Tig Notaro

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Where Everybody Knows Your Name" with Tig Notaro

Original Air Date: December 17, 2025
Hosts: Ted Danson & (sometimes) Woody Harrelson
Guest: Tig Notaro

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Episode Overview

In this poignant and engaging episode, Ted Danson sits down with acclaimed comedian, actor, and podcaster Tig Notaro. The conversation dives deep into Tig's new documentary "Come See Me in the Good Light," which chronicles poet Andrea Gibson’s final year of life following an ovarian cancer diagnosis. The pair discuss mortality, the transformative power of grief, living authentically, and Tig’s uniquely candid journey through stand-up, cancer, and queer parenthood. The discussion weaves easily between humor, vulnerability, and reflection on what it means to live well—and die well.

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Key Topics & Insights

The Genesis of "Come See Me in the Good Light"

• Inspiration for the Documentary

  • Tig shares how her friend Steph Willen, involved in Andrea Gibson’s care circle, first suggested the idea for a documentary.

    “Steph just casually said, you know, I feel like Andrea’s life would make a really great documentary right now. And I was like, oh. Like, it struck me so big time that I couldn't even believe I didn't see that.” — Tig Notaro [07:35]

  • Within minutes of the conversation, Tig was reaching out to producers, directors, and financiers.

    “As soon as I have an idea or there’s something I’m inspired by, I’m immediately on it. My wife jokingly calls it, ‘Yeah, this can wait.’ Because I act so quickly.” — Tig Notaro [08:36]

• Andrea Gibson’s Openness

  • Tig marvels at Andrea and their wife Meg’s willingness to open their home and lives to the filmmakers, with zero hesitation or need for control over the project.

    “They never had a call or a zoom or anything. They just showed up with a film crew... Meg walked out and hugged them. Andrea walked out and said, ‘Hi, I’m Andrea. I guess I’ll be with you when I die. Welcome to my home.’” — Tig Notaro [13:54]

The Reality and Impact of Death (and How We Face It)

• Ted’s Personal Reaction

  • Ted recounts watching the film with his wife, describing the intense emotional impact and the conflict between the beauty of the poetry and the harsh, unvarnished reality of mortality.

    “The poetry was uplifting... but death is dying is intensely real that I had to go past the poeticness and into, fuck. It’s so intensely real.” — Ted Danson [06:11]

• Facing the End with Authenticity and Bravery

  • Tig reflects on being present for Andrea’s final days:

    “I've been at four end of life bedsides. This is completely different experience than I’ve ever, ever had in my life.” — Tig Notaro [19:12]

  • They discuss how Andrea desperately wanted to live and the tension between acceptance and hope.

    “It’s not like Andrea was just okay with dying. Andrea wanted to—desperately wanted to—live.” — Tig Notaro [18:11]

• Societal Avoidance of Death

  • Ted laments how American society in particular avoids talking openly about death and loss:

    “Our society especially doesn’t do well looking at death and loss. It’s very hard to let it in.” — Ted Danson [30:10]

• Living Fully Before the End

  • Tig shares one of Andrea’s core messages:

    “Not waiting for that terrible diagnosis to start living your life and to start appreciating every single moment that you have.” — Tig Notaro [32:00] (This quote recurs throughout the episode as a thematic touchstone)

Grief, Growth, and Transformation

• Personal Transformation Through Grief

  • Tig describes the surreal, powerful energy she felt after being present for Andrea’s death, challenging her sense of daily reality and herself.

    “I felt invincible with the energy and from the experience I had just had... I felt like there was some sort of energy and power... that I’ve carried with me.” — Tig Notaro [25:21]

  • Tig states this experience changed her attitude toward work and life-balance:

    “I made real clear changes in my life... I only want to tour a weekend a month. I want to be home. I want to be part of my life.” — Tig Notaro [32:40]

• The Power of Openness

  • Both Ted and Tig discuss the beauty of Andrea and Meg’s willingness to live and die in front of others, and how this vulnerability helps other people face mortality honestly.

Stand-Up, Body Image, and Bravery

• Performing Topless After Double Mastectomy
  • Tig details her iconic move of performing shirtless on stage following her double mastectomy (without reconstruction surgery), and how the idea repeatedly surfaced during her recovery.

    “My brain just kept saying, like, oh my gosh, you have to do a set without a shirt on... It was an intrusive thought that kind of made me laugh maniacally.” — Tig Notaro [41:08]

  • She wanted the moment to remain comedic, even choosing to segue into hacky airplane jokes:

    “In comedy what’s considered so hacky is airline material... so I thought, I’m going to do airplane humor while I’m doing this.” — Tig Notaro [44:00]

  • The audience's normalization of the moment was powerful and healing:

    “I was so shocked, and then seconds later, I didn’t even notice because I did the whole half last part of my comedy show on HBO with no shirt on.” — Tig Notaro [45:53]

  • Bo Burnham’s response highlighted the broader resonance:

    “This is not like a women’s issue. This is not even—sure, cancer and women and body issues—but this is like just humans... just to be comfortable in your body.” — Bo Burnham, via Tig Notaro [47:21]

Family, Coming Out, and Parenting

• Children’s Innocence Around Sexuality and Gender

  • Tig recounts a now-viral story wherein her children, raised by two moms, didn’t realize she was gay—nor did they know her gender:

    “I am the mayor of Gaytown and our kids don’t know. And we’ve surrounded them with all different types of people and families and gay families... but they don’t know why, I guess.” — Tig Notaro [57:20]

  • She reflects on the radical normalcy:

    “You just take things for granted that your kids know your gender or they know that you’re gay... I have not had to come out to anyone in decades. So it did not cross my mind that I had to sit my kids down and say, I am a woman and I am gay.” — Tig Notaro [61:52]

• Supportive Upbringing

  • Tig shares anecdotes about her mother's boldness and her aunt’s moving response when she came out:

    “Why are you crying? You're telling me that you know yourself and you're in love... Some people go through their entire lives never experiencing love. And that's nothing to cry about.” — Tig Notaro's Aunt [63:08]

The South and Misconceptions

• Regional Stereotypes and Acceptance
  • Tig defends her Mississippi roots, highlighting the acceptance and open-heartedness she’s found among rural family members who never left small towns.

    “There's so much credit that needs to be given to these people that didn’t go to big cities and have those experiences that just have an open heart, mind blowing.” — Tig Notaro [69:09]

  • She also recounts her family’s support during her gay wedding in Mississippi.

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Notable Quotes / Memorable Moments (w/ Timestamps)

• “[Steph] said, ‘Andrea’s life would make a really great documentary right now.’ I was like, oh. It struck me so big time that I couldn’t even believe I didn’t see that.” — Tig Notaro [07:31]
• “It’s not like Andrea was just okay with dying. Andrea wanted to—desperately wanted to—live. … I haven’t really used the word brave in a real way [before].” — Tig Notaro [18:12]
• “You can’t help but let it in because there’s poetry, which is like music. It hits you someplace you can’t quite intellectualize. It’s so powerful.” — Ted Danson [30:15]
• “Not waiting for that terrible diagnosis to start living your life and appreciating every single moment.” — Tig Notaro [32:00]
• “I want to be part of it. I don’t want to be a … at the end of life, you’re like, I wish I hadn't worked so much. I wish I had spent more time with friends and family. … I want to do it now.” — Tig Notaro [32:55]
• “My brain just kept saying, you have to do a set without a shirt on. … And so I did.” — Tig Notaro [41:08]
• “This is not… a women’s issue … this is like just humans. Even as a man … just to be comfortable in your body.” — Bo Burnham, via Tig Notaro [47:21]
• “You just take things for granted that your kids know your gender or they know that you’re gay.” — Tig Notaro [61:52]
• “You’re telling me that you know yourself and you’re in love, you’ve found somebody. … That’s nothing to cry about.” — Tig Notaro's Aunt [63:08]
• “The best gift you can give anybody is a well-lived life of your own.” — Tig Notaro [74:59]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Documentary Inspiration / Making-of: [07:00–14:00]
• The Reality of Death, Andrea Gibson’s Legacy: [15:00–25:00]
• Impact of Grief, Life Changes, the Message of the Film: [25:00–34:00]
• Openness About Death and Urgency to Live: [34:00–37:00]
• Stand-up, Body Image, Shirtless Performance: [39:41–48:43]
• Queer Family Stories and Children: [56:47–62:28]
• Coming Out and Family Reactions: [62:28–65:07]
• Reflections on the South: [67:32–72:36]
• Guiding Light/Personal Philosophy (“Best Gift…”): [74:59]
• Closing Reflections on Healthy Relationships & Self-Worth: [77:26–82:32]

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Tone and Language

The conversation effortlessly blends humor and gravity, reflecting both Ted’s warm curiosity and Tig’s dry wit and candor. There are moments of open vulnerability and laughter in equal measure, particularly around subjects usually skirted in polite conversation—death, grief, cancer, sexuality, family absurdities, and the South.

