← Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson (sometimes)
Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson (sometimes)
Rob Delaney
00:56:46
Ted Danson’s been getting to know his new coworkers, and today it’s actor, writer, and comedian Rob Delaney! Rob talks about his journey from Twitter stardom to making acclaimed shows like “Catastrophe," how he ended up living in London, intergenerational friendship, falling in love with his wife, how losing his son changed how he works, and more. Like watching your podcasts? Visit http://youtube.com/teamcoco to see full episodes.
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A
Balls are landing around me. People, including my parents, are like, what? Where is he?
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B
Welcome back to where everybody knows your name. Today I'm welcoming a new friend to this podcast and a new friend to my life. We both been working on a new television show for about three or four weeks now, so I'm just getting to know him. But actor and comedian Rob Delaney has been making people laugh for years, whether it's firing off hilarious one liners on Twitter or starring in the TV show Catastrophe, which he also co created. In 2022, he published a New York Times bestselling memoir about his experience of losing a son. It's called A Heart that Works. He's thoughtful, funny, and incredibly talented. Rob Delaney,
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A
Howdy.
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B
Thank you for doing this.
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A
Oh, my sincere pleasure. It's. I mean, I guess we'll have to talk around the fact that we're currently working together.
- [02:08]
B
Why? Wait, why?
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A
I mean, I think we can say that we're working like what's been published in the news is that me, you, Elizabeth Banks and Katey Sagal are doing a show together, but nothing more than that.
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B
Okay, so I think, God, you're good at this. See, I would have just vomited out our entire plot, our dialogue, everything.
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A
But yeah, and I'm having a really good time and enjoying getting to know you and everybody else on the extraordinarily funny show. You know, we can also say is that it's written and created by Liz Heldens and Matt Ward. And how impossibly funny are they?
- [02:48]
B
They are so good. And what I love about their kind of funniest. I. I've yet to say a joke. A joke. Joke. Yeah, it's all like very logically, takes you into this world of total insanity and funniness. Anyway, yeah, you'll just have to wait and God willing, enjoy it a year from now or whenever it comes out.
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A
So.
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B
All right then, let me just tell you what I've been doing. When this got. We found out that you were willing to do this at such a short notice, Mary and I sat down and watched three episodes of Catastrophe, which we had not seen. And it's. It is brilliant. It really is funny.
- [03:32]
A
Oh, thank you.
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B
And that really took off, didn't it? That really. Yeah, for you opened many doors.
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A
It really did. Yeah. That was. Yeah. I mean, nobody really was putting me in much at that point. And then. Yeah, Catastrophe. For those who don't know, it is a sitcom that I co wrote and co starred in with Sharon Horgan, who is.
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B
Yeah, Bad Sisters.
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A
Oh, yeah. Just.
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B
Just knocked me out.
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A
Oceanically funny and brilliant writer and actress. And so we wrote this pilot together and it didn't cost anything to produce. And so I think.
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B
Why not? Because it was just production wise, it was fantastic.
- [04:21]
A
It does look beautiful. And we can credit our director, Ben Taylor for establishing the look of that show. But it was just, I mean, it was just us talking to each other in a kitchen, maybe a bedroom, maybe walking down the street. And so I think the fact that it might not have been too big of a risk for Channel four over there in the UK to take. They did it and then, and then when they aired it, people actually watched it, much to our shock. So. So, yeah, so we were just blown away by the reception that that received and. And then that show opened every other door that I've walked through in this career.
- [05:01]
B
So this was 2015, 14.
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A
I. It. That show started airing in, I think, January 2015.
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B
Wow. How. Wait, how did you hook up? Because you were, I mean, you had done. You'd been very funny on the Internet.
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A
I had been funny on the. I had tried to be funny on the Internet, yeah.
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B
People went, ooh, wow. And then. But then you did something in London.
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A
So what I did caught fire.
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B
Right.
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A
Well, I went over to do standup there and.
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B
Sorry, I'm just interrupting you like crazy. Why? How did you go from here to, oh, let's go to London and do stand up.
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A
So that's an interesting. That's a little. An interesting inside baseball question for the show business nerds. Basically, I had signed with a manager now maybe 18 or so years ago, a woman named Kara Baker, who I've been with since. And basically I signed with her when I was a nobody, standup. And she was just a nice woman who came to one of my shows and we started talking and, you know, we agreed to work together. And after we'd been working together for maybe a couple of years, I said, you know, I'd love to do Stand up in London. And she goes, oh, really? And what I didn't know is that I had signed with at the time a tiny American management company that was the very little, tiny arm of a British behemoth of comedy management and television production. And so what happened was, is the UK became my oyster merely due to my choice of manager, who was an American woman from Massachusetts like myself. And so when I was, when I just expressed a whisper of interest, she was like, oh, well, yeah, you can do anything you want in London, but
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B
had you seen some comedians in London or something that made you go, oh, oh.
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A
Also the fact that Twitter was global and I could post a joke from my dead end job, you know, in a boiler room by the airport and I could post a joke.
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B
Was that, is that a metaphor? Were you in a. Nope. Yeah.
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A
Not. Yeah. The best boiler room representation in film that I've seen is in Boots Riley's. Sorry to Bother your. If anybody watches that excellent film, it shows what it's like to work with psychos and scumbags and, and people who buy the airport calling people being like, would you like to buy this terrible scam financial newspaper? And they'd be like, no. And I'd be like, yeah, I can't blame. And then hang up and make way less than minimum wage or unemployment. And yeah, so I'm posting jokes, but people are reading them, you know, and I start to get. People are sharing my jokes because at the time I'm trying to get hired as a late night writer, like for Conan o', Brien, for example.
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B
Right. Jimmy Kimmel and should have aimed higher, but go on.
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A
I know. Well, you know, I didn't know. You know, we're all born in the gutter, but some of us are sending joke packets to Conan. And so I don't get any traction or they'll read them and they'll be like, yeah, these are great, but yeah, we have enough people on staff, so good luck. And so I was like, I'll just put these jokes online. So I did and I, what I wanted to demonstrate to people was I aspire to write funny things and I do it all the time. And so the, the, I figured I can at least show like a work ethic, you know, and so then people started sharing my stuff and then British comedians learned about it. So. So yes, when I did go over to do Standup in London, I was able to sell tickets and get people to come to the shows, which, yes, of course, you know, didn't hurt my
- [08:39]
B
ability right off the bat. And by that you mean clubs?
