Ted Danson (2:42)

the evening going, oh my God, I am a somebody.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (2:46)

And then I saw you do it to a few other people who walked in the exact same move.

Ted Danson (2:49)

And I thought, fuck,

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (2:52)

fuck.

Leslie Jones (2:54)

I don't do it to everybody, trust me, I do it to only the people that I want to give love to. You should see the people. I'll be like, hey, nice to meet You,

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (3:06)

I love. I'm not putting words in your mouth, but I love funny, talented people. Thank you. I hug people all the time because being part of this funny tribe, I'm on a different. I'm on the outskirts of the funny tribe.

Leslie Jones (3:21)

You're a comedic beast.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (3:23)

I've been around comedic beast, like writing, and I'm good with funny writing and all of that. But the standup world, the Saturday nightlife

Leslie Jones (3:33)

world, is a different world. I don't know. I think you would kill it. Have you ever been a host on Saturday snl?

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (3:40)

Yeah. Yeah.

Leslie Jones (3:41)

Did you?

Ted Danson (3:41)

Yes, I was there your first day.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (3:46)

No, no, I wasn't. I wasn't. I wasn't. I was there and it was this

Ted Danson (3:53)

scariest thing I'd ever done.

Leslie Jones (3:55)

Yeah.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (3:55)

When they ask you how.

Ted Danson (3:56)

How was it?

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (3:57)

How was it? And it was like I. I had jumped off a building and somehow landed.

Leslie Jones (4:04)

Yeah, somehow. Because that's exactly what it feels like every week. And we never know too, when the hosts come in what their thing is, like, how much they can stand, how funny they want to be, how far they want to take it. We don't know until we start pitching to them. And you could tell by the pitches. If they laugh or they don't laugh, or they just don't laugh at none of the pitches, then we're just like, okay, so now we got to ask them what they like. What were you looking forward to do here? And then we try to take that, make that funny. And then most of the time, a lot of people don't come in with anything. And then we just do. Lauren pushes us toward what we need to write for them.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (4:47)

I think the people who come in, who have. They know their own comedic voice, their standups or their whatever, the Zach elephant acts, they know what they can and should be doing. I'm assuming that they come in prepared. Or is that some.

Leslie Jones (5:02)

Some like Zach will be like, you could tell doing the pitch. Like, he'll like this. He'll be like, ooh, that's funny. Ooh, that's funny. But we have some people that be like, uh huh. Okay. Uh huh. And we'd be like, oh, shit, she's not responding to nothing. Or he's not responding to nothing. Like, so then that's when the smart people come in. The smart writers come in and go, okay, this is what we're gonna do for them. And the people that do come prepared, we change their whole sketch because we know what they want, we know what you're trying to do with this sketch. And then I had Emma Thompson when I was pitching her, I was getting ready to pitch to her, and she was like, I don't care what we do as long as me and you are fighting. And I was like, emma, you just met me. What the hell? She's like, no, I just want to beat the hell out of you. And I was like, okay, all right. We'll write something for you to beat the hell out of me. And it's just fun.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (5:54)

Oh, I gotta see this.

Leslie Jones (5:55)

Oh, my God. We did that. And it was like a Three Stooges type of thing. Cause she was mess. And Lauren was like, the whole time. He was like. He didn't like to sketch. Cause he was like, you're Leslie Jones. No one is going to beat you up. And I said, but this is, like, comedy. And Emma scares the shit out of me. Like, you know, she just, like, the sketch that she did was. It was so good. It was so good. And I was like, no. Somebody like, Emma would scare me. And he was like, no, it's just not believable. And I was like, we're gonna do it. And we did it. And everybody loved it. There was a couple of people that was like, I didn't like the white woman beating on you. I was like, go watch Three Stooges. Like, me and Tina Fey was so mad. Cause we were like, so women can't be physical. Which I just wanna see us fighting in draws the whole time. What the. So, and it was a really viable sketch. It was like, me. I was the cousin of the girl that was getting married to the prince.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (6:51)

Yes.

Leslie Jones (6:51)

And I had to be taught, like. So it was like, she's trying to

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (6:55)

teach me to be etiquette.

Leslie Jones (6:56)

Yeah. And it was like, one. So she was like, one to 12, four to. And I was like, one to 12, three to six. And she was like. And she would smack the thing out of my hand. It was so funny. So funny. By the end, she put pie in my face. Who doesn't laugh at pie in the face? That is like the original joke next to slipping on a banana. And both of them are still funny as fuck. If I see somebody slipping on a banana, I'm going to lose every bit of my shit. Oh, physically, I don't care what situation is in, I'm going to laugh at the slipping on the banana.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (7:31)

I didn't get that far in my hosting. And I kept going every day.

Leslie Jones (7:37)

Do you.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (7:38)

Do you have anything for me to look at for the. We will. We will. Saturday morning whisper.

Leslie Jones (7:45)

And I'm so Sorry. Did you. What about the table read? They had something for you at the table read, right? No, you just read a whole bunch of.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (7:51)

To be determined. Because I don't even remember a table read.

Ted Danson (7:56)

You mean like the rehearsal?

Leslie Jones (7:58)

No, a table read. Wednesday. You sit down with all of the sketches. All 48 of the sketches written. And you read every one?

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (8:05)

No, no, no.

Leslie Jones (8:05)

Oh, you didn't. That must have been in a different time. Was Lauren there? It was.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (8:10)

Yes. Wait, 89. Maybe he wasn't.

Leslie Jones (8:14)

I got to hit him and ask him. Y' all wasn't doing table Reese in 89?

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (8:18)

Well, they didn't invite me to it, so maybe.

Leslie Jones (8:20)

Hilarious, Ted. What the.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (8:22)

But, but here. Here's what happened. It was Mike Myers, first time. I think I've got this right on camera. First time doing a big spit. So he was playing on for my podcast. I was doing Ted hosting.

Leslie Jones (8:38)

Okay.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (8:39)

And on a split stage. I couldn't see him, but the audience could see a stage in an alternate French universe.

Leslie Jones (8:48)

Yes.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (8:49)

Where he was very French and very. And speaking fluid French and was wetting his pants. Because that was good French humor to get a laugh was. You wet your pants in this alternative world. And so I was doing the same thing and then wetting my pants, but it was really Mike Myers monologue.

