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We're so done with new Year, new you. This year it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Geminis because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want and you know what? We love that for you, someone else will too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumblebee.

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Hello and welcome to who is She? A podcast sharing the voice I wish I had in my 20s and navigating how to thrive in your 30s. I'm your host, Danielle, and I'm so glad you're here. This is a safe space to talk through all the in between moments, consider different perspectives, and ultimately go for the life we want to live. Get comfortable and let's get started. Hi, guys. Welcome back to another episode of who is She? I am your host, Danielle, and I'm really excited to talk to you today. A lot has been happening over the last couple weeks. I've got updates for you. All the things. First and foremost, you may have noticed my content has shifted more towards being focused on faith or including faith in it. And I just. For the person out there that found me for being just like a general big sister, I want you to know it's still me. Okay? I haven't gone anywhere. It's just that I'm growing deeper in my faith and my goal is to. I know that some Christians are going to not like what I'm about to say, but my goal is never to be unreachable. Where you look at me and you're like, I don't relate to her at all. Because I think that sometimes the way that some Christians present themselves is almost like holier than thou. And. And I think it turns a lot of people off, and I think that defeats the whole purpose of what's supposed to be happening. So I just want to reassure you that it's still me. It's always going to be me. I am going to share my faith. I am going to talk about this stuff, but I'm still the same my heart. Well, I guess I'm not the same person. I am evolving. I'm evolving, but I just don't want you to feel like you're losing me, you know? Like. I guess what I'm trying to describe is, like, when. When you have a friend who gets super deep into their faith. Actually, when you have a friend that gets super deep into what I would call religion, which is you can't talk to them without them spitting a Bible verse in your face and it coming off being very judgy and like, I never want to get to that point. But what I do want to do is share my faith and share what I'm learning, share what I'm experiencing. Because it's all good stuff. I mean, some of it is hard, but it's all good stuff. And to me, and I'm going to talk more about this, the way I consider my faith is fact. I consider what I believe to be a system that God designed. And if it's a system, it operates under certain parameters based on its design. And so if I believe that, then it's not just doing things because you're supposed to do them or not do them. It's because if you do them or don't do them, then certain, you put in certain inputs, you get certain exput. Oh my God, my God, help me. You put in certain inputs, you get certain outputs. And we all want a happy, fulfilled, purposeful life. So I'm hoping this is making sense. But what I'm trying to do is share what I believe to be truth in my faith based on what I believe the system of the world and the universe operates under, in order for you and everyone listening under the sound of my voice to live that life. And I think that's why a lot of people don't, is because they don't know the truth. They don't know the things that we're going to talk about. And, and it's sad, honestly. Like, it's like, I don't know, it's like you having like this huge feast and all of everything your heart could desire behind a certain wall. And you're just saying, just walk around this wall and they just won't do it because they're too proud. Like, that's what it feels like. But you just want to share what you know because if they were to just walk around the wall, they would see and have all the things that you see and have, you know. Okay, I hope you guys get it. Give me grace. I love you. Hope you love me. If you don't, that's okay. Well, we're going to talk about today. It is a juicy one. And I got to be honest, I didn't know what I was going to talk about for a while actually. Like, I had a really packed weekend. It was Easter weekend. Hallelujah. Praise Jesus, he is risen. Love it. But I had such a blessed weekend by God. I. I felt so included in, in my friends. I got invited to Quite A lot of things. And I was just booked solid the whole weekend. I also have the puppies right now. By the time they'll be gone on Saturday, so I only have them for a little bit longer, but they're taking up all my extra time. But anyway, I didn't even have a moment to think about, like, what I was going to talk about. And so I kind of sat with it. And just today I just felt convicted because it's something that I don't think is talked about enough explicitly on the real, like, not just layering scriptures over it and just saying, good luck with that, but, like, really what it means. I don't know. I don't know if I've announced the title yet. I'm a little loopy. If I have already, give. Just bear with me if I haven't. What we're going to talk about today is Dating God's Way. Dating God's Way. And I think that there's a couple of reasons why this isn't talked about. One of those being that there aren't. There's not a specific rule set in