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Race the sails. Race the sails. Captain, an unidentified ship is approaching. Over.
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Roger, wait.
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Is that an enterprise sales solution? Reach sales professionals, not professional sailors. With LinkedIn ads, you can target the right people by industry, job title, and more. We'll even give you a $100 credit on your next campaign. Get started today at LinkedIn.com results, terms and cond. Hello and welcome to who is She? A podcast sharing the voice I wish I had in my 20s and navigating how to thrive in your 30s. I'm your host, Danielle, and I'm so glad you're here. This is a safe space to talk through all the in between moments, consider different perspectives, and ultimately go for the life we want to live. Get comfortable and let's get started. Hi, guys. I'm so happy to be back with you. I, um. Let's talk about it. Where have I been? So the last time I recorded, I think, was a couple months ago and a lot happened. Okay, so first a lot of those podcast clips and the episode or the recent episodes were very sniffly, like I was sniffing a lot. I can't breathe in this corset. I got sick right after that. So it was like a precursor. This was like months ago. And then life happened and I didn't get back to it. The podcast, as I've shared multiple times, has been a thing that's really hard for me to stay consistent with, even though I love it. Just because it's more of a. It's a newer thing. I would say I'm an expert in short form content. Like by the definition of being an expert, like the 10,000 hours. I've done so much of that. But the podcast is a new thing for me. New ish, considering the amount of hours in comparison that. That I've done to short form content. All that to say it was harder for me to just get like, back into it. And then things started moving for my move to San Francisco. Now, I've addressed this multiple times, but just in case you're still confused, which is okay. I own my home in San Jose. It's a one bedroom condo. And that's where you probably. The content I make or made that you probably found me from was filmed in that condo. And I still love it. And I customized it top to bottom, the whole thing. Like, I bought it and it was. Most of it was original. And then over years and years and years, I redid a bunch of stuff. So it's custom to me and I love it. But I wanted to move to the city for so many reasons. Um, my pastor. I'm gonna be mentioning this all throughout the podcast, but my pastor mentioned that there are things that only your spirit can tell you. So the Holy Spirit that moves through you. So. And I'm really. I'm gonna land this plane. But I have known through my spirit that I'm supposed to be here for a long time in San Francisco. Now, how that was going to happen was not known to me. I didn't understand. Not understand. I just didn't know how or when that was going to happen. But this has been a desire of my heart since a year and a half ago, maybe two years. It started, I don't know, year and a half. It's pretty safe to say, but I've known it. And so in relation to the podcast and where I've been and all of that, things started moving for this. And I found my apartment, or I thought I found an apartment and the apartment fell through. I'm not sure if we talked about this yet or if, you know, but basically I had signed a lease for a completely different apartment than what I'm sitting in right now. I paid my first first month and security deposit, and at the time, it was one month out from when I was supposed to move in. So I waited a couple weeks, and one week from when I was supposed to move in, I got a text that it basically fell through. The old tenant had certain life circumstances and was no longer moving and was requesting that they be able to stay in the apartment. And so I was really bummed, but I kind of. I was bummed and I was frustrated and I let myself feel that. But then I was like, this must mean. This must mean that there's something so good coming. This must mean that. And I didn't know what that meant. But a couple days passed and the property management team from that prior apartment reached out to me and said, hey, we're so sorry this happened. And it's sort of a gray area from a legal standpoint, so we're really thankful basically that you were flexible. And we think we have something that you're going to like better. And from our opinion, it's way better than this prior apartment. So I was like, okay. And it ended up being this apartment that you see now. I mean, you don't really see much of it. And this is not for the record what I want it to look like. We've just been waiting on decor. So furniture is being shipped. I should get that next week. I've been eating on the floor for about a month, which reminds me of when I bought my first condo. And you know, you just got to do what you got to do. At the time for my condo, I had to eat on the floor because I literally could not afford furniture. But anyway, I've been waiting on furniture. I found a specific wallpaper company that does temporary wallpaper because I don't know if you know this, but temporary wallpaper does not, or, I'm sorry, peel and stick wallpaper does not mean that it's temporary. Peel and stick just means the application of the wallpaper is you peel it off and you stick it to the, of having glue or adhesive that you're also applying. So but it doesn't mean that it's temporary, meaning all these videos that you see of these nightmares of people pulling off temporary peel and stick wallpaper from their walls after living in their apartment for a year or two, it's because it was never meant to be temporary. It was just peel and stick, not temporary. Anyway, found two very specific companies that do specifically temporary renter friendly peel and stick wallpaper. This whole place is getting a revamp and it is going to be like, if you're looking at this, this couch is getting covered with a, like a purple cover because it's too many patterns all at once. But like, this is the