21. our q's about men w/ Dice pt.1

Summary

Podcast Summary: Who Is She
Episode 21: Our Q's About Men with Dice (Part 1)
Release Date: May 14, 2024
Host: Danielle Walter
Guest: Daisuke Suzuki ("Dice")
Duration: 1 hour, 18 minutes (partial transcript provided)

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Introduction

Danielle Walter welcomes listeners to episode 21 of her podcast "Who Is She", a show dedicated to navigating your 20s and thriving in your 30s. In this episode, Danielle brings back her friend Dice, Daisuke Suzuki, to delve into listener-submitted questions about men from a male perspective. Due to the extensive content, this episode is split into two parts. Danielle emphasizes the episode’s focus on authentic conversations, moving away from scripted dialogues or superficial discussions.

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Guest Introduction

[02:05] Danielle reintroduces Dice, highlighting their long-standing friendship since kindergarten and Dice’s journey as a barber and business owner in San Jose’s Bay Area. Dice shares his passion for fitness, tattoos, and his aspiration to use his platform to positively impact his community.

Dice (A): “My main focus right now is building my business. I've gone through multiple different shops until finally now owning my own. And I feel like over my experiences now, I've kind of figured out how to use my platform and barbering as a vehicle to serve my true purpose, which is helping people.”

[02:43] Danielle adds that Dice received positive feedback from his previous podcast appearance, receiving compliments on his appearance and demeanor, which he attributes to his supportive personality.

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Personal Updates

[07:50] Dice shares a personal milestone, turning 32 and celebrating it by running a marathon in San Diego on his birthday.

Dice (A): “I'm running a marathon. So I leave to San Diego on my birthday, and then the race is on Sunday... I get to do something I enjoy, working hard, and just see what I'm made of.”

Dice discusses the interplay between physical and mental growth, emphasizing the importance of pushing oneself beyond comfort zones to foster personal development.

Dice (A): “Pushing myself physically has created so much mental growth for me, too... you get stronger, you grow from it.”

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Discussion on "The Way of the Superior Man"

Dice brings his copy of "The Way of the Superior Man" to the podcast, providing insights from the book that explores men's lives, relationships, and personal growth.

[18:25] Danielle summarizes the book’s essence: a guide for men to live authentically and purposefully, emphasizing the balance between masculine and feminine energies.

Dice (A): “Philosophies and values... how they feel like a superior man should conduct himself and how he should be with his woman.”

They discuss key passages, focusing on the interaction between masculine and feminine energies in relationships.

[19:46] Dice reads a passage about the feminine essence, likening it to the ocean's power and unpredictability, highlighting the need for men to support and uplift their partners emotionally.

Dice (A): “The ocean. The native state of the feminine is to flow with great power and no single direction... ever changing, beautiful, destructive, and the source of life.”

[21:05] Danielle reflects on the poetic nature of the book, appreciating its spiritual approach to relationship dynamics and the importance of deep, meaningful connections.

Danielle (B): “That's why I feel for this. These type of passages, because then it's not so direct... it's explaining it in a more spiritual way.”

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Listener Questions and Discussions

1. Feminine vs. Masculine Traits in Women

[42:42] The first listener question explores what men notice as feminine or masculine traits in women.

• Danielle's Perspective:
  • Appreciates women who take care of themselves, evident through their lifestyle choices (e.g., diet, fitness).
  • Values natural beauty and self-expression through makeup or tattoos as forms of art.
  • Dislikes aggressive demeanor and poor treatment of others, finding it unattractive.

Danielle (A): “I love when women take care of themselves... how you nurture yourself is super attractive to me.”

• Dice's Perspective:
  • Emphasizes the importance of demeanor and how women communicate, valuing kindness and approachability.
  • Finds over-aggressiveness and domination in conversations unattractive, associating them with self-consciousness or unhappiness.

Danielle (A): “Aggressive, Yeah, I hear you're aggressive... that's a very self-conscious or unhappy.”

[44:25] They discuss societal stereotypes versus genuine traits, agreeing that true femininity lies in nurturing and self-care rather than superficial appearances.

Danielle (A): “You could go to the grocery store, you just woke up or just got out the gym... that doesn't make you less feminine.”

2. Attractive Qualities and Insecurities

[50:24] The next question addresses what men find attractive that women may feel insecure about.

• Danielle's Insights:
  • Finds passion and enthusiasm in women’s interests highly attractive.
  • Appreciates when women share their hobbies and are genuinely excited about their pursuits.

Danielle (A): “I find it super attractive when you can be super interested in something and want to teach me about it.”

• Physical Insecurities:
  • Discussed aspects like body hair, stretch marks, and natural body lines.
  • Both agree that men generally do not focus on these insecurities and are more attracted to overall self-care and confidence.

Danielle (A): “I actually like that when it glistens and sparkles in the sun.”

Danielle (A): “If he's flipping out about you having prickly legs, he's not the one.”

3. Approach to Dating

[67:15] The discussion shifts to desirable approaches to dating and modern communication dynamics.

• Danielle's Philosophy:
  • Prefers a slow, natural progression in relationships without immediate expectations.
  • Values setting personal standards and not chasing after someone perceived as uninterested.
  • Criticizes the modern immediacy of communication, advocating for mindful and intentional interactions.

Danielle (A): “I like the slow play. I don't like immediate expectation... if a guy's into you, he will make the time.”

• Dice's Experience:
  • Shares his own experiences with dating dynamics and the importance of not feeling responsible for a partner’s happiness.
  • Emphasizes the significance of awareness and acceptance in managing expectations and attachments.

Dice (A): “No, there is a pressure... communicate what you want out of a situation.”

4. Chivalry in Modern Generation

[77:03] The final pointed question briefly addresses whether chivalry is dead in today's generation.

• Consensus:
  • Both Danielle and Dice agree that chivalry is not dead in their personal experiences.
  • They both believe that respectful and considerate behavior continues to thrive in their social circles.

Dice (A): “Not in my world.”

Danielle (B): [Interrupts to highlight Dice’s response]

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Notable Quotes

• Dice on Overcoming Challenges:

  “[04:55] Dice: You don't have to win all your battles, but you have to fight them.”

• Danielle on Emotional Support:

  “[20:17] Danielle: It's like… feeling safe is so immeasurable when it comes to like ultimate masculinity.”

• Dice on Relationship Dynamics:

  “[33:59] Dice: Learn to enjoy her anger, her tears, her silent hardness. The world will give you the same at times.”

• Danielle on Communication Standards:

  “[72:28] Danielle: What I don't like is that people have this expectation that we have to respond just because we have our phone with us all the time.”

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Conclusion

The episode concludes with Danielle and Dice emphasizing the importance of authentic communication, setting personal standards, and understanding the evolving dynamics of masculinity and femininity in modern relationships. Danielle teases the continuation of the conversation in part two, promising more insights and listener questions.

Danielle (B): “Make sure that not only you're looking out for the episode, but if you use Spotify to listen to your podcast... come back next week. We have part two. Love you. Bye.”

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Key Takeaways

1. Authenticity in Relationships: Both hosts stress the importance of being genuine and setting clear personal standards without succumbing to societal pressures.

2. Balancing Energies: The interaction between masculine and feminine energies requires understanding, support, and respectful communication to foster healthy relationships.

3. Modern Communication Challenges: The immediacy of digital communication can create unrealistic expectations; mindful interactions help maintain balance and reduce misunderstandings.

4. Personal Growth through Challenges: Embracing physical and mental challenges leads to personal development and greater resilience in relationships.

5. Chivalry and Respect: Acts of chivalry and respect remain significant and valued in contemporary relationships, countering the notion that they are obsolete.

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This summary encapsulates the rich and engaging discussions between Danielle and Dice, offering valuable insights into men's perspectives on dating, relationships, and personal growth. The inclusion of notable quotes and structured sections ensures clarity and depth, making it a useful guide for those who haven’t listened to the episode.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Hello and welcome to who Is She? A podcast sharing the voice I wish I had in my 20s and navigating how to thrive in your 30s. I'm your host, Danielle, and I'm so glad you're here. This is a safe space to talk through all the in between moments, consider different perspectives, and ultimately go for the life we want to live. Get comfortable and let's get started. Hi guys. I'm gonna keep this really short and sweet and just describe what's gonna happen this week and next week for our episodes. So, by popular demand, I have Dice back on the podcast to give the male perspective on yet another amazing hand of questions that you guys submitted. I asked on my Instagram story, on my broadcast channel and on on a reel this time for you guys to submit questions and you did not dis. We had so many that we again ran runtime for this total episode was two and a half hours. So we're splitting into two episode one. Dice actually brings us his take on a book that he's reading called the Way of the Superior man. And there's some really, really interesting conversations that happen out of that. And then we go into your questions. And then part two, which will be next week, is continuing with those questions as well as a speed round of questions. All of it is really good. You're not going to want to miss it. So without further ado, let's get into it. Hi guys.

