Podcast Summary: Who Is She?
Episode: S2 EP3: Ask D Advice Column
Host: Danielle Walter
Release Date: February 1, 2025

Introduction

In episode 3 of Season 2 of Who Is She?, host Danielle Walter delves into her listeners' questions, offering thoughtful advice on navigating the complexities of dating, personal growth, and relationship dynamics in one’s late 20s and early 30s. This episode serves as an extension of Danielle's role as a "big sister" figure, providing insights drawn from her own experiences and learnings.

Life Updates

Danielle begins the episode by sharing significant personal updates, setting the stage for her advice by highlighting recent developments in her life.

1. Moving to San Francisco ([02:30])

   Danielle announces her plans to move to San Francisco on February 14, 2025. This transition is aimed at immersing herself in a more central location aligned with her target demographic, allowing her to build a community in an urban setting. She reflects on the challenges faced during the apartment search process and emphasizes the importance of trusting in a higher plan while taking proactive steps. Danielle states:

   "I know if you feel like something that you're being pulled to something and you know in your gut that it's right, nobody else needs to understand it. You just need to do it." ([05:10])

2. First Date of 2025 ([10:15])

   Sharing her excitement, Danielle mentions her upcoming first date of the year. She is implementing new dating strategies, such as keeping the first date short and intentional, aiming to assess compatibility without overcommitting initially.

   "I am meeting up for one drink, maybe an hour or so, and that's it. And then seeing if I want to go on a second date." ([12:45])

Q&A Section

Danielle addresses a series of anonymous listener questions, offering personalized advice grounded in her experiences.

1. Do You Message Men First on Dating Apps? ([15:30])

   Danielle discusses the shift from traditional dating norms where men were expected to initiate conversations. She introduces the "drop the handkerchief" method, encouraging women to take the first step in messaging men on dating platforms like Bumble.

   "It's foolproof. If I see James either on Hinge or the swiping section, I will say, hi, James." ([16:05])

2. Have You Thought of a Matchmaker? ([20:50])

   While acknowledging the potential benefits of using a matchmaker, Danielle expresses reservations due to the high costs and her desire to experience organic dating. She considers this option for her late 30s if still single.

   "I want to be with the right person. And if that takes a little bit longer, I'm looking forward to the experiences as well." ([21:30])

3. How Did You Get Started with Social Media? Did You Reach Out to Brands in the Beginning? ([25:00])

   Danielle chronicles her journey to social media success, which began as a coping mechanism post-breakup. Initially experimenting with fashion and DIY content, she found her stride by sharing authentic, relatable advice videos that resonated with a broader audience. Her breakthrough came with a "Things I Wish I Knew" video that went viral, propelling her follower count from 200 to 130,000 within a weekend.

   "Sometimes the best creation comes out of spontaneity." ([28:40])

4. Why Do You Wear Makeup to the Gym, Especially with Acne-Prone Skin? ([35:10])

   Addressing concerns about acne, Danielle explains her balanced approach to makeup. She acknowledges past struggles with acne exacerbated by makeup tools but now opts for minimal makeup to boost her confidence without significantly impacting her skin.

   "I feel better when I put myself together." ([37:25])

5. How Do You Get Over Limerence? ([42:00])

   Danielle defines limerence as obsessive infatuation driven by anxious attachment and offers strategies to manage it. She emphasizes self-discipline, accountability with friends, and focusing on personal growth to mitigate obsessive thoughts.

   "Hold yourself accountable and disciplined." ([43:15])

6. Met a Guy Via Friends and Hit It Off, Then Nothing. What Would You Do? ([48:50])

   Suggesting proactive yet non-intrusive approaches, Danielle advises sending a friendly message referencing their initial meeting or inviting him to group activities. If there’s no response, she recommends moving on, reinforcing that it's not the seeker's responsibility.

   "If you're not getting a response, that's not really your problem or your responsibility." ([50:30])

7. Methods for Filtering Out Weirdos on Dating Apps ([55:00])

   Danielle outlines her filtering criteria on dating apps, including religious alignment, height preferences, and genuine profile presentation (e.g., avoiding excessive filters or inappropriate photos). She stresses the importance of non-negotiables and effective self-screening.

   "Think about what matters to you and make your own list of filters." ([56:45])

8. How to Deal with an Avoidant Man ([1:02:20])

   Addressing relationships with avoidant individuals, Danielle advises recognizing that one cannot change another’s attachment style. She recommends focusing on personal well-being, understanding one's own patterns, and seeking professional therapy if needed.

   "You cannot change him. He needs to want to change for himself." ([1:03:10])

9. Best Advice for a Married Gal in Her Early 20s Trying to Make Like-Minded Friends ([1:10:05])

   Although relating to a scenario Danielle hasn't personally experienced, she provides actionable steps for building friendships as an adult. These include engaging in community activities, attending classes aligned with personal interests, and consistently investing time and energy into new social opportunities.

