Vanessa Bayer

Summary

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Podcast Summary: "Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson (sometimes)"

Episode: Vanessa Bayer
Release Date: January 15, 2025

In this engaging episode of "Where Everybody Knows Your Name," hosts Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson reconnect with Vanessa Bayer, an Emmy-nominated comedian and former cast member of Saturday Night Live (SNL). The conversation traverses Vanessa's journey from her upbringing in Cleveland, Ohio, through personal challenges, to her rise in the world of comedy and television.

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1. Introduction to Vanessa Bayer

Ted Danson opens the episode by highlighting Vanessa Bayer's seven-year tenure on SNL, emphasizing her unique blend of humor and resilience.

Ted Danson [01:35]: "Vanessa was a cast member on Saturday Night Live for seven years, and it's not hard to see why she was such a fan favorite on that show."

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2. Early Life and Interests

Vanessa shares insights into her middle-class upbringing in a Cleveland suburb, her close relationship with her parents, and her early passion for theater and performing impressions.

Vanessa Bayer [04:39]: "I loved hanging out with my brother. He didn't really want to hang out with me until we were older because I was his not cool younger sister."

Her father's comedic nature fostered a household filled with humor and ensemble performances, laying the foundation for her future in comedy.

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3. Battling Leukemia

At 15, Vanessa faced a life-altering challenge when she was diagnosed with leukemia. This period significantly shaped her outlook on life and comedy, infusing her performances with a poignant resilience.

Vanessa Bayer [20:31]: "Because I went through that thing, I just have this sense of, like, I'm gonna be fine."

She discusses how humor became a coping mechanism, allowing her to navigate the complexities of illness with optimism.

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4. Comedy and Career Development

Vanessa recounts her college years at the University of Pennsylvania, where she immersed herself in comedy through her participation in the all-female sketch troupe, Bloomers. This experience was pivotal in honing her comedic skills and shaping her career path.

Vanessa Bayer [35:36]: "It was the first time I realized I could do something other than be good at studying in school."

Her involvement with Bloomers not only refined her performance abilities but also prepared her for the competitive landscape of television comedy.

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5. Joining Saturday Night Live

The conversation delves into Vanessa's journey to SNL, detailing her auditions in Chicago and the subsequent invitation to join the show in New York. She reflects on the excitement and nerves of becoming part of the iconic ensemble.

Vanessa Bayer [46:27]: "I did a showcase in Chicago that Lauren and a bunch of the writers had come for it."

Her first line on SNL was met with enthusiastic applause, marking a triumphant entry into the world of live sketch comedy.

Vanessa Bayer [59:09]: "She said, everyone clapped at the end, Vanessa. And I was like, oh my God. Yeah."

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6. Life Lessons and Philosophy

Vanessa shares her perspectives on life, emphasizing the importance of living in the moment and using humor to defang difficult situations. Her experiences have cultivated a unique outlook that blends optimism with comedic insight.

Vanessa Bayer [22:41]: "You don't have to just be like, how are you? I want to still know I'm still a teenager."

She discusses how her battle with leukemia instilled a sense of confidence and the ability to find humor even in adversity.

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7. Future Aspirations

Looking ahead, Vanessa expresses her desire to continue creating and performing comedy that resonates with audiences. She aims to sustain her show and remain involved in projects that align with her comedic passions and personal growth.

Vanessa Bayer [72:44]: "I would love to just keep being able to create things that I think are really funny and being part of things that I think are really funny and interesting."

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8. Conclusion and Reflections

Ted Danson concludes the episode by expressing admiration for Vanessa's resilience, talent, and the meaningful connection formed during their conversation. Vanessa reciprocates the sentiment, highlighting the honor and joy of sharing her story.

Ted Danson [74:54]: "This has been amazing, and I really, really appreciate it."

Vanessa Bayer [74:41]: "It's been such an honor to get to do this, and I had a fantastic time."

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Notable Quotes:

• Ted Danson [01:35]: "Vanessa was a cast member on Saturday Night Live for seven years, and it's not hard to see why she was such a fan favorite on that show."

• Vanessa Bayer [04:39]: "I loved hanging out with my brother. He didn't really want to hang out with me until we were older because I was his not cool younger sister."

• Vanessa Bayer [20:31]: "Because I went through that thing, I just have this sense of, like, I'm gonna be fine."

• Vanessa Bayer [35:36]: "It was the first time I realized I could do something other than be good at studying in school."

• Vanessa Bayer [59:09]: "She said, everyone clapped at the end, Vanessa. And I was like, oh my God. Yeah."

• Vanessa Bayer [22:41]: "You don't have to just be like, how are you? I want to still know I'm still a teenager."

• Vanessa Bayer [72:44]: "I would love to just keep being able to create things that I think are really funny and being part of things that I think are really funny and interesting."

• Ted Danson [74:54]: "This has been amazing, and I really, really appreciate it."

• Vanessa Bayer [74:41]: "It's been such an honor to get to do this, and I had a fantastic time."

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This episode offers listeners an intimate glimpse into Vanessa Bayer's life, showcasing her ability to transform personal challenges into comedic gold and her unwavering passion for performing. Through candid discussions and shared experiences, Vanessa's story becomes a testament to the healing power of laughter and the enduring bonds formed through shared laughter.

Transcript

[Ted Danson]

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[Vanessa Bayer]

If this sounds like you, you're stuck in the past.

[Ted Danson]

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[Vanessa Bayer]

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[Ted Danson]

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[Vanessa Bayer]

Learn [e-mail] credit card based on the.

[Ted Danson]

February 2024 Nelson Report.

[Vanessa Bayer]

I was almost your daughter in law.

[Ted Danson]

Wait. Welcome back to where everybody knows your name. For today's episode, I'm talking to a native of Cleveland, Ohio. Not that that's, you know, overly strange or unique. She's Emmy nominated comedian and actor Vanessa Behr, who is unique. Vanessa was a cast member on Saturday Night Live for seven years and it's not hard to see why she was such a fan favorite on that show. Not only is she hilarious, she's joyful, kind, or at least to me, and has a great sense of humor about life even though she's had to overcome some adversity. And you'll soon hear all about it. As I found out we were very nearly related. That was not the adverse part. I think you'll love her as much as I did. Here she is, finally. Vanessa Bailey. Hi, Vanessa.

[Vanessa Bayer]

I'm so thrilled about this.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, me too. Me too. I'm a fan and you're so talented and I love this. I don't know about you and your podcast and the name of the title is how did we get Weird?

[Vanessa Bayer]

That's our podcast. Yes.

[Ted Danson]

So how did you guys get weird? And why did you think that'd be a great name for it? Do you feel like you guys are weird?

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yes. We're so weird. I mean, who isn't? I guess. But we got into it because we would sort of always be texting each other. Like, do you remember this thing from when we were little? From. I'm trying to think of an example. Like when we were little, there was this commercial on a lot for this wildlife card set where it was a guy. You got a safari hat and a different card with a different. The thing that people remember is that this kid sees the card and he says it's a duck billed platypus. Is this ringing a bell for anyone? I'm looking around the studio and no one little.

[Ted Danson]

Lisa, where did you get these cards? Where did one.

[Vanessa Bayer]

You had to order them off the tv. Oh, and you'd get a card. It was sort of a. It was like a. A lot during like Mr. Wizard and stuff. So we would text each other and be like, do you remember this thing? And then we'd both go into these deep rabbit holes of like looking up all this nostalgic stuff. Not because anyone needed us to, just because in our own time, we wanted and had the time to do that. So then we thought, how fun would it be to do a podcast about nostalgic things that we actually, you know, served a purpose for us to be doing all of this nostalgic research, et cetera.

[Ted Danson]

Is he older or younger?

[Vanessa Bayer]

He's two years older. And so he got me into some. There's some nostalgic stuff that I know about that's like a little older than me. Not to brag, but it's kind of a cool fun fact about me.

[Ted Danson]

Which part that you know that I.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Know stuff like especially we started watching MTV when we were really young because he loves music and has always been in that world. And so I know a lot of music that's like two years older than what I should know, right?

