Kevin Nealon]

I Woke up at 5:30 this morning and I was out doing standup last night. I don't need a lot of sleep, but I just need patient people because I'm not awake and I don't know what I'm talking about. But I only need like five or six hours of sleep. How about you? I get up early.

[Ted Danson]

Six is cutting it, but six is what I.

[Kevin Nealon]

Six is good. I think the older you get, the less sleep I know you need.

[Ted Danson]

Your body says move.

[Kevin Nealon]

Your body is saying, hey, you only got so much time left. You want to get up or do you want to sleep through it?

[Ted Danson]

I know something. You don't get up.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. When when you get to a certain age, you really start kind of thinking, you know, what really makes me comfortable is seeing these guys like Mick Jagger, you know, and Paul. All these guys that are into the 80s now, they're still rocking it. Before, you know, when we were growing up, that was like, you're in a retirement home then, you know, stay creative. I'm guessing, stay creative, keep moving, stay engaged.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know, I. I keep telling my father, when he was older, I said, dad, you got to keep moving. You got to keep moving, but there comes a point where you can't move anymore.

[Ted Danson]

Tell me about Susan. Or do you guys not talk about each other?

[Kevin Nealon]

Which Susan?

[Ted Danson]

Did I just get your wife's name?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, what's her name? Susan is amazing. She. We've been married for 20 years.

[Ted Danson]

Met how?

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, good. Good question. I had been divorced for three years.

[Ted Danson]

Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

And I was wondering if I would ever have children again. You know, I always wanted children. I never had children before, not with my ex wife. And I was hosting a show at the time called the Conspiracy Zone, where we know, we dealt with different conspiracies. And my friend John Henson invited me to be a guest on his talk show pilot. So I got there a little bit late, and it was me and Kevin James and Ray Romano as the guests. And I got there late. The show had started already. And I go into the makeup trailer, and Susan is sitting in the chair right there, bored. She was like the comedic fashion correspondent for the show, bored. I see her and like I said, on the way over, I'm thinking, I wonder if I, you know, I'll ever have a kids. And because I knew that.

[Ted Danson]

Seriously, that thought.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. And I. Because I knew that actors, you know, women can adopt. A single women could adopt a child. You hear about that all the time. Can an actor, a guy do that? So I go past her, I say, hi, I think she's cute. And two, two chairs down is my makeup artist. I sit in there and I said to her, I said, you know, you hear about women adopting a kid. Single women. Can a guy that's single adopt a kid? And she kind of looked. Susan looked. She thought it was easy. Either the best pickup line or the worst pickup line. And we just hung out that night. You know, they were running behind, and we had a lot of laughs. And I invited her to come out and have drinks with all of us that night. She goes, I wish I could, but I got to get up early in the morning. What she didn't tell me was she had to go Home and break up with her boyfri. On again, off again boyfriend, do you.

[Ted Danson]

Think, as a result of your conversation?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, I love that.

[Kevin Nealon]

Totally.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

I mean, this was not a true boyfriend. It was on again. So she told me this later. She goes, do you know, I went home and I recent. And I immediately called my mother. I said, mom, I just met the man I'm going to marry.

[Ted Danson]

Wow.

[Kevin Nealon]

And I went home and I told my wife, I said, hon, I just met the woman I'm leaving you for. But that's how I met her. Yeah. And then we got married in Bellagio in Italy on Lake Como. It was beautiful. And that's a story in itself. I'm divorced, but the settlement is not complete.

[Ted Danson]

Been there. Yes. Literally. Oh, really? Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

You've been to Bellagio? No. So I'm trying to keep it on the down low. I got engaged, right? We go off to. It's just me and her. We go off to Italy. We stay in La Coma for a few days, then we take the boat over to Bellagio. I'm thinking, this is great. Nobody's going to know, you know, if there's a settlement. It'll be great. We show up to that little library in that plaza, and they had the mayor there with a sash on. We hired. We gave €20 to two, you know, two local people to witness it. Sorry. And we're getting married. And as we're getting married, I look out the window and there's a throng of photographers out there. And also there's a photographer inside and nobody knows who he is, and he's got a camera. And I come out and they're snapping pictures. I said, what happened was Matt Damon was there, like a couple months before looking for a place to get married. They heard an American celebrity was coming to get married, so they thought it was Matt Damon. They all took the boats over to the Bellagio.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, you mean like a crapload of photographers?

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, a lot of photographers, yeah.

[Ted Danson]

You know, Matt Damon photographers. Yes.

[Kevin Nealon]

That level. And I come out and they're taking pictures. Guys, I am not Matt Damon. I'm not Matt Damon. And we're walking down and, you know, the people in the restaurants are throwing us flowers and the photographers taking pictures. And I'm like, horrified. Like, this is gonna be a real costly wedding. And we wake up the next morning, we're sitting by the, you know, the lake in a cafe, and this guy next to us reading in the Italian newspaper. Oh, no. And there's a picture of us on the front and it says non adamant. I still have that paper, by the way. And of course, she found out.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And.

[Ted Danson]

And it was an expensive wedding.

[Kevin Nealon]

It was an expensive wedding. Yeah. But it was beautiful.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. How wonderful.

[Kevin Nealon]

So anyway. Yeah. So the conservancy. 100th anniversary of the conservancy.

[Ted Danson]

Nice, Nice.

[Kevin Nealon]

The trail is still there after 100 years.

[Ted Danson]

Do you know? I see. I. Damn it. I wish you'd been, like, their spokesperson for years, because, like, I want to know how many people actually died. They're called. No, they're called through hikers.

[Kevin Nealon]

People do the whole thing.