the Bible that says this is how you should date. It's not the way it works if you're a newer Christian or not Christian at all and are just sort of, you like me and that's why you're here, or you're just curious. The Bible is a collection of different types of books. So there's historical books, there's poetic books. There are different books of people's accounts of different events. There are letters. There's a bunch of different type of books in there. Okay? So the Bible isn't just a collection of rules if you've never read it. It's a bunch of different books. And in those books there are scriptures. And those scriptures tell stories. Some of them are songs, some of them are history, some of them are poems. And they all give us life, they all give us direction. They all tell us in one way or another what my pastor calls the keys of the kingdom, or how to access heaven on earth, which is basically the life God intended for you to live here on earth. The keys are in the Bible, but inside the Bible, there's not a chapter that's called how you should date. Okay? And I think that's one reason why it's not talked about a lot, and it should be talked about more. Some of the scriptures we're going to look at are, I'm sure you've heard them, more common. But I'm going to give you my take on them because that's why you're listening to this. And the other reason we're going to talk about dating God's way is because I wish I had this 10 years ago. Well, I wish I had faith 10 years ago. It's interesting because I say that and I feel more and more that I'm getting deeper and deeper into faith. And I'm in my fourth year now, fifth year, fifth year of it. And it's so interesting to me because I'm like, if I could have just known what I know now back then, how much different would my life look? And we're going to get to that. But if I had in a perfect world, been of faith and been in my faith and active in my faith, this specific chat we're going to have is something I wish I could have heard from a big sister metaphoric figure that I trusted because I think I would have. Okay. On the real, I think I would have been married by now. That's just. I'm just being really raw with you. Like, I think that if I had really known and believed what we're going to talk about today, I probably would be married by now, which is what I. One of my big, like, dreams in life. I would love to be married and have a partnership that's like, lights my soul on fire. So. And the other reason I want to talk about this is because this is sort of a personal project as I head back into dating. So just some updates of like, where I'm not going to give specifics because, you know, I've been really heavy on boundaries with like, not giving information on my, like, very, you know, the details of my dating life. But basically I have been dating. I met someone like, gosh, two months ago. Two months ago. And basically I went into what my normal cycle is, but like on steroids. It was a whirlwind. It happened so quickly and I really like this person and it didn't end up working out, but I also didn't do it God's way. And had I done it God's way, I don't know if it would have worked out still. Maybe this is just it should have happened this way no matter what, where it didn't work out. But basically, if you don't know by now, I have an anxious attachment style. I lean more anxious, which I'm working on. And I have what's called limerent behaviors which you can look up limerence L I M E R E N C E if you know, you are interested in that. And basically it's heavily tied to anxious attachment. And it basically is where you obsess with little to no information because it's the way your brain works. So you have. There's a limerent and a limerent object. I'm the limerent and then my limerent object is the person that I'm interested in. And basically my entire mood is dependent on how we're interacting. It's very high highs, it's very low lows. Can completely ruin my day, ruin my week, or completely make my day, make my week. And it's a terrible cycle to be in, if I'm being honest. Even in a healthy, committed relationship, if you have limerent tendencies, it's terrible. So anyway, I'm telling you this to set the stage and tell you what my cycles are. So typically what happens. Gosh, if anyone who ever dates me listens to this, it's just. Anyway, whatever, let's do it. Basically what I do is I'll meet someone and it'll be fine. And I'm doing my own thing. And then I start to like someone. And that's where all the things kick in, where I just have no boundaries, which we're going to talk about. I want to be with that person all the time, which is also a lack of boundaries. I sometimes get into pushover behavior, also a lack of boundaries. I lose parts of myself and I prioritize them over everything else, which then ends up devaluing me. I. With all these patterns, um, I'm just gonna say I've never dated God's way, Including intimacy and sexuality. So that's something we're going to be talking about too. And I just want to be real with you guys. I want to give you my testimony because I want to invite you to feel comfortable that we've made. We've all made mistakes. And if you're listening to this, I believe that we're on the path of renewing our minds to do it different so that God can deliver what he has for us. Okay, so with that, I'm just going to open us up in prayer. Okay? All right. Big breath. Take a big breath. Lord God, thank you for this day. Thank you for the