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Summary for New Listeners

This episode is a rich, deeply personal conversation about mortality, courage, creativity, and living authentically. Through the lens of Tig Notaro’s documentary on Andrea Gibson, Ted and Tig explore why it’s so important—not just to appreciate life’s beauty, but to look death honestly in the face. Along the way, you’ll hear hilarious detours into stand-up war stories, adventures in queer parenting, and reflections on the power of self-acceptance. If you want to be moved, challenged, and reminded to live now—not later—queue this up.

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Recommended Follow-Up:

• "Come See Me in the Good Light" available on Apple TV
• Tig Notaro’s podcast “Handsome” (mentioned by Ted)
• Anderson Cooper’s “All There Is” podcast (on grief and loss)

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(For those who haven’t listened, this summary brings you warmth, humor, memorable insights, and poignant moments from two beloved storytellers—making it feel as if you were in the room where everybody, indeed, knows your name.)

Transcript

[Ted Danson]

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[Tig Notaro]

There's so many different important messages. I mean, as Andrea has said, of like not waiting for that terrible diagnosis to start living your life and to start appreciating every single moment that you have.

[Ted Danson]

Welcome back. Everybody knows your name. I've been really looking forward to talking to Tig Notaro. She's our guest today. She's a comedian, actor, writer and podcaster. She's also a cancer survivor. I highly recommend her deeply personal comedy album live about that experience. She also recently produced a documentary that looks at how we should live in the light of our mortality. It's called come see me in the good light. It's on Apple tv. It follows the poet and activist Andrea Gibson in the final days of their battle with ovarian cancer. Here she is, Tig Notario. I'm stalling just for a second and we will definitely cut this part out or not. But I take this shot of stuff. I have an immune thing, autoimmune thing. And so when I take it, it's new. It gives me hiatal hernia for a little while which makes you short of breath and you think you're dying. So I'm in that think I'm dying. Panicky at the same time. I'm so excited to see you. So now I'm going and that's.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, we're all dying. So.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. Okay. That's a good lead in.

[Tig Notaro]

The body starts to die at 25. It starts to cellularly.

[Ted Danson]

It does. Literally.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ted Danson]

You can lie about it for another 30 years, but then it starts to die.

[Tig Notaro]

It start to catch up and start.

[Ted Danson]

But thank God for gravity or we'd still be like. We'd never be spiritual. We'd be party on.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. Let me know when you're ready because I can wait. I have no. We're going to see Wicked at 1:30. So I have.

[Ted Danson]

I just need three hours of your time.

[Tig Notaro]

That's complete. That's totally.

[Ted Danson]

I have no questions. Just start talking, please. For three hours.

[Tig Notaro]

Just belly button lineup.

[Ted Danson]

Okay, so here's what I'm full of. First off, I've been tigging for the last 48 hours. Just nonstop And I am in awe of you, truly. Your talent is amazing. Your standup's amazing. I haven't seen all of your acting, but you're acting your little rear end off. You're about to become the bad guy. I assume on the morning show.

[Tig Notaro]

It's already aired and I'm already getting dirty looks from strangers.

[Ted Danson]

Really?

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. Yeah, it's really been interesting. Not just strangers. People I know. Like, I got. I've gotten some angry texts and emails.

[Ted Danson]

It's crazy how make believe and pretend on your tv. Sometimes people don't get it.

[Tig Notaro]

No, no. Yeah. And sometimes in your standup, people don't get it.

[Ted Danson]

In your standup is astounding.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, you are a kind sir, Truly.

[Ted Danson]

I have one regret that I just saw that you. Your handsome podcast, that I actually had a question on it. And you won't remember it because it was so bad. I wasn't on it. I should have zoomed, but I must have. It must have been. Yeah, I recorded a question which was so, like, all recording when you're not facing somebody. It was so impersonal. And I think all of you kind of were like, this is weird.

[Tig Notaro]

Wait, we aired it already?

[Ted Danson]

Yes. Oh, yeah. I'm a new podcaster. Do you have any advice for me? But it was so fun.

[Tig Notaro]

I remember that. I remember that.

[Ted Danson]

It was like, what the.

[Tig Notaro]

No, no. We don't need personal questions. We're just. It's that thing of like, we've had 10 billion questions. I can't remember everybody's question. But, yes, I remember that. But that's a good question. I thought that was great.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. But it was so important here.

[Tig Notaro]

Anyway, I have a terrible memory, so.

[Ted Danson]

Me, too.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

But here's what I really just can't wait to talk to you about.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Ted Danson]

Part not partly coincidentally, a week or two ago, we talked to James von Praag. I did. Do you know who James von Prague is?

[Tig Notaro]

No.

[Ted Danson]

He's a medium who talks to people from the other side.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[Ted Danson]

And we had this great conversation with Chainsaw and Prague about that. You know, about the soul, about the journey, about the. All of that. And I don't want to get into it because it's really what you've been talking about with Anderson Cooper on his podcast. And that whole experience of Come see me in the good light. Mary and I watched it. Who sends her love and respect. We watched it over two nights, and the first night I went to bed, and it was very hard to go to sleep. I was angry because Andrea's poetry about this Moment and this time and this song afterwards, everything was so beautiful that it inspired me to have these glowing, positive, exciting things. Thoughts about passage. But the visual of spending time were so intensely real, because death is dying is intensely real that I had to go past the poeticness and into. Fuck. It's so intensely real. At age 78, almost. So I sat there in that kind of.

[Tig Notaro]

You're almost 78?

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Sir, have you told your face that?

[Ted Danson]

God bless you. Let's just. Let's just talk about that for a while first. Speaking of face, you got good face.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, you've got good. I mean, let's please stop deflecting. I mean, seriously, can we zoom in on this mug here?

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, they do all the time.

[Tig Notaro]

Wow.

[Ted Danson]

Yes. So, anyway, then the next day I completed it, and I had the full amazing impact of that. Let me start with how did you get involved? How did that. It was your idea.

[Tig Notaro]

No, it was my friend Steph Willen, who is in the very beginning. She's also a producer on the documentary. She is the person who comes over for the dinner party. And the very early scene, the very funny moment, if you recall, of Do.

[Ted Danson]

Me, Do Me, I did watch the whole thing, I promise you.

[Tig Notaro]

But do you remember, does thumbing ring a bell?