vibe. Like we're going bold, maximalist, grandma chic. That's my, that's my vision. So anyway, I'm in this dream. It is a dream apartment. It's a one bedroom apartment in San Francisco. It's in the Marina. My views are stunning. I. The other apartment that I signed for first, I really, really wanted bay windows and it didn't have it. But I loved everything else about it. So I was like, you know what, I can compromise. And then it didn't end up working out. And this one, God really said, I have something for you. And I have this beautiful bay window and just very. It's spacious, but it's also cute and comfy. It's vintage. It has original trim, original cabinetry. It's just charming. And I, it Has, like, beautiful archways, lots of air, lots of light, and it's perfect. And I'm so grateful and I'm so thankful and also to you, because without you watching this right now, under the sound of my voice, I would not be doing this or have this or be here. So I'm grateful to you. So thank you. What else? What other updates? I. I don't think. I don't think I have anything else to update you on. Many of you found me through my dating series, and I really haven't been dating. I went on one pseudo date. It wasn't. It was kind of a date, kind of. Not really. It's was with a older guy that I had met, like, a year ago when I started my exploratory search in San Francisco to see if I wanted to be here. And I met him just through staying at the same hotel as him. And we, for me, it's felt platonic this entire time. And it's taken a year of, like, we see each other once every, like, six months to see, like, does this guy just think of me as a friend? Which is totally cool. But, like, anyway, that's the only thing that I've. The only really date that I've gone on in the last, like, I want to say two months because I went on one, like, a few weeks before I moved, maybe a month before I moved. So anyway, I'm not actively dating. I have a story that I'll probably share in a future episode. I'm just gonna do it now. I'm gonna do it now. I prayed on this, and I. What I'm about to share is very vulnerable and hard for me to share. All right, Jesus, help me. The reason I'm sharing this is because I have already prayed on it. I have already received counsel on it from a trusted friend, safe space. And I have let myself have time to go through it. And I think it could help someone. So, as you guys know, I just shared, I'm not really actively dating, however, and you also know that I am celibate dating. Meaning that's not just like a natural progression in dating me. It's something that I don't. Sex is just not going to be a part of the dating situation because it's not the right time for it. So it was, gosh, a couple weeks ago, I was very fresh into San Francisco, and I. I'm going to share enough to, like, give you the story of what happened and also protect my privacy and real vulnerability on this. But basically, I met someone and I put Myself in a situation where I did not have sex, but I compromised myself physically that I don't want to end up in that situation again. And I had to deal with a, a lot of shame from that. And it really, the shame got me, but the conviction over it really got me. And it basically was just I allowed someone access to my body that I just, it was almost like a parallel universe. I couldn't even believe that I had allowed that to happen. And like I said, there was shame tied to it, but there was also just this overwhelming conviction of like, I cannot end up in this situation again and allowing myself time to process that. And, and like I said, getting counsel on it and sitting with it and letting time pass. I felt it important to share because I know a lot of you look to me for maybe you'd never even heard of being celibate during dating because it's just so old fashioned and it's not modern and it's not current. And I feel a sense of responsibility to be honest and open with you because I have shared like up until that point and I'm still technically celibate, but still there were things that happened that I don't feel proud of and I, I regret. But before that it had been a year, a whole year of just celibate dating and completely flipping how I did dating on its head. And I just really felt bad about that to summarize that. So. But the important part here is I felt grateful for the conviction because the conviction on it made me deeply feel that what I'm doing and my approach to this is the right way for me. And if you are out there and you are considering celibate dating or you are, you are yourself celibate and you have moments where you question that or maybe moments where you have slipped and done something or allowed something that doesn't align with what you have set out for yourself. I want you to know that it is okay and we make mistakes. And I highly, highly encourage you to talk to a trusted friend or family member or if you have like a pastor or anyone to speak with on it, someone who is safe, not someone who obviously would shame you for that because you don't need that. But for me, that's what I needed in order to move forward. And I just, I wanted to share that with you because it didn't, it wouldn't feel honest if I didn't. So I'm okay, I am convicted. I know I will never put myself in a situation like that again. And I'm grateful for that and I'm moving forward. So I was debating on whether I was gonna. How I was gonna say that. It's a funny thing sharing the most intimate details of your life online, and there's so much hate that comes at you that sometimes you lose sight of the core people that you're actually talking to. So, like, the people who like you, who are watching this and who have so much love for me and support me and I know would be a safe space, it gets drowned out by the potential of what you know will also happen. So this topic of compromising my celibacy, I think my boundary, at least for how I'm feeling right now, is that I couldn't just. I don't want to make a short form video about this that would go viral and have everyone judge me, because it would. I know that this is something that if I made a short form