Leslie Jones (9:15)

Monologue.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (9:16)

Okay. Yeah. And I kind of was a handy prop.

Leslie Jones (9:20)

Like, I was like, you're his co star.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (9:22)

Yes, rightfully so. The dude was amazing.

Leslie Jones (9:25)

Yo, what happened with Ted Danson host?

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (9:29)

Because he might say he never hosted.

Leslie Jones (9:32)

He could say, oh, my God, that would break my heart. I'd be like, oh, my God, who's gonna tell him?

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (9:38)

Okay, let's talk about your special just for a second, because I've been binging

Leslie Jones (9:42)

you for the last. Really? Okay. Which specials did you watch?

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (9:45)

I watched Life Part two.

Leslie Jones (9:47)

Okay. So you haven't seen Time Machine?

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (9:49)

No, I haven't.

Leslie Jones (9:50)

Time Machine, I think is still on Netflix. I think not. Sure.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (9:54)

I'm going in.

Leslie Jones (9:55)

Okay. I always tell people in Problem Child, if you can find it. Problem Child was my first special. I like for people to see the graduation. Cause the next set that I'm doing now. Fire. I'm talking about.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (10:10)

I watched Fire.

Leslie Jones (10:11)

Oh, no, it was. Okay. So there was so many things on that that we did it the night. The day after the election.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (10:17)

I heard that. Yeah.

Leslie Jones (10:18)

We made the stupid mistake. We just knew that she was gonna win and everybody was gonna be happy. So we scheduled it the day after election. And I'm telling you right now, as soon as we saw I was like, oh, what we. And it was too in. Cause I was like, can we push it back? Can we? And it was just so I was like, you know what? Your job is to be a comedian. Let's go. We have been working on that set for years. To me, I like the set. I don't think it was the best version of the set.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (10:51)

I'm so glad that I heard that, because I heard that. I listened to you talking to somebody, having an interview, and it was a great interview. But you mentioned that. I'm so glad I watched it before I heard that. So it didn't color me because I was knocked out, really, by what you did. Yes. And let me tell you, some of the things I absolutely fucking love is your use of your body. Physical comedy to me, I'm so awesome. Fell in love with Dick Van Dyke,

Leslie Jones (11:18)

you know, falling John Ritter for me.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (11:19)

John Ritter, yes. You also had Chris Rock prowl the. Prowling the stage energy. And I loved, like, you made your body alone, what you did with it. Non stop movement. And was just so joyful to me. I loved it. The other thing I loved was the audience went nuts for you.

Leslie Jones (11:48)

I know you said it's passion. When I first started doing comedy, I was like, let's figure out what it is that it really is a thing that you just. How do you. I can't explain it, but it's something that I know I'm sending happiness out. You know, even if I'm down, I'm bringing happiness out. I'm bringing whatever's needed for the room. And now, right now, I'm pure joy. That's all I want to be now, is pure joy. So if you're laughing, I want you to forget about everything you're thinking about. And I want you to come with me on a ride, because that's what entertainment is. You just. Just like when I watch tv, like, oh, my God, the show. Wait a minute. The show. When you was the God in heaven. Like, oh, my God, I never remember. You know what I'm talking about?

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (12:40)

Yes. The Good Place.

Leslie Jones (12:41)

Yes. Yes. Yo, my assistant wants to hug you for that. Cause I turned her onto that. She watched it in two days. That's how good that that show was. So fucking good. And it made me feel so good. That's what we do. I could just. Just be in imagination land. And that's what I like people to do when they're watching me. Is just completely engrossed. And you can't stand still and get that. Not to me.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (13:05)

No. No, no, you can't. The other thing, that when you watch a movie and thinking more about directors, but it's true about actors in films or whatever, within 20 seconds, you know, whether you're in sure hands or not, and you can relax. You are so in command of the stage and what you're doing and your joy level and all of that. That. The relaxation that happens when I watch that is, oh, I'm in really good hands.

Leslie Jones (13:37)

I'm in hands of a professional. Oh, she know what she's doing? Yeah, that's. That is the best compliment ever.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (13:45)

Let me keep going. When you saw it, when they cut to the audience, they were, you know, having the best time laughing. You killed them. But what I saw, and this is what the mood I'm in nowadays, what I saw was community. You, in that moment, created community. You know, they are all there to. To love on and laugh with you and have a wonderful evening. And that's a sense of community.

Ted Danson (14:14)

And I have a feeling because I

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (14:16)

haven't toured with you and seen you, you know, on tour, but I. I imagine you do that. You go from place to place, commuting, commute, making community, which nowadays is something. It's my now new favorite word of something we so desperately need is community.

Leslie Jones (14:37)

We need to know that we're there for each other. You know, I've always been that way, too, touring. I always like to talk to the people, Talk straight to the people. Talk. I always wanted to be the people's people, you know, the people's favorite. Cause I am part of the people. When I came into comedy, I just was like, I just want to make people laugh. That is it. I love when people laugh, you know, But I knew that. That there was gonna be an important part for me to do as far as being a black woman. Also coming into a real masculine. It was very masculine when I came into it. It was not hardly any black female comedians that were.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (15:11)

What year?

Leslie Jones (15:12)

Ish. 87. 87 is when I. Right out of college. And I didn't have the same. I don't know. How can I. It's okay. Let me be real with you. I came from Compton, you know, drug dealers, gang members, crackheads, all kinds of stuff. Seeing people get shot, all that. And then I step into a comedy club. Other comedians are not gonna intimidate me. Does that make sense? You're a fucking clown. I'll beat your ass. You know, that's how I started off. Like, you're not gonna treat me like the other women, because I'll Fuck you up. Like, oh, you can't tour with me unless you having sex with me. I wouldn't fuck you with my enemy's pussy. So, sorry, I know you're gonna have to cut all that, but.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (15:56)

Oh, no.

