22. our q's about men w/ Dice pt.2

Summary

Podcast Summary: Who Is She – Episode 22: Our Q's About Men with Dice Pt.2

Release Date: May 20, 2024
Host: Danielle Walter
Guest: Dice

In the 22nd episode of "Who Is She", host Danielle Walter continues her in-depth exploration of men’s perspectives on dating, relationships, and personal growth with her guest, Dice. This episode, part two of their extensive discussion, delves into various aspects of modern relationships, addressing listeners' questions with candid insights and practical advice. Below is a detailed summary of the key topics covered, complete with notable quotes and timestamps for reference.

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1. Is Chivalry Really Dead? [02:01 - 04:40]

Danielle and Dice kick off the episode by addressing the question of whether chivalry is extinct in the current generation. Both agree that chivalrous behavior is very much alive.

• Dice: "No, not in my world." (02:01)
• Danielle: Emphasizes that acts like holding doors open are not only about manners but also reflect masculine energy and upbringing. She shares an anecdote about her neighbor’s boyfriend consistently opening his girlfriend’s car door, highlighting such gestures as rare and commendable in today's dating scene.

Key Insights:

• Chivalrous actions are indicative of underlying respect and upbringing.
• Observing young men practicing chivalry suggests that these values are being passed down.
• Acts of kindness and respect transcend romantic relationships and are foundational to personal interactions.

2. Communicating Needs Without Triggering [05:35 - 09:48]

The discussion shifts to how women can effectively communicate their needs in a relationship without causing defensiveness or conflict.

• Danielle: "If you express what it means to you, I would be more." (06:19)
• Dice: Shares a personal experience where expressing a need led to a significant red flag in a past relationship. Emphasizes the importance of timing and delivery when communicating needs.

Key Insights:

• Utilize constructive and empathetic language when expressing needs.
• Avoid accusatory phrases like "You never..." which can trigger defensiveness.
• Effective communication fosters a safe and understanding relationship environment.

3. Love Languages and Preferences [16:21 - 19:37]

Danielle and Dice explore the importance of understanding and respecting each other's love languages and preferences within a partnership.

• Danielle: Shares her love language of cooking and how it signifies her affection. (17:59)
• Dice: Discusses the significance of specific gestures, such as receiving flowers, and how they symbolize deeper emotional connections.

Notable Quote:

• Dice: "Flowers just mean so much to me... a resemblance of life itself and a growth of, like, a person." (19:37)

Key Insights:

• Recognizing and respecting each other's love languages strengthens the emotional bond.
• Personalized gestures show attentiveness and appreciation for each other's individuality.
• Practical examples include cooking, gifting flowers, and thoughtful planning in relationships.

4. Engagement Rings: Personal Choice vs. Tradition [21:43 - 23:05]

The conversation turns to the topic of engagement rings, debating whether men should choose rings independently or involve their partners in the selection process.

• Danielle: Advocates for partners to be involved in selecting engagement rings to ensure personal preferences are met. (21:47)
• Dice: Highlights the importance of visualization and personal connection to the symbol of marriage.

Notable Quote:

• Danielle: "Babe, pick it out, whatever you want. Tell me the dimensions, everything, you know?" (22:19)

Key Insights:

• Collaboration in choosing engagement rings can prevent misaligned expectations.
• Engagement rings should embody the unique relationship and mutual understanding between partners.
• Traditional expectations can be balanced with modern personalized choices.

5. Body Image and Attraction in Dating [29:24 - 35:38]

Addressing the sensitive topic of body image, Danielle and Dice discuss how physical appearance impacts attraction and the importance of self-acceptance.

• Dice: "There are men that would genuinely appreciate her exactly as is." (31:45)
• Danielle: Emphasizes that attractiveness is subjective and that confidence and health are more important than conforming to specific body standards.

Notable Quote:

• Dice: "Girls don’t care at all. They just want to be loved." (36:14)

Key Insights:

• Personal confidence and body acceptance greatly influence romantic attractiveness.
• Men and women have diverse preferences, and there’s someone for everyone.
• Focusing on health and self-love is more fulfilling than striving for societal perfection.

6. Establishing and Respecting Boundaries [24:10 - 26:22]

The hosts discuss the significance of setting and respecting personal boundaries in attracting quality relationships.

• Danielle: "Boundaries are your responsibility to set." (24:03)
• Dice: Highlights how mutual respect for boundaries enhances relationship quality.

Key Insights:

• Clear boundaries prevent misunderstandings and foster mutual respect.
• Both partners should actively respect and uphold each other’s limits.
• Healthy boundaries contribute to the longevity and satisfaction of relationships.

7. Transitioning from Friend to Partner [43:43 - 45:34]

Exploring the shift from friendship to a romantic relationship, Danielle and Dice provide insights into recognizing and facilitating this transition.

• Dice: Advises that increased flirting and showing deeper interest can help move a friendship towards romance. (44:21)
• Danielle: Shares personal experiences, emphasizing the natural development of romantic feelings over time.

Key Insights:

• Building a deeper emotional connection is key to transitioning from friends to partners.
• Subtle flirting and consistent interest can signal romantic intentions.
• Open communication ensures both parties are aligned in their relationship goals.

8. Anticipating Needs and Supporting Partners [74:52 - 75:58]

The conversation underscores the challenges men face in anticipating their partners’ needs and how women can support and aid in this aspect.

• Danielle: Stresses the importance of mutual understanding and support. (75:14)
• Dice: Identifies underdeveloped emotional intelligence as a barrier and encourages mutual effort in fostering support.

Key Insights:

• Developing emotional intelligence is crucial for anticipating and meeting a partner’s needs.
• Open dialogue about expectations can bridge the gap in understanding.
• Mutual support and respect lay the foundation for a balanced and fulfilling relationship.

9. Communicating Intentions Without Pressure [75:58 - 76:53]

Danielle and Dice discuss how to communicate serious relationship intentions without appearing overwhelming or "weird."

• Dice: Suggests bringing up intentions naturally during conversations rather than forcefully imposing them. (76:10)
• Danielle: Agrees that clear communication about relationship goals is essential and should align with personal comfort levels.

Key Insights:

• Honest and timely communication about relationship intentions fosters trust.
• Addressing intentions within the flow of natural conversations feels less pressured.
• Partners should feel comfortable expressing their goals to ensure mutual alignment.

10. Handling Unhappiness in Relationships [76:55 - 78:44]

The hosts explore why some men might sabotage relationships instead of addressing unhappiness directly and provide advice on handling such situations.

• Dice: Attributes sabotage behaviors to an unwillingness to confront dissatisfaction directly. (77:39)
• Danielle: Emphasizes recognizing these behaviors as red flags and the importance of ending toxic relationships.

Key Insights:

• Sabotaging behaviors indicate deeper issues and often signify a lack of commitment to resolving relationship problems.
• Recognizing and addressing red flags early prevents prolonged emotional distress.
• Healthy relationships require open communication and willingness to address challenges collaboratively.

11. Speed Round Highlights [78:08 - 84:19]

In a rapid-fire segment, Danielle and Dice address a series of quick questions, providing succinct answers and additional insights.

• Sex on the First Date: Both firmly advocate against it unless purely physical intentions are involved. (78:24)

  Dice: "This is an absolute 100 no, unless sex is the only thing that you want."
  Danielle: Supports setting personal boundaries for meaningful relationships.

• Sliding into DMs: Both encourage women to take initiative by directly reaching out rather than relying on friends to bridge the communication. (79:03)

  Danielle: "Shoot your shot. It's no big deal."
  Dice: Agrees, emphasizing empowerment through direct communication.

• Friend Zoning and Second Chances: They discuss the complexities of transitioning from friends to romantic interests, with a consensus that repeated friend zoning often indicates a lack of romantic interest. (80:29)

  Dice: "I would say he just doesn't like you enough."
  Danielle: Shares personal heartbreak experience, reinforcing the finality of friend zoning.

Key Insights:

• Setting clear personal boundaries and intentions early in relationships fosters mutual understanding.
• Direct communication is more effective and respectful than indirect approaches.
• Recognizing the signs of disinterest prevents prolonged emotional investment in unreciprocated relationships.

---

Conclusion

Throughout Episode 22, Danielle Walter and Dice provide a comprehensive exploration of modern dating dynamics, emphasizing the importance of clear communication, mutual respect, and understanding personal boundaries. By addressing listeners' questions with honesty and practical advice, they offer valuable insights for individuals navigating the complexities of relationships in their 20s and 30s. The episode underscores the significance of self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and intentionality in building and maintaining healthy, fulfilling partnerships.

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Notable Quotes:

1. Dice (02:01): "No, not in my world."
2. Danielle (06:19): "If you express what it means to you, I would be more."
3. Dice (19:37): "Flowers just mean so much to me... a resemblance of life itself and a growth of, like, a person."
4. Danielle (22:19): "Babe, pick it out, whatever you want. Tell me the dimensions, everything, you know?"
5. Dice (36:14): "Girls don’t care at all. They just want to be loved."
6. Dice (78:24): "This is an absolute 100 no, unless sex is the only thing that you want."
7. Danielle (79:03): "Shoot your shot. It's no big deal."

These quotes encapsulate the essence of the discussions, highlighting themes of respect, communication, and personal boundaries in relationships.

Transcript

[A]

We're so done with new Year, new you. This year, it's more you on Bumble.