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A
Yeah, yeah. I did a run at the Soho Theater and that's when I kind of truly discovered the power of the Internet was that by writing jokes again, like hiding in the bathroom at a newspaper's, you know, call in center, posting these jokes made it. So I was able to sell quite a few tickets in a foreign country. It was crazy. So that's when I was like, okay, this Internet stuff, it's, it's not just
- [09:10]
B
a passing fad and forgive my ignorance. So that means you're doing a video selfie of yourself doing the joke.
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A
I'm doing it.
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B
You're typing it out.
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A
I'm doing it on twitter.com where initially you could only type things that were 140 characters. So you're having to do the tightest jokes that you possibly can and post
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B
them in the hardest, I think, format to be funny, which is.
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A
Yeah, but late night writing, as Conan and his writers will tell you, is, you know, frequently the two line format. So you start with a hey, you know today, did you see how the bibbity boo. And then, well, zippity bap, you know, so you just do the, you do the setup, punchline, set up punchline. So you kind of get in that mindset. So Twitter was actually a great place for late night style jokes, which I had by this time by the stack. I'm reading the newspaper every day and practicing two line jokes. So although I wasn't able to get hired as a late night writer, I was building that skill set. And then Twitter just showed up at the right time. Yeah. For me and people like me.
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B
Oh, that's amazing. Okay, so how did you feel the Soho Theater the first time? I mean, how did people know to come see you at that point?
- [10:25]
A
At this point, I'm torn around the US doing standup. So I'm doing the classical normal thing of going club to club, you know, going to the improv and the UCB and wherever, Largo and, you know, Comedy Store. And when I'm here and then I'm touring, you know, going to Ohio and Florida and whatever. And so I've got the repertoire and then the fact that I can put a link to a theater, you know, or a clip of my stand up and say, hey, I'm going to be at the Soho Theater this week. And then boom. So it was quite. Yeah, it was pretty mind boggling to be do that and have it work.
- [11:03]
B
And that's where.
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A
So then I go over, I'm doing stand up at the Soho Theater. The head of the management company that I signed with, the, the British guy who runs that says hey, I got you a deal to write a pilot for the BBC.
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B
But isn't that extraordinary?
- [11:18]
A
It's ridiculous. And now that I'm like a big dreamer, you know, people in show business know how to dream. But I didn't dare think that I would ever get to write a BBC pilot. What. And meanwhile, that's a wonderful thing to get. But you know, it doesn't mean that they were like we're, we're passing the mantle of our tradition and television to you. You're the future of British television.
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B
Yeah.
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A
It just means that they give you, you know, like a shot, a few thousand pounds.
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B
Yeah.
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A
And you write 30 pages of stuff that usually they just put in an incinerator.
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B
But then you look around for co writer.
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A
Yeah. I, I had admired Sharon Horgan because she wrote and starred. She co wrote with Dennis Kelly a show called Pulling, which to my mind was the funniest thing I'd really ever seen. It really rang all my bells.
- [12:04]
B
I think she's brilliant.
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A
Oh yeah, super, super funny and an incredible writer. And so I said, hey Sharon, do you want to write a pilot with me? And we'd become friendly on Twitter. She'd come to see me do stand up. I believe she'd hired me to do some punch up stuff on a script she was writing. And so we wrote this pilot together and not thinking anything would happen, you know, but we did. I think what we did do, it's really good. Oh, thank you.
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B
Sorry, I'm coming. I know, like 10 years late to the party. Wow, you're good.
- [12:35]
A
But it's wonderful if I try to analyze like what worked about that show. I think we were both maybe a little older. We weren't like, you know, neophytes. We weren't, we weren't super young either of us, you know, we weren't like fresh out of, you know, the UCB theater at age 21 or whatever, you know. And so I think there was a, we had a world weariness that complemented each other. And we really just said, let's do what the hell we want and hit hard and, and leave it all on the pitch. It's the World Cup. Now I don't know if this will air when the World cup is still on, but I want to use a football Slash soccer metaphor so that men listen. And so it'll help us do that. And, and we just. Yeah, we did the best that we could. And, and, and, and it worked. I mean, ridiculous. Ridiculous.
- [13:36]
B
Well, when I heard that you were going to be part of the show that we're doing together with Elizabeth Banks for Apple, I was really excited because to me that was like, oh, I see the tone that they are setting because I saw you in. Wait. Bad rat.
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A
Bad monkey.
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B
Bad monkey. Sorry. Wonderful material. But you are just, you're just, you're really interesting. Besides being really, really good to watch and a really good actor, you are this combination of I'm big enough to rip your head off. So I'm willing to also be the brunt of humor. You know, I'm willing to be silly, I'm willing to be whatever. But that combination of danger and funny I just find so wonderful to watch.
- [14:24]
A
Oh, well, thanks.
- [14:25]
B
And I think there was a little bit of a. That contradiction in Catastrophe too. You were a really nice guy, at least the three or four episodes I've seen so far. You are a good, nice human being.
- [14:38]
A
Well, thanks. Yeah. It's interesting because we would write that and sometimes we'd be like, maybe I think Rob might have been a little too nice these last few episodes and Sharon might have been a little too nasty. And so then we would flip it and, and then. Yeah. And also at one point, my real life wife was like, who's this guy? I mean, you gotta scum him up. And, and so then we do.
- [15:03]
B
Oh, it gets coming. Oh, good. I look forward to it.
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A
Yeah. But, but always trying to remain human, you know, with anything that I make. I try to. I don't try to like foist my sort of opinions and worldview on people, like hit them over the head with it. But I do try to imbue humanity, you know, like leave the world a little better than you found it. You know what I mean? And so we tried to do that with Catastrophe.