Leslie Jones (15:57)

But do you get what I'm saying? Like, you're not finna talk to me. Like, Earthquake used to say all the time. He was like, you need to let me take you out. I'll feed you. And I said, fuck off. Like, you know, I've had a lot of comedians hit on me. Cause I was a bad bitch when I came in. I was bad bitch. Like, beautiful. Like, long hair, all that. But I didn't have the same attitude as the other women. I was like, I'm supposed to be here. I remember a comedian coming up to me telling me how, why are you telling pussy jokes? That's not ladylike. And I said, who the fuck told you I was a lady? I said, I think you better step the fuck off. I was like, you talking about pussy? You shouldn't be telling pussy jokes. You got a dick. Now, I can see if you was complaining about my dick jokes, but you can't complain about my pussy jokes. I'm like, a one professional got a pussy. And it's just like, you have to. I came with that attitude. Anybody you ask that's ever from my past will say, yeah, Leslie was always that girl. Because men, I hate to say it, they're chauvinists. Chauvinist. Especially the ones in that business when I was coming out, they're just chauvinist. Oh, girls can't. So when I came out, I performed like a dude. They considered that performing like a dude. Cause I was just, you know, I went on stage just as confident as another. And if you introduce me as a female comic, I'mma beat your ass. Hey, y' all ready for a female? Oh, y' all ready for a unicorn? Y' all ready for a goat? Y' all ready? Don't introduce me like that. You don't introduce the men like that. You don't say, hey, we about to have a male comic. No, I'm a fucking comic, just like you. And I would go up there and rip that shit. So it's. I've always had the.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (17:33)

You came in that way.

Leslie Jones (17:34)

I came in that way because I had already been studying and didn't know it. I had already been studying. I had already listened to every Richard Pryor and Redd Fox and Millie Jackson. And. Here come the judge. Here come the judge. Everybody get cuss. Here come the judge. I listened to everything. I looked at everything. Buster Keaton was one of my favorite people. Just to watch his movement and just all that. I already knew what I was gonna be. I just had to work to get to that. I was good. I was already good when I had the stage presence. You see, my first act, I had the stage presence. I had all of that. But what I needed was the jokes, you know, So I wasn't f to let nobody get in my way because that's how much I loved comedy. I I'll tell you like this people was like, aren't you scared to do it? I was like, I'm more scared not to do scares me more not to go up than to go up. Does that make sense?

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (18:29)

No. 100% 1.

Ted Danson (18:38)

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Ted Danson (20:57)

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Ted Danson (21:51)

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Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (21:57)

Oh my God.

Leslie Jones (21:59)

I can't believe I'm sitting here talking to you. This is insane.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (22:03)

I usually, I thought before I. Sometimes I go, I need to go meditate beforehand because my brain's all over the place. Just meditate. And I thought of doing that before you came. I went, no, no, dude. Jumping Jack's, man. Jump, dude.

Leslie Jones (22:16)

Jumping Jeff.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (22:17)

Get your blood pumping, dude.

Leslie Jones (22:19)

You can't be calm around me. See, I start getting hot too.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (22:23)

We do need to do something someday, man.

Leslie Jones (22:27)

I want to do something like. And I want it to be physical. Well, I would do all the physical. Don't worry about it.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (22:34)

Be gentle. When you hugged me out there in the lobby, did I hurt you? No, but it felt good.

Leslie Jones (22:40)

Don't get it.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (22:40)

You squished my right ear hearing aid into my ear and then a couple of my collarbones popped out. But other than that.

Leslie Jones (22:53)

Cause I'm strong.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (22:53)

You strong?

Leslie Jones (22:54)

I am strong. And can you believe I'm 58?

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (22:57)

Yeah. Well done.

Leslie Jones (22:58)

Okay.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (22:59)

No, no, no, no, no.

Leslie Jones (23:00)

Sorry, did you say no?

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (23:01)

Yeah, I mean, yeah, I know you're 58.

Ted Danson (23:05)

Sorry.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (23:07)

You know, I. Nowadays it's good to be a woman at 85.

Leslie Jones (23:13)

Yeah. My trainer, he only trains older clients. He has a 99 year old client that be coming in there moving faster than me, going to his spots and stuff. You gotta keep moving. And death is when you stop moving, bae.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (23:28)

Yes.

Leslie Jones (23:28)

Don't you think though, we're different older people than our Parents. Cause my parents at 50 looked like they was because they bought it.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (23:36)

Not bought into. They were hammered into 65. It's over. Now. You can be a crone if you want. A crone is okay for you, but you can't still be hot.

Leslie Jones (23:46)

And that's crazy.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (23:47)

I know. And here's the thing that you do by doing what you do and also claiming 58 is you're. You're telling the younger girls out there in the world, there is no shelf life on your creativity and your ability to kick ass.

Leslie Jones (24:03)

How about there's no shelf life on life, period? I get so tired of talking to younger kids and they think that their life is literally over at 30. I was like, do you know what the fuck I was doing at 30? Yeah, you got. You have. You have everything. Y' all have everything at your fingertips right now. If you have the energy of our generation, ain't no telling where. Now, I'm not saying that they don't move smarter, because they do move a little bit smarter than us, but the work ethic should still be the same. I understand that you moving smarter, but still put that work ethic towards what you're doing, because that's gonna make it better. Don't get lazy. Don't come up with fake it till you make it. Oh, let's do less work and get back. No, fuck all that. Then you make that type of product and people see it. People love me because it's real product. When I come out on stage, yes, there's people there that goes, oh, I know her from snl. I know this. But then when they le. They go, oh, but she's stand up too, because I'm a standup, you know, Stop. Stop this. I hate that phrase. Fake it till you make. I hate that shit. How about make it? How about just make it? Fuck that. Do the work, build the foundation. It's just like the three little pigs Build a brick house, not a house of stick and sand. Fucking have a reason that people pick you. And yes, that takes a little bit longer, but I swear to God, I'm so glad that I stuck in there, because I'm a samurai of my shit. I'm a samurai now.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (25:40)

They have a lot of chatter going in their ears about how to make it. You know what it means to be a man. You know how you should be. All of the crap on the Internet that they have to sift through.