[A]

Guess who's back. Back again.

[B]

Oh my goodness. So this week we have Dice back and if you don't know, me and Dice did an episode kind of on the same lines of what we're going to do today. Things I Wish I Knew About Men from a Man. And maybe just give like a little intro to who you are again in case this is our first episode.

[A]

Okay, well, first of all, I want to thank you again for having me back. I had a really fun time on the first podcast. Me too. I had a lot of positive feedback from peers and probably some of your followers you know, messaged me, said nice things, so.

[B]

Oh, did they? What did they say?

[A]

Well, you know, complimenting, like, you're well spoken and you're good looking, stuff like that. You know what I mean? So some of them, I'm like, I need to, you know, I'm flattered, you know, and I'm. I don't. I can't imagine how many, you know, messages you have to freaking answer all the time. But I got like a couple. But it was nice. It made me feel good. So that's, that's, that's the positive part.

[B]

Very nice. Yeah, I got a couple messages too, about how my audience thinks you're just like the most handsome thing that I've ever seen.

[A]

Thank you. Thank my mama.

[B]

Yes. Okay, so who are you?

[A]

My name is Daisuke Suzuki. I am a barber, a business owner. We've been friends since kindergarten, so we've known each other a really long time. Grew up in the same area. I've been in San Jose, the Bay area, for pretty much all my life. And I would say now my main focus right now is building my business. I've gone through multiple different shops until finally now owning my own. And I feel like over my experiences now, I've kind of figured out how to use my platform and like, use barbering as a vehicle to serve my true purpose, which is like, helping people.

[B]

Love that.

[A]

So being more impactful, more influential as a part of the world, the community, to my friends, to, you know, random people I meet. And so that's kind of where I'm at in life and just, just constantly, you know, in other areas, pushing myself physically. I love fitness, I love exercise, sports. I feel like we're kind of in the tattoos. Yeah, tattoos is another big passion of mine, and I think eventually I want to kind of dive in there. I don't necessarily know if I'm going to, like, try tattooing. I mean, I'm artistic. I mean, I doodle and stuff, but.

[B]

Yeah. Didn't you used to draw or something?

[A]

I mean, my mom thinks my drawings are good.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I'm sure.

[A]

Yeah. Like, I'll doodle, I'll draw. Like, I used to draw, like our dogs and cats on cards that I would give to her and stuff. Just like stupid stuff like that. But she thinks it's like Picasso.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So that's all that matters. But anyway, tattooing to me is just. I feel like it's another form of expression for me. I see it more as, like, like now I have so many people. The most common question I get asked is, what does that mean? Or what does this tattoo mean to you? You know, and in the beginning, I think most people, when they get tattooed, it does have meaning, which I have a few that represent, you know, family or maybe a point in my life that kind of resembles a reminder of something that happened in my life. But now it's more of, like, a art collection. So I find cool artists that I like on Instagram, and then a lot of them are out of the country or out of state or I went to a lot in, like, San Francisco, Louisiana. Like, people from other countries come to the area. I'll book with them. And, yeah, I feel like I'm just collecting artwork from high level artists. And it's. This is, like my gallery, but I wear it on my body.

[B]

I never thought about it forever. How much of your body is covered in tattoos?

[A]

You had to, like, give a percent a percentage? Probably like 75.

[B]

Dang. And you're never gonna tattoo your face, right?

[A]

I was thinking, like, not, like, you know, my face face, but maybe like, my sideburn. You've never seen those tattoos like that go on your sideburn, huh? Or maybe over my ear. I may get the back of my head for sure.

[B]

The back of your head?

[A]

Yeah, because you see how, like, the flowers are?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

That's cool. I want to fill it in.

[B]

And I love your hair.

[A]

Thanks.

[B]

Dice literally looks like an action figure. All right, what is it?

[A]

Anime character. People tell me, like, I look like.

[B]

No, yeah. I was gonna say like a Marvel.

[A]

Character, but I think anime is cooler.

[B]

Okay. Anime. You look like an anime character.

[A]

Dragon Ball Z. Yeah. Do you know what that is?

[B]

Barely.

[A]

Okay. But you get it as you sip your wine.

[B]

Yeah. Okay, so, guys, I made us dinner. I made us a pot roast, which is so good. Oh, thank you.

[A]

So delicious.

[B]

It's like, my favorite thing to make. And that's how you know that I like you and I care about you is if I make you pot roast, but you have to put wine in it. And I bought the tiny bottles of wine because, like, me and Dice don't really drink, but there was still some wine in the bottle. So I was like, well, I might as well finish this.

[A]

When in Rome.

[B]

Yeah. Or in my house. So this may be a very fun podcast. Okay. Dice, how old are you?

[A]

I'm 31. I turned 32 this month. On the 31st. Yeah.

[B]

What are you going to do for your birthday?

[A]

I'm running a marathon.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

So I leave to San Diego on my birthday, and then the race is on Sunday, and I didn't plan it like that because obviously, I don't pick when the marathon is going to be. But my buddy told me, he's like, hey, we should run 1 in 20, 24. So he sent me the San Diego one, and I was like, well, that's a good place to. To run because it's. The first one was in Hawaii, right? So I like being by the coast and the water. So if you have a nice scenery, 26 miles, it gets a little bit. I want to say it's easier, but at least you get to look at nice stuff, you know, beautiful scenery, good weather. And, yeah, it just so happened to land on my birthday, and I wouldn't have it any other way, so I get to do something I enjoy. I'm working really hard and training hard, and just get to see. See what I'm made of on a second.

[B]

So, yeah, Dice just casually runs like. Like, I see his Instagram story, and it's like, six miles is like, nothing. Like the other day, just casually around 15. Like, it's just.

[A]

It's getting up there, and I'm surprising myself. That's the cool part. Is that why I encourage people to not just push yourself to do things you're scared to do or, like, try new things, but, like, physically. In my life, pushing myself physically has, like, created so much mental growth for me, too, you know, because you always reach the point where your brain is telling you, hey, you should stop, right? Because, like, no, a lot of people don't reach that point, or they. They stop. You know, they just allow themselves to be like, okay, this is enough. I feel pain. Let me, like, quit, you know? And for me, when I hit that point, I've now gotten to space where I'm aware when it's happening, and I'm like, this is the. This is the growth part. So when pain hits and I. And I. I kind of see that in all aspects of my life, right? So when, like, I reach some point of, like, disappointment or adversity or something doesn't go my way, I kind of relay that same feeling. Feeling of like, okay, you're at that point where this sucks. It's painful. It doesn't feel good. I'm uncomfortable. But, you know, if you push through it, or at least you try, then usually on the other side, that on the coin, you. You get stronger, you grow from it. Yeah, Yeah, I heard a good quote. I like that. I like to share quotes. I write. I write quotes. Like, if I hear a cool quote, I have a list of mine.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I love it. So, so this quote goes. You don't have to win all your battles, but you have to fight them. I love that.

[B]

There's another one that's like, it's something about like, the only time you actually lose is if you quit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, even if the outcome that you want doesn't happen and you still tried and you didn't give up. Yeah. Okay. I need to like, stay on topic. And the wine. Wine is making really dumb. I have a half a glass of wine. So we're like raging over here. You are single.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You are.

[B]

I am single.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you want to give like mini updates of since last podcast, like if you've implemented any of the things that, that we've discussed? Yeah, because I know you have. I saw it in person.

[B]

Oh, okay. So long story short, we had that episode about, you know, men and women and stuff, and we talked about dating approaching men, men approaching women, how to get hit on, our different perspectives on that, that kind of thing. And I have, I guess a little bit more of a bold, aggressive approach. And we were at the gym this last week and I saw Dice, said hi, and then I saw this cute guy and I was like, dice, I'm gonna try it with him. And like five minutes later it worked. And I'm like, Dice is like watching out the corner of his eye.

[A]

I paused my music so I could, I could sneak a little bit. So I heard, I overheard a little bit. You know, I was just pretending like I'm exercising. I was like, oh, she's doing it.