video about it, it would go massively viral and it would probably be really great for my career. But this is kind of where I draw the line because it is so personal. Anyway, so I'm glad I shared that with you, and I hope that wherever you are on your journey to dating or wherever it is that you are, that it helped you in some way. Okay, getting into today's topic, I. The other day someone asked me, how do you structure your day? Because now I'm like, what do you call it? I'm self employed. But it's like, yeah, there's some other word for it. But anyway, I don't have to report to anyone anymore, which is great. But it also means that I have zero structure. And my answer was, I don't. I don't structure my day. And that's not like a. Some of it is fun and positive, but, like, I don't have a routine yet. But that question hit me super hard because I was like, maybe I should. Maybe I should try to figure something. Something out. So the next day I planned to go to this really bougie, pretty Pilates studio slash workspace that I'd been invited to. And I was like, I. I don't know exactly what I'm gonna do, but I'm gonna work. I knew that I wanted to map out podcast episodes. So basically I blew my own mind because I got out ChatGPT and I brainstormed and I basically planned out four episodes. And then I also planned out sort of formulas that I want to try for short form video. And I got a lot of work done. So all that to say the title of this episode is Things I Wish I Knew in College. My audience ranges from, I think, 18 to about 40 or mid-30s. And so the plan is to do an episode based on each bracket inside that age demographic. So this episode is going to be Things I Wish I Knew in College. The next episode is Things I Wish I Knew in my early 20s. And then the last episode in that series is going to be Things I Wish I knew late 20s. Okay. Because all three of those time periods are very different. And what I've done is brilliantly asked Chat GPT to ask me or to give me the questions that a person of that age range would want to know from someone like me who is 32 and have already had those life experiences. And I've skimmed the list of questions, but I haven't really dove deep into any of them. So all this is going to be on the fly, but it's going to be, I'm going to put myself in the mindset of that whatever age bracket we're doing for that week, and then give you my take on it. Okay. All right. I might need to loosen this corset if I'm being quite honest. All right, let me get these questions out. So the first question is, how do you build real confidence when you secretly feel lost? So, so this is phrased at women ages 18 to 22. So building real confidence when you feel lost. I think what's so important to realize is that you are just a version of yourself right now. If you're between the ages of 18 to 22, you are going to evolve so many times. And so I feel like there's a sense of safety in and knowing who we are permanently or the idea of that. But when you're that age, you need to understand that you are still. You've got so many skins left to shed. You have so many, so much life left to live in, so many versions of yourself. So to build confidence at this age, I would just say to try being and doing and acting the way that you think you want to and see how that feels, because you are not going to fully know yourself for a while. And that's the fun of it. But you can try different things on. You can try different ways of dressing, different ways of speaking, hanging out with different types of people and seeing how that feels. And the building of self confidence in that is really just about staying true to yourself while you try on those different versions. So if something makes you feel really, I say icky, really bad, don't keep doing it. And I think women ages 18 to 22 really do fall for that is like, well, everyone else is doing it. Or if I don't do this, or if I don't wear that, or if I don't go to this event, then I'm not going to be in. I'm not going to. People won't like me, whatever. First of all, it's not going to matter, okay? It's about building self trust in order to build that self confidence. Hope that made sense. Okay. Why is it okay to not have everything figured out by 21? I kind of already answered this. The reason that it is okay to not have everything figured out by the time you're 21 is because you are gonna shed so many skins over the next 10 years. It is so wild to think about who I was when I was 21 and who I am now at 32. And I don't. I don't know if I would change anything, but I know that I'm completely different. Okay? And you will be too. And it will be a good thing. But that's why it's okay to not have everything figured out. And also on that, we're going to talk about this a little bit later. You can plan for your life to go a certain direction and for you to have a certain job. That doesn't mean that it's going to happen that way. So just keep that in mind. So don't stress about it too much. Okay? How do you stop tying your worth to grades or achievements? So this is hard because this is one of the few things that you can control. I think when you're, you know, college age, and especially if you come from an anxious attachment like I do, it's hard not to tie yourself forth to what you achieve, including your grades. But what immediately comes to mind for this, and this is subject to what field you're in, what major you have all of that. But for a lot of you, the grades are not going to matter. I'm saying this with a grain of salt because, you know, some people, like, if you're trying to get into med school, I'm assuming you need one of the top GPAs in order to be considered for med school. So same thing with a few different fields. But for a lot of people in college right now, no one cared about my gpa. They cared that I went to college. When I went to get a job, okay? I was a business major. And so if you are like business, accounting, finance, I would say liberal arts, poli sci. Like there's so many different majors and fields that you just need went to college on your resume, you really don't need your grades or