[Ted Danson]

Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. Steph is that person. Yes. Yes. It's such an incredible moment. So deeply funny, but it also turns very, very devastating. Like with the aging app moment that comes in where Meg and Andrea can see themselves in a way that they won't be able. They won't be able to see each other. And anyway, when Andrea was going through all of the, you know, so much, Andrea has an incredible group of friends in Colorado, Andrea and Meg, that have helped carry them, helped do so many different. Yeah, just so many different things to help them through, whether it's doctor's appointments, living with them to help with medical stuff and rides and dealing with attorneys and just everything. Wills, all of that. And one of the things, a pretty light lift that Steph and I were doing was trying to figure out what to do with Andrea's podcast. Like, how do we edit this? What's the theme? What is this podcast? And in one of our meetings about it, Steph just casually said, you know, I feel like Andrea's life would make a really great documentary right now. And I was like, oh. Like, it struck me so big time that I couldn't even believe I didn't see that. And I am somebody that acts very quickly. Um, my wife jokingly calls it, quote, unquote. Yeah, this can wait. Because as soon as I have an idea or I. There's something that I'm inspired by, I'm like, immediately on it. And she'll be like, yeah, this can wait.

[Ted Danson]

Whatever she had been saying or talking about, you mean, or.

[Tig Notaro]

No, just like, if I tell her, if I'm like, oh, my gosh. Steph said, you know, Andrea's life would make a really great documentary. I'm gonna call every documentarian I know. Like, within minutes of hanging up with Steph, I was calling financiers, producers, directors. And Stephanie goes, yeah, this can wait. Because I act so quickly if I'm driven by something. And so it was one of my, yeah, this can wait moments, which is a sarcastic statement. And so I reached out to five different people, again, different directors, producers, people with, you know, fat cash. And I was like, hey, this friend of mine of nearly 25 years is a non binary poet with stage 4 cancer. Eh? Anyone interested? And it was kind of. The response was open and receptive from everyone. Definitely like, hmm, let me think about it. Or, oh, a poet. Interesting.

[Ted Danson]

Hmm.

[Tig Notaro]

And I just was like, poet laureate, right? I mean, big Colorado poet laureate. Yeah. Oh. And in the world of poetry, Andrea was the rock star of poetry. And selling out, whether it was rock clubs or theaters worldwide, published seven or eight books independently. Still now, especially now with all this attention on Andrea, I mean, Meg, Andrea's wife, and that group of friends in Boulder are managing. They are packing those books themselves and shipping them out. So everyone please be patient, because it's like, it's a massive undertaking. And it's also an undertaking. These people are grieving deeply and also trying to package and ship these books and everything.

[Ted Danson]

But anyway, wait, let's use this moment to back up just a smidge. How did you know? How did you meet Andrea?

[Tig Notaro]

I met Andrea. I used to live in Colorado. I've lived there a few times in life. And I had gone backstage at a Vox Feminista show, which was a political and social activist group in Boulder. And absolutely, they were preaching to the choir. But it was such a great live performance. I mean, comedians, there was a poet, you know, all sorts of musicians.

[Ted Danson]

And you were performing, too?

[Tig Notaro]

I wasn't performing, but our mutual friend introduced us backstage. Cause I was there to see my friend who was performing in Fox Feminista, and my friend was like, oh, this is Andrea Gibson. Andrea's a poet. And I was looking at Andrea thinking, a poet. You know, Like, Andrea looked familiar and felt familiar to me from the gay scene or comedy or rock clubs. Or I just.

[Ted Danson]

She's very rock and roll, visually.

[Tig Notaro]

Very rock and roll. Yes. Because I was like, this is a rock star. This isn't a poet. And then Andrea goes on stage and just annihilates the room where you're just sobbing deeply or laughing deeply. But it was a confirmation that this is a rock star. This is truly a rock star. But, yeah, when Steph mentioned that and I reached out three days later, Ryan White and Jessica Hargrave, the filmmakers, said, hey, we looked into Andrea and we're buying plane tickets and we're heading out to Colorado. They were just like, we're on board.

[Ted Danson]

And Andrea, what was their response?

[Tig Notaro]

Andrea and Meg were completely open and interested. They were like, yeah, we're game. And Ryan and Jess said that they never had a call or a zoom or anything. They just showed up with film crew, a very tiny film crew. And Meg walked out and hugged them very warmly. And they said. Andrea walked out and said, hi, I'm Andrea. I guess I'll be with you when I die. Welcome to my home. And that was kind of what we thought was gonna happen because when the film started, Andrea was hitting that two year life expectancy, had kind of hit that point. And so the film crew, they were like, we gotta get out there right away. And we ended up able to film for a year. So, Andrea. Yeah, I. I realize now, actually, after doing a lot of press and losing Andrea this past July, that I was in denial. And I didn't realize it because I'd heard stories of people living 10 to 15 years, maintaining their health and life longer than their prognosis. And I remember. Cause Andrea was such a life force and just seemed unstoppable. And it didn't. It's embarrassing to say, but it didn't make sense to me that that person would die anytime soon. And yeah, I just. I thought, how.

[Ted Danson]

So did you stop your life, basically your other life, and hang out there? Were you there a lot? Did you come and go? Did they. The crew come and go?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, the crew came and went in three week. Roughly every three weeks they went out there. But no, I timing with.

[Ted Danson]

Sorry, the three week testing that.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, usually around them and then sticking around, getting different, you know, good and bad news. But I film a show in Toronto and. And then my family's out here in Los Angeles. So no, I was in and out and here and there. But the crew, the camera, dp, sound director, everybody was. When I say everybody, it was a really small, small crew, really small. And Ryan, the director said he's never had sex subject. He and Jessica, his producing partner, are best friends since childhood in Georgia. And they've made like 20 documentaries. They made the Pamela Anderson documentary.

[Ted Danson]

I haven't seen that, but everyone in the world.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah, it's so good. And they said they've never had a subject or subjects in their 20 year or 20 films that they've made. They've never had subjects that haven't asked a single question about, what are you filming? What is the story we're telling? And can I see how you've framed me? And it was that trust that these two. I mean, Andrea's a poet, Meg's a poet. True artists, these two people, true artists. And really trusting the filmmakers who are true artists themselves.

[Ted Danson]

That's what makes it so powerful. I mean, one of the reasons. But you're dealing with such intense real. It's not maybe, but most likely soon somebody will die. And you're getting to talk about it from a point of view of a poet and somebody who's just sad.

[Tig Notaro]

It's not like Andrea was just okay with dying. You know, Andrea wanted to. Desperately wanted to live. And it is really. I mean, it's. I haven't had many moments in life where I really, really used the word brave in a real way. And seeing somebody, especially at 49, 48, 47, heading towards their early death the way Andrea did, I. It was astounding. And I had the absolute honor of being in their home during Andrea's final days. And that I tell everybody I felt like I was on mushrooms for months after because I've been at four end of life bedsides. This is completely different experience than I've ever, ever had in my life.

[Ted Danson]

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[Tig Notaro]

And that was Andrea's poem that Brandy and Sara Bareilles couldn't ask for.

[Ted Danson]

Two more astounding artists poets to be part of that. But it's a little bit like angelic. Pick your whatever church or something. You know, it's something glorious. And then there's death which is fucking intensely real and not necessarily always glorious.

[Tig Notaro]

No.

[Ted Danson]

And I think that was my anger after the half watching it. The half part that I got stuck in the not glorious part, you know, that the poetry allowed. Does that make any sense?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah, for sure. There's so many emotions that come with all of this and it's, I have to say it. Andrea also died at home and it Made me realize, like, I hadn't really come up with a plan for myself. And all of these conversations that were happening and the openness and the reality of it and the so many different emotions that went on, I think that it's a very complicated experience.