[B]

Yeah. I basically. So we talk about like dropping the handkerchief, which in the olden days women would drop a handkerchief so a man can run up and give it to her. And that's their, like, in to talking. But the instigator is actually the woman rather than the man. So modern day examples of that, that's something we'll talk about today. But it's one thing to talk about it, it's another thing to be about it. And so I was like, I'm going to try this because what do I have to lose? And so basically I like looked over my. He wasn't giving me anything, so I waited. And then I saw when he was in between sets and I saw my moment and I looked at him and I smiled and I, I stayed there and I, I. Every time it happens, I'm. I know the moment where my fear and my like, nervousness is like, look away. But I like hold gaze. So I Held gaze and I kind of, like, smiled bigger.

[A]

I saw everything.

[B]

You did.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. It was cool. In live in action.

[B]

Yeah. And he. We connected, but he was like, I don't know. Distance 20, 30ft away, and. But he wasn't coming over. And, like, these three seconds feel like it's five minutes. And I was like, I just listened to a podcast about body language, and I was like. I realized my feet were kind of pointed away from him, so I was like, I'm going to point my feet towards him so that he know, like, I'm squaring up to him.

[A]

I've heard that same concept, and that did it.

[B]

He like that. I don't. It literally looked like he got a little spank on his butt and, like, walking towards him. Yeah. Come on, go get. So, yeah. That it ended up, like, working out at all.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, we had a conversation, we exchanged numbers. He kind of, like, not. It's not a thing. But I practiced, and it was good experience. And so I guess the update is that I'm, like, trying to actively date. And overall, it's going well. I'm like, I'm not actually seeing anyone, but I went on a date last week. I'm, like, flirting with people in real life, so.

[A]

But you're not considering this, like, your roster, as you put it?

[B]

Oh, he's not.

[A]

I mean, but, like, you don't have, like, a roster or anything? Like.

[B]

No, not yet.

[A]

Your Ben, your bench is empty.

[B]

Yeah. Why do you have to do me like that, Dice?

[A]

Hey, I don't got no roster either. Honestly. I think I told you. I can't. I can't even handle that. It's too much for me.

[B]

Well, you didn't want to date that way. No, I do.

[A]

I can't. Like, I have to. If I give any bit of my time, it's gonna be to one person, and that's. That's all I have to give.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, other than that, I feel like I'm just, like, spinning my wheels because then you're getting micro percentages of me to each person. I can't be fully invested or not even necessarily invested, but, like, I can't focus and, like, I don't want to, like, carry the same conversation with. For people. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah, I hear you.

[A]

Especially in, like, the conversations are usually not. There's no depth. It's just getting to know something, like, whatever, quote unquote, getting to know somebody. The basic stuff. Like, I just find that so boring.

[B]

I think it's different male to female. Because I think, in my opinion, with, like, the pursuit and the masculine and the feminine, like, in the olden days, I would have three to five suitors. Suitors, you know?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it.

[B]

And you would be pursuing probably just a single girl.

[A]

Correct.

[B]

And so for that reason that you just described, like, I'm looking for who is the best partner in multiple ways who can take care of me the best. This is, like, olden days. And you are picking your, like, top pick and pursuing her wholeheartedly.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What's that?

[A]

No, no, I'm. I'm understanding.

[B]

Okay. I'm just thinking we're talking, like, 1800.

[A]

Yeah, I'm thinking of, like, then verse now.

[B]

Yeah. I'm just saying, like, I think that's probably where it comes from, where I feel more comfortable being able to do that versus what you're saying is, like, that is not something that I can do. I think that might be where it came from. Just, like, how dating has evolved.

[A]

But I feel like I've talked to guys that I. Well, I don't think they're necessarily looking for a partner, but they, you know, are involved with multiple women. Right. And I don't know if they're like. Like, oh, one's gonna stick out, and I'm gonna wife that one up. I don't know. I don't know if they look at.

[B]

It like, that's the same thing in reverse.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because that's exactly what I would think is, like, I'll date multiple guys, and then there's this, like, dating coach on Tick Tock that I'm obsessed with.

[A]

Who's that?

[B]

His name's Anwar. And he. He basically describes it as Olympic dating, where you have your, like, gold medalist, your silver medalists, and your bronze medalist. And if your gold medalist starts to slip and, like, isn't being a gold medalist, then your silver can, like, move up and it's like the cream rises to the top kind of thing. Hi, baby.

[A]

Hey, Charlie.

[B]

Oh, Dice met Charlie for the first time. Let's get into the podcast because we. That was literally our introduction.

[A]

Yeah, we're BSing right now.

[B]

Yeah. Whips. Okay, so Dice has read this book almost all the way through called the Way of the Superior Man. You want to actually let me get to the synopsis, and then you can talk about it. So I googled it today, and it says it explores the most important issues in men's lives, from career and family to women and intimacy to love and spirituality, to offer a practical guidebook for living a masculine life of integrity, authenticity and freedom.

[A]

So I bought this book a couple years ago, but I feel like I didn't. I started it and then it wasn't really like resonating with me, but I think I just didn't like. I don't know, I don't know if I didn't have the experience or maybe I wasn't willing to like open my perspective to what he was saying or just the way he worded things. It was kind of like off to me. But I think for some reason, you know, let me pick it back up and check it out. And going over it now, I'm like enjoying reading it. And it's certain. It's like philosophies and values and ways of. It's kind of like a blueprint sort of of like how they feel like a superior man should like conduct himself and how he should be with his woman and, and understanding. Like, like I spoke to you before about the polarity between masculine energy versus feminine energy and. But yeah, a lot of stuff is geared directly towards men and then about like living a purpose driven life and being authentic to yourself and. But there's a couple things that kind of describe women and I'd kind of be interested to see if that's accurate to a woman.

[B]

Oh, that's so interesting because it's coming from a man.

[A]

A man wrote this? I don't know.

[B]

Oh, so kind of in reverse. I love it. Okay, what do you got?

[A]

So I'll just read a couple like passages that I thought were interesting.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. One of the largest gifts you can give your woman is your capacity to open her heart when it is closed. Sure, she can get herself out of her dark mood, but your masculine thunderbolt of love can brighten her darkness in a way she can't do for herself.

[B]

100%.

[A]

Yeah, that make. Yeah, that's correct.

[B]

It's like to me, it's like the. There's a lot of different ways that like my man can take care of me. You know, there's the physical, there's the emotional, there's things financial, there's whatever presence. But like there's something about feeling safe that is so immeasurable when it comes to like ultimate masculinity. And so. Yeah, I agree.

[A]

Okay. And so he also gives examples of like, like physically what you should like do, like if she's upset.

[B]

Oh my gosh. Yeah, let's get into it.

[A]

So this one chapter is titled Tolerating Her Leads to Resenting Her.

[B]

Wait, are you not Gonna give me the physical things?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I am.

[B]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[A]

I'm seeing what the chapter was.

[B]

Okay, sorry.

[A]

So this passage reads, if you find yourself merely tolerating this feminine mood cycle because you have been frustrated by endless discussions that go nowhere, you can be sure that you and probably your woman are building up resentment toward each other. Don't tolerate her mood and don't talk about it with her. Participate in it. Bloom her into fullness. Move her body with your body. Open her heart with your humor. Penetrate her closure with your fearless presence. Open her heart again and again and again. She could do it by herself, but. But if she could grow more by herself than by receiving your gifts, perhaps she shouldn't be with you. So that wasn't exactly physical. There's another one, I'll try to find it, which was more like legit physical. But what do you think about that?

[B]

Yeah, it just sounds like a never ending pursuit to support the woman emotionally. I don't know how deep I want to go here. I've been in a relationship where the person was like physically present, but there was just lights on or nobody's home. Like no emotional awareness, no emotional safety. Not a care to be that way either. Which is almost worse than if I'm just. I don't know. Yes, I agree.

[A]

Okay, so here's one. This is one called the Chapters Women are Not Liars. So what I got from it is kind of like how women say one thing but they really mean something else. Okay, like that's common. No, like, do you ever do it on purpose to test, you know, me? Yeah, I feel like you're pretty straightforward.

[B]

Yeah. So, but I. I do know what you're saying. And I have done it for what.

[A]

What was the purpose of it?

[B]

I feel like in most cases, women are doing it to see if he can rise to the challenge. And because there's a fear of being rejected if he can't or he doesn't want to.