breath in our lungs. Thank you for the ability to communicate with you like this in prayer. God, we lift you up high. We give you all glory. We're so thankful. God, Jesus, I thank you that you are present during this conversation. I would ask God that you use me as a vessel to speak the words that need to be spoken so we can get closer to you. And do things your way so that you can give us what you've been waiting to give us, God, so that we can live the life and walk on the path that you want us to based on your design and our design. God, I thank you. For the listener on the other end of the phone or stereo or speakers, I ask that you fill them up with your love with the Holy Spirit, surround them with comfort that while we might talk about uncomfortable things today, it's all for our good and your good. I cover this entire podcast by the blood of Jesus, in your name, Amen. All right, so let's get into it. The first portion of this that I want to talk about is before we even get to dating someone or right at the beginning, which is considering dating unbelievers. Now, if you were to ask me this a year ago, I would have fought you on it, disagreed on it. I wouldn't have gotten physical. Okay, calm down. Because the reason I disagreed with you, if I'm being really vulnerable and honest, is because I didn't believe that there was a man that God could deliver me, that had everything I wanted, that I was attracted to, who also was a believer. That's my honest answer. And that's why I would have disagreed with you on it. And what I would have veiled that with is, well, who's to say that my faith can't just totally rock his world and inspire him to look deeper into faith and, you know, basically convert him? Or who's to say on the other end that you can't have a relationship in a successful relationship or marriage with someone who isn't of the same faith? And we're going to talk about that. And I think an important piece to point out is it does happen. But do I want that for me? No. And we're going to talk about why. So I'm going to pull Scripture here, and what we're going to look at is 2nd Corinthians 6. If you're newer to the Bible, there are different translations. They all pretty much say the same thing, but they use slightly different words just based on where. You know where it is in translation. But we're gonna look at Second Corinthians 6, verses 14 through 16, and it says, do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? What communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with the devil? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols for you are the temple of the living God. There is so much in that. There's so much in that. Okay, so the first line, do not be unequally yolked together with unbelievers. So that, that's our answer. Don't do it. It's right there in scripture. Unequally yolked together just means when we look at a yoke, yolk is what's used on an oxen to pull forward the little plow thing. And that's basically carrying something that's carrying a burden, carrying a covenant, carrying a agreement. And basically what this is telling us is don't be grouped together like that with someone who isn't a believer. And the reasons it gives us is actually in the form of questions. So it says for what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness to break that down first. So in the Bible the word righteousness is used a lot. And a quick Google search will tell you the definition of righteousness is the quality of being morally right or justifiable. Now everyone's morals might be different. And that's the point is that we run by a certain, we subscribe to a certain set of morals. And what this is saying is if your morals are not in accordance with your partner's morals, which they're not, if you don't believe the same thing, those two things don't go together. It says righteousness and lawlessness. And okay, it might be painting out someone who's not of your faith to be lawless in the scripture. And that might not be the case. Maybe that means, you know, maybe you guys agree on most things, but the, the faith part of things, you don't see eye to eye, but everything else is good. The problem is, and this is something that I, in my last actual relationship last year, I dated someone who was not a believer. It comes forward, it comes forward in the way that they treat you. It comes forward in the way that they think about themselves. It comes forward in their self confidence. It comes forward in how they interact with others. It comes forward with what they believe about the world. And it's. So this isn't a theme throughout this. It's not going to be. We don't do this because our religion tells us not to. Our religious rules say don't do this. We, we don't do this because it's not going to work. It's not going to give us what we want based on the design. I hope this is landing. None of this is supposed to be like religious rule. This is like, it's Almost like a math equation. Like you put in two times three equals six and then take the three out and put four and try to still equal six. It's not, it's supposed to equal eight. It comes out with a different input or output, you know what I'm saying? And what communion has light with darkness. So in the Bible, light is used as a metaphor with darkness a lot. And it's basically knowledge versus not having knowledge. So what this is saying is like, how are you supposed to have a communion with someone who doesn't know what you know? It's the same thing. You see the world differently and then it just, it goes further. Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? So it's blatantly saying it. And what agreement has the temple of God with idols for you are the temple of the living God. I thought this was beautiful. Because this scripture, I can think of two things I pull out of it of value is that our bodies are temples. So when you hear like your body is a temple, that is a biblical based notion. And the temple is a dwelling place of God. And so what it's saying is if that person's body is not a temple of God because they're not a believer, then they've got other things going on in their lives. Idols, they prioritize different things above God just naturally because they don't have God in their lives in their heart and their minds. And so that doesn't, that doesn't mesh. It's like the opposite ends of magnets is basically what they're saying. What agreement has the temple of God with idols for you are the temple of the living God. Okay, so the next scripture, First Corinthians 15:33, do not be deceived. Bad company ruins good morals. And this one hurts me because I've failed repeatedly on this as part of my patterns, as part of, you know. And I will say also that this is not limited to unbelievers. Like bad company ruins good morals. You could be dating someone who is a believer, who also is bad company. And I'm going to explain that. So first and foremost, when considering an unbeliever, bad company ruins good morals. From experience, I can tell you that if the person does not believe in God, their priorities are going to be different naturally because they don't have that in their lives. No, no foul to them. It's just the way that their lives are set up. It's what they think about or what they don't think about. And you as someone who wants to be in a relationship with that person are naturally going to get pulled in that direction. What you do with that pull is up to you. But what I have found is even if you resist, there are things that you will concede based on that person differing with you. So, you know, instead of making it to church, maybe because you guys want to spend time together, or maybe he spent the night at your house, which we're going to get to in a second. And it's, you know, Saturday night to Sunday morning, instead of going to church because you've got your boo thing over, you're going to watch it online. And that's good enough because you still went to church online and you still got the Word, and so it like, checks the box. But, like, you know the difference between getting your service in online versus being in the house of God, having the opportunity to be in community with people around you, having the ability to shake people's hands, look into their eyes, pray over each other, get in community, in prayer with each other, be in a worship environment where the presence of God is moving. So that's a very. I mean, that's a example that I've had over and over and over again, even with believers is, you know, you get so comfortable and you're like, playing house that you don't go to church, but you still somehow get your church time in and call it a day. And then there's things that are more dramatic. So I'm not much of a drinker. I drink sometimes, but I have never been the kind of girl that is like, let's go out drinking. Like, there are people I know that, like, that that's an activity that they like to do. And it's not my thing. But I've been with people who, like, that is like, what they do. And naturally, if you're spending your time doing that or things that aren't in alignment with what you feel you want to be doing as a Christian, you now have to figure out how you split your time. So it's just, you know what I mean? It's just not adding up. And unfortunately, and I'll love you through it, and it's okay because I believe that you're going to figure it out. Unfortunately, like me, you may have to learn the hard way. You may hear my words and you may say, oh, you know, I hear because I did it. I heard so many sermons and podcasts and all the things about dating a non believer. And then what did I do? I went and did it. I learned the hard way so if you can avoid it, avoid it is what I'm saying. Not because of a religious thing, but because it's not going to get you what you actually want. You know what I'm saying? Okay. Anything else on considering dating unbelievers? I don't think so. Okay, the next topic I want to talk about is boundaries while dating. And Lord Jesus, please help me, because there is so much here, so much here that I don't have enough experience with. So my first step is talking about it. And in the Bible, it talks about the power of your testimony. Blood of Jesus and power of testimony. And, you know, that's what I'm doing here, is telling you guys all the stuff and hoping that it touches you in a way that makes you feel trusting that this isn't a place of judgment, but rather a place where we're all just trying to get better. Okay, so boundaries while dating. I think this is something that everyone struggles with in some way. As I've told you guys, my patterns and cycles. Alongside that comes a lack of. Complete lack of boundaries with time. What I allow and what I don't allow in terms of behavior, my attention, my physical presence, physicality, like pretty much every boundary that you could think of. I'm not good at with men. I'm extremely good at them with every other