[B]

More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially.

[A]

That one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Geminis because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because.

[B]

You know what you want. And you know what?

[A]

We love that for you, someone else will too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumblebee.

[B]

Hello and welcome to who is she? A podcast sharing the voice I wish I had in my 20s and navigating how to thrive in your 30s. I'm your host, Danielle, and I'm so glad you're here. This is a safe space to talk through all the in between moments, consider different perspectives, and ultimately go for the life we want to live. Get comfortable and let's get started. Hey, guys. I'm so excited for you to listen to the second part of this. It's so good. So, as you know, if you're just tuning in for the first time, maybe you don't know, this is one massive episode that was split into two because it was so long. So we had an episode last week on pretty much all of the same kind of topics. So juicy questions that we have about men and the way they act and the way they think and advice from the male perspective from our good friend Dice. So if you haven't listened to that, you can listen to that after this. It's the episode right before this one, episode 21. And if you love this content, there are also two more episodes with Dice a few episodes back. Let's see episode 17 and 18. So total so far, we. We have four episodes with dice. So he's. He's a very special guest on this podcast. Anyway, let's go ahead and get into it. Bye. Next, evolution of this question, in your opinion, is chivalry really dead in this generation? And why?

[A]

No, not in my world.

[B]

I don't think so either.

[A]

Oh, not in my world.

[B]

You just gave me little butterflies. Oh, my God. He was looking forward, and I said, is Shelvery dead? He, like, looked over. He said, not in my world.

[A]

Because that, to me, that's. You're. You're, like, exuding masculine energy when you do that. You, you know, like, and that's just the way I was raised, you know, that's. That's what my. I saw as an example from my dad, you know, and, yeah, my parents weren't together for, you know, that long. They got divorced early. But he would always, like, it was more of his personality, too. And how he treated others. So it's not even just with a woman, but, like, with people in general. I just try to be kind. And if you apply the. That kindness, it's going to come off in a relationship setting, too. So, like. And it's. And when I think this generation, like, new. New generation, I don't know, because I'm not around kids like that. But my neighbor. My neighbor has a daughter. She's probably, like, I would say 16, 15, 16. Her boyfriend. Every time I pull up and he's. He's dropping her off, he opens her door, gets out of the driver's seat, goes. Opens his door. Every time.

[B]

Amen.

[A]

Every time.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

And I. And he's like, what, 15, 16, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so I looked at him, I'm like, yeah, good job, buddy.

[B]

Huh?

[A]

You know, because it's that. I think that's rare.

[B]

Like, to clarify, runs out of the driver's seat, runs around the car to get her door. This girl does not touch door handles.

[A]

No.

[B]

They are on fire.

[A]

Yep. And now I see him, he's in his. Like, think. I don't know, he works, like, a electrical job. I see the van. He'll pull up like, before, like, he's on his way to work, and he'll drop her off, like, food or something. Super cute.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, and maybe that's like a, you know, puppy love thing. But he's been doing this for, like, three years, and he hasn't stopped. I'm like, waiting for the day where she gets out by herself and it hasn't happened yet.

[B]

See, in my mind, I'm like, dude, that's a man right there. Like, he. He might be. I know. Oh, my. Can you imagine when he's like, oh, he's 25.

[A]

Yeah. Well, he's probably trying to lock that one in for life, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so. But I think that also he was raised correctly because if you don't have a figure like that, or you don't have any example of, like, what's the proper way to treat another person then?

[B]

Or a bad example.

[A]

You're just. Yeah, correct. So say you're an abusive family, you've seen your mom get disrespected by whoever, then you kind of see that as normal, right?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So you're not. Your first thought in your head isn't, oh, let me hold her chair for her, or let me pay for the bill or whatever, you know, all these things, like, is gonna be a result of what you've seen and what you absorbed as a younger person.

[B]

Okay, I know this question is coming later, but this relates to this. If a man doesn't naturally do chivalrous things, gentlemanly things, in your opinion as a man, how much is he able to be. I don't want to say trained up, but, like, what. How does a woman go about that when she really likes someone but he, like, doesn't get her door? He's not really conscious of those things. Like, doesn't do the sidewalk trick, like, you know, that kind of thing.

[A]

It's kind of like a dog, you know?

[B]

I know that's the whole question is I'm trying to tread lightly, but, like, how possible is it to. I don't want to say change a man, but, like, I think.

[A]

But those aren't, like, personality traits. Those are just like. Those are just, like, qualities that you could pick up and learn, but the person has to be like, reciprocal.

[B]

Was it reciprocal?

[A]

Reciprocal. Receptive.

[B]

Receptive.

[A]

Receptive of being, like, not. Not seeing it as like, hey, you need to do more of this, you need to do more of that, but more like, hey, like, I think it would be nice or I'd appreciate it if maybe you did this or that, because it would mean a lot to me. It makes me feel safe.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

So if you express what it means to you, I would be more. And that goes for anything. So if you tell me something means to you, I'll take it serious.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But if you're coming at me and, like, you never do this and you never do that, and I'm like, man, you know what I mean? So it's all about the delivery and the way you frame things and your demeanor and your energy and how you communicate it.

[B]

And I would say, too, I have two things to say, because this is like really, really, like, radar for red flags. If you say, for example, hey, I would really love it if you got my door for me. It makes me feel really taken care of. And he goes to, you don't feel taken care of right now. Kick.

[A]

Kick rocks.

[B]

Rocks. That's the biggest gaslight to be like, what. What I'm doing right now is not enough. Like, when you're like, simply being like, hey, like, this would be really, really nice.

[A]

Right? Totally agree.

[B]

In a past relationship, I brought that. The door thing up, and I was like. It was more of, like, I had already said something like, I really like it or whatever, and it still wasn't happening. And I was like, hey, I noticed that, like, sometimes you get the door for me, but, like, not always. And I'm just curious about that. Like, it was because I had already said, like, I really like this, and, like, done the thing that I just said. And he looked at me, and he straight up goes, I'm never gonna be that dude.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

And I was like.

[A]

That moment where.

[B]

You'Re like, all right, there were flags before that, but that was, like, big flag on the play. And I stayed for, like, oh, really? Yeah. Like three or four months after that. It was bad.

[A]

That's old Danielle.

[B]

Yeah. New Daniel kick rocks old Danielle.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. So be careful of that. But I do think. And that is actually a really, really great display of feminine to masculine being. Like, this would make me feel this way. So here's an action you can do to prompt that feeling in me. Yeah.

[A]

Constructive and constructive, direct and soft, you.

[B]

Know, but it's never, like, if you start anything. This is for my young girlies, the ones. I'm not gonna say that anymore. I think the word is over. Girlies is out.

[A]

Yeah. I don't. I never liked it.

[B]

I. I cringed at it first, and then I got into it, and then I'm. I'm over it now.

[A]

But what is shy girly? Why do girls say that? You don't see that? Like. Like, I've seen, like, I think workout videos that are like, this is a shy girl workout. And, like, what does that mean?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

You never seen that?

[B]

I think I'm.

[A]

I think it's a younger, too.

[B]

Old.

[A]

Younger girl thing.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So, yeah, if you guys hear this and you say that, what does that mean?

[B]

Yeah, let us know. Oh, this is for my young women listening to this. Maybe college, just after college, early 20s, if you come at your man saying, you never do this, or, why don't you do this? And it's a tone, and it's the words. You never starting it out or why don't you. It's not going to end well. It's just. It's just not going to end well because it puts them already on the.

[A]

Defensive right off the bat.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I just experienced that.

[B]

Did you?

[A]

Yeah. And it was like. And this is what I was just trying to explain to you is it's. Oh, you can say and communicate the same thing in a number of. Just gonna say many ways.

[B]

Like if. If someone said, I'm gonna do two ways. Okay. We're gonna practice. If someone was like, you never get the door for me. And I. I don't understand that.

[A]

Yeah. Or I'm like, whoa, you just, like.

[B]

Clammed up or I said, babe, you never get the door for me. And I just, I don't really understand. Like, that's different.

[A]

Completely different. Because now, because that's the energy is already like two polar levels, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So for example, like, this person was like the way they framed it. And this is quote, this is quotations. This week and a half of not seeing you ain't going to fly. Oh, and it's not like, was this.

[B]

A text or a phone call?

[A]

It was a FaceTime while I was at the gym. So I'm, I'm expecting like, okay, first of all, you know what I'm doing? I'm in a public place. Number one, is this the correct environment or time to.

[B]

Time and place, baby, to be speaking.

[A]

About your feelings or whatever it is? I'm totally okay with you communicating it to me. But number one, time and place, right? FaceTime. I'm busy, I'm doing something and I'm just thinking, okay, like, what is it? Like, what do you need? Right? And you open up with this ish and go and fly right up. If you, if you follow up anything with this ain't going to fly. To me, you're. That's just negative. It's aggressive. I'm like, I'm like, I already got a bad taste from that.

[B]

It's a tactic, too. I saw a video today. Is like, a tactic is something that is so weak because it's trying to prompt you to do something. And if the tactic doesn't work, they'll just switch tactics. So this might be controversial, but something that I have learned in interacting with men is the time and place thing on steroids. So, for example, for me, a week and a half, depending on where we're at, probably wouldn't fly for me either.