[Ted Danson]

How are you doing? I mean, you went from experiencing it to also wanting the movie to be seen because it should be seen. So in a way, you're having to go sell the film, and it's still fresh in your body. I must be hard at times.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Grief is so bizarre because, I mean, right after I left Andrea and Meg's house, I called my wife, Stephanie, and I was like, I can't even explain what I've experienced. I don't even know how I'm gonna go exit the 101 freeway back onto Melrose and head back into my life. Like, I don't even. It makes no sense to me after what I just experienced. And I had an odd amount of energy, and I wanted to walk back to Andrea and Meg's house. And Stephanie was like, what do you mean you're going to walk? I said, because we were still in Colorado. We were up in the mountains. And I was like, well, I looked at my gps and it'll take me four days to walk back to their house. And she was like, okay, where are you going to sleep and what are you going to eat? And I was like, I don't. I. I could sleep by the river. I said, I felt invincible with the energy and from the experience that I had just had. And after that, I would say, and certainly there was, like, sadness in there, but I had this odd. I don't. I'm going to talk in a way that I don't even normally talk, but I felt I don't. I'm not a religious or spiritual or any of that kind of person. I thought Stephanie rolls her eyes at me because she's like, you're more than most people. But I felt like there was some sort of energy and power. Again, this is not my typical way of talking, but something in that experience that transferred into me and that I've carried with me. And I know that Andrea obviously left a lot of art behind that we can rely on that keeps Andrea alive in ways. But, yeah, I've had my fair share of breakdowns over it. Even doing Stephen Colbert's show, the pre interview with the producer a week before, they said.

[Ted Danson]

A week before what?

[Tig Notaro]

Before taping Stephen's show.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, right.

[Tig Notaro]

When we went over the topics we were going to discuss, she said, and would you want to read one of Andrea's poems? I burst into tears in the pre interview, and I was like. And I'm on the zoom. I was like, I'm so. I was like, I'm so sorry. I. I was not expecting that question. I wasn't expecting these emotions. And I. It was. It was something that. And it's happened many times on this press tour, which. Hold on. Sorry. Um, typically when I'm doing a press tour, it is all nonsense and fun and bits and, you know, when I go on Conan or I go on Colbert, and I just. I love having a silly time. And with this, it was such a different press tour. It was so different because people in the audience would cry or, you know, it's like, Katie Couric interviewed me the other day. She burst into tears and had to have her producer come on to finish reading Andrea's words. And it's just. It's such a. But I'm so thankful. That's the other thing is, yeah, I will go anywhere, anytime, to talk about this movie and to talk about my friends. I'm so deeply proud. If this were me at. At the head of the film, if this was about me or my project where I'm the star, I'm not going to go tell people to watch that. It's like, yeah, stumble upon it, and I hope you like it. But with this, sir, I will truly do anything to get the word out. I am so proud.

[Ted Danson]

It's so clear from everything you've been.

[Tig Notaro]

Saying, and it's so exciting to have this underdog project be discussed on mainstream, like Drew Barrymore and Stephen Colbert and Katie Couric and your podcast and just. I can't even believe, like, when I think back to this is Andrea Gibson. Andrea's a poet. Nearly 25 years ago, that I would be producing a documentary that people are like, oh, yeah, Oprah posted about this. I'm like, that's unbelievable. Unbelievable.

[Ted Danson]

To me, it is a sub forgetting about the personal nature of it. You can't forget about it. But obviously there's the beauty of those two people, Meg and Andrea, and the poetry and the filming of it and you and all of that stuff. Putting that aside, why. I also think it's. I won't ask you. I'll just say what I think it is. I think it's a message. Looking at something that's so important to look at. And I think our society especially doesn't do well looking at death and loss and. No, no, it's catching. Keep that over there, I find myself going, so and so died. How? Oh, got it. That's the mistake they made. So I can avoid that. It's very hard to let it in, and you just can't help but let it in because it's not just the visual and story, because there's poetry, which is like music. It hits you someplace. You can't quite intellectualize. It's so powerful.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. And it's also.

[Ted Danson]

And don't you think good? I mean. I mean, you're doing it not just for your. It feels like you're doing it not just for your friend's memory. You're doing it because we need to see this.

[Tig Notaro]

That's such a bigger message, and it's so important. I mean, what.

[Ted Danson]

Tell me. Verbalize that.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, there's so many different important messages. I mean, as Andrea has said, of, like, not waiting for that terrible diagnosis to start living your life and to start appreciating every single moment that you have. And it is unfortunate that it usually does take people. You're on cruise control in so many ways. And, you know, I had my own cancer diagnosis in 2012, and it cracked me open in a. I don't know myself at all before 2012. I'm like, that's hilarious. Who that person was. And my apologies to everyone who came across me then.

[Ted Danson]

How old were you?

[Tig Notaro]

I was 40. 41, something like that. But doing this documentary and being one step removed, I'm not the subject here. It really cracked me up open in a whole different way as well. With the. Mainly in interviews, I would talk to people about work. I wouldn't. But I'd be asked about work life balance. I'd be like, oh, yeah, yeah, I'm on top of that. And I'm. And then in this process of making the film, I was like, I don't have work life balance. I'm just lying. I'm lying to myself. I'm lying to everyone that's asking me this question. And I made real clear changes in my life. I asked the show that I'm on to downgrade me to a recurring guest star. I told my booking agent I only want to tour a weekend a month. I want to be home. I want to be part of my life. I don't want to be out in the world just working for the sake of working, to send money home so my family can have a great life without me. I want to be part of it, and I was part of it, but I want to be in it. I don't Want to be a. It's a cliche, but it's true. It's like at the end of life, you're like, I wish I hadn't worked so much. I wish I had spent more time with friends and family. I wish I all of that. I want to do it now. It was similar to, I used to smoke for years until I was 25 and I thought, I don't want to be 50, saying, I wish I had quit when I was 25. I'm going to quit while I'm 25. And so it has that power, that film. Come see me in the good light of getting that wake up call that. I mean, when you see this movie in theaters, people walk out thanking us for making the film. And they also have this sense of urgency, like they gotta make some changes in their life.

[Ted Danson]

All ages, not just the oldest folks, all ages.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh my gosh, everybody. It's just like there's an urgency when they leave that theater. And. And I think also another message is like, you're saying is around death of. Yeah, it's the fourth end of life bedside. And this is the most I've seen and heard people openly talking. And I really want to make that a part of my life, my kids lives. I don't want it to be this fearful thing because it is coming for all of us. And the beauty of Andrea's death was the acknowledgment of the reality. It wasn't losing hope. You know, one of my favorite things in the film was that Andrea got up and worked out every day.

[Ted Danson]

God, I know. And I mean worked out.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. And that's somebody that has hope. And. And that struck me every time Andrea gets up and lifts weights, plays basketball, goes on a hike around the lake.

[Ted Danson]

Can I jump in? Hope also sometimes sounds like there's a not real part. It's like, gee, I hope that it's unattainable. Yeah. It feels like, ooh, if you're hoping you're not watching them in front of the camera, going through the process of finding out that something is worse, not better, and having to digest that and the fear of that and then the realization that once Andrea was with it enough to go, okay, this is my new normal. This is real. The relaxation and I don't know, I'm putting words that I don't deserve to put on it, but comfort or something. It was so.

[Tig Notaro]

And knowing the truth, it's like the.

[Ted Danson]

Truth was like not hope. It was okay, but I'm still alive and I can glory Andrea Did a lot of glorying in the moment.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, Meg and Andrea both very much felt like there could be a cure that comes tomorrow.

[Ted Danson]

And so it's not ridiculous. It could.

[Tig Notaro]

No, absolutely. And that's what they were. That was their North Star. They were like, we're moving forward and we're gonna live our lives in the most fulfilled, joyful way as possible. And we are gonna keep our fingers crossed for a cure to come tomorrow. And then. Yeah, you watch Andrea get up and work out every day. And it's like, man, to go back to the word bravery. I don't even know people. When I had cancer, people were like, God, you're so brave. And I was like, brave. I was like, I'm laying on my couch crying. I was like, you know, But I get how that's also brave. And facing reality, it's brave. It's so brave. I just couldn't quite. I just feel so tremendously thankful and lucky that I knew Andrea, that I was any part of this filmmaking, and that I could experience some of those final days and moments because it. It shifted where I'm like, okay, yeah, I wanna live this life fully. And I also wanna prepare for a beautiful ending as much as I can, if that's possible.

[Ted Danson]

You know, I always think I'm full of shit. Cause I am. You know, it's like this whole conversation. I'm having this conversation in my. Probably cause of my age or whatever, and. And I like the conversation. It feels. I feel comforted by being. Trying to be real.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

You know, but I can also imagine me going. I'm. What? You know, panicking and wanting to run.