[Ted Danson]

So wait, growing up pre 15, when life changed for you, what was that like in Ohio? Were you a normal middle class family?

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Your mom and dad, are they still a big part of your life?

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yes, they are. Yeah, I think we had a pretty normal upbringing. We were in a suburb and yeah, I think I just loved hanging out with my brother. He didn't really wanna hang out with me until we were older because I was his not cool younger sister. And yeah, I did like after school theater program and I did. I was sort of like a pretty typical.

[Ted Danson]

Little gal with interests like. Typical.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yeah, like I like theater a lot. I'm trying to think of what. Which I stopped doing when I was. I wasn't as into that in high school or anything, but in middle school I did the after school theater program. I know, I've mentioned that now several times. I don't know. I really liked reading. I always loved hanging out with my friends and sort of doing impressions of our teachers and stuff like that.

[Ted Danson]

So entertaining the troops even early on?

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yes, very much. And I would say my first impressions were always my teachers. And even though I loved school and I was a very good student, I found just endless comedy in the way that my teachers acted and you know.

[Ted Danson]

And did your mom and dad find that funny or.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yes, my dad was like sort of the comedian and still is like the comedian among his friends. Like he was always doing impressions and stuff for his friends. That's where I think I got a lot of that from and so it sort of was like we were always doing a bit of a comedy, an ensemble performance at our house.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. For me, it was my mother, really. My mother. Anything creative she would celebrate and laugh at all my little silly, stupid things, but just unconditional joy over anything I attempted that was creative.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yes.

[Ted Danson]

She hated real guns. She wouldn't buy me toy guns. But if I carved out of wood a little pistol looking thing, she would celebrate the creativity of it. Yes.

[Vanessa Bayer]

I had a similar thing where when I was really little, my mom wouldn't buy me a lot of costumes and stuff like that, but I would take curtains and make dress. Like, she would let me just kind of in some ways rip the house apart and get materials and sort of like make my own dresses and stuff. And that was, you know, I mean, she would let me wear stuff out of the house. I looked insane all the time. And then I would. I had really short curly hair. Like people said I looked like Orphan Annie and stuff.

[Ted Danson]

Well, you have it on your podcast.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great. I know it's great and it's great. And I would put. My mom would help me tie this really thick yarn into my hair that I felt like, made it look like I had long hair. Cause it would be around my head and then hanging down. And then I would get those packs of barrettes that has 20 different barrettes of different colors and different designs. And I would just put all 20 in my hair. And then I would put two kind of near my ears to look like I had two earrings. And this is. And just put like throw on like a bathing suit and a tutu and I'm ready for school and.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, and school would welcome you with hope. And hope.

[Vanessa Bayer]

They would welcome me. My friend Emily later told me she was scared of me. I think she probably wasn't the only one.

[Ted Danson]

I'm a little nervous.

[Vanessa Bayer]

But yeah, I would dress like that. And my mom actually, she was interviewing for a job at the JCC in our community. And it helped her get the job, I guess, because a woman who ran who was interviewing her had seen me and was like, Carolyn really lets her daughter express herself. And I think that's like a good quality in someone. Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

So actually that's your mom's name.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I guess it. Yeah, it benefited everyone.

[Ted Danson]

I have to geek out for a minute because I'm almost embarrassed talking to you because I'm still kind of being the fan for a moment. But you have an ability. One Saturday Night Live person. I know, really well, and Adore is Will Forte.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

And you. And if this comparison is odious for you, I'm sorry, but you. Let me just talk about you. But there's a similarity. Your world that you create a character. The character lives in this world that is insane and weird and wonderful and just off the charts. And then you inhabit that world in such a real genuine way. I just think you're a great character actor. I really do.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Thank you so. Thank you so much. I'm such a huge fan of yours.

[Ted Danson]

That's right.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Let me just geek. Sorry.

[Ted Danson]

I'm beginning to relax.

[Vanessa Bayer]

I love Cheers. I just started rewatching it recently before I knew I was doing this podcast. And you're so great in it. And also I hope everyone always. I'm such a huge Three Men and a Baby fan.

[Ted Danson]

Thank you.

[Vanessa Bayer]

I mean, you just. You were such a part of. I don't know, it's. And I haven't watched Three Men and a Baby recently, but.

[Ted Danson]

How old are you, May.

[Vanessa Bayer]

I'm 41. Almost 42.

[Ted Danson]

Right.

[Vanessa Bayer]

So I was kind of the perfect. I was on the younger side of the Three Men and a Baby demo. But I loved it and I love Three Men and a Little Lady.

[Ted Danson]

Thank you. Thank you. I have a list of my credits. We can just go one by one. But you truly are a great character actor. I really believe that. And I only got to see clips cause I missed for some reason. What is the name of the show you did on?

[Vanessa Bayer]

Oh, I love that for you.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, I love. Yeah, I can't. Is that over?

[Vanessa Bayer]

We're trying to figure out a way for it not to be.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, yes, we must. Because it really is wonderful.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Thank you so much. I have something that I wanted to tell you, which is that I was almost your daughter in law.

[Ted Danson]

Wait, are you talking Charlie in real life? Charlie McDowell.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Charlie and I went on a date.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, I love. I love this.

[Vanessa Bayer]

And can you. Okay, let's talk trash.

[Ted Danson]

Can we talk trash?

[Vanessa Bayer]

I know we're. No, no. So. So we went on a date. I know we're drinking. Are these from Cafe Gratitude? That's where Charlie and I went on a. We went on a coffee date.

[Ted Danson]

Right.

[Vanessa Bayer]

I think it went well. Okay. There was some texting after. And I'm thinking.

[Ted Danson]

Which is a sign. Right?

[Vanessa Bayer]

Of course. You know, if there's no texting after, then it's over.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Vanessa Bayer]

But there was texting after. Okay. And you know, I. We didn't like, we haven't. I know he's like married now and. And he has A beautiful, very talented wife. And I know her dad is very cool, but. But my dad is cool, too. You know what I mean? And not only does he have a packaging company, so just to kind of suss out him versus Phil Collins, like, just think of it. He has a packaging company. Like, if you. Let's say you buy a cd.

[Ted Danson]

Go on. Yes. I'm fascinated.

[Vanessa Bayer]

And you open it, and then you decide you don't want to keep it.

[Ted Danson]

Right.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Well, you can't return it because you took off the shrink wrap. Well, that's where my dad comes in.

[Ted Danson]

He puts.

[Vanessa Bayer]

He can shrink. When we were in high school, he would shrink wrap stuff. You know, it might be considered a petty crime or whatever, but he would shrink wrap stuff, and we could return it. Not only that. Well, take that in for a second before I tell you another cool thing.

[Ted Danson]

About my dad, because that would enamor me to you right away.

[Vanessa Bayer]

I don't know what Charlie's problem is. Well, okay. And again, not trying to talk trash about anyone or anything, but that would have been your life had. You know what I mean? Oh, my God. And also, my dad claims to be the first Todd.

[Ted Danson]

The first.

[Vanessa Bayer]

The first person to ever be named Todd.

[Ted Danson]

Do you think that's true, Vanessa?

[Vanessa Bayer]

Well, I support it blindly.

[Ted Danson]

Right.

[Vanessa Bayer]

You know, I do think that his parents had a unique thought of, you know, Todd is a last name generally. Let's. Let's take this name and make it a first name. And so I believe that. But maybe other people did this. It doesn't matter. I think he generally is the first Todd.

[Ted Danson]

Did you get a chance to tell us to Charlie?

[Vanessa Bayer]

Cause I can't believe I know that things didn't. Well, the thing is, I hope it isn't something I did, but I think things went really well, and I just. Can't you just see, like, me at all of your family? Yes, you know, totally. Me and Todd and Carolyn and my brother Jonah. And we're coming over, and we're. And we're going, hey, you know what? Do you need wrap? We'll take it back to Cleveland and we'll wrap it for you. And I mean, hey, do me a favor.

[Ted Danson]

We have to text. Do you still have his number?

[Vanessa Bayer]

Of course I do.

[Ted Danson]

Of course you do.

[Vanessa Bayer]

And by the way. And by the way, like, we texted, we did try to see each other again.