Leslie Jones (25:57)

You know what bothers me is the 50. I was like, do y' all not remember your parents? My mom and Daddy brought both of their checks home and they paid all the fucking bills, so. Is that 50? 50? What are you talking about? It's like, you don't have a mama. Do you have a mama? Like, what is wrong with these mugs? Yeah, and I'm not gonna be. I don't wanna be fucked up and say this, but, yeah, it's in the home. It's in the home. Like, you can't just stick a fucking iPad in the kid's hand and expect him to learn the things he needs to learn, Right? Women talk to your boys about sex and stuff. Men talk to your daughters about sex. Those are the people that not the fathers shouldn't be talking to. Sons. Y' all stupid. Y' all stupid as fuck. But you do know what men say, and that's the information you can give them. And this is why I tell parents all the time, you send your kid out there ununiformed, untrained, and not ready for battle. You're the problem. They supposed to learn rejection from you. They're supposed to learn how to treat a woman or a man from you. That comes from the home. Why would you not gear your child up with as much information as they can so they can be able to fight the forces outside? Why wouldn't you be the first person to teach them about sex and about their body? Why wouldn't you do that? So they don't learn from the wrong people. I'm sorry, this. Men need to go in there and talk to your son like, or women. Yo, what. What do you know about your dick? What do you know about your dick? Talk to me.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (27:35)

I'm trying to think of an answer.

Leslie Jones (27:40)

I asked this on the time. I asked men when the last time you got your dick checked. When you just walking out here with a dirty dick. Listen, you ask a woman when they got they shit checked, they know the day, the time, the doctor, the test, what that receptionist wore, what that bitch was crying about in the receptionist's office. All that. Because if we don't take care of our shit, it'll smell like a Foot Locker.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (28:05)

I, I, I wouldn't.

Leslie Jones (28:08)

But y' all out here, you know, slamming salami, your nuts smell like lunch meat.

Ted Danson (28:16)

She's talking about you, Nick, not me.

Leslie Jones (28:18)

Clearly couldn't be me. You're nuts. Click clack. How did we get here?

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (28:28)

Because you have opinions, you know, you have opinions that are kind of spot on. Not kind of. They're spot on. And it pisses you off that the world has forgotten all that shit. Let me ask You. Did your mom and dad see you. You Leslie? Did they see this?

Leslie Jones (28:46)

My mom got sick in 87. She had a stroke, so she was bedridden. I think she knew of everything I was doing. My father. Well, when I came out of college, I had a scholarship. I lost my scholarship. Cause I was doing comedy. And I called my dad and I said, hey, I lost my scholarship. And he was like, oh, no, no, no. You ain't loose your sky. I'm gonna call the coach. We gonna get this straight now. Cause obviously somebody, what are you doing out there? And I was like, no, daddy, I don't wanna play basketball anymore. And then there was a quiet. And he was like, well, what you gonna do then? What are you gonna do? And I was like, I wanna be a comedian. He was like, what the fuck is you talking about? He was like, who the fuck told you you was funny? You have never made me laugh ever, ever, in your whole fucking life. And in my head, I'm like, I made him laugh all the fucking time. Talking about. He was like, you're not a fucking comedian. You're not coming to my house. Talking about you're gonna be a comedian. I was like, nope, I'm not gonna come to your house. I'm gonna go live with my boyfriend. Click. So I ain't talked to him for like two years. And then he saw me on BET and he called me and he was like, goddamn, you're funny. He's. I want to be your manager. And. But he got to see his daughter. But he got to see it. Yeah, he got to see that.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (30:02)

Yeah.

Leslie Jones (30:03)

Yeah. I really wish he could see the stuff now. Cause he'll be just like, damn, that's good. Like, you know, it's so funny. I had a lady come up to me and she was like, oh, my God, I love your show. So good. You're so funny. And I was like, oh, and this. When I first. You know, I was like, oh, I'm good. I'm all right. And she was like, what do you mean, you're all right? I was like, you know, I'm not as funny as Richard Pryor. And she was like, good. She was like, you're. You're funny. Like, no. You know, and it was. It made me realize, like, those are people that you learn from. You now are yourself, and now you're not. Cause when I first started, I was like, I'm gonna be like Eddie Murphy. I'll be like Richard Price. So that's the.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (30:40)

But that's how you do it, isn't it? I mean, it's not fake it until you make it. It's to emulate people who you.

Leslie Jones (30:46)

That you admire.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (30:47)

Right? Yeah, definitely.

Leslie Jones (30:49)

Cause the John Ritter thing. Oh, God, I love that.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (30:52)

We just had Jason Ritter here. Oh.

Leslie Jones (30:54)

And I talked to him. I talked. When I talked to him. I think I made that boy cry. Cause I told him. Cause John Ritter saved my life.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (31:00)

He.

Leslie Jones (31:01)

I was driving to New York to make it, you know, to be in the. And I was driving by myself. And I stopped at this hotel, and I was just scared. This hotel was very sketchy. It had a Pizza Hut. I just remember the Pizza Hut was so good, but it was a really scary hotel. And I had the door. Let the chair up under the door. I was like, oh, my God. I'm so scared. I don't feel comfortable. I'm going someplace. I don't know what the fuck is gonna happen. What have I done? And Problem Child came on. That's why I named my first special Problem Child. Problem Child came on. And it was like. I saw John, and I was like, nothing can happen. Nothing bad can happen. If John's here. John's gonna take care of me. And I watched Problem Child and went to sleep and was okay. And he. You could just. I was like, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you. He was like. He was that kind of guy, but he.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (31:48)

Yeah, he was. He made all of us feel safe and happy. And life. Life will work out. And then he died. And it was stunning.

Leslie Jones (31:59)

It fucked me up. I'm gonna be quite honest. It did fuck me up. I was like, no. It made me go get my heart checked.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (32:04)

Yeah.

Leslie Jones (32:05)

Cause I was like. It just happened to him. So I was like, no, that man was great. Yo. You know what? His. You know, he was so great in everything he did. My favorite performance by him was Buffy the Vampire Slayer when he played the robot. I think that's what he got a. I think he got an Emmy for that.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (32:21)

Shoot, I haven't seen that.

Leslie Jones (32:22)

Oh, ghost dick. Do yourself a favor. Go watch it. He was Buffy's mom's boyfriend, so he was perfect. And he was too perfect, and Buffy didn't like him. And there was this one scene when he malfunctioned, and he went. And I was like, john Ritter, you are fucking the bomb.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (32:40)

Yeah.