[A]

Right. But let me put the caveat. Let me set the stage. So there's been times in that we were in the span of us talking where we've hung out three times a week. This just so happens to not be one of those weeks because you were on a vacation, you got back at a certain time. And when you got back, I told you, hey, I have time. This Sunday, I set up a nice date for us. I booked a spa in Santa Cruz. We'll have a nice day at the beach, eat dinner, and we'll have a great time. Right? So I'm telling you directly, this is what I have to give to you for this week.

[B]

And that's like, amazing.

[A]

I set up the date.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I put you on notice. You're looking Forward to it. To me, I'm like, this is good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So the fact that you were on vacation, that's not up to me.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You spent that time and that's. I'm okay. I'm totally fine with that.

[B]

You know what, though? Like, I'm glad the flag came out because if that's the character, you know, and you're obviously taking care of business, like, that's. You went above and beyond.

[A]

I did. And okay. If you. She wanted to see me when she got back or whatever, that's what she wanted.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But this. At this current week, just this week, I don't have the time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I told you when I do have time. And it's still within the week. But it's going to be at the end this week.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Maybe next week it'll be two. Maybe in the week after it'll be three. But this current week. Yeah, this current week, it's not. Yeah, it's not happening.

[B]

So I'm glad you gave context because. Yes.

[A]

Because it's not like this is. I'm a. Periodically, like, waiting a week and a half to see you every week.

[B]

Yeah. And you're just doing nothing and like, whatever. Okay. But what I'll say is that regardless of the situation, whether he's performing or he's not, like, he's doing really well, he's taking care of me, or he's just absolutely dropping the ball. Time and place. In what world, as a woman, do you think hunting him down to tell him how he's wronged you is going to do anything for you? I had. That took me years to learn. Years. Years. Because I would do the thing where I'd FaceTime with a call or the long text, but he's. He doesn't want to hear that, so. From your big sister. And this is the controversial part. If it's been a week, if it's been a week and a half, you're not happy with something, you need to wait to the appropriate time. I'm not saying reduce your feelings. I'm saying present your feelings at the right time. And that would be when he comes forward to you to have some sort of interaction.

[A]

And if it's on his turn, it's not on terms, but, like, he's doing the approaching.

[B]

I would prefer that, like, the approaching happens. But if he's not, that's an indicator. And what I would say in that situation is, hey, I kind of want to talk about a couple things. Do you have, like, 10, 15 minutes later?

[A]

I love that.

[B]

Yeah, but chasing him down or randomly hit. I used to like random.

[A]

Oh, my God. The random is like, you're catching this person completely off guard because as far as he knows, everything's chill.

[B]

And I think it's. I think it's a tactic because they want to catch you off guard so that you'll cave, you know, or they just can't control their anger. So anyway.

[A]

Because later that person tried to save it because they saw that it upset me. So now I'm upset because. Attacked it because of the way you handled it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And. And then now you're like, well, I just missed you. So I'm thinking, in what way did you think you could frame I missed you as this ish. Ain't gonna fly? That's completely too different. You just said, hey, like, I've been really missing you lately. It'd be really nice if maybe you had some time earlier in the week. We could grab dinner. You say it like that.

[B]

Or if it really is a standard, and for whatever reason, whatever you say at the right time, we might want different things. I might need a little bit more, and you might not be able to give that to me. What do you think?

[A]

Yeah, you know, mature. It's maturity.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Do you like women who show you how they want to be loved?

[A]

Yeah. In, like, every way. Right.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Like, you're saying, like, every type of way, like, I guess, intimately, or like, your love language.

[B]

Everything. I think. I think I. Let's talk about, like, partnership.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like, say you have a girlfriend, and she really likes when you cook for her or, I don't know, do certain things or, like, say certain things. And the two questions is, do you, like, when you get feedback on that, that they like those things, and is it okay? And how should a woman go about saying that she likes something that hasn't necessarily been done yet?

[A]

So I think when you're first getting involved with somebody, you kind of let them love you how they know how to. Right. Because they all give love in different ways. Right. Like for me, for example, like, to me cooking, when I cook for you, I love you. I don't care who. If you're my best friend. Like, I cook for my barbers. Like, anybody. If I care for you, this is how my dad showed me love. So that's how I give love to others. And thank you so much for cooking for me, because I don't get cooked for very often.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

I haven't had, like, honestly, I don't know. Last time somebody cooked for me because I do the cooking all the time, but I know how good it makes me feel giving that to somebody else. So I'm sure you feel the same way. Right. And it's just. That's. That's my love language, so. And I do things my way and. But I think if a girl. It's the same way as the last question is or the last thing we talked about. It's the way you frame it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So it doesn't matter what it is, you know, it doesn't matter how small or how big it may be. It just depends how you deliver it. And if that person cares about you, then they should at least be open to it and be like, okay, yeah, like, I'll. I'll try that. You know, and then actually make an effort to do it. Because if you say, like, okay, sure, like, you want this, as long as it's not like, oh, you. I wish you would buy me more gifts or something. Something like, materialistic, like, I wouldn't.

[B]

I have a specific one.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. Two people start dating. She really wants flowers. She just is. And he hasn't done it yet.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he thinks he's, like, killing it. Right. But he's just basically.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know. Anyway, is it okay for a woman to be like. Or how would you receive a woman? Be like, I would really love it if you got me flowers.

[A]

I'd be like, sure, babe. I'll go get you some right now.

[B]

I gotta go.

[A]

But like, I guess to some, like, men, maybe they just don't think about it. But for me, you know, me, I'm big flower guy. I love flowers. My mom ingrained that in me. She just showed. She makes me appreciate life and the planet.

[B]

I feel like all these women listening.

[A]

Are going to fall in love with you anyway. Like, flowers just mean so much to me, and they, like, to me, it's one of the most beautiful things you could look at.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And to me, it has a representation of more than. Just, like, when you give someone flowers, regardless if it's, you know, you're emotionally connected to them, like a man and woman, or like, I've given flowers. You give flowers as, like. Like an offering of peace sometimes, too, in, like, old ways, like extending the olive branch. Right. That was a way of showing, hey, I come in peace. I'm not. I mean no harm, so. Or if you're somebody's. Like, when I opened my business, it's an Asian thing. You bring flower, orchid, flower. So I've got so many flowers, so many plants. And to me, it's just like, they're alive. They bring good energy. To me, a flower is a resemblance of life itself and a growth of, like, a person because it starts from a small bud, it slowly blooms, and then it turns into this beautiful flower, and then it dies. And that's just the process of life. And it's natural. That's what I like about it.

[B]

So.

[A]

So to me, like, giving flowers is like, it's just a. It's an. It's a.

[B]

What about. What's something unnatural to you to do? Yeah. Because I want to reframe the question to something that's not necessarily like, that.

[A]

A woman would want.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Well, like I said, the thing like the texting, maybe. Yeah. But if it's that, like, serious, like, you'd have to come to an agreement on that type of thing. But I think it was more like. Like I said, if it was materialistic, like, she's like, oh, I really want this bag. Like, you know, that's a lot. Yeah. I'm like, no, because to me, it holds no value. So when I give gifts, I don't necessarily give you a gift of something you have on your Christmas list. I give you something that, based off of my interpretation of you, what I think you would appreciate.

[B]

Oh, I have a good question for you. Engagement rings.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Do you think that a man should completely choose, cut, color, style, everything and how to be a surprise?

[A]

No, because that's too specific. Because I think girls imagine already what it's going to look like on your hand.

[B]

Goodness.

[A]

Right.

[B]

There are men that are like, I.

[A]

Don'T want that pressure because be like, I hope she likes it. That's too big of a purchase to be, like, to guess.

[B]

Yes. You know, I agree.

[A]

So I would say, like, babe, pick it out, whatever you want. Tell me the dimensions, everything, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then we'll make it happen.

[B]

I just had a debate about this because people are very torn. They're like, it's a symbol from, like, the man to the woman. It's supposed to be like. And I. I completely agree with you that, like, this is on my hand. It's something I've envisioned for, like, my entire life. And really the. In my opinion, the symbol of it is. This is very old school. But it's. It's supposed to represent how you're going to take care of me. And it's supposed to be a sacrifice. Like, it should. Like, when you throw down for an engagement ring, it should, like, hurt. Hurt a little bit. Because it's. Because it's. A sacrifice.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Of. And a symbol of how financially and emotionally you're gonna take care of me. Because if you take into account what I want and you've listened or, you know, I've shown you things, and you present this thing, it's like. Do you ever watch the pebble and the Penguin?

[A]

The movie?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No.

[B]

They present the perfect pebble.

[A]

Oh, it's like a documentary?

[B]

No, it's a cartoon. It's an old Disney movie. It's one of my favorites. But anyway, so. Okay, let me save this so that. All right.

[A]

How far are we? Because it's already been. How many. How long have we been recording?

[B]

I don't want to tell you.

[A]

Oh, my goodness. I knew this was gonna happen.

[B]

Okay, can you expand on quality men are attracted to women who establish their boundaries.

[A]

Are they? Is that just asking?

[B]

No, we're kind of taking this as truth. That men are attracted to. Or wait, what?

[A]

Set their boundaries.

[B]

Quality men are attracted to women who establish their boundaries.