[Ted Danson]

Not recently, though. Please go.

[Vanessa Bayer]

No, not recently. Not recently. Not recently. No, no, no, no. That'll get all over tmz. We didn't know. Not recently. But after the date, we were trying to make plans again and it didn't ever happen.

[Ted Danson]

Now, how do you know it was. We tried to get together.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Well, but it's just a side note. And I've met your wife very briefly. I've met your wife Mary Suen virgin. And I was like, she would be a great mother in law for me.

[Ted Danson]

She would. And anything cellophane really appeals to her. Yeah.

[Vanessa Bayer]

She's probably buying stuff all the time.

[Ted Danson]

All the time.

[Vanessa Bayer]

I change my mind. You're allowed to change your mind. How am I going to package this back up and return it? It's already been open again. That's where the first Todd comes in. We tried to.

[Ted Danson]

This is getting a little sad.

[Vanessa Bayer]

What was don't.

[Ted Danson]

Don't plead with Charlie. I think that'd be.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Well, no, no, no, no, no. I'm happy for him. I'm just saying there was a moment in time when I was. When I was basically about to be your daughter. And I think we were texting once after the first date. Again, this is years ago. This is well before he. Just to be clear. Yeah. I think he was in, like, Martha's Vineyard with you.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Vanessa Bayer]

And I thought, well, what if I get to go there and I get to meet everybody?

[Ted Danson]

Oh, that would have been.

[Vanessa Bayer]

That would have been. We would have had a weekend.

[Ted Danson]

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[Vanessa Bayer]

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[Ted Danson]

Actually help, just say, like a good.

[Vanessa Bayer]

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[Ted Danson]

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[Vanessa Bayer]

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[Ted Danson]

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[Vanessa Bayer]

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[Ted Danson]

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[Vanessa Bayer]

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[Ted Danson]

Go to sling.com to customize your channel lineup. Sling lets you do. Okay, this is what happens to me when I do banter with a professional. And you're a professional. Banter. I start to panic. Really. I get scared. Like, when my sister would chase me around the corner, I'd be ahead of her, but I'd stop and scream at some point because it was just too much for my nervous system. You're too much for my nervous system. So simmer down, please.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Okay, I'm done. I'm done. But I'm glad we talked about it, because I think about it not that often. Like once a day.

[Ted Danson]

We're immediately cutting a clip and sending this to Charlie and Lily Collins, who you would adore.

[Vanessa Bayer]

I'm sure I would love her. And I'm a huge Phil Collins fan.

[Ted Danson]

Do you think that the three of you.

[Vanessa Bayer]

I'm a Lily Collins fan, but both of them.

[Ted Danson]

Is your dad. Is Todd alive?

[Vanessa Bayer]

He is alive, yes.

[Ted Danson]

Also Todd.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Phil, the thing is, why not invite us to your next.

[Ted Danson]

You are going to be so kaflutzed. When you get an invitation from the entire family, you are going to have to deliver.

[Vanessa Bayer]

I'm going to have to come bring Todd and Carolyn and Jonah and his wife Vicki, and we'll all, you know, we'll bring. Tell us what to bring.

[Ted Danson]

Now. Was the company of your dad's. The cellophane rewrap thing, is that true?

[Vanessa Bayer]

It is, yes.

[Ted Danson]

And is it still true? Because there aren't that many CDs being rewrapped.

[Vanessa Bayer]

They do all kinds. They do all kinds of packaging. So a lot of times. Do you know what a blister pack is?

[Ted Danson]

No.

[Vanessa Bayer]

A blister pack is. I know this because of my dad, obviously. It's like, you know when you sometimes.

[Ted Danson]

Buy two, it's got a little bubble.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Blister thing exactly over it, like one bug spray and you get one free. And it's on a cardboard backing, and it's got, like, a plastic thing over it that's a blister path.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, gotcha, Gotcha.

[Vanessa Bayer]

I'm trying to think of other examples. They're sort of escaping my mind. And he has since sold the company, but he goes in several times a week. Cause he loves it so much. And there's a guy who he sold it to who I feel is his sort of. Is sort of the child he never had. Because my brother and I, he was like, do you want to take over this packaging business? And we were like, no guy, you know, loves. Loves them. And they're both into, like, fishing and stuff like that.

[Ted Danson]

Okay, I'm gonna yank us away from this.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Okay, okay.

[Ted Danson]

Because once again, I'm scared. Okay, so this is a little vision of your life in there, pre 15. And you talk about having leukemia. So is this an okay thing to be talking about?

[Vanessa Bayer]

Of course.

[Ted Danson]

Because I had to inform your comedy.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Well, let me jump ahead before I ask technical stuff, but I think that if I'm guessing having not survived something at age 15, most people don't have to live with the possibility of dying at age 15. And if you get through to the other side of that, to me, it must be, what the fuck? I'm gonna go for life. There's nothing holding me back. I just faced that, got through it. It must be kind of like being an aristocrat. You're kind of above some fear because you did it. You dealt with the unmentionable. Is any of that ring a bell or not?

[Vanessa Bayer]

So I think after getting through that experience, it's funny because I don't necessarily think about it that way, but I think that what you're saying is correct. It's like, I sort of felt. Cause I do have. Especially when it comes to my career in this weird way, I have this, like, almost. Almost like I'm living on another planet sense of, like, confidence about it. And I don't say that. I don't mean that I'm, like, egotistical about it, I hope, but just about what about, like, my career and stuff. It just, like, in my mind, I'm like. I have, like. I always feel like everything is, like, great and gonna be fine. Because I think. Because I went through that thing, I just. I think I do have this sense of, like, I'm gonna be fine. I can get through this, like, no problem, a little bit type of thing. And I think being sick at that age, it brought out, like, a lot of characteristics that were Already, I think, in me, but made them strong. Like, even comedy. I was, you know, like I said, when I was younger, I was already doing impressions of my teachers and stuff like that. But then when I got sick, I realized doing that kind of stuff. And maybe I'm going off topic, but doing that kind of stuff made my friends feel really comfortable and reminded my friends and my family that I was still the same Vanessa, you know, still alive.

[Ted Danson]

Don't be mourning me.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. About stupid school gossip. Stuff like, you don't have to just be like, how are you? You know, I want to still know. I'm still a teenager. I still want to. I'm still the same. And so the comedy. And we. My. As I was saying, my dad was really funny and we were always joking about things in our house about me being sick too. And the way, even like the way if people were being really, like, sort of pitying towards me, I found that to be funny sometimes because I think that was easier than. Than it being depressing. You know what I mean?

[Ted Danson]

But also, maybe not. You didn't think this at the time, but it's so smart, too. I mean, if you want to heal, you live in the moment and love and joy and laughter and humor, as opposed to pity, sorrow, fear, scared. And if you have to host everybody's fear for you, you know, it would drag you and your health down. But being able to defang it with humor was so smart, I think.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Thank you. Yeah, it was really helpful because. And I think I went into it, I was always sort of an optimistic person, and I think that helped with that too. Like, I never really got into a very dark place emotionally, especially, you know, while I was going through it. And like, it is really. But if you can. If you can get yourself there. It is really funny how people treat you when you're sick because, like, this great aunt of mine sent me like a bracelet. Like, now's not the time. I. I don't have anywhere to wear this thing. I had to break it to you. But it's like, thanks for the.

[Ted Danson]

Over your little hospital band.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yeah, thanks for the bracelet. Because I'm sick and people just. It's so funny what people do and say to you. And also. And this is. This all relates to and relates to my show. And it's. When I used to do more standup, I used to do standup about it, but the. The perks you get are, like, out of this world too, if you can. If you can focus on that and sort of like bring your Mind to that. Like, being in high school, like, all you want to do is come in late. You know, you don't. And you can come in late as much as you want when you're.

[Ted Danson]

It's okay, Vanessa.

[Vanessa Bayer]

And they don't. They think it's because you're, like, throwing up, but you're like, no, no, no, no. I just want a teenager. I want to program. Exactly. I finally got a new. A TV in my room, and I wanted to take advantage of it. And. Because you're watching in the morning. Okay. And. And it just. I didn't have to do gym class. That's, like, the thing. That's the example that I use for people that if someone's talking to. That's the. That's the biggest thing that I. I didn't have to imagine being a teenager, you hate going to gym class. You have to change into the outfit, and you have to get sweaty in the middle of the day and then get right back into your clothes. I didn't have to do it.

