Patton Oswalt

Summary

Podcast Summary: Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson (Sometimes)

Guest: Patton Oswalt
Date: September 17, 2025

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Main Theme

This episode features a candid, engaging, and often profound conversation between Ted Danson and comedian/writer/actor Patton Oswalt. The discussion traverses the highs and challenges of standup comedy, the craft of acting, the responsibility of artists, the state of society, and how to maintain hope amidst cynicism. Oswalt’s signature honesty and wit shine as he and Danson explore vulnerability, authenticity, and finding meaning in art and life.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Adrenaline of Standup and Performance

• Tying Risk to Comedy: The episode opens with Patton comparing standup’s vulnerability to the high-risk endeavors of astronauts and extreme adventurers.
  • [01:49] “Astronauts…they do have an adrenaline junkie aspect to them.” — Patton Oswalt
  • [03:02] Ted mentions how watching standup “traumatizes” him because of how exposed the performer is, likening it to leaping off a cliff.
• On Stage Comfort:
  • [03:34] Patton explains that despite the fear perceived by others, he feels most comfortable on stage due to experience and a growing sense of patience with his material as he’s matured.
  • “The one time that I’m weirdly comfortable is when I’m on stage…I’ve just always done it.”

Crafting Subtlety in Acting and Comedy

• Experience Brings Subtlety:
  • [04:45] Patton highlights Ted’s mature performance in Damages, noting how veteran actors understand the power of underplaying and subtle gestures.
    • “Older actors and more experienced actors, they can underplay everything. Because when you’re young…you learn as you get older, the camera’s got me.”
• The Power of Being the “Straight Man”:
  • [08:30] Patton and Ted discuss the comedic brilliance of reactive, straight characters in ensemble sitcoms (Cheers, Taxi), and how reacting anchors the humor.

Vulnerability & Authenticity on Stage and in Life

• Bringing Your Real Self:
  • [11:20] Patton admires when actors infuse their characters with uncomfortable pieces of themselves, and how that connects with audiences.
    • “A moment that really comes through…is when someone actually brings something to a character that they might not want to admit. Oh, but this is something I have in me.”
  • Ted and Patton agree that embracing imperfections can bridge an authentic connection with the audience, especially in a media landscape that prizes engineered images ([12:20]).
• Assholes as a Persona:
  • [13:47] They touch on how performative “truth-telling” or “asshole” personas can be just as calculated as do-gooder images.

On Generosity and Collaboration in Comedy

• Not Laughing as a Power Play:
  • [15:17] Patton decries the tendency among comedians to withhold laughter out of insecurity or competition, admiring the generosity of someone like Larry David—“He’ll ruin take after take because you’ve made him laugh.”
• Collaboration Philosophy:
  • [07:26] Patton cites Bill Murray: “If everyone in the scene is trying to make everyone else better…the whole scene is amazing.”

The Purpose & Limits of Standup Comedy

• Why Standup Is Central:
  • [20:19] Patton admits virtually all his other work is “to keep my celebrity high enough that I can go out and do stand up and draw a crowd.” Standup is the core.
• Comedy as Pressure Release, not Truth-Telling:
  • [20:54] Patton pushes back on the modern trend of viewing comedians as society’s philosophers: “Comedians should be the ones opening the pressure valves…But when comedians become the truth tellers and philosophers, it means that the truth tellers and the philosophers are failing.”
  • [23:15] Ted responds: “That’s a brilliant fucking riff. That was really, well, just true.”

Religion, Belief, and Identity

• Patton’s View on Religion:
  • [25:52] “There’s a lot of atheists out there that are no different than evangelicals. They are just as ready to pounce and try to own people in a conversation. …I think religion itself is kind of beautiful.” — Patton Oswalt
  • Despite his atheism, Patton has a deep appreciation for myth and the psychological comfort of religion, while critiquing its institutional abuses.
• Family and Faith:
  • [28:23] Patton describes being raised a “lapsed Catholic,” his mother’s faith, and his father’s quiet spirituality.

Social Commentary & The State of the World

• Children, Innocence, and Authority:
  • [36:58-42:46] Patton reflects on how today’s children see adults—especially authority figures—act like bullies or bystanders.
    • “Think of what [teens] have grown up watching…adults acting like children. There’s nothing scarier for kids…when you see the adults in charge are not helping you.”
    • Patton recounts footage of a child watching ICE detain her father: “My dad wasn’t hurting anybody. Mean guys in masks came, wrecked this. And now I’m asking you, why don’t you do anything? And the guy’s like, I don’t know, there’s nothing I can do.”
• Cruelty as Currency:
  • [41:41] “Right now cruelty is currency. And…the new currency is how little feeling can I show, how cynical and ironic and postmodern can I be about the most awful stuff on the planet.” — Patton Oswalt

Finding and Fostering Hope

• Kids Rejecting “Terminally Online” Culture:
  • [45:08] Patton observes a hopeful trend among youth—embracing analog, rejecting social media saturation, and craving authenticity.
    • “There does seem to be this really interesting pushback of like, no, I don’t have nine different social accounts. Here’s my number. If you wanna call me, you call me. That’s all you’re gonna get outta me.”
  • Predicts a “massive pushback” against AI and digital hyperstimulation, replaced by a hunger for real, analog, human experiences.
• Human Authenticity Will Endure:
  • Citing John Ford: “We can shoot the most interesting thing you can film—we can film a human face. People will always stop short to look at a human face.” — paraphrased by Patton Oswalt [47:32]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Standup’s Companionship in Confusion:

  • [20:54] “The best thing that standup does is it reminds people you are not alone in your confusion and your exasperation and your…ineffectiveness and embarrassment. …We are all, everyone, no matter how amazing they may seem…doing the dumbest shit, to the point where you’d maybe want to call in a wellness check.” — Patton Oswalt