Leslie Jones (32:41)

It was just so good.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (32:42)

Sling Blade, come on now. That was unbelievable.

Leslie Jones (32:46)

I didn't know that that was him.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (32:48)

No.

Ted Danson (32:48)

Yes, you're right.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (32:49)

I know what you mean. No, no, it was.

Leslie Jones (32:53)

I thought it was Billy Bob Thornton.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (32:55)

Yeah.

Leslie Jones (32:56)

I swear to God, I did that whole time.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (32:59)

Yeah, yeah.

Leslie Jones (33:00)

It's just like, how do we. How do we not? Like, that's what pisses me off about people not wanting to know history. Like, how can you even be what you want to be without looking at the people who did it before you? Whenever I hear somebody say, like, I almost got into a fight with a comedian once. That was like, I've seen Richard Pryor. He was all right. I literally had to walk out the room because I was like, you're not even fucking funny. How dare you judge someone who. Who's actually funny, who's actually an ancestor of this. You gotta absorb everything. When I was doing just black clubs, I had comedians going. You gotta go mainstream. You need to go to all the clubs. You know what I'm saying? Because my whole dream was I wanted to make everybody laugh. And I love my black clubs. But I had to get to them white clubs, to the mainstream clubs, so I can meet different type of comedians that would give me different type of tags to my jokes. And when I would do those clubs, I would tell those white comedians, go down to the black clubs and do those clubs. You become striving. You become a better comedian. You open up your portfolio. Portfolio just gets beautiful, you know? When I went to New York, I was performing for Albanians. I loved it. Albanians love black people. It was so wonderful. Like, Russians. And I love it all. I went to Amsterdam and performed for Dutch. I didn't know no Dutch. I learned, like, three Dutch. Suck dick and something else. And I would put it in my act. And they were just. It's so great. It's just great. And it feels great, and I love it. Yo, I'm just a big kid in front of your parents when you're dancing. And that's all I am when I'm on stage.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (34:50)

You have a tour right now, right?

Leslie Jones (34:51)

Yes, sir.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (34:52)

For the rest of the year? Kind of.

Leslie Jones (34:54)

Yeah. I'm doing, like, dates here. Cause we are strengthening up this set that I got. Even though it's just. I need three more. I think three more punchlines and it'll be perfect.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (35:05)

Having a special yes on tv. Do you book that and then go, okay, I'm going on the road and finding that show. Or do you go on the road and you're working shit up and they

Leslie Jones (35:18)

go and they sell it?

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (35:20)

Yeah, it's okay.

Leslie Jones (35:21)

That's how I do it. That's how I do it. I mean, like, that's like getting your money before the work. No, I I like to. Cause I never know what I'm going to make up.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (35:29)

Yeah.

Leslie Jones (35:29)

I never know what's going to be the special. So, yeah, once it's perfected, then I say we can sell it.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (35:35)

And that means some executive from HBO or someplace. No, Peacock.

Leslie Jones (35:40)

I mean, whoever's going to.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (35:42)

You know, whoever's gonna.

Leslie Jones (35:43)

Yeah, yeah, whoever's gonna. Who's ever offering to put me somewhere? We, you know, this time it was

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (35:47)

peacock, you know, and it'll take, what, nine months to.

Leslie Jones (35:51)

To get it ready.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (35:52)

Yeah.

Leslie Jones (35:52)

This Last set was 2 1/2 years. I don't like the Rush sets, but I will say what I did smartly was while I was working on that set, I was working on the set after it. Like, the jokes that we knew wasn't gonna go in this set, we made them for the next set.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (36:05)

Right. So I waste the good jokes.

Leslie Jones (36:07)

Right. Right. So now. So now when I've started, now this set actually got ready faster because we were already working on it. Cause, oh, God, this next set, I just. I'm talking about. It's everything I wanted and more, you know? And listen, all of my sets I love. All of my sets I love. But it's like I'm getting better and better. I'm, like becoming the comic that I've always wanted to be. You know what I'm saying? Just like, I love laughter and smart at the same time, but just laughter

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (36:39)

with a sad underbelly.

Leslie Jones (36:42)

What? Vulnerability.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (36:43)

Or at least an experience of life that gave you sadness.

Leslie Jones (36:48)

But vulnerability, that's what I call it. I don't call it sadness. It never should be sadness. It should be a lesson in your life. This is very important for me to say. I hate when people think that they're normal. You are not normal. If you are a human being, you are not normal. You are a specific piece of art that was created by God. So you have a job to do. You have a job to do, and that is to be yourself. Because God created you. So there was a reason he created you the way he created you. Find out what that is. And that's supposed to be part of community. We talk about community, right? If you can find that. I swear, when I found it in myself, it's just like happiness. You can't treat nobody bad. You refuse to treat people bad when you love yourself because you don't want that coming back. I'm telling people all the time, please find out that this is your shit. This, all your life is yours. Your problems, your insecurities, your thoughts, your dreams. That is your shit. It's no one else's. It's yours. It's yours. If you want it to look like a certain way, get your ass up and do it. It's up to you. And it doesn't matter how old you are, how poor you are. None of that shit should have a factor. It's in you. Make it happen.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (38:05)

I think this is really important. It's truism. And it took me. I feel like I am. I don't know why I'm stuttering. I feel like I have gotten to that point in my life that you're talking about. It didn't mean that I didn't get. Go be funny and grateful and be around creative people. I got that. And I'm so blessed and lucky and I got to do that. But doing this podcast, oddly enough, has kind of focused me what I feel I have to contribute to the world. And it is. And I shouldn't speak for Mary, but as a couple, we kind of do this too. And this is, you know, should never call out stuff like this, but is to spread love, hope, kindness. Kindness is a big thing to me. And spread that because put that out there.