[Ted Danson]

No fun.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

How about your folks?

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Because I think sometimes being the parent of somebody who's going through stuff is really hard.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yes.

[Ted Danson]

Did they ever share with you how that was for them, or could you see it?

[Vanessa Bayer]

I could see. And I knew, you know, I knew they would trade places with me in a moment. And they. But they. It's interesting. They didn't let me see a lot of their real. They didn't. I think they didn't want to burden me with, like, how emotional they were feeling about it, but I got really close with them and with my mom, and I got so close that, like, we would get stomachaches at the same time and stuff. She was always around, and she was. Her JCC job, which, you know, I helped her get, she was, like, able to take a lot of time off and just be with me all the time. And that was. So. We have such an incredible mom to this day because of that, you know, so. But I know it was horrible for them, but they were able to have some fun with it, too. Like, my dad, um. My dad would call it dropping the L bomb when he would use it. My leukemia as an excuse. Like, he got this. I feel weird because this is all stuff that I've done standup about. And I'm not trying to do my standup to you, but he did get pulled over for speeding once. And by the way, this was, like, years after I was done with treatment, and he said, like, my daughter has leukemia and I can't stop Thinking, sorry. And he didn't get the ticket. And, like, he, like, came home and he was like, I dropped the Elmont. Like, people, we would come home with examples all the time left and right of like, hey, I said you had leukemia, and they gave me this thing for free. You know, like, it was. It was. I'm sure it was horrible for them, but they were able to get themselves at times, you know, when they were with me to that place, when I needed it to be. Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

So were you home for a period of time, or would it be treatments that would keep you home, but you kept doing high school at the same time?

[Vanessa Bayer]

So I got diagnosed over spring break of ninth grade, and then I didn't go back to school for the rest of ninth grade. I did treatment.

[Ted Danson]

Can I jump in? Just that moment, though. What was that moment? It probably was not. Oh, I'll find a humorous way to deal with this moment. Was it kind of stunning or not?

[Vanessa Bayer]

It was so weird to be like, you're not going back to school for the rest of the year. I was like, I remember being in the hospital and being like, that's crazy. Like, I'm not. I'm. I guess I'm done for the school year. But. And I'm not trying to be a comedian and turn everything into comedy, but. But I. People would, like, were visiting me in the hospital, and it was really fun to see them. And then my brother would. So my brother went back to school, and as I said, he's two years older, and he would come home from school, and I'd be like, jonah, who asked about me today? And, like, so all of a sudden, I was getting, as someone who already liked attention. I was getting, like, all this attention, and I was like, okay, this kind of rocks. And I went to. I remember I went to, like, a football game, and I wore, like, my new wig that I had just gotten. And people were like, my best friend Gwen, who's still my best friend, went with me, and she was like. It was almost as if she was my security guard, like, blocking people from being able to, like, say, like. It was just like. Everything felt like everyone was so concerned about me. And of course, you know, I'm focusing on the. The whatever. But everyone was so concerned about me, and I liked that everyone was thinking about me.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Vanessa Bayer]

You know, as an actor, it's like, what could be better than everyone being like, what's going on with her? Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

And can we jump into Make a Wish? Because didn't that happen in your life?

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yes, I have A cra. Yeah, I went to because just I love Make a Wish and I try and support them, you know, in any way I can. I don't know why I said that, but it's true. Okay. That's why I said it. But I did do a Make a Wish trip. And that's just so people know. People think that you have to be terminal to do Make a wish and you just have to have a life threatening disease. Okay. So I fit the. And I got to go to Hawaii with my family. But my first wish was actually what I thought I was gonna do is I was really into my so called life. I don't know if you ever watched that show with Claire Danes and Jared Leto. And I had such a crush on Jared Leto. And I was like, I wanna. I think I'm gonna try and meet Jared Leto. Cause you can meet anyone, get anything or go anywhere. Those are like the three things you can do. And at the time, a lot of people, computers and the Internet were like really popular then and a lot of people were getting computers, which I was like, I gotta meet someone anyway. So I was like, maybe I'll meet Jared Leto. And then. And this is kind of an example of what I was telling you about, like how it sort of gave me this weird confidence as a teenager. I said to my parents, I actually don't think I'm going to have my Make a Wish be to meet Jared Leto because I'd rather meet him when we're peers, when I'm older at age.

[Ted Danson]

What did you say that.

[Vanessa Bayer]

17.

[Ted Danson]

That's brilliant.

[Vanessa Bayer]

I know. And then I was presenting at the MTV Video Awards like a couple years into my time at snl and so was he, and that's where I met him, which is crazy. Fantastic.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, you do manifest really well.

[Vanessa Bayer]

I guess so. I guess so. But then I went to Hawaii with my family and it was incredible. It was just.

[Ted Danson]

Where'd you go?

[Vanessa Bayer]

We went to Maui and we. I can't remember the name of the hotel we stayed at, but we were in the presidential suite. And I remember we were like so into the bathrobes and all this stuff and we got to like go out to. It was so fun. It was just great. And it was great to get that time with my family, you know? And I remember a limo took us to the airport and I had never been in a limo before. And I was like, this is. This is a life, you know?

[Ted Danson]

And do you work with Make a Wish?

[Vanessa Bayer]

I have hosted a couple of their galas. And when I Lived in Chicago. I volunteered with them a bit. And so I try and sort of stay knowledgeable about what they're doing and if they need me to do something.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, we've done stuff, but it's usually because somebody won a lunch with. It's to raise money for that. I haven't. But I haven't really hung around with.

[Vanessa Bayer]

The organization, which I should sometimes make a wish. Kids would come to snl. And that was really special for me because I was like, oh, my God, this is your wish and I get to be part of it. And then I would also think, like, maybe I should have done this, but I got to work there, so that's cool.

[Ted Danson]

Okay, so you got a clean bill of health when.

[Vanessa Bayer]

When I stopped treatment the summer before my senior year of high school and I had a big end of chemo party at my house and it's funny.

[Ted Danson]

Costume party or just party party.

[Vanessa Bayer]

It was just like, tell your friends I'm having it. I called a few friends that I felt were really connected and I said, invite everybody. We're. We're hanging in my backyard and we're having an end of chemo party. And I got my brother's band to play at it. I think he was in college, so I guess he was home for the summer and his band played outside. And actually somebody called the police because of a noise thing, which we're from a suburb of Cleveland. It's not like there's strict noise rules. But somebody called the police and the police came and they thought we were having like an underage drinking party. And boy, did they feel bad when they found out what the party was really for.

[Ted Danson]

That's amazing.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

Okay, so off you go from high school to where? Where'd you go to?

[Vanessa Bayer]

Upenn, right?

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

That's not in Pittsburgh.

[Vanessa Bayer]

In Philly. In Philly, yeah. Yeah, gotcha.

[Ted Danson]

And theater. Anything in there?

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yes. While you're about to hit on something that I talk about almost every day, which my all female sketch comedy and musical parody troupe, Bloomers, which I was in this group called Bloomers. That was a. I just explained it to you.

[Ted Danson]

You created it.