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B
Because then even if you're doing like rather villainous character in Bad Monkey, you're saying, no, this is a full human being. You may not agree with it, but there is humanity in everything you do,
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A
which is that guy at every fork in the road took the wrong path again and again. And
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B
one of the things that made me laugh was in the first episode of Catastrophe, you're finding out that she's pregnant. How can that be? And then you've probably had sex 25 times in the first. In the two weeks that you've known each other. But. And you only used, you know, a condom twice. She informs you, you go, how could you let me do that? Was such this wonderful, you know, male.
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A
What a miserable thing to say.
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B
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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A
It's that. Isn't that the best part of comedy is just sort of like unbuttoning your shirt and just saying, like just absolutely. Hit me with that shotgun just filled with bird shot. Tear me apart, humiliate me and let just, just use me to make laughs.
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B
Yes. Any laugh is great, even at my expense. Please have at it. Yeah.
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A
Thrilling.
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B
It's actually the most fun to play the oblivious idiot or the oblivious wrong thinking person.
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A
And to be, I mean, yeah. To be like the target and to have somebody hit a bullseye on you feels so good.
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B
You know, isn't that funny? Because a lot of people would mistake that and think, no, no, no, I have to be throwing the football in the lead. No, you don't.
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A
If you make fun of me. Well, oh, there's. It's. That's exquisite.
- [17:30]
B
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- [20:54]
A
Yeah, I grew up in Marblehead, Massachusetts.
- [20:56]
B
Yeah, what was that at age? Give me a seven or eight year old.
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A
Oh gosh. At that point, at seven or eight I am playing sports poorly. I'm out in right field. Balls are landing around me. People including my parents are like what? Where is he? Where is that boy mentally? And I'm reading a lot. I am drawing cartoons. I'm making up characters in my head and I don't know where to put the stuff inside of me yet.
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B
A bit of a loner or a bit of a.
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A
A little bit.
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B
A lot of buddies or a few
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A
close ones, you know. And I, I know I love funny things. I collect Mad magazine and pore over it and study it. You know, I'm, I tape Saturday Night Live and watch it and. But I don't that early age. No, I was not quite 7 or 8. Am I doing that yet at 7 or 8 the fly balls are landing. Really catchable ones are landing at my feet and I'm not. Yeah, I don't know quite what to do yet. Here's a good one. The Marblehead police department partnered with some company and it was during like A kidnapping craze during the 1980s, you know, kidnapping was all the rage. And they were like, yeah, oh, your kids are going to get kidnapped. So here there's this service where we can make a video to show people, you know, a VHS cassette. So I remember my sister and I being marched in to be filmed by this kid company. I remember they were. The company was called this Child is mine.
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B
Whoa. Yeah.
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A
Yeah. And so my sister and I are interviewed. They ask us a couple. Couple questions, and they go, robbie, what do you like to do? And I'm like, well, I have to sound like a normal boy. I like to play baseball. I said. And inside I'm like, I don't like to play baseball. And not only that, other people don't like it when I play baseball, but I didn't want to be like, I like to read and imagine I'm in the book, and maybe one day I'll meet a girl, you know? And so we had. I wish we still had it. But, like, it's so funny because you'd watch it now and you'd be like, cut. Now say you like to play baseball, but actually mean it or act like you've ever touched or seen a baseball. And so that. That would be me at 7 or 8.
- [23:24]
B
Yeah. Okay, then. What are your parents doing at that point?
- [23:30]
A
They both. They own and operate an insurance company. Yeah, a little insurance brokerage.
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B
Went to work every day together kind of thing.
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A
Yeah.
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B
Very cool. And you, it's you and your sister,
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A
who's five years younger.
- [23:42]
B
Yeah, I have that, but older. She's older. Okay, so now you're into high school. What's going on then by high school,
- [23:51]
A
I know that I want to act at that point.
- [23:54]
B
How'd that happen?
- [23:56]
A
We did a skit. There was. You remember Marla Thomas's free to be you and me?
- [24:01]
B
Yes.
- [24:03]
A
So there was a stage version of that you could do. And in eighth grade, if you're not watching the video portion of this podcast, first of all, I salute you. Why do people watch podcasts? Second of all, I'm 6 foot 4, and I have, like, a bit. I'm a big person. I was also 6 foot 4 when I was 14. So we do free to be you and me. And they're like, well, you can't play a child. You have to play an adult. And I played a principal, and I remember singing to my friend Jeff about. I sang to him, it's all right to cry. And. And people, like, clapped a little bit. And then we had a talent show at the school which I hosted. And I did some little skits in hosting it and people laughed and clapped and I was like, oh, this is what I want to do with the rest of my life until I die in my 90s. And so then I got to join the drama club and do musicals and stuff from my freshman year in high school. And that was it. I mean, that's what I wanted to do. And then, you know, later on I discover I'm happier when I'm doing stuff that I've written myself. And writing becomes a bigger part of it.
- [25:14]
B
After high school, college.
- [25:15]
A
That would be after college when I was like, hey, this is weird. No one's hiring me to do anything ever. So I started to write my own stuff and I was like, hmm, who should we cast? I know, me. And then with catastrophe, when I didn't screw that up, people were like, I guess we can put them in our thing. You didn't ruin that one.
- [25:33]
B
Yeah, fantastic. Wow, folks alive.
- [25:38]
A
My dad died a few years ago.
- [25:42]
B
Right.
- [25:43]
A
And. But he, he would be 78 now. Right. So. So he died four years ago and you're 78. And I was thinking about that, that it's really a pleasure to get to know a 78 year old guy and hang out. And I just have enjoyed getting to know you because I miss my dad a lot. And also intergenerational friendships are, I don't think, always given the importance. Not even just importance, but necessity. They're so important. So that's another thing I love about doing the show is getting to hang out with you and Katie all the time. Cause yeah, you know, I'm 49 and it's fun to hang out with other 49 year olds, but it's even more fun to hang out with people.
- [26:29]
B
I'm glad to hear because from the opposite end, it's really important and fun for me to be able. At 78, Mary and I hang out with our kids friends through their noblesse. You know, we get to hang out with 40 year olds and it is so interesting, rejuvenating, energizing, you know, from my vantage of being the older person looking down. So it's nice to hear that there's something in it for you all as well.
- [27:03]
A
Yeah, no, like when I hang out with you, like my pulse like slows down. It's just nice.