aspect of my life, which is very interesting to me because maybe if I really think about it, I can apply some of the same tactics of how I think towards boundaries with friends or at work or in any situation towards men. So I'll have to think about that more. Maybe I'll journal about that. So a couple of things that just topics about, like, boundaries while dating, what that looks like is when to say no, ensuring that things are being earned in time. So not just like, oh, well, you know, we've spent. We've gone on three dates, so, you know, I'm gonna give him more of my time or like, I'm gonna tell him more about me, or like, whatever it is, it's a pace. It's making sure that things are being earned over time. And that's intentionally. It's not a game. But the way that the brain actually works, I hate and I love this metaphor specifically for men. So I don't want to say men are dogs, but I'm just going to use this metaphor. If you put a treat in a dog's face, you shove it in a dog's face before it's even had a chance to look at it, it will automatically reel backwards. It will Cock its head backwards because you're shoving something in its face. Whereas if you were to let it look at it from a distance, maybe let it smell it, pull it back and make it wait. It is salivating. It wants that treat, that cheese, whatever you're holding, more than anything in the world. And what else is happening is you have complete focus of that dog. I have found that there are some similarities in interacting actually not just with men, but like men to women as well. Because I find myself being the dog in that metaphor. 2 and so the whole idea of saying no or pace or ensuring things are actually earned over a period of time, it's not. There are multiple reasons for it. It's not a game, but it's giving you time to actually see character. It's giving you opportunity for that person to actually see the full value that you have. Because if you shove that cheese in the dog's face, they're not going to want it. And it could completely devalue you. I hope this is making sense. So that goes for your time, your information, your physical presence, etc. I also wrote down under boundaries while dating, treating each other like friends until you're not just friends. So that's another thing I struggle with, with my tendencies is like, I. I start to like someone and then I, in my mind subconsciously has been like, yeah, this person is it. So then I'm gonna work backwards from me believing that they're eventually going to be my boyfriend and act as if, like, work backwards from there and try to get to that point and just. It. It's treating someone with too much, I don't know what the word is, putting them on a pedestal in general. But like, before any, like, any of that is proven, you know. And so until you're at the point where you're not just friends, you go on a date or two with someone, you are just friends. Okay? And there needs to be action that happens in order to change that. Let's get into scripture. So Proverbs 4. 23. This is something you probably have heard above all else. Guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. I have found that I don't guard my heart. And what I have used as an excuse about this is, well, I'm just so comfortable with who I am and being comfortable with being vulnerable that I allow people into my heart easily. And sort of almost being like that makes me a good person. So it's okay. But what I'm missing there, and maybe you identify with this, is using that thinking pattern. I Am robbing myself of opportunity. Every time I do that, when I don't guard my heart and I just let someone trample all over it, I'm going to get hurt. And so, yeah, there is beauty in being vulnerable, but there's a time and a place, and that time and that place is after it's earned, like, truly earned. And so that's something that I'm going to be working on, is the information I share, the amount of time I spend with you, my physical presence, my emotion. And I think the emotion part comes after the things that I mentioned is when you are focusing so much attention on someone, you're talking to them constantly, you're spending all your time with them. Guess where your emotions are going to go. It almost tricks your brain into feeling emotions that might not be legitimate because all of your attention is on that person. And I think that's kind of where I fall into this, that cycle, and I'm not guarding my heart. And what we're clearly seeing here is everything you do flows from it. So guard it. Okay. Proverbs 11:22. This one's tough. Okay. And I'm right there with you. Okay. A beautiful woman who lacks discretion is like a gold ring in a pig's snout. I felt that so hard because I do believe that I am the cat's pajamas. I think that whoever my future husband is, is a lucky man. I, I, there's no, there's not one cell in my body that doesn't wholeheartedly believe that. I also love myself incredibly, a lot. And so it's sort of like the dichotomy of, like, you're so great. Why are you still single? And the verse says, a beautiful woman who lacks discretion is like a gold ring in a pig's snout. And a quick Google search will tell you that the definition of discretion is the quality of behaving or speaking in such a way as to avoid causing offense or revealing private information. Second definition is the freedom to decide what should be done in a particular situation. So basically, what this is telling us is a great, beautiful woman who doesn't know how to have boundaries is like a gold ring and a pig snout. It's a really, really valuable thing in a really invaluable place, A really kind of gross place. Ooh, that's hard. That's hard to hear. Notice that it's a gold ring. So it's still full value. You are still fully valuable, but where you are putting yourself is inside of that icky place. If you lack discretion, you can Be a beautiful woman. Like a gold ring and a pig snout. That's hard. All right. Proverbs 2, 10. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will delight you. Discretion will watch over you, and understanding will guard you. It will rescue you from the way of evil. This is something that I. Most of these scriptures I pulled from, like, Google searches, specifically on the topic of dating. But this is something that I found in my own reading because I felt I'm reading Exodus and Proverbs right now. I'm doing, like, a twofer. And I felt like I know what I should be doing, and yet I don't do what I should be doing in order to get what I want. So when I read this, I thought, well, this would be a really good prayer because this is inviting Jesus in to help me in the ways that I really, really struggle. So, for example, if I start to date someone and they ask to come over, or, you know, there are certain situations that happen that are really, really borderline that might get me into trouble. This is something that I could pray for. Wisdom will enter my heart, and knowledge will delight me. Discretion will watch over me, and understanding will guard me, and it will rescue me from the way of evil. Thank you, Jesus. Notice the. The words in. In the scripture. Wisdom enter your heart. Knowledge will delight you. Discretion will watch over you. Understanding will guard you. So it's basically me saying in these moments where I am feeling weak, Jesus, I am proclaiming this over myself, and I thank you that I can put your word on it and that it will watch over me, and that my understanding of what you've told me, it will guard me and it will rescue me. I just thought that that was in moments where you are maybe leaning towards things that you know aren't going to lead to the end result, that you actually want a good thing to think about and to pray over, literally in the moment. Okay, the next scripture is First Corinthians 7, 32, 35. It's a long one, but it's good. I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord, but the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife. And his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and Secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. Okay, so there's actually some context in these scriptures. It also talks about sex. And I. Okay, don't hold me. I can just flip there. Okay. Yeah, yeah, I was right. So Corinthians is letters that Paul is writing to the city of Corinth. And. And it actually says in there, I believe, about actually not having sex at all, because that is so distracting, basically. And outside of the covenant of marriage, it's sin, which we're gonna talk about in a second. But. And then it goes on to say, but if you must have sex, get married. And so there. It's kind of an interesting take here, because God has created this covenant. And we're not on sex yet. We're not talking about that yet. But what I was trying to draw attention to is that what Paul is saying here is before you are married, you are so focused on pleasing God because you don't have that covenant. You don't have that agreement over your head, over your heart. You are not married. You do not make promises to anyone besides God. And applicably, what that looks like is obviously the practice of our faith. So prayer, spending time in the Word, going to church, community, all that kind of stuff. But the way I look at this as well is living out the life and purpose that God designed for you. So reiterating the scripture is basically saying when you are not married, you don't need to be. You are free to be more focused on things of God versus when you are married, you have this additional layer of you now have this partnership in this covenant that you have to worry about. You. It's. It divides your attention. And so this is something that I've talked about with some friends. I've talked about it with girlfriends. I also talked about it with Dice lately. And I believe that if I had gotten what I wanted, which was to be married at like 25, that I would not have pursued this passion that I have now. I would not have a social following. I would not be able to potentially be a creator as my job. I might not have grown this deep in my faith. I would not have developed the self confidence that I have in myself. I would not have developed the sense of style, that I would not have developed my personality. I would not have walked this life if I had been married when I thought I wanted to be married. And this is not to say, just to be super clear, I still want to get married. But what I am saying is that before we're married, we need to stop acting like, we're already married. That's a word. Before you're married to this person, you are still single, which means that your attention should be undivided on God. And. And what that also means is the life that God has for you as an individual. We are all a part of the body of Christ, which means we were all given different gifts and talents and abilities. And if we are suppressing that in lieu of focusing all our attention on someone as if we're