[A]

Correct? I am.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But they also have to understand a boundary. I think we. You talked about this last time. Is like, boundaries are your responsibility to set. You know? And it's not like you can't, like, let things slip or let things slide.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, like, if you have something and it's clear, you have to say, this is. And it's not like. I think an example I heard once was like, say, are you. I think you talked about it. Didn't you go to, like, a family dinner or something and somebody was being disrespectful to you? Did you mention that?

[B]

I don't think so, no.

[A]

And then you told. And you told this person, like, I don't like to be spoken to that way.

[B]

I don't think that was me.

[A]

That wasn't you.

[B]

I think you dreamed it.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Don't put you in my dream.

[B]

Not in my world.

[A]

Okay. All right. So anyway, for that example, like, say you, like, don't, like, be spoken to in a certain way or you feel disrespected. Right. Say you're like, a family gathering, and this uncle's, like, talking all this mess and cussing and talking down about something that you believe in or something.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You can't be like, well, I'm here, so you can't speak about that. That's not setting a boundary. A boundary is, like, if you're not willing to do this and you don't see it as you're being disrespectful, I'm just going to remove myself from you.

[B]

Don'T get my presence.

[A]

Right, Right. So you have to act upon your own boundaries that you set.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so I. When. And same for me, like, I think it'd be if a woman, probably a quality woman's, is attracted by a man who sets his own boundaries too. Right?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Would you?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think the reason for that is to explain this. It just almost feels like when you've been in that situation before and I don't know, you just take that person so much more seriously. Whereas like, consciously or subconsciously, if someone has no boundaries, then they're just like willing to go with whatever.

[A]

Just let everything.

[B]

Yeah. Then like, how seriously are you gonna take that person? You know?

[A]

True.

[B]

Okay, I can't read. Is it true and valid? Those two are different things. True and valid that men want to have everything figured out before getting serious with someone, I. E. Solid job, savings, house, car, purpose, etc.

[A]

For themselves or with the other person for themselves. Before marriage. Because I think that's a lot to consider before dating somebody.

[B]

Okay, good. So not before dating, but like. Okay, so for marriage, I would think those.

[A]

Those things to be considered would be. I've heard from my own experiences with clients talking about like, it's more of like before they have a kid. Like, I want to be this certain point in my life. I want to have travel this many places. I want to be financially stable. Those things I think mean more and are more important before having a child with somebody. I haven't necessarily heard that before. Like marriage, I think marriage is more. The more things they think about is like, can I see myself with this person forever? Yeah, it's more. They're looking at the individual.

[B]

So if a guy is saying that specifically with the marriage stage, are we.

[A]

Calling BS that that's his reason why? Yeah, yeah. Because I feel like if you guys are. Have been dating that long, he's still pushing it off or not, you know, taking that final step. Like, that's not the reason why.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

That's not the reason why.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because if once you get all those things, does that change your feelings towards this person? It shouldn't. Yeah, right. If you have. If you have 100k in your bank account or you have a million dollars in your bank account, what does that have to do with the love you have for this person? Nothing.

[B]

I think the argument, the COVID up really is what I would say, because I agree with you, is that, oh, well, I want to be able to provide for you and I want to be like Stable in the fact that I've got a good job, I have a place for us to live. I have, like, locked this down, and now we can start our life together. But here's the thing. It. I believe that if a man wants you, he's gonna figure out how he can do those things at the same time. Like, yeah, it's about building a life together. Not. And the reason I say this is because my, like, big, long relationship, that was kind of. Kind of a. A topic of, like, wanting to have things lined up. And really, in my opinion, this is biased. He just doesn't want you. Like, it's just an excuse to prolong something that he doesn't want.

[A]

Yeah. So. But were you talking about marriage?

[B]

Marriage?

[A]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because, I mean, it's not like. Because you decide to get married. That doesn't mean the woman's life is like, okay, well, I'm gonna quit my job. And this. You know what I mean? Like, nothing's gonna change. But I think that's more of. It's the commitment. Yeah. She's snoring.

[B]

Oh, baby, she's smiling.

[A]

I want a pit bull so bad.

[B]

Charlie's asleep. Like a little potato on the couch. Okay.

[A]

You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Yes. Yes. Okay. Do guys really care about chubby bellies?

[A]

Like, define chubby, I guess.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because everybody has a pooch, right?

[B]

I think that's what we're talking about.

[A]

See?

[B]

Yeah. Like, you know when girls wear really, really tight dresses and they're. You can see their uterus? Like, it's just. It's like, anatomical, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is that something that, like.

[A]

Okay, so there's a difference between being fat and then having a chubby baby. What? That's not. That's not a bad term. It's. It's reality. There's fat guys and there's fat girls. It's just a reality, is it not if you. You can't. You can't deny that it's a thing. You know what I mean?

[B]

I know, but I just want to be.

[A]

It's. It's not a bad word. I think you just. You heard it and you're like, oh, like you think it's a bad word.

[B]

I think it's a bad word.

[A]

It's not a bad word. Because I was fat. I admit it. I was. You seen me. I'm not gonna say, oh, I was just a chubby kid. No, I was fat.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I think once people who. Because I've gone through it. So I can speak to it. You Know what I mean? So like, if you accept what you are, then you can find it like, I don't want to be this anymore.

[B]

Let me change this question.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

If a woman loves her body as is, which could mean a lot of things, she could be really thin, she could be super curvy. You know, she could be like thick. Thick. I believe that there is a man out there who would genuinely appreciate her. Exactly as is. Like, men have all different types.

[A]

Yeah, absolutely.

[B]

So this whole like originating question of do really, do men really care about bellies? I think there are probably some men that do because they have a certain physical type they're attracted to. But, but on the other side of.

[A]

That, I mean there's a, there's a person for a certain type of person everywhere. Right. I mean you go to go to Disneyland, look at all the couples walking around, Everybody looks different.

[B]

Okay. You know, and I'm saying this with so much love and you guys know that I don't. Whatever. I was listening to something that was like similar to this topic.

[A]

Okay. We can't get distracted.

[B]

Okay. And oh, it was the dating coach on Tick Tock and it was talking about bodies and image and like, what if I have a couple extra pounds? Like, does he care? And he was so funny. He's like, girl, on my thousand pound life, they always have partners.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You notice that?

[A]

Yeah. There's like I said, there's a person for everybody.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Certain people don't care or like it's all personal preference.

[B]

And I think it's about like what you want for yourself.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Are you happy with your body? Do you feel healthy?

[A]

And if so, because I'm not just saying like not just image, not, not aesthetics. Yeah, right. Because there are people that are just larger, but they're healthy individuals, they live a healthy lifestyle, they exercise, they eat good, but they just carry more body fat. That's just science. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So it's not to say you are less of a person, but maybe if you're trying to talk to somebody who's super fit and got, you know, rock hard body or whatever and you're wondering why doesn't he think I'm attractive and you're not an equivalent or something that he would find attractive, then you can't be mad at that because that's just not his preference. You know, and some. And then the vice versa too. I've seen there's like super, you know, fit women and they got this big old fat guy, burly man. You know what I Mean, but I'm not dissing these people. I'm not dissing them.

[B]

You know what, though? I was just saying, like, I think I need, like, a big boy. Like, I would date, like a linebacker.

[A]

Kind of like freaking.

[B]

I know, but got like. Like a belly lineman. That's what I mean.

[A]

Yeah. Talking about like 350.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like 6 5, 3, 5 0. Yeah, that's a big boy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. That's like he's gonna chop a tree down kind of guy. Carry.

[B]

That's like you just run and you just jump and you just like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Barnacle.

[A]

Solely from monsters.

[B]

Yes, exactly.

[A]

Yeah. Imagine if they were soft when I.

[B]

Was really, really young. I want to say, like, 19. I, like, met one of the 49er players and he was a lineman and nothing happened, but, like, we went on, like, a date or whatever. And that was. That was so long ago. But it was so interesting because it's. Everything is so relative. Like, I've always felt larger because I'm tall.

[A]

He made you feel small.

[B]

Yeah, but I'm not large.

[A]

No.

[B]

Like, I'm just taller and I'm a little thick. But, like, I think just relating back to the original question, it's all relative.

[A]

Yeah. Because the question was like, that seems like a little tiny thing, like. Oh. Like a. What do they call it? Chubby belly? Pooch. Everybody has a pooch. When you sit at the pool, right? You stick your feet in the pool, you look down. Oh, man. You know.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

Like, you know, because you stand up, you feel good, right? And then you sit down, you're like, oh, damn. But to me, it's like, it's no. It's no big deal if you're like, nobody's freaking Adonis and, you know, perfect looking.

[B]

Yeah. I don't think a man is gonna look at your chubby belly, if that's what you're calling it yourself, and be like, no.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, but. And vice versa, too. Is guys think the same thing? I think guys think all girls want to do with a six pack. And so this is another question. Do you. You think guys or girls care more about, like, what their guy looks like vs guys care about girls as far as, like, being in shape.

[B]

And, like, I think that. I just watched a video on this. Girls don't care at all. They just want to be loved.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Like, they want to feel safe. They want to be taken care of. They want to be, like, held emotionally, spiritually, like, physically.

[A]

I'm wasting my time.

[B]

You're. Wait.

[A]

Oh, I'm just Kidding.

[B]

No, you just have like a. I.

[A]

Do it for myself, you know?

[B]

Right. But you just have like an extra like gold star. But I would say that to some it would make you a little bit more like we talked about, intimidating. Because like, let's say I'm an average build woman. Right. If I looked at you and I didn't know you, I'd be like, he probably wouldn't go for me because like you said, I'm not on the par of like running a marathon and having a six pack and stuff. And like to me just like my first instinct would be like, that's probably what you would like because that's what you are.