- [27:07]
B
Yeah. I can actually put you to sleep.
- [27:13]
A
And I've only told you about one parent, my mom, very much alive and just hung out with her this last weekend.
- [27:19]
B
But your dad got to. So your Parents. But your dad also got to see Rob Delaney. Catastrophe.
- [27:26]
A
He did, yeah. Yeah. He got to see. You know what's funny is he both my parents, because I studied musical theater in college because I thought, well, I didn't understand all, like, esoteric acting theory always struck me as, like, weird. And, like, talking about acting was, like, kind of gross. And so I was like, I'll do musical theater because you train your body through dance and your voice, and that's what you got. And I was like, that's as far as I can go in, like, acting. Studying is train the little flesh instrument that we have, sorry to say. Flesh instrument, it says. You actually handed me a sheet of things not to say, and flesh instrument is the third one here. I see. I'm sorry about that. But so I studied musical theater, and it's so funny that I can have, like, a big successful thing happen now. And. And before my dad died, and still my mom now will be like, well, that's great. I don't. I'm not certain why you didn't sing in it. Did they not want you to? Couldn't you have just done, like, maybe one song at the end, you know? And so I have to do definitely before my. Hopefully my mom dies before me in a long time. You know what I mean? But let's do that in the right order. And before she goes, I need to do. I need to sing just so that she can rest. That's probably what she's waiting for. She's probably. She's probably had enough. But Robbie hasn't sung yet, so I got to stick around.
- [28:52]
B
You could put it over the title sequence, just you singing.
- [28:56]
A
You know what? Maybe I should really mess up our work experience by doing a hard campaign to do the theme song for our show. And a couple people are like, I guess. I mean, whatever. And then a few people hate it.
- [29:07]
B
And then your character could conceivably sing. Yeah.
- [29:12]
A
Oh, I think he should. Plus, also, Katie in real life is an amazing singer, and I'm at least trained, you know, Whether you like it or not, that's up to you. But, yeah, I think. I think what would be funny is if Katie is like, okay, let's do our little number, you know? And I'm like, come on, Mom. And then. So have I. Have I pitched that to the writers? Have I pitched that to the writers already, Ted? Yes, I have.
- [29:33]
B
Here's. We're not giving too much away, but I was. My character in the 70s was on the outskirts of rock, you know, and was there As a studio musician or something, but. So they wanted. One of the opening scenes is me singing at the keyboard, and I went, oh, oh, guys. First off, I guess you could fake the keyboard, but oh, Lord, Singing just reduces me to a puddle of insecurity, terror sweat. I must have been like, you know, put to death for singing in a prior life, because it just is not gonna ever, ever, ever happen. So that's funny. But you could maybe.
- [30:19]
A
Yeah, I mean, I'm sure the writers have probably already set up an alert in case you and I do a podcast together, and they'll probably be getting a ping shortly, and I imagine they'll begin work on it.
- [30:31]
B
Yeah, there you go.
- [30:32]
A
Shortly after this.
- [30:33]
B
Because they. They listen to this, like, avidly.
- [30:35]
A
Yeah. You're like, can you stop listening to my podcast?
- [30:37]
B
It's embarrassing.
- [30:38]
A
We're trying to do a show here.
- [30:40]
B
Yeah, okay. What was I going to ask you? Okay, so was catastrophe the. The first time you would walk down the street and people recognized you in mass or. More or less.
- [30:52]
A
Yeah, Catastrophe.
- [30:53]
B
What was that like when all of a sudden your life is when your peripheral vision starts to go away because everyone's looking at you and.
- [31:02]
A
Yeah, that's an interesting one. It's an interesting one. You know what's weird is for years I was like. Tried to be like, Mr. Normal and, like, not hang out with other people on TV and be like, I'm gonna be a regular guy. Like, nobody.
- [31:15]
B
I mean, purposefully.
- [31:16]
A
Yeah. Like, nobody learned who I was until I was quite a bit older than maybe your average person who comes into the public eye. So I was like, I'm just gonna hang out with normal people. But now I still hang out with normal people. But now I have opened my heart to other people who are on TV just because you can talk about stuff like how weird it is to, like, for example, do something shitty. Like, you know, yell at your kid. Like, say you're with. I'm with my three kids. One of them does something that he shouldn't to the other one, and I'm like, you know, and I don't give the kindest, most gentlest, elegant thing. Cause, you know, you're a beleaguered, tired parent. You know, so you say something to your kid, then you come around a corner one second later, and somebody's like, you are so amazing in that thing. And, like, all three kids are looking at you going like, we know you're a piece of shit. You know, And I'm looking at them being like, I also know I'm A piece of shit. And then this person, you know, who watched, you know, something on TV is like, you know, it's so, it's so weird, you know, so it is, it's.
- [32:14]
B
It's good. I always thought that like the tabloids and now the Internet or whatever, really good. They're there purposefully to, to help you with your mental health, you know, because it challenges you all the time. You would, you know, in the old days, you'd be father of the year on People magazine or something. At the same time your life was totally falling apart.
- [32:39]
A
Oh my goodness.
- [32:39]
B
And it was like. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, Anyway, it's weird because it
- [32:45]
A
doesn't, you know, it, it. You have to be careful.
- [32:48]
B
Enjoy it. Sorry, my, my.
- [32:51]
A
Enjoy what specifically?
- [32:52]
B
Being recognized.
- [32:54]
A
I don't.
- [32:55]
B
Having people smile at you.
- [32:57]
A
It can be okay if I'm by myself. I struggle with it if I'm with my family. Because you just want to be normal for your kids. You know what I mean? And so. And then also I don't know if I have this like Irish Catholic Boston thing where like, hey, buddy, who do you think you are? You know, with New England.
- [33:18]
B
Yeah.
- [33:18]
A
Where you know, you think you're friggin special. You.
- [33:21]
B
And don't poke your head up above the crowd, pal.
- [33:23]
A
And so.
- [33:24]
B
Which is also very England. Very England.
- [33:27]
A
Yeah.
- [33:27]
B
Yeah.