[A]

Okay, so peep this right here.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Her feminine speech is far more like poetry than like a clear cut agenda for action in an emotional moment. What she says she is going to do is actually an expression of what she feels like doing in the moment. Her feelings, and therefore what she is actually going to do could change in five minutes. It could change every five minutes. And it follows up with. Whenever you are surprised by a woman's actions and you say to her, but you said you are forgetting that she has a feminine essence. What your woman says is like a cloud passing in the sky well formed, coherent and unrecognizable. Moments later, the cloud is an expression of the precise physics of water, wind, and air. Your woman's words are expressions of the physics of her feelings, your relationship, and the nuances of the present situation, seen and unseen. A moment later, these factors will change and so will your women's expressions. I like the way he worded that. Was very poetic.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, he does that a lot because I feel like he's always talking about how the feminine energy is like, this very, like. What's the word? Like, like, almost uncontrollable. Like, energy that's like, can't be tamed and it's free and it's wild. That's the way he describes feminine energy. And it's supposed to uplift the man and not they he talks about, not, like, not trying to box her in and her feelings and. And like, let her express whatever she wants to do. And kind of. That's like you weathering the storm and like, trying to say that she wants to see that you will still be there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Through it all.

[B]

I was just thinking when you were giving that paragraph and the description of, like, a situation where I feel like this happens a lot, a lot. Where let's say there's a couple. Let's say it's me and I'm upset about something, and I'm like, this is just the worst. Like, I'm just gonna quit. Like, I'm not gonna. I can't deal with this. Like, and I'm, like, freaking out about it. And my partner is, like, listening. And then they're like, okay, but they're too much in their own, like, masculine decision making, action oriented.

[A]

That's exactly what he talks about.

[B]

And so instead of what I would want from my partner, which is for him to take the feeling behind what I'm saying and then care for me for that, instead of taking my word for what I said I'm gonna do. Because I'm not gonna quit. I'm just saying I'm gonna quit because I'm really sad or I feel like I failed. And so what I want is for you to, like, hold me and tell me it's gonna be okay.

[A]

Okay, That's. That's the. Like. Is that what he said, the most solution? No.

[B]

For you.

[A]

Like, that's what you would want in that situation.

[B]

Yeah, Well, I kind of just need to be babied, like, all the time.

[A]

And, like. But because, you know, they say, like, I don't know who they is, but, like, you should tell your partner, like, okay, I want advice, or I just want you to hear me. Right?

[B]

Like, I don't ever want advice.

[A]

Oh, you don't? Never.

[B]

I don't ever. Unless I explicitly ask you. Especially, like, if you're my partner. I just want you to be around me all the time. I want to feel safe with you. And if I'm upset about something, I just want you to hold me and tell me it's gonna be okay. I don't want you to be like, well, you should do this, this, and this and this. That feels like my dad.

[A]

Well, yeah, but, I mean, it feels like your dad for a reason, because that's like. That's part of the masculine.

[B]

I know, but I am a woman.

[A]

I get that.

[B]

And that's processing in the masculine way. And what this book is telling you is that I am a cloud. Okay.

[A]

It says you're ocean, too.

[B]

I am also an ocean.

[A]

Yeah, you're powerful.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, what's next?

[A]

All right.

[B]

This is so good, Dice.

[A]

Yeah. I think I thought you would enjoy it.

[B]

I do. Can you make all men read this book?

[A]

I mean, it's very highly, like, rated to, like. Whenever you look up reviews on it, it says, like, every man should read this book.

[B]

Ladies. Post this on your Instagram story. I'll put it in the show notes.

[A]

But at the same time, like, how I was a couple years ago when I picked it up.

[B]

Probably weren't ready.

[A]

You're not going to digest it or process it if you're not open to thinking of things in this way.

[B]

If I'm a cloud or the ocean, what does that make you? Are you the. Like the land?

[A]

We're like the seaman. We're in the boat. Okay, that's what I meant. You know, we're a man of the sea, and we're. We're literally like just like little guy in the boat. Just like this. And then all of a sudden, the storm comes. Contains clouds.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Ocean. And we're just like, what are we going to do? How are we going to get through this? But the. Be. The ocean is beautiful, too, but it's dangerous. You know, he doesn't say really what the man is, just says what the woman is.

[B]

Okay, hold on.

[A]

All right, let me just. I highlighted this, so it's probably good. Okay, so here says, like, the ocean. Like the ocean. The native state of the feminine is to flow with great power and no single direction. The masculine builds canals, dams, and boats to unite with the power of the feminine. Ocean and go from point A to point B. But the feminine moves in many directions at once. The masculine chooses a single goal and moves in that direction. Like a ship cutting through a vast ocean. The masculine decides on a course and navigates the direction. The feminine energy itself is undirected but immense, like the wind and deep currents of the ocean, ever changing, beautiful, destructive, and the source of life. So I kind of nailed it just a minute ago. I was pretty on point.

[B]

You are.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What about that part that's highlighted?

[A]

A happy woman is a woman relaxed in her body and heart.

[B]

Amen.

[A]

Powerful, unpredictable, deep, potentially wild and destructive, or calm and serene, but always full of life, Surrendered to, to and moved by the great force of her oceanic heart. I think I like poetry. So this is why I feel for this. These type of passages, because then it's not so direct, like, oh, if your woman does this, you should do this. You know what I mean? It's kind of explaining it in a more spiritual way. And so I would like to. That's the type of relationship that I would like to have with a woman is more like spiritual connection where you feel each other on a deeper level and you kind of look at each other past the flesh of human to human.

[B]

Amen. We talked about that last time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So let me see if I got one more good one.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. This one soon's good.

[B]

Are you comfortable?

[A]

Do I not look comfortable?

[B]

I just. I can't sit like that. Okay. Yeah. Feel free to better do what you need to do.

[A]

It's a pretty sweet couch, by the way.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

The best way you can serve your woman is by helping her to surrender, to trust the force of love so that she can open her heart, be the love that she is, and give this love, which naturally overflows from her happiness. This does not involve analyzing the blocks to her loving. Analyzing blocks is. Is a man's way. Men love to analyze blocks on the football field, the chessboard, in the stock market, and even in their intimate life. But it is important that you as a man, don't project your way of doing things onto your woman.

[B]

What are blocks in this context?

[A]

I would say blocks meaning like the steps or the foundation or like analyzing what makes the. Yes, this. You know, what makes you tick. Or like, how. How did this become. Yeah, you know.

[B]

Yeah, he talks. I think this one and then a couple of the other ones. He talks about, like, the happiest and most serene woman is a relaxed woman because she feels safe enough based on the way that you're Supporting her. And the way that you support her isn't by doing it the way that you think for yourself. Yeah, I agree. This is a great book.

[A]

And there's one more. I want to find the one. Oh, here we go. This is the physical one.

[B]

Oh, okay. I'm excited.

[A]

So the title of the chapter of this is Stay with Her Intensity to a Point. And there's a little prefecture that says when a woman gets emotionally intense, a mediocre man wants to calm her down and discuss it or leave and come back later. When she is sane, a superior man penetrates her mood with the impetuable love and unwavering consciousness. If she still refuses to live more fully in love, after a time, he lets her go. And so this one I thought was interesting. It's just like, I guess, a example of what you could do in a situation when your woman's getting, like, on edge or, like, you're in an argument or something. Keep your breath full. Keep your body strong. Keep your attention present. No matter what your woman says or does. Give her love. Press your belly into her smile, scream, and then lick her face. Do whatever it takes to crack the shell of her closure. Get your love inside that crack and touch her heart. Learn to enjoy her anger, her tears, her silent hardness. The world will give you the same at times.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

How would you feel about somebody licking? Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[B]

I think it. I don't know if that's supposed to be a metaphor. I think he's being literal, but I think that the point is, like, be super physically present. Like, if our bellies are touching, I'm imagining you have your arms around me. Right.

[A]

I would be, like, pretty upset if somebody licked my face.

[B]

Right. And I think what he's saying is, like, be close like that. Mama, you can jump up. It's okay. Up, Charlie.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

Go on. You need help.

[A]

Okay. You cry, baby?

[B]

Yeah, she cries a lot. So I think what he's saying is being super physically present instead of, like, if we're sitting here and we have three feet apart from us and we're having an argument. Charlie, up. Come here. Come on. Come on. Can you reach her butt and just tap her butt? It's okay, babe. I think her hips hurt. Up. There you go.

[A]

Okay. Lay down.

[B]

Okay. She might try to get in your armpits. Charlie's joining the podcast. Yeah. Just push her away physically close. We're not just, like, having an analyzed discussion when we're fighting. Like, it's like, breaking that physical barrier. And trying to bring, like, a brevity, like a lightness to it and a humor and like, almost like a joy component of, like, even though what we're talking about is serious, I'm gonna love you no matter what. And so, you know already, I don't know, doing something to make me feel safe, because I've.