[Vanessa Bayer]

No, it actually had been around since like 1975, I think. And it's really funny. I was just telling some of this story. I was so. Because it was like all these east coast people at my college, I was so, like, not in the know about anything. I was coming from the Midwest and everyone. Anyways, so there was this freshman performing arts night where all the performing arts groups did. Did a little Performance. And then they were like, we really need people to come audition. Like, please come audition. And I took them at their word. Okay? I thought these acapella groups, this hip hop dance group, they need people. So I'm gonna try and help them out. I'm gonna audition. If they need somebody, I'm here for them. I should have known. When I. Like, the first one I went to, there were, like, a hundred names. And I remember this one girl who I had met, she was. She was like, what are you auditioning with? I was like, what are you auditioning with? And she was like, I'm gonna sing like a prayer. This is for this acapella group. And I was like, okay. And she was like, what are you doing? And I was like, give my regards to Broadway. Because the last time I had auditioned for anything was, like, middle school theater. So I was like, this is what you audition for. It's a singing group. You have to do, like, a classic Broadway hit.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Vanessa Bayer]

So I auditioned for that. I got, like. I auditioned for this group that John Legend either was in or started called Counterparts. And I think I did either give my regards to Broadway or never fully dressed without a smile from Annie, you know, and everyone's doing, like, current pop songs, but I'm like, this is okay. I'm auditioning for all these groups, being like, they need people, so I'm helping them out. Then I auditioned for Bloomers, which was the comedy group, which, in my mind, I had been like, this is probably the right fit for me anyway. But I was thinking, if I have to do multiple groups because they need people, I will. But anyways, they didn't. But Bloomers I auditioned for, and we had to do all of this, improvise all this stuff and everything, and I. It was like the first time I ever was like, oh, I can do something other than be good at studying in school.

[Ted Danson]

Right.

[Vanessa Bayer]

You know, all my friends growing up were really athletic, and I was like, what must it be like to have, like, a skill like that? And with comedy, then we were, you know, we got to write sketches and do sketches and all this stuff. And it was so. It was like. It almost in some ways took my focus off of my schoolwork because I was like, I'm still gonna pass my classes and do all that stuff, but this feels like this is where my life is going.

[Ted Danson]

I had that. I faked my way through. I was a daydreamer. I think now I realize that I can read and enjoy a book, but if I have to retain it, yeah, I don't do as well as if you tell me something. Yeah, I will retain it. Listening better than reading. So school was never easy for me and I faked my way through it. I was always the imposter that somehow got through, even to the point where I got into Stanford. Wow. But the first day I was like, not only do I not know what that professor just said, I don't know what the who was sitting next to me. I was just so out of it that when I did find acting, it was like my whole life made sense.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

I moved my station wagon with a sleeping bag in the back to the theater and never left. It was like, ah. And I still have that same feeling today, but thank God, because I would not. I don't know what I would have done.

[Vanessa Bayer]

It's such a nice feeling, isn't it? To just be like, yeah, you get it. And it's. And it feels so nice to be doing, to be able to have found the thing that like, makes you happy and that you understand. If your small business has a problem, you could say, ugh, just my luck. But you should say, like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. And voila. Help get you back in business. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Are you still quoting 30 year old movies?

[Ted Danson]

Have you said cool beans in the past 90 days? Do you think Discover isn't widely accepted?

[Vanessa Bayer]

If this sounds like you, you're stuck in the past.

[Ted Danson]

Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide. And every time you make a purchase.

[Vanessa Bayer]

With your card, you automatically earn cash back.

[Ted Danson]

Welcome to the now it pays to Discover. Learn [e-mail] credit card based on the February 2024 Nelson Report. Can you see that in college that when you join the group, the beginning of you in Saturday Night Live, were you starting to do that kind of work, that kind of character work?

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yeah, it was it. We were writing sketches and performing them, which is exactly what you do at snl. And if you don't think that anyone I worked with at SNL doesn't know about Bloomers, you're wrong. I talk about Bloomers so much.

[Ted Danson]

Was it well known as it was?

[Vanessa Bayer]

It was not. It's much more well known now because I talked about it so much. But it was the only. There was a male. There was an all male. Now now actually they. Anyone who's like in an, I guess they say like underrepresented gender can be in it. So you don't necessarily have to identify as a woman to be in it. But there was this. But at the time it was the girl group and Mask and Wig is the male. Is like the male group at Penn. And they had been around for over a hundred years and they wouldn't let women in. And so they were the really popular group. And we were sort of the group that was. Started in the 70s that was like gaining momentum. And I. I do think that me getting on SNL was a real. Was helpful to the popularity. Although they're also, like, when I see their shows are so much funnier now than ours were. I mean, we love doing it, and I think we were really creative and stuff. But some of the stuff that I wrote during that time was bad.

[Ted Danson]

Did some of it, though. Did you pull it out of your little. I'll pretend like this is brand new, but did you take stuff that you wrote?

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yeah, I mean, I. Well, before I got on snl and I don't know how many people actually read it, I submitted a writing packet and so much of it was Bloomers stuff. I'm trying to think, if anything. There was this one sketch that we wrote where in Bloomers that I guess that I wrote that was like a show and tell thing in a classroom. And I played this little boy, Austin, who had this rock. Anyways, it was sort of like similar to the bar mitzvah boy character that.

[Ted Danson]

I was working on for like, 24 hours.

[Vanessa Bayer]

That's so nice. Yeah, yeah, that's so nice.

[Ted Danson]

So. And the same basic bit.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yes, yes.

[Ted Danson]

Over and over again. And it killed me each time. You would slightly, slightly annoyed. Ignore the question that was just asked you.

[Vanessa Bayer]

You know what's funny is that my brother's friends who saw me doing it on the show were like, even friends of his that were not childhood friends were like, you're doing an impression of Jonah. And I didn't even realize it. And what I thought it came from was more every weekend in seventh grade, we had a bar bat mitzvah to go to. And I. That's what I based it on was like, that all the boys were too young to be so formal to the point where they didn't know where to put their hands. And, like, that's where some of the stuff I would try and do is like, if they had to push up their glasses, they'd be like. Like, they just. They just, like, don't know how to. It's so formal for them. They're just too young. Whereas the girls mostly were like, performing their hearts out and doing great, you know?

[Ted Danson]

Did you have to. How did you get into Saturday Night Live? Did you audition on your own or were you asked? Did somebody see you?

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yes. So I did a showcase at IO in Chicago, which used to be called Improv Olympic. I did a showcase there. I had to audition for the owner, this woman, Sharna, and I auditioned. I had actually, well, to back up. I got. A year before I got on snl, I got weirdly focused on it, like, before that I hadn't. I knew I loved snl, but I hadn't, like, really envisioned myself on it yet. Or maybe I had, but, like, I wasn't that focused on it. And so then about a year before I got on, I took this class with this director, Matt Miller, who basically, you would come in and you would do, like, a series of characters and impressions for, like, five minutes in front of a class, and then he and the class would give you notes on it. And then. And basically, one thing that he taught us, which I thought was such great advice, was, like, at snl, the cast writes. So it's not enough to just have a funny character. The character has to be saying something funny, because then they know you're a good writer, too, right? So I did this workshop where I did these five minutes in front of this class, and I got notes. And then you just come back two weeks later, and you put yourself on. He puts you on tape doing the same material. Doing the same material. But by this point, hopefully you've worked on it for two weeks with the notes he gave and the class gave, and you've gotten. And you've improved it. So I did this five minutes, and then I came back and I did. And I remember, like, Miley Cyrus was part of it. Cause I remember watching SNL and being like, I can't believe no one's doing an impression of her. She's so powerful, popular. She has. And I love Miley, but she has such a distinct way of talking. And how are people not jumping all over this? This feels like, you know. So anyways, I did, like, a couple impressions and characters, and then I gave this tape to the owner of I.O. and the agent that I had at the time with my five minutes on it, and I didn't hear anything. And then I remember following up, and the agency that I was at at the time was like, oh, we don't have their info. Do you have it? And I remember being like, this is bad. But then a year later, they.

[Ted Danson]

And where are you? New York?

[Vanessa Bayer]

Or I'm in Chicago. I'm sorry I didn't explain that. I was in Chicago, which is where I moved after college. Because I interned, especially when I interned at Conan during college.

[Ted Danson]

Our mutual boss.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Our mutual boss. I found that a lot of the writers and the creative people working there that I thought were so funny had started in Chicago. So that's why I moved to Chicago after college, even though I had interned in New York for two summers and my parents were like, maybe moved to New York, where we've like. You've made all these connections and we've kind of helped you out while you do these unpaid internships. It was unpaid at the time, but probably not now. You unpaid people make a. You can make a fortune on internships. But so I moved to Chicago and I was in Chicago and I made this tape and I gave it to people. Nobody did anything with it. And then the next year, SNL was coming to Chicago, which they do every summer to scout people. And they come to. I think they do Chicago, New York and la, but Chicago is like a. Which is incredible. It's so great that they do that every year. But anyway, so they were coming to Chicago and I auditioned for the owner of I.O. and basically did exactly what was on that tape. I mean, I just rewatched it and did. And she put me in the showcase. And I did this SNL showcase in Chicago that Lauren and a bunch of the writers had come for it. And it was this cool thing they used to do where they didn't ever announce the SNL showcase, but people in Chicago kind of knew about it and there would be like a line around the block to go see the showcase.