[A]

You know, I get it, I get it.

[B]

But I confirming what you are asking is that like I, I watched a video on this. It was like men, men are visual creatures.

[A]

So by nature.

[B]

And we're emotional creatures.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So yeah, it, it's almost drastic how different that is.

[A]

I think so too.

[B]

Yeah. Which is kind of unfortunate.

[A]

Yeah. Because they won't. Well, it's hard to also the guy's not going to look at a girl and be like, wow, she looks like such a good person.

[B]

She has such a good heart.

[A]

Yeah. Especially from first glance. You always, you, it's always first sight. Right. You are. Your eyes go to what you're attracted by.

[B]

I will say though that the last person I dated who I really liked that didn't end up working out, we matched on hinge and the first thing he said to me was, you look so sweet. Because I had like a picture of me like with my hair pulled back and I'm just like smiling outside with like sunglasses and I'm like, here I am. And that's, that's what he said.

[A]

Yeah. So anyway, like a compliment like that.

[B]

Over like, you know, I do get.

[A]

I get girls be like, if you're like, oh, you're so. You're gorgeous.

[B]

I think it depends on if you're told it a lot or not. Honestly, if I'm being really, really.

[A]

That's why I feel like if, if your girl's really good looking and you tell her what she already knows she is, then what's the point? You know, it's kind of like it's like telling a dog you have hair, you know, or something.

[B]

I will say though that it's pretty even spread for me about the feedback between like beautiful and genuine, authentic sweet. And you can tell I. No, no, no. I'm saying the feedback I get from men most times, like initial conversation is evenly split between you're so beautiful and you're so authentic and genuine. And I will say that when I get the authentic and genuine one, it's flattering. But at the same time, I'm like, do they not think I'm beautiful?

[A]

Right.

[B]

So.

[A]

But it also. Because if it's like a random. If it's a random versus, like, me, if, like, somebody's like, if I had to give you a compliment, I'm not going to tell you you're beautiful, but that doesn't mean you're not beautiful.

[B]

Right?

[A]

I mean, but I'm.

[B]

I'm trying to understand. Do you think that I'm beautiful? That's what I'm trying to gauge. Like, because then I'm like, well, does he just want to be my friend? You know, that makes sense.

[A]

So, yeah, but I think if he's willing to, like, go outside of the norm or, like, you know, use his brain and be like, oh, what. What qualities is she?

[B]

I love it. I'm just saying sometimes I go there when that happens.

[A]

Yeah, that's in your head.

[B]

Well, well, well. Okay. This was a question submitted by a man, so I put it down for me.

[A]

What?

[B]

Yes. Yeah.

[A]

Do you know you. Do you recognize or.

[B]

No, I don't know him. He said, when should a man know when a woman is starting to throw hints that she likes you?

[A]

When should a man.

[B]

When should a man.

[A]

Or how does he know how? I think it's how I want to.

[B]

Be careful because I don't want to. There are some, like, crazies out there. And if I say, like, you should know, and if you are getting indicators, like, go for it, because, you know, they could, like, run with that. I would say, this is so hard without a video podcast. There's a certain twinkle in the eye, if you will, when a girl is, like, flirting with you. I would also say, like, I'm thinking back to when I was, like, in love with my co worker for, like, three years before anything happened. We did end up dating. It didn't end up working out, but it was a whole story. But I would always ask, like, what are you doing on the weekend? Like, how was your weekend? Like, really, really interested in their life. Making time to go above and beyond what's just normal in terms of interacting with, like, a co worker or someone you see in passing. I would say there's a physical aspect. It definitely. If she's touching you.

[A]

Yeah, for sure.

[B]

Definitely.

[A]

Yeah. That's, like, automatic.

[B]

Yeah. And ladies, if you are trying to be bold or trying to get Hit on more literally, take your three middle fingers and just touch his shoulder. It is, it is wild. It, I mean, it's such an indicator. I, I, this is so hard. But I think extended time periods, asking extended questions, a twinkle in the eye if she's touching you. What else?

[A]

Like you said, if you're asking, constantly asking about my plans, and then maybe you say like, oh, yeah, me neither. I'm not, I don't have plans this weekend.

[B]

I would always do that.

[A]

So you're kind of like making it congruent as, hey, you're not doing anything. I'm not doing anything. So, yeah. Without necessarily saying, do you want to hang out? And if it's more than once, then I kind of get the idea. If it's just a brand, like, oh, what are you doing this weekend? It could be friendly, but if you're more into it and you ask more in depth, or maybe, I don't know, I feel like if they're constantly taking interest or asking you, like, hey, you mentioned this last week. How did that go? Or like, I don't know, just like, showing general interest. But yeah, if you flirting to me is pretty obvious, but then there are certain people that are just natural flirts, I guess.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So you kind of have to, I don't know, be wary of it because some guys, I'd be like, I didn't even know, you know, or like, remember the example I told you about I gave somebody flowers.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Thought.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That I was going into them or something, but I had no intentions whatsoever with this person because they thought I was attractive and they like something about me. They took it a certain way. And then now it's kind of weird because now I'm like, oh, I didn't mean to do that, you know, so you. Sometimes nice gestures can be taken the wrong way.

[B]

I guess I think the answer is that it's obvious.

[A]

Yeah, it should be.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If you got half a brain.

[B]

Well, I'm just kidding. Yeah, I'm just kidding. What are triggers that change a man's perspective on a woman from a friend to something more? This was a question submitted multiple times.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Say one more time.

[B]

What are triggers that can change a man's perspective on a woman from a friend to something more?

[A]

Like, how is he known? Or like, what triggers?

[B]

What might trigger that? Yeah, to be like, you know, I know Susie, but, like, I'm like, thinking of Susie a little differently. Like, I might like Susie.

[A]

Like, oh, how do you know you like them?

[B]

No, what triggers that? I guess but what.

[A]

I guess, like, what is it? How do you trigger that? You know, I think it's just.

[B]

That's the question.

[A]

Just a feeling.

[B]

So what can bring that feeling forward?

[A]

That. That I like someone more than just a friend?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I think it's just the connection.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So the time you spend with that person, you will know when you're. When you're catching feelings. It's pretty obvious. Right.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So you start looking at them in a different light. Right. So it's not necessarily like they do. There's not one. That's why I don't, like, trigger, because.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's not like, a specific moment where I'm like, oh, my God, I like this person. I think it's a developmental thing that happens over time. Like, you have, like, an intimate moment one. One day, or you find yourself drawn to, like, when you're thinking of, oh, I got nothing to do, Let me hit up this person. You know? Are you, like, you just constantly want to be around them?

[B]

It just naturally happens. You make deeper and deeper connection, and it just naturally happens? Yeah. I think this question is coming from women who want to trigger a man to think of them as more than just a friend. So I would say, little baby squish, you need to start flirting. And.

[A]

But there's no way you're going to tactically make a man want to.

[B]

I know, but what I'm saying is he might have no idea. They might just be co workers or friends.

[A]

Put him on notice.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Basically.

[B]

And I think that's just like.

[A]

That's just more flirting.

[B]

Do a little bit more flirting. You know, listen to whatever episode it was, how to get Hit On. It's one of the early episodes. Listen to that. Apply some of those things. And if, like, nothing happens, then he may not just. He. He just may not see you that way. And that's. Okay. That's. There's nothing that can, like, force someone to, like, fall in love with you, you know? Okay. In general, how do men perceive women taking the first step and asking them out?

[A]

I think in general, maybe if. Because that's, like, a masculine quality.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So maybe if that's. If it's too forward and I don't. I haven't, like, shown that I'm interested like, that I'd be kind of like, huh, it's a little. Maybe not gonna work.

[B]

Okay. What if she's super hot?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I'm saying, like.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I'm just.

[B]

I know, I know, I know. It's just funny. She's like, you Just didn't expect it at all. And you are into it. It just happened so fast and she was just like, I would love to get coffee with you.

[A]

Like, yeah, I'd totally be receptive with that.

[B]

Okay. So it just is dependent on if he's into her or not.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

If it's like super random and you're like, haven't. If the man. If me as a man haven't shown any interest or shown like, hey, I'm trying to, like hang out with you or something, then it would be kind of like random and off putting. I'd be like, oh. Because then you're putting on the spot and then you're more likely to be like, okay, is he doing this because it's awkward if he says no or yeah, does he really want to go?

[B]

I think that's. You made a good point is if you've had multiple exposures with this man and he hasn't asked you out versus someone you randomly meet at the grocery store that you probably won't see again and you shoot your shot. Those are two different situations.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because if you shoot your shot at the grocery store with random Joe Schmo and you're like, wow, this guy's so cute. I should ask him out. And you ask him out. That's different than someone who's had the opportunity to ask you out and hasn't done it yet.

[A]

Yeah. But also too. Yeah, exactly. Because if it's like a grocery situation and then I think we have to go back into the. The playbook of the signaling. Right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We talked about in the last podcast of like, what are little hints. You give this person the eye contact.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you can tell whether that person is going to be like, what are you looking at? Or oh, okay.

[B]

Yeah, See you.