- [33:28]
A
So. So it's weird is what I'll say. You know, here's the metaphor. Being in the public eye is like driving a big crane truck. Okay. I think it isn't good and it isn't bad, but it's like you do have to know how to drive the big crane truck. You could build a school with it. You could use your influence to do something good. Or you could run over a family in a station wagon, meaning all the crazy stuff that can happen from celebrity and stuff. So just be careful.
- [33:56]
B
Yeah.
- [33:57]
A
Think about it consciously how you're gonna do it, you know, and be careful because it is, it's. It's weird. Acting in a TV show is amazing. It's amazing. Being famous is sort of double edged. Just be careful.
- [34:13]
B
Yeah, yeah, I agree. I mean, I. What it does to me is it throws me into my. When somebody says, hey, love your work, love you. It's wonderful. But it does throw you immediately into your ego. And then they go around the corner and you have to try to get real again. And if you're with your family, that, you know, that is weird. But I do enjoy it. I have to say, I enjoy being a celebrity. Okay, so we've established we like fame,
- [34:43]
A
but, yeah, use it wisely. Use it judiciously.
- [34:48]
B
Yeah, yeah.
- [34:48]
A
And it's not the most. Here's a big adjustment I've made lately is if I'm writing something, and even if I write by myself now, I have another person in the room just so I can yell what I'm writing at them. And it makes it more fun and less lonely and so bouncing off literally. Absolutely.
- [35:05]
B
All right.
- [35:05]
A
And so I remind myself now that when I'm writing something and, like, trying to crack a storyline or some, you know, add some spice to a scene or whatever, I sit there and I go, this is it. This is why I do this. You know, the polishing of a joke, the, you know, sanding down of a rough edge in a story. Or when it's like, take eight in a scene where, you know, it might be, like, not the meat of the episode, but it's like a connective tissue scene, but still important. And when you're like, on take eight of that, and I'm like, this is it. This is why I do this. Take eight, you know, And I remember that's what it is, not being at the premiere, because if that's what it is for you, then that's the trouble. But if you live for take eight, if you live for doing a polish on a script and then having a Cobb salad, you know, with the person you're riding with, that's the stuff. That's when I remember to say, take a breath. You're impossibly, immeasurably lucky. That's the good stuff.
- [36:12]
B
Also, for me, it's like, on take eight, it's like, dear God, can I truly be present in this moment? As opposed to indicating that I'm a wonderful actor. Watch this or I'm going to repeat what I did four takes back, because that was cool or something. But really, literally being the moment is, at best, 5050 thing for me. So that's, for me, what still makes it thoroughly enjoyable. So good, because it's. I'm not great at it.
- [36:40]
A
Yeah, I did a adr. If you're not Ted or I. ADR means additional dialogue recording. And sometimes you need to clean up the audio in a scene you've shot because maybe a plane flew by or whatever. But I just did ADR for this thing I shot last year. And in the studio, the screen was huge. It was like a movie screen, and my face was on it. And it was the first time that I'd seen my face that large with some new lines on It. And I saw these lines on my face, and I got so excited. I was like, I'm getting older. Acting's gonna be easier because these lines on your face, like, tell a story, you know? And, like, you're so.
- [37:22]
B
You're so healthy. You are way, way healthier than I am.
- [37:26]
A
I think it could possibly be laziness, which, you know, just. I was like, look at those lines. That guy has seen a few things, you know, Don't. I don't have to turn up the acting dial as hard.
- [37:38]
B
The exact opposite. I see myself now on a big screen. I go, fuck. I really am 78. I've been pretending that I'm 78.
- [37:48]
A
No, man to man. You're beautiful. Your face is beautiful.
- [37:52]
B
Okay, mark down. What. What minute? That was into our podcast because it took you away.
- [37:57]
A
Hell of a long time. Sorry about that. That's right on. The thing is that. Don't say flesh instrument and repeatedly compliment Ted on his face. No, but the thing is, is your face. Yeah.
- [38:07]
B
Yeah.
- [38:07]
A
The lines around your eyes are from smiling. The lines around your cheeks are because you smile at your beautiful grandchildren, your
- [38:12]
B
beautiful wife, you know, so true.
- [38:14]
A
Because you're busting a gut laughing at me, you know, when I'm doing a take eight, and you're just so. It's so great. I mean, your face is, you know, appreciably wrinkled since we've known each other,
- [38:23]
B
because you're very funny.
- [38:25]
A
I'm being escorted out of the studio.
- [38:29]
B
It is interesting to sit down and talk to you, because really, you sit down and you go, hey, how are you? And you hear a little snippet of you when you're sitting around the set. You don't get to really do this. I have friends that I've talked to. I'm going, I didn't know that about you. So cool. I'm loving podcasts. They do get that.
- [38:49]
A
Great.
- [38:50]
B
Yeah. Okay, back up. When did you get married? And it was before London. It was here. Yeah.
- [38:57]
A
Oh, my God. Oh. So excited to talk about that because our 20th wedding anniversary is coming up soon.
- [39:02]
B
Oh, well done.
- [39:03]
A
So 22 years ago, I met my wife volunteering on Martha's Vineyard, where you spend a lot of time.
- [39:10]
B
Yes.
- [39:10]
A
We were both. I was 27, she was 24. And we both took summers off and met at a camp, Camp Jabberwocky, which has been there now for 70 years.
- [39:22]
B
All right. Know it well. Know the people. Oh, yeah, wonderful.
- [39:25]
A
It's a camp.
- [39:26]
B
Yeah.
- [39:27]
A
For kids and adults with disabilities. And so we were. And. And. And you do like a one on one ratio. So we each had a camper with cerebral palsy. And, you know, we spend. We do musicals, we did the Sound of Music, we do parades, we do wind surfing, swimming, all kinds of stuff.
- [39:47]
B
And you're not being paid to be their minder. You are now their friend for life, basically.
- [39:52]
A
Yeah. So you're volunteering and they're not paying. So it's so amazing. And so we met at the time she was in the process of moving From Mississippi to D.C. she had just done two years in teach for America and had gotten a job in D.C. had the summer off. I took a leave of absence from one of my terrible boiler room style jobs where, you know, I'm trying to make this career work. And so I go out there and for the summer, because I had volunteered, they had a satellite camp in LA that I'd really enjoyed working at with a friend. And he said, oh, you got to come to the mothership Jabberwocky. And I was like, all right.