• On the Role of the Modern Comedian:

  • [21:54] “When comedians become the truth tellers and philosophers, it means that the truth tellers and the philosophers are failing. That’s really scary to me.” — Patton Oswalt

• On Dangerous Charisma:

  • [49:54] “When comedic actors play villains, they go, ‘I’m going all the way.’ You keep the charm. Which is even scarier. …He could have used that charm for real evil in real life, but he chose not to.” — Patton Oswalt, on Ted in Damages

• On Lousy Atheism and Ideal Christians:

  • [42:48] “You make a lousy atheist.” — Ted Danson
    “I know, I’m a really lousy atheist. I’m sorry.” — Patton Oswalt
    “I would like a lot of these Christians to start acting like Christians. That’d be an amazing world if they actually followed the teachings in the Bible.” — Patton Oswalt

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Important Timestamps

• Adrenaline and Standup: [01:49] – [03:34]
• Subtle Acting vs. Standup Exposure: [04:45] – [07:01]
• The Power of Reacting and Comedy Collaboration: [08:30] – [09:05]
• Reality and Authenticity in Media: [11:20] – [13:35]
• On Generosity in Comedy & Larry David Anecdote: [15:13] – [16:41]
• Standup’s Function and Societal Responsibility: [20:05] – [23:28]
• Atheism and Faith: [25:42] – [30:28]
• Social Commentary & The Long-term Cost of Cruelty: [36:58] – [42:46]
• Finding Hope Among Gen Z and Tech Backlash: [45:08] – [49:20]

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Conclusion & Tone

The episode is introspective, humorous, and filled with pathos—a testament to Patton Oswalt’s ability to dive deep while making you laugh. Ted's inquisitive, supportive tone lets Patton roam across topics from artistry to activism to the existential dread and hope of modern life. Both men make space for vulnerability, self-reflection, and the hope that authentic human connection—on stage, in acting, and in life—will always matter.

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Endnote:
For more on Patton’s tour, visit PattonOswalt.com. The episode is a must-listen for anyone interested in comedy, craft, or the deeper challenges and solace of living fully in uncertain times.

Transcript

[Ted Danson]

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[Patton Oswalt]

We're taking away the innocent years that you kind of need to remember as you get older and realize how cynical and dark things are. What kind of adult does that produce? And what kind of kids do they raise?

[Ted Danson]

Welcome back to where everybody knows your name. I am very excited for you all to hear the conversation I just had with Patton Oswalt. I'm not gonna talk about it a lot. I'm gonna let you just listen. He is an amazing actor. I had the pleasure of working with him several times in his and he has a podcast and he writes books and he's about to hit the road soon with his new standup. The standup is called effervescent. And visit Pattonoswalt.com to see if he's coming to a city near you. So let's get into it. Buckle up. Here's Patton Oswalt.

[Patton Oswalt]

Before we came on the air, we were talking about this comedian friend of mine, Lisa Correo, who dated an astronaut and said astronauts and I think rock climbers and I'm sure skydivers and deep sea divers and cave explorers, they do have an adrenaline junkie aspect to them.

[Ted Danson]

How about the people who dive off cliffs and they have the rabbit, what do they call it? Squirrel or whatever.

[Patton Oswalt]

Who was the first guy? Cause all I remember is, you know those old films of the 1800s when people were trying to create the first flying machines and there were guys like 18th century top hat version of the squirrel suit and they just plummet and die. And again, an adrenaline junkie, and I'm sure a physicist or a engineer was like, okay, I'm going to jump off and this will actually. Like, how do you lead up to that and make sure that it glide.

[Ted Danson]

Cause or the first one.

[Patton Oswalt]

The first one and then it worked and I just. And then of course, once the first one does it, then everyone's oh, now it's like breaking the four minute mile. Oh, we can do it. But that is a thing where just the one Random breeze hits you and you're just smacked against a rock and you die.

[Ted Danson]

It seems random, what we're talking about, but it's not. Because to me, what you do as a standup is right next door. For me, the older I get, the sheath around me on my nervous nerves getting thinner and thinner. So things traumatize me if I go watch you. I like you, Patton. I want you to do well. And now I'm gonna sit there and watch you do stand up in front of a bunch of people who may or may not like you would terrify me just watching it.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. I mean, watching it, I understand. It's that parent watching their kid at a recital syndrome where you don't want them to do badly. But for me, on stage, not that I'm nowhere near an astronaut or a rock climber, but the one time that I'm weirdly comfortable is when I'm on stage. Because my thinking is a, I've been doing this nonstop since I was 19. So it is something that I have become very good at because I've just always done it. And two, I've got a microphone, I've got a light on me. I have advantages. And I'm also. I'm at that point now. And this just comes from experience where I'm just really interested in what I'm talking about. And I'm not in a rush anymore. I've noticed my pacing now as a standup. When I watch my earlier specials, you can see kind of this frantic, like, let's get this show cooking. And now I'm just way more patient. Like, okay, I know where I can get walk em to a surprise laugh rather than give him a laugh every single second. You know what I mean? So that. But that just comes with doing it over and over and over, I'm sure.

[Ted Danson]

Like, no, no, there's no comparison. If you're trying to look over here and.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, hang on. I will argue that there was stuff that you did on Damages where up to that point, you know, you had been Ted Danson. You were on a very successful sitcom. You were a very setup punchline, Laugh, laugh, laugh. You were in movies and stuff. And then this was like the dawn of the, like these basic cable dramas like the Shield and Damages that were really doing cinema type stuff, but on tv. And there were very, very laid back, quiet things that you would do that I don't think a younger actor would have done. Like there's the scene when you wake up in that hotel room and you re. And not in your Hospital bed. And the guy gives you the thing of ice and it comes crashing in on you that the whole, whole world hates you. And this one guy is giving you a sip of ice water and like the enormity of it. And you're not rushed in getting to that point. You're not rushed to getting to the point of, I am the most hated human being on the planet. And it's also done. I think older actors and more experienced actors, they can underplay everything. Because when you're young and you're like, I've got a pop in this scene. And you learn as you get older, the camera's got me. It'll get every little thing that I do. And your gestures are so much smaller and subtler. But that comes from watching yourself in films, watching yourself on tv, going, oh, I didn't need to be that big. It would have caught that. So that I just. I remember that scene so clearly.