your achievements. It is helpful for someone to see that on a resume. But I'm telling you, if you can sell yourself when you get in the room with a potential employer, it really won't matter. So for that reason, yes, you want to do good in school, but it shouldn't be the thing that drives your self worth. Your self worth should be driven from who you know you are, the value you have as a person, how kind you are, how you show up in the world and just trying to be a good person. Okay, all right. How can you stop comparing your life timeline to everyone else's? All these questions are tying together. You can stop comparing. How do you stop comparing? Okay, if I was 18, this is a part for like sage wisdom advice. And what I'm going to tell you is just because someone gets something before you doesn't mean that it's not also going to happen for you. So in that sense, like I think a lot of, a lot of this will be comparison on like relationships when you're in college, which by the way, very rarely do people stay together after college. Okay, so that's kind of irrelevant. But so much is going to change. It's, I mean it's kind of the same answer for all of these. So by comparing yourself to people around you, it's kind of irrelevant because everything is going to change massively over the next 10 years. How do you handle self doubt when trying something new? This is such a powerful skill that I think I've always been good at, but is something that's very uncommon and I wish I had flexed that muscle a lot more and a lot sooner in life. So the ability to be vulnerable and try something new even if you're not good at it, that is a skill. It has nothing to do with the skill level of what you're actually doing. It's the vulnerability in putting yourself out there. And the only two things I can say about how to handle self doubt while doing that is that it takes repetitions. So the more often you are putting yourself environments where you're trying something new and maybe are a little bit uncomfortable, the easier doing things like that gets. And also you need to have a place where you drive your self worth from that doesn't have to do with being good at everything or achieving things. So for me, it's my faith, it's who God says I am, it's how I show up in the world, it's how I treat my friends, how you know, all of these collective parts of me that don't really have anything to do with being good at a lot of things. Okay, what does a healthy relationship look like in your early 20s? Okay, from my experience, I had a very unhealthy relationship in my. I went to college early, so it was my late teens and then early 20s. And it was not healthy. And it was. It was both of us. It wasn't anything abusive or anything like that, but it was. It just wasn't a. An appropriate dynamic for, like, giving and receiving in terms of how much, you know, one person would show up versus the other. So with that said, a healthy relationship in your early 20s, in my opinion, looks like someone who relentlessly supports you. And that's not just exclusive, obviously, to being in your early 20s, but because you. This is the time period in your life where you're supposed to be trying a bunch of new things and supposed to be putting yourself out there. You. The worst thing you can do to yourself is agree to be in a relationship with someone who stifles that. So, for example, if maybe you're in a club or, I don't know, a fraternity or a sorority or whatever, and there are different events that happen and social things that you want to go to if someone never wants to leave the house, but you are interested in going to these things, or maybe you are picking up a sport or whatever, or maybe you are trying to, I don't know, your hand at music and you have. You want to try doing an open mic and this person can't show up or whatever. That's really. It's pretty much one of the only things that someone can provide you in your early 20s. Because speaking from the female perspective, thinking about a man, a man in his early 20s cannot provide for you financially. So someone who can provide that emotional safety and support, that's pretty much the only thing they can do. So if they're not doing that, I'm telling you right now, cut it off. I stayed probably two years longer than I should have in my college relationship. And it. There was literally no reason. Like, we stayed together. Charlie hears someone at the door way too long, and I. He ended up breaking up with me right after college. So it was just all for nothing. I mean, not all for nothing, but you know what I'm saying. Like I have been saying, you're going to live so much life after college that someone who's not giving you basically the only thing that they should be giving you in college, which is emotional safety and support of you as a person, it is. It. Once you know that, it is wasting your time to stay with someone like that. Okay, how do you spot red flags before you're in too deep? It's so interesting. I was listening to a podcast, Chloe in Wonderland, Khloe Kardashian's new podcast, and she had Mel Robbins on, and they kind of talked about this, about ignoring red flags, which has been something that I have been terrible at in the last decade of my life. And so if I could impart anything to you about this, it would be that you think about the word choice there. Ignoring red flags. It's not that you don't know that they're there, it's that you're ignoring them. And my pastor talks about. And the Bible also talks about anything that is a seed will grow into something. Like, it will bear fruit. So if. If you are seeing red flags early on, that is going to grow. And so it's a very blatant answer. You just stop ignoring them. You have the ability to communicate, I'm not okay with X, Y and Z, but it's not your responsibility to fix that or stick around for them to completely change who they are. How do you maintain friendships while dating? So this is such a interesting topic because college dating is not actual dating. I said what I said. I. I feel that college dating is you meet someone and you just decide that you guys are