already married, it is robbing us of what we're supposed to be doing. And we say supposed to be doing as meaning there are gifts that you're not getting if you're doing that. Okay. All right. The next topic is sex before marriage. And I know this is sensitive, and I know. I mean, I of all people know. Okay. My testimony is I've never done it God's way. I've never waited. And I believe that that is a fundamental piece of why I'm still single. Yes. I recognize that there are people that don't share our faith, that don't wait until marriage, that get married and have great lives. I'm not saying that doesn't exist, but I can speak to my testimony, and I'm still single. Okay. I do also think that in those situations that, you know, we all have that friend, that. Or friends, probably lots of friends that didn't do this God's way and still ended up getting married or with partners or living with them or whatever. But I bet you there are things that are coming out of having sex before marriage. Challenges, problems, issues that would not be challenges, problems and issues if it wasn't happening. So, again, this is not a religious rule. This is if we want certain outputs, which. I want a forever partnership with someone. I have Jesus. But you know what I'm talking about. I want a husband. I really, really want that person to spend time with, to make decisions with, to travel with, to eat with, to laugh with, to watch shows with, to read the word with, to worship with. And something I've been thinking about a lot is whenever I fall into the trap from the enemy of, oh, just give in. Just, you know, do it. It's not. It's never to please the other person. Like, I want it. I want to have sex. And we know that this is a thing. It's like the flesh that we have to kill and our flesh has to die daily. But when I was really thinking about it, what I ultimately want is that partnership and the sexual aspect of it, when I really break it down and maybe you identify with this is to try to fabricate the feeling of what that might feel like once I actually have that partnership. And the problem with that is it's fabricating something that God has tried to. That God has designed in a certain covenant. And so it's never lasting. It never lasts, because it's not real. You know, the Bible outlines that sex is something that's reserved for marriage. And there's a specific reason for that. I just listened to a really great podcast. I'll put it in the show notes from my pastors on sex before marriage. It goes even deeper into, like, the biblical reasons of why that doesn't work based on our bodily and spiritual design. So I'll put that in the show notes if you want to look down into that. But, yeah, when I thought about it, it wasn't about. It's never about the sex. It's about the intimacy. And it's about the intimacy because I want to feel what that might feel like to, like, pretend I have, like, a forever partner. But it's not real. That's not real. So what I'll be doing for the first time is pursuing celibate dating. And I have no idea how this is gonna go. I don't even. I don't know what I'm gonna share. I might make a series on it. I don't know how I'm gonna approach it. You know, I'm trying to do this with boundaries, but also in a way that's helpful to women out there, because I think there's a lot of us that want to do this, but, like, have no guidance or are scared or just need a little push and faith from someone else to be inspired to do it too. But, yeah, I'm going to be doing that. And let's look. Look at some scriptures. Okay, so First Corinthians 6:18. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin as a person commits is outside the body. But the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. I really loved this because, you know, the body is a temple. We already know this, but it's basically saying, other than sin outside of marriage. Sorry, sex outside of marriage being a sin because it's breaking. It's not within the covenant of what God designed it to be within. It's saying that you're, like, turning your back on yourself, too. And I felt that so deeply. But the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. How many times have we felt like, dang, I really abandoned myself in that situation. I really didn't show up for myself. And that's part of why we're so, like, feel so guilty or disappointed or sad. And it's written in scripture, the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. So we know that outside of the covenant of marriage, if we have sex, it's. That's not. That's not going to get us what we want. But it also comes with this added layer of you just turned your back on yourself. At least that's the way I saw the scripture. The next scripture is 1st Thessalonians 4, verses 3 through 5. For this is the will of God, your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality, that each of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lusts like the Gentiles who don't know God. There's a couple of pieces I want to pull out. First is this is the will of God, your sanctification. And the definition of sanctification is the action of making or declaring something holy, the action or process of being freed from sin or purified. And I think there's something so beautiful about the will of God as our sanctification. God wants us to be holy, purified, freed from sin. And just for context, we said the word sin a lot in this podcast, and it has a lot of negative denotations. And I