[Ted Danson]

Me too. I love that scene. Before we move on, do you have any other stories about me?

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, my gosh. I mean, tap dancing on the dock in Body Heat is always. I'll always remember that. Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Okay, here's the difference. So sorry, your theory or whatever does not hold water. Because here's why. Here's why. Because let's stick with damages. In my case versus Stand up Damages, they had three of the most amazing writers and they came, you know, they were just brilliant and they would give you certain freedoms that you, you know, and you could be in indulgent.

[Patton Oswalt]

They were so confident in the event of the scene that it doesn't matter what the words are at this point. This event's gonna be amazing.

[Ted Danson]

Yes, but that's. So there was a team of people there that allowed set the table for me to get lucky and do something fun or good. You're standing up bare buck ass. It's just gonna be you and me, you know, Buck ass naked.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

And you can't tell me that's the same.

[Patton Oswalt]

You know, I mean, they're just different disciplines. I mean, when I'm acting in scene, here's the thing that makes me nervous in scene, when I'm on stage, it's just me. If I go down in flames, I'm the only one going down in flames. But if I mess up a scene or don't give the right energy and it. I'm affecting other people's work. And that weighs very heavily on me. I don't want to be a bad. I want to contribute to a scene the best. I remember Bill Murray saying What we learned in Second City is if everyone in the scene is trying to make everyone else better in the scene, then the whole scene is amazing. Rather than someone going, I've gotta win this scene. And a lot of times, especially when I started off as a standup and then I started acting, I still had that standup mentality of I've gotta win and be the. And it took me a while to get over the fear of just going. You can just sit there and listen to other people and be just as compelling.

[Ted Danson]

Yep. I learned early on that being in a two shot of something funny is just as funny as you, you know.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh. I mean, so much of Cheers is they're surrounding you with kind of lunatics and unstable people. And just like Monty Python, they would fight to be the straight character in the scene. Cause the straight character reacting is what. That's where the laugh lands. The goofy person does something goofy. But it's not to. The person goes, okay. Like, having to deal with that, that's what gets this huge laugh, you know? And so it's really, really. I mean, watch Taxi. Judd Hurst is just reacting to everybody, but it gets such massive laughs. Cause he knows exactly how to react to them.

[Ted Danson]

You love actors, you love tv, you love watching film, you love watching. Wow.

[Patton Oswalt]

Love it.

[Ted Danson]

And you remember it all. Pretty much everything.

[Patton Oswalt]

You've seen stuff that really lands when you really see someone, like doing. Figuring. Finding something in the scene and figuring it out.

[Ted Danson]

Back to me. Back.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, I mean, back to, you know, when you connect with. You tap dance on a pier in Body Heat. It just. It was such a weird choice, by the way. Was. I gotta ask you. Was that in the script that your character starts tap. Oh, it says that you start tap dance.

[Ted Danson]

Literally.

[Patton Oswalt]

You looked so spontaneous.

[Ted Danson]

You could take Larry Kasdan's script, Lawrence Kasdan, the one that you auditioned with.

[Patton Oswalt]

Right.

[Ted Danson]

And go to the theater and watch the film. And you could conduct it like a symphony. Everything was in it.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, then you guys just made it feel very spontaneous. I mean, when he throws that frigging chair through the window. And the way she reacts to it, like terrified and turned on and like, okay, where do I do. Where do I go with this?

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

I'm sorry. That. That movie is just perfection. But, yeah, I just. I love when. And I love this with anything. Like when you see a band on stage and. And they like, all. You can. You can see it if you know where to look for it. When a note or a chord all comes together. They've been doing, like, 200 shows in a row. And some nights are good and some nights are bad. And then this night, a random Thursday night in Wichita, oh, my God, everything just came together. And you see them all kind of react to each other like, nice. Okay, good. There's a moment in Hard Day's Night, near the end when the Beatles are playing for the TV show, and Paul and John look at each other and just start laughing. Like, can you. Like, a year ago we were in a strip club in hamburg for like 80 angry businessmen. What is happening? Like, it's such absolute joy. They can't believe this is happening. So I love when those little moments come through. And a moment that really comes through acting for me is when someone actually bring something to a character that they might not want to admit. Oh, but this is something that I have in me. And it's very uncomfortable when you embrace.

[Ted Danson]

Only reason to do it really is when you.

[Patton Oswalt]

There's again, getting back to Damages. There's that moment when you're like, when Forbisher is going to. Now I'm gonna devote my life to good works. And then that last maybe two episodes. Because the. The innate core of his character is, I don't care. And I'm in a rush. I just want the money and I just want the. And he kind of has a passive aggressive blow up at his guru. But you. There was clearly things in that scene where you're like, I have also been this petty and impatient about shit. Like, it just. You are stepping into a part of yourself that's like, okay, you know what? I do asshole things too. Here we go.

[Ted Danson]

The joy of being able to have a character where you get to release that and go, oh, yeah, this is fun. All this stuff I've been denying myself and bullshitting is fun, but it's also.