[Tig Notaro]

And that's what Andrea did in the movie was just, like, so deeply upset and angry and like. And then it took a beat to settle into reality and truth. And then you get back to life and. I don't know.

[Ted Danson]

Couple more things. Anderson Cooper, the two of you talking was so beautiful. It was astounding. And I think everyone should tune into his podcast. What is the name of it? All There Is All There Is.

[Tig Notaro]

His podcast is called All There Is.

[Ted Danson]

All There Is. Yeah, I remember now. It's All There Is.

[Tig Notaro]

It Is. That's All There Is.

[Ted Danson]

I found it before you did.

[Tig Notaro]

If we cut it right, Anderson Cooper. All There Is is the Name of It.

[Ted Danson]

Well, it was brilliant. And what's brilliant about it is he's gone through so many things in his life, and you can see it when he's in the middle of a war zone that when he's asking how somebody is and being empathetic. He is not demonstration demonstrating empathy. He is so genuinely present. And he was so perfect person for you to talk to, as you are a perfect person to be taking this film around and making sure people see it.

[Tig Notaro]

Thank you.

[Ted Danson]

Now, let's talk about you for a second.

[Tig Notaro]

Why, when we have Andrea Gibson and.

[Ted Danson]

Meg Falley, let's talk about your guts. Tell me the process of. Sorry, you had a double mastectomy.

[Tig Notaro]

I did.

[Ted Danson]

You don't have to tell me about that process. But you had a double mastectomy, chose not to have reconstruction surgery, and then sometime after that, you're on stage and you take your shirt off, which had to be a gasp, because I don't think the audience had any heads up about this. No, none.

[Tig Notaro]

I barely had a heads up, really.

[Ted Danson]

So take me through this. Well, because it's brilliant that by the end of it.

[Tig Notaro]

Thank you.

[Ted Danson]

People who are howling with laughter and almost oblivious. I can't speak for them. Oblivious to the fact that your shirt was off.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, when I came home from the hospital, I was really.

[Ted Danson]

Age what?

[Tig Notaro]

How?

[Ted Danson]

40.

[Tig Notaro]

40. 41. Somewhere in there, I think I was 41. And I was really struggling with my body and what it was going to look like. And I. I. You know, I think that was actually one of my bravest moments in life, was being wheeled into surgery and not wanting my body to change. Like, I didn't. I hadn't really thought about my body as much as I was thinking about it now, because I was in all these different meetings with doctors and surgeons, and, you know, they're like, we can take fat from here. We can move it there, we can shove it in that and sew that up. And then you get a. And I was like, whoa, I barely had boobs to begin with. Why would I rearrange this whole situation to recreate nothing? And so, yeah, I was just. I was really struggling with this surgery and what. I Googled images of double mastectomy scars, and I was just like, oh, my gosh. And then when I came home from the hospital, my brain just kept saying, like, oh, my gosh. You have to do a set without a shirt on. And then I was like, oh, my. What am I, you know, like, crazy, crazy voice in my head, go away. I'm not gonna do. Yeah, I was like, I'm not gonna take my shirt off. And I couldn't stop that thought. It was an intrusive thought that kind of made me laugh maniacally. And I think it was part of the healing of accepting my Body as it was. And I remember telling Lake Bell, the actress friend of mine, she had. She was. I can't remember, but she was over at my house and I ran it by her. I was like, oh, my gosh, I keep having this thought and feeling that I want to take my shirt off. And she was like, oh, Tiggy, you got to do it. And I was like, yeah, but I think when I heal and I actually am back out in the world, it's going to be like six months from now and the story is going to be so old and. But then, sure enough, six months pass or whatever and I'm starting to do standup again. And while I'm performing, that voice is like, you gotta take your shirt off. You gotta take your shirt off.

[Ted Danson]

This is in mid.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, well, I'm doing standup and so I tried it out, you know, I recorded it on my HBO special, but I did a practice run because I didn't know how I would feel, feel to actually take my shirt off because I'm just not that kind of person. And it was a little awkward when I did it, but big audience. Yeah, it was theoretical. Yeah, it was a decent amount of people and a few hundred people, but the buildup.

[Ted Danson]

Did you enter shirtless?

[Tig Notaro]

No, no, no.

[Ted Danson]

I took it off with what kind.

[Tig Notaro]

Of preparation I wanted to do it. When I was talking about, I wasn't sure. I was like, do I talk about having cancer and then take it off? And then I was like, no, because if I do this, I still want to be a comedian. I want to be funny about it. And this will. Being topless will speak for itself and my message and whatever. So I need to stick with being funny. And so I thought, you know, in comedy and standup, what is considered so hacky is airline material. Like being on planes and airplane food and anything around an airplane. Comedians think that's the hackiest, dumbest material. So I was like, I'm gonna do airplane humor while I'm doing this. And that'll be my kind of nod to other comedians. And then the audience will probably just think it's funny material. And I just love doing airplane material. While I was revealing my mastectomy sky.

[Ted Danson]

So a sentence kind of.

[Tig Notaro]

So I made some comment about like, oh, I can't even remember what I did, but I kind of hinted at it. And then somebody was like, woo. And I was like, oh, I'll do that. And then I just took my shirt off. And then I remember I had told my agent who I love, and I understood I understand his concerns, but I remember him saying, I don't know if you should do that because it'll seem like a stunt. And I said, oh, it is. It's a full on stunt. I was like. And I. But I also think it's really funny.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And so.

[Ted Danson]

And beneficial.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. And what was wild was the audience told me. I mean, I'd run into people that had been at shows of mine and. Or that show, and they were like. I was so shocked. And then seconds later, I didn't even notice because I did the whole half. Last part of my comedy show on HBO with no shirt on, doing the.

[Ted Danson]

Rest of the routine with the rest of my material.

[Tig Notaro]

And I just. And I owned the stage. I felt comfortable. But I was glad I did that run through first. Cause I wanted to see how I really responded to having my shirt off. I didn't want to, like, take my shirt off and seem shy. And I could tell I was a little shy. And then I was like, when I tape my special, I need to remember that I felt a little shy and I need to go for it. And so. And I did. And people were like, oh, my. I didn't even remember that your shirt was off. It looked natural. And I was lost in what you were saying. And I never acknowledged that my shirt was off. And when I did my.

[Ted Danson]

Wait, how'd you walk off stage? Did you pick up your shirt?

[Tig Notaro]

No, I hung it on the mic stand.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, God.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah. When I took it off, I hung it on the mic stand and I did the show with my shirt on the mic stand. But I will say that when I did my run through the comedian Bo Burnham was on the lineup of my show. And he. When I got off stage, he was like, oh, my gosh. He was like, this is. He was like, this is so great. He said, this is not like a women's issue. This is not even. He said, sure, cancer and women and body issues, but this is like just humans. He was like, even as a man, he was like, just to be comfortable in your body. And I so appreciated that because of course I was coming from an angle of like, yeah, this is my body. Cause when I thought about having scars on my chest and feeling bummed about that, even though I preferred that over reconstructive surgery, one day it hit me that, so what? I have scars on my chest. You know, somebody could have a scar on their face and I think they look cool, you know, Warrior. Yeah. I'm like, why? It just means my body healed. That's All a scar is. And so why would I be ashamed of this or insecure? And now I just, I'm very proud. But it took a while to get there.

[Ted Danson]

It's not a bad message to your cellular structure of your body to say, hey, way to go, Bob. You know, I do think self. Body shaming is hard on your body.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, absolutely. Any message you're sending yourself that's not great is hard on your body.

[Ted Danson]

I love that. Yeah, go back to your, I don't know, 7, 8 year old. When can you look back and go, oh, I see. I see Tig. There's Tig. The Tig that would take, you know, their blouse off and.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I, I mean that Tig. I was always kind of up to something as a kid, and I was.