[A]

You see me. Then it'd be like, hey, you know, you're obviously not going to hang out right there. It's like, hey, like, I just wanted to introduce myself or whatever. I don't know. If you're free anytime, maybe we can grab some coffee.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To me, that's not. That's. That's a good. It's a good play.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All right. Oops. Do men ask their close guy friends for advice or share details on how dates went?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. What about crushes? Like, if you have a crush on someone Big time. Okay, you what?

[A]

Big time.

[B]

Big time.

[A]

Tell us if there's somebody that, like. Because it's not like guys have that same. Oh, I guess some guys do have that same, like, oh, my God. Like, you know what I mean? But if, say, if it was, like, a chick that they always thought was cute.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then for some, you know, way the universe worked out.

[B]

Stars align.

[A]

Yeah, Stars align. And it just happens. Oh, I'm hitting up my boy asap.

[B]

Are you texting? Or you've been, like, calling a meeting?

[A]

The text would be like, bro, okay, okay. Or it's like, when I see him, because I see people regularly at the barbershop, so usually when they sit down, then I'll be like, dog.

[B]

So you guys have, like, barbershop girl talk, guy talk.

[A]

Go. Barbershop is guy talk.

[B]

For sure.

[A]

And then I will follow up on, like, hey, how did that date go? Or whatever.

[B]

What's the phrase you use when you, like. Because, like, if I said, like, oh, my gosh, I have. I really like this guy. Or, like, I have crush on this guy. Like, what do you guys say? What's the guy version?

[A]

I'm feeling her.

[B]

I'm feeling.

[A]

I'm feeling her. Heavy. Tough.

[B]

Tough. Oh, okay, expand on.

[A]

I like that.

[B]

I thought that was.

[A]

Yeah, but, like, my homies are like, like, oh, yeah, I'm feeling her tough right now. Tough.

[B]

Okay. I think heavy was, like, five years ago, last time I was in a relationship. It's not true. Okay, expand on. Will men settle down for the right girl or truly wait until it's the right time, even though they really believe she's the one?

[A]

Men settle for the right girl or truly wait until it's the right time, even though they truly believe she's the one?

[B]

Basically, if he believes she's the one, is he gonna wait? Wait to settle down, lock it down?

[A]

Like, wait. What? Wait for what?

[B]

Marriage?

[A]

Like, with her?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If she. He thinks this girl is the one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is he gonna wait, Tim?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why would he. What do you mean? Like, is it.

[B]

This is the answer.

[A]

Yeah. I don't. I don't get it.

[B]

Okay. It's very confusing that my perception of why this was submitted is someone who has been told, like, I really love you. I'm in love with you. I know you're the one, but I. I'm. It's just not the right time yet.

[A]

She, like, is he going to wait, or are you saying, like, why is he waiting?

[B]

I think we're on the same page, that this is an excuse.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And he doesn't think you're the one.

[A]

If he chooses or makes an excuse to why he's not proposing.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. How can women better support their men? Boyfriends? And husbands.

[A]

I think the number one thing a man appreciates about a woman is like more than just feeling loved and cared for, is like respected. I think men value respect, not necessarily more than love, but pretty close, you know, because if your, your woman doesn't respect you, then it's just the dynamic is completely off and you just don't, you can't walk in your full masculine, as they say, you know, or you can't be the man you're supposed to be if you don't have that respect. It's like same with like on a team, right? If you're the leader of the team and your players or your, you know, teammates, they don't respect you, then it's not going to work out, you're not going to be successful. So I just see that as like in my personal life is like, respect is like also being understanding. So just knowing that there are things that might not be ideal or might not go the way you wanted them to maybe at this point. But being understanding and being open to be like, hey, this is something we can work on. We, let's work on it together, you know, and just not judging or giving me ultimatums, like, you have to be this or it's not going to work.

[B]

Out, you know, can you give me more like practical examples of like everyday examples of respect for a man kind.

[A]

Of knowing like what I got going on? Because you do like girls always gonna know what your schedule is or they pay attention to those things. So just knowing if this person has like a high stress job or something that requires a lot of energy, a lot of time, a lot of focus and then when he gets home, not being like, well, you've been all day at work, so now it's me time. You know, I mean, be more understanding and be like, hey, like, let me put myself in his shoes. Not that he shouldn't just, he should disconnect and let him do whatever he wants. But at certain times I think what I would want from my woman is the respect of understanding. Hey, he's worked really hard today. He's been going through a lot. And you can read that off of body language and energy too, you know, because there's bidet will, he'll come home and he's like kissing you all over you and then that's something to celebrate. But if there's a day when he's just not feeling it or he's, you know, sometimes you don't need to like, I don't know, some people just don't want to Be pushed or, like, tested or challenged when they're already feeling low, you know? And it's probably same for women too, right. What if I got. You don't want to be presented more problems when you just had to deal with problems all day long.

[B]

I think it's difficult because there is this dynamic, male to female, where when you get home. I don't know how to say this without, like, saying it. The man is the. The man, like, he is the. He takes care of the woman. He's the one that protects her. And, like, is. I guess we support each other, but it's different because if I just had a really bad day, all I want is for you to be all up in my business. But, like, in reverse, what you're saying is actually the opposite. If you had a day, like, you might need like an hour to just, like, not do anything. And, you know, so that's hard because it's the exact opposite.

[A]

So that's where the understanding on both ends comes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because the man can't just be like, oh, I gotta respect me, but I gotta respect the fact that say in another. That's just totally practical situation when I'm trying to set the stage, say the man's at work, the woman's at home taking care of the baby all day. That's a. Yeah. Job too, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So if he's not cognizant of the fact what she's been doing all day, and he's just like, I've been to work all day, leave me alone. I'm going to drink a beer and kick my feet up. That's not fair either. So I think it's the compromise on both ends to be like. And that just has to deal with. What type of man are you? What type of character do you have? You know, because for me, regardless what I try to do on both ends when I'm at work, I always tell people, when I'm at work, I leave everything at the door. Whatever I got going on outside of work, it doesn't matter anymore because I'm focused on being present and doing what I'm doing to my best ability. And when I leave the shop, everything that's work stays there. And now I'm in whatever, dad mode or I'm in husband mode or whatever. And you have to assume that new position. And you got to bring your best self there too. But everybody has days when they're less than their best.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's where the understanding part comes in.

[B]

Yeah. And I don't want to get it twisted that, like, a healthy relationship is one where your guy's gonna come home and ignore you for an hour to two hours every day. Like, at least that would not work for me.

[A]

No, no, absolutely not.

[B]

I just saw a video of this guy and it was like they made it light and it was really funny. But it was on this topic where he was like, my woman lets me play video games for three hours every night. Let me show you how.

[A]

First of all, I think. I'm not. I'm not hating.

[B]

Oh, let, let the word. Let.

[A]

Let.

[B]

Is that where you're going?

[A]

What is that?

[B]

My woman lets me.

[A]

Well, not. Yeah, I get you. Not that. But I'm saying dudes who play video games.

[B]

Okay, okay, but hear me out. It's the same thing. Whatever. You want to do video games. Okay. All right. It's not your.

[A]

Are you like, Are you a kid? That's what I see it.

[B]

It's not your thing, but let's just say it's something else. Just roll with me here.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Let me play basketball for three hours. Whatever.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

He's like, let me show you how when you get home, phone goes down, laptops are closed.

[A]

I've seen this.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. You get with your girl and you are physically touching her, talking to her, asking her questions about how her day. And you care for her for an hour, maybe an hour and a half, two hours. And then guess what?

[A]

Is that enough or you don't.

[B]

It depends. It depends on the person, I think probably. I mean, if I have the option, it's all the.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The moment you get home, the moment wake up and the next morning. But like, that's not realistic for everyone. But what I'm just saying is that there is a component of respecting, of respect, mutually, of the relationship of each other, where you have dedicated time. Like you said, you leave your work at home, you come home, you're in this partnership. And because that you show up for the partnership, it relieves the stress of like, I feel disconnected from you, you know? So anyway, it was a funny thing.

[A]

That's a good. A good. I don't want to call it like a tactic, but it's a good strategy. You should schedule in.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So that you don't have to.

[B]

Intentional time.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. And I've heard that from multiple, like high level couples or whatever. Like people who are live super busy lives. Maybe both. Both woman and man run businesses or something. And it's super hard for them to spend time and give to the relationship. So they have to physically Pencil in time every night for that so the marriage or whatever doesn't fall. The shambles.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I think a lot of people don't. Or they look at that as like, oh, why would I? Why do we need to go to those lengths to even schedule things? It makes it seem, like, robotic.

[B]

I don't want it if it doesn't have that. Yeah, I'm at the point.

[A]

I think that's a great idea.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And just like, what I told you earlier about my friendship, you know, if that's what it takes for us to write in a calendar the most important.

[B]

People in your life you don't want to be intentional with.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Cute.

[B]

Thank you. Next. Can men give you me a second chance after you've been friend zoned? Like, if I friend zoned you, and then I was like, wait a minute.

[A]

No, no, not me.

[B]

Okay, well, what about men in general?

[A]

Probably. Maybe there's some guy out there who'd be like, all right, well, that's how you feel now?

[B]

I would say absolutely, yes. The door is always open for you. I mean, just.

[A]

So if a guy friend zones you.