- [40:27]
B
And I'm in the middle of this morning blanking on his name because he's a friend too.
- [40:32]
A
Yeah, Will Halby.
- [40:33]
B
Will. Will and Samantha. No, no. What's his wife's name?
- [40:36]
A
Vanessa.
- [40:37]
B
Vanessa, yeah, yeah. They're brilliant.
- [40:39]
A
Yeah. And then. And then Pete Halby and Isla, that's Will's brother and his wife. Wonderful, wonderful family. And so we're volunteering and I see this really beautiful woman. And in fact, our first kind of thing was a guy with down syndrome who was in his 30s, wanted to go for a swim at the beach. And the rule was you totally do go nuts, but you have to take two people with you because he was a really good swimmer and would go out far. So we both went out with him and we're just kind of the three of us swimming and having a good time and I'm looking at this beautiful woman and I'm thinking, oh, oh, man, I'm in very serious trouble here. And not that they're. I mean, why not fall in love? But she is moving to dc. I live in la, I don't want to date cross country. That's for psychopaths, you know, And. But I remember calling my mom and my friend Ellen, my childhood friend Ellen, I made two calls. I said, I'm falling in love with this girl and I need you to talk me out of it because we live on opposite coasts and that can't work. And they were like, all right, well, tell me a little about her. And I did. And they were like, yeah, it Sounds like you're fucked, man. You're gonna have to date cross country. And I was like, God damn it. And so we did. We dated cross country for a year,
- [41:54]
B
and it was mutual. You knew by that time on the island. Yeah. You both were falling in love.
- [42:00]
A
Yeah. I had never, ever been hit like a freight train like that ever in my life. And so, yeah, we dated cross country for a year. And every three weeks, one of us would fly to the other one city for like, a long weekend.
- [42:15]
B
How old are you at that point?
- [42:16]
A
I'm 27. She's 24. And a year later, we got engaged. And a year after that, we got married.
- [42:23]
B
Wow. And.
- [42:24]
A
And we're still married. And we just spoke right before I walked right in the door here because
- [42:29]
B
she is now in London.
- [42:31]
A
She's in London? Yeah. Because now we live in London. People are always like, so did you went to London, you fell in love with a British woman? You loved it and you said, like, no, I moved there with a woman from North Carolina. And what was that?
- [42:41]
B
Ask like, honey, we're moving to London.
- [42:44]
A
Very difficult. And. And because it wasn't for, like, a
- [42:49]
B
huge film you're gonna go make, it was like, I think I wanna explore working in London, basically.
- [42:54]
A
So we got picked up for one season and we got picked up for one season, and my wife is teaching 8th grade English at Culver City Middle School. And, like, we get our health insurance through her at that point, you know, and like, the show was British. I didn't even qualify for, like, SAG insurance with my first TV show, which is so funny. But she was going to take a leave of absence for six months and then go back. And that's what I thought too. I was like, obviously they're going to realize their huge mistake. And so we moved to London and it was super difficult. It was really very difficult because we had a three year old and a one year old, and she was pregnant with our third son at that point. And so incredibly difficult for my wife. And I also disappeared into work because it was like my first show. And so I was really absent and I had to really retool how I husbanded after. After the first two seasons of that show because I. I really think I did her a disservice at that time. I thought, like, this is med school. This is the Olympics. This is. I've gotta do it. You know, I'm in my mid-30s. I'm doing gotta show. Yeah, that's what you say, right? You say, I'm doing it for Us. And what I learned during that time is because I thought, oh, well, she's an adult human being, so I can put my marriage on a shelf. I'll still be attentive to the kids occasionally when I'm around, but my relationship with my adult spouse, that can go on a shelf, that'll be fine, that it won't rot on the shelf. And I learned that, you know, your relationship with your spouse requires as much or more attention than your relationship with your kids. So it was really instructive for me, painful for her. And I had some real growing up to do with that. So that's the honest answer to that question. I know it's not like show business pizzazz.
- [45:02]
B
It's true. I mean, it's so easy. It's so easy for me to become so totally self absorbed with a smidge of righteousness, because that's what this takes kind of thing.
- [45:14]
A
But, like, you heard the enthusiasm. Like, I was so excited when you asked me about her because now, now that we've recovered from that, you know, it's been quite, been quite a long time since that, you know, and we're in our third decade together and I'm like, I would marry her again tomorrow in a nanosecond. And also I've been away from her now for like three weeks, which is like. And my kids. So, you know, we run a real risk of needing some tissues shortly if I continue to talk about them, which I'm happy to do. But yeah, I, I love, I love them and I can't wait to see them.
- [45:47]
B
Yeah, it's, it's, it's tough because at a certain point, your kids have their own life. At a certain age, friends are more important than anything.
- [45:55]
A
Yeah.
- [45:56]
B
So when you go off to work, they don't get. You can't ask them to come along.
- [46:01]
A
I know. Yeah. My youngest, I would bring on jobs that was the best. The couple of jobs that I did, like, longest jobs where I brought. My youngest, did one, did a movie during COVID where I just brought a two year old with me.
- [46:14]
B
Yeah.
- [46:15]
A
And oh my God, that was the greatest. Yeah. Hey, I'm Paul Scheer. I'm June Diane Rayfield. And I'm Jason Mantzoukas. And we're the hosts of how did this Get Made? A comedy podcast where we deconstruct, make fun of and celebrate the best worst movies ever made. Have you ever seen a movie that's so bad that it's actually good? That's what we're talking about from Blockbuster Franchises and made for TV romances to bonkers 80s action flicks and obscure sci fi musicals. We cover it all. You can find. How did this get made? Wherever you get your podcasts and don't forget to follow the show so you never miss an episode.
- [46:52]
B
Idiot.
- [46:54]
A
With a Capital One Saver card, you'll earn unlimited 3% cash back on dining, entertainment, and at grocery stores. And for a limited time, new card members can earn a $250 cash bonus after spending $500 on purchases within the first three months. So grab a bite, grab a seat, and earn unlimited 3% cash back with the saver card. Capital One, what's in your wallet? Terms apply. See capital1.comsaver for details.