[Ted Danson]

Encouraged by your mom.

[Tig Notaro]

My mother was a prankster and she was very wild.

[Ted Danson]

And including hosing you guys off in your high chair as an easier way to clean you up.

[Tig Notaro]

She fed us all three meals at once and then hosed us down and let us run around to dry off. And. And she's outside of our house as her canvas. She was a painter and she was just very free thinking and she loved to prank people and she. You know, when we would have friends come over for dinner, a classic thing my mother would do is dye food different colors. Yeah. And. And I remember she'd be like, tig, I'm gonna dye. I'm gonna dye the mashed potatoes blue tonight. Don't say anything. Don't act like it's weird. And then, you know, my friend comes over from school and is like, yeah, just, I'm terrified to, like, take a bite of the blue mashed potatoes. So I think that, you know, I took a lot of risks as a kid in not great ways, and I was always kind of getting into things and finding my way as a comedian helped me. Really?

[Ted Danson]

How old were you when you first went, oh, I'm gonna go stand up here and make someone laugh?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, I wanted to do it forever.

[Ted Danson]

Really?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, yes.

[Ted Danson]

Because you saw who do it.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my gosh. Richard Pryor, Paula Poundstone, Joan Rivers, Steven Wright, Steve Martin. I mean, you know so many. Rosie o' Donnell, when she hosted, what was it? God, I can't even remember what the show it was on VH1. Stand up Spotlight. Yeah. I was like, God, what a great gig to host that and introduce all the new unknown comedians. And. Yeah, so I got started when I was in my mid-20s, maybe 26, 27, something like that.

[Ted Danson]

Do you remember where.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I Know exactly where there was a. I mean, I guess if a coffee shop can be a lesbian coffee shop. There was.

[Ted Danson]

By the way, I love your film idea of all lesbian, hot, lesbian action. And it's actually an action film.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Of all lesbians. Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Sorry. Back to your lesbian coffee shop.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, it was called Little Frida's, and it was in West Hollywood. And when I moved to town, I used to stop by there on my bike rides and get a coffee and started talking to the owner and found out there was a standup night there. And so I got a job at that coffee shop so I could get on stage regularly at that lineup.

[Ted Danson]

Serving food. Da, da, da.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. And then if it was like, oh, somebody didn't show up, I'd pop out from behind the counter and, like, do a set. But my first time was there at Little Frida's, and it was the same thing where I had gone to watch the show, but I wasn't working there yet, and I had never done stand up. And then somebody canceled, and I asked if I could get on stage. And it was an actual booked show, so it wasn't an open mic. And when I say it went well, I mean, if you showed me the video, I'd probably be like, oh, my God. It's hilarious that I thought it went.

[Ted Danson]

Well, but well enough for you to be excited to keep going.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. And then my second time doing standup, my friend Derek and I, he drove me to Orange county to some standup competition. I was cocky. I was like, wow, my first show went well. There's a competition to win $100. And so he and I drove out there and I got on stage and I tanked so hard and ran off stage mid set. And Derek laughed. No, not tears. I was like, oh, my. I was like, never mind. And I, like, ran off stage and Derek laughed like, tears in his eyes the whole drive. Like, hour and a half back to la.

[Ted Danson]

That's a good friend, man.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God. It was. We were. And I was laughing, too. I was like, oh, my God, get me out of here. Oh, my God. It was so mortifying. But it's that drug of stand up where it's like. But it did go well the first time, so I'm gonna try it again.

[Ted Danson]

It's the golf swing.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah. And so I just. I got sucked in. And Now I'm almost 30 years into.

[Ted Danson]

I wanted to play basketball. And when I discovered that, I, you know, I was kidding myself at college level. I was just. Didn't even walk out on the court. It was so sad. And that was my joy in life. I didn't know if I wanted to.

[Tig Notaro]

That was your one joy in life, Ted?

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, that's what. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Wow.

[Ted Danson]

Very sad.

[Tig Notaro]

And never got to do it.

[Ted Danson]

No. All right, I exaggerate. It was one of my biggest joys.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Ted Danson]

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[Tig Notaro]

That story how my kids didn't know I was gay. Would love to. And I'll also tell you what happened after that. So yeah, Stephanie and I were driving them to school to drop them off and go start our day. And halfway there, our son Finn interrupted us finish because he heard Stephanie say something about being gay. Cause of course that's all we talk about. And no, he leans forward and he says, you're gay. And they were seven at the time. They're nine now. They were seven at the time. And I was like. I looked back and I was like, yes, we're gay. And then he said, what's gay? And I was like, Stephanie and I, our heads were exploded. Like, how on earth do our kids like, I am the mayor of Gaytown and our kids don't know. And we've surrounded them with all different types of people and families and gay families. And their school is progressive and celebrate Pride Month. And we drop them off head to toe in rainbows. But they don't know why, I guess. And so, yeah, I experienced what gay was, but I also thought he was pranking me because there's pictures of our wedding day. They know they have two moms and they lead with that. They're very proud to have two moms. And we realized that just because you have two moms and that were married in their seven year old brain, that doesn't equal gay. Anyway, so we. But yeah, like. And so we drop them off in that conversation while we were driving home or to start our day, we were truly going maybe half a mile an hour, just stunned, like our kids didn't know we were gay. And yeah, I made the joke of like, did they think I was the butler? What did they think was going on? And then I get a call from Ira Glass, the host of this American Life. And he was like, tig, because I shared that story on Colbert. And Ira said, I loved that story of your kids not knowing you were gay. And I was like, oh my God, it's insane. And he said I was curious about. He said, I'd love to do a story about the follow up conversation you had with them. And I was like, there wasn't one. I was like, oh my gosh. I was like, I already felt like a terrible parent, Ira. And now, yes, of course we should have had a follow up. No, we never brought it up again. We have never talked about being gay ever again. And he said, if I send you questions, would you talk to them and record it and maybe we can try and figure out like a fun story, like a follow up to that. And so I did. I printed out Ira's questions and I went and had a conversation with them while I recorded it to get their assignments.

[Ted Danson]

Were they totally bored?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my gosh. Yeah. They were working on Legos. And I was like, hey, guys, you know, placing my phone and paper perfectly where they wouldn't see it. And I'm like, do you guys remember that I'm gay? And they were like, yeah. And I was like, okay. And then looking at my page and do you know what? You remember what gay is? And they were like, yeah, it's a girl likes a girl, boy likes a boy. And I was like, okay. And then when teachers and faculty, you know, like, I'm going into this list and they're looking at me like, get a life, you gay loser. And so I just like fold up my paper and walk out, I was just like, what is wrong? Like, but all that to say, we have a great family. Like, great kids. Unbelievable. And, yes, we've fallen short in certain communication, like, within our family unit. And look, when they were five, they interrupted my bedtime story. Like, halfway through the book, Finn was like, they call me Mare for mother. And Finn said, mayor. Well, I'm like, oh. And the giraffe said, yes, Finn. He's like, are you a boy or a girl? Like, when he was 5. And our kids don't know our gender, our sexuality, they don't know what is going on. And I'm just like. I said, what do you think I am? And he said, I think you're a boy. And I said, oh, okay. I said, well, no, actually, I'm a girl. And he said, oh, but you look like a boy, right? And I said, yeah, I guess so. And then I went back to my book. I was like, Anyway. So the giraffe said. And in my head, I'm like, what? You just take things for granted that your kids know your gender or they know that you're gay? But with my look, I have not had to come out to anyone in decades. So it did not cross my mind that I had to sit my kids down and say, I am a woman and I am gay.

[Ted Danson]

This is almost the. I don't know, you'd have to have a really good artist. A book, too, a kid's book, because it's really brilliant. Because that's the way it should be.

[Tig Notaro]

Literally.

[Ted Danson]

The lack of interest, the lack of one's better, one's not, or whatever. Just. Yeah, it's pretty amazing. Probably because you also show up to the party without. Didn't you have your mother and your aunt?