[Ted Danson]

I wonder, because a lot of people go do segments of it. Virginia. Or did it or whatever.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. I don't know. But it's something I. I should have told you before. I did this hiking show on YouTube, Hiking with Kevin. I was doing a hike three days before the fire hit Will Rogers. And I'm doing a little intro, and I'm just walking, and the leaves look like it was autumn. And I was just talking about the trees. I'm saying, what are the odds that these trees would all still be here in 2025?

[Ted Danson]

Wow.

[Kevin Nealon]

And sure enough, three days later. Yeah. Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Can I ask you. So you. I read you were, like, the honorary mayor of so. That's right. You were not in the fire zone. You. But you must.

[Kevin Nealon]

That we used to own. They were burned down, and then we had another house we bought up in the highlands.

[Ted Danson]

Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

It was the only house left in the cul de sac, but, you know, smoke damaged it all.

[Ted Danson]

Are you there? Are you back there?

[Kevin Nealon]

No, I mean, we didn't. We sold that one, too. We got out of there a couple years ago, you know, before the fires, but. Yeah, that was. That's a. It's like Pompeii.

[Ted Danson]

I know. I haven't yet, to be honest. I haven't yet.

[Kevin Nealon]

Have you gone up there and through? Oh, I did. I did. And it's. The views are amazing now without the houses. You can see the mountains in the ocean. But it's really surreal to go up there and to see that.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And, you know, now I guess they've kind of cleared out all the lots and they're starting to build again.

[Ted Danson]

Right. I have so many friends. I'm sure you do. Wow. You must, having lived there.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. A lot of people. Oh. I want to ask you one thing about the archaeology thing, and then I'm gonna let you go. Oh, that's right. It's your show. Why do they have to dig these things up? How did they get buried over the years with dirt and you know, some.

[Ted Danson]

Of the cultures would build on top of each other.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, really?

[Ted Danson]

So, you know, they tear down and build on top. So there's that and there's just. Yeah, I don't know, muds, mudslides, whatever. But a lot of them, like in Southern, in the Four Corners area of the Southwest, are cliff dwellers. They would, you know, there'd be these erosions along certain strata of these box canyons or whatever that the rain would erode. So they would have these roofs, natural roofs over their head and they would carve steps up from the. You know, to protect themselves. They'd live in the cliffs. They'd go down these carved out steps to farm down by the water or whatever.

[Kevin Nealon]

Right.

[Ted Danson]

So it depends. But.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, that's interesting. I always wondered that. Why. Yeah, why couldn't they just. There's a great app or Instagram thing that shows, you know, present day sites and then what it looked like before.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, I. I have to go. What is it?

[Kevin Nealon]

I love that I. I have it somewhere in my.

[Ted Danson]

I can google it.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'll let you know. Yeah, you better. And then with the AI, they also show. It's like, like a moving. It's people on chariots going down the streets and stuff. And you know, I love that stuff.

[Ted Danson]

Me too. I love the whole New York, New York series.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, New York.

[Ted Danson]

Manhattan became Manhattan.

[Kevin Nealon]

I just.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

But yeah, I love that stuff. I'll have to find out where that is and let you know. Like, you know, what did this studio look like before Conan ruined it?

[Ted Danson]

Oh, yeah. Is he still in the. He's a horrible man. Horrible man.

[Kevin Nealon]

I tried to block him in, but he's actually.

[Ted Danson]

How long have you known him? I mean, clearly.

[Kevin Nealon]

40 years.

[Ted Danson]

One of the sweetest, funniest, nicest people I know. I don't really know him that well. I was on his show a handful of times.

[Kevin Nealon]

Obviously you don't know him that well.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, because he's a dick. Thank you.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's a facade he puts up. You know, he's fooled a lot of people, but I know the real Conan o'. Brien. No, he is a nice guy. He's a sweet guy.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, so are you, Kevin.

[Kevin Nealon]

Thank you very much. And so are you.

[Ted Danson]

Nice to talk to you.

[Kevin Nealon]

You too. Thanks for having me.

[Ted Danson]

Thank God you didn't get Cheers. Seriously, your life would be so fucked.

[Kevin Nealon]

Up and you would have been doing soap still.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, because I'm not a funny guy. I would not be doing stand up.

[Kevin Nealon]

We wouldn't be. You were very funny in that show. And it wasn't just the writers.

[Ted Danson]

We were all good, but the writers. Thank you.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay buddy, travel safely. I will. Thank you.

[Ted Danson]

Thank you. Kevin Nealon I really enjoyed that. It was like meeting an old friend, one you didn't know you had. If you took anything away from our talk, please let it be the reminder to protect the Appalachian Trail for future generations. Take a moment right after this episode to sign the [e-mail] that's it for our show this week. Special thanks to our friends at Team Coco. If you enjoyed this episode, send it to somebody you love, subscribe on your favorite podcast app and maybe give us a great rating and a review on Apple Podcasts. If you're watching your podcasts, all our full length episodes are on YouTube. Visit YouTube.comteamcoco See you next time. Where everybody knows your name.

[Kevin Nealon]

You've been listening to where everybody knows your name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson Sometimes. The show is produced by me, Nick Leow. Our executive producers are Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and myself. Sarah Fedorovich is our supervising producer. Engineering and mixing by Joanna Samuel with support from Eduardo Perez research by Alyssa Grohl Talent booking by Paula Davis and Gina Bautista. Our theme music is by Woody Harrelson, Anthony Genn, Mary Steenbergen and John Osborne.

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[Kevin Nealon]

Is anyone.

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[Ted Danson]

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