[A]

I've done that, but I think you've licked someone. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't. I'm kind of clean germaphobe type. Like, not like crazy, like, interesting. The more, you know, crazy like that. But it's like. Like, I don't like people's feet touching me. Stuff like that.

[B]

Oh, even your partner.

[A]

I mean, I'll allow it. Just because they. They. They like it because it creeps me out. Like, you know, girls like to do things that's annoying. Like, like poke you and like, do stuff. Pinch, you know, or like pinch your belly fat or something, except you don't.

[B]

Have any belly fat.

[A]

Yeah. Right in this right now. But. But I've done it to where, like, the conversation is very serious. But to me, this is not end all, be all. It shouldn't be. You know, this isn't. This isn't like, make or break. Like, we're just having a conversation. So I try to lighten it and make it to the point where, like, this is normal. We're supposed to do this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So a lot of the times I'll, like, if it's getting too much, I feel the distance and I feel like the energy exchange is like. That's why I don't like sitting across the table from people. I don't know what you like to do. When I'm with somebody, I like to sit side by side.

[B]

Huh.

[A]

That's just how I get down. Because I'd feel. And it's like, there's actually a. I was listening to a podcast too, about kind of like similar what you're saying about your direction. Right. People that are side by side as opposed to face to face it. When you're face to face, it seems more of, like, interview style.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When you're side by side, it's more easy to talk to somebody. Like when you're going for a walk or you're riding in a car.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You seem. Because you're not. You're not having to see where you put your eyes. You know, you're not. You don't have to go like this the whole time. So when you're just talking, you're just chilling it's more relaxed. So I like to be side by side with somebody and I like sharing food a lot. Like when I go out to eat, like the way my dad raised me is when we go out to eat, he's like, okay, what do you want? Okay, I want this. You want, you want this? We get it. We share. So I do that with everybody.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

People, my friends, if I take in a girl out, I'm like, we're gonna get four things and we're gonna eat everything hot.

[B]

That's.

[A]

That's what I like to do.

[B]

Do that. Keep doing that. Yeah. I, I keep saying the same thing. But like, in moments of conflict. I agree. Like the interview style of like, it already feels more defensive to like go back and forth like this versus if I was in a fight with my person and he came like behind me and like put his arms around me and like then we talked like that or he was like next to me and like we're like that, you know, it's. I agree.

[A]

I think if you want to get a specific point across, you kind of have to like make eye contact.

[B]

Yeah. And I think if there's anger in the situation, sometimes you don't want to like be touched. But I think that's kind of the point of what he's saying is like.

[A]

To break that wall down.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Cuz I'll like come close and I'll just like put a big old cheesy smile on.

[B]

You know, I've gotten mad at that before.

[A]

Yeah, I bet.

[B]

Because.

[A]

Because the thing that I think is some women, they like misery loves company. I'm mad, so therefore you should be mad too. I'm sad. Therefore.

[B]

No, it just feels like you're not taking me seriously.

[A]

But if you communicated prior, like everything that I'm. It's understood. This is like my steps on what I think, you know, could be the. Solving the problem. I get what you're saying. Whatever. I agree. Disagree. Once that's over to me. At some point we got to move on. So if you just want to sit.

[B]

No, I know.

[A]

I mean your sadness or you because you're upset and you're just like, like pouty. Like, I don't, I don't mean after that. Yeah, I know. But some people like drag it.

[B]

Okay, I hear you. Yeah.

[A]

Or like it'll be, it'll be, you know, quote unquote resolved in my eyes and they're like. But it's like, no.

[B]

Well, that's some like high school stuff.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's no but yeah. And don't bring something else just because we're finally sitting down and talking. Now you want to bring up something else that has nothing to do with. With what we're talking about just because it's a situation where we're having a conversation.

[B]

I think that's a whole other thing. That's like a. That's a maturity thing, but I agree.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. So that was great. I really appreciate Dice because if you could see, he brought his book here. He has, like, all these little tabs, and he highlighted, and it was not for our benefit. It. He actually read this book, but he brought it to share with us. And so I appreciate you doing that.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Um, we pulled you guys. I did my. What's it called? Broadcast channel. I did it on Stories, and I did a reel, and there were so many good entries. And what I tried to do. These aren't even all of them. There were a lot of, like, repeats from last time. So if you submitted something and we don't talk about it today, it's because we've already answered it on our last podcast. So go back, check it out. Check it out. There's two episodes, and they're pure gold, the whole thing. And basically, this is going to be asking Dice for his opinion from the male perspective on certain things. Dice is not all men, but he's going to do his best to, like, give the male perspective.

[A]

That's all I can be.

[B]

Yeah. And last time we did this, it was, like, sometimes it got to a point where it was like, well, me, Dice, I would do this, but, like, I could see from, like, a general man perspective, which I think is okay, too. And I just want to, like, say that the reason that Dice is here. Hair on my mic. And the reason that, like, I wanted. I was. I really enjoyed our first session. But. But, like, I trust Dice because he's such a good human and a good man, and he's just a good person. So this isn't just like, I asked some random dude to come on my podcast to give the male perspective. Like, Dice was handpicked for a specific reason, and we trust him. So that's why we're asking these questions. And I feel safe with him to ask these things. So. Okay.

[A]

That makes me feel good.

[B]

Good. So I separated into main questions. I did a speed round, so we'll do, like, really, really light, and then at the end, after. Yeah. Okay. So the first one. The first submission was, like, feminine versus masculine traits in a woman. And I think.

[A]

But what's the Question.

[B]

I think the question is, what do you notice as a man, like, what comes out in your mind when you see a woman that's like, oh, that's really feminine, or, oh, that's really masculine?

[A]

Well, there's. I think society would deem certain things which is more like a stereotype, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, as far as, like, a woman being successful or athletic, like, oh, that's masculine, right? Oh, that's what people would assume, you know. But when I'm thinking, especially after reading the book, I'm thinking of more of, like, if I would describe, like, a feminine woman, like, if they're in, you know, walking in their feminine energy, as, you know, they say, is more of, like, you're embodying, like, what it means to be, like, nurturing, like, caring, loving, kind of like, you know, I'm not saying traditional in the sense of, oh, you stay home and you, you know, take care of kids and whatever, hold the house down, but more of, like, the energy you're giving off, like, where you. I feel like, where I feel respected, I feel safe, I feel loved. I feel like it's like it's there. They know that they have specific qualities that I think women should embrace, you know?

[B]

Can you give me, like, let's say it's not someone that you're dating or in a relationship with. You see someone at the gym, at the grocery store, wherever, and you're like, that's a really feminine woman. What does that.

[A]

Well, that's very, like, surface. Right. Because then you can only.

[B]

I think that's part of the question, though.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So if you're talking about, like, physically, because that's all the first could be.

[B]

Physical, but could also be like, you hear them speak or you see them move, or you're like.

[A]

I think I. I like to see that a woman takes care of herself. So if I peep your cart and you got, like, Frosted Flakes, I do that, too. Yeah, I'll pee people's carts. And like, if they have, like, fresh vegetables and meat, like, clean whole foods, that's attractive to me because that's how I eat. And I know that, okay, this person is conscious of their nutrition taking care of.

[B]

That's really good. Because that wasn't like a. Like, a surface level. Like, she has pretty hair. It was like, how does she nurture herself? So she's probably nurturing, right? That's good.

[A]

Yeah. And from, like, you. Because you could. You could, like, stereotype it based on how they look, but it's like, I don't expect a woman to go to the grocery store done up and, you know, got her, you know, face done up and hair. Like, dude, you could go to the grocery store, you just woke up or you just got out the gym or something. That, to me, that doesn't make you less feminine.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because you're not, you know, dressed. You know, toes, toes down, everything.

[B]

Okay. Okay. Extension question off that. Makeup or no makeup for me?

[A]

Yeah, no makeup.

[B]

None.

[A]

I mean, I don't care that you wear it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But just from my. My track record in my past, most of the women that I've dated and met, I've met when they're at the gym, so they don't have makeup. So that's how I see them. And in my brain, I view them. When I think of my girl, I think of you with a fresh face. And so I remember my ex girlfriend a long time ago. First time I saw her, when we went out and when she did everything, it was like seeing a whole new person. Because I've never seen this person before. And it wasn't like I was like, oh, my God, too much. But it's just like, different when I think of you, when in my head, when I'm not with you, I see your normal face.

[B]

Interesting. And from a general male perspective, what do you. Do you think men like makeup or let no makeup.