together. It's. I don't. I think the art of actual dating has been lost on our generation. And when I say our generation, I think millennials is where it actually stopped the tradition of actual dating. And that also means that Gen Z, you guys have not been versed with what real dating is. And real dating is when two people are going through a time period of getting to know each other without exclusivity, meaning they can be seeing other people to determine if they want to be together. I feel like modern dating, especially in the college realm, because of proximity and immaturity in a loving way, but immaturity. You see someone who's cute and you guys go to a couple of the same events and then you kiss and you guys are together, and that is not dating. The reason I'm saying all of that is because what tends to happen, from my experience and my knowledge of current dating, especially in college, is that once that happens, people tend to get laser focused. And then all of your other friends, specifically on the female side, because men are actually way better at this, go by the wayside. So I think it's important that you Keep plans. You make plans and keep plans with your friends. I think it's also really important that there's a little bit of time period before you're actually exclusive with someone to really, actually get to know them. It's more important than just skin deep. Are they, are they cute? Fine. Are they a good person? Can they support you and where you are in your life and potentially the next phases that you're going to go through, those are things that you need to be considering. Because before you agree to support someone in an exclusive relationship and along that strand, dating in college, I also believe it's highly important to date in community. And what that means is you guys are not just going off and doing your own thing in private. You guys are going to public events together, you guys are going to his friends get togethers, you're going to your friends concerts, events, outings, and you're in a public space so that you can get counsel from your friends around you if anything goes awry or if they, you know, you don't want to separate yourself from your community is what I'm saying. What's the secret to healing after a college breakup? So this is so just, I guess, kismet because it feels, especially if you are in a committed relationship throughout college and maybe that spanned over a few years and you're still kind of going through a bunch of like, hormonal changes. And at least for myself, like, I've always been a, what you would call a lover girl. So you tend to think, oh, this is the person I'm going to marry and whatever. And then if you break up, then what happens? You feel like the, the sky is falling, the world is ending? I o. I've had this feeling multiple times, but specifically after college, will I ever love again? It was so dramatic. And I'm just telling you as your big sister, you will love again. The feelings that you had for this person, you'll have them again and you'll have them even stronger and you might get your heart broken again. Okay? So just even if you don't feel that way yet, just use that knowledge in to comfort you that you'll need a little bit of time if you're, you know, post college breakup. I will also say the post college breakup can be the best thing that ever happened to you. And I'm not advocating for being single or dumping your partner or whatever or, you know, I'm just saying that for myself and for a lot of women I know that post college breakup made a few pillars of who I am. Today. So I went through a post college breakup and I hadn't been in the gym in years and I frankly didn't really know how to like work out. And. And I got really into fitness and got really healthy and it forced me to reach out and make friends again. And so you kind of come back into yourself in that. So that's the good news. You are allowed some time to wallow. That's okay. Feel your emotions, but you're not allowed to hibernate. Okay. That's all I'm going to say. How do you spot fake friends versus forever friends in college? Such an interesting question. I think something important to note is that the forever friends in college may or may not be everyday friends after college. For example, I have some sorority sisters that I consider forever friends, but we don't talk that much. But just because we don't talk that much doesn't mean that I wouldn't be there for them and that anything has changed. Like we'll get together for whatever event and it's like no time has passed. So just know that you're never going to have the proximity and the time that you have with your friends in college after college. So it's not really fair to compare that. And that's something to prepare for if you are going to graduate soon is like that's just a natural progression. Especially if you're like 22 and graduating. Life is going to get really busy for everyone and it's going to do a complete 180 in terms of the time you're spending with your friends because you're not going to class together anymore. You're not. You don't really have all those events anymore. So don't compare it to that. But spotting the fake friends versus the forever friends, I mean it's pretty standard regardless of age. If you are finding that someone only wants to hang out with you to gain something or it feels that way or, or if someone you some. If someone like trash talks a lot, it's probably someone you don't want to trust because who's to say they're not doing that about you behind your back? And that's not really someone that would be a real friend or is capable of that right now. And then I would say another one is if you only really feel accepted by someone in certain circumstances. And I'm in my mind it's like a very specific scenario where let's say you're totally put together, you look cute, you've got your hair and your makeup done, got a good Outfit on and someone treats you well, and then like, the next day you're kind of in sweats, no makeup, whatever, and not really put together, and they treat you differently. That would be a good sign of, like, maybe