[Ted Danson]

Oh, that's brilliant. So they watched you.

[Vanessa Bayer]

It's a cool thing. So it was like them, but also an audience of. And actually, I didn't get in the first night. It ran really long because people were supposed to stick to five minutes and they didn't. And so I got pushed to the next night and. Which was first. For a second I thought I got pushed to like. But then they added a second night. And one of my best friends, Kitty, couldn't get in the first night. Cause the line was too long. And she got in the second night. And I got to just basically look at her the whole time I was auditioning, which was so special. But yeah, so I did this showcase. I did like five minutes for this room full in this theater that I was very comfortable in. And that was so fun. And then like a week later, I found out that they were flying me to New York to do like a screen test. And I basically did a Lot of the same characters, but I added a.

[Ted Danson]

Couple on the stage. On.

[Vanessa Bayer]

On the stage. And I remember it made me laugh so hard. It's so funny. My friend and I just rewatched Wayne's World. And you know, in Wayne's World how there's the thing where he talks about how they go like four, three and they don't say two. And I remember the stage manager did that and I almost started laughing. Like, it was so I was in like a really good headspace. Like, I was pretty relaxed if that was making me. Yeah, yeah. And I remember they put me in Andy Samberg's dressing room when I was waiting to audition. And I was the second to last person to audition of the day. And I was. My friend told me to bring music and I was like listening to me, I was just like. I was like, how in my attitude about it. And I do think that some of this came from what we were talking about of like me being sick and getting through this stuff. I was like, how many people get to do this? Like, I'm just gonna enjoy this, you know, even if I don't get into the cast or whatever. Just the fact that they flew me to New York to do this audition is so incredible. Like, I have to just enjoy it and, you know, be present for it.

[Ted Danson]

But what you're saying, pardon me, is to me like a superhuman quality, you know, that alone will get you so far in life. I think I really do. Beginning to be. I have to say to myself before you and I sat down, this is a privilege. Head. This is a privilege. Don't miss it, you know, by being nervous or too self aware or whatever. But that's not normal is what I'm saying.

[Vanessa Bayer]

That's so nice. I mean, I don't always. I'm not always that way. It's just. I think, I wonder if it is because I was sick and sometimes I had to sort of almost trick myself into being like. I think I. I do have this ability to. When I need to. Yeah, I can put myself there.

[Ted Danson]

That's nice.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Into that head space, I guess.

[Ted Danson]

Okay, so you were there, you enjoyed it. Yeah, people laughed.

[Vanessa Bayer]

That was the thing. It was like I had. Everyone had told me that no one's going to laugh. Don't take that personally. And then. And I heard the audition before me, and I remember this woman was like singing a song parody, which we did a lot in Bloomers, but I didn't choose to do that in my showcase. And nobody was laughing. And I remember being like, she's doing fine because nobody laughs, and it's fine. And then I went out there, and I just wasn't expecting laughter. And then after I did my first character, everyone started laughing, and I couldn't believe it, but I just sort of kept going. And. And they kind of. There was one character, one or two that they didn't laugh after, but they kind of were laughing throughout the thing. And then. I don't know if this is. I don't mean to. This was just such a crazy thing that happened. Was a friend of mine, Amy Phillips, who I've known forever. She was there, too. And she. When I came out of the audition. Cause basically, it was like once people were done auditioning, they could watch the rest of the auditions on the monitor. But I was second to last, so I couldn't really. And I didn't even know that existed. But I wasn't gonna come out of my dressing room and watch. I was. You know. And so she said to me. She said. She said, everyone clapped at the end, Vanessa. And I was like, they did? And she said, yeah, everybody clapped. And I didn't. I still to this day don't remember that happening. But when she told me that, I was like, oh, my God. Yeah. I didn't know. It was an amazing experience. But also, I was like. We were talking about. I was in such a specific headspace that I think I was just floating or something. I don't know.

[Ted Danson]

I do sometimes think that there's a part of us that knows when something big is happening, you know, some version of it, and that it's gonna all be okay. And this is where I'm supposed to be.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ted Danson]

How long before you got verification that you were brilliant and you're gonna.

[Vanessa Bayer]

So then they. Then they flew me back a week later or so. Like about a week later to meet with some of the writers and Seth. And I think they kind of. I think they. Was.

[Ted Danson]

Seth, the head writer.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Seth was the head writer. And I think they kind of try and make sure you're not insane or hard to work with because you spend so much time together and so many comedians are. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So they flew me back, and I had some meetings and stuff. And then I met with Lorne. And I remember that's where I met Taryn Killam, who's one of my closest friends and who I love. And it was. That's the other thing that's really special about SNL and probably a lot of acting jobs, a lot of shows and stuff that you've Done is it brings people together that are from such different backgrounds. Again, I'm this sort of Midwest, I don't know anything. And Taryn is there, and he lives in la, and his wife is on How I Met yout Mother at the time. And people are like, how's your wife doing? How's her show? Or something. And I'm like, I live in Chicago and I like, you know, I love Starbucks or whatever. That wasn't a good example, but you know what I mean? I'm like, his wife is on How I Met your. I'm just like, okay, like, a little out of my league and. But he's one. Like, it's just like, we're so close and we come from. It's like. It brings people together that I think wouldn't have met otherwise, is what I'm saying. But anyways, I waited, I think, two, two and a half hours to meet with Lauren in the waiting room outside of his office with Taryn for part of the time, you know, like, we. And it was just. You just. I think there's a lot of waiting when you do that show, you know, it's a lot of. You're there all the time, and oftentimes it's, you know, just waiting for something. And I think they're sort of also testing you and making sure that you can fit in. Yeah, you can handle it. You don't get.

[Ted Danson]

You're not. Life is too short to claws.

[Vanessa Bayer]

So I met with Lorne, and he was talking to me about how the show hits you like a wave and then you recover. And he's using all these sort of, like, metaph. And I don't know, I'm like, am I. You know, like, on. And at one point, I remember he asked me, do I have any questions for him? And I'm like. And I'm such a huge Chris Farley fan. I mean. And I was like, maybe I have a Chris. And I'm like, I'm not. I don't know how to ask. Like, I don't want to bring up, you know, Like, I'm like, I don't know what I would ask. Yeah, so. And then I'm like, there's so many things in my mind. There's so many things I want to ask him, but nothing is, like, coming together. So I said. I think I said, like, I'm sure I do, but I can't think of anything now or something. I'm sorry that story didn't have a great ending, but. So that's what I said. And then he said, well, we'll let you know in the next 24 hours.

[Ted Danson]

Wow.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Okay. So my parents.

[Ted Danson]

Wait, are you still in the same head space as you were when you auditioned?

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yeah, I think so, pretty much. I'm just like, this is all incredible.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Vanessa Bayer]

And this is about a week after I auditioned. I'm back in New York, maybe two weeks. But so he's like, we'll let you know in the next 24 hours. So 24 hours go by. My parents stay awake for the entire 24 hours, which is so sweet. And they're like, it's been 24 hours, my parents. And I'm like, it's gonna be longer. I'm like, I'm not saying that I got it, but I was like, based on how everything has gone up till now, I don't think that this is a reason to think that I didn't get it. And then, like, a week later, one of the producers called me and she said. She said, how are you doing? And I said, I'm still exhausted from that whirlwind trip to New York, but it was so fun meeting you and seeing everybody. And she said, well, I hope you aren't too exhausted to come back to New York. Cause we'd like to hire you as a cast member. And then I said, what if I said I was too tired because I had, like, no filter, you know, I was so excited. And there's just silence on the phone. And then I was like, I'm not. I'm not too tired, you know? And then.