[A]

I think it's like 50. 50.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I would say most men would appreciate a woman who's more natural.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because some. Because some I think makeup should, like. I think same like how for me, tattoos is an expression. I think women express themselves through makeup too. Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because to them, it's like arts, like, doing your hair.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like, for me, like, what if a girl was like, oh, well, he bleaches his hair and does texture and, you know, has a sick haircut. So that's like, you know what I mean? That's how I like it. Yeah, that's how you like it. There's more power to you.

[B]

Yeah, Right.

[A]

But then again, everybody has their preference. And just for me, I just like. I don't know, I kind of always been attracted to, like, kind of tomboyish girls a little bit. I don't know why.

[B]

Okay. Tomboy girls slide into his dms. Okay. Most attractive qualities in a woman.

[A]

Oh, we didn't even talk about, like, what's up? Masculine.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Well, okay, so just to clarify, you said a few things. Successful and, like, athletic. And that was like you were talking about general society stereotype. I just want to be Very clear. That's not what Dice thinks. That's what he was calling out as a stereotype.

[A]

So I would think, like, if there's something I could notice just off of like mannerisms or the way you speak is like, I don't like girls who, I don't like women who kind of like talk like, oh, I'm the, I'm the, I'm the ish. You know what I mean? Or like all men are trash and na, na, na.

[B]

And like kind of like it's an aggressive thing.

[A]

Aggressive, Yeah, I hear you're aggressive. Or you try to make it sound like your, your stuff don't stink or you're kind of rude or, oh, I can't stand people who are like, who treat other people poorly. Like I remember I was on, I went to like a birthday dinner with my ex girlfriend and I didn't know anybody there, there people I met for the first time. And there's this one chick and she's treating the server like crap. Like, like, like so disrespectful. Like we ordered this 10 minutes ago and like just like throwing a fit. And I felt bad because she's not doing, she's doing her job, you know what I mean? And so I felt embarrassed, you know what I mean? And to me that's like super unattractive. And I went up to the waitress like on the side and I was like, look, I don't know who she is. This first time, meeting her. Here's 20 bucks. Yeah. Like, just to say you're doing a fine job. So. Yeah, don't worry about it.

[B]

You're doing a fine job. Yeah, yeah, I hear you.

[A]

Okay, so it's, I guess, demeanor and how you treat people the way you speak. Like, because you can tell when somebody's like easy to talk to or like inviting you, letting you speak, like listening, you know. So if somebody's just like over the top or super loud or tries to, you know, be the life of the.

[B]

Party, it's almost dominating.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like if they try to dominate the conversation, dominate the energy, that's obviously very masculine. That's a masculine thing. And I think that when people, anyone does this, not just women, when anyone is overly aggressive, overly self deprecating or like swears a lot or like you said, high on themselves, I feel like it's like a very obvious sign of being super self conscious or unhappy with themselves.

[A]

Yeah, I agree.

[B]

Which is also a big turnoff.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. Most attractive qualities in a woman for me.

[A]

Yeah, most attractive. Personally, I Love. I love when women. And this might. I was looking at another one of the questions about. Oh, I think it's the. No, the next question, the third one is, what do men consider attractive that women may be insecure about? Oh, yeah, it kind of.

[B]

Okay, blends.

[A]

Because to me, I find it super attractive when you can. When you're super interested in something and you want to teach me about it. Oh, so if you, if you enlighten me about it could be anything. It could be like some topics, hitting on men, whatever, whatever you're currently into. I feel like people who have, like, hobbies or like, interests, something that they are passionate about and they share it with me, I feel like that's super attractive to me.

[B]

Do you think it's their passion that you're attracted to or the fact that they want to share it with you or both?

[A]

Both. Because then that makes the conversation better. Because when I have conversation people, and I don't like to just do the surface level, so I'll speak on stuff that I know and stuff that maybe I just heard that I thought was very interesting that could possibly. You could take something from, you know, whether you might be into it or not. This is something that's been on my mind, so I want to speak it out loud, you know, and then you learn more about me. So if I'm learning more about you, that shows me that you're opening up, you know, you're giving me a lane to be like, okay, I'm discovering more and more. And so I feel like deep conversations don't necessarily have to be about your past or, you know, what you've been through. It could be like, what are you currently into?

[B]

Amen. I, I always go back to this. Someone said this. I don't know if it was Denzel Washington or Denzel Washington was repeating it in a speech, but he was talking about the intelligence of, of people. And he said, you can always tell how intelligent someone is based on what they talk about. And if they're stuck talking about stories from the past, really, really low level intelligence. If they're talking about what's happening right now in this moment, oh, yeah, I'm good. I'm fine. Blah, blah, blah. Probably baseline. But if they're talking about what they're passionate about, what they want for their future, what they envision for the next six months, what, you know, the new hobbies that they're in, and that's the primary of the conversation, super highly intelligent people. And I think that's a. Intelligence and also emotional Intelligence, too, because that. That's one of the things I can't stand is when you go to any event, a dinner, a brunch or whatever, and all people can talk about is what has already happened. Remember in high school, we did that over and over hours. I can't.

[A]

Yeah. Talk about the barbershop.

[B]

Yeah, man.

[A]

I mean, now it's like that my clientele's kind of, you know, I've. I've knocked it down to where the people that are with me, like, we have really good conversations because they, you know, they're. They mean more to me. They've been with me for, you know, well over, like a decade, you know, so. But before, when I was younger and I would get randoms and walk ins and stuff, or like, people that I don't necessarily wouldn't associate with, then a lot of the conversation is always like, man, remember, like, this one dude was talking about, like, he's like, late 30s, and he's like, man, like, this one game in high school, I put up like, 37 points. And I'm like, I was like, 16.

[B]

Years ago, you know, and that's the thing is, like, I feel like a lot of times those people, men and women, everyone who are in that category and all they can talk about is the past is because that was unfortunately, the last time that they did something exciting. And they're also. I feel like there's a lot. You and I, we were talking about today, before this, how we're kind of like the male and female equivalent of each other based on what we're at in life and, you know, being passionate and stuff. But I feel like a lot of people are stuck in the rat race of just existing. Like, they go to their job 8 to 5, and they don't even feel like they have capacity to, like, do anything that they're passionate about. So they lose the ability to have passion, like the. The muscle to flex. And so that's all they can go back on. And so I was thinking about this today. I was asked at my first job, but my first boss's wife, when she came into the office, she's like, so tell me about yourself. Like, who are you? And I could not think of what to say because I was in that hamster wheel. Like, all I did was go to work. I barely had any friends. I would work out, I'd go home, and I'd do it all over again. Like, I never had plants on the weekends. So, like, when she asked me what I like to do, like, I didn't.

[A]

Didn'T have an answer.

[B]

I was like, I said something so stupid. I was like, I liked turtles. No, I said I like to go on adventures. Like, what does that even mean? Yeah, I don't know what that means.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

But that's what I mean is like there's nothing to say. And so if you feel like that's you, there's nothing wrong with you. But I would encourage you that your life is yours and that time is ticking and it's for to be lived. Like, it's not to just be going around and doing the same thing every day just to live. It's so that you can explore why you're existing.

[A]

I mean, it's hard for people to get out of that headspace. And it's also dependent on the way they're raised. You know, the way they're raised, what their parents had to endure. And a lot of people, you could go either way because a lot of people have like immigrant families and basically all they know is like, oh, well, we wake up, we go to work to put food on the table and that's it, you know, or some people who maybe have had kids super early and they had family and now they're just, they feel like they're in this endless loop, you know, of just. That's why for me, like, when I feel like I've been doing the same thing too often, it drives me nuts.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm like, I have to change something. And I tell people too that like, the easiest barrier to entry to like changing your life. Don't bite off the hugest thing. Like, you don't have to change one.

[B]

Page in a book, Anything. Yeah.

[A]

Or brush your teeth with your left hand. Something that's just going to throw something off in your life where it's like different, something interesting. Right. Because the minute you wake up, your brain is. Goes into habit mode. Like 85% of your day is just habitual tendencies. Right. Because when you wake up, you don't think, okay, I need to put my two feet on the ground, I need to make my bed. You just do it. Right? You just. Because it's a habit. I go brush my teeth, I take a shower, I make my food, whatever. You're just doing it. So if you consciously input something completely out of your norm, like you said, whether it be reading a one page in your book, go take a 10 minute walk, it doesn't have to be this huge change overnight because that's. It doesn't work like that. Your life's not Going to change and you're going to be happy all of a sudden because you added this, this and that. And a lot of the time when I tell people it's addition by subtraction. So you can add to your life by taking away things that, you know aren't productive or aren't conducive to you growing into that person that you want to become. You know, so that's an easier way to do, is like, it's easier to take things away than to add things that you're. You don't know how to do or you haven't done before. So once you make room for new things, then I would say try something new.