don't get close to that person and don't really worry about that because that's not really someone you want to be close with anyway. Okay, why do some friendships fade and how can you let go gracefully? It's a great question because it's going to happen. Like I mentioned, you're never going to have the time that you have in college with your friends again. That's just not a reality. You can't speak. Spend all day with someone, like, assuming you have very similar class schedules or potentially are roommates or, you know, live in the same sorority house or whatever it is, you're never going to get this again. So in some ways, even your good friends are going to feel like the friendship is fading. That's not really accurate. It's just that life is changing. So number one, don't take it personally, because the same way that their life is changing, your life is going to change too. You are going to, after college, get a job and be busy 9 to 5 or whatever your schedule is. You might have to move somewhere else after college. So why some friendships fade is probably just based on life circumstance. And letting go gracefully, I just think is honoring that relationship with the way the. The love and respect and grace that you have for that person, regardless of what part of that relationship is being lessened. So you can't necessarily spend all that time with Jackie anymore. Okay, But Jackie was my ride or die in college. So if Jackie needs anything, I've got her. And I'm going to give her grace because I know that she's changing a lot. And maybe I'll just text Jackie and ask her how she's doing out of the blue if we're not able to talk for a week, like, that's. That's giving grace to the situation. How do you deal with roommate conflicts without losing your mind? Okay, I think I have a pretty good answer to this because I lived in a sorority house with 20 other girls and I had roommate conflicts. I think everyone has roommate conflicts. I think getting out of the house is really important. So if, you know, if you can't have a productive conversation, just maybe go grab a coffee, go take a walk, and know that this is not going to matter in a year. Okay? So it's not going to matter. And I'm not trying to steamroll like if there, you know, if you like things done a certain way and you've asked repeatedly and they just won't do it. I'm not trying to steamroll and invalidate that you, your feelings and your, your needs. But what I am trying to say is you can't control what someone else is going to do. So now you have the choice of how you're going to feel about it and then how you are then going to treat that other person. So I would just, it's a, it's a mental flex that you have to turn on in order to deal with that. But I would say space and just mental discipline in knowing what matters and what doesn't while at the same time honoring your boundaries. Okay, how can you turn loneliness into self discovery? I think this is so important right after college. So like 22 year olds you are gonna have a season of loneliness because all of a sudden all your friends are gone, people have moved. You guys, like I said, have different schedules. And so instead of just numbing and scrolling and binge watching, take a little bit of time out of your day, maybe start with 10, 15 minutes and just think what would be really cool to try? What have I wanted to try but like maybe was too scared for before or I was worried about being judged or didn't have time for before. And maybe, you know, it's a bunch of different hobbies come to mind. Maybe that's music or art or clubs or sports and just brainstorm that and then use that 10 to 15 minute segment and do one or two things about it each day. And I promise you, if you do that, number one, you're going to start looking forward to that time because you're creating new pathways in your brain. And number two, you'll look up in a month and your outlook will be completely different and what you do with your time will be completely different. So that's how I think you can turn loneliness into self discovery. What do I wish I knew about money management college? This is so tough because you don't make any money in college. Okay, obvious. Well, okay, I will say I have. I didn't get a credit card until I wanted to buy a house so that I could have credit in order to buy the house. And I don't necessarily recommend that. However, obviously you should not be spending money you don't have. But getting a credit card in college is a good idea for your essentials that you know you can pay for. So depending on your situation, maybe that's gas, maybe that's food and Then possibly shopping for essentials or whatever that is. And the reason for that is the longer that you have time building credit, so paying for things on a credit card and then paying the credit card bill at the end of the month, the more time you have so that by the time you're late 20s, early 30s, looking to possibly buy, make a big purchase, so a car or a house, you have established credit. I didn't have that. So maybe that's something that I wish I knew. I, I was fortunate enough to. I opened a credit card and used that little bit of credit. And I think I also co signed with my dad for a car. And then by the time I bought a house, yeah, that's the way it went. It was for the car. By the time I bought a house or a condo, I had had the car and the credit card credit to prove my trustworthiness from a credit perspective. Also, what I wish I knew about money is knowing that you are probably gonna do a job that makes you no money, that you can barely afford anything. And that is completely normal. And it's unfortunate that it's normal. It's not what I believe the way it should be. Okay. I think that we should all have a standard of living that frankly right now does not exist because there are very greedy people in the world. But just if you feel behind because of that, don't everyone goes through that period. And I mean I remember working, I've worked since I was. I mean I did babysitting at 11 and 12 and then as soon as I became legally able to have a job, I worked at a sandwich