Leslie Jones (39:06)

Treat people yourself is yourself. You are yourself's best friend. If you had a best friend and someone's treating them bad, you would curse that person out. You'd be like, don't touch my best friend. That's what you need to do. Do for yourself. And it's also gratitude. I tell everybody, gratitude. Please be happy to where you are right now. It doesn't matter if it's a rented room. I had a rented room, lived with five rosters. Had my own little room. I had to do it. 350amonth. You have to do it sometimes. But I swear to God, I appreciated that room. You appreciate that raggly car. I used to sit at the bus stop and go, I don't care what kind of car I get. I just want a car. It doesn't matter. Love that car. Because you are not gonna get blessed to the next level. Not appreciating where you are. If you can't love that one bedroom or that studio or that little raggedy car. Why would you get anything better? Why would God go, I'm going to give you something better. You didn't thank me, man, when I was in that little one student man, I had, man, that was my palace. I loved it. It's my own space. Come on. Ragley car. I had a 79 Monte Carlo. Love that car. Loved that car. You know how many gigs I went to, I had a car, and it was big enough to put stuff in. What, like, you appreciate that, and then that's when God goes, yes, now we're going to move you up. And you may not move up much, but it'll be better than where you was. Appreciate gratitude. Love yourself. Look in the mirror every day and go, listen, I may not be perfect, but fuck, I'm you. Damn, I'm you. Bow, nobody else is me.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (40:34)

100%.

Leslie Jones (40:35)

Nobody else is me. If you're trying to be somebody else, who trying to be you?

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (40:39)

Really good advice.

Leslie Jones (40:41)

Yeah.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (40:41)

And also just true.

Leslie Jones (40:43)

Yeah.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (40:44)

It's not spin.

Leslie Jones (40:45)

It's how life. I know y' all think I'm just saying the cliches and shit, but if you do not like yourself, if you do not love yourself, you cannot give it to anyone else. You're not gonna be able to fully love someone else. You're just not. You can't give what you don't have. And finding the love of yourself is not gonna be an easy thing. But it's yours.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (41:06)

It's your experience, and it's your life.

Leslie Jones (41:08)

It's your life.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (41:09)

It's your life.

Leslie Jones (41:10)

Yes. Live it to the fullest because you don't want to get old and be like, I always tell people, think deathbed. What would you say on your deathbed? You know what I want to say on my deathbed. Damn, I'm glad I fucked that dude in Paris.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (41:25)

Mine will be Mont Rouge. I don't know why. I don't know why, but I like this. I'm just.

Leslie Jones (41:34)

More rouge is hilarious. They'd be like, ted wanted more rouge.

Ted Danson (41:44)

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Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (43:57)

I'll add another word to my life nowadays, which is curious. Stay curious.

Leslie Jones (44:04)

Hungry?

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (44:05)

Yeah. But also, this world is a little crazy. Don't let it take your curiosity away or excitement about possibilities or what's around the corner. Even if it's dark, stay curious.

Leslie Jones (44:21)

But isn't that what faith is? Faith is having hope in the things unseen. Yep, that's what faith is. If you're thinking about the past, you're gonna make yourself depressed. You can't do nothing about the past. If you think about the future, you don't even know what's gonna happen. So you can't think about that. All you can do is stay positive and have faith and stay in the present.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (44:40)

Okay, timeout. My turn. Okay, where did this come from?

Leslie Jones (44:43)

What do you mean? Everything I say. The wisdom, Experience. Experience, babe. Pain. Pain therapy, having. When I was at snl, I had. I remember Lauren saying to me, cause I was just sad and I didn't know. He was like, you gotta. You gotta go talk to somebody. He was like, I tell my wife all the time. I try to talk to my wife about everything. And then my wife goes, this is really great, but I don't want to hear it. Go talk to a therapist. And when I went to a therapist, I finally felt like I was getting the oil change done right. I'd been doing my oil changes my whole life and I was not tightening it up. I'm not putting the right grease in there, maybe using some cheap ass oil. But when I went to a real mechanic, she did my oil change correctly. Now I knew exactly why I was acting this way or why I had these fears. How many lies I was telling to myself, how much that I thought that I did like myself, but actually scared of myself. All the things that people fell in love with me about was the things I hated about myself. And I didn't understand that until I found out ain't nobody else gonna be able to do it but you. Like Lauren used to tell me all the time, there is something about the way you deliver stuff that is just so good. If you could just find the root of that, you'll find yourself. And I did. And that made me so happy about life. It was just like, I gotta tell everybody. Like, only thing you gotta do is just like. Like yourself, like, go. And I promise, it's so awesome on the other side. Yes, it feels a little painful going through it, but it's like a good pain. It's like cleaning out the closets and seeing all your dirt and shit that you done kept and you going, I could throw that away. Oh, shit, I could. You know what? That don't even look like. Even the people I had beefs with, I would see them and I'd be like, I don't know what, hey, how you doing? And they would be like, oh, hey, hey. I'm so sorry. I don't know why I didn't like you. Yeah, Maybe it's something in you I saw in myself.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (46:50)

It sounds simplistic, but it could be a blueprint for this country.

Leslie Jones (46:55)

Baby, we gotta get rid of the pimple first. You know what I mean?

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (47:00)

I do know.

Leslie Jones (47:01)

We need to clean our face first.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (47:02)

How's your heart? How are you dealing with. Cause so many people don't know what's going on. You know,

Leslie Jones (47:10)

it's hard when I hear some of the stuff that. Cause you go, God, I really believed in. I really believed in us as Americans. Like, I really believed in us, but. But then it goes back to, you have to do what you're responsible for. If you want to feel good about yourself and feel good about what's going on, make yourself part of it. Make sure you register to vote. Make sure you're paying attention to the correct news, not the bullshit. Somebody said you should be president. You don't want me to be president cause I'm turning the TV off at 12. Do you get what I'm saying? You remember when the flag used to come on? I'm Turning that off. Social media is off at 12. I don't give a fuck what money you making off of it. You can start again at six in the morning Sunday. This shit is completely turned off because you need to sleep or spend some time with your family or go to church or whatever it is that you need to do. That shit's off on Sunday. So you don't want me to be. You don't want me to be the president? Cause I'm gonna do. I'm gonna take the most highest salaries in the world. Is gonna be the garbage man and the teachers.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (48:09)

Yeah.