[B]

No, no, not for me. I'm saying woman demand. Oh, I'm saying I'm. I'm imagining that you friend zoned him because he approached you, was like, hey, want to go out? And you're like, you know, I only think of you as, like, this way or whatever. If he had an interest in you at one time and you still have, like, a good relationship, friendship, whatever, if it's good. Still, that door is always going to be open.

[A]

Usually when you get friend zoned because you made an attempt and then you got shut down, usually you're not going to still hang out as friends. I don't think, like, you're really. You're put in a friend zone, but it's more like a stop sign and like, turn around, buddy.

[B]

Walk away, buddy. Yeah. So.

[A]

And it hurts, especially if it say. If it's like, say you really liked this person or you developed feelings for them and then they friend zoned you, and then they went and got with somebody else. You'd be like, nah. Like, you just. Your whole perception of this person changes. You know what I mean? Like, this is like in high school, right?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I had a best friend. Whatever. Later, dude. Anyways, I had this best friend in high school and, you know, text every day, call each other, BFF high school, cute stuff.

[B]

Oh, I did that too.

[A]

Yeah. And I started to, like, really like her. You know what I mean? And then. Then she ended up dating one of my really good friends, and that broke my heart. And I was like, what, 15?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I actually told her to meet me in the library, and I told her we can't be friends anymore. Oh, that's cool. That's how bad it hurt me.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

That was my first, like, heartbreak ever. And it wasn't even, like, real. But then get this later. So this is. This is pertains to your question.

[B]

I bet you she came back around.

[A]

When I started to get in shape. And then senior year, and you're like, yeah, looking good. And then she started to come back and, like, I could tell she's flirting with me now. I was like, nah, it's not. I'm not dealing with it.

[B]

I think there's a. An added layer there of, like, you didn't want me then, but now you want me. Correct kind of thing.

[A]

Because I wasn't a different person in my personality. I just looked different physically. I just looked different.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So if you're not. That wasn't. You're into cool. I get it. But as a kid, 15, 16, you don't. You don't give people grace like that.

[B]

You didn't want me back, but you're saying still now.

[A]

Still now. Well, I. I don't know. I haven't been in that situation.

[B]

So nobody friend zone.

[A]

Nobody friend zone. Because. But the thing is, like. Because. I don't know. Because it's so weird. Life now is so different because we're adults.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Lives. And when you're dating, it's in that sector. Like, I'm dating specifically. Like, I'm approaching these females because I want to date them. It's rare. Like, for me, I don't have a lot of female friends. I don't hang out with a lot of females, so.

[B]

Oh, I feel special.

[A]

It would. Yeah. I told you. You're, like, one of my first, like, real, like, chick friends. I mean, I have other chick friends, but I feel like they don't make.

[B]

You pot roast, though.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. And we as heavy. And what I really appreciated is, like. And I've always known this about your character because in the way you talk about it with your friends. You know, when I was with my mom saying goodbye to my mom, like, you made an effort to constantly check up on me. You didn't have to do that. You know what I mean? That's just. That's just who you are. So just that made me feel like, wow, like, this is a really good.

[B]

Friend because she cares about you.

[A]

Yeah, absolutely.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

So if you care about your friends, people just do. It might not seem like a big deal, but to them, it could be a really big deal. So shoot that text you thinking about them, Give them a call. Just tell them, hey, thinking about you, Love you, hope everything's good.

[B]

You know what's great, too, that I've been discovering I do it with my closest friends, but I kind of want to do it with everyone, is voice notes. Like, you just send a voice memo because it's so much more personal.

[A]

And, like, I do that on birthdays now, only for special people, because everybody's like, you know, posting them on Instagram and happy birthday and, like. And before, I would always write, like, a nice, long, meaningful text, but now I send a voice note.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I want you to hear it.

[B]

And I think you can save them, too, which is special. Okay, what does it mean when a man waits until the day of to finalize date plans?

[A]

He's unorganized. He's not. Maybe he wasn't, like, planning to do it, or did he, like, talk about it?

[B]

And then, like, here's the situation, because this always happens. Okay, when. When can I take you out for. Blah, blah, blah. We land on Friday. Okay, great. Friday. And then I know I can be like, where are we going? I need to plan what I'm wearing. Like, I can say the certain things, but I want to know if you're gonna step up. Like, 7pm I'm taking you here. 7pm Be ready. I'm gonna pick you up. And it seems like we have this tentative plan that we're going to dinner on Friday, but I don't know what time. I don't know if I'm meeting you there. I don't know where we're going. I don't know what I'm gonna wear, because I don't know where we're going. And so there's all these things that are left unplanned. So we're asking, what does that mean?

[A]

Well, I learned that lesson over time. I think it's like a maturity thing.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Because you start to respect people's time.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

More. I do now. So before, I would do the same thing, like, oh, you're trying to hang out this weekend. And then in my head, I'm like, all right, well, we're hanging out this weekend, so I'll just text you Saturday morning. Be like, so, what do you want to do? Or something like that. And I figured out quickly, like, women hate that. They hate that.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So they want to know exactly where we're going, what time, what should I wear, what are we doing after if we're doing something, whatever the case is. But they want to be as equipped for this time and place and situation so that they don't have to stress and worry and they want it to go smooth. And I get it.

[B]

It's less of a control thing and it's actually what I'm realizing. It's more of a. Like how equipped are you to take care of me if you can't even give me like a time and place for like a date?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How intentional are you going to be with my heart? You know what I mean? Like you can't even do that. Yeah. And what I would say on this is I don't think it's mal intentioned most of the time. I think a lot of men are just underdeveloped because they've been able to get away with it. And what I would recommend for you is if this is a repeated pattern and you don't like it, I would say something along the lines of like, hey, it would be better for me if like we finalize these plans because I don't really know. And if they, I think there was another question that like someone like is a similar situation but they end up bailing. If you, if the plans are not finalized by a certain time, that's where your standards kick in and you make other plans.

[A]

Agreed.

[B]

Like you are not waiting around until Saturday at 5pm to know what you're doing at Saturday at 7pm you need to determine based on your standards what you need in that situation. If he's not doing that and he's not able to do that, people are going to show you what they're capable of. And I will say if a man really is interested in you, it's a non issue.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Would you agree?

[A]

I agree.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because I want the same respect back.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To where? With anybody. Right. If I make plans with anybody and they're just like willy nilly with thinking that like if I, if I gave you a day and we agreed on a day and then it comes today and like you like cancel last minute or something. I'm like, well dude, I structured my.

[B]

Day planned around this.

[A]

So now. And I don't necessarily try to have backups, I'm just at a point where it's like okay, well who cares? You know, I got, I don't get, I don't take it personally but it's, to me it's important to respect people's Time.

[B]

I agree. And what, what I meant by that is if he's trying to get away with being last minute, what I'm saying is like he approaches you Saturday at 5 to go out Saturday at 7 trying to finalize the plans and you haven't heard from him because this happens all the time. When he approaches you, in my opinion, you say, I'm so sorry, like we never finalized these plans. And I unfortunately have other plans. Like if you want to get together, let me know, like when and where next week.

[A]

I, I wouldn't even go, you know, if somebody tries to plan anything with me, like the same day and be.

[B]

Like, no, no, he asked you out on Monday to go out on Saturday. You don't hear from him all week and you're not trying to nag him. This happens all the time. Oh, I'm gonna have a date on Saturday, but I don't know where, I don't know when. And then he hits you up on Saturday.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To finalize, I'm saying girlfriend, go out with someone else and be like, I'm so sorry. Because two things will happen. He will not be interested enough to work hard enough for it or he will never do it again.

[A]

True. Yeah, you're right.

[B]

The third thing is that you just let it happen and guess what? It's going to happen over and over and over again.

[A]

What you allow will always repeat itself.

[B]

Okay, this is my own question, this is very juicy. What would your thoughts be on a woman who you were dating who told you she is celibate?

[A]

Like, like, so we're talking for a little bit and then she's just like celibate.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

I would want to know why. Okay, that's a fair question, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because if you were having sex prior and you decided to stop, there's got to be a reason for it, whether it be faith, you just came, had an epiphany and something you want to do, health issue. I don't know, it could be a number of things. So to me it's not a big deal, but I'd like to know the reasoning. And then because to me, I don't, like, I'm not dating somebody because that's the end goal is to have sex with this person. You know what I mean? So I mean it's just, it would just be interesting thing to hear and I'd be like, why?

[B]

Okay, and then what about a generalized man's perspective?

[A]

I think they would question it, not be like, not curiously, but question it by like kind of like maybe there's something going on. Or like.

[B]

Like what?

[A]

I don't know. Maybe like, well, why don't you want to have. You know what I mean? Just trying to find some kind of weird intention behind it. I'm just. I'm just saying maybe I don't understand. Like. Like, you're weird for saying that.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Like, that's not normal.

[B]

I mean, that's a given.

[A]

Like, that's not normal. You know what I mean?

[B]

But why is this.

[A]

But why is that not normal, though? Yeah, I don't think any. Like, I always ask people, like, what is normal? Normal is whatever you are, that's you. Maybe to society as a whole, that's not the norm. But I don't conduct myself based on what society deems normal. I do live my life based on what I believe in. So if you can't get down with that, then you're not the right type of person for me.

[B]

Yeah, I agree. And I think the two things that you said, your opinion and what you think, like, the general male population are pretty similar. It's just the general male population is probably going to come with more judgment.

[A]

There you go. That's what I was trying to say.