- [47:27]
B
Okay, we don't have to talk. We can. I know you're willing to talk about anything but sobriety.
- [47:32]
A
Yeah.
- [47:32]
B
Was that before you met?
- [47:34]
A
It was, yeah. I was two years sober when I met my wife.
- [47:37]
B
Probably wouldn't have met her.
- [47:39]
A
Certainly not. Certainly wouldn't have. Yeah, I drank too much, you know, from like age 12 to 25 and didn't really have a honeymoon period. My drinking had, like, consequences from an early part or an early, you know, like, it was. It was a mess really, from the get go. But I was one of those people where once I started, I couldn't stop. And. And I had other stuff that I cared about and was passionate about in my life, but alcohol really began to crowd those things out. And so now, yeah, it would be 24 years ago, I drove a car into a building in a blackout and nobody else was involved in that accident, thank God. And. And then, yeah, the judge was like, you can go back to jail or you can go to rehab. And I was like, I can go to rehab. Oh, my God, yes, please. I was like, it was like, he said I could go to Pirates of the Caribbean and so can I have a single room? You know? And, yeah. And he was like, no. And so, but, yeah, I went to rehab, and it was the greatest. I'd been trying to quit for years before that, but once, once it was illustrated for me that my drinking could very easily kill other people. I mean, driving in a blackout, that's, you know, horrific. I was like, all right. I was at the point with my drinking where I was like, sure, I might die. You know, hey, cost of doing business, but I don't want to kill people, you know, so that helped me sort of get over the hump of realizing I have a. I have a very serious problem. It's not a terribly interesting problem. It's garden variety alcoholism.
- [49:23]
B
Right.
- [49:23]
A
And. And then, yeah, of course, with help from wonderful people, I was able to. Yeah. Turn the page. And. And. And my life has been, you know, just unrecognizable.
- [49:37]
B
Yeah. With sobriety. You do.
- [49:40]
A
Oh, yeah.
- [49:40]
B
The world your oyster. Where I wasn't before.
- [49:44]
A
Oh, yeah. I mean, in my. Yeah. I heard people say this before, but, you know, my highest highs and my lowest lows have been since I got sober. Because you're not covering it up. You know, you feel everything.
- [49:56]
B
Yeah. Being human.
- [50:00]
A
Yeah.
- [50:00]
B
Yeah.
- [50:01]
A
No joke.
- [50:02]
B
I know you've suffered loss and sobriety and your family is huge part of your life. Huge is your life and your work. Is that putting those. You have, all of that. That is who you really are. Do you think there's a focus to everything that you went through? Have, you know, the blessings, the sadness, all of that. Is there a purpose to your. Do you see a purpose to your life? Kind of. I'm just saying at the end of my. Not end, but this stage of edit that quickly, people are taking notes.
- [50:43]
A
Several more episodes, as you said.
- [50:48]
B
I'm beginning to see, oh, actually this is either what I do well or this is what I have to contribute, or this is what makes me feel good in a bigger sense than career. Anyway. Do you have a sense of the purpose to your life? So, sorry, does that make sense?
- [51:06]
A
No, no. That's a fine question to ask and I'll try to figure out my answer out loud, which is. Yeah, family wise. Yeah, family is, of course, most important. You know, if you live on Earth in 2026, you have to have a career so that you can feed and house your family and all that. So I like for those things to be as integrated as possible, I guess. You know, I start with, you know, sobriety, mental, emotional, spiritual fitness. Then focus on the family when I can bring my best self to them, then be grateful that I have a career that I care about and mean something to me. And then I suppose, yeah, be the best dad and husband that I can be. And it's like, hard to say this, but also be just the best self that you can be. Like, don't cut yourself out of the equation. Like, be good and kind because it feels good to me, you know, and. And then from there, select projects that. Or create projects that sort of reflect. Reflect what it is that I want to do, what I like the most, you know, Like I've done at this point, I've made two things that people really noticed. One was the show catastrophe. The second was the book that I wrote about our son Henry, who died of brain cancer in 2018. And those are the two things that people most seem to. Most associate me with. And what's in those, things that maybe people have responded to is I've tried to sort of, I don't know, like, transmute what this life feels like and what it is that we need to do to survive it.
- [53:02]
B
Do transmute a different way.
- [53:06]
A
I don't know, metabolize, weave in. So I try to weave comedy and acute pain into the things that I make, because that's what life is made out of. Like, life is a slaughterhouse. Right. I mean, this world is a slaughterhouse that we. And so we have to acknowledge that, and then we have to get ourselves right so that we can be of use to others. And so the stuff that I try and make, like Joan Didion, I really love. Right. But I read something where she was like, I'm. It's just my job to show you what I saw, and you make your conclusions. And I would do, like Joan Didion asterisk, which is like, totally show people how it is and leave the place a little better than you found it. You know what I mean?
- [54:03]
B
Yeah.
- [54:03]
A
So I'm not purely interested in holding up a mirror. I want to hold up a mirror and then be like, oh, look at. We see these things that we could adjust or fix to just leave a little something better for our kids, for our neighbors and stuff like that. Like anything that I make, my. My sincere hope is that once someone has absorbed it, consumed it, read it, snorted it up, whatever they do, that they go be a little kinder because the world is a slaughterhouse. You know what I mean?
- [54:36]
B
Yeah. So that's what I meant about bigger purposes. Leaving the world a little kinder place.
- [54:46]
A
And then I'd say, you know, having had one of my children die, and I never say pass away or lose. I say die because I like people to hear that. I had a son. His name was Henry, and he died, and he's dead. You know, does he live on inside of me and in the smile of my wife and in the gaze of my other boys who are alive and vibrant? Yes, he does, but he died. And I don't like to sugarcoat that, you know, and that affected how I work now. You know, like, a lot of my peers, for example, will have, like, production companies, and they'll have the thing that they're doing or the two things, and then they've got their fingers and other pies. I don't do that. I just do one, maybe two things at a time to the best of my abilities. And then I just spend the rest of the time at home, you know, smelling my kids and having as many of them sit on me at one time as possible, you know, and so that's a big part of me is metabolizing that. The pain of the loss of Henry, and then trying to be smart enough to let that inform how I do my career, because I think it would be a real shame if that happened and I didn't change how I work. Yeah, that would be folly.