Leslie Jones (48:10)

Cause those are the two most important. Like, you want America to be great again? Let's get educated. Racism is gonna be against the law. You can't be racist in my. There's too many different people from everywhere. How you gonna be racist? You can't be racist here. Go to another country. Touching, feeling, hurting. Anything to a child. Death. Let me explain why we have volcanoes. Why are we not using them? Throw their ass in a volcano. You tell the motherfucker. You throw a couple of motherfuckers in the volcano, we gonna straighten up out here. Why you think we got volcanoes? I know it sound crazy. Why we got Death Row? Why we got Death Row? I never understood that. I mean. I mean, I get it. There's some people there that's not supposed to be there. That's why we bring in those prosecutions and the defense and we go through that case to make sure that you're supposed to be here or whatever. And then we, you know, I'm not saying everybody gonna go in a volcano, but a lot of people gonna be in that volcano. Okay, See, that's why I can't be president. I can't even run off of that. You know what I'm saying? As soon as I say volcanoes, people gonna be like, yeah, she's. Get her the fuck out of there. But then again, I might win because

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (49:23)

I don't know how to banter with you. Because there's enough truth in there. It's like.

Leslie Jones (49:29)

It's like.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (49:29)

But maybe it's wrong.

Leslie Jones (49:31)

Wait a minute. This is. This isn't a good idea. Just wait.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (49:36)

I have to find a way to. How's your heart? Tie it directly into volcano.

Leslie Jones (49:41)

No, but my heart. My heart is my heart. Which is so weird, doing all this. I'm so happy to be me.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (49:49)

Yeah.

Leslie Jones (49:50)

I'm so happy that people like me. Like they like me. And I'm being who I am. That is a fucking great thing. Like I am. There's nothing. Like I'm not faking, like. And I don't have to anymore because people like it. So my heart is just full. I wish I had a boyfriend sometimes.

Ted Danson (50:10)

And that.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (50:11)

And why would you wish it and not just happen?

Leslie Jones (50:14)

Because I like being by myself.

Ted Danson (50:16)

Oh.

Leslie Jones (50:17)

I enjoy my own company. Cause I have fun.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (50:20)

So maybe you don't need a boyfriend.

Leslie Jones (50:21)

Maybe just a lover. Right. Can you hook me up? No. No. You don't know anybody?

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (50:28)

No.

Leslie Jones (50:28)

That's fucked up.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (50:29)

Yeah.

Leslie Jones (50:30)

I would think that you would know somebody's head as cute as you.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (50:32)

Mary, maybe. Mary.

Leslie Jones (50:35)

Tell Mary to get on it, please. Thanks.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (50:37)

Yeah.

Leslie Jones (50:39)

Actually I would love to marry Bad Bunny. But I want to see how bad that bunny is. You know?

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (50:47)

Okay. Basketball. Basketball.

Leslie Jones (50:48)

I love basketball.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (50:49)

I know. I can't let you go without basketball. Because basketball saved my life at 13.

Leslie Jones (50:55)

Yeah.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (50:55)

I was not an academic.

Leslie Jones (50:57)

Yeah.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (50:58)

And never was going to be one.

Ted Danson (51:01)

I tried very hard.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (51:03)

And I found basketball at this little

Ted Danson (51:07)

private school in Connecticut. And there were 300 boys and we got to play. I got to play basketball.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (51:16)

And I was never that great. But my passion took me as far as I needed to go. I was. We. We.

Ted Danson (51:25)

We won our championship.

Leslie Jones (51:26)

You love the sports for the kids.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (51:28)

You love the sports. Oh my God.

Ted Danson (51:30)

And they changed my life.

Leslie Jones (51:31)

My. My mom knew when you're little and you go through things and your mom knows that. My mom knew I was. Had a lot of energy and I may be crazy. So she put me in everything. She put me in. I was flag, football, track and all that. But basketball was the one thing I gravitated toward. Cause my dad loved basketball and I was tall. So I was in sixth grade and I was coming running in the hallway and the coach was like, hey. And I was like, shit, I'm in trouble. Running in the hallway. And she was like. Cause I was taller than her. She was like, you play basketball? And I was like, no. And she was like, three o' clock, gym today. And been playing basketball ever since.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (52:09)

How tall were you at 13?

Leslie Jones (52:11)

It's like probably how tall I am now. I don't never remember. I don't remember being short. I don't remember not being this height.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (52:17)

I was 6ft and 120 pounds.

Leslie Jones (52:21)

You probably just a big stick.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (52:23)

I was a big stick. Bullies wouldn't hit me. Cause they knew they would kill me. I would have shattered.

Leslie Jones (52:30)

See, it was opposite for me. I used to think I was protecting people from the bully. But then I found out I was the bully. Cause I was bigger than everybody in School. But basketball did the same thing for me. It gave me. See, especially when I came to Cali, and they took him way more serious in Cali than I was in Memphis. And I was, like, really good for, you know. And they was like, you're very good for the youth. You are. Cause my dad used to practice with me all the time. And it just brought, like, my coach. I love all my coaches. Cause they were like, practice. You play like you practice. That's life. Isn't that life?

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (53:05)

That's true.

Leslie Jones (53:06)

You play like you practice. You gotta have passion. I remember my coach telling me, he was like, sometimes you play so fricking good. He's like, and then sometimes you play like crap. He was like, I could sit here and talk till I'm blue in the face, but unless you love it, unless you have the passion for it, I can't do nothing. And that was true about life, isn't it? Yep. And when I realized that I don't want to play basketball no more, I want to be a comedian, you know? So I love sports for kids. I love sports for kids. And it doesn't have to be physical sport. It could be chess. It could. That shit is. Oof, right? Like, it could be any of that. I tell you, tell your kids about everything, you know what I'm saying? Ballet, everything. Let them do that. Because. And you know what? If you don't know what you want to do, go to a community college or try to go to college. College is so, you know, it's kind of expensive, but even in that first year, you just see and experience so much stuff, it'll come to you. That's how the comedy came to me. You know, my friends signed me up for a contest, and I won. And I was like, oh, shit, I'm going to be a comedian. You know? And I would have never knew that if I didn't go to college. So I'm not saying that, you know, you just try even. Just. Even a trade school. Like, learn something that you can make money off of if you're trying to do your dream. Mine was waitressing and bartending, and I was good at that shit. And I made my money and paid my rent. Pay your fucking rent. There's no such thing as homeless stars. I'm so tired of y' all saying that struggling Arla.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (54:40)

Shit.