understand that. But I also want to, like, bring in the definition of sin as sin separating us from God. It's not just this, like, you sinned, you did something bad. It is actually the reason sin is bad is because it separates us from God. And God just wants to be with us all the time so that he can give us the life that he planned out for us and, you know, all the good things. He doesn't have a bad day planned for us. And so when we sin, it pulls us further away from God. Imagine like a rebellious teenager and their parents. That's a perfect example. When we sin, it's like a teenager that's going out more and more and partying more and not coming home or coming home late or sneaking out. And the parent just feels like, ah, what is going on? I don't know them as well. I don't know what's going on. And I love them and I. I wish I could be closer to them, but they keep doing these things and it's separating themselves from me. That's the context of sin. And so when the verse says, the will of God is our sanctification, and then it goes on to say that you abstain from sexual immorality, Know how to control your own body in holiness and honor and not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who don't know God. And so there's just this sense of. I guess, sense of honor in. It is like you're really honoring God when. When you're able to refrain from the sin of sex outside of the covenant that he designed it for. And when you avoid the sin, you don't partake in the sin. It allows you that purification and that closeness with God. And when you're close with God, you can really talk to him and lean more into what you should do, where you should go, you know, what are the next things that are coming up in your life. And then God can then turn around and deliver the desires of your heart, because he put them there. I don't want to land this plane. I'm trying to think of, like, a metaphor with the teenager. All right, let's use the metaphor of the teenager. And we're going to use the teenager going out, drinking, doing drugs, being wild, not coming home, breaking curfew, going missing, sneaking out, all of that. And let's pretend that teenager really, really, really wants a specific car. And the parent has all the money in the world and can get them anything. Number one, the way that the parent sees the teenager is not responsible enough to handle that. And that's a word for myself and anyone else I made a video on. This is like, how is God? There's a verse on, like, if I can trust with you with little, I can trust you with much. But if every time I date someone, I fail to remain pure in the relationship, how is he going to trust me with my future husband? Maybe that's why my future husband has been held back, because he really wants me to do it his way. That's a word. So the parent has all the money in the world, and the kid is just, like, disappearing and acting out and all that kind of stuff. First of all, there's the responsibility aspect of it. God is like, you absolutely can handle this. And then there's the aspect of the parent has no idea what that car is. And so how is it gonna, like, deliver it? How is that parent going to. Whereas if you were close, if the teenager and the parent were close, they could sit down and talk and have community and have a conversation. And the teenager could disclose, yeah, mom, or, yeah, Dad. I really would love this car with this interior and this sound system and all of that. And that's. That's. You Know, these are all of the desires I have. And because of that closeness, they're able to communicate. But without that closeness, the conversation can't happen. The details can't be shared. The intimacy is then gone. And so that is just an example. I hope it made sense of what happens when we sin. And sin is not just sexual. There's a bunch of different types of sin. And that's not what this podcast is on. But. But yeah, it's just trying to exemplify that sin is not just like a religious. You did a. No, no. It's what happens when we sin is it pulls us farther away from God. Okay. All right. See if there's anything else I want to say. I think we might have more parts to this. I don't know if this is complete yet. I also think that as I go along this journey of trying to Date God's Way, just disclosure, I might stumble. I might not do this perfectly. In fact, I probably won't. I probably won't. But I'm gonna try my darndest and we're gonna do our best and I'm gonna see how I want to share all that with you guys. So there may or may not be series coming up on Dating God's Way. So we're just going to figure that out together because honestly, I have no idea what that looks like. And I'm just going to invite Jesus in to, like, tell me how that should look. And so it'll be an evolving thing. But I want to thank you for being here. I. I hope this episode was helpful. I hope that you feel seen and heard and not judged and know that this was looking at God's word in order to figure out the inputs that we need to have in order to get the things that we actually want. And I love you and I will see you next time. Bye. This is the part of the podcast where I ask you to follow and leave a five star review. It really, really helps me out. And it'll also notify you when I have a new episode dropping. Share this with your friends that you think it might touch. Even if you want to screenshot this and tag me on Instagram so then I can repost you, I'd really, really appreciate it. I love you. By.