[Patton Oswalt]

It really connects with an audience too. Because I think a lot of times in our world, especially now with all the social media, people are very, very conscious of how they present themselves. And they want to be the good guy, or they want to be the smart person, or they want to be the compassionate person. But the reality is. And everyone has compassion and intelligence and good in them, but also we have moments where we're assholes. And so when people let that slip and then decide, you know what? I'm not gonna apologize for that. That's also a part of me that in a way, I think connects you even stronger to people. Cause you're like, I just saw something real. Cause so much of what you see now is engineered and mapped out through a PR team and. And, you know, choreographed. And when you see those moments, it's why, like, some kind of awful people end up kind of getting followings because they're like, yes, this person is awful, but they're actually being who they are. I haven't seen that in so long.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, I was. No, you're right.

[Patton Oswalt]

You know what I mean?

[Ted Danson]

I was about to interrupt you a second ago, and my point no longer holds after what you just said. But it was like, there are some people who are. Who pride and take great joy in being assholes.

[Patton Oswalt]

That's a different thing.

[Ted Danson]

It is. And they would learn and grow if they would let just a little bit of good out. Because they have that too.

[Patton Oswalt]

They do.

[Ted Danson]

Because there is an impact.

[Patton Oswalt]

I never thought of it that way. There is the opposite of that, but it's just as engineered and fake as a person going, I gotta be the truth teller. No matter who it fucking hurts. No, no, you're going out of your way now to be. Because this is the image you built up. And you need to super serve your niche right now. I'm talking about. It should go both ways. I like it when. You know what's really weird? Whenever, like, a president slips and, like, curses or does something. Like, there was. President Bush was talking about the Mideast. This was years ago. He's like, if they would just stop doing this shit. Like, he had this moment on, and they're like, oh, this hot mic moment. I'm like, that actually made him seem a little more human to me. I'm not even a fan of his, but, like, I could see someone getting that frustrated, you know, so when you. When you let. When you're just honest about. I don't have. Not all my days are good days, and I do shitty things sometimes, you know, or I just lose my temper or I'm petty or I'm the. That's another thing, too, is a lot of comedians, when I see them interacting with other comedians, especially on podcasts. And I know this is part of insecurity, and I understand that. I'm not criticizing it, but there's a lot of not laughing at other people's stuff. Like, I've gotta be the alpha here. And I've never understood, like, you're a comedian, you get to hang out with other comedians, laugh like a fucking loon when they say something funny. You get to hear people making up jokes.

[Ted Danson]

You know who's great at that? Larry David.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, he loves Larry.

[Ted Danson]

Will ruin take after take because you've made him Laugh. He's so generous with his laugh.

[Patton Oswalt]

We did a scene on the show, it was a dinner scene. So I'm there and Richard Kind is there.

[Ted Danson]

Spectacular actor.

[Patton Oswalt]

Spectacular actor, but also deadly in a scene because he could destroy everyone.

[Ted Danson]

And he'll go after you to make you break.

[Patton Oswalt]

He'll do two things. He'll go after you and then also he'll. He'll ruin a scene without realizing he's ruining it because the most normal shit he says is hilarious. So Ollie, he had to start off by saying, now I'm laughing just thinking about it. He just said I was at the bookstore. But the way he said he was like I was at the bookstore and Larry could not. I think we did like five takes just to get that line without Larry laugh. And then knowing Larry was gonna laugh the rest of the table. Susie, me, Jeff, Em, Vince Vaughn, like we couldn't. We're like, he's gonna say it and we're all gonna lose it now. And all he was saying was I was at the bookstore. And he about to tell a story about it. But just the way he said I was at the bookstore was the funniest thing we'd ever heard.

[Ted Danson]

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[Patton Oswalt]

Okay.

[Ted Danson]

I heard you tell someone in some other podcast, books, writing, movies, tv, all of it's just to keep my celebrity high enough that I can go out and do stand up and draw a crowd.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, I mean I love acting in things. Oh, go ahead. I just cut you off.

[Ted Danson]

Why? Why stand up? Why? And here's where I want, I would love for you to go with. What is that? Do you feel a responsibility in this day and age to put something, whatever it is, doesn't. I don't mean sanctimonious, something out into the world that is a good thing for the world and if so, is stand up a place for that or does that. Can you go with that?

[Patton Oswalt]

I do have a problem getting. I do have a thing where sometimes I am very sanctimonious and am very self righteous. And I gotta check myself and like it's the faux Christ thing. Like, oh, I want to be seen doing the good thing, you know, but at the end of the day it's that I, I think the best thing that Sanup does is it reminds people you are not alone in your confusion and your exasperation and your and, and feelings of ineffectiveness and embarrassment. We are all, everyone, no matter how amazing they may seem or how together. Because when I do standup, I've got to talk for an hour. If I only have to talk for an hour, I can come off pretty wise and sage. But what I remind them during my hour is if you were to hang out with me all day, you would see me doing the dumbest shit, like to the point where you'd want to maybe call in a wellness check. Like the stuff that I do. And then people go, yeah, I do that too. That's how we all struggle through things. And you hope the good stuff gets remembered. You hope that the good things you do or the smart things you do get remembered. But also you've got to wink at the stupid shit you do. You've got to wink at the mistakes because you're going to make them. So that's. And I'm not trying to. I'm getting really, really disturbed lately about how suddenly comedians are. But comedians are the truth tellers. They're the philosophers. They're the ones who are actually giving us the truth. And the new. No, the news media. The philosophers should be giving us the truth. The comedians should be the ones opening the pressure valves. We all don't go insane. But because we are in this weird post truth, almost feudal society again, we're back to oh, but the jesters are the ones pointing out that the king is fat. Yeah, but the king stays on the throne and is sending your kids off to war to die. That's not like there should be people calling him out and holding him to account. Saying that the comedians are doing that is basically saying, well, there's nothing we can do to stop the king. But hey, the comedians can point out that he's, he's goofy looking. That's good, right? Like to me, when comedians become the truth tellers and the philosophers, it means that the truth tellers and the philosophers are failing. And that's really scary to me. You know what I'm saying?

[Ted Danson]

Like, that's a brilliant fucking riff. That was really, well, just true.