[B]

Yeah. And yours is just like, curiosity, judgment, and also trying to understand, but, like, more judgy. And then yours is curiosity and understanding. Yeah. Okay. And how soon into dating should she tell you?

[A]

I think maybe it would come up on its own, because if you were getting intimate and then it gets to that point and she's like, okay, I got to tell you something. Or like. Or something like that. Like, okay, well, what's the deal? So I think it would come up naturally. I don't think it would be something that you have to be like, well, before we start talking, I need to let you know, because that shouldn't be something that somebody sees as, like, maybe it's a deal breaker.

[B]

That's like, privileged information, I feel like.

[A]

Right. It's a personal decision.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, cool. It's 10. Can you keep going or do you want to stop?

[A]

Did we do speed yet? We haven't hit speed.

[B]

We have a few. We have three more, and then we have speed.

[A]

There's hella speed.

[B]

That's not speed, but, like, speed is like, yes or no.

[A]

Okay. Let's just ride it out. Let's go.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I'm in this for the long haul.

[B]

Okay, good. Okay. Why are some men not good at anticipating needs? And how can we help with that?

[A]

They're not. Why are they not good at anticipating these.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think that's just individual to the person. You know, how developed are they? How, like, how much awareness do they. How can they pick up on the woman and what she's, like, emulating or giving hints or whatever?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, if it's obvious and they're not picking up on it, then just like, okay, okay, this guy's freaking slow or something, you know?

[B]

Yeah, I think that I agree. And I think it's also just like, underdeveloped emotional intelligence. And I know that whoever is submitting this question is like, well, how can I get him there? And it's like, you might not.

[A]

Can't.

[B]

You're trying to completely change a person, and that's not like you want someone who is good at maybe anticipating some or most of your needs but is really receptive. And if they're not receptive, that's a problem.

[A]

Yeah, I agree.

[B]

Yeah. How to communicate you're dating to find a life partner and want to make sure intentions are the same without sounding weird.

[A]

I don't think it's weird. I don't think so about that in the first one too, is I think if. If the. That person thinks it's weird that you're communicating your intentions, then that's not the correct person you should be.

[B]

Right. Yeah.

[A]

So.

[B]

Yeah. And you should never feel self conscious about communicating that.

[A]

No.

[B]

Now, I would say that going into a first date and being like, I'm dating to marry, that's like a whole. That's aggressive, for sure. I think it will naturally come up in the conversation where you could say, you know, I'm at the point in my life that I'm really interested in finding, like, a life partner to get married. So that's kind of what I'm looking for. So. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. What do you think?

[B]

What do you think? Yeah, but, like, it's the tone. It's the.

[A]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[B]

In your opinion, slash thoughts on the phenomenon where men hit points in the relationship where they are clearly not happy anymore, but they don't break up with you. They just hurt you or slowly sabotage.

[A]

In. In, like, doing those things in order to get you to break up with me.

[B]

Maybe that's the answer. They're not happy anymore, but they're not ending it. They're just not behaving.

[A]

So. Yeah, but you think they're doing those behavior, having those behaviors.

[B]

Because I think that they're trying to.

[A]

Get easy way out. Like, I don't want to break up with you, but I'm trying To do things like act bad or hurt you or.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Sabotage relationships so that you do it to me. I'm sure it happens all the time.

[B]

I think that's the answer.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So if you are in that situation, I'm sorry, because it sounds terrible, but I think that's the answer is like it needs to end.

[A]

And if he's not willing to have that conversation and explain why he's unhappy, then like that's just another flag of a person that's. They're not there mentally.

[B]

Yeah. You know, I agree. Okay. Speed round.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Are you getting sleepy?

[A]

A little bit.

[B]

Okay. This was not a. Okay, I'm gonna skip that. Sex on the first date, yes or no?

[A]

No.

[B]

No. Yes. This is an absolute 100 no. Unless sex is the only thing that you want.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In my opinion.

[A]

Exactly. So this is for male and female. Okay.

[B]

Well, female.

[A]

Oh, so you're saying, should a woman give it up on the first date?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah, absolutely.

[A]

If your intention is to like date this person and be with them and you want them to take you seriously.

[B]

If your intention is anything besides just having sex.

[A]

Perfect.

[B]

Once.

[A]

Perfect.

[B]

Yeah. Thoughts on women sliding to guys. Dms. Yes or no?

[A]

I mean, shoot your shot.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's no big deal. You know, you win some, you lose some, but you can't, you can't win the game if you don't take the shot, so.

[B]

That's right. Okay. Just really short answer situation. X Broken. X broke up with me, but refuses to cut contact. Why?

[A]

Because he's toxic.

[B]

He wants the attention that you continue to give him. Is the answer he's trying to keep.

[A]

On the back burner so that.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

You know, he builds his roster.

[B]

I don't know how my boyfriend feels about me because he doesn't verbally express it. I feel more emotionally invested. I need reassurance. How do I get it?

[A]

That's. That's pretty in depth.

[B]

Okay, we'll. We'll save that for another. I don't know why I put that on the speed round. In your opinion, is it a good idea to go back to a guy who cheated?

[A]

No.

[B]

Someone you've been back and forth with for some time keeps making plans and cancelling. What should you do?

[A]

What should you do? If you see potential in this person and you can tell it's not. I mean, this is like with the breadcrumb thing, right?

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

Yeah. So I mean, if you're getting that vibe that they're just not really caring or not putting an effort, then I would just say Forget it.

[B]

I would say in your mind, you need to write this person off and say that nothing is ever happening with them. And this is what you're gonna say. Your inconsistency is unattractive, but I wish you the best. And that's either gonna, like, yeah, kick rocks to him, or he's gonna be like, all right, I need to step up. Or, you know, never talk to her again. Is it better for a woman to tell a guy straight up that she likes him or to go to his friend and tell him, oh, no, don't tell him, homie.

[A]

Don't, don't, don't. Why I think you have. I don't respect that. That's like having your friend come up like, oh, my friend thinks you're cute.

[B]

It's like high school.

[A]

Yeah, just tell me.

[B]

Okay. Turn off. Or no. A woman who is too sweet, kind, or giving.

[A]

No.

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Making out at the end of the first date. Does this mean a man is only after one thing?

[A]

I would say not necessarily.

[B]

Not hands, just mouth.

[A]

Yeah, not necessarily. I think because sometimes you just. I don't know, maybe their date went super well, and then maybe. I don't know, you probably. Some people go get drinks on the first date, and maybe they get in a state where it just happens. I'm not saying that's, like, a bad thing, but I don't think it's like, maybe. I wouldn't do that personally.

[B]

You would not make out with someone.

[A]

On the first day, because usually my first date is not going to be in a bar getting drinks, y. That type of deal. My first date's more daytime. Hang good, get lunch. I want to know more about you. So that's not the type of environment where I think a makeup would happen, you know? So I get it if that. You're in this. You're in an environment where that could possibly could happen and just things happen, you know? But you know.

[B]

Yep. Why does it seem. Oh, why does it seem like guys go just go for looks slash IG models, slash. Prefer girls in their 20s, over their 30s?

[A]

I don't think it looks like that. But they're not get. They're not getting those girls. It might look like that because you look at their Explore page, and that's all that pops up. But that's not. That's not what they pursue.

[B]

That's not what they get.

[A]

That's what they get.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like the average normal dude. Like, no, those things are like. It's like. I mean, Instagram is like fantasy world. You Know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah. Okay. How to know without necessarily asking if he thinks you're the one.

[A]

How to know. That's. That's pretty tough. I think you, if you, like, like when we talked about you're the one. As in you're the one I want to marry.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

He would tell you.

[B]

Okay, cool.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Difference between I love you and I have love for you.

[A]

I. Because that's to me what I say. Well, I don't know, because I have love for a lot of people, you know, But I don't know. That's. It's. That's a tough one because it's not like with a female and in a male in a relationship, it's like, is it the same thing? No, it's not. No, but it's not. But I don't think it's like one or the other. Like, I, I. If he says, oh, I have love for you, but he doesn't tell you he loves you, then he's not trying to be with you.

[B]

He doesn't love you.

[A]

Yeah, he doesn't.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. If he says. Well, if he says it and makes it, makes that separation like, I have love for you, but I don't love.

[B]

That's like basically friend zoning. Someone being like, I love you as a friend.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. Why men treat you like a girlfriend but then say they're not ready for a relationship slash, basically. And you're in a situationship.

[A]

Because they haven't figured it out for themselves what they want. So they're. They're doing what they think. They're just going with it because it feels good. And then maybe part of their brain is thinking that's what they want, but in reality, they're not ready for it. So then when push comes to shove, they give you what it really is and they're like, they backpedal or whatever. That's what I would say.

[B]

I would say he just doesn't like you enough.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But that's a female perspective. Okay. All right, thank you guys so much for listening. We are two and a half hours.

[A]

Same as last month.

[B]

Yeah. So we can split it into two. Thank you for coming on Dice. We really appreciate you and your time. And we're here at 10:17pm so much fun. Yeah. All right, guys, we'll talk to you in the next one. Bye. This is the part of the podcast where I ask you to follow and leave a five star review. It really helps me out and it'll also notify you when I have a new episode. Dropping share this with your friends that you. You think it might touch. Even if you want to screenshot this and tag me on Instagram so then I can repost you, I'd really, really appreciate it. I love you. Bye.