[Ted Danson]

Take a joke.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Take a joke. It was so. And then what was so crazy was I was so excited. And they said, like, please don't tell. She said, please don't tell anyone because we're going to make an official announcement about it. But she was like, well, we'll let everybody know. Like, we'll let the press know soon or whatever. So, again, I'm living in Chicago and I have to move to New York. And it's a week passes. They still haven't said anything. Two weeks. Finally, me and my friend Paul Britton have both been hired, and we both have to leave Chicago without telling anyone why. Without telling anyone why. But some blog picked it up and broke the news, and we still had to deny it, but everybody knew. It's so weird that they're, like, in the middle of the year, just getting up and leaving. But then we couldn't. It was so weird because we couldn't say anything. And it was getting to the point where, like, I told My parents, I swore them to secrecy because I had heard sort of horror stories about cast members telling people too early, you know, and so I. I mean, nothing horrible had ever happened. But I was so warned, like, you cannot tell. My agent in Chicago was like, you cannot tell a soul. Like, you know, tell your parents. They can't tell any. I had family members calling my parents, being like, it's really like in a lot of the trades that, like, she's, she's hired and I'm living in New York in this time, and my parents have to be like, well, you know, that's the trades, you know, like, my parents have to tell, like, their family members. Because I was like, you cannot tell anyone. Yeah, it was crazy. It was crazy. Just a month of kind of lying to everyone close to me.

[Ted Danson]

Just a heads up, if we become close friends as a result of this podcast, do not tell me anything that you don't want me unless it's really genuinely personal and important. But if it's like, good news, nah, I'm out the door screaming it to the rafters.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Well, that's the thing is it was such good news that I was like, people are gonna wanna talk about it, so you just, just can't tell anyone. So I think I told my best friend Gwen and my brother and my parents, and that was it.

[Ted Danson]

Who was your first skit partner that made it, that made it on the show?

[Vanessa Bayer]

I'm trying to think of something that I wrote.

[Ted Danson]

Uh huh. Um, or no, first off, did they just start putting you in?

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yeah, I was the first line of my first episode. It was like Jason Sudeikis and Kristin Wiig were in something and it was like a political thing. I truly don't even remember what it was about. And I open the door and I say, like, so and so is here to see you. But because it was the first line of that season, I open the door and everyone cheers. And then I say, like, so and so's here to see you. And it's so my. I had friends in Chicago who were like doing viewing parties and stuff and they were all like. Cause I also, I told everybody before I said, I might not be in the show at all. They keep saying, you might not be in the show. You might. And I open the door and I'm the first one to speak. And all my friends, like, afterwards were like, we were like losing our minds. We couldn't believe, like, first thing out of the gate, you were speaking. It was so exciting.

[Ted Danson]

To wild applause.

[Vanessa Bayer]

And I think that they did it on purpose. And I wonder if they do that a lot at the beginning of seasons, if they have, like a new person say the first line. Yeah. Because it's like so much applause and it's so exciting to start. Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

And were you super nervous or just.

[Vanessa Bayer]

I was really nervous. I was really nervous. I was so excited, though.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

One quick question. It doesn't sound. I think I know the answer to this, but I know several people who came out of Saturday Night Live that almost had post traumatic stress as a result. Some people. It's made for them.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

You know, I'm sure Tina Fey, you know, did not Seth Meyer, you know, a lot of people didn't. It was made for them. Where do you fall on that line? Cause it is the pressure.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

It's not only be funny, it's not only are you gonna be live be funny, but there's a competition to get on in the first place.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yes.

[Ted Danson]

Even if you love your castmates, you're in a competition.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yeah. I mean, I think I'm lucky in that I left on really good terms, and I was able to leave on my own terms, which is sort of a hard. And what I feel was like, the right time. Like, I stayed for seven years, and that was our contract. And then, you know, I remember I told Lauren that I was gonna leave, like around March, and I don't think he. I don't know, like, he was like. I think he sort of was like, okay. But I don't know that he fully thought that I was really gonna leave and.

[Ted Danson]

And you were a big hit. Well, I mean, you were.

[Vanessa Bayer]

That's so nice. You never feel that way. Or maybe some people don't.

[Ted Danson]

Well, in the press, you were a big hit. In the audience, you were a big hit. Whether they told you that.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Thank you. That's so nice.

[Ted Danson]

It's true. Right? So you were leaving as a valued member.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Thank you. I. Well, I really was, like, in my mind, I couldn't envision another season. I just couldn't. I couldn't see it in my head. I just didn't exist or something. And I was like, I want to leave while I still have so much love for this place and everything. And so I told Lauren I was leaving. And then, you know, as the weeks were passing and everything, I, like, got together gifts for, like. I was like, I have to get a good gift for everybody. And there was almost a writer's strike that year, and they were able to work it out. But I remember being like. And, you know, I want the Best for the writer. I stand with the WGA and everything, but I remember being like, oh, my God, if there was a show that, like, we did, and then we went on hiatus, and we wouldn't have come back from the hiatus. And I was like, oh, my God, if that was my last show, I won't be able to give everyone their gifts. And I've really thought hard about these gifts.

[Ted Danson]

Got on the phone to the head of the gift.

[Vanessa Bayer]

I mean, I guess I can send them the gifts, but. Can you? But no. But I'm glad that WGA got what they wanted that year and we were able to go back and it broke in the press or something that I was leaving, like, the week of the last show. And I wasn't gonna say anything. Cause I knew that Lauren didn't really want anyone to. It was like, I didn't want to, like. You know, I had such a great relationship with. I felt like with the show and with Lauren, and I didn't want to, like, jeopardize any of that. And then I remember I was on my way to the last show that I was ever doing, and I. I was, of course, running late, which I always was. But anyways, I was on my way to, like, you know, the Saturday afternoon, the last show. And our publicist texted me, and she said, lauren said, it's okay for you to put out a statement if you want to. And she said, and he never says that. And so I posted this thing that was that Colin Jost had. Colin Jost would always write the last show of the season. He would always write these, like, joke sketches, and we would do them at the table. And they were always, like, so funny. And they were. They included, like, the stage manager sometimes it was just like, this sketch that would just never get on. But he had written this sketch that was a parody of the song Always a Woman. And he had this phrase in it that was about me that made me cry. But it was like. It was about. We've heard about Bloomers, and we know about Gwen's my best friend and Jonah. And we've heard her talk about leukemia and leukemia again. And like, this. All this stuff. And I put, like. I posted, like, a photo of that, and I said, like, something about leaving. And it was so special for me to have my last show where the audience knew it was my last show. That was, like. It was like, something that I didn't really realize would have been so special. And I remember Tom Hanks was there, and I think it was his idea. He, like, Hoisted me and Bobby Moynihan and Sasheer, hoisted all of us up. And we, like, got like standing ovation, like, after the good nights were over and, like walked us out on everybody's shoulders.

[Ted Danson]

It was fantastic.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yeah. And it was like, it felt to be able to get that kind of closure was like, incredible.

[Ted Danson]

Have you done dramatic parts?

[Vanessa Bayer]

I've done. I didn't. The first real dramatic thing I got to do was I did an episode of that show. Love. I don't know if you ever saw that.

[Ted Danson]

I didn't, but I. Yeah.

[Vanessa Bayer]

And. And I'm blanking on the name of who was actually directing the episode. That's so rude. But Judd Apatow was like, he was a producer on that show and he was there and kind of helped direct it too. And that was really nice. And he sort of said something to me like, I know this is like your first kind of heavy thing like this, and I wanted to be. And he was really helpful with it, as was the director. Who's. Michael Lewin? The director. Michael Lewin was as well. But that was. I like doing that stuff. And in my show, I love that for you. Even though it's a comedy and we wanted it to have, like, laugh out loud jokes in it, there was some heavy stuff in there too.

[Ted Danson]

It wasn't broad. It was very real and funny.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Thank you very much. Yeah. So I like. And I think it was my friend John early who said, like. And I hope, like, every comedian just wants to prove that they can cry on camera. Like, it's sort of like you sort of get this chip on your shoulder of like, I can do drama. And I remember I got. I. Yeah. Anyways, I. When I like doing that stuff as well, or I liked proving to people that I can cry on camera, the.