[Patton Oswalt]

I wish that was a riff. That's something I've been stewing about for a few months now. And.

[Ted Danson]

But it's true. It's an accurate description of where we are.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, exactly. There used to be, like. Because you could have wacky comedy or a fun action movie because you felt like, well, but the people in charge are preventing this kind of insanity from happening. That's why I can enjoy it vicariously. And now when you watch it, it's like, oh, this is the people. And these fools that I used to watch in comedies, these bad, clumsy presidents or goofy doctors or, you know, charlatans that are running things. Like, I love Ghostbusters. But there's a weird. It is kind of odd watching Bill Murray's character now and going, well, charlatans like him are actually in charge. Like, he was in the movie to show, hey, maybe don't let a charlatan like this have a nuclear reactor strapped to his back. And now we're letting that person in real life. So it's not so escape y anymore, you know, it just feels a little weird. It's the same thing, okay? When Oliver Stone and Michael Douglas did Wall street, you know, and they worked up the Gordon Gekko character, they worked that character up like, let's make the most evil character we can conceive. And then he turns out to be a hero to a whole generation of people. That's terrifying. That must have been so, like, no, no, we were doing that to go, don't live your life this way. Everyone's like, yes, that's me. I want to do that. But a lot of times your creation gets away with you, gets away from you, and then it becomes a hostage to the bigger times you're living in, and you can't control it anymore. So I'm going to keep defiantly trying to. To say, hey, people, get over yourselves. We're not this. And anyone who thinks that, like, their deity has come to find them, to choose them to lead people is terrifying. I'm like, no one's searching for you. Do your best while you're here. Laugh at your mistakes. Everyone calm down. And then it'll all, like, that is the. You're actually doing more good for the world if you're just showing everyone else, hey, it's okay. We're all gonna screw up. You're forgiven. Let's keep moving forward.

[Ted Danson]

Can we do a little parenthesis here for a second with atheist. I've never heard you talk about it, so I don't know.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, you know why? Because I'm not one of these. There's a lot of atheists out there that are no different than evangelicals. They are just as ready to pounce and try to own people in a conversation. I'm just like, I have no. I think religion itself is kind of beautiful. It was a way for people to try to explain the darkness and the unknown and the things that are terrifying. Now just like anything, it fell into the. Sometimes it falls into the wrong hands.

[Ted Danson]

It becomes a business.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, it comes a business. But the regular layperson, that's just like, I believe there's a thing in the sky and maybe if I'm nice to people then I'll move on. Also, it's all just a metaphor for our own. I just think the story of Jesus and the crucifixion and the resurrection is just a metaphor for our own creativity and our own psyches. Which one do you free? Do you free Jesus? Do you free Barabbas? Which one do you become? And it's just all of us just trying to. It's just myth. Yeah. And the same myth gets told in all the different cultures, which means we do clearly come from some kind of common psychological creative source. And we're all trying to work out the same thing. But a lot of times it becomes profitable for someone to go, well, no, we're just a little bit better than them. And then it's hard to give up that power once you grasp it for yourself. I'm the kind of atheist, and I like to think that I'm the kind of atheist that's like a truly good Christian or a truly good Muslim that's like, this is just my own thing. I don't need to talk to anyone about this.

[Ted Danson]

You're a crappy atheist.

[Patton Oswalt]

I'm a crappy. I should be screaming at people at. I should be at Whole Foods right now. Where did those dates come from? Where were they sourced? A bad atheist. I'm just like, I don't care what any church I, I visit. You ever go into, like, some of the classic churches are gorgeous. They're gorgeous to go sit in. And sometimes when I. You ever go to the, the worship area in an airport?

[Ted Danson]

I haven't, I've watched. There's little balls.

[Patton Oswalt]

They're. They're so quiet and peaceful. Yeah, it's the best.

[Ted Danson]

So your dad.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Vietnam.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Hardcore experiences in Vietnam from what I listened to you talk about it.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Did he expose you, did your parents expose you to a faith based anything?

[Patton Oswalt]

My mom was, was raised Catholic, so I was raised as a lapsed Catholic. My dad was. He was, he. My dad was the kind of Christian that I Became as an atheist, which is just very quiet about it. It's my own thing. I don't need to show up at a church. I don't need to, you know, always be putting it on people. It's just my own thing in my own moments. He was like. He was weirdly one of the more godly people I've ever known and never went to church. My mom started taking my brother and I to a Catholic church near us. We were teens, and he never went. He's like, it's just not my thing, Carla. And I'm not saying you shouldn't go. Absolutely, you should go. But it's just not my thing. And we went. But I was a teenager. Like, she waited too long, and I had just read too much, and I saw too much weirdness going on in the. There was just too many things that didn't really click for. For me at that point. And I was very. And also, I was very much, you know, kind of egotistical and, like, I'll figure out my own system and whatever. So it just. It was just too late. But I had no. You know, we went to St Catherine of Siena in Northern Virginia, which is where that spy, Robert Hansen, would go. The guy who. I think he's in supermax in Colorado now. And apparently he was like. He was like, crazy Catholic, like in the Opus DEI or something. And he apparently would report families for not dressing nice enough to his liking for Sunday service. And I think ours was one of the families he reported. Cause I would fight with my mom in the morning, like, I'm just gonna wear my Spider Man T shirt. And she's like, no, honey, can we just put on a suit? No. So I feel like I was reported by Robert Hanson for. Mrs. Oswald had his. Her son had a T shirt on. And I think that's very disrespectful. So. But, yeah, it was just. I don't know, it was just. It was that kind of. It was just too late for me to latch onto. And who knows? I'm not one of these people. That's like. For all I know, when I turn 70, I will have some awakening.

[Ted Danson]

Don't make that sound so weird.