[B]

Yeah. I don't even remember the original question. Okay. What do you notice first about a woman? This is probably physical.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. So it's okay. You're so wholesome, you're trying to, like, make it not physical.

[A]

Well, I mean, if I say, like, what type of, like, woman I'm attracted to, I love, like, athletic women.

[B]

Okay. You know, so her figure.

[A]

Her figure. Because then that tells me, like, another thing. That's just another sign you take care of yourself. It's important to you. We probably have a common interest.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right. So that's like, first thing I know. But as far as, like, like, beauty and stuff, like. Like, if you got, like, a pretty face, like, cute smile, that's just. That just does it for me, you know? And if you're willing to smile, you know, because some girls, I just feel like, always have. What are they? RBF or whatever. Yeah, it's just like. And even if, like, I try to.

[B]

Like, you know, I can't imagine someone not smiling back at you when you smile at them.

[A]

I don't know. I haven't had success, but I haven't done that. What you told me, we gotta go.

[B]

Back to the gym. And we're gonna do it in reverse.

[A]

I don't know if I want to.

[B]

Not at the gym.

[A]

Not at that gym. No more. Because the thing is, also, too, is, like, I've approached, like, women at the gym before, and then so now I just. I don't see it as, like a. Like a grounds for it anymore because I go there every day.

[B]

I know. And it's.

[A]

I know it's like some. I don't like really engaging with people because I'm there for a purpose. And when I train, I train very intentionally. And I'm there for specific reason for a good amount of time that I need to utilize that time. And so. And it's not even that it's gonna impede on that. But sometimes now when there's too many people that know me, they just want to come up and talk. And I'm just, like, in my head and, like, I'm trying to, like, be more, like, friendly, you know, but in the back of my head, I'm like, okay, I have, like, 25 minutes left. I gotta go to work. I need to do this exercise still, you know, just because I'm. That's, like, so, like, so much a huge part of my life, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I think it would be fun to, like, you know those old dating shows or it was like. Remember those shows that there was like a. Like, what do you call. What do you call those guys? They're, like, teaching other guys how to pick up artist. You ever seen that show? No, never seen it. It was like. It was just some douchey, like, Persian dude or Indian guy, and he'd, like. He'd, like, take like, three or four, like, nerds or dweebs and, like, dress them.

[B]

Oh, is this like an old MTV show?

[A]

It was old. It's super old.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then he would, like, show them how to hit on girls and stuff.

[B]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

But, like, we could do, like, an experiment or something.

[B]

And then we should go out somewhere.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To do that. I mean, that'll be difficult for, like. We'll get, like. We'll get. What is it called? Seltzer water with lime.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Yeah. We're not gonna drink. Just pretend we're drinking.

[A]

I do that. I do that.

[B]

Yeah, me too. Okay. What do men consider attractive that women may be insecure about?

[A]

Firm. Like I said, for me, I think it's like, I feel like some women don't want to speak on, like, these random interests that they might have because they think, like, oh, maybe. Maybe he thinks it's weird.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

That I'm into this or something. So. But for me, like, I don't care what it is, you know, you, like, super into, like, I don't know, knitting, baking, the science of insects. I don't know, whatever. To me, it's super interesting. You know, I just. I just like hearing people sound, like, excited about something.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, because then I feel like if they're. If it's just basic conversation and it's just, you know, the good old, like, oh, what do you do for work? And, like, to me, I'm just like, yeah, I don't want to. I'm not that. It's not important, like, at A base level. It is. But after that, like, I would like to hear something more, you know.

[B]

Okay, that's good. But is there anything physically that, you know, men are attracted to that, like, women are typically, like, self conscious about?

[A]

I don't know. I mean, it's hard. Like, this one's hard to speak for other.

[B]

I feel like you think. I think you have something, but you don't want to say it.

[A]

Well, I don't know. No, I can't. Really, I can't. I can't think of, like, a general thing that men would be attracted to that they would be insecure about. I think the things that women are insecure about.

[B]

Men don't care as much or they don't even.

[A]

Like, they don't even think about it.

[B]

Notice. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Like, give me an example. I'll tell you if I care or not.

[B]

Okay, so there was one. I learned this years ago, and it was. Yeah, it was. He actually thought it was very attractive. And I was like. So it's basically like when you're sitting and, oh, my God, my hip. And you're between, like, your. How do I describe this? There's no video to this. Your thigh and your hip.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Where your butt is, but there's like that crease.

[A]

We call it a thass.

[B]

Oh, who a.

[A]

Thoughts?

[B]

What does that mean?

[A]

It's a thigh in a. Oh, yeah.

[B]

So there's like that line where you're sitting up straight and like. Yeah, I call it like, it's like.

[A]

The butt cheek of the hip.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. And it kind of like creases. I hope you guys know what I'm talking about. Yeah, he thought it was very attractive. And I was like. And then like, obviously I got into it because, like, I was like, oh, this is a good thing. I also call it like my frog butt because it's sort of like frog. Because it's like a frog leg, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like a wincy face. Yikes. Okay, so that's good. Stretch marks guys don't care about.

[A]

Yeah. Really don't.

[B]

Don't even notice, probably. I mean, if it's like really dark or really deep, it's probably visible. But it's not something that they're like, oh, there's her stretch marks.

[A]

Oh, and body hair.

[B]

Oh, talk about that.

[A]

Not to like. Like armpits. Yeah, for sure. Like, you better have your armpits.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

That's too bohemian for me personally.

[B]

We can't be like Chia Pets, but.

[A]

Like, you know, some Chia pet, some women maybe have like, like that fur, it's like, like, I don't know, on their, like, butt or their Lord, O.

[B]

Peach fuzz.

[A]

Peach fuzz.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I. I actually like that when it. In the sun, when it glistens and like sparkles in the sun.

[B]

Oh, how precious are you?

[A]

Oh, that's a simple. Appreciate. But I've been with a girl who's like, no, don't. Don't look at me like. And then like, super insecure about it. And I'm like, dude, I don't know what you're talking about.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's crazy when. Even when you. When you tell them it's not a problem, they still.

[B]

Because they're so insecure about it, you.

[A]

Know, that's like years and years of.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They've been experienced. Experiencing.

[B]

What about prickly legs?

[A]

I mean, I. I like smooth, obviously.

[B]

But, like, it doesn't.

[A]

It doesn't turn me off or anything.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because I understand. We're human, right? These things gonna grow back. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like natural, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So as long as. As long as you. If I can tell you're not taking care of yourself.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, maybe like you have like dirt under your fingernails or something like that, then it's like. Yeah, that's a. Because to me, that's another feminine quality is care. Self care.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I think there's. So there's like two. There's a separation here is like, I would say most women probably shave their legs or, like shave their armpits or whatever. And if you don't, that's a, like, choice that, like, there are some men that are going to be into whatever, but what we're just saying is, like, if you shave your legs and it's been two or three days and it's like a little prickly, you don't have to be so self conscious about that. And like, don't touch me. It's not a big deal. Yeah. And honestly, if he's like flipping out about you having prickly legs, he's not the one, in my opinion. Bye.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

Kick rocks.

[A]

T shirt like that.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Kick rocks. And then, and then we have like a, like a podcast picture, a cartoon version of us.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then Charlie sleeping.

[B]

Oh, little potato.

[A]

Looks like an angel.

[B]

I know. Little potato. Angel. Little potato mama. Oh, I love her.

[A]

So I can take her for a walk sometimes.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Can I come?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

For sure, for sure.

[A]

I want to hold. I want to hold the leash.

[B]

Okay. She's real good on A leash.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She's a lot worse at home than she is out, which is interesting. Yeah. Like, off leash. She's like, she's good. We kind of talked about this, so I don't want to get too deep into it. What approach to dating do you find attractive in a woman?

[A]

I like approaches. In them approaching me or like the how.

[B]

How you go about it? Yeah.

[A]

I like the slow play.

[B]

Yeah, we talked about this on the last one.

[A]

I like the slow play. I don't like immediate expectation having these unspoken marks that need to be hit by a specific time frame. I don't like that. I like things to be come natural. And if, like, it's been. It's proven. If a guy's into you, he will make the time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To do it. Right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So it's no use in sweating over, like, oh, he hasn't texted me. And I mean, you just went through that. You know what I mean? So you can. You should kind of already have this, like a marker in your head. Okay, well, if I don't hear from. From this time. This time, then it's over.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, let's talk.

[A]

Make that like a standard in your head.