[Ted Danson]

Mistake always is to immediately make a huge switch. You know, right after Saturday Night Live. Lady Macbeth.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yes.

[Ted Danson]

You know.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

No, no, wait. Do it a little slower.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

I find people like you. Sorry, that's a non complimentary thing to say. But if I see you on camera, I am excited because I know I'm about to laugh and I'm going to be laughed and startled and surprised. I won't see it coming. So I'm very excited. When you then take that baggage and do a serious part, it's very dangerous. You have a quality of danger because even though you're in the story and you're being real to the circumstances, there's this sense of, is she going to be funny or not? That even though you know she's not. There's a tension there that I think is really interesting when really innately funny people choose not to be funny in a part. I think it's. I find it just mesmerizing to watch people like that. Like you.

[Vanessa Bayer]

That's so nice. I mean, it's an interesting. It's an interesting thing to try. I, like. My favorite thing is doing, I guess. Well, I guess one of my favorite things is doing dramatic stuff that's funny because it feels like. I don't know, but it is. There was a hard thing of, like. Yeah, exactly what you said. Like, you don't want to, like, come right off of SNL and be like, guess what? I'm, you know, playing this Lizzie Borden. One thing that I think is, this is different. The thing that I can't do is I auditioned, kick a table and take out a gun and, like, go like. That's not really what it is.

[Ted Danson]

The hardest thing I did in my career was csi.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Oh, yeah.

[Ted Danson]

So hard. I loved the actors, I loved the writers. I loved, you know, being able to keep a house I owned. You know, I loved everything about csi, but the acting was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life because there's no room for humor.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

And if you take any possibility of humor away, I'm just. I'm. I'm. Yeah, I'm dead meat. I'm horrible. I'm not good.

[Vanessa Bayer]

And you have to be like, where's the forensics? Or something.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah, yeah. If I had to say vaginal tear or blood splatter again, I would just.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Ted Danson]

Yeah. And you can't tell. Usually if you're going to improvise a little funny, it's at the end of the scene. You can do a little hook at the end. That's amusing, but you couldn't, because that would make people laugh and forget the information about the mystery that the audience wanted to have. So it was a hard job. Not because of the people. The people were magnificent. It was just a hard form for me.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Of course. Yeah.

[Ted Danson]

I'm not good at it, is what I'm.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Well, I'm sure you were great on it, but that.

[Ted Danson]

Thank you, but no.

[Vanessa Bayer]

I. I did this movie once with Bel Powley. I don't know if you know her. She's this young, very talented, very cool actress. And we were in this movie together, and I was supposed to play her cool older friend who she worked with, and I was, like, supposed to be, like, giving her advice about, like. Yeah. It's like sex and drugs, you know what I mean? Like that kind of a thing. And it, it. Even when I watch it now, it plays so false of like this girl who's like one of the coolest people in the world and like just like hip, like just, just absolutely like the. I'm trying to give you an example of how cool she is. She's just like this like tiny, beautiful. She's always wearing. Anyway, she's so cool. And the way that I'm talking about you, the way that I'm talking about her shows how not cool I am. But yeah, for me to be like, you just get. You have to get out and do drugs and drink alcohol. Like, like, it's just. That's the kind of thing I'm saying to her at this party. And I'm like, I don't care about, like having sex. I'll do it whenever I want and stuff like that. And the way I'm doing it to you is a bit. But it's also how I come off in this movie. And she has to act like. I'm sure that that's hard acting for her too, where she has to be like, uh huh. Like not Vanessa. I can't remember what my character's name is. But being like, yeah, okay, you're really teaching me a lot. Like, that was probably the most challenging thing I ever had to do was act like I was cooler than Bel Powe and give her advice on how to be cool.

[Ted Danson]

I always say to writers, it's like, because by now I've been around long enough that I bring so much baggage from being on television that it's like, if you want me to be something different, you're going to have to write me doing something. So if Ted is sitting next to you at dinner and all of a sudden Ted picks up a glass of water and throws it in your face, then laughs and saying, I'm sorry, I just had to do it, and gets up and leaves. I will be forever different to you. You will always flinch a little bit. So you need to write that in so that you can be Vanessa. You can be everything about who you are. But if all of a sudden you go around the corner and do something horrendous and keep being Vanessa, you get to be dangerous Vanessa just by the doing. All right, silly questions.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Yes.

[Ted Danson]

Magic wand. Five years from now, creatively, what would you like to be doing? Uh oh, sorry, that was a serious question.

[Vanessa Bayer]

I know. I was laughing because if you hadn't said creatively, I would have said in your Martha's Vineyard home. Hanging with the fan. No, I'm already. We're inviting you, by the way.

[Ted Danson]

You will get an invitation at Thanksgiving.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Thank you so much. I'll go to Cleveland first and see my family, and then we'll all fly from Cleveland. Okay. It's pretty close, actually. East Coast.

[Ted Danson]

It'll be an overnight.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Okay, perfect. Five years. Wait, Sorry. The question was, where would I be creatively? I would love to. I would love to still be doing my show. I would love to be working on that. I would love to.

[Ted Danson]

Your show may not be.

[Vanessa Bayer]

I love that for you.

[Ted Danson]

And that's a possibility.

[Vanessa Bayer]

I hope so. I hope so. And I would love to. I would love to in general. Just keep being able to. This is such a general answer. But just be creating things that I think are really funny and being part of things that I think are really funny. I know. And interesting. And I like. You were saying about acting. I love doing comedy, and I love it so much. It's so fun. I get so much out of even doing this podcast with you. Like, I'm leaving here. I feel like I'm part of the family. I feel like I'm part of the family. I feel like I'm just like, You've lifted my day. Like, it's so fun to get to work with funny people and talented. I just want to keep doing that. I'm giving you the most general answer.

[Ted Danson]

That'll be my answer. First off, that was very sweet and means huge amount.

[Vanessa Bayer]

What about. Seriously, I'm telling you, I was just watching Cheers, and I was like, this is the best show. Also, I got to do some episodes of Will and Grace, and I got to work with Jimmy Burrows. And I mean, what an absolute. But you're just part of this. Like, you're so great on Cheers and I genuinely love Three Men and a Baby, but I haven't seen it in a long time. But I remember when you're all singing.

[Ted Danson]

Good night, but there's no reason to do. Thank you. I let all of that in, even though I'm pretending to brush it off and I will dine off it later. There's no reason to do a podcast unless you get to celebrate that person you're sitting with and laugh and have a good time and figure out what it's like to be her. Not that I've quite cracked you yet.

[Vanessa Bayer]

But this has been over family dinners and stuff.

[Ted Danson]

This has been amazing, and I really, really appreciate it.

[Vanessa Bayer]

I really. It was such an honor to get to do this and I had a fantastic time.

[Ted Danson]

That was me talking to the great Vanessa Baer. Thank you so much for talking with me, Vanessa. You are welcome at the family reunion anytime. That's it for this week. Hello to Woody and special thanks to our friends at Team Coco. If you enjoy this episode, please send it to someone you love. Subscribe to us on your favorite podcast app and rate and review on Apple Podcasts. We'll have more for you next week. Where everybody knows your name.

[Vanessa Bayer]

You've been listening to Where Everybody Knows your Name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson Sometimes. The show is produced by me, Nick Leow.

[Ted Danson]

Executive producers are Adam Sachs, Colin Anderson.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Jeff Ross and myself. Sarah Fedorovich is our supervising producer. Our senior producer is Matt Apodaca.

[Ted Danson]

Engineering and mixing by Joanna Samuel with support from Eduardo Perez.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Research pilot at Grohl Talent Excellent booking by Paula Davis and Gina Bautista. Our theme music is by Woody Harrelson, Anthony Genn, Mary Steenburgen and John Osborne.

[Ted Danson]

Special thanks to Willie Navarre. We'll have more for you next time. Where everybody knows your name. Auto insurance can all seem the same until it comes time to use it. So don't get stuck paying more for less coverage. Switch to USA Auto Insurance. You could start saving money in no time. Get a quote today.

[Vanessa Bayer]

Restrictions apply. USA.