shop and then, and then I worked retail all through college and I busted my, I worked full time. There was a period I was doing like 40 hours a week and then full time student at the same time. And all my money, all my money went to food and then like buying clothes. And it wasn't like I had like this crazy shopping addiction, it was just like what I needed. And also working retail, it was so hard because I worked at sort of like a nicer boutique, but I couldn't afford the clothes and I wasn't going to spend my entire paycheck on, on clothes. So I would try to go find similar things at like cheaper discount stores. Anyway, all that to say just know that like not being able to spending all your money on food is normal, okay. And then the other thing too that I realized after college is I had a college mentality about money that took a while to break. So it felt for a long time that I couldn't afford things after college when I got like my big girl job when I actually could. So just know that you'll go through that phase too. And I I think it's better to slowly go through that phase and think you can't afford, can't afford something and you actually can, than to spend money that you don't have. So that's my advice.
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This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Knowing you could be saving money for the things you really want is a great feeling. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with the personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state.
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This episode is brought to you by Nespresso Vertuo Coffee machines ready to enjoy the bold flavors of barista quality Nespresso iced coffee at home? Simply fill a glass with ice and press the brew button on your Vertuo pop machine to enjoy rich double espressos roasted to stand up even when chilled. Refreshingly bold iced coffee, refreshingly easy to make at home. Visit nespresso.com to shop now. How do you discover what you really want to do? So this is so important because I will never understand like I get there has to be some system, but I will never understand how the system is designed to ask a 17 or 18 year old, I was 17 when I went to college, what do you want to do with the rest of your life and then pick your major and then be locked in that to get a degree on that when your brain is still forming. Like that's just wild to me. And I remember looking at this huge pamphlet and having that thought of like, how am I supposed to know what I'm gonna want to do? And like what is, what do all these majors even mean? And I chose Business Management and Administration because I it sounded general. That's why I chose it. And it ended up working out. I almost switched to kinesiology and then I didn't. But all that to say I think that it's a flawed system to ask a teenager what they want to do with the rest of their life and then have them stick to it. Because what ends up happening is you get a degree in something and you can either by the time you graduate still think you want to do that, or maybe by the time you graduate you don't. You're not even interested. You like hate that now and that's normal. That happens to a lot of people. But I think what's important is trying things and then the creative aspect of your life. So something that I wish I did sooner in my early twenties is, is try more creative things a lot. For a long time, the creative part of me was ceased to exist just because I was so like, head down and like, trying to be successful. And in doing that, I became very successful. I had a career in tech sales for almost a decade. But here I am talking to you, being what I like to say, I'm retired from that, but I quit and I'm doing social media full time. And that doesn't mean that you're gonna quit and be an influencer. But what I'm saying is your life's purpose may or may not have to do with what you got a degree in. Okay? And that's okay. And some people like to keep how they make a living separate from what their passion and what they believe their purpose is, and that's okay too. But the important part is to try, try new things and know that it's okay if you don't like them, but you might really like them. What's the best way to use college to explore, not just achieve? This is a great question. I think it's really important to say yes to as much as you can in a healthy way. Don't, you know, don't say yes to like, obviously negative things, but like the thing, the event that you might or might not go to. If it turns out like being weird or whatever, you can just leave. If you turn it turns out you don't like going to that event or trying that sport or hanging out with that other group of people or going to that show or taking that class. It's not forever, and it's just information. So the way to explore and not just achieve in college is to explore and be comfortable flexing that muscle of putting yourself in different and new situations to see what happens. Why is failing in college actually a good thing? It is a good thing because it teaches you things about yourself. Okay, I have sort of a relevant story about this and kind of not. I think the sense of like failing in college in this context is like you try something repeatedly and it's just not working out. My story is about. Oh, I have two stories. Okay. One, there was a semester in college that I. I was just over it. I didn't want to take. I hated economics and that. There was like, I think two or three classes I had to take that were on economics. And I'm like, this is so pointless. And I stand by that. I did not need to know anything in those classes. Same thing with my finance classes. I have never needed to know that. But I got so burned off, burned out, off of these classes that were so dry and so far away from what my life purpose is, that I was like, eff it. I was like, I'm gonna take Latin dance, jazz dance, gymnastics, and online Italian. That's all I took for that semester. And I didn't realize, because I was a silly little college kid that when you don't take things that you need in order