[Patton Oswalt]

I'm telling you, that's not. That's not weird at all. That happens all the time, you know? Happens all the time.

[Ted Danson]

Okay, so this is kind of a political science conversation. It's a get ready for laughs. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is the opposite. Okay, so we're in la. There's a lot of suffering and sadness and fear in LA right now. I don't mean the fires and the strikes and the COVID and all of that that has hit this town. But I'm talking about immigration, the sadness and fear that you see on the streets. And what can I. And I'm sitting here talking about it, I'm not doing and I'm not sure what that doing is.

[Patton Oswalt]

I felt the exact same way. I know what you're saying, like, what am I doing? Why am I doing anything? You know, I contribute to action funds that try to provide legal assistance, you know, money stuff somebody pointed out. I remember this. It's just given me hope. But again, this is also a very weak. There's always more you can be doing, but you can't do everything. And what use will you be in the long run if you absolutely burn yourself out? You have to also keep yourself healthy and focused so you can. Because also what we're going to need is healthy, focused people for the rebuilding when we get to the other side of this. It's one thing to resist this to the best of our ability, but. But the rebuilding is going to be even more crucial. And if we burn ourselves out in the resisting, then there'll be no one left to rebuild. And then something even worse can come along and take the reign. So find a balance. But somebody, I remember somebody put on social media, no, I'm not doing the most that I can for immigration, but I'm signal boosting things. And I'm sure that during the rise of the Nazis in Germany and Austria, if there had been people posting and saying, hey, the Nazis suck, it would have helped the people that were know that there's other people out there that have your back and see this for what it is. I mean, when you talk about the sadness and the suffering of what's going on with ICE and immigration, you realize very quickly the sadness and suffering is the point this has. No matter what they say about, no, we're trying to make America safer and trying to bring jobs back. It has nothing to do with that.

[Ted Danson]

Because I killed a bill in the Senate that would have at least approached this problem.

[Patton Oswalt]

They're raiding kindergartens, kindergarten graduations and grabbing parents. It's like there's no way. There's no argument for this. And it's gonna be one of those things where there seems there's so much awful stuff happening right now that is so massively awful that you realize, oh.

[Ted Danson]

This is a distraction.

[Patton Oswalt]

Not only is it a distraction, it's one of those things that no Matter how much you say about it, people just wave you away because it's so obvious and massive that it can't be true. And in 20 years, there'll be histories written going, well, this is what was going on. And the people that were yelling about it were made to look like they were insane. You know, like, we can't point out what's happening right in front of us because it's so massive and so comical. They are. One of the scariest things that a lot of these fascists are doing is they're usurping comedy. They're using the we're just goofballs. Woody, come on. It's a joke, which is a big thing that authoritarians and fascists do. You make yourself so ridiculous that if you point it out, suddenly you're the scold in the Animal House Caddyshack movie that's just trying to spoil the good time. And you look like the nerd again. That's a tactic. So all this for these ICE agents with their fucking masks and their stupid, you know, ordered off of Amazon body armor. It's just fucking fun and games for them. And you're the one ruining a good time for these assholes. And they just want everybody terrified and thinking twice, like you said, while they. While they roll in the really big machinery that you don't. That. Then once that's in, it's too late to do anything about it because you were yelling about how badly they were. And again, I'm not saying that we shouldn't be also focusing on this. The violence against gay people, trans people, people of color, immigrants, yes, all of that should be pushed against. But there are big, gray, not as exciting, evil things rolling in behind us that are so hard to articulate. And then once that gets in, there's no going back. It's like the savings and loan crisis. Everyone's like, oh, my God, it all just happened in the background. No, no, no. It was reported every day in the financial sections. But it's so boring, it's hard to follow it. You know, it's why someone like Michael Lewis is so essential to go, no, this is what is happening. I'm trying to spell it out in a way that you'll understand, but they're counting on it being so boring. And it's all numbers and it's all that you'll pay attention to the other stuff, which is just, just as awful.

[Ted Danson]

That's true.

[Patton Oswalt]

But that's the. That's the. That's the game plan. And again, the. The ice Raids are so, like, comically evil. They're so comically evil that it's hard to wrap outrage around it. It's like they're trying to be more outrageous than the outrage that is coming and they're counting on that.

[Ted Danson]

Yep.

[Patton Oswalt]

But. But luckily, you know, we're seeing genuine pushback going on and I just hope that this will end in disaster for the people that are doing this before.

[Ted Danson]

I ask you something else and totally.

[Patton Oswalt]

Ruin your career and put you into jail tonight. Anyway, sorry, go ahead.

[Ted Danson]

Okay. You have a 16, 17, 18 year old daughter.

[Patton Oswalt]

16 year old daughter.

[Ted Danson]

Okay. So all of everything that you say, I feel like I see too. I don't know if I'm as eloquent as you are. I'm not. But you then have to turn. My grandkids are younger, 13 and down. If you say, you know, if I were to talk to them about things, and I'm not saying this is what you did. I want to turn the corner into hope is where I'm going.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yes.

[Ted Danson]

Because you can't turn to your children and say things are hopeless. This has gone so far that it's hopeless. Climate change is gone so far that it's hopeless. You can't do that. You can say it's severe and we're gonna da, da, da. So how do you turn that corner in your brain for yourself so you can pass it on to your daughter?