Leslie Jones (54:41)

Pay your fucking bills. Get a job. Get two jobs. If you really love what you do, you're gonna do it while you're working. Pay your fucking taxes. Don't starve you. Don't have to starve. It's just nonsense. Sometimes people look at that Hollywood shit and think, no, there's no such thing as an overnight success. You gotta fucking work. Mike Tyson had a thousand fights before he became a champion. I don't know how many gigs I've had. I was 47 when I got actually discovered. And I've been doing comedy since I was 18, so I can't even count how many shows I've done.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (55:16)

Right.

Leslie Jones (55:17)

But you need to have that experience so you can be undeniable. Don't walk in a room faking it. That's the worst thing you could ever do.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (55:25)

You are amazing everything.

Leslie Jones (55:27)

Stop it.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (55:27)

No, I'm gonna. If I did needlepoint, I would be needlepointing half of the things you said and hanging out of my wall.

Leslie Jones (55:33)

Jamie Foxx said I'm a walking T shirt. He said, you should have so many T shirts.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (55:39)

Yeah.

Leslie Jones (55:40)

This is what I love about you. Every show that I can think of that you've ever been on, the whole crew is funny.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (55:47)

Yeah.

Leslie Jones (55:48)

Yeah. The whole. Every you. Every character on there, you love. And it's almost like you're. You know what I'm saying? Like you're orchestrating it. Like you're the glue of it.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (56:00)

I'm the tall guy.

Leslie Jones (56:01)

No, you're the glue, but I am the tall guy. And then think about that happened to you because of gravitation. You were always gonna be an actor. Isn't that great?

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (56:10)

Yeah.

Leslie Jones (56:11)

It was just training the basketball.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (56:13)

I didn't care whether in the beginning whether I was in a class, whether I was an extra on a commercial. I didn't care where I was as long as I was acting. I just could not get enough of it.

Leslie Jones (56:26)

Yes.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (56:27)

Yeah.

Leslie Jones (56:28)

And I wish that kids would just take the time. Y' all just trying to grow up so fast. Take the time and live your life. Your cortex is not fully developed until you're 25. So if you're 30, you're 5 years old. Seriously, start, Start. When I meet these kids that be like, I want to be a millionaire by 21. Bitch, you will be dead by 22 because you don't know what the fuck to do with money. But that is something that we should teach our kids. But you're just dumb. Like, I'm not saying dumb. You just. You are. You're a dumb, white, wet, behind the ear fucking kid.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (57:07)

Yeah.

Leslie Jones (57:08)

And society puts so much pressure on you. Your 20s is supposed to be lively and fun and just uncurious and traveling and going to spring break. That's your 20s. Your 30s is when you start going, yes, this is. I want to do this now. I want to get. You know what I mean? It's a scru. Stop believing that your life stops at 30 and 40. That's when that shit get good, yo. When I turn 50, that's when that shit really got good.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (57:43)

Yeah. And chasing money is

Leslie Jones (57:48)

the wrong thing.

Ted Danson (57:49)

Chase.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (57:49)

You know, I have to say this to myself now because, you know, the train behind us in my life, Mary and I, it's is big. So you. It does take money.

Leslie Jones (58:02)

Yeah.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (58:03)

But when I go, oh, and if I even dabble in oh, about money, it's either Mary smacks me or I smack myself. Because no, you stay creative and you stay, you know, trying to make a difference in the world.

Leslie Jones (58:19)

And healthy.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (58:19)

You focus on that. And healthy.

Leslie Jones (58:21)

Because no matter how rich you are, if you don't have health, you're poor as fuck.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (58:25)

Yeah, buddy.

Ted Danson (58:26)

Pal.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (58:27)

What a hoot. Thank you so much.

Leslie Jones (58:30)

This was so fun. This was way fun. This was way funner than I thought it was gonna be.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (58:34)

Way better than Conan o', Brien, I might add.

Leslie Jones (58:38)

I'm not gonna say that because we are, like, in his house, so. But Conan.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (58:42)

Yeah, yeah, that's true. He's my hero. All right, never mind.

Leslie Jones (58:45)

No, you're way more handsomer than Colin, actually.

Ted Danson (58:49)

Take a look at it. Take a look at the man stands tall and is very handsome.

Leslie Jones (58:55)

Yeah. But he got that, like, windy thing going on.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (58:59)

Yeah. His hair is not attractive.

Ted Danson (59:01)

That's the one.

Leslie Jones (59:01)

His hair is not attractive. I talked to him about that. It was like, you look like a little boy. You look like Opie.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (59:10)

Can we cut that into a commercial, please? Hey, I love you.

Leslie Jones (59:15)

Thank you so much for having me. This was great.

Ted Danson (59:26)

My heart is definitely pounding. That was amazing. Thank you. Leslie Jones.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (59:32)

Please check out Leslie's most recent standup

Ted Danson (59:36)

special, Leslie Jones Life Part 2. Streaming on Peacock now. She's currently performing standup around the US. Tickets can be found at just leslie.com that's it for this week. Special thanks to Team Coco. If you enjoyed this episode, please send it to a loved one. If you're new to this show, I recommend checking out some of our past episodes. Helen Hunt, Matthew McConaughey, Carol Burnett, W. Kamau Bell. Just for starters, once again, you can watch our full length video episodes@YouTube.com teamcoco see you next time. Where everybody knows your name.

Podcast Producer/Announcer (60:25)

You've been listening to where everybody knows your name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson. Sometimes the show is produced by me, Nick Leal. Our executive producers are Adam Sapphire, Jeff Ross and myself. Sara Fedorovich is our supervising producer. Engineering and mixing by Joanna Samuel with support from Eduardo Perez, research by Alyssa Grohl, talent booking by Paula Davis and Gina Bautista. Our theme music is by Woody Harrelson, Antony Gend, Mary Steenbergen and John Osborne. And Doug there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (61:14)

Hey, everyone.

Podcast Producer/Announcer (61:15)

Check out this guy and his bird.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (61:16)

What is this, your first date?

Leslie Jones (61:18)

Oh, no.

Podcast Producer/Announcer (61:18)

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (61:24)

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

Podcast Producer/Announcer (61:26)

Anyways, get a quote@libertymutual.com or with your local agent.

Interviewer (possibly Mary or a podcast host) (61:29)

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

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