[B]

A standard standard, not an expectation of him.

[A]

Right, right. Exactly.

[B]

Yep, Exactly. So the context is I went on a date. You guys might have seen the. The videos are popping off right now, which was nice. Maybe the most beneficial thing that came out of that situation. But anyway, I went on this date. I thought it went, like, relatively well, and I was excited. And then I still have not heard from him. I saw him today at the gym, but I haven't heard from him. And I was. We were talking about this before we started recording because I was giving Dice all the updates. And in my mind, because of my standards after, like day one, day two, he was done because I haven't heard from him. But it's not my responsibility to chase him down and be like, hey, remember me? Like, are you interested? Should we go out again?

[A]

Is unattractive.

[B]

Highly unattractive. That's masculine. Because you're going forward and like, being action oriented and like hunting someone down. And it's also super desperate and, like, clingy and, like, you have nothing better going on that, like, you know, and it signifies that you just want anything because you want someone who clearly doesn't want you.

[A]

Like, you're Will. You're allowing yourself to put up with stuff that you shouldn't have to.

[B]

Yeah. So setting standards in your mind is a hundred percent. Okay. But what Dice is saying is like, there is a pressure when. When you communicate what you want out of a situation that isn't necessarily at the point where it's supposed to be happening. Like, for example, if you start going out on a couple dates with a girl and she wants you to text you all day, every day, you know, or you to text her all day, every day, like, you're not in a relationship. This isn't. Like, it's moving too fast, and that's just what she wants, but that's not necessarily what you want, and that's up.

[A]

To me to communicate that to her.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. And I. I would, you know, because it's just. It's a reality, and I don't want to give a false one, you know, so.

[B]

And.

[A]

And if that's a deal breaker for you as a woman, like, you have to own it. Right?

[B]

We talked about this last time.

[A]

You have to own it. Because if you're. If you just be like, oh, that's fine.

[B]

Fine.

[A]

It's okay. But it's really not.

[B]

And then it's not. Yeah, that's.

[A]

That's not a good idea.

[B]

So we talked about this last time, how me and Dice are very different and what we. Like, how we. Like today.

[A]

A barnacle.

[B]

Yeah, Barnacle.

[A]

Just.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Latching on.

[B]

Yeah. If I really like you, that's. You know, I just want to be with you all the time. But. So today I text him at the gym, and I was like, I have so much tea for you, I hope. And I said, I hope you're coming to the gym. He said, no, lol, I'm working or something. And I was like. That moment on the last podcast flashed in my head where you were like, I'm busy. I'm working. Like, don't text. And I was like, he hates me. Like, I'm not. I'm just not gonna reply. And then you text me again. I was like, okay, we're good.

[A]

But it's cool because, like, for me, it should be so easygoing in the sense of, like, I don't think just because we're talking that you automatically put yourself in a different bracket of, like, oh, well, that you should reply to me faster than you reply to other people or put me on a. Like, a high priority. Like, to. To me, it's like you're all on the same. You know, until. Until you reach a certain level where it's like, okay, you're my girlfriend. Or, like, I'm. We're super. We're taking it to the next level. Then of course, I'M not going to be like, oh, I'll just get to this. This at 7pm When I'm done in six hours, you know, maybe I have like a little break or have like five minutes in between a cut. I'll just reply or say like, hey, I'm really busy today. I'll call you when I'm done, or something like that. Just so you get peace of mind. Yeah, but yeah, with friends, like, no, I don't, because I just. I just have this philosophy about the modern era of like, communication and how it was versus, like, not even in super olden days, but like in the 90s or whatever. 80s and 90s.

[B]

That is true. We didn't have this immediacy.

[A]

Right. So what I don't like is that people have this. This expectation that we are, like, we have to respond just because we have our phone with us all the time, that we're entitled or, like, to respond in a timely manner to you without even considering, well, what if I just don't want to respond to you? What if I don't want to?

[B]

I don't have capacity for that.

[A]

Right, exactly. And that should be an understood thing and not. You shouldn't take offense to it. Because most sometimes. Well, I've done. This is like, we'll have. Even if it's like a little DM on Instagram or having a conversation and they just say something and I don't have anything to say about it. I'll just leave it on red and. But then later they'll be like, hey, like, is it. Are we good? You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah, I'm like, I hear you.

[A]

Yeah, we're fine. I just didn't have any.

[B]

That was it for me.

[A]

Yeah, that was it.

[B]

And that's why they came out with liking the message, so that you could, like, peacefully end the conversation without, like, we are at war. Which is like, so funny because it's like, no, there's just nothing to say. You know what I've been doing. It's my best friend. I don't know if you listen to the Limerence episode I did.

[A]

Dude, I thought I told you. I did. That was one of the best ones. You liked it Because I got so much clarity from it. Because when you're describing all these, like, tendencies and habits, I'm like, oh, my God. This is just like, reliving.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

What I experienced. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah. From, like, partners.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. And now you're just putting factual information to what I experienced. And I was like, wow, this Makes so much sense.

[B]

Yeah. You know, and from someone who isn't in that, like, it's also helpful to understand, like you said, why people, like, almost. I don't want to say the neurological reasoning behind it, but kind of like the behavioral component behind it. It's not just random, like tantrums or random, like acting out. But the reason I bring that up is with the texting, the communication, and the limerence. I now am permanently on. Do not disturb. Because what I find with, like, anxious attachment and limerence is like, I'm always checking my phone, and now I only check my phone when I have the capacity to see it and reply to it. So what that means is that I'm not notified of, like, you reaching out to me. So it's taking out the onus of having to reply immediately because I'm going to get to it when I get to it, not when I look at it. Because you've done, like. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah. So that helped me because the part that, like, really hit me was when you're saying, like, the part that made it uncomfortable for me is like, your. This person's day is come. Like, their mood and whether they have a good day or bad day is completely dependent on what's going on with me and that person. And it feels like so much pressure and so much like, I'm responsible for your happiness.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm only responsible for my happiness, unfortunately, that's just how it is. And you should be responsible for yours, too. So if it's something like I did that would. Is, like, disrespectful or something to hurt you, it makes sense. But if things are just going normal and you're just not getting what you want or whatever, or you're not. Maybe there was I. I was shy of the six texts per day, minimum that I have to hit. And then all of a sudden, now your mood goes from here to here. That's not okay with me because then you're making me feel bad, like I'm doing something wrong when I didn't, you know?

[B]

Yeah. And to clarify, no one wants limerence. This is just something like.

[A]

I don't think they even know they.

[B]

No. Our inner habit, that's the first step, is like, being aware that you have those tendencies.

[A]

First step is acceptance. Yeah.

[B]

No, the first step is awareness and then acceptance. Okay. Do men actually want to be approached by women?

[A]

I feel they do, because nowadays it's pretty rare. So, I mean, if they. I don't know if they're like, they would be. They'd probably be caught off guard because the majority of them feel like they have to do the pursuing or they have to do the approaching.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So if they were approached, then I don't see what that. I wouldn't. They wouldn't, like, you know, discern it or. Or not be accepting of it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't necessarily. They're thinking in their head like, oh, I wish a girl would walk up to me, but I don't. I want to see why not?

[B]

And an extension of that is I don't ever see, regardless of if, like, you're just clearly not interested in this girl. I don't ever see a man being like, ugh, I wish, like, a girl wouldn't come up to me. Like, it's flattering, if anything.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, it's never a bad thing.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah, I think that's. That's good. Okay, next evolution of this question. In your opinion, is chivalry really dead in this generation? And why?

[A]

No, not in my world.

[B]

I don't think so either.

[A]

Oh, not in my world.

[B]

You just gave me little butterflies. Oh, my God. He was looking forward and I said, is shelfery done? He, like, looked over. He said, not in my world. All right, guys, I hate to leave you on a cliffhanger like that, but I gotta do it. I gotta cut the episode in half to get the rest of Dice's answer, as well as a ton of other juicy questions. Make sure that not only you're looking out for the episode, but if you hit. If you use Spotify to listen to your podcast. I didn't know this for the longest time. Go to the like homepage for this podcast and just click the bell. The reason I'm saying that is because when I drop new episodes, you'll just get notified. So you don't have to, like, remember to come back to this. It will just notify you. Come back next week. We have part two. Love you. Bye. This is the part of the podcast where I ask you to follow and leave a five star review. It really helps me out and it'll also notify you when I have a new episode dropping. Share this with your friends that you think it might touch. Even if you want to screenshot this and tag me on Instagram so then I can repost you, I'd really, really appreciate it. I love you. Bye.