[Tig Notaro]

My aunt?

[Ted Danson]

I thought you told your aunt as a practice, when you first said, I think I'm.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my aunt was the first person.

[Ted Danson]

I told, but her response was totally beautiful, if I'm remembering it correctly.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

She said, you're bearing the lead. You're in. Yeah, go ahead.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. She was crying, or I was crying. And I said I wanted to share something. I didn't know who to talk to or what to say. And so. And I had found a therapist, by the way, that I looked up in the phone book and went to her and told her that I thought I was gay. And she said, oh, no, you're not gay. And I was like. And immediately I was like, oh, I'm gay. I'm for sure gay. Like, it really cemented things in my head when she was like, you're not gay. I'd never Met this woman. And so I went to my aunt and just. I told her I was gay. And she. And, yeah, she said, you're crying. She said, why are you crying? She said, you're telling me that you know yourself and you're in love. You've found somebody. And she said, some people go through their entire lives never experiencing love. And she said, that's nothing to cry about.

[Ted Danson]

God bless your aunt. That is so amazing. And your mom was that way. So when you show up to your kids years later, you don't have. This is me. I played a therapist once, so relax. I got this. But it's like you had no shame in your body. You had no whatever to pass on to your children. What a gift. And they'll be the same way. Whatever.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, my mother, you know, she raised us. She told us our whole lives to tell anyone who has a problem with us to go to hell. And so I certainly didn't ever tell anyone to go to hell in my life. But I feel like my core inside, Tig. I'm good with myself because of that.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, you are. I'm just sorry if you're not. You're a great fucking faker. And I mean, to me, you are. That's what makes you so powerful to me.

[Tig Notaro]

Thank you.

[Ted Danson]

You are. Besides being funny and bold. Dear Lord. Topless. You know, besides being bold and kind of dangerous and willing to be dangerous. You have so much gravitas and kind of wisdom back there.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, what that comedy did for me.

[Ted Danson]

You also have a great face. Speaking of faces.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, thank you. Thank you. It's 54. It's. No, nearly 78, but it's. You know, I want that face when I'm.

[Ted Danson]

Can she cut back into. When can we cut back in? When she said how handsome I was. And then we'll.

[Tig Notaro]

Can we cut that out? And I wanted to say one thing. Oh. When my mother died and I spoke at her funeral, I talked about that I was raised Catholic, and it was a Catholic funeral. I mean, kind of. It was very chill. We were Catholic, but we didn't go to church. And I didn't ever hear about God, really.

[Ted Danson]

Or their point of view about gay.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. But when my mother died, I spoke and I talked about how she instilled that in me. The go to hell. And it was funny because there was a priest there standing next to me when I was speaking, and I didn't know this priest. It wasn't like. Like I said, it wasn't like we were deeply involved in the church, but there Just happened to be a priest there. And I acknowledged that I didn't know if it was appropriate to be talking about how my mother raised me to tell everyone to go to hell. And I said, but also when I think about my mother, if I imagine saying, I don't know if at your funeral I should talk about how you told me to tell everyone to go to hell because there's a priest there. And I said this in front of the priest. I said, but I could hear my mother say, well, if the priest has a problem with it, he can go to hell too.

[Ted Danson]

Did he laugh?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, he laughed.

[Ted Danson]

He can live good.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I feel like Catholics have that edge to them sometimes where they're, you know, at least my family in Mississippi, they do like they, they go to church Sunday mornings, but man, do they party and go all out.

[Ted Danson]

I love your defense of Mississippi. Not that it needs defending Mississippi, but sometimes it does get smeared with a one color kind of thing, which is so not true.

[Tig Notaro]

It's really not.

[Ted Danson]

Especially because I'm not Southern, but I adopted by Arkansas because Mary, my wife, is from Arkansas.

[Tig Notaro]

Beautiful state, Beautiful state.

[Ted Danson]

But the south has gone. This is a generalization. Oh, well, I'm going to go for it. But the south had to go through all the racial, all that and all the horrible stuff early while the north got this pass. You know, we're not the South. But when you go to Arkansas and go to Little Rock, you're elbow to elbow with more black people eating dinner in cafes, in the streets than la.

[Tig Notaro]

Absolutely.

[Ted Danson]

Or a lot of places in the North.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. In the south you're very much, I.

[Ted Danson]

Mean, and you had to choose early on. Mary said it was clear you either, you know, she saw kids having rocks thrown at them in the 50s and she was terrified to go to school because that's evidently what happens when you go to school. You had to choose at an early age how you felt about humanity, you.

[Tig Notaro]

Know, well, and also people in the south or really conservative areas or, you know, any. Look, you can go up north and middle America, you can go to California, there's racist people everywhere, there are closed minded people. You can't escape it. But what blows my mind is when you stumble into a small town and this is what I just love so much about my family, is that there are so many people that leave these small towns and go to big cities and they learn about other cultures and people and ways of life and then they come back and then they have a new story to tell or feeling or thought. But the people that didn't go to big cities and have those experiences that just have an open heart, mind blowing. There's so much credit that needs to be given to these people that are. Whether it's my cousins in really southern Gulf Coast Mississippi or the tomato farmers that side of my family that are up in central Mississippi that have. They love me, they support me, they open their doors to me and Stephanie and they know we're vegan. And they, you know, it was so sweet. When we went for my father's memorial, they had gotten just like a vegetable platter that had a big thing of ranch dressing in the middle that wasn't vegan, but, you know, they were trying to. Yeah, yeah. You know, that big platter where you take the plastic off the top and it's all the sectioned off vegetables and. And it was. I. It just meant so much to me that they were trying. That was specifically for us. And they had, you know, all these clippings of shows of mine or things in the newspaper and. But I just, I feel very lucky and I just don't think it's fair to discount people just because of where they are. And I'm well aware of the negative aspects of the south or Mississippi, but there are. I was with my stepfather and my brother. I had accepted an award from the governor of Mississippi, and. And my brother and stepfather and I were in Jackson having dinner after or before the awards. And we were walking down the sidewalk and this man, I saw him in the window at a restaurant see me jump up, run out of the restaurant and just thank me for not discounting everybody in Mississippi. He was like, we're not all like that.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And I'm very aware. Very aware. And yeah, so that's. We got married in Mississippi. We had a big gay wedding in Mississippi. And my cousins were like, man, if they don't put your wedding in the paper like they did all of ours, we're going to raise some hell, you know?

[Ted Danson]

And they did. Maybe not.

[Tig Notaro]

No, I think it is. No, like, listen, the local paper probably over reports on me, but yeah, there's just a lot of love and acceptance and it's not because they moved to New York City for college.

[Ted Danson]

Okay, more questions. Are you doing. Just talking about the film right now. Are you doing stand up as well? Are you?

[Tig Notaro]

I'm going to start a tour in the new year. I'm going to hit kind of more minor markets as I get back on my feet. And I always tease those minor markets when I go do shows there where I say that, look, I'm working, like you guys are getting bottom of the barrel of my show. I'm going to work it all out on your minor market before I take it to the cities that really matter.

[Ted Danson]

And when you say minor market, the press, the reach of their press or.

[Tig Notaro]

No, I just mean like the cities.

[Ted Danson]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, like, you know, I'm heading off to. I don't even remember what cities are on my tour, but I always love being on stage and teasing these smaller cities and towns that like, I have to perfect my show for New York and San Francisco. So I'm coming through here, Omaha, you know, I'm gonna use you to work this out. The big cities, but people also, they enjoy getting that first round of what the show was in the early days and then you release it as a special or an album later and they're like, oh, that's what it turned out to be. You know, that's cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ted Danson]

I usually ask people around this moment, you know, kind of what's your guiding light? But everything you've been talking about today is clear. I don't know if I could put.