   "Make sure to consistently dedicate yourself to putting yourself in new situations around new people." ([1:11:30])

10. Can You Describe How You Created a Calendar Last Year for Reaching Your Goals? ([1:15:45])

    Danielle shares her goal-setting process from the previous year, which involved writing down big goals, breaking them into sub-goals, and organizing them into a physical calendar with motivational stickers. She reflects on the benefits and potential improvements, such as allowing for more flexibility.

    "It makes me feel happy and makes me want to do more." ([1:18:20])

11. Finding a Man at the Gym and Dating App Preferences ([1:22:35])

    Combining insights from earlier topics, Danielle discusses the pros and cons of meeting potential partners in the gym versus using dating apps. She acknowledges the success others have had in the gym setting but advises proceeding with caution due to the potential for awkwardness if things don’t work out.

    "Proceed with caution and know that it might not work out." ([1:24:10])

12. Is It Wrong to Bring Up the Distance on a First Date? ([1:28:50])

    Danielle suggests that while it's not inherently wrong to discuss physical distance early on, it should be approached thoughtfully after establishing fundamental compatibility. She provides a sample script to address the concern in a way that invites open dialogue.

    "Give the man an opportunity to step up in his masculine." ([1:30:05])

13. Have You Ever Shared Your Testimony on a Social Media Platform? ([1:33:15])

    Affirming her openness, Danielle confirms sharing her personal testimony on social media and within specific podcast episodes aimed at exploring faith and personal history.

    "If you want to know more about me personally, my story literally tells my life story." ([1:34:00])

14. One Thing from Your Solo Life You Imagine Missing the Most When You Find Your Person ([1:35:40])

    Reflecting on personal freedom, Danielle discusses the aspects of her current single life she cherishes, such as having sole control over her time and decisions. She expresses gratitude for this phase while recognizing the fulfillment that a committed relationship brings.

    "There is a freedom that I have right now with my time and my energy and my emotions and my life that I just won't have anymore." ([1:36:55])

15. What if a Guy I Like Doesn't Respond to My Text Because of His Family Trauma? ([1:38:10])

    Danielle advises interpreting a lack of response as a sign of insufficient interest rather than solely attributing it to family trauma. She encourages giving the person space and moving forward if communication remains unreciprocated.

    "He doesn't like you enough. Move on from that situation." ([1:39:45])

16. Good Conversation Starters/Questions to Ask on Dating Apps ([1:40:50])

    Emphasizing authenticity, Danielle recommends keeping conversations casual and natural, mirroring in-person dialogue rather than relying on manufactured openers.

    "Just be normal and talk as if you're having a conversation in person." ([1:41:20])

17. Best Dating Advice You Can Think of for a 30-Year-Old Woman ([1:43:00])

    Capturing the essence of her advice, Danielle stresses the importance of prioritizing compatibility over superficial attractions. She urges listeners to trust their instincts and avoid investing time in relationships that don't align with their core values and compatibility.

    "Compatibility is the most important thing over physical attraction." ([1:44:35])

Conclusion

Danielle wraps up the episode by acknowledging the abundance of questions received and hints at a potential follow-up episode to address remaining inquiries. She reinforces her commitment to providing actionable advice and fostering a supportive community for her listeners.

Notable Quotes

• "Be more you this year and find them on Bumblebee." ([00:01])
• "If you feel like something that you're being pulled to something and you know in your gut that it's right, nobody else needs to understand it. You just need to do it." ([05:10])
• "It's foolproof. If I see James either on Hinge or the swiping section, I will say, hi, James." ([16:05])
• "Sometimes the best creation comes out of spontaneity." ([28:40])
• "I feel better when I put myself together." ([37:25])
• "Hold yourself accountable and disciplined." ([43:15])
• "If you're not getting a response, that's not really your problem or your responsibility." ([50:30])
• "Think about what matters to you and make your own list of filters." ([56:45])
• "You cannot change him. He needs to want to change for himself." ([1:03:10])
• "It makes me feel happy and makes me want to do more." ([1:18:20])
• "Proceed with caution and know that it might not work out." ([1:24:10])
• "Give the man an opportunity to step up in his masculine." ([1:30:05])
• "There is a freedom that I have right now with my time and my energy and my emotions and my life that I just won't have anymore." ([1:36:55])
• "He doesn't like you enough. Move on from that situation." ([1:39:45])
• "Just be normal and talk as if you're having a conversation in person." ([1:41:20])
• "Compatibility is the most important thing over physical attraction." ([1:44:35])

Final Thoughts

Episode 3 of Who Is She? offers a comprehensive exploration of contemporary dating challenges and personal development strategies. Through candid sharing and practical advice, Danielle Walter reinforces her role as a trusted guide for women navigating the intricate landscape of relationships and self-growth in their 20s and 30s.