to graduate, you put yourself farther back from graduating. And yet I did that. And I graduated late. Probably the funnest semester I ever had. Okay, I will say that it was chill, it was awesome. But I also double failed because I never actually started the online Italian. I never started the course. It was a self directed online. You had to meet with the teacher at the beginning and the end of the semester. And I met with them in the beginning and they kind of like ask you like, are you sure about this? Because like, we see a lot of people start this thinking it's a good idea and then they just like, don't start because you have to do it yourself. So are you really sure? And I was like, yeah, yeah. And they're like, why? I'm like, I just, you know, I'd love to learn. I think Italian is such a cool language. And I took Spanish in college. Whatever. They're like, okay. Never started it. Failed. Brought my whole GPA down. Another reason why your grades just literally don't matter. I mean, I had good grades. I was an A and B student, so it just brought my average down a little bit. But in the grand scheme of things, it literally didn't matter. So. But it taught me a lot. Okay. It taught me about what I. Okay. What I learned from that online Italian fail is that I am not a self directed person. Just like I started this podcast episode saying I don't have a structure. If I don't have someone telling me what I need to do and like homework and like, I will get in trouble if I don't do it, chances are it's going to be really hard for me to start. So. So I learned that about myself. And yeah, I think it's all just information. You get to learn about yourself and just know that during this time period in your life, nothing is permanent and it's all just information. So in terms of like, morality, good, bad, like you feel like A bad person because you failed a class or you feel like a failure because whatever it is, it's not true. It's just information about who you are, what you're good at, what you're not good at. It's a direction about, like, you know, the way that you should approach your life. So it's all a positive thing. If you could go back, what's one thing you'd do differently in college? I've answered this question many times, but to give. I can answer it in the way I would answer it and then just flip it on its head. And if the opposite. If who I was in college is the opposite of who you are, then we'll just do an opposites thing. So in college, I took things very seriously. Very seriously. The first year or so of college, I had fun. I completely changed. I was kind of a tomboy. When I came into college, I played rugby. I had very short hair, and I did a semester of that. And, like, never wanted. I never really understood what I was doing in terms of, like, the sport of rugby. But I showed up, and I finished the season. And then at the end of the first semester, I got recruited, slash, rushed a sorority and became a little bit more of who I am today and, like, evolved and grew. And that's why I say you have so many skins to shed in your early 20s. And that first year, I would say the second half of the year. So after I rushed the sorority, I had fun. I. I went out. I had, you know, the. The wild college nights, which I think, in my opinion, is a rite of passage. Like, you don't want to do anything dangerous, obviously, but, like, going out and having fun with your friends, and it's the first time you have freedom. And I say in a safe, controlled environment, that's a rite of passage. And then I got a boyfriend, and had I. The other question here is, what would you do differently in college? Or was that the original question? I'm, like, losing it. Yeah, that's the original question. I wouldn't get a boyfriend because I still had so many versions of myself left to explore. And you hear the expression about, like, what is it? It's the person that really loves the flower, waters it, but the person that just wants it for its beauty picks it, and it, like, dies. I was a picked flower in my relationship. Like, that person didn't really want to care for me as a person. They just wanted me for their own selfish gain. And I stayed around for, like, years because I wasn't able to emotionally stand up for myself, which is so out of character for me in other contexts. But so I got a boyfriend and then I. Because I wasn't like up for going out and having fun anymore. I was just with him. I then went really, really heavy into leadership, into my sorority. So I first position I took was like our philanthropy chair, which was on our programming board. And then, then I was a vice president of membership and recruitment. So I planned all of our recruitment for a year and handled membership. And then the year after that I was president and I had good friendships and good experiences, but I took things so seriously and didn't have very much fun. And if I could go back to college, I would not have a boyfriend and I would have more fun. I know that that's not like. I mean, that might not be a totally like answer, but that's the truth. Okay, I think I'm gonna wrap this episode up, but thank you for being here. Thank you for constantly showing up for me. And if you've made it to the end of this episode, I appreciate you. If you are one of the girls or people listening to this episode in that age range 18 to 22 ish, just know, like I've said this whole time, now is the time to explore yourself and find what you like and what you don't like. Because when you do that work, it's going to point you in the direction that you're searching for. Failure is not failure, it's just redirection and everything is going to work out, I promise. It might not feel like that, but it will. Okay, I'm going to go. Love you. Bye. This is the part of the podcast where I ask you to follow and leave a five star review. It really helps me out and it'll also notify you when I have a new episode dropping. Share this with your friends that you think it might touch. Even if you want to screenshot this and tag me on Instagram so then I can repost you, I'd really, really appreciate it. I love you. Bye.