[Patton Oswalt]

Is that a. I just reminded there's always new Marvel movies coming out. That's interesting that you bring that up because there has been, and I see this among her friends too. And again, I absolutely don't blame them for this. They have grown up. Think of 16 and 15 and 17 year olds right now. Think of what they've grown up watching. Right when the doors of perception kind of opened for them when they were in 10 or 11 and they saw adults acting like children. There's nothing scarier for kids that when you see the adults in charge are not helping you or just saying there's nothing I can do, or they're acting like other mean kids. When you're at school and a kid is mean to another kid, the teachers step in and go, hey, you apologize. We don't be mean to each other here. And then you see an adult standing in front of the presidential seal saying the same mean things that you saw a 10 year old saying and nobody, he doesn't get in trouble. That really can shake up your world. And I, I think we're gonna see the effects of this in another 10 years. How we showed these kids that there was no one in charge. And there's a piece of footage. I'm gonna get off. There was a piece of footage the other day and it's a little, it's a little kid and I think her dad ran like a taco stand or like a food stand. You know, dad was immigrant, running a food stand. And ICE came and, you know, I think grabbed her dad or, or like wrecked the food stand. They were, they do. I don't know what ICE had come in these again, these fucking thugs, these just fucking proud boy idiots came in, wrecked the, the stand. And then this little girl is talking to a policeman and she's like, what? When they, they were wrecking my dad's stand and why don't you help us? Like, why didn't. And asking. Like she wasn't acting like a. Saying it in a political way. Like I was taught when I was a little kid, the police are here to help you. So I'm. And I just watched them do nothing while they wrecked my dad's thing. My dad wasn't hurting anybody. Mean guys in masks came, like, villains came wreck this. And now I'm asking you, why don't you do anything? And the guy's like, I don't know, there's nothing I can do. And I just keep thinking of that footage. Like, that little kid is gonna grow up believing in nothing. No one is coming to help. No one is there to. Like, we're taking away the innocent years that you kind of need to remember as you get older and realize how cynical and dark things are. And there's gonna be people going, I didn't even have that when I was five. When I was five, I knew there was no one there for us. Like, what kind of adult does that produce? And what kind of kids do they raise? You know, we don't see the long term effects of this. They just threw a kid into alligator Alcatraz. There's a little kid right now in a bunch of cages with adults with guards making jokes about feeding them to alligators. That's one of the core memories this little kid is having right now. And I just, I always remember like we always go, why? Where do these terrors come from? I think the terrorists come from the innocent people that we throw in cages that then are forged in that environment and then come out of the cage going, well, I don't need to believe in any of this. I don't need to believe in any of this. I can take it all down because they showed me there's nothing to trust in. And we don't see that you need to pay that trust and comfort and charity forward. And we're just not doing it right now. Because right now cruelty is currency. And it's cool to be cruel. And it's, and it's. The new currency is how little feeling can I show, how cynical and ironic and postmodern can I be about the most awful stuff on the planet. And if you stop and get angry about it, they're just like, oh, look at the normie, all, you know, messed up about thing. We're, we're beyond that now. We're, we're, we're past the. You got to be tougher, man. It's like, I don't want to, I don't want to be tougher. If, if it means I'm a big fucking dork, then I don't want to be tougher because it's, because then I don't know, it's like Clive James, I remember there's a quote of his. I'm not going to get this exactly right. But he's like one of the, not one of the project of the Nazis was even if you survived in their world, it was a world that wouldn't be worth living in. Like they were, they were creating a world that even if you survived there, you know, their methods of torture or their extermination machine, you would not want to live in it. So it's. So what's the like, so in other words, they were making the sensitive and the caring and the artistic and the searchers and the people that really wanted to make the world better, just make them self cancel themselves because they're like, well, I can't live in this world. Look at the world they're creating. And I'm seeing this world that's being created. If I was a teenager, I would question whether I wanted to live in that world. Watching adults act like bullies on a playground. Middle school bullies, middle school bully, shit coming out of the mouth of a 73 year old on TV. And it's a person in authority and everyone just goes, well, he says it like he means it, man, what are you gonna do? You know, that would be terrifying if I was a little kid. Terrifying. Anyway, so I'll be at the Comedy store tonight. It's 8:30 show and also the improv. So come on by. A lot of laughs.

[Ted Danson]

You make a lousy atheist.

[Patton Oswalt]

I know, I'm a really lousy atheist. I'm sorry.

[Ted Danson]

Hey, hey.

[Patton Oswalt]

I would like a lot of these Christians to start acting like Christians. That'd be an amazing world if they actually followed the teachings in the Bible. This world will be incredible.

[Ted Danson]

Thank you.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

I'm not through with you yet. But.

[Patton Oswalt]

But you want to talk about damages again? No. Okay.

[Ted Danson]

No. That would be highly embarrassing.

[Patton Oswalt]

I can literally see his head. Like, I don't want him visiting me in Ojai next month. Oh, my God. I do not want him. I do. Thumb me out.

[Ted Danson]

With Disney and Hulu, there is so much amazing entertainment. You'll discover something every day. Whether you're looking to binge a hilarious classic hit like Modern Family, enjoy the biggest blockbusters like Marvel Studios Thunderbolts on Disney plus, catch the latest news on what you need to know, or check out new episodes of Only Murders in the Building. This is the one place that has it all. Get all of this and so much more with Disney plus and Hulu every day. It doesn't get better than this. 18 only offer valid for eligible subscribers only terms apply. Where everybody knows your name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson sometimes is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with the name your price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states. I'm kind of speechless. I really appreciate you what you just said. It was very eloquent and real and honest. I don't know if we addressed hope.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, oh God. I never even got to hope. I mean, here. Okay. I actually will give you some hope.