- [56:20]
B
That's what I think. Also makes me enjoy watching you and being around you, is that you carry both those things simultaneously, whether or not you're talking about them. But it is painful. And you can laugh at the human condition.
- [56:42]
A
Yeah.
- [56:42]
B
But you have to be real about the human condition. Yeah. And it's also my favorite kind of comedy that comes out of sadness.
- [56:52]
A
Oh, my God.
- [56:53]
B
Yeah.
- [56:54]
A
Because they're so close to each other.
- [56:55]
B
Some of my favorite writers, comedy writers have such a big hole in their hearts from something. Some sadness. And it just. It makes the. The laughter more real. It's not a joke. It's. It's. It's. You know, it's so painful. Let's laugh. Yeah. Yeah.
- [57:18]
A
The funniest book I've ever read, and it's so hard to write a funny book. I think it's way easier to write a funny TV show. A lot of people be like, that book's funny. And then I'll read them, no, it's not. Or, like, comedians will write a book. And I'll be like. But there's this guy named Adam Resnick who wrote for Letterman and Jon Stewart and a bunch of others, and he has a book called Will Not Attend. It is so funny like it is. It's. We pass it around in my family and read it aloud to each other.
- [57:49]
B
Will not.
- [57:50]
A
Will Not Attend. And there's incredible darkness in this guy. But I mean, to give you an idea, I'm gonna try to tell one of the stories real quickly. They're all true from his life. One of them is he and his brother who fight all the time, and their dad slaps him around. It's 1970s New Jersey, and they're driving along the turnpike, and they see the janitor from their high school walking along the side of the road, and they go, dad, dad, you know, pick up Mr. Toops. And he's like, oh, okay. Pulls over. The guy gets in, and he turns to their dad in the front seat. And they realize it's not Mr. Toops. They've just told their dad, who they've established in many other stories in the book, beats the out of him, you know, when he feels like it and he is just. They've just made him pick up a stranger. And so the book, he just distills the feeling of their terror being like, please Christ, let this guy say that. He's just not. Say I'm not Mr. Toops or anything. And so the dad is grilling Mr. Toops and asking questions, and the guy's like, who's this crazy guy asking me these questions? So the hitchhiker hiker. Not. I'm sorry, not even hitchhiker. He didn't ask to be picked up. The kids were like, pick up that guy. And the terror, knowing they're going to be savagely beaten by their father if this guy doesn't give up the ghost. It is unbelievably funny. And. And anyway, that ruined.
- [59:15]
B
Ruined this story by saying, did he pull it off? The stranger?
- [59:19]
A
Pull it off? Yeah. Finally they. They let him go. And he drops him off. He. The guy asked to be taken to a hospital to visit his sister. So he's like a very sweet guy. So there's like kindness and a wonderful act. This guy trying to do this. These kids, hey, why not pick up a janitor? You know, and then the scary dad and the way he juggles all this. It's just whenever somebody is like, I think I'm gonna write a funny book, I'm like, well, maybe read this and then see if you want to do it.
- [59:45]
B
Yeah, I don't know.
- [59:45]
A
I don't know why that came into my mind, but you were just talking about the blending of, you know, sadness and happiness and. And fear and laughter. And that's an excellent example.
- [59:54]
B
Hey, do me a favor. Can we get together again when this comes out?
- [59:58]
A
Absolutely.
- [59:59]
B
That's your pleasure and whatever. So we can also talk about the show because I am so jazzed to be part of this.
- [60:06]
A
Oh, isn't it?
- [60:07]
B
I really am. It's a bunch of wonderful actors who are all grown ups and wonderful kids who seem to be young grownups. And I'm very happy to be doing it and thank you so much. I know you worked until 11 and now you're gonna rather go work again.
- [60:25]
A
A real pleasure and I'm enjoying very much getting to know you, so thanks for having me.
- [60:29]
B
Yeah, thanks, Rob. Take care. Ladies and gentlemen, Rob Delaney. Please pick up a copy of his memoir, A Heart that works at a bookstore near you. That's it for this week. Special thanks to Team Coco. If you've enjoyed this episode, please send it to a loved one. Subscribe on your favorite podcast app and maybe give us a great rating and review on Apple Podcasts if you're in the mood. If you like watching your podcast, all our full length episodes are on YouTube. Visit YouTube.comteamcoco See you next time. Where everybody knows your name.
- [61:23]
A
You've been listening to where everybody knows your name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson Sometimes. The show is produced by me, Nick Liao. Our executive producers are Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and myself. Sarah Fedorovich is our supervising producer. Engineering and mixing by Joanna Samuel with support from Eduardo Perez research by Alyssa Grohl Talent booking by Paula Davis and Gina Bay Batista. Our theme music is by Woody Harrelson, Anthony Gend, Mary Steenbergen and John Osborne. Hey everyone, it's Stavros Halakis and I'm
- [62:02]
B
here to tell you about my podcast, Stavi's World. Each week we're joined by great guests
- [62:06]
A
like Josh Safdie, Eric Andre, Caleb Herron, and more. It's sort of an interview show, but really we're just messing around, making each other laugh and hopefully making you laugh
- [62:16]
B
while you're washing the dishes or grocery shopping or on a long drive.
- [62:21]
A
Plus, I take listener calls where we
- [62:22]
B
have honest conversations about dating, life and everything in between. Imagine if your therapist was a vulgar degenerate whose office was in a Greek diner. No scripts, no polish, and absolutely no holding back.
- [62:34]
A
Listen to Stavi's World wherever you get your podcasts. With a Capital One Saver card, you'll earn unlimited 3% cash back on dining, entertainment and at grocery stores. And for a limited time, new card members can earn a $250 cash bonus after spending $500 on purchases within the first three months. So grab a bite, grab a seat and earn unlimited 3% cash bonus back with the Saver Card Capital One what's in your wallet? Terms apply. See capitalone.comsaver for details.