[Tig Notaro]

It into words, but like, what's my North Star? What kind of.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, what keeps your heart going? What do you want to make sure you put out in the world? Or where's your hope? Do you have hope? You know, all those things that you so clearly do having had this conversation with you, but anything to add?

[Tig Notaro]

I don't know if this is exactly answering your question, but what does keep me going is I heard this quote once and I kind of retooled it a little bit to just apply across the board. And it's the best gift you can give anybody is a well lived life of your own. And I love that so much because it keeps me focused on. I don't want to be a burden to my wife or to my children. There's nothing better. When you know that your parents are living a good life, all your stress goes away. When your kids are happy and living a great life, your stress is gone. You're just, you're free to live your life. And so I like to take care of my health. I like to do all of the boring, typical stuff of like eat well, exercise every day. I just, I want to be good. I don't want anyone to worry about me.

[Ted Danson]

What's cool about that is everybody can do that. You don't need a big platform to give this gift to the world because it's not just your family. I do think the ripples of you leading your best life and being positive and grateful ripples out.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't think there is anybody in my life that is privately or publicly worried about me. You know, like, I don't think anybody is going. I don't know. I mean, I don't know what she and Stephanie are doing. Like, I. Who knows what's. Like, she just is not taking care of herself. And I don't think those conversations are happening. I know. I am always trying to live the best life I can.

[Ted Danson]

And that's very attractive. I was one of the things about.

[Tig Notaro]

Hello can take a hint.

[Ted Danson]

That's right. Hello.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, let's hear it.

[Ted Danson]

Well, I was about to pivot as soon as I said that, which is what you do. You look great today. Anyway. My wife said to me this morning.

[Tig Notaro]

Don'T say that to her.

[Ted Danson]

But that was one of the most attractive things and amazing to me when I met her was, oh, she does not need me to take care of her. Yeah, I get to play alongside her, but oh, my God, she doesn't.

[Tig Notaro]

She's all set.

[Ted Danson]

You need me to handle some wound, you know, she's got it.

[Tig Notaro]

That's similar to when I was with Stephanie. I could not. I looked at her like she was an alien because I couldn't figure out why I was so all in with her. Because I have certainly dated and been committed and loved people, but I wasn't like, oh, I want to go the long haul with this person. And I could not figure out what it was about her. And I said when she was getting ready one morning, I said, I can't figure out what it is about you that makes me all in that I want to be with you forever. And then she was just like, yeah, I don't know. But then, and this has never happened in my life where I had a deep question like, what is that? Moments later, it hit me. I had a full on epiphany. And I said to her, I go, you know what I just realized? I said, I've never heard you speak poorly about yourself. And she said, oh, yeah, I never would. And she said, that doesn't mean there's not room for improvement. She said, but I would never speak poorly about myself. And I was like, I'm so attracted to that. Yeah, I am so attracted.

[Ted Danson]

Me too. I get it.

[Tig Notaro]

The conversation we're having is really the conversation we're having that you're not saying manipulative things to try to get me to do or say something that we're like, really, We're Actually, really. This is really happening. There's no facade. There's no, oh, how do I look? Do I look okay? Is this. You know, am I. And Stephanie's like, if I don't look good and I ask you how I look, I want your opinion. I want you to tell me if this outfit doesn't look good. She goes, that doesn't mean I'll change it. But I want your opinion when I ask, I want your honest opinion. I love that.

[Ted Danson]

Me, too. I didn't realize I had so many opinions until Mary liberated me by asking me stuff.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

And I'm pretty good. I've got a good eye. It turns out my mode of seduction used to be, before Mary, finding the hole in somebody's heart and then filling it and being indispensable to them, because I healed their wound, which is a horrible basis of a relationship.

[Tig Notaro]

And you didn't heal their wound.

[Ted Danson]

No. By the way, I kept my finger in it. But no, I was. I remember with Mary, the first time. Badoom. Thank you. I almost rolled right past that. We should end on that. I love that. You asked me if I remembered the moment in the beginning of our conversation, the bill, and you said, you do remember the thumb.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. The art producer that got thumbed up. Yeah. It's such a great moment.

[Ted Danson]

I've had the best time talking to you. I was so excited to talk to you, but I was also nervous because I wanted to make sure that I. I don't know. Whatever. I wanted to impress you is what I wanted.

[Tig Notaro]

I am impressed. I've been impressed by you for years. So this isn't.

[Ted Danson]

Usually people come up with that shit, like, five minutes in. So this is. Wow, a little late.

[Tig Notaro]

Take five minutes in. They say that they're impressed by you.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. I'm famous for being needy. And actually, I'm very good at accepting acknowledgement. Some people aren't, and they're no fun to acknowledge. I am very much fun.

[Tig Notaro]

You and Stephanie, man.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I always tease her because when she's cooking, she'll sample it and she'll go, oh, my God, this is so good. And I'm like, stephanie. Most people will say, oh, I see. A little more salt. Or then she's like, no, my gosh, this is so. And anytime she says anything positive about herself, even unrelated to food, I always yell from the next room, oh. And she loves her own cooking. She's not overly confident, but she's very confident and comfortable with herself. And I'm in.

[Ted Danson]

Aren't you lucky?

[Tig Notaro]

I am. I'M very lucky.

[Ted Danson]

Adore you.

[Tig Notaro]

And I you. Thank you.

[Ted Danson]

Thank you so much. And thank you for the. It's not thank you for the film, but I'm so glad you introduced me to the film because it's such a worthwhile, important thing to put out. Not important. Like it's a gift.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Because we're all going there and it's a privilege to see somebody do it with such grace and such poetry.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, thank you so much for watching it and all the things you said and having me on. Yeah, it means a lot.

[Ted Danson]

Meg. Totally inappropriate, but give her a hug. You can't help but walk away from the film going, oh, I hope she's okay. And I know she can't help but be grieving.

[Tig Notaro]

If this.

[Ted Danson]

Please give her my love.

[Tig Notaro]

I will. And if this gives you any insight into Meg, Meg refers to Andrea's death as Andrea's alleged passing because she feels Andrea all around her. And she said when she goes to bed at night, she asks Andrea to put their arms around her. And. And Meg said, I feel Andrea and I go right to sleep.

[Ted Danson]

I feel sorry for anybody who doesn't realize that that's actually a fact. Yeah, it is a fact.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, that's how Meg is doing and Meg is a freak of nature and I just am blown away by her.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. Well, then give her my best.

[Tig Notaro]

Will do.

[Ted Danson]

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank. You. Come See me in the Good Light is streaming on Apple tv Now. Tig also has a lovely podcast called Handsome with the comedians Mae Martin and Fortune Feimster. I was featured in an episode, so check it out. That's it for this week. Special thanks to our friends at Team Coco. As always, subscribe on your favorite podcast app and maybe give us a great rating and review on Apple Podcasts if you're in the mood. If you like watching your podcasts, all our full length episodes are on YouTube. Visit YouTube.comteamcoco See you next time. Where everybody knows. You've been listening to where everybody knows.

[Tig Notaro]

Your name with Ted Danson and Woody Harris Carolson Sometimes. The show is produced by me, Nick Leow.

[Ted Danson]

Our executive producers are Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and myself. Sarah Fedorovich is our supervising producer. Engineering and mixing by Joanna Samuel with support from Eduardo Perez. Research by Alyssa Grohl. Talent booking by Paula Davis and Gina Bautista. Our theme music is by Woody Harrelson, Anthony Yen, Mary Steenbergen and John Osborne. The Kia Sportage Turbo hybrid has a bold design, a spacious interior with 232 horsepower and a 12.3-inch panoramic display to keep the adventure going and fit with the way you live. And with SiriusXM, every drive comes alive, bringing you closer to the music, sports talk and podcasts you love right in your vehicle or on the SiriusXM app. Every SiriusXM equipped Kia Sportage Turbo Hybrid includes a three month trial, so the experience begins the moment you drive. Learn [e-mail] Sportage Hybrid Kia Movement that.

[Tig Notaro]

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