[Ted Danson]

And also not naive. I mean, but I do think you need hope.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. And here's the hope that I'm seeing. There does seem to be a pushback. Now, as there always is, the new generation rejects whatever the old generation is doing. And there is a. There especially seems to be a rejection to being terminally online and being terminally meme driven and fad driven. There seem to be kids friends of my daughter at least that their new clout is. I can't be found online. If you want to contact me, I got a flip phone and a number and that's the only way you can get to me. And there's kids who want. They want analog phones put back in. They're think they don't want their stuff online anymore cause they just see how it all ends in tears. So there does seem to be this really interesting pushback of like no I don't have nine different social accounts. Here's my number. If you wanna call me, you call me. That's all you're gonna get outta me. You'll never even get a text from me. That is becoming the new cool for a lot of these kids. And with that, it means that they are going to start. As much as we're being drowned in AI slop and we're being drowned in repurposed memes and post, post, post, post, post irony. I think there'll be a younger generation that's going to start craving and boosting authentic experiences. Like, it'll be that. It's like when I used to see Prince in concert and he would talk about, you're actually seeing real musicians playing instruments. We actually practice this and you're watching this happen. There's no backing track, there's no. We are actually playing this. That's what you're seeing. And it. And yeah, it did seem at the time like, well, I mean. But no, that actually really, really mattered to him and it made those shows special. And I think that that is, you know, one of those. He's one of those people that is. That's why he just keeps perpetually being beloved by new generations. Because as good as you can make AI, as good as you can make virtual reality. And it's not going anywhere. It's not like it's going to die. But you'll never get rid of people craving a authentic experience. You'll just never get. You'll never be able to get rid of that. Never as much as, what was that when they were. John Ford was shooting some movie and they got on location and there was a massive sandstorm, like, blinding. And they're like, we can't get any footage. And he goes, we can shoot the most interesting thing you can film. We can film a human face. People will always stop short to look at a human face. It's how we communicate. And that's what he did. So that encapsulates what. Yes, we're going to have to go down this road of AI and all this online stuff, but there's going to be a massive pushback against it, which is a generation going, I just want the authentic stuff. I don't need 9,000 sensations. I can just sit and eat a sandwich without having my phone on. I can actually just eat and just think for a little bit and, you know, like that. You'll see more and more of that rather than this. Which, by the way, you know what? That is me. That's me. Like, I'm just now realizing, put your fucking phone down. When you eat, do you need every hole having stuff going into it? Like, what the fuck are you doing?

[Ted Danson]

Or I'm embarrassed that I sit down and my phone's in my back pocket so it's uncomfortable. But I put this computer next to my napkin and my forks.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

You know, and think nothing of it.

[Patton Oswalt]

You know, you put a thing with, I don't know what, a thousand times the computing power that they use to get us to the moon next to your Poke bowl, you're just like, we don't even think about it anymore. It is again, it's very, very comical. Like when they would do like those. Remember those Looney Tunes cartoons? But life in the future. And then a guy just has like his own nuclear fusion thing on his wrist and he doesn't even think about it. Like, hang on, let me just get some power for my house. Anyway, but that is kind of how we live now, with just miracles next to us that we don't give a shit about.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. Hey, you're my new hero. Aw, no. And this is the courage of a stand up right now that I just saw. And I will come watch you do stand.

[Patton Oswalt]

The courage and the stupidity both.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, I hope not. Stupidity.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay.

[Ted Danson]

And yeah, thank you so much. Really, really, really appreciate all the stuff you read, watch, learn, digest that you then were able to, like, put back out into my ears. Thank you.

[Patton Oswalt]

Thanks, man. And go back and rewatch Damages and watch Ted Danson play the most patiently evil character on tv. It's really unnerving if you know him from man on the Inside on Netflix or you know him from Cheers. It is a very unnerving experience watching him in Damages because you don't get rid of your Ted Danson charm. A lot of times when comedic actors play villains, they go, I'm going all the way. You keep the charm. Which is even scarier. Cause you're like, wait, he could have used that charm for real evil in real life, but he chose not to.

[Ted Danson]

You know what would be really funny?

[Patton Oswalt]

What?

[Ted Danson]

Is if we cut all the middle stuff and we just lose.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, it is. It just means.

[Ted Danson]

That would be true Frobisher.

[Patton Oswalt]

That would be. That is what Frobisher would do. That's exactly what he would do. But it is okay, really quick. It's like, remember when Robin Williams did that movie One Hour photo, when he really played like he was not Robin Williams and it was great. But he did another film, a Christopher Nolan film called Insomnia where he also plays a villain, but he plays it like a charming Robin Williams. He has the Robin Williams, Al Pacino and Al Pacino. And he is so terrifying in that movie because you realize in real life, if Robin Williams had decided to use his charm for evil, we'd be in a lot of trouble. Yeah, a lot of trouble. That movie is so unsettling to watch as just like Damages.

[Ted Danson]

Love you buddy.

[Patton Oswalt]

Thanks man.

[Ted Danson]

That was the brilliant and hilarious Patton Oswalt. Please catch him on tour at a city near you this fall. It's called Effervescent Dates can be found on his website, Patton Oswalt.com that's all for our show this week. Special thanks to our friends at Team Coco. If you enjoyed this episode, send it to someone you love, subscribe on your favorite podcast app and maybe give us a great rating and review on Apple Podcasts if you're so moved. If you like watching your podcasts, all our full length episodes are on YouTube. Visit YouTube.comteamcoco. see you next time. Where everybody knows your name.

[Patton Oswalt]

You've been listening to where everybody knows your name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson Sometimes. The show is produced by me, Nick Leow. Our executive producers are Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and myself. Sarah Fedanrovich is our supervising producer. Engineering and mixing by Joanna Samuel with support from Eduardo Perez, research by Alyssa Grohl, talent booking by Paula Davis and Gina Batista. Our theme music is by Woody Harrelson, Anthony Gend, Mary Steenbergen and John Osborne.

[Ted Danson]

With Disney and Hulu, there is so much amazing entertainment you'll discover something every day. Whether you're looking to binge a hilarious classic hit like Modern Family, enjoy the biggest blockbusters like Marvel Studios Thunderbolts on Disney, catch the latest news on what you need to know or check out new episodes of Only Murders in the Building. This is the one place that has it all. Get all of this and so much more with Disney and Hulu every day. It doesn't get better than this. 18 only offer valid for eligible subscribers only terms apply.

[Patton Oswalt]

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